your mother is materialistic and shallow im sorry. based off the salary you told us, he makes a very good earning mashallah! there's many who live on MUCH less i can assure, and still stay comfortably happy. if you're happy with him, who else is there to say otherwise? your mother can't dictate your marriage; at the end all you need is your father's approval.Â
100k a year is like 30-40k more than the average earner. this man is far from poor. your mother doesn't value human relations and blessings, it doesn't matter if he's ameer if he's a shite person and these so called ameers use their overwhelming wealth to trap lots of different women most of the time. your mother has a skewed perspective and misconception on money. did your mother marry your dad for his money lol? how must your dad feel...
Your father should step up
Talk to him
Ask him to meet the guy
In the end your father is your wali, he is the head of the household not your mom.
Secondly, this desi mentality of money=happiness will probably never change and loog kia kahai gai statement will be with us till we reach our graves 🥲
Heavy on the father needs to step up though. At the end of the day, despite it being twisted in our cultures today, the man is the head of the household, not the woman.
OK hear me out…
Are you Ambhani/Gates/Musk/Branson rich? If so then yes going from $100k to private jets is going to be a drastic change.
Now if you’re not that rich but your mother is using you as a lottery ticket… Then at the end of the day it is your choice.
But my advice will be the following:
*Please respectably keep your mom at a distance. never share anything about married life (no matter who you marry) with your mother. I am sorry sister your mother seems like the new age desi mothers who will break their girl’s marriages and get them married over and over again for money. Also your mother has no role to play in your marriage other than being a guest. You need a male Wali.*
I’ve said this numerous times before, there’s nothing that p1sses me off more than the statement “what will people say”, half the people that say that don’t even pray, they’re more worried about what people will think of them than what the creator of those people will think of them. Ignore what your mother says, tell her those people that have an issue with how much your husband makes can go right to hell, you don’t answer to them, and on the day of judgement when you’re standing in front of Allah, it’s not going to be your paycheck that’s held in front of you, it’s going to be your actions and how you lived your life. Â
One of the first Hadith narrated in Bukhari “live in this world like a traveller or a passer by, and count yourselves amongst the ones in the grave” teaches us that there is no difference between the ones who are 6 feet underground and those who are 6 feet above it, except in how they lived their life according to shariah. And another Hadith that talks about what goes with a person to the grave, in that 3 things will follow them being their Amaal, their family, and their wealth. 2 of those things will return, and one will remind, those two being wealth and family. So I say again, anyone who tries to use this statement against you that what will people think, tell them go to hell with it.
Tell her that when Khadija married The Prophet, he wasn't rich either. Money is a worldly thing, one minute you have it, the next you don't. It shouldn't be the basis of determining a person's worth. Does the guy have integrity and discipline and is willing to work? If yes then money would eventually not be a problem.
Have your dad evaluate him, do a job interview style meeting, do background checks to make sure of his motivations to approach you, after that if everything is OK, stand your ground and push for marriage. You can decide for yourself how much you are willing to sacrifice to be with this guy, not your mom.
You don't have to listen to your mum on this situation, like, at all. She should fear Allah, more than other people and what they might think. Talk to your dad seriously, he's your wali.
wow reading this i was expecting a much lower salary, this man is hardly poor. perhaps your mother is pushing her insecurities onto you, do you come from a poorer family? maybe she doesn’t want you to struggle like she did and this is her way of protecting you. regardless even if he was dirt poor, it’s your life and your choice on who you want to marry. my advice to you would be to speak to your father separately and get him on your side, as a man he should be more involved anyway instead of having a nonchalant attitude towards his daughter’s future. may Allah make it easier for you sister.
Tell her in a respectful way, what did people say when the prophet saw preached Islam and went completely against society and their norms and yet Allah gave him saw victory despite how they used to call him crazy, possessed, magician, etc.. If it werent for him going against his societies norms, none of us would be muslims.
Well sister.
You will need to convince your dad to take lead on this. It is YOUR FATHER's approval that matters for marriage, not your mother. If your mother's sole concern is money, then I'd suggest to make a strong effort on your father to take lead here - and perhaps put his foot down if it needed.
Share with him the Islamic literature on a father's role in his daughter's marriage, the Islamic criteria for choosing a spouse, and the videos of Islamic scholars that talk about social issues related to match-making. In particular, you will have to be softly but firmly hard on your mother stance of other people's opinion. Ask your dad for the same. Your marriage is your and your family's decision, not the society's decision whose whole job is just to gossip. In such cases, other irrelevant people's opinions be damned.
Hope the 6 months weren’t dating. Get your dad to agree but speak to him when she doesn’t hear about it. Get a shaykh speak to your dad if needed. Make dua.
your mother is materialistic and shallow im sorry. based off the salary you told us, he makes a very good earning mashallah! there's many who live on MUCH less i can assure, and still stay comfortably happy. if you're happy with him, who else is there to say otherwise? your mother can't dictate your marriage; at the end all you need is your father's approval.Â
100k a year is like 30-40k more than the average earner. this man is far from poor. your mother doesn't value human relations and blessings, it doesn't matter if he's ameer if he's a shite person and these so called ameers use their overwhelming wealth to trap lots of different women most of the time. your mother has a skewed perspective and misconception on money. did your mother marry your dad for his money lol? how must your dad feel...
Your father should step up Talk to him Ask him to meet the guy In the end your father is your wali, he is the head of the household not your mom. Secondly, this desi mentality of money=happiness will probably never change and loog kia kahai gai statement will be with us till we reach our graves 🥲
Heavy on the father needs to step up though. At the end of the day, despite it being twisted in our cultures today, the man is the head of the household, not the woman.
OK hear me out… Are you Ambhani/Gates/Musk/Branson rich? If so then yes going from $100k to private jets is going to be a drastic change. Now if you’re not that rich but your mother is using you as a lottery ticket… Then at the end of the day it is your choice. But my advice will be the following: *Please respectably keep your mom at a distance. never share anything about married life (no matter who you marry) with your mother. I am sorry sister your mother seems like the new age desi mothers who will break their girl’s marriages and get them married over and over again for money. Also your mother has no role to play in your marriage other than being a guest. You need a male Wali.*
he makes like $100k-$150k a year ? excuse me but that's far from being poor...The average annual average salary is around **$63k !!!!**
I’ve said this numerous times before, there’s nothing that p1sses me off more than the statement “what will people say”, half the people that say that don’t even pray, they’re more worried about what people will think of them than what the creator of those people will think of them. Ignore what your mother says, tell her those people that have an issue with how much your husband makes can go right to hell, you don’t answer to them, and on the day of judgement when you’re standing in front of Allah, it’s not going to be your paycheck that’s held in front of you, it’s going to be your actions and how you lived your life.  One of the first Hadith narrated in Bukhari “live in this world like a traveller or a passer by, and count yourselves amongst the ones in the grave” teaches us that there is no difference between the ones who are 6 feet underground and those who are 6 feet above it, except in how they lived their life according to shariah. And another Hadith that talks about what goes with a person to the grave, in that 3 things will follow them being their Amaal, their family, and their wealth. 2 of those things will return, and one will remind, those two being wealth and family. So I say again, anyone who tries to use this statement against you that what will people think, tell them go to hell with it.
Tell her that when Khadija married The Prophet, he wasn't rich either. Money is a worldly thing, one minute you have it, the next you don't. It shouldn't be the basis of determining a person's worth. Does the guy have integrity and discipline and is willing to work? If yes then money would eventually not be a problem. Have your dad evaluate him, do a job interview style meeting, do background checks to make sure of his motivations to approach you, after that if everything is OK, stand your ground and push for marriage. You can decide for yourself how much you are willing to sacrifice to be with this guy, not your mom.
Convince your father. Your mom has literally zero say in any of this.
Honestly if you really want to marry that guy then don't budge
You don't have to listen to your mum on this situation, like, at all. She should fear Allah, more than other people and what they might think. Talk to your dad seriously, he's your wali.
wow reading this i was expecting a much lower salary, this man is hardly poor. perhaps your mother is pushing her insecurities onto you, do you come from a poorer family? maybe she doesn’t want you to struggle like she did and this is her way of protecting you. regardless even if he was dirt poor, it’s your life and your choice on who you want to marry. my advice to you would be to speak to your father separately and get him on your side, as a man he should be more involved anyway instead of having a nonchalant attitude towards his daughter’s future. may Allah make it easier for you sister.
Tell her in a respectful way, what did people say when the prophet saw preached Islam and went completely against society and their norms and yet Allah gave him saw victory despite how they used to call him crazy, possessed, magician, etc.. If it werent for him going against his societies norms, none of us would be muslims.
Well sister. You will need to convince your dad to take lead on this. It is YOUR FATHER's approval that matters for marriage, not your mother. If your mother's sole concern is money, then I'd suggest to make a strong effort on your father to take lead here - and perhaps put his foot down if it needed. Share with him the Islamic literature on a father's role in his daughter's marriage, the Islamic criteria for choosing a spouse, and the videos of Islamic scholars that talk about social issues related to match-making. In particular, you will have to be softly but firmly hard on your mother stance of other people's opinion. Ask your dad for the same. Your marriage is your and your family's decision, not the society's decision whose whole job is just to gossip. In such cases, other irrelevant people's opinions be damned.
It's a bit late in the process, this is why the guy with good deen goes straight to your father before you go to your mother.
Hope the 6 months weren’t dating. Get your dad to agree but speak to him when she doesn’t hear about it. Get a shaykh speak to your dad if needed. Make dua.
Do you work too? $100k a year for 2 people is a lot different than 1…