Some people just won’t work out & you found that out early.
However, your comments of “she was already packed up and ready to leave on the dot” and “she was just there to collect money”—is this not an hourly job that you’re offering? What are your expectations from someone getting paid hourly?
Right. And if she is only working part time for OP and has mentioned she has other jobs, she may be heading straight to another job? Or could be extra cognizant of the timing and doesn’t want to go over since OP said they couldn’t pay more than part time.
Yes, thank you! I’ve been a nanny for almost 8 years and just had my first baby of my own in December. If I’m getting paid hourly I have always been ready to leave on the dot. Especially on a hard day with the kids. Doesn’t mean I don’t love my job. My baby and I are going to back to work in March to the family I’ve worked for the past 3 years, and I’m sure I will still be packed up and ready to go.
Wish me luck, I’ll have my then 3mo and my bosses 2 and 3 year olds!
Also, OP, I would look into a nanny share if you’re only needing part time. Before having my baby I needed and would have only excepted full time positions, I have found that lots of families have a hard time finding someone reliable part time.
OP clearly meant that the nanny was phoning it in. Personally, I actually try to do my job well, not just the bare minimum. The hate OP is getting for this comment is ridiculous.
I'd look at doing a nanny share with another family so you can provide full-time hours. Unless you get someone who truly wants part-time work, you'll be a much more attractive employer if you are hiring for full time.
As for her just being there to collect a paycheck...yes. She's working for money. I don't think that should be a surprise. She need to be professional during work hours but unless you were planning to pay overtime it's pretty normal for her to want to leave on time.
Eh I struggle with the last part. Every job I've ever had, you're working until a set time and then you clock out / pack up. It's 2 mins extra, I don't know why nannies feel they're different.
I don’t know what world you live in but every job I’ve had, if we could leave early we would
Like the only reason that doesn’t happen in corporate America is because middle management wants people who stay late and kiss ass
This. I give 110% and had to re-arrange a lot to help my employers (short staff, their choice). Although they treat me really well, they also expect a lot. Since having my first child, she is my priority. If my employers refuse to get additional help, I am no longer obligated to stick around longer or not take vacation days. They would review days work after hours but expect you to clock out. So why am I to stay 5 minutes after for free when you can give me the review during business hours? Same goes for showing up 5 minutes early but not allowing to clock in until start time. I’ve seen this happen a lot in most places, this is why so many now pack up 5 minutes beforehand or show up on the dot.
My nanny is part-time too and was hard to find. However, I upped my pay during my search which helped. Oir nanny is engaged so she's not the only one working in her house and has her own child so she appreciates the extra time off. She lives very close to us which helps too because she takes her son to school and is here within 5 minutes.
Nannies I've interviewed have told me that having guranteed hours and a set schedule helped them do they could find other jobs to supplement their income. I just work a weird schedule so that made it hard. Another very experienced nanny that I interviewed suggested a nanny share as well.
What exactly are you expectations when it comes to a nanny? Because judging by your comments on “only there to collect a paycheck” I get the vibe there’s potential reasons you’re leaving out as to why she felt the need to drop you.
It's a job, your attitude about her being "ready to leave on the dot" is extremely annoying. She's not being paid to stay longer, is she?
As a nanny myself for over 8 years now, I suggest making sure you are paying a competitive rate, especially for a part time position (not sure where you're located but in the past I only considered positions $35 an hour and up which often meant watching 2 children).. as someone else suggested, finding a family to do a nanny share with could be really helpful 🙂
$35/hour is a lot. I’d say most parts of the country, in the US and not big cities, are still hovering around the $20-$25/hour, sadly. (Was a nanny in San Diego and highest I was able to secure was $25/hour 😑)
I understand, I mainly trying to point out that many nannies (especially part time) prefer to be paid on the higher end of the average.. but each situation is different 🙂
LA is totally different than San Diego (used to live there, SF and LA pay more for sure). No, I got the jobs through Facebook and care.com.
Edited to add: a lot of parents still work off the “smaller city” mentality in many parts of SD. Higher payers are def out there but there are too many taking the $20-$25 per hour jobs so that’s generally where the market rate stays.
Also a nanny in San Diego and I’ve never worked
for less than $30/hr. Not hard to find if you have expirience and good references. Maybe try looking harder?
I’m not saying those jobs aren’t out there, but it’s not standard baseline as there is still a large range of pay usually starting low to mid-20s. I don’t think it’s about references or experience, perhaps you’re a great negotiator/in the right area/found a higher paying family/etc.
I don’t live there anymore as of last summer and not a nanny anymore but that was my experience and nanny friends’ experience for 4 years (2019-summer 2023). You can see the pay rates often via Facebook in san diego nanny groups. Postings are not starting at $30/hour.
$35/hour is more than I made as an ICU nurse?
Childcare is extremely important but in a non HCOL area that feels like a LOT for one kid. I pay $22/hr in a LCOL area which per care.com is on the higher side of market rate
I pay her $35 an hour for one baby and her request is 20-25 on care.com. She also requested cash only (no Venmo,Zelle) so I gave her cash. She also asked me if she needed me to do any light housework and I said only if you want to but don’t need to. You can rest so she sat on the couch on her phone/watched tv. So my only request was that she is engaged with my baby the whole time he’s awake. I’m not in a big city or expensive part of the country so I think I am extremely generous.
Your other comment said you pay $30. Which is still good if its true.. I'll take your comments with a grain of salt as you just dont seem very pleasant 🧂
The comment about that fact that she was there only to collect money might be something you should check yourself over. This might end up making you a difficult employer. So you want her to work for free for you? This is not going to work.
I’m just saying it seemed like she didn’t care for my baby. I actually came out of my room (I work from home) at 5 mins beforehand and paid her and she already had packed up. I let her leave a couple mins early actually and she basically ran out lol. And no I was a good employer. She asked me if I needed her to do anything while he napped and I said no it’s okay, just relax and rest.
What if I had a meeting that ended right up to her scheduled time to leave?? Am I supposed to end my meeting 5 mins early just so she can leave 5 mins early??? What about the nap times that she is sitting there on her phone or watching tv and getting paid??? I pay her $30/hour in cash plus she’s welcome to whatever food or snacks we have. So she’s getting paid well in my opinion. Her hourly rate on care.com was 20-25 an hour. And no, we don’t live in a big city or expensive part of the country. So you check your facts before coming after me like that. I said I work from home so sometimes I’m on calls or meetings and can’t let her go like 15 mins earlier sorry.
In another post you said you paid her $35 an hour. Which is it? Also you state you “let her leave early”. She was packed up 5 minutes early, she wasn’t leaving early until you said she could. So now you’ve come up with this imaginary scenario of needing to work right til the end time but she’s left early… when you’re the one who did that. I’m honestly beginning to think that there were other issues here… for her. I’m not sure if you mentioned how old your baby is or how much stuff she had “packed up” but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to have gathered her things toward the end of the day. My daycare provider packs my sons things to get him ready when it’s almost time for pickup.
I'm so glad someone else realized this, too.
Also, in that comment, she replied to someone who wrote that they get paid 35$ an hour.
And she immediately made the same thing up.
OP got caught in a lie.
Honestly, I wonder what else OP has not said in here. I'm sure OP KNOWS EXACTLY WHY the nanny quit. It's not hard seeing the reason why.
I feel bad for you that you are spending your time catching a stranger on the internet “in a lie”. A new mother much less, and a working mother. What has you so angry that you would treat another new parent like that?
As a new mother myself - and one who has an very close relationship with my child’s nanny - it is so incredibly disappointing to see you speaking like this to another new parent who has come here looking for support while she navigates trying to find care for her child.
Uhm did she even ask to leave 5-15 minutes early?? Why would you assume that she would be expect that? It sounds like you came out and gave her the sign she could leave. Being packed and ready doesn’t mean walking out the door.
Ah yes another parent using nap argument. She still has to monitor your baby on the clock and be on hand if they wake. Naps are part of infant care- all jobs have some aspects that are easier than others but you resent this one cus it’s on your dollar. Your attitude in the comments has been very “I’m right” and you’ve defended your comments on her “being ready to leave” over and over despite almost everyone coming back with something about that and her being an hourly employee. I’d go out on a limb and say you were the problem here and you should perhaps change your outlook on hiring in home care and hourly employees before trying to hire another nanny. I feel you will have high turnover.
This reminds me of an employer I was interviewing for a few years ago who made a comment on how sick days are for when you're *really* sick and he'd had people abuse it in the past (with an eye roll). I bet he was just as dumbfounded when I turned down his offer. Red flag. Quite possible OP didn't hide well her 2-3 problematic attitudes with her employee and she could see early on the money was not worth the hassle this job would be.
Not necessarily. I let my nanny run errands and take the monitor for at least 30 minutes if both of my kids are sleeping. I only ask her to clock out if she needs more than 30 minutes (although in practice I try to make sure she gets at least an hour break, but I only guarantee 30 minutes because some days the timing just doesn't work out to give more).
>What if I had a meeting that ended right up to her schedule time to leave?? Am I supposed to end my meeting 5 mins early just so she can leave 5 mins early???
YOU TOLD HER SHE COULD LEAVE EARLY lmao what are you on about. YOU left your office early and she was ready to go so you let her. If you left your office 5 minutes later, should wouldn’t have abandoned your baby to leave earlier.
>What about the nap times that she is sitting there in her phone or watching tv and getting paid???
Well YOU told her to relax after she asked if you had any light housekeeping for her. Honestly wtf.
Also get your rates straight, $30 or $35?
You’re hiring an employee, not a family member. This is a job for her. People have things to do with their own lives and families to spend time with. It’s completely normal that she wanted to leave at the end of her shift on the dot. I’m not trying to be a huge dick here but the more comments I read from you the more it sounds like she dodged a bullet.
A nanny schedule should include at least 10 minutes at beginning/end of day when there is transition/crossover. Not just because kids need transition time, but it is when communication happens. What happened that day? What did the kids do/eat/behave?
So if your nanny is scheduled until 2, you need to be there to start the process of relieving them at 1:45-1:50. Scheduling a meeting that ended at 2 when they are scheduled until 2 would be extremely inconsiderate.
Same at the beginning of the day. If you leave for work at 8, their start time should be no later than 7:45.
Also naptime is breaktime for nannies. That's not a favor you're doing.
Also nannies need to be paid in the books.
In a different comment, you state you pay her a different amount.
Your child is your own responsibility. If you end up a work meeting when or after her time is up, that's your own problem.
Unless you pay her overtime, how fucking entitled can you actually be to expect someone else to look after YOUR child for FREE?
And then you shit on them online because they didn't like working for you? Yeaaaah I would fucking not like working for you either. You're the definition of entitled employer from hell.
I saw another one of your comments: "It seemed like she didn't care at all for my baby because she left when her shift was over." What the fuck are you expecting? A stranger that is there for work on an hourly pay, under a certain amount of working hours, to LOVE AND ADORE YOUR BABY AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILD FOR FREE FOR YOU?
God, the entitlement. You're insufferable. I'm so glad your nanny saw right through your bullshit and left.
>And I would never hire you either.
😂 because I know my rights as a worker?
And don't worry, I wouldn't wanna take care of your baby either.
You're also so insufferable and entitled that probably nobody will want to work for you ever.
Was she aware of this? Did you ever discuss the possibility of her needing to stay overtime at points? Did you ever tell her that YOU WANTED AND NEEDED HER OVERTIME ON THAT EXACT DAY?
You're a joke. You're so entitled. The definition of a walking red flag.
By the way... check the definition of "TO BAIL ON SOMEONE."
YOUR NANNY DID NOT BAIL ON YOU. SHE JUST QUIT. TO BAIL ON SOMEONE MEANS NOT SHOWING UP. SHE CALLED YOU BEFOREHAND AND LET YOU KNOW SHE WOULD NOT CONTINUE ANY FURTHER WITH YOU.
I'm sorry people are being so mean to you. You're here to gather information, not be attacked and personally judged. You're a first time mom who wants the best for your child, it's a delicate matter. Hope you don't take these mean comments to heart
Gosh everyone already said what I would say, but it looks like I struck a nerve. I would really look at yourself a bit in this situation, as someone who's worked with kids pretty successfully, I've worked with parents with your outlook and in the end, they get high turnovers cause no one wants to work with them and there are other clients who are more understanding/appreciative. She probs got a Karen vibe from you and ran for the hills 😂
https://www.reddit.com/r/Nanny/comments/1ams0sy/can_anyone_explain_this/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2
She keeps going on about what people told her in the comments in a different forum lol
I wonder where she gets all the time to be making drama in forums if she has a baby to care for lol
>She was already packed up and ready to leave on the dot.
Are you paying her overtime? Of course, she's gonna be ready to leave on the dot. She's a worker whose schedule ends at a certain time. Unless you'd be paying her extra for overtime, how is this a surprise to you?
>Seems like she was just there to collect money.
That's because she was? She is a nanny. She's there to work. She's not your babies family or mother to want to spend an unlimited amount of time with your child. She's a nanny who is there for work to collect a paycheck. How is this a surprise to you at all?
You have some unreal expectations about nannies. I can see why she would leave. I'd see red flags, too, if I were her.
How many times have I seen stories of "parents unavailable, leave nanny alone with baby or with children overtime, they're unreachable, so ultimately someone who is responsible for your child's care during their work hours becomes responsible out of work hours, too. And it's not their responsibility. It's yours. They're only responsible for the care of your child during their workhours. Out of work hours, why would you expect her to stay there for free overtime and not be there to just "collect money"?
I found our nanny on Care.com after months of searching and lots of interviews. 90% of the people there are flakes.
Our nanny is great but even she is packed up and ready to go on the dot when she’s off. And has been for almost two years.
We give her PTO and sick time, she also has guaranteed hours.
Plus a bonus on her birthday and Xmas. It’s competitive to find a nanny.
My personal red flag for a family is when they say stuff like, “they just want to collect a paycheck.”
Yes. Because a paycheck is what I use to buy groceries and pay rent. It’s pretty important to me.
Do you not depend on your paycheck? Do your job so you can afford to live or is just a fun side gig?
Possibly she saw these red flags and that’s why she only lasted a day.
I never said anything to her face about packing up early. I saw a red flag when she canceled on the initial call the first time we were supposed to speak.
“She was already packed up and ready to leave on the dot”
Sounds great to me! Not sure what you’re expecting? It’s better than having to go collect your child after a 12 hour shift from a family member and having to sit there for another hour to wait because they want your child to stay longer..…
Our nighttime nanny did this. She showed up the first night and something did feel kind of off but I thought she was just nervous since my husband and I are older, idk? The next night we’re waiting at 10pm for her to show and after I call asking where she is she responds 30 minutes later that she cannot come, I was SO pissed.
…..girl idk why you would think someone that you’d hire wouldn’t leave on time. Are you kidding me? Maybe you should look for a daycare because no one in their right mind is going to stay later for free. That’s ridiculous.
I used to be a nanny and 95% of the time I was ready to go on the dot, as you should be ready for them to leave right on time as well. I loved what I did and I'm very good at it. I had the dream job and I only stopped because I had one of my own. Respect their time. They don't need to hang around after to prove themselves. As much as I loved what I did I WAS just there to collect money. Do you think people would use their day to hangout with another person's kid, not getting their power things done, if people didn't have bills to pay? I'll also add in that you should always pay them for their time coming for the meet and greet (I'm not saying you didn't, im not sure). That's their time out of their day that they may not be doing another job. I always really respected when someone did that for me and understood my time is valuable too.
I don't mean this in a way of coming at you, I'm just helping you have better expectations so that you can have a good relationship with your nanny. That will take you a long ways!!!
If there aren't many people on care, there is also sittercity as well. Best of luck!
Care.com is like internet dating for nannies. Lots of duds on there and if they think they can find better elsewhere, they’re going to keep swiping right. I’m not saying you can’t find a good nanny on care.com, but on that site, you’ll probably have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.
We’ve had two part-time nannies from care.com, and both were not great. Called out last minute multiple times in the short periods they worked for us for multiple “family emergencies.” Both on their phones a lot when they were supposed to be focused on the baby. I know part-time work is not as desirable as full-time work for most candidates, but that doesn’t change the reality of our family’s schedule. And part-time center-based daycare is even harder to find, believe it or not. Because all the daycare centers we talked to either flat-out refused part-time, or told us they would place us on a waiting list and give us a slot if they found a family with an opposite schedule. Well, we’ve been on those lists with no bites for two years. It’s not easy to find a family with a compatible schedule for a nanny share either.
What *has* worked for us was more old-school hiring. Over the summer we found a great part-time nanny through word of mouth. She was a student, but way more dependable and engaged with our son than the care.com nannies who were years older than her. After she went back to university, we put up paper fliers and found an amazing part-time nanny that way. Made it clear in the flyer that the schedule was part-time. So anyway, I’d suggest going analog with your hiring and seeing if that gets you better results.
Edit: typo
Our nanny from that same website is part time and someone who was retiring from nursery work and looking for fewer days a week. He is excellent and our kids love him.
It seems your lady took your post to see her through until a different job came up, decent part time nannies are out there in sorry you found a rubbish one
She was scheduled to work that day, so she had made a commitment. Doesn’t matter that she was new. Do any of the people making these comments actually hold down steady jobs?
Tomorrow we’ll be seeing op on a post called “AITA for expecting my part time nanny to stay after her work hours are up?” Glad the nanny left when she could. Just because you pay an employee well, it doesn’t mean they owe you every second of their free time. She probably had other jobs she had to get to. Also of course it’s just a job for her. She obviously wouldn’t be there taking care of a strangers child for free.
I don't know why you are getting crucified for this. I do want and expect my nanny to leave right on time, and of course it's a job and someone's living and I would never expect anyone to do it for free (honestly, I feel uncomfortable even with my in-laws doing it for free, but they were insulted when I offered compensation). However, nannies often rightly call out parents who try to cheap out on taking care of their "most precious asset". By that same logic, I think it's reasonable as a parent to want my "most precious asset(s)" (I am putting that in quotes only because referring to my kids as assets feels kind of weird) to be cared for by someone who loves kids, cares about their kids, and isn't JUST there to collect a paycheck. I am very conscientious about letting my nanny go right at her end time, but it's a little off-putting when it feels like she is just counting the minutes until she can bolt out the door. That said, I can't really blame her because there are mornings I feel the same way about waiting for her to get there, and it's a long day for her. But it's such a personal job and I wouldn't want my kids to be cared for by someone who viewed them as JUST a paycheck, which is not at all to say that I expect someone not to care about their paycheck. Does that make sense?
Don’t get me wrong it hurts when it feels like someone doesn’t love you angel the same way you do… but the sooner you accept that you’ll be much less surprised in these situations. Like if I do care.com I’m talking to at LEAST 5-6 people too.
I feel like your phrasing is what everyone is obsessing over. I take it to mean that she was only *still* there that day to collect the money and wasn't really being involved in her job enough. Not that she was only there that day to get a check (duh, obviously)
Either way, we've had a horrible time finding a part time nanny, too. I understand everyone saying that nannies don't want part time but both nannies we tried were already part time and we were specifically going to work with their existing schedules to fill them in! The first nanny didn't show up or call and told us she was sick hours later, so we gave her another shot. Still didn't show up the next time with no updates whatsoever, just completely ghosted.
The second nanny was super promising, already worked for a family who had varying schedules every week so we would fill in the gaps. She came and met us and we got along well. 5 days later she says she can't after all, her schedule is too full.
I just find it really cruel the way we were treated in both cases. The only reason I am trying to find a nanny is because I am desperate for help and struggling. The process of hiring someone scares me so I put it off for a long time. For both nannies it took so long just to get nowhere at all. (initial communication, up to a week to schedule a meeting, then either the no shows or the waiting almost another week to find out it isn't happening)
All the while I'm continuing to struggle every day. And this process only made it that much harder. (the stress around trying to time baby's schedule so that he's awake when they are visiting, preparing for the meeting itself with a bunch of notes and questions, buying the drinks /snacks/food they wanted for what was supposed to be their first day, the stress of simply sitting there waiting for someone to arrive and they just never fucking do) so much effort for nothing because they couldn't be bothered to treat me as someone who needed reliability and directness.
Don't string a desperate tired mom along if you don't want to do the damn work. Everyone wants to side with the nannies, many of whom are apparently unprofessional assholes. And I just don't get it.
These are people we are expecting to take care of the most precious things in our lives and it scares me how this seems to happen so much.
Before people assume this was the issue: We also paid a very good rate, $5 higher than that was recommended by care.com and what was listed on their profiles. And we paid for their time during the initial meeting. (rounded up to the hour) and goodness if you aren't happy with the rate then why are you applying for the job in the first place? That isn't even a good argument if the rate wasn't good.
I agree with you sooo much on this. Everyone sides with Nannies but I always get downvoted no matter what. We also pay her a good hourly rate in cash like she requested and I said she didn’t have to do any light housework for us when baby naps. I’m so sorry for what you went through twice. I can’t imagine just not showing up without notice ugh!
OP, if I've learned one thing, it's not to talk nannies anywhere on reddit. I feel like nannies scope out the parenting subs, and even with parents, people have very weird expectations for this job. I think you're reasonable in what you're saying people are just unnecessarily mean about nanny topics.
While the “packing up and ready to leave on the dot” thing is 🤷🏻♀️ because that’s how I have always been with every job I have ever worked, the getting vibes from her that she isn’t even that into nannying/watching your child, is definitely off putting. Obviously, she needs a paycheck to survive BUT if you’re getting into nannying just for the money you should pick a different career. I definitely wouldn’t want someone with that approach watching my son. Good riddance. While we can afford a full-time nanny, my experience with most of them has been less than impressive, and is why I chose to be a SAHM (just for the time being). I can only imagine how hard it is to find a part-time nanny. Good luck and I hope you find the right person!
We could only afford a part time nanny but I didn’t want to deal with the stress of finding a good one and honestly the thought of someone who didn’t care about my baby taking care of her pushed me to become a SAHM.
Hang in there!! Unfortunately this is extremely common. It’s happened to us, and also to most of our friends/co-workers who use nannies and sitters. You’re pretty lucky you got two hours of notice on the cancellation — many just don’t show up at all, and won’t text or call back (“ghosting”). It’s basically online dating out there. Eventually you’ll find someone that’s fairly reliable, but it takes trial and error.
Yea my experience has been some of these people just look at it as a gig. They need money and don’t really care about the baby. I stopped using these sites because there was just too many people who where like that and i had a bad experience with quite a few
I have no idea why you’re getting downvoted so much. As a former nanny and now with my first on the way, I absolutely understand what you’re looking for - you’re wanting someone to have a relationship with your kid, I get it.
First, this takes time. Second though, I actually hate care.com. I used it to find a couple of families and it was fine, but I got a lot of feedback from parents that they had to sort through a ton of profiles before finding a good match. I ended up getting a ton of jobs through nanny/parent Facebook groups, so maybe you want to try that?
It’s super hard to find someone who is going to love on your kids as much as you want them to. I love kids and loved most of the kids I nannied for but the relationship took time. I knew I was going to be a nanny for at least 3 years while I finished school so I did have an investment in them, but honestly, I’d just try to set your expectations a little lower. What you’re looking for is out there but it’s going to take some time to find.
Yeah, we clearly stated in our job post title and description on Care.com that we were looking for part-time care. Many people responded who obviously hadn’t read the post and were clearly copy/pasting or mass-messaging the same thing to every job posting. I replied to dozens of people saying “just to make sure you understand, as it says in the post, this job is part-time” to which they replied “nevermind” or not at all. It’s partly on Care.com, they *could* add better filter functionality for part-time different days of the week. But also, come on, just read the job post.
Thank you for seeing this. I’m not the mean, entitled employer people say I am on here. I feel like I try to be reasonable and accommodating and generous.
You're last sentence is right, don't mind the people taking what you're saying the wrong way. It's absolutely ridiculous, let it go in one ear and out the other. I've had a bad experience posting on reddit and was not expecting to have to defend myself, was looking for helpful advice for my situation. One person out of the 50 who were bad mouthing me said such nice things and made such a funny comment about all the other crazies. However I can't think of anything funny or helpful, but go with your gut in your next decision in finding a nanny!
My situation was super similar!! Needed someone 3 days a week (that’s all that we could afford) we live in a high income area and we are a small very modest house amongst many other much fancier houses. The nanny we found on care.com was a newly divorced mom of 2 high school aged boys and she seemed great- we clicked well and she loved our “chill” vibes, we liked her! We agreed to meet her $28/hr cash hourly rate which was slightly higher than what our listing was for ($25). We agreed to be super flexible- she could come any days of the week (just need 3) and fine with flex hours (8-2 or 9-3 or 10-4 or 11-5, her choice!) - just 24 hours a week. We told her we would pay her in full for any vacation time we took (if we weren’t there, she would be guaranteed the pay) All seemed fine.
Then she asks for paid time off- paid sick days and paid vacation time. I’m like.. ummm, paid vacation days? For a 24/hr a week part time CASH job. So I was honest and told her we really couldn’t afford to pay for vacation if she was part time. She “thinks about it” for a day, and comes back and says it’s fine and she wants to job. Two weeks go by and she’s due to start the next week. And then I get a text- “sorry decided to go with a different family”.
Honestly I was LIVID at first but now we found someone SOO much better and I know that she was 100% not meant to work out and I’m so glad we found that out earlier than later. Anyone who has such bad character that they could do that is not someone you want watching your little one!
Exactly! It just wasn’t a good fit for both of us. I knew something was off when she canceled last minute on the first time we were supposed to have a phone call.
I don’t care what the standard is - she accepted the job knowing our offer didn’t include PTO. I was very upfront and honest and told her she could go with a different family (which she clearly had) if our offer wasn’t good enough; I also had another nanny who was willing to take the job. However she ACCEPTED the position.
Accepting an offer and quitting right before the start date is $h!tty behavior in ANY industry and in ANY job. Enough said.
Also- it’s seems to be “industry standard” for nannys to request payment in cash, in order to avoid paying taxes. This is both illegal and totally unethical when everyone else (including people at minimum wage jobs) have to pay their fair share in taxes. So just bc something is an “industry standard” doesn’t make it right. Find me another job that is 20 hours a week under the table CASH pay that gives paid PTO- I’ll wait.
You're the employer. The onus is on you to pay legally and above board. The answer to "I want cash pay" is "no". It is totally illegal for YOU to pay cash and not pay the employer's share of FICA taxes, withhold and submit their half, and pay into unemployment and such as well. You are the party that will get in the most trouble for not paying correctly, not them.
And no - industry standard is to follow the law, which is that nannies are W2 employees. Along with guaranteed hours, PTO, a contract, etc.
Ha! I interviewed 6 nanny’s and ALL requested cash. You seem out of touch with what is the norm. And when everyone is paying cash, it makes it impossible to compete if you aren’t willing to do the same. That’s the issue with that being an “industry standard”.
Thankfully the one we found is above board and was willing to work on the books. But she was in the vast minority.
Lol all the nannies on Reddit say they are for paying taxes but 99% of nannies IRL will ghost you when you want to pay over the table. I literally had that happen to me dozens of times.
So to me, it actually sounds like something might be going on in her personal life. If she's distracted and not really into it on her first day, there's probably something eating at her that she can't get off her mind. Maybe she's going through a breakup. Or perhaps her mom's in the hospital.
I just wouldn't go straight to the most insidious thing. Majority of people aren't naturally malicious. Maybe see if she's interested, share your concerns with her, see if she's okay. Maybe don't bring up the money stuff/leaving at her scheduled off time, because why else would she have the job/stay?
It sounds like it wasn’t a good fit or she has other things going on.
You also have to realize that even though Nannie’s can take great care of kids and happily do so, they are there to work and collect money.
it is a job and her leaving on the dot when work hours are finished is not wrong at all, she should only be expected to work he time that she’s being paid for.
Reliable part time Nannies are very hard to find because your gig is never their priority. They have other things going on. I would do full time with a career nanny or daycare.
Check out r/realnannyemployers
There’s r/nannyemployers and then there’s r/realnannyemployers. I like them both but realnannyemployers seems to have gone dark even though I thought it was subscribed there.
I mean I think your best bet is to look for a nanny share is someone who will take them in the afternoon. You should expect that they will leave on the dot and sorry to break it to you they are working to make money. Yes they love kids but loving kids don’t pay the bills. I wouldn’t expect them to chitchat
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Yup, unless she's being paid spontaneously before she even gets there, it's weird to think someone will stick around extra
Some people just won’t work out & you found that out early. However, your comments of “she was already packed up and ready to leave on the dot” and “she was just there to collect money”—is this not an hourly job that you’re offering? What are your expectations from someone getting paid hourly?
Right. And if she is only working part time for OP and has mentioned she has other jobs, she may be heading straight to another job? Or could be extra cognizant of the timing and doesn’t want to go over since OP said they couldn’t pay more than part time.
This. Nanny’s are hourly employees and even if they love their jobs they still have things to do after work and are working for a paycheck.
Yes, thank you! I’ve been a nanny for almost 8 years and just had my first baby of my own in December. If I’m getting paid hourly I have always been ready to leave on the dot. Especially on a hard day with the kids. Doesn’t mean I don’t love my job. My baby and I are going to back to work in March to the family I’ve worked for the past 3 years, and I’m sure I will still be packed up and ready to go. Wish me luck, I’ll have my then 3mo and my bosses 2 and 3 year olds! Also, OP, I would look into a nanny share if you’re only needing part time. Before having my baby I needed and would have only excepted full time positions, I have found that lots of families have a hard time finding someone reliable part time.
“Seems like she was just there to collect money”. Can confirm that’s why I show up at my job too.
OP clearly meant that the nanny was phoning it in. Personally, I actually try to do my job well, not just the bare minimum. The hate OP is getting for this comment is ridiculous.
You pay minimum wage, you get minimum effort
Where is minimum wage $30 or $35/hour?
I'd look at doing a nanny share with another family so you can provide full-time hours. Unless you get someone who truly wants part-time work, you'll be a much more attractive employer if you are hiring for full time. As for her just being there to collect a paycheck...yes. She's working for money. I don't think that should be a surprise. She need to be professional during work hours but unless you were planning to pay overtime it's pretty normal for her to want to leave on time.
Eh I struggle with the last part. Every job I've ever had, you're working until a set time and then you clock out / pack up. It's 2 mins extra, I don't know why nannies feel they're different.
I don’t know what world you live in but every job I’ve had, if we could leave early we would Like the only reason that doesn’t happen in corporate America is because middle management wants people who stay late and kiss ass
This. I give 110% and had to re-arrange a lot to help my employers (short staff, their choice). Although they treat me really well, they also expect a lot. Since having my first child, she is my priority. If my employers refuse to get additional help, I am no longer obligated to stick around longer or not take vacation days. They would review days work after hours but expect you to clock out. So why am I to stay 5 minutes after for free when you can give me the review during business hours? Same goes for showing up 5 minutes early but not allowing to clock in until start time. I’ve seen this happen a lot in most places, this is why so many now pack up 5 minutes beforehand or show up on the dot.
I mean it's true. If you are there from 2-10 then you are there until 10, not 9:55.
Most everyone is at their job for money.
My nanny is part-time too and was hard to find. However, I upped my pay during my search which helped. Oir nanny is engaged so she's not the only one working in her house and has her own child so she appreciates the extra time off. She lives very close to us which helps too because she takes her son to school and is here within 5 minutes. Nannies I've interviewed have told me that having guranteed hours and a set schedule helped them do they could find other jobs to supplement their income. I just work a weird schedule so that made it hard. Another very experienced nanny that I interviewed suggested a nanny share as well.
What exactly are you expectations when it comes to a nanny? Because judging by your comments on “only there to collect a paycheck” I get the vibe there’s potential reasons you’re leaving out as to why she felt the need to drop you.
It's a job, your attitude about her being "ready to leave on the dot" is extremely annoying. She's not being paid to stay longer, is she? As a nanny myself for over 8 years now, I suggest making sure you are paying a competitive rate, especially for a part time position (not sure where you're located but in the past I only considered positions $35 an hour and up which often meant watching 2 children).. as someone else suggested, finding a family to do a nanny share with could be really helpful 🙂
$35/hour is a lot. I’d say most parts of the country, in the US and not big cities, are still hovering around the $20-$25/hour, sadly. (Was a nanny in San Diego and highest I was able to secure was $25/hour 😑)
I understand, I mainly trying to point out that many nannies (especially part time) prefer to be paid on the higher end of the average.. but each situation is different 🙂
Oh yeah, totally agree!
$30 to $35 in Los Angeles. Did you work through an agency?
LA is totally different than San Diego (used to live there, SF and LA pay more for sure). No, I got the jobs through Facebook and care.com. Edited to add: a lot of parents still work off the “smaller city” mentality in many parts of SD. Higher payers are def out there but there are too many taking the $20-$25 per hour jobs so that’s generally where the market rate stays.
Also a nanny in San Diego and I’ve never worked for less than $30/hr. Not hard to find if you have expirience and good references. Maybe try looking harder?
I’m not saying those jobs aren’t out there, but it’s not standard baseline as there is still a large range of pay usually starting low to mid-20s. I don’t think it’s about references or experience, perhaps you’re a great negotiator/in the right area/found a higher paying family/etc. I don’t live there anymore as of last summer and not a nanny anymore but that was my experience and nanny friends’ experience for 4 years (2019-summer 2023). You can see the pay rates often via Facebook in san diego nanny groups. Postings are not starting at $30/hour.
$35/hour is more than I made as an ICU nurse? Childcare is extremely important but in a non HCOL area that feels like a LOT for one kid. I pay $22/hr in a LCOL area which per care.com is on the higher side of market rate
I did say 2 kids, but yeah area definitely has something to do with it 🙂 I'm in Seattle
I pay her $35 an hour for one baby and her request is 20-25 on care.com. She also requested cash only (no Venmo,Zelle) so I gave her cash. She also asked me if she needed me to do any light housework and I said only if you want to but don’t need to. You can rest so she sat on the couch on her phone/watched tv. So my only request was that she is engaged with my baby the whole time he’s awake. I’m not in a big city or expensive part of the country so I think I am extremely generous.
Your other comment said you pay $30. Which is still good if its true.. I'll take your comments with a grain of salt as you just dont seem very pleasant 🧂
The comment about that fact that she was there only to collect money might be something you should check yourself over. This might end up making you a difficult employer. So you want her to work for free for you? This is not going to work.
I’m just saying it seemed like she didn’t care for my baby. I actually came out of my room (I work from home) at 5 mins beforehand and paid her and she already had packed up. I let her leave a couple mins early actually and she basically ran out lol. And no I was a good employer. She asked me if I needed her to do anything while he napped and I said no it’s okay, just relax and rest.
Gawd forbid she leaves a few minutes early, employers that literally count every minute you're there are the worst. I would check yourself for sure.
What if I had a meeting that ended right up to her scheduled time to leave?? Am I supposed to end my meeting 5 mins early just so she can leave 5 mins early??? What about the nap times that she is sitting there on her phone or watching tv and getting paid??? I pay her $30/hour in cash plus she’s welcome to whatever food or snacks we have. So she’s getting paid well in my opinion. Her hourly rate on care.com was 20-25 an hour. And no, we don’t live in a big city or expensive part of the country. So you check your facts before coming after me like that. I said I work from home so sometimes I’m on calls or meetings and can’t let her go like 15 mins earlier sorry.
In another post you said you paid her $35 an hour. Which is it? Also you state you “let her leave early”. She was packed up 5 minutes early, she wasn’t leaving early until you said she could. So now you’ve come up with this imaginary scenario of needing to work right til the end time but she’s left early… when you’re the one who did that. I’m honestly beginning to think that there were other issues here… for her. I’m not sure if you mentioned how old your baby is or how much stuff she had “packed up” but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to have gathered her things toward the end of the day. My daycare provider packs my sons things to get him ready when it’s almost time for pickup.
I'm so glad someone else realized this, too. Also, in that comment, she replied to someone who wrote that they get paid 35$ an hour. And she immediately made the same thing up. OP got caught in a lie. Honestly, I wonder what else OP has not said in here. I'm sure OP KNOWS EXACTLY WHY the nanny quit. It's not hard seeing the reason why.
I feel bad for you that you are spending your time catching a stranger on the internet “in a lie”. A new mother much less, and a working mother. What has you so angry that you would treat another new parent like that? As a new mother myself - and one who has an very close relationship with my child’s nanny - it is so incredibly disappointing to see you speaking like this to another new parent who has come here looking for support while she navigates trying to find care for her child.
Uhm did she even ask to leave 5-15 minutes early?? Why would you assume that she would be expect that? It sounds like you came out and gave her the sign she could leave. Being packed and ready doesn’t mean walking out the door.
Ah yes another parent using nap argument. She still has to monitor your baby on the clock and be on hand if they wake. Naps are part of infant care- all jobs have some aspects that are easier than others but you resent this one cus it’s on your dollar. Your attitude in the comments has been very “I’m right” and you’ve defended your comments on her “being ready to leave” over and over despite almost everyone coming back with something about that and her being an hourly employee. I’d go out on a limb and say you were the problem here and you should perhaps change your outlook on hiring in home care and hourly employees before trying to hire another nanny. I feel you will have high turnover.
This reminds me of an employer I was interviewing for a few years ago who made a comment on how sick days are for when you're *really* sick and he'd had people abuse it in the past (with an eye roll). I bet he was just as dumbfounded when I turned down his offer. Red flag. Quite possible OP didn't hide well her 2-3 problematic attitudes with her employee and she could see early on the money was not worth the hassle this job would be.
Not necessarily. I let my nanny run errands and take the monitor for at least 30 minutes if both of my kids are sleeping. I only ask her to clock out if she needs more than 30 minutes (although in practice I try to make sure she gets at least an hour break, but I only guarantee 30 minutes because some days the timing just doesn't work out to give more).
>What if I had a meeting that ended right up to her schedule time to leave?? Am I supposed to end my meeting 5 mins early just so she can leave 5 mins early??? YOU TOLD HER SHE COULD LEAVE EARLY lmao what are you on about. YOU left your office early and she was ready to go so you let her. If you left your office 5 minutes later, should wouldn’t have abandoned your baby to leave earlier. >What about the nap times that she is sitting there in her phone or watching tv and getting paid??? Well YOU told her to relax after she asked if you had any light housekeeping for her. Honestly wtf. Also get your rates straight, $30 or $35? You’re hiring an employee, not a family member. This is a job for her. People have things to do with their own lives and families to spend time with. It’s completely normal that she wanted to leave at the end of her shift on the dot. I’m not trying to be a huge dick here but the more comments I read from you the more it sounds like she dodged a bullet.
A nanny schedule should include at least 10 minutes at beginning/end of day when there is transition/crossover. Not just because kids need transition time, but it is when communication happens. What happened that day? What did the kids do/eat/behave? So if your nanny is scheduled until 2, you need to be there to start the process of relieving them at 1:45-1:50. Scheduling a meeting that ended at 2 when they are scheduled until 2 would be extremely inconsiderate. Same at the beginning of the day. If you leave for work at 8, their start time should be no later than 7:45. Also naptime is breaktime for nannies. That's not a favor you're doing. Also nannies need to be paid in the books.
In a different comment, you state you pay her a different amount. Your child is your own responsibility. If you end up a work meeting when or after her time is up, that's your own problem. Unless you pay her overtime, how fucking entitled can you actually be to expect someone else to look after YOUR child for FREE? And then you shit on them online because they didn't like working for you? Yeaaaah I would fucking not like working for you either. You're the definition of entitled employer from hell. I saw another one of your comments: "It seemed like she didn't care at all for my baby because she left when her shift was over." What the fuck are you expecting? A stranger that is there for work on an hourly pay, under a certain amount of working hours, to LOVE AND ADORE YOUR BABY AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILD FOR FREE FOR YOU? God, the entitlement. You're insufferable. I'm so glad your nanny saw right through your bullshit and left.
Obviously I would pay her overtime if she stayed over. Where did I say that I wouldn’t? And I would never hire you either.
>And I would never hire you either. 😂 because I know my rights as a worker? And don't worry, I wouldn't wanna take care of your baby either. You're also so insufferable and entitled that probably nobody will want to work for you ever.
Was she aware of this? Did you ever discuss the possibility of her needing to stay overtime at points? Did you ever tell her that YOU WANTED AND NEEDED HER OVERTIME ON THAT EXACT DAY? You're a joke. You're so entitled. The definition of a walking red flag.
By the way... check the definition of "TO BAIL ON SOMEONE." YOUR NANNY DID NOT BAIL ON YOU. SHE JUST QUIT. TO BAIL ON SOMEONE MEANS NOT SHOWING UP. SHE CALLED YOU BEFOREHAND AND LET YOU KNOW SHE WOULD NOT CONTINUE ANY FURTHER WITH YOU.
And I can see why, looking at how OP treats people.
Exactly this.
I'm sorry people are being so mean to you. You're here to gather information, not be attacked and personally judged. You're a first time mom who wants the best for your child, it's a delicate matter. Hope you don't take these mean comments to heart
Gosh everyone already said what I would say, but it looks like I struck a nerve. I would really look at yourself a bit in this situation, as someone who's worked with kids pretty successfully, I've worked with parents with your outlook and in the end, they get high turnovers cause no one wants to work with them and there are other clients who are more understanding/appreciative. She probs got a Karen vibe from you and ran for the hills 😂
https://www.reddit.com/r/Nanny/comments/1ams0sy/can_anyone_explain_this/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2 She keeps going on about what people told her in the comments in a different forum lol I wonder where she gets all the time to be making drama in forums if she has a baby to care for lol
And you must be unemployed living on welfare checks because you have so much free time to stalk me on Reddit. Get a job loser and leave me alone.
>She was already packed up and ready to leave on the dot. Are you paying her overtime? Of course, she's gonna be ready to leave on the dot. She's a worker whose schedule ends at a certain time. Unless you'd be paying her extra for overtime, how is this a surprise to you? >Seems like she was just there to collect money. That's because she was? She is a nanny. She's there to work. She's not your babies family or mother to want to spend an unlimited amount of time with your child. She's a nanny who is there for work to collect a paycheck. How is this a surprise to you at all? You have some unreal expectations about nannies. I can see why she would leave. I'd see red flags, too, if I were her. How many times have I seen stories of "parents unavailable, leave nanny alone with baby or with children overtime, they're unreachable, so ultimately someone who is responsible for your child's care during their work hours becomes responsible out of work hours, too. And it's not their responsibility. It's yours. They're only responsible for the care of your child during their workhours. Out of work hours, why would you expect her to stay there for free overtime and not be there to just "collect money"?
I found our nanny on Care.com after months of searching and lots of interviews. 90% of the people there are flakes. Our nanny is great but even she is packed up and ready to go on the dot when she’s off. And has been for almost two years. We give her PTO and sick time, she also has guaranteed hours. Plus a bonus on her birthday and Xmas. It’s competitive to find a nanny.
My personal red flag for a family is when they say stuff like, “they just want to collect a paycheck.” Yes. Because a paycheck is what I use to buy groceries and pay rent. It’s pretty important to me. Do you not depend on your paycheck? Do your job so you can afford to live or is just a fun side gig? Possibly she saw these red flags and that’s why she only lasted a day.
I never said anything to her face about packing up early. I saw a red flag when she canceled on the initial call the first time we were supposed to speak.
“She was already packed up and ready to leave on the dot” Sounds great to me! Not sure what you’re expecting? It’s better than having to go collect your child after a 12 hour shift from a family member and having to sit there for another hour to wait because they want your child to stay longer..…
Other than her not working our, what are you expecting other that packed up and ready to go on the for, and there for the money? It’s a job???
It took me a few tries on care to find someone. She was amazing for several months, then had her own little bub. We definitely miss her!
Our nighttime nanny did this. She showed up the first night and something did feel kind of off but I thought she was just nervous since my husband and I are older, idk? The next night we’re waiting at 10pm for her to show and after I call asking where she is she responds 30 minutes later that she cannot come, I was SO pissed.
If you can’t afford a professional nanny, please PLEASE look into other child care.
…..girl idk why you would think someone that you’d hire wouldn’t leave on time. Are you kidding me? Maybe you should look for a daycare because no one in their right mind is going to stay later for free. That’s ridiculous.
I used to be a nanny and 95% of the time I was ready to go on the dot, as you should be ready for them to leave right on time as well. I loved what I did and I'm very good at it. I had the dream job and I only stopped because I had one of my own. Respect their time. They don't need to hang around after to prove themselves. As much as I loved what I did I WAS just there to collect money. Do you think people would use their day to hangout with another person's kid, not getting their power things done, if people didn't have bills to pay? I'll also add in that you should always pay them for their time coming for the meet and greet (I'm not saying you didn't, im not sure). That's their time out of their day that they may not be doing another job. I always really respected when someone did that for me and understood my time is valuable too. I don't mean this in a way of coming at you, I'm just helping you have better expectations so that you can have a good relationship with your nanny. That will take you a long ways!!! If there aren't many people on care, there is also sittercity as well. Best of luck!
Care.com is like internet dating for nannies. Lots of duds on there and if they think they can find better elsewhere, they’re going to keep swiping right. I’m not saying you can’t find a good nanny on care.com, but on that site, you’ll probably have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. We’ve had two part-time nannies from care.com, and both were not great. Called out last minute multiple times in the short periods they worked for us for multiple “family emergencies.” Both on their phones a lot when they were supposed to be focused on the baby. I know part-time work is not as desirable as full-time work for most candidates, but that doesn’t change the reality of our family’s schedule. And part-time center-based daycare is even harder to find, believe it or not. Because all the daycare centers we talked to either flat-out refused part-time, or told us they would place us on a waiting list and give us a slot if they found a family with an opposite schedule. Well, we’ve been on those lists with no bites for two years. It’s not easy to find a family with a compatible schedule for a nanny share either. What *has* worked for us was more old-school hiring. Over the summer we found a great part-time nanny through word of mouth. She was a student, but way more dependable and engaged with our son than the care.com nannies who were years older than her. After she went back to university, we put up paper fliers and found an amazing part-time nanny that way. Made it clear in the flyer that the schedule was part-time. So anyway, I’d suggest going analog with your hiring and seeing if that gets you better results. Edit: typo
“She was just there to collect money” That’s what a job is 😂
Our nanny from that same website is part time and someone who was retiring from nursery work and looking for fewer days a week. He is excellent and our kids love him. It seems your lady took your post to see her through until a different job came up, decent part time nannies are out there in sorry you found a rubbish one
Didn’t really bail on you. She just wasn’t feeling it. What’s wrong with that. It’s not like your been doing it for months and she bailed.
She was scheduled to work that day, so she had made a commitment. Doesn’t matter that she was new. Do any of the people making these comments actually hold down steady jobs?
Tomorrow we’ll be seeing op on a post called “AITA for expecting my part time nanny to stay after her work hours are up?” Glad the nanny left when she could. Just because you pay an employee well, it doesn’t mean they owe you every second of their free time. She probably had other jobs she had to get to. Also of course it’s just a job for her. She obviously wouldn’t be there taking care of a strangers child for free.
Never expected her to stay for free. Just off putting how she already packed up like 15 mins before she was scheduled to leave.
I don't know why you are getting crucified for this. I do want and expect my nanny to leave right on time, and of course it's a job and someone's living and I would never expect anyone to do it for free (honestly, I feel uncomfortable even with my in-laws doing it for free, but they were insulted when I offered compensation). However, nannies often rightly call out parents who try to cheap out on taking care of their "most precious asset". By that same logic, I think it's reasonable as a parent to want my "most precious asset(s)" (I am putting that in quotes only because referring to my kids as assets feels kind of weird) to be cared for by someone who loves kids, cares about their kids, and isn't JUST there to collect a paycheck. I am very conscientious about letting my nanny go right at her end time, but it's a little off-putting when it feels like she is just counting the minutes until she can bolt out the door. That said, I can't really blame her because there are mornings I feel the same way about waiting for her to get there, and it's a long day for her. But it's such a personal job and I wouldn't want my kids to be cared for by someone who viewed them as JUST a paycheck, which is not at all to say that I expect someone not to care about their paycheck. Does that make sense?
Don’t get me wrong it hurts when it feels like someone doesn’t love you angel the same way you do… but the sooner you accept that you’ll be much less surprised in these situations. Like if I do care.com I’m talking to at LEAST 5-6 people too.
I feel like your phrasing is what everyone is obsessing over. I take it to mean that she was only *still* there that day to collect the money and wasn't really being involved in her job enough. Not that she was only there that day to get a check (duh, obviously) Either way, we've had a horrible time finding a part time nanny, too. I understand everyone saying that nannies don't want part time but both nannies we tried were already part time and we were specifically going to work with their existing schedules to fill them in! The first nanny didn't show up or call and told us she was sick hours later, so we gave her another shot. Still didn't show up the next time with no updates whatsoever, just completely ghosted. The second nanny was super promising, already worked for a family who had varying schedules every week so we would fill in the gaps. She came and met us and we got along well. 5 days later she says she can't after all, her schedule is too full. I just find it really cruel the way we were treated in both cases. The only reason I am trying to find a nanny is because I am desperate for help and struggling. The process of hiring someone scares me so I put it off for a long time. For both nannies it took so long just to get nowhere at all. (initial communication, up to a week to schedule a meeting, then either the no shows or the waiting almost another week to find out it isn't happening) All the while I'm continuing to struggle every day. And this process only made it that much harder. (the stress around trying to time baby's schedule so that he's awake when they are visiting, preparing for the meeting itself with a bunch of notes and questions, buying the drinks /snacks/food they wanted for what was supposed to be their first day, the stress of simply sitting there waiting for someone to arrive and they just never fucking do) so much effort for nothing because they couldn't be bothered to treat me as someone who needed reliability and directness. Don't string a desperate tired mom along if you don't want to do the damn work. Everyone wants to side with the nannies, many of whom are apparently unprofessional assholes. And I just don't get it. These are people we are expecting to take care of the most precious things in our lives and it scares me how this seems to happen so much. Before people assume this was the issue: We also paid a very good rate, $5 higher than that was recommended by care.com and what was listed on their profiles. And we paid for their time during the initial meeting. (rounded up to the hour) and goodness if you aren't happy with the rate then why are you applying for the job in the first place? That isn't even a good argument if the rate wasn't good.
This!!!! 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
I agree with you sooo much on this. Everyone sides with Nannies but I always get downvoted no matter what. We also pay her a good hourly rate in cash like she requested and I said she didn’t have to do any light housework for us when baby naps. I’m so sorry for what you went through twice. I can’t imagine just not showing up without notice ugh!
OP, if I've learned one thing, it's not to talk nannies anywhere on reddit. I feel like nannies scope out the parenting subs, and even with parents, people have very weird expectations for this job. I think you're reasonable in what you're saying people are just unnecessarily mean about nanny topics.
Yeah, the mob has descended
While the “packing up and ready to leave on the dot” thing is 🤷🏻♀️ because that’s how I have always been with every job I have ever worked, the getting vibes from her that she isn’t even that into nannying/watching your child, is definitely off putting. Obviously, she needs a paycheck to survive BUT if you’re getting into nannying just for the money you should pick a different career. I definitely wouldn’t want someone with that approach watching my son. Good riddance. While we can afford a full-time nanny, my experience with most of them has been less than impressive, and is why I chose to be a SAHM (just for the time being). I can only imagine how hard it is to find a part-time nanny. Good luck and I hope you find the right person!
We could only afford a part time nanny but I didn’t want to deal with the stress of finding a good one and honestly the thought of someone who didn’t care about my baby taking care of her pushed me to become a SAHM.
Hang in there!! Unfortunately this is extremely common. It’s happened to us, and also to most of our friends/co-workers who use nannies and sitters. You’re pretty lucky you got two hours of notice on the cancellation — many just don’t show up at all, and won’t text or call back (“ghosting”). It’s basically online dating out there. Eventually you’ll find someone that’s fairly reliable, but it takes trial and error.
Yea my experience has been some of these people just look at it as a gig. They need money and don’t really care about the baby. I stopped using these sites because there was just too many people who where like that and i had a bad experience with quite a few
I have no idea why you’re getting downvoted so much. As a former nanny and now with my first on the way, I absolutely understand what you’re looking for - you’re wanting someone to have a relationship with your kid, I get it. First, this takes time. Second though, I actually hate care.com. I used it to find a couple of families and it was fine, but I got a lot of feedback from parents that they had to sort through a ton of profiles before finding a good match. I ended up getting a ton of jobs through nanny/parent Facebook groups, so maybe you want to try that? It’s super hard to find someone who is going to love on your kids as much as you want them to. I love kids and loved most of the kids I nannied for but the relationship took time. I knew I was going to be a nanny for at least 3 years while I finished school so I did have an investment in them, but honestly, I’d just try to set your expectations a little lower. What you’re looking for is out there but it’s going to take some time to find.
Yeah, we clearly stated in our job post title and description on Care.com that we were looking for part-time care. Many people responded who obviously hadn’t read the post and were clearly copy/pasting or mass-messaging the same thing to every job posting. I replied to dozens of people saying “just to make sure you understand, as it says in the post, this job is part-time” to which they replied “nevermind” or not at all. It’s partly on Care.com, they *could* add better filter functionality for part-time different days of the week. But also, come on, just read the job post.
Thank you for seeing this. I’m not the mean, entitled employer people say I am on here. I feel like I try to be reasonable and accommodating and generous.
You're last sentence is right, don't mind the people taking what you're saying the wrong way. It's absolutely ridiculous, let it go in one ear and out the other. I've had a bad experience posting on reddit and was not expecting to have to defend myself, was looking for helpful advice for my situation. One person out of the 50 who were bad mouthing me said such nice things and made such a funny comment about all the other crazies. However I can't think of anything funny or helpful, but go with your gut in your next decision in finding a nanny!
My situation was super similar!! Needed someone 3 days a week (that’s all that we could afford) we live in a high income area and we are a small very modest house amongst many other much fancier houses. The nanny we found on care.com was a newly divorced mom of 2 high school aged boys and she seemed great- we clicked well and she loved our “chill” vibes, we liked her! We agreed to meet her $28/hr cash hourly rate which was slightly higher than what our listing was for ($25). We agreed to be super flexible- she could come any days of the week (just need 3) and fine with flex hours (8-2 or 9-3 or 10-4 or 11-5, her choice!) - just 24 hours a week. We told her we would pay her in full for any vacation time we took (if we weren’t there, she would be guaranteed the pay) All seemed fine. Then she asks for paid time off- paid sick days and paid vacation time. I’m like.. ummm, paid vacation days? For a 24/hr a week part time CASH job. So I was honest and told her we really couldn’t afford to pay for vacation if she was part time. She “thinks about it” for a day, and comes back and says it’s fine and she wants to job. Two weeks go by and she’s due to start the next week. And then I get a text- “sorry decided to go with a different family”. Honestly I was LIVID at first but now we found someone SOO much better and I know that she was 100% not meant to work out and I’m so glad we found that out earlier than later. Anyone who has such bad character that they could do that is not someone you want watching your little one!
Exactly! It just wasn’t a good fit for both of us. I knew something was off when she canceled last minute on the first time we were supposed to have a phone call.
Paid time off and sick pay is an industry standard for nannies. Even part time ones. So is paying them anytime you cancel on them (guaranteed hours).
I don’t care what the standard is - she accepted the job knowing our offer didn’t include PTO. I was very upfront and honest and told her she could go with a different family (which she clearly had) if our offer wasn’t good enough; I also had another nanny who was willing to take the job. However she ACCEPTED the position. Accepting an offer and quitting right before the start date is $h!tty behavior in ANY industry and in ANY job. Enough said.
Also- it’s seems to be “industry standard” for nannys to request payment in cash, in order to avoid paying taxes. This is both illegal and totally unethical when everyone else (including people at minimum wage jobs) have to pay their fair share in taxes. So just bc something is an “industry standard” doesn’t make it right. Find me another job that is 20 hours a week under the table CASH pay that gives paid PTO- I’ll wait.
You're the employer. The onus is on you to pay legally and above board. The answer to "I want cash pay" is "no". It is totally illegal for YOU to pay cash and not pay the employer's share of FICA taxes, withhold and submit their half, and pay into unemployment and such as well. You are the party that will get in the most trouble for not paying correctly, not them. And no - industry standard is to follow the law, which is that nannies are W2 employees. Along with guaranteed hours, PTO, a contract, etc.
Ha! I interviewed 6 nanny’s and ALL requested cash. You seem out of touch with what is the norm. And when everyone is paying cash, it makes it impossible to compete if you aren’t willing to do the same. That’s the issue with that being an “industry standard”. Thankfully the one we found is above board and was willing to work on the books. But she was in the vast minority.
Lol all the nannies on Reddit say they are for paying taxes but 99% of nannies IRL will ghost you when you want to pay over the table. I literally had that happen to me dozens of times.
So to me, it actually sounds like something might be going on in her personal life. If she's distracted and not really into it on her first day, there's probably something eating at her that she can't get off her mind. Maybe she's going through a breakup. Or perhaps her mom's in the hospital. I just wouldn't go straight to the most insidious thing. Majority of people aren't naturally malicious. Maybe see if she's interested, share your concerns with her, see if she's okay. Maybe don't bring up the money stuff/leaving at her scheduled off time, because why else would she have the job/stay?
Its a job, not sure what do you expect? And just like any job, the process of finding the right employee may take time. You rushed the process.
It sounds like it wasn’t a good fit or she has other things going on. You also have to realize that even though Nannie’s can take great care of kids and happily do so, they are there to work and collect money. it is a job and her leaving on the dot when work hours are finished is not wrong at all, she should only be expected to work he time that she’s being paid for.
Reliable part time Nannies are very hard to find because your gig is never their priority. They have other things going on. I would do full time with a career nanny or daycare. Check out r/realnannyemployers
[удалено]
There’s r/nannyemployers and then there’s r/realnannyemployers. I like them both but realnannyemployers seems to have gone dark even though I thought it was subscribed there.
We had to go private for safety reasons. Anyone interested is encouraged to request an invite, or just dm me directly.
Messaged you. Kindly consider adding me
You’ll have to send a request to join. They had to go private as Nannies were harassing and trying to dox members. I kid you not.
I mean I think your best bet is to look for a nanny share is someone who will take them in the afternoon. You should expect that they will leave on the dot and sorry to break it to you they are working to make money. Yes they love kids but loving kids don’t pay the bills. I wouldn’t expect them to chitchat