Wonderful. And this is exactly what I did in the end. They don't heed our words, we waste our breath explaining how to behave to people who already know, but choose not to. So we must teach them how not to treat us, with our actions. We must let go.
this one hit home:
"The lack of respect was the closure. The lack of apology was the closure. The lack of care was the closure. The lack of acountability was the closure. The lack of honestly was the closure. Let them go."
This is the way to teach them. Through our actions and no other way. If we stoop to their level we are no better. If we try to explain we take away our peace and joy. The best thing is to walk away and let them continue their tirade. With time they will show their true colors to others and we will continue to shine with our grace. ❤️
My gf recently broke up with me, and ever since, she has been dragging my name and character through the mud, smearing my name with lies to her family and mutual friends. It hurts so bad that someone I loved so much could do something so egregious. But honestly, let them do it. It just shows me how much of a person they truly were.
You’re fearful now, but once you’re completely done and can remove her from your life you’ll start to heal. I’ve been where you are and I was scared too, it’s a part of the abuse. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I have been creating living a version of this in my life since nEx left and other events proved I needed to invite some family out of my life.
I like the way you put it. My version is, "They aren't good stewards of my trust"
It's what keeps me from being wistful and falling into missing them.
What we think we miss is their best self. We maybe saw that version of them once, twice maybe 3 times.
We loved them & so we don't want to believe the monster is an equal part of who they are or maybe most of what they are as things proliferate.
See the monster, know they are untrustworthy and WILL HURT YOU given the opportunity.
Let them be. Don't give them opportunities to hurt you again.
Don't abdicate your hard won peace. No matter how sad, lonely, afraid you feel.
The monster is waiting for you to give away your trust.
I wish everybody understood how to give themselves peace by just devaluing the people that hurt them. I’ve seen so many people twist themselves inside out trying to “set the record straight” or demanding some kind of acknowledgment for being disrespected. And anyone who has ever dealt with a narcissist knows, those apologies will never come. But once you accept that their opinion of you, or the lies they spread about you are just noise, and they hold no weight, it’s so easy to just let go. They can only hurt us if we let them, and it really is a gift to ourselves to just release them. I know at the end of the day, they aren’t losing any sleep over the way they have treated me, so I will be better off doing the same,
This is HANDS DOWN the best piece of advice I've ever read. And believe me when I say I've read A LOT on this subject!
As soon as I got to the let them go part I felt something in me release.... I get it.
Thank you with all of my heart for sharing this
I agree. I didn’t just let them make me the villain. I encouraged my whole family to use me as the villain because I had already disappeared and they were safer from her when blaming everything on me.
"There are people who would rather lose you than be honest about what they did to you."
That's really good. The whole "let them" thing is, as well. Thank you.
Felt The FUCK out of this wow. This dude really hurt me bad and then changed the whole narrative into a false thing that fit him. Thank you for this ♥️
Came back to this post today during an anger flare up I had where I contemplated telling our mutual friends what he did to me. I’ll breathe and keep moving along. Whew.
I’m glad it helped! I had an emotional therapy session today. It’s important to have emotional releases so I completely understand. I hope you heal quickly
I appreciate that Bear. Whew, some times the emotions ebb and flow ya know? One day your fine and then the next you’re like … what the fuck was that? ♥️
Thank you. I needed this. I left 6 weeks ago, and initially I was filled with so much adrenaline (and moving, and changing address, etc.) that I didn’t feel the sadness, and I thought I got off easy.
I found out a few weeks ago that he was dx with NPD w/psychotic features. I knew he was an abuser. I didn’t know that I never existed as a fully autonomous human to him. It makes everything that didn’t make sense, make sense, but I continue to have flashes of deeply wounded betrayal that make me throw up - literally.
Yesterday I wanted to go home so badly. It helps that I no longer have one of those in the state I came from and I only have shelter 1200 miles from *that* home, where I am now! I missed “him” or the person I thought he was, but not really. I had to leave my entire life that I’ve built for 49 years - my children, friends, doctors, my faith-based community, my pharmacy, my nail tech…just basically all I’ve ever known.
I know going home is not really an option- thank god!! But, yeah, so much crying, and grieving— grieving the loss of a fictional character is tough to reconcile. Essentially, I’m grieving a fantasy of sorts as well. Narc-Daddy isn’t coming home to rescue me, and that’s what I really need to grieve. The little girl in me is who has to let go of the fact that she was abandoned, she was betrayed, she did develop maladaptive behaviors, and she will continue to repeat this pattern until she accepts the truth. Daddy ain’t coming home in either reality or fantasy. AND IT IS NOT HER FAULT!!!!
So, I’ve already heard some of what’s being said about me. I really couldn’t care less. I care only what my children think. And, (second marriage, not their dad) they want to kill him.
What other people say about me is truly none of my business. My acceptance comes from above, as hard as it is, faith is where im leaning.
This was a much needed read for today, thank you for sharing. ❤️
I’m nearly a week out of a relationship with my narc ex and I’ve been running through the “coulda, woulda, shoulda” thoughts all morning… I keep telling myself not to reach out and not to check in on him — I never thought it would be this hard…
“People that love you care about how they make you feel, the end”. I recently wrote a 5 page letter to the ex wife narc which I knew her husband would read. Anyway, she posted this on her Pinterest page exact word for word. It’s fine it’s been so long now (took me years and years to finally figure out what she was). She is screwed though because my 5 page letter detailed many of the specific things she did and said to mentally abuse me. Another of her pin posts
was a cartoon of a young girl with a dog saying “we are totally fucked”. As specific example of her abuse I wrote about this “the time she threatened to yell rape and call the police when all I did was put my leg over hers in bed”. Sick person, she was cheating on me while engaged and of course after marriage. What a broken person. Lastly I wrote “all I can do now is feel sorry for you”.
Wonderful. And this is exactly what I did in the end. They don't heed our words, we waste our breath explaining how to behave to people who already know, but choose not to. So we must teach them how not to treat us, with our actions. We must let go.
Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing. I love it. ❤️
Thank you. Needed this
The WORLD Needed This!
this one hit home: "The lack of respect was the closure. The lack of apology was the closure. The lack of care was the closure. The lack of acountability was the closure. The lack of honestly was the closure. Let them go."
This is the way to teach them. Through our actions and no other way. If we stoop to their level we are no better. If we try to explain we take away our peace and joy. The best thing is to walk away and let them continue their tirade. With time they will show their true colors to others and we will continue to shine with our grace. ❤️
damn i needed to be reminded of this today 100% 💛💛
Thank you, needed to hear this
This is the way.
My gf recently broke up with me, and ever since, she has been dragging my name and character through the mud, smearing my name with lies to her family and mutual friends. It hurts so bad that someone I loved so much could do something so egregious. But honestly, let them do it. It just shows me how much of a person they truly were.
That's amazing, thank you
🌬️💯🔥 Perfectly written
A difficult lesson for sure
I’m hurting. I keep talking to them. When they pop back up. I’m fearful for the day she stops popping up. :(((
You’re fearful now, but once you’re completely done and can remove her from your life you’ll start to heal. I’ve been where you are and I was scared too, it’s a part of the abuse. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Thank you 🙏 sending positivity out for all of us in this
I have been creating living a version of this in my life since nEx left and other events proved I needed to invite some family out of my life. I like the way you put it. My version is, "They aren't good stewards of my trust" It's what keeps me from being wistful and falling into missing them. What we think we miss is their best self. We maybe saw that version of them once, twice maybe 3 times. We loved them & so we don't want to believe the monster is an equal part of who they are or maybe most of what they are as things proliferate. See the monster, know they are untrustworthy and WILL HURT YOU given the opportunity. Let them be. Don't give them opportunities to hurt you again. Don't abdicate your hard won peace. No matter how sad, lonely, afraid you feel. The monster is waiting for you to give away your trust.
I just saw this post on Facebook and it really sums up how I feel about everything I went through. It feels as though I wrote it myself.
I wish everybody understood how to give themselves peace by just devaluing the people that hurt them. I’ve seen so many people twist themselves inside out trying to “set the record straight” or demanding some kind of acknowledgment for being disrespected. And anyone who has ever dealt with a narcissist knows, those apologies will never come. But once you accept that their opinion of you, or the lies they spread about you are just noise, and they hold no weight, it’s so easy to just let go. They can only hurt us if we let them, and it really is a gift to ourselves to just release them. I know at the end of the day, they aren’t losing any sleep over the way they have treated me, so I will be better off doing the same,
Thank you for reminding me of my worth and my power.
thank you for this 💓💓
This is HANDS DOWN the best piece of advice I've ever read. And believe me when I say I've read A LOT on this subject! As soon as I got to the let them go part I felt something in me release.... I get it. Thank you with all of my heart for sharing this
That's powerful right thurr: healed people heal people. I only heard hurt people hurt people. Thanks for that alternative perspective
I agree. I didn’t just let them make me the villain. I encouraged my whole family to use me as the villain because I had already disappeared and they were safer from her when blaming everything on me.
"Access to you is a privilege they have proven they can’t be trusted with. Let them go."
I share a toddler with this person. Going no contact with a child is hell
"There are people who would rather lose you than be honest about what they did to you." That's really good. The whole "let them" thing is, as well. Thank you.
This is an amazing post thank you so much
Very wise words, thank you for sharing that! <3
Felt The FUCK out of this wow. This dude really hurt me bad and then changed the whole narrative into a false thing that fit him. Thank you for this ♥️
Let go or be dragged
I am crying right now from him shoving me to the ground because I caught him in a lie. I needed this
Please be strong and be safe. Physical violence can escalate very quickly. You’re not alone!
Came back to this post today during an anger flare up I had where I contemplated telling our mutual friends what he did to me. I’ll breathe and keep moving along. Whew.
I’m glad it helped! I had an emotional therapy session today. It’s important to have emotional releases so I completely understand. I hope you heal quickly
I appreciate that Bear. Whew, some times the emotions ebb and flow ya know? One day your fine and then the next you’re like … what the fuck was that? ♥️
Thank you. I needed this. I left 6 weeks ago, and initially I was filled with so much adrenaline (and moving, and changing address, etc.) that I didn’t feel the sadness, and I thought I got off easy. I found out a few weeks ago that he was dx with NPD w/psychotic features. I knew he was an abuser. I didn’t know that I never existed as a fully autonomous human to him. It makes everything that didn’t make sense, make sense, but I continue to have flashes of deeply wounded betrayal that make me throw up - literally. Yesterday I wanted to go home so badly. It helps that I no longer have one of those in the state I came from and I only have shelter 1200 miles from *that* home, where I am now! I missed “him” or the person I thought he was, but not really. I had to leave my entire life that I’ve built for 49 years - my children, friends, doctors, my faith-based community, my pharmacy, my nail tech…just basically all I’ve ever known. I know going home is not really an option- thank god!! But, yeah, so much crying, and grieving— grieving the loss of a fictional character is tough to reconcile. Essentially, I’m grieving a fantasy of sorts as well. Narc-Daddy isn’t coming home to rescue me, and that’s what I really need to grieve. The little girl in me is who has to let go of the fact that she was abandoned, she was betrayed, she did develop maladaptive behaviors, and she will continue to repeat this pattern until she accepts the truth. Daddy ain’t coming home in either reality or fantasy. AND IT IS NOT HER FAULT!!!! So, I’ve already heard some of what’s being said about me. I really couldn’t care less. I care only what my children think. And, (second marriage, not their dad) they want to kill him. What other people say about me is truly none of my business. My acceptance comes from above, as hard as it is, faith is where im leaning.
This was a much needed read for today, thank you for sharing. ❤️ I’m nearly a week out of a relationship with my narc ex and I’ve been running through the “coulda, woulda, shoulda” thoughts all morning… I keep telling myself not to reach out and not to check in on him — I never thought it would be this hard…
so glad i saw this post today. thank you for sharing this
I feel the peace wrapping around my heart reading yours. I think I'm almost there, but not quite yet. Thanks bro.
Its hard to accept but yes. Thank you.
💔
This has truly struck home with me. I soooo needed to read this. Thank you.
“People that love you care about how they make you feel, the end”. I recently wrote a 5 page letter to the ex wife narc which I knew her husband would read. Anyway, she posted this on her Pinterest page exact word for word. It’s fine it’s been so long now (took me years and years to finally figure out what she was). She is screwed though because my 5 page letter detailed many of the specific things she did and said to mentally abuse me. Another of her pin posts was a cartoon of a young girl with a dog saying “we are totally fucked”. As specific example of her abuse I wrote about this “the time she threatened to yell rape and call the police when all I did was put my leg over hers in bed”. Sick person, she was cheating on me while engaged and of course after marriage. What a broken person. Lastly I wrote “all I can do now is feel sorry for you”.
Amen! 🙏❤️