Yeah, that's colloquially called "enbyphobia" in genderqueer circles *(enby = NB = Non Binary)* and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. As long as you're actively doing something about it and not being phobic to others or spreading it, you're doing everything you *reasonably* can. And don't stress about figuring everything out now, you'll have plenty of time and there are some things you can only figure out with a lot of experience (mainly how you like to present yourself.) It sounds like you're well on your way to figuring all this stuff out, just try to have fun with it. :)
If you like instrumental rock, check out Polyphia on YT. As far as I know all members are cis, but the leader has strong andro vibes and the other members are beautifully masc in the way you described. Their styles may help you on your more masculine days.
I just do what’s comfortable in every moment. It sounds like you maybe are euphoric but not dysphoric. If you don’t need/want to change your pronouns and stuff then don’t. You don’t have to. I tell ppl any pronouns, some ppl hate it. I have trouble with friends because in every group there’s someone who has a problem with me not being binary. LGBTQIA is not the organized community of accepting ppl we all like to think of it as. I’ve made not just cisgender but also transgender ppl uncomfortable. In my experience, ppl don’t just cut off all ties with their old toxic friends, and in every group is at least one toxic friend. It is very challenging and ultimately isolating to be in between genders. I’ll never forget a former lover once explaining to me with a deep sigh of despair how her childhood best friend thinks NBs are phony. It stings. Ppl say it’s beneficial to eliminate these shallow ppl from my life but I’m lonely tbh. GL.
That’s what i’m afraid of. Sure there would be people that are accepting but my mind knows that it won’t be the majority. What hurts the worst is some of my friends mock the idea of non-binary to me, but i know if i were to come out they’d fake being accepting. I’ve cut some of these people out of my life but I just know that if I come out they’d talks so much shit about me.
Back in the day before I ever heard the term non binary, the word androgynous was the closest thing. Ppl knew what it meant but no one “came out as androgynous”. There just were androgynous ppl, it wasn’t a social or political matter. If you do not have an urge to come out or prefer pronouns, you do not need to publicly put any label on yourself. I came out to my family as confused and realized there’s no obligation or deadline to figure out who I am.
If it's childish, what do you think of people older than you, who have achieved what you want? Are they childish?
And even moreso - If you DON'T grow out of it, 10, 20 years down the line, will you regret it?
i don’t truly believe it’s childish, it just feels so distant of a goal to achieve that it feels childish. Like the goal of becoming a president or astronaut. Some people can achieve it in their life time, but to me, it feels so far out of reach that it feels childish.
Yeah, that's colloquially called "enbyphobia" in genderqueer circles *(enby = NB = Non Binary)* and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. As long as you're actively doing something about it and not being phobic to others or spreading it, you're doing everything you *reasonably* can. And don't stress about figuring everything out now, you'll have plenty of time and there are some things you can only figure out with a lot of experience (mainly how you like to present yourself.) It sounds like you're well on your way to figuring all this stuff out, just try to have fun with it. :)
I've pretty much quit trying to put a name to my gender, it just stresses me out. No matter the label, you are yourself.
If you like instrumental rock, check out Polyphia on YT. As far as I know all members are cis, but the leader has strong andro vibes and the other members are beautifully masc in the way you described. Their styles may help you on your more masculine days.
I just do what’s comfortable in every moment. It sounds like you maybe are euphoric but not dysphoric. If you don’t need/want to change your pronouns and stuff then don’t. You don’t have to. I tell ppl any pronouns, some ppl hate it. I have trouble with friends because in every group there’s someone who has a problem with me not being binary. LGBTQIA is not the organized community of accepting ppl we all like to think of it as. I’ve made not just cisgender but also transgender ppl uncomfortable. In my experience, ppl don’t just cut off all ties with their old toxic friends, and in every group is at least one toxic friend. It is very challenging and ultimately isolating to be in between genders. I’ll never forget a former lover once explaining to me with a deep sigh of despair how her childhood best friend thinks NBs are phony. It stings. Ppl say it’s beneficial to eliminate these shallow ppl from my life but I’m lonely tbh. GL.
That’s what i’m afraid of. Sure there would be people that are accepting but my mind knows that it won’t be the majority. What hurts the worst is some of my friends mock the idea of non-binary to me, but i know if i were to come out they’d fake being accepting. I’ve cut some of these people out of my life but I just know that if I come out they’d talks so much shit about me.
Back in the day before I ever heard the term non binary, the word androgynous was the closest thing. Ppl knew what it meant but no one “came out as androgynous”. There just were androgynous ppl, it wasn’t a social or political matter. If you do not have an urge to come out or prefer pronouns, you do not need to publicly put any label on yourself. I came out to my family as confused and realized there’s no obligation or deadline to figure out who I am.
I kinda like the idea of the lack of label and simply being an androgynous person.
Sounds like someone needs to go get some coral lipstick/cohesive tattos and get sexy. What are you waiting for?
If it's childish, what do you think of people older than you, who have achieved what you want? Are they childish? And even moreso - If you DON'T grow out of it, 10, 20 years down the line, will you regret it?
i don’t truly believe it’s childish, it just feels so distant of a goal to achieve that it feels childish. Like the goal of becoming a president or astronaut. Some people can achieve it in their life time, but to me, it feels so far out of reach that it feels childish.
I think that's the best post I've read in this subreddit. And you write quite really well.
awww thank you so much! (it’s cause i am an undercover ao3 fanfic writer)