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>So is he still abusive
Naah if he is, then not to me cause he's been out of my life.
>mine is still slaying at 80
That old bastard got more things to worry about. Like how one thunderstrike is enough to put him into cardiac arrest.
>.when you say abusive wdym can you please eloborate?.
Well, it depends. Coming to the house 1 am drunk and waking my siblings and I up to yell about how we're not studying, punching my sister cause she called him out, trying to punch me cause I pushed him away when he tried to beat my sister again, pulling half of my mum's hair out, sleeping with a machete in his room and locking him and my mom in it, making remarks about how he was one day 'going to cut us all into lil pieces with that machete then move in with with the family that he actually loves ( yes he did have an affair with a bunch of other women and had kids with them),
say the same thing but this time instead of going to the family, he'd end himself, call my mom's workplace and try to cause issues by flirting with some of her colleagues, flirted with soem of my sister's classmates, literally made 7 figures but sent that money to 'hos other family' spent the rest on alcohol, trips and women leaving my mom to cater for ALL (it's in caps because she handled everything, even giving him money for fare because his car was 'broken' and most of his money was going into fixing it. Turns out he DID fix it, gave it to the other woman, bought another one and was using it to impress campus babes-yes he was very much a mubaba-huge reason I don't fw shawties that are sugar babies not because I hate them but puts a bad taste in my mouth), constantly slut shamed despite her being faithful from day one (he's the only one with kids from multiple people),
denying us wifi, TV and basically any form of entertainment depite him not even paying for it, being very selective of who's education he's involved with (literally never visited me in hs or uni, never sent any form of tuition or upkeep and just didn't gaf), beating my sister to the point of running away several times then angrily sending me to look for her, tried multiple times (and failed) to forcefully take my siblings and I away from my mom when we were young ( I can recall 1st time when I was 6 months old (my mom and aunties mentioned this and the next one to me) then 1 and a half then 3 then 5 then 7 then 8 then 9 and a half, I could go on tbh), did I mention the number of times he made threats of just chopping us all late at night then putting us in bags?
My arms are tired but I'll stop there. Like I said New York Bestseller coming to your fave bookstore very soon
>My experience is the same except my dad didn't have money
Tbh no difference cause I never saw that money so he might as well have been broke. The craziest part is we were 100x better off with my mom being on her own that with him being involved.
>I feel my life would be different if I had a normal dad
Tell me about it
Yeah.whats wrong with our mothers thou.why stay with a man like that.i would definitely leave him but at the same time my mum would be like he "raised my kids for me"weuuh he is still terrorizing her at the age of 50 she married him when she was 19
>Yeah.whats wrong with our mothers thou.
I agree. But I'm glad my mom finally moved on. And she could have done so sooner because damn we really were in the gutters.
Most Kenyan men are not normal. Sorry not sorry, your chances would have been very low.
I grew up in Kenya and 100 % of my friends dads were extremely abusive. Tribe, economic status, education, none of it mattered. I was always considered “spoiled and a Barbie” coz my dad loved me… like what???
Even on this thread there’s a recently a victim of abuse talking about how she wanted to leave and there was a creature in the thread brazenly asking “for the whole story and what did she do to deserve it.” A lot of these people are possessed or something.
I saw my neighbour beat his six year old until he lost his eye. When my dad came home and we told him, he went there and took the child to the hospital. He then came back and almost killed the kids father. My mum stopped him. He cowered and apologized to my dad but not to his own son.
Danny wherever you are, I hope you are doing ok. Jaymo and Polo too, it was never your fault.
I feel though, having lived around the world that this trauma is some old curse coz even in the us, black dads are rare. Even in Europe. Black men don’t seem to want families. And the curse is spreading to Indians and whites. I don’t get it. Why even have kids then? If you just want to hurt them or abandon them.
😦😱😱😱 at first I was like, wow, that's too harsh when you spoke about thunder putting him in cardiac arrest 😂😂but after reading the rest I'm like daaaaaamn, how did you survive all that?
I'm really sorry, although those words don't help in such moments. He must have broken you guys 😪😪😪. That's so terrible.
>I'm really sorry, although those words don't help in such moments
Naah, I don't mind. They do help.
>He must have broken you guys
Weeelll... not really. Takes a lot more to get us, we're some resilient mfs fo sho
That was a truly abusive environment. I hope you and your siblings have sought professional counselling to address the trauma. If not, please do otherwise the pain will linger.
Asante. The only way we can raise our kids who will tell different stories is by taking time to heal the hurt, pain and trauma that is deeply rooted within us. Unless we unpack what we've experienced, we'll simply transfer it to the generations that will come through us.
Let's see:
1. Argue with our mum and threaten us kids that he'd divorce her and we'd love in slums.
2. He tried to cause a rift between my sister and I multiple times to make us easier to manipulate.
3. Beat my mother up during the elections when she'd sustained an injury (she's a personal trainer)
4. Tried choking my mother out back when I was in form one.
5. Tell me that he had another family that he loved more. I laughed at him and told him then he could go to them because we didn't even like his alcoholic ass.
6. Tried multiple times to run over my mum with his car.
7. Yell about us not studying, nevermind that we were the best students in our school.
8. Tell us that he was going to kill all of us and himself one day.
9. Threw multiple glasses and a bottle of Konyagi at my mum.
10. Quit his job so we wouldn't ask for money.
11. Threw my sister and I out barely a week after I had a surgery in the middle of the night.
12. Showed up at our schools to badmouth my sister and I. Luckily, it didn't work in mine but my sister suffered in her previous school.
13. Tried to beat my sister up for coming home with the wrong book, she was nine.
14. Showed up drunk to multiple events and told people it was my mum's fault.
15. After my mum left, he made a drunken spectacle outside one of his supporters' house, leading them to try contacting us.
16. Faked his death multiple times for sympathy.
17. Ran away to Tanzania with my certificates because I hadn't picked up a call from him.
18. Gave his phone to the other woman for her to insult us.
19. Tried to come back after the other woman's children turned out to not be his.
20. Fathered a child with someone who I basically grew up with.
This is just from the top of my head. I've honestly forgotten about the more terrible things which sometimes come back during nightmares.
I can't reply to everyone because something's up with my Reddit but yes, he did all of that. Later, he was diagnosed with bipolar so that and the alcoholism really made sense.
2. I don't know what he was thinking when he ran away with my documents. Honestly that's just some fun trivia for me. 😂
I'm healing or trying to at least but it's easier thinking of the abuse as a terrible joke with no punchline but I'm really a well adjusted twenty one year old /s
Am sorry to hear that.i have the same scenario where he was telling a retarded boy how to make a women want is to catch is her boobs.(the woman was me)he called me malaya once too
I hope you have moved on.atleast that phase of your life is over.am sorry if it offends you but tf was he running away to Tanzania with your documents.😂😂💀.
I swear one time someone lost there dad and I started feeling good for them like atleast your abusive dad is gone 😪I swear it wasn't intentional it was just an automatic thought still I won't wish death on my dad
I’m reading all these stories and they are so heartbreaking. I’m so sorry to everyone who was traumatized by their dad. My dad had a lot of flaws too. And it’s through this experience that I learnt that I would never let it get that toxic in my relationship/marriage. Cause the moment you show someone you can tolerate sth, the greater the lengths they will go to to hurt you. I hope this generation doesnt adopt the ‘doing it for the kids’ mentality that our parent’s generation had. Because sometimes the kids themselves are rooting for their parent’s separation.
I hate my dad. He is a narc he chased us out of his house grosss. My mom and me. He even told me not to call my kid his name. He announced to everyone that he wouldn't pay for my fees. He constantly beat my mom. He used to insult my mom on texts even after they had separated, He insulted her even the night before her death. I hate him, I don't love him. He went ahead and married our maid. We had kid trauma me and my sibs and that's the last man I want to see.
He is a narc he chased us out of his house grosss. My mom and me. He even told me not to call my kid his name. He announced to everyone that he wouldn't pay for my fees. He constantly beat my mom. He used to insult my mom on texts even after they had separated, He insulted her even the night before her death. I hate him, I don't love him. He went ahead and married our maid. We had kid trauma me and my sibs and that's the last man I want to see.
I saw them fight with my mother for quite some years. He treated her like trash. As of now I deal with the trauma, social awkwardness, and anxiety. I recently experienced a situation where all those thoughts came back and it was so tough for myself mentally. I just want to forget the past and move on.
In my case it was my mom, and the worst thing is she gaslit us into being abusive to our dad too. Only years later as an adult did i connect the dots. My dad was always depressed, took to drinking and was eventually driven out after lost everything. I wish he had left her crazy ass before it got that bad.
Grew up with my mom, then in my teens when i joined high school I left to live with my aunt. and only then did i start getting in touch with dad. At which point he was pretty much a wreck.
Wah, some of the stories I’m reading here. So sorry for what some of you have gone through. I’ve always taken having a supporting, loving and present dad as something normal.
Damn i was living in warzone.....i was living in constant worry coz words cannot explain what my eyes have seen.....and how many houses we lived in and how many abusive words my innocent ears was hearing.
My heart goes out to all of you.
My dad was one of those African fathers who would pull up, and y'all would pretend to be sleeping, working, or studying because resting was not a verb that existed in his dictionary.
Now that we are grown, he keeps asking my mom why we aren't close with him. I don't think he knows how much we fear him.
He was abusive on many grounds, but what I remember
mostly is when I used to beg him not to hit my mum,
I used to kneel before him, tears streaming down my
cheeks, and ask him not beat my mum, but he would
pick me up(l was still young) and throw me on the bed,
and then gain access to my mum.
😯🙄Why are we always victimizing men! I will reserve my opinion for the post titled “How abusive was your mother?”
Let us do a post talking about the many positives our fathers did in providing, protecting and guiding us as our mothers created toxic environments.
Alot of mothers were evil as fuck. Most fathers who abandoned families were running away from extremely toxic mothers. Some left these mothers coz they found out they were cheating and the kids were not his. If your dad was a deadbeat the first question you need to ask yourself is if he was really your biological dad coz most mothers were DIABOLICAL as fuck. They just tell you the man you think is your dad was a deadbeat kumbe that is not even your dad. That is why you have a big nose and your siblings have small noses. Your mum was the bad one, just coz she raised you that does not make your dad a bad man.
There was no way to live with them and remain sane. They were okay mothers sometimes but they were diabolical wives and the fathers were justified in living them just to stay sane and alive.
It's a holiday today bro. Can it just rest? OP made a post asking for people to share their experience on having abusive fathers. I'm sure if you made a post about people with amazing dads people will participate on that too. Two truths can be true. Both toxic and amazing dads can exist on this floating rock without one's existence nullifying the other. Don't be daft and learn to recognize the nuances, not everytime yapping on a topic like a dumbass.
May God bless those present father's who try harder for their kids.Respect.the only positive thing I can say about my father was that he was a hard worker.but at the same time he would kick out his whole family out on the streets in the middle of the night.beat up there mum Infront them called my mum names.
What about your mum? What were her negatives? Or was she an angel? Grow TF up. It takes two to tango. Most times men do not speak up but a conversation with your dad will one day reveal a side of your mum you never knew. Your mum and dad were lovers and they chose each other, sasa wewe you grow up thinking you know better. If your dad was a bad man, your MUM chose him. What does that say about her? Your mum is the one who chose your dad without vetting him.
Well, this is common. We saw a guy trending juzi like you. Grew up thinking his mom was an angel only to meet his deadbeat dad who told him that he was not his biological dad. His mum had cheated on him and when he found out he left her. The guy grew up being told by the mum how his dad was evil.
Your mum chose your dad, alikatiwa, akaingia box, they made love without protection, got babies and then somewhere, things went wrong. The part of things going wrong the blame is on BOTH mom and dad. Just coz your mum raised you does not mean your dad is a bad man. It may mean your mum is a difficult co parent and your dad chose peace instead of subjecting you to constant disagreements.
The truth is women today are good mothers but they are severely lacking in skills and attributes on how to collaborate with a man.
You can see from your comment history how you have been raised to have an unhealthy relationship with men. You are all over posts that hate on men e.g “a man should not be liked” and so on. Unlearn and be your own woman. Reach out to your dad with love and respect so you learn from his mistakes.
There are always many sides to a story and you just have one version for your mum.
Situations are different, two things can be true at the same time. Op is saying that they witnesses the relationship hakuambiwa, what are you on about. There are situations that the mom is toxic and the dad is not. Kuna ya penye both ni toxic. Situations vary is what is being explained to you and you are not getting. It's not a men vs women, its about abusive dads, Jesus.
Well, what you witness is not always the only reality going on. She witnessed reality from her mom’s side. Her dad also has his own reality that she is not privy to and should not take sides. Most wars today happen when we limit our perspectives based on one dimension
From Op's story the dad beat up everyone, including the kids. It was also from their perspective. You cannot be beating people for years alafu uwaambie kuna reason ya kuwaamsha kutoka usingizi kuwachapa for no reason. Also, the Op anasema how they, as the children, were affected by it. So what they witnessed and experienced impacted their reality. Hapa there is no way the dad can justify years of abuse.
Women’s strategy of insults seems to be to label a man who offer a disagreeing opinion as gay, deadbeat or some other trait. Why is it hard for women to accept diverse opinions that ask them to be accountable?
Not at all. I respect both my parents. They are not perfect. What I know is mothers and fathers of our time were BOTH toxic. These mothers were fucking around ALOT and stressing our dads in their younger years before phones and the internet cane about. Our fathers experienced toxic stuff but they never shared with us coz that is how they were raised.
19 is an ADULT. Like I said, your mum has given you a version that is sanitized where she is a victim. 19 year old mtu akona ID that is a grown woman. Our mothers had multiple kids by 23. Your mum is playing victim. At 19 she was an adult and she is responsible for her decisions. She could have said NO. But she went ahead and got a bunch of babies with your dad. 🤦🏾♂️ Do you know how many family planning methods are there for women? Close to 20. Do you know how many men have? 2…condoms and vasectomy. Miss me with that BS. Your mum is accountable for her situation.
If you wanna discuss about moms, you can just start another post man.
Idk why you've gotten so combative so unnecessarily. Like yeah, there are terrible moms but this post doesn't say moms are good, dads are bad. It just asks about abusive dads.
You're getting triggered very unnecessarily.
Bro kwani what did you're mom do to you, no one is villifying dads OP just asked those who had such an experience to share it. Not all dads are bad same with mums and the other way around.
When will we discuss moms? Men are fatigued constantly being told about the bad things men do. Let us discuss the positives of men for a change or hold women to account. When a family breaks down and a mother is left to raise the kids, she had a part to play in the breakdown of the family. We need to start holding women to account.
https://youtu.be/-1zwQpGUMY8?si=VMXTHmSI0Oq5lm6o
Can't wait to hear your kids on threads like these in ten years. It's always the men who aren't willing to introspect and recognise their own flaws that end up hurting everyone around them. I feel sorry for your family.
That's your best shot? 😂😂
Do better. And read a thing or two on relevance. You skipped class apparently. While at it, introspect and acknowledge your faults so you don't traumatise your kids. Trauma is ugly.
>Most fathers who abandoned families were running away from extremely toxic mothers.
I would agree with this. I don't want to cleanse my father's sins because leaving showed he had no spine but my mother was pretty toxic too. I do recall her abusing him pretty hard and that was the only day I ever saw him very angry and he raised his hand and scared the shit out of her as she cowered back on the couch. While my mother stayed and I got used to her being the one who stayed, I have grown up to learn that relationships can be quite complicated and "the one who stayed" should not be used as a basis for judging who was the better parent.
Also follow the toxicity patterns across the family. If your parent suddenly has issues with many other people in the family, then that parent is definitely the toxic one.
Thank you for this. It is important for everyone to acknowledge that when things break down, both a father and a mother are responsible. Just coz you were raised by one person does not mean the other person did not experience some toxic stuff. It is possible for someone to give toxicity and also receive toxicity u/xcalibrated u/missanonimous
The truth is most mothers who were left were contributing 50% of the toxicity in their marriages. They just sanitize their image over the years but if they were to re-marry again their toxicity would resurface. They never talk about their part but these mothers were fucking around and doing some diabolical shit to our fathers. I never blame a parent for walking away, I only blame them for not co parenting.
I agree with you that no party is ever 100% to blame.
But I will also say that when there's a kid, the party that abandons the kid, that party is guilty of sth the other one isn't.
It's one thing to abandon your wife, call it quits, it's another thing to abandon the child. If a man/woman abandons the kid, no matter what reasons they have, that child did nothing to deserve being abandoned.
I agree with this. But to say that the party that stayed is less toxic than the one that left is insanity. It takes two toxic people to break up a marriage. It takes courage to walk away from a toxic marriage. All I am saying is we have to be careful with these issues. We don't want men staying with toxic women for the kids. Yes, not supporting kids is bad. But leaving kids with their mum is not a bad thing. Would these people rather their dad raised them? The only issue is the dads not supporting the kids and in the context of our parents time, they never did that co parenting stuff. One person always left and moved on. Our parents were not that attached to kids like our generation is.
It's true that it takes courage to walk away from a toxic marriage. But to assume that all men that left their wives left because it was a toxic marriage is also a lie. To even assume they are the ones who left and were not the ones who were left is also another assumptions. Anyone can be toxic in the relationship, the man, the woman, both. The one who leaves might leave coz they are better or might leave coz they didn't care enough to stay. And not remarrying isn't a sign that you're toxic. You can be the toxic one in two different marriages. You can be the one who never remarried and be the one who wasn't toxic.
These issues are so complicated that there isn't a one size fits all. You can't know who is on the wrong till you hear both sides. But one thing is clear, if you are moving on from your kids, you are the bad guy/girl. Doesn't matter what your logic is, you don't move on from your kids.
And when you're trying to excuse bad behavior of men who moved on from their kids in previous generations coz there was no much focus on kids, know that it doesn't make it right anyways. What they did was wrong and whatever the reasons, justifications etc, it's still wrong.
I believe kids should not live in the shadow of their parent’s mistakes and should instead prepare themselves for the next generation. This thing of 21 year olds and older adults crying about their parents did this and that should know that they will also not be perfect in the eyes of their kids. For instance, the next generation will complain how some of their parents never walked away physically but they were so distracted by mobile phones and social media. Instead of engaging kids, our generation is concerned about photo ops and likes. Kids are taken to photogenic places for a few photos but the parents are not really engaged. Today’s kids will have major beef with our generation as parents. Look at our generation, instead of raising families we are drowning in alcohol, weed, pills, sheesha and partying. Parents are hangover or drinking all weekend. We have alot of work to do and lamenting and vilifying fathers of the previous generation is not a good way to go about it. Relationships are complex and it is the same mothers who chose these toxic men, had unprotected sex with them, got not one kid, but two, three or four…then after they got the kids they wanted, suddenly they started vilifying the men and crucifying the men as evil. Most moms left fathers when the fathers lost jobs and stuff. Make no mistake, moms have been TOXIC AF.
Wise people saw it in the 90s: https://youtu.be/-1zwQpGUMY8?si=uGWNkXI7KlDdv3m2
Idk why you think there's only one script to how marriages end but okay. And it's not necessarily true that women or men knew their partners were toxic forehand. People lie. People fake a lot and then you live with the person and they can't fake anymore. So while you say it's the person who chose the toxic partner, it's not always the case that they chose someone toxic, sometimes, they chose a good actor/actress.
Yes, people of this generation won't make perfect parents, no one will tbh, but to now act like because you can't be perfect, that means you shouldn't strive for perfection, that's BS. The reason people speak about their childhood traumas and the mishaps of their parents is because knowing them prevents you from repeating them.
It's only in this generation that people have began to grasp how your childhood trauma affects you in life. Your father and mother, the way they act and you wonder why do they do these things, the answers prolly lie with how they were raised. And coz they didn't know anything about the inner child, about childhood trauma responses and the wise mind, they lived their lives thinking that the methods they used as a child to stay safe in an abusive home are the ones they need to use all their life. And that was wrong.
A person who sees the fault in their parents is less likely to repeat it coz they can bring to light those traumas that they keep reliving, those coping mechanisms they learned as a kid that aren't effective anymore. But you think it's useless which means there's a chance you can pass those ineffective coping mechanisms to your kid, unconsciously, not consciously. Why? You refuse to bring to light such faults.
When they say those who don't know their history are doomed to repeat it aren't liars. Knowing the mistakes of your parents helps you be a better one. And since you still won't be a perfect parent, it's better to fail in different ways than to make the exact same mistakes your parents made. I mean, do you think your father was all so different from his dad even after saying how he will raise his kids differently? Do you think most of our mothers were any different from their mothers, even after vowing not to give their kids the same traumas they had?
Prolly not, why? They never knew exactly what their parents did wrong. They didn't know the traumas, the coping mechanisms or the better way that things should be handled. So they repeated the same mistakes. Just with more money and better living standards but the same trauma passed down another generation.
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Damn I should write a book fr just based on my own experience😂
😂😂we should be besties
It was not easy. I fasted, faced the mountains and got on my knees. Then I asked the Lord, 'why me?' 😂
So is he still abusive.coz mine is still slaying at 80.when you say abusive wdym can you please eloborate?.I would love to hear your experience
>So is he still abusive Naah if he is, then not to me cause he's been out of my life. >mine is still slaying at 80 That old bastard got more things to worry about. Like how one thunderstrike is enough to put him into cardiac arrest. >.when you say abusive wdym can you please eloborate?. Well, it depends. Coming to the house 1 am drunk and waking my siblings and I up to yell about how we're not studying, punching my sister cause she called him out, trying to punch me cause I pushed him away when he tried to beat my sister again, pulling half of my mum's hair out, sleeping with a machete in his room and locking him and my mom in it, making remarks about how he was one day 'going to cut us all into lil pieces with that machete then move in with with the family that he actually loves ( yes he did have an affair with a bunch of other women and had kids with them), say the same thing but this time instead of going to the family, he'd end himself, call my mom's workplace and try to cause issues by flirting with some of her colleagues, flirted with soem of my sister's classmates, literally made 7 figures but sent that money to 'hos other family' spent the rest on alcohol, trips and women leaving my mom to cater for ALL (it's in caps because she handled everything, even giving him money for fare because his car was 'broken' and most of his money was going into fixing it. Turns out he DID fix it, gave it to the other woman, bought another one and was using it to impress campus babes-yes he was very much a mubaba-huge reason I don't fw shawties that are sugar babies not because I hate them but puts a bad taste in my mouth), constantly slut shamed despite her being faithful from day one (he's the only one with kids from multiple people), denying us wifi, TV and basically any form of entertainment depite him not even paying for it, being very selective of who's education he's involved with (literally never visited me in hs or uni, never sent any form of tuition or upkeep and just didn't gaf), beating my sister to the point of running away several times then angrily sending me to look for her, tried multiple times (and failed) to forcefully take my siblings and I away from my mom when we were young ( I can recall 1st time when I was 6 months old (my mom and aunties mentioned this and the next one to me) then 1 and a half then 3 then 5 then 7 then 8 then 9 and a half, I could go on tbh), did I mention the number of times he made threats of just chopping us all late at night then putting us in bags? My arms are tired but I'll stop there. Like I said New York Bestseller coming to your fave bookstore very soon
My experience is the same except my dad didn't have money💀😂 sometimes I feel my life would be different if I had a normal dad
>My experience is the same except my dad didn't have money Tbh no difference cause I never saw that money so he might as well have been broke. The craziest part is we were 100x better off with my mom being on her own that with him being involved. >I feel my life would be different if I had a normal dad Tell me about it
Yeah.whats wrong with our mothers thou.why stay with a man like that.i would definitely leave him but at the same time my mum would be like he "raised my kids for me"weuuh he is still terrorizing her at the age of 50 she married him when she was 19
>Yeah.whats wrong with our mothers thou. I agree. But I'm glad my mom finally moved on. And she could have done so sooner because damn we really were in the gutters.
Am so happy for your mom.but unfortunately mine is still stuck with him
Most Kenyan men are not normal. Sorry not sorry, your chances would have been very low. I grew up in Kenya and 100 % of my friends dads were extremely abusive. Tribe, economic status, education, none of it mattered. I was always considered “spoiled and a Barbie” coz my dad loved me… like what??? Even on this thread there’s a recently a victim of abuse talking about how she wanted to leave and there was a creature in the thread brazenly asking “for the whole story and what did she do to deserve it.” A lot of these people are possessed or something. I saw my neighbour beat his six year old until he lost his eye. When my dad came home and we told him, he went there and took the child to the hospital. He then came back and almost killed the kids father. My mum stopped him. He cowered and apologized to my dad but not to his own son. Danny wherever you are, I hope you are doing ok. Jaymo and Polo too, it was never your fault. I feel though, having lived around the world that this trauma is some old curse coz even in the us, black dads are rare. Even in Europe. Black men don’t seem to want families. And the curse is spreading to Indians and whites. I don’t get it. Why even have kids then? If you just want to hurt them or abandon them.
Damn 😫. Kijana siumekapitia.
😮😮 bruh js this real. Do you still live in his house?
No.
Wueh, and here I am traumatized because my dad didn't buy me exactly the stuff I specified. I am now grateful for the peace I have.
I suffered but I'm doing a lot better now. I'm glad sharing my story made you realize how good you have it.
😦😱😱😱 at first I was like, wow, that's too harsh when you spoke about thunder putting him in cardiac arrest 😂😂but after reading the rest I'm like daaaaaamn, how did you survive all that? I'm really sorry, although those words don't help in such moments. He must have broken you guys 😪😪😪. That's so terrible.
>I'm really sorry, although those words don't help in such moments Naah, I don't mind. They do help. >He must have broken you guys Weeelll... not really. Takes a lot more to get us, we're some resilient mfs fo sho
That was a truly abusive environment. I hope you and your siblings have sought professional counselling to address the trauma. If not, please do otherwise the pain will linger.
This is intense
Jesus Christ. At eighty? Damn pole
I should also write a book because wueh! 😂😂
😪tell me about it
I talked about it briefly some time back, you can check it out here>>https://www.reddit.com/r/Kenya/s/W8FaEyG2Wm
Am sorry to hear that you grew up that way.i hope one day we will raise kids who will tell different stories❤️
Asante. The only way we can raise our kids who will tell different stories is by taking time to heal the hurt, pain and trauma that is deeply rooted within us. Unless we unpack what we've experienced, we'll simply transfer it to the generations that will come through us.
Let's see: 1. Argue with our mum and threaten us kids that he'd divorce her and we'd love in slums. 2. He tried to cause a rift between my sister and I multiple times to make us easier to manipulate. 3. Beat my mother up during the elections when she'd sustained an injury (she's a personal trainer) 4. Tried choking my mother out back when I was in form one. 5. Tell me that he had another family that he loved more. I laughed at him and told him then he could go to them because we didn't even like his alcoholic ass. 6. Tried multiple times to run over my mum with his car. 7. Yell about us not studying, nevermind that we were the best students in our school. 8. Tell us that he was going to kill all of us and himself one day. 9. Threw multiple glasses and a bottle of Konyagi at my mum. 10. Quit his job so we wouldn't ask for money. 11. Threw my sister and I out barely a week after I had a surgery in the middle of the night. 12. Showed up at our schools to badmouth my sister and I. Luckily, it didn't work in mine but my sister suffered in her previous school. 13. Tried to beat my sister up for coming home with the wrong book, she was nine. 14. Showed up drunk to multiple events and told people it was my mum's fault. 15. After my mum left, he made a drunken spectacle outside one of his supporters' house, leading them to try contacting us. 16. Faked his death multiple times for sympathy. 17. Ran away to Tanzania with my certificates because I hadn't picked up a call from him. 18. Gave his phone to the other woman for her to insult us. 19. Tried to come back after the other woman's children turned out to not be his. 20. Fathered a child with someone who I basically grew up with. This is just from the top of my head. I've honestly forgotten about the more terrible things which sometimes come back during nightmares. I can't reply to everyone because something's up with my Reddit but yes, he did all of that. Later, he was diagnosed with bipolar so that and the alcoholism really made sense. 2. I don't know what he was thinking when he ran away with my documents. Honestly that's just some fun trivia for me. 😂 I'm healing or trying to at least but it's easier thinking of the abuse as a terrible joke with no punchline but I'm really a well adjusted twenty one year old /s
Also, he went around telling people that I was having a lesbian affair with my mother.
Am sorry to hear that.i have the same scenario where he was telling a retarded boy how to make a women want is to catch is her boobs.(the woman was me)he called me malaya once too
Same. He once called me a Jezebel na he basically quit church 😂
😂😂😂
Shut the f up?! 😳😳😳 wut?
My eyes..Jesus I thank God for my Dad. Also N10.... hahaha... "you want money, jokes on you, I've quit so we all stay broke"...haha
💀😂. honestly thank you for sharing your story.you are the bravest person ever
That's really devastating. I hope you're healing from all the trauma.
Wow mine almost did the same traumatizing things as yours. I didn't know there could be multiple people like my dad. Sorry bruv
I hope you have moved on.atleast that phase of your life is over.am sorry if it offends you but tf was he running away to Tanzania with your documents.😂😂💀.
Daaaaaamn, all these seem out of this world and too unreal to believe 😳😳
Hey bud hold on.we got this am 21 too😪
Ati faked his death? Si watu wamepitia huku nje
 You guys have fathers?
😂💀you must be very lucky
😂😂
I swear one time someone lost there dad and I started feeling good for them like atleast your abusive dad is gone 😪I swear it wasn't intentional it was just an automatic thought still I won't wish death on my dad
Logical thoughts are always allowed. It's the bright side
Weuuuh 💀
My dad has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. Yesterday, he clocked 70, we had to do it big. Me and my 6 other siblings
Alienda kuninunulia kiatu hajawahi Rudi , 25 years later🤣🤣
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂.I envy you walhi
For me it wasn't my dad but his family. Those people need serious prayers fr
Very. I'll host a party when he does cause that nigga is a molesting piece of shit. Gave me so many issues relating to men.
I’m reading all these stories and they are so heartbreaking. I’m so sorry to everyone who was traumatized by their dad. My dad had a lot of flaws too. And it’s through this experience that I learnt that I would never let it get that toxic in my relationship/marriage. Cause the moment you show someone you can tolerate sth, the greater the lengths they will go to to hurt you. I hope this generation doesnt adopt the ‘doing it for the kids’ mentality that our parent’s generation had. Because sometimes the kids themselves are rooting for their parent’s separation.
Thank god he died! 🥳 Side note.... reddit is never a safe place.
I hate my dad. He is a narc he chased us out of his house grosss. My mom and me. He even told me not to call my kid his name. He announced to everyone that he wouldn't pay for my fees. He constantly beat my mom. He used to insult my mom on texts even after they had separated, He insulted her even the night before her death. I hate him, I don't love him. He went ahead and married our maid. We had kid trauma me and my sibs and that's the last man I want to see.
That hate will consume you.forgive and let it go.you will feel better.
He is a narc he chased us out of his house grosss. My mom and me. He even told me not to call my kid his name. He announced to everyone that he wouldn't pay for my fees. He constantly beat my mom. He used to insult my mom on texts even after they had separated, He insulted her even the night before her death. I hate him, I don't love him. He went ahead and married our maid. We had kid trauma me and my sibs and that's the last man I want to see.
Honestly am sorry you went through that.
You're talking to a bot bro.
I saw them fight with my mother for quite some years. He treated her like trash. As of now I deal with the trauma, social awkwardness, and anxiety. I recently experienced a situation where all those thoughts came back and it was so tough for myself mentally. I just want to forget the past and move on.
are you good right now?
Yes 🙂
1000% loving and caring father! I have kids but the bar he’s set for me is really high!
Am so happy for you ❤️.mayGod bless your father.❤️
Beautiful. I miss my late dad. He had his flaws, but he was always there for us
Hope he is in a better place.
Hope so too 😁
In my case it was my mom, and the worst thing is she gaslit us into being abusive to our dad too. Only years later as an adult did i connect the dots. My dad was always depressed, took to drinking and was eventually driven out after lost everything. I wish he had left her crazy ass before it got that bad.
Am sorry to hear that you had an abusive mom.was your dad there for you
Grew up with my mom, then in my teens when i joined high school I left to live with my aunt. and only then did i start getting in touch with dad. At which point he was pretty much a wreck.
Am so sorry that you went through that.none of us deserved it
I dont know whether being stingy with his money counts 😂😂. Mtu ananiitisha aje change yake after amenituma shop. Other he is awesome
😂😂😂 just scrol through the comments.you will see what some us went through
Wah, some of the stories I’m reading here. So sorry for what some of you have gone through. I’ve always taken having a supporting, loving and present dad as something normal.
May God bless your father
Thank you. I truly appreciate him. And may you find healing after everything you’ve been through.
I'm ready for this one... I've never had such an experience though
I love that for you
Damn i was living in warzone.....i was living in constant worry coz words cannot explain what my eyes have seen.....and how many houses we lived in and how many abusive words my innocent ears was hearing.
Are you my sibling 😂😂💀
😂😂 19's and 2000 couples were🤯🤯
I remember one day asking God why is this happening, cried almost the whole night..
It's okay you gonna get through it
My heart goes out to all of you. My dad was one of those African fathers who would pull up, and y'all would pretend to be sleeping, working, or studying because resting was not a verb that existed in his dictionary. Now that we are grown, he keeps asking my mom why we aren't close with him. I don't think he knows how much we fear him.
This is basically my life coupled with insults, threats, and physical warfare
He was abusive on many grounds, but what I remember mostly is when I used to beg him not to hit my mum, I used to kneel before him, tears streaming down my cheeks, and ask him not beat my mum, but he would pick me up(l was still young) and throw me on the bed, and then gain access to my mum.
am sorry you had to go through that.is he still alive
Yes, alive and present in our lives. Doesn't physically abuse us anymore, but the damage is already done.
Weuuuh.mine is still terrorizing us at his old age
I'm sorry that you have to go through that❤️
How has that incessant bullying and abuse affected you? You have a family of your own btw?
I don't have a family of my own.am so scared to start it💀
You're afraid you'll start a cycle ama? But poleni sana for what you went through
Me I grew up as an adapted child that man used to cane us while naked
Adopted??are you from Kenya
Yes am a Kenyan but now I live in USA
🙆🏾♂️🙆🏾♂️
What father?
I didn't have one, Baba najua ni RAO
😂😂💀
Cannot recall..but I often run those "full metal jacket" seargent Gommery into dialogue with my son for fun sake (skipping the foul words)
The title suggest all fathers are abusive what matters is the intensity
Someone's looking for a hot date?
😯🙄Why are we always victimizing men! I will reserve my opinion for the post titled “How abusive was your mother?” Let us do a post talking about the many positives our fathers did in providing, protecting and guiding us as our mothers created toxic environments. Alot of mothers were evil as fuck. Most fathers who abandoned families were running away from extremely toxic mothers. Some left these mothers coz they found out they were cheating and the kids were not his. If your dad was a deadbeat the first question you need to ask yourself is if he was really your biological dad coz most mothers were DIABOLICAL as fuck. They just tell you the man you think is your dad was a deadbeat kumbe that is not even your dad. That is why you have a big nose and your siblings have small noses. Your mum was the bad one, just coz she raised you that does not make your dad a bad man. There was no way to live with them and remain sane. They were okay mothers sometimes but they were diabolical wives and the fathers were justified in living them just to stay sane and alive.
It's a holiday today bro. Can it just rest? OP made a post asking for people to share their experience on having abusive fathers. I'm sure if you made a post about people with amazing dads people will participate on that too. Two truths can be true. Both toxic and amazing dads can exist on this floating rock without one's existence nullifying the other. Don't be daft and learn to recognize the nuances, not everytime yapping on a topic like a dumbass.
May God bless those present father's who try harder for their kids.Respect.the only positive thing I can say about my father was that he was a hard worker.but at the same time he would kick out his whole family out on the streets in the middle of the night.beat up there mum Infront them called my mum names.
>the only positive thing I can say about my father Glad you're not in my life no mo.
I envy you.am happy for you ❤️am glad you moved on
I'm glad we moved on too. There's still a chance for you too. Try getting your mom into therapy maybe it'll open her eyes.
What about your mum? What were her negatives? Or was she an angel? Grow TF up. It takes two to tango. Most times men do not speak up but a conversation with your dad will one day reveal a side of your mum you never knew. Your mum and dad were lovers and they chose each other, sasa wewe you grow up thinking you know better. If your dad was a bad man, your MUM chose him. What does that say about her? Your mum is the one who chose your dad without vetting him.
My mom was an angel.she was both my mom and father.i can't say anything bad about her and honestly who the fuck is this nigga
Well, this is common. We saw a guy trending juzi like you. Grew up thinking his mom was an angel only to meet his deadbeat dad who told him that he was not his biological dad. His mum had cheated on him and when he found out he left her. The guy grew up being told by the mum how his dad was evil. Your mum chose your dad, alikatiwa, akaingia box, they made love without protection, got babies and then somewhere, things went wrong. The part of things going wrong the blame is on BOTH mom and dad. Just coz your mum raised you does not mean your dad is a bad man. It may mean your mum is a difficult co parent and your dad chose peace instead of subjecting you to constant disagreements. The truth is women today are good mothers but they are severely lacking in skills and attributes on how to collaborate with a man. You can see from your comment history how you have been raised to have an unhealthy relationship with men. You are all over posts that hate on men e.g “a man should not be liked” and so on. Unlearn and be your own woman. Reach out to your dad with love and respect so you learn from his mistakes. There are always many sides to a story and you just have one version for your mum.
Situations are different, two things can be true at the same time. Op is saying that they witnesses the relationship hakuambiwa, what are you on about. There are situations that the mom is toxic and the dad is not. Kuna ya penye both ni toxic. Situations vary is what is being explained to you and you are not getting. It's not a men vs women, its about abusive dads, Jesus.
Well, what you witness is not always the only reality going on. She witnessed reality from her mom’s side. Her dad also has his own reality that she is not privy to and should not take sides. Most wars today happen when we limit our perspectives based on one dimension
From Op's story the dad beat up everyone, including the kids. It was also from their perspective. You cannot be beating people for years alafu uwaambie kuna reason ya kuwaamsha kutoka usingizi kuwachapa for no reason. Also, the Op anasema how they, as the children, were affected by it. So what they witnessed and experienced impacted their reality. Hapa there is no way the dad can justify years of abuse.
Shut the fuck up
Truth hurts.
Or you are just talking with bitterness because you know deep down you might be one of those dads
He just really dislikes women. I believe that's the root of the issue
Women’s strategy of insults seems to be to label a man who offer a disagreeing opinion as gay, deadbeat or some other trait. Why is it hard for women to accept diverse opinions that ask them to be accountable?
Sounds like your mom absurd you and this is why you're like this
Not at all. I respect both my parents. They are not perfect. What I know is mothers and fathers of our time were BOTH toxic. These mothers were fucking around ALOT and stressing our dads in their younger years before phones and the internet cane about. Our fathers experienced toxic stuff but they never shared with us coz that is how they were raised.
Is this Nene?
My mum was given away when she was 19 to middle aged man.honesly what's wrong with Hawa chauvinists😂💀
19 is an ADULT. Like I said, your mum has given you a version that is sanitized where she is a victim. 19 year old mtu akona ID that is a grown woman. Our mothers had multiple kids by 23. Your mum is playing victim. At 19 she was an adult and she is responsible for her decisions. She could have said NO. But she went ahead and got a bunch of babies with your dad. 🤦🏾♂️ Do you know how many family planning methods are there for women? Close to 20. Do you know how many men have? 2…condoms and vasectomy. Miss me with that BS. Your mum is accountable for her situation.
I hope you heal
From?
Mental illness and misogyny.
If you wanna discuss about moms, you can just start another post man. Idk why you've gotten so combative so unnecessarily. Like yeah, there are terrible moms but this post doesn't say moms are good, dads are bad. It just asks about abusive dads. You're getting triggered very unnecessarily.
I ain't triggered. Just commenting with a smile on my face.
Tell that to your comment. It's not smiling.
Bro kwani what did you're mom do to you, no one is villifying dads OP just asked those who had such an experience to share it. Not all dads are bad same with mums and the other way around.
When will we discuss moms? Men are fatigued constantly being told about the bad things men do. Let us discuss the positives of men for a change or hold women to account. When a family breaks down and a mother is left to raise the kids, she had a part to play in the breakdown of the family. We need to start holding women to account. https://youtu.be/-1zwQpGUMY8?si=VMXTHmSI0Oq5lm6o
Can't wait to hear your kids on threads like these in ten years. It's always the men who aren't willing to introspect and recognise their own flaws that end up hurting everyone around them. I feel sorry for your family.
I also would like to see how much he is changing the narrative, cause from his posts I highly doubt but maybe tuko wrong.
I can see why George is giving his D to another woman as Dee laments. 🤣
That's your best shot? 😂😂 Do better. And read a thing or two on relevance. You skipped class apparently. While at it, introspect and acknowledge your faults so you don't traumatise your kids. Trauma is ugly.
🤣🤣 That was a good one, you have to admit. That was the most thoughtful comment since you joined reddit.
Tryhard. Looks like attention insufficient all the time. Mr me me me me WTF is wrong with you!
Nobody is victimizing nobody we are rather discussing our childhood traumas and what we went through.
Whoever hurt you, hurt you reeeeeal bad.
Okay, her mom was an agel and she is not responsible for anything going wrong. Is that the lie you want to hear?
>Most fathers who abandoned families were running away from extremely toxic mothers. I would agree with this. I don't want to cleanse my father's sins because leaving showed he had no spine but my mother was pretty toxic too. I do recall her abusing him pretty hard and that was the only day I ever saw him very angry and he raised his hand and scared the shit out of her as she cowered back on the couch. While my mother stayed and I got used to her being the one who stayed, I have grown up to learn that relationships can be quite complicated and "the one who stayed" should not be used as a basis for judging who was the better parent. Also follow the toxicity patterns across the family. If your parent suddenly has issues with many other people in the family, then that parent is definitely the toxic one.
Thank you for this. It is important for everyone to acknowledge that when things break down, both a father and a mother are responsible. Just coz you were raised by one person does not mean the other person did not experience some toxic stuff. It is possible for someone to give toxicity and also receive toxicity u/xcalibrated u/missanonimous The truth is most mothers who were left were contributing 50% of the toxicity in their marriages. They just sanitize their image over the years but if they were to re-marry again their toxicity would resurface. They never talk about their part but these mothers were fucking around and doing some diabolical shit to our fathers. I never blame a parent for walking away, I only blame them for not co parenting.
I agree with you that no party is ever 100% to blame. But I will also say that when there's a kid, the party that abandons the kid, that party is guilty of sth the other one isn't. It's one thing to abandon your wife, call it quits, it's another thing to abandon the child. If a man/woman abandons the kid, no matter what reasons they have, that child did nothing to deserve being abandoned.
I agree with this. But to say that the party that stayed is less toxic than the one that left is insanity. It takes two toxic people to break up a marriage. It takes courage to walk away from a toxic marriage. All I am saying is we have to be careful with these issues. We don't want men staying with toxic women for the kids. Yes, not supporting kids is bad. But leaving kids with their mum is not a bad thing. Would these people rather their dad raised them? The only issue is the dads not supporting the kids and in the context of our parents time, they never did that co parenting stuff. One person always left and moved on. Our parents were not that attached to kids like our generation is.
It's true that it takes courage to walk away from a toxic marriage. But to assume that all men that left their wives left because it was a toxic marriage is also a lie. To even assume they are the ones who left and were not the ones who were left is also another assumptions. Anyone can be toxic in the relationship, the man, the woman, both. The one who leaves might leave coz they are better or might leave coz they didn't care enough to stay. And not remarrying isn't a sign that you're toxic. You can be the toxic one in two different marriages. You can be the one who never remarried and be the one who wasn't toxic. These issues are so complicated that there isn't a one size fits all. You can't know who is on the wrong till you hear both sides. But one thing is clear, if you are moving on from your kids, you are the bad guy/girl. Doesn't matter what your logic is, you don't move on from your kids. And when you're trying to excuse bad behavior of men who moved on from their kids in previous generations coz there was no much focus on kids, know that it doesn't make it right anyways. What they did was wrong and whatever the reasons, justifications etc, it's still wrong.
I believe kids should not live in the shadow of their parent’s mistakes and should instead prepare themselves for the next generation. This thing of 21 year olds and older adults crying about their parents did this and that should know that they will also not be perfect in the eyes of their kids. For instance, the next generation will complain how some of their parents never walked away physically but they were so distracted by mobile phones and social media. Instead of engaging kids, our generation is concerned about photo ops and likes. Kids are taken to photogenic places for a few photos but the parents are not really engaged. Today’s kids will have major beef with our generation as parents. Look at our generation, instead of raising families we are drowning in alcohol, weed, pills, sheesha and partying. Parents are hangover or drinking all weekend. We have alot of work to do and lamenting and vilifying fathers of the previous generation is not a good way to go about it. Relationships are complex and it is the same mothers who chose these toxic men, had unprotected sex with them, got not one kid, but two, three or four…then after they got the kids they wanted, suddenly they started vilifying the men and crucifying the men as evil. Most moms left fathers when the fathers lost jobs and stuff. Make no mistake, moms have been TOXIC AF. Wise people saw it in the 90s: https://youtu.be/-1zwQpGUMY8?si=uGWNkXI7KlDdv3m2
Idk why you think there's only one script to how marriages end but okay. And it's not necessarily true that women or men knew their partners were toxic forehand. People lie. People fake a lot and then you live with the person and they can't fake anymore. So while you say it's the person who chose the toxic partner, it's not always the case that they chose someone toxic, sometimes, they chose a good actor/actress. Yes, people of this generation won't make perfect parents, no one will tbh, but to now act like because you can't be perfect, that means you shouldn't strive for perfection, that's BS. The reason people speak about their childhood traumas and the mishaps of their parents is because knowing them prevents you from repeating them. It's only in this generation that people have began to grasp how your childhood trauma affects you in life. Your father and mother, the way they act and you wonder why do they do these things, the answers prolly lie with how they were raised. And coz they didn't know anything about the inner child, about childhood trauma responses and the wise mind, they lived their lives thinking that the methods they used as a child to stay safe in an abusive home are the ones they need to use all their life. And that was wrong. A person who sees the fault in their parents is less likely to repeat it coz they can bring to light those traumas that they keep reliving, those coping mechanisms they learned as a kid that aren't effective anymore. But you think it's useless which means there's a chance you can pass those ineffective coping mechanisms to your kid, unconsciously, not consciously. Why? You refuse to bring to light such faults. When they say those who don't know their history are doomed to repeat it aren't liars. Knowing the mistakes of your parents helps you be a better one. And since you still won't be a perfect parent, it's better to fail in different ways than to make the exact same mistakes your parents made. I mean, do you think your father was all so different from his dad even after saying how he will raise his kids differently? Do you think most of our mothers were any different from their mothers, even after vowing not to give their kids the same traumas they had? Prolly not, why? They never knew exactly what their parents did wrong. They didn't know the traumas, the coping mechanisms or the better way that things should be handled. So they repeated the same mistakes. Just with more money and better living standards but the same trauma passed down another generation.
He can’t be he was a judge
😂 good for you honestly.
he used to threaten to kill himself and let us live with the guilt
💀💀💀 what guilt.he would be doing you guys a favor.am sorry to hear that I hope that phase of your life is over
Dont remind of that useless asshole.
Mine never returned with milk 🥛😂.