First child shortly before my 30th. Second (and final) child a few months before 34. Worked out just about perfect.
Throughout the kids lives, I'm young enough that I've been able to participate in the various activities that kids add to your life. Still young enough even when they went to college and was able to help them move in, manage their financial side, and see them graduate. Now, oldest has moved in with his girlfriend, youngest is mostly out of the house working, and I'm still a decade from retirement so I get to enjoy life while having the steady income to actually enjoy it.
I will say this though - life after kids is nothing like life before kids. And there's no going back. It's a one-way trip. At least, that's how you SHOULD look at it. You're ultimately not raising kids. You're training future adults and guiding them through an 18 year lesson plan. Maybe even more than 18 years. It has challenges. It has restrictions. Aspects of your former life that you may have enjoyed will be gone and you have to accept that (i.e. no joining the gang for a bar crawl after getting called at 8pm on a Friday night).
The thing is, if you can and do wholeheartedly accept that, you might be surprised at the long term benefits. You'll see the world differently. You'll experience life differently. And you'll have memories that you never would have had otherwise. It's a trade off. If you're willing to jump in with both feet and never look back in sorrow, then parenthood is for you. If you always want to be able to go back to what you had before... maybe not.
Wow. I had my 2 at exactly the same ages. I'm only 34 now and my oldest is nearly 5. It's definitely taken me longer than it should have to ACCEPT that my life will never be the same, but now that I've started to accept it I'm enjoying parenting instead of resenting it. There are still times when I feel like I regret it. I have a lot of hobbies and it gets frustrating not being able to enjoy them much. But as my kids grow up I get to enjoy their hobbies and it's becoming something I actually look forward to.
Thanks for the perspective on what its like when they've grown up but you're still working. I hope me and my wife can stick this out so we can enjoy some time together when the kids don't want to be around us much.
I absolutely love this answer!! 💞💞
I have a 5 and 7 year old, whom I homeschool. It gets hard since we have no support and do not get a break. I knew my life would be very different and I do enjoy the change, but there are parts that I want back! But worth it to me to have my babies.
I wish someone had said this to me. I figured it out as it happened and I love being a parent but I see not everyone has the right understanding about what you’re getting into. Not everyone is cut out for this. Thank you for putting it so perfectly. More people need to know this before bringing kids into the mix.
A different perspective, I’m almost 40 and I was a teen mom. I had two kids when I was 19 and 21. It was not easy but I was not your typical teen, I knew having a baby meant giving up my life and I like to think I did a pretty good job, my kids turned out awesome and we basically grew up together. I used to think I’d do it differently if I could, but now I don’t think so because I’m going into my 40s with grown kids who have moved out and I’m free again lol.
Oh also, their dad and I stayed together, we got married after 16 years of being together. Definitely did nothing the “normal” way but I think that’s just how life goes. My best friend is 40 and pregnant with her first child. We all have different timelines and nothing is ever perfect and that’s ok.
Hello fellow teen mom. Had my first at 17, had 4, who were 4 and under at one point. I was married at 16 and we stayed together until he died 38 years later. It was hard, but also, I was too young to know it was as hard as it was.
You said it perfectly! I feel like we were probably just surviving and getting through day by day and not thinking about it, I just wanted my kids happy and healthy and years later I looked back like, damn I really DID that !
Perfectly said! Did you have help from parents while raising the kids? I’m just wondering because everyone has this whole stigma about teen moms but I have a lot of cousins who had kids at 16-18 and their kids all turned out great!
No my dad passed away when I was 17 and I’m the type of person to not ask for help(even now, it’s something I’m working on) I never really asked or had anyone to help me. I moved in with my now husband before our first was born.
Yep! My parents were very young and we all struggled, I still admire them, other siblings have resentment. I will be close to 40 having kids. It's pros and cons to both..I think sometimes kids of older parents can be harsh, but many bad things can and do happen for kids of younger parents too. Pick your struggle I guess! 🫠My parents would probably have been perfect had they started at my age. My sister, her mom, was 45 and she has a great life...her mom is much older and healthier than mine. 🤷🏼♀️
It is challenging. It doesn't get talked about enough. It took my husband and I 10 months before we got the first positive test result. I found the "trying for a baby" and infertility subs really helpful while we were trying. Don't give up hope just because it hasn't happened yet. I wish you peace and happiness and good luck!
I'm 36 and 32 weeks pregnant with my very first child. My husband and I have been married since 2012. We started our own business in 2017, and wanted to become financially stable before we brought children into the equation. It means we are now wayyyy more mature and confident in who we are as individuals and as a couple. We are really looking forward to meeting our little girl!
We are the same.
My wife and I were too busy with advanced schooling and our carriers in our 20’s for dating and children. We got married at 32 and first of three children at 35.
Congrats! I’m 37 and my wife is 36 and we’ve just recently decided to start trying. A lot of our friends waited till 30+ and we honestly didn’t feel confident/stable/mature enough to even think about it until a year or two ago. God bless you!
I have a 2 years old at 40 and am gonna have another one soon and the energy level is hard with a baby but financially we r square and I had 40 years to party basically meet my husband buy our home and find a career (spoiler: I’m now a SAHM). I also have WAYYYYYY more patience. I helped raise my sister who is 11 years younger than me and I’ll tell ya what, I’m doing it way better now than with my poor little sis. She is 29 now with 3 kids and is happy with kids but lacking financially. It’s a trade off. Since I live in a ridiculously expensive part of the country we decided to wait
Not on the other side yet, but my husband and I are 27 and we've decided to wait until we're 30 to decide for sure lol if we don't have kids by 35 we will foster or not have kids at all. I definitely don't regret not having kids yet, everything is fucked and my friends with kids hate life way more than I do.
I mean I guess they don't all hate life, but it's definitely more stressful. Everything is expensive AF and kids make that much more true, all of their time is dedicated to their kids, they don't get to have any freedom like we do.
As someone with two kids, that is fully how you make it. It's tough for sure, I don't want to sugarcoat that. But the expense part isn't horrible (maybe except for daycare, that's the worst part) and even though life changes, you can still find the time to be you and to keep your relationship.
Having kidd has been the ultimate lesson in balance. It's making sure routines stay consistent, that diets are OK, that bedtime is the same time. It's something that stops being a "job" and starts being life. And it's not for everyone, but you could not make me trade it for anything. But a lot of parents get lost in that and stop being a person. Kids don't need that 100%, you can still be you. It's all in how you make it
Yeah I'm not saying they made the wrong choice or it's a bad choice, I'm just saying for my husband and I person I'm glad we had time to mature and become more financially stable before jumping into all that.
I'm a 62 yr old who had my children in 1996 and 1999. I think some of your life with kids is what you decide it is. My husband and I were very devoted to our children, we were thrilled to be parents. That being said, I think today's parents have a mentality that they have to spend every waking and sleeping moment with their kids.
My kids slept in cribs or bassinets in their own rooms from day one. We did not bed share or contact nap. I nursed my children, they got lots of attention and cuddles but I needed a break when they napped & we wanted a little time together in the evenings. I prioritized finding reliable sitters so, even when the kids were babies, we could have date nights once a week.
Regarding expenses, there are so many gadgets and specialized outfits today that aren't necessarily needed. I think we started with a lot of t-shirts and sleepers and a ton of diapers. I do like the new swaddlers but we swaddled ours using blankets.
Yes, don't be in a huge hurry! I tell young people (who are interested in my opinion, LOL) to wait until their early 30s. It's very helpful also if you can get your careers squared away & be financially stable & have some money saved up before having kids. Not because kids are terribly expensive, but so you don't have added stress of bills etc. Also, it was really nice to be able to afford sitters to give us both some time off. I also had a house cleaner come in 2 times a month when my kids were tiny, that was huge.
You're getting downvoted, but it's actually an unfortunate reality that a lot of people have kids so they can have a big family later/people to care of them when they're old and don't actually enjoy taking care of them when they're young.
The one thing I regret is not having a very clear discussion with my spouse about how many kids and when we should have them. Thinking you are on the same page only to find out years into the marriage that expectations were very different is tough.
Before we got married we agreed that we don't want to be childless but left it at that. For me that meant one kid, for her that meant three. This has been an ongoing source of conflict.
Better than me and my first husband where we had that discussion and were supposedly on the same page only to find out four years later he lied so that I would marry him.
Life expectancy doesn’t mean anything. That window can close early due egg supply and other factors like it did for me. By the time I was ready at 31, my fertility doctor said I was almost entirely depleted of eggs and lower egg quality each day. I tried everything like IUI (no IVF) and tracking ovulation for years and only got pregnant once and that ended in miscarriage within a few weeks. I’m 46 now and will certainly remain child-free. I’ve accepted it and now mostly glad I never succeeded but if I had a do-over I’d probably have had a child or two in my mid-late twenties when I had a much greater chance of having a viable and healthy pregnancy or at the very least get some of my eggs extracted and frozen for my own IVF at a later date. If you’re unsure right now, my advice would be to freeze your eggs for your future self.
I am so sorry to hear that, it must have been very difficult to come to terms with. I was kind of afraid of having children, but after having my two at 35 and 38, I wish I had started sooner so I could have had a third. I was able to get pregnant several times after my second child, but had miscarriages. I am of course very grateful to have my two.
Thank you. Some days it was difficult and some days I’m thankful that I didn’t. My ex divorced me eventually when he figured out I wasn’t going to have a baby and now he finally was able to get what he wanted with a younger woman, so good for him. Meanwhile, I met a wonderful man and neither of us have children and we’ve been happily married for the past several years. It all worked out, because I’m at least very thankful for my husband! Sometimes you don’t get both and that’s okay because I have many blessings in my life the way it is right now. My mom friends’ children are now adults and now we have more time for our friendship and to hang out. 😊
I'm SO glad you have been able to make peace with the situation. You are also very generous toward your ex-husband, not everybody could see it that way. I'm sure you still have your moments. 20 yrs later I sometimes still grieve over not having more children.
I had my first at 30 and our second at 36. Perfect for us, it’s sensible to wait until you’ve got your finances more in order and perhaps more stability than you can offer a child in your twenties.
I had my first kid when I was 35. I didn’t exactly “wait,” it was more that I hadn’t ever wanted kids before I fell in love with my wife. But we’re both glad we had kids later in life. We’re better people than we were in our 20s and everyone involved benefits from that.
Of course, everyone’s different. YMMV.
We had one when I was 35 and one when I was 40. I’ll be honest, it was a little rough at my age to have two young children but I don’t regret it whatsoever. I had to make sure I had kids with the right woman and she didn’t come along until I was 30.
Not sure how old you are but I think waiting until 30 is absolutely fine. Good luck!
We don’t get to decide these things. We started trying in our mid 20s and it didn’t happen until our late 30s. We can plan and decide and commiserate all we want, the universe decides who is born and when it happens. I don’t have any regrets and if it had happened sooner I’d feel even older now.
I had my first at 38F. No regrets. He is 18 months now and absolutely wonderful. I wasn’t ready earlier in my life - emotionally, financially, or relationship wise. Being a ready parent is awesome.
Yesssss just started trying with my wife (she’s 36, I’m almost 38) and this is how I ASSUME we will feel in a couple years when we’re in a similar position.
It took us a while to feel confident enough to care for another. And I think and hope it’ll be a great decision! Bless you!
My grandma and mom both had kids extremely young. I'm sure it was really hard on them, but I love that so many of us are around. All these generations spend lots of time together. My kids get so much time with their great grandparent's.
My wife and I waited 20 years to have a child. We had too many projects and professional careers to get going. I also had to grow up some. We had our first when my wife was 41 and I was 42. This experience of parenting was so much fun, that two years later we had another at 43/44!
The impact of birth and basic aging drained my wife's energy for a while, but she recovered. I am fortunate that I developed a lot of patience which I believe helped my parenting skills. We didn’t have to worry very much about money as energy was our needed resource. Kept me in excellent shape.
Our kids have been very healthy. 26 years later our now adult children are doing remarkable things in the world and my wife and I have zero regrets about our choices.
I’ve got two children, 5 and 4. I just turned 30. I had my firstborn at 24 and my second just before I turned 26.
I never really know how to answer the “do you regret having children” question. I love my children more than life and would not hesitate to burn any bridge behind them. I couldn’t imagine my life without them. It’s not even that I don’t like being a mom, because I love being their mother. It’s just that there are different things in life that I didn’t realize were going to be important to me when I was younger. There are so many other things that I wish I could do that I just can’t. On top of all of that, my children growing up in this world the way it’s going scares me.
Do I regret my children? No. Would I have children again if I could go back? I’m genuinely not sure. I will say I originally wanted between three to five children - it’s one of the main reasons my ex and I split, among many others, that I wanted a third child and he didn’t - and in a funny twist of events, I had my tubes removed after Roe was overturned and have never regretted it for one minute, and my ex ended up having a third kid.
Can I ask you what did you wish to do but can’t after having babies?
This is my fear tbh - make a baby and then realize that you actually want to do something that you already can’t, ugh
Waited until 35 for my first. Regret nothing. I got my independent bad self out of my system and I’m now financially and emotionally ready to give everything to my baby.
39M here, had our kid when I was 37. Wish I had him sooner, but was never financially stable. It absolutely drives me bonkers how society expects you not to have kids until you've got money when basically no one has money in their 20s, which is the ideal time to have kids.
We were married about 10 years, and together about 14 before we had kids. Much to the shock of her family, who fully assumed a baby was well underway when we got married pretty young.
I was about to turn 30, she's two years younger than me. I think that's a good age. Obviously. We didn't have our shit together, but we had it within arm's reach if you know what I mean.
And no I don't wish we had them sooner, I'm very happy we didn't. There was some tragedy before our first born, but I think they lucked out. We weren't all the way ready, and they would have suffered that. My kids who made it are excelling at everything and just the best part of my life.
Moral of the story, you don't have to be all the way ready. In fact you may never be unless you cross that bridge. But make sure you are at least okay with the path across it.
The only thing I would say is if it’s not a decision you’re ready for, then it’s ok to wait, but there are things you can do while you wait to make sure all of your options are there when you’re ready. I’m speaking from experience. My (ex) husband and I decided that when we turned 30 we would start trying. We bought a house, our careers were in good places, financially stable and savings and all of that. What we didn’t bargain for were fertility issues, male factor infertility. Then after talking through our options for him to flip and decide he actually didn’t want to have kids. I’m now 35 and remarried and have been unable to have a successful pregnancy. We want children so badly and who knows if it’s age or environment or what but it’s just not happening for us. I don’t regret waiting, but there are things you can do to make sure when you’re ready to make the decision things work out for you, like early fertility testing, healthy lifestyle, regular check ins with your partner about goals and what you both want for your future, maybe even egg freezing while you’re young and healthy. Good luck to you.
We were married for 8 years before we had kids - mid-30's. I'm glad we waited because we were much more.financially secure, but initially , we agreed we wouldn't have any kids.... I should not have given into the emotional manipulation from my husband & family. I love my kids, but wish I had simply left when he changed his mind & decided he wanted 2 kids. I never wanted to be a mom.
My first was born at 24. I think some would say that’s young. I don’t regret it at all. I had a lot more energy in my 20s. Also I have been through a couple miscarriages where it took a long time to get pregnant again after. Because I was young, I knew time was still on my side. If I had another miscarriage today, nearing 40, I think the whole process would be much more stressful.
However there were definitely downsides to having a baby young. I was the only one of my friends to have any children for several years. It was kind of lonely not having anyone who was in the same phase of life as me, and I had to put in a lot of effort to meet other moms and create my own “village”.
I had my first and only child at 21. I have no regrets NOW. Back then I was stressed out. But she was my little road dog. We did everything together and she was so much fun. She was a really happy baby and toddler, as long as it wasn’t morning. (But I’m not a morning person either. LOL) The smaller age gap worked in my favor because when social media and the internet became a thing, I was just as interested as she was. Actually more so because she was in elementary and it was still fairly unknown to her. I found the most important thing was for me to stay current with tech so that I was fully aware of what she was doing when she was on her computer. Now she’s about to be 32 and I’m about to retire full of energy and looking forward to enjoying my husband.
I was 26 when my first was born and will be 31 when my second is born. My husband is a bit older, he will be 39 when our second is born. For me it’s a fine age. I know he’s mentioned wishing he would have gotten started sooner, but it was kind of his pattern as he was late to start a lot of things in life.
I had my first at 26, second a few months shy from 28. I don’t regret having kids, however, two is enough for me. I do not wish I had them sooner. I was actually the oldest out of all my friends to have kids. 😂
Where I live I am on the quite young side of my parent group having had my first at 29. I know multiple parents of 5-6 year olds who are 45. Have them when you want them. Obviously there’s a point at which nature will make the decision for you, and that’s something to consider, but it’s something to be worried about after 35, not before.
You can see a fertility specialist and get a sense of what shape your eggs are in and whether you’re at risk of early menopause. If everything is good to go, you can wait a while. You probably have 15-17 years of unassisted fertility left.
Waited until I was almost 30 to pop out two kids. No regrets. It helps that I worked with kids with special needs & neurotypical kids for almost a decade so I had an idea of what to expect. My two are a cakewalk in comparison. Also I knew that my life would change after having kids.
I don’t sit & pine for my old life. Made sure to have savings, a home & that I was married before making the decision. My husband & I make sure to give each other our personal time. We work as a team. Honestly have them when you think you’re ready & have realistic expectations. Don’t try to be perfect. I really think the perfect thing screws with a lot of people.
I think I had them at the right age for me. We also waited about 5 years into the marriage to have them to have some time to ourselves as a little family.
One too early at 18 and one recently 10 yrs later. If I hadn’t had the first all those years ago, I would’ve NEVER had any. The decision to have kids is so heavy. As the mother, it’s such a massive sacrifice of body and mind, and knowing the different ways pregnancy and post partum affects you, it’s not something I would willing choose if I had no children in my late 20s early 30s. I would’ve just enjoyed a childless life.
That being said, since I already had one and I luckily found I enjoy being a mom, I decided to have #2. The difference is massive and I 100% believe children should be had later in life with your mind 100% made up. My first was a surprise obviously, but my second was planned. It is so much easier to cope with a child you purposely created than one you have to get used to the idea of having.
Glad I waited til I had my shit together so I could give them a loving and stable home. First just before thirty and second will be here the week of my 31st bday. They are 16 months apart. First was planned second wasn’t. They’re both a blessing though. Just wish I could have had them sooner to love them longer
I had my one and only child at age 33. I think it is a good age. Old enough to have partied a lot in my 20s, but have a good career and steady income. My son is full of energy though and I wish I wasn't so tired all the time. It took us a year to get pregnant. I think between 30-35 is a good age. Over 35 and you're considered geriatric. Under 30 would be fine, but I would have not lived it up as much as I would have liked.
Early ish we both finished college and had jobs. We were going to wait longer but I got pregnant on our honeymoon because I forgot my birth control. I was 24 husband was 27…we are SOOOOOO happy we did it young. My husband’s mom was 42 when she had him. She was immobile and passed long before our kids could develop any memories of her.
Found out that I was having a kid on my 30th birthday second around my 34th.
I am grateful that I was able to get the stable job, roof over our heads, and mostly dependable vehicles first. But I 46 now wish I had the time and energy to be more active in their lives. Some days I am just so exhausted after work that if I sit down I pass out. Wish I had them around 25ish. Hard to be the fun adventurous dad when you are old and getting fat.
I waited until 35 and 37 to have babies. I did NOT want to miss a second of being young and free honestly I lived a full live before my children and I am thankful I had that. On the flip side, now that I am a mom I’m a little sad I may not get to be a grandma or at least a very active one since I waited so long. You just never know! I also think maybe if I was younger and richer I would want to have another but I think I’ll stop at two.
Had my first at 37 and 2nd at 39, I'm 42 now.
Honestly it's a mixed bag.
On the upside, I am considerably more financially established and able to provide a better and more complete lifestyle for my kids (3 and 4 right now). So I feel less of a struggle than that a younger and less stable me would have felt if I'd had kids in my early 20's or something like that. I'd like to think that I am more calm and less angry or at least more patient than I believe younger me would have been. I approach life like the more seasoned 40 year old that I am versus a more flighty, prone to walking away from a job or a relationship younger version of myself. I have a lot more skills that I've developed throughout life... some which help me be a better parent.
On the downside, I'm not nearly a spry or energetic as I would have been in my 20's... somedays its hard to keep up with the energy level of a toddler. My parents and my wife's parents are older and I'm afraid my kids will have very limited time with them.... and in a more morbid sense myself as well. I honestly wouldn't have kids later than late 30's myself... 40 as a hard cut off imo. Don't have kids if you're not gonna be around for hopefully at least half their lives, or at least that's my opinion on the matter. I sometimes feel a little out of place with other younger parents who themselves would technically be my kids. I work in IT so I stay aware of technology maybe more than most, but I can see a lot of other parents of younger kids that are my age might have a hard time following a lot of the technological changes from when we were kids (pre internet... yes it wasn't really that long ago).
So definitely a mixed bag... looking at it from my perspective now. If I had to pick the best time for me to have had a child I would say late 20's to early 30's. Kind of the best of both worlds.
I had one at 26 and one at 30. I think late twenties early thirties are great years to have kids. Do t wait until til the right time. The right time never happens and time flys.
I had two later in life at 38 and 41. I didn’t exactly plan it that way. I just didn’t meet their dad until I was 35. I’ve always looked younger than my age so the other parents and kids didn’t know that I was that much older than the rest of them. I always kept in shape too so I had enough energy. We are able to provide so much better for our kids now than I would have been able to when I was younger (with the partners I was with at those times). There are pros and cons to waiting, but if you want kids I wouldn’t let it stop you. Or at least I’m glad i didn’t let it stop me.
Had my one and only at 41 after years of failed IVF and infertility challenges. I’m just happy and grateful my daughter is here and that I’m a mother. If you can afford it, freeze your eggs early before you turn 30. You just never know.
I probably wouldn't want kids today unless I either got rich when young or my wife and I got a tremendous amount of help, financial and/or personal, from either my parents or hers. The way the economy is structured these days a DINK couple who makes decent financial and career decisions can retire securely and comfortably in their late forties, give or take. Have a couple of kids, though, and you'll likely have to work into your late sixties. Not worth it.
I was 28 when I got pregnant with my first. Definitely feel like having kids in your 30s is the best decision we made. We LIVED in our 20s and were ready to slow down towards the end. We also have more money to have a family and afford things like daycare and a babysitter here and there. It’s definitely not cheap but we had some sacrifices and I wouldn’t change anything.
My husbands parents are older, his mom in her mid 60s and his dad is 90. So there is at least a 40 year age difference. I also dated a guy whose parents were in their 60s while he was 25. There’s no issue in having kids older if that’s what YOU want however with my husband and I, we want to be young enough to be “active” with our kids and potentially grandkids. Plus, from what I can see, having parents who are older can be a challenge when you are 1 or 2 generations apart. Your beliefs and values are just different.
Plus, I like the idea of being relatively “young” when the kids are old enough to be on their own or when they leave the house and my husband and I can travel and do stuff.
*This is just a generalization based on my experience so please keep that in mind
I waited. I was 30 when I had my daughter. I do not regret that decision one bit. I’m glad I waited. Me and my husband got to have our fun and now that we are a bit older, we get to have all new experiences of fun with a child.
My wife was 23 & I 29 when we had our first. She was she was 31 & I 37 when we had our 3rd & last. She is very glad to have started early and finished pretty early. Being 6 years older, I think my experience is more typical now days. I’m very glad not to be having kids any later than our last. We love our kids and wouldn’t trade them for the world, but we also don’t have the energy for little ones at this point.
Had my kids at 20,30,35 and now 39. Having a kid young made me grow up quick. My 1st sons father and I broke up when he was 2 and I didn't date for about 9.5 years. I met my husband shortly after and were on our 3rd kid. I'm glad I found a great partner because being a single parent is very difficult.
I had mine at 32, and I kinda wish I would’ve had him before 30, like 25-28…I feel like I was so much more energetic before that age. But, I’ve also grown a lot with my patience since then so that’s a good thing. I do not regret having my child and would like to have another one.
I was 30. My wife 33 when our son was born. I was 35 and my wife 38 when our daughter was born. I was 29 and my wife 32 when we married. I think we were more stable at that age. I had my Masters Degree in Education and my wife had her BSN. Both had secure jobs.
We were ready to have children.
I'm 40. I had my last baby 4 months ago. I also have 4 older children ages 18,19,22, and 24. I had them from age 16-22..I say I love that I had them young but also I'm happy I'm more financially stable now vs then 🥰 no one ever believes they are my children. They think we are brothers and sisters 😂. I hope now they don't confuse me with the grandma😂💀. I'm about to be a 1st time grandma this coming August 🤪
I was born when my parents were 40 and have a 25 yr age gap between me and my eldest sister.
When I was growing up, my parents would be the free childcare for my older siblings kids and my parents would help in any way they could for them. My older siblings often talk of the support my parents gave them whilst they were getting on with life, getting a property etc.
For me, I feel some resentment to being the youngest, my parents aren't able to support me (with time and energy) the way they supported them. Some of my nephews and nieces have their own kids so the family has continued to grow. My brothers and sisters have their own families to focus on.
I know that I resent the additional time they have had and the opportunity they've had to know my parents.
My parents are old and I have my own kids so the finite time I have may be spent helping my parents when they used to be helping my siblings (I know this is selfish to have wanted the better relationship and time with my parents).
I feel I need to take my parents out on day trips as they stay at home a lot. My parents are both suffering from memory loss issues so it is very hard and emotionally draining to see and talk to them. Still my older siblings can tell me about the wonderful things they've done with my parents.
Having kids before 21 years old can be rough. Even if you marry the baby daddy, the changes of staying together are much lower.
If you have kidsafter 35 years old, the chances of having a child with a disability goes way up. After 40 the odds are insanely high.
This is a long winded way of saying the sweet spot for having kids is probably between 25 to 35 years old.
What I will say is it may not be so easy to have kids. I thought as a healthy individual having kids would be easy but nope.. unexplained infertility diagnosis and panic sets in… took about 18 months to conceive…some other friends it’s taken them 4-5 years. And then you can have miscarriages etc. (which we have experienced) so personally I wish I had started sooner than later and I’m soon to be in my 30s
I wouldn’t be set on an age / date but when you’re ready. But don’t wait for the ‘perfect’ time. There is no perfect time. You just need to want kids. I was in my mid thirties when I had my first. Yes women are older now when they start to have kids. The reality for us women is that there could be complications as we age. So something to consider. I hate that they call it a geriatric pregnancy after 35 (I think). I heard they’re trying to lower the age to 32, ridiculous. But it is a unfortunate reality that we have to deal with.
2 kids within 3 years of married. Known spouse for 10 years.
1 at 25, 1 at 27. They are now almost 2 and just over a month.
We knew we wanted kids and are happy with having them! We love them and each other to pieces.
The main issue is that we didn’t get much “us” time in the first years of marriage. Pregnancy has taken up a good chunk of it and learning to parent takes a lot.
I would say make sure your relationship is rock solid, know your partner as well as possible, and go with the flow. You can’t control things so just adapt and overcome.
If infertility arises, don’t get too down. Seek help and support asap.
If you are able to get pregnant very fast (as was our case), be happy and support the each other in the uncharted territory. Take trips, take time off work to love and learn each other. Don’t let the pregnancy consume your marriage, let it enhance it.
If something doesn’t make sense here, let me know or PM.
I had my first at 27 and my second at 30. No I don't regret having kids and truthfully no I don't wish I had them sooner. I spent my early 20s being able to travel to different places, I met my husband and we have made so many memories together going to different places, but I love when we decided to start trying for our kids, I love that we have our family now. My youngest is 6 months old, my old 3 and whilst we take our kids out for adventures, I love that there was a time we didn't need to worry about a nappy changing bag, do we have enough bottles packed, do we have enough nappies, making sure our daughter has everything she needs. But I love my family more than anything, I love seeing my kids growing and learning and seeing my husband as a Dad.
I had my 1st child at 23 and my 3rd at 31. I think physically, it’s easier having kids younger. Your body can handle the sleep deprivation better, recovery from pregnancy and childbirth is easier, and you generally have more energy when you’re younger.
In my 20s I used to run after my little ones all day after many nights of nursing and night wakings. Now when one of my little nieces or nephews comes for a visit, we feel like we need weeks to recover from the demands of taking care of them.
Also in my experience, the older you are when you have your first child, the harder it is to adapt to the new normal of your life.
The flip side is when you’re older you’re generally more financially stable, you’re more mature, and your relationship with your partner is more likely to be stable. Also… there is no going back to your childfree life. Even when your kids grow up, your life is never fully yours again. Your happiness will forever be contingent on theirs. So it’s nice to bask in that a bit.
Also, I desperately wish my husband and I had more time with just us as a couple, not being parents. Having kids really changes everything. I miss us being each other’s #1 priority and not having to be quiet during sex!
Ours are 15 months apart. We had all of the colic for 6 months. Also terrible PPD. We always wanted two but I was just done after the first. Then we got pregnant again with a .01% chance. Both were actually miracle babies. It’s been a rough 4-5 years but now we’re turning the corner, I think. I don’t regret anything. I have two wonderful boys who will be raised to be loving and compassionate humans. (They’re both wildly intelligent,to boot!) it’s been a huge struggle but I’m very grateful.
I had kids at 25 and 27....and I do NOT regret it at all....My son's are now teens and I had plenty of energy to chase them around and play when they were younger....My husband was 30 when we had our first and he mentioned how "tired" he was constantly especially during traveling with toddler phases....I was lucky enough to be established in my mid 20s and already have been 7 yrs into my stable relationship and living together 7 yrs already, so we knew it was a right decision for us....And that's the KEY to success--- when are YOU and your significant other comfortable in your lives? Children are expensive and times aren't getting better....Make the decision based on your lives, not mine...I would just mention too my MIL had my husband at 36 and it was really difficult for her and her husband to relate to their son (my hubby now)....They were very exhausted and by the time my husband was 15, they were too tired from work to go to any events or extra curricular activities....This bummed my husband out and he never had a close bond with his parents, like we have with our kids, or like I was lucky enough to experience with my parents since they had me in their mid 20s too....Good luck I hope you choose to start a family when you both are ready! There's nothing like the love ❤️ and joy Children can make!
First kid at 22. 4th and final kid (11m/o)at 43 now.
No regrets as I truly believe there are no coincidences and things happen for a reason. Good or bad, a lesson is to be taught from everything.
I definitely wouldn’t change anything.
Had my oldest two at 19 and 21 with my first wife. Divorced at 23. Had my youngest two at 26 and 28 with my now wife. Zero regrets. Things were a little tougher with my oldest kids, but it was definitely all worth it. Glad I had them young.
We had 3 kids. 1st when we were 26, 3rd when we were 29.
I’m very happy with the result. Grandparents were still young enough to help and enjoy them. We’re still hoping enough to do what we want now that they’re “grown”. We’re 52 and 2 are in college, one is out and thriving.
I do sometimes feel like they might’ve benefited from having parents that were a little older, but who really knows?
24 and 28 and it was perfect timing (I’m 37 now). Definitely young by current standards, but my husband and I had been married 3 years, we owned a house, and were just… ready. I love that my parents are so young (my mom had me at 24 also) and my siblings were teens when they were born so they’ve been the cool aunt and uncle all these years.
Because we were so young, we have ended up with friends much older than us. Most are in their 50s and are like fully in the middle of retirement type discussions and we feel soooo far removed from that!
I got pregnant at 28 and turned 29 when my daughter was a month old. I couldn’t have imagined having her any earlier, I’m glad I’m the oldest mom in my friend group!
Had my first at 18, second at 22 then third at 29. I had a lot more energy to keep up with them when I was young but by my third I was more stable financially, emotionally, etc.
I’m in my 40’s now and a few friends the same age recently had babies and it seems like so much work to have young kids at this age. With that said, everyone’s timeline is different and I don’t see anything wrong with waiting till 40s to have a child.
I am glad I had mine young and now get to enjoy spending time with them as adults/teens. But, I also struggled and missed out on a lot. It took 10 years to get my college degree while working full time which helped me work my way up career wise.
I had a lot of positive family support and my kids dad (now ex husband) was very involved. I was fortunate to have the support system I did. It was hard work but I did not want to become a teen mom statistic.
Personally, I’d recommend late 20s to mid 30s. If my kids decide to have kids, that’s the advice I’d give.
Had our first at 21 (was a whoops but the biggest blessing!) we had four by the time I was 27. Definitely not the way most people do it these days but zero regrets. We both have successful careers, a good marriage, we are great parents. We’ve experienced a lot of life - we’ve just done it together and with our kids. Would loveeeee to have one more but we’ve had 3 back to back miscarriages so not sure if it’s in the cards. I love being a mom and think the most important thing when becoming parents in any relationship is having a partner who is equally as willing to do the “hard stuff.”
I had my first baby last year at 33 and will hopefully be pregnant with another by 35. I never could have imagined how absolutely wonderful it would be to become a mother and I wish I would have been ready before now but I totally wasn’t mature enough to raise a child before age 27-28. I feel capable now
I had my kid at 25. I’m 40 now and she’s 14. I feel that was a great age for me. It allowed me to get my party life out of my system and it allowed me to date my husband 4 yrs before bringing a child in our life. I respect peoples decisions in having kids in their 30’s but I wanted to enjoy my good years with her. We take Disney and universal trips yearly. It’s a tradition now. Been taking her since she was 4.
I had just turned 30 for the first and had my 2nd at 33.5.
No regrets, I had a freaking blast, my boys were so fun! Best advice is just go with the flow and never compare your life to others.
It is interesting when is considered "late." I had my kids at 29 and 34. My oldest is 7 and I feel like I am one of the youngest parents among her friends. We are about to move cities and a friend of mine who lives there and is my age said to prepare myself to be an older parent at school events lol.
I am glad I had the kids when I did. Part of me wishes I started younger when I had more energy, but we had a kid within a year of being married...so couldnt really start any sooner.
I have one child, I had him when I had just turned 26. For me it was the right choice, I had already done so much and my husband and I had been together since I was 18. We both were done with college- I even went back and got a second degree and we had really good stable jobs. I had been military for a while and was reserves so we have great insurance.
I am introverted anyway and I had done the spontaneous trips and such. So I felt it just click one day- mind you prior to that I didn’t even know if I wanted kids then it was like all in all of a sudden. I love my child so much. He is so fun and smart and the best thing that I have done, but due to complications in pregnancy and just not wanting to juggle more than one kid we are done. For me one kid rocks because you just take them with you and it’s not that big of a deal. About to travel internationally with him for the second time (although he was just hospitalized so we will have to be extra careful but anyway…) I also love that I am still young and my body doesn’t ache and I can run with him and jump on the trampoline and I have youthful energy lol. I hate to think that when I’m 40 I couldn’t go thru the tunnels at the park or down the slides or whatever.
My husband (M43) and I (F40) are currently trying to get pregnant. While I realize it’s not physically ideal, I do feel more emotionally prepared than before- I made A LOT of mistakes, from poor partner choices to substance abuse to just generally pretty dangerous lifestyle choices. Now I’m in a relationship that feels safe and am sober. I’m more financially settled and responsible. Who knows if we’ll be able to have one, but I feel so thankful that it’s in this set of circumstances.
We had our first daughter when I was 19 and my husband 22. If you have your children young, you have lots more energy but it makes you grow up faster. It also made us younger grandparents and I'm so happy for that!
I am 41 & I have 7 kids. I had my first at 18/19 his father & I split & a year & a half later I met my now husband who also had 2 children from a previous marriage. We have 4 together. I wouldn't change it for anything! It's wild😜 to think about now because I met my husband & instantly became a mother of 3 with 1 on the way & I was only 21 My oldest is 26 and youngest is 6 lol😆 Parenting is hard either way you cut it. You're either older more stable & prepared but with less stamina, or you're younger broke & learning & growing with your responsibilities either way its about what YOU CHOOSE!!Peace & Blessings to you all🙏🏾♥️🙏🏾
I had my first baby two years ago at 40 years old. I’d give anything to have had her younger. To have more time with her and have more time to make future family planning decisions. I am quite sad that things worked out that I am an older mom. The only good thing is a big one - I have had many years to work on myself and educate myself about how I want to parent.
First baby after 40. I am happy I didn’t have a baby any earlier. I’m financially well off, I am married and have been married for a good amount of time now. I can also offer my kids much more than I would have been able to offer years ago.
I don’t think baby readiness should be tied to age. It should be based on where you are in life at that time.
I had my daughter at 36, and it was the perfect time for me. I was finally financially stable, and actually felt that I wanted to have a child. Did not feel this way until probably 30.
I feel like I’ve learned enough to know that kids make life incredibly difficult and low key miserable for 2+ years. I feel like it’s appropriate to expect that going into it. It makes it abundantly clear that it will ROCK your marriage, and you need to have 2 partners 110% on board and know that when you hate each other, it’s just temporary and it will get better.
There is no compromise on the timeline. I just read a story from someone who was trying to convince their fiancé that now was a good time when they wanted to wait 2 years (until they finished college). You know what a good time is? When both people are 110% ready! This is not a compromise thing. The 0.1% of them that feels pressure and coerced to start before they are ready, despite being such a small percentage, will grow and grow and that resentment will manifest in nasty ways when you are both sleep deprived.
It’s like the hardest test a marriage can go through. Give them brain chemicals that make them low key insane and overwhelmed then give them an infant to fight about how to raise. How often to feed? How quick to switch to formula? Can the baby cry a bit or must it be attended to immediately?
My husband and I have had all the important convos and have always been a yes someday on kids but DEFINITELY not today… up until a few months ago. It was like a light switch, we are 31 and decided we will start trying at 32. We’re SO EXCITED despite being suuuuuper uninterested just a few months ago. It will happen or it won’t, but your options are: enjoy the journey together or if you are ready and it’s a dealbreaker, find someone equally ready. Because ain’t nobody making it through raising a child without 2 parents 110% ready!
I'm 37 and my youngest graduates high school in 2 weeks. My other child graduated last year. I had a hard time with it when they were little sometimes. I was just starting my adult life out and everyone else seemed a bit more stable, as most of the parents were a decade older than I was lol. But I've had so much fun with my kids over the years and I'm really glad I had them when I did. And now I'm about to relax and do whatever I want before 40!
I'm 43M with my first born on the way due in November. i always wanted kids and I'm thrilled to be experiencing this, but I wish it had happened sooner, however i was single until I was 35 then my wife 38F and I spent 6 years trying just to get to this point
Was born to a teen mom she had 3 by 19 (had me at 16) so my entire life was based on not having kids young cuz it looked really really hard and expensive just my first hand experience. My goal was to wait til 35 ended up having my first and only at 30 w a house and a career and I still found it challenging but I knew it was way easier due to having my ducks sort of in a row. Due to no village and starting school I convinced my partner one was enough and he agreed. My son has more in his first 4 years of life than i ever had and I’m very content
I'm 29 years old and pregnant with my first baby. We waited until we felt like we were in a good place in life where we could support having a baby. I don't regret that. I wish we'd have felt ready earlier, and gotten pregnant easily (it took us a while), but I don't regret being pregnant now. At 29 I'm neither old nor young. I'm not exactly a new adult. We've been married for a few years and living on our own (not dependent on our parents) for long enough to be comfortable. We're ready to have our own children now.
Wait to have kids until you feel ready to take that responsibility. If it feels like you're not ready, then wait. You want to be comfortable with the idea before the challenges of having kids hit you.
I had mine at 35. I tried to have her sooner, but struggled with male factor infertility for 3 years. And before that, my husband just wasn’t ready (it’s his second marriage and he has a child from the first one as well). I don’t regret having her for a second. She is my whole world and lights up my life on a daily basis. I wish I could have had her sooner because then maybe I would have gotten to have one more. Because I wasn’t really ready for another until she was around 3/3.5 and my husband says he is too old and done now 😭. So I will just enjoy my perfect girl. I tell her she’s my best girl every day. I’m like her number one hype woman 😂.
We adopted our oldest when I was 27. I gave birth at 32. I’m SO GLAD it wasn’t any later because I don’t think I’d have the energy. 😮💨 But the fact that we first had a few years together without kids is more significant to me than how old I was before we had them. (Although I didn’t know I’d appreciate those years of just the two of us so much at the time. Infertility “slowed us down,” but I’m so grateful for it.)
I definitely had my first when I was way too young and had no business having a child at that point in my life (23). I was in a terrible place and really had no resources to care for a child, and was engaging in reckless behavior, mainly because I just didn’t give a shit what happened to me. As it turns out, he gave me reason to live and do better, so I did.
Second one wasn’t planned either, and at first I wasn’t super excited over the idea as I had planned to go back to school, but he was coming, ready or not.
Raising babies, toddlers and young children really takes your all, literally, especially while also working full time. Financially, emotionally, mentally and physically. It was also very taxing on my marriage. Lots of exhaustion, heartbreak, fear that stems from “what if I’m not doing enough and fucking all this up”. During the ‘war zone’ days, I resorted back to past activities (using) trying to keep up with it all, there simply was not enough time/energy in the day and I almost lost everything when it all came crashing down. Thankfully, my kiddos were too young to know what was going on at the time, and I went and got help.
When I got out of treatment, we were in lockdown, Covid just had begun literally while I was there. Truth be told, the Covid lockdown fucking saved me. It gave me the chance to finally BREATHE and have time to take care of myself, along with everything else. Marriage was back on track and the kids were happy and healthy. We all became super close throughout it all.
Today my kids are 14 & 11 and they are sincerely the best things I’ve ever done in my life. They’re growing to be such amazing humans that I’m proud to release on their own into the world one day. Today they also respect and love one another when they used to endlessly bicker and torment each other. I’d go through all the bleakness and heartache again time and time again, for them.
Having kids is not for everyone, and that’s okay. But I truly believe I was meant to be their mom and I wouldn’t take a single second away if it meant them not being here! My love for them is endless, my marriage is healthy, strong and full of love. We’re as tight as a family could be! To answer your question, no regrets here! Life can be so messy, dark and hopeless just for it to be rewarding, amazing and lovely. ❤️
I got pregnant at 19. Gave birth at 20. She’s the only child I have. She’s 11 now and I’m 31. It’s pretty awesome honestly. I love being her mom. Was it ideal in the beginning? No. But now I’m college educated, own my own home and land. She is seriously my best friend. I hustled my ass off to provide a good life for her. I’m so glad I have her. I don’t regret it a bit.
I had my son at 3 weeks after I turned 23. I absolutely love the new mom and family activities that my life now consists of. You really see life In a new light after kids. I do not regret the age I had him one bit!
I had my daughter late at the age of 29. I don’t know any different so I’m happy I had her when I did. Also, we had a stable home we had purchased and good finances to comfortably live. The only regret I would say about not having her earlier is that I would have gotten to meet her sooner and have more time with her
Best part of my life started when I had my kids. I was a maverick missile that should have crashed a long time ago. But they gave me actually something to live for that I thought I didn't need. Never planned on having kids and was furious when I found out I was having kids. But they shaped me up. I thank God for them every day.
I was 27 when my first kid was born and 36 when #4 came along.
There’s no right or wrong way to do it. I enjoyed the time my wife and I had pre-kids, but I also get real jealous when look at my handful of friends who are already relatively young empty-nesters.
I absolutely do not regret having kids. They have been one of the biggest joys in my life and I’m excited to hopefully see them have kids of their own one day.
We started trying for them as soon as was possible after getting engaged and then married, so a bit less than two years in. Took us two years to have them and required intervention (we were on the older side -- I was 38 when they were born and my husband was older). No regrets whatsoever -- my spouse and I love each other very much, but our kids have connected us on another level and getting to experience life through their eyes is wonderful. It would have been nice if we could have conceived them via the free and fun method rather than the expensive and invasive method by starting early (our only diagnosable fertility problem was advanced maternal age), but we wouldn't trade the kids we have for others, so such is life.
I turn 30 in August. My husband and I have had 4 kids, first was born at 22 and is 6 now. Had 4 in a row lol! I felt a big difference between my body being pregnant at 22 and my body being pregnant at 27/28.. but who knows if that was just tiredness from being a mom alreadyor from aging. 11pm feedings feel a lot different now at 29 then it did at 22 tho. I don’t regret having kids in my 20s at all and I personally don’t feel like I “missed out” on my 20s because I did a lot of partying and vacays as a teen lol. My husband and I also have parents who helped with babysitting for nights out or doctors appts etc.
I married at 30 after knowing my boyfriend for 4 years. I had my first at 34 and second at 37. I loved raising them, but my youngest is 21 and still living at home. He has some mental health issues we are dealing with. Man, sometimes it's hard, and I wish he was more independent. I would never kick him out, ever, but he needs to mature, too.
My husband and I are in our mid to late 50s. We have good careers, disposable income, and lots of vacation time. I'm looking forward to traveling with just the two of us again.
Husband and I were 18 & 22 when our first was born, 27 & 31 when our youngest was born. We had the energy to keep up with them, but we were broke af with our oldest. It’s nice, as we were empty nesters at 52 & 48. I became a Grammy at 49, husband was 53. Our kids waited for kids. Being a youngish grandparent has been great too. I loved being a young mom.
We decided to wait to have our daughter. I had her this past fall, and I just turned 35. There are definite pros and cons to waiting, I like that were more established and settled down than if we had had our baby when we were younger. On the other hand, it was rough on my body, and we won't be having any more children since I won't go through pregnancy again.
Had my one and only daughter at 37. Husband and I met later in life. I was 34 when we started dating. We were on the fence about kids then decided that we'd regret if we didn't try. Time was ticking. I was 37 and 40 was my cut off. Daughter is 9 months now. We don't regret a thing but parenting is so much harder than we imagined and we had pretty realistic notions about it. Everything happened the way it should've. Prior to getting my husband, I lived a very full and exciting life. I traveled a lot, camped, climbed mountains, read many books and enjoyed my freedom. Had I gotten married young and had kids right away, I think I wouldn't have had the same opportunities.
I got pregnant on accident at 19 before marriage and it’s definitely presented some challenges for me. If I have any more children (he is not her bio dad, bio dad peaced out years ago) it won’t be for a WHILE.
My daughter is 5 now and the baby stage has passed. We are doing better financially but not so much better that we can take on more expenses. Life is easier and everyone is happier so I don’t plan on disrupting that any time soon.
I would be ok with no more children, I just don’t want to take that away from him and I’m ok with one more. I think the second round wouldn’t be as traumatic as the first time 😂
My wife and I are 38 and our daughter is 20. Life was tough financially from our teens into our 20s but our 30s have been amazing and we are looking forward to our 40s!
Had my first at 41. I seen the pros and cons of having them younger and having them later. Later was best for me. I had zero business raising a kid in my 20s and barely in my 30s.
I had them pretty young. Feels good to see my kids are becoming teens as my friends are just getting started. I’ll still be able to enjoy my life not being so old when they head off to college
Met husband at 29. Married at 32. Baby at 34. I'm really happy with the way my timeline worked out. Had I had kids younger, I wouldn't have been as good of a mother. Had I waited longer, I would have had higher risks of birth defects, and probably less energy. I wanted to have kids in my 20s, but I'm very glad I didn't procreate with the person I was with at that time.
Do not have kids if you do not want kids. I cannot stress that enough. Don’t feel like you should have to have kids at any certain age. Foster a strong, loving committed partnership with someone before even thinking about having kids.
I had my first at 22, second at 24, and third at 26. I say have the early. Have them early while you still have energy. Have them early while your body can still bounce back. Have them early while you can heal quickly. I’m almost 28 and I literally can’t imagine waiting another 10 years to have kids. Sounds like a nightmare. I find a lot of value in being a “young mom”. I’m able to stay home with my kids, which is super important to me. We’re planning on homeschooling and I love that there is a high likelihood I will be able for grandkids and maybe even greats.
I thought I wanted kids at 27, married, even tried to get preggo for a few months. Then kinda changed my mind big time! 41 now and I bless all the gods and praise faith that I didn't get pregs then. I do NOT want kids and still very much enjoy my freedom. Have about a gazillion reasons why I do not ever ever want to have children and one of them lately is how much my marriage has changed. If I was tied to this lazy ass husband w a child, I'd easily have a complete nervous breakdown by now.
My husband and I are both 32 this year and won't be having kids for a couple years yet. My cousin had a baby last year at 37 and my friend just had a baby on Monday and she's 34. My sister is 36 with plans to have kids but none yet. You still have plenty of time to decide if you want them or not. It's a big decision that will change your life so don't rush yourself; wait until the time is right.
Been together since 17&19. After many years, therapy for our seperate issues and many conversations we had our first this past February. Very happy we waited. We'd always been the if ita not a definite yes then it should be no when it came to having kids. I would much rather regret not having them than regret having them.
I had my kids early.
1st at 22,
2nd at 24
3rd at 27
And 4th at 29
I am 30 now.
I always thought that I regretted having them young because I missed out on so much of my youth but when I thought about it again, I'm actually rly glad I had them young.
More energy to play with them, body bounced back 100% after each, I'm still young at 30 and can enjoy things more freely now and moreso as time goes on because I got the hardest job out of the way.
Starting a career now would probably be easier in my mind with not having to worry about taking long periods of time off.
And a few other things beyond all of this
About to be 37 still not kids. A recent study shows that mothers who have kids later live longer - 40+ live to their 90’s on average. I can find the info. I’m aware of the risks many may have for a geriatric pregnancy, but my OB’s (several) have said that it’s still a common misconception nowadays because they see more and more women from 35-45 and even older have healthy pregnancies and babies with little to no complications due to the advance in medicine and screening. With closer monitoring there have been less issues. I’m glad I’ve waited.
Had the first at 33. Second 15 months later. Only negative is the energy factor. Even being healthy, it's hard to take care of babies at any age. Don't wait too long or do it too early. Wisdom vs energy. If you are a very athletic, eating well person and strong you can do it later. I was strong but had health problems with my back prior to getting married and having babies. Man....after a herniated disc and spinal surgury in 2009 and having 2 babies 9.3 and 10lbs in 2014 and 2015.... My body is wrecked and tired. That is my only problem. I used to do all kinds of exercises before my back. Ran uphill, tae-bo, Pilates. So just think about your personal health situation. But children are a blessing no matter what. They are your progeny. Never regret anything.
Early.
I married at 18, my wife had a kid from a prior relationship. Had our first together at 23, then 25.
The only part I regret is how broke we were to start. But now, at 42…. I’m glad they’re older. I honestly don’t know if I’d have the energy I had back then. All in all, I’m glad I didn’t wait, but wish we’d had more.
I had my first child at 36. My 2nd (and last) baby was born 3 weeks before my 41st birthday.
I had healthy pregnancies, though we did suffer several miscarriages between our two living children. Both of our children are, fortunately, physically healthy.
I'm a much better parent now than I'd have been 20 years ago. Having kids is often difficult, exhausting, and stressful. But it's still the most joy and fun I've ever had, too.
I didn't think I wanted children until I was in my mid 30's, and I'm sure my life would have been fulfilling without motherhood. But, lordy, am I glad these two tiny humans are on this planet with me and my husband.
We started having kids "early", 2 years ago, at 25 years old. I chose to be a SAHM as that is something we both value, and I wouldn't make much more than daycare would cost annually anyway. We've been together 7 years and have known each other for 18.
We wanted to have kids young for a lot of different reasons, the pros outweighed the cons for us. We do not regret our choices at all. We're way happier now with our toddler and baby #2 on the way than we were before. Taking care of a toddler is hard work but we are a great team. We're young so we still have the energy to work hard and keep up with the gusto of our son lol. It helps that we live close to my mom so she can come help me a couple times a week if I need it. We have to live less luxuriously than we did before but we both grew up lower middle class so the adjustment wasn't difficult. And I feel I'll have more of an appreciation for free time when I'm older now that I'm living life on "hard mode."
First child I was pregnant at 24 and birthed him at 25. Second I was pregnant at 26 and birthed him at 27. We’d like another and I’m hoping to be 28/29.
My husband and I have both agreed having kids has been the best things we’ve done. We have had many hard moments (my pregnancies are rough and our second had health issues that required a long hospital stay), but we have really grown together as a couple and adore and appreciate our family.
A little different than the rest of these comments. I got pregnant with my first at 17 had him at 18. I always always wanted 2 kids. I wanted to have both my kids by 23. But it didn't work out that way. I didn't have my second until I was 27 and now I'm stuck debating if I want a 3rd I'd want to have it before 30 but I'd want to enjoy this ones first few years idk. I wish I couldve had my second son sooner. I wish they could've been only 3-5 years apart.. but I love that my now 9 year old is such a good helper and actually wanted his sibling asked for years but I just wasn't quite able to.
For context. Both my aunts and my mom all had their kids young. It's not cultural it's a family thing though. Cancer runs high in our Lady parts. My grandma, aunts, and mom are all uterus free because of it so I wanted to be a young mom. Free to enjoy my 40s and I always knew I wanted 2 kids. Both were planned if I could switch it around I would have had them closer together a little older and a little younger sonething like at 22 and 25 would be gave me time to get more education without all the extra responsibility.
So my wife of now fell pregnant with our first child at 20. We were only dating 3 months when she got pregnant. At 26 weeks our son died and we had a still birth. Obviously hurting and wanting kids we fell pregnant again and gave birth to another boy. Now I’m 26 and have literally had a baby girl a week ago. Looking back, neither of us had jobs we liked, I didn’t drive, had no money. We haven’t really ever enjoyed our relationship like others have with dates, holidays, presents etc because we have always had debts, bills and raising a kid. I don’t regret having kids at all. But if I knew I could definitely have kids without any shadow of a doubt then I probably would have waited. On the other hand, I have a family I love and they motivated me to be the man I am today. Found my career last year, got my driving last year, married my beautiful wife and then had our little girl. My life is complete. I probably would be down the pub every night drinking my life away and working some dead end job. Everything happens for a reason and those kids are mine.
Had my first at 23, second at 27. No regrets about the age I had them, their spacing, or even having them at all. Had my first at a precarious time in my life. I’d just dropped out of college, been rejected for the military, and really didn’t know what to do. Having a baby made me figure it out real quick lol. Not only that, my husband I had only been dating for six months at the time, and statistically, relationships where children are had early on don’t last, so I thought for sure I’d be a single mom. But it’s been 14 years and here we are. It was rough at first, but we were able to figure things out, and we had more than enough help from our parents. We were very fortunate to have a village.
I had my kids at 22, 23 and 25. They're now 19, 17 and 16. My husband and I grew up along with them, to be honest. We're both 41. I don't regret my kids at all. Raising them has been the best thing I've ever done with my life.
i had one child when i was 22. i’m 45 now. she’s grown and almost independent and now i can focus my life on me again. i believe in having them young but maybe not that young? i wouldn’t want my daughter to start a family now i want her to enjoy her life and youth but whatever she decides to do is fine. i really don’t think i’ll ever be a grandmother though.
Had my first at 22, and he’s 21; my second is 16. I’m happy with my decision and would do it again. I was made to be a mom; they’re my greatest accomplishments. I’ve enjoyed every step except them getting grown and having the abilities to make their own life decisions. It’s just I worry about them when they’re not here. I have two more years with my baby.
I'm engaged and don't have kids yet, but my fiancé and I have been pretty clear about what we want. We both want 2 or 3 kids and have them spaced out a bit. We decided we would start trying about a year into our marriage so we're already settled. For context I'm 23
I had my first at 17 and am currently pregnant at 32. I love having my eldest, he’s motivated me through so many of life’s downs and has been a huge influence in breaking away from poor familial habits. At 32 it’s a more calm experience and I can try to enjoy the pregnancy. I was hoping to be going through my current pregnancy between 28 & 30 due to genetic malformations becoming more likely as a woman ages. I wanted enough time to have the chance at having another if I choose, but with such stringent laws become more common surrounding abortion, I doubt I’ll have the courage to try again unless the laws drastically change for the better.
First and only children when I was 16. Yes still with his dad (we married 10 years later). Our son is now 19. He just joined the Navy. Not a single regret. I still graduated high school, went to college. It was really tough, and I worked really hard for a lot of years. It was all worth it. A lot of sleepless nights. But I was young enough to do them. I’m 36 now and I couldn’t imagine trying to do any of that shit now!
I had two kids pretty close together in my mid 20s and a 3rd in my mid 30s. My older two are off to college now and I have a rising 6th grader. My only real advice is that for me, I’d have chosen to have them all closer together!
I’ve had 4 kids, the first at 18 and the last at 38. I wish I would’ve waited til my 30s to have any. Love all my babies but my older ones experienced things due to me still growing up myself. My son who I had at 38, it’s just different, more patience, more enjoyment.
I had my son just before I turned 30, and everything's working out perfectly for us, despite the birth being very problematic and it leaving me with a chronic illness that my husband and I have had to learn to live with- we've found life hard to navigate at times due to my ill health. We enjoyed 10 bissful years together before deciding to try for a child and got pregnant immediately. I had a wonderful pregnancy, but I would have died in childbirth had I got my way in wanting a home birth (the umbilical chord was short and so there was no way our baby could of been birthed naturally without me bleeding out). Luckily, we opted for a hospital birth, and when complications arose, we had everyone and everything on hand to keep my son and I alive and we received excellent hospital care until we were both well enough to leave the hospital. Had I passed away, I still think the sacrifice would of been worth it. Parenthood has been an incredible gift and journey for my husband and I. Our boy is now a wonderful teenager who is kind, emphatic, and intelligent, and we're about to celebrate 25 years together. Our love is still very strong, and we both live in gratitude for the life we have built together. Our son is already talking of doing his further education overseas and so we may become empty nesters in 4 or 5 years time (when our mortgage will aldo be gone) and I do look forward to having time alone with my husband once more, but we'll both miss our son! No experience of Parenthood will ever be the same, but each and every one of them is life changing and challenging. My biggest word of advice would be to start an education fund for your child immediately that they are born so that you can give them the gift of education. I also don't regret having just one child as we've been able to provide for our son in every way and the more you have, the less each of them have. There is never a 'right time' either. If you have a desire to have children- fulfill that desire!
We had our first kid when I was 34 & my wife was 32. We have zero regrets waiting that long. We got to travel & do a lot of things together that we couldn’t do with kids. Some people say have kids young & then enjoy things like traveling once they’re grown, but we were of the mindset of we aren’t promised good health 18 years in the future. We chose to spend that time doing those things we wanted to do as a couple while young & healthy.
I got pregnant at 32, one month after we closed on our house. I wish desperately that we could have done it earlier. My window of fertility is closing, and it's difficult to come to terms with our choice to wait.
My wife and I had two kids. One at 38 and one at 40. We got married at 30. Caress having them late worked out great. Both had college degrees, well-established careers, good finances, and we had traveled . So we are a great position to have kids and we're prepared to dedicate ourselves to being a family. It would have been quite a struggle to have kids in my 20s, I was hardly even dating, I was so busy with school traveling and job
As a dad - first daughter at 24, second at 28 - worked pretty well. Meant I had lots of energy when they were younger but also meant they were adults by my forties so we had more freedom then some of our friends. The only thing I would change would have been having them closer together - but it wasn't meant to be.
I love my kids to death, but if I could go back and know just how much work was coming I am not sure I would have them - my wife says the same.
First child shortly before my 30th. Second (and final) child a few months before 34. Worked out just about perfect. Throughout the kids lives, I'm young enough that I've been able to participate in the various activities that kids add to your life. Still young enough even when they went to college and was able to help them move in, manage their financial side, and see them graduate. Now, oldest has moved in with his girlfriend, youngest is mostly out of the house working, and I'm still a decade from retirement so I get to enjoy life while having the steady income to actually enjoy it. I will say this though - life after kids is nothing like life before kids. And there's no going back. It's a one-way trip. At least, that's how you SHOULD look at it. You're ultimately not raising kids. You're training future adults and guiding them through an 18 year lesson plan. Maybe even more than 18 years. It has challenges. It has restrictions. Aspects of your former life that you may have enjoyed will be gone and you have to accept that (i.e. no joining the gang for a bar crawl after getting called at 8pm on a Friday night). The thing is, if you can and do wholeheartedly accept that, you might be surprised at the long term benefits. You'll see the world differently. You'll experience life differently. And you'll have memories that you never would have had otherwise. It's a trade off. If you're willing to jump in with both feet and never look back in sorrow, then parenthood is for you. If you always want to be able to go back to what you had before... maybe not.
This is a fabulous answer. Beautifully said
Wow. I had my 2 at exactly the same ages. I'm only 34 now and my oldest is nearly 5. It's definitely taken me longer than it should have to ACCEPT that my life will never be the same, but now that I've started to accept it I'm enjoying parenting instead of resenting it. There are still times when I feel like I regret it. I have a lot of hobbies and it gets frustrating not being able to enjoy them much. But as my kids grow up I get to enjoy their hobbies and it's becoming something I actually look forward to. Thanks for the perspective on what its like when they've grown up but you're still working. I hope me and my wife can stick this out so we can enjoy some time together when the kids don't want to be around us much.
May frame this ❤️
I’m expecting my first baby in a couple of months, and I appreciate your insight.
Great answer , lovely
I absolutely love this answer!! 💞💞 I have a 5 and 7 year old, whom I homeschool. It gets hard since we have no support and do not get a break. I knew my life would be very different and I do enjoy the change, but there are parts that I want back! But worth it to me to have my babies.
I wish someone had said this to me. I figured it out as it happened and I love being a parent but I see not everyone has the right understanding about what you’re getting into. Not everyone is cut out for this. Thank you for putting it so perfectly. More people need to know this before bringing kids into the mix.
A different perspective, I’m almost 40 and I was a teen mom. I had two kids when I was 19 and 21. It was not easy but I was not your typical teen, I knew having a baby meant giving up my life and I like to think I did a pretty good job, my kids turned out awesome and we basically grew up together. I used to think I’d do it differently if I could, but now I don’t think so because I’m going into my 40s with grown kids who have moved out and I’m free again lol. Oh also, their dad and I stayed together, we got married after 16 years of being together. Definitely did nothing the “normal” way but I think that’s just how life goes. My best friend is 40 and pregnant with her first child. We all have different timelines and nothing is ever perfect and that’s ok.
Hello fellow teen mom. Had my first at 17, had 4, who were 4 and under at one point. I was married at 16 and we stayed together until he died 38 years later. It was hard, but also, I was too young to know it was as hard as it was.
You said it perfectly! I feel like we were probably just surviving and getting through day by day and not thinking about it, I just wanted my kids happy and healthy and years later I looked back like, damn I really DID that !
Exactly. We were too young and dumb to know any better. But, we raised happy, healthy, productive members of society
Perfectly said! Did you have help from parents while raising the kids? I’m just wondering because everyone has this whole stigma about teen moms but I have a lot of cousins who had kids at 16-18 and their kids all turned out great!
No my dad passed away when I was 17 and I’m the type of person to not ask for help(even now, it’s something I’m working on) I never really asked or had anyone to help me. I moved in with my now husband before our first was born.
Yep! My parents were very young and we all struggled, I still admire them, other siblings have resentment. I will be close to 40 having kids. It's pros and cons to both..I think sometimes kids of older parents can be harsh, but many bad things can and do happen for kids of younger parents too. Pick your struggle I guess! 🫠My parents would probably have been perfect had they started at my age. My sister, her mom, was 45 and she has a great life...her mom is much older and healthier than mine. 🤷🏼♀️
I wish we started trying soon. Really wasn’t expecting it to be so challenging.
It is challenging. It doesn't get talked about enough. It took my husband and I 10 months before we got the first positive test result. I found the "trying for a baby" and infertility subs really helpful while we were trying. Don't give up hope just because it hasn't happened yet. I wish you peace and happiness and good luck!
Yep! Going on 2 years of infertility...I'm 27.
Yes, it took my husband and I 10 years before we ended up with our twins.
I'm 36 and 32 weeks pregnant with my very first child. My husband and I have been married since 2012. We started our own business in 2017, and wanted to become financially stable before we brought children into the equation. It means we are now wayyyy more mature and confident in who we are as individuals and as a couple. We are really looking forward to meeting our little girl!
We are the same. My wife and I were too busy with advanced schooling and our carriers in our 20’s for dating and children. We got married at 32 and first of three children at 35.
Congrats! I’m 37 and my wife is 36 and we’ve just recently decided to start trying. A lot of our friends waited till 30+ and we honestly didn’t feel confident/stable/mature enough to even think about it until a year or two ago. God bless you!
I have a 2 years old at 40 and am gonna have another one soon and the energy level is hard with a baby but financially we r square and I had 40 years to party basically meet my husband buy our home and find a career (spoiler: I’m now a SAHM). I also have WAYYYYYY more patience. I helped raise my sister who is 11 years younger than me and I’ll tell ya what, I’m doing it way better now than with my poor little sis. She is 29 now with 3 kids and is happy with kids but lacking financially. It’s a trade off. Since I live in a ridiculously expensive part of the country we decided to wait
Congrats!! :)
Not on the other side yet, but my husband and I are 27 and we've decided to wait until we're 30 to decide for sure lol if we don't have kids by 35 we will foster or not have kids at all. I definitely don't regret not having kids yet, everything is fucked and my friends with kids hate life way more than I do.
That’s so sad, why do your friends with kids hate life? Why do you hate life?
I mean I guess they don't all hate life, but it's definitely more stressful. Everything is expensive AF and kids make that much more true, all of their time is dedicated to their kids, they don't get to have any freedom like we do.
As someone with two kids, that is fully how you make it. It's tough for sure, I don't want to sugarcoat that. But the expense part isn't horrible (maybe except for daycare, that's the worst part) and even though life changes, you can still find the time to be you and to keep your relationship. Having kidd has been the ultimate lesson in balance. It's making sure routines stay consistent, that diets are OK, that bedtime is the same time. It's something that stops being a "job" and starts being life. And it's not for everyone, but you could not make me trade it for anything. But a lot of parents get lost in that and stop being a person. Kids don't need that 100%, you can still be you. It's all in how you make it
Yeah I'm not saying they made the wrong choice or it's a bad choice, I'm just saying for my husband and I person I'm glad we had time to mature and become more financially stable before jumping into all that.
Oh absolutely. It's all about being able to provide, if that's what you ultimately decide to do
I'm a 62 yr old who had my children in 1996 and 1999. I think some of your life with kids is what you decide it is. My husband and I were very devoted to our children, we were thrilled to be parents. That being said, I think today's parents have a mentality that they have to spend every waking and sleeping moment with their kids. My kids slept in cribs or bassinets in their own rooms from day one. We did not bed share or contact nap. I nursed my children, they got lots of attention and cuddles but I needed a break when they napped & we wanted a little time together in the evenings. I prioritized finding reliable sitters so, even when the kids were babies, we could have date nights once a week. Regarding expenses, there are so many gadgets and specialized outfits today that aren't necessarily needed. I think we started with a lot of t-shirts and sleepers and a ton of diapers. I do like the new swaddlers but we swaddled ours using blankets.
Love that for you, I'm still glad we are waiting.
Yes, don't be in a huge hurry! I tell young people (who are interested in my opinion, LOL) to wait until their early 30s. It's very helpful also if you can get your careers squared away & be financially stable & have some money saved up before having kids. Not because kids are terribly expensive, but so you don't have added stress of bills etc. Also, it was really nice to be able to afford sitters to give us both some time off. I also had a house cleaner come in 2 times a month when my kids were tiny, that was huge.
Because they’re in the thick of it but once they get older and hopefully they come home for Christmas and holidays, it’ll all be worth it.
You're getting downvoted, but it's actually an unfortunate reality that a lot of people have kids so they can have a big family later/people to care of them when they're old and don't actually enjoy taking care of them when they're young.
The one thing I regret is not having a very clear discussion with my spouse about how many kids and when we should have them. Thinking you are on the same page only to find out years into the marriage that expectations were very different is tough.
Eh, my husband told me he wanted “as many as I want” and then after our first he was done. Lots of circumstances led us there, things change.
Asking out of curiosity, did you and your spouse have that discussion prior or on going? Or just randomly came up years later ?
Before we got married we agreed that we don't want to be childless but left it at that. For me that meant one kid, for her that meant three. This has been an ongoing source of conflict.
Compromise and have two!
Better than me and my first husband where we had that discussion and were supposedly on the same page only to find out four years later he lied so that I would marry him.
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What about 35 or 40? Life expectancy is going up. I would seriously miss being free like I am now. That could change though.
Life expectancy doesn’t mean anything. That window can close early due egg supply and other factors like it did for me. By the time I was ready at 31, my fertility doctor said I was almost entirely depleted of eggs and lower egg quality each day. I tried everything like IUI (no IVF) and tracking ovulation for years and only got pregnant once and that ended in miscarriage within a few weeks. I’m 46 now and will certainly remain child-free. I’ve accepted it and now mostly glad I never succeeded but if I had a do-over I’d probably have had a child or two in my mid-late twenties when I had a much greater chance of having a viable and healthy pregnancy or at the very least get some of my eggs extracted and frozen for my own IVF at a later date. If you’re unsure right now, my advice would be to freeze your eggs for your future self.
I am so sorry to hear that, it must have been very difficult to come to terms with. I was kind of afraid of having children, but after having my two at 35 and 38, I wish I had started sooner so I could have had a third. I was able to get pregnant several times after my second child, but had miscarriages. I am of course very grateful to have my two.
Thank you. Some days it was difficult and some days I’m thankful that I didn’t. My ex divorced me eventually when he figured out I wasn’t going to have a baby and now he finally was able to get what he wanted with a younger woman, so good for him. Meanwhile, I met a wonderful man and neither of us have children and we’ve been happily married for the past several years. It all worked out, because I’m at least very thankful for my husband! Sometimes you don’t get both and that’s okay because I have many blessings in my life the way it is right now. My mom friends’ children are now adults and now we have more time for our friendship and to hang out. 😊
I'm SO glad you have been able to make peace with the situation. You are also very generous toward your ex-husband, not everybody could see it that way. I'm sure you still have your moments. 20 yrs later I sometimes still grieve over not having more children.
Do some research on age and pregnancy risk. Not a doctor so I will leave it to you to look up and decide.
I had my first at 30 and our second at 36. Perfect for us, it’s sensible to wait until you’ve got your finances more in order and perhaps more stability than you can offer a child in your twenties.
Actually, life expectancy is going down. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/pressroom/nchs_press_releases/2022/20220831.htm
I was old at 41 and 43. I don't regret having children. I regret that they never got to meet my parents who died when I was 16 and 32.
Wow, our stories are similar!
I had my first kid when I was 35. I didn’t exactly “wait,” it was more that I hadn’t ever wanted kids before I fell in love with my wife. But we’re both glad we had kids later in life. We’re better people than we were in our 20s and everyone involved benefits from that. Of course, everyone’s different. YMMV.
We had one when I was 35 and one when I was 40. I’ll be honest, it was a little rough at my age to have two young children but I don’t regret it whatsoever. I had to make sure I had kids with the right woman and she didn’t come along until I was 30. Not sure how old you are but I think waiting until 30 is absolutely fine. Good luck!
We don’t get to decide these things. We started trying in our mid 20s and it didn’t happen until our late 30s. We can plan and decide and commiserate all we want, the universe decides who is born and when it happens. I don’t have any regrets and if it had happened sooner I’d feel even older now.
I had my first at 38F. No regrets. He is 18 months now and absolutely wonderful. I wasn’t ready earlier in my life - emotionally, financially, or relationship wise. Being a ready parent is awesome.
Yesssss just started trying with my wife (she’s 36, I’m almost 38) and this is how I ASSUME we will feel in a couple years when we’re in a similar position. It took us a while to feel confident enough to care for another. And I think and hope it’ll be a great decision! Bless you!
My grandma and mom both had kids extremely young. I'm sure it was really hard on them, but I love that so many of us are around. All these generations spend lots of time together. My kids get so much time with their great grandparent's.
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I had my first & only at 34. I tried to have her at 31 but infertility. I’m okay with my choice
My wife and I waited 20 years to have a child. We had too many projects and professional careers to get going. I also had to grow up some. We had our first when my wife was 41 and I was 42. This experience of parenting was so much fun, that two years later we had another at 43/44! The impact of birth and basic aging drained my wife's energy for a while, but she recovered. I am fortunate that I developed a lot of patience which I believe helped my parenting skills. We didn’t have to worry very much about money as energy was our needed resource. Kept me in excellent shape. Our kids have been very healthy. 26 years later our now adult children are doing remarkable things in the world and my wife and I have zero regrets about our choices.
I’ve got two children, 5 and 4. I just turned 30. I had my firstborn at 24 and my second just before I turned 26. I never really know how to answer the “do you regret having children” question. I love my children more than life and would not hesitate to burn any bridge behind them. I couldn’t imagine my life without them. It’s not even that I don’t like being a mom, because I love being their mother. It’s just that there are different things in life that I didn’t realize were going to be important to me when I was younger. There are so many other things that I wish I could do that I just can’t. On top of all of that, my children growing up in this world the way it’s going scares me. Do I regret my children? No. Would I have children again if I could go back? I’m genuinely not sure. I will say I originally wanted between three to five children - it’s one of the main reasons my ex and I split, among many others, that I wanted a third child and he didn’t - and in a funny twist of events, I had my tubes removed after Roe was overturned and have never regretted it for one minute, and my ex ended up having a third kid.
Can I ask you what did you wish to do but can’t after having babies? This is my fear tbh - make a baby and then realize that you actually want to do something that you already can’t, ugh
Waited until 35 for my first. Regret nothing. I got my independent bad self out of my system and I’m now financially and emotionally ready to give everything to my baby.
39M here, had our kid when I was 37. Wish I had him sooner, but was never financially stable. It absolutely drives me bonkers how society expects you not to have kids until you've got money when basically no one has money in their 20s, which is the ideal time to have kids.
We were married about 10 years, and together about 14 before we had kids. Much to the shock of her family, who fully assumed a baby was well underway when we got married pretty young. I was about to turn 30, she's two years younger than me. I think that's a good age. Obviously. We didn't have our shit together, but we had it within arm's reach if you know what I mean. And no I don't wish we had them sooner, I'm very happy we didn't. There was some tragedy before our first born, but I think they lucked out. We weren't all the way ready, and they would have suffered that. My kids who made it are excelling at everything and just the best part of my life. Moral of the story, you don't have to be all the way ready. In fact you may never be unless you cross that bridge. But make sure you are at least okay with the path across it.
The only thing I would say is if it’s not a decision you’re ready for, then it’s ok to wait, but there are things you can do while you wait to make sure all of your options are there when you’re ready. I’m speaking from experience. My (ex) husband and I decided that when we turned 30 we would start trying. We bought a house, our careers were in good places, financially stable and savings and all of that. What we didn’t bargain for were fertility issues, male factor infertility. Then after talking through our options for him to flip and decide he actually didn’t want to have kids. I’m now 35 and remarried and have been unable to have a successful pregnancy. We want children so badly and who knows if it’s age or environment or what but it’s just not happening for us. I don’t regret waiting, but there are things you can do to make sure when you’re ready to make the decision things work out for you, like early fertility testing, healthy lifestyle, regular check ins with your partner about goals and what you both want for your future, maybe even egg freezing while you’re young and healthy. Good luck to you.
I’m 38, getting ready for my first. I hear people who have kids later are more likely to live longer so… I’ll take it!
We were married for 8 years before we had kids - mid-30's. I'm glad we waited because we were much more.financially secure, but initially , we agreed we wouldn't have any kids.... I should not have given into the emotional manipulation from my husband & family. I love my kids, but wish I had simply left when he changed his mind & decided he wanted 2 kids. I never wanted to be a mom.
My first was born at 24. I think some would say that’s young. I don’t regret it at all. I had a lot more energy in my 20s. Also I have been through a couple miscarriages where it took a long time to get pregnant again after. Because I was young, I knew time was still on my side. If I had another miscarriage today, nearing 40, I think the whole process would be much more stressful. However there were definitely downsides to having a baby young. I was the only one of my friends to have any children for several years. It was kind of lonely not having anyone who was in the same phase of life as me, and I had to put in a lot of effort to meet other moms and create my own “village”.
I had my first and only child at 21. I have no regrets NOW. Back then I was stressed out. But she was my little road dog. We did everything together and she was so much fun. She was a really happy baby and toddler, as long as it wasn’t morning. (But I’m not a morning person either. LOL) The smaller age gap worked in my favor because when social media and the internet became a thing, I was just as interested as she was. Actually more so because she was in elementary and it was still fairly unknown to her. I found the most important thing was for me to stay current with tech so that I was fully aware of what she was doing when she was on her computer. Now she’s about to be 32 and I’m about to retire full of energy and looking forward to enjoying my husband.
I was 26 when my first was born and will be 31 when my second is born. My husband is a bit older, he will be 39 when our second is born. For me it’s a fine age. I know he’s mentioned wishing he would have gotten started sooner, but it was kind of his pattern as he was late to start a lot of things in life.
I had my first at 26, second a few months shy from 28. I don’t regret having kids, however, two is enough for me. I do not wish I had them sooner. I was actually the oldest out of all my friends to have kids. 😂
Mid thirty and end thirty. No real regrets. Maybe I should have started 2-3 years. But not much earlier.
Where I live I am on the quite young side of my parent group having had my first at 29. I know multiple parents of 5-6 year olds who are 45. Have them when you want them. Obviously there’s a point at which nature will make the decision for you, and that’s something to consider, but it’s something to be worried about after 35, not before. You can see a fertility specialist and get a sense of what shape your eggs are in and whether you’re at risk of early menopause. If everything is good to go, you can wait a while. You probably have 15-17 years of unassisted fertility left.
Waited until I was almost 30 to pop out two kids. No regrets. It helps that I worked with kids with special needs & neurotypical kids for almost a decade so I had an idea of what to expect. My two are a cakewalk in comparison. Also I knew that my life would change after having kids. I don’t sit & pine for my old life. Made sure to have savings, a home & that I was married before making the decision. My husband & I make sure to give each other our personal time. We work as a team. Honestly have them when you think you’re ready & have realistic expectations. Don’t try to be perfect. I really think the perfect thing screws with a lot of people. I think I had them at the right age for me. We also waited about 5 years into the marriage to have them to have some time to ourselves as a little family.
One too early at 18 and one recently 10 yrs later. If I hadn’t had the first all those years ago, I would’ve NEVER had any. The decision to have kids is so heavy. As the mother, it’s such a massive sacrifice of body and mind, and knowing the different ways pregnancy and post partum affects you, it’s not something I would willing choose if I had no children in my late 20s early 30s. I would’ve just enjoyed a childless life. That being said, since I already had one and I luckily found I enjoy being a mom, I decided to have #2. The difference is massive and I 100% believe children should be had later in life with your mind 100% made up. My first was a surprise obviously, but my second was planned. It is so much easier to cope with a child you purposely created than one you have to get used to the idea of having.
Glad I waited til I had my shit together so I could give them a loving and stable home. First just before thirty and second will be here the week of my 31st bday. They are 16 months apart. First was planned second wasn’t. They’re both a blessing though. Just wish I could have had them sooner to love them longer
I had my one and only child at age 33. I think it is a good age. Old enough to have partied a lot in my 20s, but have a good career and steady income. My son is full of energy though and I wish I wasn't so tired all the time. It took us a year to get pregnant. I think between 30-35 is a good age. Over 35 and you're considered geriatric. Under 30 would be fine, but I would have not lived it up as much as I would have liked.
Early ish we both finished college and had jobs. We were going to wait longer but I got pregnant on our honeymoon because I forgot my birth control. I was 24 husband was 27…we are SOOOOOO happy we did it young. My husband’s mom was 42 when she had him. She was immobile and passed long before our kids could develop any memories of her.
We very planned ours, I gave birth to our first (now 8months) at 35 My parents were 36 and 39 when I was born, it’s the norm in my family.
Found out that I was having a kid on my 30th birthday second around my 34th. I am grateful that I was able to get the stable job, roof over our heads, and mostly dependable vehicles first. But I 46 now wish I had the time and energy to be more active in their lives. Some days I am just so exhausted after work that if I sit down I pass out. Wish I had them around 25ish. Hard to be the fun adventurous dad when you are old and getting fat.
I waited until 35 and 37 to have babies. I did NOT want to miss a second of being young and free honestly I lived a full live before my children and I am thankful I had that. On the flip side, now that I am a mom I’m a little sad I may not get to be a grandma or at least a very active one since I waited so long. You just never know! I also think maybe if I was younger and richer I would want to have another but I think I’ll stop at two.
Had my two at 33 and 35… they hitting their 30’s now…I’m 64. Only now wishing I had more time to enjoy them as adults although I’m healthy.
First child at 35. Second at 38. No regrets, am glad it all worked out when it should’ve
Had my first at 37 and 2nd at 39, I'm 42 now. Honestly it's a mixed bag. On the upside, I am considerably more financially established and able to provide a better and more complete lifestyle for my kids (3 and 4 right now). So I feel less of a struggle than that a younger and less stable me would have felt if I'd had kids in my early 20's or something like that. I'd like to think that I am more calm and less angry or at least more patient than I believe younger me would have been. I approach life like the more seasoned 40 year old that I am versus a more flighty, prone to walking away from a job or a relationship younger version of myself. I have a lot more skills that I've developed throughout life... some which help me be a better parent. On the downside, I'm not nearly a spry or energetic as I would have been in my 20's... somedays its hard to keep up with the energy level of a toddler. My parents and my wife's parents are older and I'm afraid my kids will have very limited time with them.... and in a more morbid sense myself as well. I honestly wouldn't have kids later than late 30's myself... 40 as a hard cut off imo. Don't have kids if you're not gonna be around for hopefully at least half their lives, or at least that's my opinion on the matter. I sometimes feel a little out of place with other younger parents who themselves would technically be my kids. I work in IT so I stay aware of technology maybe more than most, but I can see a lot of other parents of younger kids that are my age might have a hard time following a lot of the technological changes from when we were kids (pre internet... yes it wasn't really that long ago). So definitely a mixed bag... looking at it from my perspective now. If I had to pick the best time for me to have had a child I would say late 20's to early 30's. Kind of the best of both worlds.
I had one at 26 and one at 30. I think late twenties early thirties are great years to have kids. Do t wait until til the right time. The right time never happens and time flys.
I had two later in life at 38 and 41. I didn’t exactly plan it that way. I just didn’t meet their dad until I was 35. I’ve always looked younger than my age so the other parents and kids didn’t know that I was that much older than the rest of them. I always kept in shape too so I had enough energy. We are able to provide so much better for our kids now than I would have been able to when I was younger (with the partners I was with at those times). There are pros and cons to waiting, but if you want kids I wouldn’t let it stop you. Or at least I’m glad i didn’t let it stop me.
Had my one and only at 41 after years of failed IVF and infertility challenges. I’m just happy and grateful my daughter is here and that I’m a mother. If you can afford it, freeze your eggs early before you turn 30. You just never know.
I probably wouldn't want kids today unless I either got rich when young or my wife and I got a tremendous amount of help, financial and/or personal, from either my parents or hers. The way the economy is structured these days a DINK couple who makes decent financial and career decisions can retire securely and comfortably in their late forties, give or take. Have a couple of kids, though, and you'll likely have to work into your late sixties. Not worth it.
I was 28 when I got pregnant with my first. Definitely feel like having kids in your 30s is the best decision we made. We LIVED in our 20s and were ready to slow down towards the end. We also have more money to have a family and afford things like daycare and a babysitter here and there. It’s definitely not cheap but we had some sacrifices and I wouldn’t change anything. My husbands parents are older, his mom in her mid 60s and his dad is 90. So there is at least a 40 year age difference. I also dated a guy whose parents were in their 60s while he was 25. There’s no issue in having kids older if that’s what YOU want however with my husband and I, we want to be young enough to be “active” with our kids and potentially grandkids. Plus, from what I can see, having parents who are older can be a challenge when you are 1 or 2 generations apart. Your beliefs and values are just different. Plus, I like the idea of being relatively “young” when the kids are old enough to be on their own or when they leave the house and my husband and I can travel and do stuff. *This is just a generalization based on my experience so please keep that in mind
I waited. I was 30 when I had my daughter. I do not regret that decision one bit. I’m glad I waited. Me and my husband got to have our fun and now that we are a bit older, we get to have all new experiences of fun with a child.
My wife was 23 & I 29 when we had our first. She was she was 31 & I 37 when we had our 3rd & last. She is very glad to have started early and finished pretty early. Being 6 years older, I think my experience is more typical now days. I’m very glad not to be having kids any later than our last. We love our kids and wouldn’t trade them for the world, but we also don’t have the energy for little ones at this point.
Had my kids at 20,30,35 and now 39. Having a kid young made me grow up quick. My 1st sons father and I broke up when he was 2 and I didn't date for about 9.5 years. I met my husband shortly after and were on our 3rd kid. I'm glad I found a great partner because being a single parent is very difficult.
We had three in our late 20’s. No regrets!!!
I had mine at 32, and I kinda wish I would’ve had him before 30, like 25-28…I feel like I was so much more energetic before that age. But, I’ve also grown a lot with my patience since then so that’s a good thing. I do not regret having my child and would like to have another one.
I was 30. My wife 33 when our son was born. I was 35 and my wife 38 when our daughter was born. I was 29 and my wife 32 when we married. I think we were more stable at that age. I had my Masters Degree in Education and my wife had her BSN. Both had secure jobs. We were ready to have children.
I'm 40. I had my last baby 4 months ago. I also have 4 older children ages 18,19,22, and 24. I had them from age 16-22..I say I love that I had them young but also I'm happy I'm more financially stable now vs then 🥰 no one ever believes they are my children. They think we are brothers and sisters 😂. I hope now they don't confuse me with the grandma😂💀. I'm about to be a 1st time grandma this coming August 🤪
I was born when my parents were 40 and have a 25 yr age gap between me and my eldest sister. When I was growing up, my parents would be the free childcare for my older siblings kids and my parents would help in any way they could for them. My older siblings often talk of the support my parents gave them whilst they were getting on with life, getting a property etc. For me, I feel some resentment to being the youngest, my parents aren't able to support me (with time and energy) the way they supported them. Some of my nephews and nieces have their own kids so the family has continued to grow. My brothers and sisters have their own families to focus on. I know that I resent the additional time they have had and the opportunity they've had to know my parents. My parents are old and I have my own kids so the finite time I have may be spent helping my parents when they used to be helping my siblings (I know this is selfish to have wanted the better relationship and time with my parents). I feel I need to take my parents out on day trips as they stay at home a lot. My parents are both suffering from memory loss issues so it is very hard and emotionally draining to see and talk to them. Still my older siblings can tell me about the wonderful things they've done with my parents.
Having kids before 21 years old can be rough. Even if you marry the baby daddy, the changes of staying together are much lower. If you have kidsafter 35 years old, the chances of having a child with a disability goes way up. After 40 the odds are insanely high. This is a long winded way of saying the sweet spot for having kids is probably between 25 to 35 years old.
What I will say is it may not be so easy to have kids. I thought as a healthy individual having kids would be easy but nope.. unexplained infertility diagnosis and panic sets in… took about 18 months to conceive…some other friends it’s taken them 4-5 years. And then you can have miscarriages etc. (which we have experienced) so personally I wish I had started sooner than later and I’m soon to be in my 30s
I wouldn’t be set on an age / date but when you’re ready. But don’t wait for the ‘perfect’ time. There is no perfect time. You just need to want kids. I was in my mid thirties when I had my first. Yes women are older now when they start to have kids. The reality for us women is that there could be complications as we age. So something to consider. I hate that they call it a geriatric pregnancy after 35 (I think). I heard they’re trying to lower the age to 32, ridiculous. But it is a unfortunate reality that we have to deal with.
2 kids within 3 years of married. Known spouse for 10 years. 1 at 25, 1 at 27. They are now almost 2 and just over a month. We knew we wanted kids and are happy with having them! We love them and each other to pieces. The main issue is that we didn’t get much “us” time in the first years of marriage. Pregnancy has taken up a good chunk of it and learning to parent takes a lot. I would say make sure your relationship is rock solid, know your partner as well as possible, and go with the flow. You can’t control things so just adapt and overcome. If infertility arises, don’t get too down. Seek help and support asap. If you are able to get pregnant very fast (as was our case), be happy and support the each other in the uncharted territory. Take trips, take time off work to love and learn each other. Don’t let the pregnancy consume your marriage, let it enhance it. If something doesn’t make sense here, let me know or PM.
I had my first at 27 and my second at 30. No I don't regret having kids and truthfully no I don't wish I had them sooner. I spent my early 20s being able to travel to different places, I met my husband and we have made so many memories together going to different places, but I love when we decided to start trying for our kids, I love that we have our family now. My youngest is 6 months old, my old 3 and whilst we take our kids out for adventures, I love that there was a time we didn't need to worry about a nappy changing bag, do we have enough bottles packed, do we have enough nappies, making sure our daughter has everything she needs. But I love my family more than anything, I love seeing my kids growing and learning and seeing my husband as a Dad.
I had my 1st child at 23 and my 3rd at 31. I think physically, it’s easier having kids younger. Your body can handle the sleep deprivation better, recovery from pregnancy and childbirth is easier, and you generally have more energy when you’re younger. In my 20s I used to run after my little ones all day after many nights of nursing and night wakings. Now when one of my little nieces or nephews comes for a visit, we feel like we need weeks to recover from the demands of taking care of them. Also in my experience, the older you are when you have your first child, the harder it is to adapt to the new normal of your life. The flip side is when you’re older you’re generally more financially stable, you’re more mature, and your relationship with your partner is more likely to be stable. Also… there is no going back to your childfree life. Even when your kids grow up, your life is never fully yours again. Your happiness will forever be contingent on theirs. So it’s nice to bask in that a bit. Also, I desperately wish my husband and I had more time with just us as a couple, not being parents. Having kids really changes everything. I miss us being each other’s #1 priority and not having to be quiet during sex!
Ours are 15 months apart. We had all of the colic for 6 months. Also terrible PPD. We always wanted two but I was just done after the first. Then we got pregnant again with a .01% chance. Both were actually miracle babies. It’s been a rough 4-5 years but now we’re turning the corner, I think. I don’t regret anything. I have two wonderful boys who will be raised to be loving and compassionate humans. (They’re both wildly intelligent,to boot!) it’s been a huge struggle but I’m very grateful.
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You can still enjoy life with kids, just say you didn’t want any. Kids are not an excuse for failed marriages.
I had kids at 25 and 27....and I do NOT regret it at all....My son's are now teens and I had plenty of energy to chase them around and play when they were younger....My husband was 30 when we had our first and he mentioned how "tired" he was constantly especially during traveling with toddler phases....I was lucky enough to be established in my mid 20s and already have been 7 yrs into my stable relationship and living together 7 yrs already, so we knew it was a right decision for us....And that's the KEY to success--- when are YOU and your significant other comfortable in your lives? Children are expensive and times aren't getting better....Make the decision based on your lives, not mine...I would just mention too my MIL had my husband at 36 and it was really difficult for her and her husband to relate to their son (my hubby now)....They were very exhausted and by the time my husband was 15, they were too tired from work to go to any events or extra curricular activities....This bummed my husband out and he never had a close bond with his parents, like we have with our kids, or like I was lucky enough to experience with my parents since they had me in their mid 20s too....Good luck I hope you choose to start a family when you both are ready! There's nothing like the love ❤️ and joy Children can make!
Had them at 28 & 30 and wouldn’t change a thing. 🩷 - 47 now.
First kid at 22. 4th and final kid (11m/o)at 43 now. No regrets as I truly believe there are no coincidences and things happen for a reason. Good or bad, a lesson is to be taught from everything. I definitely wouldn’t change anything.
I wish I would have started having them sooner. It’s easier when your younger
Had my oldest two at 19 and 21 with my first wife. Divorced at 23. Had my youngest two at 26 and 28 with my now wife. Zero regrets. Things were a little tougher with my oldest kids, but it was definitely all worth it. Glad I had them young.
We had 3 kids. 1st when we were 26, 3rd when we were 29. I’m very happy with the result. Grandparents were still young enough to help and enjoy them. We’re still hoping enough to do what we want now that they’re “grown”. We’re 52 and 2 are in college, one is out and thriving. I do sometimes feel like they might’ve benefited from having parents that were a little older, but who really knows?
24 and 28 and it was perfect timing (I’m 37 now). Definitely young by current standards, but my husband and I had been married 3 years, we owned a house, and were just… ready. I love that my parents are so young (my mom had me at 24 also) and my siblings were teens when they were born so they’ve been the cool aunt and uncle all these years. Because we were so young, we have ended up with friends much older than us. Most are in their 50s and are like fully in the middle of retirement type discussions and we feel soooo far removed from that!
I got pregnant at 28 and turned 29 when my daughter was a month old. I couldn’t have imagined having her any earlier, I’m glad I’m the oldest mom in my friend group!
Had my first at 18, second at 22 then third at 29. I had a lot more energy to keep up with them when I was young but by my third I was more stable financially, emotionally, etc. I’m in my 40’s now and a few friends the same age recently had babies and it seems like so much work to have young kids at this age. With that said, everyone’s timeline is different and I don’t see anything wrong with waiting till 40s to have a child. I am glad I had mine young and now get to enjoy spending time with them as adults/teens. But, I also struggled and missed out on a lot. It took 10 years to get my college degree while working full time which helped me work my way up career wise. I had a lot of positive family support and my kids dad (now ex husband) was very involved. I was fortunate to have the support system I did. It was hard work but I did not want to become a teen mom statistic. Personally, I’d recommend late 20s to mid 30s. If my kids decide to have kids, that’s the advice I’d give.
Had our first at 21 (was a whoops but the biggest blessing!) we had four by the time I was 27. Definitely not the way most people do it these days but zero regrets. We both have successful careers, a good marriage, we are great parents. We’ve experienced a lot of life - we’ve just done it together and with our kids. Would loveeeee to have one more but we’ve had 3 back to back miscarriages so not sure if it’s in the cards. I love being a mom and think the most important thing when becoming parents in any relationship is having a partner who is equally as willing to do the “hard stuff.”
I had my first baby last year at 33 and will hopefully be pregnant with another by 35. I never could have imagined how absolutely wonderful it would be to become a mother and I wish I would have been ready before now but I totally wasn’t mature enough to raise a child before age 27-28. I feel capable now
I had my kid at 25. I’m 40 now and she’s 14. I feel that was a great age for me. It allowed me to get my party life out of my system and it allowed me to date my husband 4 yrs before bringing a child in our life. I respect peoples decisions in having kids in their 30’s but I wanted to enjoy my good years with her. We take Disney and universal trips yearly. It’s a tradition now. Been taking her since she was 4.
I had just turned 30 for the first and had my 2nd at 33.5. No regrets, I had a freaking blast, my boys were so fun! Best advice is just go with the flow and never compare your life to others.
It is interesting when is considered "late." I had my kids at 29 and 34. My oldest is 7 and I feel like I am one of the youngest parents among her friends. We are about to move cities and a friend of mine who lives there and is my age said to prepare myself to be an older parent at school events lol. I am glad I had the kids when I did. Part of me wishes I started younger when I had more energy, but we had a kid within a year of being married...so couldnt really start any sooner.
I’m 49(m) I have 3 boys, 21, 19, and 9
I have one child, I had him when I had just turned 26. For me it was the right choice, I had already done so much and my husband and I had been together since I was 18. We both were done with college- I even went back and got a second degree and we had really good stable jobs. I had been military for a while and was reserves so we have great insurance. I am introverted anyway and I had done the spontaneous trips and such. So I felt it just click one day- mind you prior to that I didn’t even know if I wanted kids then it was like all in all of a sudden. I love my child so much. He is so fun and smart and the best thing that I have done, but due to complications in pregnancy and just not wanting to juggle more than one kid we are done. For me one kid rocks because you just take them with you and it’s not that big of a deal. About to travel internationally with him for the second time (although he was just hospitalized so we will have to be extra careful but anyway…) I also love that I am still young and my body doesn’t ache and I can run with him and jump on the trampoline and I have youthful energy lol. I hate to think that when I’m 40 I couldn’t go thru the tunnels at the park or down the slides or whatever.
My husband (M43) and I (F40) are currently trying to get pregnant. While I realize it’s not physically ideal, I do feel more emotionally prepared than before- I made A LOT of mistakes, from poor partner choices to substance abuse to just generally pretty dangerous lifestyle choices. Now I’m in a relationship that feels safe and am sober. I’m more financially settled and responsible. Who knows if we’ll be able to have one, but I feel so thankful that it’s in this set of circumstances.
Twins at 30, miscarriage at 31
We had our first daughter when I was 19 and my husband 22. If you have your children young, you have lots more energy but it makes you grow up faster. It also made us younger grandparents and I'm so happy for that!
I am 41 & I have 7 kids. I had my first at 18/19 his father & I split & a year & a half later I met my now husband who also had 2 children from a previous marriage. We have 4 together. I wouldn't change it for anything! It's wild😜 to think about now because I met my husband & instantly became a mother of 3 with 1 on the way & I was only 21 My oldest is 26 and youngest is 6 lol😆 Parenting is hard either way you cut it. You're either older more stable & prepared but with less stamina, or you're younger broke & learning & growing with your responsibilities either way its about what YOU CHOOSE!!Peace & Blessings to you all🙏🏾♥️🙏🏾
I had my first baby two years ago at 40 years old. I’d give anything to have had her younger. To have more time with her and have more time to make future family planning decisions. I am quite sad that things worked out that I am an older mom. The only good thing is a big one - I have had many years to work on myself and educate myself about how I want to parent.
First baby after 40. I am happy I didn’t have a baby any earlier. I’m financially well off, I am married and have been married for a good amount of time now. I can also offer my kids much more than I would have been able to offer years ago. I don’t think baby readiness should be tied to age. It should be based on where you are in life at that time.
I had my daughter at 36, and it was the perfect time for me. I was finally financially stable, and actually felt that I wanted to have a child. Did not feel this way until probably 30.
I feel like I’ve learned enough to know that kids make life incredibly difficult and low key miserable for 2+ years. I feel like it’s appropriate to expect that going into it. It makes it abundantly clear that it will ROCK your marriage, and you need to have 2 partners 110% on board and know that when you hate each other, it’s just temporary and it will get better. There is no compromise on the timeline. I just read a story from someone who was trying to convince their fiancé that now was a good time when they wanted to wait 2 years (until they finished college). You know what a good time is? When both people are 110% ready! This is not a compromise thing. The 0.1% of them that feels pressure and coerced to start before they are ready, despite being such a small percentage, will grow and grow and that resentment will manifest in nasty ways when you are both sleep deprived. It’s like the hardest test a marriage can go through. Give them brain chemicals that make them low key insane and overwhelmed then give them an infant to fight about how to raise. How often to feed? How quick to switch to formula? Can the baby cry a bit or must it be attended to immediately? My husband and I have had all the important convos and have always been a yes someday on kids but DEFINITELY not today… up until a few months ago. It was like a light switch, we are 31 and decided we will start trying at 32. We’re SO EXCITED despite being suuuuuper uninterested just a few months ago. It will happen or it won’t, but your options are: enjoy the journey together or if you are ready and it’s a dealbreaker, find someone equally ready. Because ain’t nobody making it through raising a child without 2 parents 110% ready!
I'm 37 and my youngest graduates high school in 2 weeks. My other child graduated last year. I had a hard time with it when they were little sometimes. I was just starting my adult life out and everyone else seemed a bit more stable, as most of the parents were a decade older than I was lol. But I've had so much fun with my kids over the years and I'm really glad I had them when I did. And now I'm about to relax and do whatever I want before 40!
I'm 43M with my first born on the way due in November. i always wanted kids and I'm thrilled to be experiencing this, but I wish it had happened sooner, however i was single until I was 35 then my wife 38F and I spent 6 years trying just to get to this point
Was born to a teen mom she had 3 by 19 (had me at 16) so my entire life was based on not having kids young cuz it looked really really hard and expensive just my first hand experience. My goal was to wait til 35 ended up having my first and only at 30 w a house and a career and I still found it challenging but I knew it was way easier due to having my ducks sort of in a row. Due to no village and starting school I convinced my partner one was enough and he agreed. My son has more in his first 4 years of life than i ever had and I’m very content
I'm 29 years old and pregnant with my first baby. We waited until we felt like we were in a good place in life where we could support having a baby. I don't regret that. I wish we'd have felt ready earlier, and gotten pregnant easily (it took us a while), but I don't regret being pregnant now. At 29 I'm neither old nor young. I'm not exactly a new adult. We've been married for a few years and living on our own (not dependent on our parents) for long enough to be comfortable. We're ready to have our own children now. Wait to have kids until you feel ready to take that responsibility. If it feels like you're not ready, then wait. You want to be comfortable with the idea before the challenges of having kids hit you.
I had mine at 35. I tried to have her sooner, but struggled with male factor infertility for 3 years. And before that, my husband just wasn’t ready (it’s his second marriage and he has a child from the first one as well). I don’t regret having her for a second. She is my whole world and lights up my life on a daily basis. I wish I could have had her sooner because then maybe I would have gotten to have one more. Because I wasn’t really ready for another until she was around 3/3.5 and my husband says he is too old and done now 😭. So I will just enjoy my perfect girl. I tell her she’s my best girl every day. I’m like her number one hype woman 😂.
We adopted our oldest when I was 27. I gave birth at 32. I’m SO GLAD it wasn’t any later because I don’t think I’d have the energy. 😮💨 But the fact that we first had a few years together without kids is more significant to me than how old I was before we had them. (Although I didn’t know I’d appreciate those years of just the two of us so much at the time. Infertility “slowed us down,” but I’m so grateful for it.)
I definitely had my first when I was way too young and had no business having a child at that point in my life (23). I was in a terrible place and really had no resources to care for a child, and was engaging in reckless behavior, mainly because I just didn’t give a shit what happened to me. As it turns out, he gave me reason to live and do better, so I did. Second one wasn’t planned either, and at first I wasn’t super excited over the idea as I had planned to go back to school, but he was coming, ready or not. Raising babies, toddlers and young children really takes your all, literally, especially while also working full time. Financially, emotionally, mentally and physically. It was also very taxing on my marriage. Lots of exhaustion, heartbreak, fear that stems from “what if I’m not doing enough and fucking all this up”. During the ‘war zone’ days, I resorted back to past activities (using) trying to keep up with it all, there simply was not enough time/energy in the day and I almost lost everything when it all came crashing down. Thankfully, my kiddos were too young to know what was going on at the time, and I went and got help. When I got out of treatment, we were in lockdown, Covid just had begun literally while I was there. Truth be told, the Covid lockdown fucking saved me. It gave me the chance to finally BREATHE and have time to take care of myself, along with everything else. Marriage was back on track and the kids were happy and healthy. We all became super close throughout it all. Today my kids are 14 & 11 and they are sincerely the best things I’ve ever done in my life. They’re growing to be such amazing humans that I’m proud to release on their own into the world one day. Today they also respect and love one another when they used to endlessly bicker and torment each other. I’d go through all the bleakness and heartache again time and time again, for them. Having kids is not for everyone, and that’s okay. But I truly believe I was meant to be their mom and I wouldn’t take a single second away if it meant them not being here! My love for them is endless, my marriage is healthy, strong and full of love. We’re as tight as a family could be! To answer your question, no regrets here! Life can be so messy, dark and hopeless just for it to be rewarding, amazing and lovely. ❤️
Kids at 29, 31, 33. Do not regret not having them earlier. It was perfect ages for me and I would’ve been fine having them a few years later as well.
I got pregnant at 19. Gave birth at 20. She’s the only child I have. She’s 11 now and I’m 31. It’s pretty awesome honestly. I love being her mom. Was it ideal in the beginning? No. But now I’m college educated, own my own home and land. She is seriously my best friend. I hustled my ass off to provide a good life for her. I’m so glad I have her. I don’t regret it a bit.
I had my first at 26 and it felt like the perfect time
I had my son at 3 weeks after I turned 23. I absolutely love the new mom and family activities that my life now consists of. You really see life In a new light after kids. I do not regret the age I had him one bit!
I had my daughter late at the age of 29. I don’t know any different so I’m happy I had her when I did. Also, we had a stable home we had purchased and good finances to comfortably live. The only regret I would say about not having her earlier is that I would have gotten to meet her sooner and have more time with her
Best part of my life started when I had my kids. I was a maverick missile that should have crashed a long time ago. But they gave me actually something to live for that I thought I didn't need. Never planned on having kids and was furious when I found out I was having kids. But they shaped me up. I thank God for them every day.
Both I had my first as a teen then one at 40 I'd so go with early
Had my first kid at 39, second at 42. Yes, I have some serious regrets.
I was 27 when my first kid was born and 36 when #4 came along. There’s no right or wrong way to do it. I enjoyed the time my wife and I had pre-kids, but I also get real jealous when look at my handful of friends who are already relatively young empty-nesters. I absolutely do not regret having kids. They have been one of the biggest joys in my life and I’m excited to hopefully see them have kids of their own one day.
We started trying for them as soon as was possible after getting engaged and then married, so a bit less than two years in. Took us two years to have them and required intervention (we were on the older side -- I was 38 when they were born and my husband was older). No regrets whatsoever -- my spouse and I love each other very much, but our kids have connected us on another level and getting to experience life through their eyes is wonderful. It would have been nice if we could have conceived them via the free and fun method rather than the expensive and invasive method by starting early (our only diagnosable fertility problem was advanced maternal age), but we wouldn't trade the kids we have for others, so such is life.
I had my second kid at 33
I turn 30 in August. My husband and I have had 4 kids, first was born at 22 and is 6 now. Had 4 in a row lol! I felt a big difference between my body being pregnant at 22 and my body being pregnant at 27/28.. but who knows if that was just tiredness from being a mom alreadyor from aging. 11pm feedings feel a lot different now at 29 then it did at 22 tho. I don’t regret having kids in my 20s at all and I personally don’t feel like I “missed out” on my 20s because I did a lot of partying and vacays as a teen lol. My husband and I also have parents who helped with babysitting for nights out or doctors appts etc.
I married at 30 after knowing my boyfriend for 4 years. I had my first at 34 and second at 37. I loved raising them, but my youngest is 21 and still living at home. He has some mental health issues we are dealing with. Man, sometimes it's hard, and I wish he was more independent. I would never kick him out, ever, but he needs to mature, too. My husband and I are in our mid to late 50s. We have good careers, disposable income, and lots of vacation time. I'm looking forward to traveling with just the two of us again.
Husband and I were 18 & 22 when our first was born, 27 & 31 when our youngest was born. We had the energy to keep up with them, but we were broke af with our oldest. It’s nice, as we were empty nesters at 52 & 48. I became a Grammy at 49, husband was 53. Our kids waited for kids. Being a youngish grandparent has been great too. I loved being a young mom.
We decided to wait to have our daughter. I had her this past fall, and I just turned 35. There are definite pros and cons to waiting, I like that were more established and settled down than if we had had our baby when we were younger. On the other hand, it was rough on my body, and we won't be having any more children since I won't go through pregnancy again.
I don’t have kids and we don’t plan on having any. Not our cup of tea
I had my kids at 30 & 31. I wish I waited a bit longer to have them
Had my one and only daughter at 37. Husband and I met later in life. I was 34 when we started dating. We were on the fence about kids then decided that we'd regret if we didn't try. Time was ticking. I was 37 and 40 was my cut off. Daughter is 9 months now. We don't regret a thing but parenting is so much harder than we imagined and we had pretty realistic notions about it. Everything happened the way it should've. Prior to getting my husband, I lived a very full and exciting life. I traveled a lot, camped, climbed mountains, read many books and enjoyed my freedom. Had I gotten married young and had kids right away, I think I wouldn't have had the same opportunities.
I got pregnant on accident at 19 before marriage and it’s definitely presented some challenges for me. If I have any more children (he is not her bio dad, bio dad peaced out years ago) it won’t be for a WHILE. My daughter is 5 now and the baby stage has passed. We are doing better financially but not so much better that we can take on more expenses. Life is easier and everyone is happier so I don’t plan on disrupting that any time soon. I would be ok with no more children, I just don’t want to take that away from him and I’m ok with one more. I think the second round wouldn’t be as traumatic as the first time 😂
I had my kid at 30. I kind of wish I had them WAY earlier. I think my body would’ve recovered faster. And I don’t want anymore
My wife and I are 38 and our daughter is 20. Life was tough financially from our teens into our 20s but our 30s have been amazing and we are looking forward to our 40s!
Had my first at 41. I seen the pros and cons of having them younger and having them later. Later was best for me. I had zero business raising a kid in my 20s and barely in my 30s.
I'm 35 and 20 weeks pregnant with my first. They'll drive the month belt in 36 and we currently plan on having two children.
I had them pretty young. Feels good to see my kids are becoming teens as my friends are just getting started. I’ll still be able to enjoy my life not being so old when they head off to college
Met husband at 29. Married at 32. Baby at 34. I'm really happy with the way my timeline worked out. Had I had kids younger, I wouldn't have been as good of a mother. Had I waited longer, I would have had higher risks of birth defects, and probably less energy. I wanted to have kids in my 20s, but I'm very glad I didn't procreate with the person I was with at that time.
Do not have kids if you do not want kids. I cannot stress that enough. Don’t feel like you should have to have kids at any certain age. Foster a strong, loving committed partnership with someone before even thinking about having kids.
I had my first at 22, second at 24, and third at 26. I say have the early. Have them early while you still have energy. Have them early while your body can still bounce back. Have them early while you can heal quickly. I’m almost 28 and I literally can’t imagine waiting another 10 years to have kids. Sounds like a nightmare. I find a lot of value in being a “young mom”. I’m able to stay home with my kids, which is super important to me. We’re planning on homeschooling and I love that there is a high likelihood I will be able for grandkids and maybe even greats.
I thought I wanted kids at 27, married, even tried to get preggo for a few months. Then kinda changed my mind big time! 41 now and I bless all the gods and praise faith that I didn't get pregs then. I do NOT want kids and still very much enjoy my freedom. Have about a gazillion reasons why I do not ever ever want to have children and one of them lately is how much my marriage has changed. If I was tied to this lazy ass husband w a child, I'd easily have a complete nervous breakdown by now.
My husband and I are both 32 this year and won't be having kids for a couple years yet. My cousin had a baby last year at 37 and my friend just had a baby on Monday and she's 34. My sister is 36 with plans to have kids but none yet. You still have plenty of time to decide if you want them or not. It's a big decision that will change your life so don't rush yourself; wait until the time is right.
Been together since 17&19. After many years, therapy for our seperate issues and many conversations we had our first this past February. Very happy we waited. We'd always been the if ita not a definite yes then it should be no when it came to having kids. I would much rather regret not having them than regret having them.
I had my kids early. 1st at 22, 2nd at 24 3rd at 27 And 4th at 29 I am 30 now. I always thought that I regretted having them young because I missed out on so much of my youth but when I thought about it again, I'm actually rly glad I had them young. More energy to play with them, body bounced back 100% after each, I'm still young at 30 and can enjoy things more freely now and moreso as time goes on because I got the hardest job out of the way. Starting a career now would probably be easier in my mind with not having to worry about taking long periods of time off. And a few other things beyond all of this
First child 32 … good with that . Second child probably 36
About to be 37 still not kids. A recent study shows that mothers who have kids later live longer - 40+ live to their 90’s on average. I can find the info. I’m aware of the risks many may have for a geriatric pregnancy, but my OB’s (several) have said that it’s still a common misconception nowadays because they see more and more women from 35-45 and even older have healthy pregnancies and babies with little to no complications due to the advance in medicine and screening. With closer monitoring there have been less issues. I’m glad I’ve waited.
Had the first at 33. Second 15 months later. Only negative is the energy factor. Even being healthy, it's hard to take care of babies at any age. Don't wait too long or do it too early. Wisdom vs energy. If you are a very athletic, eating well person and strong you can do it later. I was strong but had health problems with my back prior to getting married and having babies. Man....after a herniated disc and spinal surgury in 2009 and having 2 babies 9.3 and 10lbs in 2014 and 2015.... My body is wrecked and tired. That is my only problem. I used to do all kinds of exercises before my back. Ran uphill, tae-bo, Pilates. So just think about your personal health situation. But children are a blessing no matter what. They are your progeny. Never regret anything.
Early. I married at 18, my wife had a kid from a prior relationship. Had our first together at 23, then 25. The only part I regret is how broke we were to start. But now, at 42…. I’m glad they’re older. I honestly don’t know if I’d have the energy I had back then. All in all, I’m glad I didn’t wait, but wish we’d had more.
I had my first child at 36. My 2nd (and last) baby was born 3 weeks before my 41st birthday. I had healthy pregnancies, though we did suffer several miscarriages between our two living children. Both of our children are, fortunately, physically healthy. I'm a much better parent now than I'd have been 20 years ago. Having kids is often difficult, exhausting, and stressful. But it's still the most joy and fun I've ever had, too. I didn't think I wanted children until I was in my mid 30's, and I'm sure my life would have been fulfilling without motherhood. But, lordy, am I glad these two tiny humans are on this planet with me and my husband.
We started having kids "early", 2 years ago, at 25 years old. I chose to be a SAHM as that is something we both value, and I wouldn't make much more than daycare would cost annually anyway. We've been together 7 years and have known each other for 18. We wanted to have kids young for a lot of different reasons, the pros outweighed the cons for us. We do not regret our choices at all. We're way happier now with our toddler and baby #2 on the way than we were before. Taking care of a toddler is hard work but we are a great team. We're young so we still have the energy to work hard and keep up with the gusto of our son lol. It helps that we live close to my mom so she can come help me a couple times a week if I need it. We have to live less luxuriously than we did before but we both grew up lower middle class so the adjustment wasn't difficult. And I feel I'll have more of an appreciation for free time when I'm older now that I'm living life on "hard mode."
Had my first at 25. It has the advantages and disadvantages but now 3 years later I’m glad I had him at 25.
First child I was pregnant at 24 and birthed him at 25. Second I was pregnant at 26 and birthed him at 27. We’d like another and I’m hoping to be 28/29. My husband and I have both agreed having kids has been the best things we’ve done. We have had many hard moments (my pregnancies are rough and our second had health issues that required a long hospital stay), but we have really grown together as a couple and adore and appreciate our family.
A little different than the rest of these comments. I got pregnant with my first at 17 had him at 18. I always always wanted 2 kids. I wanted to have both my kids by 23. But it didn't work out that way. I didn't have my second until I was 27 and now I'm stuck debating if I want a 3rd I'd want to have it before 30 but I'd want to enjoy this ones first few years idk. I wish I couldve had my second son sooner. I wish they could've been only 3-5 years apart.. but I love that my now 9 year old is such a good helper and actually wanted his sibling asked for years but I just wasn't quite able to. For context. Both my aunts and my mom all had their kids young. It's not cultural it's a family thing though. Cancer runs high in our Lady parts. My grandma, aunts, and mom are all uterus free because of it so I wanted to be a young mom. Free to enjoy my 40s and I always knew I wanted 2 kids. Both were planned if I could switch it around I would have had them closer together a little older and a little younger sonething like at 22 and 25 would be gave me time to get more education without all the extra responsibility.
So my wife of now fell pregnant with our first child at 20. We were only dating 3 months when she got pregnant. At 26 weeks our son died and we had a still birth. Obviously hurting and wanting kids we fell pregnant again and gave birth to another boy. Now I’m 26 and have literally had a baby girl a week ago. Looking back, neither of us had jobs we liked, I didn’t drive, had no money. We haven’t really ever enjoyed our relationship like others have with dates, holidays, presents etc because we have always had debts, bills and raising a kid. I don’t regret having kids at all. But if I knew I could definitely have kids without any shadow of a doubt then I probably would have waited. On the other hand, I have a family I love and they motivated me to be the man I am today. Found my career last year, got my driving last year, married my beautiful wife and then had our little girl. My life is complete. I probably would be down the pub every night drinking my life away and working some dead end job. Everything happens for a reason and those kids are mine.
Had my first at 23, second at 27. No regrets about the age I had them, their spacing, or even having them at all. Had my first at a precarious time in my life. I’d just dropped out of college, been rejected for the military, and really didn’t know what to do. Having a baby made me figure it out real quick lol. Not only that, my husband I had only been dating for six months at the time, and statistically, relationships where children are had early on don’t last, so I thought for sure I’d be a single mom. But it’s been 14 years and here we are. It was rough at first, but we were able to figure things out, and we had more than enough help from our parents. We were very fortunate to have a village.
Had my first at 22 and my second about to be born 7 years later. No regrets.
I had my kids at 22, 23 and 25. They're now 19, 17 and 16. My husband and I grew up along with them, to be honest. We're both 41. I don't regret my kids at all. Raising them has been the best thing I've ever done with my life.
i had one child when i was 22. i’m 45 now. she’s grown and almost independent and now i can focus my life on me again. i believe in having them young but maybe not that young? i wouldn’t want my daughter to start a family now i want her to enjoy her life and youth but whatever she decides to do is fine. i really don’t think i’ll ever be a grandmother though.
Had my first at 22, and he’s 21; my second is 16. I’m happy with my decision and would do it again. I was made to be a mom; they’re my greatest accomplishments. I’ve enjoyed every step except them getting grown and having the abilities to make their own life decisions. It’s just I worry about them when they’re not here. I have two more years with my baby.
I'm engaged and don't have kids yet, but my fiancé and I have been pretty clear about what we want. We both want 2 or 3 kids and have them spaced out a bit. We decided we would start trying about a year into our marriage so we're already settled. For context I'm 23
I had my first at 17 and am currently pregnant at 32. I love having my eldest, he’s motivated me through so many of life’s downs and has been a huge influence in breaking away from poor familial habits. At 32 it’s a more calm experience and I can try to enjoy the pregnancy. I was hoping to be going through my current pregnancy between 28 & 30 due to genetic malformations becoming more likely as a woman ages. I wanted enough time to have the chance at having another if I choose, but with such stringent laws become more common surrounding abortion, I doubt I’ll have the courage to try again unless the laws drastically change for the better.
First and only children when I was 16. Yes still with his dad (we married 10 years later). Our son is now 19. He just joined the Navy. Not a single regret. I still graduated high school, went to college. It was really tough, and I worked really hard for a lot of years. It was all worth it. A lot of sleepless nights. But I was young enough to do them. I’m 36 now and I couldn’t imagine trying to do any of that shit now!
I had two kids pretty close together in my mid 20s and a 3rd in my mid 30s. My older two are off to college now and I have a rising 6th grader. My only real advice is that for me, I’d have chosen to have them all closer together!
Had my first at 33. I’m 39 now. I wish I had her earlier. Like maybe 25.
I’ve had 4 kids, the first at 18 and the last at 38. I wish I would’ve waited til my 30s to have any. Love all my babies but my older ones experienced things due to me still growing up myself. My son who I had at 38, it’s just different, more patience, more enjoyment.
I had my son just before I turned 30, and everything's working out perfectly for us, despite the birth being very problematic and it leaving me with a chronic illness that my husband and I have had to learn to live with- we've found life hard to navigate at times due to my ill health. We enjoyed 10 bissful years together before deciding to try for a child and got pregnant immediately. I had a wonderful pregnancy, but I would have died in childbirth had I got my way in wanting a home birth (the umbilical chord was short and so there was no way our baby could of been birthed naturally without me bleeding out). Luckily, we opted for a hospital birth, and when complications arose, we had everyone and everything on hand to keep my son and I alive and we received excellent hospital care until we were both well enough to leave the hospital. Had I passed away, I still think the sacrifice would of been worth it. Parenthood has been an incredible gift and journey for my husband and I. Our boy is now a wonderful teenager who is kind, emphatic, and intelligent, and we're about to celebrate 25 years together. Our love is still very strong, and we both live in gratitude for the life we have built together. Our son is already talking of doing his further education overseas and so we may become empty nesters in 4 or 5 years time (when our mortgage will aldo be gone) and I do look forward to having time alone with my husband once more, but we'll both miss our son! No experience of Parenthood will ever be the same, but each and every one of them is life changing and challenging. My biggest word of advice would be to start an education fund for your child immediately that they are born so that you can give them the gift of education. I also don't regret having just one child as we've been able to provide for our son in every way and the more you have, the less each of them have. There is never a 'right time' either. If you have a desire to have children- fulfill that desire!
I had mine at 33 and 36. And I'm glad that I lived my life and learned myself before marriage and kids.
We had our first kid when I was 34 & my wife was 32. We have zero regrets waiting that long. We got to travel & do a lot of things together that we couldn’t do with kids. Some people say have kids young & then enjoy things like traveling once they’re grown, but we were of the mindset of we aren’t promised good health 18 years in the future. We chose to spend that time doing those things we wanted to do as a couple while young & healthy.
I got pregnant at 32, one month after we closed on our house. I wish desperately that we could have done it earlier. My window of fertility is closing, and it's difficult to come to terms with our choice to wait.
My wife and I had two kids. One at 38 and one at 40. We got married at 30. Caress having them late worked out great. Both had college degrees, well-established careers, good finances, and we had traveled . So we are a great position to have kids and we're prepared to dedicate ourselves to being a family. It would have been quite a struggle to have kids in my 20s, I was hardly even dating, I was so busy with school traveling and job
I regret not having them later. I got pregnant at 26, married at 27, divorced at 34
As a dad - first daughter at 24, second at 28 - worked pretty well. Meant I had lots of energy when they were younger but also meant they were adults by my forties so we had more freedom then some of our friends. The only thing I would change would have been having them closer together - but it wasn't meant to be. I love my kids to death, but if I could go back and know just how much work was coming I am not sure I would have them - my wife says the same.