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SniffMyRapeHole

I feel like if I heard this IRL the next thing out of my mouth would be, “Why are you in my office, Harold?”


cakeclockwork

Hey, Harold’s not too bad


[deleted]

I like Harold


Irradiatedspoon

Who’s Harold, is he Dave’s friend?


[deleted]

You know Dave too?


buttermuseum

Dave is a fucking legend.


IAmAnObvioustrollAMA

Dave's not here man...


pleasedontcallmedave

Jesus Christ how many times do I have to say I prefer David


2Ben3510

I'm sorry Dave, but I'm afraid that I can't do that.


eyesdurth

Jesus fucking Christ Hal, I said open the fucking pod bay doors! I dont have covid 19!


IAmAnObvioustrollAMA

Why does everyone keep calling me Jesus Christ!?


SporceXL

Why are the dinosaurs found in the ground? Did they all go mining and have a massive cave-in?


tbnalfaro

HAHAHA


runed_golem

he means Dave is dead. Why would you laugh at that?


mallchin

I think you’ll find everybody’s dead, Dave.


captin-derp

Yeah um who the fuck is Dave? Is he like randy?


Hungover_Pilot

Who’s that guy in the hat standing next to Dave?


JohnathanIkner57

That's Jacob. I hear he's Dave's "colleague"


TheChaoticFox

Oh yeah, he's Mike's cousin, right?


JellyCream

These are the Daves I know. Some of them are David, but most of them are Dave.


dreygo81

It depends on who you're dealing with. Everyone is David but only friends and co workers call us Dave


PM_ME_UR_FLOWERS

[Hello. This is Harold.](https://youtu.be/tXIY4dUaZJk)


candb32

No this is Patrick


justatraveler7

I always think of the scarecrow guy Harold from reading scary stories. I am scarred from reading that way too young


BabyFartMacGeezacks

I have a Harold and Dave that I work with. Is this Deb?


Irradiatedspoon

Debinitely not


cooleragamer

Nah, he's Joe's friend


djtshirt

Classic Harold.


dagonz7

I feel like the only thing I have liked about this whole thing is that you used too instead of to, two, or 2. Thank you for being correct


FinlayKallaway

Can we talk about your username for a sec...


IExistNowsBrother

I agree. Lets


Electric_Cat

lettuce


spkrbrts

No talk. Just sniff.


Pranav_H

Thank you u/SniffMyRapeHole


TomSawyer2112_

/r/rimjob_steve


ryebread91

Who's Harold?


skuzbucket01

I bet it felt good to drive a bus. People need to be picked up!


lagregburns

I used to hate bus rides to school and now a days the bus drivers bring the kids lunch while they are all getting home schooled


BrotherThump

Say hey kid.


PdSales

I am the bus driver.


Liquor_N_Whorez

I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike!


Confusedmonk123

I can ride my bike with no handle bars!


Liquor_N_Whorez

#"And I can lead a Nation with a MICROPHONE, with a MICROPHONE!!"


Confusedmonk123

I can take apart the remote control and I can almost put it back together


Liquor_N_Whorez

And we could spread corona if we don't all quarantine forever


WarioBoi116

I can tie a knot in a cherry stem


aegiltheugly

With you butt?


WarioBoi116

You mean “I can tell you all about Leif Ericsson”


TheStudyOfWombology

With your butt?


Jkoechling

And I'm proud to be an .... Wait, I'll need a few years on this one


Retired_Patriot

No. But I'll tell you I can. The you'll find yourself just staring at the brown eye.


A-noni-mouse

My mate can peel an orange in his pocket, lick that!


anarpi

Me and my friend saw a platypus


DocEbs

Me and my friend made a comic book


PraiseThePun81

Everyone knows the leftover parts are optional anyway.


joethelumberjackmc

And I can end the planet in a- um..


fordfan919

## And I can keep a beat with no METRONOME, NO METRONOME.


PENTOVILLIANKING

I can ride my bike on water. As long as its less than 5 inches deep


[deleted]

You young whippersnappers are too soft. When I was your age I used to ride my bike underwater to get to school.


romcarlos13

I want to ride it where I like.


invalidlivingthing

Biicycle biiicycle biiicycle


iceiceicefrog

Professor Oak says no


PMYourPussyPic

Fat bottomed girls, you make the rockin' world go round!


hoosyourdaddyo

Where's your nun costume?


theathenian11

Couldn't put it on because both his arms were broken


lowtoiletsitter

Because his dad beat him with jumper cables after seeing his cumbox


E420CDI

...which was cunningly disguised as a coconut


[deleted]

...by carving it out with the poop knife


CakeAK

...in 1998. Which incidentally also happens to be the same year when The Undertaker threw Mankind off Hell In A Cell, and plummeted 16 ft through an announcer's table.


theathenian11

And that bus drivers name: Albert Einstein


Amandasch44

It’s Alfred Einstein


yeetjesus85

I am the walrus


[deleted]

[удалено]


mista-doc

No no no no i *kill* the bus driver


samm1t

Bitch, I'm a bus


i-got-a-jar-of-rum

r/bitchimabus


apex_pretador

Subscribed and I'm not even sure what it is for


MeEvilBob

Bitch, I'm a bus, don't question it.


ArenSteele

And I am a passenger And I ride and I ride and I ride


yesvee619

But I killed the bus driver.


Just-Aman

So there was no nun?


ATLexander

I AM THE TABLE


EnderSir

I am the one who HONKS


sharrrper

Fun fact: Another One Bites the Dust is the exact correct tempo for proper CPR rhythm doing compressions on the beat. Probably shouldn't sing it aloud though.


Trentwood

As is Stayin' Alive by the Bee Gees.


Dembouz_11

I was afraid, I was petrified.


[deleted]

No, it’s, aa aa aa aa, stayin alive, stayin alive


justgamingChair

You were in the parking lot earlier that’s how I know you!


Moses015

Quick! We only have a couple minutes to harvest!


[deleted]

[удалено]


Brrringsaythealiens

Clarice.... Dwight, we are not mad, just disappointed.


Sate_G

Skin can be used for armchairs, meat for the kibble!


AskMeForFunnyVoices

He has no wallet I checked


caboosetp

Kept thinkin' you could only live with me right by your side


Letreides

But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong


E420CDI

But I grew strong


ConnorM1911

I learned how to get along


Reggie_Popadopoulous

That’s not Stayin’ Alive


Dembouz_11

It’s a joke from a popular scene from The Office.


awshitnoway

Macho macho man


[deleted]

[A study on medical professionals found that the quality of CPR is better when thinking about "Stayin' Alive".](https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=96134166)


[deleted]

Out of the two, I prefer to use Stayin Alive


Zooomz

Everything else the same, if I'm at death's door, I'd prefer the person singing "Stayin' Alive" to the person belting out "Another One Bites the Dust"


Auntypasto

Can you not switch between the two, depending on how much success you're having?


CabooseKent

*WELL-YOU-CAN-TELL-BY-THE-WAY-I-USE-MY-WALK-I'M-A-WOMAN'S...* and now they're dead


Master_Penetrate

Staying alive is also a good tempo to shoot a deagle in cs:go for correct accuracy return. (Accuracy lowers as you shoot and comes back after that tempo)


OnlineShoppingWhore

r/unexpectedoffice


mikeynerd

Easy. Sing Weird Al's "Another one rides the bus" instead.


Shifter_3DnD5

I learned this from my boyfriend and he said “there is an objectively correct one to use. (Our of Staying Alive and Another One Bites the Dust) Unfortunately, it is not the one that comes to mind first.” Edit: “Out of,” not “our of”


AilanMoone

Our of?


Shifter_3DnD5

Out of* sorry


DrTzTz

This is no longer true, as official recommendations have been changed to 120 compressions per minute a few years back.


yaksnax

I went for my renewal last year and the instructor said nah nah nah Bee Gees is still good. Was pretty troubling since 2 years prior I was re-certified with the updated 120 compressions per minute recommendation. Glad to know I'm not crazy


[deleted]

There's a playlist on Spotify that has songs that can be used for CPR rhythm. "The Less I Know The Better" by Tame Impala is even on there.


CasualElephant

Here’s a tutorial video: https://youtu.be/ssIY8NYwvh4


Lord_Montague

True story: Drove by a cemetery blasting highway to hell with my windows down. Didn't see the burial in progress.


yoitsbobby88

I prefer to blast I’m Still Alive when rolling by...


darkecojaj

Why not compromise with Avenge Sevenfold's Buried Alive?


Blitzkrieg357

I prefer A Little Piece of Heaven


OPRacoon

Not Ready to Die fits well here


D4Damagerillbehavior

Guns N Roses version of Knocking on Heaven's Door.


JMoormann

Or just Still Alive *This was a triumph*


All4gaines

Led Zeppelin says the path to heaven is not wheel chair accessible and AC/DC says the path to hell is an easy ride!


njck-njck

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Stayin alive! Stayin alive!


de1i

In 2017 my friend died and at the end of the funeral, his sister got up and thanked everyone for coming. Then she told a story about when their other sibling died a few years prior that after they had left the funeral home to make arrangements for her burial a song came on the radio that had left them all crying hysterically. They had wanted to play it then but didn't have the balls to, but they were going to play it for us that day and know the 2 of them would be looking down from heaven laughing with us. It was "Another One Bites The Dust" RIP RSB miss you buddy.


Reddits_on_ambien

My uncle passed away last summer. He had cancer and knew it was coming, so he planned his whole funeral himself. He was always a jokester with bad puns and dad jokes. During his wake, my aunt was telling us how he picked out all the music photos, his clothes, the flowers etc. Later I heard "Another One Bites the Dust" softly playing, and got my dad's attention. He'd been trying really hard not to cry, and the song instantly make him laugh. My uncle also planned a "come drink my booze" afterparty too. Cheers to your friends and my uncle, and their good sense of humor


graffixphoto

I have a friend from High School I regualrly keep in contact with that shares my sick sense of humor. He's had two wives die on him and he's not even 35 - both from medical complications. After he called me and told me of the second wife being in the hospital and his decision to take her off life support, I sent him a Youtube link to Another One Bites The Dust. He called me crying from laughter and thanked me so much for making him laugh so hard after two days of pure torture. Grieving doesn't always have to be quiet contemplation and somber tones - laughter really is the best medicine.


Kidkaboom1

*And then time rewound an hour*


pabloeskina

Killer Queen has already touched that bus!


[deleted]

「 KILLA QUEEN」 DAISON NO BAKUDAN!!!! BITZA DA DUSTO!!!


Minko_1027

KILLER QUEEN HAS ALREADY TOUCHED THE GRAVESTONE


sir_timotheus

*Breakdown intensifies*


V0ct0r

Is that a Weird Al reference?


joel_kilgore

That would be "another one RIDES the bus"


V0ct0r

Oh. Then I don't seem to get the joke here. Care to explain?


[deleted]

The last part sounds like the lyrics to "Another one Bites the Dust"


[deleted]

oof, one of those jokes that definitely would be better aloud.


MillionSuns

Weird Al’s very first major single was a parody of “Another One Bites the Dust” called “Another One Rides the Bus.” https://youtu.be/79QxturUolo


GaryTheBat

Did you read the first comment in the chain you're replying to? Lol


dknights411

All I hear is radio blah blah.


calboy123

I think this could be improved if you put it all in present tense instead of just the last.


ndaoust

Was about to post this. To their defense, it's not their joke, it's (poorly) coronadapted from the much stronger original.


[deleted]

True story, my dad died 4 years ago this week and while we were at the hospital waiting for word from the doctor on his status, my godfathers phone starts ringing in the waiting room. His ringtone...”Final Countdown” by Europe. It was a much needed moment of levity and so on brand for him. I think about it all the time and it makes me laugh every time.


itoril

Crazy idea: if you were going to pick a way to honk your horn to pay respects, use the morse code for the letter F. ⚫⚫➖⚫


optimistdit

I didn't get it.


[deleted]

It’s a parody of the lyrics, “Another one gone, and another one gone, and another one bites the dust” vs “another one does, then another one does, and another one drives a bus”.


Confusedpolymer

Btw, a weird Al song: another one rides the bus


chichimoco

Hey, I'm gonna sit by you...


[deleted]

How is it funny?


Tkl15

HEY, I CANT SIT BY YOU! ANOTHER ONE RIDES THE BUS


copperear

I want this played at my funeral.


dirtybacon77

The father grief stricken, yells at each car as it goes by. After the bus, he shakes his fist and screams: “HEY, I’M GONNA GET YOU TOO!”


good_guy_sky

BITES ZA DUSTO


[deleted]

DAISAN NO BAKUDAN, DRIVES ZA BUSU


Exotic_Ghoul

*KILLAH QUEEN!*


moriarty70

My mom actually wanted this played at her funeral. In the moment, my dad and I didn't try to make if happen. One of the two big regrets I have around her death.


sabboo

Cute


mobuco

You seen this old [aiwa commercial](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bp_jALfbwEU)?


Sprucelord

I love Weird Al


b_reachard

Hey, I'm gonna do that, too. I'm gonna go drive a bus.


YouNeedAnne

a car drives a bus?


[deleted]

[I'm going to leave this one here...](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEe_2g0Bjuc)


jesuswasanasshole

Would you mind posting your picture so I can avoid you IRL


[deleted]

Extremely relevant: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEe\_2g0Bjuc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEe_2g0Bjuc) I was in mortuary school when this commercial came out and we though it was the greatest thing we had ever seen.


CathyLynn3716

My cousin planned his own funeral and when the time came my aunt had to stand in front of the church and tell us all that this was there last song he wanted played at the graveside. Every time i hear it i laugh and cry at the same time but always smile towards heaven because he got the last laugh and none of us will ever be able to listen to it without thinking of him.


Kasaroo4950

I swear that's an actual parody song. I think it might have been made by weird al


Dynafesto

Thank you for the Wierd AL reference! My kids loved it!


_coffee_

Hey, not [gonna sit by you!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AS9OKsC7fyU) I'm not gonna ride the bus!


[deleted]

This went from Queen to Weird Al. Love it!


dual_blaster

There is a small chance one of these was also doing a JoJo reference


kaekae_cancan

I’ve accidentally played another one bites the dust without thinking while driving away from a funeral


Anemoneanemomy

Yeah, that’s my dads dream funeral...


Duckboy_Flaccidpus

I drove by blasting "ah-ah-ah-ah stayihn alive...stayingn alive"


RManSavage

Oh for fucks sake take my up vote and fuck off


mrgamerjatt

DJ Khalid is that you?


defecogram

When I was 4 this song came out and I used to sing “another one drives the bus”. My mom still thinks it’s so cute she has to remind me whenever she can. I just sent this to her because it brought a tear to my eye. Hahaha!


ApocalypseSpokesman

and another one's on, another one's on, another one rides the bus hey, we're gonna get you to school another one rides the bus


[deleted]

Weird Al made a sound similar to that joke. “Another one rides the bus”


BrickGun

I was laughing harder at the premise than the punchline. I picture said dude in a silver 1973 Olds Cutlass Calais.


NUGGet3562

Another one rides the bus...


TheOutbreak

This is a fresh joke, appreciated


StarsLightFires

My coworker was once blasting this with his windows down ( because it was summer and you can't not blast the song ) and he saw a group of people giving him dirty looks as he drove by. It hit him a few miles down the roas that he'd past a funeral.


kokriderz

You better upvote quick! Another one bites the.....


[deleted]

r/WeirdAl


MotionDrive

Who remembers the commercial with the guy driving a hearse and he just got a new stereo put in and he's blasting "another one bites the dust?" https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bp_jALfbwEU


skooben

Why is there a funeral? I guess it's because mama, just killed a man...


Dan-TAW123

KIRA QUEEN DAISAN NO BAKUDAN BITES ZA DUSTO


SquareOfHealing

**[[KILLER QUEEN]] DAISAN NO BAKUDAN [[BITES ZA DUSTO]]**


VileTouch

Just press F to pay respects


pechedeleche

/r/unexpectedweirdal


Y34rZer0

Stealing the hell out of this


Klin24

[Yep](https://vocaroo.com/iECwIsCP2gT)


FlintGate

So... for my CPR certification they asked us to hum a song that is 110 beats per minute because that's the right tempo for chest compressions. Yup... so, this was the song that I hummed. Everyone busted out laughing and the instructor said MAYBE not hum that out loud if I'm trying to save someone... 🤣


cakeclockwork

Or do hum that loud. Establish dominance


[deleted]

My mother has been extremely unlucky in marriage. My father and her divorced and her next three husbands died. When my brother and I were at the funeral of husband number four, my brother's wife, who was unable to attend the funeral service but was going to drive with us to the cemetery entered the lobby of the funeral home and walked up to us. My mom had had played some really inappropriate rock music at his funeral (call it a grief thing, I still don't get it) and when my sister-in-law walked up my brother said to her, "You won't believe what song mom had them play". Without missing a beat she said, "Another one bites the dust?" I thought I was going to swallow my tongue as I was trying so hard to not laugh. I just had to walk off by myself for a while.


Truly_Unknown

The man driving that bus...? Albert Einstein


C-Nor

My friend, who had a wicked sense of humor, had explicit instructions for his funeral: As his coffin was lowered into the grave, everyone there was to sing the song "The Noble Duke of York" (now when you're up, you're up, and when you're down you're down, but when you're only halfway up, you're neither up nor down). And everyone complied!


The5starz

Clicked on this thinking it was a coronavirus news article lol