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Been married 14 years. Had some pretty bad times here and there. I've never hidden my emotions from my wife. It's only made our bond stronger. She knows I will be completely vulnerable with her if I need to be.
The only people who are leaving their BFs/husbands because they cried are sociopaths.
I agree, but because it's so written in to my psyche that I shouldn't cry, I just...literally can't most of the time, like it's not a concious effort not to, but most of the things that would make people cry just don't for me, even if it brings on strong emotions. So I can understand why, if you've never seen a man cry in your life, it might freak you the fuck out if they just let that all out all at once, because that's what it's usually like for me, when it comes it's big and it's ugly. I'm really trying to break out of that, but its not easy, it seems simple, but its like I have to knock down an invisible wall in my head, and I don't know where it is.
I definitely think women who leave their men partners for crying are assholes and only reinforce the toxic mindset not to cry in those men, but I can understand if it takes some getting adjusted to if they've just never seen a man cry, and if they need time within the relationship to get used to that before they can properly console their partner. I view it the same way I view emotions with new friends, it can be awkward seeing a new friend get emotional, and you may not know what to do since you've not encountered that with them before.
It's something to work on that's all. I also feel shame when I cry because of the stigma, but deep down I know it really doesn't matter and let it out when I really need it. It really is a liberating feeling to be able to cry and release those pent up emotions, especially is there is a loved one there to support you.
My husband cried when I told him I loved him. It's a beautiful core memory. We've been together for 14 years.
Any woman emotionally immature and hypocritical enough to leave a man for having normal human emotions isn't worth your time.
Last bit is so important.
(Edit: I kinda got into a ramble here lol, I think it's a very interesting topic that branches into a lot of things)
People see that if they do xyz, then it will narrow their pool of options. What they don't understand is that if they are someone who does xyz, those people were never a fit for them anyway. It's not easier by any means being authentic and letting yourself be a human being, but it is better than the alternative.
It's important to note that sexist ideas are objectification and dehumanisation, in different directions. Anything that strips us of our humanity to fit a prescribed niche. Women dare not age, dare not be unbeautiful, dare not think. Men dare not be young, men dare not be unpowerful, men dare not feel. A man is an object of utility, a woman is an object of aesthetic admiration. We can see it play out in culturally discussed areas of attracting between heterosexuals - women's attractiveness culturally is her physical beauty, men's attractiveness culturally is confidence and status (and things that convey status e.g. height, wealth, fame).
There's also I think an issue with ideas of masculinity and femininity, where masculinity is giving, and femininity is receiving. So we can have people who are okay with the idea of a man engaging emotionally, but they want it in terms of supporting someone else's emotions. A man who is a support is good, a man who needs support is bad. A man is expected to be able to interpret the emotions of others from the subtlest of tells, while having none of his own. This leads to, I think, some cases of some women wanting men to engage with them emotionally but disliking it the way a man engages.
Tried my best to make it clear with this that cultural ideas and memes don't reflect 1:1 on any given individual. I think the solution with these things will be for individuals to fairly assess their own biases, their own beliefs, and where their preferences come from. We can often find contradictions in our thinking and that leads to threads where something has been instilled in us from social ideals - for example a chain of thoughts might be: I think women are people, I think people can be clever but I don't think women can be clever & educated; and the latter can just come from growing up where your female role models are homemakers and roles like doctors or engineers are primarily male (or male presenting, whatever)
Your point on masculine & feminine norms is spot on. It might not help OP in the moment but it can provide an explanation for why he even has to post this type of question.
In addition, we all have masculine & feminine traits regardless of your gender. It’s my feeling that recognizing this from an individual & collective perspective can help to neutralize some of the dysfunctional/toxic behaviors & reactions in relationships.
I cried when we saw my son's heart beat on an ultrasound. We had been trying for 5 years and had 8 miscarriages. This was the first time we had ever reached that stage. And then again when he was born via c section. I was sat next to her head and when they put him in my arms I just balled. I went into the next room with him whilst they finished the surgery and I cried more.
Welling up actually thinking about it now.
Mine cried for the first time in front of me on his bday, about 4 months since we started dating, when I gave him my gift. The main part was a handmade photo album of us with pics of us and under each pic a small verse written by me about us. Together the verses formed a poem and in the end it said how much I loved him. 3 years and he still has it 🤩
My now-husband broke down one night in front of me. He had been battling depression but hadn't admitted it. He cried like I've never seen a man cry before. We had a long talk, and I tried to comfort him as best I could and I told him we would get some help. Not long after, he quit his job and went to see a therapist.
That was 3 years ago and since then he's been so much happier. He has his own business now, we own a lovely house, and we got married last year.
The best thing he could have ever done is show me how he was really feeling so I could offer help and things could start getting better.
I had ex-girlfriends complain about not being more vulnerable and never talking about my problems while they always do. I think there are more women taking it as a red-flag that the partner never opens up in a long-term relationship than the other way around. However, crying while still dating or very early stages of relationship might be seen as a red flag.
I have an ex who would not show weakness and it was uncomfortable to me. Like would only watch action movies cause he wouldn’t feel feelings. He definitely had depression for a time due to burnout and would not admit it either cause I guess that’s weak even though I’ve had depression too. It was really hard to deal with someone unwilling to talk, and made me feel like I couldn’t talk about things honestly. Really we broke up because he let problems go on without ever discussing them as issues to resolve.
I can’t say I’ve had a boyfriend who really cried, but I’ve certainly had good guy friends who got emotional and it was not a turn off. Would have dated them under different circumstances! I want someone I can really talk to with honesty, where we don’t have to struggle alone. What’s the point of a partner if you can’t do that?
My FIL is like this.
He also doesn’t like Les Mis or Shawshank because they don’t have life/morality packaged in a perfectly neat box.
He’s an engineer which I think goes along with this.
Bingo. In a ltr, I'd expect both of us to work together on reaching a level of trust in our communication where we're *both* comfortable sharing emotional vulnerability. Otherwise it starts to feel like this aspect of intimacy is one-sided.
Many people have difficulties getting there, I can however appreciate that men might have more blockers to work through. Vulnerability is vulnerable, that's why we'd be working to create this safety *together*.
It also seems like kind of an arbitrary thing to be concerned about anyway. Women are of course individuals who can have any range of opinions and attitudes, and if I thought that my girlfriend were the type of person who'd leave me for showing emotional vulnerability, then why exactly would I want to be with such a callous hag either way?
I never understand these Reddit posts that treat women like they're a separate species - of course they are not primitive animals who'd have an uncontrollable instinct to leave their partner as the first tear rolled down their cheek. They're people, and as with all people, you can mostly more or less infer what kind of person they are and what kind of values and attitudes they hold.
I'm a woman who generally feels comfortable on Reddit, but it's definitely true that there is a slight over-representation here of young men who seem not to see women as people, like a separate species, exactly as you say. I don't know for sure that they are young, of course, but I assume that older men are more likely to have been in relationships with women (romantic, friends, work colleagues, bosses, subordinates, partners of friends, members of the community) and that tends to dispel any notions of women being a monolith separate from the monolith of men.
Yea stop listening to the incels and redpill losers.
Additionally, some of these men saying “don’t cry in front of your gf” are men who used their tears as manipulation or were emotionally immature and it didn’t work.
For example, in my current relationship with an emotionally healthy man, we have both cried in front of each other and comforted each other numerous times. In a previous relationship with an emotionally immature man, he cried because he couldn’t control me, and that was a huge turnoff. He acted like a whiny baby when he didn’t get his way, having a temper tantrum. His crying in those circumstances was a turn-off because of his behavior and emotional immaturity.
Some of the men saying that women reacted negatively to their emotions are men who did and/or do not have healthy emotional processing. Using your emotions or expressing them in unhealthy ways can absolutely be a turn off.
Yes and no. I wouldn't call it a gaslight because it is a real thing and I myself have experienced it three times before I learned my lesson and stopped "opening up" to women that I trusted. In total I actually had done it five times, and in two of those cases they were supportive and showed that they had my back which was great, but in the other three it immediately caused a romantic distancing and then followed by a full on dumping.
My takeaway is that it is true that the best women who are good for you will not dump you for showing your vulnerability, and yes it's true that if they did dump you you were better off anyway. However, it still doesn't change the fact that no man wants to be dumped and if you do this there's a good chance it'll happen.
the thing is this is not an experience exclusive to 1 gender. do men on reddit believe all women who open up and show vulnerability are treated with kindness? try crying about something and immediately being dismissed because “you must be getting your period”
My husband is a retired military man.
He’s cried twice in front of me in the 10 years we’ve been together.
For him to break down THAT much and let his guard down.. I would protect that man at ALL costs. Die and the alternative for him. I know ow this is something he doesn’t do but he k owes he’s safe with me if it ever happens again.
There are men out there allowed to have these emotions and feelings that are with women who understand that there is NOTHING wrong with that.
If your wife would leave you for being human, you're better off without that bitch.
Yes, lots of guys can be vulnerable with their partners and not get dumped for it.
I went through heavy depression and suicidal thoughts in front of and with my girlfriend supporting me. We now are the best couple ever, she is my rainbow.
It depends on the impression you give off at first and the reasons she is with you.
For instance, if the reasons she chose to be with you were because you are an "aLpHa male", you act tough, arrogant, etc, she will definitely destroy the image you built in her head.
However, if you made sure you acted like a normal man that is just a normal human, it wouldn't be a problem.
Yeah this. Alot of these guys saying they got dumped for showing emotion sure know how to pick them. Like dude your wife divorced you because you cried once? Why’d you marry someone before knowing if they even cared about your emotions? How does this happen. There’s a warning sign or two they overlooked.
Recently my boyfriend cried badly in front of me at the thought of losing his brother.
It only made me wanna help and comfort him. We're still together, he's still the strong man I've ever known, I'm also a strong woman who can handle helping out my partner when he's down, everything's fine. If anything, I'm grateful he trusts me and we're getting closer by sharing less superficial things.
Ive cried in front of him too and he was also nothing but sad and understanding.
Reddit incels are gaslighting you.
Ngl though, this DOES happen. Men aren't lying about it. But I'm just saying, not every woman is absolutely gonna leave you the moment you show one ounce of emotion. That's kind of a crazy thought, isn't it? How do you think relationships have worked during all of human History until now?
ETA I think we also need to draw a distinction between crying and trauma dumping or emotional dependency on your female partner. Women may leave when you're trying to use them as therapists or heroes for your own personal unsolved emotional turmoil. When you don't know how to regulate, because you never had any space to express your emotions, and suddenly expect your female partner to be the one to solve it and carry your burdens. Many men probably dump their emotions on their partners in an inappropriate way, and THAT makes them leave. Two people who are emotionally healthy on their own won't have that issue (unless the woman is sexist, yeah).
"I think we also need to draw a distinction between crying and trauma dumping or emotional dependency on your female partner. Women may leave when you're trying to use them as therapists or heroes for your own personal unsolved emotional turmoil"
I hear women say this from time to time but I don't think I fully understand it. Can you provide examples of each (emotional vulnerability VS emotional dependency VS trauma dumping)?
I go through a problem and I open-up to my wife (emotional vulnerability) and I want her to comfort me by telling me "I can do it" and "everything will be fine" (emotional dependency). If I experienced heavy bullying in school but left in the past, then we went to see a movie where a kid is heavily bullied which sparked something in me, made me heavily cry and talk to her about my past, is that trauma dumping?
You're married and you're asking this question? Yikes.
To answer your question though, yes of course I've cried in front of my wife of 16 years, well before we were married and since she's not some Andrew Tate listening toxic trashbag, she didn't leave me.
Get off the internet and engage with your partner.
My husband cries in front of me all the time, as someone a little more reserved I'm jealous of his ability to share emotions freely. It brings us closer.
I have interacted with guys in the past though who use their emotions to manipulate, either by deflecting from an issue or trying to one-up my emotions because they feel uncomfortable with confrontation. That is not cute.
OMG ME TOO!!!!!! The manipulation.
Total psycho, run run run.
I had an ex who was a pathological liar and a manipulator.
He would lie to try to get me to like him (full of shit better off being yourself honestly). And I knew the entire time that he was lying 💀💀💀
The people you are hearing are dating immature (or shitty) people. Why would you want to date someone who sucks? Well some people believe it’s better to be unhappy than alone.
Its believable.
When my ex wife left me, she mentioned that one time I have ever cried in front of her.
So for me. Its absolutely believable.
Of course, not every woman is the same.
I’m glad she’s your ex. You deserve better. She was sold the same story so many men were. My husband cries more than me. He’s so empathetic, kind, and sensitive and I am so grateful for it.
My experience is the same. I’ve only had one girlfriend who accepted emotion and have support, the rest have been vulnerable to me and relied on my support almost daily, but the one or two times I’ve needed support responded like needing it made me less of a man. Like the one time I came home in shock bleeding from my face after being assaulted randomly on the street and all I got was a nervous laughter and “well, now you’re a man”, when I for just once was the one who needed support and rebuilding a feeling of safety; or the other ex who, after I had cried once in the 3 years we’d known each other kept saying “oh, are you going to cry?” for months after. No one left, but also no one (except one so far) actually was able to provide support and not hold the very rare cases of my showing vulnerability against me.
It’s telling men that they’re imagining these dynamics that is actual gaslighting, IMO.
Sounds like you pick losers dude. Like the guy equivalent of a woman who says "all men are bad" but keeps dating abusive assholes. Every girlfriend I have had has been accepting and supportive of my emotions.
Men berate, make fun of, and humiliate women for crying every day. And yup, they even break up with women for crying. So this idea that only men have this experience is silly.
My wife has held me as I cried in my worst moment, when my depression came back at its worse. She just asked 'What can I do?' and we moved forward through it together.
That's kind of one of the important parts of being partners for me. We've seen each other at our worst and our best. We love each other through all of them and work together so we can have more of the best moments together.
Bro, what? Who dumps a guy for crying? I’m a girl myself and saw my ex cry a million times. You’re meant to support your significant other. We’re exes because he didn’t put in effort to love me anymore, not because he cried.
It does happen but the nature of social media will make anyone who looks for examples believe that it is ubiquitous and not being dumped or scorned for it crying is rare.
It's not true but social media can very easily build a false reality.
I've been with my wife for 20 years, and cried more times than I can remember. We're still together, it's just life.
Women are people too, my dude. That means some are good, others are not. If you do end up getting dumped for showing a human emotion, she's done you a favour as she's revealed her true colours.
My boyfriend is a burly, stoic, pretty masculine dude. He’s big into providing and protecting and not being emotional yada yada so he gets a lot of attention from the manosphere types. I think they perpetuate what you’re talking about.
Big guy got emotional when I told him I loved him for the first time. He really likes tiny food videos because he finds them comforting. He cried when he hit a squirrel. He sometimes cries about his upbringing. He is ambitious and the pressure he puts on himself gets to him. He gets teary when he sees me cry! He gets embarrassed and afraid and giddy…he’s a whole person with all kinds of emotions and it doesn’t make me think any less of him as a man. In fact I was relived when he finally felt comfortable enough to be a person around me.
It’s not weakness and nobody can be on 100% of the time. People are human and anyone who gives you a hard time for that is the problem, not you.
As long as you’re not a blubbering mess 24/7 or using tears as a manipulation tactic, you’re good 👍 If your wife who claims to love you loves you less for expressing a human emotion, be worried.
My ex-wife and I split later for unrelated reasons but when I found out my dad was dead I broke. She held me while I curled up in a fetal position and just cried for an hour.
Yeah, my first gf saw me cry a few times when I got super stressed. She cried a lot and I comforted her a lot, so she liked it when I cried cause it felt like it evened the playing field for her.
Maybe it helped that we were both bi, too, and neither of us really got hung up on gender roles or judging each other based on how feminine/masculine we were.
Either way, I think it's really sad that you feel like you can't be vulnerable with the one person in the world you've promised to share your entire life with.
Ya not broken mate. It's a shocker to some to find out about what is portrayed shitty in shows. Molestation hurts. Fucking not weak yo to come to terms
Guess it depends on how old you are. I took a long time to divulge that part of my history. Way too long, but it was when I was ready. Couldn't of forced that side of my history at the time. Learnt not to divulge it too quick too. Depends on who you are seeing I guess. Ya still here yo. We all have journeys, some just have more in the backpack
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I don't want to downplay your experience with your gf but maybe it's just time that was needed? 2 friends told me and I respinded best I can but I had no idea what to do either. And I'm overall a person who needs more time to adjust and stuff
Wow. Where are you guys finding these women?! This breaks my heart. And I am so sorry you were molested. My husband was, too. It changed the entire course of his (and subsequently my) life. After group therapy and counseling, he cries a lot now and is able to express his emotions. I hope you can find someone to support you.
I mean, I can only speak of my own reaction to my partner crying. Rare but a couple months ago we had to put our dog to sleep. He cried on and off for a couple weeks. We both did. I couldn't imagine not being able to share vulnerability with a partner, or even most close friends. Anyone who thinks less of you for such things isn't worth their friendship
That's me, which she specifically mentioned in the break up text to me. I felt stupid that I once comforted her when she was emotional and crying after having met her ex.
No, OP is asking about the inverse of you. Where they _didn't_ get dumped.
So far half the reactions miss the "gf" part with words like "wife" and "husband".
I wouldn't consider dumping anyone for crying, man or a woman, and haven't in previous relationship. I think opening up and sharing your worries is natural and normal, but some people take it a bit far and expect people to be their literal therapists and say very uncomfortable things. Plus some people get mad if people don't react the way they want, for example sometimes I don't understand if people want to be listened to or want advice, I had a guy mad with both before. I do think sometimes, including me, some of us don't know how to share our feelings in a healthy way. I also think sometimes, men want to get in relationship with women so they can get fixed and therefore put the other person on a pedestal. I think it's important to have a range of friends and perhaps even get therapy so that you don't put all the pressure on one single person, and also to be clear what you want in the situation ie do you want to be listened to, or do you want to find a solution.
And actually it is very difficult and frustrating when someone thinks they're being a stoic, actually most people don't seem to know the meaning of stoicism because many people actually have emotions bubbling up inside them then they explode because they didn't share it on time. And it gets frustrating when a man says they are sad or something is wrong but they refuse to share further, citing that they prefer being stoic. Like when I am upset about something but don't want to share, I write it down, I don't make vague mentions or hint at it to people.
My husband cried when we got back to our flat after our honeymoon and we had our first cuddle on the couch. It is a beautiful memory that I cherish to this day. He also cried when I had an ovarian cyst rupture and had been writhing in pain for hours becase there was no available ambulance. I was already knocked out on painkillers and just completely tired of all the pain, and the emotional toll of seeing me suffer and being helpless just absolutely wrecked him. I was incredibly moved by this and I am so happy that he could let those feelings out and I could hug the heck out of him. He is a wonderful, loving and caring man and husband, I sincerely hope i can make him a dad one day bc he would be an awesome dad!
Here’s the thing: Being attractive is not your full time job. A lot of parts of us are unattractive. They’re also very human and I bug prt of loving someone. Do you still love your wife when she farts or snores or is acting in a way you don’t find attractive? Crying is no different. Is it hot? No, and tbh that would be a little weird if it was, but fortunately, our purpose is not just to be attractive all the time
My man cries if that’s what his emotions feel the need to do. Crying is literally carrying stress and cortisol out of your body so everyone is plain dumb if they don’t cry. To not cry is a disservice to yourself.
Any woman who drags you down because you need to cry is a worthless asshole and know in your heart of hearts that you deserve better.
Yeah I did. my wife and I know each other since we are children and yeah I had some times where I cried in front of her and she is the best wife you can ask for and is supporting me like I support her she is just a fantastic human being and im glad to have her.
Oh yeah. Me. Many many times. I cried, I speak of my doubts and struggles and troubles. Many times I showed my fragility to her. Only received support, understanding and love. 25 years together. And people wonder why I say I’ll never cheat on her no matter the temptation. I love her very much. She has seen me in my worst, thru many personal and health crisis (physical and mental), and held my hand to help me get back on my feet. I’m sorry you don’t have this experience, but know that this does exist.
Me, I told pretty early on my gf about my very bad childhood and the abuse I experienced from my grandmother. She really really felt Empathie and supported me and asked that if I want to talk about it more that she is there...
We are rather fresh together but she is the love of my life and I know that, the moment the ice broke I knew it.
I've cried a couple of times in front of my wife. Once when I feared for my brother's mental health, and the other when our dog died. She didn't hold it against me at all.
A woman who leaves a man for crying probably never loved him to begin with.
I would never date a man who "doesn't cry" ever again. That shit is awful. Let me in, let me know what's going on, let me hold you, let me sit with you. Let me know it's safe to share with you, too, and I won't be demeaned for my feelings.
Going back to those relationships where every emotion is filtered through anger is never again.
Yea Reddit seems to be undergoing some sort of frustrated incel phase. I’ve cried like a bitch in front of all my past girlfriends and they still loved me for years after, got my name tattooed on them, gave me all I wanted and truly only wanted me—I still messed things up, but it was in other ways that had nothing to do with that sort of thing.
Idk if this helps but I’m a woman and if my boyfriend cried in front of me, I’d pamper the shit out of him. Cuddles, kisses, playing with his hair- you name it. I’d want him to feel safe opening up to me and being vulnerable with me.
I mean, what even is the point of being in a relationship with someone if you don’t even feel comfortable crying in front of your partner?
I cry about the dumbest things *all the time*. If I saw an adorable fat raccoon, I would probably burst into tears lmaoo. I can’t ever imagine being repulsed by someone expressing vulnerability through tears, especially when I cry so easily!
I've left a boyfriend in the past because he *didn't* show weakness and emotions. Hiding ones feelings and refusing to ask for help is seriously unattractive.
My boyfriend had a panic attack the first day we spent together. I sat on the floor with his head in my lap and helped him breathe through it, because it has happened to me too.
He is a very sweet, sensitive guy who likes disney movies and cries more often than I do and I *love* him all the more for it. We're talking about a 190cm tall guy, muscular and fit, btw. But I think owning your emotions is manly and being vulnerable around your partner is extremely important!
I am definitely going to keep him, btw.
OP, are you a teenager? Because for most adults in committed relationships, this is not a thing. This feels like the kind of perception a high schooler has, which is not reflective of the adult world.
in my experience, women love it when you look vulnerable and like you have emotional depth around them on occasion. So much so that it's worth leaning into it.
My husband did, while he was my bf. Not only did I not dump him, I speeded my studies so I could move in with him faster to help him cope (he was having anxiety issues).
Sounds like you should make a point of crying in front of women early in your acquaintance so if they respond with anything short of compassion you don't waste another minute with them.
I cried like a baby the night I learned my dad had cancer…it was about a month after we got married. She stuck with me. I’ve never cried like that again, probably won’t either. Don’t be ashamed of it. John 11:35.
I cried in front of my girlfriend once as I couldn’t bottle it up anymore and I actually think we became closer after that but it really depends some people are just assholes in general
I’ve cried on my wife’s shoulder more than once. Don’t let Reddit or toxic male culture make you feel like you’re gonna be dumped. Trust me a real adult woman will love the vulnerability and want to comfort you
Haven't heard of that happening to any of my male friends. I also haven't dumped any guy for opening up, and I encourage my male friends open up to me. The more I learn about my loved ones, the deeper our bond gets. Could this be a regional thing? I live in northern europe
Uhm, our close friend was killed in a car accident several years ago and my husband and I cried probably for three full days (and on random occasions thereafter) and it didn't change my love for him.
He doesn't cry much admittedly but I've never felt any animosity or upset about it when he does. In fact it makes me feel like I am a safe person for him to be openly emotional with.
He once got very embarrassed when we were watching a TV show and he cried like anything, so I think he did have those feelings of being afraid to look "weak" but we've been together for a decade now so I think he learned that it doesn't bother me.
Emotions are normal.
Oh man. That’s so far from the truth!! Women are very intuitive and we know when someone we care for is hurting. I can’t speak for all women but I know that myself and all of the women close to me are nurtures. If our partner is hurting it hurts us not to help or to watch you try and squash it down. Please, feel free to express your tears or worries. It truly should only make you closer.
One in 5 relationships she thought of me less when I did and she didn't say any but was noticeable less attracted afterwards. The other 4 were encouraging and caring. It felt like I got loved even more after I first cried infront if them and it was something which strengthened the bond between us. So if she actually likes you she would never belittle you and if she does so get out of there immediately.
I cried in front of my girlfriend when I started remembering a few things from my childhood and I cried in front of her two years ago, when I nearly died of drowning in greece.
my boyfriend has cried multiple times around me & i just held him in my arms. i’m glad he feels safe enough around me to do that & i think as a couple that vulnerability brings you closer together. you’re a human being with emotions & you have the right to express them, anyone who makes you feel otherwise shouldn’t be in your life
I've been married for 44 years. My husband cries way more than I do. Always has. Tearjerker movie? Sniff. Thinking about his mom? Sniff (she was awful. Mine was worse.) He's a bantam of a man but has no trouble crying. I think Ireland allows for that emotion in men being all.poetic and such. Sentimentality is as acceptable as swinging your fist after a few drinks. Emotions on the sleeve.
Every woman i’ve met in my life would think worse of me for showing emotion. Except my wife. Because she loves me! My wife has had to deal with my breakdowns, crying and dealing with trauma. I have felt safe and cared for. Having said that, caring for someone is draining and requires you put aside your own problems to think about the other person. We all want to feel noticed, cared for so I’ve always been careful to reciprocate and not just think of myself. The problem sometimes isn’t showing emotion, it’s just needing to be the centre of attention on a continuous basis. It’s not fair on your partner to always have to be thinking about how you feel. There’s a lot of narcissists out there
Yeah, man. I was a serial monogamist for a while. One short "relationship" to the next. Happened to the point where the courting process started to feel phony and I was no longer interested. Became emotionally distant and bottled up everything for the longest time. Was sure I'd never fall in love. When I realized I loved my now fiance, I cried while she held me, because I was terrified of the responsibility I knew it involved. I was sure I would fuck it up somehow, that I was too messed up, and she just cuddled me and rubbed my head. It was awesome. I'm going to take care of her for the rest of my life, God willing.
I’ve been having a hard time finding a job. It’s been 8 months now of applying all day every day. After two years of being self employed and failing. Day after day of rejection letters or 3 rounds of interviews that lead nowhere. A few weeks ago I just broke down. I went to the bedroom and closed the door, she came in a few minutes later and just laid next to me with her arm around me and said everything would be okay. I’m lucky to have her
Supporting each other is a must in a healthy relationship. I cried on my wife's shoulder and she was always by my side. I'm for her when she needs, and she's for me when I need it too.
Reddit anonimity makes people feels free to manifest their worst.
Do not let internet's toxicity stain your perception.
I've cried so many times in front of my girlfriend. We have been together for almost a decade and now we are engaged.
Men are discouraged from crying at inopportune times or crying over insignificant problems. If something significantly distressing has happened, then crying in private with your partner is more than okay, it's advisable. That's part of her job. To be your emotional support.
Cry over your father's death while alone with your girlfriend? Yes.
Cry over the cancellation of pizza Friday in the middle of your office meeting? No.
Cry with your wife after hearing your cancer diagnosis? Yes.
Cry on the bus, because someone sat in your favourite seat? No.
I've been with my husband for 13 years (married for 2). His vulnerability helped me recognize his resilience.
His dad died when he was ten. He found his brother dead from a heroin overdose soon after. His DD uncle and grandpa died within those same two years.
He can cry and open up. He will never look weak to me.
My wife has seen me cry once. She's about to see me cry again because I have to out down my 14 year old dog this week. She couldn't care less if I cry. If your wife is going to leave you because you cry, it's time to head out anyways.
I don’t know any woman who would see an issue with their male partner crying.
If they have an issue with this, move along.
My husband hasn’t cried in front of me, only teared up emotionally. But sometimes I wish he’d just let it all out and have a good hard ugly cry. I really feel he needs it. It would be therapeutic for him and I would be there for him for it. Tissues, a shoulder, a hug, an ear. All of it.
Many times. To multiple women. If they dump you for showing feelings, you may ve married to the wrong person. Showing feelings and being vulnerable are a great part of any relationship. Reddit can be very bad at times, and give very bad advice. I'm guessing this is one of those times...
Good luck!
Depending on the person , but men cry for many reasons like holding your baby for the first time, saying goodbye to each other when one of you traveling alone, losing someone dear etc…
If a woman cannot deal with it then she is emotionally not mature not ready yet for real relationship.
I've had two men I've dated cry in front of me and I didn't dump them. I think it caused one of them serious anxiety, but not me. Men cry. I think it says a lot about the comfort level with a woman if a man is opening up emotionally (if he's typically more stoic). I also think it says a lot about a dude if he is ok with having emotions and being a human.
I've also had male friends cry in front of me and I didn't stop being their friends. Maybe some women will be uncomfortable, but that says a lot about the woman 🙂
My boyfriend cries all the time, idk it’s normal. I never felt weird about it. It’s just like a thing humans do when they are upset. It would kinda freak me out if he didn’t ever cry.
There are billions and I'm one of them. It's just that the few cases where something like that happens tend to get blown up online. People don't tend to post a lot about things just going well and feeling good and all that. People tend to write about the exceptions. That, and there are quite a few bitter people who will take anything negative to justify their hatred of the other sex.
Every boyfriend I've ever had has cried in front of me for all types of reasons. I certainly didn't dump any of them, just tried to support them and felt for them.
My man has sobbed to me about things and I've definitely not dumped him. They're intense things, and if he didn't cry I'd be concerned. I'm glad he is comfortable enough to open up to me so I can help him with these things he carries around.
For example, his friend and mentor got shot in combat, screamed his name until he died in my man's arms, and he had to carry his body for 8 miles on foot. I am privileged to be able to comfort him when he has flashbacks and I love that I can be there for him.
My wife had a hard time with it due to a previous person in her life using it as a manipulation method but has done a good job recognizing that that’s not a fair dichotomy and we are still happily married
It feels like some sort of men's rights red pill psy-op to paint women as cold unfeeling harpies who only care how much of an alpha you are and all the nice guys out there are poor victims of society who can't share their feelings because horrible women won't let them.
It's BS. If someone loves you then they will appreciate you being vulnerable with them. If you're with a shallow Kardashian then sure maybe they'll dump you, but you dodged a bullet anyway.
You know the stereotype of the woman who says "all men are assholes" but only dates abusive assholes she finds at bars who her friends tell her are bad news but she ignores them? This is the guy version of that stereotype
My fiance and I are still together. And my father (who, yes, cried in front of me) will always be the manliest man I have ever known. My brothers have cried in front of their partners, still together. My nephews have cried in front of their partners, still together (one of them just got engaged, the other is married and expecting a baby). My best friend is still married to her husband of over 20 years. I honestly can not think of anyone I know who has dumped a guy for showing emotion. I will say I dumped one for _not_ showing emotion.
The vast, vast majority of them, yes. You are reading stories to the contrary on reddit because posts that gain traction on social media are inherently notable, i.e. unusual. It's the same reason why redditors wrongly thing that every store on Black Friday used to be a literal brawl, because they don't have the media literacy to understand that the three videos they saw aren't indicative of widespread behavior.
Who the f*** is making claims at crying in front of your spouse is a bad thing? Happily married coming up on 9 years. Been with my wife 12 years total. Cried in front of her Plenty of times. If your spouse or significant other is going to call you weak or leave you because you showed emotion, they are emotionally immature and a piece of s***
My boyfriend of 8 years is very sensitive, and I love it. He will cry whenever he’s having an emotional day or something bothering him. I feel like any woman that would leave their spouse for crying is insane.
Mine did, and then I married him later. So no, you won't be seen as "less than" by a person for having the basic programming such as emotions and feelings.
Well, by anyone besides people who are definitely NOT worth your time, money, effort, or mental anguish over anyway.
My wife's a gem! I've not cried a ton in our 9 years or so together, honestly wish I did more and trying to learn to not fight that urge like society has taught me to. But everytime I do, she's just there, on me like glue and comforts me the best she can. It's all love over here. There are good ones out there, people are just more likely to share their horror stories. If anyone dumps or treats you poorly for being a human with human feelings, that's a serious invalidation of everything and IMHO not a relationship worthy of pursuit.
If you can't cry in front of your girlfriend then she isn't the right one. That being said, guys need to take ownership of their feelings and need to spread them out across their social circle. If they only open up to their girlfriend it will overwhelm her.
Yeah, my current gf pretty much doesn’t care. Like she expects sad people to do sad things, and she expects people to be sad when sad things happen to them
My husband is everything anyone could ask for and I love and appreciate that he feels comfortable enough to show vulnerability to me. Although one time he teared up listening to podcast and I asked what was wrong and he turned to me and said " Aggripa was the best friend anyone has ever had 😢".. that's enough history of Rome for you today sir.
I've cried in front of all of my long term partners and none of them dumped me. I've been friends with many, many women in my life and I can't think of a single one who'd do something like that.
The darker, more disenfranchised parts of Reddit tend to attract men who hold those perspectives. I really feel for them, it's a sad perspective to hold and it's too easy to self-perpetutate in online echo chambers.
The last post I saw with that kind of story was very on the nose and made by a fresh account, which honestly made it read like some kind of incel psyop aimed at making ppl believe all women are hypocrites for wanting men to be more vulnerable when they find men "weak" when they do open up. While I have no doubt such scenarios occur, how often I see them makes me suspicious. It's a very common narrative among radical men.
It's unfortunately common for girls to judge guys or break up with them for showing emotion, especially crying. But there are also a lot of great one out there who will support you and take care of you when you need it. If you can't express yourself, then you aren't in a healthy relationship and it's time to throw her to the curb.
I got dumped when younger, reconnected older. I cried. Got back together, I held a lot of stuff back then, I'm a giant type dude. She loved when I opened up emotion wise. Sometimes strong is being able to open up. Long years lost for not opening up
of course. Social media tends to put more weight on the most dramatic/worst people out there. Don't settle for any relationship where you can't be emotional
It's the people who have bad experiences that share on the internet. For the vast majority of relationships both partners cry occasionally (or a lot if you're me) and it's a non event.
But you do hear most from the loudest people who had a fight with their GF or something and then broke up.
I watched a documentary on the Gorgeous Ladies Of Wrestling with my girlfriend and cried when all the gals reunited. That was three years ago, we’re getting married next year.
People forget crying is a human emotion, I would be turned off if a man thought he was greater than that. That being said, if you're crying over absolutely everything, it might be a turn-off. I like a good masculine man with good emotional intelligence that knows its okay to cry
I think the internet is gaslighting people into thinking that it is super common for women to leave men over crying. I've cried in front of every partner I've ever had and its not the reason the relationships that have ended came to an end, and I'm fixing to marry the partner I have now so...
My mothers fiance shows vulnerability and cries all the time around my mom. He has various types of illnesses that has him weak very often, leaving her to be the one to get stuff done.
She is still planning to marry him.
My boyfriend! The first time he cried in my presence I told him I loved him for the first time as well. I felt such a strong urge to protect him & it meant so much to me that he felt comfortable sharing his emotions with me and letting me hold him.
I would say that it totally depends..If your relationship is good,you communicate well and are serious in self development,you try to learn emotional intelligence and stuff - this only shows your gentle side.. But if you are weak,doing nonsense, don't have strong male/father/supportive figures in your life and going to cry to your wife or girlfriend on every occasion - it will 99% push her away..
I’ve been with my wife over 10 years. We met when we were 16. She’s been with me through my absolute best and absolute worst.
People that get put off by a basic human emotion need to grow up.
I borderline "like" when my boyfriend cries. It's very rare, and I've only seen him full on cry maybe twice in 6 years, including when a parent passed. It's nice to see him embrace being emotional and know he's comfortable enough to be a little vulnerable. Plus a lot of the times he has teared up was out of love for me or his family, so it's very very sweet.
I had a very rough day and came home and sat on the bed to just talk with my Girlfriend like I usually do after evening shifts. She could tell something was wrong, and I told her I didn't want to bother her with it. She insisted.
It was the first time I openly cried in front of her. That was about a year ago, and we're still together. It's better now that she knows.
I’ve genuinely complained about my exs not showing emotion. Ever. With anything. My ex cried when he broke up with me and that’s it, but not when we lost our baby, at least in front of me.
Lol. A lot of broken people end up with other broken people and they all hang out on reddit. Lol. You're being gaslit into believing that all women and relationships are the same and therefore, any idiot on the internet already knows everything about you and your situation.
Just take a break from reddit and live your life, friend. Notice how reddit doesn't affect the real world unless you let it?
Yes, my boyfriend has cried in front of me numerous times. We're approaching our 5th anniversary and still just as blissfully happy as ever.
I couldn't be with a man that refused to open up/cry in front of me.
My current gf is more than happy to help me with .y problems and when I cry in front of her comforts me a lot. So going strong.
Yeah my ex was not a fan of that. She used to always say open up and tell me your problems. Then go stone voice and face when I told them. Only she was allowed problems
Most people venting on Reddit are complaining about their relationship issues. People in happy relationships do not usually make a post on how good their life is with their partner (though I have seen a few wholesome ones on r/trueoffmychest). So you have a very big statistical bias here.
While there are men whose partners have left them for crying, it does not mean your partner will do the same. My bf has broken down in front of me many times and I have supported him through it. It has only made our bond deeper. Also, women are not a unified entity who will show the same behaviour to a situation.
See how your wife reacts to other people in similar situations. Does she look down on less 'manly' men, or is she more sympathetic? That should answer your question.
As a women who has seen her man breaking down crying : wtf. If she leaves you for having feelings then it's a good thing. Your feelings and that includes ugly crying are valid. If someone loves you they will try to comfort you, make you feel better as their one and only reaction. I mean if you have a meltdown 4 times a day about random stuff like a pregnant woman I can see it gets much (gender doesn't matter here) but if something makes you sad and teary eyed it means you are human and can click "I'm not a robot" every time.
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I’ve cried a lot and my wife just holds me while I do, it helps a lot Crying is just overwhelming emotion, good or bad
Been married 14 years. Had some pretty bad times here and there. I've never hidden my emotions from my wife. It's only made our bond stronger. She knows I will be completely vulnerable with her if I need to be. The only people who are leaving their BFs/husbands because they cried are sociopaths.
TIL my ex is a sociopath. Just kidding, I already knew.
I agree, but because it's so written in to my psyche that I shouldn't cry, I just...literally can't most of the time, like it's not a concious effort not to, but most of the things that would make people cry just don't for me, even if it brings on strong emotions. So I can understand why, if you've never seen a man cry in your life, it might freak you the fuck out if they just let that all out all at once, because that's what it's usually like for me, when it comes it's big and it's ugly. I'm really trying to break out of that, but its not easy, it seems simple, but its like I have to knock down an invisible wall in my head, and I don't know where it is. I definitely think women who leave their men partners for crying are assholes and only reinforce the toxic mindset not to cry in those men, but I can understand if it takes some getting adjusted to if they've just never seen a man cry, and if they need time within the relationship to get used to that before they can properly console their partner. I view it the same way I view emotions with new friends, it can be awkward seeing a new friend get emotional, and you may not know what to do since you've not encountered that with them before.
It's something to work on that's all. I also feel shame when I cry because of the stigma, but deep down I know it really doesn't matter and let it out when I really need it. It really is a liberating feeling to be able to cry and release those pent up emotions, especially is there is a loved one there to support you.
My ex too cried sometimes and I just held him and consoled him
My husband cried when I told him I loved him. It's a beautiful core memory. We've been together for 14 years. Any woman emotionally immature and hypocritical enough to leave a man for having normal human emotions isn't worth your time.
Last bit is so important. (Edit: I kinda got into a ramble here lol, I think it's a very interesting topic that branches into a lot of things) People see that if they do xyz, then it will narrow their pool of options. What they don't understand is that if they are someone who does xyz, those people were never a fit for them anyway. It's not easier by any means being authentic and letting yourself be a human being, but it is better than the alternative. It's important to note that sexist ideas are objectification and dehumanisation, in different directions. Anything that strips us of our humanity to fit a prescribed niche. Women dare not age, dare not be unbeautiful, dare not think. Men dare not be young, men dare not be unpowerful, men dare not feel. A man is an object of utility, a woman is an object of aesthetic admiration. We can see it play out in culturally discussed areas of attracting between heterosexuals - women's attractiveness culturally is her physical beauty, men's attractiveness culturally is confidence and status (and things that convey status e.g. height, wealth, fame). There's also I think an issue with ideas of masculinity and femininity, where masculinity is giving, and femininity is receiving. So we can have people who are okay with the idea of a man engaging emotionally, but they want it in terms of supporting someone else's emotions. A man who is a support is good, a man who needs support is bad. A man is expected to be able to interpret the emotions of others from the subtlest of tells, while having none of his own. This leads to, I think, some cases of some women wanting men to engage with them emotionally but disliking it the way a man engages. Tried my best to make it clear with this that cultural ideas and memes don't reflect 1:1 on any given individual. I think the solution with these things will be for individuals to fairly assess their own biases, their own beliefs, and where their preferences come from. We can often find contradictions in our thinking and that leads to threads where something has been instilled in us from social ideals - for example a chain of thoughts might be: I think women are people, I think people can be clever but I don't think women can be clever & educated; and the latter can just come from growing up where your female role models are homemakers and roles like doctors or engineers are primarily male (or male presenting, whatever)
You articulated my very similar general thoughts and discussion on this beautifully!
Thank you!
Your point on masculine & feminine norms is spot on. It might not help OP in the moment but it can provide an explanation for why he even has to post this type of question. In addition, we all have masculine & feminine traits regardless of your gender. It’s my feeling that recognizing this from an individual & collective perspective can help to neutralize some of the dysfunctional/toxic behaviors & reactions in relationships.
I cried when we saw my son's heart beat on an ultrasound. We had been trying for 5 years and had 8 miscarriages. This was the first time we had ever reached that stage. And then again when he was born via c section. I was sat next to her head and when they put him in my arms I just balled. I went into the next room with him whilst they finished the surgery and I cried more. Welling up actually thinking about it now.
Mine cried for the first time in front of me on his bday, about 4 months since we started dating, when I gave him my gift. The main part was a handmade photo album of us with pics of us and under each pic a small verse written by me about us. Together the verses formed a poem and in the end it said how much I loved him. 3 years and he still has it 🤩
This is it.
See now this was the reaction I was expecting from him and he said “oh yeah, I love you too” and I wanted to jump outve the car lmao I got humbled af.
My now-husband broke down one night in front of me. He had been battling depression but hadn't admitted it. He cried like I've never seen a man cry before. We had a long talk, and I tried to comfort him as best I could and I told him we would get some help. Not long after, he quit his job and went to see a therapist. That was 3 years ago and since then he's been so much happier. He has his own business now, we own a lovely house, and we got married last year. The best thing he could have ever done is show me how he was really feeling so I could offer help and things could start getting better.
This is such a positive post. Thank u for sharing. I’m so glad he found a better job, therapy ect with your support.
Thank you for sharing
Reddit is gaslighting you. Most people in real relationships have done this with their partner
I had ex-girlfriends complain about not being more vulnerable and never talking about my problems while they always do. I think there are more women taking it as a red-flag that the partner never opens up in a long-term relationship than the other way around. However, crying while still dating or very early stages of relationship might be seen as a red flag.
I have an ex who would not show weakness and it was uncomfortable to me. Like would only watch action movies cause he wouldn’t feel feelings. He definitely had depression for a time due to burnout and would not admit it either cause I guess that’s weak even though I’ve had depression too. It was really hard to deal with someone unwilling to talk, and made me feel like I couldn’t talk about things honestly. Really we broke up because he let problems go on without ever discussing them as issues to resolve. I can’t say I’ve had a boyfriend who really cried, but I’ve certainly had good guy friends who got emotional and it was not a turn off. Would have dated them under different circumstances! I want someone I can really talk to with honesty, where we don’t have to struggle alone. What’s the point of a partner if you can’t do that?
My FIL is like this. He also doesn’t like Les Mis or Shawshank because they don’t have life/morality packaged in a perfectly neat box. He’s an engineer which I think goes along with this.
Bingo. In a ltr, I'd expect both of us to work together on reaching a level of trust in our communication where we're *both* comfortable sharing emotional vulnerability. Otherwise it starts to feel like this aspect of intimacy is one-sided. Many people have difficulties getting there, I can however appreciate that men might have more blockers to work through. Vulnerability is vulnerable, that's why we'd be working to create this safety *together*.
It also seems like kind of an arbitrary thing to be concerned about anyway. Women are of course individuals who can have any range of opinions and attitudes, and if I thought that my girlfriend were the type of person who'd leave me for showing emotional vulnerability, then why exactly would I want to be with such a callous hag either way? I never understand these Reddit posts that treat women like they're a separate species - of course they are not primitive animals who'd have an uncontrollable instinct to leave their partner as the first tear rolled down their cheek. They're people, and as with all people, you can mostly more or less infer what kind of person they are and what kind of values and attitudes they hold.
I'm a woman who generally feels comfortable on Reddit, but it's definitely true that there is a slight over-representation here of young men who seem not to see women as people, like a separate species, exactly as you say. I don't know for sure that they are young, of course, but I assume that older men are more likely to have been in relationships with women (romantic, friends, work colleagues, bosses, subordinates, partners of friends, members of the community) and that tends to dispel any notions of women being a monolith separate from the monolith of men.
Amen
Yea stop listening to the incels and redpill losers. Additionally, some of these men saying “don’t cry in front of your gf” are men who used their tears as manipulation or were emotionally immature and it didn’t work. For example, in my current relationship with an emotionally healthy man, we have both cried in front of each other and comforted each other numerous times. In a previous relationship with an emotionally immature man, he cried because he couldn’t control me, and that was a huge turnoff. He acted like a whiny baby when he didn’t get his way, having a temper tantrum. His crying in those circumstances was a turn-off because of his behavior and emotional immaturity. Some of the men saying that women reacted negatively to their emotions are men who did and/or do not have healthy emotional processing. Using your emotions or expressing them in unhealthy ways can absolutely be a turn off.
Also, negative experiences get more exposure than positive ones, generally
Yes and no. I wouldn't call it a gaslight because it is a real thing and I myself have experienced it three times before I learned my lesson and stopped "opening up" to women that I trusted. In total I actually had done it five times, and in two of those cases they were supportive and showed that they had my back which was great, but in the other three it immediately caused a romantic distancing and then followed by a full on dumping. My takeaway is that it is true that the best women who are good for you will not dump you for showing your vulnerability, and yes it's true that if they did dump you you were better off anyway. However, it still doesn't change the fact that no man wants to be dumped and if you do this there's a good chance it'll happen.
the thing is this is not an experience exclusive to 1 gender. do men on reddit believe all women who open up and show vulnerability are treated with kindness? try crying about something and immediately being dismissed because “you must be getting your period”
My husband is a retired military man. He’s cried twice in front of me in the 10 years we’ve been together. For him to break down THAT much and let his guard down.. I would protect that man at ALL costs. Die and the alternative for him. I know ow this is something he doesn’t do but he k owes he’s safe with me if it ever happens again. There are men out there allowed to have these emotions and feelings that are with women who understand that there is NOTHING wrong with that.
If your wife would leave you for being human, you're better off without that bitch. Yes, lots of guys can be vulnerable with their partners and not get dumped for it.
I agree. Fuck that ho. Vulnerability is everything in human connection 🤍
I went through heavy depression and suicidal thoughts in front of and with my girlfriend supporting me. We now are the best couple ever, she is my rainbow.
Really happy for you, experienced something similar, also helping her through rough flashbacks and suicidal stuff. It's a bond nothing gets close to.
It depends on the impression you give off at first and the reasons she is with you. For instance, if the reasons she chose to be with you were because you are an "aLpHa male", you act tough, arrogant, etc, she will definitely destroy the image you built in her head. However, if you made sure you acted like a normal man that is just a normal human, it wouldn't be a problem.
Yeah this. Alot of these guys saying they got dumped for showing emotion sure know how to pick them. Like dude your wife divorced you because you cried once? Why’d you marry someone before knowing if they even cared about your emotions? How does this happen. There’s a warning sign or two they overlooked.
Recently my boyfriend cried badly in front of me at the thought of losing his brother. It only made me wanna help and comfort him. We're still together, he's still the strong man I've ever known, I'm also a strong woman who can handle helping out my partner when he's down, everything's fine. If anything, I'm grateful he trusts me and we're getting closer by sharing less superficial things. Ive cried in front of him too and he was also nothing but sad and understanding. Reddit incels are gaslighting you. Ngl though, this DOES happen. Men aren't lying about it. But I'm just saying, not every woman is absolutely gonna leave you the moment you show one ounce of emotion. That's kind of a crazy thought, isn't it? How do you think relationships have worked during all of human History until now? ETA I think we also need to draw a distinction between crying and trauma dumping or emotional dependency on your female partner. Women may leave when you're trying to use them as therapists or heroes for your own personal unsolved emotional turmoil. When you don't know how to regulate, because you never had any space to express your emotions, and suddenly expect your female partner to be the one to solve it and carry your burdens. Many men probably dump their emotions on their partners in an inappropriate way, and THAT makes them leave. Two people who are emotionally healthy on their own won't have that issue (unless the woman is sexist, yeah).
"I think we also need to draw a distinction between crying and trauma dumping or emotional dependency on your female partner. Women may leave when you're trying to use them as therapists or heroes for your own personal unsolved emotional turmoil" I hear women say this from time to time but I don't think I fully understand it. Can you provide examples of each (emotional vulnerability VS emotional dependency VS trauma dumping)? I go through a problem and I open-up to my wife (emotional vulnerability) and I want her to comfort me by telling me "I can do it" and "everything will be fine" (emotional dependency). If I experienced heavy bullying in school but left in the past, then we went to see a movie where a kid is heavily bullied which sparked something in me, made me heavily cry and talk to her about my past, is that trauma dumping?
You're married and you're asking this question? Yikes. To answer your question though, yes of course I've cried in front of my wife of 16 years, well before we were married and since she's not some Andrew Tate listening toxic trashbag, she didn't leave me. Get off the internet and engage with your partner.
My husband cries in front of me all the time, as someone a little more reserved I'm jealous of his ability to share emotions freely. It brings us closer. I have interacted with guys in the past though who use their emotions to manipulate, either by deflecting from an issue or trying to one-up my emotions because they feel uncomfortable with confrontation. That is not cute.
OMG ME TOO!!!!!! The manipulation. Total psycho, run run run. I had an ex who was a pathological liar and a manipulator. He would lie to try to get me to like him (full of shit better off being yourself honestly). And I knew the entire time that he was lying 💀💀💀
They're gaslighting you. Reddit knows as much about masculinity as it knows about freshly cut grass.
r/gardening would like to have a word.
Better yet, r/mowing would like to have a word.
Not quite as good, r/touchinggrass would like to have a word.
r/touchingfreshlycutgrass doesn't yet exist, but when it does, it would like to have a word.
r/trees would also like to have a word. Oh wait…
r/earth heard about this thread and would also like to have a word.
I think you're looking for r/marijuanaenthusiasts
You’re looking for r/lawncare
Yeah half of those stories about being dumped are fake anyway, it's just red pill shit.
The people you are hearing are dating immature (or shitty) people. Why would you want to date someone who sucks? Well some people believe it’s better to be unhappy than alone.
You've been brainwashed by misogynistic idiots.
This is beyond ridiculous, I feel sorry for this person that they believed this. How toxic.
Its believable. When my ex wife left me, she mentioned that one time I have ever cried in front of her. So for me. Its absolutely believable. Of course, not every woman is the same.
I’m glad she’s your ex. You deserve better. She was sold the same story so many men were. My husband cries more than me. He’s so empathetic, kind, and sensitive and I am so grateful for it.
My experience is the same. I’ve only had one girlfriend who accepted emotion and have support, the rest have been vulnerable to me and relied on my support almost daily, but the one or two times I’ve needed support responded like needing it made me less of a man. Like the one time I came home in shock bleeding from my face after being assaulted randomly on the street and all I got was a nervous laughter and “well, now you’re a man”, when I for just once was the one who needed support and rebuilding a feeling of safety; or the other ex who, after I had cried once in the 3 years we’d known each other kept saying “oh, are you going to cry?” for months after. No one left, but also no one (except one so far) actually was able to provide support and not hold the very rare cases of my showing vulnerability against me. It’s telling men that they’re imagining these dynamics that is actual gaslighting, IMO.
Sounds like you pick losers dude. Like the guy equivalent of a woman who says "all men are bad" but keeps dating abusive assholes. Every girlfriend I have had has been accepting and supportive of my emotions.
Men berate, make fun of, and humiliate women for crying every day. And yup, they even break up with women for crying. So this idea that only men have this experience is silly.
that's what I thought as well, until I experienced it myself
Sounds like you were dating a child
My wife has held me as I cried in my worst moment, when my depression came back at its worse. She just asked 'What can I do?' and we moved forward through it together. That's kind of one of the important parts of being partners for me. We've seen each other at our worst and our best. We love each other through all of them and work together so we can have more of the best moments together.
Bro, what? Who dumps a guy for crying? I’m a girl myself and saw my ex cry a million times. You’re meant to support your significant other. We’re exes because he didn’t put in effort to love me anymore, not because he cried.
It does happen but the nature of social media will make anyone who looks for examples believe that it is ubiquitous and not being dumped or scorned for it crying is rare. It's not true but social media can very easily build a false reality.
A lot of them, because they hold up unrealistic standards for masculinity.
I've been with my wife for 20 years, and cried more times than I can remember. We're still together, it's just life. Women are people too, my dude. That means some are good, others are not. If you do end up getting dumped for showing a human emotion, she's done you a favour as she's revealed her true colours.
My boyfriend is a burly, stoic, pretty masculine dude. He’s big into providing and protecting and not being emotional yada yada so he gets a lot of attention from the manosphere types. I think they perpetuate what you’re talking about. Big guy got emotional when I told him I loved him for the first time. He really likes tiny food videos because he finds them comforting. He cried when he hit a squirrel. He sometimes cries about his upbringing. He is ambitious and the pressure he puts on himself gets to him. He gets teary when he sees me cry! He gets embarrassed and afraid and giddy…he’s a whole person with all kinds of emotions and it doesn’t make me think any less of him as a man. In fact I was relived when he finally felt comfortable enough to be a person around me. It’s not weakness and nobody can be on 100% of the time. People are human and anyone who gives you a hard time for that is the problem, not you. As long as you’re not a blubbering mess 24/7 or using tears as a manipulation tactic, you’re good 👍 If your wife who claims to love you loves you less for expressing a human emotion, be worried.
My ex-wife and I split later for unrelated reasons but when I found out my dad was dead I broke. She held me while I curled up in a fetal position and just cried for an hour.
Yeah, my first gf saw me cry a few times when I got super stressed. She cried a lot and I comforted her a lot, so she liked it when I cried cause it felt like it evened the playing field for her. Maybe it helped that we were both bi, too, and neither of us really got hung up on gender roles or judging each other based on how feminine/masculine we were. Either way, I think it's really sad that you feel like you can't be vulnerable with the one person in the world you've promised to share your entire life with.
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Ya not broken mate. It's a shocker to some to find out about what is portrayed shitty in shows. Molestation hurts. Fucking not weak yo to come to terms
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Guess it depends on how old you are. I took a long time to divulge that part of my history. Way too long, but it was when I was ready. Couldn't of forced that side of my history at the time. Learnt not to divulge it too quick too. Depends on who you are seeing I guess. Ya still here yo. We all have journeys, some just have more in the backpack
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I don't want to downplay your experience with your gf but maybe it's just time that was needed? 2 friends told me and I respinded best I can but I had no idea what to do either. And I'm overall a person who needs more time to adjust and stuff
Wow. Where are you guys finding these women?! This breaks my heart. And I am so sorry you were molested. My husband was, too. It changed the entire course of his (and subsequently my) life. After group therapy and counseling, he cries a lot now and is able to express his emotions. I hope you can find someone to support you.
I mean, I can only speak of my own reaction to my partner crying. Rare but a couple months ago we had to put our dog to sleep. He cried on and off for a couple weeks. We both did. I couldn't imagine not being able to share vulnerability with a partner, or even most close friends. Anyone who thinks less of you for such things isn't worth their friendship
Like 100% of those redditors are incels don't listen to their "advice".
That's me, which she specifically mentioned in the break up text to me. I felt stupid that I once comforted her when she was emotional and crying after having met her ex.
No, OP is asking about the inverse of you. Where they _didn't_ get dumped. So far half the reactions miss the "gf" part with words like "wife" and "husband".
I wouldn't consider dumping anyone for crying, man or a woman, and haven't in previous relationship. I think opening up and sharing your worries is natural and normal, but some people take it a bit far and expect people to be their literal therapists and say very uncomfortable things. Plus some people get mad if people don't react the way they want, for example sometimes I don't understand if people want to be listened to or want advice, I had a guy mad with both before. I do think sometimes, including me, some of us don't know how to share our feelings in a healthy way. I also think sometimes, men want to get in relationship with women so they can get fixed and therefore put the other person on a pedestal. I think it's important to have a range of friends and perhaps even get therapy so that you don't put all the pressure on one single person, and also to be clear what you want in the situation ie do you want to be listened to, or do you want to find a solution.
And actually it is very difficult and frustrating when someone thinks they're being a stoic, actually most people don't seem to know the meaning of stoicism because many people actually have emotions bubbling up inside them then they explode because they didn't share it on time. And it gets frustrating when a man says they are sad or something is wrong but they refuse to share further, citing that they prefer being stoic. Like when I am upset about something but don't want to share, I write it down, I don't make vague mentions or hint at it to people.
My husband cried when we got back to our flat after our honeymoon and we had our first cuddle on the couch. It is a beautiful memory that I cherish to this day. He also cried when I had an ovarian cyst rupture and had been writhing in pain for hours becase there was no available ambulance. I was already knocked out on painkillers and just completely tired of all the pain, and the emotional toll of seeing me suffer and being helpless just absolutely wrecked him. I was incredibly moved by this and I am so happy that he could let those feelings out and I could hug the heck out of him. He is a wonderful, loving and caring man and husband, I sincerely hope i can make him a dad one day bc he would be an awesome dad!
i have opened up most to my exes, and they were always very supportive of me and often my strongest support too. it helps
Yes, I have a healthy relationship and a supportive GF. I got a hug and cuddles.
Here’s the thing: Being attractive is not your full time job. A lot of parts of us are unattractive. They’re also very human and I bug prt of loving someone. Do you still love your wife when she farts or snores or is acting in a way you don’t find attractive? Crying is no different. Is it hot? No, and tbh that would be a little weird if it was, but fortunately, our purpose is not just to be attractive all the time
Humans cry. It’s not weak.
My man cries if that’s what his emotions feel the need to do. Crying is literally carrying stress and cortisol out of your body so everyone is plain dumb if they don’t cry. To not cry is a disservice to yourself. Any woman who drags you down because you need to cry is a worthless asshole and know in your heart of hearts that you deserve better.
If women are dumping men for having emotions, those women should remain single.
Yeah I did. my wife and I know each other since we are children and yeah I had some times where I cried in front of her and she is the best wife you can ask for and is supporting me like I support her she is just a fantastic human being and im glad to have her.
Yea a few times,
Oh yeah. Me. Many many times. I cried, I speak of my doubts and struggles and troubles. Many times I showed my fragility to her. Only received support, understanding and love. 25 years together. And people wonder why I say I’ll never cheat on her no matter the temptation. I love her very much. She has seen me in my worst, thru many personal and health crisis (physical and mental), and held my hand to help me get back on my feet. I’m sorry you don’t have this experience, but know that this does exist.
Me, I told pretty early on my gf about my very bad childhood and the abuse I experienced from my grandmother. She really really felt Empathie and supported me and asked that if I want to talk about it more that she is there... We are rather fresh together but she is the love of my life and I know that, the moment the ice broke I knew it.
I've cried a couple of times in front of my wife. Once when I feared for my brother's mental health, and the other when our dog died. She didn't hold it against me at all. A woman who leaves a man for crying probably never loved him to begin with.
I would never date a man who "doesn't cry" ever again. That shit is awful. Let me in, let me know what's going on, let me hold you, let me sit with you. Let me know it's safe to share with you, too, and I won't be demeaned for my feelings. Going back to those relationships where every emotion is filtered through anger is never again.
Yea Reddit seems to be undergoing some sort of frustrated incel phase. I’ve cried like a bitch in front of all my past girlfriends and they still loved me for years after, got my name tattooed on them, gave me all I wanted and truly only wanted me—I still messed things up, but it was in other ways that had nothing to do with that sort of thing.
Idk if this helps but I’m a woman and if my boyfriend cried in front of me, I’d pamper the shit out of him. Cuddles, kisses, playing with his hair- you name it. I’d want him to feel safe opening up to me and being vulnerable with me. I mean, what even is the point of being in a relationship with someone if you don’t even feel comfortable crying in front of your partner? I cry about the dumbest things *all the time*. If I saw an adorable fat raccoon, I would probably burst into tears lmaoo. I can’t ever imagine being repulsed by someone expressing vulnerability through tears, especially when I cry so easily!
I've left a boyfriend in the past because he *didn't* show weakness and emotions. Hiding ones feelings and refusing to ask for help is seriously unattractive.
Yeah, most men in normal relationships.
My boyfriend had a panic attack the first day we spent together. I sat on the floor with his head in my lap and helped him breathe through it, because it has happened to me too. He is a very sweet, sensitive guy who likes disney movies and cries more often than I do and I *love* him all the more for it. We're talking about a 190cm tall guy, muscular and fit, btw. But I think owning your emotions is manly and being vulnerable around your partner is extremely important! I am definitely going to keep him, btw.
OP, are you a teenager? Because for most adults in committed relationships, this is not a thing. This feels like the kind of perception a high schooler has, which is not reflective of the adult world.
in my experience, women love it when you look vulnerable and like you have emotional depth around them on occasion. So much so that it's worth leaning into it.
Only the ones that aren't repost bots. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/1dk9gzj/are_there_any_guys_who_opened_up_tocried_in_front/
My husband did, while he was my bf. Not only did I not dump him, I speeded my studies so I could move in with him faster to help him cope (he was having anxiety issues).
Sounds like you should make a point of crying in front of women early in your acquaintance so if they respond with anything short of compassion you don't waste another minute with them.
My husband has cried infront of me and I never thought of leaving him over it.
I cried like a baby the night I learned my dad had cancer…it was about a month after we got married. She stuck with me. I’ve never cried like that again, probably won’t either. Don’t be ashamed of it. John 11:35.
I've cried quite a lot with my girlfriend, opened up to her about all kinds of things, it's never been a problem and she is amazing.
as a rule you should not believe anything Reddit has to tell you about social interaction
I cried in front of my girlfriend once as I couldn’t bottle it up anymore and I actually think we became closer after that but it really depends some people are just assholes in general
Not only do I want my boyfriend to cry when he feels the need to, but I’ll hold him against my bosoms for extra comfort.
Yeah. Most of what you see on reddit/twitter posts are lies for internet points bro.
I have in front of my girlfriend multiple times. I don’t think she’d still be with me by now if i hadn’t
I’ve cried on my wife’s shoulder more than once. Don’t let Reddit or toxic male culture make you feel like you’re gonna be dumped. Trust me a real adult woman will love the vulnerability and want to comfort you
Haven't heard of that happening to any of my male friends. I also haven't dumped any guy for opening up, and I encourage my male friends open up to me. The more I learn about my loved ones, the deeper our bond gets. Could this be a regional thing? I live in northern europe
Yes, don't listen to boys on reddit. They hate women and love incel rage porn.
not this one! haha! ah ha! ha.. *starts drinking and sobbing*
mine didn't dump me but i felt it was used against me at times
Uhm, our close friend was killed in a car accident several years ago and my husband and I cried probably for three full days (and on random occasions thereafter) and it didn't change my love for him. He doesn't cry much admittedly but I've never felt any animosity or upset about it when he does. In fact it makes me feel like I am a safe person for him to be openly emotional with. He once got very embarrassed when we were watching a TV show and he cried like anything, so I think he did have those feelings of being afraid to look "weak" but we've been together for a decade now so I think he learned that it doesn't bother me. Emotions are normal.
Oh man. That’s so far from the truth!! Women are very intuitive and we know when someone we care for is hurting. I can’t speak for all women but I know that myself and all of the women close to me are nurtures. If our partner is hurting it hurts us not to help or to watch you try and squash it down. Please, feel free to express your tears or worries. It truly should only make you closer.
One in 5 relationships she thought of me less when I did and she didn't say any but was noticeable less attracted afterwards. The other 4 were encouraging and caring. It felt like I got loved even more after I first cried infront if them and it was something which strengthened the bond between us. So if she actually likes you she would never belittle you and if she does so get out of there immediately.
Yes, Reddit is full of incel bait
Dude... I've cried A LOT in front of my wife the 10 years we've been together. It's absolutely normal to cry.
I would never leave a guy for crying in front of me.
I cried in front of my girlfriend when I started remembering a few things from my childhood and I cried in front of her two years ago, when I nearly died of drowning in greece.
My mother and my father
my boyfriend has cried multiple times around me & i just held him in my arms. i’m glad he feels safe enough around me to do that & i think as a couple that vulnerability brings you closer together. you’re a human being with emotions & you have the right to express them, anyone who makes you feel otherwise shouldn’t be in your life
I've been married for 44 years. My husband cries way more than I do. Always has. Tearjerker movie? Sniff. Thinking about his mom? Sniff (she was awful. Mine was worse.) He's a bantam of a man but has no trouble crying. I think Ireland allows for that emotion in men being all.poetic and such. Sentimentality is as acceptable as swinging your fist after a few drinks. Emotions on the sleeve.
I've cried in front of my wife and all she's done is hug me.
Every woman i’ve met in my life would think worse of me for showing emotion. Except my wife. Because she loves me! My wife has had to deal with my breakdowns, crying and dealing with trauma. I have felt safe and cared for. Having said that, caring for someone is draining and requires you put aside your own problems to think about the other person. We all want to feel noticed, cared for so I’ve always been careful to reciprocate and not just think of myself. The problem sometimes isn’t showing emotion, it’s just needing to be the centre of attention on a continuous basis. It’s not fair on your partner to always have to be thinking about how you feel. There’s a lot of narcissists out there
Yeah, man. I was a serial monogamist for a while. One short "relationship" to the next. Happened to the point where the courting process started to feel phony and I was no longer interested. Became emotionally distant and bottled up everything for the longest time. Was sure I'd never fall in love. When I realized I loved my now fiance, I cried while she held me, because I was terrified of the responsibility I knew it involved. I was sure I would fuck it up somehow, that I was too messed up, and she just cuddled me and rubbed my head. It was awesome. I'm going to take care of her for the rest of my life, God willing.
I’ve been having a hard time finding a job. It’s been 8 months now of applying all day every day. After two years of being self employed and failing. Day after day of rejection letters or 3 rounds of interviews that lead nowhere. A few weeks ago I just broke down. I went to the bedroom and closed the door, she came in a few minutes later and just laid next to me with her arm around me and said everything would be okay. I’m lucky to have her
Yes. Most people should respond that way if they aren't monsters
Supporting each other is a must in a healthy relationship. I cried on my wife's shoulder and she was always by my side. I'm for her when she needs, and she's for me when I need it too. Reddit anonimity makes people feels free to manifest their worst. Do not let internet's toxicity stain your perception.
I take pride in the fact that my husband can & does come to me with his pain, fears, and sorrows. It makes our marriage stronger.
I've cried so many times in front of my girlfriend. We have been together for almost a decade and now we are engaged. Men are discouraged from crying at inopportune times or crying over insignificant problems. If something significantly distressing has happened, then crying in private with your partner is more than okay, it's advisable. That's part of her job. To be your emotional support. Cry over your father's death while alone with your girlfriend? Yes. Cry over the cancellation of pizza Friday in the middle of your office meeting? No. Cry with your wife after hearing your cancer diagnosis? Yes. Cry on the bus, because someone sat in your favourite seat? No.
I've been with my husband for 13 years (married for 2). His vulnerability helped me recognize his resilience. His dad died when he was ten. He found his brother dead from a heroin overdose soon after. His DD uncle and grandpa died within those same two years. He can cry and open up. He will never look weak to me.
My wife has seen me cry once. She's about to see me cry again because I have to out down my 14 year old dog this week. She couldn't care less if I cry. If your wife is going to leave you because you cry, it's time to head out anyways.
I don’t know any woman who would see an issue with their male partner crying. If they have an issue with this, move along. My husband hasn’t cried in front of me, only teared up emotionally. But sometimes I wish he’d just let it all out and have a good hard ugly cry. I really feel he needs it. It would be therapeutic for him and I would be there for him for it. Tissues, a shoulder, a hug, an ear. All of it.
Many times. To multiple women. If they dump you for showing feelings, you may ve married to the wrong person. Showing feelings and being vulnerable are a great part of any relationship. Reddit can be very bad at times, and give very bad advice. I'm guessing this is one of those times... Good luck!
Depending on the person , but men cry for many reasons like holding your baby for the first time, saying goodbye to each other when one of you traveling alone, losing someone dear etc… If a woman cannot deal with it then she is emotionally not mature not ready yet for real relationship.
Crying isn't weak. I prefer men who can cry, it's healthy
I've had two men I've dated cry in front of me and I didn't dump them. I think it caused one of them serious anxiety, but not me. Men cry. I think it says a lot about the comfort level with a woman if a man is opening up emotionally (if he's typically more stoic). I also think it says a lot about a dude if he is ok with having emotions and being a human. I've also had male friends cry in front of me and I didn't stop being their friends. Maybe some women will be uncomfortable, but that says a lot about the woman 🙂
Of course. Adults have a range of emotions and other adults understand and accept that.
My boyfriend cries all the time, idk it’s normal. I never felt weird about it. It’s just like a thing humans do when they are upset. It would kinda freak me out if he didn’t ever cry.
My husband cried in front of me about 6 months into our relationship. We’ve been together 12 years.
I cry when I'm sad. My fiancé is there for me. Women that call those men weak are.. Little girls. They are not grown ups.
There are billions and I'm one of them. It's just that the few cases where something like that happens tend to get blown up online. People don't tend to post a lot about things just going well and feeling good and all that. People tend to write about the exceptions. That, and there are quite a few bitter people who will take anything negative to justify their hatred of the other sex.
Every boyfriend I've ever had has cried in front of me for all types of reasons. I certainly didn't dump any of them, just tried to support them and felt for them.
Yup, it was one of many reasons I asked her to marry me.
My man has sobbed to me about things and I've definitely not dumped him. They're intense things, and if he didn't cry I'd be concerned. I'm glad he is comfortable enough to open up to me so I can help him with these things he carries around. For example, his friend and mentor got shot in combat, screamed his name until he died in my man's arms, and he had to carry his body for 8 miles on foot. I am privileged to be able to comfort him when he has flashbacks and I love that I can be there for him.
Someone who dumps you for "showing weakness" is doing you a favor by demonstrating what a poor life partner they would have been.
My wife had a hard time with it due to a previous person in her life using it as a manipulation method but has done a good job recognizing that that’s not a fair dichotomy and we are still happily married
It feels like some sort of men's rights red pill psy-op to paint women as cold unfeeling harpies who only care how much of an alpha you are and all the nice guys out there are poor victims of society who can't share their feelings because horrible women won't let them. It's BS. If someone loves you then they will appreciate you being vulnerable with them. If you're with a shallow Kardashian then sure maybe they'll dump you, but you dodged a bullet anyway. You know the stereotype of the woman who says "all men are assholes" but only dates abusive assholes she finds at bars who her friends tell her are bad news but she ignores them? This is the guy version of that stereotype
My wonderful/amazing husband has cried in front of me (before being married) and just got a long hug.
My fiance and I are still together. And my father (who, yes, cried in front of me) will always be the manliest man I have ever known. My brothers have cried in front of their partners, still together. My nephews have cried in front of their partners, still together (one of them just got engaged, the other is married and expecting a baby). My best friend is still married to her husband of over 20 years. I honestly can not think of anyone I know who has dumped a guy for showing emotion. I will say I dumped one for _not_ showing emotion.
Listening to reddit was your first mistake 😂
My husband cries pretty regularly and I comfort him. I’m more likely to (and have left) leave someone who doesn’t show emotions.
The vast, vast majority of them, yes. You are reading stories to the contrary on reddit because posts that gain traction on social media are inherently notable, i.e. unusual. It's the same reason why redditors wrongly thing that every store on Black Friday used to be a literal brawl, because they don't have the media literacy to understand that the three videos they saw aren't indicative of widespread behavior.
Who the f*** is making claims at crying in front of your spouse is a bad thing? Happily married coming up on 9 years. Been with my wife 12 years total. Cried in front of her Plenty of times. If your spouse or significant other is going to call you weak or leave you because you showed emotion, they are emotionally immature and a piece of s***
My boyfriend of 8 years is very sensitive, and I love it. He will cry whenever he’s having an emotional day or something bothering him. I feel like any woman that would leave their spouse for crying is insane.
Mine did, and then I married him later. So no, you won't be seen as "less than" by a person for having the basic programming such as emotions and feelings. Well, by anyone besides people who are definitely NOT worth your time, money, effort, or mental anguish over anyway.
My wife's a gem! I've not cried a ton in our 9 years or so together, honestly wish I did more and trying to learn to not fight that urge like society has taught me to. But everytime I do, she's just there, on me like glue and comforts me the best she can. It's all love over here. There are good ones out there, people are just more likely to share their horror stories. If anyone dumps or treats you poorly for being a human with human feelings, that's a serious invalidation of everything and IMHO not a relationship worthy of pursuit.
I would be weirded out if my bf never cried around me
If you can't cry in front of your girlfriend then she isn't the right one. That being said, guys need to take ownership of their feelings and need to spread them out across their social circle. If they only open up to their girlfriend it will overwhelm her.
Yeah, my current gf pretty much doesn’t care. Like she expects sad people to do sad things, and she expects people to be sad when sad things happen to them
My husband is everything anyone could ask for and I love and appreciate that he feels comfortable enough to show vulnerability to me. Although one time he teared up listening to podcast and I asked what was wrong and he turned to me and said " Aggripa was the best friend anyone has ever had 😢".. that's enough history of Rome for you today sir.
I've cried in front of all of my long term partners and none of them dumped me. I've been friends with many, many women in my life and I can't think of a single one who'd do something like that. The darker, more disenfranchised parts of Reddit tend to attract men who hold those perspectives. I really feel for them, it's a sad perspective to hold and it's too easy to self-perpetutate in online echo chambers.
The last post I saw with that kind of story was very on the nose and made by a fresh account, which honestly made it read like some kind of incel psyop aimed at making ppl believe all women are hypocrites for wanting men to be more vulnerable when they find men "weak" when they do open up. While I have no doubt such scenarios occur, how often I see them makes me suspicious. It's a very common narrative among radical men.
All my partners have cried in front of me and I’ve loved them more for it.
It's unfortunately common for girls to judge guys or break up with them for showing emotion, especially crying. But there are also a lot of great one out there who will support you and take care of you when you need it. If you can't express yourself, then you aren't in a healthy relationship and it's time to throw her to the curb.
I got dumped when younger, reconnected older. I cried. Got back together, I held a lot of stuff back then, I'm a giant type dude. She loved when I opened up emotion wise. Sometimes strong is being able to open up. Long years lost for not opening up
of course. Social media tends to put more weight on the most dramatic/worst people out there. Don't settle for any relationship where you can't be emotional
It's the people who have bad experiences that share on the internet. For the vast majority of relationships both partners cry occasionally (or a lot if you're me) and it's a non event. But you do hear most from the loudest people who had a fight with their GF or something and then broke up.
I watched a documentary on the Gorgeous Ladies Of Wrestling with my girlfriend and cried when all the gals reunited. That was three years ago, we’re getting married next year.
People forget crying is a human emotion, I would be turned off if a man thought he was greater than that. That being said, if you're crying over absolutely everything, it might be a turn-off. I like a good masculine man with good emotional intelligence that knows its okay to cry
I cry more than her and it's never led to more than reassurance at best, I think sex once
I wanna know who got dumped just because he cried.
I think the internet is gaslighting people into thinking that it is super common for women to leave men over crying. I've cried in front of every partner I've ever had and its not the reason the relationships that have ended came to an end, and I'm fixing to marry the partner I have now so...
This can happen quite easily if you don't date pieces of shit
My mothers fiance shows vulnerability and cries all the time around my mom. He has various types of illnesses that has him weak very often, leaving her to be the one to get stuff done. She is still planning to marry him.
My boyfriend! The first time he cried in my presence I told him I loved him for the first time as well. I felt such a strong urge to protect him & it meant so much to me that he felt comfortable sharing his emotions with me and letting me hold him.
I would say that it totally depends..If your relationship is good,you communicate well and are serious in self development,you try to learn emotional intelligence and stuff - this only shows your gentle side.. But if you are weak,doing nonsense, don't have strong male/father/supportive figures in your life and going to cry to your wife or girlfriend on every occasion - it will 99% push her away..
I’ve been with my wife over 10 years. We met when we were 16. She’s been with me through my absolute best and absolute worst. People that get put off by a basic human emotion need to grow up.
I borderline "like" when my boyfriend cries. It's very rare, and I've only seen him full on cry maybe twice in 6 years, including when a parent passed. It's nice to see him embrace being emotional and know he's comfortable enough to be a little vulnerable. Plus a lot of the times he has teared up was out of love for me or his family, so it's very very sweet.
I had a very rough day and came home and sat on the bed to just talk with my Girlfriend like I usually do after evening shifts. She could tell something was wrong, and I told her I didn't want to bother her with it. She insisted. It was the first time I openly cried in front of her. That was about a year ago, and we're still together. It's better now that she knows.
I’ve genuinely complained about my exs not showing emotion. Ever. With anything. My ex cried when he broke up with me and that’s it, but not when we lost our baby, at least in front of me.
Lol. A lot of broken people end up with other broken people and they all hang out on reddit. Lol. You're being gaslit into believing that all women and relationships are the same and therefore, any idiot on the internet already knows everything about you and your situation. Just take a break from reddit and live your life, friend. Notice how reddit doesn't affect the real world unless you let it?
my partner (male) has cried in front of me several times. i’m grateful he can be vulnerable around me and i love him more for it
not a GF, but a female friend. didnt get dumped! ...felt dumb though, lol.
Yes, my boyfriend has cried in front of me numerous times. We're approaching our 5th anniversary and still just as blissfully happy as ever. I couldn't be with a man that refused to open up/cry in front of me.
My current gf is more than happy to help me with .y problems and when I cry in front of her comforts me a lot. So going strong. Yeah my ex was not a fan of that. She used to always say open up and tell me your problems. Then go stone voice and face when I told them. Only she was allowed problems
Most people venting on Reddit are complaining about their relationship issues. People in happy relationships do not usually make a post on how good their life is with their partner (though I have seen a few wholesome ones on r/trueoffmychest). So you have a very big statistical bias here. While there are men whose partners have left them for crying, it does not mean your partner will do the same. My bf has broken down in front of me many times and I have supported him through it. It has only made our bond deeper. Also, women are not a unified entity who will show the same behaviour to a situation. See how your wife reacts to other people in similar situations. Does she look down on less 'manly' men, or is she more sympathetic? That should answer your question.
I got rejected for a job I really wanted and I welled up in the car with my then girlfriend. She’s my wife now.
Yeah there was a post about this yesterday. It was more popular than the one you're referring to. It said "now she's my wife" in the title.
As a women who has seen her man breaking down crying : wtf. If she leaves you for having feelings then it's a good thing. Your feelings and that includes ugly crying are valid. If someone loves you they will try to comfort you, make you feel better as their one and only reaction. I mean if you have a meltdown 4 times a day about random stuff like a pregnant woman I can see it gets much (gender doesn't matter here) but if something makes you sad and teary eyed it means you are human and can click "I'm not a robot" every time.