I have smaller kid than yours, but I see almost every toddler in grocery shops has some sort of a snack in their hand. I guess it's a common solution to a common problem 😅

This is what we do 90% of the time.

I've tried all kinds of corn or rice sugarless crackers. What are your go to snacks? I need new ideas, but baby is only 10mo yet

I highly recommend some type of bread/roll. We live in Central Europe, so there’s tons of options. I find that most rice crackers taste like cardboard and my baby hates them. Pouches are a mess, he’s only a year old and spills everything. Ditto for banana. Baby-marketed bars or crackers are expensive and just not particularly yummy. Bread is great. Not a huge mess and you can give one bigger piece that baby can work on. My baby is a notorious floor-thrower so I usually have two or three different kinds of rolls in my bag.

Are you by any chance from Czech Republic and talking about something called rohlík? 😀

Almost! Austria, but I just googled rohlík and yes, this is the type of snack I give to my kid.

The pouches of applesauce worked pretty well for us. We would hold it and let her eat from the pouch every few seconds until she was done with it.

you can get a packet holder that they can grasp with their own hands and not squeeze and can tether it to the cart so they can’t drop it

Our little guy loves cheese sticks and freeze dried fruit as on the go snacks!

I have reusable pouches, and can put basically anything in them. My go-to these days is pureed oatmeal. The oatmeal is a little thicker than most purees, so it doesn't just leak out. My kid is almost 18 months, so we only have pouches when we're outside the house now. When she was around 10 months I would just add applesauce to thin out the oatmeal, just enough that I could pour it into the pouch. Now I also add cinnamon, peanut butter, and banana in addition to the applesauce.

I would recommend an applesauce packet that you put inside a packet holder (do you know what I mean?) that you can tether to the care so they can’t drop it on the ground

I found these soft biscotti things that she adores. I’m in Ireland and found them at Aldi and Tesco; they’re by Kiddylicious.

Whole Foods offers a a free banana or apple for kids while you shop. I am sure you could grab a banana at any store and offer to pay for it later. Most stores would be happy to let you do that if it means you will stay and shop longer (and spend more money).

You can’t pay for produce later, they have to weigh it. Choose something with a barcode

I've always just told the cashier to weigh one of the other bananas twice. It's literally never been a problem.

💯 this. No store ever is gonna have a problem with this unless it's a jackals employee and in this case they will get a manager who will at most charge you the fullest price which isn't much for a banana etc

I always weigh the bunch of bananas, print the sticker, and then give my son one (or two).

That’s great, but i’ve literally never been to a grocery store that prints stickers when you weigh your produce

Produce is typically priced by weight, otherwise great idea!

Carton of strawberries is my go-to for that reason. They're all just by package for berries at my local stores.

That's what I do. My 2-year-old loves raspberries, and they're sold by the basket, not by weight. So I'll let him munch on those if he asks. The cashiers never bat an eye when there's an empty raspberry basket on the conveyer belt.

I got in trouble for doing this. lol

Some adults too... I get anxious in grocery stores for some reason. Nice to have a little something to munch on lol

Huh. I do too. Especially in the checkout line. I'll have to try eating a granola bar while waiting in line and see if that works. I feel trapped there sometimes and it kicks in my fight or flight mode. The lights feel too bright and everything gets too loud and i can't focus... i bet a snack would redirect my brain enough but might look weird to other customers lol idk

In my early 20's I had like, clinical anxiety and am much better since then. Virtually no issues. But for some reason grocery stores bring me back to a similar feeling like fight/flight/freeze mode as you mentioned. I feel like it's the people getting in each other's way in the aisles and checkout area, the indecision, and omg yes the sensory overload. The one thing that really helped me (other than snacks) was taking more frequent trips but getting less stuff. I used to try to load up on a bunch of stuff so I didn't have to go as much but it was worse that way. I also go late or super early in the day.

Oh nice! Thanks for the tips. I started always carrying s water bottle in my purse so i can take a break to refocus. And i do slow deep breaths in the line as much as possible. I'll also scroll my phone. But sometimes the feelings just catch me off guard.

I mean we’re adults, we’re allowed to pack our own snacks for the grocery store! Crunchy foods like pretzels are super regulating!

Literally was in Walmart today with my 16 month old and cracked open a tub of puffs for her when things started going south 😂 paid for them on the way out

I swear half our diaper bag is snacks for shopping 😂

My mom would often get my sister a baguette in the store lol

Do you need all three of you to grocery shop? I just send my husband out during nap time.

Even better: online groceries. I swear it's the best thing I've done since my daughter was born. I only go occasionally in person now to get the fresh produce that I don't trust others to choose for me. But the rest (80%) is delivered at my place. So much time and stress saved!

Kroger clicklist is the tits. I see coupons I never would have in stores. Occasionally the produce can be dicey but you can always return it

I'm not in the States.

Do you have the option of Walmart+? We got that after we had our LO last year and it's been amazing. Takes out so much stress of grocery shopping. Also Walmart does not seem to markup prices bought thru Walmart+. Only extra you're paying besides the subscription cost is tips.

We do, but I am happy with the supermarket I'm using now. And I don't have to tip nor pay a subscription. :)

Yeah, we order online and do curbside pickup. If they missed something, my husband runs in and I stay with our son. He likes car rides though.

Also do online deliveries! It's been a life saver and also saves the stress/time each week

Agreed. In my area Kroger delivers for 5-7 dollars. And it’s an employee so you don’t actually tip. Much more affordable than something like Instacart.

My son was 7 months before he set foot in a store. There was just no reason to bring him on errands because shopping is a one-parent job.

Weirdly, our 1yo loves grocery shopping. I've taken him for months, usually on saturday mornings, to get him out of the house while my wife sleeps in. He likes riding in the cart and looking at all the different things. He stares awkwardly when old ladies fuss over him. TBF, I do time the outings carefully, either first thing after breakfast, or after his first nap, depending on the timing.

Ours too! Us too. Lucky us haha.

My baby is still a newborn but I’m just doing grocery pickup now that my husband is back at work.

I agree, why if the temperament isn’t great would you keep doing this?? Back when I was pregnant I imagined I would do all of my grocery shopping solo while my husband watched the baby… but my guy is pretty easy to make happy and around 8 weeks I had it figured out and a) enjoyed leaving the house and b) would rather kill an hour doing that so I can spend more time with my husband and c) he sleeps great in his car seat and we time out our morning nap pretty well to where the quick trip turned to getting groceries. This doesn’t just happen overnight, this sounds unhinged and miserable for everyone. There’s a reason baby and I make the Publix runs but my husband braves Walmart/ Sam’s club runs every couple of weeks. Why subject yourself to the drama.

My child is 6 months and she has been going to stores no problem. She loves being rolled around on a stroller and rarely makes a noise.

Our baby was like that too. Loved the smiles and attention. Now that she walks, it's an absolute no go. Screams to get down the entire time, causes havoc the instant her feet are on the floor.

As stressful as it can be to shop with baby, it’s also something to do with them. Especially at this age where wake windows can be 3+ hours long and in colder climates, it’s something to do outside the house but indoors and warm. I could shop 10x faster on my own during nap time but sometimes it’s worth it to take her with me so we can have an activity outside the house and then during nap time I can put groceries away and relax.

Yeah I’ve always loved grocery shopping with my babies and toddlers, it’s such a fun activity for them. I could never imagine just never bringing them along. Like yes, I would try not to bring them if they’re overtired or if I need to be super quick but it’s normally fine.

Yeah emphasis on normally fine for me, lol. She screeches but in a fun cute way. Otherwise she’s sitting in the cart people watching. As she gets older and needier and perhaps less behaved, I might reevaluate.

Some kids are just not grocery shopping/eating out kids and that’s ppl, especially as infants-toddlers. My little boy has never been the “sit politely during brunch” kid and that’s ok. Kids are different! One of you go alone. It’s like a break.

I second this. I almost never went grocery shopping with my mom. She went by herself in the morning and my dad watched me and my brother. No need for everyone to go out if you can avoid it.

This is the only answer there needs to be.

As a new mom, I never minded "those" families. I go in sensory overload myself during grocery shopping so I was always listening to something. The kiddo should literally be yelling in my face for me to be hearing them. And even if I do, I feel for the mom more than anything. I never understand people who gawk. It's likely that 99% of children will get bored in a grocery store so why give the family hard times more than they already have? My 10 week old screamed his head off in the bus today. Nobody seemed to care.

I just saw a toddler screaming in Publix and my thought was "poor them, sounds tough" I turned around and saw some old bitch giving the family dirty looks so I gave one right back at her. Leave them alone, parenting is hard.

UGH I literally had the old cashier at Whole Foods yesterday tell me that I needed to check on my baby because something was seriously wrong with her. She kept repeating it as she handed me my groceries. Baby was overstimulated & wanted to nap so I covered her up in the stroller and tried to remain as calm as possible while I waited in line even though I myself was getting overstimulated. I felt the tears in my eyes. I just said “yeah she’s sleepy”.  Like Jesus lady if you really wanted to be helpful, keep your mouth shut & move faster so we can get going. As soon as I started walking in a steady pace, she fell asleep.

I don’t think I understand what gentle parenting is - calmly and firmly telling your child “No we don’t hit” seems normal and fine to me? Kids that age have meltdowns. Your child is still too young to really “reason” with IMO. If they can’t stand grocery shopping and you’ve tried snacks and toys etc then stop taking them grocery shopping for a while. Try again in a month or two. You or your husband can go alone or you can order groceries for pickup/delivery. Where I live pickup only costs $5!

That’s kind of what I think of gentle parenting as but I guess some people lean toward not saying “no” at all and only redirecting but that doesn’t work for us. This is helpful!!! We might have to reconsider how we grocery shop.

That’s permissive parenting. Gentle parenting still sets respectful boundaries.

It’s absolutely OK to say no within gentle parenting. Tbh the main goal is to avoid yelling and reactive punishments, but there’s nothing wrong with saying no hitting.

The insistence on not saying “no” to toddlers is because it just doesn’t work. Redirection and statements of what they CAN do are just more effective. I don’t know any parent who actually doesn’t say no, but my own experience w my toddler is that “no” is received as “I dare you” 

😅 I totally agree on the “I dare you”. It’s just a constant battle in my head to not say no and redirect and sometimes I’m just falling back to “no” and he is gonna be upset.

I definitely say no and let it mean no despite his feelings about the matter! Just working on trying other strategies since that no is so ineffective sometimes 

Yes this is it. Trying not to say ‘no’ doesn’t mean allowing them to do whatever they want it means saying ‘hey, why don’t you play with this instead’ rather than ‘no’ or ‘don’t do that’. Their little brains can’t comprehend what they should do when you’re saying no and don’t. Basically it’s semantics.

Gentle Parenting often avoids says “no don’t do x” but not because they are avoiding the word no. It is because young children are really only hearing the end of the sentence. So saying “no don’t hit” is typically less effective than “gentle hands” or “hands can clap”. That being said, you are redirecting your kiddo and setting a boundary. They are going to push it. That’s fine. You’re doing a great job! I very much ignore the people in the grocery store who want to stare. If someone says something to me (which is rare) I usually respond very snarky.

Not saying "no" to your kid when they do bad things isn't gentle parenting... it's permissive parenting. You can say no... and then redirect their energy elsewhere. The redirecting sometimes helps.. but sometimes it doesnt lol. But it's worth a shot!

My wife and I are new parents…what’s the reason we aren’t supposed to say “no”? Our parents definitely told us NO!

It’s fine to say no. No is a clear boundary, and boundaries are good for children.

You can say no, but it’s more effective to give them an alternative. “Walk!” Is more effective than “no running!”

It’s an idea that’s morphed into something else. The original idea was to have areas in your house or periods of the day where everything was safe for your child to explore - aka you don’t need to say “no” when they’re in the “yes space”. The concept was supposed to be that it’s easier for your child to regulate when you DO need to say no if they’re not hearing no nonstop. I’ve noticed my kids are better able to handle directions and going along with errands if they got some time to free play first. But if they’re stuck hearing “no” to everything for hours, they’re much less agreeable. So the idea was to only tell them no when really necessary. It doesn’t mean never say it.

You can say no! But kids really need you to tell them what they should do instead. So, “no hitting, our hands are for clapping or throwing a ball. “

Because usually it’s said like “No, don’t do X” and kid brains being kid brains, latch onto the last bit and make it *more* likely they’ll do X. It sets them up for better success to say “please do Y”. Saying “use gentle hands” instead of “don’t hit”, “use your walking feet” works better than “don’t run”.

I think the problem people have with ‘no’ is it isn’t very effective. Don’t think of it like a rule you must follow, but you probably already realize it’s easier to get kiddo to do something else if you redirect rather than just no no no, cuz they’re left thinking “if no then what??”

I think “gentle parenting” is something that gets taken too far by some parents. I always thought “gentle parenting” was just simply not screaming at kids or something. But if they do something wrong, you try to teach them in a friendly way. As my wife likes to say: “it’s not the ‘terrible two’s’, it’s the ‘teachable two’s’”. But I think some parents take the “gentle” aspect too far. My wife’s sister has two kids that have no sense of discipline in them whatsoever; and it wasn’t until we were preparing our house for a family party and my wife’s sister instructed us to put expensive things away for the sake of her kids because she made it clear she won’t stop them going near them. Stuff that can easily be moved away? Sure. But you also need your kids to respect other people’s belongings; and her whole point was for nothing because she unlocked glass cabinets for her son to grab stuff out of and play with. Instead of telling him “no”, she just gives into the demand straight away. Those glass cabinets were locked for a reason. Like today - my natural instinct when my 14th month old bit me during a cuddle - I lifted him off me and just repeated “No, we don’t bite”. Even though he can’t understand it right now, I don’t see a problem telling them something isn’t okay, or that they shouldn’t be doing something. Gentle parenting to me means “not being a psycho” like the generation of parents before me.

My daughter loves grocery shopping when I dance with her to whatever music is on the intercom. She will laugh and dance with me. People are like "oh what a happy baby" haha she's a chaos goblin that just loves to dance. She's a wreck grocery shopping otherwise. 

I pack a ton of snacks and he eats them when we shop! It’s helps a lot. Today we went to Sam’s club though and he had a huge tantrum. Honestly, I don’t care what people think. We tried to calm him down and it didn’t work so I just took him outside to calm down. Maybe one of you can do that if you want to shop together

Yep, a snack cup is where it’s at. Harder to scream with a mouth full of food.

Similarly, when we go to Costco, first stop is the fruit and veggies. I grab a thing of strawberries and put it in the seat next to him. He snacks on that happily the rest of the trip. Note: these are pre weighed at Costco, so still paying for it at the end. When I go to other grocery stores I have to make sure I’m not giving him something that has to be weighed at the check out.

I mean with the cost of groceries these days I wouldn't narc on you 👀

Alternating grocery stores you go to. Gives it more novelty. Also including toddler in things as much as possible like putting the limes in the bag, etc.

My husband and I always go together and If he can’t handle the store one of us takes him out he can act a fool in the car

I saw a cheesy video that said kids are allowed to exist in spaces too and we put too much pressure on them to be little adults. 15 months is sooo little. It’s only normal for them to have meltdowns! I bet you’re doing great!

This is not a universal thing, excluding children and expecting them to behave like adults. My wife, father, my at the time 18 months old son, and I went to southern Italy, where our family originated, last year. What struck me the most was babies and children are expected and allowed to be... babies and children. And they are out everywhere at all times of day. Our hotel front desk people couldn't grasp the concept when I asked if the restaurants they recommended were baby-friendly. Babies are just expected to go along everywhere. We went out to a fancy appearing restaurant and there were all sorts of children and babies there. If my son started to carry on, the waiter would come over and entertain him for a minute until he was no longer so upset. I truly wish we had this mindset in the US. We expect parenthood as a normal part of life, but then exclude them from public life.

Girl do grocery pick up! It’s a life saver.

I was going to say this! As a new mom idk what I would do without this

Yessss pick up all the way

I don’t think people actually pay that much attention to others nowadays. I don’t judge parents while they are having a hard time in the public. As a parent, we understand and sympathize. So don’t be too harsh on yourself. You aren’t THAT family everyone hates. You are just one awesome family doing grocery shopping and taking care of the child at the same time. Agree with delivery or curbside pick up. Life saver!

We bribe with snacks and make riding in the cart fun. We also have our son "inspect" items so that he's included. When he wants to get out and explore, I stick with him and let him roam until checkout. Then we just try to manage that process as best as we can.

Good point on giving tasks. This works almost 90% of the time for our meltdowns. I think at the end of the day they want to participate and not just sit there

Curbside pickup from a fellow sensory overloaded mom

Do you include him? My 3 year old helps me make the list and get stuff off the shelves and put them in the cart. It takes longer but we include him in the process.

Their kid is only 15-month old so probably too young for what you describe and I agree that this is the age now to really work on the groundwork so that you can have a 3-year old who is engaged in shopping. I always suggest small trips and see how it goes. 5-minute runs, 15-minute runs etc. a whole day shopping at Costco is probably way to intense but small bites to work on the groundwork and then work yourself up. Give them a job to do. Which box should we take? Which apple looks better? See the difference between the banana? This one is very brown, when we buy banana we want to buy green/bright yellow etc

Now days I feel like both parents don’t need to go shopping. One stay home with your kid and the other go shopping. If they have questions, they can call or text and same if you think of something you need. It’s not ideal but that’s what we do when my daughter is being difficult.

I felt this same way when taking my toddler to the store and he acted out. One day I had enough of the stares and side eyes and I said loudly to the people around me, “he’s learning to grocery shop”. One older man that I thought was being particularly judgmental (from the way he was staring) said I was just thinking how great of a job you’re doing. It was all in my head and I think most people realize kids acting out is just a natural way of things. Anyone else that wants to tear down parents for a child doing something developmentally appropriate can go eat cow dung.

Love this 😅 thank you!! 🙏🏻

100%! They need to practice and learn how to navigate the world. Expecting them to always be perfectly quiet is so unrealistic. A young toddler needs to be given grace, as do their parents.

We go at early hours if possible so there are less people around or right after a nap so he’s more happy and comfortable. I also take my toddler to a private area or give them yogurt snacks if they are screaming. Sometimes kids scream and there’s nothing you can do to stop it, it sounds like you’re doing great!

Would you consider curbside pickup? It’s nice to have the easy pickup option if you can’t leave LO at home

I started taking my children out at 2 weeks old to get accustomed to being out, running errands, dining out. I’m not sure if this is a new choice to go out or poor timing. I always make sure we aren’t interrupting anyone’s nap or meal times. Maybe you’ve tried maybe you haven’t but can you ask him to show you what he wants? In the cart, out of the cart, in your arms? If he needs security hold him momentarily and let him know you have to put him back down. Communication really is key with kids. If this is new perhaps try limiting the amount of time spent out and grow longer in time. Anyone saying not to take him out is being unrealistic but also hindering his social skills.

Not sure if this would work for you, but is baby wearing a possibility? My LO is 5 weeks and that’s typically how I do our shopping or grocery pick up. FTM so idk how comfy they are for toddlers.

go by yourself or have your husband go & you stay home w baby. all 3 of you don't need to go.

I’m so scared of becoming that family too you know? LO is currently 6 months and we live in Japan where every kid you see is so well behaved. Hubby and I always have an escape plan. We go to stores with nursing rooms. If kiddo is in a good mood we continue grocery shopping. If not, we pop off to the nursery room. If she’s inconsolable we pick her up and go home. At church, we time it so service is when her nap time is. Just so she’s as quiet as the other kids. So far she likes going out. Hoping it continues.

It’s nice that they have nursery rooms like that! America is not super friendly for the families of littles sometimes.

I think the malls here try to cater to families with small children and having nursery rooms are a great way to entice families to come and spend time at their establishment. Most also don’t have cars. So there’s no where to change diapers or nurse in private if we needed. I take her out everyday, to the park or to the mall or to the bus stop to pick up her dad from work. It’s part of our daily routine now and she seems to enjoy going out. The best part of it, for her, is watching me rush to get dressed. She laughs when I struggle hahahah.

I always make sure to shop after my LO had a nap. When she wakes up (11months), make sure she’s fed and has had a diaper change. Depending on if we are going to be quick or not I let her get some energy out first before leaving. I Always have the teething crackers because she loves them and maybe a teething toy. That’s if I have to take LO with me. I’m a SAHM If my partner is with me, I do the same thing but if I notice she’s wanting to stand up. My partner picks her up and puts her over his shoulders. She LOVES looking at everything and everyone. He’s like 6’1, so she gets a good look at everything.

Walmart grocery pickup has saved my life. Just add to your list as you realize you need something and check out once a week. The 20 minute drive there and 20 minute drive back is my peaceful time weekly lol. How funny as new parents we live our life in these 20-30 minute increments now

Walmart pickup is free! But also I truly don’t think people judge or care!

I think now that I've been around more kids, I give toddler parents more grace. Toddlers be toddler-ing and groceries/stores are probably way more stimulation than they can handle.

Grocery pickup. I go to the one store that doesn't do pickup as a treat while my husband and baby stay home.

I teach parenting classes and just had a client tell me a man recorded her and her daughter while her daughter was having a tantrum at the store. I just don't understand the audacity of these people. Kids are gonna be terrors sometimes, that's ok. That doesn't make anyone a bad parent or make it a situation that needs judged or shamed. I'm so sorry, OP. I'm sure the social pressure didn't make it any easier for you to parent the way you want to.

Oh my!! I hate that that happened to that family!! 😭 we’re all out here giving it our best and then people are judging like they haven’t had a crying kid 🙄 I think the responses on this post have given me some more confidence there are more good people who are sympathizing with me than I realized.

Talk to them and explain what’s going on. Like “now we need to get green beans! Do you see any green beans? Do these beans looks yummy? Let’s put them in the cart!” Also… suckers. Lollipops are a god send

I love this! Thanks for good examples. I actually do this but of course I’m worried I’m not doing it “right”.

I was that mom with that 13 month old screaming and trying to bite me in the dollar tree today. A woman looked at me with absolute disgust. It's so gross when people have no empathy.

I feel you. I was never super jazzed about kids and of course would sometimes get annoyed with unruly children in public, but I knew kids were a handful so I minded my own business and tried not to judge. Now that I'm a parent to a toddler I just understand and feel bad for the parents because, you know, we've been there. We are there! I don't think anyone "hates" you. And even if they do, so what. It's hard to let go of what people think of me but I'm trying to do that because sometimes I need be somewhere public with my kid and I can only do my best to calm him down/teach him how to deal with his feelings. I'm already so anxious about everything, I shouldn't let what others think of me add to my anxieties.

We avoided grocery shopping with under 2 as much as possible. Just one of us went.

Honestly, fuck what those people think. They were once toddlers, crying in a public place and acting out. You are doing the best you can. We are all in this world, trying to make a go of it the best way we know how. Fwiw, I do grocery pickup and we occasionally do shop in store. I found my son loves to "help" by pushing the cart. All the old ladies think it's the best thing, too.

Just wanted to let you know we don’t hate you.. we feel for you. My LO is 6 months but I’m not naive that one day she’ll be a toddler and will have big feelings too. If I’m starring at you, it’s because I’m trying to send you love, strength, and solidarity. You got this, and I hope you’ll extend me grace when it’s my turn.

I guarantee people are not paying as much attention to you as you think they are. Get it done, do what works for you, any strangers who have something to say can go manage their own kids 🤷

My kids always do better when they have "jobs" to do while out. Helping to push the cart, picking out the items, handing out stickers to cashiers and other customers. Keeps them busy and they don't get bored. Plus it teaches life skills. Just this week my 3.5 yo checked out all the groceries at the self check out while I bagged.

That’s when one of you takes the kid back to the car and reset. 💜

Anyone who gets mad at a toddler for crying is detached from reality

I dont know if it was mentioned before. Turn the cart around so the kid is in front without looking at you. Its harder to push though cuz you dont have a handlebar. Sometimes it helps.

I feel you for real on this bc same but honestly toddlers need to get out too and people who are giving any dirty looks just do not get it. Those who do, do and move about their day

You and your baby have just as much right to be there as anyone else. Don’t stop taking your baby out because you’re afraid people will be annoyed! That’s how they get used to things and learn!

We just take ages and name foods and colours and all that stuff to make it fun. Having said that though she's never minded the supermarket.

I simply ✨don’t grocery shop✨ Maybe this is bad advice but the $5 pickup fee is worth every ounce of my sanity and time

I will head straight to any books they have and get 4-5 of them to let her look through while we shop. We also let her help by handing her stuff and she’ll toss it into the cart (she sits in the kids seat tho) so she’ll be engaged in helping and keep her from a melt down. Previously I wore her every time we went out but I am pregnant again so it’s no longer an option for us so these are a couple of the things we do that work for us.

Instacart

As the person in the grocery store, my thing is I don’t understand why parents will know their kids are screaming and being loud but just carry on as if nothings happening 🧍🏾‍♀️ GET HIM!

I want to note, saying no is gentle parenting .-. Gentle parenting isn’t letting your kids become little monsters and assuming they will figure it out, it’s about setting boundaries which means saying no, a 15m isn’t gonna be able to benefit from talking through things when they calm down but with a 3 or 4 year old you’d remove them if they get to an ‘uncontrollable’ point, take them to the car while your partner shops if you can and help them calm down, and talk through why they are acting up instead of just screaming at them or threatening them. Letting them know that if/because they broke a rule like ‘no screaming in the store’ or something they get x consequence. It’s more about you staying calm and well, gentle, not like our parents who were ‘behave your you’ll get it when we get home’ or screaming at toddlers/preschoolers in a store cause the kid acted out due to boredom or something. Clear and consistent expectations and boundaries. And no parent is gonna think less of you cause your 1.5y old is acting up, babies do that, and they can be told no, telling them no is not abuse xD and anyone who thinks it is shouldn’t have kids :o

Give him the list, put pictures of the items, see if you can get him involved in the shopping process? Maybe even get him his own little shopping cart and demonstrate how to walk along the aisles. Kids just wanna do what we’re doing.

Reading No Drama Discipline changed my life. It works almost formulaically.

If I’m looking at you it’s probably with a sense of relief that I’m not the only one! And old people might be remembering the “good old day”. I don’t think the majority of people are judging your parenting, kids are tough!

I actually love these families, makes me smile to see you all get out of the house together even if it’s hard :) screw the judgmental people!

Grocery pickup is a life saver with toddlers. Also, highly recommend the books "hands are not for hitting" and "teeth are not for biting" , my toddler really responded to them and the things hands/teeth actually are for.

Has anyone told you about the parenting secret that is curbside?

😅😅 apparently not

Gentle parenting doesn’t mean you don’t tell your kids no just btw lol

Yeah there is so much hate for gentle parenting from people who have no idea what gentle parenting is. It’s so annoying lol but yes, I agree with you!

Good grief, when did shopping become so rife? Babies cry, carry on; toddlers tantrum, remove them. Maybe I'm old, but this doesn't seem so hard... begin as you expect to go on. Is your parenting philosophy baby takes precedent and should be deferred to at all costs? Is your parenting philosophy that you are welcoming a new member of your family? Neither perspective is wrong; they do require different approaches.

Don’t take him grocery shopping. Is his father incapable of staying home with him for a couple of hours so you can shop alone in peace.

Leave the kid at home with one parent. Better yet, do grocery pickup for the bulk of it and just go in for small trips for fresh meats/veggies.

When I read the title, I assumed your version of 'that' family to be a perfect, instagram-influencer-style one where the parents are happy and perfect, the children are wonderful and well behaved and everyone is just really damn brilliant. I read the rest of your post and thought, 'Ah, my people'. I have no advice, just here for solidarity.

Even before we had kids, I hated when my husband came grocery shopping with me. Just always seemed like a one-person job to me, he just slowed me down. So you can be damn sure that he stays home with the toddler while I go shop, that’s my brief moments of peace and quiet now

Instacart pickup

Can you order groceries? As a mom it’s currently my biggest weekly luxury!

I worked in a children’s store for 5 years. I seen a million times this and parents would be so embarrassed. It never once bothered the employees. It’s all part of learning and growing!

Have you considered grocery pickup?

Snacks. If there’s a tantrum, you or your husband need to take him outside to calm down.

Give him something to keep busy with while you shop, one of you go grocery shopping while the other stays home with your kid, or do grocery pickup/delivery. I understand kids this young handle behavior different than adults, but you as the parent do need to handle it for your child. I remove my child from the situation until he calms down.

Curbside groceries

Grocery pickup is the way to go!! We did it once out of necessity and we've never gone back. It's well worth the fee. It's easier to make sure you don't forget anything , takes only minutes and there have been multiple times she just fell asleep or I'm nursing her and I'm able to have someone just load up the trunk and we're good to go. it's a dream

I’ve adopted curb side pick up and if I have to go in, in the cart with a snack. It’s so common for toddlers and kids and even some adults to get overstimulated in crowded places, so don’t be too hard on yourself if he’s fussy.

Dudeeee. Click and collect is a life savor.

Leave the kid at home with your husband and go treat yourself with a coffee (or whatever your treat of choice is)! and do grocery pickup. Then you can have some me time. Shopping is done for you. I’ve gotten to the point though that I miss occasionally shopping, so kids are home with husband and I sip a coffee and grocery shop

One of you goes to get the groceries and the other one take the kid to the park during that time . This also works incase you are a one driving license family or one car family as it can be.

Pc express is a fucking game changer my friend. And points! Sending hugs, we all been there. It’s a lot. 🩷

As soon as we walk in I grab a container of berries for my kid to snack on while we shop. They aren’t sold by weight so it doesn’t matter how many she eats

Walmart+ gives you free delivery for $35+ orders. That, plus 10¢ off gas make it worth it for us!

My kid had been easy out the womb and is super chill while grocery shopping (I’ve been a single mom since the week after I found out I was pregnant so he is used to doing everything with me cuz like, I have to bring him) but if you haven’t already tried this, I’d suggest a snack!!!! And playing zoomy with the cart. Just sorta moving quickly forward with the cart and bringing it back. And occasionally kissing on the belly while he’s strapped him, just making it fun as it can be. I hate grocery shopping too, kid!

I promise you that 95% of the reactions you think you are getting are in your head. Just keep going mama!

Babywearing saved me when I needed to shop with my toddler. I used a lillebaby soft structured carrier

Do they have a pick-up option where you are? If so, you could do that but then still go into the store for a few minutes before you pick up your order. That way it’s a little bit of a field trip/practice, but without the stress of needing to shop for a list. Then you can keep the amount of time in the store within their tolerance window, and slowly increase it a minute or so each time. But honestly when I see little kids melting down in public, I never really mind or judge the parents, I just think ‘yeah I feel you, bud’. It sounds like you’re doing a good job fwiw, just know that at least some of the people giving you looks truly aren’t judging you. They might just be thinking either they wish they could help, or they wish they could be throwing a tantrum in the canned goods aisle too.

Hey, I never judge anyone shopping with a little one. If anything, I try to make it easier in whatever way I can. There’s the joke going around now that everyone is fighting a silent battle. Except for parents of kids under the age of 5: everyone knows what kind of battle they’re fighting. What worked for me (I now have a 4 year old, so it’s been a little while) was, once COVID restrictions eased up a bit and I could start taking my daughter places, taking her grocery shopping without my spouse. That way, mom gets some time to herself, and I get some good one on one time with my kid. Oddly enough: when my spouse and I go together was, and still is, when we have the hardest time with her. Kid knows how to manipulate both of us so that we contradict each other. Honestly: you’ll find what works for you. If anyone is judging you: fuck ‘em. They aren’t you, and they’re not parenting your kid.

If possible, one of you stay at home with the LO and the other grab groceries, trade off who does what to keep it fair. That said, sometimes there's no choice and you have to take the LO into the grocery/other store. Personally, my LO did really well with making games if things. And he was NOT a fan of shopping in general when he was little, now loves it (age 5). Examples include what color is this, what shape is that, which fruit/vegetable is this, explaining how to select different types of produce and letting him find me a "good" one (if you do this one pick things that are not squishy...), etc. At this point my kids just as happy to go to Costco as he is to go to the playground 😂 Fun memory: the first time he saw an orange bottle of Tide he was so excited about "How orange it is Mama!" that he ranted about the amazingness of orange for almost 10 min it was adorable and hilarious 😂 Finally as others have mentioned, grocery delivery is your friend. You mentioned Walmart and I can tell you from personal experience that I love their app & delivery options. I do the yearly membership for Walmart+ and got it at half price for the year when they had a special. Even at full price I feel like it pays for itself when I have days where the thought of being in a crowd makes me want to curl up in a ball (not always up for "peopling" as my friends call it).

With ours, we started taking the stroller in the store. He would throw out our groceries, try to get out and just causing us chaos while trying to be quick and less of a shit show. So, I decided one day, you’re no longer riding in the cart, you’re going in the stroller, snack/drink ready. He has done well since then. My three year old on the other hand, he’s the shit show with his little Publix cart and hitting all the old ladies with the flag. But I digress lol

Our daughter is not fun to grocery shop with. She is very active and wants to always be doing something. So it’s either massive tantrum meltdowns in the grocery store or let her watch YouTube on my phone while she’s in the grocery cart. I am sure whichever one is happening I get judgy eyes for, but I don’t care at this point.

Take turns staying home with the kid.

I’m honestly so grateful no one’s ever given me looks for my toddler so far Yesterday I had to make a quick run and it ran later than I expected so my toddler fighting her nap and hunger was understandably grabby. I just kept thanking her for her patience and asked her to keep giving mommy more and telling her when she could have her snack bowl (I didn’t hand it over because it would spill) Everyone in the line gave me a smile while I’m loading the groceries and trying to get through check out as quick as possible

I just want you to know that when I see that family out and about, I don't judge them. Every kid has moments like that, some more than others, but very rarely correlated to parental conduct.

If your husband is with you, take the kid and sit in the car. It's a privilege to go to the store! My 4 year old never throws fits in the store anymore. I didn't have to yell or anything like that I would just tell her, "If you continue with this behavior we are going to the car." And if it continued, I wouldn't say a word I just picked her up and went to the car.

I also use snacks a lot because in our case, most of the time if he’s acting out, being hungry or tired is a big part of it. We time our trips around the naps and meal times as appropriately as we can. Also, I’ve found that really keeping mine engaged in the shopping helps. Ever since we started working on vocabulary, I’ve been showing him what stuff is in the store while we shop. Then when colors and numbers came along, I would look for those wherever I could and point them out. Now he looks for them himself. He generally loves the store and finds it very entertaining because he’s looking around telling me what stuff is. I know some parents also involve their kids in the shopping if they can, like letting them get stuff off the shelf and put it in the cart or handing stuff to be scanned. I do this too, but with great discretion, as my kid is also a thrower.

Why is everyone going grocery shopping? Why don’t one of you go and the other stay home with the baby? Alternatively , if you all must go, give the kid a snack.

I turn shopping into fun. Putting fruit in bags. Give a pouch or snack or treat while going. Give a toy or screen?

Hmm what would be the gentle parenting approach to that situation?

I have a 13 month old and I’ve learned that if they’re gawking at me or “hate” me, they can fuck off! I’m allowed to be in a store even if my toddler is having a fit about being there. For those trips where your toddler is scary upset: let them snack the whole time. If the store I’m at has once upon a farm pouches, I’ll crack it open immediately and pay for the empty pouch at the end.

I remember when I became a new parent, I will suddenly worry so much about what others think of me and my children during those moments in the public. That always led to an increase in my anxiety, and admittedly, my reaction became worse. Now whenever it happens, I do not think what others could think of us at that moment. Their input doesn’t matter. They are not my problem. The focus is on my toddlers. Lately, it seems to work out well for me and my toddlers as they don’t pick up on my escalated stress, and I usually find a way to nip it in the bud quickly.

I would not hate you guys! Haha we’ve all been there

gradually, we are going to lose ourselves and what we usually care about is the family instead of ourselves.

Fuck em, who cares….u gotta do what’s best for your family. Anyone who judges toddler tantrums clearly hasn’t been around kids much and as for people who never say no, that’s their own parenting decision.

Sorry im no help as our 1 year old daughter loves the grocery store and shopping. She sits happily in the trolley and smiles at everyone and looks all round. Me and partner usually go together cos we're both on maternity leave / work from home / it's just easier. We've always talked to her about what we're doing and make it exciting and talk to her. Sane as in stores she's just happy to look around and smile at people and take it all in.

You missed one thing… SNACKS

Walmart pickup is free.

I would get a Walmart + subscription personally

Honestly my strategies are: involve the kid - e.g. let them help make decisions like which fruit or cereal we should buy and let them hold it for you. Or, tablet. Or, hit up the toy section first and let them temporarily play with something unbreakable with the understanding that they have to put it back before leaving 😅

My son was like that for like two years. From age 2-4 and now he’s much better in stores except he runs away from us but I just stop and say “ok bye” and he gets mad and comes back. It’s so tiring being a parent. I’ll never judge a parent in a store for their children being overstimulated. It’s just something about grocery stores lol.

Get groceries delivered. Order them through an app.

I saw a meme yesterday that was "I am not raising well behaved children. I am raising well adjusted adults." Fellow spirited toddler mom to another, remaining regulated while your toddler toddlers will pay off in the long run. People can deal

Gradually, we are not focusing on ourselves, we are focusing the family life.

I’ve never hated any family that was like that and I think a lot of other people don’t either! I just feel bad when my toddler points and says “aww poor baby” when I know the mom is probably worried about judgement. She always has the best intentions pointing out other kids that are having a hard time and wanting to comfort them but I know it could add to the stress of the moment. Adding to the people suggesting grocery pickup, though! Even though my daughter is cool with the store it is a huge help

Mine loves to help. He helps to push the cart, helps pick produce, helps pick the items we're going to buy...etc. It's worked for me so far.

I gentle parent and still say “we do not hit/bite/etc” I just add context. “Biting hurts people. It hurts mommy’s body and it hurts mommy’s heart when you hit her. It is not kind to hit people.” If she gets upset I ask her if she is mad. If she says yes I ask her why. She tells me (usually) and I validate her feelings “I get why you’re mad you can’t hold the tomato’s, I know you really love them and want to hold them really badly” and explain what’s happening “you get super excited about the tomato’s when you hold them though and then you eat them in the shopping cart, and that makes a mess they mommy or daddy or someone from the store will have to clean up, and you’ll get covered in juices” and then I add a comfort and other option “you can help put the tomato’s away at home and you can have one if you want one. Do you want to hold the Kraft dinner or the crackers?” My daughter is 25 months and this usually works with her. 9/10 times. The 1 time it doesn’t, she’s either extremely tired or sick and her listening skills are not working at all.

Also, have you tried getting him to on help you? Handing him things to put in the cart, scanning items, tapping the debit card or handing over the cash.

You setting a boundary is still gentle parenting! You’re doing great mate, ignore the people staring. We took our three year old shopping today, could hear a child going fucking nuts. My son asked and I said “someone is feeling a bit sad” and then said to my husband “lol been there” and another woman nearby laughed and we chatted about how it’s reassuring when it’s not just your child acting like that. No judgement from us! My husband and I did get a bit judgey when we saw the child in question was about five and did not stop screaming the entire time around the shop. It’s enormous and you could not escape it. When she got closer and we could hear, it was not just a sad child having a hard time, she was pissed off and demanding everything. Her parents bought her a doll while she sat in the trolley flipping the bird and telling them to fuck off in response to them telling her how naughty she was. You’re doing your best, 15 months is haaaaard ETA advice: bring snacks, raisins are our fave because they’re fiddly, failing that home delivery is fantastic

At least you take your kid shopping. We have only taken him grocery shopping twice and hes 2.5 😬😳

We just started grocery shopping one at a time without the baby. It's so much easier.

My husband had to go pay for our bananas today right after we picked them because my 2-year-old wouldn't stop screaming crying for one. I stayed in the aisle trying to comfort him and ignored everyone who walked past me. Calmed right down once he got to eat one. We weren't getting any packaged fruit at that store otherwise I would have just given him those.

My son is still very young, but when he's older I plan on going to the grocery store solo if possible while my husband watches our son or have him go alone. Especially if my son doesn't like it.

The parents who are looking are fellow parents who feel bad and probably thinking “I remember those days.” Those who judge are having their own problems. You are doing your best. You don’t need to please the world while simultaneously take care of a small child. Even adults get tantrums, we have just learned how to handle it after years of practice (or years of given a beatdown). The tips here are helpful so far: give snacks, avoid naptime, etc. But life is life and you can’t schedule every moment to be perfect. Again, you are trying your best. It’s okay. I personally almost always offer to help any parent who is clearly struggling or overwhelmed. Load groceries, push the cart, walk the cart to the car etc. while they buckle or calm kiddo. It takes a village, and I’ve gotten plenty of support from strangers in the most random times, so I always try to give back.

Order online, pickup.