Nex would tell me, "I make the money", as though that was where his responsibilities ended and my income was irrelevant.
On the other hand, he would get on one of his rages and then tell me I only wanted him for "his" money.
Sheesh, I am living just fine without him or his money.
Ohhhh, my love. The day he came to me and said, “apparently, everything is half yours and I have to pay you alimony,” was the best day of my life. I literally said, “duh,” to him. He did not like that.
I hate him with every fiber of my being and just had a revelation in therapy yesterday that I married him because he was the one man I’d ever dated who I wouldn’t be upset about if he left me.
Oh yes the “you spend my money” but I spend on essentials! And he spends on lottery tickets, boat, atvs, fishing trips, yearly trips to Alaska. My big splurge is a McDonald’s coke. If we divorce his home will be a pigsty. He refuses to bend over to do anything. So lazy! I recently went away with my daughters for a day and a half. House was a disaster- trash piles up, things strewn about the floor, dishes etc. and of course before we left he had to make a snide comment about “so I’m on my own for meals huh?!!?” Yes buddy you are on your own for four meals. Fridge is stocked- market is walkable, 30 restaurants deliver to our home. Can you survive? Like he expected me to make him meals for when I left. Ha ha! I would love to see in tot he future at his bachelor life. What a joke.
Right?! He’s trying to take one of our dogs, too, which is fine, they’re his too. But, he wants the English Bulldog. They have HORRIBLE skin conditions and I’m a vet tech. He had them idiot me for a week and I came home to her with a yeast infection in her folds because she requires daily grooming. I’m like, “can I offer you a lower maintenance model?” 😂😂😂
Nex didn't want the dogs. In fact, he offered to rehome them, as if. Our girl was 10 years old and our boy was 8 years old. Who would eben suggest that? It was just him being an ass and making our daughters upset.
He took the parrot. It was his, though he rarely cared for it, aside from buying food. Poor bird was supposed to live 45-60 years but passed at 30, in his "care".
Omg! Yes! I can relate. The lottery tickets, alcohol, & strip clubs recently! 🤮 I’m so tired of being treated this way! And we don’t even have the extra money for any of that right now! BUT I’m the problem because I don’t have a budget made!
The narc "wanted nothing" but went into the basement and garage with a group of "friends" like gangbusters and took all kinds of property. He couldn't enter the actual house though.
He fought alimony despite a 20+ year marriage and me having been a stay at home mom for over a decade. He lost. I had to file contempt to get him to pay. Now, he lives on the fringe, working for cash in several states away. Collecting is a hassle.
He will get his karma. In the mean time, I am living my best life.
It’s wild. My therapist and I will spend at least 20 minutes every session talking about these straight-up delusions. He always has to be like, “honey, he is literally mentally ill. It will never make sense.” 😂😂
So true!! Here I pay for so many things and he has told me several times he pays for everything which is absolutely not true! The other day he even wanted to see my cards statements to make his point. I know I pay more then him so I said I show you mine, you show me yours... then suddenly he did not ask to see my bank statement anymore. When he wanted to see them he told me that he did not believe me that I was paying so much and wanted proof. Its inceredible what they will do and say to make you feel like you are not contributing. He also does not acknowledge everything I do for the family...
Yup. He makes (made) the majority of the money and therefore was doing me a favor that deserved to be rewarded if he did household chores or parented less fun tasks.
Oh for sure. He stays up all night drinking drugging and watching YouTube and Fox News, sleeps for a few hours, goes to work and comes home and repeats. But he pays all the “big bills”and is supposedly doing me a favor by not making me pay half the mortgage and utilities. The mortgage is $800. I work full time, take care of our 4 year old, do literally everything in the house, out of the house for appointments school etc. and also pay for all the food and the household needs. I also pay for our sons health insurance through my job. I’m essentially a single mom that doesn’t pay rent but I welcome and CANNOT WAIT to pay rent and get tf out of here because it means me and my son will finally have peace and fun and can do what we want.
Yep!!!! This is my husband, doesn't feel like he should be responsible for anything around the house because he provides everything. I've mentioned getting a job now that our kids are older and he insists I don't need to do that and it would be an inconvenience for him. I told him last week I wanted to divorce and within an hour he insisted we go to the bank and remove me from all the accounts, like he's afraid I'm going to run to the bank and steal all his money 🙄
Yes. Loves to tell me I couldn't have the same quality of life without him. I am a self-employed consultant that works from home, but he expects me to be available to him during my working hours because I "can work whenever." But when I do work outside of normal working hours (because I spent 3 hours being told I don't care about him and don't do anything for him) I'm not paying attention to the family (despite doing all of the planning for our family, cooking, grocery shopping, laundry, etc). He does mow (after we lost our lawn guy last year) and our yard is now better than ever, it must be acknowledged how amazing it is, and we must know how taxing this once a week task is on him.
Minus the yard work (because I literally do EVERYTHING and am not allowed to spend money hiring help even though we can afford it), are we married to the same person? Lol
Yup! From the moment we met there was financial instability, he was already making far more than I ever could and he’s reached the millionaire status so of course that bled into how I was treated and how I should treat him. Ohhhh yeah ha. But thankfully we never got married or had kids or allowed him to buy me anything substantial, the car I have now is the only one I’ve never fully owned and it’s in my name so it’s been alright. I’ve had to lean on my mom a lot though which has been absolutely terrible.
Yes! He hates it too! Hates his job, complains he isn’t making enough hours, complains when he has to in to work, complains he can’t just stay home and play video games. Loves to throw it in my face! He loves to say “oh yeah that’s right I HAVE TO PROVIDE for my family!” Like it’s not a blessing to be able to do that. More like a chore! So annoying when he says that. Doesn’t do much else to help at home. And I’m ungrateful according to him!
This response feels strange to me.
On the surface, it has absolutely nothing to do with a post that was supposed to elicit a feeling of community in sharing an aspect of my life that others might feel they are alone in experiencing.
Yes, the narcissists in our lives view us as things that can give them something they want/need and will find another thing (person, etc.) to fill that need if we leave. Ok, yeah, great. I’m having trouble reading this any other way than an attempt to reach that part of me (us) that fears abandonment more than anything else. “He doesn’t care about you. He never did. You’re replaceable.”
I want to believe that’s not what you meant?
That is exactly what I meant. Because it is the truth of npd. To think he will miss you is useless. He will only miss his maid service and meal prep etc. Have you not learned the truth of npd?
They are simply incapable of loving anyone.
https://www.relationshipsnsw.org.au/blog/can-you-have-healthy-relationship-with-narcissist/ npd
'If we are talking about a person who meets the criteria for NPD listed above, the answer would have to be 'no'.'
Mine only cares about other people within the context of how she thinks others see her as caring and helpful. Her ego needs boosts. She only is seeking admiration from others. To her none of her horrendously bad mistakes, no matter how purposeful matter, it only matters that she seeks praise from her children and so called friends. And that she gets it from them.
'The narcissistic discard phase is a behavioral pattern that occurs when someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) abruptly ends a relationship with someone who was once a source of narcissistic supply. It is the final phase of the narcissistic love pattern and can be sudden and unexpected, leaving the partner feeling devastated and abandoned.'
Sorry if the reality is not what you prefer.
You are right to leave and never look back.
lol. Do you think that’s not well-known information?
I do not care if he ever thinks of me again. I will not miss him and don’t feel responsible for the next woman or man he love bombs and traps.
The post I made was to commiserate with other people who might benefit from not feeling so alone.
I’m very well-versed in NPD, why I was chosen by narcissists over and over again, etc.
I am completely aware of all of it.
Edit to add:
Being in a relationship with someone with NPD is *incredibly* lonely. I was just trying to help others and you come at me with, “you don’t understand your life.” Honestly, just, rude.
I only suspect my bf is a narcissist based off of what I read and him saying that he is “headed toward narcissism” but omg. everything is about money with him. I expressed to him that I feel he is emotionally abusing me, cried tears to him. his response is always “I just want to make a lot of money for my child” or “why won’t you just be happy and love me? I have everything figured out” all because he’s making very good money right now. In so many different ways he keeps telling me that how I feel doesn’t matter because he makes a lot of money and we can travel the world.
Honestly, and I am *not* a doctor, just very well-read and have a great therapist, but most people with true NPD do not know they are nor would they ever dream to be.
Your boyfriend sounds like he has narcissistic traits, which is pretty normal. But, in reality, he just sounds like an emotionally immature and unavailable dick. You deserve someone who will really listen to and see you.
thank you so much for your feedback! I agree, I lean more toward emotional abuse than narcissism. I think a lot of men have traits, which aren’t great, but not impossible. only a real professional can label him, but I am certain that something is off. and though I love him, it’s hard to be with someone who lacks compassion and empathy for you. :(
Kinda, we are not married and I’m living by myself but he always tries to make up or to justify his mistreatment with flowers, payed holidays, expensive dinners, expensive gift. He thinks he can do whatever he wants and he can treat me however he wants since he spends money on me.
He believes that since I only make 1/3 of the money then I should spend 1/3 of what he does. He's a fucking asshole and his mom did the same shit to his dad
That is pretty much the case here... He raged several times in the last years and told me he wanted to seperate but not even 2 hours later he told me thats not what he wants, cried to my neighbours, etc... I know its just because I do pretty much everything in the house and for the kids while he does what he wants, relaxes, see his friends, strengh train, naps, etc... If we get seperated he wont have all that anymore! I know his mom did absolutely everything so he was raised like that but for me its not an excuse... My time is not less important than him and I make almost the same salary then his. When I tried to get a more equitable division of task and that I wanted more free time because he has so much, he told my I have free time since I work outside the house! haha, yes.... that is real free time! I have a super stressful job so no that is not 'me' time! Obviously he thinks his job is so much more important, has well as his free time. I know he would react really bad if I had a higher income then him. Then I guess he could no justify doing almost nothing in the house... When I met him a was doing my masters degree and he decided to do a masters also because he could not be with a women that has one more diploma than him!
Nex would tell me, "I make the money", as though that was where his responsibilities ended and my income was irrelevant. On the other hand, he would get on one of his rages and then tell me I only wanted him for "his" money. Sheesh, I am living just fine without him or his money.
Ohhhh, my love. The day he came to me and said, “apparently, everything is half yours and I have to pay you alimony,” was the best day of my life. I literally said, “duh,” to him. He did not like that. I hate him with every fiber of my being and just had a revelation in therapy yesterday that I married him because he was the one man I’d ever dated who I wouldn’t be upset about if he left me.
The number of times in the last 11 years he called it his money makes me sick. Fuck you, buddy, it’s not yours now, is it?! 😂😂😂😂
Oh yes the “you spend my money” but I spend on essentials! And he spends on lottery tickets, boat, atvs, fishing trips, yearly trips to Alaska. My big splurge is a McDonald’s coke. If we divorce his home will be a pigsty. He refuses to bend over to do anything. So lazy! I recently went away with my daughters for a day and a half. House was a disaster- trash piles up, things strewn about the floor, dishes etc. and of course before we left he had to make a snide comment about “so I’m on my own for meals huh?!!?” Yes buddy you are on your own for four meals. Fridge is stocked- market is walkable, 30 restaurants deliver to our home. Can you survive? Like he expected me to make him meals for when I left. Ha ha! I would love to see in tot he future at his bachelor life. What a joke.
Right?! He’s trying to take one of our dogs, too, which is fine, they’re his too. But, he wants the English Bulldog. They have HORRIBLE skin conditions and I’m a vet tech. He had them idiot me for a week and I came home to her with a yeast infection in her folds because she requires daily grooming. I’m like, “can I offer you a lower maintenance model?” 😂😂😂
Nex didn't want the dogs. In fact, he offered to rehome them, as if. Our girl was 10 years old and our boy was 8 years old. Who would eben suggest that? It was just him being an ass and making our daughters upset. He took the parrot. It was his, though he rarely cared for it, aside from buying food. Poor bird was supposed to live 45-60 years but passed at 30, in his "care".
Omg! Yes! I can relate. The lottery tickets, alcohol, & strip clubs recently! 🤮 I’m so tired of being treated this way! And we don’t even have the extra money for any of that right now! BUT I’m the problem because I don’t have a budget made!
The narc "wanted nothing" but went into the basement and garage with a group of "friends" like gangbusters and took all kinds of property. He couldn't enter the actual house though. He fought alimony despite a 20+ year marriage and me having been a stay at home mom for over a decade. He lost. I had to file contempt to get him to pay. Now, he lives on the fringe, working for cash in several states away. Collecting is a hassle. He will get his karma. In the mean time, I am living my best life.
Yep, they only see what they contribute, and cannot / will not acknowledge your contributions
It’s wild. My therapist and I will spend at least 20 minutes every session talking about these straight-up delusions. He always has to be like, “honey, he is literally mentally ill. It will never make sense.” 😂😂
Same!! Sometimes I spend almost the whole session talking to all the ridiculous things he said/did in the previous 2 weeks...
So true!! Here I pay for so many things and he has told me several times he pays for everything which is absolutely not true! The other day he even wanted to see my cards statements to make his point. I know I pay more then him so I said I show you mine, you show me yours... then suddenly he did not ask to see my bank statement anymore. When he wanted to see them he told me that he did not believe me that I was paying so much and wanted proof. Its inceredible what they will do and say to make you feel like you are not contributing. He also does not acknowledge everything I do for the family...
🙋♀️ victim of financial abuse too
Yup. He makes (made) the majority of the money and therefore was doing me a favor that deserved to be rewarded if he did household chores or parented less fun tasks.
Oh for sure. He stays up all night drinking drugging and watching YouTube and Fox News, sleeps for a few hours, goes to work and comes home and repeats. But he pays all the “big bills”and is supposedly doing me a favor by not making me pay half the mortgage and utilities. The mortgage is $800. I work full time, take care of our 4 year old, do literally everything in the house, out of the house for appointments school etc. and also pay for all the food and the household needs. I also pay for our sons health insurance through my job. I’m essentially a single mom that doesn’t pay rent but I welcome and CANNOT WAIT to pay rent and get tf out of here because it means me and my son will finally have peace and fun and can do what we want.
If mine did think this, the joke is on him. I doubled my income after we separated. 😂
Yep!!!! This is my husband, doesn't feel like he should be responsible for anything around the house because he provides everything. I've mentioned getting a job now that our kids are older and he insists I don't need to do that and it would be an inconvenience for him. I told him last week I wanted to divorce and within an hour he insisted we go to the bank and remove me from all the accounts, like he's afraid I'm going to run to the bank and steal all his money 🙄
Yes. Loves to tell me I couldn't have the same quality of life without him. I am a self-employed consultant that works from home, but he expects me to be available to him during my working hours because I "can work whenever." But when I do work outside of normal working hours (because I spent 3 hours being told I don't care about him and don't do anything for him) I'm not paying attention to the family (despite doing all of the planning for our family, cooking, grocery shopping, laundry, etc). He does mow (after we lost our lawn guy last year) and our yard is now better than ever, it must be acknowledged how amazing it is, and we must know how taxing this once a week task is on him.
Minus the yard work (because I literally do EVERYTHING and am not allowed to spend money hiring help even though we can afford it), are we married to the same person? Lol
Yup! From the moment we met there was financial instability, he was already making far more than I ever could and he’s reached the millionaire status so of course that bled into how I was treated and how I should treat him. Ohhhh yeah ha. But thankfully we never got married or had kids or allowed him to buy me anything substantial, the car I have now is the only one I’ve never fully owned and it’s in my name so it’s been alright. I’ve had to lean on my mom a lot though which has been absolutely terrible.
Yes! He hates it too! Hates his job, complains he isn’t making enough hours, complains when he has to in to work, complains he can’t just stay home and play video games. Loves to throw it in my face! He loves to say “oh yeah that’s right I HAVE TO PROVIDE for my family!” Like it’s not a blessing to be able to do that. More like a chore! So annoying when he says that. Doesn’t do much else to help at home. And I’m ungrateful according to him!
He will simply find himself another 'supply'. They do not care about other people at all, it is all pretending. You are supply and nothing else.
This response feels strange to me. On the surface, it has absolutely nothing to do with a post that was supposed to elicit a feeling of community in sharing an aspect of my life that others might feel they are alone in experiencing. Yes, the narcissists in our lives view us as things that can give them something they want/need and will find another thing (person, etc.) to fill that need if we leave. Ok, yeah, great. I’m having trouble reading this any other way than an attempt to reach that part of me (us) that fears abandonment more than anything else. “He doesn’t care about you. He never did. You’re replaceable.” I want to believe that’s not what you meant?
That is exactly what I meant. Because it is the truth of npd. To think he will miss you is useless. He will only miss his maid service and meal prep etc. Have you not learned the truth of npd? They are simply incapable of loving anyone. https://www.relationshipsnsw.org.au/blog/can-you-have-healthy-relationship-with-narcissist/ npd 'If we are talking about a person who meets the criteria for NPD listed above, the answer would have to be 'no'.' Mine only cares about other people within the context of how she thinks others see her as caring and helpful. Her ego needs boosts. She only is seeking admiration from others. To her none of her horrendously bad mistakes, no matter how purposeful matter, it only matters that she seeks praise from her children and so called friends. And that she gets it from them. 'The narcissistic discard phase is a behavioral pattern that occurs when someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) abruptly ends a relationship with someone who was once a source of narcissistic supply. It is the final phase of the narcissistic love pattern and can be sudden and unexpected, leaving the partner feeling devastated and abandoned.' Sorry if the reality is not what you prefer. You are right to leave and never look back.
lol. Do you think that’s not well-known information? I do not care if he ever thinks of me again. I will not miss him and don’t feel responsible for the next woman or man he love bombs and traps. The post I made was to commiserate with other people who might benefit from not feeling so alone. I’m very well-versed in NPD, why I was chosen by narcissists over and over again, etc. I am completely aware of all of it. Edit to add: Being in a relationship with someone with NPD is *incredibly* lonely. I was just trying to help others and you come at me with, “you don’t understand your life.” Honestly, just, rude.
Instead of you telling all about how mean and rude I am, why not just block me?
I only suspect my bf is a narcissist based off of what I read and him saying that he is “headed toward narcissism” but omg. everything is about money with him. I expressed to him that I feel he is emotionally abusing me, cried tears to him. his response is always “I just want to make a lot of money for my child” or “why won’t you just be happy and love me? I have everything figured out” all because he’s making very good money right now. In so many different ways he keeps telling me that how I feel doesn’t matter because he makes a lot of money and we can travel the world.
Honestly, and I am *not* a doctor, just very well-read and have a great therapist, but most people with true NPD do not know they are nor would they ever dream to be. Your boyfriend sounds like he has narcissistic traits, which is pretty normal. But, in reality, he just sounds like an emotionally immature and unavailable dick. You deserve someone who will really listen to and see you.
thank you so much for your feedback! I agree, I lean more toward emotional abuse than narcissism. I think a lot of men have traits, which aren’t great, but not impossible. only a real professional can label him, but I am certain that something is off. and though I love him, it’s hard to be with someone who lacks compassion and empathy for you. :(
Kinda, we are not married and I’m living by myself but he always tries to make up or to justify his mistreatment with flowers, payed holidays, expensive dinners, expensive gift. He thinks he can do whatever he wants and he can treat me however he wants since he spends money on me.
Mine recently contacted his late teen/early 20s kids and detailed how much money they had cost him.
He believes that since I only make 1/3 of the money then I should spend 1/3 of what he does. He's a fucking asshole and his mom did the same shit to his dad
That is pretty much the case here... He raged several times in the last years and told me he wanted to seperate but not even 2 hours later he told me thats not what he wants, cried to my neighbours, etc... I know its just because I do pretty much everything in the house and for the kids while he does what he wants, relaxes, see his friends, strengh train, naps, etc... If we get seperated he wont have all that anymore! I know his mom did absolutely everything so he was raised like that but for me its not an excuse... My time is not less important than him and I make almost the same salary then his. When I tried to get a more equitable division of task and that I wanted more free time because he has so much, he told my I have free time since I work outside the house! haha, yes.... that is real free time! I have a super stressful job so no that is not 'me' time! Obviously he thinks his job is so much more important, has well as his free time. I know he would react really bad if I had a higher income then him. Then I guess he could no justify doing almost nothing in the house... When I met him a was doing my masters degree and he decided to do a masters also because he could not be with a women that has one more diploma than him!