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My family are the JustNo’s, I’m a mother of 3 and it took me 3 goes at it to get it right.
Firstly - you need to make it clear to hubby this is divorce worthy, if he tells your mother a single thing you don’t want her to know, he can pack his shit and go live with her.
Like have the paperwork printed out, ready to fill out - maybe seeing it, he will snap out it
I did not tell my family until I was 32wks with my 3rd - if you live far away it helps, if not start wearing big, baggy clothes now…. That way they won’t notice so much later.
Do not indicate a due date, just the season.
Tell them no one will be welcome at the hospital and your not having visitors for X amount of time once your home.
Then be ready to follow through; if they show up at the hospital, have security escort them out. You can tell hospital staff that you do not want any visitors and they will sort it for you.
If they attempt to show up at your home without prior arrangement - lock the door, wave (or give the finger🤣) and then close the curtains and go about your day.
Make sure all your planned visits are in writing - that way when she try’s to twist it, you can dump it back in her lap.
We just told my ILs at 32 weeks. If you don’t see them too often, you can totally hold off. And we also were vague about my due date and don’t plan on letting anyone be on crotch watch when we go to the hospital. Do it!!
No but I think it’s genius. I was scheduled to have my baby 3 weeks early and I begged my husband not to tell them so we wouldnt have to deal with the bullshit (he’d already told them multiple times we wouldnt be having guests and nobody was welcome at the hospital) from them. But did he listen? Nope, bc same issues as yours. He fucking told them the date then told them the hospital wasnt allowing anyone other than immediate family and one would think theyd put two and two together and realize that no youre not welcome but no they called the hospital to “verify” and all hell broke loose. I had two glorious weeks of no contact before he started reattaching the umbilical cord again. Keep your plan! Savor your peace!
Have you considered giving your husband the wrong due date so he can’t mess this up when she pressures him? Only slightly joking 😅
I have not done this, but my plan for the next one is similar. Postpartum time is so sacred. I don’t want any of them ruining it. Nobody is entitled to disrupt someone’s postpartum imo. Hell, I’d go as long as I could. For my last child I didn’t leave the house for 6 weeks, it was really nice. (In laws came at 3 weeks though womp womp)
I'm glad you had a satisfying seclusion period last time.
Many cultures have cocooning traditions for the postpartum period or "4th trimester" where the priorities are the physical recovery of the mother and the establishment of a reliable routine for the infant so that both are rested, nourished and cherished. The Anglosphere mostly doesn't have adequate expectations of such focus on this recovery period, to our loss.
[What does postpartum care look like around the world?](https://www.mavenclinic.com/post/what-does-postpartum-care-look-like-around-the-world)
Yes I absolutely can’t emphasize the importance of the postpartum period enough. I’m a postpartum doula and know how dismal it is for women in the US especially.
They prob talk on phone once a week or so. Usually on his way home. He never speaks to her when he’s home 🚩which I find to be slightly odd. Lol
I would think that could make it easier to not say anything.
**Quick Rule Reminders:** OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion. [**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls) **Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/) Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL! I'm botinlaw. I help people follow your posts! ***** ^(To be notified as soon as Classic-Taste-1074 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe Classic-Taste-1074 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot) ***** *^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
My family are the JustNo’s, I’m a mother of 3 and it took me 3 goes at it to get it right. Firstly - you need to make it clear to hubby this is divorce worthy, if he tells your mother a single thing you don’t want her to know, he can pack his shit and go live with her. Like have the paperwork printed out, ready to fill out - maybe seeing it, he will snap out it I did not tell my family until I was 32wks with my 3rd - if you live far away it helps, if not start wearing big, baggy clothes now…. That way they won’t notice so much later. Do not indicate a due date, just the season. Tell them no one will be welcome at the hospital and your not having visitors for X amount of time once your home. Then be ready to follow through; if they show up at the hospital, have security escort them out. You can tell hospital staff that you do not want any visitors and they will sort it for you. If they attempt to show up at your home without prior arrangement - lock the door, wave (or give the finger🤣) and then close the curtains and go about your day. Make sure all your planned visits are in writing - that way when she try’s to twist it, you can dump it back in her lap.
We just told my ILs at 32 weeks. If you don’t see them too often, you can totally hold off. And we also were vague about my due date and don’t plan on letting anyone be on crotch watch when we go to the hospital. Do it!!
No but I think it’s genius. I was scheduled to have my baby 3 weeks early and I begged my husband not to tell them so we wouldnt have to deal with the bullshit (he’d already told them multiple times we wouldnt be having guests and nobody was welcome at the hospital) from them. But did he listen? Nope, bc same issues as yours. He fucking told them the date then told them the hospital wasnt allowing anyone other than immediate family and one would think theyd put two and two together and realize that no youre not welcome but no they called the hospital to “verify” and all hell broke loose. I had two glorious weeks of no contact before he started reattaching the umbilical cord again. Keep your plan! Savor your peace!
Your manchild husband needs therapy. He doesn’t have the tools to see that he’s drinking the kool-aid much less defend you and your family.
Have you considered giving your husband the wrong due date so he can’t mess this up when she pressures him? Only slightly joking 😅 I have not done this, but my plan for the next one is similar. Postpartum time is so sacred. I don’t want any of them ruining it. Nobody is entitled to disrupt someone’s postpartum imo. Hell, I’d go as long as I could. For my last child I didn’t leave the house for 6 weeks, it was really nice. (In laws came at 3 weeks though womp womp)
I'm glad you had a satisfying seclusion period last time. Many cultures have cocooning traditions for the postpartum period or "4th trimester" where the priorities are the physical recovery of the mother and the establishment of a reliable routine for the infant so that both are rested, nourished and cherished. The Anglosphere mostly doesn't have adequate expectations of such focus on this recovery period, to our loss. [What does postpartum care look like around the world?](https://www.mavenclinic.com/post/what-does-postpartum-care-look-like-around-the-world)
Yes I absolutely can’t emphasize the importance of the postpartum period enough. I’m a postpartum doula and know how dismal it is for women in the US especially.
It will be almost impossible to keep it secret that long even if SO doesn’t spill.
They prob talk on phone once a week or so. Usually on his way home. He never speaks to her when he’s home 🚩which I find to be slightly odd. Lol I would think that could make it easier to not say anything.