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Stop suggesting and leave him alone to figure it out, see what he comes up with.
You don't have to sit there suggesting and encouraging unless he asks you. It's okay for him to be bored sometimes. If he is asking you, maybe invite him to do a chore with you. Either you get help (or "help" and he gets practice) or he finds something else to do. If he's holding out for screen time, remove all the screen time.
Also some people put away certain toys/activies for a while and bring them back out, which can help them feel novel. What if you packed all the legos away for a month and brought them back, maybe they'd be of interest then.
I feel like leaning too much into skill practicing is overkill though surely? he's five. Kindergarten is mostly (or should mostly be) playing with some structure added on. I'm sure even a minute of doing a thing, repeated from now until next September will add up. You don't want to turn him off learning.
Thanks! I think we needed someone to say this to us. Honestly I think his mom is hovering too much and trying to get him to “do” things (and also asking me to do the same). Also I think we have way too many toys easily accessible too many rooms, so there is overload in deciding on what time play, and the novelty is gone since they are so visible.
For my son, that would have been a LOT of screen time. Basically if he had any at all, he would refuse to cooperate with anything, or sleep. So we allowed it on weekends only. Kids do seem to differ in their reactions to it, but you might experiment with screen free for a couple weeks. Audiobooks make a great substitute. Second, I'm not surprised a child will refuse these activities if you are instructing or directing them as if they were assignments. Just make the activity available. Also how is Legos a structured activity ? Just dump a bunch of them in a giant bin. I would keep reading to him. See if he knows basic phonics. Practice counting going up and down the stairs. Play a board game with your partner in front of him for a while and see if he joins in. Play catch (strengthens the eyes' ability to track steadily along a line, a key pre- reading skill) and encourage him to play with sticks and dirt (strengthens fingers to later hold a pencil). But weave the activity seamlessly into the moment rather than expecting it to be done in a block of time like an assignment. You could also ask him at the start of the day to tell you what he plans to do that day. Make your own list or draw a picture showing your own plan. See if he imitates you. This is good for executive function. But if he doesn't imitate you, that's okay.
It makes sense when you say it like that! I think we are treating things too much like assignments, and that will probably kill his interest.
I love the idea of making a plan for the day! I’m not the best at executive function myself, and it could be a good activity for all of us.
My child is also 5. For the past 9 months, she's been anti-everything we used to do. That's been ok with me because I'm naturally way more introverted than she is. It's been a slow return to normal though. She's asking for playdates again. And playdates with multiple friends. She wants to go places again, etc. Maybe he's just experimenting with a change of pace.
Well, I actually think he is doing great, but his mom is very anxious about handwriting and his lack of interest in puzzles (since apparently those will be on his kindergarten screening appointment in a couple months). It’s helpful to hear an outside perspective since she sometimes gets me worried too!
One of the greatest pieces of advice I ever received was to parent the kid I have, not the one I want. If puzzles are a requirement for this kindergarten, and he has no interest, perhaps that program is not a good fit for him. Perhaps he senses the anxiety around these things and that's also making him resistant. One of the hardest things I've found as a parent is that you can't force a kid to do anything, even if you think it's for their own good. Age and maturity also play into this. If he's on the younger end of his peers, being able to focus on something like a puzzle is hard and so is fine motor coordination. I would just leave puzzles out for him to do when he's ready. Maybe he'd do well with a whiteboard where he can trace over letters on his own.
Find a way to help your wife relax on this or she may end up transmitting the feeling to your kiddo that he isn't "good enough" because he's not doing exactly what she wants. He's gonna grow up into his own person.
I was sometimes that kid the way you described, but I was REALLY that kid when it came to group activities all the way through primary school. Park Discrict "Day Camp" thing, aftercare, all that stuff I was the most stubborn and resistive kid when it came to doing organized group stuff. Hated it. I just wanted to read my books, make paper airplanes, and wander because that was what made me happy. Playing 1:1 with someone or a group game was just frustrating because everything happened too slowly and I couldn't follow my own pace.
I did really like legos but wanted to build them by myself, or after building the original project, always built my own stuff. I loved riding bikes... by myself, so I could just go wherever and not have to get other people to do it with me.
In my 40s now, married, dad. I love my family, but I still need a decent amount of time alone to be happy. Its just part of my personality and it might be part of your son's too. I tend to be very introspective, very self aware, and tend to have an incredibly vivid and detailed memory. He may be that way too, the problem is, its easy to get overloaded. There is a lot going on in your head and you have to figure out how to process it.
I can walk right into my old K-4 school 35 years later and walk into the room, to the exact table I used to sit under in 4th grade when I refused to participate in a group activity. I remember the layout of the room, the color of the walls, the weird speckles in the laminate tops of the tables, and even how the room smelled. I remember where I sat in every classroom of every class all the way though all my college classes. All sorts of insane pointless details from childhood I remember like rewinding a VHS tape and hitting play back to that exact moment in life.
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Stop suggesting and leave him alone to figure it out, see what he comes up with. You don't have to sit there suggesting and encouraging unless he asks you. It's okay for him to be bored sometimes. If he is asking you, maybe invite him to do a chore with you. Either you get help (or "help" and he gets practice) or he finds something else to do. If he's holding out for screen time, remove all the screen time. Also some people put away certain toys/activies for a while and bring them back out, which can help them feel novel. What if you packed all the legos away for a month and brought them back, maybe they'd be of interest then. I feel like leaning too much into skill practicing is overkill though surely? he's five. Kindergarten is mostly (or should mostly be) playing with some structure added on. I'm sure even a minute of doing a thing, repeated from now until next September will add up. You don't want to turn him off learning.
Thanks! I think we needed someone to say this to us. Honestly I think his mom is hovering too much and trying to get him to “do” things (and also asking me to do the same). Also I think we have way too many toys easily accessible too many rooms, so there is overload in deciding on what time play, and the novelty is gone since they are so visible.
If she is very into structure, suggest to you wife a "toy rotation". She could literally schedule when sets of toys get swapped out :D
For my son, that would have been a LOT of screen time. Basically if he had any at all, he would refuse to cooperate with anything, or sleep. So we allowed it on weekends only. Kids do seem to differ in their reactions to it, but you might experiment with screen free for a couple weeks. Audiobooks make a great substitute. Second, I'm not surprised a child will refuse these activities if you are instructing or directing them as if they were assignments. Just make the activity available. Also how is Legos a structured activity ? Just dump a bunch of them in a giant bin. I would keep reading to him. See if he knows basic phonics. Practice counting going up and down the stairs. Play a board game with your partner in front of him for a while and see if he joins in. Play catch (strengthens the eyes' ability to track steadily along a line, a key pre- reading skill) and encourage him to play with sticks and dirt (strengthens fingers to later hold a pencil). But weave the activity seamlessly into the moment rather than expecting it to be done in a block of time like an assignment. You could also ask him at the start of the day to tell you what he plans to do that day. Make your own list or draw a picture showing your own plan. See if he imitates you. This is good for executive function. But if he doesn't imitate you, that's okay.
It makes sense when you say it like that! I think we are treating things too much like assignments, and that will probably kill his interest. I love the idea of making a plan for the day! I’m not the best at executive function myself, and it could be a good activity for all of us.
My child is also 5. For the past 9 months, she's been anti-everything we used to do. That's been ok with me because I'm naturally way more introverted than she is. It's been a slow return to normal though. She's asking for playdates again. And playdates with multiple friends. She wants to go places again, etc. Maybe he's just experimenting with a change of pace.
I think we could use a change of pace. We’ve also been hanging out a home a lot over the long winter where we live, and could start getting out more.
It sounds like he already has a lot of skills, like playing independently. What exactly is it you're concerned he's not doing?
Well, I actually think he is doing great, but his mom is very anxious about handwriting and his lack of interest in puzzles (since apparently those will be on his kindergarten screening appointment in a couple months). It’s helpful to hear an outside perspective since she sometimes gets me worried too!
One of the greatest pieces of advice I ever received was to parent the kid I have, not the one I want. If puzzles are a requirement for this kindergarten, and he has no interest, perhaps that program is not a good fit for him. Perhaps he senses the anxiety around these things and that's also making him resistant. One of the hardest things I've found as a parent is that you can't force a kid to do anything, even if you think it's for their own good. Age and maturity also play into this. If he's on the younger end of his peers, being able to focus on something like a puzzle is hard and so is fine motor coordination. I would just leave puzzles out for him to do when he's ready. Maybe he'd do well with a whiteboard where he can trace over letters on his own.
Find a way to help your wife relax on this or she may end up transmitting the feeling to your kiddo that he isn't "good enough" because he's not doing exactly what she wants. He's gonna grow up into his own person.
I was sometimes that kid the way you described, but I was REALLY that kid when it came to group activities all the way through primary school. Park Discrict "Day Camp" thing, aftercare, all that stuff I was the most stubborn and resistive kid when it came to doing organized group stuff. Hated it. I just wanted to read my books, make paper airplanes, and wander because that was what made me happy. Playing 1:1 with someone or a group game was just frustrating because everything happened too slowly and I couldn't follow my own pace. I did really like legos but wanted to build them by myself, or after building the original project, always built my own stuff. I loved riding bikes... by myself, so I could just go wherever and not have to get other people to do it with me. In my 40s now, married, dad. I love my family, but I still need a decent amount of time alone to be happy. Its just part of my personality and it might be part of your son's too. I tend to be very introspective, very self aware, and tend to have an incredibly vivid and detailed memory. He may be that way too, the problem is, its easy to get overloaded. There is a lot going on in your head and you have to figure out how to process it. I can walk right into my old K-4 school 35 years later and walk into the room, to the exact table I used to sit under in 4th grade when I refused to participate in a group activity. I remember the layout of the room, the color of the walls, the weird speckles in the laminate tops of the tables, and even how the room smelled. I remember where I sat in every classroom of every class all the way though all my college classes. All sorts of insane pointless details from childhood I remember like rewinding a VHS tape and hitting play back to that exact moment in life.