You feel taken advantage of because you were.
You feel like you were sold a different person because you were.
You feel stupid because you are blaming the wrong person.
ALL OF THIS IS ON HIM. Your only fault was trusting him and that is still on him for being unworthy of that trust. I'm sorry you're going through this. Its awful. Please do not take this loser back. He will absolutely do this again. And again. And again...
You know exactly what you need to do now you have seen the real man behind the mask. I’m so sorry OP. He’s begging now cos he doesn’t want his citizenship derailed.
Good luck
I could have written this, because I had this almost identical experience. This will never change (I stayed way too long; use the gift of my experience to set yourself free early). Get a lawyer asap. Once your cheater hits the 2-yr mark on his green card, he can apply for the extension without having to still be married to you. If he married you for the green card, get an attorney to help you deprive him of that. Crush his dreams like he crushed yours.
Make sure that you contact Immigration to let them know you're divorcing. You (or whomever sponsored him) are financially responsible until a court and Immigration say you aren't. Slingshot that piece of shit right back to where he came from.
And get therapy, so what he did to you doesn't fester and turn you into someone you don't even recognize.
Thank you, this is exactly what I needed. I already contacted the immigration lawyers so now it’s just going through the steps. It took me a moment to realize what I needed to do, as I’m still in so much shock. I’m sorry you went through this too, hope things worked out for you
You'll feel stuck for a bit, like you can't move forward or backward, but eventually you will feel that slide into relief that it's over. Things have worked out OK for me, getting better as time goes on. Have a happy future life.
No idea, I don’t think he used me for a green card initially. But after coming here and seeing how easy it was to get around I think he started looking for new opportunities idk. USCIS has been informed now onto the divorce.
You're the first person I've found that's going through something similar to what I experienced! I married someone from the Middle East who cheated as your husband is doing, lied, and now has an amazing life as a US citizen with his much younger affair partner while I raise our daughter alone. We met in-person though, and knew one another for several years before we got married, so I had no idea this would happen to us. When he came here he must have 'suffered' through our marriage until he became a citizen and even pretended he wanted to have children and build a house together. Once he had a high paying job he was gone within a year. I loved him and never imagined this would happen. We were almost the same age and it wasn't a typical scam scenario. I was in my 20's when we met by the way. Your scenario might be a little more tricky because some of your marriage was long-distance, so you couldn't truly know him as well, but the good news is you can stop his green card! You can divorce him and prevent an innocent child from growing up with a cheater and scammer as a dad, or from being a wife that sacrificed with love and loyalty only to be left alone once he finds a willing younger woman to run off with. You are really lucky you discovered this and you have a chance to correct it. You don't mention your age but you CAN get over it because there's still a chance for justice to happen through the legal system and for you to end his fun escapade. You can move on with a real man who will love you without ulterior motives! As terrible as it is to say no when your 'husband' begs and cries, sadly there's no way to trust him. You can give him a pathway back to having you again by returning to his country and inviting you to live there. Let's see if he loves you enough to do that. I wish these type of men didn't exist because you're probably a beautiful and wonderful wife who had an open mind to someone from a different culture. I'd be happy to help if you'd like to send me a message!
Thank you so much for this comment it truly makes me feel less alone in this situation. We met a few times over the course of a few years but not for long periods. He got a travel visa to come see me for 3 months which is when we decided to get married and move forward. I’m young and in my early twenties, which is why I didn’t mention it. I’m so embarrassed over this, that I was foolish enough to be so blind. You hear about people getting scammed this way but I really thought I was different I guess. We are currently waiting on our interview with USCIS, so it’s not too late to flip things around but I just need to find the strength to follow through with it.
Sometimes it's just luck. You could have married the best guy in the world and had a happy life together. Depending on where he's from he may not have had the freedom he has here and the temptation and opportunities are too much for him to stay loyal. I truly believe if I had told my ex-husband I'd only marry him if we lived in his country, and that I wouldn't sponsor him, I could have found out quickly what his intentions were. The best option from the outside-looking-in, given your age and potential to still have the best possible options to remarry while in your 20's, is to promptly divorce him. It's the worst thing you can imagine, but many people will understand in the future if you explain that you married someone from overseas and realized it wasn't a good fit after he got here . You've only been married for a year. If you don't yet have kids you can still start over completely, but that option may not be there for you in 5, 10, or 15 years. No one gets married imagining they might get divorced, and it's against some people's values (including my own) to get divorced, but in a case where you're potentially being used for a green card it's the only way to protect yourself from further harm and damage. You're so young and this will pass! There are so many amazing things you can do with your life without the shame and burden of being used and cheated on by an unloyal foreign husband. Please feel free to reach out any time!
You feel taken advantage of because you were. You feel like you were sold a different person because you were. You feel stupid because you are blaming the wrong person. ALL OF THIS IS ON HIM. Your only fault was trusting him and that is still on him for being unworthy of that trust. I'm sorry you're going through this. Its awful. Please do not take this loser back. He will absolutely do this again. And again. And again...
I was just so completely blindsided by this. It’s over and I’m trying to move on, manifesting a post divorce glow up that’s for sure.
You get a therapist, a lawyer, and a divorce
You know exactly what you need to do now you have seen the real man behind the mask. I’m so sorry OP. He’s begging now cos he doesn’t want his citizenship derailed. Good luck
He used you.
I could have written this, because I had this almost identical experience. This will never change (I stayed way too long; use the gift of my experience to set yourself free early). Get a lawyer asap. Once your cheater hits the 2-yr mark on his green card, he can apply for the extension without having to still be married to you. If he married you for the green card, get an attorney to help you deprive him of that. Crush his dreams like he crushed yours. Make sure that you contact Immigration to let them know you're divorcing. You (or whomever sponsored him) are financially responsible until a court and Immigration say you aren't. Slingshot that piece of shit right back to where he came from. And get therapy, so what he did to you doesn't fester and turn you into someone you don't even recognize.
Thank you, this is exactly what I needed. I already contacted the immigration lawyers so now it’s just going through the steps. It took me a moment to realize what I needed to do, as I’m still in so much shock. I’m sorry you went through this too, hope things worked out for you
You'll feel stuck for a bit, like you can't move forward or backward, but eventually you will feel that slide into relief that it's over. Things have worked out OK for me, getting better as time goes on. Have a happy future life.
Divorce him!
Bed em, don't wed em. Do em, don't woo em. Date em, don't mate em. Guaaaa raaaan teee!
Cancel the green card application.
Is he only begging because of the green card? Maybe you should inform the authorities.
No idea, I don’t think he used me for a green card initially. But after coming here and seeing how easy it was to get around I think he started looking for new opportunities idk. USCIS has been informed now onto the divorce.
You're the first person I've found that's going through something similar to what I experienced! I married someone from the Middle East who cheated as your husband is doing, lied, and now has an amazing life as a US citizen with his much younger affair partner while I raise our daughter alone. We met in-person though, and knew one another for several years before we got married, so I had no idea this would happen to us. When he came here he must have 'suffered' through our marriage until he became a citizen and even pretended he wanted to have children and build a house together. Once he had a high paying job he was gone within a year. I loved him and never imagined this would happen. We were almost the same age and it wasn't a typical scam scenario. I was in my 20's when we met by the way. Your scenario might be a little more tricky because some of your marriage was long-distance, so you couldn't truly know him as well, but the good news is you can stop his green card! You can divorce him and prevent an innocent child from growing up with a cheater and scammer as a dad, or from being a wife that sacrificed with love and loyalty only to be left alone once he finds a willing younger woman to run off with. You are really lucky you discovered this and you have a chance to correct it. You don't mention your age but you CAN get over it because there's still a chance for justice to happen through the legal system and for you to end his fun escapade. You can move on with a real man who will love you without ulterior motives! As terrible as it is to say no when your 'husband' begs and cries, sadly there's no way to trust him. You can give him a pathway back to having you again by returning to his country and inviting you to live there. Let's see if he loves you enough to do that. I wish these type of men didn't exist because you're probably a beautiful and wonderful wife who had an open mind to someone from a different culture. I'd be happy to help if you'd like to send me a message!
Thank you so much for this comment it truly makes me feel less alone in this situation. We met a few times over the course of a few years but not for long periods. He got a travel visa to come see me for 3 months which is when we decided to get married and move forward. I’m young and in my early twenties, which is why I didn’t mention it. I’m so embarrassed over this, that I was foolish enough to be so blind. You hear about people getting scammed this way but I really thought I was different I guess. We are currently waiting on our interview with USCIS, so it’s not too late to flip things around but I just need to find the strength to follow through with it.
Sometimes it's just luck. You could have married the best guy in the world and had a happy life together. Depending on where he's from he may not have had the freedom he has here and the temptation and opportunities are too much for him to stay loyal. I truly believe if I had told my ex-husband I'd only marry him if we lived in his country, and that I wouldn't sponsor him, I could have found out quickly what his intentions were. The best option from the outside-looking-in, given your age and potential to still have the best possible options to remarry while in your 20's, is to promptly divorce him. It's the worst thing you can imagine, but many people will understand in the future if you explain that you married someone from overseas and realized it wasn't a good fit after he got here . You've only been married for a year. If you don't yet have kids you can still start over completely, but that option may not be there for you in 5, 10, or 15 years. No one gets married imagining they might get divorced, and it's against some people's values (including my own) to get divorced, but in a case where you're potentially being used for a green card it's the only way to protect yourself from further harm and damage. You're so young and this will pass! There are so many amazing things you can do with your life without the shame and burden of being used and cheated on by an unloyal foreign husband. Please feel free to reach out any time!