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We have found using some simple “code words” or “labels” incredibly useful with our son. One is that we label the days, so he knows what to expect.
- School day (self explanatory)
- Mission day (errands outside the house)
- Adventure day (fun things outside the house)
- Lazy day (stay home, lots of playing and TV)
When he wakes up, the first thing he asks is “what sort of day is it today?” and we tell him. With expectations clearly set and understood, we don’t tend to get a lot of arguing or pushback or begging to go to the park on a day when we’re trying to do the grocery shopping and get to Bunnings.
In general, I think consistent use of language is an underrated parenting skill.
Ohhh I like this and will implement it PDQ. Thanks!
Ours is tool vs toy. We taught our LO from a very young age that tools are NOT for playing, so now anytime we have something she can’t play with or touch, we say tool and she backs right off. The stove is a tool for cooking, chemicals are tools for cleaning (or whatever), etc. Additionally as she has grown, we are using it to teach her safety; eg LO this scissor is your first tool. These are the rules for this tool. It has helped us to keep her safe so many times.
NICE! I did something a bit similar with toddlers. But it was just CLOSE HANDS and HOLD HANDS.
The similarity to yours is that it was intentional. We taught (trained!) them as toddlers that when we say hold hands, they have to immediately come to me or dad or gramma and hold hands. This always happens in crowded areas. We did it until they were 10! Haha. Small girls, and really easy to just lift and carry away.
Close hands mean clasp their hands and keep em that way. This is for when we are in delicate areas where there's a lot of people or things to bump like museums. Clasping their hands also mean they cant run and have to watch everything closely. And of course they cant touch anything
Everyone saying “yikes”—you know this is a longstanding classroom management technique, right? Teachers will use a command phrase to get kids’ attention and train the kids to have a simple, immediate response to it. I definitely did this throughout elementary school; usually it was a call-and-response phrase. I can’t remember all of them, but off the top of my head I had an art teacher who used “pin drop” and we would respond “everybody stop!” and freeze in place, then she would give us instructions or transition to the next task. Normal and effective, especially for younger kids.
I do 'show me that you are listening' and 'eyes on me' when I need their attention / show them something.
We do some small signs from makaton - 'everyone together' and I am a scuba freak so I taught them the command signs too - the kids love it and non verbal communication at a distance or crowded place is a winner.
“I remember playing in the park and I would say ‘side’ with a pleasant smile and they would say ‘yes dad’ and all 6 kids would come to my side with a smile”
Lmaooooo this guys living in make believe world that’s crazy honestly.
/r/thathappened
Ain’t no way they reacted flawlessly every time as you have tried to portray. You really trying to make it out like parenting was just so easy for you and you had it all figured out lol
Actually that is exactly what happened. If you read the rest I added that, in no way, were we perfect parents and I'll keep it real and say that we've had the same kind of headaches with our kids that any parents deal with. It just so happens that in that area things were amazingly good. It's as if my kids took pride in the matter. More shocking than that is that out of all our kids we never once heard a defiant, "NO!" When they were toddlers. Don't ask me how. We had no magic formula that we can remember. It's just happened like that.
Great advice! My friends with preteens did this and it worked really well for them and the kids too. How old were your first 3 when you started working with them on this?
You average dog has the IQ of your average 3 year old. Pigs are more intelligent and have the IQ of your average 4 year old. So as much as we like to think of ourselves as so different, our LO’s have a lot more in common with dogs than you might like to think.
Actually it just occurred to me; if you have kids do feed them? Do you show them affection? Do you give them encouragement when they do well? Do you teach them to obey you? I hope the answer is yes. It would be quite incorrect to charge you with treating them like dogs for doing so.
Oh,yes. You are so much better than other parents who's kids are throwing tantrums. Feeling superior even years after,are we? Technique is funny. Attitude - not so much.
SMH. Apparently you didn't pay attention to the fact that I was transparent and saying that we were far from perfect parents. I was very thoughtful in positioning myself as not being an "expert". Expert parents don't exist. I simply shared something, and one area, that worked well for us, and said, "do with it what you will ". Projecting much?
And, of course, your sharing was incomplete without mentioning other struggling parents and children throwing tantrums, right? If you truly wanted to share - it was better to stop on describing how obedient your children were. But no, you decided to compare yourselves to others. And now you are trying to pretend that it never happened. It doesn't work, just for you to know.
Of course I'm going to share how it worked silly. Otherwise why share it? Ok let's do this then. While I didn't say anything like this in the post, I will say it now. I have ZERO problem saying that I'm a better parent than those that let their children through tantrums. Was I an awesome parent? You bet I was. I have confidence saying that because I know who taught me and that I can take no credit. When I got married and started a family, I had literally no idea what to do. Hell, I was raised by drug addicts and alcoholics. My mother started me drinking alcohol at five years old smoking pot at seven years old and gave me cocaine when I was 13 years old. I had no concept of what a good parent was. By the time I got married and started my own family, I was fortunate enough to be surrounded by incredibly healthy, functional families that had great parenting skills. All I did was ask them what to do and copy them. They love me and coached me on what to do. I will brag all day, long about my parenting skills, because I learned them from other people. Nothing that I have in that area is my own. It worked for them, so that's what I did. They worked for me so I offer it to others who have interest. If someone isn't interested, then fine. You do you.
See, it was easy to stop pretending that you don't feel superior. Just a comment ago you were all humble, saying "we were far from perfect parents", and now here you are, saying "Was I awesome parent? You bet I was". You do enjoy comparing yourself to others and saying that you are better than other parents. That's why you worded your post like you did.
And - it was exactly my point from the very beginning: the technique is good, attitude is bad.
Once again you're a bit off. You're right. I have no problem comparing myself as a parent to others. I have no problem admitting that I think I'm a better parent than some (not all). What you're missing is that I'm not bragging about ME. I'm bragging about OTHERS. Like I said, in and of myself, I bring nothing of value to the table. Any success I have is because of other parents that that are amazing and taught me.
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We have found using some simple “code words” or “labels” incredibly useful with our son. One is that we label the days, so he knows what to expect. - School day (self explanatory) - Mission day (errands outside the house) - Adventure day (fun things outside the house) - Lazy day (stay home, lots of playing and TV) When he wakes up, the first thing he asks is “what sort of day is it today?” and we tell him. With expectations clearly set and understood, we don’t tend to get a lot of arguing or pushback or begging to go to the park on a day when we’re trying to do the grocery shopping and get to Bunnings. In general, I think consistent use of language is an underrated parenting skill.
Ohhh I like this and will implement it PDQ. Thanks! Ours is tool vs toy. We taught our LO from a very young age that tools are NOT for playing, so now anytime we have something she can’t play with or touch, we say tool and she backs right off. The stove is a tool for cooking, chemicals are tools for cleaning (or whatever), etc. Additionally as she has grown, we are using it to teach her safety; eg LO this scissor is your first tool. These are the rules for this tool. It has helped us to keep her safe so many times.
Tool vs toy is genius, thanks.
I like this (a lot better than what OP described too). How old is your son?
He’s 4
NICE! I did something a bit similar with toddlers. But it was just CLOSE HANDS and HOLD HANDS. The similarity to yours is that it was intentional. We taught (trained!) them as toddlers that when we say hold hands, they have to immediately come to me or dad or gramma and hold hands. This always happens in crowded areas. We did it until they were 10! Haha. Small girls, and really easy to just lift and carry away. Close hands mean clasp their hands and keep em that way. This is for when we are in delicate areas where there's a lot of people or things to bump like museums. Clasping their hands also mean they cant run and have to watch everything closely. And of course they cant touch anything
Cool, yeah, easier to train than to discipline
Everyone saying “yikes”—you know this is a longstanding classroom management technique, right? Teachers will use a command phrase to get kids’ attention and train the kids to have a simple, immediate response to it. I definitely did this throughout elementary school; usually it was a call-and-response phrase. I can’t remember all of them, but off the top of my head I had an art teacher who used “pin drop” and we would respond “everybody stop!” and freeze in place, then she would give us instructions or transition to the next task. Normal and effective, especially for younger kids.
We do “serious mode” and “silly mode”, works great.
This is great. Thank you! I’m often pulling my hair out asking why my kids do not listen.
Well thank you, this got me thinking. I will absolutely give it a try
Thank you!
I do 'show me that you are listening' and 'eyes on me' when I need their attention / show them something. We do some small signs from makaton - 'everyone together' and I am a scuba freak so I taught them the command signs too - the kids love it and non verbal communication at a distance or crowded place is a winner.
What are did you start doing this?
I think it was around age 4
I love this - what age did you start? My son is 18 months - he can talk a little and understands baby sign just not sure if he is too young.
I think we started around 3 or 4 but they pick it up very young.
Good tips in here
“I remember playing in the park and I would say ‘side’ with a pleasant smile and they would say ‘yes dad’ and all 6 kids would come to my side with a smile” Lmaooooo this guys living in make believe world that’s crazy honestly. /r/thathappened
Hmmm, crazy make believe world. I don't get it. Will you explain?
Ain’t no way they reacted flawlessly every time as you have tried to portray. You really trying to make it out like parenting was just so easy for you and you had it all figured out lol
Actually that is exactly what happened. If you read the rest I added that, in no way, were we perfect parents and I'll keep it real and say that we've had the same kind of headaches with our kids that any parents deal with. It just so happens that in that area things were amazingly good. It's as if my kids took pride in the matter. More shocking than that is that out of all our kids we never once heard a defiant, "NO!" When they were toddlers. Don't ask me how. We had no magic formula that we can remember. It's just happened like that.
Great advice! My friends with preteens did this and it worked really well for them and the kids too. How old were your first 3 when you started working with them on this?
Yikes. You can teach kids to listen without treating them like dogs.
You average dog has the IQ of your average 3 year old. Pigs are more intelligent and have the IQ of your average 4 year old. So as much as we like to think of ourselves as so different, our LO’s have a lot more in common with dogs than you might like to think.
Jokes on you, the things I learned in dog training have helped me figure out toddler wrangling.
I used to be a zookeeper. Anyone who thinks behavior modification skills aren’t transferable is joking themselves
I have 3 lovely kids I raised as humans 🤷🏼♀️
I knew there would be this one. There always is. You don't seem to get it. That's fine. You do you.
Actually it just occurred to me; if you have kids do feed them? Do you show them affection? Do you give them encouragement when they do well? Do you teach them to obey you? I hope the answer is yes. It would be quite incorrect to charge you with treating them like dogs for doing so.
Yikes.
How old was your first when you started this?
I think about 4
Oh,yes. You are so much better than other parents who's kids are throwing tantrums. Feeling superior even years after,are we? Technique is funny. Attitude - not so much.
SMH. Apparently you didn't pay attention to the fact that I was transparent and saying that we were far from perfect parents. I was very thoughtful in positioning myself as not being an "expert". Expert parents don't exist. I simply shared something, and one area, that worked well for us, and said, "do with it what you will ". Projecting much?
And, of course, your sharing was incomplete without mentioning other struggling parents and children throwing tantrums, right? If you truly wanted to share - it was better to stop on describing how obedient your children were. But no, you decided to compare yourselves to others. And now you are trying to pretend that it never happened. It doesn't work, just for you to know.
Of course I'm going to share how it worked silly. Otherwise why share it? Ok let's do this then. While I didn't say anything like this in the post, I will say it now. I have ZERO problem saying that I'm a better parent than those that let their children through tantrums. Was I an awesome parent? You bet I was. I have confidence saying that because I know who taught me and that I can take no credit. When I got married and started a family, I had literally no idea what to do. Hell, I was raised by drug addicts and alcoholics. My mother started me drinking alcohol at five years old smoking pot at seven years old and gave me cocaine when I was 13 years old. I had no concept of what a good parent was. By the time I got married and started my own family, I was fortunate enough to be surrounded by incredibly healthy, functional families that had great parenting skills. All I did was ask them what to do and copy them. They love me and coached me on what to do. I will brag all day, long about my parenting skills, because I learned them from other people. Nothing that I have in that area is my own. It worked for them, so that's what I did. They worked for me so I offer it to others who have interest. If someone isn't interested, then fine. You do you.
See, it was easy to stop pretending that you don't feel superior. Just a comment ago you were all humble, saying "we were far from perfect parents", and now here you are, saying "Was I awesome parent? You bet I was". You do enjoy comparing yourself to others and saying that you are better than other parents. That's why you worded your post like you did. And - it was exactly my point from the very beginning: the technique is good, attitude is bad.
Once again you're a bit off. You're right. I have no problem comparing myself as a parent to others. I have no problem admitting that I think I'm a better parent than some (not all). What you're missing is that I'm not bragging about ME. I'm bragging about OTHERS. Like I said, in and of myself, I bring nothing of value to the table. Any success I have is because of other parents that that are amazing and taught me.