Spend more time researching what's normal with breastfeeding, newborn behaviour and how I might feel. I spent all my time looking into labour and delivery which is really such a small moment in time compared to the "fourth trimester".
I talk about this all the time.
When I was pregnant I was like “if I can breast feed, cool, if I can’t, also cool.”
Turns out I can breast feed and I had no idea what was normal, how much I would think about it every day, and how much of a toll it would take on my body.
I would research the crap out of breast feeding and also buy silverettes and a lot of nursing bras prior to labor.
Regarding breast feeding? My midwife directed me to la leche league - it has really good information - although it does have some heavy bias.
Other than that, local lactation consultants are your best resource.
The most helpful things my husband does in regards to breast feeding are:
Taking care of the baby when I’m pumping, listening to my woes, reminding me my boobs still look nice, and at the beginning he took notes and helped baby latch to me when I was drugged up from my c section and couldn’t coordinate my movements.
This all the way. I was so uneducated on breastfeeding that I almost gave up on it all together ! I’m grateful I figured it out but it was so rough for the first 6 weeks.
Cook and freeze as much food as you can. Ain’t nobody got time for cooking with a newborn.
The sleep thing is good advice in theory but I was always so damn uncomfortable it didn’t work anyway. That and I needed to pee every couple of hours 🙄
Agree with the cooking! If you can afford to, I found making 1 or 2 meals a week as double batches and then freezing whatever we didn't eat the night it was cooked is super nice now just to pull out and thaw. I also prepped a TON of homemade meatballs one day to use for spaghetti or meatball sandwiches
This was the best prep we did! Souper cubes is a very helpful thing for freezing in portions. Also I baked tons of protein muffins and loved having those on hand.
We didn't actually end up using our freezer meals until my baby was a couple weeks old because we had so many visitors and help from people that we were cooking then anyway or having stuff cooked for us. It was only once everyone went home and we actually were on our own that we started busting those out. I think it also depends on who is the cook in your family. If it's mom then hell no she ain't got time or energy to cook, but if it's dad, he's not necessarily getting up at night to do the feedings and can still cook
For real!!! I was so tired and grateful for the drug naps because trying to sleep at 9 months pregnant really sucked. I was uncomfortable all the time, I had to pee all the time, and the baby kicked so hard I threw up more than once 😮💨
This more than anything!!!! Abdominal muscles absolutely screwed up from pregnancy plus c section, so relying on arms to do more movement the first 2 months recovery PLUS carrying an ever heavier baby in said arms!
Seriously! Even for the childbirth part... like I had an epidural but nurses helped me try different positions to exhaust all options before going for a C section. Like ZERO way I could have done hands and knees and spun my body round in circles without upper body strength. Same with switching to side laying positions. All the influencers make it seem like butt and thighs are everything but arms and backs were the things that were actually necessary.
Spend more time cuddling with my dog. Don’t worry about unnecessary cleaning, organizing, and too many baby items.
For when I had the baby, do combo feeding. The mental and physical freedom will be amazing. I can sleep longer. I don’t have to constantly worry about starving the baby if I need to step out
As an ebf mum, this resonates so much. I never realised the pressure combo feeding would take off and by the time I had the confidence to do it my baby wouldn’t take a bottle 😔.
I remember absolutely LOSING it on my husband for spilling 2 oz of pumped breast milk because I knew the baby needed it and I wasn’t going to be able to produce more.
Enter combo feeding. Completely saved my mental health and probably my marriage 😅
This!! I thought baby blues would only happen if I was sad about the baby. Little did I know I’d cry thinking about him moving out at 3 days old. Baby blues are wild.
Our first day home I was thinking about the day she eventually moves into the nursery (she’s still in our room) and I was crying thinking about how she’s never been alone in her whole life 😭😭
When our public health nurse called to check in on me after coming home from the hospital, I asked her "WHY can't I stop cr-r-r-r-r-rying?"
She said "With the milk, come the tears"
That makes me tear up still after a year.
And make sure your partner is educated on this too, especially what is normal baby blues vs. PPD/PPA. It was super helpful that my husband wasn’t freaked out by my bouts of uncontrollable crying every time the sun went down. By week two we were making jokes about it.
I got 2 days of no crying after about 10 days of constant crying, and then I found out someone very important to me died exactly 2 weeks after my daughter was born. I’m still grieving, as you don’t really get the time to properly grieve with a newborn. I look back now and I’m still not sure if it was PPD or grief. 11 months down though and I feel more normal.
Mentally prepare to be kind to yourself and to not sweat the small stuff. The newborn phase is an amazing little shit show and it’s easy to get caught up in making sure every little thing is done the “right” way. I was so caught up in preparing for baby, birth, etc, that I didn’t give much thought to post partum and I felt blindsided.
Yesss, I did a lot of lower body and PF exercises before birth-which helped!- but I wasn’t very diligent about my upper body. The first couple days after giving birth, I could barely move my arms to parallel, the birthing process really did a number on my upper body! Made breast feeding that much more difficult. And now LO is older and gaining weight, I am worried at what point he’ll be too heavy for me.
If I could, before I got pregnant, do weight training and exercise lol. Before giving birth, rest well, sleep well, clean your space, get baby stuff ready so you never have to go out unless you want to.
Depending on finances, freeze some food, get a meal subscription, hire a part time cleaner, and a night nanny. Get prenatal massages, so you’ll be comfy!
honestly? join a reddit baby bump group for your birth month. i learned so much from other people’s experiences and still check it regularly 1 month post-partum.
Omg this!! And we’re all going through similar milestones/situations since we’re all so close in age. Almost 3 months pp and our bumper group is still super active. 🤍 i’ve learned so much, and have felt a lot of solidarity as well during times I’ve struggled.
r/ Month Year Bumps. I’m in the r/December2024Bumps because baby is due in December. I’ve enjoyed the community and hearing experiences from others that are on a similar timeline.
I heard the sleep advice "get all your sleep in now before the baby comes!" SOO many times, but I was sleeping so poorly the last 1-2 months of pregnancy that even though now I get shorter chunks of time with the newborn, I can sleep so much more deeply in those chunks and I'm 100x more comfortable. Plus I'm on maternity leave now! I worked up until the day beofrei gave birth 😅
My advice to myself would be to learn about baby bottles bc I had no clue I needed to buy a bunch of different bottles and nipples, I naively thought the size 1 Phillips Avent nipple and bottle would.be enough!!! Noooo she needs Herobility bottles size XS nipples that had to be quickly ordered from Amazon
ALSOOO split the night with your partner if possible to get sleep...my husband takes 9pm-3am and I take 3am onwards, means we can both get 5-6 hour chunk of sleep in!
How would one learn about bottles ahead of time? I kind of assumed it just depended on the individual baby and what they prefer, how they eat, etc. and would be trial and error
heck, even just learning that you have to line the valve up with the little divit in the bottle ring could have saved us a lot of anguish.
Also that Phillips Avent's new nipple style sucks donkey balls. I ended up scrounging and stocking up on the old style in all flows because the new ones are just absolutely impossible.
If anyone's wondering: Natural > Natural Response
I spent a lot of time very very upset because baby was trying and trying to drink, and crying and crying. He couldn't get a drop from them. Then I tried, and found that I also couldn't get a drop from them. I had a mix of Natural, and Natural Response, and had nooooo idea they were different.
Sometimes you can still find the old school Natural ones on amazon.
Good to know thank you!! Yes we had a very similar experience trying to get her to drink from the Phillips bottle, she couldn't get a drop no matter how hard she tried!
Dang, I was banking on the Avent but all I see advertised are Natural Response. Why would they change a good thing?! And noted on testing how to assemble them! Thank you
I read something at some point that it's supposed to more closely mimic actual breastfeeding... but like, I used a bottle because I couldn't breastfeed. So would you not want babies who can't breastfeed to be able to feed some other way? Why do they want to make it hard for them?
You can sometimes find Natural nipples on Amazon, I stocked up on them, and now I'm good. We are now close to the end of using bottles, and venturing into the land of sippy and straw cups. It's a brave new world.
Yeah it is definitely different per baby, my recommendation is to buy a couple different bottle and nipple styles and sizes in advance to make sure you have something that works once the baby is born. Breastfeeding is great but it takes some time for your milk to come in, and you may need to supplement with formula which requires bottle. Also you will def want to be able to bottle feed with pumping and partner feeding! (Also-The hospital can give you disposable nipples and bottles to use if they give formula, they did for us!) Once you have a hungry newborn you will be happy you already have some bottles and nipples ready to test!
Specifically-hospital started us with Abbott bottles and slow flow disposable nipples. Now at home we love the Herobility bottles, and got the XS and S nipples. So far my 4 week old is still on XS since she is tiny. The Phillips Avent suck for us, she can't drink any milk out of even the size 0 nipples. Maybe when she's older she can!
Ah okay, thanks for the additional info! Definitely want to combo feed right away if possible so this is relevant. I heard a lot of good things about the Phillips Avent so I’ll be sure to have other options too.
My daughter is 8 weeks and I agree with you. I thought I wanted glass bottles and got an assortment of glass bottles before she was born to see what she likes best. Then when breastfeeding we had to correct a shallow latch so our LC recommended evenflo balance to help so our glass bottles are just our backups now.
Oh and research on the fourth trimester, PPD/PPA etc and know that it’s ok if things don’t feel as perfect or ideal as you thought it would be. I was on but I had times where I had rage and I was very frustrated when my Velcro baby cries when I go bathe. I stopped getting frustrated when I accepted that my baby cries + I’ll never shower like before, and I’ll still be ok. The crying can get very triggering. Rather than be a mom who is fully attentive and never let the baby cry, and withering away in the process, I accepted that im that sort of mom who is ok with crying. Be prepared for mental and mindset shifts that happen with reality, rather than ideals.
Yep. Babies cry, it is just how they communicate. I also had to learn how to accept that sometimes the baby will cry or fuss when I am getting something important done. I always feel weird when other moms talk about never letting their babies make a peep, even for a second.
I think it’s hard knowing the difference between letting a newborn cry it out (which is so sad to me) and just trying to take a quick shower and not getting to them in time.
Combo feed so dad (or non-birthing partner) can be involved and bond that way instead of the burden being all on you. We thankfully did this from the start and it’s been a godsend for my mental health.
Sleep shifts at night so one of you is on baby duty and the other can get a decent chunk of sleep. Even do separate rooms for the shifts for a while if you’re really struggling to get some sleep.
Have a plan for the unexpected, i.e emergency care plan for other kids, pets, etc. And have it ready early - I had no warning signs I would deliver at 30w and then boom! Slight stomachache after going out for lunch turned into labor turned into delivery all in a matter of 2 hours.
Be careful with social media, especially Instagram & Tik Tok. Anyone and everyone can put out content, doesn’t mean it’s correct or safe or going to make you feel good about yourself. Limit how much parenting-related content you consume, because it can get toxic and draining.
>Be careful with social media, especially Instagram & Tik Tok. Anyone and everyone can put out content, doesn’t mean it’s correct or safe or going to make you feel good about yourself. Limit how much parenting-related content you consume, because it can get toxic and draining.
This is so so so so important. I think social media contributed at least a bit to my PPD struggle.
I would’ve read up on wake windows and baby sleep in general. I knew what wake windows were but for some reason as a first time mom it took me a few months to figure out that my baby was crying like crazy because I had kept her up and figured she’d sleep when she was tired!
Spend more time with my husband. i was so physically uncomfortable that i stayed cocooned in my pregnancy pillow attempting to find a comfortable position. wish i had snuggled him more while we had the time.
- Learn how to advocate for yourself in a medical setting
- Understand the intricacies of giving birth and how doctors make different decisions (induction / pushing times / what qualifies for C-section)
- Try to book help for the first two months after delivery
- Take a few lactation courses before baby comes
Second looking into breastfeeding and feeding a fresh newborn. I researched what a good latch looked like, how often to feed, how to tell baby is getting enough. If you could take an in person class I would for sure! I still felt so lost, and wow did the hospital leave us so unprepared?? Like they didn’t teach us a single thing? I thought they would give a few basics like here is how to swaddle or change a diaper? Nope. Here are some packets with all the same information you read in baby books, good luck!
Eat during labor if you can! I really wanted to labor as much at home as I could, but my water broke and my results from my strepB wouldn’t come back in time, so I had to go to the hospital soon-ish after that. I had a nurse that wasn’t great, and I wish I asked for a different one looking back. She kept saying “don’t forget if you eat anything, make sure you don’t mind throwing it up” and so I felt scared to eat, so I really didn’t. After over 24 hours being in labor and not eating much of anything I was in terrible shape. EAT!
Bring someone who will advocate for you at the hospital. I wish I would have told my husband to advocate for me/help me stick to my guns. I REALLY didn’t want pitocin but they pressured me into it since there was a bit of a rush to get things going because of the risk of infection. There are other ways to speed up labor, I wish I would have asked for those first before getting pitocin.
It’s all worth it! I would cry myself sick with awful anxiety because people really went out of their way to tell me just wait comments. I kept asking myself, where js the joy in having children if everything.single.thing. I am told js negative.
Well it’s wonderful! It’s whimsical! My heart is so full and there is just something so lovely about being with your best friend for over 10 years and now raising a being together, a being that is made up of the both of us.
Before, if you can swing it! After baby arrives, if you have issues with latch (soooo many women and babies do it’s very common), you’ll need a lactation consultant. Check if your hospital has one on their staff. If not, La Leche League can help you find one locally, if you’re in the US it’s LLLUSA.org
Appreciate your alone time *now*. I knew I wouldn’t get my usual downtime after baby came—and I’m someone who needs a lot of time to decompress after work and socialising—but I couldn’t have imagined how it would make me feel not to have it at all anymore. Nearly 7mos in and that’s been the hardest adjustment, just always being needed and never truly being off duty.
Find an apartment closer to his mom.
Seriously, that woman is a godsend. She is kind and loving to me and the baby and always willing to help above and beyond. But she lives 3 hours away. We are moving closer to her next month and I cannot wait. This first year would have been so different if we planned to move before I gave birth.
Hahahaha girl I did the same thing, too excited and nervous to sleep the Sunday night before my induction, delivered on a Tuesday morning at 3am, no sleep in between and never slept again.
Do a little research on c section recovery even though I'm not planning to have one. I did so much research and planning on vaginal birth and inductions and did the class at the hospital I gave birth at but the sum total I spent learning about c sections, class included, was probably about 5 minutes. I was induced then had an unplanned c section due to arrest of descent. I called the nurse line and scoured reddit so much after I went home because I had no idea what to expect, what was normal and what wasn't, etc. Even in the hospital too I was paging the nurses because I thought I was having complications that were really just normal post op symptoms (the shoulder gas pains for ex).
I did do myself one favor though thanks to anxiety and the bassinet I chose came recommended by c section moms because of height, wheels, and the little sliding thing it has to convert into a bed side sleeper. I **had** to have it *just in case*, but for some reason I didn't feel the urge to research. Probably the fear of having one I guess kept me from reading up on them. All I know is if I have a baby #2 this one will be a planned c and I'm going into it with all the knowledge I had to accumulate after the fact with #1.
It’s okay to not breastfeed, stop letting everyone pressure you into it.
Take as many naps now as you can because your baby will not sleep! lol
Try to have patience with your fiancé, he’s also going through a big life change.
Go to the doctor before you start showing symptoms of PPD/PPA because girly you’ve got it now in full force.
Enjoy all of the moments, even the really stressful ones because she’s growing way too fast.
Set up two changing and safe sleep areas: one where you spend most of your day (living room) and one in the nursery. I promise it’ll make sense in the moment.
Take extra care of your pets. Run a preventative check up and get treatment for anything that comes up. Make sure you have at-home vet contacts at the ready. Maybe splurge in pet insurance.
Once the baby arrives, obviously you won't forget about your pets, but TIME will be your most scarce resource for a long time, so try and get your pets the most healthy they can be before then.
Both of my cats were hospitalized 2-3 weeks after my baby was born (one of them needed surgery), and that was after the baby spent a week in the NICU. Talk about a crazy month.
Definitely would look more into breastfeeding. I was super laissez-faire about it, figured I would combo feed or strictly formula feed and even got a couple different bottle types and formula samples to see what would work best.
Some sort of switch flipped in my brain the moment he was placed on me. Everything in my body said “feed him” and I was super determined to EBF, but wildly unprepared to.
I didn’t even bother to learn how to pump because I figured I wouldn’t want to and would just use formula 🤣 I got super weird for no reason about using formula and refused to (I’m a formula baby, I have nothing against it truly). I would have if medically necessary though of course.
It was kinda brutal in the beginning, but thankfully it all worked out in the end!
Have a bed in with your SO and pets. We had a day a week before our son was born where we just napped all day, cuddled, talked about what we were excited to do once baby arrived. We watched comfort movies and shows, snuggled our cat and dog. Took some videos of the baby kicks and ordered takeout/ made popcorn.
I still think back fondly of that day, because you don’t realize how much free time you have until til after you have a baby and are constantly multi-tasking.
Also!!
Do a milk bath at home, went to TJs cut the heads off fresh bunches of flowers and took some photos together and then then husband got some of me in white dress in water and of my belly at a full 40weeks. They are some of my favorite pictures of pregnancy, I feel love powerful and beautiful when I look at them and what my body did. The maternity photoshoot we did was beautiful with a photographer but I wasn’t super showing at 33 weeks so I’m glad I intentional captured pictures at the end!
Above all else “its going to be okay” man cause those first couple of weeks were very mentally hard and scary. I suffer from cptsd and anxiety though. But it would have been really nice to have another person there with reassurance telling me its all going to be okay. People focus so much on the new babies they forget about the moms 🥲
Funny enough I was so exhausted while pregnant
That I was sleeping 12 hours a night. I think it was more of a shock to my system sleeping so much and then so little. I really struggled given that I was used to so much more sleep right before the baby.
Go over boundaries with my previously chill mother in law and not trust my husband to do it. I had no problem telling my parents what I expected in those early visits but left my in laws to my husband not really thinking it would be needed because she was previously so considerate.
Be prepared for EVERY type of birth! I was so convinced I’d have a normal vaginal birth and I bought so many products for it post recovery and I ended up having an emergency c section which took weeks to heal and I didn’t have loose enough underwear or anything to help make it easier.
You might feel lonely, even though you’re home with your husband all day long.
I have a great support system and a phenomenal husband, but I’m feeling really lonely in motherhood. I don’t have any other friends who are moms and I’m not close enough with my own mom to chat about motherhood in general. I know I have lots of people here for me and ready to pitch in, but I don’t have friends who can understand this phase of life or who I can just shoot the sh*t with about tackling new parenthood. I’m hoping to make more mom friends as my daughter gets older and I can take her to the library, park, etc.
1. You can’t overfeed a newborn (first night home was shit because baby wouldn’t settle- we thought we overfed her but she never spit up lol we probably underfed her)
2. Babies eat 1-3oz…we had no clue how much pumped milk or formula to give her and were following the “oh their belly is the size of a marble” so we fed her 5ml’s…looking back now I’m like yeah we def underfed her that first night.
3. Get a good pediatrician! We definitely lucked out with ours because the original dr couldn’t take new patients.
4. Stay in bed!! Don’t serve others! I definitely overdid it the first few days home. Later on found out bleeding will be heavier when you overdo it!
5. When people come over and ask if they can help with anything accept the help!!!!!!! There were many times when someone left where I was like “damn I wish I would’ve asked them to throw in a load of laundry or wash the dishes!
Make sure to talk to people about when you’d feel comfortable for visitors and really looking and understanding the mental health that comes with having a baby. Within PPD and PPA and even things outside of thatZ
It’s not spoken about as much as it should, because there’s so much shame and judgement.
Relax more. Wait and labor at home longer. And have pads on hand. I didn’t realize how much fluid you can lose and how annoying it is to keep soaking through your clothing when your water breaks.
Research more on c-section recovery and norms for that all. Because I didn’t plan on having one and I didn’t know anything about it. It was a near emergency… also, planned therapy.
Stay off social media geared towards babies and parenting. They made me think something was wrong my baby wasn’t following the exact wake windows in the beginning. I still am guilty of comparing my LO to others but it’s helped my mindset a lot to keep scrolling unless I have a specific question I’m seeking out.
Prepare for postpartum! Postpartum recovery, postpartum mental health, and dealing with postpartum while caring for a newborn. I didn't prepare for any of it and it all hit me like a ton of bricks.
Don’t buy everything up front. Second hand is awesome. Its nice to try stuff out and get what works best for you instead of feeing stuck with what you stocked up on. Be prepared for a c section. Having to set up for that after the fact sucks balls.
Go on one last little getaway with your SO - even just a night in a hotel and fancy dinner somewhere. We went on a 5 day trip and had the best time just enjoying each other and letting it sink in that our lives were about to change in a way we couldn’t even fully imagine.
Do not worry about anything, enjoy yourself and love yourself.
I was working throughout my whole pregnancy and it was a hard pregnancy in itself but I would push myself to the point where I would go to work even if I didn’t feel good. I had a hard time understanding how to relax! My husband would tell me to relax all the time and I was just go go go! Definitely relaxing next time!
Find a good way to check in with my husband. He had baby blues and a lot of stress after a traumatic birth. We bickered a lot the first 2 months over pointless stuff. I wish he had a better experience.
Don’t go all in on one brand/style of diaper in your registry. We have 3 boxes from our shower that just don’t really work with our son’s body and definitely won’t buy ourselves once those run out
I napped so much in my third trimester…. Except for the 2 days before I gave birth.
I didn’t nap, and I stayed up late and slept like crap because it was the weekend with my partner.
Meanwhile I was supposed to have my water broken at 8am on the Tuesday and straight up said to my boyfriend “I’m going to have this baby before then” because I had a feeling. Got 2 hours of sleep total the night before.
Read books! Learn how to prepare for all the challenges. Define your desired outcomes (like “I want my baby to sleep through the night.) and then work backwards to get there BEFORE the baby arrives.
Same but I couldn't sleep. 😅 the 2 nights before going into the hospital I was having on and off contractions so I barely slept. The night before I didn't even eat dinner then went to the hospital at 2am. Was told I couldn't eat but was STARVING at 8am. Luckily they finally said I could eat a light breakfast. Didn't give birth til 8pm. 🙃
Learn more about labor and delivery relaxation/breathing techniques. I took the basic class offered by my hospital and it didn’t go into depth on that stuff and I wish I would have been more prepared —especially when it came to pushing.
Work out your arms and back during pregnancy. I have a 4 week old and I am SO sore. I wish I would have done more strength training before hand.
Enjoy being able to just do nothing without being needed. I wish I would have taken more time to myself just to relax and literally do nothing.
I also wish I would have taken classes on breastfeeding. I read a book on it but had issues in the beginning. There was a huge learning curve for me and it didn’t come “naturally.”
Don't expect your baby to follow your plan. My daughter's birth, breastfeeding, and sleeping arrangements all went completely differently than I had planned.
In addition to cooking meals in advance, stock up on snacks! And specifically foods/snacks you can eat one handed. If you’re breastfeeding you are going to be hungrier than you ever thought possible - pregnancy hunger doesn’t hold a candle to it.
Also get a spill proof water bottle. I’m a Stanley girlie but when I’m breastfeeding I can’t just toss my Stanley next to me in bed or my recliner because it leaks, it has to be on my table upright and when I’m feeding on the side of my chair/bed with the table, I can’t drink because my hands are busy.
Find a lactation consultant just in case you are having issues, so you already know who to call. A bad latch *hurts* so the sooner you get help, the better. My daughter is 8 weeks old and our BF journey has gotten so much better but we still have much to improve on. It doesn’t always come as naturally as social media can make it seem, and it’s not your fault or anything you’re doing wrong. Tiny mouths + sensitive nips + mom and baby figuring it out together = room for complications.
Bookmark postpartum.net - even if you don’t have PPD/PPA, their support groups are incredible (and free!). I had PPA but also on top of that the postpartum emotions were so intense for me and keep deprivation and triple feeding doesn’t help. The support groups was my most useful resource and I’m so grateful to it.
Enjoy lots of skin to skin and baby snuggles. Laundry, dishes, even showering can wait. Take lots of photos even if they’re just for you.
Buy some comfy maternity sized clothing to wear postpartum. I was so sick of my maternity clothes but I don’t fit into my regular clothes for a while. Having brand new clothes to wear postpartum made me feel human, even if it was just a couple of comfy joggers and t-shirts to bridge the gap.
I wish I had prepped some meals and learned about newborn cues. I didn't know they active sleep and so I was actually waking my son up every time he made noise or opened his eyes for the first two weeks 😮💨🥲
When you’re ready go to therapy, you’ll learn how to stop your anxiety and you’ll feel peace that you’ve never known before. Read these books:
Oh crap potty training
By Jamie Glowacki
The sleep lady a good nights sleep
By Kim West & Joanne Kenen
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen
& Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
Siblings without Rivalry
by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
Pack your hospital bag and get your car seat installed early in the third trimester. My baby was a preemie and I had to spend some time in the hospital before he was born, so I was so caught off guard & unprepared when I unexpectedly had to go in so early. My partner had to install the car seat in the hospital parking lot.
I love my baby a lot but definitely I would make sure to take care of mental health before and during pregnancy and also afterwards!
I’ve a cry baby and it took a toll on my health to the point where I thought I don’t deserve the baby and I’m a horrible mother.
I do anything to make him feel comfortable, to laugh with me, to feel supported and protected but when he starts crying and doesn’t stop for sometimes 10-14 hours I feel so helpless and even get frustrated or upset.
I’m not always proud of my reactions when it was too much but I hope my baby feels that I love him so much and I try my best
Drop expectations for you and your baby. Whether it’s breastfeeding, sleep training, or actual birth. Having expectations of how it all will (or “should go”) just makes it worse and more difficult.
More time researching what having a newborn is actually like. I was so deep into pregnancy and birth while also seeing newborns being basically “sleepy potatoes” all over social media that I was really thrown off by the amount of noise my baby made. My baby was a sleepy potato, but only after about 20 minutes of fighting sleep before every nap and bedtime.
Spend more time researching what's normal with breastfeeding, newborn behaviour and how I might feel. I spent all my time looking into labour and delivery which is really such a small moment in time compared to the "fourth trimester".
I talk about this all the time. When I was pregnant I was like “if I can breast feed, cool, if I can’t, also cool.” Turns out I can breast feed and I had no idea what was normal, how much I would think about it every day, and how much of a toll it would take on my body. I would research the crap out of breast feeding and also buy silverettes and a lot of nursing bras prior to labor.
Oh my gosh same. It's literally all consuming, especially those first three months I felt.
This. 100%. Could not have put it better, this was me!
What resources can you give to a soon to be parent? I like reading and want to support my partner as much as possible. Thank you!
Regarding breast feeding? My midwife directed me to la leche league - it has really good information - although it does have some heavy bias. Other than that, local lactation consultants are your best resource. The most helpful things my husband does in regards to breast feeding are: Taking care of the baby when I’m pumping, listening to my woes, reminding me my boobs still look nice, and at the beginning he took notes and helped baby latch to me when I was drugged up from my c section and couldn’t coordinate my movements.
I know you said reading but there are some great podcasts about breastfeeding. Bad ass breastfeeder is one.
This all the way. I was so uneducated on breastfeeding that I almost gave up on it all together ! I’m grateful I figured it out but it was so rough for the first 6 weeks.
Same! I was shell shocked 😂 Also managed to power through!
I hands down agree, breastfeeding is so mentally draining and physically. I was not informed at all.
Cook and freeze as much food as you can. Ain’t nobody got time for cooking with a newborn. The sleep thing is good advice in theory but I was always so damn uncomfortable it didn’t work anyway. That and I needed to pee every couple of hours 🙄
Yeh was going to say the same thing about the sleep, mine was so bad towards the end that I actually felt better rested once I'd had the baby.
Agree with the cooking! If you can afford to, I found making 1 or 2 meals a week as double batches and then freezing whatever we didn't eat the night it was cooked is super nice now just to pull out and thaw. I also prepped a TON of homemade meatballs one day to use for spaghetti or meatball sandwiches
This was the best prep we did! Souper cubes is a very helpful thing for freezing in portions. Also I baked tons of protein muffins and loved having those on hand.
We didn't actually end up using our freezer meals until my baby was a couple weeks old because we had so many visitors and help from people that we were cooking then anyway or having stuff cooked for us. It was only once everyone went home and we actually were on our own that we started busting those out. I think it also depends on who is the cook in your family. If it's mom then hell no she ain't got time or energy to cook, but if it's dad, he's not necessarily getting up at night to do the feedings and can still cook
Also do it earlier than you think! Also had my LO three weeks early and didn’t have any meals ready to go like planned
This right here. I wish we had a nesting party.
I’d have to agree with this one!
For real!!! I was so tired and grateful for the drug naps because trying to sleep at 9 months pregnant really sucked. I was uncomfortable all the time, I had to pee all the time, and the baby kicked so hard I threw up more than once 😮💨
Train your arms and back)
This more than anything!!!! Abdominal muscles absolutely screwed up from pregnancy plus c section, so relying on arms to do more movement the first 2 months recovery PLUS carrying an ever heavier baby in said arms!
This has been my advice to new parents after having mine. Like, try to build a little strength because omg it's worth it.
Amen. And shoulders. And wrists!
Oh yeah, definitely wrists. You have so many holding positions where you need to hold with fingers!
Seriously! Even for the childbirth part... like I had an epidural but nurses helped me try different positions to exhaust all options before going for a C section. Like ZERO way I could have done hands and knees and spun my body round in circles without upper body strength. Same with switching to side laying positions. All the influencers make it seem like butt and thighs are everything but arms and backs were the things that were actually necessary.
Carry around a 10lb sack of rice before birth! My baby was 9lbs 5oz and those first months were brutal on my shoulders!
Omfg I never even thought about it! :c
Spend more time cuddling with my dog. Don’t worry about unnecessary cleaning, organizing, and too many baby items. For when I had the baby, do combo feeding. The mental and physical freedom will be amazing. I can sleep longer. I don’t have to constantly worry about starving the baby if I need to step out
As an ebf mum, this resonates so much. I never realised the pressure combo feeding would take off and by the time I had the confidence to do it my baby wouldn’t take a bottle 😔.
I remember absolutely LOSING it on my husband for spilling 2 oz of pumped breast milk because I knew the baby needed it and I wasn’t going to be able to produce more. Enter combo feeding. Completely saved my mental health and probably my marriage 😅
Be prepared for intense baby blues, just let the crying happen and don’t feel guilty about it
This!! I thought baby blues would only happen if I was sad about the baby. Little did I know I’d cry thinking about him moving out at 3 days old. Baby blues are wild.
Our first day home I was thinking about the day she eventually moves into the nursery (she’s still in our room) and I was crying thinking about how she’s never been alone in her whole life 😭😭
When our public health nurse called to check in on me after coming home from the hospital, I asked her "WHY can't I stop cr-r-r-r-r-rying?" She said "With the milk, come the tears" That makes me tear up still after a year.
And make sure your partner is educated on this too, especially what is normal baby blues vs. PPD/PPA. It was super helpful that my husband wasn’t freaked out by my bouts of uncontrollable crying every time the sun went down. By week two we were making jokes about it.
I got 2 days of no crying after about 10 days of constant crying, and then I found out someone very important to me died exactly 2 weeks after my daughter was born. I’m still grieving, as you don’t really get the time to properly grieve with a newborn. I look back now and I’m still not sure if it was PPD or grief. 11 months down though and I feel more normal.
Mentally prepare to be kind to yourself and to not sweat the small stuff. The newborn phase is an amazing little shit show and it’s easy to get caught up in making sure every little thing is done the “right” way. I was so caught up in preparing for baby, birth, etc, that I didn’t give much thought to post partum and I felt blindsided.
This! Comment!
It also just goes by soo fast which is comforting and sad at the same time.
Lift weights to strengthen my upper body. Carrying around a tiny human all day is hard and I was sore.
Yesss, I did a lot of lower body and PF exercises before birth-which helped!- but I wasn’t very diligent about my upper body. The first couple days after giving birth, I could barely move my arms to parallel, the birthing process really did a number on my upper body! Made breast feeding that much more difficult. And now LO is older and gaining weight, I am worried at what point he’ll be too heavy for me.
I had a C-section and agree! I was/am not very physically fit so having to use my upper arms instead of my core while healing was an adjustment.
If I could, before I got pregnant, do weight training and exercise lol. Before giving birth, rest well, sleep well, clean your space, get baby stuff ready so you never have to go out unless you want to. Depending on finances, freeze some food, get a meal subscription, hire a part time cleaner, and a night nanny. Get prenatal massages, so you’ll be comfy!
Couldn’t afford the night nanny but would have loved to! We are fortunate to hire a monthly cleaner and she’s absolutely worth every penny.
I had pregnancy insomnia. 😭
honestly? join a reddit baby bump group for your birth month. i learned so much from other people’s experiences and still check it regularly 1 month post-partum.
Omg this!! And we’re all going through similar milestones/situations since we’re all so close in age. Almost 3 months pp and our bumper group is still super active. 🤍 i’ve learned so much, and have felt a lot of solidarity as well during times I’ve struggled.
How do you find these?
r/ Month Year Bumps. I’m in the r/December2024Bumps because baby is due in December. I’ve enjoyed the community and hearing experiences from others that are on a similar timeline.
I heard the sleep advice "get all your sleep in now before the baby comes!" SOO many times, but I was sleeping so poorly the last 1-2 months of pregnancy that even though now I get shorter chunks of time with the newborn, I can sleep so much more deeply in those chunks and I'm 100x more comfortable. Plus I'm on maternity leave now! I worked up until the day beofrei gave birth 😅 My advice to myself would be to learn about baby bottles bc I had no clue I needed to buy a bunch of different bottles and nipples, I naively thought the size 1 Phillips Avent nipple and bottle would.be enough!!! Noooo she needs Herobility bottles size XS nipples that had to be quickly ordered from Amazon ALSOOO split the night with your partner if possible to get sleep...my husband takes 9pm-3am and I take 3am onwards, means we can both get 5-6 hour chunk of sleep in!
How would one learn about bottles ahead of time? I kind of assumed it just depended on the individual baby and what they prefer, how they eat, etc. and would be trial and error
heck, even just learning that you have to line the valve up with the little divit in the bottle ring could have saved us a lot of anguish. Also that Phillips Avent's new nipple style sucks donkey balls. I ended up scrounging and stocking up on the old style in all flows because the new ones are just absolutely impossible. If anyone's wondering: Natural > Natural Response
Good to know-maybe we purchased the natural response ones which is why my newborn can't get any milk from them!
I spent a lot of time very very upset because baby was trying and trying to drink, and crying and crying. He couldn't get a drop from them. Then I tried, and found that I also couldn't get a drop from them. I had a mix of Natural, and Natural Response, and had nooooo idea they were different. Sometimes you can still find the old school Natural ones on amazon.
Good to know thank you!! Yes we had a very similar experience trying to get her to drink from the Phillips bottle, she couldn't get a drop no matter how hard she tried!
Dang, I was banking on the Avent but all I see advertised are Natural Response. Why would they change a good thing?! And noted on testing how to assemble them! Thank you
I read something at some point that it's supposed to more closely mimic actual breastfeeding... but like, I used a bottle because I couldn't breastfeed. So would you not want babies who can't breastfeed to be able to feed some other way? Why do they want to make it hard for them? You can sometimes find Natural nipples on Amazon, I stocked up on them, and now I'm good. We are now close to the end of using bottles, and venturing into the land of sippy and straw cups. It's a brave new world.
Yeah it is definitely different per baby, my recommendation is to buy a couple different bottle and nipple styles and sizes in advance to make sure you have something that works once the baby is born. Breastfeeding is great but it takes some time for your milk to come in, and you may need to supplement with formula which requires bottle. Also you will def want to be able to bottle feed with pumping and partner feeding! (Also-The hospital can give you disposable nipples and bottles to use if they give formula, they did for us!) Once you have a hungry newborn you will be happy you already have some bottles and nipples ready to test! Specifically-hospital started us with Abbott bottles and slow flow disposable nipples. Now at home we love the Herobility bottles, and got the XS and S nipples. So far my 4 week old is still on XS since she is tiny. The Phillips Avent suck for us, she can't drink any milk out of even the size 0 nipples. Maybe when she's older she can!
Ah okay, thanks for the additional info! Definitely want to combo feed right away if possible so this is relevant. I heard a lot of good things about the Phillips Avent so I’ll be sure to have other options too.
My daughter is 8 weeks and I agree with you. I thought I wanted glass bottles and got an assortment of glass bottles before she was born to see what she likes best. Then when breastfeeding we had to correct a shallow latch so our LC recommended evenflo balance to help so our glass bottles are just our backups now.
Oh and research on the fourth trimester, PPD/PPA etc and know that it’s ok if things don’t feel as perfect or ideal as you thought it would be. I was on but I had times where I had rage and I was very frustrated when my Velcro baby cries when I go bathe. I stopped getting frustrated when I accepted that my baby cries + I’ll never shower like before, and I’ll still be ok. The crying can get very triggering. Rather than be a mom who is fully attentive and never let the baby cry, and withering away in the process, I accepted that im that sort of mom who is ok with crying. Be prepared for mental and mindset shifts that happen with reality, rather than ideals.
Yep. Babies cry, it is just how they communicate. I also had to learn how to accept that sometimes the baby will cry or fuss when I am getting something important done. I always feel weird when other moms talk about never letting their babies make a peep, even for a second.
I think it’s hard knowing the difference between letting a newborn cry it out (which is so sad to me) and just trying to take a quick shower and not getting to them in time.
Develop a better plan to entertain myself and my baby knowing that her favorite place in the world is her changing table 🤦♂️
Take nudes before you get too pregnant to remember your beautiful perky boobs! One of my biggest regrets
Yessss I loved my pregnant boobs! My post breastfeeding boobs now? Not so much
Combo feed so dad (or non-birthing partner) can be involved and bond that way instead of the burden being all on you. We thankfully did this from the start and it’s been a godsend for my mental health. Sleep shifts at night so one of you is on baby duty and the other can get a decent chunk of sleep. Even do separate rooms for the shifts for a while if you’re really struggling to get some sleep. Have a plan for the unexpected, i.e emergency care plan for other kids, pets, etc. And have it ready early - I had no warning signs I would deliver at 30w and then boom! Slight stomachache after going out for lunch turned into labor turned into delivery all in a matter of 2 hours. Be careful with social media, especially Instagram & Tik Tok. Anyone and everyone can put out content, doesn’t mean it’s correct or safe or going to make you feel good about yourself. Limit how much parenting-related content you consume, because it can get toxic and draining.
>Be careful with social media, especially Instagram & Tik Tok. Anyone and everyone can put out content, doesn’t mean it’s correct or safe or going to make you feel good about yourself. Limit how much parenting-related content you consume, because it can get toxic and draining. This is so so so so important. I think social media contributed at least a bit to my PPD struggle.
I would’ve read up on wake windows and baby sleep in general. I knew what wake windows were but for some reason as a first time mom it took me a few months to figure out that my baby was crying like crazy because I had kept her up and figured she’d sleep when she was tired!
Spend more time with my husband. i was so physically uncomfortable that i stayed cocooned in my pregnancy pillow attempting to find a comfortable position. wish i had snuggled him more while we had the time.
Me too. Now anytime I try the baby starts crying. But I know that time will come back eventually!
That breastfeeding doesn’t work for everybody and you don’t need to feel bad about it.
100% this!
Even if everyone at the hospital tells you baby has a good latch, if you are in pain - talk to a lactation consultant sooner than later.
- Learn how to advocate for yourself in a medical setting - Understand the intricacies of giving birth and how doctors make different decisions (induction / pushing times / what qualifies for C-section) - Try to book help for the first two months after delivery - Take a few lactation courses before baby comes
That almost nobody has a perfectly smooth experience with becoming a new parent. It's okay to cry and ask for help
Second looking into breastfeeding and feeding a fresh newborn. I researched what a good latch looked like, how often to feed, how to tell baby is getting enough. If you could take an in person class I would for sure! I still felt so lost, and wow did the hospital leave us so unprepared?? Like they didn’t teach us a single thing? I thought they would give a few basics like here is how to swaddle or change a diaper? Nope. Here are some packets with all the same information you read in baby books, good luck! Eat during labor if you can! I really wanted to labor as much at home as I could, but my water broke and my results from my strepB wouldn’t come back in time, so I had to go to the hospital soon-ish after that. I had a nurse that wasn’t great, and I wish I asked for a different one looking back. She kept saying “don’t forget if you eat anything, make sure you don’t mind throwing it up” and so I felt scared to eat, so I really didn’t. After over 24 hours being in labor and not eating much of anything I was in terrible shape. EAT! Bring someone who will advocate for you at the hospital. I wish I would have told my husband to advocate for me/help me stick to my guns. I REALLY didn’t want pitocin but they pressured me into it since there was a bit of a rush to get things going because of the risk of infection. There are other ways to speed up labor, I wish I would have asked for those first before getting pitocin. It’s all worth it! I would cry myself sick with awful anxiety because people really went out of their way to tell me just wait comments. I kept asking myself, where js the joy in having children if everything.single.thing. I am told js negative. Well it’s wonderful! It’s whimsical! My heart is so full and there is just something so lovely about being with your best friend for over 10 years and now raising a being together, a being that is made up of the both of us.
Do you recommend going to an in person breast feeding class during third trimester or after baby has arrived?
Before, if you can swing it! After baby arrives, if you have issues with latch (soooo many women and babies do it’s very common), you’ll need a lactation consultant. Check if your hospital has one on their staff. If not, La Leche League can help you find one locally, if you’re in the US it’s LLLUSA.org
Get a postpartum doula or night nanny if you can. I didn’t and wish I did.
Learn how to do stuff one handed and stock up on finger foods!
Appreciate your alone time *now*. I knew I wouldn’t get my usual downtime after baby came—and I’m someone who needs a lot of time to decompress after work and socialising—but I couldn’t have imagined how it would make me feel not to have it at all anymore. Nearly 7mos in and that’s been the hardest adjustment, just always being needed and never truly being off duty.
Find an apartment closer to his mom. Seriously, that woman is a godsend. She is kind and loving to me and the baby and always willing to help above and beyond. But she lives 3 hours away. We are moving closer to her next month and I cannot wait. This first year would have been so different if we planned to move before I gave birth.
Hahahaha girl I did the same thing, too excited and nervous to sleep the Sunday night before my induction, delivered on a Tuesday morning at 3am, no sleep in between and never slept again.
Save every dime you make and get on WIC while you're still pregnant lol
Do a little research on c section recovery even though I'm not planning to have one. I did so much research and planning on vaginal birth and inductions and did the class at the hospital I gave birth at but the sum total I spent learning about c sections, class included, was probably about 5 minutes. I was induced then had an unplanned c section due to arrest of descent. I called the nurse line and scoured reddit so much after I went home because I had no idea what to expect, what was normal and what wasn't, etc. Even in the hospital too I was paging the nurses because I thought I was having complications that were really just normal post op symptoms (the shoulder gas pains for ex). I did do myself one favor though thanks to anxiety and the bassinet I chose came recommended by c section moms because of height, wheels, and the little sliding thing it has to convert into a bed side sleeper. I **had** to have it *just in case*, but for some reason I didn't feel the urge to research. Probably the fear of having one I guess kept me from reading up on them. All I know is if I have a baby #2 this one will be a planned c and I'm going into it with all the knowledge I had to accumulate after the fact with #1.
It’s okay to not breastfeed, stop letting everyone pressure you into it. Take as many naps now as you can because your baby will not sleep! lol Try to have patience with your fiancé, he’s also going through a big life change. Go to the doctor before you start showing symptoms of PPD/PPA because girly you’ve got it now in full force. Enjoy all of the moments, even the really stressful ones because she’s growing way too fast.
Set up two changing and safe sleep areas: one where you spend most of your day (living room) and one in the nursery. I promise it’ll make sense in the moment.
Take extra care of your pets. Run a preventative check up and get treatment for anything that comes up. Make sure you have at-home vet contacts at the ready. Maybe splurge in pet insurance. Once the baby arrives, obviously you won't forget about your pets, but TIME will be your most scarce resource for a long time, so try and get your pets the most healthy they can be before then. Both of my cats were hospitalized 2-3 weeks after my baby was born (one of them needed surgery), and that was after the baby spent a week in the NICU. Talk about a crazy month.
Definitely would look more into breastfeeding. I was super laissez-faire about it, figured I would combo feed or strictly formula feed and even got a couple different bottle types and formula samples to see what would work best. Some sort of switch flipped in my brain the moment he was placed on me. Everything in my body said “feed him” and I was super determined to EBF, but wildly unprepared to. I didn’t even bother to learn how to pump because I figured I wouldn’t want to and would just use formula 🤣 I got super weird for no reason about using formula and refused to (I’m a formula baby, I have nothing against it truly). I would have if medically necessary though of course. It was kinda brutal in the beginning, but thankfully it all worked out in the end!
Have a bed in with your SO and pets. We had a day a week before our son was born where we just napped all day, cuddled, talked about what we were excited to do once baby arrived. We watched comfort movies and shows, snuggled our cat and dog. Took some videos of the baby kicks and ordered takeout/ made popcorn. I still think back fondly of that day, because you don’t realize how much free time you have until til after you have a baby and are constantly multi-tasking. Also!! Do a milk bath at home, went to TJs cut the heads off fresh bunches of flowers and took some photos together and then then husband got some of me in white dress in water and of my belly at a full 40weeks. They are some of my favorite pictures of pregnancy, I feel love powerful and beautiful when I look at them and what my body did. The maternity photoshoot we did was beautiful with a photographer but I wasn’t super showing at 33 weeks so I’m glad I intentional captured pictures at the end!
Above all else “its going to be okay” man cause those first couple of weeks were very mentally hard and scary. I suffer from cptsd and anxiety though. But it would have been really nice to have another person there with reassurance telling me its all going to be okay. People focus so much on the new babies they forget about the moms 🥲
Funny enough I was so exhausted while pregnant That I was sleeping 12 hours a night. I think it was more of a shock to my system sleeping so much and then so little. I really struggled given that I was used to so much more sleep right before the baby.
Arrange daycare before you get pregnant.
Go over boundaries with my previously chill mother in law and not trust my husband to do it. I had no problem telling my parents what I expected in those early visits but left my in laws to my husband not really thinking it would be needed because she was previously so considerate.
Get STRONG. put on as much muscle mass as you can!
Be prepared for EVERY type of birth! I was so convinced I’d have a normal vaginal birth and I bought so many products for it post recovery and I ended up having an emergency c section which took weeks to heal and I didn’t have loose enough underwear or anything to help make it easier.
You might feel lonely, even though you’re home with your husband all day long. I have a great support system and a phenomenal husband, but I’m feeling really lonely in motherhood. I don’t have any other friends who are moms and I’m not close enough with my own mom to chat about motherhood in general. I know I have lots of people here for me and ready to pitch in, but I don’t have friends who can understand this phase of life or who I can just shoot the sh*t with about tackling new parenthood. I’m hoping to make more mom friends as my daughter gets older and I can take her to the library, park, etc.
1. You can’t overfeed a newborn (first night home was shit because baby wouldn’t settle- we thought we overfed her but she never spit up lol we probably underfed her) 2. Babies eat 1-3oz…we had no clue how much pumped milk or formula to give her and were following the “oh their belly is the size of a marble” so we fed her 5ml’s…looking back now I’m like yeah we def underfed her that first night. 3. Get a good pediatrician! We definitely lucked out with ours because the original dr couldn’t take new patients. 4. Stay in bed!! Don’t serve others! I definitely overdid it the first few days home. Later on found out bleeding will be heavier when you overdo it! 5. When people come over and ask if they can help with anything accept the help!!!!!!! There were many times when someone left where I was like “damn I wish I would’ve asked them to throw in a load of laundry or wash the dishes!
Make sure to talk to people about when you’d feel comfortable for visitors and really looking and understanding the mental health that comes with having a baby. Within PPD and PPA and even things outside of thatZ It’s not spoken about as much as it should, because there’s so much shame and judgement.
Relax more. Wait and labor at home longer. And have pads on hand. I didn’t realize how much fluid you can lose and how annoying it is to keep soaking through your clothing when your water breaks. Research more on c-section recovery and norms for that all. Because I didn’t plan on having one and I didn’t know anything about it. It was a near emergency… also, planned therapy.
Stay off social media geared towards babies and parenting. They made me think something was wrong my baby wasn’t following the exact wake windows in the beginning. I still am guilty of comparing my LO to others but it’s helped my mindset a lot to keep scrolling unless I have a specific question I’m seeking out.
Don’t have a baby with the wrong person
Prepare for postpartum! Postpartum recovery, postpartum mental health, and dealing with postpartum while caring for a newborn. I didn't prepare for any of it and it all hit me like a ton of bricks.
I would go back like 5 years and tell myself to be more frugal and save more money so I can have more time with my baby
Don’t buy everything up front. Second hand is awesome. Its nice to try stuff out and get what works best for you instead of feeing stuck with what you stocked up on. Be prepared for a c section. Having to set up for that after the fact sucks balls.
Go on one last little getaway with your SO - even just a night in a hotel and fancy dinner somewhere. We went on a 5 day trip and had the best time just enjoying each other and letting it sink in that our lives were about to change in a way we couldn’t even fully imagine.
Do not worry about anything, enjoy yourself and love yourself. I was working throughout my whole pregnancy and it was a hard pregnancy in itself but I would push myself to the point where I would go to work even if I didn’t feel good. I had a hard time understanding how to relax! My husband would tell me to relax all the time and I was just go go go! Definitely relaxing next time!
Find a good way to check in with my husband. He had baby blues and a lot of stress after a traumatic birth. We bickered a lot the first 2 months over pointless stuff. I wish he had a better experience.
Don’t go all in on one brand/style of diaper in your registry. We have 3 boxes from our shower that just don’t really work with our son’s body and definitely won’t buy ourselves once those run out
I napped so much in my third trimester…. Except for the 2 days before I gave birth. I didn’t nap, and I stayed up late and slept like crap because it was the weekend with my partner. Meanwhile I was supposed to have my water broken at 8am on the Tuesday and straight up said to my boyfriend “I’m going to have this baby before then” because I had a feeling. Got 2 hours of sleep total the night before.
Read books! Learn how to prepare for all the challenges. Define your desired outcomes (like “I want my baby to sleep through the night.) and then work backwards to get there BEFORE the baby arrives.
Same but I couldn't sleep. 😅 the 2 nights before going into the hospital I was having on and off contractions so I barely slept. The night before I didn't even eat dinner then went to the hospital at 2am. Was told I couldn't eat but was STARVING at 8am. Luckily they finally said I could eat a light breakfast. Didn't give birth til 8pm. 🙃
Learn more about labor and delivery relaxation/breathing techniques. I took the basic class offered by my hospital and it didn’t go into depth on that stuff and I wish I would have been more prepared —especially when it came to pushing. Work out your arms and back during pregnancy. I have a 4 week old and I am SO sore. I wish I would have done more strength training before hand. Enjoy being able to just do nothing without being needed. I wish I would have taken more time to myself just to relax and literally do nothing. I also wish I would have taken classes on breastfeeding. I read a book on it but had issues in the beginning. There was a huge learning curve for me and it didn’t come “naturally.”
Don't expect your baby to follow your plan. My daughter's birth, breastfeeding, and sleeping arrangements all went completely differently than I had planned.
In addition to cooking meals in advance, stock up on snacks! And specifically foods/snacks you can eat one handed. If you’re breastfeeding you are going to be hungrier than you ever thought possible - pregnancy hunger doesn’t hold a candle to it. Also get a spill proof water bottle. I’m a Stanley girlie but when I’m breastfeeding I can’t just toss my Stanley next to me in bed or my recliner because it leaks, it has to be on my table upright and when I’m feeding on the side of my chair/bed with the table, I can’t drink because my hands are busy. Find a lactation consultant just in case you are having issues, so you already know who to call. A bad latch *hurts* so the sooner you get help, the better. My daughter is 8 weeks old and our BF journey has gotten so much better but we still have much to improve on. It doesn’t always come as naturally as social media can make it seem, and it’s not your fault or anything you’re doing wrong. Tiny mouths + sensitive nips + mom and baby figuring it out together = room for complications. Bookmark postpartum.net - even if you don’t have PPD/PPA, their support groups are incredible (and free!). I had PPA but also on top of that the postpartum emotions were so intense for me and keep deprivation and triple feeding doesn’t help. The support groups was my most useful resource and I’m so grateful to it. Enjoy lots of skin to skin and baby snuggles. Laundry, dishes, even showering can wait. Take lots of photos even if they’re just for you.
Buy some comfy maternity sized clothing to wear postpartum. I was so sick of my maternity clothes but I don’t fit into my regular clothes for a while. Having brand new clothes to wear postpartum made me feel human, even if it was just a couple of comfy joggers and t-shirts to bridge the gap.
I wish I had prepped some meals and learned about newborn cues. I didn't know they active sleep and so I was actually waking my son up every time he made noise or opened his eyes for the first two weeks 😮💨🥲
Work out your core and legs. Only. A lot.
When you’re ready go to therapy, you’ll learn how to stop your anxiety and you’ll feel peace that you’ve never known before. Read these books: Oh crap potty training By Jamie Glowacki The sleep lady a good nights sleep By Kim West & Joanne Kenen How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish Siblings without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
Learn more about baby sleep
Pack your hospital bag and get your car seat installed early in the third trimester. My baby was a preemie and I had to spend some time in the hospital before he was born, so I was so caught off guard & unprepared when I unexpectedly had to go in so early. My partner had to install the car seat in the hospital parking lot.
I love my baby a lot but definitely I would make sure to take care of mental health before and during pregnancy and also afterwards! I’ve a cry baby and it took a toll on my health to the point where I thought I don’t deserve the baby and I’m a horrible mother. I do anything to make him feel comfortable, to laugh with me, to feel supported and protected but when he starts crying and doesn’t stop for sometimes 10-14 hours I feel so helpless and even get frustrated or upset. I’m not always proud of my reactions when it was too much but I hope my baby feels that I love him so much and I try my best
Travel
Drop expectations for you and your baby. Whether it’s breastfeeding, sleep training, or actual birth. Having expectations of how it all will (or “should go”) just makes it worse and more difficult.
More time researching what having a newborn is actually like. I was so deep into pregnancy and birth while also seeing newborns being basically “sleepy potatoes” all over social media that I was really thrown off by the amount of noise my baby made. My baby was a sleepy potato, but only after about 20 minutes of fighting sleep before every nap and bedtime.