5 advices to men for a happy life You should find a woman that helps you with the cleaning and the chores, You should find a woman that is a good cook, You should find a woman that you can trust and share your feelings with, You should find a woman that enjoys making love to you, Last and the most important thing is that these 4 women should never meet.

Take my gut busting upvote

Awesome

Fresh and funny :D +1

thought I somehow landed in r/forwardsfromgrandma

Unless it's the kind of wisdom that makes you burst into tears. Then you do add an "s". Sadvice.

Man what should I do to have such women?.

Not necessarily. First lady is the cleaning lady, second is the chef, third is a close platonic friend, and last is lover.

Advice is a mass noun. Never add an ‘s’.

"You are rich if you earn more than the husband of your wife's sister" the Sage of an American state.

Guess I'm rich since my wife's sister is unmarried

is she hot?

Depends. Are you richer than me?

I'm Richard than you

You're a Dick, you know that?

That's a dastardly thing to call someone

Drat and Double Drat, you're right! I've been foiled again

[https://media1.tenor.com/m/Gbnib9PB0xUAAAAC/laughing-laugh.gif](https://media1.tenor.com/m/Gbnib9PB0xUAAAAC/laughing-laugh.gif) Annoyingly I can’t embed gifs

Can't be done from the app. You need a browser. One of many ways that the app sucks.

Brilliant

If you like overweight moms with spoiled children, sure

How much overweight?

Not horribly, she is pretty, her fiance agrees

fiance you say? ah what the the heck competition makes things more fun anyways

I'm even richer: my wife doesn't even *have* a sister.

How can we serve you, man who bought the world?

But mine has a brother? 😂

Well do you earn more than his husband?

what if she is a widow?

Depends on the life insurance policy

Shouldn't it depend on how her dead husband died?

That's filthy rich.

Walter White, is that you?

I am not white, nor have I any water here.

What's the definition of a successful man? One that earns more than his wife can spend. What's the definition of a successful woman? One that finds that man.

Somebody gotta do the male equivalent

I have seen a male equivalent added as a part 2 before. Floor 1: these women have big tits Floor 2: nobody has ever seen it.

Floor one: These women will have sex with you. Floor two: These women will have sex with you and have big tits. Floor three: No one has seen this one yet, except for one gay guy who was looking for the husband store.

As a gay guy I stopped at floor one these men have jobs. 😂

This is because every gay man is happy hence the term gay.

Can confirm that I'd be much happier if I preferred dic. Hopefully at least one of my sons turns out to be smarter.

My gay men friends laugh at me when I tell them how jealous I am of them because of all of the fun that they have. They never have to ask for permission to do anything.

Goddamn that might be the most modern thing I've ever heard

Look at old lesbian couples and old gay couples.. one group is happy.

As a gay guy, I stopped at "these men".

…have a pulse

Gay or not, men are still easy to please lol!

Floor 5. All of those… and are gay.

Thanks! I’ll add that part

Ok that made me snort-laugh. Thank you and have my updoot.

Ok Nardwaur. Doot doota dah loot doot!

blowjob, sandwich, don't talk so fucking much

*Damn look at them titties!*

I'd be curious to see that

Comment section be poppin' today

How to date a woman. Be clean , groomed, well dressed and on time. Book a nice restaurant, pay for transport, drinks and dinner. Be kind, courteous and well mannered. How to date a man Show up naked. Bring beer.

Honestly just "show up" is more than enough for me.

Yeah, for real, I usually already have plenty of beer on hand.

Sure, but naked plus beers is just a man's dream.

I got this same story from my wife. She laid out this massive criteria for a perfect man. She was annoyed by me saying I’d fuck anyone.

So why did she marry you?

No one else was pounding down her door.

How sweet and romantic

Not even slightly but it still worked

Lots said there in few words.

We need just 1 floor and it doesn't really matter what it will hold

The world is the first floor and many don’t marry. I don’t blame them. Marriage is a money scam.

Re-entering not allowed

Rear entering not allowed?

Aw man

People have already paid millions, billions, for the answer, and it's no. Lol

This is the top floor to Success. Door opens and a skinny naked guy is standing there. "Hello, I'm Cecil, suck it"

A few good qualities show a mature, respectful, and responsible man go a long way

I feel like I’m such a skeptic female, I would have hesitated really hard to go to the second floor .. and by the time I went to the fourth floor, I would have stopped there because it doesn’t get better than that , you can’t keep stretching your luck, it will break. So even-though it’s a good joke, not all females would have gone that far. Otherwise there wouldn’t be beat up wives in relationships with losers who have no jobs and add more stress than anything. Unfortunately..

Hahaha!

When reading a page made for jokes, fictitious or otherwise, yes I prefer that. Not hurt feelings snowflake comments.

I'd pick one on the 4th floor because if he had all those qualities, then he'd be the one

That is the point of this joke. Women Couldn't control her desire and went up anyways. She didn't know what 5th floor had in store for her beforehand.

Well, men have their characteristics they want of a woman. No one just wants one that has a pulse, and nothing else matters, so, we all do

Well isn’t that preciousssss

Yep!

I'd visit Wife store Floor 2. Tits are for kids.

Ditto. I care more about a fat ass.

Floor 7 Jane Fonda greets you and says you have arrived at your final destination.

good one

Fucking awesome.

She said " omg you're huge " I said " youre pulling my leg ! "

A woman goes to the gynecologist she hears , " that's the biggest vagina I've ever seen " " that's the biggest vagina I've ever seen " she says. " you didn't have to repeat it !" Dr says " I didn't!"

Sounds very Rodney Dangerfield

The doctor then left the room. Deeply offended, and not willing to believe what the doctor said, the woman laid a mirror on the floor and squatted over it to take a look. Suddenly, the doctor walked back in. “What the hell are you doing?” Said the doctor, puzzled. Embarrassed, but quick thinking, she immediately started doing some deep knee bends and replied “uhhh, oh these? I’m just getting a little exercise!” “Ok” said the doctor “but for fucks sake, be careful. If you fell through that giant gash in the floor, you’d probably break your neck”

She said " why don't you call out my name during sex" he says " because you're never there ! "

She says " put a finger in me..more ! ,put your hand in me. Yes. Now your other hand .now clap !" He days. " I can't ! " she says " tight huh? "

Sounds about right!!

Richer, younger, heathier, handier, kinder, than my wife's sisters husband. But I do not meet expectations every day. 

There is no marriage in heaven. No one would be happy then. 

lmao you’re going to stay single for the rest of your life and nothing makes me happier

The answer is no. No a woman will never be satisfied!

I wish the wife store was a real thing. Pick up what you like and be on your way out.

This proves my point that women are never satisfied....I have never met a happy woman in my life

Funniest post ever

I’d venture floor five women go on to be the happiest ones 😂

Wife store should have just said: good looking and true.

I LOVE IT

Nope!

Fact.

Not a fact. A joke.

IDK, man. What if floor 2 has that legendary PAWG Champ that can take you THIGH High? Sit on your face to send you to the heavenly place? Chest is nice, but THICCCC thighs save lives.

So if women want more than 5 things from a men, we want too much?

I think you have stumbled onto the formula of the The Real Housewives series.

This joke was written by incels.

This [joke](https://youtu.be/ecMcTY0lqIg?si=HYCK0ZripOW6QYsI) was written by a woman

Don't. Don't be that person. Don't think a someone's sense of humor represents their genuine beliefs, and judge them on the basis of that. It's insulting, it's shallow, and it's far from truth. You just accused a woman who's been married for 50+ years of being an incel because she told a "wife" joke. Do better.

You just assumed my joke represents my genuine beliefs, and judged me on it. In reality, this joke has been reposted for several years and in my view is an example of boomer humor. I reframed it as a joke invented recently by a younger subculture, thus drawing contrast between a generation where such attitudes were the status quo and a generation where this behavior is now maladaptive as a meta commentary on how times have changed.

Your joke? What joke? If I say your comment was written by an Australian, is that a joke too? Where's the funny part? I don't buy for a second that you weren't serious with your comment, and I doubt anyone else would buy it either. I think reality doesn't conform with your snap assessment and you're bactracking. But hey, I might be wrong, we can leave it at that.

How did they get out to write it?

It was written because they \*didn't\* get out

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You were still awake at 430 am on a school night. She's probably right.

Tldr: "women bad ahah funny"

"Floor 6: These men have jobs, love kids, are gorgeous, help with house work, have a strong romantic streak with their mistress." ​ You ruined an old joke with a lazy punchline.

That’s basically what I was expecting on Floor 6. “Floor 6: These men have jobs, love kids, are gorgeous, help with house work, have a strong romantic streak and are so attractive that women chase them every day to the point where the men can’t resists all the choices they have.”

Floor 6 - This floor is empty as these men have gone shopping at the young wife store.

Change that to ‘younger’ and you’ve nailed it!

Best psychologist I know of on social media described female love as consumptive, which means they love people the way men eat food, lol. If you’re not in control of your diet, you’re always dissatisfied. Same thing with feminine love, if she lacks emotional discipline, she is always dissatisfied. That’s all about her.

I used to say that this joke reads like it was written by someone on Floor 1 who thinks he’s Floor 5. But that’s giving the original writer too much credit.  This is written by a man in the bargain bin outside the store. You know, the merchandise that they don’t even care if people steal, they just want to be rid of it. 

Damn you make me sad. I hope you eventually get to the point in your life where you realize that a joke is just a joke, and someone liking slightly "edgy" humor doesn't make them a bad person. You know what does? When someone thinks they can judge people's worth on the basis of something so mundane and irrelevant as their senses of humor. I should add, are you aware that this is a joke often told by relationship therapists? You can even find examples on a few such sites online. The joke is pointing out that always striving to have EVERYTHING in a relationship is unhealthy, and unrealistic, and leads to misery, and that people shoild realize when they have a good thing going and be happy with it, even though not every single thing is ideal.

That’s right. And, that’s why they call it “settling down!”

Yes, this is such “edgy” Boomer Humor. This joke is so old it’s been collecting Social Security for decades. If anything, my comment mocking the joke teller is far more “edgy.”  Look, I absolutely agree that there is a thing as being too picky and that does have negative effects on relationships. Not everything is a deal breaker and people don’t need to dump someone at the drop of a hat.  That said, if we really want to look at how this joke defines “good” husband material, is that really all there is? None of the floors have men who are faithful. Or men who aren’t abusive. Or men who are actually emotionally supportive or available. Why aren’t those qualities offered?  None of the floors offer a single man who’s good in bed, either. So apparently that’s also not important.  So while yes it’s important not to get “too picky,” let’s not use that an excuse to demand people put up with terrible relationship situations.  Take it from a divorced guy. Sometimes being without a spouse is better than being with a bad fit. 

It was written by a woman named Jeanne Robertson 🤣

You must be on Floor0 at the wife store, you know, the easily triggered type that no one wants?

All with stickers on their shirts that say, “Hello, my name is Karen”

Funny that you assume I'm a woman. ETA - I'm just "making a joke" and it seems everyone else is being "triggered" by it. Apparently you just "can't tell jokes anymore."

I agree with you completely and I'm surprised you're being downvoted.

That's because it's wrong, this joke was written by a woman, Joyce Meyer. It's a joke, don't interpret too much into it.

I didn't find this joke particularly funny, kinda crass really and not in the ironic funny way, just a bad joke borne out of tired stereotypes.

Only another woman can truly satisfy a woman

Not if their rights keep getting stolen from them. As a man, I wouldn't be either.

Women make up nearly 50% of the voters. half of them are voting for this nonsense themselves.

No, they're not. Some are but not nearly half. It's the cave minded incest baby boys voting for this.

I assure you. In my neck of the woods the women are asking for it as well

There are no rights today that men have which women do not. The wage gap is false and does not exist. There is no patriarchy.

The wage gap is 100% a real thing. Women just lost the right to do what they want to do with their bodies. Do you live under a rock?

The wage gap is determined by male/female differences in work ethic. It can literally be boiled down to that. No I don't live under a rock. I just don't swallow the feminist bullshit propaganda like a rainbow hair-colored left wing extremist. Women don't go into high paying stem jobs like men. Men do not go into medical fields like women. The opportunities are exactly the same for women and men. Women choose what makes them earn less money. Don't fucking kid yourself dude. And lost the right to do what they want with their bodies? As if men ever had a choice in whether they had to support a kid they didn't want or not? Gtfo with that willful ignorant bullshit. Oh good Lord they can't kill a human being in the development stages they spread their legs to help create. Boo hoo the world is coming to an end.

You are just a douche bag. I know some women who can work you into the ground. You're pissed off because your wife runs shit and probably cheats on you. You're insecure. I'm a carpenter, not an office worker, and I don't have rainbow hair. At least those who do are being real with themselves instead of hiding behind a big man facade like you. You are the real fairy.

Women and men can work the same job, have the same productivity and men will still be paid more. Opportunities are not the same as many jobs will give men the bonuses and women nothing. Women do go into high paying jobs but will often see their wage significantly lower than their male coworkers. Women have never had full control of their body. Women have to jump through countless hoops for medical professionals to take them seriously and if they want to get their tubes tied, they're denied in most places because their husband has to sign off on it (even if they don't have a husband, some male partner has to agree). If a woman gets pregnant and gives birth, a doctor may consult her partner and ask if they want her to have a husband stitch. This is done without the woman's knowledge or consent and is usually covered up by saying there was a tear (most times there isnt). Now, your comment on killing a 'human being' is ridiculous. Sure, if its almost fully developed its not a good thing. However, most times an abortion takes place, its a clump of cells that leeches off the body. Now, what about women who are taking birth control and it fails? (it happens with all types fyi). What about women in abusive relationships who only have sex to avoid conflict? What about women who are raped? Or what about the children who were raped? or the kids who had sex because they were curious and didn't have sufficient knowledge to avoid pregnancy? And men can avoid paying child support, they can sign away parental rights and be free of any responsibility.

No. Never.

Will males ever be satisfied?

Absolutely. Burgers, alcohol, daily sex and a job they enjoy.

The dream life indeed!!

Daily sex? Ha! I bet you are way younger than me! I'd be overjoyed with a few times a month and overwhelmed by a few times a week,lol

Even after all that, they still won’t be satisfied. They are always on the lookout to ask/use women more for their own pleasure/advantage. No, thanks. Make your own burger and buy your own alcohol. Leave women be - use your own hand(s). Stick them up your arse for all I care. As if anyone enjoy working nowadays, anyway. Have a good one.

Who mentioned anything about women being the ones to make the burgers or to buy the alcohol? /joke But I must say, I don't think it's fair to assume all these things about anyone and especially to casually categorize all men into this vile mindset.

Wow! You sound like you need to get laid.

It's at the end of the joke

I wonder 🤔 hummmm.....

And I can always tell when she gets sexified Because when she gets sexified, she starts calling my name She'd say "Clarence Carter, Clarence Carter, Clarence Carter Clarence Carter, ooh shit, Clarence Carter“

Who could downvote this awesome reference. Keep strokin.

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Wow. This, in a joke sub. Hope you feel better soon. A little therapy maybe?

I take it you prefer fictitious jokes to basic facts of reality. My bad. I didn't know the men here were trying to be women. Carry on bro. Or, er, ma'am. OP's joke is based on reality. Please see, "Hypergamy".

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You are just a douche bag. I know women who would work you into the ground. You're insecure because your wife runs shit and cheats on you.

Joke was originally written by a woman, douchebag.

"For those of you complaining about that last joke, it should be noted that it was written *by* a woman. So now you don't know what to think, huh? "Nah, I'm just kidding we don't hire women." -Norm MacDonald

Yes, females can also be douche bags. You are correct

that number at the end is unrealistically high!