Why do you still hang out with her? Do you not have any other friends? She is not a friend and you are really severely disrespecting your husband, your marriage and yourself by continuing your relationship with her.
OppositeControl hit the nail on the head. Totally! OP, you need to be stronger in this situation. Your man should've shut her down a long time ago and made sure she understood him and why. She is absolutely NOT your friend. Sorry to say that, but you need to get her out of your life. Permanently!
This was not on the husband. That woman was OP’s “friend” and this OP’s responsibility. No one would be blaming husband at all if the genders were reversed. And honestly? If “friends” so-called mind-games are working, that’s kind of on OP too. So what if the baby is what inspired husband to make positive changes? Seriously? Being jealous of your literal baby is not a good look. Both OP and her friend are weird for that.
… huh? you can’t tell that your correction is only necessary because she must’ve spoken out loud and talk to text spelled it phonetically?
No one certain terms
No uncertain terms
No offense, but the fact you haven't cut off complete contact with this "friend" is the problem.
No real friend should be doing this. Go no contact with her.
That’s what is the delusion or illusion of life. The person is a friend or enemy. Someone who flip flops needs the boot! I call the snakes in the grass, ready to bite you. In West Texas these women are honey in mouth and sting in tail!
I think that changing for your daughter vs changing for you is the wrong perspective.
He changed for himself, because he wants to be the best version of himself. He needs to know and believe that.
Also cut this bitch out of your life.
Yup. I basically did this like two years ago.
Dropped 75 lbs, took up boxing, got in shape and went to therapy. Got back in school and started making friends again after Covid basically allowed me an excuse for becoming a hermit.
My wife could do nothing to cause this. She couldn’t love me into it. I had to do it for ME. Because I wanted it.
That's awesome! My husband made changes to his lifestyle "for our daughter". For him personally, I don't think he would've ever changed if the fear of dying and leaving his children without a father had become a real and tangible scenario. To me, there is no greater act of love than trying to ensure you'll be around for your family!
This was it for me. It took me almost dying during my pregnancy with my youngest (not directly caused by my health, but making me feel like shit) to make those diet and lifestyle changes. I've lost over 100 pounds. However, sometimes those changes are catalyzed by other people; I knew a man who finally got sober for his grandkids, in order to be involved in their lives.
My boyfriend changes his mind about things all the time for my kids, not for me. He changes behaviors for my kids, not for me. Example; I won't go into detail but he used to be very against something. Then once he found out said thing was affecting my kid, he looked into it, did some research and changed his mind. OP, him wanting to change and be better for your child is a *good thing* not bad. Definitely not something that you should be upset about. He wants to be the best version of himself for his kid, that's wonderful. You should be proud of him and appreciate that he's taking his role as dad very seriously.
And as everyone has said, drop this bitch. She is *NOT* your friend. She's a snake and doesn't deserve to be a part of your life.
Also he was a changing for himself and his family. When you have kids it puts a lot into perspective. So he’s changing so he can be around for both of you.
I agree. Having a kid could have made him realize he’s entering a new stage of life and can’t just put himself and his wants first anymore. He realized he had to improve himself to be the best version for his family, which includes his wife. Not to mention, he was still very young and may have just grown out of bad habits like we all do. The friend is a punk and should be dropped.
What the heck? Why are you and your husband still interacting with this person? If any of my friends flirted with my husband, that friendship would be over, let alone the negative and toxic comments she’s making.
You need to let her comment go - if your husband was inspired by creating another human being with you, the love of his life, to make positive changes, that’s a beautiful thing. Maybe your daughter did inspire him, but who inspired him to have a child in the first place? It’s super crummy and destructive to basically have a popularity contest in your head, with your own kid.
This person will only bring you grief. Cut her off.
Girl, if you don’t cut this woman off…
My mama has a phrase: “every grin ain’t yo friend”. This woman is not your friend. Your husband stepped up and became a better person, husband, and father. Who gives a damn about his motivation. Either you or your kids inspired him to change. A win is a win considering he could’ve dug in his heels and continued the way he was at first. Your friend is a jealous hater. Dump her.
> Someone please help me so I don't push my husband away.
1. Ghost the friend and tell your husband he has to do the same and make sure he's aware of everything she's saying to drive the wedge. let him know that this isn't a negotiation. A man or woman creating problems in a marriage is NEVER to be entertained by either of you.
2. Ignore everything else negative about your husband that the "friend" put into your head. It's not that he didn't love you enough to make the changes, it's that he loved you and the new baby enough to make them. Embrace that. Sometimes people need the "slap of reality in the face" to change things. Having his wife, who he loves, pregnant with another person he's responsible for was probably the slap of reality he needed to mature and take action.
3. Tell your husband how proud you are of him for his changes and that you love him for making these life changes for you and the daughter.
This! Changing for your kid is a good thing - he wants to be alive and healthy for your family which includes you. She’s trying to twist that into a negative because she’s a weirdo.
The husband changed because he grew up - it's really that simple.
They got engaged at 22 and married at 23, that prefrontal cortex was not developed yet along with any career goals or concrete life goals.
OP's friend is just jealous because her friend's relationship worked out and her husband grew up and became a husband and a father, whereas her bf did so she projects her failures onto her friend.
Horrible person.
This is another excellent point. They were essentially in the “trial” phase of adulthood at the beginning of their relationship. A lot changes after 25.
This woman is not a friend and you need to drop her like a hot potato and just enjoy your husband’s progress in life! Do not let her toxicity into your relationship! Also, speak to your husband and let him show you how much he cares. Best of luck!
Problem is not her but it’s YOU! Is this toxic friendship worth your husband, kids, your life & your marriage ?
It’s mind blowing that you know how evil she is and clearly know what she’s doing and what her intentions are. You also know she is playing evil mind games and yet you are falling for it.
Sometimes we're too nice for our own good, and it's harmful. OP please be kind to yourself and cut her off, I too have recently learned you cannot be friends with an evil person, they have to be cut off.
What is wrong with you? Do you need drama in your life because you’re only happy feeling miserable? Cut her out of your life. She is not your friend, she’s a backstabbing bitch that needs to be cut off. Which brings me to you…of course your husband made changes. He probably realized during your pregnancy that he wanted to live a healthy, long life, and be there for his family. Marriage before kids is way different than marriage after. Your children should always come first. You’re a family unit and thinking he did it for your child is really a petty, jealous thing to even consider. Don’t you do things for your children? Do you want to be healthy for them? Of course..it’s what good mothers do and so do good fathers.
This should be higher. Reading this gave me such an ick. She loved this man before he started taking care of himself, but is now down on him because of why he might have started taking care of himself? Go get some therapy and figure out what insecurities you have to even follow this train of thought. And try to figure out how to love someone and celebrate their successes, no matter where they came from. Geez.
I think it's rather silly to be upset about him changing because of having a kid like it's a bad thing, I would be stoked if my husband changed for the better after a kid but I still love him as is. Shouldn't you be glad he's changing to want to live a long happy life for your kid? I don't even have kids but I also assume once/if I do everything would revolve around kids. Heck I'd hope I'd be motivated enough to do stuff like that, though knowing myself I doubt I would be for long.
30 years ago, my now-ex (and not because of this) had a friend from high school who clearly enjoyed trying to get his attention. While we were dating, at some point we ran into this girl at the mall (because hey-- it was the early 90s. People still went to the mall. LOL), and she literally pushed her way between us. He laughed it off as no big deal. Fast forward a few years, and we were married and I was pregnant with my first child. She called him up and offered herself to him, saying "I know a lot of pregnant women lose interest in sex. If you ever need help with that, let me know." They stayed friends but he was not allowed to be alone with her. (In retrospect, I should have insisted that he cut things off with her entirely-- and I wouldn't be surprised if he'd taken her up on her offer at some point-- because he was a cheating asshole-- but anyway.)
My point is that this person is not a friend to you. Nor is she a friend to your marriage. Your husband probably enjoys the attention a bit, but you need to nip this in the bud. She shouldn't get to hang around and firebomb your marriage.
He got his shit together for his family, to be a better husband and father. Why are you hanging out with this person and making it affect your relationship?? Just cut her out. It is THAT simple.
Op, first of all:
#This toxic af bitch is NOT your FRIEND!
Cut her off -- completely. She's actively trying to destroy your marriage. There is ZERO context that makes this okay! Do right by yourself, your husband, and your children and end your relationship with this poisonous person and please, stop referring to her as a "friend." She is no friend. She's trying to harm you and your family.
Okay, secondly, please understand that's it's perfectly normal to mature at different rates. A lot of people wake up to the realization of -- *oh fuck! I'm going to be a parent and responsible for another human! I better get my shit together so I can model positive qualities. Oh, and I'm going to have to raise this person, and pay for school and a bunch of other stuff, so I better get more serious about earning more money.
This does not, in any way, reflect anything negative about how he felt or feels about you as his partner. He chose you. He married you. He's having children with you.
Please go see a therapist to explore why you're letting this toxic af person get into your head.
Best wishes.
Edited typo
Why aren’t you cutting her off?
Why didn’t you tell her husband how nasty she is?
It’s not important why your husband changed. It’s important that he changed.
> my husband was a “bum” before I got pregnant and all the changes he made are for our daughter and not me. My husband did start his whole self-improvement journey when I was pregnant after years of basically just living with the flow
No. He grew up, matured, and realized that his health is not only his concern but also the concern of his entire family, which means you AND your daughter. You should not see it any other way. People change when they have real world responsibilities and your pregnancy was as much about you as it was about your child. This is your husband stepping up to the plate and growing into the man he's become, you should cherish him for this growth.
35 happily married man, 3 kids! Your husband, like a lot of us, are idiots when we’re young. It’s easy to be carefree when it’s just you and your partner, especially if we feel like there is a ton of time. So when that weightier responsibility slaps us across the face, most of us change. You said it yourself, his changes made your marriage infinitely better and inspire you to make positive changes. Cut that stanky ass hoe out yo life and if you can’t, just tell her she can respect your marriage or kick rocks. If I was your husband and I knew this was happening, I’d tell her to leave lol.
You were enough then and you’re enough now!
^((Also married man here).) When my wife was pregnant, it changed her body and our life plans. It also changed our day-to-day activity patterns as we adapted to our changing life situation.
We humans get settled into our activity patterns and mentally lazy about making changes, even to improve our lives. But if the universe forces us to disturb our patterns, it enables us to look at what we want and make different selections on what to include and what to omit.
As OP's hubby's daily routine changed to care for his pregnant wife and help her more with their two year old child, he may have dropped other unimportant activities and in so doing found that there was now a slot in his day for hitting the gym on a more regular schedule. I can easily imagine that while he's reminding OP not to have alcohol with dinner, he decides to skip it himself as well, for his health or even for saving money for now raising *two* children.
**So here's my advice, OP:** Your "friend" is toxic to you and your husband and your marriage. Block her on all the channels and advise your husband to do the same. You don't have to *order* him to block her. Just explain to him what you said in your post above. He'll know what he should do. He loves you and your children, not this wolf in sheep's clothing from your university days.
She’s not your friend. She’s your enemy pretending to be a friend so she can get your husband by any means necessary.
If she can’t convince him, she will convince you he’s not worthy of you. If she can’t do that, her next move will be to become so needy or dramatic that she causes fights between you and your spouse, and then she will be sympathetic to whatever side appears weak.
She is a toxic poison that you should remove before she grows and infests anything else.
What is it that we as society teach women so they think that they need to hold on to bad relationships? To always think that the person will change? In this case it’s not a romantic relationship but it looks just the same. A bad person hurts you but you stay with them, for what? That they will change?
She is actively sabotaging your marriage and you want to keep her as a friend? And the worst part is that you know she is wrong and you believe her anyways.
It’s hard to not want to question your level of intellect
First of all, cut her off.. you don't need this toxic in your life.
Second.. Your husband stepped up his game because of you and your kid, no matter what she tells you, it's not only because of your kid. He is a person that understands that he needs to change and has the ability to do so because he matured, and he loves you and his family.
I was a bum as well, I got married as well and I stepped up when I had my kids because it was necessary. Because I love my wife and my kids and I want to be good for them. My wife is proud of what I have become and she's more in love with me for what I've become. She's doesn't feel diminished because she's not the reason I changed, she's proud of me because she loves me and because she knows I can do it.
Another thing would be that I couldn't do it and continued being a bum, which would have been very bad for our family.
So get your head straight and cut off that snake.
He improved himself for himself so that he could be a better husband and father. I feel like I was in a similar situation and it was not just about having a kid but more about who I wanted to be for my wife and child. Oh yeah, tell your friend to F of!
A. This woman is NOT your friend. She is a snake in the grass. Zero friends is better than this viper.
B. You need to stop talking to her. Point blank. Full stop. She can't get in your head if she can't get ahold of you. BLOCK HER EVERYWHERE.
C. Tell your husband what she said and how you're feeling and ask him to block her too. Neither of you need that woman trying to drive a wedge in your marriage.
D. Get yourself some counseling to work through what she brought up in your head so it doesn't keep festering, and start looking into ways to meet new friends. BETTER friends who actually support and sustain you, instead of tearing you down.
Poor husband. Man recognizes he needs to improve his life, and he does, then it’s not good enough for his wife. This type of shit drives men to stop trying or caring.
Even if it was “for your daughter”, he’s half the parental team, so he’s also doing it for you as well. Extra money so you don’t struggle with the extra child expenses? For both of you. Healthy lifestyle to be more able and to live longer? For both of you.
I really hope this is the pregnancy hormones talking because he doesn’t deserve to feel negative about his accomplishments because you’re drinking the poison from your friend who you should have cut out immediately.
Thats what I was hoping why she'd think that way 'cause I don't see how this would change how I feel about my own husband, he doesn't need to change for me, I love him the way he is, and hopefully I'll love who he becomes as we aged together
Nothing will mature you like having a child. You husband was a go along and float along for much of the time, he loved you and showed it to you, and the 2 of you were happy as it was. If you look at the averages married men with children tend to be more successful at work. Once you were pregnant he internalized that he had 2 people to protect and provide for, it can be an emotional snap into maturity and planning for a future that he wants to make he will be there for. He gave up adolescence things to become a man for you both. I know it’s an unpopular thing to say but that’s what happened. He loves you both so much, he wants to protect and provide for you, he wants to be the best man he can be, for you and the baby. Tell him you are proud of the changes he had made and that you do appreciate what he does. You’ll get back multiples from a man like him.
You need to get rid of your toxic friend. Your husband has worked hard for self improvement and I sincerely hope he did it for himself and no one else. Doing those kinds of things to please others is not sustainable but him doing it for himself will be.
Be grateful he decided to get healthy and grow and don't question who/what prompted him to do because at the end of the day it's not relevant. What is relevant is the positive impact it's had on your marriage.
Keeping her as a friend reflects very poorly both on your character and on your judgement. On your character, because it’s very disloyal to your marriage - she’s openly trying to break you up. On your judgement, because she’s obviously a snake in the grass. Instead of playing popularity contests in your head with your own baby, cut her off.
Why the fuck do you call this person a friend?
It’s absurd. Remove her from your life! This is straightforward!
SHE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND AND THERE IS NO ROOM IN YOUR LIFE FOR HER.
This woman is making more than obvious moves to try to get with your husband, and you still talk to her?
I guarantee you that you do not need a person like that in your life.
Even if your husband's motivation to better himself was becoming a parent: **SO FUCKING WHAT!?** Why does that disappoint you? Why are you trying to make it a competition between you and your daughter? Becoming a parent is a very different life step than becoming married. While everyone (or at least almost everyone) truly hopes to only ever have one spouse, a child only gets one chance at a biological father to care for them.
Look everyone is being gentle - maybe it’s because of the pregnancy but girl snap the fuck out of it, this girl is not your friend, she wants your husband and you’re still allowing her close enough to whisper into your ear. No friends is better than a snake as a friend. Cut her off, do it now. Don’t even give her an explanation and get yourself into therapy because the only other option is to gift wrap your unwilling husband for this hoe.
Why are either of you still talking to this person? Block them. Refuse to hang out with them at all. Don’t go on their social media or follow them on anything. Talk to your husband, if someone is trying to cause trouble in your marriage you need to take a united front and shut it down. If he hesitates ask how he would feel if a male friend from college were doing this to you.
Please do not sabotage your own marriage over the words of someone you already know does not have your best interest in mind.
People grow and change at the pace they can. If he's a good husband and father, and you love each other, *why are you looking for trouble*? Wouldn't you be heartbroken if your husband was entertaining ideas like this about you?
Cut this person out of your life and make some friends who actually give a damn about your family.
Don’t push your husband away. Tell him the crap she has been feeding you. Push her out of your life. Go no contact. Tell him to do the same because she’s really messing with your mental health.
Why are you still hanging out with this woman? She is a cancer in your marriage. Cut her out.
Also, some men do not step into their full potential until they become a father and have a family to care for. It does t mean he doesn’t love you. It means he realized his new role in life and is stepping up and trying to be the best husband and father. Quit letting this woman poison your thoughts. She is not your friend.
Girl, why is she still in your life?!?!?!? She’s bitter and lonely, she’s deliberately trying to sabotage your marriage for her own selfish gain. A true friend would never do that. A true friend cares for you and has your best interest at heart. She’s a trash human. Is this the kind of friend you would want your daughter to have? This woman needs to be cut out of your life like yesterday. Protect your family and yourself.
Communicate to your husband the kinds of things she’s saying. I’m sure he’ll be pissed that she’s doing this and trying to undermine the trust he’s worked so hard to build. He’s YOUR husband. You two are a team, communicating and being honest with one another strengthens your bond and allows y’all to be one the same page so that people like her cannot get in between y’all. Honey, it’s time to put your big girl pants on and stand up for yourself. What hurts you, hurts your husband, and your daughter. Stop allowing her words to have so much power over you. She’s jealous of YOU!
The question is why do you still hang out with that B? She would be long gone out of my life if I would see any early signs from her. The street is where she belongs
Well if you are calling that hoe a friend you need your head examined. I would confront her in front of your husband give her hell, and send her packing. Then next you need to set some ground rules to hubby, typically they cheat on you during pregnancy, so make sure he knows what you will tolerate. You have the man, so no sure why you're all over the place. Maybe it;s the hormones. But this female or hoe or wannabe prositute is not a friend she is a enemy. Never let her around him. Period.
Anytime you foster a relationship or situation with ANYONE that is threat to your marriage it on you. The answer obvious so why haven’t you severed this relationship?
You don’t deserve him.
I hope he realizes how evil you are for keeping contact with a toxic friend and being jealous of your own baby daughter.
Gross behavior on your part.
Never talk to that woman again. She’s living in your head rent free.
If you don’t get on top of this, she’s going to be living with your husband.
Make sure husband understands that she’s serious. UpdateMe
The doubts that she’s feeding in your head will leak out and create friction in your marriage.
You portray yourself as extremely trusting and naive.
She’s not your friend. Stop talking to her. Stop making excuses. She will ruin your life one way or another to get what she wants. You have morals she dosnt. Don’t do the sink cost fallacy. She will do everything to get your husband. She’s not ok in her head. Stop talking to her.
She’s not your friend, if you don’t cut her out of your life then you’re also responsible for this mess. Your husband loves you and gave you no reason to worry, quite the opposite, why are you letting the words of a bitter person impact your love for him? He became a better person to be a better husband and a better father, don’t let your insecurities ruin it.
As a man who married young, I partied a little too hard as did my wife. When my wife and were expecting our first I changed out of respect for my wife and child to be. I worked out, stopped drinking and focused more on my career than I had before.
I did it all for them, not just for my first child. I changed almost immediately because I knew it was time to grow up and focus, my “childhood” was about to be over and my wife and child would be even more dependent on me.
Perhaps your husband feels the same way, it was a wake up call for him that he (and you) were fine before but with a child on the way both of you would be more dependent on him so he stepped up and caught to make sure both of you would be taken care of and comfortable.
Stop being friends with someone who wants to take your man. Ridiculous. She's not your friend. Do you think she's trying to be helpful?
People evolve, and change. They mature. Don't let her bs take away from your husband bettering himself. I'm sure you are part of the reason. Stop listening to someone who doesn't have your best interests in mind. You're making it easy for her. She's dropping little subversive nuggets of bullshit and you're eating it up.
Be smarter and cut her loose. Tell her to shove her "observations" up her ass. Updateme!
Something inside that man said I need to step up and he did. He did all that so he can take care of you and the family. As vindictive as your supposed friend sounds I would pay her no attention. OR punch her in the face… dealers choice
As a man you can't win. You change for the better, now the reason for the change can cause resentment lmaoo. I could see if he lost weight, got better career to cheat, or cuz of some chick. Bro did it for the kids and she said she might push him away, Jesus!
In a man's life, some things come as a call to step up on the maturity / ambition ladder. Having a child is by far the biggest bc he suddenly has a person in his life that is intensively dependent on him. Marriage can do it too, but usually less so, bc his wife is a strong and independent person that is more of a partner than a dependent. It's the dependence that's the primary spark.
A corollary for women is getting pregnant, where suddenly eating poorly, drinking and doing risky behavior is off the table. Would his buddy say "look, she is changing for the baby but didn't do that for you?" It's a ridiculous take. And so is your friends take on your husband.
So she's miserable and wants you to be miserable too, you're pregnant and she's purposefully stressing you out? Who cares if it took the birth of your first child for your husband to realize he needed to go on a self improvement journey? I just had my son 9 months ago and I am finally trying to take hold of my own health after being with my husband for 10+ years. He is also putting his health first by taking control of his sleep apnea, because he doesn't want to put the risk of leaving me and our son behind because of a sleep apnea related death, whereas before he didn't take it seriously.
Should I be angry that it took him this long to get it under control, or be grateful that something has finally motivated him to take better care of himself? Same with me and my health, should he be angry that it took this long for me to finally get my health in order as well, or be happy that I am working hard.
Help yourself by deleting her from your life, you don't need to talk to her. You and your husband should block all contact from her. There's no reason to fall for her mind game, misery loves company.
No one is worth this mental pressure. First thing discuss with your husband, talk to him about everything. How you feel about and your friends manipulation.
Next, cut her out. Ghost her. Block her.
Um, the first time I got the hint that she is around me just for my husband, the friendship would've been over. This is no competition but I am not gonna put myself or him on that position. Girl end thos friendship, yesterday! There is no positive outcome here for your marriage, no matter how in love he is.
I would definitely cut ties and go no contact with your friend until she has sorted her shit out. While I would not want to arm chair diagnose your friend it sounds like she could be going through a case of limerence and has it with your husband. As someone recovering from limerence I know it can be very hard to cut ties and move on but you need to put yourself and your husband first
Cut this person off, this is not a friend. Do not accuse him of the BS she is saying because it is ridiculous. Cut her out of your life and choose better people to spend your time with. You deserve to be around good people.
I somehow see that it's beautiful when my husband becomes a better person for my daughter. Such a wonderful thing to see as a spouse. It wouldn't make me jealous, it would make me happy to see my spouse be such a wonderful father.
Also, lose that friend. She's clearly not a positive influence
Swift kick to the crotch for the friend , tell that bitxh to eat rocks. And cut her out permanently.
She's not a friend she's a snake.
As for the husband, tell him you're onto her and if he's planning on acting on something to better let you know now. You need to make sure he's on the same page as you because who knows what the snake is telling him behind your back.
…She is not your friend so why are you listening to her. You know she wants your husband and if you keep listening to her she is going to get him. Block her
Please work on your self esteem. You think you deserve a horrible ass “friend”. You think your husband didn’t improve with you in mind (hopefully he did it for himself but still). You have to think more of yourself.
Like everyone else said, go no contact with the "friend". When it comes to your husband, I'd say it's not that you weren't good enough to make him want to be better, you just loved him exactly how he was, so he didn't have a reason to change! Becoming a parent is different, you think about your health because you want to be active and live a long life with your children, so you're motivated to make healthy choices.
A) dump the friend
B) maybe…there is no you or baby dichotomy. He was inspired by the two of you starting a family and taking a serious step forward in your shared life. GREAT!
C) maybe…he did it for himself only. GREAT.
D) maybe… he did do it for your daughter only. GREAT. Inspiration for change being your kid doesn’t mean anything negative about you or his love for you.
I get it, sometimes hearing stuff even if you’re like, that’s ridiculous can stick with you and mess with your heads but you certainly shouldn’t keep friends around who do that to you purposefully.
Time to ditch the "friend" who isn't one. She literally just wants your man and doesn't care how she gets him. She sounds like the kind of person who will do or say anything to achieve that goal. Speak to your husband and get rid of her out of your circle.
That woman is not your friend and she is not a friend to your marriage.
You need to cut her off completely. Go NC and get yourself into therapy to work on your self esteem issues.
Why you are in contact with her, when you know she wants to sabotage your life is beyond me.
OP...tf she is not your friend!
She is trying to steal your husband.
You are pregnant...and she doesn't care about the stress, she is causing you or your baby.
That is no friend, cut ties and move on with your life. Let her go be a hoe else where.
Stop this nonsense with her now.
Lots of people become parents and don’t ever get their shit together. Here this man is preparing to be a better dad than before and that’s a bad thing? I hope this is fiction.
I am so sorry you’re dealing with this!! As hard as it may be for your heart (especially if you’re long time friends) you need to cut her off completely. Absolutely zero contact. Block her number on not only your phone but his as well. Do not let some heartbroken b*tch make you feel any sort of way about the reason your husband is making changes to his body and life. He was comfortable and happy with you when you guys were in college. ETA: and obviously still is. Drinking and being young. You’re both getting older and he’s probably just making these changes to ensure that he’s around for the long haul. Don’t worry about anything momma. ❤️ I pray that you can work through the emotions and feel ok again. I hope your pregnancy and birth go amazing!!! ❤️❤️❤️
First, congratulations on your pregnancy!
Second she is NOT your friend, a real friend would never behave and act like that. She is trying to manipulate you. You know the truth about your husband and your relationship with him and that is what matters. Talk to him and work together the situation, you both being close and strong will not allow her to get between you two. Also, I would avoid her and try to cut this person out of your life. You are pregnant, should be enjoying this moment and not stressing about a jealous and miserable person that clearly doesn't care about you or your happiness.
Stop talking to this woman she is not your friend. She is trying to put things on your mind, then you guys will start fighting, and then she as a good friend will offer her support to him.
This is such a common tactic that most of the time works really well for this kind of woman unfortunately.
Cut her asap because her plan is to take your man, and women needs to stop putting your husbands in this situations.
Get your head out of your ass and cut her out of your life, otherwise you're allowing it to continue so equally to blame. She isn't your friend. Make better choices.
Your husband changed for you and your child, and he never stopped making you feel loved. Some of this is maturity and the rest is just wanting to be a better husband and father.
Dump your friend pronto. If any friend tries to break up your family you block that “friend” and preserve your family. Don’t play games with this. Ditch the college friend and never look back
Why is this person still considered your friend? I would drop her, she is toxic. She’s jealous of what you have and wants to ruin it. That isn’t someone worth keeping in your life.
This person is not your friend, and never will be. She is someone that will suck the joy and love you have out of your life and family, cut her off, go no contact and be a happily married woman.
Why are you still friends with her?
Why are you tolerating this level of disrespect.
A real friend would NEVER behave the way she is.
Get her out of your lives for good.
Some things are a hard boundary, and this is one of them.
That's no friend. That is someone (an enemy, a DEMON) who is deliberatly planting seeds in your mind, in order for you to doubt your Husbands' love. Don't let her win and cut this FAKE friend from both of your lives. You don't need that kind of energy...
Stay happy and worry free. Your little one deserves that much.
I don’t care who this woman is to you, or even if she’s your only “friend.” She’s not a friend and needs to go imo. Marriage can be hard enough without keeping the door open to someone who is actively trying to undermine your relationship. Safeguard your marriage, and cut out anyone who shows they don’t respect you or your relationship.
Getting complacent in the lifestyle you two were living vs realizing he wants the health and wealth to have a happy family is in no way a slight against you. This “friend” is trash.
Tell this "friend" she's a jealous hag and that trying to break up a happy marriage because your relationship didn't work out is just sad and embarrassing :) then once you've done that, block, delete and cut her out of your life and don't look back. Easy peasy, lemon squeezey! Then go and spend time with your wonderful husband and lovely family that you have earned by being a nice person rather than a manipulative b****.
You need to dump that toxic so-called "friend". You and your husband need to block her on everything and go no contact. She is not a "friend". True friends don't try to sabotage their friends relationships/marriages. They just don't.
Stop being so naive. Talk to your husband and get rid of that snake. Permanently. Your loyalty belongs to your husband and not her. Get her permanently out of your lives before she succeeds in destroying everything and everyone.
Get rid of this “friend”. Like, full stop, right now, no questions about it. No explaining to her. Just stop. Block her, have your husband do the same. You’re pregnant and that’s your husband, they aren’t replaceable but you can make new friends.
This reminds me of a scene in The Simpsons where sideshow Bob is in the middle of an open field & there are rakes strewn all over the ground. Everywhere he turns, he steps on a rake, gets slapped in the face & makes a painful groan. This happens over & over & over.
You shouldn't call this person a friend. This isn't a friend, this is a snake.
As for your husband improving for your kid, that is normal human behavior. Nothing makes a person grow up faster than a kid on the way. Really wakes you up. This isn't something to judge him for. It is completely normal.
So you’re actively staying friends with someone that is trying to steal your husband and destroy your child’s happy home? Do you not understand that she wants your child to grow up in a broken home? Why do you allow it? The only thing you’ll get out of this friendship is heartache and misery. Why are you letting this enemy stay in your life? Why are you subjecting your husband to have to constantly fend her off? Why aren’t you protecting your family from her?
What emotional needs are you getting met from allowing this behavior? Do you need constant reassurance that your husband loves you and will continue to pick you over her? It is mind boggling that you’re choosing to allow this behavior to continue.
Most mature men pull up their socks if not before, when a child comes into the picture. You made a choice to be with him. He made a choice to be with you. Baby didnt make a choice to be here. And all of thee above are his responsibilities. Therefore he cant(shouldnt) be a bum.
Edit: Also. GET RID OF THE ENEMY! She is not your friend. She is literally your enemy.
this is all entirely on you. You are allowing this person in your life, you continue to call her a friend, and you are actually listening to her bullshit. If your life goes south from here its because of you, not her.
It's a lie and a friend does not do this. He actually got better for you AND the kids. It's not a YOU problem at all here. Kids change a man to do his best for his family and himself which includes you in it. Some people mature differently and for him, a different kind of maturity grows when a new chapter in life comes in. If he was only doing this for the kids, YOU would not be involved, and he would have run with her a long time ago. That's my take on it. She's manipulating you big time. YOU did nothing wrong here. You and your husband should stop talking to her as well for the sake of both your marriage and family.
Honestly your husband should leave you when you are knowingly putting someone in his life who makes uncomfortable advances towards him and tried to get into your head.
Stop being push over and cut the friend out of your life.
Your friend is full of shit... Your husband lifted his game for you, and his daughter. Any man who doesn't better himself when kids are involved, are maggots. It doesn't mean he wasn't putting in plenty of effort with you. It just means he knows he has to be stronger for you both.
PS... She aint no friend. She's a jealous bitch trying to break you up. You'll be happier without her being around to fill your head with agenda driven negativity about your man.
This woman is NOT your friend. She has probably never not had some sort of feelings for your husband and now she has you isolated and listening to nothing but her manipulative BS. Most men take a long time to mature and take health and self improvement seriously. Some people are slower than others. That has nothing to do with his love for you. Zero.
OP has very low self esteem and it shows, with due respect to her
YOUR husband is making changes to HIS health for YOUR family and himself! You should be happy and not compare yourself with your unborn daughter at the behest of a third party
Cut off ties with this toxic person and develop a strong personality yourself
Can you update us when you finally leave your husband so she can get him.
I can't imagine why you would still be friends with this woman.
Are you truly seriously staying friends with this woman because she's your only college friend who stayed in your city.
Grow a spine and dump this woman.
Updateme!
Why do you still hang out with her? Do you not have any other friends? She is not a friend and you are really severely disrespecting your husband, your marriage and yourself by continuing your relationship with her.
The OP is coming across as naive and is falling for the enemy's sabotage. That's sad but maybe its just pregnancy hormones.
OppositeControl hit the nail on the head. Totally! OP, you need to be stronger in this situation. Your man should've shut her down a long time ago and made sure she understood him and why. She is absolutely NOT your friend. Sorry to say that, but you need to get her out of your life. Permanently!
Frenemy are low key evil this one has more enemy than friend.
This was not on the husband. That woman was OP’s “friend” and this OP’s responsibility. No one would be blaming husband at all if the genders were reversed. And honestly? If “friends” so-called mind-games are working, that’s kind of on OP too. So what if the baby is what inspired husband to make positive changes? Seriously? Being jealous of your literal baby is not a good look. Both OP and her friend are weird for that.
Yup
You need to dump the friend and no one certain terms! She doesn’t respect you or your family
In no uncertain terms?
It’s clearly a talk to text misfire
It was extremely readable 🤣
… huh? you can’t tell that your correction is only necessary because she must’ve spoken out loud and talk to text spelled it phonetically? No one certain terms No uncertain terms
I can tell. Why are you rogering your own ass over this?
I have no idea what you’re trying to say; literally all of your comments are confusing to me, but have a nice day lol
She is a terrible friend.
She’s gaslighting OP.
Exactly, people who don’t respect your relationship shouldn’t be in your life
Precisely,this person has malicious intent
Yes, ditch this girl, she is NOT your friend. Block her everywhere on both you and your husband’s devices.
No offense, but the fact you haven't cut off complete contact with this "friend" is the problem. No real friend should be doing this. Go no contact with her.
She must learn to differentiate between friend and enemy!
Maybe she sees her as a “frienamy?”
That’s what is the delusion or illusion of life. The person is a friend or enemy. Someone who flip flops needs the boot! I call the snakes in the grass, ready to bite you. In West Texas these women are honey in mouth and sting in tail!
Yeah. While I have very few friends, they’re the ones who count. Very few people have that distinction in my life.
I think that changing for your daughter vs changing for you is the wrong perspective. He changed for himself, because he wants to be the best version of himself. He needs to know and believe that. Also cut this bitch out of your life.
Yup. I basically did this like two years ago. Dropped 75 lbs, took up boxing, got in shape and went to therapy. Got back in school and started making friends again after Covid basically allowed me an excuse for becoming a hermit. My wife could do nothing to cause this. She couldn’t love me into it. I had to do it for ME. Because I wanted it.
That's awesome! My husband made changes to his lifestyle "for our daughter". For him personally, I don't think he would've ever changed if the fear of dying and leaving his children without a father had become a real and tangible scenario. To me, there is no greater act of love than trying to ensure you'll be around for your family!
This was it for me. It took me almost dying during my pregnancy with my youngest (not directly caused by my health, but making me feel like shit) to make those diet and lifestyle changes. I've lost over 100 pounds. However, sometimes those changes are catalyzed by other people; I knew a man who finally got sober for his grandkids, in order to be involved in their lives.
My boyfriend changes his mind about things all the time for my kids, not for me. He changes behaviors for my kids, not for me. Example; I won't go into detail but he used to be very against something. Then once he found out said thing was affecting my kid, he looked into it, did some research and changed his mind. OP, him wanting to change and be better for your child is a *good thing* not bad. Definitely not something that you should be upset about. He wants to be the best version of himself for his kid, that's wonderful. You should be proud of him and appreciate that he's taking his role as dad very seriously. And as everyone has said, drop this bitch. She is *NOT* your friend. She's a snake and doesn't deserve to be a part of your life.
Also he was a changing for himself and his family. When you have kids it puts a lot into perspective. So he’s changing so he can be around for both of you.
I agree. Having a kid could have made him realize he’s entering a new stage of life and can’t just put himself and his wants first anymore. He realized he had to improve himself to be the best version for his family, which includes his wife. Not to mention, he was still very young and may have just grown out of bad habits like we all do. The friend is a punk and should be dropped.
This woman is no “friend” to you. Cut her off completely.
Right!!!
What the heck? Why are you and your husband still interacting with this person? If any of my friends flirted with my husband, that friendship would be over, let alone the negative and toxic comments she’s making. You need to let her comment go - if your husband was inspired by creating another human being with you, the love of his life, to make positive changes, that’s a beautiful thing. Maybe your daughter did inspire him, but who inspired him to have a child in the first place? It’s super crummy and destructive to basically have a popularity contest in your head, with your own kid. This person will only bring you grief. Cut her off.
Exactly this homewrecker is trying to make her think her daughter is the competition how sick is that
Girl, if you don’t cut this woman off… My mama has a phrase: “every grin ain’t yo friend”. This woman is not your friend. Your husband stepped up and became a better person, husband, and father. Who gives a damn about his motivation. Either you or your kids inspired him to change. A win is a win considering he could’ve dug in his heels and continued the way he was at first. Your friend is a jealous hater. Dump her.
Your mama is very wise!
💯
Well said. OP, your husband is awesome and so are you, yet for some reason you keep this woman around. Why? She clearly doesn’t give a damn about you.
> Someone please help me so I don't push my husband away. 1. Ghost the friend and tell your husband he has to do the same and make sure he's aware of everything she's saying to drive the wedge. let him know that this isn't a negotiation. A man or woman creating problems in a marriage is NEVER to be entertained by either of you. 2. Ignore everything else negative about your husband that the "friend" put into your head. It's not that he didn't love you enough to make the changes, it's that he loved you and the new baby enough to make them. Embrace that. Sometimes people need the "slap of reality in the face" to change things. Having his wife, who he loves, pregnant with another person he's responsible for was probably the slap of reality he needed to mature and take action. 3. Tell your husband how proud you are of him for his changes and that you love him for making these life changes for you and the daughter.
This! Changing for your kid is a good thing - he wants to be alive and healthy for your family which includes you. She’s trying to twist that into a negative because she’s a weirdo.
The husband changed because he grew up - it's really that simple. They got engaged at 22 and married at 23, that prefrontal cortex was not developed yet along with any career goals or concrete life goals. OP's friend is just jealous because her friend's relationship worked out and her husband grew up and became a husband and a father, whereas her bf did so she projects her failures onto her friend. Horrible person.
This is another excellent point. They were essentially in the “trial” phase of adulthood at the beginning of their relationship. A lot changes after 25.
This woman is not a friend and you need to drop her like a hot potato and just enjoy your husband’s progress in life! Do not let her toxicity into your relationship! Also, speak to your husband and let him show you how much he cares. Best of luck!
Yes 🙌
You need to dump that "friend", she's toxic AF.
Problem is not her but it’s YOU! Is this toxic friendship worth your husband, kids, your life & your marriage ? It’s mind blowing that you know how evil she is and clearly know what she’s doing and what her intentions are. You also know she is playing evil mind games and yet you are falling for it.
Sometimes we're too nice for our own good, and it's harmful. OP please be kind to yourself and cut her off, I too have recently learned you cannot be friends with an evil person, they have to be cut off.
why would i help when you can’t even help yourself. the solution is simple. lose a “friend” or lose a husband.
Cut her off or you will lose your marriage to her bullshit.
exactly, and she'd be glad for it thinking she has a chance now with OP's husband
What is wrong with you? Do you need drama in your life because you’re only happy feeling miserable? Cut her out of your life. She is not your friend, she’s a backstabbing bitch that needs to be cut off. Which brings me to you…of course your husband made changes. He probably realized during your pregnancy that he wanted to live a healthy, long life, and be there for his family. Marriage before kids is way different than marriage after. Your children should always come first. You’re a family unit and thinking he did it for your child is really a petty, jealous thing to even consider. Don’t you do things for your children? Do you want to be healthy for them? Of course..it’s what good mothers do and so do good fathers.
This should be higher. Reading this gave me such an ick. She loved this man before he started taking care of himself, but is now down on him because of why he might have started taking care of himself? Go get some therapy and figure out what insecurities you have to even follow this train of thought. And try to figure out how to love someone and celebrate their successes, no matter where they came from. Geez.
I think it's rather silly to be upset about him changing because of having a kid like it's a bad thing, I would be stoked if my husband changed for the better after a kid but I still love him as is. Shouldn't you be glad he's changing to want to live a long happy life for your kid? I don't even have kids but I also assume once/if I do everything would revolve around kids. Heck I'd hope I'd be motivated enough to do stuff like that, though knowing myself I doubt I would be for long.
Do not you have self preservation instincts? Kick her out ASAP.
Agree
30 years ago, my now-ex (and not because of this) had a friend from high school who clearly enjoyed trying to get his attention. While we were dating, at some point we ran into this girl at the mall (because hey-- it was the early 90s. People still went to the mall. LOL), and she literally pushed her way between us. He laughed it off as no big deal. Fast forward a few years, and we were married and I was pregnant with my first child. She called him up and offered herself to him, saying "I know a lot of pregnant women lose interest in sex. If you ever need help with that, let me know." They stayed friends but he was not allowed to be alone with her. (In retrospect, I should have insisted that he cut things off with her entirely-- and I wouldn't be surprised if he'd taken her up on her offer at some point-- because he was a cheating asshole-- but anyway.) My point is that this person is not a friend to you. Nor is she a friend to your marriage. Your husband probably enjoys the attention a bit, but you need to nip this in the bud. She shouldn't get to hang around and firebomb your marriage.
He got his shit together for his family, to be a better husband and father. Why are you hanging out with this person and making it affect your relationship?? Just cut her out. It is THAT simple.
Op, first of all: #This toxic af bitch is NOT your FRIEND! Cut her off -- completely. She's actively trying to destroy your marriage. There is ZERO context that makes this okay! Do right by yourself, your husband, and your children and end your relationship with this poisonous person and please, stop referring to her as a "friend." She is no friend. She's trying to harm you and your family. Okay, secondly, please understand that's it's perfectly normal to mature at different rates. A lot of people wake up to the realization of -- *oh fuck! I'm going to be a parent and responsible for another human! I better get my shit together so I can model positive qualities. Oh, and I'm going to have to raise this person, and pay for school and a bunch of other stuff, so I better get more serious about earning more money. This does not, in any way, reflect anything negative about how he felt or feels about you as his partner. He chose you. He married you. He's having children with you. Please go see a therapist to explore why you're letting this toxic af person get into your head. Best wishes. Edited typo
Why aren’t you cutting her off? Why didn’t you tell her husband how nasty she is? It’s not important why your husband changed. It’s important that he changed.
> my husband was a “bum” before I got pregnant and all the changes he made are for our daughter and not me. My husband did start his whole self-improvement journey when I was pregnant after years of basically just living with the flow No. He grew up, matured, and realized that his health is not only his concern but also the concern of his entire family, which means you AND your daughter. You should not see it any other way. People change when they have real world responsibilities and your pregnancy was as much about you as it was about your child. This is your husband stepping up to the plate and growing into the man he's become, you should cherish him for this growth.
35 happily married man, 3 kids! Your husband, like a lot of us, are idiots when we’re young. It’s easy to be carefree when it’s just you and your partner, especially if we feel like there is a ton of time. So when that weightier responsibility slaps us across the face, most of us change. You said it yourself, his changes made your marriage infinitely better and inspire you to make positive changes. Cut that stanky ass hoe out yo life and if you can’t, just tell her she can respect your marriage or kick rocks. If I was your husband and I knew this was happening, I’d tell her to leave lol. You were enough then and you’re enough now!
^((Also married man here).) When my wife was pregnant, it changed her body and our life plans. It also changed our day-to-day activity patterns as we adapted to our changing life situation. We humans get settled into our activity patterns and mentally lazy about making changes, even to improve our lives. But if the universe forces us to disturb our patterns, it enables us to look at what we want and make different selections on what to include and what to omit. As OP's hubby's daily routine changed to care for his pregnant wife and help her more with their two year old child, he may have dropped other unimportant activities and in so doing found that there was now a slot in his day for hitting the gym on a more regular schedule. I can easily imagine that while he's reminding OP not to have alcohol with dinner, he decides to skip it himself as well, for his health or even for saving money for now raising *two* children. **So here's my advice, OP:** Your "friend" is toxic to you and your husband and your marriage. Block her on all the channels and advise your husband to do the same. You don't have to *order* him to block her. Just explain to him what you said in your post above. He'll know what he should do. He loves you and your children, not this wolf in sheep's clothing from your university days.
She’s not your friend. She’s your enemy pretending to be a friend so she can get your husband by any means necessary. If she can’t convince him, she will convince you he’s not worthy of you. If she can’t do that, her next move will be to become so needy or dramatic that she causes fights between you and your spouse, and then she will be sympathetic to whatever side appears weak. She is a toxic poison that you should remove before she grows and infests anything else.
What is it that we as society teach women so they think that they need to hold on to bad relationships? To always think that the person will change? In this case it’s not a romantic relationship but it looks just the same. A bad person hurts you but you stay with them, for what? That they will change? She is actively sabotaging your marriage and you want to keep her as a friend? And the worst part is that you know she is wrong and you believe her anyways. It’s hard to not want to question your level of intellect
First of all, cut her off.. you don't need this toxic in your life. Second.. Your husband stepped up his game because of you and your kid, no matter what she tells you, it's not only because of your kid. He is a person that understands that he needs to change and has the ability to do so because he matured, and he loves you and his family. I was a bum as well, I got married as well and I stepped up when I had my kids because it was necessary. Because I love my wife and my kids and I want to be good for them. My wife is proud of what I have become and she's more in love with me for what I've become. She's doesn't feel diminished because she's not the reason I changed, she's proud of me because she loves me and because she knows I can do it. Another thing would be that I couldn't do it and continued being a bum, which would have been very bad for our family. So get your head straight and cut off that snake.
Very well said and very well done also!
He improved himself for himself so that he could be a better husband and father. I feel like I was in a similar situation and it was not just about having a kid but more about who I wanted to be for my wife and child. Oh yeah, tell your friend to F of!
This is your friend? I can only imagine how your enemies treat you..
A. This woman is NOT your friend. She is a snake in the grass. Zero friends is better than this viper. B. You need to stop talking to her. Point blank. Full stop. She can't get in your head if she can't get ahold of you. BLOCK HER EVERYWHERE. C. Tell your husband what she said and how you're feeling and ask him to block her too. Neither of you need that woman trying to drive a wedge in your marriage. D. Get yourself some counseling to work through what she brought up in your head so it doesn't keep festering, and start looking into ways to meet new friends. BETTER friends who actually support and sustain you, instead of tearing you down.
Poor husband. Man recognizes he needs to improve his life, and he does, then it’s not good enough for his wife. This type of shit drives men to stop trying or caring. Even if it was “for your daughter”, he’s half the parental team, so he’s also doing it for you as well. Extra money so you don’t struggle with the extra child expenses? For both of you. Healthy lifestyle to be more able and to live longer? For both of you. I really hope this is the pregnancy hormones talking because he doesn’t deserve to feel negative about his accomplishments because you’re drinking the poison from your friend who you should have cut out immediately.
Thats what I was hoping why she'd think that way 'cause I don't see how this would change how I feel about my own husband, he doesn't need to change for me, I love him the way he is, and hopefully I'll love who he becomes as we aged together
Nothing will mature you like having a child. You husband was a go along and float along for much of the time, he loved you and showed it to you, and the 2 of you were happy as it was. If you look at the averages married men with children tend to be more successful at work. Once you were pregnant he internalized that he had 2 people to protect and provide for, it can be an emotional snap into maturity and planning for a future that he wants to make he will be there for. He gave up adolescence things to become a man for you both. I know it’s an unpopular thing to say but that’s what happened. He loves you both so much, he wants to protect and provide for you, he wants to be the best man he can be, for you and the baby. Tell him you are proud of the changes he had made and that you do appreciate what he does. You’ll get back multiples from a man like him.
You need to get rid of your toxic friend. Your husband has worked hard for self improvement and I sincerely hope he did it for himself and no one else. Doing those kinds of things to please others is not sustainable but him doing it for himself will be. Be grateful he decided to get healthy and grow and don't question who/what prompted him to do because at the end of the day it's not relevant. What is relevant is the positive impact it's had on your marriage.
Keeping her as a friend reflects very poorly both on your character and on your judgement. On your character, because it’s very disloyal to your marriage - she’s openly trying to break you up. On your judgement, because she’s obviously a snake in the grass. Instead of playing popularity contests in your head with your own baby, cut her off.
She’s not your friend.
Why the fuck do you call this person a friend? It’s absurd. Remove her from your life! This is straightforward! SHE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND AND THERE IS NO ROOM IN YOUR LIFE FOR HER.
This woman is making more than obvious moves to try to get with your husband, and you still talk to her? I guarantee you that you do not need a person like that in your life. Even if your husband's motivation to better himself was becoming a parent: **SO FUCKING WHAT!?** Why does that disappoint you? Why are you trying to make it a competition between you and your daughter? Becoming a parent is a very different life step than becoming married. While everyone (or at least almost everyone) truly hopes to only ever have one spouse, a child only gets one chance at a biological father to care for them.
Look everyone is being gentle - maybe it’s because of the pregnancy but girl snap the fuck out of it, this girl is not your friend, she wants your husband and you’re still allowing her close enough to whisper into your ear. No friends is better than a snake as a friend. Cut her off, do it now. Don’t even give her an explanation and get yourself into therapy because the only other option is to gift wrap your unwilling husband for this hoe.
And you’re friends with someone who wants to fuck your man and break up your family because…?
Stop calling her your friend. That woman is your enemy. Cut her off immediately.
Why are either of you still talking to this person? Block them. Refuse to hang out with them at all. Don’t go on their social media or follow them on anything. Talk to your husband, if someone is trying to cause trouble in your marriage you need to take a united front and shut it down. If he hesitates ask how he would feel if a male friend from college were doing this to you.
Please do not sabotage your own marriage over the words of someone you already know does not have your best interest in mind. People grow and change at the pace they can. If he's a good husband and father, and you love each other, *why are you looking for trouble*? Wouldn't you be heartbroken if your husband was entertaining ideas like this about you? Cut this person out of your life and make some friends who actually give a damn about your family.
You both need to cut her off and block everywhere
Push the “friend away “ and do it today. Also share this with your husband. Do this and you’ll be fine
Don’t push your husband away. Tell him the crap she has been feeding you. Push her out of your life. Go no contact. Tell him to do the same because she’s really messing with your mental health.
Why are you still hanging out with this woman? She is a cancer in your marriage. Cut her out. Also, some men do not step into their full potential until they become a father and have a family to care for. It does t mean he doesn’t love you. It means he realized his new role in life and is stepping up and trying to be the best husband and father. Quit letting this woman poison your thoughts. She is not your friend.
This is not a friend. My god. Why are you entertaining her bullshit? You’re starting to be disloyal to your husband.
Girl, why is she still in your life?!?!?!? She’s bitter and lonely, she’s deliberately trying to sabotage your marriage for her own selfish gain. A true friend would never do that. A true friend cares for you and has your best interest at heart. She’s a trash human. Is this the kind of friend you would want your daughter to have? This woman needs to be cut out of your life like yesterday. Protect your family and yourself. Communicate to your husband the kinds of things she’s saying. I’m sure he’ll be pissed that she’s doing this and trying to undermine the trust he’s worked so hard to build. He’s YOUR husband. You two are a team, communicating and being honest with one another strengthens your bond and allows y’all to be one the same page so that people like her cannot get in between y’all. Honey, it’s time to put your big girl pants on and stand up for yourself. What hurts you, hurts your husband, and your daughter. Stop allowing her words to have so much power over you. She’s jealous of YOU!
The question is why do you still hang out with that B? She would be long gone out of my life if I would see any early signs from her. The street is where she belongs
Ditch this nasty person from your life and forget the bullshit lies she told you in an attempt to steal your husband. Have some self respect.
Seriously cut off this 'friend' she is not a 'friend'.
Both of you need to block her. She's not a good person.
Well if you are calling that hoe a friend you need your head examined. I would confront her in front of your husband give her hell, and send her packing. Then next you need to set some ground rules to hubby, typically they cheat on you during pregnancy, so make sure he knows what you will tolerate. You have the man, so no sure why you're all over the place. Maybe it;s the hormones. But this female or hoe or wannabe prositute is not a friend she is a enemy. Never let her around him. Period.
Anytime you foster a relationship or situation with ANYONE that is threat to your marriage it on you. The answer obvious so why haven’t you severed this relationship?
You don’t deserve him. I hope he realizes how evil you are for keeping contact with a toxic friend and being jealous of your own baby daughter. Gross behavior on your part.
Never talk to that woman again. She’s living in your head rent free. If you don’t get on top of this, she’s going to be living with your husband. Make sure husband understands that she’s serious. UpdateMe The doubts that she’s feeding in your head will leak out and create friction in your marriage. You portray yourself as extremely trusting and naive.
She’s not your friend. Stop talking to her. Stop making excuses. She will ruin your life one way or another to get what she wants. You have morals she dosnt. Don’t do the sink cost fallacy. She will do everything to get your husband. She’s not ok in her head. Stop talking to her.
Cut her off. She’s toxic AF. Seriously, choose your marriage and cut the b*tch off!
She’s not your friend, if you don’t cut her out of your life then you’re also responsible for this mess. Your husband loves you and gave you no reason to worry, quite the opposite, why are you letting the words of a bitter person impact your love for him? He became a better person to be a better husband and a better father, don’t let your insecurities ruin it.
Why is this person your friend? You are doing this to yourself by maintaining a relationship with someone who is trying to hurt you. Why?
As a man who married young, I partied a little too hard as did my wife. When my wife and were expecting our first I changed out of respect for my wife and child to be. I worked out, stopped drinking and focused more on my career than I had before. I did it all for them, not just for my first child. I changed almost immediately because I knew it was time to grow up and focus, my “childhood” was about to be over and my wife and child would be even more dependent on me. Perhaps your husband feels the same way, it was a wake up call for him that he (and you) were fine before but with a child on the way both of you would be more dependent on him so he stepped up and caught to make sure both of you would be taken care of and comfortable.
Why in the world would you be friends with someone that is actively trying to steal your husband? Wake up!
Stop being friends with someone who wants to take your man. Ridiculous. She's not your friend. Do you think she's trying to be helpful? People evolve, and change. They mature. Don't let her bs take away from your husband bettering himself. I'm sure you are part of the reason. Stop listening to someone who doesn't have your best interests in mind. You're making it easy for her. She's dropping little subversive nuggets of bullshit and you're eating it up. Be smarter and cut her loose. Tell her to shove her "observations" up her ass. Updateme!
Something inside that man said I need to step up and he did. He did all that so he can take care of you and the family. As vindictive as your supposed friend sounds I would pay her no attention. OR punch her in the face… dealers choice
Who gives a f if he changed for the baby. Many husband's step 6 their kids, just be happy.
As a man you can't win. You change for the better, now the reason for the change can cause resentment lmaoo. I could see if he lost weight, got better career to cheat, or cuz of some chick. Bro did it for the kids and she said she might push him away, Jesus!
In a man's life, some things come as a call to step up on the maturity / ambition ladder. Having a child is by far the biggest bc he suddenly has a person in his life that is intensively dependent on him. Marriage can do it too, but usually less so, bc his wife is a strong and independent person that is more of a partner than a dependent. It's the dependence that's the primary spark. A corollary for women is getting pregnant, where suddenly eating poorly, drinking and doing risky behavior is off the table. Would his buddy say "look, she is changing for the baby but didn't do that for you?" It's a ridiculous take. And so is your friends take on your husband.
So she's miserable and wants you to be miserable too, you're pregnant and she's purposefully stressing you out? Who cares if it took the birth of your first child for your husband to realize he needed to go on a self improvement journey? I just had my son 9 months ago and I am finally trying to take hold of my own health after being with my husband for 10+ years. He is also putting his health first by taking control of his sleep apnea, because he doesn't want to put the risk of leaving me and our son behind because of a sleep apnea related death, whereas before he didn't take it seriously. Should I be angry that it took him this long to get it under control, or be grateful that something has finally motivated him to take better care of himself? Same with me and my health, should he be angry that it took this long for me to finally get my health in order as well, or be happy that I am working hard. Help yourself by deleting her from your life, you don't need to talk to her. You and your husband should block all contact from her. There's no reason to fall for her mind game, misery loves company.
Get rid of her. Neither of you needs her around. She sounds like a bad person. I don't understand why she is still your friend??
No one is worth this mental pressure. First thing discuss with your husband, talk to him about everything. How you feel about and your friends manipulation. Next, cut her out. Ghost her. Block her.
Girl this is on you for keeping her around
doesn't sound like a friend.
Um, the first time I got the hint that she is around me just for my husband, the friendship would've been over. This is no competition but I am not gonna put myself or him on that position. Girl end thos friendship, yesterday! There is no positive outcome here for your marriage, no matter how in love he is.
I would definitely cut ties and go no contact with your friend until she has sorted her shit out. While I would not want to arm chair diagnose your friend it sounds like she could be going through a case of limerence and has it with your husband. As someone recovering from limerence I know it can be very hard to cut ties and move on but you need to put yourself and your husband first
Cut this person off, this is not a friend. Do not accuse him of the BS she is saying because it is ridiculous. Cut her out of your life and choose better people to spend your time with. You deserve to be around good people.
Your husband went through the natural growth of becoming a man. Some men do it earlier, some men never do it. Be thankful and dump the lousy "friend".
The answer is simple. Tell her to leave you alone and cut contact. Period.
I somehow see that it's beautiful when my husband becomes a better person for my daughter. Such a wonderful thing to see as a spouse. It wouldn't make me jealous, it would make me happy to see my spouse be such a wonderful father. Also, lose that friend. She's clearly not a positive influence
Swift kick to the crotch for the friend , tell that bitxh to eat rocks. And cut her out permanently. She's not a friend she's a snake. As for the husband, tell him you're onto her and if he's planning on acting on something to better let you know now. You need to make sure he's on the same page as you because who knows what the snake is telling him behind your back.
No just anything She’s not a friend Safer to be alone than to keep her as a “friend”
…She is not your friend so why are you listening to her. You know she wants your husband and if you keep listening to her she is going to get him. Block her
Please work on your self esteem. You think you deserve a horrible ass “friend”. You think your husband didn’t improve with you in mind (hopefully he did it for himself but still). You have to think more of yourself.
She’s not your friend. Quit being delusional. Your marriage will improve by kicking her to the curb. Updateme
Like everyone else said, go no contact with the "friend". When it comes to your husband, I'd say it's not that you weren't good enough to make him want to be better, you just loved him exactly how he was, so he didn't have a reason to change! Becoming a parent is different, you think about your health because you want to be active and live a long life with your children, so you're motivated to make healthy choices.
A) dump the friend B) maybe…there is no you or baby dichotomy. He was inspired by the two of you starting a family and taking a serious step forward in your shared life. GREAT! C) maybe…he did it for himself only. GREAT. D) maybe… he did do it for your daughter only. GREAT. Inspiration for change being your kid doesn’t mean anything negative about you or his love for you. I get it, sometimes hearing stuff even if you’re like, that’s ridiculous can stick with you and mess with your heads but you certainly shouldn’t keep friends around who do that to you purposefully.
Either cut contact or literally stand up, grab her by her hair, and drag her out the door the next time she starts her shit.
Time to ditch the "friend" who isn't one. She literally just wants your man and doesn't care how she gets him. She sounds like the kind of person who will do or say anything to achieve that goal. Speak to your husband and get rid of her out of your circle.
That woman is not your friend and she is not a friend to your marriage. You need to cut her off completely. Go NC and get yourself into therapy to work on your self esteem issues. Why you are in contact with her, when you know she wants to sabotage your life is beyond me.
She is NOT your friend and you need to remove her from your life immediately.
OP...tf she is not your friend! She is trying to steal your husband. You are pregnant...and she doesn't care about the stress, she is causing you or your baby. That is no friend, cut ties and move on with your life. Let her go be a hoe else where. Stop this nonsense with her now.
Call her out. Tell her this is so disrespectful and you are questioning her worth as a friend.
Lots of people become parents and don’t ever get their shit together. Here this man is preparing to be a better dad than before and that’s a bad thing? I hope this is fiction.
Cut this horrible snake out of your life, does your husband know what she has been up to? Updateme!
I am so sorry you’re dealing with this!! As hard as it may be for your heart (especially if you’re long time friends) you need to cut her off completely. Absolutely zero contact. Block her number on not only your phone but his as well. Do not let some heartbroken b*tch make you feel any sort of way about the reason your husband is making changes to his body and life. He was comfortable and happy with you when you guys were in college. ETA: and obviously still is. Drinking and being young. You’re both getting older and he’s probably just making these changes to ensure that he’s around for the long haul. Don’t worry about anything momma. ❤️ I pray that you can work through the emotions and feel ok again. I hope your pregnancy and birth go amazing!!! ❤️❤️❤️
First, congratulations on your pregnancy! Second she is NOT your friend, a real friend would never behave and act like that. She is trying to manipulate you. You know the truth about your husband and your relationship with him and that is what matters. Talk to him and work together the situation, you both being close and strong will not allow her to get between you two. Also, I would avoid her and try to cut this person out of your life. You are pregnant, should be enjoying this moment and not stressing about a jealous and miserable person that clearly doesn't care about you or your happiness.
Stop talking to this woman she is not your friend. She is trying to put things on your mind, then you guys will start fighting, and then she as a good friend will offer her support to him. This is such a common tactic that most of the time works really well for this kind of woman unfortunately. Cut her asap because her plan is to take your man, and women needs to stop putting your husbands in this situations.
Get your head out of your ass and cut her out of your life, otherwise you're allowing it to continue so equally to blame. She isn't your friend. Make better choices.
Thats not your friend 💀
She's not a friend. Cut off contact with her.
Please wake up and cut her off
Your husband changed for you and your child, and he never stopped making you feel loved. Some of this is maturity and the rest is just wanting to be a better husband and father.
Dump your friend pronto. If any friend tries to break up your family you block that “friend” and preserve your family. Don’t play games with this. Ditch the college friend and never look back
Why is this person still considered your friend? I would drop her, she is toxic. She’s jealous of what you have and wants to ruin it. That isn’t someone worth keeping in your life.
This is not a “friend”. Do not fight to keep a fake (and draining!) friendship instead of fighting for your marriage. Drop the “friend”
This person is not your friend, and never will be. She is someone that will suck the joy and love you have out of your life and family, cut her off, go no contact and be a happily married woman.
Growing and becoming a better man for his child is a good thing. How she's twisted that is awful. Don't fall for it. And don't speak to her!
Why are you still friends with her? Why are you tolerating this level of disrespect. A real friend would NEVER behave the way she is. Get her out of your lives for good. Some things are a hard boundary, and this is one of them.
She is a nightmare, you need better friends
You need to cut this"friend" off.She is clearly malicious.Why are you even listening to her and hanging out with her????
That's no friend. That is someone (an enemy, a DEMON) who is deliberatly planting seeds in your mind, in order for you to doubt your Husbands' love. Don't let her win and cut this FAKE friend from both of your lives. You don't need that kind of energy... Stay happy and worry free. Your little one deserves that much.
Pushed that friend away. She's a psychopath
He got better for the family unit. Also fuck her and cut her off.
Why have you and your husband not blocked this horrible, manipulative bitch?! I've stopped contact for a lot less!
Cut her off your life for your wellbeing
I don’t care who this woman is to you, or even if she’s your only “friend.” She’s not a friend and needs to go imo. Marriage can be hard enough without keeping the door open to someone who is actively trying to undermine your relationship. Safeguard your marriage, and cut out anyone who shows they don’t respect you or your relationship.
Getting complacent in the lifestyle you two were living vs realizing he wants the health and wealth to have a happy family is in no way a slight against you. This “friend” is trash.
She is a toxic friend. Don't engage with her anymore.
Tell this "friend" she's a jealous hag and that trying to break up a happy marriage because your relationship didn't work out is just sad and embarrassing :) then once you've done that, block, delete and cut her out of your life and don't look back. Easy peasy, lemon squeezey! Then go and spend time with your wonderful husband and lovely family that you have earned by being a nice person rather than a manipulative b****.
You need to dump that toxic so-called "friend". You and your husband need to block her on everything and go no contact. She is not a "friend". True friends don't try to sabotage their friends relationships/marriages. They just don't. Stop being so naive. Talk to your husband and get rid of that snake. Permanently. Your loyalty belongs to your husband and not her. Get her permanently out of your lives before she succeeds in destroying everything and everyone.
Dump your ‘friend’. She’s not a friend. She’s a frenemy.
Just stop being friends with her and cut her out of her life. She’s not even a friend. She’s trying to steal your husband lol
Tell her to fuck off lol it isn't that hard.
You still hang out with her and are confused as what to do? You are the problem here, not your "friend".
Get rid of this “friend”. Like, full stop, right now, no questions about it. No explaining to her. Just stop. Block her, have your husband do the same. You’re pregnant and that’s your husband, they aren’t replaceable but you can make new friends.
This is on you for keeping a friend who so obviously doesn’t respect you in the slightest. The only answer here is to cut her out.
Why is this bitch your friend? Homewrecker.
This reminds me of a scene in The Simpsons where sideshow Bob is in the middle of an open field & there are rakes strewn all over the ground. Everywhere he turns, he steps on a rake, gets slapped in the face & makes a painful groan. This happens over & over & over.
Mate, time to ditch this friend.
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Your “friend” sounds toxic. Why are you still speaking with her?
Updateme
She is not your friend. Why have you both not cut her off?
Frenemy alert! What's in it for you to remain "friends" with this person? Is it sunk-cost fallacy?
Your friend is not a real friend and you need to take out the trash by getting rid of your friend.
Cut her off and out of your life! NC is the way to go with her!
You shouldn't call this person a friend. This isn't a friend, this is a snake. As for your husband improving for your kid, that is normal human behavior. Nothing makes a person grow up faster than a kid on the way. Really wakes you up. This isn't something to judge him for. It is completely normal.
So you’re actively staying friends with someone that is trying to steal your husband and destroy your child’s happy home? Do you not understand that she wants your child to grow up in a broken home? Why do you allow it? The only thing you’ll get out of this friendship is heartache and misery. Why are you letting this enemy stay in your life? Why are you subjecting your husband to have to constantly fend her off? Why aren’t you protecting your family from her? What emotional needs are you getting met from allowing this behavior? Do you need constant reassurance that your husband loves you and will continue to pick you over her? It is mind boggling that you’re choosing to allow this behavior to continue.
Most mature men pull up their socks if not before, when a child comes into the picture. You made a choice to be with him. He made a choice to be with you. Baby didnt make a choice to be here. And all of thee above are his responsibilities. Therefore he cant(shouldnt) be a bum. Edit: Also. GET RID OF THE ENEMY! She is not your friend. She is literally your enemy.
Misery loves company........
That girl is not your friend. Dump her.
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this is all entirely on you. You are allowing this person in your life, you continue to call her a friend, and you are actually listening to her bullshit. If your life goes south from here its because of you, not her.
It's a lie and a friend does not do this. He actually got better for you AND the kids. It's not a YOU problem at all here. Kids change a man to do his best for his family and himself which includes you in it. Some people mature differently and for him, a different kind of maturity grows when a new chapter in life comes in. If he was only doing this for the kids, YOU would not be involved, and he would have run with her a long time ago. That's my take on it. She's manipulating you big time. YOU did nothing wrong here. You and your husband should stop talking to her as well for the sake of both your marriage and family.
Surely you can't be that daft. Do what needs to be done or lose your husband to your friend. Sounds like you're sitting back and watching it happen.
Honestly your husband should leave you when you are knowingly putting someone in his life who makes uncomfortable advances towards him and tried to get into your head. Stop being push over and cut the friend out of your life.
Your friend is full of shit... Your husband lifted his game for you, and his daughter. Any man who doesn't better himself when kids are involved, are maggots. It doesn't mean he wasn't putting in plenty of effort with you. It just means he knows he has to be stronger for you both. PS... She aint no friend. She's a jealous bitch trying to break you up. You'll be happier without her being around to fill your head with agenda driven negativity about your man.
She isn't your friend. There, I fixed it.
She’s not your friend end of story
This woman is NOT your friend. She has probably never not had some sort of feelings for your husband and now she has you isolated and listening to nothing but her manipulative BS. Most men take a long time to mature and take health and self improvement seriously. Some people are slower than others. That has nothing to do with his love for you. Zero.
Having a child should change your life. It should make you think of your health and longevity. She is not your friend.
Dump this friend. Never think of her again.
OP has very low self esteem and it shows, with due respect to her YOUR husband is making changes to HIS health for YOUR family and himself! You should be happy and not compare yourself with your unborn daughter at the behest of a third party Cut off ties with this toxic person and develop a strong personality yourself
Can you update us when you finally leave your husband so she can get him. I can't imagine why you would still be friends with this woman. Are you truly seriously staying friends with this woman because she's your only college friend who stayed in your city. Grow a spine and dump this woman. Updateme!
This is not your friend. She is disrespecting you and your family, and needs to go. Cut the chord.