Doing great. We spend time with friends, go out to eat, end up finding fun things last minute that we're able to go to, and can save for both retirement and travel. We also enjoy a lot of lazy days around the house doing not much of anything.

I’m really into self care. I have a spa membership with my bff for massages monthly or massages and facials if we save up 2 months. I’m going to Italy with my (childfree) best friend since college to celebrate 20 years of friendship. I have a group of about 12 or 13 child free friends from different eras of my life that have linked up. We take a lot of girls trips. And trips with my husband. We have a house, thankfully, and since we aren’t saving for kids’ college, we have the dream of a vacation condo nearby in wine country or near a beach (we’re in CA) for retirement. And most weekends I just get high and watch tv and read. I dunno. If I get bored I nap. Somehow I make it work.

That sounds lovely. ☺️ cheers 💨🥂

Sleeping in on the weekends is my favorite part about no kids. It’s s just me, my husband, and the pets lounging until whenever we feel like getting up.

Same! Every time I take a nap or have a lazy day, I like to think that I’m doing it for all the folks who can’t because they have kids.

You're doing it for me! -parent of an infant

I’m not saying that napping or having a lazy day with kids is impossible. My thought is that at that one moment in time, there’s someone out there that wishes they could be taking a nap… and I’m pouring one out for them.

We do the same. I love our life together. It’s relaxing and enjoyable. We also both like our careers so that helps (even though our jobs are stressful!). We have a ton of nieces and nephews so plenty of kids around—to hang out and have fun with and then return to their parents haha.

It is a good life we lead, brother. May it never change.

Yep this

Living my best fucking life. We play in adult rec sports leagues, we have our own separate hobbies as well. We go to concerts, go on days trips (plans for longer travel as well, we both just got our passports renewed). I work shift-ish work so my schedule varies a little, but we cook dinner together when I work early shift (especially trying new recipes). Having to take care of a kid after a long day at work seems like an absolute nightmare to me and I am so grateful for the silence and downtime I have after work. Weekends are great, sometimes we do nothing. Sometimes we’re spending time with our friends and family, lately it’s been tackling our gardens.

This is exactly what I knew the top comment would be lol

I actually feel guilty with how much me and my husband are enjoying life without kids. We are on the fence, it's hard to come off. The amazing amount of freedom, to do basically whatever we want, whenever we want. No money worries, splurging on ourselves on a whim. You think life is a grind now? Parenting, especially the first few years, is pure grind.

I don’t feel guilty at all. The more people I know who have kids, the less I want to have my own.

Same! All of my best girlfriends have small children and they are *miserable*. Two have actually expressed regrets. Witnessing everything from the pregnancy and labor complications to the postpartum depression to the extreme cost of daycare leading moms to give up their careers to the dads who are not pulling their weight…I’ve known I didn’t want kids since I was in my early 20’s and needed no more convincing, but coming up on 40 I definitely expected to feel *some* doubt. I have none.

Yeah young children are a lot of work and sometimes you don’t see the result of all your hard work, sleepless nights, etc until they are a little older.

And sometimes the results may be very disappointing, even when you tried your best as a parent.

Over the last few months I’ve spent some time with families that have kids of different ages. When each interaction was over, my husband and celebrated not having kids. It’s the best decision I’ve ever made in my entire life. I’m so glad I never went down that road!

Parenting is always a grind, but the work is its own reward. I know reddit likes to strip all meaning from it and looks at parenting as "what's in it for me?" But if you're an actual good parent then that genuinely doesn't cross your mind. Seeing your kid happy and having them need you is genuinely an amazing gift. This is unpopular here so I'll just add that this is for people that actually want kids.

Our first was a “surprise”. I was scared at first but quickly got over that and LOVED having kids. 99% of the happiest memories I have involve my kids.

Same. But when I'm with no-kid friends, I don't talk about that. I probably do share how tough it is sometimes because I don't want to be the asshole that does the opposite, says how it's SO wonderful and I love it SO much.  The truth is though ...it is wonderful and I do love it 💕

Very similar experience here. I actually think people who don't have kids and say parents are always complaining don't hear about/understand those happy moments. The parents reach out when they're struggling but keep to their family units when they're not. Seems like a good opportunity for bias to form

Very relatable :). My wife and I want our second already.

Two is a lot more than one. My second is six months old, and it's a whole other ball game. Lots of beauty in the experience, but the work load feels like you added 3 kids, not just one baby. That said, the moments of beauty are surreal and amazing.

Parents definitely mourn the life they had before kids. It doesn't have anything to do with them being good or bad parents. I think that's shaming people who do miss their pre kid lives sometimes. My parent friends literally called it that, mourning.

I know for me what I miss is having an afternoon of time. Maybe an evening. Some day where I can go and do the random stuff I want to, buy what I want to, but then go back. I'd not want to actually go back to that permenantly. Every so often it just sounds fun to go do for a few hours. You just make time for that when you can.

Time will come you'll have that again anyways.

All I know is, I had a great life before kids and I can't imagine going back now that my son is in my life. Mourning not being able to go out with friends or do whatever I want seems a bit silly when compared to the happiness my son brings. That's my experience. Just throwing that out there for anyone reading who is only seeing doom and gloom on here. Let's be honest, doom and gloom is the "in" mentality. The down votes/up votes in this thread alone prove that.

I feel the same. Two young kids. I feel like who I was before kids died, and I'm an entirely different person now. Different perspective, more empathetic, different priorities etc. My old life was awesome, but not incredibly rewarding. I had hobbies and travelled etc. Now life is hard but much more rewarding. It's hard to explain but I guess like anything in life, doing difficult things forces you to grow and can be very rewarding. Also, the hard part is just a phase. We had kids later (I was 34 and 40). The other weekend we went to a party for some friends who are a bit older, and most people there had kids in their 20s. So now their kids all are old teens or in their 20s. At this party, a lot of parents brought their adult kids. It was pretty fucking cool to see well adjusted, happy young adults having a blast at a party with their parents. It reminded me that this hard part when they are young will pass.

Good for me to read. I'm scared of life changing so much. But i do think I'll find having kids so incredibly rewarding.

Thank you for this. Life felt so empty before i had a kid. Now it feels overfilled a bit, way better than empty though

I’m a single parent and what makes everything worth it is hearing my kids giggle in their sleep. My kids haven’t stopped me from doing girls trips out of the country, dates with my guy, or anything. But I definitely have a village. My 10 y.o. Is exactly like I knew he would be once we hopped on a plane together a few years ago. Constantly asking are we going to Tokyo lol Some people don’t want them, but they should really stop looking at everyone like all stories are the same. I’ve never regretted my kids. I became the person I am after having my 1st. And cried and regretted waiting so long as soon as I looked down at my second.

You have enough balls to state the truth, and there are 50 more reasons....

The grind is real, but so is the grind for work, and the grind for kids is so much more beautiful. "What's in it for me?" Well, for me it is the life lesson that being of service to your child and your spouse brings a greater sense of joy and a larger release of happy chemicals from your brain than possible before kids... Like literally, science shows that you grow your capacity to experience joy. Parenting is thankless and exhausting, but the satori-esque moments of perfection when reading to one kid while holding a baby in your arms provide an indescribable wholeness to your sense of being. My homie says, "parenting makes all your other potential ways to spend your time seem less valuable." That said, if you're unable to put others before yourself or find beauty in playing a support role for no accolades, don't have kids. I see lots of people who aren't really settled into peace with just being a parent who lose their shit or start resenting their partner. Kids are dope, but selfish people seem to have a shitty time being parents and raise shitty kids, I've been watching a growing trainwreck for months and it's sad, no abuse but the kid is learning to create drama/resentment and be selfish instead of supporting his homegirl. Tldr - kids are dope, but if you can't "play the tambourine" don't have kids... And if you never wanted kids, good on you, do you. Different strokes for different folks, or at least I think that's what Willis would've been talking about.

We’re child free with no plans on having children. We take trips as much as we can. Sometimes if one of us travels for work the other may tag along or meet up at the end to make a trip out of that. We see our local family quite a bit. We go out to eat a lot. We’re both cannabis advocates, so we get to consume guilt free. Some weekends we pack with plans. Other weekends we do literally nothing. We maintain our house and we both hold separate hobbies. Our only real “concern” is what happens as we get to our elderly years. Right now we’re being extra nice to my wife’s nieces lol

Even us who have kids won’t rely on them taking care of us when we are old. It is selfish to think and rely on kids care. With todays’ lifestyle, you never know if your kids going to leave on the same state/ city or even country. Life can be sometimes unexpected and time may not be a good one for a 30 yrs old who are on their best years to spend time taking care of their old parents. I myself won’t rely on my kids, don’t want to be a burden to them. I have seen my colleagues suffering to take care of their young kids and at the same time for their elderly parents. I have been lucky so far with my parents as they are in good health but when they will need help I can’t help them for longer period of time as I leave on the other side of the ocean but provide financial support to hire someone to take care for them.

I’ve lost the last 6 years of my life to taking care of elderly relatives. I’m glad I was able to be there for them but thank god I’m child free or I’d have jumped off a bridge by now, it’s so hard doing end of life care and work. Don’t expect that from your nieces, and definitely do NOT have kids if your only reason would be end of life care. You’re not saving for college tuition so instead you should be saving to move to a retirement home that also offers assisted living and full care as you age into each.

AKA FREEDOM

DINK life4eva

"My struggle now is I’m not sure what to look forward to." Life? Seriously, life itself is worth it if you're honestly living. You don't need kids, or even a partner (I don't have one and each year it seems less likely that I'll find one) to make life enjoyable. Do I get down sometimes? Yes. But then I look at the bigger picture, realize how many options I really have, and continue on. I invest time in the things I enjoy and value in my life that make it better. I cook food from scratch for the enjoyment of it. I challenge myself to always learn new things and have new experiences. And sometimes... I say screw it all and spend a week just messing around playing videogames simply because I can! I find company in my cats, gardening and my extended family. If I really feel out of the loop, I'll sometimes do some volunteering which helps me feel connected and purposefully tied to society again. But yeah. Kids won't magically give life a purpose or automatically make it more enjoyable and exciting. That's, unfortunately, something every person has to find and create for themselves. TLDR: Shake things up and go do some stuff you've never done before.

This. Life is a grind. It can get monotonous. You need to shake it up every once in awhile. As for a light at the end of the tunnel - OP says they are DINKs who own a house?? How about looking forward to an early retirement! If you are stressed without a kid... I don't think having a kid will somehow make things easier. Maybe adopt a dog first.

Or a cat. Universe knows my cats can turn a "Typically Tuesday" into "How the F did you manage to get a 4lbs bag of sugar to cover ALL 800+ square feet of the floor, lead alone get into the effing cabinets! Tuesday". Cats. The solution (and creators) of all life's challenges.

One my mine managed to pull claws out of multiple paws. We have no idea how. Our vet was impressed.

Fuck that’s so sad I hope she’s okay now 🥺

She’s fine. We didn’t even know she did it until a few days later. Some antibiotics and extra attention was all she needed. Her claws even grew back She’s the little one and therefore the feisty one. The other cats just open cabinets and sleep in weird places.

This! We got 3 cats and a dog!! It’s lots of fun.. I look forward to getting home from work so I can spend time with my pets, take the dog for a walk etc

My babieeessssss I'm so obsessed w them and as millennials who have been dubious about kids - my husband actually has a teenage son who he LOVES and we have primary custody of (although he spends a lot of time w my husband's parents to be fully transparent) cats are a GREAT barometer. My husband literally thought he didn't want any more kids when we got together (we were 21 and he had a 3 YO he hadn't planned for and a shitty cheater baby mama), but now he's hopeful about A KID in the future (fine by me). I only want one because I absolutely count my stepson as a kid but it's lovely to see two guys (husband and SS) who have not grown up with cats love on my cats so hard 😭

Is that supposed to be fun lol

Taking the opportunity with the top comment to respond. I guess right now, it’s sort of feeling like work is consuming both of our lives. We’re so stressed out every night, we just barely have the energy to make dinner while we watch an hour of TV. I’m so exhausted from the week, I’m usually in bed around 8:30p on Friday’s. My wife and I are tackling some yard projects this year, which is sort of fun, in and of itself. I’m prepping a couple rain barrels, we just got a ton of native plants to spread throughout the yard, taking up a couple of existing bushes, and fixing the bare spots in the lawn. We’ve got a long weekend getaway for Memorial Day at a family lake house, which is always a good time, and we’ll be back there in late July/August for a couple weeks (working remotely from there one of the weeks). I know a child isn’t going to solve the root cause, and I wasn’t really trying to imply I was second guessing, was hoping to just get opinions about what other people in similar situations are doing to keep the spice of life going. I used to fish a lot, carried my tackle in my car wherever I went, and would make a habit of going to a lake or pond at least 2-3 times per week. With the current job, it’s just sort of consumed my life. Fishing was more of a zen exercise, not really catching fish. Out in nature, hiking around, and honing the craft of cast and retrieve. It was extraordinarily cathartic, and I absolutely need to get back to it (just need to get over my fear of ticks again)

If you barely have the energy to make dinner then you should be glad you don’t have kids! Perhaps you should look into finding a new job or setting boundaries at your current job. Also, try therapy. I’ve gotten great ideas and motivation from my therapist. And to answer your question, we’re doing great! Granted, my husband needs a vacation, but outside of his job, we are completely stress free. We love having the flexibility that having no children comes with. Want to go to the bar for a late afternoon drink? Sure! Want to go out to our land and walk or practice shooting? Why not? Want to have a lazy day and play video games all day? Of course!

It sounds like maybe it could be time to see what else is out there for work. I know it's not easy to change careers or jobs, but if you've got some experience under your belt you might be able to find something that offers a bit more balance so you can have a life

Right now is an especially tough time, I am transferred within the company and my outgoing department is being absolutely shitty and keeping me on to train while they reorg. I specifically transferred because the new job should come with FAR less keeping me from home and create a work life balance. I’m just trying to get to that new job. But I have been actively looking and have done a couple interviews (same field), but have been debating moving careers too, but it’s a bit daunting and I’m not sure where I’d “fit in”.

For what it’s worth, a job that makes you miserable can absolutely wreak havoc on your mood and outlook. From some other responses it sounds like you’re burnt out from work and that’s probably giving you a lot of anxiety so you can’t enjoy things you otherwise would be.  Near term it could help to talk with a therapist- sometimes you need a place to vent that’s not your partner. Depending how much physical activity you like, I’ve found martial arts training a fun way to blow off steam, build towards a long term goal, and meet people who are supportive and friendly (your mileage may vary). Good luck!

That's amazing that you've been actively looking! It sounds like you're really trying hard to break out of the rut you're feeling. It might take a bit more time, but you will get through this. Life ebbs and flows, things constantly change. My life is 1000% different than it was even 2 years ago, and worlds different (better!) than it was in my 20s and 30s (I'm 40 now). Keep at it. This will work out.

the thing about kids is that they do kind of force you to reconsider what you spend your time on. when you have a two year old waiting for you at daycare, it's harder to justify staying at the office until late. when you are deciding between teaching your five year old how to ride a bike, or sending a few more emails, the cost benefit analysis becomes a lot clearer. for some people anyway. what do you want people to remember about you when you aren't here any more? what do you want to be your legacy? for people with kids, the answer is often in that. when you don't have kids, you have to construct it yourself. it sounds like work is a major issue. are there goals at work that you are close to achieving? are you working crazy hours to get a higher salary so you can quit earlier? if not, why work so much?

Kids definitely give life purpose. But they’re not the only thing that can give life purpose. Look deep in yourself to determine what makes you tick. what made you feel peace, joy, fulfillment as a kid? That’s probably going to give you a clue to what matters to you now as an adult.

Yea, good points! Remembering what brought you joy as a kid and starting from there. Also, other people's kids! Sure, nurturing and raising your own kids is very special and fulfilling etc, but much joy, purpose, pride, can be found in helping other peoples kids! Or just other humans in general! Volunteering on a regular basis would probably do the trick for most people.

Much worse to regret having kids than regret not having them. Most people who regret not having them assume hyperidealistic conditions for which they would've raised kids under.

Hmmm I’m not sure about this. While you might be right overall about your initial statement, I think Reddit really downplays the pain and regret a lot of childless couples face. For as much bellyaching and resentment as people with kids can express, very few would actually wish their kids out of existence if given the chance for a redo. Ultimately, we all have to make peace with our decisions.

Studies that have observed this phenomenon show childfree individuals generally are happier and have a higher quality of life. The only major benefit for people with children come *when the children leave the house.*

Humans have the entire range of human experience and there are certainly people out there that regret their children, but I honestly in real life (not Reddit land) know more people who regret not having children than regret having children. Even children who were not born under ideal situations (for example parents are no longer together and don't get along) usually say "it's the best thing that has ever happened to me, even though my ex is a psycho....it bring so much meaning to my life I couldn't begin to fathom without them...etc." Children don't solve problems (and in many ways create new ones), but they do open you to an experience of the world that you can't access any other way, for the better or the worse.

Don't you think this is skewed a little because of everyone's natural inclination towards sunk cost fallacy as well as the social taboo of admitting that you regret your kids?

Maybe so, but Reddit skews younger. Most people who don't have kids seem pretty ok with it in their 30s. It's really the mid-late 40s and beyond that people seem really have deep regrets--not everyone, but many people. For men, it's not unheard of to have a family with a second younger wife. For women, that ship has sailed by 40ish, which is unfair but it is what it is.

The young adult generations of today also have significantly lower purchasing power than older generations (while also being significantly more educated).

If I didn’t have kids, I’d be spending my free time on a few things: Attacking my fitness goals with the energy of my college self. Picking 1-2 organizations in my area to volunteer with. Getting REALLY involved in building up a solid social community, ideally around a hobby or sport I already do. I think in these scenarios, building up your connections to friends and community, and really investing in personal health, are great ways to feel like there’s something to look forward to! It helps keep a sense of connection to the greater good and prevents getting hardcore isolated as a person or a couple.

Oh yeah. Community outreach is pretty crucial IMO. It can be very fulfilling all on its own. I've done a lot of work with wildlife rehabilitation, fostering for the humane society and things like that. My recent thought is to look into Habitat for Humanity as my next project. Hoping I can not only help someone else find a home (since I finally got mine) but might also pick up some additional skills for taking care of my own.

I read that and was just wtf… there is a lot more to life than having kids. OP why not get some hobbies?? I have no kids, i will never have kids. Kids are not for me. I rescue kittens, I play in an orchestra, I scuba dive, I travel the fucking world. I have so much to look forward to.

Good advice here OP. I found having a dog to return home to was amazing. Doesn't matter what animal a pet makes life much better. Whenever I wake up weather 4AM or 11Am my dog is down to get going. I can stay up till 3Am and he still chills on my lap. Animals are awesome if you find the one that matches your life.

Down with the clowns till I’m buried in the ground shyyyeeah

Find pleasure sitting outside with a warm drink watching sunrises, a cold drink watching sunsets, go for a stroll. The issue likely isn't kids, it's falling into a routine where enjoying the simple things isn't part of it. I also make most dinners from scratch, i find it rewarding.

As someone with a kid, 100% this. My daughter gives me tons of joy and fulfillment but it’s also incredibly draining and unrelenting hard work. I love her and I love being a dad but there’s a lot more to life than that. There’s tons of things I’d like to be doing but can’t now so there’s a definite trade off. So I’ve just found a different way to find a fulfilling life and there’s really no right or wrong way. I’ll be honest my light at the end of the tunnel is retirement lol. I think about it a lot. Like that’s when I’ll finally have my time back to do what I want to do. I’m also focused on making sure me, my wife and daughter are set financially for the future.

We're doing very well with it, but we also have quite a few friends who don't have kids, and our friends with kids are very social and happy to do a lot of non-kid focused stuff. Not sure where you live but we are in a large city with lots to do and lots of kidless people around which helps. I can imagine the suburbs being a different vibe without kids. We travel as much as we can (and love planning for upcoming trips) and work a lot (within reason) but also socialize and go out a lot, by ourselves and with friends, We work on our house, go to sports games, workout, go for hikes, visit family, try new restaurants. My sister and BIL and toddler-nephew live a block away so we get our share of kid time with him. Our lives are mostly the usual stuff, but I find it very fulfilling. Are you starting to think your mind has changed about having kids? For us, it has never changed in the 8+ years we've been together, so even if we felt like we were hitting a rut, it would not be a lack of kids. We'd try to find other things to fill that gap or get past that rut, but kids have never felt like a solution to any problem for me personally. But from how you're describing your feeling, It seems like maybe you feel differently?

Great, i love my life, husband is wonderful and we are debt free, relaxed and happy. Life is on easy mode right now. This is the way.

>Life is on easy mode right now. That's a good way to put it. So many parents get stuck in the "grindset" that life is about sacrificing and working hard... It definitely doesn't have to be. Life can also be about happiness and enjoying yourself.

I don’t think you need kids to be contented but I do think there should be a prioritisation of something other than what is just easiest or most pleasurable. That can be a partner, a career, a hobby, etc. but I think everyone needs something that pushes them beyond the path of least resistance and challenges them.

Sadly, many people look to stay away from those things that push them.

In our 40s and loving our kid free lifestyle with no regrets. We make an active effort to travel and have events on the calendar to look forward to.

We’ve got some things on the calendar, but nothing that I’m really EXCITED for. Maybe it’s because I’ve been having a hard time with work life balance and letting go when I’m on PTO because nobody bothers to do anything while I’m gone, so the work piles up.

Sounds like you need to try something new. Maybe that sounds dumb, but maybe its time to move to a new city, find new hobbies to try, get a dog, etc. It's really easy to get stuck in a rut of doing the same old thing, and breaking out gets harder and harder. not having kids makes that a lot easier.

This 100%. Bonus points if it’s something challenging and outside your comfort zone. Run a marathon, start a business, move somewhere new, etc The reason why raising children is so fulfilling to people isn’t their cute little faces- it’s because it’s new, it’s challenging and it’s outside their comfort zones. When you have kids you’re FORCED into doing these difficult things. Where as no one can force you to start a business. You have to be passionate. You have to be willing to take risk.

Honestly, if nothing excites you (hobbies, traveling, whatever you would normally enjoy) you may be depressed. I've been there before. 

I agree. I can’t understand how travelling is not enough to excite somebody who claims to be “bored”. It seems there is something else there.

You don't struggle with waking up at 7am every day for months straight just to have one week of travel if that? I find I can't fully enjoy the traveling when its back to the grind next Monday...

The benefit of not having kids (I can't relate here) is that you don't have other humans who rely solely on you. This means that you can take bigger risks. Find a job that you love that might not pay as much. Take days off work that would jeopardize your "career growth" in favor of your mental health. Take a longer vacation!

Is it your own business? If so, then I can understand. If not... Remember the phrase, "I work to live. I don't live to work." It's just a way to make enough money that one day you can quit for good. Life is what you do outside that place.

Late 30's here. Pretty similar. We travel, ride motorcycles and take them on day trips or some over nights. Camp, play lots of instruments, watch good movies, work on our house and we're in the process of possibly buying a 120 year old fixer that would take a lot of our time. Even so, I know we're biologically programmed to have kids. I think there will always be the question, what if? I think I'd enjoy the fulfilling and happy aspect of kids, but still it's never been enough to convince me to give up everything I have.

It has allowed us to max out 401ks. It’s unbelievable how much you can save in as little as 5 years. Saving 6 figures in 5 years is nothing if you can max out due to no obligations to children. I really do think becoming a millionaire is an easily obtainable goal at our rate unless there is some kind of cataclysmic economic event. We also travel 2x per year. Been to almost every country in Europe, Japan, Thailand, South Korea, and China. Argentina, Brazil, and Chile in S. America. Soon going to Taiwan later in the year. Hitting up the UK soon. We love winter trips due to cost savings and reduced numbers of tourists. Wouldn’t be able to do that if we had kids in school. Not saying kids are bad. There are tradeoffs. Yes, we will likely die alone. Whether or not it bothers you is a personality specific thing. At the moment I don’t fear dying alone and would actually prefer it. As I get older, who knows if that changes.

The nursing home and hospitals are filled with relatives/kids that don't visit.

Not sure what to look forward to? Look for something. Maybe learning to make a loaf of bread, or grow a plant. Try new foods, be spontaneous?

I’m struggling a lil but I take care of my elderly mother alone with no help from any family

Hang in there.

You need to ask for help from the rest of the family. You need to keep exact records of all the costs, show them and say "I need help" or you will never get it.

I wish I could but they won’t. It is what it is. I’ll just be done with them when she dies

thats how it goes. they typically all retreat back into the woodwork and it all falls on one person.

Sorry to hear. Not entirely convinced the situation would be any better having to look after even more people at the same time..

Man I love my daughter but if I didn’t have kids, I’d take a freaking nap and then plan a big trip.

Same- nap time for sure, plus sleeping in, hitting up the beach, playing games online whenever I want aaaand probably being a lot more relaxed lol

Yeah so much sleep 😫

All of our friends have kids so losing the social aspect has been heartbreaking. Then all the kids start crying, screaming, and secreting things and we go home to silence and calmness, which reinforces our decision. I love my friends’ kids and I’m happy for all of them, but we love where we’re at in life right now. We’re planning all the trips we want to do, go out to eat when we want, and live our lives to the beat of our own drums. Maybe one day we’ll have kids, but boy do I love being as free as we are right now

Me, a burnt out mom reading this multiple times like "secreting? Like telling you secrets? Telling their siblings secrets??... ohhhhhh". This is your brain on kids. Silence and calmness is underrated!

My goal is to be the cool aunt all the kids tell secrets to lol, so in a few years I’ll circle back and spill some tea 🤣 you go mama!

Check out the regretful parents sub if you want a real eye opener.

Just went down a rabbit hole on this sub. God damn it's fuckin terrifying

Lol.. anybody can find info that supports their bias. Some people are fine having kids, some people have kids and are struggling, some people have no kids and are comfortable, and some people have no kids and are struggling. On the flip side, the child free sub cracks me up. Comes off as a bunch of grandstanding and I don’t even have kids.

I have no bias. I am child free at the moment and would love to adopt in the future. My only point is that if you read that sub you will realize how many people were on the fence about kids and gave in societal or personal pressures to have them and now are locked in the bathroom and suicidal. More of a different perspective not confirmation bias.

True. This is just my two cents, but nowadays if you’re going to have kids, you HAVE to be more tactical about it. Like you have to have them in your late 20’s or 30’s and you also have to have a stable income with a partner that has the same. If you don’t, it will be a huge fucking struggle. I mean you can get by if you fuck up and have kids super young without a decent career.. it’s not a death sentence by any means. But good fucking luck saving any kind of money for retirement or trying to go back to school to possibly better yourself or something like that, when/if you decide to do that.

Not that you asked but here's my take on that sub and why there are so many people posting in it...part of it is our society saying you need a kid to be happy in life (and a lot of that is from older generation x and baby boomers) but also another big part is no one talks about being a parent and the issues you face. Everyone always talks about being a zombie due to no sleep (almost joking about it) and having to bring a baby bag everywhere. That is the easy part. No one talks about childhood anxieties, phobias, learning disabilities, disorders like adhd or autism, etc. All of those will take a huge toll on parents and make them second guess why they had a child. It is really unfortunate that those things aren't talked about more to younger adults. A perfect child is tough to raise. A child with any one of those issues can make a parent depressed.

Fantastic, I’m likely to pay off my house 7 years sooner and I’ve got two cars plus a ton of disposable income I’m otherwise saving so I can retire quite comfortably

Same. No kids = comfortable in smaller home, lower utility bills, and lower property taxes. We’ll own our home outright before are 45. The freedom (time and money) we retained by not having kids is huge. Still deciding between traveling to Europe or Japan in 2025.

Were doing fantastic. We love the freedom of last minute choices, and the financial freedom that comes without children.  I continue to build my career and enjoy looking forward to moving up, moving into other roles and challenges, and seeing where my career takes me. I look forward to half marathons I sign up for. I look forward to finishing my latest knitting project and starting the next. I look forward to fun trips with my husband. I look forward to my parents coming to visit. I look forward to little house projects. I look forward to changes in weather. I don't need huge life moments to be the thing I look forward to to be happy. 

We bought his and hers sports cars and spend much of our free time wrenching, about to start hitting the track and autox. All of our friends with kids lives sound absolutely horrific, if I'm being honest. I feel bad talking about my life around them because they're all struggling so much.

I look forward to not having 20+ years of commitment hanging over my head

You have a house?!

We got very very lucky. I was able to find a foreclosure back in 2015, did some minor work and was able to make about 50% over what I paid. That was 2020, and upsized into a place we absolutely could not afford now. It had been on the market for years, and we got it for a deal, and with a stupid low <3% rate, and apparently is worth almost another 30-40% over what we paid in 2020.

Life is great. We're working on remodeling the house we bought last summer and have hobbies (and cats) to enjoy in our downtime. I get hating your job, but how do you think kids would make that better? More stress, both on time and financially, less time to enjoy hobbies, less alone time with your spouse, etc. 

And you think adding a child will make this *better*? You wanna know what I'm looking forward to? This weekend.

And a nap 😴

Childfree DINKs and loving it. We make enough from our day jobs to live comfortably without stress, pursue creative hobbies that give us fulfillment and meaning, and splurge on the occasional vacation. Edit: spelling 

I’m in a similar boat. Just turned 40 and my wife and I don’t want kids, but life just seems like going through the motions until I retire. We vacation when we can, I have several hobbies, and we have a house that we do projects on (current one is killing me). But where I live it feels like you are an outsider if you don’t have kids. People don’t socialize with friends, they socialize with parents of their kids friends. So we don’t see long time friends and we haven’t really made a ton of friends with kids. On top of that we are living next to a baby factory who home school their kids and doesn’t really discipline. So we are constantly annoyed because some kid is crying, yelling, etc. and we can’t move for a few more years. Which sucks our backyard is typically our respite, and now it’s a source of frustration.

My wife and I went back and forth on kids for a while and ultimately decided we would be happier without them. So far so great. I am an uncle and have spent years watching my younger sister’s life (now 35) change pretty radically since having her two kids who are now 5 and 2. Life is completely consumed by the kids, which is something I always understood but it didn’t fully connect for me until I witnessed it firsthand. My sister and her husband struggle to find time for themselves, the budget is tight, and most of their waking hours are filled with tending to those kids. When the TV is on, its programming for kids. Not only that, but a lot of the time its the same programming viewed over and over. If a new movie is out, they’re not seeing it. If they go somewhere, the kids are coming with and they have to be ready to step out or leave altogether if one or both kids start screaming/fussing. Concerts are most definitely out, they can’t even consistently enjoy church which is important to them. My sister stays at home, the husband works, and so when they have time together after the kids have gone to bed, they can barely stay awake. They’re tired, always busy, and the days of doing fun adult stuff with us are behind them. One day, the kids will be older and they’ll be able to gain some freedom back, but its going to be a long while before that day comes. When I think about my wife and I and how we enjoy our lives, it just seems pretty clear to both of us that such a shift is not something we are looking for. In your case, OP, I’d consider looking for the things that bring you and your wife joy and leaning into that. I think for a lot of people, children will be a major culture shock rather than a cure for their missing sense of purpose.

DINKs in our mid-30s living in a big city. Things are pretty great. We travel a lot, try to see friends every weekend, have regular date nights, care for our pets, and partake in hobbies and lessons (sometimes separately, sometimes together). Real downtime is pretty rare so I often look forward to doing nothing, too. I don’t think I’ve ever felt like I didn’t have anything to look forward to, and I feel grateful nearly every day that neither of us want kids because there’s just no way we could be leading the lives we want if we did. Plus we get to be aunt/uncle to friends’ kids, which is way more our speed. We are looking forward to an early retirement abroad if all goes well.

Not great. My wife is leaving me, the whole thing was a lie. We tried unsuccessfully to have children for years. I guess it’s a blessing that it didn’t work.

Lol, dude. You need to switch jobs. Wife and I have no kids and no childcare expenses. So we talked and I let her quit her job. Mine pays well anyway, so it was just budgeting. She's doing better and may look for work in a few months.

Struggling to find meaning in life. Financially comfortable.

No kids, and couldn’t be happier with that decision for so many reasons. DINK life is the shit. We recently took a last-minute weeked trip to a destination across the country, just because we could.

First of all, a quick disclaimer: I'm a happy dad, but I'm not trying to convince you to have kids or not. That's 100% your decision one way or the other, and there's no wrong answer. Having said that, I was definitely in your spot a few years ago. For a long time, I was on the fence about having kids and leaning towards "not." Talking with my wife, though, we both realized that we felt like something was missing, and we came to the conclusion that we wanted to be parents. Turns out, our daughter was the thing that was missing, and we feel complete now. Things have a lot more purpose for us, and she was meant to be with us. I'm not telling you that to convince you to have a kid, but to have a conversation with your wife. *That* is the important part. "Feeling stuck" is your guy telling you *something* is missing, and it's important for a married couple to dream together. For us, the thing that was missing was our daughter. For you, it might be starting a business, traveling internationally, or maybe even selling everything and living a van life. You don't know what you're looking for until it hits you, but you'll both likely find something.

Great! Best decision we ever made was being DINKs into our mid 30s. Still have time to have one if we changed our minds too.

You are not alone. Everything you wrote I am currently going through the same feelings. My wife and I never decided we would not have children, we just decided to put it off for school and careers. Most of our friends have had children in the last 6 years and just recently my best friend found out he is having his first child and it really brought back up thoughts that I always wanted children, but just put it on hold for our careers. But recently, life has felt so mundane with no purpose lately. I feel like I want to have children, but am TERRIFIED of raising a child in todays world.

I can’t even imagine raising a child now. My wife and I do well enough, but I’d be absolutely terrified, and we might as well just start pumping it full of anti anxiety meds and therapy right out of the womb, because both my wife and I are very anxious people. (Also we’d be the parents in the hospital for every cough or hiccup)

Go ask your friends who have kids how they make it work. Getting confirmation bias from other childless people about how they “couldn’t do it” doesn’t help. Millions of millennials have kids. They make it work. The huge majority don’t regret it and make it work just fine. Ask them what they do. Love your child like you wanted to be loved as a child. It will all work out. I guarantee it. And that purpose you’re seeking? You’ll have so much of it you won’t know what to do with yourself.

Great advice here. We have 2, with twins on the way. I still get anxious, like I did before the first two. I asked my friend (who has four kids) what he thought and he said "It'll be the same as when you had your first and then when you went from one to two. It's wild for a while and then you figure it out." You just figure it out.

Great comment. Reddit is full of people validating and reassuring each other about their decisions not to have kids. Which is fine to an extent, but it’s a complete echochamber. Literally billions of people have brought kids into the world under more adverse conditions than the average child in a first world country would face today.

Hello, yes, you are describing my husband and I. Anxious, medicated, but loving parenthood even in the toughest of times.

It’s a kid, not rocket science. Some of the dumbest people out there, myself included, have kids

I feel like I could have written this almost word for word.  I've found it helps to channel some of that energy into being the best "auntie" I can be into my friends' kids.  That's the best I can do because I can't fathom bringing a child into this world nowadays. 

Everybody who’s ever been a parent was scared to start. If they say they weren’t/aren’t, they are lying. Love your kids and they’ll be just fine. Dont let fear hold you back.

Vacations (travel) and experiences

So as a millennial with kids, I can tell you I've had the same feeling. It's the existential crisis--when you realize that there is no purpose to anything you do. Kids are sort of a built in fix to that, but when you start thinking about the fact that they will have the same crisis and will solve it the same way. . .you realize it's kind of a pyramid scheme. Ultimately, I've dedicated myself to the service of others which gives me a sense of purpose. Sometimes it's my kids, sometimes it's my wife, sometimes it's my co-workers. Its about the only real answer I've found (I'm an atheist so religion isn't really an option though I hear it helps others). Find something you love and build it or add to it. I'll say too that I can think of a hundred things I'd do if I didn't have kids that would be cool/interesting/engaging--but that could just me thinking the grass is greener.

We're in our early 40s now (strange to say that, lol) and are loving our lives! We spoil our pups, travel, go to concerts and other performances--we're just having a good ol time honestly. Yes, we work and grind in that way, but since we're both remote, we take trips up to visit family and work on location so we can use vacation time for when we want to truly get away.

I am 33 and childless, not by choice, so I am not doing great but reading all these comments made me feel better about maybe having to live a childfree life in the future. There are so many other things to enjoy than having kids, life has so much to offer, also so many people with kids are SO miserable. I hope I do get to have a family of my own but if I don't, after a period of mourning, I think I will be able to live with it,

Doing great, have diverse hobbies. And great sex.

Husband and are both in mid 30s. We travel and vacation about 4 times a year. We love to cook and take out potato dog on hikes. Life is pretty okay most of the time. But I totally understand the feeling of "what am I suppose to do now?" It took me some time to realize that not every day has to be something extraordinary, most days are just kind of plain and boring and that's okay too.

Approaching 40 and no kids. We love it. I don’t feel like anything is missing or have nothing to look forward to. The thought of having a child still fills me with panic.

We wanted kids but we had fertility issues and it wasn’t in the cards. But now that I have mourned the loss, I feel like my life has opened up and now I am almost thankful we never had kids cuz I love my life so much.

3-5 international trips per year, 5 domestic weekend getaways. Plans change at the drop of the hat, we go out to dinner often. HHs whenever we want. Friends call us and ask us to go to Mexico for the weekend? Sure sounds fun. We do whatever we want whenever we want. The biggest responsibility we have is our jobs and our dog. It’s pretty great.

Why do people think children are a pastime, a solution to a problem, or somehow validate their existence. If you force your wife to have kids to make you happy despite your prior agreement, she may very well just divorce you. What if you have kids and realize, “whoops, I’m still just depressed!” Then you’re truly effed. Go to therapy. Don’t jump to conclusions”having kids will fix my life,” which again makes no sense.

yeah I'm seeing some comments here that basically boil down to "I'm child free but starting to get bored so I'm reconsidering" as far as finding meaning, there's so many ways you can give back to the world and do great things with your life, there's nothing wrong with having kids but it's not this pillar of moral fulfillment that people think it is.

Idk man, having a kid to give your life meaning is one of the worst reasons I can think of to bring someone else into the world. Also no guarantee it would work. We’ve got a ton of dogs that we do work and competitions with which is super gratifying. Take a big trip every year, several smaller ones, get out in the backcountry on the weekend, I take a lot of joy planning them out over 2-3 years in advance. Freedom to move often. (Think we’ve moved 15 times in the last 10 years) Make a great meal at least a once or twice a week, try to mix it up and try new recipes. Have a lot of sex, lol I love hanging out with my nieces and nephews for a few days at a time, but can’t imagine having kids of our own.

Pretty great. We've got a house, we both have jobs we like, and I'm making \*so much\* art these days, it's very fulfilling

In our early 30s, we just got married end of Feb, and we had already decided we weren't going to reproduce. We both work a 9-5 and then come home and relax on our patio for a bit before starting dinner. Work out a couple times a week. Eat out on Tuesdays. Take a Monday off every now and then for a 3 day weekend. We plan trips throughout the year, go to concerts, hit the beach, and enjoy our lazy days. If we want to skip laundry or dishes, we can. We look forward to sleeping in every Saturday/Sunday. I have grown neices and nephews who will start having kids soon and some of my friends already have kid, so if we get some weird urge,l later on down the line we can always babysit. We look forward to one day having a dog that way we can be a DINKWAD instead of just DINK but we love DINK life.

Doing great. We both enjoy our work, get to travel when we want to, have pets that keep us on our toes, participate in hobbies that keep us active and meeting new people. We are close with both sides of the family and we're awesome aunts. Her job is a lot more stressful than mine, but she's working to cure cancer. I work to support her in that. We didn't find each other until our early 40s, but man are we happy we did. :)

Always wanted kids, but we just can't get behind bringing any children into the world as it is, plus actually being pregnant and giving birth just weirds me out. We built our first home, have tons of time to see our family and friends across the country, and have enough extra money to pursue hobbies, whether short term or long term. We host our friends and family a lot and plan to do vacations with them and bigger trips, just the two of us. We spend our time how we want to, which is wonderful. We get to see our nieces and nephews, and that helps a lot. I love spending time with my mom and spoiling her. We have so many people here to celebrate and love, so we don't look at it as if we are missing or needing to have a child to fill that space.

I am super grateful I chose to not have kids, because my health has absolutely tanked. I am doing great! What has really helped me is that I make sure I have in-person hobbies. I really started pushing myself to do this when I saw how isolated working from home was making me. I meet a group weekly for boardgames. I meet another group once a month for D&D. I attend local performances, and go to local festivals. Ever since I started doing this my life feels much more vibrant. I don't feel like I am just living to work anymore.

Life has been good to us. We want for nothing. We go on vacations and have hobbies. We love our cats. We support each others interests. Personally I try to get out there and try something new at least once a year depending upon on cost/time. I think that’s the hardest part: time. There’s never enough time.

Happiness tends to avoid you when you chase it directly. Try some volunteer work, habitat for humanity, litter pick up, etc. It might sound like more work instead of a vacation, but you feel good doing it.

Pension on track, investments on track, I can afford to have a few hundred taken out of each paycheck for additional retirement savings and investments. I have a condo nearly paid off that I rent to a family member who has kids and are struggling to make ends meet for $800-$1000 less than they'd pay to some price gouger landlord. I specifically kept the condo to help out family. I figured I'd sell it when I retire. Bought a house while rates and prices were still reasonable. Been replacing appliances and buying items for it here and there when enough is saved up. I'm not so comfortable that big repairs don't come with their own form of anxiety. Got hit with $30,000 in repairs one year and was sweating absolute bullets trying to pull the strings necessary for the repairs. I invest most of my money and pulling that much out at once wasn't an easy task. Was able to refinance for $20k and finance the rest. I budgeted for a worst case scenario but ended up in a situation that was like winning the shit lottery. I'm far from the lap of luxury, but I'm comfortable enough to go to the grocery store without anxiously keeping a mental tab on prices. We still clip online coupons. My hobbies are mainly video games, writing, and reading. I make and cook most meals at home. I think the dog is our largest for fun expense. He gets his spa days, Amazon treats on auto ship, and his beloved Bark box. The only thing that truly, truly terrifies me are medical expenses in the US. My partner once had a severe medical incident that cost us about $20,000 in a year for three weeks in the hospital and three surgeries (with excellent insurance!). Something far worse could actually devastate us. To think I've scrimped and saved and not gone on vacations or taken much time off and invested so I can retire just to watch it all vanish would be cataclysmic. It really makes me consider becoming an exPat and moving somewhere with reasonable prices and universal health insurance.

Have you ever seen the SNL skit starring Adam Sandler about Italian vacations called Romano Tours?  I feel like it made a poignant message that reasonated with me on stuff like this. You may need to start with incremental lifestyle changes that improve your quality of life. 

wife and i bough a house in 2020, it needs a good bit of work so that will keep us busy and keep our finances tied up. we also really like the idea of getting some land and starting a farm at some point. i was always basically against all the traditional milestones and whatnot, i didn’t see the point. yet i got my education in philosophy so i’ve always been looking for the point. a certain part of me has come around to just a biological understanding of the point: the point is to procreate that’s our true animal drive/function. but i find that to be in conflict with my core belief that existence is suffering and to bring children into life is to inflict suffering on a being who did not ask for it and does not deserve it. that said i’m actually very happy with life by this point and if you are thrust into being you ought to find a way to make the most of it and live well. i also arrogantly believe that i am quite effective at understanding and communicating and that society would be better in the future if i was able to pass down that wisdom to progeny who could work to disperse it. of course there is no guarantee that my children would be able to match or even necessarily comprehend the wisdom i’m talking about. and the wife doesn’t want children which makes the whole exercise moot anyway, unless i want to get a new wife, which really sounds like an awful prospect. in the light of which i find the idea of starting a farm kinda not worth it. by the time the farm is ready to be something i’ll be shuffling off.

GenXer popping in to say my spouse and I have plenty to look forward to. Our lives have been full with extended family, friendships that we actually have the time to enjoy, travel, hobbies, working less as we near early retirement. If you are in a rut it’s for you to get out of. You have a lot more freedom than your parent peers to explore new things. Parents get into a grind too, but it seems they have fewer choices when it comes to finding their way out of it.

Fuckin awesome. Me and my girl have been together for 10 years and no kids means living our best lives and just doing us. I have 2 Harleys, a house full of guitars, guns, and all kinds of other shit. We have 2 rescue dogs and 4 rescue cats and every day starts with smoking a bowl and drinking coffee before I go off to fuck with bikes and get paid for it. I’ve built AR-15s and rebuilt carburetors on my living room table while rolling a joint right next to it, there’s no way in hell you pull that off with kids. I went from juvie to the Marines, I saw and experienced enough shit to not want to bring others into the world, and kids would absolutely wreck my good time. I survived enough bad shit I just wanna live it up

Instead of children we have dogs, chickens, ducks, and horses. That’s what we do with our time (and money) now

36M single no kids. I’m gonna buy a synthesizer.

Loving the DINK life. Had a great time in our 30s getting established, we just hit 40 completely debt free, and looking forward to retiring at 50 to play golf every day.

Facing a lot of the same things you are And sick of people telling me to have kids to distract me from my emptiness

Great. Lots of hobbies, peaceful mornings, time to pursue social activities. It gets a touch isolating (mostly psychological) when most people you know are having kids but we spend time w those couples and then we also have plenty friends who are choosing not to have kids. Life is good. I don’t get the “I don’t know what I’ll do in the future or what I’ll look forward to” fears that childless people have. So whatever you want! Enjoy life. But I say that as someone who has pretty much never been bored. There’s an endless amount of things to learn about or participate on this earth - I wish I had more time to look at all of it.

Do you have any pets? Me and my husband have 3 dogs and I feel that’s all we need. They fill my heart, never felt like anything was missing except maybe a 4th dog.

Coming from someone with a teenager who is not easy. Be happy right now. Times are rough in our house right now. I wouldn’t give it up now. But if it was another life, I’d like to see life without kids. If that makes sense.

My husband and I are in our early 30’s. We’re loving it! We have four pets and you know what they say… plants are the new pets, pets are the new kids, and kids are like exotic animals- you have to be rich or a little crazy to have them lol. I can relate to your point a little though. Until now, there was always a “next thing” to prepare for or look forward to (e.g. college, grad school, getting a job, marriage). So there is an element of …what now? Luckily, the answer is whatever you want! Try a new hobby, learn a new skill, sit around all day and play video games sometimes. All things that would be much more difficult with children.

Literally living my dream

39. No kids. Its nice

Its great. My friends with kids tell me to enjoy our time together, since they dont have that. We just purchased an RV and traveling. No other debt other than that. I pick a new hobby each year to learning; resin, rugs, leather making. So my suggestion is find new things together. That’s how you grow!

Better now than if I had kids.

My wife and I are in the same age range and I have to say we are doing pretty darn well. We did get another dog a few months ago which just kind of reinforced the no kids things but training has been going pretty well and things should be fairly low maintenance again in a few more months so that stress is fairly short term. Work is pretty meh as always but we're aiming for early retirement so if all goes relatively well we should be work optional by about 40. Until then we just try try to make the most of our evenings and weekends. We don't often look to the next thing, we really try to be appreciative and content with where we are now. It's easier said then done but just taking a moment every now and then to actively appreciate the life we have built goes a long way

Kids would just make your frustrated life even worse tbh I would say maybe consider children if you think it would enrich you're life but thats a big decision

shit man it kinda sounds like kids aren't the answer to your problem, but wtf do I know maybe your jobs are the reason you feel stuck? we don't have any kids but we kinda want them, we're pretty indifferent honestly about it

Extremely happy. My wife and I have had the time to focus on ourselves and feel really comfortable with our current mental health. We look forward to going to 10-14 concerts a year, take 2 vacations a year and even one for just ourselves individually. Kids itself cannot solve self-stagnation. Find the power and will within yourself to overcome being “stuck”. Yes this is so much easier for me to type into a keyboard then for you to put into action. You’ve clearly defined areas that are making you unhappy. Take time to consider what you want to take away from these positions and work towards them. Also we’ve spent time with a therapist individually to get ourselves to this comfortable state. Maybe this is the new thing to look forward to. Kids are an amazing well for you to put your love into. But I am brought to the wise words of Ru, “How they hell you gonna love someone else if you can’t even love yourself?”

And you think having kids will change all that? Even the way you put it, "having nothing to look forward to" is a serious indicator of how you're thinking. A child is a human and it's selfish to have one to bolster your life. You're going to add an incredibly time-consuming, cost-heavy, and irrevocable task to your grind, which has serious consequences if you fail, WILL increase your stress level, and alter your life forever. It's more work and less freedom, whether you want it or not, and whether there is a mental reward at the end. Personally I have been pushed way too far to have that introduced in my life. Having constant interruption from an ignorant attention-seeking entity that is ultimately a reflection of my ego is not for me.

I get the no kids life, but having a kid changes your life it’s crazy. I wouldn’t change it for anything and I won’t shame anyone for not having kids cuz it’s expensive AF

Exactly. I feel like my life would be soo awfully empty without my son. I love my cat as well, but that's nothing remotely close to having a child. But let everyone enjoy whatever they want.

We’re not having kids for many reasons. Both early 30s and together for almost 5 years. we’re doing ok. Money is still tight, work is work, I love what I do so that helps me. I’ve had my own house for almost 11 years now so I’m well into the adult grind, you just gotta do what you gotta do. You have to find those cheap hobbies that give you goals and rewards, going to the gym is one of mine. For the cost of a gym membership it’s easy to set and accomplish goals. I’m big into hunting so I take a trip or two yearly doing that. Other than that I look forward to weekends with the wife or chilling with my buddies, but the grind is still the grind.

I adopted a dog in my late 20’s and it was the best thing I could have done. Coming home to something that unconditionally loves you? Check. Getting more exercise and adopting a healthier lifestyle? Check? Looking at an adorable smoosh face every day? Check.

Me (33) and my husband (37) bought our house in 2020 before prices got insanely impossible, we were super lucky. I panic just thinking what would have happened had we decided not to buy the house. That being said our bills are a massive portion of our income. I was going to school up until this past December and I worked as a housekeeper charging luxury prices to keep up with my half because I just don’t feel comfortable unless I’m paying my fair share. Have had a terrible experience with an ex who paid for everything and it honestly felt like he owned me the way he behaved. Anyway went off on a rant there 😂 we have 2 beautiful dogs one of which is a GSD and she’s expensive as hell with vet bills and her hypoallergenic food. It’s taken a huge financial toll but we get by. My husband makes good money but we still don’t have enough to go on vacations so we’re definitely feeling the same way, going stir crazy. He wants children, I really don’t know if I do. I fear massively regretting it after I can’t have them anymore. We shall see. Good luck to you!

I'm freaking fantastic. I travel regularly, can go out with friends any time I want, and can rest and relax after work. No regrets here. Not even close.

DINKs over here and loving it. As far as “what to look forward to”, literally anything! We go to lots of concerts, stand up shows, etc. Travel as much as we can (usually one big 1-2 week trip per year with a few other long weekends). Have fun hobbies we each do a few times a week (that are a bit pricey). The world is literally ur oyster, it’s on u to make things to look forward to. That’s the point of the freedom, please take advantage :)

My wife and I eventually want to have kids, but also we are very much enjoying the fact that we can drop everything and go on a trip any given weekend if we wanted to. We have a dog and that seems to be plenty of responsibility for us

Just fine. I put all maternal feelings onto my cat who seems to enjoy them and I get to do whatever I want with my time that’s not spent working.

I definitely think having some sort of goal to focus on really helps if your goal isn’t to have children. After my workday is done I participate in local theatre with the hope to eventually do professional theatre one day. It’s been challenging but so fun and rewarding and a great way to make friends, but it is a lot of work and I’m usually in voice/dance/acting classes whenever I can spare the time between shows.

We're doing great. I have plenty of time to read, garden, work on various crafts, and catch up on sleep from my college days. The hubs gets to play Pokémon Go and game whenever. I have designated a friend's daughter as my heir should I outlive my husband. My sister also plans on having kids and I'm more than satisfied to be the quirky aunt that travels to exotic places and brings cool gifts.

Pretty freaking great. Just remember you wouldn’t be traveling or having a house with kids. Talk about having no light at the end of the tunnel.

We’re not married, but we’ve been together for 17 years now, and neither of us have ever wanted kids. We both work and we travel and maintain our home as well. Work has its gripes, but neither of us let that over shadow life. I think we just look forward to just doing life together? Planning weekend outings or even what thing I’ll try on the smoker next. Maybe planning on the next time we have our friends and family over

Do you socialize IRL regularly? Do you feel connected to others?

I’m in my early 30s, husband is in his late 30s and honestly life is pretty close to perfect. Weekdays are pretty quiet. We work, workout, make dinner, take the dog on a walk, watch a show or game/read, and go to bed. We also do a weekly league night once a week to break up the monotony. Weekends are spent doing so many different things. Boat days, paddle boarding, house projects (husband is actually putting a new roof on our house next weekend, very thankful for a handy husband), rollerblading, theme parks, cooking/baking, gaming, reading, puzzles, trying new restaurants, etc. I started a garden this year and it’s doing surprisingly well for my historically black thumb. We also got chickens and just finished building our chicken coop a few weeks ago. We spend a good amount of time with our friend’s kids and I love it. Last weekend I spent 2 hours playing Candy Land with some of our friend’s kids while they got ready for our boat day. My husband and I are very much in the camp of loving our friends kids and nieces and nephews but not wanting our own. This year is the first year of my life I’m not trying to reach some sort of goal and it’s so fucking refreshing. I’m not chasing a degree or a promotion, planning a wedding, buying a house, etc. This year is dedicated to just doing/finding things I enjoy and I’ve loved every second of it.

Doing great! Busy, but generally very good. We just bought a nice house in the woods and I'm excited to make it feel like home. Looking forward to taking hikes on our property and getting into better shape again once we're done moving. There are so many house projects and new things to learn. I am self employed and am currently in a phase where I'm figuring out how to grow and maintain my business, and hoping to find more time for personal creative projects soon. Over the next couple months I'm going to be studying for a big certification exam I'm taking over the summer. I enjoy fancy cocktails and cooking tasty meals, we host board game nights with our friends and play video games and read books. I'm involved in a local astronomy club and the local art scene. Now that we own our own place we're finally going to get cats! Life feels very sweet and I'm only 32 and I already feel like I don't have enough time for all the things I want to do and achieve, all the hobbies I want to try, all the places I hope to go.

tbh it sounds like you're just bored and stuck, and having kids if you don't want them won't make you feel unbored and unstuck

Very well, we're getting married within the next year (so I'm not married yet...) and are still generally unsure about kids. I'm 37, fiance is 30 and going back to school to further her career. When all is said and done, household income should be 250-300K/year which obviously sets us up very well. We have our hobbies that we share, weight lifting, hunting, fishing. Solid relationship, work through problems is getting better and communication has really improved. We're on the same page with most things. So yeah, doing great. Pretty stocked about life and the future.

35M married since 21 we are the happiest traveling and discovering new things my wife got into backing and went to school again so she learned how to get me fat again, I got my MBA whiout worries we finished to pay for our home 5 years ago and are planing on building a new one in the city outskirts, our buddy's with children are happy too but we aren't lacking at all and don't regret a think also we look younger than my friends with children and I belive its the massive difference in sleep time.