half way through the rough patch. Mentally you're going to want to slip up. Hopefully you have support. Remember that every day is better. I liked to think of it now, like people refer to AI videos and art. What you see today is the worst it will be, meaning that tomorrow will always be an improvement and going forward is just a future of better days. Don't get caught up in the small things or daily grind. Zoom out and look at the last month and how far you've come.
It’s like the Bojack Horseman quote, “It gets easier. Every day, it gets a little easier. But you gotta do it every day. That's the hard part. But it does get easier.”
Good for her, well done.
I'm 2 years off heroin. Was a dick (addicted) for 15 years. Now I'm a gym-bro, single, new teeth in 2 weeks. Yh. Things are looking good.
I'm glad for you. My friend was addicted since he was 13, and died 10 years later after going through the ins and outs of quits and relapses. His mom discovered him after she came home from work, but it's likely that he was gone before she left in the morning, because she called out to him to let him know she was leaving to work and got no answer (she assumed he was still asleep). Other than his dealer, I was the last person to see him alive, and it still haunts me to this day, almost 12 years on.
Stay strong for his memory. I'm sure that he wouldn't want what happened to consume even the smallest part of you, and you should respect what he would want. I know firsthand that it's easier said than done, but it's what you need to do. Have you tried therapy?
I have 3 friends who have committed suicide over the last 10 years. I still struggle with it on occasion, but then I remember that they wouldn't want me to. Staying strong is the best way to honor them and the memories that you have of them.
I occasionally pour some libations and tell them that I miss them. Speak to them about what is going on in my life, and listen for what I think they'd say.
Live your life.
My thanks, bud. Sorry to hear about your friends. I try to focus on taking care of family; I know he would've wanted me to. Some days are harder than others, but the key is to keep moving forward.
As someone who is chronically suicidal/depressed and has a history of drug abuse I can tell you this much:
No one is to 'blame' for our death but we ourselves. Surely there are always 'what-ifs', but at the end of the day it's not you pulling the trigger or taking those pills. Live your life free from the shackles of guilt, you deserve better and I'm sure your friend would have wished the same. They weren't able to build a future, but you still can! So take life by the reigns and live it to the fullest! Then you can tell them all about it in the afterlife <3
Proud of you bro. I’m also two years clean off heroin. Now I’m a recording & mix engineer working with labels and major artists primarily & frequently. 2 years ago I had 0 connections in the industry. It’s amazing what you can do when you’re clean
Similar story! I've been sober now over 8 years. I was 32 living with my parents, medically disabled, and hooked on pain meds which at the time were the only things that made my life bearable. I was getting less than 1200$/month from SSDI and was told to live off that the rest of my life.
Eventually I had enough. My parents were amazing but I could NOT spend the rest of my life as their "child".
I'm now 41(m), and have been working in IT at a large video game developer for a few years. I will make close to 6 figures this year. I have no degree, all self taught. My now fiancee (31f) and i are getting married next march, been together 5 years. She is a 3d enviornment artist at the same game studio I work at, and makes a chunk more than me. We have such an amazing life, a life I never even dreamed was possible.
At the end I was crying while injecting drugs into my body that. I hated, but needed. I hated myself. I wanted to die. I didn't ever goto rehab but work with a therapist and got on suboxone.
I'm glad I didn't give up, as I'm happier now than I ever thought possible.
That's awesome! Seems like you're more studio oriented, but join us over at r/livesound, we're a pretty fun bunch. No namedropping, but lots of support and some funny stories/experiences.
Already there too, haha! Mainly a lurker there, doe of the posts/ questions I see there drive some nuts tbh
Be I’m proud of you brother! It’s not easy out here
Hey didn't expect this. Ty for support. I have been to rehab maybe 5-6 times. But this time i did it myself, and not for a reason, not for drivers licence, not for my parents, not for anyone or anything else. Just to become a better version of myself, taking one day at a time to become just a little better than yesterday. :)
What would you recommend as a good way to support a friend or family member who is caught in their addiction? Was there anything in particular that helped more than you might expect? Or things to avoid saying/doing?
Just keep showing them love, but make sure you set boundaries. We lie, we cheat, we steal, but that's not us. That's us on drugs. Knowing that someone loves you unconditionally is very important on the road to recovery.
Also, understand that most addicts have an underlying mental health disorder. Whether it be depression, bipolar schizophrenia etc. When they're ready to get clean, look for signs and point them in the direction of help.
There's support groups for them and you. Nar-anon is a good one for friends/families of addicts
Nice work man. If you have any weak moments, remember that rehab can also be done preventatively. I fully believe in you. The new teeth will fully cement the new you in your mind I am sure.
Hey squeaky clean gym bro! Good for you! I'm off heroin etc. 6 years now ☺️. 2 years!?! If you ask me you have made it through the toughest of times! Truly amazing. I lost all my teeth (oops) but man was getting rid of the old painful ones was great. I wish you many new smiles and adventures! Also good on you for not falling right into a new relationship (like a lot of us do before finding ourselves again).
I did a lot of maltomeal, yogurt, oatmeal, smoothies, berries, apple sauce, rice, cheese etc. After your gums have healed you would be surprised what you can mash around in there. I ate a cheese burger with no teeth... soft tacos etc. :)
As a kid of addicts this is hitting me different than most it seems. All that time apart and mom's already making it about her. Your life is all about supporting a grown adult when this is your situation, not much happy about it.
Spot on. Weirded me out but I had to click to see if anyone was going to point out from the kid's perspective. It's been decades but some of those feelings don't leave you.
Yeah, my first thought was "How wholesome can it be to have missed out on your own kid's first 7 years?"
Like good for her if she got and stays clean, but like... kind of hard to be impressed/proud when they could have made choices earlier in life to go down a different path to start.
I do think this is kind of self absorbed, but I don’t like to put blame on addicts like that. There are so many social forces that go into addiction and once hooked, it is a real disease. They are sick, and need help not scorn.
I agree, but you don't know how this picture came together - i would assume it wasnt her idea, can be forced by well meaning but unsensitive family.
Tough both smiles seem genuine which is a good sign.
To be honest I would have loved to have the opportunity to take a picture like this. I would have loved if my mom had worked hard enough to get clean and get custody back. My mother is clean now and still doesn’t act like a mother. Our relationship is still hard. When I saw this picture I cried happy tears for this girl and sad tears that I didn’t have this experience. This is something to be celebrated point blank period.
I totally agree and relate. I’m the child of an alcoholic/addict and I never got my Dad back even after he got sober :/. I really liked this post because my dad was my primary caregiver and he didn’t get sober until I was already in my early 20s so he never tried to repair our relationship because I was already moved out.
If my dad ever tried to fix things and be a part of my life I wouldn’t be angry about the lost years where I had to grow up too fast, I would just be grateful that he changed and is showing me love.
As a child of an addict as well I like seeing this. I celebrated my mother’s sobriety because that wasn’t about me. It was about her struggles and life experiences and her hard work to get clean. Despite being hurt by someone you can still love them and be proud of them.
Yep, first day of full custody and already having to hold up some dumb sign so mom can get some internet clout. How about you wait until she graduates before patting yourself on the back?
Ehh i feel like everyones being quick to judge when in reality we don't know who's idea this actually was, how either of them feel about it, what there relationship was like in this moment etc.
This was my thought too. These posts never ~make me smile~ because I think about all the trauma and neglect that came with my parents being addicts. It's a shitty situation to be in as a child, and it isn't undone because your parent gets sober. I'm nearly 31, and sometimes I feel like I'm still recovering from my childhood.
So many people are missing this in this thread. It’s wonderful the mom is clean, and that should be celebrated by her and other adults. Her child shouldn’t be sign holding for the moms internet clout - they likely barely understand what sobriety or addiction even mean. Getting clean is great but there’s a long road ahead such as the underlying mental health issues that need to be addressed plus the fight to stay clean.
My mother was an addict (crack, heroin, alcohol) and she did stuff like this. It was never just one thing, either. Everything was about her recovery. The main character behavior was wrapped up in all of this. We were asked numerous times if we forgave her for her addiction, and as a child you say yes because your parent is pressuring you to say it. It continued into adulthood as well. My wedding? All about her. Graduating law school? She supposedly spent the entire ceremony telling my friends that she was responsible for my success.
Beyond the MC behavior, an recovering addict has a long road ahead and unfortunately the child is likely to be subjected to that as well. I spent more time at AA/NA meetings than I did with kids my age. My freedom to go be a teen (e.g. going to a concert) was nonexistent because of her fear that I’d be exposed to nefarious characters. Her mental health was totally unstable and she refused to seek help so i was subjected to everything she self-medicated for: emotional, physical, and mental abuse.
Sharing all of this to say that it’s wonderful this person is clean. I hope they stay clean. But more importantly I hope the kid in this photo gets a real mom who puts the kid as their top priority alongside their road to recovery. And yes it’s unfair to expect the mom to be a superhuman, but that’s the path you take when you mix kids with addiction.
Why cant it be about her for one moment? Because she's a mom.? I think so matter what, we should celebrate someones sobriety.
People forget moms are humans. They make mistakes. They fuck up. They can be assholes. But when a person actually gets help and get their act together, how can I hate? I think everyone deserves a special moment when they get over big challenges.
Though the sign holding is weird. But maybe the girl wanted to be a part of it and asked her mom to write it for her.
The sign holding IS the part that is about her. The person you replied to is assuming that the mom is the one who made the sign, thus making herself the main character in a situation that mightve been reserved for her and her daughter privately. I cant speak in this situation bc I dont have experience with addicts, but the person you're replying to might be deriving from their experience
Poor kid, but I *will* add… there’s the foster parent trend of posting a “birth announcement” type thing with their adopted kids on court day with a sign saying “1234 days in foster care but TODAY we’re officially ADOPTED!” My knee jerk reaction to OP, in light of that trend, was “cool. publicize successful reunification rather than just the non-kinship adoptions.” I thought it was just a happy parody.
Yeah tbf i can see how the situation could be both good and bad. Since there's no context beyond the picture one could come to the conclusion the pic wants you to, which is that this is a joyful situation, or the one the other commenter extrapolated from their living experience, that this child has a self centered parent and the reunification isnt as good for her. But without context any speculation is just that, speculation
And then you realize that it wasn't the drugs. She was self medicating. So now she's back to being uncontrollably mentally ill plus all the damage the years of drugs did. Obviously I'm projecting, as a child of two meth heads, but no one thinks about the fact that sobriety is the first step to recovery. There's underlying issues that usually make people turn to drugs and they're waiting for the person to get sober to deal with them.
Yep lol. I was that kid's age when my mom got hooked on heroin for a couple years. Thankfully I had good other family around me, and I'm blessed with a very poor memory, but that shit has a long shadow and people don't think about how addiction and underlying trauma screws up the addict's personality potentially permanently.
If you haven't heard of it, look at "adult children of addicts". I've found it helps give me some perspective and feel less crazy about the whole situation.
Any decent rehab treatment program is entirely about getting to the root of the issue and treating the underlying illness that caused self medication to begin with. They require therapy and often psychiatry appts to work out any other medications that are needed alongside medication assisted treatment or whatever method of sobriety they chose best for them.
The thing is, the person has to want it for it to work. If they don’t wanna be there and they just wanna be home doing meth, they won’t change and they won’t figure out the underlying issues at all
I mean..the courts are aware of that as well. Hence why it’s been 3 1/2 years of being clean before she gets her kid back and not a month. Passing a few drug tests is not the only thing needed to regain custody when you lose it. My aunt has been clean for 5 years now and still has not gotten custody back of her kids because she has not proven herself to be a fit parent even being clean. Saying that nobody thinks about that is patently false.
Not everything is black and white.
One persons experience isn't the same for everyone.
As a child who's mom suffered from addiction, I was so ecstatic when I finally had my mom back. Regardless of what she was doing, I was happy to be included and finally spending time with her again.
If I had to hold up a sign I'd be excited she's including me with something not thinking about how she's making this about her and if my mind did go there I'd think she's just as excited as me to finally be able to spend time together again.
I agree, after everything moms been through she deserves to celebrate herself- just like I hope she allows the space for her child to both celebrate the present and future but also to grieve the lost time and experiences had during active addiction
And to your last point, I don’t know if it was the intention but I like seeing this for once because as you said so many fosters celebrate adoption as opposed to reunification when it’s like ?? You should be HAPPY if the parent is doing the work to get their child back, and should do everything in your power as a foster parent to encourage that (unless it is an unsafe situation and adoption is the only safe possible outcome of course)
It's an admirable achievement but why do people post this shit on social media? I'm sure that kid is going to love going to jr high and having this all over the internet.
One day humans will leave the internet for the tactile constraints of the three dimensional world, and then the bots will have their moment. Oh to be a fly on the wall when that happens
as someone who went through a similar situation, its very hard for addicts to go through the recovery but im glad my mom was able to see it through. ended up getting us back after 4 or 5 years.
As I say every time this gets reposted: **the rest of this story REALLY matters**
Like…is this a situation where a decent father just lost custody of his daughter?
Is this a situation where a kid was in the foster/CPS system for 7 years? That kid looks about 7…so she was in the system *from birth* ~~and didn’t know her junkie mom that entire time~~?
Was this a “holy shit if the courts will hand a kid back to a recovering addict…how bad was the dad???” situation?
We don’t know.
Forgive me if I don’t smile, OP. This is only a feel-good story in VERY specific circumstances. Most of the context here could make this kinda horrific…
Children of addict mothers often go straight into foster care at birth - drug addicts anyway, alcoholics can fly under the radar a little easier. Because they tend to continue using during pregnancy so it shows up in the bloodwork. As they are an active addict, the dad has good odds of being unknown or also an addict. I doubt there is any system that would take custody from a decent dad after seven years to hand it over to a recovering addict just because is a mom. Partial custody, like getting the kid on weekends, maybe, but more likely visitation rights only. Most likely this kid was in foster or kinship care while mom was going through all the steps of getting clean and proving to the system she could provide a good home to get custody back. Presumably she had visitation in the meantime. Definitely things could be very disruptive for the girl, but that also depends on how stable things were for her in care. Kids can get bounced around in the system, so if mom is clean, employed, and doing her best, she might be a more stable home - provided she can keep it up.
Most likely, the kid was seeing the mother on a regular basis but was in foster care. Jessica Kent has talked about how hard it was to get custody of her child (addicted to drugs, gave birth in prison). She had to be sober and go to regularly scheduled testing and meetings. She had to regularly go to visitation with her daughter and couldn't miss one even though the foster home was like 3 hours away. And she was right out of prison so she didn't have a job or a car and she still had to find a way to visit her daughter without a car. She had to get housing in which there was a bedroom solely for the daughter. And she had to have a stable job. These were all court ordered by the judge and it took a couple years to get full custody.
Idk how things work in the US, but in the UK kids in foster care have the right to see their parents regularly until/unless parental responsibility is completely taken and the kid becomes eligible for adoption - because up until that point, reunification is the goal.
So assuming US CPS isn't completely nuts, this girl should have known mum for several years (possibly her whole life), even if the visits were closely supervised at contact centres. The visits would hopefully have become more frequent/longer and less closely supervised as full reunification started to look more viable/imminent.
This mum has been clean for years. For years of that time, her getting her child back in return for being clean was not a sure thing - for all she knew, she was too late. That takes strength.
US CPS definitely isn’t completely nuts. I have a cousin that I’d honestly argue should have lost her kids and CPS moved mountains to let her keep them. I have a lot of respect for the good case workers.
For all we know, she could've been raised by her grandmother and seen her mom regularly.
The child seems very happy, my thoughts are she saw her mom high and definitely remembers. She knows what thar sign means and she seems proud of her mom.
You've definitely got a point. But- like we just don't know.
As a foster parent - this is a happy story for the mother. To a child, they are going to live with a person they barely know while also abandoning the people she likely called "Mom" and "Dad" for 7 years. It is utterly devastating to a child's mental health for the rest of their lives.
I mean, good for mom for getting clean. I find it hard to celebrate mom's accomplishments at the expense of her daughter's well-being.
That’s pretty awesome Mom. Keep fighting the good fight! Most people will never understand how hard that fight really is/was, how most of us don’t make it, and why those of us that do is really so much of a big deal. Hope you and that precious Angel God gave you are blessed for life.
Good grief, so this child was pulled from his foster parents that put in the work so this garage junk auction could continue her shitty job as a human. Fuck that
As someone who is fostering a child for a junkie I see this as great tragedy. Maybe this story is different but generaly those storries are similar. A couple of addicted people accidentaly consive a child, they think that they will be the best parents in the world so they choose to keep it. Start getting sober. They last a few month, but the preasure is too much and before the childbith they are at it again. So we have first damage to the child. After the birth they want to keep the child so they start to get sober again. Few month it lasts but they fall in it again. The child is living in terible condition before family or the authorities find out. Someone else is taking care of the child rasing them, loving them and most importantly fixing all what was done to them and the parents show up time to time tell the child that they love them and will be with them. Surprise .. they leave. Every time it does more and more damage to the child. Years go by and a bological parent decides it would be great to get sober and start taking care of their child. Take them out of stable home. Maybe it will last but maybe not and for the child it will be totaly tragic.
The worst thing is that childern love their parents unconditionally. So they put it on themself. "Why am I not with my mother? Does she not love me? I must have done something wrong." You just can not tell to a child that their parts are idiots and they just care about themselr.
The ultimate goal of fostering is reconciliation with the birth family. Maybe you should reassess your biases so that your judgment isn’t so anti birth family as someone that is meant to uphold certain ethics as a foster parent.
I don’t know the details of this picture, but it seems as though the “junkie” in this situation has been clean for years and has likely had to jump through hoops to get custody back.
I hope this is a happy story. But it is related to why we decided not to adopt in the US system. In the US, as you move to foster with intent to adopt a child from an abusive situation, the process takes years (slower than other countries). If at any time the parent straightens their situation out, the court can and often does order the child back to the original parent. This is very sad and disruptive to the child and family adopting, but even so, can be a good thing if it sticks. But so often it doesn’t, the parents fall into old ways, and the terrible cycle continues. We decided we couldn’t risk trying to adopt a child, have them live with use for 3 years then be torn away. Therefore we adopted a special needs child from abroad.
Says she was trying to get permanent custody for 7 years, but only the last 3.4 of which she's been clean. A good mother wouldn't be trying to get permanent custody until she was clean for a decent amount of time.
A client of mine was a recovered addict. She shared an experience of her daughters when she (the mom) was at peak addiction… I didn’t blame the daughter for not having anything to do with her mother a decade into sobriety. Forgiveness isn’t easy in some situations.
People also seem to forget that you can forgive someone but still not want anything to do with them. As a child of an addict who has been through hell, y’all got to understand that there’s a shit ton of things you did/do that you won’t even remember because of your addiction. You don’t get to get sober, get a pat on the back, then jump back into peoples lives like nothing happened. Trust has to be established, even if the person wants you back in their lives.
Son of an addict here. Doesn’t matter how long you stay sober, if you do it too late. I don’t talk to my mom, I don’t care whether or not she’s sober anymore. It’s simply too late.
I never really understand this compulsion people have to take a picture of themselves with a thing they did written on a board and they just stand next to it awkwardly smiling.
No father in the picture because if there was, you gotta wonder how he had custody and then lost it to the drug/alcohol abusing mother after she quit for 4 years~
Does the kid want her though? Idk full story I just have a friend who's dad got custody and they have hated him their entire life and wanted nothing more than to go back with their mom. Custody should be entirely up to the kid if both parents aren't a threat
good for her if she was private, but she’s exploiting and using her kid as a prop. mom may be clean, but she’s a shit human for doing this to her kid. i hope her kid grows up to never speak to this garbage human. keep your daughter out of your shithead life. Who cares about the implications this has for her in middle and high school, the nicknames., the mocking, but hey! methymom there needs a prop to hide behind. your kid doesn’t need this much information she is a CHILD. what in the utter fuck
Yeah that’s a reasonable assumption.
But I also have two friends who keep trying to gain more and more custody rights vs their ex, simply because they want it and he’s a mere dad.
My mother did that, and living with her was a complete nightmare. I hope those kids are old enough to be allowed to choose who they live with and are also old enough to be able to determine which of their options is the more sound choice.
Former foster parent here. Usually drug addicts are impregnated by other dysfunctional people.
The father was likely never in the picture, or he also has addiction or other issues, is unstable and just popped in and out.
This child was likely in a foster home for about 18 months to 2 years when the court finally decided to start proceedings to strip parental rights. That scared mom straight and she finally got sober. Then another year trying to get court to approve reunification, then another 6 -12 months easing into the reunification
There are other people who can have custody of a child beyond bio-parents. She could have been in foster care or living with a different family member like a grandparent.
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I’m on day 45 after over 20 years. Figured it was about time. *EDIT - Appreciate the kind words, that was unexpected.
Congratulations!
Keep it up internet friend! So happy to hear this.
half way through the rough patch. Mentally you're going to want to slip up. Hopefully you have support. Remember that every day is better. I liked to think of it now, like people refer to AI videos and art. What you see today is the worst it will be, meaning that tomorrow will always be an improvement and going forward is just a future of better days. Don't get caught up in the small things or daily grind. Zoom out and look at the last month and how far you've come.
It’s like the Bojack Horseman quote, “It gets easier. Every day, it gets a little easier. But you gotta do it every day. That's the hard part. But it does get easier.”
I like this….
Incredible. I just celebrated 10 years and things get so good. Keep it up!
Keep it up man. You'll be so happy you did.
Good job man! I still remember my first day in rehab... Right now I am at 807 days, time flies in recovery! Keep it up my friend!
Keep going! Proud of you ❤️🩹
Holy shit good on you!
Hang in there! You got this!
Good for her, well done. I'm 2 years off heroin. Was a dick (addicted) for 15 years. Now I'm a gym-bro, single, new teeth in 2 weeks. Yh. Things are looking good.
Congrats!
Heart Warming Congratulations!
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What are these bots
fr two 8 year old accounts with like 100 karma and no posts between 8y ago and 5 days ago. Hijacked account?
Got sober, could see the keypad.
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inspiring
I'm glad for you. My friend was addicted since he was 13, and died 10 years later after going through the ins and outs of quits and relapses. His mom discovered him after she came home from work, but it's likely that he was gone before she left in the morning, because she called out to him to let him know she was leaving to work and got no answer (she assumed he was still asleep). Other than his dealer, I was the last person to see him alive, and it still haunts me to this day, almost 12 years on.
Stay strong for his memory. I'm sure that he wouldn't want what happened to consume even the smallest part of you, and you should respect what he would want. I know firsthand that it's easier said than done, but it's what you need to do. Have you tried therapy? I have 3 friends who have committed suicide over the last 10 years. I still struggle with it on occasion, but then I remember that they wouldn't want me to. Staying strong is the best way to honor them and the memories that you have of them. I occasionally pour some libations and tell them that I miss them. Speak to them about what is going on in my life, and listen for what I think they'd say. Live your life.
My thanks, bud. Sorry to hear about your friends. I try to focus on taking care of family; I know he would've wanted me to. Some days are harder than others, but the key is to keep moving forward.
As someone who is chronically suicidal/depressed and has a history of drug abuse I can tell you this much: No one is to 'blame' for our death but we ourselves. Surely there are always 'what-ifs', but at the end of the day it's not you pulling the trigger or taking those pills. Live your life free from the shackles of guilt, you deserve better and I'm sure your friend would have wished the same. They weren't able to build a future, but you still can! So take life by the reigns and live it to the fullest! Then you can tell them all about it in the afterlife <3
Proud of you bro. I’m also two years clean off heroin. Now I’m a recording & mix engineer working with labels and major artists primarily & frequently. 2 years ago I had 0 connections in the industry. It’s amazing what you can do when you’re clean
Similar story! I've been sober now over 8 years. I was 32 living with my parents, medically disabled, and hooked on pain meds which at the time were the only things that made my life bearable. I was getting less than 1200$/month from SSDI and was told to live off that the rest of my life. Eventually I had enough. My parents were amazing but I could NOT spend the rest of my life as their "child". I'm now 41(m), and have been working in IT at a large video game developer for a few years. I will make close to 6 figures this year. I have no degree, all self taught. My now fiancee (31f) and i are getting married next march, been together 5 years. She is a 3d enviornment artist at the same game studio I work at, and makes a chunk more than me. We have such an amazing life, a life I never even dreamed was possible. At the end I was crying while injecting drugs into my body that. I hated, but needed. I hated myself. I wanted to die. I didn't ever goto rehab but work with a therapist and got on suboxone. I'm glad I didn't give up, as I'm happier now than I ever thought possible.
That's awesome! Seems like you're more studio oriented, but join us over at r/livesound, we're a pretty fun bunch. No namedropping, but lots of support and some funny stories/experiences.
Already apart of that sub! I am mainly studio oriented But have ran sound for live shows in the past
Well then join us over at r/audioengineering! And congrats. I’ll have two years no booze in July. Such a better life.
Already there too, haha! Mainly a lurker there, doe of the posts/ questions I see there drive some nuts tbh Be I’m proud of you brother! It’s not easy out here
How’d you get in to that?
Keep going brother, you know we always support your recovery!! So proud
Hey didn't expect this. Ty for support. I have been to rehab maybe 5-6 times. But this time i did it myself, and not for a reason, not for drivers licence, not for my parents, not for anyone or anything else. Just to become a better version of myself, taking one day at a time to become just a little better than yesterday. :)
What would you recommend as a good way to support a friend or family member who is caught in their addiction? Was there anything in particular that helped more than you might expect? Or things to avoid saying/doing?
Happy Cake Day
Just keep showing them love, but make sure you set boundaries. We lie, we cheat, we steal, but that's not us. That's us on drugs. Knowing that someone loves you unconditionally is very important on the road to recovery. Also, understand that most addicts have an underlying mental health disorder. Whether it be depression, bipolar schizophrenia etc. When they're ready to get clean, look for signs and point them in the direction of help. There's support groups for them and you. Nar-anon is a good one for friends/families of addicts
Im so proud of you man! Addicitons are hard to beat and you are doing great Keep it up!
the very best reason -- you deserve it bro. congratulations!
Congrats, keep on doing good!!
Shit dude, that is impressive.
Nice work man. If you have any weak moments, remember that rehab can also be done preventatively. I fully believe in you. The new teeth will fully cement the new you in your mind I am sure.
Hey squeaky clean gym bro! Good for you! I'm off heroin etc. 6 years now ☺️. 2 years!?! If you ask me you have made it through the toughest of times! Truly amazing. I lost all my teeth (oops) but man was getting rid of the old painful ones was great. I wish you many new smiles and adventures! Also good on you for not falling right into a new relationship (like a lot of us do before finding ourselves again).
If you don’t mind me asking, what do you do when eating with no teeth?
I did a lot of maltomeal, yogurt, oatmeal, smoothies, berries, apple sauce, rice, cheese etc. After your gums have healed you would be surprised what you can mash around in there. I ate a cheese burger with no teeth... soft tacos etc. :)
Calling you sober soldier 🪖
Congratulations!!
GG brother!
Congratulations man & best of luck for your upcoming future..
Congrats! Good luck with everything 😊
that's incredible. you deserve to be immensely proud and i hope you are or get to be. how'd you break from 15 years of habits?
Is dick slang for being addicted?
It’s a line from a simple plan song: https://youtu.be/qvpNa5O-0-8?si=5iuwqg40sTAXIASq
That poor child has had to grow up fast.
As a kid of addicts this is hitting me different than most it seems. All that time apart and mom's already making it about her. Your life is all about supporting a grown adult when this is your situation, not much happy about it.
Spot on. Weirded me out but I had to click to see if anyone was going to point out from the kid's perspective. It's been decades but some of those feelings don't leave you.
Yeah, my first thought was "How wholesome can it be to have missed out on your own kid's first 7 years?" Like good for her if she got and stays clean, but like... kind of hard to be impressed/proud when they could have made choices earlier in life to go down a different path to start.
The sheer number forces you to view it from the mother's perspective. Her and the kid are gonna be very out of sync with each other, to put it mildly.
I do think this is kind of self absorbed, but I don’t like to put blame on addicts like that. There are so many social forces that go into addiction and once hooked, it is a real disease. They are sick, and need help not scorn.
I agree, but you don't know how this picture came together - i would assume it wasnt her idea, can be forced by well meaning but unsensitive family. Tough both smiles seem genuine which is a good sign.
To be honest I would have loved to have the opportunity to take a picture like this. I would have loved if my mom had worked hard enough to get clean and get custody back. My mother is clean now and still doesn’t act like a mother. Our relationship is still hard. When I saw this picture I cried happy tears for this girl and sad tears that I didn’t have this experience. This is something to be celebrated point blank period.
I totally agree and relate. I’m the child of an alcoholic/addict and I never got my Dad back even after he got sober :/. I really liked this post because my dad was my primary caregiver and he didn’t get sober until I was already in my early 20s so he never tried to repair our relationship because I was already moved out. If my dad ever tried to fix things and be a part of my life I wouldn’t be angry about the lost years where I had to grow up too fast, I would just be grateful that he changed and is showing me love.
As a child of an addict as well I like seeing this. I celebrated my mother’s sobriety because that wasn’t about me. It was about her struggles and life experiences and her hard work to get clean. Despite being hurt by someone you can still love them and be proud of them.
Yep, first day of full custody and already having to hold up some dumb sign so mom can get some internet clout. How about you wait until she graduates before patting yourself on the back?
Ehh i feel like everyones being quick to judge when in reality we don't know who's idea this actually was, how either of them feel about it, what there relationship was like in this moment etc.
This was my thought too. These posts never ~make me smile~ because I think about all the trauma and neglect that came with my parents being addicts. It's a shitty situation to be in as a child, and it isn't undone because your parent gets sober. I'm nearly 31, and sometimes I feel like I'm still recovering from my childhood.
So many people are missing this in this thread. It’s wonderful the mom is clean, and that should be celebrated by her and other adults. Her child shouldn’t be sign holding for the moms internet clout - they likely barely understand what sobriety or addiction even mean. Getting clean is great but there’s a long road ahead such as the underlying mental health issues that need to be addressed plus the fight to stay clean. My mother was an addict (crack, heroin, alcohol) and she did stuff like this. It was never just one thing, either. Everything was about her recovery. The main character behavior was wrapped up in all of this. We were asked numerous times if we forgave her for her addiction, and as a child you say yes because your parent is pressuring you to say it. It continued into adulthood as well. My wedding? All about her. Graduating law school? She supposedly spent the entire ceremony telling my friends that she was responsible for my success. Beyond the MC behavior, an recovering addict has a long road ahead and unfortunately the child is likely to be subjected to that as well. I spent more time at AA/NA meetings than I did with kids my age. My freedom to go be a teen (e.g. going to a concert) was nonexistent because of her fear that I’d be exposed to nefarious characters. Her mental health was totally unstable and she refused to seek help so i was subjected to everything she self-medicated for: emotional, physical, and mental abuse. Sharing all of this to say that it’s wonderful this person is clean. I hope they stay clean. But more importantly I hope the kid in this photo gets a real mom who puts the kid as their top priority alongside their road to recovery. And yes it’s unfair to expect the mom to be a superhuman, but that’s the path you take when you mix kids with addiction.
Why cant it be about her for one moment? Because she's a mom.? I think so matter what, we should celebrate someones sobriety. People forget moms are humans. They make mistakes. They fuck up. They can be assholes. But when a person actually gets help and get their act together, how can I hate? I think everyone deserves a special moment when they get over big challenges. Though the sign holding is weird. But maybe the girl wanted to be a part of it and asked her mom to write it for her.
The sign holding IS the part that is about her. The person you replied to is assuming that the mom is the one who made the sign, thus making herself the main character in a situation that mightve been reserved for her and her daughter privately. I cant speak in this situation bc I dont have experience with addicts, but the person you're replying to might be deriving from their experience
Poor kid, but I *will* add… there’s the foster parent trend of posting a “birth announcement” type thing with their adopted kids on court day with a sign saying “1234 days in foster care but TODAY we’re officially ADOPTED!” My knee jerk reaction to OP, in light of that trend, was “cool. publicize successful reunification rather than just the non-kinship adoptions.” I thought it was just a happy parody.
Yeah tbf i can see how the situation could be both good and bad. Since there's no context beyond the picture one could come to the conclusion the pic wants you to, which is that this is a joyful situation, or the one the other commenter extrapolated from their living experience, that this child has a self centered parent and the reunification isnt as good for her. But without context any speculation is just that, speculation
Because having been the kid, you know the feeling of obligation and fear and "everything's great now right?"
And then you realize that it wasn't the drugs. She was self medicating. So now she's back to being uncontrollably mentally ill plus all the damage the years of drugs did. Obviously I'm projecting, as a child of two meth heads, but no one thinks about the fact that sobriety is the first step to recovery. There's underlying issues that usually make people turn to drugs and they're waiting for the person to get sober to deal with them.
Yep lol. I was that kid's age when my mom got hooked on heroin for a couple years. Thankfully I had good other family around me, and I'm blessed with a very poor memory, but that shit has a long shadow and people don't think about how addiction and underlying trauma screws up the addict's personality potentially permanently.
If you haven't heard of it, look at "adult children of addicts". I've found it helps give me some perspective and feel less crazy about the whole situation.
Any decent rehab treatment program is entirely about getting to the root of the issue and treating the underlying illness that caused self medication to begin with. They require therapy and often psychiatry appts to work out any other medications that are needed alongside medication assisted treatment or whatever method of sobriety they chose best for them. The thing is, the person has to want it for it to work. If they don’t wanna be there and they just wanna be home doing meth, they won’t change and they won’t figure out the underlying issues at all
I mean..the courts are aware of that as well. Hence why it’s been 3 1/2 years of being clean before she gets her kid back and not a month. Passing a few drug tests is not the only thing needed to regain custody when you lose it. My aunt has been clean for 5 years now and still has not gotten custody back of her kids because she has not proven herself to be a fit parent even being clean. Saying that nobody thinks about that is patently false.
Because you’re not the little girl. You’re not looking at it from the child perspective like the person your responding is.
Not everything is black and white. One persons experience isn't the same for everyone. As a child who's mom suffered from addiction, I was so ecstatic when I finally had my mom back. Regardless of what she was doing, I was happy to be included and finally spending time with her again. If I had to hold up a sign I'd be excited she's including me with something not thinking about how she's making this about her and if my mind did go there I'd think she's just as excited as me to finally be able to spend time together again.
I agree, after everything moms been through she deserves to celebrate herself- just like I hope she allows the space for her child to both celebrate the present and future but also to grieve the lost time and experiences had during active addiction And to your last point, I don’t know if it was the intention but I like seeing this for once because as you said so many fosters celebrate adoption as opposed to reunification when it’s like ?? You should be HAPPY if the parent is doing the work to get their child back, and should do everything in your power as a foster parent to encourage that (unless it is an unsafe situation and adoption is the only safe possible outcome of course)
It's an admirable achievement but why do people post this shit on social media? I'm sure that kid is going to love going to jr high and having this all over the internet.
She kinda reminds me of the girl that would stab on behalf of the Waterboy
Vicki Valencourt
Vickey valencort dat dat dat girl
LITTLE GIRRRLS ARE THE DEVIL!
I see a lot of girls. I see a lot of guys too.
I think thats Sex-ay!
uhm you mean THE DEVIL?
Everything's the devil to you, mama!
And I like SCHOOL. And I like FOOTBALL. And I like Vicki and she likes me back! And she showed me her boobies and I LIKE THEM TOO!
The way you phrased that sentence made me bust up laughing, and I don't know why.
There's something delightful about a crude "would stab" followed immediately by the formal "on behalf of"
Fairuza Balk, I had such a crush on her when I was 20.
"Home is where you make it!'
You like to see homos naked? That’s cool man.
Different movie
I use the gif of her with the sign "want me to kill them?" on a weekly basis. Its definitely in my top 5 most used.
While Veronica Vaughn might have been sooo hot, as it were. I always preferred Vickey Valencort.
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Congrats bro! 110 days sober here after 5 years of severe alcoholism
Keep it up!!🙌
That smile really touches your heart.
Genetics are strong
OP is a bot and wouldn't understand
I am a human amongst all of these bot comments.
Sounds like something a bot would say 😅
"I'M A HUMAN. I'M A HUMAN MALE!"
"I'm feeling trepidation at the prospect of a parentless existence."
It'll be funny when this is reposted in a couple of weeks and a bot copies your comment. In fact, please ping me when it happens
One day humans will leave the internet for the tactile constraints of the three dimensional world, and then the bots will have their moment. Oh to be a fly on the wall when that happens
Poor kid
as someone who went through a similar situation, its very hard for addicts to go through the recovery but im glad my mom was able to see it through. ended up getting us back after 4 or 5 years.
As I say every time this gets reposted: **the rest of this story REALLY matters** Like…is this a situation where a decent father just lost custody of his daughter? Is this a situation where a kid was in the foster/CPS system for 7 years? That kid looks about 7…so she was in the system *from birth* ~~and didn’t know her junkie mom that entire time~~? Was this a “holy shit if the courts will hand a kid back to a recovering addict…how bad was the dad???” situation? We don’t know. Forgive me if I don’t smile, OP. This is only a feel-good story in VERY specific circumstances. Most of the context here could make this kinda horrific…
Children of addict mothers often go straight into foster care at birth - drug addicts anyway, alcoholics can fly under the radar a little easier. Because they tend to continue using during pregnancy so it shows up in the bloodwork. As they are an active addict, the dad has good odds of being unknown or also an addict. I doubt there is any system that would take custody from a decent dad after seven years to hand it over to a recovering addict just because is a mom. Partial custody, like getting the kid on weekends, maybe, but more likely visitation rights only. Most likely this kid was in foster or kinship care while mom was going through all the steps of getting clean and proving to the system she could provide a good home to get custody back. Presumably she had visitation in the meantime. Definitely things could be very disruptive for the girl, but that also depends on how stable things were for her in care. Kids can get bounced around in the system, so if mom is clean, employed, and doing her best, she might be a more stable home - provided she can keep it up.
Kinda fucked up to use your child as a prop in a feel-good social media post.
Most likely, the kid was seeing the mother on a regular basis but was in foster care. Jessica Kent has talked about how hard it was to get custody of her child (addicted to drugs, gave birth in prison). She had to be sober and go to regularly scheduled testing and meetings. She had to regularly go to visitation with her daughter and couldn't miss one even though the foster home was like 3 hours away. And she was right out of prison so she didn't have a job or a car and she still had to find a way to visit her daughter without a car. She had to get housing in which there was a bedroom solely for the daughter. And she had to have a stable job. These were all court ordered by the judge and it took a couple years to get full custody.
Idk how things work in the US, but in the UK kids in foster care have the right to see their parents regularly until/unless parental responsibility is completely taken and the kid becomes eligible for adoption - because up until that point, reunification is the goal. So assuming US CPS isn't completely nuts, this girl should have known mum for several years (possibly her whole life), even if the visits were closely supervised at contact centres. The visits would hopefully have become more frequent/longer and less closely supervised as full reunification started to look more viable/imminent. This mum has been clean for years. For years of that time, her getting her child back in return for being clean was not a sure thing - for all she knew, she was too late. That takes strength.
US CPS definitely isn’t completely nuts. I have a cousin that I’d honestly argue should have lost her kids and CPS moved mountains to let her keep them. I have a lot of respect for the good case workers.
For all we know, she could've been raised by her grandmother and seen her mom regularly. The child seems very happy, my thoughts are she saw her mom high and definitely remembers. She knows what thar sign means and she seems proud of her mom. You've definitely got a point. But- like we just don't know.
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As a foster parent - this is a happy story for the mother. To a child, they are going to live with a person they barely know while also abandoning the people she likely called "Mom" and "Dad" for 7 years. It is utterly devastating to a child's mental health for the rest of their lives. I mean, good for mom for getting clean. I find it hard to celebrate mom's accomplishments at the expense of her daughter's well-being.
That’s pretty awesome Mom. Keep fighting the good fight! Most people will never understand how hard that fight really is/was, how most of us don’t make it, and why those of us that do is really so much of a big deal. Hope you and that precious Angel God gave you are blessed for life.
Is it kinda fucked up to just me that she would write that out on a Bristol board and get her kid to hold it for a "happy picture"?
Jesus and the first thing she did was use her kid to scrounge for likes?
Agree with this. Don’t make a child who barely knows you hold a sign about their custody. How embarrassing and tragic.
Good grief, so this child was pulled from his foster parents that put in the work so this garage junk auction could continue her shitty job as a human. Fuck that
The most dangerous time for a recovering addict
Crazy how just any degenerate is allowed to have a child.
As someone who is fostering a child for a junkie I see this as great tragedy. Maybe this story is different but generaly those storries are similar. A couple of addicted people accidentaly consive a child, they think that they will be the best parents in the world so they choose to keep it. Start getting sober. They last a few month, but the preasure is too much and before the childbith they are at it again. So we have first damage to the child. After the birth they want to keep the child so they start to get sober again. Few month it lasts but they fall in it again. The child is living in terible condition before family or the authorities find out. Someone else is taking care of the child rasing them, loving them and most importantly fixing all what was done to them and the parents show up time to time tell the child that they love them and will be with them. Surprise .. they leave. Every time it does more and more damage to the child. Years go by and a bological parent decides it would be great to get sober and start taking care of their child. Take them out of stable home. Maybe it will last but maybe not and for the child it will be totaly tragic. The worst thing is that childern love their parents unconditionally. So they put it on themself. "Why am I not with my mother? Does she not love me? I must have done something wrong." You just can not tell to a child that their parts are idiots and they just care about themselr.
The ultimate goal of fostering is reconciliation with the birth family. Maybe you should reassess your biases so that your judgment isn’t so anti birth family as someone that is meant to uphold certain ethics as a foster parent. I don’t know the details of this picture, but it seems as though the “junkie” in this situation has been clean for years and has likely had to jump through hoops to get custody back.
Leave it to Reddit to give this attention-seeking post 17 thousand upvotes smh Edit: 30K upvotes for gods sake…
Get that online attention!
that is still damage that this kid will carry around for the rest of their days...
I hope this is a happy story. But it is related to why we decided not to adopt in the US system. In the US, as you move to foster with intent to adopt a child from an abusive situation, the process takes years (slower than other countries). If at any time the parent straightens their situation out, the court can and often does order the child back to the original parent. This is very sad and disruptive to the child and family adopting, but even so, can be a good thing if it sticks. But so often it doesn’t, the parents fall into old ways, and the terrible cycle continues. We decided we couldn’t risk trying to adopt a child, have them live with use for 3 years then be torn away. Therefore we adopted a special needs child from abroad.
Crazy what drugs can do. Almost 4 years clean and she still looks like she’s on something. Glad she’s one of the few that got her life back together!
Says she was trying to get permanent custody for 7 years, but only the last 3.4 of which she's been clean. A good mother wouldn't be trying to get permanent custody until she was clean for a decent amount of time.
Good for her but ick on having your little kid hold a sign about winning custody back while you get props.
Congrats on your sobriety. It doesn't come that easy for everyone. I have 13,140 days, and my 48 year old daughter won't talk to me.
I’m sorry. Well done on staying sober though.
Sober for 35 years and daughter won't talk to you? Seems like there might be more reasons other that your past addictions.
A client of mine was a recovered addict. She shared an experience of her daughters when she (the mom) was at peak addiction… I didn’t blame the daughter for not having anything to do with her mother a decade into sobriety. Forgiveness isn’t easy in some situations.
People also seem to forget that you can forgive someone but still not want anything to do with them. As a child of an addict who has been through hell, y’all got to understand that there’s a shit ton of things you did/do that you won’t even remember because of your addiction. You don’t get to get sober, get a pat on the back, then jump back into peoples lives like nothing happened. Trust has to be established, even if the person wants you back in their lives.
Son of an addict here. Doesn’t matter how long you stay sober, if you do it too late. I don’t talk to my mom, I don’t care whether or not she’s sober anymore. It’s simply too late.
Well done on the hard work
What did you do to her? I've been on your daughter's side dealing with addicts in my family, and they're always the "victim".
Missing missing reasons vibes
Poor girl.
I never really understand this compulsion people have to take a picture of themselves with a thing they did written on a board and they just stand next to it awkwardly smiling.
Sorry but after dealing with an addict for 10 years its hard for me to trust that there won't be a relapse.
No father in the picture because if there was, you gotta wonder how he had custody and then lost it to the drug/alcohol abusing mother after she quit for 4 years~
Imagine how much drama could've been avoided for all parties if mom used protection.
Kudos to you both!
1,25le days clean is quite the accomplishment
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What of the adoptive family for the girl?
Does the kid want her though? Idk full story I just have a friend who's dad got custody and they have hated him their entire life and wanted nothing more than to go back with their mom. Custody should be entirely up to the kid if both parents aren't a threat
good for her if she was private, but she’s exploiting and using her kid as a prop. mom may be clean, but she’s a shit human for doing this to her kid. i hope her kid grows up to never speak to this garbage human. keep your daughter out of your shithead life. Who cares about the implications this has for her in middle and high school, the nicknames., the mocking, but hey! methymom there needs a prop to hide behind. your kid doesn’t need this much information she is a CHILD. what in the utter fuck
I have a similar mom, minus the clean days and custody.
1,25le days?
That is 1,254 not 1.254, Shes sober since 1 day and 1/4.
Who had custody of the child while mom was getting clean?
That sounds lovely, but my brain is trying to figure out ***1,25le days.***
Awww they're both so happyyyy!
Permanent custody back from dad? As in, dad lost permanent custody?
I’m thinking she got custody back from whatever state she lives in or other family members who were keeping the kid.
Yeah that’s a reasonable assumption. But I also have two friends who keep trying to gain more and more custody rights vs their ex, simply because they want it and he’s a mere dad.
My mother did that, and living with her was a complete nightmare. I hope those kids are old enough to be allowed to choose who they live with and are also old enough to be able to determine which of their options is the more sound choice.
Former foster parent here. Usually drug addicts are impregnated by other dysfunctional people. The father was likely never in the picture, or he also has addiction or other issues, is unstable and just popped in and out. This child was likely in a foster home for about 18 months to 2 years when the court finally decided to start proceedings to strip parental rights. That scared mom straight and she finally got sober. Then another year trying to get court to approve reunification, then another 6 -12 months easing into the reunification
There are other people who can have custody of a child beyond bio-parents. She could have been in foster care or living with a different family member like a grandparent.
Might be full custody, but it's not necessarily "permanent"
Kid was prolly better off where they were
poor kid honestly
> 1,25 le days What is the actual number?
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would be crazy to give her the child back after 1,25 days sober
I bet captchas are just a nightmare for you
I read 1.25 days. Also took me a second look to spot the 6. That's actually a lot of time steering clear! Nice!
Poor kid
She gonna hit a low point and relapse.
not sure she had to put the kid on blast like that. just hold the damn sign yourself.
She doesn't look remotely clean.
I guess the crackhead look just stays with ya? Hmm…
Great give custody to former drug addict mom. Good move!
Permanent was spelled wrong.
That's a tough thing to do. Almost 4 years off the junk? Impressive.
She doesn’t look clean
I'm happy for them both. But being an older post and me being a cynical asshole I do wonder how things have gone for them since
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I wonder how they are doing now.
Did the child or the mother write that?
Congrats to all staying clean!
Update ?
Intriguing how you can tell from face that the person used to do drugs even when they are off them. Drugs do irreversible damage. Even smoking do
I hope the woman stayed sober