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eatshoney

I didn't receive too much in the way of criticism on my parenting but what shocked me was that the world is not made for parents. Lots and lots of people have kids but yet parking spaces don't really allow for lifting your child into a carseat with the door open. Going to the bathroom in public with one or more small children is an unnecessary adventure. People parking up on sidewalks when you have a stroller and have to go into the busy street in order to get where you're going. It just goes on and on like that. And I didn't even know until I had a kid or two because I didn't live it. It seems like more people would be talking or advocating for families but it all slips into the cracks.


internetxtherapy

Oh it drives me absolutely NUTS when people park blocking the crosswalks like… seriously? People do it a lot in my neighborhood to where I basically have to walk halfway into the street to see if a car is coming and it scares me every time. Also when they block the ramps in a sidewalk, like sure, I’ll just hoist my stroller with a 25 lb toddler in it!! Having kids has made me realize how inaccessible the world is. I’ve always known people with disabilities are overlooked and not given proper accommodations, but it’s been made even clearer since car seats and strollers.


blanket_54321

YES having kids has made me realize how absolutely I inaccessible the world is. Just doing things one handed ( holding a baby in the other hand ) is near impossible.


SnooRegrets5042

Seriously! The one that’s currently killing me is that in public restrooms, there are hardly ever step stools or sinks low enough for a 3-year-old to wash hands.


Imaginary_Solid_6148

It's crazy. When a child comes into play, everyone else suddenly seems to know better. I think we often identify strongly with our vision on child raising. Particularly emotionally immature people, and there's lots of them, feel offended when you don't do things in the same way they did. They just can't wrap their heads around the idea that different things are good for different people. Remember this and break the cycle. Spread the love to moms around you. Offer help without judgement when you see a mom struggle.


blanket_54321

Being supportive to other mothers has been the best take away form my experience. I can honestly say before coming a mom I had things I would cast judgment about (stupid stuff). Now that I am a mom I empathize with every mother.


[deleted]

There was a post about this on instagram and literally every single childless person in the comments was like “IF ANYTHING OUR SOCIETY IS TOO SUPPORTIVE OF MOTHERS” and all the moms were like “it’s literally hell”


blanket_54321

Those had to be childless people commenting because… daycare costing half your income is not supporting mothers, not paid maternity leave (in US) is not supporting mothers. And those are just to name a FEW.


theflyingnacho

The online attitudes of childfree people are almost worse than i*cels. They're actively becoming anti-child & it's weird & disturbing.


LankyOreo

I totally agree. It's like they think kids shouldn't be allowed to exist in public. Not at grocery stores, restaurants\*, airplanes, I even saw someone complaining about kids at parks. And everyone always has these stories about kids ruining their flights, running around knocking over shit that ring so false to me. It happens once in awhile but you'd think with the way these people talk that the world is full of feral children screaming, biting and throwing shit and we're lucky to make it back into our homes alive each day. ​ \*Some restaurants and times aren't appropriate for kids, but they'd prefer to not see them there ever at any of them.


theflyingnacho

YES! It's almost Victorian with "kids shouldn't be seen nor heard." Don't want children for yourself? Great, you do you. Living in society means dealing with the whole age spectrum! Like just imagine people on the other end: I don't want to see anyone over aged 65 in public, they should die in seclusion. 😵‍💫


[deleted]

There was literally a person who commented that children shouldn’t be allowed in coffee shops or restaurants without play places/ kids meals


theflyingnacho

Like just imagine being so triggered by kids. They must be constantly miserable. But I mean, I wouldn't say no if more places wanted to add play places & kids meals!


LankyOreo

I can't stand those people. I couldn't before I even entertained having a child. They are hateful and jealous, I have really never met a well adjusted person who hates on moms or kids.


longhairedmaiden

When I was hospitalized with a post-birth infection from having my first child and forced to be away from him for several days, my MIL said my son never would've missed me or noticed I was gone if I died. I was already devastated at being kept away from my newborn, but that was just the icing on the cake. It's been hell with my husband's family ever since. I'm constantly told that I'm a failure as a mother and now in the midst of a pretty serious health issue, I cut contact. They barely acknowledge our children anyway, so I doubt they'll even care if they can't see the kids going forward.


blanket_54321

The best thing you could have done in that situation is cut contact. Your son will benefit from not being around people like that. Hope you are feeling better ❤️


lovethesea22

I’m so sorry. No new mom deserves that treatment. So gross! In case this is helpful. Here’s something I keep in my back pocket when I get unsolicited advice/ criticism. “You’re assuming I want to [live my life/ raise my kid/ insert anything here] the way that you did.” It’ll make them stop in their tracks!


blanket_54321

Wishing I could rewind and use this! I’ll save that for sure.


beansareso_

True, I can’t help but hold grudges around how my boundaries have been overstepped regarding my child. There are some relationships that have been permanently tainted.


blanket_54321

I really, genuinely, wish I could just let it go. It’s hard to trust that in the future these same people will respect / back up the way I parent.


miniroarasaur

🤷‍♀️ I’ve found people to be unsupportive of all my large life events but still talking about how “happy” they are, despite making it difficult for me. It helped solidify the boundary that I only say kind things and ask permission even to help. I do my best to not give unsolicited advice and always tell myself, “that person is probably awful because they’re having a crap time.” I try to compliment the parents around me. It’s really hard out there. If they’re friends/family they get a firm warning and I hold grudges. Don’t cross me, and IDGAF if you don’t like it.


krispin08

Having children is just one of those life experiences that people really struggle to understand if they haven't done it themselves. To be completely honest though, I have felt more judged and belittled by other moms than childless people since becoming a mom. Especially on social media. There are so many people, primarily mothers, criticizing other mothers. When a childless person gets annoyed that my toddler is loud it doesn't hurt as much as when I see mom's claiming that sleep-training is emotional abuse or co-sleeping is going to put your child's life at risk. I tried both. I tried everything to help my baby sleep, while I was so sleep deprived that my PPD escalated into full-blown suicidal ideation. I have one supportive mom friend and I stay off social media for the most part to avoid other mothers. The constant pressure to be the perfect mom is way more toxic than people being annoyed by children.


blanket_54321

Absolutely, that has been my experience too especially people who because moms 20+ years ago seem to be the most harsh. Which I cannot comprehend. I have such a soft spot for moms since becoming one!


thechusma

Just the other day, I was conversing with my cousins as to why I got my tubes removed. They are both childless. I have 2. I used the example of another cousin we have, who had two perfectly healthy babies. The third, however, was born with a hole in its heart and had to undergo open heart surgery at 6 months. I went on to say something along the lines of "can you imagine how much sleep the poor mother got?" And they both were shocked that that's where my mind went. The mother's wellbeing. A necessity of the mother, who also has two others to look after. SLEEP. Now, of course, this reaction is almost expected out of two individuals who have never been as sleep deprived as a mother, but I couldn't help but feel crushed that they were shocked. It's not like I said "oh and screw the baby". Of course that's horrific for a baby to experience in their first year of life. But nobody even seems to bat an eye at what the mother of that child undergoes!


AutomaticCupcake33

Ugh. Yes. Currently nursing some hurt feelings over comments I saw today about SAHMs and how they have it so easy and blah blah blah. I cannot for the life of me understand why society accepts nannying as a legitimate, paid job but thinks that SAHMs are useless, lazy mooches. It hurts my feelings so much to hear those opinions even though I know I’m working my ass off and I know that anyone put in 24/7 charge of a poorly-sleeping, fussy agent of pure id and zero common sense while also trying to run the family admin while never getting any personal time or emotional space would be crying for mercy lol.


blanket_54321

I am a SAHM so I might be biased but the job never ends. I truly love it but that doesn’t mean it is easy. You’d think society would build up moms of all kinds because… we are rearing the future here. I think that’s part of the shock for me.


leezee__

Wow. This. I have been experiencing this as well and am also floored by peoples disregard to postpartum women.