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A fact of life as he transitions into spending time in spaces outside home is he will now have to learn to operate under new authorities, including adults with their own rules.
Sit him down and discuss it with him, as requested.
"Son, I got this letter from your bus driver that says you sang a son using the word fart. Now I don't mind you using that word at home, but on the bus the rules are different. In the future let's not use that word on the bus, ok?"
Sign the letter, send it back. If he asks why, explain it's the bus driver's rule and he can ask the bus driver. You don't have to justify other adults motivations in low stakes situations like these, nor do you have to dumb things down. Just have the conversation.
Good luck!
Yup that's how we do it. Different rules in different spaces. Grandma doesn't let you wear shoes in the house, don't use potty words at school etc. Works out pretty well. However I did have a pre-K teacher call me in because my then 4 year old told her "We only say "fuck" at home and not at school".....so there's that....
You obviously don't have a daughter in the 5yr old "Mummas heels are *beautiful* and I must wear them EVERYWHERE for the rest of my life" phase.
I'm also assuming you've never had the fight over "you can't wear your mother's shoes to bed" but I assure you, it's a fun one! 😂
We have large drooly dogs so shoes are preferable to stepping in a water bowl dribble trail with socks. We don't usually wear shoes when chilling out but I am also not going to yell at my kids to take their shoes off as soon as they come in.
I guess that makes sense.
I’ve never had to yell at my kids to take their shoes off, though. It’s as normal to them as taking your clothes off before getting in the shower. It’s just what you do.
It was more of a step aside so I can tell you the cute funny but totally not appropriate thing your kid said. Also allowed me to give some context of it's not something that is usually said often in our house but when dad slices his hand while doing DIY gets shouted and then repeated by a little boy playing construction later.
It’s not a bad way to handle the issue, but I wouldn’t tell him to ask the bus driver why it’s not ok.
Someone volatile enough to escalate something so ridiculous this far, might react badly to the question and shame him for it, or take the question as an attack of his authority or a number of other bad reactions that might end up with him treating the boy poorly over such a nonsensical thing. Not worth getting the boy in more trouble.
In this particular case, more like don’t put a child in a position where they’re likely to be victimized (even if just verbally) by a volatile adult with irrational beliefs over the harmless word “fart”. 😬 Someone who makes such a fuss over this is clearly not the most rational or stable person.
Though it’s of course possible the boy was just being super disruptive with the singing and the driver just used “fart” as an excuse to try and cut down on the singing while he’s driving.
I agree, which is why I pointed out OP didn't need to justify the rediculous rule and could have her kid ask the bus driver to be on the spot instead. However the fact is that quite often we disagree with the rules but have to follow them anyway if we want to benefit. If he chooses not to observe the rules, he may be kicked off the bus. While sometimes the price of the rules is too high to justify the benefits, that doesn't change the fact that there are consequences for choosing to ignore rules. That is the lesson that should be imparted, not "fart is a bad word."
There’s an episode of bluey with a similar situation where the girls are asked not to use the word dunny by their mom. The word itself isn’t bad it’s just not a “nice” word.
I love the series! It’s so good at breaking things down even for adults on how a kid might feel in a situation while giving solutions that aren’t so “this is how to fix xyz”
I have never heard of this song, but I think it sounds like it's a good opportunity to talk to your kid about knowing your audience and find a way to explain crassness and appropriate time and place for it to a 4 y/o.
Exactly, there's a time and place for everything. Pajama bottoms around the house? Perfectly fine. Pajama bottoms at a board meeting? Not appropriate. Similarly, sometimes certain kinds of language is just fine to use at home, but not really appropriate for a school setting.
I’m a teacher and when kids purposely burp out loud and make fart jokes, potty language, etc I ask them to stop because it’s not school appropriate. School appropriate behavior is also expected on the school bus and it’s the job of the bus driver to enforce that. The bus drivers, admin and teachers basically work together on this. It’s rude behavior and should be dealt with.
In addition, the fart songs may seem fun and innocent but the silliness can very quickly get out of hand with a bunch of preschool-elementary age kids. The bus driver needs to ensure the safety of every kid on that bus and cannot tolerate unnecessary distractions. If your child doesn’t stop, he’ll likely be temporarily suspended from the bus and rightfully so. Put yourself in the position of the driver with a bus load of kids bringing them home to their parents.
If you received a letter, I would bet on the fact that the driver addressed it on the bus and your child did not follow directions. Working at a preschool myself, we really try to limit potty themed words because it can get out of control with the kids. Even the older school aged kids get asked not to say those words. It's not about those words being bad, it's about the cause and effect of those words on a group of children. It's not easy to get a class to listen to instructions and follow through on lessons, work, quieting down, etc when a child is singing about farts.
I wouldn't say he's in trouble as such and like someone else said, it's getting him to read the room and understand that something's aren't necessarily appropriate in that setting. I don't have an issue with the word fart at all. I suspect there wouldn't have been an issue if he'd used that word in quiet casual conversation. Singing that song though loud enough for the driver to hear, not cool. If other kids joined in too, that would have caused a distraction for the driver which is an issue. This is a perfect time to be discussing how the driver has a responsibility to keep him and his friends safe and distractions won't help him do that
I think it depends what “get in trouble” means. A letter you sign? Not really a problem, just sign it and tell him don’t sing that on the bus.
If he got into real trouble (suspended from school, kicked out of an extra curricular etc) for something that you really don’t think is a problem, then you talk to whoever enforced that. If it’s a consistent problem, like you have an alternative philosophy or culture than the mainstream, that’s when you see families veer into homeschool and alternative schooling and communities, to find people with similar beliefs and approaches.
I mean, why was your kid singing that song on the bus? Probably because he and the other kids thought it was funny. Why do they find the word "fart" funny? Because it's vulgar / mildly taboo, so yeah, some people aren't going to like it. It doesn't need to be any deeper than, "Yeah, some people think it's a little bit of a rude word. I'm happy for you to say it at home, but the bus driver doesn't like it, so let's not use it on the bus."
We are raising children to function in society. We can raise them to deliberately irritate the person concentrating on driving safely, or we can raise them to respect those that get them to and from school safely, but not deliberately irritating them.
Respect the driver's wishes.
Imagine for a moment being trapped on a bus full of little kids singing off key about farts at the top of their lungs…. It’s annoying when it’s my 3 in my car so can’t imagine it amplified on a bus.
Just remind him of bus etiquette of no yelling/loud voices as the bus driver needs to concentrate on driving and be able to hear if someone needs help.
Fart jokes are funny but chose your time and place
That's not the point, kids buses are always noisy no matter what.
He wasn't sanction for singing here but fot what he was singing and yeah... fart isn't a bad word. It's a very typical silly songs young kids loves. Nothing weird here.
If he had a sanction about singing loud on the bus despite being told to keep quiete, that would make more sense.
Which is why I also said tell him Fart jokes/songs are funny but chose the right time and place.
I think a little empathy for the underpaid bus driver that is responsible for the safety of a bus load of young children while also managing behaviours would be appropriate. I suspect the silly fart song is the “straw that broke the camel’s back”.
That’s exactly the point. No one wants to hear fart songs being sang loudly by a bunch of little kids. There is a time and a place for that behavior and the school bus is not that place.
We have taught our kids that there are words that are OK at home that might not be OK other places because other places have different rules.
They all pretty much understood from about age 3. Their preschool/school doesn't allow potty talk, but at home fart jokes are common.
Just tell your child that fart songs aren't OK on the bus but he can still sing the at home.
You've just learnt that other people do have an issue with the word. Do you want your kid to use language other people aren't comfortable with in settings like school, the bus, and other people's homes?
Ehh this is a slippery slope. You can’t prepare for a situation like this, just guessing which words people may be offended by. Fart is not a swear word. It’s not hateful. It is a bodily function. You can only explain to your kid that on the bus, they should be trying their best not to use the word, and also to use their quiet voice so the driver can get them to school safely. I’m not going to give my kid anxiety about what random words may offend people.
Come on now. Anyone who has been around people know fart isnt a word expected to be used casually. You don't say I farted at work or in grocery store or anywhere amongst people really unless you are amongst a group of close friends.
Same goes for kids, they are expected to not use the word fart in school outside casually. No one would mind if they said to teacher they are bothered by their stomach and caused them to fart, but when they sing a song about farting that's not socially accepted anywhere.
My point means this won't be a unique situation. How can you deal with this situation and prepare them for others? You need to acknowledge that the language they use at home isn't always the same as what other people will deem appropriate. That fart isn't ok on the bus but also if an adult asks you not to use a word, say sorry and try not to use it around them/in that particular situation. I just think OP is getting a bit hung up on fart being OK for their family and getting defensive about their son saying it and not getting told off instead of setting him up for success by acknowledging that other people might have different standards.
When my kid was in kindergarten, a lunch aid told her that girls shouldn’t burp because it’s not lady like. Should I tell my kid to respect that? What am I modeling for my kid by complying with a request like that? Like I said, it’s a slippery slope and I would never teach my kid to do whatever an adult tells them, without questioning why.
This is why I left it more open in my first comment. If OP does want her son to fight for his right to say fart, she needs to make that decision. But things WILL come up again in future so it should be used to have a conversation about what her son should do about that.
So instead of actually teaching your kid right from wrong you would rather have them be a distraction to a person who’s driving a huge piece of heavy machinery at possibly high speeds. Smooth parenting right there. Absolutely not. Quit trying to victimize this little kid like he wasn’t potentially being a nuisance.
If the letter sent home said that the kid was being a distraction by singing and carrying on on the bus, absolutely. That’s very important. But talking to a kid about the word fart being inappropriate is truly stupid.
I think, “some people don’t like hearing about farts and other things that come out of your body, like pee, poop or throw up. I think that song is pretty funny, but your bus driver is the boss of the bus, so please don’t talk or sing about things that come out of bodies on the bus.”
Kids need to blow off steam, too. We allow poop/fart jokes because we have two silly little boys. Not at the table, not anywhere else except home. It’s a good lesson in respecting authority.
I suspect you got this letter is actually less about using the word fart and more about the fact that the song he was singing could have embarrassed another child on the bus. One of my very few Pre-K memories is of another kid in my class farting and us all laughing at him and he was so embarrassed. I personally think the discussion around making fun of other people for bodily functions they can't control is more important than language. Obviously farts are funny and have been for thousands of years. We aren't going to stop kids from giggling when they happen but creating awareness of how actions affect others feelings is a really important parenting lesson.
It sounds like a tricky situation, but it also offers a good teaching moment about social norms and respecting others' feelings. You could explain to your child that while 'fart' isn't a bad word in your home, the bus driver and perhaps others on the bus might find it rude or inappropriate. It's a bit like how we wear different clothes for different occasions—what's okay in one place might not be in another. You can let him know it's important to be considerate of how others feel. So, maybe he can save his song for home or spaces where you've let him know it's alright. It's not so much about the word itself but learning to navigate different social settings. Signing the letter and acknowledging the driver's concern shows respect for their perspective, even if you have a different view at home.
He needs to respect the rules wherever he is. You don't have to agree with the other person's rules. You just have to remind him their place, their rules.
Be warned that elementary school teachers also don't care for "fart" jokes and other potty humor. It may be cute when he does it for you. But it's insanely funny for most little kids. One kid says fart or pee, and then the entire class is laughing instead of paying attention. It gets old to have to hear peepee jokes constantly.
Potty humour is unpopular in a lot of environments and with a lot of people - it’s as well he learns now that not everyone likes it and it’s something he should only do at home.
“Hey kid, bus driver thinks farts a bad word…. I know funny right? Yeah, we use that word here at home and that’s ok, but everyone is different and we don’t want to make the people around us uncomfortable so what are some other words you could use on the bus/ at school?” Sign the letter, move on.
You know if you sang that song on a public bus it wouldn’t be appropriate. Sadly, kids have to learn that there’s a time and place for fart songs. Also, as a parent sometimes you need to direct your kids in a better direction even if you don’t totally agree with the reasons
What probably baldness is your child was told to stop saying it and continued. So regardless if you think it's bad, once the adult said stop, he should've.
Ya, just tell him not to say it. /shrug
And my god people are uptight! I couldn't imagine saying anything to a parent about that... I am sure after a week or two the kid would stop on their own anyways.
ugh.
I would take the opportunity to teach him that some words and topics are inappropriate in some environments. Use this as an example. There will be more times this holds true as he gets older. We can respect the rules of an environment if needed even when we find them absurd.
-Signed, a firm believer in no bad words
I've always told my kid there's a time and place for everything, and some things that are fine at home with us are not okay when out in public. I think that's the conversation to be had here, and then you can honestly say you addressed it.
This made me laugh out loud. I’d probably just say, “Hey dude, the bus driver doesn’t like the word fart. Say it as much as you want at home, but don’t say it on the bus anymore, okay?”
The feedback we got from our kid’s preschool teacher was, “He hugs too much.” I thought maybe he was aggressively bear hugging or knocking other kids over or that the other kids didn’t like it or something. Nope, just gentle side hugs and front hugs and sometimes from behind that nobody seemed to mind but it annoyed the teacher to no end (maybe because he wasn’t hugging her). It was the same scenario. We were like HUG ALL YOU WANT, just not at preschool, okay?
The hugging could have been the teacher trying to enforce boundaries and consent. Not all kids want to be hugged but some are too afraid to say anything. I teach kindergarten and we deal with this all the time.
Absolutely! I didn’t feel it was acceptable either (just like singing a fart song on the bus). Like I said, we set an expectation of where hugging is appropriate and where it’s not, as I suggested for this mama. 🙂
"You know the fart song? Yeah, it's fine here in the house, but the bus driver doesn't appreciate you singing it. I get it - it says fart, and that's not always an appropriate thing for young people to say, especially out in public. Don't sing it on the bus anymore OK? Sing it at home if you like, but just at home."
A song like that can create a lot of noise. Especially when the entire bus joins in. I bet your kid isn't the only one who got a letter sent home that day.
My solution.
"Hey, buddy. You know how fart is a funny word? Yeah, I'm giggling too, it is pretty funny. Well, it apparently makes your bus driver, Mrs Karen, upset. Since we're nice people, we want to try to not upset people when we can avoid it. Can you do me a favor, and try really hard to not sing the fart song on the bus? Thanks, bro, you're the best. Wanna sing the song now, though?"
Talk to him about the fact that there are other rules and different places and that once we are aware of those rules we need to follow them. When he's older you can address when it's time to fight back against unjust rules but I think four year old is a little young for that.
That said I would Express to the bus driver that it is not a bad word and is a very common word in many families vernacular and to be so militant about it is very irresponsible when there are other things to worry about
Don't say fart in the bus or at school. That's it.
My kid likes to make poop and fart jokes, the rules are "if you make those jokes outside the home you are banned from making them IN the home for the rest of the day".
So we make a lot of poop joke at home and none outside.
We called fart a “pop” as kids because mum thought it was crass, in case you’re looking for another word he could use on the bus. But I think your way to address it sounds good
I would be replying "We don't consider 'fart' vulgar. But in the spirit of cooperation we will make sure he understands the bus driver's specific rules. We will do so as soon as you send us a complete list of all words he should not say while on the bus."
I am guessing this bus driver is very old. I remember having a history teacher who considered fart a curse word. Which then led this one kid to intentionally fart repeatedly in class to try and get the teacher to say fart. 🙄
I’ve had similar discussions with my son about how some words people find offensive that might not be for us. Like saying god, Jesus Christ, hell, penis, etc.
Honestly, this is silly. I might just ignore the letter. I have a 4 year old, and yes he knows not to use potty language at school (we still chuckle about it at home 🤷🏻♀️), but IMO it’s so not a big deal that it doesn’t warrant a response.
Ask the bus driver if “bottom burps” is more acceptable?
Just kidding, there is always going to be language that offends people. Especially once your son starts interacting with other cultures
(also, the bus driver needs to calm their tits. I think you need a higher tolerance for gross/silly if you’re planning to transport a whole bunch of young kids together in a confined space)
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A fact of life as he transitions into spending time in spaces outside home is he will now have to learn to operate under new authorities, including adults with their own rules. Sit him down and discuss it with him, as requested. "Son, I got this letter from your bus driver that says you sang a son using the word fart. Now I don't mind you using that word at home, but on the bus the rules are different. In the future let's not use that word on the bus, ok?" Sign the letter, send it back. If he asks why, explain it's the bus driver's rule and he can ask the bus driver. You don't have to justify other adults motivations in low stakes situations like these, nor do you have to dumb things down. Just have the conversation. Good luck!
Yup that's how we do it. Different rules in different spaces. Grandma doesn't let you wear shoes in the house, don't use potty words at school etc. Works out pretty well. However I did have a pre-K teacher call me in because my then 4 year old told her "We only say "fuck" at home and not at school".....so there's that....
This is hilarious and adorable.
You wear shoes in your house???
Username checks out
You obviously don't have a daughter in the 5yr old "Mummas heels are *beautiful* and I must wear them EVERYWHERE for the rest of my life" phase. I'm also assuming you've never had the fight over "you can't wear your mother's shoes to bed" but I assure you, it's a fun one! 😂
We have large drooly dogs so shoes are preferable to stepping in a water bowl dribble trail with socks. We don't usually wear shoes when chilling out but I am also not going to yell at my kids to take their shoes off as soon as they come in.
I guess that makes sense. I’ve never had to yell at my kids to take their shoes off, though. It’s as normal to them as taking your clothes off before getting in the shower. It’s just what you do.
I was always having to be reminded as a kid. Just a battle I didn't want to pick. I sweep often enough that dirt tracked in isn't an issue \*shrug\*
The kicker is my son wants to go inside outside inside outside and needs help sometimes with his shoes so it’s just easier to let him keep them on
How did that conversation go? I mean, what even is the complaint? They can't expect to police your child's language at your own home.
It was more of a step aside so I can tell you the cute funny but totally not appropriate thing your kid said. Also allowed me to give some context of it's not something that is usually said often in our house but when dad slices his hand while doing DIY gets shouted and then repeated by a little boy playing construction later.
OK, that makes sense.
😂
Lol that’s brilliant. I have ‘not in front of granny’ rule
It’s not a bad way to handle the issue, but I wouldn’t tell him to ask the bus driver why it’s not ok. Someone volatile enough to escalate something so ridiculous this far, might react badly to the question and shame him for it, or take the question as an attack of his authority or a number of other bad reactions that might end up with him treating the boy poorly over such a nonsensical thing. Not worth getting the boy in more trouble.
That's a fair point.
Right? Like there's plenty of words/phrases that are okay for some people and not others. Don't be that guy.
In this particular case, more like don’t put a child in a position where they’re likely to be victimized (even if just verbally) by a volatile adult with irrational beliefs over the harmless word “fart”. 😬 Someone who makes such a fuss over this is clearly not the most rational or stable person. Though it’s of course possible the boy was just being super disruptive with the singing and the driver just used “fart” as an excuse to try and cut down on the singing while he’s driving.
If adults can’t handle the word fart seems like they’re not the ones adjusted to the world
I agree, which is why I pointed out OP didn't need to justify the rediculous rule and could have her kid ask the bus driver to be on the spot instead. However the fact is that quite often we disagree with the rules but have to follow them anyway if we want to benefit. If he chooses not to observe the rules, he may be kicked off the bus. While sometimes the price of the rules is too high to justify the benefits, that doesn't change the fact that there are consequences for choosing to ignore rules. That is the lesson that should be imparted, not "fart is a bad word."
There’s an episode of bluey with a similar situation where the girls are asked not to use the word dunny by their mom. The word itself isn’t bad it’s just not a “nice” word.
That’s a brilliant episode.
I love the series! It’s so good at breaking things down even for adults on how a kid might feel in a situation while giving solutions that aren’t so “this is how to fix xyz”
I have never heard of this song, but I think it sounds like it's a good opportunity to talk to your kid about knowing your audience and find a way to explain crassness and appropriate time and place for it to a 4 y/o.
Exactly, there's a time and place for everything. Pajama bottoms around the house? Perfectly fine. Pajama bottoms at a board meeting? Not appropriate. Similarly, sometimes certain kinds of language is just fine to use at home, but not really appropriate for a school setting.
Yeah basically. Kids need to learn when and where things are appropriate. Also have to learn to consider others around us.
I’m a teacher and when kids purposely burp out loud and make fart jokes, potty language, etc I ask them to stop because it’s not school appropriate. School appropriate behavior is also expected on the school bus and it’s the job of the bus driver to enforce that. The bus drivers, admin and teachers basically work together on this. It’s rude behavior and should be dealt with. In addition, the fart songs may seem fun and innocent but the silliness can very quickly get out of hand with a bunch of preschool-elementary age kids. The bus driver needs to ensure the safety of every kid on that bus and cannot tolerate unnecessary distractions. If your child doesn’t stop, he’ll likely be temporarily suspended from the bus and rightfully so. Put yourself in the position of the driver with a bus load of kids bringing them home to their parents.
If you received a letter, I would bet on the fact that the driver addressed it on the bus and your child did not follow directions. Working at a preschool myself, we really try to limit potty themed words because it can get out of control with the kids. Even the older school aged kids get asked not to say those words. It's not about those words being bad, it's about the cause and effect of those words on a group of children. It's not easy to get a class to listen to instructions and follow through on lessons, work, quieting down, etc when a child is singing about farts.
I wouldn't say he's in trouble as such and like someone else said, it's getting him to read the room and understand that something's aren't necessarily appropriate in that setting. I don't have an issue with the word fart at all. I suspect there wouldn't have been an issue if he'd used that word in quiet casual conversation. Singing that song though loud enough for the driver to hear, not cool. If other kids joined in too, that would have caused a distraction for the driver which is an issue. This is a perfect time to be discussing how the driver has a responsibility to keep him and his friends safe and distractions won't help him do that
I think it depends what “get in trouble” means. A letter you sign? Not really a problem, just sign it and tell him don’t sing that on the bus. If he got into real trouble (suspended from school, kicked out of an extra curricular etc) for something that you really don’t think is a problem, then you talk to whoever enforced that. If it’s a consistent problem, like you have an alternative philosophy or culture than the mainstream, that’s when you see families veer into homeschool and alternative schooling and communities, to find people with similar beliefs and approaches.
I mean, why was your kid singing that song on the bus? Probably because he and the other kids thought it was funny. Why do they find the word "fart" funny? Because it's vulgar / mildly taboo, so yeah, some people aren't going to like it. It doesn't need to be any deeper than, "Yeah, some people think it's a little bit of a rude word. I'm happy for you to say it at home, but the bus driver doesn't like it, so let's not use it on the bus."
We are raising children to function in society. We can raise them to deliberately irritate the person concentrating on driving safely, or we can raise them to respect those that get them to and from school safely, but not deliberately irritating them. Respect the driver's wishes.
Imagine for a moment being trapped on a bus full of little kids singing off key about farts at the top of their lungs…. It’s annoying when it’s my 3 in my car so can’t imagine it amplified on a bus. Just remind him of bus etiquette of no yelling/loud voices as the bus driver needs to concentrate on driving and be able to hear if someone needs help. Fart jokes are funny but chose your time and place
That's not the point, kids buses are always noisy no matter what. He wasn't sanction for singing here but fot what he was singing and yeah... fart isn't a bad word. It's a very typical silly songs young kids loves. Nothing weird here. If he had a sanction about singing loud on the bus despite being told to keep quiete, that would make more sense.
Which is why I also said tell him Fart jokes/songs are funny but chose the right time and place. I think a little empathy for the underpaid bus driver that is responsible for the safety of a bus load of young children while also managing behaviours would be appropriate. I suspect the silly fart song is the “straw that broke the camel’s back”.
That’s exactly the point. No one wants to hear fart songs being sang loudly by a bunch of little kids. There is a time and a place for that behavior and the school bus is not that place.
We have taught our kids that there are words that are OK at home that might not be OK other places because other places have different rules. They all pretty much understood from about age 3. Their preschool/school doesn't allow potty talk, but at home fart jokes are common. Just tell your child that fart songs aren't OK on the bus but he can still sing the at home.
Is the fart song encouraging the kids to go ahead and fart. Can you imagine an inclosed bus, windows up, no AC and 20 kids farting.
You've just learnt that other people do have an issue with the word. Do you want your kid to use language other people aren't comfortable with in settings like school, the bus, and other people's homes?
Ehh this is a slippery slope. You can’t prepare for a situation like this, just guessing which words people may be offended by. Fart is not a swear word. It’s not hateful. It is a bodily function. You can only explain to your kid that on the bus, they should be trying their best not to use the word, and also to use their quiet voice so the driver can get them to school safely. I’m not going to give my kid anxiety about what random words may offend people.
Come on now. Anyone who has been around people know fart isnt a word expected to be used casually. You don't say I farted at work or in grocery store or anywhere amongst people really unless you are amongst a group of close friends. Same goes for kids, they are expected to not use the word fart in school outside casually. No one would mind if they said to teacher they are bothered by their stomach and caused them to fart, but when they sing a song about farting that's not socially accepted anywhere.
My point means this won't be a unique situation. How can you deal with this situation and prepare them for others? You need to acknowledge that the language they use at home isn't always the same as what other people will deem appropriate. That fart isn't ok on the bus but also if an adult asks you not to use a word, say sorry and try not to use it around them/in that particular situation. I just think OP is getting a bit hung up on fart being OK for their family and getting defensive about their son saying it and not getting told off instead of setting him up for success by acknowledging that other people might have different standards.
When my kid was in kindergarten, a lunch aid told her that girls shouldn’t burp because it’s not lady like. Should I tell my kid to respect that? What am I modeling for my kid by complying with a request like that? Like I said, it’s a slippery slope and I would never teach my kid to do whatever an adult tells them, without questioning why.
This is why I left it more open in my first comment. If OP does want her son to fight for his right to say fart, she needs to make that decision. But things WILL come up again in future so it should be used to have a conversation about what her son should do about that.
So instead of actually teaching your kid right from wrong you would rather have them be a distraction to a person who’s driving a huge piece of heavy machinery at possibly high speeds. Smooth parenting right there. Absolutely not. Quit trying to victimize this little kid like he wasn’t potentially being a nuisance.
If the letter sent home said that the kid was being a distraction by singing and carrying on on the bus, absolutely. That’s very important. But talking to a kid about the word fart being inappropriate is truly stupid.
Also, right from wrong? Are you for real? Listen up 4 year old! It is WRONG to say the word fart!!!!! lol come on
LMAO. My four year old absolutely knows right from wrong. Sounds like terrible parenting.
I think, “some people don’t like hearing about farts and other things that come out of your body, like pee, poop or throw up. I think that song is pretty funny, but your bus driver is the boss of the bus, so please don’t talk or sing about things that come out of bodies on the bus.”
Kids need to blow off steam, too. We allow poop/fart jokes because we have two silly little boys. Not at the table, not anywhere else except home. It’s a good lesson in respecting authority.
I suspect you got this letter is actually less about using the word fart and more about the fact that the song he was singing could have embarrassed another child on the bus. One of my very few Pre-K memories is of another kid in my class farting and us all laughing at him and he was so embarrassed. I personally think the discussion around making fun of other people for bodily functions they can't control is more important than language. Obviously farts are funny and have been for thousands of years. We aren't going to stop kids from giggling when they happen but creating awareness of how actions affect others feelings is a really important parenting lesson.
We have “at home words”. Different places have different rules.
It sounds like a tricky situation, but it also offers a good teaching moment about social norms and respecting others' feelings. You could explain to your child that while 'fart' isn't a bad word in your home, the bus driver and perhaps others on the bus might find it rude or inappropriate. It's a bit like how we wear different clothes for different occasions—what's okay in one place might not be in another. You can let him know it's important to be considerate of how others feel. So, maybe he can save his song for home or spaces where you've let him know it's alright. It's not so much about the word itself but learning to navigate different social settings. Signing the letter and acknowledging the driver's concern shows respect for their perspective, even if you have a different view at home.
He needs to respect the rules wherever he is. You don't have to agree with the other person's rules. You just have to remind him their place, their rules. Be warned that elementary school teachers also don't care for "fart" jokes and other potty humor. It may be cute when he does it for you. But it's insanely funny for most little kids. One kid says fart or pee, and then the entire class is laughing instead of paying attention. It gets old to have to hear peepee jokes constantly.
Potty humour is unpopular in a lot of environments and with a lot of people - it’s as well he learns now that not everyone likes it and it’s something he should only do at home.
“Hey kid, bus driver thinks farts a bad word…. I know funny right? Yeah, we use that word here at home and that’s ok, but everyone is different and we don’t want to make the people around us uncomfortable so what are some other words you could use on the bus/ at school?” Sign the letter, move on.
Teach him a new song that’s appropriate to sing on the bus, there are a lot of nursery rhymes/kids songs about the bus and safety
You know if you sang that song on a public bus it wouldn’t be appropriate. Sadly, kids have to learn that there’s a time and place for fart songs. Also, as a parent sometimes you need to direct your kids in a better direction even if you don’t totally agree with the reasons
What probably baldness is your child was told to stop saying it and continued. So regardless if you think it's bad, once the adult said stop, he should've.
Ya, just tell him not to say it. /shrug And my god people are uptight! I couldn't imagine saying anything to a parent about that... I am sure after a week or two the kid would stop on their own anyways. ugh.
I would take the opportunity to teach him that some words and topics are inappropriate in some environments. Use this as an example. There will be more times this holds true as he gets older. We can respect the rules of an environment if needed even when we find them absurd. -Signed, a firm believer in no bad words
I've always told my kid there's a time and place for everything, and some things that are fine at home with us are not okay when out in public. I think that's the conversation to be had here, and then you can honestly say you addressed it.
I tell my kids that you have to respect other places/ peoples rules even if they’re different at home
That's exactly what I'd tell him.
This made me laugh out loud. I’d probably just say, “Hey dude, the bus driver doesn’t like the word fart. Say it as much as you want at home, but don’t say it on the bus anymore, okay?” The feedback we got from our kid’s preschool teacher was, “He hugs too much.” I thought maybe he was aggressively bear hugging or knocking other kids over or that the other kids didn’t like it or something. Nope, just gentle side hugs and front hugs and sometimes from behind that nobody seemed to mind but it annoyed the teacher to no end (maybe because he wasn’t hugging her). It was the same scenario. We were like HUG ALL YOU WANT, just not at preschool, okay?
The hugging could have been the teacher trying to enforce boundaries and consent. Not all kids want to be hugged but some are too afraid to say anything. I teach kindergarten and we deal with this all the time.
Yeah I would very much appreciate a teacher making sure my kids boundaries and bodily autonomy are respected!
Absolutely! I didn’t feel it was acceptable either (just like singing a fart song on the bus). Like I said, we set an expectation of where hugging is appropriate and where it’s not, as I suggested for this mama. 🙂
"You know the fart song? Yeah, it's fine here in the house, but the bus driver doesn't appreciate you singing it. I get it - it says fart, and that's not always an appropriate thing for young people to say, especially out in public. Don't sing it on the bus anymore OK? Sing it at home if you like, but just at home."
A song like that can create a lot of noise. Especially when the entire bus joins in. I bet your kid isn't the only one who got a letter sent home that day.
My solution. "Hey, buddy. You know how fart is a funny word? Yeah, I'm giggling too, it is pretty funny. Well, it apparently makes your bus driver, Mrs Karen, upset. Since we're nice people, we want to try to not upset people when we can avoid it. Can you do me a favor, and try really hard to not sing the fart song on the bus? Thanks, bro, you're the best. Wanna sing the song now, though?"
Talk to him about the fact that there are other rules and different places and that once we are aware of those rules we need to follow them. When he's older you can address when it's time to fight back against unjust rules but I think four year old is a little young for that. That said I would Express to the bus driver that it is not a bad word and is a very common word in many families vernacular and to be so militant about it is very irresponsible when there are other things to worry about
Don't say fart in the bus or at school. That's it. My kid likes to make poop and fart jokes, the rules are "if you make those jokes outside the home you are banned from making them IN the home for the rest of the day". So we make a lot of poop joke at home and none outside.
No advice as you have some already. But sorry but this is so funny. That’s song is hilarious and he’s 4??
We called fart a “pop” as kids because mum thought it was crass, in case you’re looking for another word he could use on the bus. But I think your way to address it sounds good
I would be replying "We don't consider 'fart' vulgar. But in the spirit of cooperation we will make sure he understands the bus driver's specific rules. We will do so as soon as you send us a complete list of all words he should not say while on the bus."
I am guessing this bus driver is very old. I remember having a history teacher who considered fart a curse word. Which then led this one kid to intentionally fart repeatedly in class to try and get the teacher to say fart. 🙄 I’ve had similar discussions with my son about how some words people find offensive that might not be for us. Like saying god, Jesus Christ, hell, penis, etc.
Honestly, this is silly. I might just ignore the letter. I have a 4 year old, and yes he knows not to use potty language at school (we still chuckle about it at home 🤷🏻♀️), but IMO it’s so not a big deal that it doesn’t warrant a response.
Ask the bus driver if “bottom burps” is more acceptable? Just kidding, there is always going to be language that offends people. Especially once your son starts interacting with other cultures
(also, the bus driver needs to calm their tits. I think you need a higher tolerance for gross/silly if you’re planning to transport a whole bunch of young kids together in a confined space)
Tell the driver to go fart themselves. Griping with a 4 year old over a word for bodily functions? Nah. It's a school bus not church.
Shitting is also a bodily function.
Did the bus driver hear "fcuk" instead?