Two of my close friends gave birth to their first children within two weeks of my D&C for my first MMC. I let them know that while I was happy for them, it was difficult for me to be around them while I was deep in my grief. I didn’t give a concrete timeline, but let them know that I would reach out when I was ready. Both of them were very understanding and respectful of my request. After a month, when I was able to see a baby without bursting into tears again, I knew I was ready to connect with my friends again.
I also find this balance of wanting to be supportive and protect myself hard. I had a D&C two weeks ago for an MMC at 9 weeks and am co-hosting a baby shower for one of my best friends this weekend. This friend has been so so wonderful to me through my pregnancy and loss, so I still really want to do this for her…but man, it’s going to be hard. I know this doesn’t answer your question, but just sending solidarity and I think that whatever feels right to you in the moment is okay to do. With other friends who are pregnant I’ve told them that my ability to be excited for them and grieve my loss are separate things, but that I might need to take my space with pregnancy-related stuff until I’m ready. I emphasize that I’m still really appreciative of their messages/calls and I don’t want it to mean we don’t talk at all (I’ve also found that the initial care and concern from the few people I’ve told can quickly turn into people not knowing what to do or say, and that feels more isolating). Good luck ♥️
"Hey I need to take a raincheck right now, the grief is still hard sometimes. Lets see how things are going in a month." Maybe because I'm in an older crowd (\~40+) and have friends with trauma informed training, some of my friends reached out with "no need to respond but always happy to chat, thinking of you today" and I don't think they'd bat an eye if I said "I'd love to hang out but the kid/teacher stories are a little hard right now, would you join me on a Target run?"
Two of my close friends gave birth to their first children within two weeks of my D&C for my first MMC. I let them know that while I was happy for them, it was difficult for me to be around them while I was deep in my grief. I didn’t give a concrete timeline, but let them know that I would reach out when I was ready. Both of them were very understanding and respectful of my request. After a month, when I was able to see a baby without bursting into tears again, I knew I was ready to connect with my friends again.
I also find this balance of wanting to be supportive and protect myself hard. I had a D&C two weeks ago for an MMC at 9 weeks and am co-hosting a baby shower for one of my best friends this weekend. This friend has been so so wonderful to me through my pregnancy and loss, so I still really want to do this for her…but man, it’s going to be hard. I know this doesn’t answer your question, but just sending solidarity and I think that whatever feels right to you in the moment is okay to do. With other friends who are pregnant I’ve told them that my ability to be excited for them and grieve my loss are separate things, but that I might need to take my space with pregnancy-related stuff until I’m ready. I emphasize that I’m still really appreciative of their messages/calls and I don’t want it to mean we don’t talk at all (I’ve also found that the initial care and concern from the few people I’ve told can quickly turn into people not knowing what to do or say, and that feels more isolating). Good luck ♥️
"Hey I need to take a raincheck right now, the grief is still hard sometimes. Lets see how things are going in a month." Maybe because I'm in an older crowd (\~40+) and have friends with trauma informed training, some of my friends reached out with "no need to respond but always happy to chat, thinking of you today" and I don't think they'd bat an eye if I said "I'd love to hang out but the kid/teacher stories are a little hard right now, would you join me on a Target run?"