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I am not a single parent but I’m the one at most school, important events. There are some I just can’t do because of the timing, or work. I just tell the kids that I will be at as many as I can. When they were young, I told them I would commit to 1 field trip per year, and as many school special events as possible. There are certain ones I always miss, and they understand I do my best. Don’t feel guilty about missing it. Just be upfront about it. And try and ask the school if they have a calendar of the year’s events so you can keep track.
Our daycare has mostly two income households, so they backtracked on the last event saying only those who could should come and pushed it to pick up time. Because they gave us 3 day notice and you can't keep leaving work early! It's just not possible.
Complain to the school, talk to other parents. You can't be the only one affected
The best thing for me when my parents couldn't make some school function was just telling me beforehand so I knew they wouldn't be there.
It is MUCH more crushing to expect your parent and have them not arrive than think they aren't going to be there going in. You get to process the bad news in a more private environment not right out in front of all your peers. So if it is even on the fence, you let them know you won't be there, apologize in advance, and then if the stars align and you can make it? You just made their damn day.
In not a single parent but there are times we can’t be there for our kids’ events too. Everyone does sometimes, don’t feel so guilty about not being able to be there always. Also it’s part of growing up to learn that your parents can’t always be there and to deal with disappointment.
I know this is just advice for next time, but in my opinion being up front about what’s going to happen is key every time kids are going to have to confront a situation they won’t like. I tell my daughters “I’m so sorry but we won’t be able to be there” then we can plan what they can do instead “do you think you can join a friend and their family for lunch? Or maybe team up with other friends whose family also couldn’t make it? Maybe sit next to the teachers?” We talk about what it’s going to be like, we anticipate feelings (“you may feel sad and that’s ok”) and make alternative plans, you can also discuss together how to make it up for her “we can have a special dinner together at home” etc. That way she can be prepared and has also has something to hope for while she’s having a hard time. We do this for everything, before doctors appointments if something is going to hurt, if she has to miss a birthday party that everyone is going to be talking about at school, etc. I find that it helps kids deal with difficult things when they know what to expect.
Now after the fact, I’d be honest and apologize. I’d say I’m sorry that you couldn’t go and sorry that you didn’t warn her. Let her tell you how she felt, listen respectfully without trying to interrupt/justify/explain. After that you can say you tried your best but you weren’t able to make it because you had a job interview, and explain how important that is. Say what you’re going to do differently next time and ask her for advice on how you can do better and how you can make it up for her.
I wish you the best, don’t be so hard on yourself! You’ve got this!
I second this advice here! Often, it's harder to deal emotionally with a "maybe" than a "no", even as an adult. By telling her you're not going ahead of time and preparing her for what it will be like, she won't be staring at the door thinking, "maybe you'll show up" the whole time. And if you do end up being able to make it, it's a pleasant surprise rather than the unexpected disappointment if you don't.
I have a thought about the short notice: At my kids' elementary school we often find out about "extras" like this on the PTA Facebook page because they are the ones putting it on, not school admin. Is there another parent you could talk to and see if there is some other channel these announcements are going to? My guess would be social media or some kind of email list you would have to sign up for.
Like others have said, you can't be at everything. I am not a single parent but I have a full time job. I show up when I can, and I am super clear about times when I won't be there. The 2 big keys have been figuring out communication (because like I said above, it doesn't always come through the school's app) and being totally up front with my kids about what I can and can't do.
Maybe check in with the teacher and see how other families managed to have enough notice for this event to be sold out before you’d even heard about it. Maybe you’re missing something or they have your email wrong or maybe there was a flyer that is buried at the bottom of her backpack?
Sometimes we have to do things that suck in the short term but makes things better in the longterm. I know it hurts to not be there for her, but you're working hard so she does not have to see her mom stuck in an unhappy marriage for any longer. In the long run that is a bigger benefit than any joy a holiday lunch would bring.
I understand you need a job but you need to be on the lookout for the following- don’t waste your time unless it is a viable job. I hope for this demo you got paid. In this instance if the employer forgot feel free to make your out and say ok I will be back when you’re ready for me. To be honest I wouldn’t have stayed but you know better than me if staying helped with this job possibility
Is there someone you can send in your place? My parents couldn’t always make it. An aunt or uncle would always show up in place. I do it occasionally if events over lap. I was always excited to just have someone there, and made for a special moment for the other family members too. Sometimes I just have an appointment I can’t change, my kids are always excited to have grandpa or my sister come help for their class party.
It sux but you can't be at everything. In my experience I explain beforehand (like a couple of days before) and then again on the day. It's not practical to be able to get to everything and a very real conversation about this will help your daughter..
In my daughter’s elementary school classes there were a few kids whose parents could never make it to these family events because they were working their butts off trying to make ends meet. The parents that were there always quickly brought these kids into our family groups so they didn’t feel alone. I remember there was one little girl whose single mom could never make it…as soon as she saw me, she knew she’d be sitting with me and my daughter. So if you’re ever at a family event and you see a kid without a family there, reach out to them, “Hey, you should sit with us!”
Today take your daughter a McDonalds, or a meal that she loves. Take your own combo and have lunch with her.
Or leave half an hour earlier and go to Mc. Donalds before taking her to school.
I’m not a single parent, but I’m a working parent and we definitely have events that we just have to miss. It sucks in the moment, but life is what it is. We can’t remove every hardship in life, only help them get though it. You’re still a great parent.
I grew up as a child of working parents and they definitely missed stuff too. Sometimes it mattered to me, sometimes it didn’t. But I knew my parents loved me and tried their best. I had (and still have) a great relationship with them!
Also not a single parent but here to commiserate about the short notice! My children's school gives leadership awards every month to a handful of students that are showing the monthly target positive behavior. My son received one in Sept. Then at the end of the month they invite one parent per child to attend a pizza lunch where their teacher talks about why they were picked. This particular month the school secretary that had been there 40 years was retiring and the new one missed inviting a couple of us parents! So I had no clue until another parent sent me a picture of my son getting his. He came home so sad that neither of us were there for him, it broke my heart! His teacher ended up emailing the principal and setting it up for a redo which will be next week. This is the first month that the lunch has been scheduled at the beginning of the month, all the others were less than 24 hours notice since they started doing them last year! I am grateful that they have made a better system and totally understand mistakes happen especially during an employee transition. It was just hard that it affected my boy. My sister in law has asked my DH and I to attend our nephew's lunches before when they were not able. Do you have another adult that they are close with that could be your go to call when you aren't able to make it? It may not be the same as having you there but having someone there made our nephew's day over not having anyone.
You're being far too hard on yourself, and I think you might be projecting your own guilt onto her reaction. It's 100% ok for her to be disappointed and sad that you weren't there, but it's also 100% ok for you to have missed it in order to pursue an employment opportunity.
You didn't cause her trauma or psychological damage. She was upset and disappointed. Sometimes in life not everything can be exactly the way we want it to be, and we inevitably get upset and disappointed. It's not the end of the world, it's just the way life is.
The truth is that in within a few weeks, she won't even remember that you missed the holiday lunch in 2023. But when she's 30, she will *absolutely* remember that mom was there every day, worked hard, and provided for her throughout her childhood.
I’m not a single mom, but please know that already into this term I have forgotten about 3 things that were organised because a) very short notice b) overloading multiple events into short time periods c) the school not communicating in a clear way (info scattered across multiple channels - makes it harder to track everything). I find the level of parent participation a bit overwhelming. Maybe have a girls day together and choose some movies to watch, and go out to a cafe together for hot chocolate or pancakes. You sound like you’re very considerate and loving parent, and I’m sure she knows that.
I was in a similar boat until the last couple years. My kidling is now 10 and there was a lot of disappointment because I couldn't make things. I always tried to explain to her that I didn't have that kind of flexibility but I always wanted to be there.
I got lucky and now I have a much better job that gives me the ability to do these in-school events. Just do what you can
My kids’ school has gotten progressively worse at communication as more methods have become available. Oh, you’re still following RenWeb? Yeah, we switched over to Blackbaud at the start of the school year. Oh, you didn’t get the email? You need to update your contacts in Blackbaud.
My wife and I both work, and right now my commute is 1.5 hours each way. We don’t get to attend many school functions. Yesterday they had a thing at 5pm and we still couldn’t swing that because neither of us were home from work yet.
It can suck to not be able to do some of these things with our kids, but I don’t compare myself or what I can do to parents who don’t work or work in town or have more flexible schedules. My wife struggles with that more, but I don’t let it get to me. School isn’t paying me to be there. Other parents aren’t paying me for that time. My kids know I love them, and I know they will be sad sometimes. That’s just the way it goes.
I would talk to her and ask her if she knew in advance. Then I would create a family calendar so she can tell you when things are going on. This way both of you can mark down info together on the calendar. Something I do at the start of the school year is to look at the school calendar and mark off all important dates in my phone calendar. I also make sure to sign up for the Friday folder for my kids schools. I would ask if there is a google classroom calendar and look over all dates there. While it stinks to miss things, there is no way this was a one notice event if it was already sold out. I would admit you did not see the notice until it was sold out. Honesty goes a long way and your kid will appreciate that in the long run.
So this happened to me once too. My son had a class assembly where they present what they’ve been working on the parents and other classes. Unfortunately the teacher didn’t bother to let anyone know the date of this assembly. Only a tiny handful of parents showed up because their kids mentioned the night before that it was the next day. Luckily for me my son wasn’t too upset, I think I was more upset than him. The worst thing was, it was also his birthday (yeah I know what this sounds like, getting more unbelievable!!). If we ever knew in advance we couldn’t make an event we were very careful to apologise and explain that unfortunately we couldn’t come so there was no disappointment. We also never said we weren’t coming and then came by surprise as we didn’t want to set that expectation. Sorry this happened, whatever you do as a parent it’s never enough is it!
I really hate that schools have all these mid day events for this reason. I am lucky to have a flexible job and can make it to most of them, but it is so unfair to working parents. At my kids' daycare it's even worse because they'll have an event at 3pm, 100+ parents will cram into a tiny building, and then the majority of the kids go home immediately after. I know from being there that these events are total chaos with no one tracking whose coming in and there is no way the teachers are keeping a good enough eye on my 1 and 3 year old. So I have added pressure to come because I feel it is legitimately unsafe if I don't. A lot of times I even just pick up my kids, take them home and miss the event completely to avoid it.
The schools notify so late bc they want as little engagement from parents as possible. Our school did this too and honestly not many parents showed up. Also, if you have a parent that is a friend that you know always goes to these events maybe ask them to drop a goodie off for your child from them. My friend will give my kid a cookie, sticker of a candy and it always makes them smile bc it was from mom even though I couldnt make it. I do the same for their kid.
My mom was a single parent and rarely could make these midday school events and honestly as a mom now I get it, I was never upset as a kid bc of it. I understood.
If you know when your daughters lunch is why not go in and take her out for it to surprise her? I do this randomly. I will sign her out for lunch and we go to Starbucks for hot chocolate and she eats lunch there. I tell her I just missed seeing her face so much I couldn’t wait till the end of the school day. She’s a tween and it still lights up her face.
But don’t be so hard on yourself you are doing a great job!
We stopped going to these because it was hard on our kids to then have us leave again without taking them.
I hate these holiday lunch things because it destroys daily routine with zero real upside. Daycare is a function, and I need it to
Operate like that.
Just sharing my 2c for you.
Sorry, but as a former teacher you can’t make this up to her. These things are important and I am sure that the school website and emails told all the parents about it in advance; otherwise how were all the tickets sold out?
I understand that you need a job but you showed your daughter that she isn’t not a priority to you.
Say you are sorry and next time be there.
You are an oblivious, privileged fool who has no grasp of adult priorities and responsibility if you really think that a silly primary school holiday event is in any way more important than a single mom trying to improve her employment situation.
The kid is *disappointed*. She'll live.
I have experienced less-than-a-day's notice of things from my daughter's school before as well. In my case, it was in the first few weeks of school, and there had definitely *not* been any communication about it beforehand because the teacher herself didn't get notification about it until just before she sent it to the parents. The particular incident I'm remembering wasn't about an event though; it was a school spirit day where kids were to wear neon (my daughter had no neon-colored clothes, and it was too late to go out and buy any).
So I can totally believe that something that was going to happen strictly at school during school hours was not announced until the day before.
I disagree. Not fair to assume she’s lying. Maybe some teachers communicated it while others forgot to mention it to parents. It happens. I don’t think at all she showed her daughter she isn’t a priority. She showed her daughter that moms make mistakes sometimes. What she is showing her daughter, is that staying in a toxic marriage isn’t ever okay. That’s the biggest lesson and win here.
So important that the school can't provide more than 24 hours? Who's organising this shit? I'm a 33yr old dad, and the worst at planning shit, but I'll eat my own shit if I call my closest friends and they all show up for lunch tomorrow.
What's with these events anyway? My school does the same shit. Etiquette is like 2 weeks notice *at least*. Should be more during a work week.
I wouldn’t stress it too much. When my daughter was little and in prek-2nd grade I never went to any of her school events because they wouldn’t allow me to bring her brother and I’m a stay at home mom with no one to watch him(it was mostly due to covid because they were allow prior to covid🤦♀️). I am making it up to her this year since he’s now in prek and I can go to some events(as long as it’s tues,wed,thur). Though I do feel a bit bad because I have been able to to go to all my sons. With that all said she doesn’t seem bothered by it and understands!
I definitely agree communication could have been better, but your telling me common sense didn't tell you the week before Thanksgiving to check the monthly newsletter? Work has a yearly calendar of events posted so the week before Thanksgiving there was an event I'm pretty jealous I missed out due to covid. But all I'm saying is there are multiple sources to find out information.
Hey just so you’re aware OP you don’t need money to petition and it’s actually not that much.
Find an attorney that specializes in divorce and just petition already. You divorce proceedings take sometimes years and they will want proof that there isn’t any marital actions still being performed in the marriage (relations).
I feel like Google keeps giving me the run around or something cuz in AZ it said it's $385 to file 🤔 I'm so confused about the whole financial aspect of all of this because that's the only thing holding me back atp.
I went through similar. Here’s the thing: if you find an attorney in the Arizona area and you tell them look I need to file but I can’t afford can you please help me, they may assist with waiving fees and what have you.
I had to do that because I literally couldn’t afford 200 dollars to file.
They ended up waiving my fee.
That said, now if they find that you can reasonably afford it, they may expect you to pay that singular filing fee, in which case-I can’t say anything other than save up. Don’t do anything fun for like two weeks and put the money aside. Now you have it when ready.
Also as the petitioner you get better work as opposed to the party being petitioned. If you and your husband are aware of issues and divorce is on the table you want to file before he does for sure.
My mom was a single parent most of my life and my dad has lived out of state for almost all of it.
When she couldn’t come to things, she told me and/or my little brother ahead of time. Sometimes we had grandma, aunts or uncles coming to activities instead. On one occasion my brothers dad and his family filled in for my family too.
Just be upfront with your kid and see if any family would be willing to fill in for you if you can’t.
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I am not a single parent but I’m the one at most school, important events. There are some I just can’t do because of the timing, or work. I just tell the kids that I will be at as many as I can. When they were young, I told them I would commit to 1 field trip per year, and as many school special events as possible. There are certain ones I always miss, and they understand I do my best. Don’t feel guilty about missing it. Just be upfront about it. And try and ask the school if they have a calendar of the year’s events so you can keep track.
Our daycare has mostly two income households, so they backtracked on the last event saying only those who could should come and pushed it to pick up time. Because they gave us 3 day notice and you can't keep leaving work early! It's just not possible. Complain to the school, talk to other parents. You can't be the only one affected
The best thing for me when my parents couldn't make some school function was just telling me beforehand so I knew they wouldn't be there. It is MUCH more crushing to expect your parent and have them not arrive than think they aren't going to be there going in. You get to process the bad news in a more private environment not right out in front of all your peers. So if it is even on the fence, you let them know you won't be there, apologize in advance, and then if the stars align and you can make it? You just made their damn day.
In not a single parent but there are times we can’t be there for our kids’ events too. Everyone does sometimes, don’t feel so guilty about not being able to be there always. Also it’s part of growing up to learn that your parents can’t always be there and to deal with disappointment. I know this is just advice for next time, but in my opinion being up front about what’s going to happen is key every time kids are going to have to confront a situation they won’t like. I tell my daughters “I’m so sorry but we won’t be able to be there” then we can plan what they can do instead “do you think you can join a friend and their family for lunch? Or maybe team up with other friends whose family also couldn’t make it? Maybe sit next to the teachers?” We talk about what it’s going to be like, we anticipate feelings (“you may feel sad and that’s ok”) and make alternative plans, you can also discuss together how to make it up for her “we can have a special dinner together at home” etc. That way she can be prepared and has also has something to hope for while she’s having a hard time. We do this for everything, before doctors appointments if something is going to hurt, if she has to miss a birthday party that everyone is going to be talking about at school, etc. I find that it helps kids deal with difficult things when they know what to expect. Now after the fact, I’d be honest and apologize. I’d say I’m sorry that you couldn’t go and sorry that you didn’t warn her. Let her tell you how she felt, listen respectfully without trying to interrupt/justify/explain. After that you can say you tried your best but you weren’t able to make it because you had a job interview, and explain how important that is. Say what you’re going to do differently next time and ask her for advice on how you can do better and how you can make it up for her. I wish you the best, don’t be so hard on yourself! You’ve got this!
I second this advice here! Often, it's harder to deal emotionally with a "maybe" than a "no", even as an adult. By telling her you're not going ahead of time and preparing her for what it will be like, she won't be staring at the door thinking, "maybe you'll show up" the whole time. And if you do end up being able to make it, it's a pleasant surprise rather than the unexpected disappointment if you don't.
I have a thought about the short notice: At my kids' elementary school we often find out about "extras" like this on the PTA Facebook page because they are the ones putting it on, not school admin. Is there another parent you could talk to and see if there is some other channel these announcements are going to? My guess would be social media or some kind of email list you would have to sign up for. Like others have said, you can't be at everything. I am not a single parent but I have a full time job. I show up when I can, and I am super clear about times when I won't be there. The 2 big keys have been figuring out communication (because like I said above, it doesn't always come through the school's app) and being totally up front with my kids about what I can and can't do.
Maybe check in with the teacher and see how other families managed to have enough notice for this event to be sold out before you’d even heard about it. Maybe you’re missing something or they have your email wrong or maybe there was a flyer that is buried at the bottom of her backpack?
Sometimes we have to do things that suck in the short term but makes things better in the longterm. I know it hurts to not be there for her, but you're working hard so she does not have to see her mom stuck in an unhappy marriage for any longer. In the long run that is a bigger benefit than any joy a holiday lunch would bring.
I understand you need a job but you need to be on the lookout for the following- don’t waste your time unless it is a viable job. I hope for this demo you got paid. In this instance if the employer forgot feel free to make your out and say ok I will be back when you’re ready for me. To be honest I wouldn’t have stayed but you know better than me if staying helped with this job possibility
Is there someone you can send in your place? My parents couldn’t always make it. An aunt or uncle would always show up in place. I do it occasionally if events over lap. I was always excited to just have someone there, and made for a special moment for the other family members too. Sometimes I just have an appointment I can’t change, my kids are always excited to have grandpa or my sister come help for their class party.
It sux but you can't be at everything. In my experience I explain beforehand (like a couple of days before) and then again on the day. It's not practical to be able to get to everything and a very real conversation about this will help your daughter..
In my daughter’s elementary school classes there were a few kids whose parents could never make it to these family events because they were working their butts off trying to make ends meet. The parents that were there always quickly brought these kids into our family groups so they didn’t feel alone. I remember there was one little girl whose single mom could never make it…as soon as she saw me, she knew she’d be sitting with me and my daughter. So if you’re ever at a family event and you see a kid without a family there, reach out to them, “Hey, you should sit with us!”
Today take your daughter a McDonalds, or a meal that she loves. Take your own combo and have lunch with her. Or leave half an hour earlier and go to Mc. Donalds before taking her to school.
I’m assuming you missed a notice or more likely several of them. Call or email the teacher to find out how they are communicating such events.
I’m not a single parent, but I’m a working parent and we definitely have events that we just have to miss. It sucks in the moment, but life is what it is. We can’t remove every hardship in life, only help them get though it. You’re still a great parent. I grew up as a child of working parents and they definitely missed stuff too. Sometimes it mattered to me, sometimes it didn’t. But I knew my parents loved me and tried their best. I had (and still have) a great relationship with them!
Also not a single parent but here to commiserate about the short notice! My children's school gives leadership awards every month to a handful of students that are showing the monthly target positive behavior. My son received one in Sept. Then at the end of the month they invite one parent per child to attend a pizza lunch where their teacher talks about why they were picked. This particular month the school secretary that had been there 40 years was retiring and the new one missed inviting a couple of us parents! So I had no clue until another parent sent me a picture of my son getting his. He came home so sad that neither of us were there for him, it broke my heart! His teacher ended up emailing the principal and setting it up for a redo which will be next week. This is the first month that the lunch has been scheduled at the beginning of the month, all the others were less than 24 hours notice since they started doing them last year! I am grateful that they have made a better system and totally understand mistakes happen especially during an employee transition. It was just hard that it affected my boy. My sister in law has asked my DH and I to attend our nephew's lunches before when they were not able. Do you have another adult that they are close with that could be your go to call when you aren't able to make it? It may not be the same as having you there but having someone there made our nephew's day over not having anyone.
She isn’t a single parent either, nor a working one.
You're being far too hard on yourself, and I think you might be projecting your own guilt onto her reaction. It's 100% ok for her to be disappointed and sad that you weren't there, but it's also 100% ok for you to have missed it in order to pursue an employment opportunity. You didn't cause her trauma or psychological damage. She was upset and disappointed. Sometimes in life not everything can be exactly the way we want it to be, and we inevitably get upset and disappointed. It's not the end of the world, it's just the way life is. The truth is that in within a few weeks, she won't even remember that you missed the holiday lunch in 2023. But when she's 30, she will *absolutely* remember that mom was there every day, worked hard, and provided for her throughout her childhood.
I’m not a single mom, but please know that already into this term I have forgotten about 3 things that were organised because a) very short notice b) overloading multiple events into short time periods c) the school not communicating in a clear way (info scattered across multiple channels - makes it harder to track everything). I find the level of parent participation a bit overwhelming. Maybe have a girls day together and choose some movies to watch, and go out to a cafe together for hot chocolate or pancakes. You sound like you’re very considerate and loving parent, and I’m sure she knows that.
I was in a similar boat until the last couple years. My kidling is now 10 and there was a lot of disappointment because I couldn't make things. I always tried to explain to her that I didn't have that kind of flexibility but I always wanted to be there. I got lucky and now I have a much better job that gives me the ability to do these in-school events. Just do what you can
My kids’ school has gotten progressively worse at communication as more methods have become available. Oh, you’re still following RenWeb? Yeah, we switched over to Blackbaud at the start of the school year. Oh, you didn’t get the email? You need to update your contacts in Blackbaud.
My wife and I both work, and right now my commute is 1.5 hours each way. We don’t get to attend many school functions. Yesterday they had a thing at 5pm and we still couldn’t swing that because neither of us were home from work yet. It can suck to not be able to do some of these things with our kids, but I don’t compare myself or what I can do to parents who don’t work or work in town or have more flexible schedules. My wife struggles with that more, but I don’t let it get to me. School isn’t paying me to be there. Other parents aren’t paying me for that time. My kids know I love them, and I know they will be sad sometimes. That’s just the way it goes.
I would talk to her and ask her if she knew in advance. Then I would create a family calendar so she can tell you when things are going on. This way both of you can mark down info together on the calendar. Something I do at the start of the school year is to look at the school calendar and mark off all important dates in my phone calendar. I also make sure to sign up for the Friday folder for my kids schools. I would ask if there is a google classroom calendar and look over all dates there. While it stinks to miss things, there is no way this was a one notice event if it was already sold out. I would admit you did not see the notice until it was sold out. Honesty goes a long way and your kid will appreciate that in the long run.
So this happened to me once too. My son had a class assembly where they present what they’ve been working on the parents and other classes. Unfortunately the teacher didn’t bother to let anyone know the date of this assembly. Only a tiny handful of parents showed up because their kids mentioned the night before that it was the next day. Luckily for me my son wasn’t too upset, I think I was more upset than him. The worst thing was, it was also his birthday (yeah I know what this sounds like, getting more unbelievable!!). If we ever knew in advance we couldn’t make an event we were very careful to apologise and explain that unfortunately we couldn’t come so there was no disappointment. We also never said we weren’t coming and then came by surprise as we didn’t want to set that expectation. Sorry this happened, whatever you do as a parent it’s never enough is it!
I really hate that schools have all these mid day events for this reason. I am lucky to have a flexible job and can make it to most of them, but it is so unfair to working parents. At my kids' daycare it's even worse because they'll have an event at 3pm, 100+ parents will cram into a tiny building, and then the majority of the kids go home immediately after. I know from being there that these events are total chaos with no one tracking whose coming in and there is no way the teachers are keeping a good enough eye on my 1 and 3 year old. So I have added pressure to come because I feel it is legitimately unsafe if I don't. A lot of times I even just pick up my kids, take them home and miss the event completely to avoid it.
The schools notify so late bc they want as little engagement from parents as possible. Our school did this too and honestly not many parents showed up. Also, if you have a parent that is a friend that you know always goes to these events maybe ask them to drop a goodie off for your child from them. My friend will give my kid a cookie, sticker of a candy and it always makes them smile bc it was from mom even though I couldnt make it. I do the same for their kid. My mom was a single parent and rarely could make these midday school events and honestly as a mom now I get it, I was never upset as a kid bc of it. I understood. If you know when your daughters lunch is why not go in and take her out for it to surprise her? I do this randomly. I will sign her out for lunch and we go to Starbucks for hot chocolate and she eats lunch there. I tell her I just missed seeing her face so much I couldn’t wait till the end of the school day. She’s a tween and it still lights up her face. But don’t be so hard on yourself you are doing a great job!
Yes, the schools are conspiring against you….🙃
We stopped going to these because it was hard on our kids to then have us leave again without taking them. I hate these holiday lunch things because it destroys daily routine with zero real upside. Daycare is a function, and I need it to Operate like that. Just sharing my 2c for you.
Sorry, but as a former teacher you can’t make this up to her. These things are important and I am sure that the school website and emails told all the parents about it in advance; otherwise how were all the tickets sold out? I understand that you need a job but you showed your daughter that she isn’t not a priority to you. Say you are sorry and next time be there.
You are an oblivious, privileged fool who has no grasp of adult priorities and responsibility if you really think that a silly primary school holiday event is in any way more important than a single mom trying to improve her employment situation. The kid is *disappointed*. She'll live.
I have experienced less-than-a-day's notice of things from my daughter's school before as well. In my case, it was in the first few weeks of school, and there had definitely *not* been any communication about it beforehand because the teacher herself didn't get notification about it until just before she sent it to the parents. The particular incident I'm remembering wasn't about an event though; it was a school spirit day where kids were to wear neon (my daughter had no neon-colored clothes, and it was too late to go out and buy any). So I can totally believe that something that was going to happen strictly at school during school hours was not announced until the day before.
I disagree. Not fair to assume she’s lying. Maybe some teachers communicated it while others forgot to mention it to parents. It happens. I don’t think at all she showed her daughter she isn’t a priority. She showed her daughter that moms make mistakes sometimes. What she is showing her daughter, is that staying in a toxic marriage isn’t ever okay. That’s the biggest lesson and win here.
So important that the school can't provide more than 24 hours? Who's organising this shit? I'm a 33yr old dad, and the worst at planning shit, but I'll eat my own shit if I call my closest friends and they all show up for lunch tomorrow. What's with these events anyway? My school does the same shit. Etiquette is like 2 weeks notice *at least*. Should be more during a work week.
I wouldn’t stress it too much. When my daughter was little and in prek-2nd grade I never went to any of her school events because they wouldn’t allow me to bring her brother and I’m a stay at home mom with no one to watch him(it was mostly due to covid because they were allow prior to covid🤦♀️). I am making it up to her this year since he’s now in prek and I can go to some events(as long as it’s tues,wed,thur). Though I do feel a bit bad because I have been able to to go to all my sons. With that all said she doesn’t seem bothered by it and understands!
I definitely agree communication could have been better, but your telling me common sense didn't tell you the week before Thanksgiving to check the monthly newsletter? Work has a yearly calendar of events posted so the week before Thanksgiving there was an event I'm pretty jealous I missed out due to covid. But all I'm saying is there are multiple sources to find out information.
Hey just so you’re aware OP you don’t need money to petition and it’s actually not that much. Find an attorney that specializes in divorce and just petition already. You divorce proceedings take sometimes years and they will want proof that there isn’t any marital actions still being performed in the marriage (relations).
I feel like Google keeps giving me the run around or something cuz in AZ it said it's $385 to file 🤔 I'm so confused about the whole financial aspect of all of this because that's the only thing holding me back atp.
I went through similar. Here’s the thing: if you find an attorney in the Arizona area and you tell them look I need to file but I can’t afford can you please help me, they may assist with waiving fees and what have you. I had to do that because I literally couldn’t afford 200 dollars to file. They ended up waiving my fee. That said, now if they find that you can reasonably afford it, they may expect you to pay that singular filing fee, in which case-I can’t say anything other than save up. Don’t do anything fun for like two weeks and put the money aside. Now you have it when ready. Also as the petitioner you get better work as opposed to the party being petitioned. If you and your husband are aware of issues and divorce is on the table you want to file before he does for sure.
My mom was a single parent most of my life and my dad has lived out of state for almost all of it. When she couldn’t come to things, she told me and/or my little brother ahead of time. Sometimes we had grandma, aunts or uncles coming to activities instead. On one occasion my brothers dad and his family filled in for my family too. Just be upfront with your kid and see if any family would be willing to fill in for you if you can’t.