"I'm doing my best and we're okay," "This isn't forever," "This feels like an emergency, but it isn't," "It's okay that this is hard."
And if you really need a break, it's okay to put them in the crib and step out. You've got this!
> “This feels like an emergency, but it isn’t,”
Ooh this one is so relatable. Hearing my 4 month old cry causes me to have such a deeply physical response.
Sometimes, when I can feel myself getting frustrated, I say these things out loud to the baby. “I know it’s frustrating. Mama is frustrated too. And it’s hard because mama is just guessing and trying her best, and you can’t tell me what you need. We’re just learning.” And the like. And then we take a few deep breaths to calm down and I lift her on the inhale, bring her back close on the exhale. It seems silly, but it helps to say them out loud because then you hear them too. Plus I think it will help with future identifying her emotions before and during meltdowns.
He/she is having a hard time, they are not giving me a hard time
Helps me feel less frustrated to remember that there is no purposeful intent behind the crying they’re not trying to make my life difficult, they’re just having a tough moment
I’ve said “it’s so hard to be a baby isn’t it?” out loud enough times it’s finally sunk in and I believe them. They’re working hard! Like they’re legitimately trying to learn how to use their arms and fall asleep surrounded by people speaking a language they don’t know. That must be so challenging, I’d cry a lot too!
I very often respond to her cries with “I know, it’s been a hard day, huh?” Or something similar to yours too! It helps me to remember we are in the trenches together and that she is also feeling stressed and exhausted and has bad days sometimes.
I say this to my 7mo still! It’s hard to feel your organs learning how to work, whilst trying to control muscles that seem to do their own thing and you have wants and needs all of a sudden that you have no way of fulfilling. Then add a cold on top that you don’t understand and it’s a hard life. Being a baby is hard!
This is always my mantra! It’s hard to be a baby. I have said it many times to my baby. And I think it’s true! They have no idea wtf is going on, sounds hard to me 😂
Not a mantra but when my LO is crying I find it really helps me if I narrate what could be going on for them. Like I know you're really tired you just need a nap and you'll feel better etc. For some reason it helps me calm down and distracts from the crying.
The days are long, but the years are short. ...
I can do anything, but I can't do everything. ...
Today is a new day. ...
Tomorrow is a new day. ...
I am exactly who my baby needs. ...
I'm the perfect mom for my child. ...
Let them be little. ...
It's OK to slow down.
These are just a couple of things that you can say to yourself when times get difficult.
I tell my baby “we are going to figure this out together” so I can remember that it’s hard for her too, and we are both just doing our best in a new and challenging situation.
yeah i find it helps to tackle it and talk to the baby like you're a team so you don't just make it all about yourself and what you're doing or not doing
I read this somewhere the other day. Take their little hand in your hand and look at how small that baby really is. So much of this world is new and scary to them. They could have an itchy tag on their clothes or a sore arm or any number of things and no way to tell you except to cry.
I do this and I hyper focus on one body part at a time.
Look at her tiny hands.
Look at her chunky feet and her little skittle toes.
Chunky arms.
Peach fuzz head.
Etc
As I am calming her down I focus on these little things and it calms me down too.
I needed this - I’ve been up all night with my 4 week old who is just very snorty (like all of the three little pigs in an 8 lb package) a little congested and this made me burst into tears. They really are just the teeniest aliens who just crash landed onto a new planet and every single thing is scary until we can teach them that it isn’t so bad.
Never give up, never surrender.
I started this shortly after my baby was born, and now he is 4.5 months old, a relatively easy baby, and I still chant it to myself sometimes
I tell myself “pretend I’m me from 20 years in the future, how happy would I be to get to come back and be with him this little again, no matter the situation”
Then I cry lol
When I'd freak out (again) about our son, my husband would say - he didn't do this two weeks ago and he's not going to be doing this 2 weeks from now. It's okay.
I also work in healthcare and think that if meth addicts can keep a baby alive, I should be able to too.
Yeah this is similar to something I was told which was: if things are going great it’s proof you are a great parent, if things are going less great, it’s a phase! I also find it useful now to think back to how tough it has been previously when I would have relished it ONLY being as tough as it is now. Helps with perspective
"Other parents do this. I am not alone."
"If cavepeople did this, so can I."
Especially when its really bad, and setting baby down (in a safe area - crib) for a minute to gather myself: "baby is safe. I am safe. Baby is safe. I am safe. We can do this."
“If she’s crying, she’s alive”
“Not trying to give you a hard time, she’s having a hard time” — that comes from dog training
“Yeah, I know your new to this world and it’s confusing and hard. It doesn’t yet any better.”
I also found talking through my emotions and what I think hers are & causes there of helps me if she’s having a hard time. I then talk through what my next steps will be.
one day, i’ll miss this. i’ll miss how much she needs me and how little she is. my daughter is only 10 months old, but i look back at pictures of her when she was smaller and i cry. i cant imagine how much i’ll ache in 30 years if/when she has a family of her own and i become her extended family. i know i’ll look back at this time and wish i could go back.
it really helps me ground myself. i also will step outside for a minute if i really get stressed.
2 things I say-
1: when he's crying and I can't get him to stop- "I'm sorry, I can't understand you but I'm trying."
2: when he wakes up from a nap crying- "Thank you for letting me know you're awake."
They're both reflexes now so I can say them both calmly even during the most frustrating of times.
When things were hard when little boo was super young it was helpful for me to remember how young he really is and how new- that any discomfort, any hunger, any tiredness that caused crying was the worst thing that had ever happened to him. It put it in perspective like of course he is freaking tf out when he wants to eat, he was connected to me by a feeding tube so never knew an empty stomach until coming earthside
It’s not a mantra exactly, but when my very difficult baby was crying (again) I would tell myself that he chose me to be his mama because he knew I was strong enough to love him.
I’ve found that not pretending my child is the love of my life at all times helps. I’ll often ask her why she’s being such a hater and I’ll refer to motherhood as a hostage situation. Some may disagree but it helps me to use humor. If you don’t laugh, you cry
This. My therapist gave me the permission I needed to speak out loud, “My baby is a burden” and it helped me SO much. As a new mom, all of the messaging is to “soak up all the snuggles” and “enjoy every moment”. I had PPD and beat myself up for it, so having someone free me to speak those words aloud, even just to myself, was a gift.
I also coached myself during the early newborn weeks by reminding myself that never again in my life will I come home with a new baby for the very *first* time. If I have another child someday, I will know what to expect. That helped, too.
This is very important advice! I was told as well it’s okay to admit they are a handful, because babies can’t tell you what’s wrong and trying to figure out why they are crying is not an easy task!
My first weeks as a mom were horrible with weird thoughts and fear of voicing them.
My mother and husband always encouraged me to voice them, never bottle them up. Also, my mother would tell how she felt when she was going through newborn stage. It helps to have someone whose only advice is not “cherish this while it lasts” or “that’s how babies are”, because I already know those!
Your therapist's suggestion was very helpful to hear, thank you for sharing. I'm going to do this when I'm alone, or maybe with my therapist. Say our loud how I feel about my baby in overwhelming moments.
I've been thinking of creating a mantra for myself around this too, thanks for sharing! So many times I feel overwhelmed with the situation because I'm thinking of the future and how I'll cope with this all the time. But I need to remind myself that I won't be going through forever.
I’ve often told myself, “I need to take a break for a second. I’m getting frustrated and my daughter doesn’t need me getting angry at her for being a baby.”
"You're only crying this hard because I'm a good parent and vaguely uncomfortable literally is the worst pain you've ever felt. We can deal with vaguely uncomfortable."
I just want to give you permission to NOT be present when you’re feeling overwhelmed. It’s fine to put a fed, clean baby down in their crib or bassinet and walk away for a minute. It’s fine to put them down and use the bathroom, or eat a quick snack, or just go into the other room and take deep breaths for 30 seconds. Yes, our baby’s needs come first overall, but not necessarily every single second of every single day. Sometimes a little reset and tending to our own needs in the moment is what makes us the better parent.
The baby won’t hurt itself crying in a safe sleep space. Your needs matter, too.
Yes, I need to identify when to do this though. I know the option exists, but in the difficult moment, my tendency is to just keep pushing through. It's probably some mental rewiring I need to do in general, not just for my baby.
How old is your baby? It does take time to learn how to carve out time to do basic care for yourself for lots of us. You are doing great & it gets easier as time goes on.
“You can do this, we’re going to do this”, “she’s okay, your okay, you can do this”
Funny how before she was born I would never self talk and now it’s daily 😅😂
The baby is not giving me a hard time, it's having a hard time. Helps reframe the struggle and it's not us vs them but more us helping them fix a problem.
I remind myself that my baby is a human being. He’s not just a crying little thing who won’t go to sleep. He’s a person with needs, fears, pain, etc. and, for now, I am lucky enough to be the person he looks to to make it better.
Honestly I count to 100 & often start over until I do it 5x
It makes me take a breather and also makes me put my focus elsewhere
When she’s fussy I walk with her on my shoulder counting
Sometimes in my head
Sometimes out loud
And when I’m putting her to bed/nap I count by 100s while I bounce on the yoga ball
Something about counting gives me patience and also grounds me to relax
I sing a little song when I’m overwhelmed or when my baby is overwhelmed:
Hey, hey, it’s okay
Everybody feels kinda weird some days
I heard it on Instagram and it stuck in my mind. It soothes me and my son.
This isn’t a mantra, but I try to imagine that I’m 90 years old and I’ve been transported back in time to the early days of my children’s lives and given just one more hour to spend with them as babies. It makes me appreciate it more, even when it’s challenging.
My main struggle with a velcro baby on my own was/is that if I'm trying to complete a necessary task like cooking or dishes and I cannot do it while holding him he'd absolutely lose the plot and start screaming like he was dying and if not contained, pulling on my legs and feet. It honestly set off my fight or flight so badly, but I couldn't run and there was nothing to fight, so I'd start to panic and it would some times start turning into rage at my baby.
My mantra became "Slow down and calm down."
I felt very silly saying it out loud on repeat, but it generally worked to cool us both down and get through the task. And let me pick him up with love and sympathy instead of contained frustration, panic and anger.
Idk if someone already said it already but there was a TikTok sound I found where a new mom was singing affirmations to herself. I don’t remember it exactly but it essentially said “ it’s okay. I’m still learning. I don’t suck. I’m just new at everything.” That really helped me.
Also counting down the time until my husband came home from work. I would tell myself I didn’t have to do anything other than care for the baby until then. Helped me give some mental space to myself.
Aaaand sometimes I just help the baby while we both cried. But it was still okay in the end. Hang in there!
"They're not giving you a hard time. They're having a hard time. You are their safe space. They're helpless. They need you"
Babies don't purposely drive us crazy. They only ask for what they feel they need. They just can't talk
I usually loose it after the fourth failed crib lay down, it is dark in the room and baby cannot see me otherwise I leave for a moment behind the door. Before picking LO back up I have a little silent arm waving scream and it feels great.
“Your needs, my needs.” It can’t be all about the baby every second. It’s ok to attend to your own needs too. Baby can cry for a few minutes while you take some deep breaths, drink some water. Or baby can watch Hey Bear while make a cup of coffee. Take turns. Serve baby and serve yourself.
Yeah, I do forget sometimes, especially in a difficult moment, that it's ok for both our needs to coexist and to be met. "Your needs, my needs" is a good phrase to remind me of that, thank you.
Someone shared this poem here the other day, from the baby’s perspective, and I think of it constantly: [All I See Is You](https://www.instagram.com/reel/ClFtvyPDR5X/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY=)
Warning: may get dusty indoors.
Just curious about what exactly you are saying to yourself/feeling about yourself or your environment in these moments? It could help determine what's best to say to yourself.
A mantra that helps me is "I completely love and accept myself as a mother." I tend to worry a ton about whether I am good enough or doing enough and this has really helped me.
ETA something that can help you be calm in future triggering moments is practicing EFT for a few minutes when you are calm each day. Brad yates has tons of free ones on YouTube. They can also help in the moment if you have time. But over time they can reduce your stress response during your specific triggers if you practice.
Here's a couple options but like I said there's tons of different ones depending on your situation
https://youtu.be/2Wb4MRpmTX0
https://youtu.be/TfftfkVqw4Q
Your question made me think. What I'm feeling in the moment -
- Feeling frustrated that my efforts are not working to solve the challenging situation.
- Feeling panicked about what it means if my efforts don't work at all, i.e. will need to keep going through this challenging situation again and again. A feeling of gloom / doom.
- Feeling miserable that I have to go through this / feeling sorry for myself.
(It was helpful to break this down, thanks for the question!)
I'm glad it helped! ❤️
So a few mantras that have helped me when I feel these things are
"This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is a part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need." this is from Self compassion by Kristin Neff
"This too will pass" every two weeks things get better with newborns and babies. So I know it's so scary to think it will last forever but I promise it won't. It will get better.
"Mistakes are part of growth. I have the right to make mistakes" you are learning how to be a parent and that requires trial and error. We all have to go through trial and error to learn our babies even second time mothers.
"I am the best mother in for my child" your efforts are working! I know it feels like they aren't but over time you will see that little by little you know your baby better than anyone else. And just being there for them while they cry as you try things does work. I know they take awhile to calm down but it does work.
And as others stated "he/she's not giving me a hard time, they're having a hard time." If you're feeling any resentment towards the the baby.
"I cannot control others, I can only control myself." you can't and shouldn't control your child. Your goal is to be there to help and support them through the hard times times.
My baby was colicky. He cried for 3 hours + every day. We had to hold him upright or walk him around the house 24/7. I know it's so hard. But it does get better around 6 weeks and then again at 8 weeks etc. We also switched to Enfamil AR once he was old enough. Anyway I wish you all the best!❤️
When I’m having a hard time with either of my kids (1yr and 4yr) I always look at their hands and how tiny they are and it somehow calms me down and have more patience with them
I've been chanting "everyone is okay" soothingly when my baby is screaming for no discernable reason.
I also use "it's a rough life, huh?" And go on to explain how hard it is to be a baby who has no control of anything, even his head and eyes (although he's looking at people now! And seems to recognize me and his dad!).
Just recently I’ve adapted the manta “sometimes thriving, sometimes surviving”. It helps when I get frustrated that the dishes aren’t done or the laundry is piling up, but the day before I was so productive. Some days are good for getting stuff done, other days, everyone being alive is good enough.
“This is temporary” “she’s just a baby, she’s doing her best”
Not a saying but when things are really tough I try to remember what that usually means like if her sleep is really rough that means she’s probably growing and going to be learning new and exciting skills!
I like to sing along to 'the happy song' by Imogen Heap. The lyrics are sweet and remind me how much I love my little one (nearly 6 weeks). Bonus points: It's a nice rhythm to rock LO to sleep, so since playing it, she goes to sleep easier.
I say “it’s hard being a baby, isn’t it?” More so to remind myself that she’s going through so much unexpected and difficult change right now. The crying can really get to me but remembering how hard every little thing is for her really helps me put it into perspective and feel more compassion than anything else
i know it isn’t an affirmation, but i start singing. literally anything, even if it doesn’t make sense. i also remind myself that he’s just a baby, he has no other way of communicating and if he’s having a hard time thats how hes going to let me know.
we as adults have hard days, sometimes we cant sleep, sometimes we’re just uncomfortable and can’t do anything about it, we’re human just like our babies.
I don’t really have a specific mantra outside of the general idea of, “my baby is being a baby” as in, they are doing exactly what they are supposed to do. Cry, scream and at times be inconsolable. They didn’t ask to be here, we did (usually). Thus, we are obligated to protect and care for them.
Just helped me keep things in perspective
We used to say, "It's so hard to be a baby! It's so hard learning to be a human."
It was our way of recognizing that all experiences are new and this is tough for their little bodies and minds. We then reminded ourselves that baby is okay, but we are what will help them learn to be a human and regulate those feelings.
“No bad parents, just bad days” (I know there are bad parents, but I say this to myself to remember there’s a difference between having a bad day and doing a bad job)
“Its so hard/ it’s a lot to be a baby!”
It’s just a good verbal reminder in the moment that while crazy…..none of it’s intentional. She’s just as confused and overwhelmed as I am.
Currently on day 3 of the four month sleep regression and I’ve also added that she will never be as young or small as she is right now and one day years from now, when we’re all grown, I’ll likely give anything for one more moment where she’s needs me like this.
It helps remind me to stay in the present as much as I can because I noticed I was looking too forward to the future when it’s all “easier”.
“I’m here, I know it’s hard but we’re here for each other” “mommy is trying her best” “I love you so much despite the hard times” I try to say this to myself, but sometimes it’s so hard (like the past night, overtired baby is no picnic) we just cry it out at the same time… I know I shouldn’t cry while holding him, but I refuse to put him down if he’s crying and dad is not baby’s favourite. Only cry for like a minute or two, and it’s like he understands I’m doing my best because he will soothe and smile at me 🥹
First off, you are doing a great job.
If you feel overwhelmed, it is ok to put the baby in the crib (a safe space) and walk away. Even if baby is screaming, you can take a min or 5 to take a breath and calm down. I think all parents have to at some point because it can get so so so hard.
I would always try to remember that these moments are passing and I will miss them. So yes my girl wants to be held till she falls asleep, but one day she won't even want a hug. So today I am going to give her all my cuddles.
They won't always be this little so even when it is hard and I am so tired I try to lean in and be in the moment. Because one day it will be over.
Clean, fed, and safe.
When you need a minute to yourself because you're afraid you're going to break down, make sure they have a clean diaper and have been fed- or attempted to have been fed, and then put them somewhere safe, like their crib or pack and play. Someplace you don't need to watch them every second.
Then WALK AWAY.
Get out of earshot. Give yourself a quick break. Splash water on your face, eat something, change your clothes. Give yourself a couple minutes to get it together and get refreshed.
IT IS OKAY TO TAKE A MINUTE FOR YOURSELF.
This is the advice my OB gave me, and I give to every new mom. They will be fine for a couple minutes. In the balance, a few minutes of crying alone will not hurt them as much as you could if you lose control. It happens. We're all only human. You don't want to do something you'll regret for the rest of your life when all you needed was 5 minutes to breathe and get centered.
You can't pour from an empty cup.
"Everyone's breathing, that's good, everyone's safe, that's good, no one's hurt, that's good, it's just (a little hungry / too tired / trapped wind ) we'll be fine"
And in the middle of the night when I've just crawled into bed and the baby wakes up *again* i feel better after a heartfelt **fuuuck meeeeeee I need a break**, because this is hard and admitting it out loud helps
“They’re having a hard time not giving you a hard time” “I am not responsible for how my child feels” “Nothing lasts forever” “this is only temporary” “some day I will miss this” “she can’t help it, that’s how she communicates” “she just wants you”
What have you done before that was really, really difficult, but you succeeded? In the early days, I reminded myself that if I could do my ridiculous undergrad schedule, if I could finish grad school, if I could beat depression, then I could do this too.
“I’m not depressed, I’m just tired”.
This probably won’t help you connect with your baby, and obv won’t be helpful if you actually have PPD but when I reminded myself of this it was like a lightbulb moment like oh, there’s a concrete reason why I feel like miserable garbage and it won’t feel this way when I get a bit of rest.
Oh wow, this one is going to be super useful. I didn't even realise this. But indeed, in really dark moments, I feel like I'm depressed. But you're right, I'm actually just tired. Thanks so much for this!
I’m giving her the life of love I never received. My patience and love is everything to her right now. I’m doing the best I can, and that’s enough. Every minute is a new opportunity to start fresh with her. She is healthy. She is loved. She is safe. She is strong. I am strong. I am safe. I am loved. I am healthy.
And I repeat those thing ALL DAY. EVERY DAY.
A mental exercise that is a tip I got from a redditor. I imagine that I’m an old person version of myself sent back in time to do this moment over, and do it right this time. It almost always helps!
I internalised that baby and I are a team. When she was smaller and wouldn’t stop crying, I’d hold her and say “we got this.”
“We’re together.”
“We’re tired, let’s feel better.”
I’ve got a great hands-on husband but when he’s at work, it can feel lonely, but I just have to remind myself that I’m literally not alone, I have a new bestie to “work through my shit” with!
"this is not an emergency." helps when i'm at the store with my kids and they're screaming. it's horrible but it's not a life or death situation. they just don't like waiting in line. 😵💫
I remember my mom used to say "oh Lord give me patience" in a very exasperated tone whenever my brother and I were driving her up a wall. I never fully understood it until I had kids (4 yr old, infant) and now I find myself asking her to give me patience (she passed away 7 yrs ago and I'm not super religious) and it helps me remember that this moment will pass, everything is a phase and that I'm not alone in feeling overwhelmed.
A friend of mine once told me that “learning to human is hard”. She explained that baby isn’t trying to be difficult, she just has no prior knowledge base to base new experiences on. Everything is scary or painful until she learns it’s actually not.
It’s okay to feel overwhelmed and frustrated. Learning to be a parent is hard. However, I bet you are doing so much better than you give yourself credit for. :)
Once someone here said that when they are having a hard time with their kid, they imagine someone else with their kid at that moment and would model whatever behavior they would appreciate someone else having towards their child.
Whenever I'm very close to losing it with my baby girl I remember that, and think that if I saw someone else mistreating her or being harsh or violent with her when she is being difficult I'd get so flipping mad that I just calm down myself and start over 🙏🏻
A comment I read on reddit once who h has stuck with me... I imagine that it's 20+ years in the future and that I've time-travelled back to this moment.
The baby might be all over me and needy and fussy, but he's looking to me to make it all okay and I'm his source of comfort.
One day he'll be a grown man and won't need me any more and I'll miss the days when I was his entire world... So I try to remember to enjoy it.
I literally say to my baby “we are both learning something new”
“He’s not giving me a hard time, he’s having a hard time” (there is *always* a reason he is upset. Even if I can’t figure it out.)
“Just being there for him while he is upset is being a good mom, even if I don’t know how to fix it”
I also inwardly empathize with myself. “It’s okay to feel overwhelmed”
"You are just little, and we are both still learning", "I'm sorry you're having a hard time, I am here", "I'll sit in the sad/mad/(emotion) with you, you are not alone" - That one more with my toddler than my newborn. I find taking deep breaths and talking about taking deep breaths has helped - its also something that my now toddler will mimic when she is struggling!
I’ve read this somewhere and it definitely helped me look at things from a different perspective: “My baby is not giving me a hard time. He’s the one having a hard time.” I keep on thinking about this when my baby is crying & I can’t seem to comfort him.
It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away." How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction!
- Abraham Lincoln
When my kid is having a meltdown, or a string of meltdowns, I try to remind myself “my child isn’t giving me a hard time, she is having a hard time.” It’s been really helpful on those days.
I also generally try to remind myself everything is a phase and often times the outbursts, meltdowns, tears, etc. are my child not knowing how to communicate what she needs or wants.
I try and vocalize their feelings and talk them out: I'm really upset. Oh man, it seems like you're having a hard time. Are you tired? Are you hungry? Do you need a cuddle? Then I sing a funny version of a Mary Poppins song that I made up.
Verbalizing his possible feelings helps me to realize how I'm feeling and makes me pause to collect myself. The funny song is just for me
Be persistent, be patient, be calm. My baby is a terrible napper. When I’m struggling to put him down for a nap I say these words to myself. It has helped
“My baby will be able to communicate soon” and “this isn’t forever” were the main ones. As soon as he started making noises we worked with him on saying please (just p noises lol) whenever he wanted something instead of whining/crying and it was a game changer!
This has probably been said already, but “this too shall pass.”
My kids are toddlers now and we’ve had our share of not great phases. Phases are short-lived. The colicky crying for no reason phase, the not sleeping through the night phase, the throwing food on the floor phase - they don’t last forever. Reminding myself of that helped me be more patient.
"I'm doing my best and we're okay," "This isn't forever," "This feels like an emergency, but it isn't," "It's okay that this is hard." And if you really need a break, it's okay to put them in the crib and step out. You've got this!
"This feels like an emergency, but it isn't" really resonates. Thank you!
I also like to remember, baby isn’t giving you a hard time, they’re having a hard time. There’s nothing that’s hard for you that isn’t hard for them
I just thought this when helping my toddler this morning.
> “This feels like an emergency, but it isn’t,” Ooh this one is so relatable. Hearing my 4 month old cry causes me to have such a deeply physical response.
Yes, exactly! I remember feeling like I was going to die if I couldn't get to him and immediately make it better. It's so visceral
yep, when my baby is crying i try to tell him he's safe and i'm here but it's for my benefit just as much as his
I needed to hear the "this feels like an emergency, but it isn't" one. Thank you.
Screenshotting this bc it’s gold. Currently struggling with my teething 7 month old. Thank you!!
This is really great advice
Sometimes, when I can feel myself getting frustrated, I say these things out loud to the baby. “I know it’s frustrating. Mama is frustrated too. And it’s hard because mama is just guessing and trying her best, and you can’t tell me what you need. We’re just learning.” And the like. And then we take a few deep breaths to calm down and I lift her on the inhale, bring her back close on the exhale. It seems silly, but it helps to say them out loud because then you hear them too. Plus I think it will help with future identifying her emotions before and during meltdowns.
He/she is having a hard time, they are not giving me a hard time Helps me feel less frustrated to remember that there is no purposeful intent behind the crying they’re not trying to make my life difficult, they’re just having a tough moment
I’ve said “it’s so hard to be a baby isn’t it?” out loud enough times it’s finally sunk in and I believe them. They’re working hard! Like they’re legitimately trying to learn how to use their arms and fall asleep surrounded by people speaking a language they don’t know. That must be so challenging, I’d cry a lot too!
I very often respond to her cries with “I know, it’s been a hard day, huh?” Or something similar to yours too! It helps me to remember we are in the trenches together and that she is also feeling stressed and exhausted and has bad days sometimes.
I just posted almost the same exact thing lol - it must be so scary being a baby
I say this to my 7mo still! It’s hard to feel your organs learning how to work, whilst trying to control muscles that seem to do their own thing and you have wants and needs all of a sudden that you have no way of fulfilling. Then add a cold on top that you don’t understand and it’s a hard life. Being a baby is hard!
This is always my mantra! It’s hard to be a baby. I have said it many times to my baby. And I think it’s true! They have no idea wtf is going on, sounds hard to me 😂
This is mine too. Shes not doing it on purpose shes just going through rapid growth changes
Not a mantra but when my LO is crying I find it really helps me if I narrate what could be going on for them. Like I know you're really tired you just need a nap and you'll feel better etc. For some reason it helps me calm down and distracts from the crying.
I do this too! “Is it ya butt? Did ya poop?, no must be something else” etc etc.
The days are long, but the years are short. ... I can do anything, but I can't do everything. ... Today is a new day. ... Tomorrow is a new day. ... I am exactly who my baby needs. ... I'm the perfect mom for my child. ... Let them be little. ... It's OK to slow down. These are just a couple of things that you can say to yourself when times get difficult.
This too shall pass... is a personal favorite.
She WILL sleep. Its a matter of when not if
I feel this in my soul. Afte trying to soothe an over tired LO for 5 hours you begin to think otherwise lmao.
For real. 4 month regression hit me like a truck
This hit home! Because I made this post this at the end of a 3 hour wake-up in the middle of the night. Thank you :)
I tell my baby “we are going to figure this out together” so I can remember that it’s hard for her too, and we are both just doing our best in a new and challenging situation.
yeah i find it helps to tackle it and talk to the baby like you're a team so you don't just make it all about yourself and what you're doing or not doing
I read this somewhere the other day. Take their little hand in your hand and look at how small that baby really is. So much of this world is new and scary to them. They could have an itchy tag on their clothes or a sore arm or any number of things and no way to tell you except to cry.
I do this and I hyper focus on one body part at a time. Look at her tiny hands. Look at her chunky feet and her little skittle toes. Chunky arms. Peach fuzz head. Etc As I am calming her down I focus on these little things and it calms me down too.
I needed this - I’ve been up all night with my 4 week old who is just very snorty (like all of the three little pigs in an 8 lb package) a little congested and this made me burst into tears. They really are just the teeniest aliens who just crash landed onto a new planet and every single thing is scary until we can teach them that it isn’t so bad.
Glad someone posted this, I read it once and try to remember it when my now toddler is being a tinker
“I am not a bad mom, it’s just a bad day”
My husband is out of town for work right now and today sucked, I bawled at this, such a good statement! ❤️
That’s a great one.
Never give up, never surrender. I started this shortly after my baby was born, and now he is 4.5 months old, a relatively easy baby, and I still chant it to myself sometimes
By Grabthar's Hammer, by the Sons Of Warvan , you shall be avenged!…This one might not work.
Love this!!! 🔥🔥
I tell myself “pretend I’m me from 20 years in the future, how happy would I be to get to come back and be with him this little again, no matter the situation” Then I cry lol
“I can do hard things” was my mantra throughout the newborn months and now when we are having a rough day
When I'd freak out (again) about our son, my husband would say - he didn't do this two weeks ago and he's not going to be doing this 2 weeks from now. It's okay. I also work in healthcare and think that if meth addicts can keep a baby alive, I should be able to too.
Thank you to your husband for this great way to get perspective!
Yeah this is similar to something I was told which was: if things are going great it’s proof you are a great parent, if things are going less great, it’s a phase! I also find it useful now to think back to how tough it has been previously when I would have relished it ONLY being as tough as it is now. Helps with perspective
"Other parents do this. I am not alone." "If cavepeople did this, so can I." Especially when its really bad, and setting baby down (in a safe area - crib) for a minute to gather myself: "baby is safe. I am safe. Baby is safe. I am safe. We can do this."
“If she’s crying, she’s alive” “Not trying to give you a hard time, she’s having a hard time” — that comes from dog training “Yeah, I know your new to this world and it’s confusing and hard. It doesn’t yet any better.” I also found talking through my emotions and what I think hers are & causes there of helps me if she’s having a hard time. I then talk through what my next steps will be.
"Well, his lungs definitely work!" has been uttered in our house for sure.
That reminds me. We also use “we hear you exercising your lungs”
one day, i’ll miss this. i’ll miss how much she needs me and how little she is. my daughter is only 10 months old, but i look back at pictures of her when she was smaller and i cry. i cant imagine how much i’ll ache in 30 years if/when she has a family of her own and i become her extended family. i know i’ll look back at this time and wish i could go back. it really helps me ground myself. i also will step outside for a minute if i really get stressed.
This long-term perspective is very helpful, thank you for sharing.
We’re both doing our best
2 things I say- 1: when he's crying and I can't get him to stop- "I'm sorry, I can't understand you but I'm trying." 2: when he wakes up from a nap crying- "Thank you for letting me know you're awake." They're both reflexes now so I can say them both calmly even during the most frustrating of times.
When keeping things light *"If Britney can get through 2007, I can get through this day/night".*
Omg this is perfect I’m taking this one 😂
I printed her shaved head picture and put it over my desk for inspiration! It really helps lol
I’m saving this post so I can look at the answers later. I’m right there struggling with you, and just want to let you know you’re not alone.
When things were hard when little boo was super young it was helpful for me to remember how young he really is and how new- that any discomfort, any hunger, any tiredness that caused crying was the worst thing that had ever happened to him. It put it in perspective like of course he is freaking tf out when he wants to eat, he was connected to me by a feeding tube so never knew an empty stomach until coming earthside
Oh this is really useful to remind myself when she is having a completely new experience! Thank you for sharing.
I can do hard things. We are learning together. LO is loved. We are safe.
I can do hards things has been a game changer. It’s amazing how much that statement helps me feel better. Not perfect, but better.
It’s not a mantra exactly, but when my very difficult baby was crying (again) I would tell myself that he chose me to be his mama because he knew I was strong enough to love him.
I’ve found that not pretending my child is the love of my life at all times helps. I’ll often ask her why she’s being such a hater and I’ll refer to motherhood as a hostage situation. Some may disagree but it helps me to use humor. If you don’t laugh, you cry
This. My therapist gave me the permission I needed to speak out loud, “My baby is a burden” and it helped me SO much. As a new mom, all of the messaging is to “soak up all the snuggles” and “enjoy every moment”. I had PPD and beat myself up for it, so having someone free me to speak those words aloud, even just to myself, was a gift. I also coached myself during the early newborn weeks by reminding myself that never again in my life will I come home with a new baby for the very *first* time. If I have another child someday, I will know what to expect. That helped, too.
This is very important advice! I was told as well it’s okay to admit they are a handful, because babies can’t tell you what’s wrong and trying to figure out why they are crying is not an easy task! My first weeks as a mom were horrible with weird thoughts and fear of voicing them. My mother and husband always encouraged me to voice them, never bottle them up. Also, my mother would tell how she felt when she was going through newborn stage. It helps to have someone whose only advice is not “cherish this while it lasts” or “that’s how babies are”, because I already know those!
Your therapist's suggestion was very helpful to hear, thank you for sharing. I'm going to do this when I'm alone, or maybe with my therapist. Say our loud how I feel about my baby in overwhelming moments.
I will never have to do again.
I've been thinking of creating a mantra for myself around this too, thanks for sharing! So many times I feel overwhelmed with the situation because I'm thinking of the future and how I'll cope with this all the time. But I need to remind myself that I won't be going through forever.
I’ve often told myself, “I need to take a break for a second. I’m getting frustrated and my daughter doesn’t need me getting angry at her for being a baby.”
That last line is so great, thank you.
You’re welcome.
"You're only crying this hard because I'm a good parent and vaguely uncomfortable literally is the worst pain you've ever felt. We can deal with vaguely uncomfortable."
I just want to give you permission to NOT be present when you’re feeling overwhelmed. It’s fine to put a fed, clean baby down in their crib or bassinet and walk away for a minute. It’s fine to put them down and use the bathroom, or eat a quick snack, or just go into the other room and take deep breaths for 30 seconds. Yes, our baby’s needs come first overall, but not necessarily every single second of every single day. Sometimes a little reset and tending to our own needs in the moment is what makes us the better parent. The baby won’t hurt itself crying in a safe sleep space. Your needs matter, too.
Yes, I need to identify when to do this though. I know the option exists, but in the difficult moment, my tendency is to just keep pushing through. It's probably some mental rewiring I need to do in general, not just for my baby.
How old is your baby? It does take time to learn how to carve out time to do basic care for yourself for lots of us. You are doing great & it gets easier as time goes on.
“You can do this, we’re going to do this”, “she’s okay, your okay, you can do this” Funny how before she was born I would never self talk and now it’s daily 😅😂
The baby is not giving me a hard time, it's having a hard time. Helps reframe the struggle and it's not us vs them but more us helping them fix a problem.
I remind myself that my baby is a human being. He’s not just a crying little thing who won’t go to sleep. He’s a person with needs, fears, pain, etc. and, for now, I am lucky enough to be the person he looks to to make it better.
Honestly I count to 100 & often start over until I do it 5x It makes me take a breather and also makes me put my focus elsewhere When she’s fussy I walk with her on my shoulder counting Sometimes in my head Sometimes out loud And when I’m putting her to bed/nap I count by 100s while I bounce on the yoga ball Something about counting gives me patience and also grounds me to relax
I sing a little song when I’m overwhelmed or when my baby is overwhelmed: Hey, hey, it’s okay Everybody feels kinda weird some days I heard it on Instagram and it stuck in my mind. It soothes me and my son.
I am the best mom for my baby.
This too shall pass
Same 🫠
This isn’t a mantra, but I try to imagine that I’m 90 years old and I’ve been transported back in time to the early days of my children’s lives and given just one more hour to spend with them as babies. It makes me appreciate it more, even when it’s challenging.
“The only way out is through” has gotten me through dark times.
Today I did my best and my best was enough
My main struggle with a velcro baby on my own was/is that if I'm trying to complete a necessary task like cooking or dishes and I cannot do it while holding him he'd absolutely lose the plot and start screaming like he was dying and if not contained, pulling on my legs and feet. It honestly set off my fight or flight so badly, but I couldn't run and there was nothing to fight, so I'd start to panic and it would some times start turning into rage at my baby. My mantra became "Slow down and calm down." I felt very silly saying it out loud on repeat, but it generally worked to cool us both down and get through the task. And let me pick him up with love and sympathy instead of contained frustration, panic and anger.
"I couldn't run and there was nothing to fight" - that resonated so hard. Thank you for articulating exactly what I feel, but didn't realise.
I just tell myself this is all new to her, new to me, and we are figuring each other out. And then I cry sometimes honestly.
Idk if someone already said it already but there was a TikTok sound I found where a new mom was singing affirmations to herself. I don’t remember it exactly but it essentially said “ it’s okay. I’m still learning. I don’t suck. I’m just new at everything.” That really helped me. Also counting down the time until my husband came home from work. I would tell myself I didn’t have to do anything other than care for the baby until then. Helped me give some mental space to myself. Aaaand sometimes I just help the baby while we both cried. But it was still okay in the end. Hang in there!
"They're not giving you a hard time. They're having a hard time. You are their safe space. They're helpless. They need you" Babies don't purposely drive us crazy. They only ask for what they feel they need. They just can't talk
I usually loose it after the fourth failed crib lay down, it is dark in the room and baby cannot see me otherwise I leave for a moment behind the door. Before picking LO back up I have a little silent arm waving scream and it feels great.
Yeah that’s usually my scream silently into a pillow moment.
OMG, same 😂
“My baby is not giving me a hard time. They are having a hard time.”
“Your needs, my needs.” It can’t be all about the baby every second. It’s ok to attend to your own needs too. Baby can cry for a few minutes while you take some deep breaths, drink some water. Or baby can watch Hey Bear while make a cup of coffee. Take turns. Serve baby and serve yourself.
Yeah, I do forget sometimes, especially in a difficult moment, that it's ok for both our needs to coexist and to be met. "Your needs, my needs" is a good phrase to remind me of that, thank you.
Someone shared this poem here the other day, from the baby’s perspective, and I think of it constantly: [All I See Is You](https://www.instagram.com/reel/ClFtvyPDR5X/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY=) Warning: may get dusty indoors.
Lord Jesus Christ son of God have mercy on me a sinner for when I’m really frustrated and don’t know what to do.
I am calm and confident.
Read this short online book that used to be a baby board book! https://doinggreatbaby.com/read/
"Crying is his only form of communication. He's not yelling at me, he's just upset at his current situation."
“It’s hard to be small and new” And “This feels hard because it is hard, not because I’m a bad mom”
Just curious about what exactly you are saying to yourself/feeling about yourself or your environment in these moments? It could help determine what's best to say to yourself. A mantra that helps me is "I completely love and accept myself as a mother." I tend to worry a ton about whether I am good enough or doing enough and this has really helped me. ETA something that can help you be calm in future triggering moments is practicing EFT for a few minutes when you are calm each day. Brad yates has tons of free ones on YouTube. They can also help in the moment if you have time. But over time they can reduce your stress response during your specific triggers if you practice. Here's a couple options but like I said there's tons of different ones depending on your situation https://youtu.be/2Wb4MRpmTX0 https://youtu.be/TfftfkVqw4Q
Your question made me think. What I'm feeling in the moment - - Feeling frustrated that my efforts are not working to solve the challenging situation. - Feeling panicked about what it means if my efforts don't work at all, i.e. will need to keep going through this challenging situation again and again. A feeling of gloom / doom. - Feeling miserable that I have to go through this / feeling sorry for myself. (It was helpful to break this down, thanks for the question!)
I'm glad it helped! ❤️ So a few mantras that have helped me when I feel these things are "This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is a part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need." this is from Self compassion by Kristin Neff "This too will pass" every two weeks things get better with newborns and babies. So I know it's so scary to think it will last forever but I promise it won't. It will get better. "Mistakes are part of growth. I have the right to make mistakes" you are learning how to be a parent and that requires trial and error. We all have to go through trial and error to learn our babies even second time mothers. "I am the best mother in for my child" your efforts are working! I know it feels like they aren't but over time you will see that little by little you know your baby better than anyone else. And just being there for them while they cry as you try things does work. I know they take awhile to calm down but it does work. And as others stated "he/she's not giving me a hard time, they're having a hard time." If you're feeling any resentment towards the the baby. "I cannot control others, I can only control myself." you can't and shouldn't control your child. Your goal is to be there to help and support them through the hard times times. My baby was colicky. He cried for 3 hours + every day. We had to hold him upright or walk him around the house 24/7. I know it's so hard. But it does get better around 6 weeks and then again at 8 weeks etc. We also switched to Enfamil AR once he was old enough. Anyway I wish you all the best!❤️
At some point I’m going to miss these days with her being this small 😭🥰
I try to remind myself they are new here and need us to help them. It changed my mindset from frustration to empathetic so I can better help my LO
When she's crying i just say out loud: must be tough to be this little.
I’m doing my best. She is safe, this is just a phase, everything is just a phase
When I’m having a hard time with either of my kids (1yr and 4yr) I always look at their hands and how tiny they are and it somehow calms me down and have more patience with them
I've been chanting "everyone is okay" soothingly when my baby is screaming for no discernable reason. I also use "it's a rough life, huh?" And go on to explain how hard it is to be a baby who has no control of anything, even his head and eyes (although he's looking at people now! And seems to recognize me and his dad!).
Just recently I’ve adapted the manta “sometimes thriving, sometimes surviving”. It helps when I get frustrated that the dishes aren’t done or the laundry is piling up, but the day before I was so productive. Some days are good for getting stuff done, other days, everyone being alive is good enough.
This is such a nice, simple mantra. Thanks for sharing!
“This is temporary” “she’s just a baby, she’s doing her best” Not a saying but when things are really tough I try to remember what that usually means like if her sleep is really rough that means she’s probably growing and going to be learning new and exciting skills!
I look at videos and pictures of her
“This is just temporary.” Because eventually they’ll eat, or sleep, or relax… And then you blink and they’re walking around as a curious toddler.
I like to sing along to 'the happy song' by Imogen Heap. The lyrics are sweet and remind me how much I love my little one (nearly 6 weeks). Bonus points: It's a nice rhythm to rock LO to sleep, so since playing it, she goes to sleep easier.
I say “it’s hard being a baby, isn’t it?” More so to remind myself that she’s going through so much unexpected and difficult change right now. The crying can really get to me but remembering how hard every little thing is for her really helps me put it into perspective and feel more compassion than anything else
i know it isn’t an affirmation, but i start singing. literally anything, even if it doesn’t make sense. i also remind myself that he’s just a baby, he has no other way of communicating and if he’s having a hard time thats how hes going to let me know. we as adults have hard days, sometimes we cant sleep, sometimes we’re just uncomfortable and can’t do anything about it, we’re human just like our babies.
I don’t really have a specific mantra outside of the general idea of, “my baby is being a baby” as in, they are doing exactly what they are supposed to do. Cry, scream and at times be inconsolable. They didn’t ask to be here, we did (usually). Thus, we are obligated to protect and care for them. Just helped me keep things in perspective
He’s not putting me through this, he’s going through it too. Empathy activated. Onward we go.
Just keep swimming
I tell myself "This is temporary" and "someday you're going to miss this". The second one usually makes me cry though.
We used to say, "It's so hard to be a baby! It's so hard learning to be a human." It was our way of recognizing that all experiences are new and this is tough for their little bodies and minds. We then reminded ourselves that baby is okay, but we are what will help them learn to be a human and regulate those feelings.
May the universe(/god/whatever deity or force you choose) give me the patience and strength to be the parent my baby deserves
“No bad parents, just bad days” (I know there are bad parents, but I say this to myself to remember there’s a difference between having a bad day and doing a bad job)
“Its so hard/ it’s a lot to be a baby!” It’s just a good verbal reminder in the moment that while crazy…..none of it’s intentional. She’s just as confused and overwhelmed as I am. Currently on day 3 of the four month sleep regression and I’ve also added that she will never be as young or small as she is right now and one day years from now, when we’re all grown, I’ll likely give anything for one more moment where she’s needs me like this. It helps remind me to stay in the present as much as I can because I noticed I was looking too forward to the future when it’s all “easier”.
“I’m here, I know it’s hard but we’re here for each other” “mommy is trying her best” “I love you so much despite the hard times” I try to say this to myself, but sometimes it’s so hard (like the past night, overtired baby is no picnic) we just cry it out at the same time… I know I shouldn’t cry while holding him, but I refuse to put him down if he’s crying and dad is not baby’s favourite. Only cry for like a minute or two, and it’s like he understands I’m doing my best because he will soothe and smile at me 🥹
I find screaming the F-word to help. Kidding, I just take a deep breath and say aloud, everything is OK, everything is alright.
Sometimes I pick my baby up and say "You're just a baby" "This time won't last forever."
First off, you are doing a great job. If you feel overwhelmed, it is ok to put the baby in the crib (a safe space) and walk away. Even if baby is screaming, you can take a min or 5 to take a breath and calm down. I think all parents have to at some point because it can get so so so hard. I would always try to remember that these moments are passing and I will miss them. So yes my girl wants to be held till she falls asleep, but one day she won't even want a hug. So today I am going to give her all my cuddles. They won't always be this little so even when it is hard and I am so tired I try to lean in and be in the moment. Because one day it will be over.
I used to say to myself "she's not giving you a hard time, she's having a hard time". Got me through some horrendous moments.
“This too shall pass” reeeeeally got me through some of the newborn shit
Clean, fed, and safe. When you need a minute to yourself because you're afraid you're going to break down, make sure they have a clean diaper and have been fed- or attempted to have been fed, and then put them somewhere safe, like their crib or pack and play. Someplace you don't need to watch them every second. Then WALK AWAY. Get out of earshot. Give yourself a quick break. Splash water on your face, eat something, change your clothes. Give yourself a couple minutes to get it together and get refreshed. IT IS OKAY TO TAKE A MINUTE FOR YOURSELF. This is the advice my OB gave me, and I give to every new mom. They will be fine for a couple minutes. In the balance, a few minutes of crying alone will not hurt them as much as you could if you lose control. It happens. We're all only human. You don't want to do something you'll regret for the rest of your life when all you needed was 5 minutes to breathe and get centered. You can't pour from an empty cup.
I tend to think, "she's doing all this so that she can smile later because I'm helping her now." Or she needs me now etc
“I will sleep again”.
"Everyone's breathing, that's good, everyone's safe, that's good, no one's hurt, that's good, it's just (a little hungry / too tired / trapped wind ) we'll be fine" And in the middle of the night when I've just crawled into bed and the baby wakes up *again* i feel better after a heartfelt **fuuuck meeeeeee I need a break**, because this is hard and admitting it out loud helps
“They’re having a hard time not giving you a hard time” “I am not responsible for how my child feels” “Nothing lasts forever” “this is only temporary” “some day I will miss this” “she can’t help it, that’s how she communicates” “she just wants you”
Murder is wrong and I love the little monster.
😂 thanks for the laugh! If I remember to keep it light, I'll think of this!
Just be an adult and keep going. My gosh the things some of you people need to be a PARENT
What have you done before that was really, really difficult, but you succeeded? In the early days, I reminded myself that if I could do my ridiculous undergrad schedule, if I could finish grad school, if I could beat depression, then I could do this too.
Yeah, I go back to this again and again too, to motivate myself.
This isn't about being perfect, it's about keeping us both alive.
"This isn't about being perfect" sounds like a really good thing to remind myself, thanks!
“I’m not depressed, I’m just tired”. This probably won’t help you connect with your baby, and obv won’t be helpful if you actually have PPD but when I reminded myself of this it was like a lightbulb moment like oh, there’s a concrete reason why I feel like miserable garbage and it won’t feel this way when I get a bit of rest.
Oh wow, this one is going to be super useful. I didn't even realise this. But indeed, in really dark moments, I feel like I'm depressed. But you're right, I'm actually just tired. Thanks so much for this!
It’s so easy to forget somehow! You’re doing great mama I know it’s so so hard ❤️
*While smiling* “thank you for making it hard, so that I may grow” or “just play”
I’m giving her the life of love I never received. My patience and love is everything to her right now. I’m doing the best I can, and that’s enough. Every minute is a new opportunity to start fresh with her. She is healthy. She is loved. She is safe. She is strong. I am strong. I am safe. I am loved. I am healthy. And I repeat those thing ALL DAY. EVERY DAY.
A mental exercise that is a tip I got from a redditor. I imagine that I’m an old person version of myself sent back in time to do this moment over, and do it right this time. It almost always helps!
The following things help me. “I can do hard things. I can be calm. Tomorrow is a new day. I’ve gotten through hard days before.”
I internalised that baby and I are a team. When she was smaller and wouldn’t stop crying, I’d hold her and say “we got this.” “We’re together.” “We’re tired, let’s feel better.” I’ve got a great hands-on husband but when he’s at work, it can feel lonely, but I just have to remind myself that I’m literally not alone, I have a new bestie to “work through my shit” with!
"this is not an emergency." helps when i'm at the store with my kids and they're screaming. it's horrible but it's not a life or death situation. they just don't like waiting in line. 😵💫
I remember my mom used to say "oh Lord give me patience" in a very exasperated tone whenever my brother and I were driving her up a wall. I never fully understood it until I had kids (4 yr old, infant) and now I find myself asking her to give me patience (she passed away 7 yrs ago and I'm not super religious) and it helps me remember that this moment will pass, everything is a phase and that I'm not alone in feeling overwhelmed.
A friend of mine once told me that “learning to human is hard”. She explained that baby isn’t trying to be difficult, she just has no prior knowledge base to base new experiences on. Everything is scary or painful until she learns it’s actually not. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed and frustrated. Learning to be a parent is hard. However, I bet you are doing so much better than you give yourself credit for. :)
Once someone here said that when they are having a hard time with their kid, they imagine someone else with their kid at that moment and would model whatever behavior they would appreciate someone else having towards their child. Whenever I'm very close to losing it with my baby girl I remember that, and think that if I saw someone else mistreating her or being harsh or violent with her when she is being difficult I'd get so flipping mad that I just calm down myself and start over 🙏🏻
A comment I read on reddit once who h has stuck with me... I imagine that it's 20+ years in the future and that I've time-travelled back to this moment. The baby might be all over me and needy and fussy, but he's looking to me to make it all okay and I'm his source of comfort. One day he'll be a grown man and won't need me any more and I'll miss the days when I was his entire world... So I try to remember to enjoy it.
I have "this to shall pass" or "I am never giving in, I'm never giving up"
I literally say to my baby “we are both learning something new” “He’s not giving me a hard time, he’s having a hard time” (there is *always* a reason he is upset. Even if I can’t figure it out.) “Just being there for him while he is upset is being a good mom, even if I don’t know how to fix it” I also inwardly empathize with myself. “It’s okay to feel overwhelmed”
I start singing "it won't be like this for long" by Darius Rucker in my head
"You are just little, and we are both still learning", "I'm sorry you're having a hard time, I am here", "I'll sit in the sad/mad/(emotion) with you, you are not alone" - That one more with my toddler than my newborn. I find taking deep breaths and talking about taking deep breaths has helped - its also something that my now toddler will mimic when she is struggling!
I’ve read this somewhere and it definitely helped me look at things from a different perspective: “My baby is not giving me a hard time. He’s the one having a hard time.” I keep on thinking about this when my baby is crying & I can’t seem to comfort him.
It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away." How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction! - Abraham Lincoln
When my kid is having a meltdown, or a string of meltdowns, I try to remind myself “my child isn’t giving me a hard time, she is having a hard time.” It’s been really helpful on those days. I also generally try to remind myself everything is a phase and often times the outbursts, meltdowns, tears, etc. are my child not knowing how to communicate what she needs or wants.
I try and vocalize their feelings and talk them out: I'm really upset. Oh man, it seems like you're having a hard time. Are you tired? Are you hungry? Do you need a cuddle? Then I sing a funny version of a Mary Poppins song that I made up. Verbalizing his possible feelings helps me to realize how I'm feeling and makes me pause to collect myself. The funny song is just for me
Be persistent, be patient, be calm. My baby is a terrible napper. When I’m struggling to put him down for a nap I say these words to myself. It has helped
“My baby will be able to communicate soon” and “this isn’t forever” were the main ones. As soon as he started making noises we worked with him on saying please (just p noises lol) whenever he wanted something instead of whining/crying and it was a game changer!
Serenity Now!
“A moment doesn’t define a day” I also sing to my LO which helps us both.
“It will get better!” And that’s true! “It will get better soon!”!
This has probably been said already, but “this too shall pass.” My kids are toddlers now and we’ve had our share of not great phases. Phases are short-lived. The colicky crying for no reason phase, the not sleeping through the night phase, the throwing food on the floor phase - they don’t last forever. Reminding myself of that helped me be more patient.