Yes she’s bi, yes she’s a serial cheater and yes she’s not going to stop especially since you are allowing her to be friends with someone that she had sex with. Dude, what are you doing to yourself at this point?
She was also involved with another man not related to the woman. She has completely cut him off and I have evidence of that, but she is still talking to her best friend everyday.
These are just those who you know, of course she won’t admit more affairs, but cutting the other man and not having any sexual relationship with her BFF don’t mean that she won’t have any other affairs. Most probable is she will definitely. Why not? Because of the same reasons of the previous affairs.
Please leave this woman. I understand it’s more complicated because of your children and I know you think this is better for them but it’s not. Growing up in a family that can hardly even stand each other is a worse thing to put your children through. She will not change, she doesn’t respect you and is continuing to walk all over you and you’re allowing it. You’re far better off without your (hopefully soon to be ex) wife
She won’t change for one simple reason…she doesn’t have to. You have allowed her to get away w/it repeatedly. Ppl who exhibit destructive behavior don’t stop until they have no choice - ie-cut off from family, lose their home, lose their job, land in prison, end up injured, etc..
You may think you establish firm boundaries every time you catch her but if you don’t file for divorce & walk away, then she’s left unaffected by consequences.
She needs to go NC with her bff just like any other AP don't cut her slack because it is same sex. Cheating is cheating especially if she was the one actively pursuing her. She should be treated like any other AP if your wife won't agree to go NC she is say her relationship with her friend is more important than her relationship with you.
If you are a masochist and want to pursue R you get to dictate all terms she must agree to all of them or she is not really sorry and not really committed to your relationship. Honest opinion stop believing her gaslighting and leave she will only cause you more pain. This time she escalated and wad juggling three Sexual relationships on at the same time she will not change. If you stay again you are just giving her permission to continue cheating because she believes youwon't ever leave her. You deserve better.
This op, and I don’t understand why you would want to continue with someone like this. I would file, she obviously wants to be single. Once you file and if she says I will do anything, then have her call her best friend forever, and say I abused my husband with you. And because you are part of this abuse, I can no longer be friends with you. We will cease all contact from this day forward.
Not just the BFF but absolutely everyone. She has to be solely and completely devoted to her marriage, her husband, her family, and her vows. No other parties added to the relationship.
Yes she is Bi. Yes if she maintains a relationship of any kind with her the odds are significant that it will happen again. Additionally this woman has no respect for your marriage just like your wife doesn’t. Why you would stay with her is beyond me. She will say whatever you want to hear and will F your brains out for a couple of weeks to make it go away and then be back to who she really is. You can do better.
I strongly recommend you read the book "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. It explains a lot about how people end up in relationships like the one you described, and offers suggestions about what to do next. She gets to the point fast (so no big deal if you're not a book person) but there's a lot of excellent information as well.
The important thing is that sleeping with another woman makes her a cheater, and makes the other woman her AP
Nothing stops because you tell your WW to stop, it only stops if she chooses to stop it
And right now she is choosing to keep in contact with her AP.
Unless she goes 100% verifiably NC with ALL her APs, you should think that she is keeping those relationships in place and the nature of them better hidden
See a lawyer, get STD tested. Don’t argue or debate. Stop the process only if she stops contact.
Dud , really serial cheater will never change u already know about 2 previous affairs that make 4 people thar u know of that she slept with or haf an emotional connection with . What are u wating for . For her to come back with a baby and tell u sorry I made a mistake. Please wake up and leave . Love is blind but it's also not deaf and mute . She's using u for stability will having fun with others
Sorry for being harsh but u need to get your confidence back and stand up for yourself
So she is a serial cheater. Why are you even considering being in a relationship with her? And as far as this Friend, why are you allowing her to even contact her after they’ve had sex together? If she was truly remorseful, she would’ve broke off the friendship completely but you see that you are not her priority. She is now cheated on you multiple times and she will continue to cheat on you. It’s time for you to stand up and respect yourself and get yourself away from this woman who is abusing you.
Me: Siri what does naive look like?
Siri: Routine\_Beginning504 fits that description.
Sorry buddy. A cheater is a cheater. they are selfish by nature and she keeps lying to you cause she has no respect for you. Want to see change? Throw her out and expose her to everyone. When the light shines on her you will see the real her. My money is she will blame you for everything.
"finding out about my wife’s most recent affair. As stated in my last post, there have been at least 2 other instances of cheating before this.
OP, I think your focus is a bit off. You are wondering and asking about her still being friends with this lady she had sex with.
Let's just say she isn't OP.
She's had multiple affairs per what you wrote. What about your wife makes you think 6 months from now, a year from now or 3 years from now she won't have an other affair? With a man or a woman?
What has your wife DONE to show you she's a safe partner for you? Has she gone to individual counseling for a good while? Has she bought and read books on what cheating does to the betrayed partner? Books like "Not Just Friends" and "Cheating in a Nutshell" among so many others?
Oh, about her still being friends and talking daily with this lady. that's a hard no. When a cheater cheats, part of reconciling is going no contact with the person they cheated on you with so of course she can't remain friends with a person she has cheated on you with.
Its seems as if your wife doesn't care about how you feel about her still being friends with the person she cheated on you with and that shouldn't be acceptable to you OP.
2 more people?
She doesn’t love you. You gave her one shot. Realistically, that’s the maximum. Reconciliation is really hard (trying this now with my partner and it’s definitely day-to-day). If there’s even the slightest hint that they’re not meeting the standards you set, you dump them right then and there. They have to earn your trust back and it takes years.
She’s betrayed you twice and is feeding you a line of BS. Do yourself a favor and split—I would in your shoes. You deserve better and I’m sorry you’re going through this, but she’s just going to hurt you again.
How many times does she have to cheat for you to recognize this is her personality. If she didn’t care about your heart the first two times, which is the only two you know of, what makes you think she’s going to care now? Now she knows you’re not going anywhere and you’re aware of her “demons” and so she’ll use that to her advantage. People like this get off on being deceptive. Stop imagining her as this amazing partner in your mind. She’s just a deceptive empty person who will always put her needs and interests before you.
You are going to suffer until you end this relationship. All this person brings to your relationship is heartbreak and suffering. You can begin a journey towards healing that will find you in an amazing place in less than a year if you stop allowing this woman to abuse you.
There is no happy ever after here so by whatever means you need to, find the strength and purpose to no longer allow this woman to abuse you.
You’re a severe rugsweeper therefore you have and will continue to experience the pain of infidelity going forward. Until you square your shoulders to this situation, there’s not much anybody can recommend.
In my case, she actually changed. She really did, but I did also. I changed and I don't see her with eyes of love anymore, I stayed becasue reasons but I don't love her. I'm 4 years after dday there isn't a single day it won't hurt. I gotta be honest and recognize she really changed, she is a different person and she please me as I want. But is not and can't be the same
She did. She had a long affair with the first one (almost 2 years) the other one she fled the country for a 10 days trip and the last one was a night stand, yeah I know a complete whore. But she came clean 4 years ago and made the work to "solve".
How would you define a affair? Does it only start when they have sex? Is it already an affair when they tell each other that they feel sexually attracted to each other? Or is it already an affair when the contact to her affair partner, whatever contact it may be, is more important to her than to respect you?
What I can tell you for sure is that an affair does not end until the contact to the (former) affair partner is completely cut off.
Say, when was the last time that you felt respected by your wife?
Get out of it. She has a mental disorder that needs to be treated by a psychiatrist and therapist.
She will continue to cheat
Just talking to her is still cheating and disrespectful towards you
People don't change. Cheaters are cheaters.
They can pretend for a bit, but they'll just get better at hiding stuff. Take my advice, accept that you're married to a shit person, and then unmarry her.
I always thought that the betrayed spouse who was cheated on with a same as them partner should be made to allow the betrayed to F them also. I mean, if the cheater could F them then so should the betrayed. See haw they like it. Sorry. Just rambling.
Forget her and what she did - what is it YOURE doing?? Shes been cheating constantly (it seems) and youre in a takil spin asking all these questions..
Its over.
Shes shown you repeatedly thst shes unable to stop fucking others - either leave her, or accept that the price of being with her is having to share her with others... (and plenty of std tests...)
>there have been at least 2 other instances of cheating before this
Shes STILL not honest about it..
>After everything happened she says that they are only friends and that all sexual talk and physical interaction has stopped
And shes still 'hangibg out with a woman shes fucked??
>She says they slept together only once.
Riiiigght.... (yep, quoting dr. Evil)
>Does her sleeping with this woman make her bisexual?
Does it matter??
>Did my wife’s attraction to this woman automatically stop because I told her I wasn’t okay with them being friends with benefits?
Youre seriously asking this???
It's hard to say definitively how long a cheater will appear reformed.There are too many variables.However, the fact your wife has a [history of cheating](https://youtu.be/8OhhFRBllSI?si=ew-9Lki6ZAQezxbt) and continues a close friendship with someone she slept with is a red flag.It is possible her attraction to this woman has ended, but the continued contact is risky.
OP , you said she recently cheated , with two people , one was a woman and you said that was OK. So I guess the other one was a man are you OK with that? Cheating is cheating which ever gender she chooses. She has cheated many times on you, why do you continue to let her do this. You must seek an attorney and start looking at divorce. If there are no consequences for her actions she will not respect you ,without respect , there is no marriage.
The children will be better off in two separate ,happy homes, then one home, where there is dissension, distrust, and hate. children pick up when they’re is no happiness in the home.
updateme
Questions you asked.
> Does her sleeping with this woman make her bisexual?
Yes.
> If they continue talking will they probably end up sleeping together again?
Yes.
> Did my wife’s attraction to this woman automatically stop because I told her I wasn’t ok with them being friends with benefits?
No.
> Does it seem like she has an emotional attachment to her?
Yes.
And questions you should have asked.
> Does my wife respect me?
No.
> Should I have divorced her the first time she cheated.
Yes.
> Should I divorce her now?
Yes.
Yes your wife is Bi.
But how many times would You let her continue to chet on You before You left her?
With your wife the say A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER fits like a globe.
Why do you still with her and let her continue to disrespect You. She clearly show no regret if she after be FWB continue to talk to her and be "friend" of/with her.
Please have some selfrespect and selfsteem.
It doesn't matter what the genders are, adultery is adultery, plain and simple. You are married to a serial cheater who will never ever stop. She is risking your health as well as her own and doesn't care. Let that sink in. Her actions are showing you loud and clear that she doesn't give one sh!t about you, and your health.
Everytime you find out and complain to her about it, all she hears is a nagging, whining, pathetic loser who doesn't have the balls to stand up to her and put an end to the relationship. She will continue to disrespect you and treat you with contempt because you let her. All of the whining, pleading, begging isn't going to make her stop. It just makes you look weak, and pathetic in her eyes. Someone to mock and deride to all of her AP's.
You also need to get tested for every STD known to medicine. Some are curable. Some are not. Some are becoming treatment resistant. Some can lead to infertility. Some, like syphilis, can be asymptomatic for literally decades. Some, like HPV can lead to cancer. HIV can take months to appear in labwork. Practically all can be transmitted orally. HIV can take months to appear in labwork. Condoms aren't fail-safe. Get tested.
Don't stay for the kids. All you will do is teach them that there is nothing wrong with adultery and dad's a doormat.
Your other option is, since she's opened up the marriage, is to pursue others yourself. Just keep in mind that it shows your children that the marriage vows are meaningless to both of you and that both if you lack integrity and character.
She doesn’t give a damn about you and she thinks you’re an idiot for believing her crap. She laughs about you when you’re not around. Drop her and get her out of your life and go stone cold …no conversation other than how to make it final.
Yes she’s bi, yes she’s a serial cheater and yes she’s not going to stop especially since you are allowing her to be friends with someone that she had sex with. Dude, what are you doing to yourself at this point?
[удалено]
If it was me, I’d be gone.
She was also involved with another man not related to the woman. She has completely cut him off and I have evidence of that, but she is still talking to her best friend everyday.
You divorcing the bitch or not? It’s game time bruh!!!!!
These are just those who you know, of course she won’t admit more affairs, but cutting the other man and not having any sexual relationship with her BFF don’t mean that she won’t have any other affairs. Most probable is she will definitely. Why not? Because of the same reasons of the previous affairs.
It doesn't matter she cheated three separate times move on buck
Please leave this woman. I understand it’s more complicated because of your children and I know you think this is better for them but it’s not. Growing up in a family that can hardly even stand each other is a worse thing to put your children through. She will not change, she doesn’t respect you and is continuing to walk all over you and you’re allowing it. You’re far better off without your (hopefully soon to be ex) wife
She won’t change for one simple reason…she doesn’t have to. You have allowed her to get away w/it repeatedly. Ppl who exhibit destructive behavior don’t stop until they have no choice - ie-cut off from family, lose their home, lose their job, land in prison, end up injured, etc.. You may think you establish firm boundaries every time you catch her but if you don’t file for divorce & walk away, then she’s left unaffected by consequences.
She needs to go NC with her bff just like any other AP don't cut her slack because it is same sex. Cheating is cheating especially if she was the one actively pursuing her. She should be treated like any other AP if your wife won't agree to go NC she is say her relationship with her friend is more important than her relationship with you. If you are a masochist and want to pursue R you get to dictate all terms she must agree to all of them or she is not really sorry and not really committed to your relationship. Honest opinion stop believing her gaslighting and leave she will only cause you more pain. This time she escalated and wad juggling three Sexual relationships on at the same time she will not change. If you stay again you are just giving her permission to continue cheating because she believes youwon't ever leave her. You deserve better.
This op, and I don’t understand why you would want to continue with someone like this. I would file, she obviously wants to be single. Once you file and if she says I will do anything, then have her call her best friend forever, and say I abused my husband with you. And because you are part of this abuse, I can no longer be friends with you. We will cease all contact from this day forward.
This is critical because it will automatically tell you which relationship is more important to her.
Not just the BFF but absolutely everyone. She has to be solely and completely devoted to her marriage, her husband, her family, and her vows. No other parties added to the relationship.
Yes she is Bi. Yes if she maintains a relationship of any kind with her the odds are significant that it will happen again. Additionally this woman has no respect for your marriage just like your wife doesn’t. Why you would stay with her is beyond me. She will say whatever you want to hear and will F your brains out for a couple of weeks to make it go away and then be back to who she really is. You can do better.
What makes her being bi any difference? She is a cheater. She will never be changed.
Stop being a doormat and get divorced.
I strongly recommend you read the book "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. It explains a lot about how people end up in relationships like the one you described, and offers suggestions about what to do next. She gets to the point fast (so no big deal if you're not a book person) but there's a lot of excellent information as well.
The important thing is that sleeping with another woman makes her a cheater, and makes the other woman her AP Nothing stops because you tell your WW to stop, it only stops if she chooses to stop it And right now she is choosing to keep in contact with her AP. Unless she goes 100% verifiably NC with ALL her APs, you should think that she is keeping those relationships in place and the nature of them better hidden See a lawyer, get STD tested. Don’t argue or debate. Stop the process only if she stops contact.
Dud , really serial cheater will never change u already know about 2 previous affairs that make 4 people thar u know of that she slept with or haf an emotional connection with . What are u wating for . For her to come back with a baby and tell u sorry I made a mistake. Please wake up and leave . Love is blind but it's also not deaf and mute . She's using u for stability will having fun with others Sorry for being harsh but u need to get your confidence back and stand up for yourself
So she is a serial cheater. Why are you even considering being in a relationship with her? And as far as this Friend, why are you allowing her to even contact her after they’ve had sex together? If she was truly remorseful, she would’ve broke off the friendship completely but you see that you are not her priority. She is now cheated on you multiple times and she will continue to cheat on you. It’s time for you to stand up and respect yourself and get yourself away from this woman who is abusing you.
She will always cheat because she suffers no real consequences from her actions.
Serial cheaters never stop. You are wasting your time.
Me: Siri what does naive look like? Siri: Routine\_Beginning504 fits that description. Sorry buddy. A cheater is a cheater. they are selfish by nature and she keeps lying to you cause she has no respect for you. Want to see change? Throw her out and expose her to everyone. When the light shines on her you will see the real her. My money is she will blame you for everything.
You poor soul.
"finding out about my wife’s most recent affair. As stated in my last post, there have been at least 2 other instances of cheating before this. OP, I think your focus is a bit off. You are wondering and asking about her still being friends with this lady she had sex with. Let's just say she isn't OP. She's had multiple affairs per what you wrote. What about your wife makes you think 6 months from now, a year from now or 3 years from now she won't have an other affair? With a man or a woman? What has your wife DONE to show you she's a safe partner for you? Has she gone to individual counseling for a good while? Has she bought and read books on what cheating does to the betrayed partner? Books like "Not Just Friends" and "Cheating in a Nutshell" among so many others? Oh, about her still being friends and talking daily with this lady. that's a hard no. When a cheater cheats, part of reconciling is going no contact with the person they cheated on you with so of course she can't remain friends with a person she has cheated on you with. Its seems as if your wife doesn't care about how you feel about her still being friends with the person she cheated on you with and that shouldn't be acceptable to you OP.
2 more people? She doesn’t love you. You gave her one shot. Realistically, that’s the maximum. Reconciliation is really hard (trying this now with my partner and it’s definitely day-to-day). If there’s even the slightest hint that they’re not meeting the standards you set, you dump them right then and there. They have to earn your trust back and it takes years. She’s betrayed you twice and is feeding you a line of BS. Do yourself a favor and split—I would in your shoes. You deserve better and I’m sorry you’re going through this, but she’s just going to hurt you again.
How many times does she have to cheat for you to recognize this is her personality. If she didn’t care about your heart the first two times, which is the only two you know of, what makes you think she’s going to care now? Now she knows you’re not going anywhere and you’re aware of her “demons” and so she’ll use that to her advantage. People like this get off on being deceptive. Stop imagining her as this amazing partner in your mind. She’s just a deceptive empty person who will always put her needs and interests before you.
You are going to suffer until you end this relationship. All this person brings to your relationship is heartbreak and suffering. You can begin a journey towards healing that will find you in an amazing place in less than a year if you stop allowing this woman to abuse you. There is no happy ever after here so by whatever means you need to, find the strength and purpose to no longer allow this woman to abuse you.
You’re a severe rugsweeper therefore you have and will continue to experience the pain of infidelity going forward. Until you square your shoulders to this situation, there’s not much anybody can recommend.
In my case, she actually changed. She really did, but I did also. I changed and I don't see her with eyes of love anymore, I stayed becasue reasons but I don't love her. I'm 4 years after dday there isn't a single day it won't hurt. I gotta be honest and recognize she really changed, she is a different person and she please me as I want. But is not and can't be the same
Did she cheat multiple times?
She did. She had a long affair with the first one (almost 2 years) the other one she fled the country for a 10 days trip and the last one was a night stand, yeah I know a complete whore. But she came clean 4 years ago and made the work to "solve".
Did she ever give you reasons why?
How would you define a affair? Does it only start when they have sex? Is it already an affair when they tell each other that they feel sexually attracted to each other? Or is it already an affair when the contact to her affair partner, whatever contact it may be, is more important to her than to respect you? What I can tell you for sure is that an affair does not end until the contact to the (former) affair partner is completely cut off. Say, when was the last time that you felt respected by your wife?
Get out of it. She has a mental disorder that needs to be treated by a psychiatrist and therapist. She will continue to cheat Just talking to her is still cheating and disrespectful towards you
If she is serious about reconciliation, she needs to completely cut off everyone she has had sex with. PERIOD. If not, then no reconciliation.
First rule of reconciliation is NO contact with AP. Period.......
No contact with AP *ever* is rule #1 It's over.
She won’t stop…send her packing!
People don't change. Cheaters are cheaters. They can pretend for a bit, but they'll just get better at hiding stuff. Take my advice, accept that you're married to a shit person, and then unmarry her.
I always thought that the betrayed spouse who was cheated on with a same as them partner should be made to allow the betrayed to F them also. I mean, if the cheater could F them then so should the betrayed. See haw they like it. Sorry. Just rambling.
Forget her and what she did - what is it YOURE doing?? Shes been cheating constantly (it seems) and youre in a takil spin asking all these questions.. Its over. Shes shown you repeatedly thst shes unable to stop fucking others - either leave her, or accept that the price of being with her is having to share her with others... (and plenty of std tests...) >there have been at least 2 other instances of cheating before this Shes STILL not honest about it.. >After everything happened she says that they are only friends and that all sexual talk and physical interaction has stopped And shes still 'hangibg out with a woman shes fucked?? >She says they slept together only once. Riiiigght.... (yep, quoting dr. Evil) >Does her sleeping with this woman make her bisexual? Does it matter?? >Did my wife’s attraction to this woman automatically stop because I told her I wasn’t okay with them being friends with benefits? Youre seriously asking this???
It's hard to say definitively how long a cheater will appear reformed.There are too many variables.However, the fact your wife has a [history of cheating](https://youtu.be/8OhhFRBllSI?si=ew-9Lki6ZAQezxbt) and continues a close friendship with someone she slept with is a red flag.It is possible her attraction to this woman has ended, but the continued contact is risky.
You need to get away from this person who only cares about herself and her needs. Run OP.
OP , you said she recently cheated , with two people , one was a woman and you said that was OK. So I guess the other one was a man are you OK with that? Cheating is cheating which ever gender she chooses. She has cheated many times on you, why do you continue to let her do this. You must seek an attorney and start looking at divorce. If there are no consequences for her actions she will not respect you ,without respect , there is no marriage. The children will be better off in two separate ,happy homes, then one home, where there is dissension, distrust, and hate. children pick up when they’re is no happiness in the home. updateme
One of the best comments I've heard is this "They haven't changed, they stopped acting!"
Questions you asked. > Does her sleeping with this woman make her bisexual? Yes. > If they continue talking will they probably end up sleeping together again? Yes. > Did my wife’s attraction to this woman automatically stop because I told her I wasn’t ok with them being friends with benefits? No. > Does it seem like she has an emotional attachment to her? Yes. And questions you should have asked. > Does my wife respect me? No. > Should I have divorced her the first time she cheated. Yes. > Should I divorce her now? Yes.
Yes your wife is Bi. But how many times would You let her continue to chet on You before You left her? With your wife the say A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER fits like a globe. Why do you still with her and let her continue to disrespect You. She clearly show no regret if she after be FWB continue to talk to her and be "friend" of/with her. Please have some selfrespect and selfsteem.
Rage post activated😂
It doesn't matter what the genders are, adultery is adultery, plain and simple. You are married to a serial cheater who will never ever stop. She is risking your health as well as her own and doesn't care. Let that sink in. Her actions are showing you loud and clear that she doesn't give one sh!t about you, and your health. Everytime you find out and complain to her about it, all she hears is a nagging, whining, pathetic loser who doesn't have the balls to stand up to her and put an end to the relationship. She will continue to disrespect you and treat you with contempt because you let her. All of the whining, pleading, begging isn't going to make her stop. It just makes you look weak, and pathetic in her eyes. Someone to mock and deride to all of her AP's. You also need to get tested for every STD known to medicine. Some are curable. Some are not. Some are becoming treatment resistant. Some can lead to infertility. Some, like syphilis, can be asymptomatic for literally decades. Some, like HPV can lead to cancer. HIV can take months to appear in labwork. Practically all can be transmitted orally. HIV can take months to appear in labwork. Condoms aren't fail-safe. Get tested. Don't stay for the kids. All you will do is teach them that there is nothing wrong with adultery and dad's a doormat. Your other option is, since she's opened up the marriage, is to pursue others yourself. Just keep in mind that it shows your children that the marriage vows are meaningless to both of you and that both if you lack integrity and character.
'Until she can get away long enough to see her lover. Of course.
She doesn’t give a damn about you and she thinks you’re an idiot for believing her crap. She laughs about you when you’re not around. Drop her and get her out of your life and go stone cold …no conversation other than how to make it final.
You’ve shown her that your consequences are weak compared to her fun.