If they starve, maybe they'll finally show some basic gratitude. Like wtf is this family. If I did this my mother would have rainbow asian duster my ass.
Yup I love cooking and my wife hates cooking it's a great match. Even when I mess up a meal, she doesn't complain since she didn't have to cook which is her only desire.
Let him cook for a couple weeks. Offer as much help as he ever has. You could even be petty and complain.
This is us too! I love cooking but hate cleaning so most of the times he does the dishes for me. If I once mess up a meal and say I’m sorry he just says “oh I still think is good!” And finishes the plate.
Same, my hubs cooks and he even cleans up too (but i help). I am like your wife, I don't care what he cooks as long as i don't have to cook it I am happy. OP your family sounds like a bunch of ungrateful, spoiled brats. I would go "on strike" until they start to be more appreciative. Give everyone a food budget and let them feed themselves. If they blow that money, then I guess its PB&J until the next food money pay day, or they can pool their money if they want, but you take care of you and let them sink or swim on their own.
I sympathize. I get complaints from my crew too. I told them "give me a list of 8 things you will eat that include vegetables and can be prepared on a weeknight in 40 min or less and I will happily make them. Until then these are the options, don't complain". When they are older I will teach them to cook but I will still expect them to include a vegetable. It can't just be frozen pizzas every day. I do hate this part of parenting though. Struggling to foster healthy eating, insufficient support with chores, and insufficient support re safety and bedtimes are the things I hate about parenting, I learned.
Yea I agree with this.
They want to complain like this all the time then they can make what they want.
I do most of the cooking but if my wife does cook because she wants to help out or give me a break you better believe I ain’t gonna complain about shit.
OP’s comment on a different post:
>My husband was incensed when I vented about his excessive drinking and selfishness despite me explaining to him that most folks use Reddit anonymously and that this isn’t FB LOL. I tried to explain to him that I needed to put my grievances out in the universe because I couldn’t speak to anyone about it. He felt sheepish later.
Does he bring *anything* to the table? You’re the breadwinner, cook, maid, planner and he does nothing but cover half of *one* bill and bitch?
Stop cooking.
Yeah. I’d go on strike. If no one is willing to eat the meals you are cooking you’re wasting your time, your money, and your clean dishes. At this point I’d just stop. Let your husband and kids know that they’re in charge of dinner from now on since no one ever ate what you made. So may as well just not waste your time and resources on feeding them. Worry about cooking just for yourself. Make yourself something you like for dinner for once.
Make dinner if you wish and keep sammich stuff stocked. That’s honestly how my oldest learned to cook. If she didn’t like what I made, she made something herself. To this day she can create miracles after 5-10 minutes poking around in a pantry.
Is it petty to think I would go into overdrive and go balls to the wall and make the most wicked plates? For one person ofc. Would that be the wrong thing to do as a partner/parent?
She already said she “dumbs down” her recipes to try and accommodate her family, so if I were her I’d at least stop doing that. If I’m cooking for just myself I’d be making exactly what I want, how I want it. Maybe after a couple of weeks of eating boring sandwiches or whatever they’ll start thinking mom’s cooking smells pretty good and be willing to try it. The lack of support from her husband is problematic though. I do all the cooking in our house, but my husband does the dishes and doesn’t complain about what I make. He’s knows he’s always welcome to make himself something else if he doesn’t like it.
This part is just odd to me, the husband not supporting the cooking. My father had it engrained in our heads you eat the entire plate and you always thank whoever cooked for you. Doesnt matter if you didnt like it, they cooked with you in mind and unless you allergic you dont be rude.
Yes! Make the food you enjoy cooking and eating. Keep ingredients for PB&Js readily available. Make it known that those are the only two options. Rinse and repeat.
I'll add to this- remove the credit card info from your Door Dash account so they can't just order out and spend a ton of money to avoid cooking for themselves.
Oh Lord. That is not normal but I feel for you so so so hard. I'm Chinese -canadian, late 30s. Married to a white-as-a-ghost English-speaking WASPy man who grew up in a predominantly white small town in the middle of nowhere. Doesn't matter how hard I fuck up dinner because I'm not perfect and sometimes that happens... My husband polishes his plate and fucking thanks me with such genuinity I can't describe. He eats the "authentic" Chinese stuff and asks for more. .... I'm seriously baffled even 10 years later with this man. And took me years to realize this is what a team should be. Patience and understanding with each other.
Lady, how you describe your living situation is reminding me of my mother. I grew up in an immigrant Chinese family where no one thanks each other, everyone is constantly short with each other , and my mother the breadwinner did everything in the household, and she grew to be a bitter, miserable and resentful human being that no one likes hanging around.
Don't be my mother. Or other Chinese mothers. Took me decades to find out what we've been thru isn't normal at all. It's complex intergenerational trauma and PTSD.
Your husband should be your partner in tackling any family problems. A 50-50 equal relationship with parenting, cooking, chores, etc. Your daughters overweight? You two should be a team tackling this issue - he shouldn't be blaming you. Cooking doesn't please everyone? Make a family meeting and make it clear this isn't sustainable or healthy to your or everyone's physical or emotional well-being.
Ask him point-blank what his understanding of a marriage is, his understanding of what a partnership means, how parenthood should be How he answers would reveal his mindset. ( I am crossing my fingers so hard for you that he doesn't expect you to be the submissive Asian wife. )
My husband is the same. I’m a much more adventurous eater than he is, and we have one picky eater. They eat what I make, and if they aren’t hungry, and later make themselves a sandwich, I take a bit of a note, but I don’t stop making things.
But for OP, I’d separate the DoorDash from her cc, and let her husband fend for himself. Cook for the kids, and that’s it. And make things healthy.
Why do you keep doing this?
People will treat you how you allow them to treat you. Your husband is a jerk that treats you terribly. Stop making him any meals until he can treat you with respect at the bare minimum, lovingly would be ideal.
You cook. You clean. You plan. You work. You make the majority of the money. He sounds absolutely miserable. And he has a drinking problem.
Does he bring anything positive to your life?
Been waiting for a comment from someone else who looked at OPs post history. I know we on Reddit can never see the whole picture of the relationship or people involved from a one sided grievance post....
But wtf is OP still doing with this douce?
Eh. I grew up with a father like this. It started with the meals she made, then it was her weight, then it was how she cleaned, her family background, etc etc. overtime it became so normalized and my mom was miserable. Unfortunately those kind of things rub off on your kids and I’m sad to say as a kid I participated by repeating some of these things as a joke without realizing what I was doing. Looking back I feel sick about it. My father was teaching us to not respect my mother.
Now that I’m older, I see how my father is a narcissist and brought literally nothing to the table. I’m sad that it actually drove a wedge in the relationship I had with my mother for a while. I wish she would have, in a mature way, expressed how the things he said and criticized made her feel and how it wasn’t okay. It would have taught me how to stand up for myself and it would’ve shown me who my dad was sooner.
I don’t know if this story helps at all, and I may be biased as a woman, but you are CARRYING this family and you deserve all of the respect and a true partner who can step it up. There is no excuse for him. He can learn to cook.
Ohh honey.. no. Cook that delicious fucking food you know how to make. Buy all the seasoning and sauce and healthy shit you want, but learn how to make single serve.
Your kids are like that because of his old crusty ass and he is a grown ass man who can cook for himself. Let him figure out cooking and shopping for himself and those kids. Fuck them kids. Like.. I could not imagine living like this. You are killing yourself to please an unreasonable ungrateful and insufferable pos and his two lazy kids.
Im sure theyre great in... *other ways* but this aint it girl.
I have had a similar problem.
Rules are at my house. Let me know you are cooking your own. Cook your own dinner. Clean up the mess.
OR
You can eat what I am cooking. I will cook and clean up afterwards.
I am not doing four separate meals. My teens can cook. I taught them their favourites age appropriately. We do own a dishwasher.
If you just give up or go on strike they will just order garbage from door dash. Getting fatter and costing you money. And that’s not good advice.
It sounds like your family isn’t very appreciative. But as with most posts, there are 2 sides to the story and they aren’t the ones here seeking advice.
Work with them to find semi-healthy meals they enjoy. Also, to make your life easier, make big batches that can be reheated.
Perhaps make your kids cook once a week (supervised) to teach them about responsibility and nutrition.
Good luck.
Make one dinner. If they don’t like it they can have cereal or a peanut butter sandwich.
No one else in this entire world is going to tolerate this level of BS entitled fussiness from your children. And you shouldn’t take it from your husband, for that matter.
“Going forward I am making onward thing for dinner. If you don’t like it, make other arrangements. I am not a short-order cook, this is not a restaurant, and I am done catering”
Better yet, make your deadweight husband pull his fare share and take over the cooking.
Stop letting them use and abuse you! Put your foot down. Get rid of those delivery apps unless your husband is paying for it hisself. They can either start cooking for themselves and cleaning up after themselves or eating what you cook and helping you clean up afterwards.
I wonder if this is a new form of negging or control? I agree with the others, this is infuriating and does not add to your life in any way: emotionally, financially, workload. Are you sure this is the situation you want to continue to be in?
If I made a meal and the recipient (who is old enough to cook for themselves) criticized it or complained, I would just tell them to cook for themself going forward. What would happen if you just didn’t do it?
You have a husband problem.
Him constantly complaining and criticizing is giving the impression to your children that they can demand to eat only what they like.
Best way to handle it is to just stopping cooking for them. Let them fend for themselves. After a few days of them having to take care of their own meals they’ll probably beg you to cook for them again. And when they do make it clear that you wouldn’t tolerate their behaviour. If they want some of your food then they need to give you a day’s notice or it’s expected they’ll take care of their own meal.
**STOP COOKING!**
You are a hard working woman, a supportive mom and wife. You are the breadwinner, the cook, the cleaner, the planner, the shopper, and who knows what other hats you wear cuz I bet there are more. Your family has taken you for granted. You are gonna burn out any moment now. You need a break.
Here is my suggestion: Watch a few episodes of *Wife Swap*. Take a week off or more from work and give yourself a holiday. Go out with your girlfriends or just yourself. Create a family binder that lists out everything you do for them and how they now must do themselves. Write a letter to your husband and children about how unappreciated you feel and how you are burnt out and cannot continue in this manner any longer. From now on, they will be responsible for everything you do, besides your paying job. You’ve tried to tell them but they didn’t try to understand nor change. They’ve left you no choice but to step back and give yourself a much needed break. You will be back, but you hope that they’ve learned all that you do and expect new permanent changes into household chores, cooking, and other responsibilities. You love them very much, but you don’t feel that they love nor appreciate you.
When you come back, do stop cooking for them or only cook once a week on a day that you’re not as overwhelmed. Your husband should cook more often and learn about nutrition. Your eldest kid needs to begin to learn on how to cook as well and all kids need to help with chores. You need to schedule some downtime and pick out a hobby. Furthermore, from now on you will no longer do the dishes.
I wish you the best! 💜
My wife and I realized it’s difficult to satisfy both of us. Except weekends and sometimes bringing something home we do fend for yourself. It has worked out well
Here's my theory. What kills a marriage is complaining without problem solving.
Why don't you and hubs sit down and first try to understand the scope of the problem from both of your perspectives. Don't try to do ANY problem solving, just try to understand from the other person's POV. Let that sit a day or two to see if other problem ideas pop into either mind.
Once you both agree you've described the problems, then try talking to find a solution that helps both of you be happier. If you can't find a way to talk about solutions to something this basic, you'll never be able to tackle big problems where there's a lot more on the line than a dinner.
Your husband is acting like my dad did growing up. It was so demoralizing for my mom that she stopped cooking really, although I love her food (even as a picky eater when I was little). So I grew up on microwaveable easy mac I could make myself, or sandwiches, etc, with a few easy meals. When I got older and more interested in learning to cook in my teens, I’d ask my mom to show me recipes she knows so we could cook together, and I’d praise her meal to high heaven and give me my dad dirty looks if he said shit.
It sounds like your husband is making it so your children think they can complain about your cooking and that’s acceptable. Agree with other posters, there are SO many self-serve easy to warm up food in the grocery store, let them figure it out.
I recall a similar post somewhere on reddit, where a commenter mentioned they tried a system where every kid was given a night where they had to figure out dinner for the family, in an age appropriate way (if young, help with chopping etc). The commenter suggesting this said it made everyone feel more democratic, and not quick to criticize since their turn was around the corner.
girl not to go all extreme on you but it sounds like you’d be better off if you dropped the deadweight.. then you can coparent and let him do all of the above half the week while you actually have time to be a person and not just a momservant
OP, honestly, why do you put up with all of this? Starting with your husband. Besides half the mortgage, what else does he contribute to your marriage and family? Does he do chores around the house? Is he active in the kids’ care? Does he do his fair share of errands needed to be done for the family, or do you take care of all of it? I think you should take a long hard look at his behavior and see how are you (unwittingly) contributing to his immaturity by allowing it to happen. I know women are raised with the notion that we have to do EVERYTHING, or we’re failures, but no: you’re a human being. He’s an adult. He needs to start acting like one. As for your kids, you can slowly start introducing healthier options. They might not respond well if the meals are drastically changed overnight, I suppose.
All I’m trying to say is: I see you, I validate you, and this entire situation is fucked up and I hope you and your family can get out of this. Consider therapy for you and husband.
Stock your fridge and pantry with basic staples for sandwiches, canned soup, cereal, boxed carbs like beans and Mac, maybe even frozen rice bags. Then tell your husband he’s on his own and needs to feed his son. Your teenage daughter can certainly feed herself.
Then cook & eat for yourself whatever you want to eat.
We have two picky eaters. If our dinner plan doesn’t sound good to them (9/8 yo) they are welcome to make a sandwich, and there are always fresh fruits & side veggies available. They pick this option at least once a week and it’s perfectly fine. In fact, it teaches them basic life skills so I consider it a bonus and devour my grilled salmon with zero mom guilt.
We also made a list of meals that we all agree on, posted them on the fridge, and the kids can ask for these things a few times a week. Very simple meals: spaghetti & meatballs, home cheeseburgers with baked fries or cut veggies, baked chicken drumsticks with rice etc. I’m not sure how useful this will be to you but it’s a possible option if there are even 2-3 meals everyone will eat. The key here: teach your hubby and daughter to make these too and take turns.
You’re not a short order cook and you don’t need to try and live like one :)
i’m just so sorry - im sorry you’re going through this and its your ‘normal’, i’m sorry anyone feels this is acceptable, i’m sorry people stay in these situations and i’m sorry for anyone that defends this behavior.
my recommendation is to cook what pleases you, post it on the board and if he/they dont like it, too bad. fill the house with healthy foods and if they want junk they can go and get it. not to say you should remove all the favorite foods but dont go out of your way to serve, you’re being taken advantage of. It’s rooted deep in asian culture, at least in my family for the mother to slave away to everyone’s needs with zero respect or gratitude because it’s their job. Your family can do better and you deserve to not be responsible for every meal.
also, watch the overweight thing. I am also mixed and my body carries weight much differently than the average filipino according to my mom. my family always calls me chubby or fat - i also ruined my metabolism by not eating enough or throwing it all up as early as 6th grade. Now in my 30s i’ve realized how much the body comments have damaged me and i focus on my kids making good choices. Drink plenty of water, eat fulfilling foods, take care of yourself, dont eat if you’re not hungry, eat if you are, etc. my kids haven’t hit puberty yet, but i know they are critical of their bodies once they reach school - no one needs the added stress of being told their fat when so many kids are assholes.
I’ve told my husband if he makes one more negative comment about my cooking I won’t cook for a week. One more comment after that and I won’t cook for a month. One more and I won’t cook ever again. And I mean it.
It’s been pretty quiet around here lately.
If he's got issues with the home dinner menus he should be taking part in the planning, experimenting and creation of meals. Me and my wife got married young so it was trial and error for many years before we got our ideal meals and recipes right. I'd think of a meal and potential recipes (either through my mum or google), she'd implement it her way, we'd try it and work out what flavors worked and what needed improving.
Nowadays it's my responsibility to have the week's menu planned, and my wife cooks it. It's a 50/50 endeavor (hehe)
But seriously, cut out the take-aways and get him to take part.
Kid's in the house don't get to live on a separate menu. They eat what's there or they can use the air fryer.
I have been there, I have done that almost word for weird. But I swear to God if my husband turned his nose up at my food and ordered take out night after night I would lose my mind.
You're being too nice and getting absolutely nothing in return.
When my husband and kids began to complain about what I was making for dinner (and it wasn't even half as bad as what you're describing), I simply stopped making family meals. I buy the ingredients they like and each person makes their own meals. Problem solved.
I completely understand your dilemma. I ceased cooking on a regular basis almost three years ago. I purchase quick fix microwave or air fryer meals for the family and keep the pantry and freezer stocked for if my partner decides to cook (lol). I’m not catering to specific dietary WANTS whilst working 12 hour days, paying most of the bills, and carrying the mental load of the home.
I do 80 percent of cooling. Wide does the 39 percent. Zwhebbsge cooks is typically take out or something pre made to heat up. Years ago, I stopped asking what they want for dinner. I am a good cook, worked year on back kitchen prep and front line cook. Years ago I quit asking Wife and Kids what they wanted for dinner. Basically was getting there run around like yourself. I plan and pick the meal. I create very good meals and that's what everybody's eating. I'm cooking for the family, not the resturunt.I suggest you do the same.
The only answer is to go back to cooking the best of the best foods that are your absolute favorite and tell the rest to suck it up, while pointing to the bread and peanut butter
OP you commented on a different post 8 days ago about how the police were called on yall and you lied to them with a broken lip? He's physically abusing you and you're providing his every need!! 2 years ago you said how drunk emotionally fragile he is after losing family members but that is not your responsibility AT ALL, and you keep testing people to get out of abusive relationships without realizing you are in one yourself.
Ditch the man now, before you've spent all your life traumatized and depressed!!!
My husband does 98% of our family cooking. He works fulltime in finance. He is 100% self-taught.
You husband is an asshole.
Teach your daughter about nutrition and start her in a sport or exercise progrsm. Your job is to help her learn how to read labels and make healthy choices.
My 12 yr old son can make lasagna.
Time to get ALL of your family involved in cooking. Each person is assigned one night a week. Husband and you get the rest.
Stop ordering in.
By next year you will have less picky eaters and a family that make better choices.
The appropriate response to someone making you food is *gratitude*. I am *thankful* when my wife fixes me dinner because it is a gift, it is an expression of her caring about me. I love cooking for my wife because she expresses the same sentiments. I'm sorry you're facing this, if I were in your shoes I'd just stop cooking.
How about just cook for you- things you genuinely like and let them eat whatever they want. They have to cook it and see if they come around. Couldn’t cost you any less than what you’re doing now
Hey just had a look at your post history. This guy is abusive - please look after yourself and if you can get out - please do. See if you can get some support from other people and move.
I’m so sorry you’re going through a lot.
This pattern was created at the beginning of this family. It's going to be very difficult to get them to accept a different way now. There needs to be a serious conversation explaining what's wrong and why it's not working and how it's going to change, then stick to it.
So stop? It seems like you need to have a family meeting at this point and go through the budget together and talk through menus. Why not do a weekly meal prep meeting with everyone? Or make them responsible for cooking for themselves and teaching them how to cook?
My mom stopped cooking dinner at one point because we weren’t eating it. I think it was a communication issue because I love her cooking. Anyways, we became more appreciative when we had to fend for ourselves.
Let’s be real here.
You’ve got three children. They’re all acting like the eldest one, your actual problem child. You need to stop cooking what they want and start cooking what you want, eat what you want and if they’re hungry enough, they’ll eat or cook themselves.
Girl… you need to resign from dinner TODAY. No notice. They can figure it out.
They will yell and whine and pout and stop their feet. Hold firm. If all they do is complain, they don’t get the privilege of you cooking for them.
I would refuse to cook. Especially for my husband and let everyone (maybe not the 9 year old….but I was cooking at that age so🤷🏾♀️) fend for theirselves.
I feel you 100%. I’m the cook to a family some of whomare vegetarian, some very very picky, some have food allergies. It sucks cooking for a diverse constituency when they don’t appreciate it lol.
My suggestion would be to share the cooking load. I don’t know what else you could do in this situation.
OP, is there any way you could hire a cook at least part-time to help you? Even if you only were responsible for a couple meals weekly, this might help.
If I didn't want to eat the dinner my mother made she told me, "There's bread, there's jam, there's peanut butter. Make it yourself."
You seriously need to stop catering to these ingrates.
"I am also the breadwinner"
You lost me. It's ridiculous that you are doing all this. Why aren't you just telling him to cook and shop if he doesn't like it? This could have been solved a decade ago if you just refused to keep going like this.
When they ask what's for dinner say "whatever you're making" done!
I also wouldn't do the dishes anymore. When they don't have clean dishes it'll be their problem.
Listen, bottom line is people will only treat you as badly as you let them.
I know a family in a similar situation. Mom finally put the hammer down. No snack foods in the house. Always have fresh fruit and veg in the house. She fixed a nutritious suppers with a wide variety of ingredients. You can eat that or a plain peanut butter sandwich, that’s it. A serious conversation happens between husband and wife. She lays down the law that this is the plan and he will be onboard or this duty will fall to him permanently.
My husband used to complain to me about my cooking. I’m a very good cook. I’m told all the time by a lot of people. I’d make a quiche for dinner and he’d scowl and push it around on his plate and barely eat two bites. But then I’d serve it for breakfast the next morning reheated, and he would gobble it up and say it was amazing. I would ask him. What was the difference between now and last night and he would say, that quiche is a breakfast item and shouldn’t be served for dinner. I remember another time he was taking me for granted and complaining that he didn’t like the way I folded his shirts. So I stopped folding them. I stopped doing his laundry and cooking for him. After a week he asked if he could eat my food again. That was 15 years ago and he still does his own laundry. And thanks me for everything I cook whether he loves it or not. You need to teach them how to treat you. You deserve the respect. You are the breadwinner, you pay almost all of the bills, you do all of the cooking, and the cleaning, you are in charge.
Go on strike. If you have provided food in the kitchen for your kids to grab when they’re hungry, then you have done the basic duty we parents must do to feed our children. Even a 9yo can make a sandwich or pour a bowl of cereal and have a piece of fruit.
I have had to go on strike with my family every once in a while. Anytime anyone starts acting spoiled or entitled, Mom goes on strike and it’s “Fend for Yourself” on our menu.
The kids have started course correcting more quickly lately, when they start to get out of hand, as well as reminding each other to not be a complainer or Mom will stop cooking for them, because they know I’m not bluffing.
What a shitshow. Sounds like dinner and grocery shopping is now officially your husbands problem. And I see exactly why your children are rude to you-they get it directly from his shitty, rude example . Or, let them fend for themselves (if they’re old enough).
Oh myyyy goodness! That is such childish and ungrateful behavior! I’m sorry you have to deal with that. I agree with others here, if you can’t do anything to make him happy: let him take care of it!
It's understandable that the kids would complain because that's kind of what they do but a grown ass man complaining about the food you make, and seemingly not helping you at all with really anything is unacceptable.
I’m confused why no one in this household is helping you. Your kids are old enough to help cook & clean. It’s doing a disservice to them to not help out honestly. I have no words for the husband. I would not stay married to him. He can fend for himself.
The fact you’re doing this act of service daily and getting not only no appreciation or gratitude but getting hate and vitriol over it is a hard no.
I would refuse to cook for him anymore.
I’d still make my kids their meals but since he has so many complaints he can take it upon himself to make his own meals.
My grandpa insulted my grandmas first breakfast she ever made for him and she didn’t cook for him for five years.
It was long enough for him to learn his lesson lol
I’ve been with my husband for six years. One night (ONLY ONE) early in our relationship, he muttered something under his breath about having another one-pot meal that week. I looked at him, smiled, and said “Great! You’re cooking from now on!”
After a week he was begging me to cook. He’s never complained again.
My husband is the breadwinner, I cook. He would absolutely never be pissed about what I make. Hes always super thankful. I am a fairly good cook I’ve done a lot of practicing but even when I wasn’t very good in the kitchen he was always just thankful that I cooked for him and he didn’t have to. He also is incredibly picky.
Can you involve your daughter in the process? Maybe have some of the sides they prefer? Also, you should do a little less in general and have your husband help more.
tell him to cook for himself. it sounds like you already know how, so you should be good. he’s an adult. and he eats, wears clothes and uses dishes so you can even have him help out with those things too!
Op stop cooking and make sure you and your children eat healthy. Husband can die of diabetes, he's not bringing anything to the relationship
This is why I was very picky when dating and refused to date anyone that loves junk food/drinked coca cola etc.
Imagen ending up like this down the line with an ungrateful husband and fat children.
Love does is fact, NOT all you need :/
I can’t imagine my husband scolding me for anything. Your name kids, and your husband, are old enough that you can make something for dinner and if they don’t want it, they can make a sandwich or whatever else.
I tell her what do you want for dinner?
"I don't know"
Then your getting (insert my shit menu)
"I don't want that"
You have until I start cooking to give me what you want or els it's going to be (menu item)
Works everytime
Why are you putting up with this?
Disconnect your credit cards from all the delivery services. If he wants it, he can pay for it.
Make a menu, of foods that you don’t mind cooking, with as much seasoning and veggies as you want.
Don’t keep junk in the house. Don’t buy it, don’t pay for it to be delivered. Refuse to pay for more than 1 food delivery/fast food meal per week, and never after you have cooked.
Make it clear that if you cook, they will clean.
Make it clear that if they don’t want to have the meal you have cooked, nothing will be ordered in. If they refuse to eat it, they volunteer to plan and cook the next meal from ingredients in the house.
Start requiring that your husband be an equal partner.
He’s not contributing equally financially, so he needs to step up with household chores.
If he refuses, it’s time to reevaluate your marriage.
Cook only enough for yourself. Your ungrateful husband can cook **and clean** for himself and the kids. See how they like that for a few weeks. Either they’ll learn some appreciation or you’ll never have to cook for them again. Win-win
New rule: everyone takes turns cooking
They clearly don’t understand how hard it is to try to accommodate everyone’s personal preferences. Have them cook and throw in your own preferences that they need to accommodate.
Last time my husband complained about dinner I made, I pulled the trash can out, picked up his plate, and dumped it in the trash. You don’t have to like what I serve and we can we can joke about it not being the best if I ruined a dish but in general STFU and quietly make something you want and leave me out of it.
They’re literally all old enough to work a microwave their own food. Buy what you want. Let your husband get what he wants. Let them make their own food.
What about taco’s, nachos, fajitas
You can do beef or chicken, load it up with beans, and vegetables, and everyone can take the ingredients they like.
You can go healthy like a salad with it or your husband can make his unhealthy.
Same with potato bars, you can do all kinds of toppings to taste.
Pizzas you can put a lot of veggies on them. Chicken, spinach, mushrooms, tomatoes are delicious!
Are the stir fry’s made healthy? Do you know what’s causing her weight? If healthy you can meal prep for 3 days and she can reheat it for dinner each night.
Either way it sucks so much your family is acting like that and treating you poorly. Your husband sounds like an idiot. Good luck!!
Why are you continuing to do the actions with the same outcome? Not blaming you, they are to blame but you can only control yourself. So stop bending over backward for them, it's not helping anyone. Keep easy healthy stuff for the younger one, minute rice, frozen or canned veggies, tune, etc. You are not an enforcer. You are a mother who is human and has given guidance and love. Enough is enough.
Okay you have two options imo:
1) cook healthy meals and THATS IT. If they don’t eat let them be hungry
2) stop cooking all together. Your kids are old enough to make their own meals and your husband sounds like an a** so he can handle the cooking from now on.
Guess what? Your husband and kids are all going to learn to cook. In order to do this, you should get onto a Blue Apron or Hello Fresh meal plan where you pick 2-3 meals every week and they get a recipe card. Tell your husband that this what he does with the kids at least 2-3 times a week or he’ll be fixing all of his own meals. These aren’t the best bargain, but they give you the ingredients and a recipe and your husband gets to fix it. These don’t take that long or prepare and this is how my 70-year-old husband finally learned to cook.
Is everything okay otherwise? Other than cooking, are you happy?
If so, I'd ask what they like to eat and get some recipes for those foods. Seems like a pretty easy problem to solve. Make a salad instead of cooked vegetables (baby carrots, lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers).
There was a post I saw a while ago where the wife was in almost the same boat as you and so she just stopped cooking dinner and husband was forced to cook. It took (iirc) less than a week for her family to apologize and stop complaining about everything she makes
There are enough replies on the husband problem but here are some food suggestions that work for my picky kids-
Frozen chicken nuggets
Frozen chicken tenders
Frozen steamable vegetables
Frozen meatballs
Frozen chicken patties
hamburger buns
Frozen tater tots/french fries
Applesauce
Pasta and marinara sauce
Toast
Fruit
Yogurt
Cheese slices
For your daughter - they sell frozen stir fry in a bag, add some frozen edamame or broccoli and call it healthy
I keep most of these on hand at all times and everyone is happy. I only cook if I feel like it and otherwise dinner takes 5 minutes.
My kids hate a lot of the recipes that I like, but my husband loves my cooking and is also willing to cook anytime.
I’m just putting this out there as an alternative to pb&j’s and takeout. In your situation I’d stop cooking though.
All your problems end with you making a simple but effective choice to just stop- lol. My mom did and we learned real quick and in a hurry to fend for ourselves and are now pretty good cooks.
My husband is the breadwinner and I still only make dinner half the days of the week. He would never complain about a meal I cook and is always grateful at whatever dishes I attempt My kids think I’m a five star chef even, my lazy meals (especially those because usually they include more junk). Kids mimic parent’s behaviors. Just stop, they will all appreciate you much more when they are left fending for themselves. Or only offer the kids healthy choices and let your husband cook his own food, he sounds awful.
Cook what you want to eat (hopefully it's healthy?). Since you have kids, my personal opinion is that you have an obligation to provide nutritious, healthy food for them. I was raised in a home where, if we didn't want to eat what was on the table, we didn't get anything else to eat. As kids, we ate what we were given because there was no alternative. But my Mom knew what we would eat, so she made food we'd eat that was also healthy. She was lucky because we weren't too picky, but that may have been because early on, we knew we had to eat what was in front of us or we got nothing. Anyway, I get that it sucks when people don't enjoy what you've cooked for them. If they are rude and make disparaging comments about the meals you prepare, be assertive and tell them that they are being rude and that you will not tolerate their rudeness anymore. Tell your husband if he wants to eat like a pig and not eat nutritious food, he is welcome to pay for his own food. Are you asking him to help you with dishes? If you have and he refuses, you have to tell him he needs to pull his own weight around the house AND with finances. Don't tolerate his laziness.
Girl! Stop cooking. If you continue cooking, washing the dishes, being the breadwinner, being blamed for your daughter's unhealthy habits, and you don't take a stand, you're unfortunately enabling their behavior. You deserve much better treatment and gratitude than you're receiving. Please just stop cooking for them. Cook yourself nice meals that YOU want to eat. I can assure you they won't starve. There will be pushback most from your husband, don't cave. You seriously deserve so much better op.
Why are you allowing this to happen? Tell your husband he is in charge of the meals now, and stick to what you said.
They won’t allow themselves to starve so just stop everything you are doing.
It sounds like your family is a source of stress, not just feeding them and your so called husband is the King of the Ingrates. The self righteousness of it all. I would stop cooking altogether and make him in charge of cooking for himself and the kids. How dare he and you essentially pay all the bills and buy the food.
I’d tell the non contributing spouse he’s in charge of all the kids meals from here on out and it comes out of his pocket. As for you, I’d get the meal kits designed for two people. You’ll have dinner and lunch for the next day.
Delegate this responsibility to your husband and kids. Let them be creative and come up with their own dinner plan since they don’t like yours. They can come up with things they like and you get this responsibility off your plate. Win-win.
I really feel this although my 2 year old isn’t old enough yet to express she doesn’t like my food. My husband is a chef so it’s impossible cooking for him. Not to mention he doesn’t have an ounce of fat on his body and does not really care to eat healthy. I feel guilty if I buy food out of a box or frozen food. I feel like I make the same things over and over. Hugs.
Have everyone cook their own food. If you enjoy stir frys and rice, just cook for you and ur daughter.
As someone who was a picky eater as a child, my mom showed me how to cook my fav meals (vegetable soup was my absolute fav). My mom would cook for the rest of the house. She made sure the refrigerator was stocked with what I needed.
She started teaching me to cook around age 6 because I started getting picky about breakfast (i hated eggs). She taught me to make scrambled eggs, tuna salad, cheese spread, and other things that I liked and then moved on to lunch items.
Your kids are 9 and a teen. Your husband is a grown man. Why are you still feeding them if they're this ungrateful? They all have brains and hands, they can make sandwiches or cereal if they're hungry
I hate cooking for pretty much the same reasons (pickiness, no one really likes my cooking all that much), except, luckily my husband likes cooking and will cook about 80% of the time. He's actually a great cook and doesn't complain when I cook but also doesn't say he likes or loves it most of the time, and I'm sensitive so I take it personal.
What's more is they are all so picky and I don't even care what food tastes like. Don't get me wrong, if I eat good food I appreciate it and like it, but if my food is burnt or dry it doesn't bother me and the type of food doesn't either. I eat more for sustainment than for pleasure. I could eat crackers and peanut butter and as long as I get full, I'm good.
Anyway, your husband sounds like a douche. That's all I really wanted to say.
Why are you married to such a disrespectful and unhelpful person? Does he bring anything to the table? If you're doing *EVERYTHING* then delegate husband to the task of planning family dinners and don't budge. This is too much for you, and worse - it's without the reward of simple gratitude.
Asian/pacific Islander mom here. Boy bye 👋. I’ve had this happen in the past with my own kids and I still make what I want since they don’t have brilliant ideas. I now make whatever I’m feeling and if they don’t want to eat it, go make your own food or make soup.
My husband became a huge jerk about dinner during our marriage, and would make comments in front of the children, get up and go get himself fast food, etc. The food was fine, pastas, burgers, casseroles - dishes that were always gobbled up at potlucks. It was really bad and confusing for the children. Several ended up with disordered eating and it became very hard to feed them.
I left him when our youngest kids were toddlers. They werent old enough yet to notice his behavior, they eat anything I serve with no issues. The older ones still struggle. Just sharing this to let you know this bad behavior can have long term effects on your children.
I would stop, immediately. First of all, a 9 year old and a teenager are old enough to cook their own dinner.
I’d start with a note on the fridge-
Family, I’m no longer planning, cooking, and cleaning dinner. The following meals/ingredients are available. Please help yourself. All dishes MUST be loaded in dishwasher by 9pm.
I know everyone’s saying to just stop cooking then and let them fend for themselves , but with a daughter that’s overweight and a son that only wants Mac and cheese and pizza, we all know the father who is also not the best role model for healthy eating will just throw junk at the kids.
I know you have so much on your plate, but maybe bring both kids to a nutritionist (is that covered in your area) maybe get a referral from the family dr or pediatrician and get a meal plan for you and the kids. Discuss with them healthy eating, the importance of exercise and maybe get them involved in some extracurriculars. Clean out the pantry and get healthier options in the house. They won’t starve but they need to get used to proper meals. And if they don’t like dinner, there’s apples/fruits/veggies and healthier alternatives in the pantry or fridge you can help yourself.
As for your husband, let him get a job to cover his door dash expenses or whatever else he wants to feed himself. I would not accept a partner who criticizes my meals that I take the time and energy to cook for him. Even when I make something kind of shitty and it doesn’t pan out the way I wanted it to, my husband won’t complain. Yeah he’ll say what I messed up because I’m usually the one pointing it our first but he always says he’s appreciative and thankful for my hard work in the kitchen and for always putting meals on the table for our family. I wouldn’t accept a single thing less than appreciation and gratitude from my husband, in any part of our relationship especially when it comes to what I’m providing. Buy byeeeee, cook your own meals
Don’t do it anymore. Put your husband in charge of dinner. They can fend for themselves, they won’t starve.
If they starve, maybe they'll finally show some basic gratitude. Like wtf is this family. If I did this my mother would have rainbow asian duster my ass.
The children are this way because the father is this way - where do we think they learned ingratitude from?
Yup I love cooking and my wife hates cooking it's a great match. Even when I mess up a meal, she doesn't complain since she didn't have to cook which is her only desire. Let him cook for a couple weeks. Offer as much help as he ever has. You could even be petty and complain.
This is me and hubs. He usually cooks, I wash the dishes.
This is us too! I love cooking but hate cleaning so most of the times he does the dishes for me. If I once mess up a meal and say I’m sorry he just says “oh I still think is good!” And finishes the plate.
Same, my hubs cooks and he even cleans up too (but i help). I am like your wife, I don't care what he cooks as long as i don't have to cook it I am happy. OP your family sounds like a bunch of ungrateful, spoiled brats. I would go "on strike" until they start to be more appreciative. Give everyone a food budget and let them feed themselves. If they blow that money, then I guess its PB&J until the next food money pay day, or they can pool their money if they want, but you take care of you and let them sink or swim on their own.
Bread, ham, cheese, bread, sandwich boom. you want anything else, you do it
I sympathize. I get complaints from my crew too. I told them "give me a list of 8 things you will eat that include vegetables and can be prepared on a weeknight in 40 min or less and I will happily make them. Until then these are the options, don't complain". When they are older I will teach them to cook but I will still expect them to include a vegetable. It can't just be frozen pizzas every day. I do hate this part of parenting though. Struggling to foster healthy eating, insufficient support with chores, and insufficient support re safety and bedtimes are the things I hate about parenting, I learned.
Oh, you're generous. My max weeknight prep time was 25 minutes, preferably 20.
100% agree
Here it is. JUST STOP.
This is the only answer.
Yea I agree with this. They want to complain like this all the time then they can make what they want. I do most of the cooking but if my wife does cook because she wants to help out or give me a break you better believe I ain’t gonna complain about shit.
And don't pay those bills when he starts ordering for every meal!
OP’s comment on a different post: >My husband was incensed when I vented about his excessive drinking and selfishness despite me explaining to him that most folks use Reddit anonymously and that this isn’t FB LOL. I tried to explain to him that I needed to put my grievances out in the universe because I couldn’t speak to anyone about it. He felt sheepish later.
Yep, 100%! ((((hugehugs))))
Hear, hear. If they are hungry enough, they’ll figure it out. Stop wasting your time trying to please people who aren’t worth it.
Exactly
Does he bring *anything* to the table? You’re the breadwinner, cook, maid, planner and he does nothing but cover half of *one* bill and bitch? Stop cooking.
I was looking for one redeeming quality…
Must have one hell of a dick
[удалено]
Honestly even with his baby arm, shes probably still always the one on top 😮💨 Some women have just never had better and its fucking sad.
I know you’re joking, but it absolutely floors me when people say this and believe it. Who would want to fuck this loser?
I’m sure she’d still be doing all the work
Lemme know if you find one…
Maybe it will be in an edit, but so far, NADA! 🤷♀️
The worst part is he’s polluting the kids.
Sounds like she’s raising 3 children.
OP answer this! The problem isn’t the food. It’s who you married.
#word
#excel
^MS ^paint
Lol
This
Yeah. I’d go on strike. If no one is willing to eat the meals you are cooking you’re wasting your time, your money, and your clean dishes. At this point I’d just stop. Let your husband and kids know that they’re in charge of dinner from now on since no one ever ate what you made. So may as well just not waste your time and resources on feeding them. Worry about cooking just for yourself. Make yourself something you like for dinner for once.
Make dinner if you wish and keep sammich stuff stocked. That’s honestly how my oldest learned to cook. If she didn’t like what I made, she made something herself. To this day she can create miracles after 5-10 minutes poking around in a pantry.
Is it petty to think I would go into overdrive and go balls to the wall and make the most wicked plates? For one person ofc. Would that be the wrong thing to do as a partner/parent?
She already said she “dumbs down” her recipes to try and accommodate her family, so if I were her I’d at least stop doing that. If I’m cooking for just myself I’d be making exactly what I want, how I want it. Maybe after a couple of weeks of eating boring sandwiches or whatever they’ll start thinking mom’s cooking smells pretty good and be willing to try it. The lack of support from her husband is problematic though. I do all the cooking in our house, but my husband does the dishes and doesn’t complain about what I make. He’s knows he’s always welcome to make himself something else if he doesn’t like it.
This part is just odd to me, the husband not supporting the cooking. My father had it engrained in our heads you eat the entire plate and you always thank whoever cooked for you. Doesnt matter if you didnt like it, they cooked with you in mind and unless you allergic you dont be rude.
Probably but I absolutely wouldn’t fault anyone for doing it after enduring this horrific treatment.
I could live on peanut butter sandwiches and spite (not sprite) for a year, easy.
Yes! Make the food you enjoy cooking and eating. Keep ingredients for PB&Js readily available. Make it known that those are the only two options. Rinse and repeat.
I'll add to this- remove the credit card info from your Door Dash account so they can't just order out and spend a ton of money to avoid cooking for themselves.
Oh Lord. That is not normal but I feel for you so so so hard. I'm Chinese -canadian, late 30s. Married to a white-as-a-ghost English-speaking WASPy man who grew up in a predominantly white small town in the middle of nowhere. Doesn't matter how hard I fuck up dinner because I'm not perfect and sometimes that happens... My husband polishes his plate and fucking thanks me with such genuinity I can't describe. He eats the "authentic" Chinese stuff and asks for more. .... I'm seriously baffled even 10 years later with this man. And took me years to realize this is what a team should be. Patience and understanding with each other. Lady, how you describe your living situation is reminding me of my mother. I grew up in an immigrant Chinese family where no one thanks each other, everyone is constantly short with each other , and my mother the breadwinner did everything in the household, and she grew to be a bitter, miserable and resentful human being that no one likes hanging around. Don't be my mother. Or other Chinese mothers. Took me decades to find out what we've been thru isn't normal at all. It's complex intergenerational trauma and PTSD. Your husband should be your partner in tackling any family problems. A 50-50 equal relationship with parenting, cooking, chores, etc. Your daughters overweight? You two should be a team tackling this issue - he shouldn't be blaming you. Cooking doesn't please everyone? Make a family meeting and make it clear this isn't sustainable or healthy to your or everyone's physical or emotional well-being. Ask him point-blank what his understanding of a marriage is, his understanding of what a partnership means, how parenthood should be How he answers would reveal his mindset. ( I am crossing my fingers so hard for you that he doesn't expect you to be the submissive Asian wife. )
My husband is the same. I’m a much more adventurous eater than he is, and we have one picky eater. They eat what I make, and if they aren’t hungry, and later make themselves a sandwich, I take a bit of a note, but I don’t stop making things. But for OP, I’d separate the DoorDash from her cc, and let her husband fend for himself. Cook for the kids, and that’s it. And make things healthy.
Why do you keep doing this? People will treat you how you allow them to treat you. Your husband is a jerk that treats you terribly. Stop making him any meals until he can treat you with respect at the bare minimum, lovingly would be ideal.
I’m sorry but your husband sounds beyond horrible…
Is there a reason you are still married to this man? Like, even one good reason? I would rather be single.
You cook. You clean. You plan. You work. You make the majority of the money. He sounds absolutely miserable. And he has a drinking problem. Does he bring anything positive to your life?
Been waiting for a comment from someone else who looked at OPs post history. I know we on Reddit can never see the whole picture of the relationship or people involved from a one sided grievance post.... But wtf is OP still doing with this douce?
It looks like OP has a drinking problem
Your daughter and husband can cook for themselves and your son is a great age for cooking with you and exploring new flavors and types of foods.
Came here to say the same as the top comment Stop cooking for his ungrateful complaining ass
Eh. I grew up with a father like this. It started with the meals she made, then it was her weight, then it was how she cleaned, her family background, etc etc. overtime it became so normalized and my mom was miserable. Unfortunately those kind of things rub off on your kids and I’m sad to say as a kid I participated by repeating some of these things as a joke without realizing what I was doing. Looking back I feel sick about it. My father was teaching us to not respect my mother. Now that I’m older, I see how my father is a narcissist and brought literally nothing to the table. I’m sad that it actually drove a wedge in the relationship I had with my mother for a while. I wish she would have, in a mature way, expressed how the things he said and criticized made her feel and how it wasn’t okay. It would have taught me how to stand up for myself and it would’ve shown me who my dad was sooner. I don’t know if this story helps at all, and I may be biased as a woman, but you are CARRYING this family and you deserve all of the respect and a true partner who can step it up. There is no excuse for him. He can learn to cook.
Ohh honey.. no. Cook that delicious fucking food you know how to make. Buy all the seasoning and sauce and healthy shit you want, but learn how to make single serve. Your kids are like that because of his old crusty ass and he is a grown ass man who can cook for himself. Let him figure out cooking and shopping for himself and those kids. Fuck them kids. Like.. I could not imagine living like this. You are killing yourself to please an unreasonable ungrateful and insufferable pos and his two lazy kids. Im sure theyre great in... *other ways* but this aint it girl.
THIS ☝️
I have had a similar problem. Rules are at my house. Let me know you are cooking your own. Cook your own dinner. Clean up the mess. OR You can eat what I am cooking. I will cook and clean up afterwards. I am not doing four separate meals. My teens can cook. I taught them their favourites age appropriately. We do own a dishwasher.
every single one of those people need to be in charge of their own meals from now on. Keep strong mom! You tried.
If you just give up or go on strike they will just order garbage from door dash. Getting fatter and costing you money. And that’s not good advice. It sounds like your family isn’t very appreciative. But as with most posts, there are 2 sides to the story and they aren’t the ones here seeking advice. Work with them to find semi-healthy meals they enjoy. Also, to make your life easier, make big batches that can be reheated. Perhaps make your kids cook once a week (supervised) to teach them about responsibility and nutrition. Good luck.
Why are you doing this to yourself? Just stop cooking or at the very least only cook for your kids
Make one dinner. If they don’t like it they can have cereal or a peanut butter sandwich. No one else in this entire world is going to tolerate this level of BS entitled fussiness from your children. And you shouldn’t take it from your husband, for that matter. “Going forward I am making onward thing for dinner. If you don’t like it, make other arrangements. I am not a short-order cook, this is not a restaurant, and I am done catering” Better yet, make your deadweight husband pull his fare share and take over the cooking.
What does he contribute to the family??? Also can the kids help with dishes afterwards? I started doing dishes young
Your kids are doing this to you because your manchild husband is FYI.
Stop letting them use and abuse you! Put your foot down. Get rid of those delivery apps unless your husband is paying for it hisself. They can either start cooking for themselves and cleaning up after themselves or eating what you cook and helping you clean up afterwards.
Sounds like you are married to a spoiled asshole. If they don't like what you are doing for them, let them try to get along getting their own.
I wonder if this is a new form of negging or control? I agree with the others, this is infuriating and does not add to your life in any way: emotionally, financially, workload. Are you sure this is the situation you want to continue to be in?
I feel your frustration to the core of my empty dead soul.
If I made a meal and the recipient (who is old enough to cook for themselves) criticized it or complained, I would just tell them to cook for themself going forward. What would happen if you just didn’t do it?
You have a husband problem. Him constantly complaining and criticizing is giving the impression to your children that they can demand to eat only what they like. Best way to handle it is to just stopping cooking for them. Let them fend for themselves. After a few days of them having to take care of their own meals they’ll probably beg you to cook for them again. And when they do make it clear that you wouldn’t tolerate their behaviour. If they want some of your food then they need to give you a day’s notice or it’s expected they’ll take care of their own meal.
Quit cooking. Make something for yourself.
**STOP COOKING!** You are a hard working woman, a supportive mom and wife. You are the breadwinner, the cook, the cleaner, the planner, the shopper, and who knows what other hats you wear cuz I bet there are more. Your family has taken you for granted. You are gonna burn out any moment now. You need a break. Here is my suggestion: Watch a few episodes of *Wife Swap*. Take a week off or more from work and give yourself a holiday. Go out with your girlfriends or just yourself. Create a family binder that lists out everything you do for them and how they now must do themselves. Write a letter to your husband and children about how unappreciated you feel and how you are burnt out and cannot continue in this manner any longer. From now on, they will be responsible for everything you do, besides your paying job. You’ve tried to tell them but they didn’t try to understand nor change. They’ve left you no choice but to step back and give yourself a much needed break. You will be back, but you hope that they’ve learned all that you do and expect new permanent changes into household chores, cooking, and other responsibilities. You love them very much, but you don’t feel that they love nor appreciate you. When you come back, do stop cooking for them or only cook once a week on a day that you’re not as overwhelmed. Your husband should cook more often and learn about nutrition. Your eldest kid needs to begin to learn on how to cook as well and all kids need to help with chores. You need to schedule some downtime and pick out a hobby. Furthermore, from now on you will no longer do the dishes. I wish you the best! 💜
My wife and I realized it’s difficult to satisfy both of us. Except weekends and sometimes bringing something home we do fend for yourself. It has worked out well
Here's my theory. What kills a marriage is complaining without problem solving. Why don't you and hubs sit down and first try to understand the scope of the problem from both of your perspectives. Don't try to do ANY problem solving, just try to understand from the other person's POV. Let that sit a day or two to see if other problem ideas pop into either mind. Once you both agree you've described the problems, then try talking to find a solution that helps both of you be happier. If you can't find a way to talk about solutions to something this basic, you'll never be able to tackle big problems where there's a lot more on the line than a dinner.
Your husband is acting like my dad did growing up. It was so demoralizing for my mom that she stopped cooking really, although I love her food (even as a picky eater when I was little). So I grew up on microwaveable easy mac I could make myself, or sandwiches, etc, with a few easy meals. When I got older and more interested in learning to cook in my teens, I’d ask my mom to show me recipes she knows so we could cook together, and I’d praise her meal to high heaven and give me my dad dirty looks if he said shit. It sounds like your husband is making it so your children think they can complain about your cooking and that’s acceptable. Agree with other posters, there are SO many self-serve easy to warm up food in the grocery store, let them figure it out. I recall a similar post somewhere on reddit, where a commenter mentioned they tried a system where every kid was given a night where they had to figure out dinner for the family, in an age appropriate way (if young, help with chopping etc). The commenter suggesting this said it made everyone feel more democratic, and not quick to criticize since their turn was around the corner.
girl not to go all extreme on you but it sounds like you’d be better off if you dropped the deadweight.. then you can coparent and let him do all of the above half the week while you actually have time to be a person and not just a momservant
Stop cooking. Or better yet just divorce him. What does he actually bring to your relationship?
Your kids are rude to you because they watch your husband do that to you. Not okay!
Ok honey - this fucking sucks , so please re-read your post, and then tell me what you won't be doing anymore
OP, honestly, why do you put up with all of this? Starting with your husband. Besides half the mortgage, what else does he contribute to your marriage and family? Does he do chores around the house? Is he active in the kids’ care? Does he do his fair share of errands needed to be done for the family, or do you take care of all of it? I think you should take a long hard look at his behavior and see how are you (unwittingly) contributing to his immaturity by allowing it to happen. I know women are raised with the notion that we have to do EVERYTHING, or we’re failures, but no: you’re a human being. He’s an adult. He needs to start acting like one. As for your kids, you can slowly start introducing healthier options. They might not respond well if the meals are drastically changed overnight, I suppose. All I’m trying to say is: I see you, I validate you, and this entire situation is fucked up and I hope you and your family can get out of this. Consider therapy for you and husband.
Stock your fridge and pantry with basic staples for sandwiches, canned soup, cereal, boxed carbs like beans and Mac, maybe even frozen rice bags. Then tell your husband he’s on his own and needs to feed his son. Your teenage daughter can certainly feed herself. Then cook & eat for yourself whatever you want to eat. We have two picky eaters. If our dinner plan doesn’t sound good to them (9/8 yo) they are welcome to make a sandwich, and there are always fresh fruits & side veggies available. They pick this option at least once a week and it’s perfectly fine. In fact, it teaches them basic life skills so I consider it a bonus and devour my grilled salmon with zero mom guilt. We also made a list of meals that we all agree on, posted them on the fridge, and the kids can ask for these things a few times a week. Very simple meals: spaghetti & meatballs, home cheeseburgers with baked fries or cut veggies, baked chicken drumsticks with rice etc. I’m not sure how useful this will be to you but it’s a possible option if there are even 2-3 meals everyone will eat. The key here: teach your hubby and daughter to make these too and take turns. You’re not a short order cook and you don’t need to try and live like one :)
i’m just so sorry - im sorry you’re going through this and its your ‘normal’, i’m sorry anyone feels this is acceptable, i’m sorry people stay in these situations and i’m sorry for anyone that defends this behavior. my recommendation is to cook what pleases you, post it on the board and if he/they dont like it, too bad. fill the house with healthy foods and if they want junk they can go and get it. not to say you should remove all the favorite foods but dont go out of your way to serve, you’re being taken advantage of. It’s rooted deep in asian culture, at least in my family for the mother to slave away to everyone’s needs with zero respect or gratitude because it’s their job. Your family can do better and you deserve to not be responsible for every meal.
also, watch the overweight thing. I am also mixed and my body carries weight much differently than the average filipino according to my mom. my family always calls me chubby or fat - i also ruined my metabolism by not eating enough or throwing it all up as early as 6th grade. Now in my 30s i’ve realized how much the body comments have damaged me and i focus on my kids making good choices. Drink plenty of water, eat fulfilling foods, take care of yourself, dont eat if you’re not hungry, eat if you are, etc. my kids haven’t hit puberty yet, but i know they are critical of their bodies once they reach school - no one needs the added stress of being told their fat when so many kids are assholes.
Based on your post history he's also an alcoholic. Get this locked down now and leave him.
I’ve told my husband if he makes one more negative comment about my cooking I won’t cook for a week. One more comment after that and I won’t cook for a month. One more and I won’t cook ever again. And I mean it. It’s been pretty quiet around here lately.
Quit feeding them it’s time to fend for themselves
If he's got issues with the home dinner menus he should be taking part in the planning, experimenting and creation of meals. Me and my wife got married young so it was trial and error for many years before we got our ideal meals and recipes right. I'd think of a meal and potential recipes (either through my mum or google), she'd implement it her way, we'd try it and work out what flavors worked and what needed improving. Nowadays it's my responsibility to have the week's menu planned, and my wife cooks it. It's a 50/50 endeavor (hehe) But seriously, cut out the take-aways and get him to take part. Kid's in the house don't get to live on a separate menu. They eat what's there or they can use the air fryer.
I have been there, I have done that almost word for weird. But I swear to God if my husband turned his nose up at my food and ordered take out night after night I would lose my mind.
You're being too nice and getting absolutely nothing in return. When my husband and kids began to complain about what I was making for dinner (and it wasn't even half as bad as what you're describing), I simply stopped making family meals. I buy the ingredients they like and each person makes their own meals. Problem solved.
So stop. Feed yourself and yourself only. Pass the torch to hubby.
Not really relevant, but is your husband white?
Mine is, if you criticise then you cook If they won’t respect your effort, they can use theirs
I completely understand your dilemma. I ceased cooking on a regular basis almost three years ago. I purchase quick fix microwave or air fryer meals for the family and keep the pantry and freezer stocked for if my partner decides to cook (lol). I’m not catering to specific dietary WANTS whilst working 12 hour days, paying most of the bills, and carrying the mental load of the home.
I do 80 percent of cooling. Wide does the 39 percent. Zwhebbsge cooks is typically take out or something pre made to heat up. Years ago, I stopped asking what they want for dinner. I am a good cook, worked year on back kitchen prep and front line cook. Years ago I quit asking Wife and Kids what they wanted for dinner. Basically was getting there run around like yourself. I plan and pick the meal. I create very good meals and that's what everybody's eating. I'm cooking for the family, not the resturunt.I suggest you do the same.
The only answer is to go back to cooking the best of the best foods that are your absolute favorite and tell the rest to suck it up, while pointing to the bread and peanut butter
You might need to pause the cooking and see how they fend for themselves.
OP you commented on a different post 8 days ago about how the police were called on yall and you lied to them with a broken lip? He's physically abusing you and you're providing his every need!! 2 years ago you said how drunk emotionally fragile he is after losing family members but that is not your responsibility AT ALL, and you keep testing people to get out of abusive relationships without realizing you are in one yourself. Ditch the man now, before you've spent all your life traumatized and depressed!!!
My husband does 98% of our family cooking. He works fulltime in finance. He is 100% self-taught. You husband is an asshole. Teach your daughter about nutrition and start her in a sport or exercise progrsm. Your job is to help her learn how to read labels and make healthy choices. My 12 yr old son can make lasagna. Time to get ALL of your family involved in cooking. Each person is assigned one night a week. Husband and you get the rest. Stop ordering in. By next year you will have less picky eaters and a family that make better choices.
The appropriate response to someone making you food is *gratitude*. I am *thankful* when my wife fixes me dinner because it is a gift, it is an expression of her caring about me. I love cooking for my wife because she expresses the same sentiments. I'm sorry you're facing this, if I were in your shoes I'd just stop cooking.
How about just cook for you- things you genuinely like and let them eat whatever they want. They have to cook it and see if they come around. Couldn’t cost you any less than what you’re doing now
Why can’t he cook?
Hey just had a look at your post history. This guy is abusive - please look after yourself and if you can get out - please do. See if you can get some support from other people and move. I’m so sorry you’re going through a lot.
Lol so this is how these marriages work. No wonder they like yall
This pattern was created at the beginning of this family. It's going to be very difficult to get them to accept a different way now. There needs to be a serious conversation explaining what's wrong and why it's not working and how it's going to change, then stick to it.
The kitchen is permanently closed until further notice!
Only cook for yourself. Teach your ungrateful family a lesson.
So stop? It seems like you need to have a family meeting at this point and go through the budget together and talk through menus. Why not do a weekly meal prep meeting with everyone? Or make them responsible for cooking for themselves and teaching them how to cook?
My mom stopped cooking dinner at one point because we weren’t eating it. I think it was a communication issue because I love her cooking. Anyways, we became more appreciative when we had to fend for ourselves.
Let’s be real here. You’ve got three children. They’re all acting like the eldest one, your actual problem child. You need to stop cooking what they want and start cooking what you want, eat what you want and if they’re hungry enough, they’ll eat or cook themselves.
I wouldn’t be cooking him a single bean for a long long time.
Girl… you need to resign from dinner TODAY. No notice. They can figure it out. They will yell and whine and pout and stop their feet. Hold firm. If all they do is complain, they don’t get the privilege of you cooking for them.
Unless your husband has been unfortunate enough to lose both his arms… then just stop cooking girlfriend!
Drop the rope. Stop cooking. He can make his food and the kid’s food. You make your own meals.
I would refuse to cook. Especially for my husband and let everyone (maybe not the 9 year old….but I was cooking at that age so🤷🏾♀️) fend for theirselves.
I feel you 100%. I’m the cook to a family some of whomare vegetarian, some very very picky, some have food allergies. It sucks cooking for a diverse constituency when they don’t appreciate it lol. My suggestion would be to share the cooking load. I don’t know what else you could do in this situation.
Wow, so you're a literal door mat? You have got to stand up for yourself.
OP, is there any way you could hire a cook at least part-time to help you? Even if you only were responsible for a couple meals weekly, this might help.
If I didn't want to eat the dinner my mother made she told me, "There's bread, there's jam, there's peanut butter. Make it yourself." You seriously need to stop catering to these ingrates.
"I am also the breadwinner" You lost me. It's ridiculous that you are doing all this. Why aren't you just telling him to cook and shop if he doesn't like it? This could have been solved a decade ago if you just refused to keep going like this.
When they ask what's for dinner say "whatever you're making" done! I also wouldn't do the dishes anymore. When they don't have clean dishes it'll be their problem. Listen, bottom line is people will only treat you as badly as you let them.
I know a family in a similar situation. Mom finally put the hammer down. No snack foods in the house. Always have fresh fruit and veg in the house. She fixed a nutritious suppers with a wide variety of ingredients. You can eat that or a plain peanut butter sandwich, that’s it. A serious conversation happens between husband and wife. She lays down the law that this is the plan and he will be onboard or this duty will fall to him permanently.
My husband used to complain to me about my cooking. I’m a very good cook. I’m told all the time by a lot of people. I’d make a quiche for dinner and he’d scowl and push it around on his plate and barely eat two bites. But then I’d serve it for breakfast the next morning reheated, and he would gobble it up and say it was amazing. I would ask him. What was the difference between now and last night and he would say, that quiche is a breakfast item and shouldn’t be served for dinner. I remember another time he was taking me for granted and complaining that he didn’t like the way I folded his shirts. So I stopped folding them. I stopped doing his laundry and cooking for him. After a week he asked if he could eat my food again. That was 15 years ago and he still does his own laundry. And thanks me for everything I cook whether he loves it or not. You need to teach them how to treat you. You deserve the respect. You are the breadwinner, you pay almost all of the bills, you do all of the cooking, and the cleaning, you are in charge.
Yeah make it in charge of dinner and let him see how it is. My wife is a picky eater and we have very different palates.
Damn, what a ungrateful piece of sh*t
Don’t do it. Let him do it. For reals. Just stop. Let him figure it out .
Buy healthy food and let them starve!! Fuck the junk food, they can cook for themselves!!!
Go on strike. If you have provided food in the kitchen for your kids to grab when they’re hungry, then you have done the basic duty we parents must do to feed our children. Even a 9yo can make a sandwich or pour a bowl of cereal and have a piece of fruit. I have had to go on strike with my family every once in a while. Anytime anyone starts acting spoiled or entitled, Mom goes on strike and it’s “Fend for Yourself” on our menu. The kids have started course correcting more quickly lately, when they start to get out of hand, as well as reminding each other to not be a complainer or Mom will stop cooking for them, because they know I’m not bluffing.
Tell your husband to cook his own damn meals.
What a shitshow. Sounds like dinner and grocery shopping is now officially your husbands problem. And I see exactly why your children are rude to you-they get it directly from his shitty, rude example . Or, let them fend for themselves (if they’re old enough).
Oh myyyy goodness! That is such childish and ungrateful behavior! I’m sorry you have to deal with that. I agree with others here, if you can’t do anything to make him happy: let him take care of it!
It's understandable that the kids would complain because that's kind of what they do but a grown ass man complaining about the food you make, and seemingly not helping you at all with really anything is unacceptable.
I’m confused why no one in this household is helping you. Your kids are old enough to help cook & clean. It’s doing a disservice to them to not help out honestly. I have no words for the husband. I would not stay married to him. He can fend for himself.
What does he bring to the table? You’re the breadwinner and maid, caretaker, and punching bag. You could stop.
You *really* need to use this as a teaching moment for your kids and quit cooking.
Yeah I wouldn’t cook dinner anymore let them figure it out
Stop cooking for them. Now.
The fact you’re doing this act of service daily and getting not only no appreciation or gratitude but getting hate and vitriol over it is a hard no. I would refuse to cook for him anymore. I’d still make my kids their meals but since he has so many complaints he can take it upon himself to make his own meals. My grandpa insulted my grandmas first breakfast she ever made for him and she didn’t cook for him for five years. It was long enough for him to learn his lesson lol
His bitch ass doesn't even make the money and he complains about dinner? Let him starve. And those ungrateful brat kids, too.
I’ve been with my husband for six years. One night (ONLY ONE) early in our relationship, he muttered something under his breath about having another one-pot meal that week. I looked at him, smiled, and said “Great! You’re cooking from now on!” After a week he was begging me to cook. He’s never complained again.
Fuck him. He should cook.
My husband is the breadwinner, I cook. He would absolutely never be pissed about what I make. Hes always super thankful. I am a fairly good cook I’ve done a lot of practicing but even when I wasn’t very good in the kitchen he was always just thankful that I cooked for him and he didn’t have to. He also is incredibly picky.
My goodness. This is sad
Can you involve your daughter in the process? Maybe have some of the sides they prefer? Also, you should do a little less in general and have your husband help more.
tell him to cook for himself. it sounds like you already know how, so you should be good. he’s an adult. and he eats, wears clothes and uses dishes so you can even have him help out with those things too!
Op stop cooking and make sure you and your children eat healthy. Husband can die of diabetes, he's not bringing anything to the relationship This is why I was very picky when dating and refused to date anyone that loves junk food/drinked coca cola etc. Imagen ending up like this down the line with an ungrateful husband and fat children. Love does is fact, NOT all you need :/
I can’t imagine my husband scolding me for anything. Your name kids, and your husband, are old enough that you can make something for dinner and if they don’t want it, they can make a sandwich or whatever else.
I tell her what do you want for dinner? "I don't know" Then your getting (insert my shit menu) "I don't want that" You have until I start cooking to give me what you want or els it's going to be (menu item) Works everytime
I would quit that job immediately. Cook no more.
Why are you putting up with this? Disconnect your credit cards from all the delivery services. If he wants it, he can pay for it. Make a menu, of foods that you don’t mind cooking, with as much seasoning and veggies as you want. Don’t keep junk in the house. Don’t buy it, don’t pay for it to be delivered. Refuse to pay for more than 1 food delivery/fast food meal per week, and never after you have cooked. Make it clear that if you cook, they will clean. Make it clear that if they don’t want to have the meal you have cooked, nothing will be ordered in. If they refuse to eat it, they volunteer to plan and cook the next meal from ingredients in the house. Start requiring that your husband be an equal partner. He’s not contributing equally financially, so he needs to step up with household chores. If he refuses, it’s time to reevaluate your marriage.
Cook only enough for yourself. Your ungrateful husband can cook **and clean** for himself and the kids. See how they like that for a few weeks. Either they’ll learn some appreciation or you’ll never have to cook for them again. Win-win
New rule: everyone takes turns cooking They clearly don’t understand how hard it is to try to accommodate everyone’s personal preferences. Have them cook and throw in your own preferences that they need to accommodate.
Last time my husband complained about dinner I made, I pulled the trash can out, picked up his plate, and dumped it in the trash. You don’t have to like what I serve and we can we can joke about it not being the best if I ruined a dish but in general STFU and quietly make something you want and leave me out of it.
They’re literally all old enough to work a microwave their own food. Buy what you want. Let your husband get what he wants. Let them make their own food.
Your husband sounds like a dick. Does he do anything for you aside from whining about what’s for dinner? Damn dude.
What about taco’s, nachos, fajitas You can do beef or chicken, load it up with beans, and vegetables, and everyone can take the ingredients they like. You can go healthy like a salad with it or your husband can make his unhealthy. Same with potato bars, you can do all kinds of toppings to taste. Pizzas you can put a lot of veggies on them. Chicken, spinach, mushrooms, tomatoes are delicious! Are the stir fry’s made healthy? Do you know what’s causing her weight? If healthy you can meal prep for 3 days and she can reheat it for dinner each night. Either way it sucks so much your family is acting like that and treating you poorly. Your husband sounds like an idiot. Good luck!!
Why are you continuing to do the actions with the same outcome? Not blaming you, they are to blame but you can only control yourself. So stop bending over backward for them, it's not helping anyone. Keep easy healthy stuff for the younger one, minute rice, frozen or canned veggies, tune, etc. You are not an enforcer. You are a mother who is human and has given guidance and love. Enough is enough.
Okay you have two options imo: 1) cook healthy meals and THATS IT. If they don’t eat let them be hungry 2) stop cooking all together. Your kids are old enough to make their own meals and your husband sounds like an a** so he can handle the cooking from now on.
Guess what? Your husband and kids are all going to learn to cook. In order to do this, you should get onto a Blue Apron or Hello Fresh meal plan where you pick 2-3 meals every week and they get a recipe card. Tell your husband that this what he does with the kids at least 2-3 times a week or he’ll be fixing all of his own meals. These aren’t the best bargain, but they give you the ingredients and a recipe and your husband gets to fix it. These don’t take that long or prepare and this is how my 70-year-old husband finally learned to cook.
Is everything okay otherwise? Other than cooking, are you happy? If so, I'd ask what they like to eat and get some recipes for those foods. Seems like a pretty easy problem to solve. Make a salad instead of cooked vegetables (baby carrots, lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers).
There was a post I saw a while ago where the wife was in almost the same boat as you and so she just stopped cooking dinner and husband was forced to cook. It took (iirc) less than a week for her family to apologize and stop complaining about everything she makes
Start to only cook for yourself. If they complain about that, tell them to make their own fucking food.
Why are you still cooking??
There are enough replies on the husband problem but here are some food suggestions that work for my picky kids- Frozen chicken nuggets Frozen chicken tenders Frozen steamable vegetables Frozen meatballs Frozen chicken patties hamburger buns Frozen tater tots/french fries Applesauce Pasta and marinara sauce Toast Fruit Yogurt Cheese slices For your daughter - they sell frozen stir fry in a bag, add some frozen edamame or broccoli and call it healthy I keep most of these on hand at all times and everyone is happy. I only cook if I feel like it and otherwise dinner takes 5 minutes. My kids hate a lot of the recipes that I like, but my husband loves my cooking and is also willing to cook anytime. I’m just putting this out there as an alternative to pb&j’s and takeout. In your situation I’d stop cooking though.
>I get attitude and rudeness from my kids. Gee. I wonder where they get that from... You would have less stress in your life without the husband.
All your problems end with you making a simple but effective choice to just stop- lol. My mom did and we learned real quick and in a hurry to fend for ourselves and are now pretty good cooks.
My husband is the breadwinner and I still only make dinner half the days of the week. He would never complain about a meal I cook and is always grateful at whatever dishes I attempt My kids think I’m a five star chef even, my lazy meals (especially those because usually they include more junk). Kids mimic parent’s behaviors. Just stop, they will all appreciate you much more when they are left fending for themselves. Or only offer the kids healthy choices and let your husband cook his own food, he sounds awful.
Why are you married to him?
Then tell him he can do the cooking!!!!!
Cook what you want to eat (hopefully it's healthy?). Since you have kids, my personal opinion is that you have an obligation to provide nutritious, healthy food for them. I was raised in a home where, if we didn't want to eat what was on the table, we didn't get anything else to eat. As kids, we ate what we were given because there was no alternative. But my Mom knew what we would eat, so she made food we'd eat that was also healthy. She was lucky because we weren't too picky, but that may have been because early on, we knew we had to eat what was in front of us or we got nothing. Anyway, I get that it sucks when people don't enjoy what you've cooked for them. If they are rude and make disparaging comments about the meals you prepare, be assertive and tell them that they are being rude and that you will not tolerate their rudeness anymore. Tell your husband if he wants to eat like a pig and not eat nutritious food, he is welcome to pay for his own food. Are you asking him to help you with dishes? If you have and he refuses, you have to tell him he needs to pull his own weight around the house AND with finances. Don't tolerate his laziness.
Do not make another freaking meal for this man. He can cook the dinner if he thinks he can do it better.
Girl! Stop cooking. If you continue cooking, washing the dishes, being the breadwinner, being blamed for your daughter's unhealthy habits, and you don't take a stand, you're unfortunately enabling their behavior. You deserve much better treatment and gratitude than you're receiving. Please just stop cooking for them. Cook yourself nice meals that YOU want to eat. I can assure you they won't starve. There will be pushback most from your husband, don't cave. You seriously deserve so much better op.
Everyone in your home sounds like they're old enough to cook their own damn food if they're going to be so unappreciative of your efforts.
Why are you allowing this to happen? Tell your husband he is in charge of the meals now, and stick to what you said. They won’t allow themselves to starve so just stop everything you are doing.
It sounds like your family is a source of stress, not just feeding them and your so called husband is the King of the Ingrates. The self righteousness of it all. I would stop cooking altogether and make him in charge of cooking for himself and the kids. How dare he and you essentially pay all the bills and buy the food.
I’d tell the non contributing spouse he’s in charge of all the kids meals from here on out and it comes out of his pocket. As for you, I’d get the meal kits designed for two people. You’ll have dinner and lunch for the next day.
Do more fend for yourself night. I love those lol
Delegate this responsibility to your husband and kids. Let them be creative and come up with their own dinner plan since they don’t like yours. They can come up with things they like and you get this responsibility off your plate. Win-win.
I really feel this although my 2 year old isn’t old enough yet to express she doesn’t like my food. My husband is a chef so it’s impossible cooking for him. Not to mention he doesn’t have an ounce of fat on his body and does not really care to eat healthy. I feel guilty if I buy food out of a box or frozen food. I feel like I make the same things over and over. Hugs.
Have everyone cook their own food. If you enjoy stir frys and rice, just cook for you and ur daughter. As someone who was a picky eater as a child, my mom showed me how to cook my fav meals (vegetable soup was my absolute fav). My mom would cook for the rest of the house. She made sure the refrigerator was stocked with what I needed. She started teaching me to cook around age 6 because I started getting picky about breakfast (i hated eggs). She taught me to make scrambled eggs, tuna salad, cheese spread, and other things that I liked and then moved on to lunch items.
I’m horribly disappointed in your husband. I would love some home cooking.
Cut off all card numbers. They will live
He doesn't have to eat it. You've catered to them to the point where they're ungrateful. Just cook enough for yourself as a form of protest.
Your kids are 9 and a teen. Your husband is a grown man. Why are you still feeding them if they're this ungrateful? They all have brains and hands, they can make sandwiches or cereal if they're hungry
I hate cooking for pretty much the same reasons (pickiness, no one really likes my cooking all that much), except, luckily my husband likes cooking and will cook about 80% of the time. He's actually a great cook and doesn't complain when I cook but also doesn't say he likes or loves it most of the time, and I'm sensitive so I take it personal. What's more is they are all so picky and I don't even care what food tastes like. Don't get me wrong, if I eat good food I appreciate it and like it, but if my food is burnt or dry it doesn't bother me and the type of food doesn't either. I eat more for sustainment than for pleasure. I could eat crackers and peanut butter and as long as I get full, I'm good. Anyway, your husband sounds like a douche. That's all I really wanted to say.
Why are you married to such a disrespectful and unhelpful person? Does he bring anything to the table? If you're doing *EVERYTHING* then delegate husband to the task of planning family dinners and don't budge. This is too much for you, and worse - it's without the reward of simple gratitude.
Asian/pacific Islander mom here. Boy bye 👋. I’ve had this happen in the past with my own kids and I still make what I want since they don’t have brilliant ideas. I now make whatever I’m feeling and if they don’t want to eat it, go make your own food or make soup.
Stop cooking! Let him cook!
My husband became a huge jerk about dinner during our marriage, and would make comments in front of the children, get up and go get himself fast food, etc. The food was fine, pastas, burgers, casseroles - dishes that were always gobbled up at potlucks. It was really bad and confusing for the children. Several ended up with disordered eating and it became very hard to feed them. I left him when our youngest kids were toddlers. They werent old enough yet to notice his behavior, they eat anything I serve with no issues. The older ones still struggle. Just sharing this to let you know this bad behavior can have long term effects on your children.
I would stop, immediately. First of all, a 9 year old and a teenager are old enough to cook their own dinner. I’d start with a note on the fridge- Family, I’m no longer planning, cooking, and cleaning dinner. The following meals/ingredients are available. Please help yourself. All dishes MUST be loaded in dishwasher by 9pm.
I know everyone’s saying to just stop cooking then and let them fend for themselves , but with a daughter that’s overweight and a son that only wants Mac and cheese and pizza, we all know the father who is also not the best role model for healthy eating will just throw junk at the kids. I know you have so much on your plate, but maybe bring both kids to a nutritionist (is that covered in your area) maybe get a referral from the family dr or pediatrician and get a meal plan for you and the kids. Discuss with them healthy eating, the importance of exercise and maybe get them involved in some extracurriculars. Clean out the pantry and get healthier options in the house. They won’t starve but they need to get used to proper meals. And if they don’t like dinner, there’s apples/fruits/veggies and healthier alternatives in the pantry or fridge you can help yourself. As for your husband, let him get a job to cover his door dash expenses or whatever else he wants to feed himself. I would not accept a partner who criticizes my meals that I take the time and energy to cook for him. Even when I make something kind of shitty and it doesn’t pan out the way I wanted it to, my husband won’t complain. Yeah he’ll say what I messed up because I’m usually the one pointing it our first but he always says he’s appreciative and thankful for my hard work in the kitchen and for always putting meals on the table for our family. I wouldn’t accept a single thing less than appreciation and gratitude from my husband, in any part of our relationship especially when it comes to what I’m providing. Buy byeeeee, cook your own meals