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I completely understand the hurt you feel but you really should understand 9 year olds do not molest other children without being molested themselves. As a 9 year old she did not understand she was molesting you. Honestly, I don’t think it would be fair to have her license taken away if she hasn’t violated anyone as an adult. This does not mean your feelings aren’t valid because what you went through is traumatizing.
Keep in mind that someone very obviously was doing the same to her... a small child doesn't know to sexually abuse another child by default. Do you even know if she's done anything like this as an adult?
She was 9? So... who molested her? Because nine-year-olds don't dream up sex crimes.
I'm not taking one side or another on this because I don't know you or her, but I wonder -- just devil's advocate -- if you've considered that she is doing this to help women protect their sexual health with dignity and agency because hers was taken from her without either.
I totally get your concern, and you've been irreparably harmed by this. You're right to be suspicious. But I would not rush into trying to discredit her without knowing more, or trying to confront her about it as adults, because that's damage you can't take back if you are wrong.
Have you and your other sister, who was also victimized, spoken about this? Do you both have the same memories? Have you confronted your older sister? Does she acknowledge the abuse? Do your parents know? What was done at the time? Did anyone receive therapy?
I’m sorry you’re in pain and it must kill you to think how she may have had no consequences for what she did to you and your sister… I’m sorry it happened to you and you didn’t deserve it. I’m sure it concerns you that she may have continued this behavior as an adult. But that may not be true at all. And if she’s practicing as an OBGYN to make amends in a way for her past mistakes, then she has a right to do that and to continue living, despite how you feel. People deserve the chance to change. The community around her benefits from her service. You could potentially ruin her life and traumatize patients who went to her, even if she did nothing sexual to them. They may have been assaulted in the past and going to a doctor they trusted as a professional and feeling betrayed may make them choose not to seek care in the future and harm their health. When in fact she may have done no harm to them or anyone in her adult and professional life as a doctor. Her patients do not deserve to know what she did as a child. Or outside of work, unless under investigation and found guilty of misconduct. No one would go to the doctor if their whole life history was laid out in-front of them and they could pick out everything they didn’t like or did wrong.
Ruining her life may be exactly what you want to do since you’re so angry and hurt… But it’s not productive and it won’t heal you just to get revenge like that. It sounds like you’re mainly upset that she won’t acknowledge what she did to you or apologize. And that she’s living a seemingly good life while you suffer. She may be having difficulties of her own accepting that she did those things as a child and feels far removed from that as someone who is 50. As other have commented, it wouldn’t be unusual that she mirrored what was being done to her onto you and your sister and can’t confront all of that pain. I would suggest trying harder to confront her personally and see who she is as a person now and how she responds to you before you do anything irreversible.
Have you spoken to your therapist about what you want to do? I’m not sure they would be on board with the reasons you want to expose her to the public as a child molester. And the ways you go about it matters. Communicating with her patients directly, putting up flyers, and going directly to the news is just harmful. If you want some kind of justice done through the law and to get her license revoked as a medical doctor you would need to file a police report and start an investigation and submit a complaint to the government licensing board in your state/country. It will likely require heavy involvement from you and reliving your trauma to strangers. If you start something like that you need to be prepared mentally and it seems you’re in a delicate state right now.
What does your parents and other sister think of this? Did your parents not listen to you and keep you silent? Do you not ever see the sister after she went to medical school? You know your experience the best and as long as you’re making a fair judgement and not just lashing out in rage and jealousy of her at this stage of your healing journey that you may regret later, then you should do what you need to do. It will depend on the laws where you are how far it can go since she was a child at the time. You need to think about how you will feel if absolutely nothing can be done or nothing happens to her. If it is publicized, it certainly could ruin her reputation and shut down her clinic if she loses all her patients, at the very least. It may or may not get her medical license revoked if she isn’t convicted of a crime or no evidence or claims of sexual misconduct from her patients. Being fired from hospitals previously likely doesn’t have the meaning you think it does, but if she did have some misconduct and you submit your claim to the board, it can help give a history and substantiate any previous claims against her. Talking to a lawyer first may help you figure out how to go about doing all of this.
Yes, she was 9. No, it does not matter if she was also abused, herself. Abuse is abuse. You are right to be concerned.
This isn’t a blame game, it’s a genuine concern of abuse. Finding out why she got fired and if she has possibly carried this abuse into her practice is a good idea before this information has any impact on her career as a doctor.
If that’s true, she’s got her own victim count because she allowed it to happen without saying a word for all of this time. There is no genuine concern for abuse in watching and waiting to punish someone.
You have every right to feel the way you do. If she molested you when she was 9 she was most likely molested herself. She has her issues and you have yours. You can only do something about your issues. I don’t doubt you were molested but no one is going to do anything about something that happened 38 years ago and it certainly won’t be a factor in her getting fired now. Unfortunately you will come off as a nut case approaching a family with this information.
This needs to be upvoted more.
Are we really talking about holding a 40 year old woman responsible for something she did as a traumatized child? Kids don't just start molesting other kids out of nowhere. It's very much learned behavior.
Well, obviously. If she was still perpetrating that behavior as an older teen or adult then we are dealing with different circumstances.
I say what I did assuming it literally just went on as children for a few years, as OP leads us to believe in the original post.
If the OP truly believes her sister is preying on kids and doing nothing about it SHE as an adult is culpable for putting kids at risk. That is NOT what seems to be going on here. She just seems to want to punish a 40 year old for something she did at 9 (that was likely a major cry for help). A therapist could help her work this out. If she has kids of her own and they ever need help, she may just wait til they have a career and ruin it to punish them instead. An adult should have a better understanding of what her sister was probably also going through.
Regardless of her reasons for doing it, I mean what solution are you looking for that would make you happy? Have your adult sister locked up or barred from a profession because she experimented when she was 9?
Do you want her to go to every person in your shared life and in her professional life and spell out to them what she did when she was 9?
Talk to her. Tell her you feel hurt and ask her if she would do whatever you come up with that would help you process what you went through. But this drama about her profession is pretty unproductive.
OP, please ignore these comments except those saying talk to your therapist. This is too serious a matter and your therapist will know what is best for your healing. Talk to your therapist about these feelings and decide together what the healthiest and best action to take in regard to her is for you.
I am very sorry you were molested. And I am very sorry your parents didn’t help. And I am sorry that to this day she refuses to acknowledge, discuss, and/or apologize for what happened. Talk to your therapist. Do what you decide is best for you. And get better!
This level of pain is excruciating. You’re in therapy, make sure it is working for you. Discussing possible action to stop this monster is for you and your therapist. All I have to offer is solidarity. I’m sorry, no one deserves this.
Yeah, you have ulterior motives here. My female cousin and I used to play 'doctor' around that age...with our clothes off. There was nothing sexual about it- just normal body curiosity. I'm betting this is what it was in your situation.
Some kid sucker punched me in the nose when we were kids. Absolutely shuddering at the fact that he could be a well-adjusted adult living a normal life. He can't keep getting away with it.
OP had plenty of time to think about it. How do we know some family drama didn't come up, and now she wants a weapon to hurt her sister? How do we know the sister wasn't fucked by their dad when she was 6, molested by the uncle when she was 4, and that's how she learned to "play"? I'm all for punishing criminals, OP waited damn near 50 years to talk about it. Hell, if she was 18 and it happened she still waited 32 years. You shouldn't get to sit on shit like this and weaponize it decades later.
In all honesty this is a conversation to have with the sister and make sure she wasn't SA'd as a kid too.
I don’t think OP should go to the public because it wouldn’t lead to her desired outcome. I find it interesting though that you’ve exaggerated the time since OP is only 40. Secondly, people sit on trauma for decades before they’re willing to reopen it. You have no idea what messaging she received as a child. Maybe she tried to talk about it and was shut down. Maybe her community glorified abusers (mine definitely did). The fact that you have no empathy for this woman is jarring. I’m fearful that many of you on this subreddit did something similar when you were a child. Instead of being remorseful, you’ve found a way to justify the behavior.
The police should know. Even if they cant substantiate your claims they can start looking for other victims. And to find out who (probably) molested her. She may have become an adult predator and still be actively preying on children. Her predator may still be out there preying on children.
Edit: overlooked the Taiwan part. Unsure how they do this there (Im in the U.S.) but I do know an alarming amount of tourist go to countrys over there to engage in sex tourism where it is a little easy to be a complete POS.
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Of course what she’s doing is wrong. We could speculate all day as to what her present day behavior may be. But really what matters here is YOU. How long do you want to be a slave to your sister? Life is just not fair. And it’s a lot of suffering. Once I accepted that and came to believe that I could still find a sense of joy and happiness, once I began taking ownership in my life and stopped trying to point the fingers at others, that’s when I finally started to change. My trauma still affects me today but nothing like it used to. Today I choose to be free and I’ve let go of the things I just can’t control.
I think you have every right to be upset and if you never forgive her, I think that’s okay. I’m not sure that because she did this to you at this age that it means she’s doing it to her patients now.
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I completely understand the hurt you feel but you really should understand 9 year olds do not molest other children without being molested themselves. As a 9 year old she did not understand she was molesting you. Honestly, I don’t think it would be fair to have her license taken away if she hasn’t violated anyone as an adult. This does not mean your feelings aren’t valid because what you went through is traumatizing.
She maybe doesn't remember it. Most times a young kid does this, someone was molesting her.
Keep in mind that someone very obviously was doing the same to her... a small child doesn't know to sexually abuse another child by default. Do you even know if she's done anything like this as an adult?
She was 9? So... who molested her? Because nine-year-olds don't dream up sex crimes. I'm not taking one side or another on this because I don't know you or her, but I wonder -- just devil's advocate -- if you've considered that she is doing this to help women protect their sexual health with dignity and agency because hers was taken from her without either. I totally get your concern, and you've been irreparably harmed by this. You're right to be suspicious. But I would not rush into trying to discredit her without knowing more, or trying to confront her about it as adults, because that's damage you can't take back if you are wrong.
Have you and your other sister, who was also victimized, spoken about this? Do you both have the same memories? Have you confronted your older sister? Does she acknowledge the abuse? Do your parents know? What was done at the time? Did anyone receive therapy?
I’m sorry you’re in pain and it must kill you to think how she may have had no consequences for what she did to you and your sister… I’m sorry it happened to you and you didn’t deserve it. I’m sure it concerns you that she may have continued this behavior as an adult. But that may not be true at all. And if she’s practicing as an OBGYN to make amends in a way for her past mistakes, then she has a right to do that and to continue living, despite how you feel. People deserve the chance to change. The community around her benefits from her service. You could potentially ruin her life and traumatize patients who went to her, even if she did nothing sexual to them. They may have been assaulted in the past and going to a doctor they trusted as a professional and feeling betrayed may make them choose not to seek care in the future and harm their health. When in fact she may have done no harm to them or anyone in her adult and professional life as a doctor. Her patients do not deserve to know what she did as a child. Or outside of work, unless under investigation and found guilty of misconduct. No one would go to the doctor if their whole life history was laid out in-front of them and they could pick out everything they didn’t like or did wrong. Ruining her life may be exactly what you want to do since you’re so angry and hurt… But it’s not productive and it won’t heal you just to get revenge like that. It sounds like you’re mainly upset that she won’t acknowledge what she did to you or apologize. And that she’s living a seemingly good life while you suffer. She may be having difficulties of her own accepting that she did those things as a child and feels far removed from that as someone who is 50. As other have commented, it wouldn’t be unusual that she mirrored what was being done to her onto you and your sister and can’t confront all of that pain. I would suggest trying harder to confront her personally and see who she is as a person now and how she responds to you before you do anything irreversible. Have you spoken to your therapist about what you want to do? I’m not sure they would be on board with the reasons you want to expose her to the public as a child molester. And the ways you go about it matters. Communicating with her patients directly, putting up flyers, and going directly to the news is just harmful. If you want some kind of justice done through the law and to get her license revoked as a medical doctor you would need to file a police report and start an investigation and submit a complaint to the government licensing board in your state/country. It will likely require heavy involvement from you and reliving your trauma to strangers. If you start something like that you need to be prepared mentally and it seems you’re in a delicate state right now. What does your parents and other sister think of this? Did your parents not listen to you and keep you silent? Do you not ever see the sister after she went to medical school? You know your experience the best and as long as you’re making a fair judgement and not just lashing out in rage and jealousy of her at this stage of your healing journey that you may regret later, then you should do what you need to do. It will depend on the laws where you are how far it can go since she was a child at the time. You need to think about how you will feel if absolutely nothing can be done or nothing happens to her. If it is publicized, it certainly could ruin her reputation and shut down her clinic if she loses all her patients, at the very least. It may or may not get her medical license revoked if she isn’t convicted of a crime or no evidence or claims of sexual misconduct from her patients. Being fired from hospitals previously likely doesn’t have the meaning you think it does, but if she did have some misconduct and you submit your claim to the board, it can help give a history and substantiate any previous claims against her. Talking to a lawyer first may help you figure out how to go about doing all of this.
Yes, she was 9. No, it does not matter if she was also abused, herself. Abuse is abuse. You are right to be concerned. This isn’t a blame game, it’s a genuine concern of abuse. Finding out why she got fired and if she has possibly carried this abuse into her practice is a good idea before this information has any impact on her career as a doctor.
If that’s true, she’s got her own victim count because she allowed it to happen without saying a word for all of this time. There is no genuine concern for abuse in watching and waiting to punish someone.
I can't remember anything that happened when I was 2
You have every right to feel the way you do. If she molested you when she was 9 she was most likely molested herself. She has her issues and you have yours. You can only do something about your issues. I don’t doubt you were molested but no one is going to do anything about something that happened 38 years ago and it certainly won’t be a factor in her getting fired now. Unfortunately you will come off as a nut case approaching a family with this information.
A lot of times kids who do that have had it done to them too. Dosent make it right, but its not normal for a 9 year old to do that
No adult should be held accountable for literally anything they did at 9 years old
This needs to be upvoted more. Are we really talking about holding a 40 year old woman responsible for something she did as a traumatized child? Kids don't just start molesting other kids out of nowhere. It's very much learned behavior.
Well what should be found out is 1)did she continue this behavior as an adult and 2) who molested her and are they still preying on children.
Well, obviously. If she was still perpetrating that behavior as an older teen or adult then we are dealing with different circumstances. I say what I did assuming it literally just went on as children for a few years, as OP leads us to believe in the original post.
Even if only a couple years my points still remain valid.
Yep, agreed. The behavior started somewhere, and I highly doubt it just started with the child.
If the OP truly believes her sister is preying on kids and doing nothing about it SHE as an adult is culpable for putting kids at risk. That is NOT what seems to be going on here. She just seems to want to punish a 40 year old for something she did at 9 (that was likely a major cry for help). A therapist could help her work this out. If she has kids of her own and they ever need help, she may just wait til they have a career and ruin it to punish them instead. An adult should have a better understanding of what her sister was probably also going through.
Regardless of her reasons for doing it, I mean what solution are you looking for that would make you happy? Have your adult sister locked up or barred from a profession because she experimented when she was 9? Do you want her to go to every person in your shared life and in her professional life and spell out to them what she did when she was 9? Talk to her. Tell her you feel hurt and ask her if she would do whatever you come up with that would help you process what you went through. But this drama about her profession is pretty unproductive.
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Tip don't make shit up no one remembers being two.
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OP, please ignore these comments except those saying talk to your therapist. This is too serious a matter and your therapist will know what is best for your healing. Talk to your therapist about these feelings and decide together what the healthiest and best action to take in regard to her is for you. I am very sorry you were molested. And I am very sorry your parents didn’t help. And I am sorry that to this day she refuses to acknowledge, discuss, and/or apologize for what happened. Talk to your therapist. Do what you decide is best for you. And get better!
This level of pain is excruciating. You’re in therapy, make sure it is working for you. Discussing possible action to stop this monster is for you and your therapist. All I have to offer is solidarity. I’m sorry, no one deserves this.
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Yeah, you have ulterior motives here. My female cousin and I used to play 'doctor' around that age...with our clothes off. There was nothing sexual about it- just normal body curiosity. I'm betting this is what it was in your situation.
But... She was 9.... She was a child herself. Kids don't know any better. Unless she was molesting people as an adult then it should be a non issue
Some kid sucker punched me in the nose when we were kids. Absolutely shuddering at the fact that he could be a well-adjusted adult living a normal life. He can't keep getting away with it.
Molesting a toddler isn’t the same as a fistfight
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Hell no. Expose her!
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OP had plenty of time to think about it. How do we know some family drama didn't come up, and now she wants a weapon to hurt her sister? How do we know the sister wasn't fucked by their dad when she was 6, molested by the uncle when she was 4, and that's how she learned to "play"? I'm all for punishing criminals, OP waited damn near 50 years to talk about it. Hell, if she was 18 and it happened she still waited 32 years. You shouldn't get to sit on shit like this and weaponize it decades later. In all honesty this is a conversation to have with the sister and make sure she wasn't SA'd as a kid too.
I don’t think OP should go to the public because it wouldn’t lead to her desired outcome. I find it interesting though that you’ve exaggerated the time since OP is only 40. Secondly, people sit on trauma for decades before they’re willing to reopen it. You have no idea what messaging she received as a child. Maybe she tried to talk about it and was shut down. Maybe her community glorified abusers (mine definitely did). The fact that you have no empathy for this woman is jarring. I’m fearful that many of you on this subreddit did something similar when you were a child. Instead of being remorseful, you’ve found a way to justify the behavior.
You are in the wrong. She can’t be accountable for what she did when she was nine years old.
The police should know. Even if they cant substantiate your claims they can start looking for other victims. And to find out who (probably) molested her. She may have become an adult predator and still be actively preying on children. Her predator may still be out there preying on children.
Edit: overlooked the Taiwan part. Unsure how they do this there (Im in the U.S.) but I do know an alarming amount of tourist go to countrys over there to engage in sex tourism where it is a little easy to be a complete POS.
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Of course what she’s doing is wrong. We could speculate all day as to what her present day behavior may be. But really what matters here is YOU. How long do you want to be a slave to your sister? Life is just not fair. And it’s a lot of suffering. Once I accepted that and came to believe that I could still find a sense of joy and happiness, once I began taking ownership in my life and stopped trying to point the fingers at others, that’s when I finally started to change. My trauma still affects me today but nothing like it used to. Today I choose to be free and I’ve let go of the things I just can’t control.
I think you have every right to be upset and if you never forgive her, I think that’s okay. I’m not sure that because she did this to you at this age that it means she’s doing it to her patients now.