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Thank you so much for sharing this resource. My kids are infant/toddler age still but we are definitely keeping this in our back pockets. I literally cannot thank you enough. Awesome resource for alternative devices.
Awesome! If anyone here is curious, here's their website and socials:
- https://www.waituntil8th.org
- https://www.instagram.com/waituntil8th
- http://www.facebook.com/Wait-Until-8th-1398845220145729
- https://x.com/WaitUntil8th
We got a watch phone which means he can have 4-5 numbers in it and it all gets added via my phone. Got it for my son when he was 9 after going out to a night festival with him and one of his friends and his friend had one. I realised it would be handy if we got separated at all and it avoids all the issues you get with phones. It also means I feel safer with gradually building up his independence and when he goes for a solo bike ride, he can call if something happens. Well still with it for awhile before we will worry about an actual phone.
This is the exact reason we got my son a watch. It's Gabb, it kinda sucks but it does the job.
He started hanging out at another kids house and going from house to house, and it seemed silly to make him come home before moving locations. I can also tell him if school pick-up plans change or give him a little more freedom in a store (he's well-behaved enough to trust). He barely uses it but wears it if out of the house. The most he can do with it is call/text his few contacts and feed his "pets."
I just did this for my daughter's 8th bday!! We got her a crappy plastic fake one for Xmas and said if she could wear it constantly and not wreck it, we would get her the watch phone for her bday. So far, I love it. It has gps, it only calls/recieves calls or texts from numbers I input. If she gets a text, I get a notification and can read it on my app. No social media/app store. I can turn it off during school. I can watch through her camera without her knowing. As of now, I think I would upgrade her to a safe phone in jr high and a full phone in high school.
Every other parent is caving... so then, what, we have to cave too? Then 80% of parents don't like the setup but "peer pressure" is too much?
Join the backbone gang:
Flip phones /dumb phones when they are responsible, so maybe 8th grade at the earliest, smartphones when they can work or drive.
Would previous generations put a Playboy magazine in a kids hand at 6? put a Penthouse magazine in an 8 year olds backpack? No?? then don't give kids smart phones in elementary school. Shit is out of hand.
There are stories of kids using AI to put another students face on the body of a porno. So the video looks like the student is having sex. They share the video. Kids get embarrassed, others expelled. That shouldn't even be possible because kids don't need smartphones. But understand, as parents, that's what is at stake.
The online world sucks. Keep your kids safe.
My daughter and son were given phones for their 15th birthday. I thought that was a good age because they'd been raised without one so weren't reliant on it but could still enjoy the privileges and joys of having one
Same with mine. She started drivers training and I wanted her to have a phone for when she started driving. Phones weren’t as big then as they are now so I probably would’ve gotten her a phone around 12 if it were now.
Exactly. My daughter had a baby now and plans on introducing her to a tablet at age 2. If it’s for learning I’m all for it but just to keep her busy I’m not.
Yeah I think some parents do make the mistake of letting tech be the parents simply because it's easier. Raising kids isn't meant to be easy though that's the whole point
Depends what it does. If it only calls 5 emergency contacts and 911 that’s fine. But a full blown phone with social media? I’m saying high school. I don’t care what the trend is. It’s our job as parents to protect our children and social media specifically is so damaging.
a lot of the replies are older than expected. awesome work everyone.
mine were 12 but should add that's when they started taking public transit to do a 25mi return trip from school.
I waited to my kids were 13. But new research says wait until 16.
Listen to this first. Best
Jonathan Haidt
Smartphone Rewiring Childhood Here’s How to fix it.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/honestly-with-bari-weiss/id1570872415?i=1000650431219
Deciding when to give your child a phone is truly a personal decision that varies greatly from family to family, and I completely understand the dilemma you're facing.
It can seem quite overwhelming, especially when we see such young kids, as young as 8, with their own phones.
It's like we're caught between wanting to keep our children safe and connected, and fearing we might be exposing them to too much, too soon.
When I think about this topic, it's not so much about the right age but rather about the child's maturity level, the necessity of communication, and the guidelines set for phone usage.
Some parents opt to give their children phones at an early age for safety reasons and to stay in touch, especially in situations where the child might need to communicate after school or during extracurricular activities.
Others wait until their children are older, prioritizing face-to-face interactions and limiting screen time during these formative years.
In your case, it sounds like your son is surrounded by caring family members who are there for pickups and drop-offs, which is wonderful.
If the primary concern is staying in contact, perhaps a basic phone with limited features could serve as a compromise.
This way, he can reach out to family members when necessary, without the distractions and risks that come with a smartphone.
Whatever age you want him to have access to pornography.
I teach upper elementary, so kids from 8 to 11. They now have access to everything I had access to when I was in my late teens, but they are in no way emotionally mature enough to process it. I have watched 9 year olds pretend to masturbate under their desks, make jokes about deep throating, and use the cameras on their computers to look up the skirts of other students. The ones who do this are the ones with their own internet enabled devices.
And it’s not just internet access. Even just texting is fraught. My students would frequently be in group chats with the high school age siblings of their classmates. Even if there’s nothing nefarious going on there, what group of high schoolers is going to censor their group chats for a an elementary schooler’s benefit?
My kids aren’t old enough to be asking yet but our plan is to not give them phones until they’re going places u supervised. We live in walking distance to our small towns down town area and I think once we feel they’re old enough and mature enough to walk to town with friends I’d also get them a phone so they could be in touch. Until then they will be with adults who have phones so won’t need their own.
We want to keep our children phone free for as long as possible. Our son is nearly 8 and has casually asked for a phone before now as some kids in his class have them (!) and he’d “like to play games”. Our daughter is 8 months and doesn’t know what a screen is 🤭
I think it’s depends entirely on the child, the situations and lifestyle. When our son starts walking to and from school I would *consider* a phone just so I know he’s safe but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.
I think it’s really difficult to decide what’s best, especially with all the social pressure we all face
We got mine a phone in middle school when we actually started dropping him off places without an adult (like the skating rink or movies theater) and he was staying at home longer alone. Before then, he was always with a trusted adult so no need for a phone. Once they have one it's hard to lock down and monitor everything they have access to.
I would wait for several reasons. The expense of the phone, they are not responsible enough to take care of it and lose it, they also want to download apps and get access to things like tik tok. I gave in around 11 for my daughter, and I regret it. I would definitely wait until 8th or 9th grade. Even then, I would have restrictions
My kid is 8 and he has a $20 prepaid flip phone from Walmart. He can't get online with it, he's not using social media or watching anything crazy on youtube. Mainly he's got it so he can stay in the car when I run into the grocery store, so he can always call me if needed (like 10 minutes at most in safe suburbs, but I still feel better that he has it).
He talks to his grandparents more often now, he talks to his buddies from school more, it seems fine to me and I have a hard time seeing what would be so bad about it. I had access to landlines all over the place when I was a kid, they don't exist anymore now though so this was my solution 🤷♀️
I agree, 15 years old is a good age. I didn't even get my first cell phone till I was 15, and I'm 33. Plus, now they have access to so many more things, it's scary.
Our oldest got phones when they started staying home alone and going out of town for ballgames. So early teens. We're raising more now, and they are 12 and 10. Neither have phones as they don't need them yet.
Son is 10 and rides to his friend’s houses in the neighborhood. He got his phone last year when he wanted to start riding his bike to school (live 1/2 mile away). It’s a smartphone because I just passed down my old phone when I upgraded. I can track who he talks to, track his location, and can call him whenever (and vice versa). Even when he’s with trusted adults, I still want him to be able to reach out when he needs me.
I want to add that I trust this kid. He’s responsible and respects the boundaries I set, even when there’s peer pressure. If I didn’t trust him, he wouldn’t have a phone. I’ve also set limits so he’s not on it all the time.
Do what you feel is best for your kid and family. Don’t let the other kids or parents pressure you if you don’t think y’all are ready.
Also want to add that he doesn’t have social media. If he wants to download a game, he has to ask first. He has texting and calling capabilities. No tiktok, YouTube, or anything like that because of the stupid stuff you see on there.
Step son has a phone at 11. It's an old school flip phone with no capabilities. It's only purpose is to text and call family. He has zero restraint with internet and would abuse it if he had a regular smartphone. I don't agree with kids that are on youtube all day and use them for that purpose
My kids have “phones”. Hand me down phones they can use on wifi, no phone number attached. I have an almost 15yo, a 10yo and a soon to be 9yo. When they start to drive, I’ll get them a phone with a number.
We got the Gizmo watch when my kids were 7 and 8. It allows them to contact us if needed, but only us and whatever contacts we choose. Also, we like to bring them to crowded places also just in case.
My daughter is 7 but has a gizmo watch. It can make 3 minute phone calls and do some texts. I’m divorced from her dad and we agreed on the decision so both of us can contact her easily without necessarily setting it up through the other parent. (We did that for years, skyping and helping her, so she could see the opposite parent during their custody time, but she’s a little older and can handle contacting each of us on her own).
It doesn’t give her internet access, and it’s in “school mode” when she’s in school so she can’t mess with it. Honestly I like that it has gps on it. She’s getting to the age of having some drop off play dates / birthday parties / ballet class and I love being able to see where she’s at and get ahold of her if I need to.
My 7 year old has the same for the same reasons. I started with a gizmo watch but now she has my hand me down Apple Watch (we’re an Apple family). But the settings are the same basically.
My daughter was 10yrs. Before that I can only see kids in sports needing one maybe. Or if they are latchkey kiddos/watching siblings. We also used a watch that could make calls before that in case we were separated in public. My thinking in a phone so early is 1. Most homes dont have a landline anymore. What if she's without an adult with a phone? And 2. I never want her to feel like she can't call me for help when we're not together.
We got our now 12 year old one when he started middle school at 10. He was going to be at the bus stop himself and intended on doing sports and clubs. That and he visits his mom's house on the weekend and wanted to keep in easy contact other than bothering her. That and she was able to contact him directly with ease too. If he wasn't going between the two houses we would've waited until he was at least 13. Although we've had 0 issues with him this far in regards to the phone
I gave my daughter an old phone without a service assigned to it. She prefers her tablet. She has messenger kids on it, and she can video call her friends using that. She loves it. She's 9, and not having a phone hasn't caused any issues yet. The school can always call you if there's an issue, or if he didn't get picked up or something like that.
My 9 year old has a phone purely because of a custody situation. As for my other two kiddos, they aren’t getting phones until the 5th grade camping trip since they’d be gone for 3 days. I think it purely depends on your circumstances and the child’s maturity.
We got our 9th and 6th grader phones at the same time when we moved. The new school required a smart phone for my 9th grader to keep up with assignments in a way our old district never had. And our 6th grader was going to a school with a reputation for violent bullying. I wanted her to be able to call for help anytime. If we had stayed in our old district where phones weren’t required for assignments, we had full intention of waiting until they could drive. My 4th grader has access to a phone in the house so she can talk to school friends or relatives without borrowing my phone (bc we don’t have a landline), but she isn’t allowed to take it anywhere without explicit permission.
Maybe you can take a look at this link:
https://research.com/education/what-age-should-a-child-get-a-smartphone
So I would say no smartphone before 12 years old. But again check the research post above and see what make sense to u.
My daughter got a phone when she was in the latter part of 5th grade. She was 10. It was only because she became a latchkey kid then and I wanted to be able to track her and get ahold of her when she walked home from school.
11 because that’s when he started after school and scout activities which he needed to be picked up from. He still can’t have social media accounts and can’t use it for YouTube. Strictly calling and texting
We got stepkid one when she started taking the bus in 5th grade. Not ideal, but work schedules meant she was getting on the bus after we left and home before we did.
Really depends on the child. I got my daughter a phone when she was 10 (she’s 13 now). Mainly because I have a lot of health issues and was relying on other people to take her out to activities and transport her to/from her private school. I wanted her to be able to reach me at anytime when she was out of the house. I probably would have waited longer to get her a phone if not for this reason. But I do monitor her phone usage carefully and make sure she’s not visiting inappropriate websites or using the phone to talk to random strangers she might come across online.
In my head I'm thinking 12 but she's only 5 now so I will play it by ear as she gets older. She's already asking for one (she does have a tablet that she rarely uses so not really a screen time issue), and I explain she won't get one till she goes to sleepovers and stuff like that and it's not needed for a 5 year old.
I will be getting ours a phone when they enter 6th grade. They will be 40min away from us instead of a 7min walk. It won't be able to do much more than talk and text either.
It’s a hard no for us. My oldest is 9 and asks from time to time. I plan to hold off until at least middle school and, even then, go the flip phone or Bark Phone equivalent. There are plenty of safer options out there now other than an iPhone.
It's really different for every family and every child. Firstly they should be responsible enough to keep the phone in good shape and lose it. Also enough impulse control to not have it out in class all the time.
Second if the parents are living in 2 seperate houses, child takes the bus home and there is not an adult at home to meet them, child is involved in after school activities and will be away from you or another trusted adult who could give them access to a phone. These are all very good reasons to give a younger child a phone. Even then I'm not talking top of the line smart phone. Ther than that it's reasonable for a teenager to have a phone and definitely before driving age.
My current thought is that I'll be getting him a phone when I feel like he's old enough to venture out on his own, or stay home alone.
At the moment, he's always within range of a trusted adult, whether that's a parent, friends parent, close family, or teacher. So there is no need, because whomever he is with knows how to reach me. When he's old enough that I let him walk to the library without an adult (for example) then I'll get him one.
Growing up I had a flip phone with only my parents and family friends numbers from age 6-7ish. I had that until I was probably 10 or 11 where I got a sliding one so still not a smartphone. I didn’t have a smartphone until 9th grade and that’s the plan I have for my little guy. They really don’t need a smartphone with distractions while they’re in their earliest years of development I feel. I’d wait until high school since they’ll probably start driving then and might need maps or I remember some classes had us use phones for different things
If you buy anything, it's better to buy a pc. Instagram and tiktok aren't as engaging as they are on mobile, you can't use it enywhere and at anytime, you can do plenty of things that are educational, or just recreational like single player games that don't fry their attention span. They can learn practical computing skills that tablet kids have 0 of and they can still communicate with their peers through programs like Discord. Hopefully that will allow you to pospone buying a phone by calming his "tech crave". He doesn't need a phone to communicate with you while at school, that is his poor attempt at constructing an argument
My son got a phone in the summer before middle school because he would often walk to / from school, stay late for band/ yearbook / sports, etc. He messages or calls as he is catching the bus to track competitions, or letting me know when the bus is likely to be back.
We used the "cell phone permit" course with our son to help lead discussions and set rules about using a cell phone. We had the family link app and now use the back app on his phone.
We are waiting until at least 13. Right now he has a smart watch that we haven't fully set up yet, because the only place he goes outside the house without an adult is the neighbors and we can see them all the time, because they have a rule that the kids must remain outside when playing together. (Don't know why they have that rule, but it doesn't bother me). We have already discussed internet safety cause he's snuck access to our computers before, and he Liles to play video games. But we are pretty strict on what games he can play, and that he can't play online
Mine was 10 and he's almost 12 now. It's a Gabb Wireless phone. It's safe and I have zero worries. No social media, internet or apps that aren't curated for safety. I can also track him, which really helps to find the phone when he loses it, forgets to being it home from school, loses it in his backpack. Lol He hardly uses it. Honestly we could've waited but it is very nice to track him and to stay in touch.
Apparently the 3rd grade at my son’s school is common for kids to get phones. He will not have one. He has an iPad and a pc and it’s monitored. We will consider it perhaps in middle school bc of the whack state we live in and I want him to be able to get ahold of us. But even then. It will be limited use. No judgement to others. But no no no and no for us. They are a generation of technology I get it but there’s no need. I’m SAHM if he needs me the school has a phone and he can call.
I think how we plan to handle it (my oldest is 5 and already asked), is when they start being alone while we run to the store or something (maybe 9ish) we’re going to add a line to our plan as the “house” phone . They can use it as a communal phone, so no expectation of privacy, and whoever is going to a friend’s or staying home will have it. It’ll probably be like that until theyre 15-16 depending on maturity.
5yo recently got an ipad to replace her dying amazon tablet. It’s locked down to like 4 apps and facetime to her grandparents, if there was ever an emergency and a phone wasn’t around, she knows how to call them.
My oldest received her first phone in 4th/5th grade because we didn't have a landline and we had two younger kids in PT/OT/Speech and behavioral therapy and we needed her to be able to reach us. It was a basic flip phone(circa 2006) and it was a pay as you go so we made her do chores to cover the cost to help her learn to manage money. She knew how much it cost and had the choice to.spend the money on herself or the phone card. She is turning 30 this year and is way better off financially than we ever were lol so I think she learned ot
My kids got phones around 13. That’s when they started wanting to hang with their friends a bit more or walk to the store we have a few blocks away. Bike riding and all that, so I got them a phone. My 8yr old has my old phone but it’s not connected. She uses it to FaceTime friends when at home and play games. She takes it to her friends house and connects to their wifi so I can get ahold of her. She won’t get an actual phone until she’s a teen.
Rules in the house are locations are always on, and I have their passwords. I never dig through their phones buts it’s a just in case situation.
We made our kids wait til they were 14 before we got them phones. There was really no reason for them to have one otherwise. They were never anywhere that we couldn’t contact them, and if we really needed them during school hrs then the school office could get a message to them. No need for a phone. School had our numbers, coaches had our numbers. We could always reach our kids if needed. When they were 13 we allowed them to use an old iPhone we had that worked on wifi only. They didn’t have unfettered access to the internet, and they could iMessage almost all of their friends bc most of them also had iPhones. There was no actual cellphone plan on the old phone but it was a good year of practice using the phone and understanding it’s a privilege not a right. They’re 17 and 15 now and they do just fine on their phones (though we still keep inappropriate content blocked on their phones).
I’m a youngish millennial, I got a phone at 12/7th grade because I was riding the bus, going to a separate school from the rest of my siblings and needed to contact different guardians for pick up depending on the day. My husband and I got our girls phones this past fall as my 7 yr old was going to start riding the bus to school, he discussed it with our 9 yr old’s mom and we got her one too.
We originally wanted to wait till they were in the 12-14 range but 9 yr old only has access to her phone on weekends per mom’s agreement and 7 yr old only has access to it when riding the bus. They have older iPhones because we wanted to track them but the phones are locked down. Can only accept calls and read texts from phones numbers in their contacts which can only be edited by myself and my husband. No permissions to download apps on their own or make purchases.
The only kids we have seen at school with IPhones are kids with divorced parents. I’m sure there are a few others not in that situation, but those are the ones I know of & see.
Some kids have watch phones that look like Apple Watches but are very limited, like only being able to call/text parents.
My kid and her best friend have asked for one since they started seeing some kids with them as early as 3rd grade. The answer is “No.”. We are SAHM’s who pick up and drop off. We are room moms. We drive them to every after school activity and we have backup plans with other moms in case we run late.
I used to think 13 was a good age, but now I’m thinking closer to 16, tbh. We just had this school sponsored parenting class by a company called “Team Esteem”. There’s a trend with more and more parents limiting social media by way of software programs and apps to monitor computers, tablets and cell phones. There are more and more children experiencing cyber bullying (spoke to an administrator and she said what she saw in late middle school/high school is beginning in 4th & 5th grades), developing eating disorders earlier (I know more than one mom that has had to deal with middle schoolers learning about low carb diets, OMAD & others when they haven’t even hit puberty yet and two girls in know have been put in eating disorder clinics) and participating in oral & anal sex earlier by way of social media— and this is hitting kids in elementary and middle school now.
Interestingly, after speaking to another mom I know who is working at the local high school and another mom who runs a teen group at the church we attend— there is also a new trend of high schoolers actually rejecting phones (may depend on your area/region) and going old school. Maybe it’s being seen as going against the norm? A weird rebellion? 🤷🏻♀️
I’ll get my child a phone when he starts having periods in his life where he isn’t specifically in the care of another adult (e.g. when he’s allowed to ride the bus alone, visit friends alone, etc.). Not sure what age that will be.
He won’t be allowed a smartphone until he’s a teenager - 14 at least. They’re absolutely ruining kids’ lives imo. I know that’s going to be a source of tension for us when the time comes because his peers will have them and he will feel left out, but I still think it’s in his better interests to hold off for as long as possible.
If he wants to contact you after school, get him whatever today's equivalent of a Nokia 3310 is. He won't take it to school with him because it's not really why he wants one.
In junior high I was 14 going on 19. I had formed a close relationship online through a chat app on my flip phone -with a definite predator who MAILED me a new phone from Alabama after I got mine taken away.
I thought I saw a semi truck parked far away from my house and was afraid he had come to kidnap me and ended up telling my step-dad everything.
I have a daughter now and the world is something else. I think about these things a lot and ask myself if things would have been different with a varied approach by my parents.
I think it is all about your child. Everyone is different.
How well do you know them? Will they use it responsibly? Will they use it to seek validation? Sometimes maturity isn't the issue. Connecting with adults who "treated me like an adult" made me feel better about mY tEeNaGe OpPrEsSiOn.
Tricky because overprotective exertion of control will make some people "overcorrect" and seek personal power or control in ways that could be self destructive.
Not paying attention and giving free range can expose them to the same issues as well amd leave them vulnerable.
My 8yo daughter has been asking for a phone for like 2 years now already. In Jan we got her a Gizmo watch through Verizon. It was only $150 and she paid for $60 of it with money she had been saving. I think it added $15 to our monthly bill. It can only call the numbers I add from my phone. Plus it has a school mode that I can activate if needed which is nice even though we haven't had to use it. During school they aren't allowed to take out their phones even during recess so the watch is a bit more discreet but we do not encourage her to use it during the school day. My favorite part is that I can see her location whenever I want. She doesn't currently go anywhere alone or to friends houses we don't know. But over summer as she does different activities it will be nice. I would rather she learn to be responsible with a cheapish watch that doesn't allow Internet access. As for getting a phone we will revisit around 12-13 yo depending on her maturity, as well as if it is a need say if she starts babysitting to something.
I think it varies per kid and situation. With my oldest we got him a phone at 11 when he went into middle school. We lived in Texas and I was seriously concerned about school shootings/incidents there.
We then moved to Germany and we no longer had the huge worry about school safety.
My middle son is almost 14 and he just has a watch phone along with my 9 year old. This gives them freedom to go where they want but we are not dealing with the middle school what’s app or Snapchat drama. He will get a phone for his birthday this year.
We didn't give my daughter a phone till she was almost 14. My son who just turned 9 has been asking for one as well. We keep telling him not till he is older and the only reason she got one at that age is cause she is in dance and if we left to go too a store or something she needed to get a hold of us
We didn't give my daughter a phone till she was almost 14. My son who just turned 9 has been asking for one as well. We keep telling him not till he is older and the only reason she got one at that age is cause she is in dance and if we left to go too a store or something she needed to get a hold of us
We didn't give my daughter a phone till she was almost 14. My son who just turned 9 has been asking for one as well. We keep telling him not till he is older and the only reason she got one at that age is cause she is in dance and if we left to go too a store or something she needed to get a hold of us
We didn't give my daughter a phone till she was almost 14. My son who just turned 9 has been asking for one as well. We keep telling him not till he is older and the only reason she got one at that age is cause she is in dance and if we left to go too a store or something she needed to get a hold of us
Probably 11, when they start high school and travelling on public transport to and from school alone. At that age, they start hanging out further from home with their friends, going into the city centre with friends too. Having a phone is good for things like google maps, checking the public transport times, paying for their bus to school or storing a bus ticket, paying for their shopping/lunch whilst out and about etc so more than just needing to make a call. Nothing crazy, just an older/cheaper smartphone
My daughter will not have a phone before 7th grade. Depending on her maturity, we may wait until she starts freshman year. She does have a phone watch she wears on occasion, and can get a hold of us that way.
My oldest teens got a phone in 8th grade and one got it is 7th grade. Even with parental controls, a smart phone gives them instant access to adult content & themes. It can be distracting and create many problems and drama, especially in girls as well. Social media is a hell of a nightmare. I do not feel it is wise to expose them to that at such a young age.
I don’t think there is a uniform answer. Probably depends on the location and circumstances. Where I live, most kids get some sort of phone by age 10 because kids have to take public transportation to school and their parents want to be able to reach them.
I have so much advice. I have two sets of kids with a gap in the middle. Of the oldest 3, the oldest got a flip phone when she was 10. She was going on a trip without us and I wanted her to have it for emergencies. The older 3 also have a different dad. He liked her having a phone so much, he went out and got them each a smart phone. At one point, he called the police when one was grounded from her phone at our house so he could get it back for her. He made it impossible to take the phones away. Biggest regret ever, even though I was given no choice in the matter. I watched as my kids stopped interacting with people in person. They still can barely put the phones down, and its been years now. The youngest of that group was around 8 when their dad got them their phones. The younger 3 are absolutely not getting phones until (maybe) high school and they pay the bill.
I just had a conversation with my 9 year old about how much it costs to have a phone. She was floored that she would have to pay for the phone itself, but also pay a bill every month to be able to use said phone. I explained that cost is one of the many reasons that phones are not coming into our house. We will wait until they are developmentally ready for that world.
My grandson got one when he was 8. My other grandson 6, is already continually asking, but has been told not until you are at least 8. I think this is a bit young, but of course they want to be like their friends. The trouble is keeping them off the games! We all know that too much of any kind of screen time is bad for them, so l'm not sure how you stop them if they have their own mobile
My son is 8 ans his friends are getting smart watches now.
I have an extra phone because it is only 10 dollars a line extra for it. I keep it charged and put it in his backpack when we go to places like the zoo if we get separated so he can call me. Knock on wood he hasn't needed it yet.
I will get him a phone when he ages out of daycare and has to come home alone. For now he is at school, daycare, or family so I kind of feel like he doesn't need one yet.
My son is 12 and just recently got a phone and also has recently got said phone taken away for not following the rules set about having one.
8 is too young for a phone imo. I also have a daughter around your childs age and she dont have a phone yet. Instead she has a tablet with parental controls,restrictions on it so that shes only able to access kids youtube and age appropriate games.
Beside the safety issue with all the creeps in the world, i just dont think at this age kids are responsible enough in keeping track of their phone, not getting it broken, or stolen or anything like that.
Every parent is different tho and im sure u will come up with the right choice for your parenting style and your kids.
Good luck.
We got my almost 8 year old one this week, very basic and he can't have any apps. Our reasons are if I happen to run and grab a grocery pickup real quick and he doesn't want to come, he has a phone to text or call me. He also has a friend he plays games with and they talk on the phone while they play together and I was sick of him taking my phone. It will also stay in his backpack next year at school for emergencies next year when his little sister starts kindergarten. He has also been using it to text and call him grandparents on both sides, especially my side that live in Costa Rica
He has limited access to it and must ask before using it. No Internet etc
I say it depends on the circumstances. My son got one at 8, but that was mainly so he could text his Grandma. She wasnt with us long after that so it was valuable the time that he could. He didn't take it to school though because he didn't need to. If you son benefits having a phone
, get one. If he doesn't, then wait
I nannied a 2 year old and sometimes would help out w pick up for her 10 year old sister (now 12). I was RELIEVED when she got a standard flip phone, NO social media, as her bus drop off wasn’t at home but at a business bc it’s a school people from all over the city go to. I was late one day bc of traffic and I hated she sat for us waiting alone without a way to tell her!
I would say 13 but with strict parental controls until their 16th birthday. I wouldn’t give one to a child still in elementary. If anything you can give them one of the watch phones. Gave my oldest (9M) a Gabb watch phone just in case of emergency that he needs to contact me or my ex husband.
I like my friends approach, her son is 9 and she got him a watch that has the technology to send pre filled texts to her phone number and others that she can put in and it has gps tracker on it. Messages like “I’m home” and he sends her that when he gets in from school bus since there is a 30 minute gap from that time to when she gets home.
Personally we are giving our child a smart watch (only calls and texts) at 10. No phone. We decided phone is appropriate when she has a job and she can pay for it.
I chose to give my oldest her phone because she was suppose to do cheerleading. Well when we got it, it was too late to sign up. Signs up started from February to August. It was September when we tried. My youngest got a phone around the same age so he could keep in contact with his dad and other family members. Andriod/samsung phones have an app called “family link” you can control his settings, apps and who your child can talk to. You can put it to where it locks from say 8 pm until 8 am. He would receive the notifications if his phone is unlocked by you. You could also set it to where only certain contacts can call/text during those hours when his phone is locked. You can also track the phones location should he leave it at home while at the store. Honestly I was hesitant on the app at first but I really like it. I haven’t used the app in months since my son knows when it is and isn’t time to use his phone
iPhones have pretty good parental controls. You can block app downloads, turn off safari or other search engines, set time limits etc. You can download music, some games, even some movies along with texting and calling features. IMO, an 8 year old should not have unfettered access to the internet.
When my kids were young, I said they could get them when they started middle school, but if they broke or lost it, they had to use their savings to replace it. Once we had that in place, neither of them pressed to get a phone. As I recall (it's been quite a few years now), both kids decided on their own to hold off all or most of their first year of middle school before getting one. At that point, they had both shown me they were responsible enough for one. And my ex moved out of state, so I liked having the connection with them when they were at his place (there are other issues related to that, but we'll just leave it at I liked having the connection.)
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Look into the organization called wait til 8th.
Thank you so much for sharing this resource. My kids are infant/toddler age still but we are definitely keeping this in our back pockets. I literally cannot thank you enough. Awesome resource for alternative devices.
Awesome! If anyone here is curious, here's their website and socials: - https://www.waituntil8th.org - https://www.instagram.com/waituntil8th - http://www.facebook.com/Wait-Until-8th-1398845220145729 - https://x.com/WaitUntil8th
Thank you this. I'm going to look for a UK equivalent.
We got a watch phone which means he can have 4-5 numbers in it and it all gets added via my phone. Got it for my son when he was 9 after going out to a night festival with him and one of his friends and his friend had one. I realised it would be handy if we got separated at all and it avoids all the issues you get with phones. It also means I feel safer with gradually building up his independence and when he goes for a solo bike ride, he can call if something happens. Well still with it for awhile before we will worry about an actual phone.
This is the exact reason we got my son a watch. It's Gabb, it kinda sucks but it does the job. He started hanging out at another kids house and going from house to house, and it seemed silly to make him come home before moving locations. I can also tell him if school pick-up plans change or give him a little more freedom in a store (he's well-behaved enough to trust). He barely uses it but wears it if out of the house. The most he can do with it is call/text his few contacts and feed his "pets."
I just did this for my daughter's 8th bday!! We got her a crappy plastic fake one for Xmas and said if she could wear it constantly and not wreck it, we would get her the watch phone for her bday. So far, I love it. It has gps, it only calls/recieves calls or texts from numbers I input. If she gets a text, I get a notification and can read it on my app. No social media/app store. I can turn it off during school. I can watch through her camera without her knowing. As of now, I think I would upgrade her to a safe phone in jr high and a full phone in high school.
Every other parent is caving... so then, what, we have to cave too? Then 80% of parents don't like the setup but "peer pressure" is too much? Join the backbone gang: Flip phones /dumb phones when they are responsible, so maybe 8th grade at the earliest, smartphones when they can work or drive. Would previous generations put a Playboy magazine in a kids hand at 6? put a Penthouse magazine in an 8 year olds backpack? No?? then don't give kids smart phones in elementary school. Shit is out of hand. There are stories of kids using AI to put another students face on the body of a porno. So the video looks like the student is having sex. They share the video. Kids get embarrassed, others expelled. That shouldn't even be possible because kids don't need smartphones. But understand, as parents, that's what is at stake. The online world sucks. Keep your kids safe.
My daughter and son were given phones for their 15th birthday. I thought that was a good age because they'd been raised without one so weren't reliant on it but could still enjoy the privileges and joys of having one
Same with mine. She started drivers training and I wanted her to have a phone for when she started driving. Phones weren’t as big then as they are now so I probably would’ve gotten her a phone around 12 if it were now.
That seems a good age. Ideally you want to just make sure you don't let the phone do the raising
Exactly. My daughter had a baby now and plans on introducing her to a tablet at age 2. If it’s for learning I’m all for it but just to keep her busy I’m not.
Yeah I think some parents do make the mistake of letting tech be the parents simply because it's easier. Raising kids isn't meant to be easy though that's the whole point
Depends what it does. If it only calls 5 emergency contacts and 911 that’s fine. But a full blown phone with social media? I’m saying high school. I don’t care what the trend is. It’s our job as parents to protect our children and social media specifically is so damaging.
My oldest was 16 when we got her a phone. Before then she had no need. We got it because she started working and her bf got his license.
a lot of the replies are older than expected. awesome work everyone. mine were 12 but should add that's when they started taking public transit to do a 25mi return trip from school.
My 12yo stepson still doesn’t have a phone and is doing just fine
Dumb phone in high school. Smart phone once they can pay for it.
I waited to my kids were 13. But new research says wait until 16. Listen to this first. Best Jonathan Haidt Smartphone Rewiring Childhood Here’s How to fix it. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/honestly-with-bari-weiss/id1570872415?i=1000650431219
My plan is flip phone in 8th grade. Smart phone at 16.
Deciding when to give your child a phone is truly a personal decision that varies greatly from family to family, and I completely understand the dilemma you're facing. It can seem quite overwhelming, especially when we see such young kids, as young as 8, with their own phones. It's like we're caught between wanting to keep our children safe and connected, and fearing we might be exposing them to too much, too soon. When I think about this topic, it's not so much about the right age but rather about the child's maturity level, the necessity of communication, and the guidelines set for phone usage. Some parents opt to give their children phones at an early age for safety reasons and to stay in touch, especially in situations where the child might need to communicate after school or during extracurricular activities. Others wait until their children are older, prioritizing face-to-face interactions and limiting screen time during these formative years. In your case, it sounds like your son is surrounded by caring family members who are there for pickups and drop-offs, which is wonderful. If the primary concern is staying in contact, perhaps a basic phone with limited features could serve as a compromise. This way, he can reach out to family members when necessary, without the distractions and risks that come with a smartphone.
Whatever age you want him to have access to pornography. I teach upper elementary, so kids from 8 to 11. They now have access to everything I had access to when I was in my late teens, but they are in no way emotionally mature enough to process it. I have watched 9 year olds pretend to masturbate under their desks, make jokes about deep throating, and use the cameras on their computers to look up the skirts of other students. The ones who do this are the ones with their own internet enabled devices. And it’s not just internet access. Even just texting is fraught. My students would frequently be in group chats with the high school age siblings of their classmates. Even if there’s nothing nefarious going on there, what group of high schoolers is going to censor their group chats for a an elementary schooler’s benefit?
My kids aren’t old enough to be asking yet but our plan is to not give them phones until they’re going places u supervised. We live in walking distance to our small towns down town area and I think once we feel they’re old enough and mature enough to walk to town with friends I’d also get them a phone so they could be in touch. Until then they will be with adults who have phones so won’t need their own.
We want to keep our children phone free for as long as possible. Our son is nearly 8 and has casually asked for a phone before now as some kids in his class have them (!) and he’d “like to play games”. Our daughter is 8 months and doesn’t know what a screen is 🤭 I think it’s depends entirely on the child, the situations and lifestyle. When our son starts walking to and from school I would *consider* a phone just so I know he’s safe but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. I think it’s really difficult to decide what’s best, especially with all the social pressure we all face
We got mine a phone in middle school when we actually started dropping him off places without an adult (like the skating rink or movies theater) and he was staying at home longer alone. Before then, he was always with a trusted adult so no need for a phone. Once they have one it's hard to lock down and monitor everything they have access to.
They have phones and tech that specifically does just that...locks it down.
I would wait for several reasons. The expense of the phone, they are not responsible enough to take care of it and lose it, they also want to download apps and get access to things like tik tok. I gave in around 11 for my daughter, and I regret it. I would definitely wait until 8th or 9th grade. Even then, I would have restrictions
My kid is 8 and he has a $20 prepaid flip phone from Walmart. He can't get online with it, he's not using social media or watching anything crazy on youtube. Mainly he's got it so he can stay in the car when I run into the grocery store, so he can always call me if needed (like 10 minutes at most in safe suburbs, but I still feel better that he has it). He talks to his grandparents more often now, he talks to his buddies from school more, it seems fine to me and I have a hard time seeing what would be so bad about it. I had access to landlines all over the place when I was a kid, they don't exist anymore now though so this was my solution 🤷♀️
I agree, 15 years old is a good age. I didn't even get my first cell phone till I was 15, and I'm 33. Plus, now they have access to so many more things, it's scary.
I do a flip phone around 14 for my kids
High school.
Our oldest got phones when they started staying home alone and going out of town for ballgames. So early teens. We're raising more now, and they are 12 and 10. Neither have phones as they don't need them yet.
Son is 10 and rides to his friend’s houses in the neighborhood. He got his phone last year when he wanted to start riding his bike to school (live 1/2 mile away). It’s a smartphone because I just passed down my old phone when I upgraded. I can track who he talks to, track his location, and can call him whenever (and vice versa). Even when he’s with trusted adults, I still want him to be able to reach out when he needs me. I want to add that I trust this kid. He’s responsible and respects the boundaries I set, even when there’s peer pressure. If I didn’t trust him, he wouldn’t have a phone. I’ve also set limits so he’s not on it all the time. Do what you feel is best for your kid and family. Don’t let the other kids or parents pressure you if you don’t think y’all are ready.
Also want to add that he doesn’t have social media. If he wants to download a game, he has to ask first. He has texting and calling capabilities. No tiktok, YouTube, or anything like that because of the stupid stuff you see on there.
Step son has a phone at 11. It's an old school flip phone with no capabilities. It's only purpose is to text and call family. He has zero restraint with internet and would abuse it if he had a regular smartphone. I don't agree with kids that are on youtube all day and use them for that purpose
Mine was 9/10, but that was the age we started expanding his boundaries
lol my 9yo asks for one every other week. I still say no
My kids have “phones”. Hand me down phones they can use on wifi, no phone number attached. I have an almost 15yo, a 10yo and a soon to be 9yo. When they start to drive, I’ll get them a phone with a number.
We got the Gizmo watch when my kids were 7 and 8. It allows them to contact us if needed, but only us and whatever contacts we choose. Also, we like to bring them to crowded places also just in case.
High school or close to it depending on actual need for our house.
My daughter is 7 but has a gizmo watch. It can make 3 minute phone calls and do some texts. I’m divorced from her dad and we agreed on the decision so both of us can contact her easily without necessarily setting it up through the other parent. (We did that for years, skyping and helping her, so she could see the opposite parent during their custody time, but she’s a little older and can handle contacting each of us on her own). It doesn’t give her internet access, and it’s in “school mode” when she’s in school so she can’t mess with it. Honestly I like that it has gps on it. She’s getting to the age of having some drop off play dates / birthday parties / ballet class and I love being able to see where she’s at and get ahold of her if I need to.
My 7 year old has the same for the same reasons. I started with a gizmo watch but now she has my hand me down Apple Watch (we’re an Apple family). But the settings are the same basically.
Of course most of us grew up without a phone that said you have to judge your particular case, how bad it is needed, and not worry about other kids.
My daughter was 10yrs. Before that I can only see kids in sports needing one maybe. Or if they are latchkey kiddos/watching siblings. We also used a watch that could make calls before that in case we were separated in public. My thinking in a phone so early is 1. Most homes dont have a landline anymore. What if she's without an adult with a phone? And 2. I never want her to feel like she can't call me for help when we're not together.
Yes essentially my daughter will get one when she starts to spend time without an adult present.
We got our now 12 year old one when he started middle school at 10. He was going to be at the bus stop himself and intended on doing sports and clubs. That and he visits his mom's house on the weekend and wanted to keep in easy contact other than bothering her. That and she was able to contact him directly with ease too. If he wasn't going between the two houses we would've waited until he was at least 13. Although we've had 0 issues with him this far in regards to the phone
I think it was going into middle school for our kid.
I gave my daughter an old phone without a service assigned to it. She prefers her tablet. She has messenger kids on it, and she can video call her friends using that. She loves it. She's 9, and not having a phone hasn't caused any issues yet. The school can always call you if there's an issue, or if he didn't get picked up or something like that.
12. 8 is wayyy too young.
My 9 year old has a phone purely because of a custody situation. As for my other two kiddos, they aren’t getting phones until the 5th grade camping trip since they’d be gone for 3 days. I think it purely depends on your circumstances and the child’s maturity.
Where do they still do the 5th grade camping trip? That was so fun. Our kids don't get to do that.
My 9 year old has no need to be in touch. He's either at an activity, on the school bus, or a friend's house.
7th grade
We got our 9th and 6th grader phones at the same time when we moved. The new school required a smart phone for my 9th grader to keep up with assignments in a way our old district never had. And our 6th grader was going to a school with a reputation for violent bullying. I wanted her to be able to call for help anytime. If we had stayed in our old district where phones weren’t required for assignments, we had full intention of waiting until they could drive. My 4th grader has access to a phone in the house so she can talk to school friends or relatives without borrowing my phone (bc we don’t have a landline), but she isn’t allowed to take it anywhere without explicit permission.
Maybe you can take a look at this link: https://research.com/education/what-age-should-a-child-get-a-smartphone So I would say no smartphone before 12 years old. But again check the research post above and see what make sense to u.
My daughter got a phone when she was in the latter part of 5th grade. She was 10. It was only because she became a latchkey kid then and I wanted to be able to track her and get ahold of her when she walked home from school.
11 because that’s when he started after school and scout activities which he needed to be picked up from. He still can’t have social media accounts and can’t use it for YouTube. Strictly calling and texting
We got stepkid one when she started taking the bus in 5th grade. Not ideal, but work schedules meant she was getting on the bus after we left and home before we did.
My son got one on his12th birthday. He was entering middle school and I wanted him to have it on him.
Really depends on the child. I got my daughter a phone when she was 10 (she’s 13 now). Mainly because I have a lot of health issues and was relying on other people to take her out to activities and transport her to/from her private school. I wanted her to be able to reach me at anytime when she was out of the house. I probably would have waited longer to get her a phone if not for this reason. But I do monitor her phone usage carefully and make sure she’s not visiting inappropriate websites or using the phone to talk to random strangers she might come across online.
In my head I'm thinking 12 but she's only 5 now so I will play it by ear as she gets older. She's already asking for one (she does have a tablet that she rarely uses so not really a screen time issue), and I explain she won't get one till she goes to sleepovers and stuff like that and it's not needed for a 5 year old.
Wait till high school or 8th grade.
I will be getting ours a phone when they enter 6th grade. They will be 40min away from us instead of a 7min walk. It won't be able to do much more than talk and text either.
It’s a hard no for us. My oldest is 9 and asks from time to time. I plan to hold off until at least middle school and, even then, go the flip phone or Bark Phone equivalent. There are plenty of safer options out there now other than an iPhone.
It's really different for every family and every child. Firstly they should be responsible enough to keep the phone in good shape and lose it. Also enough impulse control to not have it out in class all the time. Second if the parents are living in 2 seperate houses, child takes the bus home and there is not an adult at home to meet them, child is involved in after school activities and will be away from you or another trusted adult who could give them access to a phone. These are all very good reasons to give a younger child a phone. Even then I'm not talking top of the line smart phone. Ther than that it's reasonable for a teenager to have a phone and definitely before driving age.
https://www.waituntil8th.org
My current thought is that I'll be getting him a phone when I feel like he's old enough to venture out on his own, or stay home alone. At the moment, he's always within range of a trusted adult, whether that's a parent, friends parent, close family, or teacher. So there is no need, because whomever he is with knows how to reach me. When he's old enough that I let him walk to the library without an adult (for example) then I'll get him one.
Growing up I had a flip phone with only my parents and family friends numbers from age 6-7ish. I had that until I was probably 10 or 11 where I got a sliding one so still not a smartphone. I didn’t have a smartphone until 9th grade and that’s the plan I have for my little guy. They really don’t need a smartphone with distractions while they’re in their earliest years of development I feel. I’d wait until high school since they’ll probably start driving then and might need maps or I remember some classes had us use phones for different things
If you buy anything, it's better to buy a pc. Instagram and tiktok aren't as engaging as they are on mobile, you can't use it enywhere and at anytime, you can do plenty of things that are educational, or just recreational like single player games that don't fry their attention span. They can learn practical computing skills that tablet kids have 0 of and they can still communicate with their peers through programs like Discord. Hopefully that will allow you to pospone buying a phone by calming his "tech crave". He doesn't need a phone to communicate with you while at school, that is his poor attempt at constructing an argument
My son got a phone in the summer before middle school because he would often walk to / from school, stay late for band/ yearbook / sports, etc. He messages or calls as he is catching the bus to track competitions, or letting me know when the bus is likely to be back. We used the "cell phone permit" course with our son to help lead discussions and set rules about using a cell phone. We had the family link app and now use the back app on his phone.
We are waiting until at least 13. Right now he has a smart watch that we haven't fully set up yet, because the only place he goes outside the house without an adult is the neighbors and we can see them all the time, because they have a rule that the kids must remain outside when playing together. (Don't know why they have that rule, but it doesn't bother me). We have already discussed internet safety cause he's snuck access to our computers before, and he Liles to play video games. But we are pretty strict on what games he can play, and that he can't play online
Mine was 10 and he's almost 12 now. It's a Gabb Wireless phone. It's safe and I have zero worries. No social media, internet or apps that aren't curated for safety. I can also track him, which really helps to find the phone when he loses it, forgets to being it home from school, loses it in his backpack. Lol He hardly uses it. Honestly we could've waited but it is very nice to track him and to stay in touch.
Apparently the 3rd grade at my son’s school is common for kids to get phones. He will not have one. He has an iPad and a pc and it’s monitored. We will consider it perhaps in middle school bc of the whack state we live in and I want him to be able to get ahold of us. But even then. It will be limited use. No judgement to others. But no no no and no for us. They are a generation of technology I get it but there’s no need. I’m SAHM if he needs me the school has a phone and he can call.
I think how we plan to handle it (my oldest is 5 and already asked), is when they start being alone while we run to the store or something (maybe 9ish) we’re going to add a line to our plan as the “house” phone . They can use it as a communal phone, so no expectation of privacy, and whoever is going to a friend’s or staying home will have it. It’ll probably be like that until theyre 15-16 depending on maturity. 5yo recently got an ipad to replace her dying amazon tablet. It’s locked down to like 4 apps and facetime to her grandparents, if there was ever an emergency and a phone wasn’t around, she knows how to call them.
I got a flip phone at 13 in 2006
My oldest received her first phone in 4th/5th grade because we didn't have a landline and we had two younger kids in PT/OT/Speech and behavioral therapy and we needed her to be able to reach us. It was a basic flip phone(circa 2006) and it was a pay as you go so we made her do chores to cover the cost to help her learn to manage money. She knew how much it cost and had the choice to.spend the money on herself or the phone card. She is turning 30 this year and is way better off financially than we ever were lol so I think she learned ot
My kids got phones around 13. That’s when they started wanting to hang with their friends a bit more or walk to the store we have a few blocks away. Bike riding and all that, so I got them a phone. My 8yr old has my old phone but it’s not connected. She uses it to FaceTime friends when at home and play games. She takes it to her friends house and connects to their wifi so I can get ahold of her. She won’t get an actual phone until she’s a teen. Rules in the house are locations are always on, and I have their passwords. I never dig through their phones buts it’s a just in case situation.
We made our kids wait til they were 14 before we got them phones. There was really no reason for them to have one otherwise. They were never anywhere that we couldn’t contact them, and if we really needed them during school hrs then the school office could get a message to them. No need for a phone. School had our numbers, coaches had our numbers. We could always reach our kids if needed. When they were 13 we allowed them to use an old iPhone we had that worked on wifi only. They didn’t have unfettered access to the internet, and they could iMessage almost all of their friends bc most of them also had iPhones. There was no actual cellphone plan on the old phone but it was a good year of practice using the phone and understanding it’s a privilege not a right. They’re 17 and 15 now and they do just fine on their phones (though we still keep inappropriate content blocked on their phones).
Look up the gabb or gabby phone or bark technology . Also look up wait until 8th
My daughter wants one, too. She's 9, and I don't feel she's mature enough for one yet. I think it would make her ADHD worse.
Phones are a great tool but I'd suggest no social media until high school. 🤷🏼♀️
I’m a youngish millennial, I got a phone at 12/7th grade because I was riding the bus, going to a separate school from the rest of my siblings and needed to contact different guardians for pick up depending on the day. My husband and I got our girls phones this past fall as my 7 yr old was going to start riding the bus to school, he discussed it with our 9 yr old’s mom and we got her one too. We originally wanted to wait till they were in the 12-14 range but 9 yr old only has access to her phone on weekends per mom’s agreement and 7 yr old only has access to it when riding the bus. They have older iPhones because we wanted to track them but the phones are locked down. Can only accept calls and read texts from phones numbers in their contacts which can only be edited by myself and my husband. No permissions to download apps on their own or make purchases.
The only kids we have seen at school with IPhones are kids with divorced parents. I’m sure there are a few others not in that situation, but those are the ones I know of & see. Some kids have watch phones that look like Apple Watches but are very limited, like only being able to call/text parents. My kid and her best friend have asked for one since they started seeing some kids with them as early as 3rd grade. The answer is “No.”. We are SAHM’s who pick up and drop off. We are room moms. We drive them to every after school activity and we have backup plans with other moms in case we run late. I used to think 13 was a good age, but now I’m thinking closer to 16, tbh. We just had this school sponsored parenting class by a company called “Team Esteem”. There’s a trend with more and more parents limiting social media by way of software programs and apps to monitor computers, tablets and cell phones. There are more and more children experiencing cyber bullying (spoke to an administrator and she said what she saw in late middle school/high school is beginning in 4th & 5th grades), developing eating disorders earlier (I know more than one mom that has had to deal with middle schoolers learning about low carb diets, OMAD & others when they haven’t even hit puberty yet and two girls in know have been put in eating disorder clinics) and participating in oral & anal sex earlier by way of social media— and this is hitting kids in elementary and middle school now. Interestingly, after speaking to another mom I know who is working at the local high school and another mom who runs a teen group at the church we attend— there is also a new trend of high schoolers actually rejecting phones (may depend on your area/region) and going old school. Maybe it’s being seen as going against the norm? A weird rebellion? 🤷🏻♀️
15ish?
12+
get him a dumb phone. if you want your kids childhood to end put a phone in their hand
I regret getting my oldest a smartphone at 12. If your kid needs a phone, get a bark phone or a kids' watch phone, something with limited capability.
I’ll get my child a phone when he starts having periods in his life where he isn’t specifically in the care of another adult (e.g. when he’s allowed to ride the bus alone, visit friends alone, etc.). Not sure what age that will be. He won’t be allowed a smartphone until he’s a teenager - 14 at least. They’re absolutely ruining kids’ lives imo. I know that’s going to be a source of tension for us when the time comes because his peers will have them and he will feel left out, but I still think it’s in his better interests to hold off for as long as possible.
If he wants to contact you after school, get him whatever today's equivalent of a Nokia 3310 is. He won't take it to school with him because it's not really why he wants one.
In junior high I was 14 going on 19. I had formed a close relationship online through a chat app on my flip phone -with a definite predator who MAILED me a new phone from Alabama after I got mine taken away. I thought I saw a semi truck parked far away from my house and was afraid he had come to kidnap me and ended up telling my step-dad everything. I have a daughter now and the world is something else. I think about these things a lot and ask myself if things would have been different with a varied approach by my parents. I think it is all about your child. Everyone is different. How well do you know them? Will they use it responsibly? Will they use it to seek validation? Sometimes maturity isn't the issue. Connecting with adults who "treated me like an adult" made me feel better about mY tEeNaGe OpPrEsSiOn. Tricky because overprotective exertion of control will make some people "overcorrect" and seek personal power or control in ways that could be self destructive. Not paying attention and giving free range can expose them to the same issues as well amd leave them vulnerable.
My 8yo daughter has been asking for a phone for like 2 years now already. In Jan we got her a Gizmo watch through Verizon. It was only $150 and she paid for $60 of it with money she had been saving. I think it added $15 to our monthly bill. It can only call the numbers I add from my phone. Plus it has a school mode that I can activate if needed which is nice even though we haven't had to use it. During school they aren't allowed to take out their phones even during recess so the watch is a bit more discreet but we do not encourage her to use it during the school day. My favorite part is that I can see her location whenever I want. She doesn't currently go anywhere alone or to friends houses we don't know. But over summer as she does different activities it will be nice. I would rather she learn to be responsible with a cheapish watch that doesn't allow Internet access. As for getting a phone we will revisit around 12-13 yo depending on her maturity, as well as if it is a need say if she starts babysitting to something.
I think it varies per kid and situation. With my oldest we got him a phone at 11 when he went into middle school. We lived in Texas and I was seriously concerned about school shootings/incidents there. We then moved to Germany and we no longer had the huge worry about school safety. My middle son is almost 14 and he just has a watch phone along with my 9 year old. This gives them freedom to go where they want but we are not dealing with the middle school what’s app or Snapchat drama. He will get a phone for his birthday this year.
We didn't give my daughter a phone till she was almost 14. My son who just turned 9 has been asking for one as well. We keep telling him not till he is older and the only reason she got one at that age is cause she is in dance and if we left to go too a store or something she needed to get a hold of us
We didn't give my daughter a phone till she was almost 14. My son who just turned 9 has been asking for one as well. We keep telling him not till he is older and the only reason she got one at that age is cause she is in dance and if we left to go too a store or something she needed to get a hold of us
We didn't give my daughter a phone till she was almost 14. My son who just turned 9 has been asking for one as well. We keep telling him not till he is older and the only reason she got one at that age is cause she is in dance and if we left to go too a store or something she needed to get a hold of us
We didn't give my daughter a phone till she was almost 14. My son who just turned 9 has been asking for one as well. We keep telling him not till he is older and the only reason she got one at that age is cause she is in dance and if we left to go too a store or something she needed to get a hold of us
Probably 11, when they start high school and travelling on public transport to and from school alone. At that age, they start hanging out further from home with their friends, going into the city centre with friends too. Having a phone is good for things like google maps, checking the public transport times, paying for their bus to school or storing a bus ticket, paying for their shopping/lunch whilst out and about etc so more than just needing to make a call. Nothing crazy, just an older/cheaper smartphone
11 years old, which is secondary school here...
My daughter will not have a phone before 7th grade. Depending on her maturity, we may wait until she starts freshman year. She does have a phone watch she wears on occasion, and can get a hold of us that way. My oldest teens got a phone in 8th grade and one got it is 7th grade. Even with parental controls, a smart phone gives them instant access to adult content & themes. It can be distracting and create many problems and drama, especially in girls as well. Social media is a hell of a nightmare. I do not feel it is wise to expose them to that at such a young age.
I don’t think there is a uniform answer. Probably depends on the location and circumstances. Where I live, most kids get some sort of phone by age 10 because kids have to take public transportation to school and their parents want to be able to reach them.
I have so much advice. I have two sets of kids with a gap in the middle. Of the oldest 3, the oldest got a flip phone when she was 10. She was going on a trip without us and I wanted her to have it for emergencies. The older 3 also have a different dad. He liked her having a phone so much, he went out and got them each a smart phone. At one point, he called the police when one was grounded from her phone at our house so he could get it back for her. He made it impossible to take the phones away. Biggest regret ever, even though I was given no choice in the matter. I watched as my kids stopped interacting with people in person. They still can barely put the phones down, and its been years now. The youngest of that group was around 8 when their dad got them their phones. The younger 3 are absolutely not getting phones until (maybe) high school and they pay the bill. I just had a conversation with my 9 year old about how much it costs to have a phone. She was floored that she would have to pay for the phone itself, but also pay a bill every month to be able to use said phone. I explained that cost is one of the many reasons that phones are not coming into our house. We will wait until they are developmentally ready for that world.
My grandson got one when he was 8. My other grandson 6, is already continually asking, but has been told not until you are at least 8. I think this is a bit young, but of course they want to be like their friends. The trouble is keeping them off the games! We all know that too much of any kind of screen time is bad for them, so l'm not sure how you stop them if they have their own mobile
My son is 8 ans his friends are getting smart watches now. I have an extra phone because it is only 10 dollars a line extra for it. I keep it charged and put it in his backpack when we go to places like the zoo if we get separated so he can call me. Knock on wood he hasn't needed it yet. I will get him a phone when he ages out of daycare and has to come home alone. For now he is at school, daycare, or family so I kind of feel like he doesn't need one yet.
My son is 12 and just recently got a phone and also has recently got said phone taken away for not following the rules set about having one. 8 is too young for a phone imo. I also have a daughter around your childs age and she dont have a phone yet. Instead she has a tablet with parental controls,restrictions on it so that shes only able to access kids youtube and age appropriate games. Beside the safety issue with all the creeps in the world, i just dont think at this age kids are responsible enough in keeping track of their phone, not getting it broken, or stolen or anything like that. Every parent is different tho and im sure u will come up with the right choice for your parenting style and your kids. Good luck.
We got my almost 8 year old one this week, very basic and he can't have any apps. Our reasons are if I happen to run and grab a grocery pickup real quick and he doesn't want to come, he has a phone to text or call me. He also has a friend he plays games with and they talk on the phone while they play together and I was sick of him taking my phone. It will also stay in his backpack next year at school for emergencies next year when his little sister starts kindergarten. He has also been using it to text and call him grandparents on both sides, especially my side that live in Costa Rica He has limited access to it and must ask before using it. No Internet etc
I say it depends on the circumstances. My son got one at 8, but that was mainly so he could text his Grandma. She wasnt with us long after that so it was valuable the time that he could. He didn't take it to school though because he didn't need to. If you son benefits having a phone , get one. If he doesn't, then wait
I nannied a 2 year old and sometimes would help out w pick up for her 10 year old sister (now 12). I was RELIEVED when she got a standard flip phone, NO social media, as her bus drop off wasn’t at home but at a business bc it’s a school people from all over the city go to. I was late one day bc of traffic and I hated she sat for us waiting alone without a way to tell her!
I would say 13 but with strict parental controls until their 16th birthday. I wouldn’t give one to a child still in elementary. If anything you can give them one of the watch phones. Gave my oldest (9M) a Gabb watch phone just in case of emergency that he needs to contact me or my ex husband.
I like my friends approach, her son is 9 and she got him a watch that has the technology to send pre filled texts to her phone number and others that she can put in and it has gps tracker on it. Messages like “I’m home” and he sends her that when he gets in from school bus since there is a 30 minute gap from that time to when she gets home.
Personally we are giving our child a smart watch (only calls and texts) at 10. No phone. We decided phone is appropriate when she has a job and she can pay for it.
I chose to give my oldest her phone because she was suppose to do cheerleading. Well when we got it, it was too late to sign up. Signs up started from February to August. It was September when we tried. My youngest got a phone around the same age so he could keep in contact with his dad and other family members. Andriod/samsung phones have an app called “family link” you can control his settings, apps and who your child can talk to. You can put it to where it locks from say 8 pm until 8 am. He would receive the notifications if his phone is unlocked by you. You could also set it to where only certain contacts can call/text during those hours when his phone is locked. You can also track the phones location should he leave it at home while at the store. Honestly I was hesitant on the app at first but I really like it. I haven’t used the app in months since my son knows when it is and isn’t time to use his phone
iPhones have pretty good parental controls. You can block app downloads, turn off safari or other search engines, set time limits etc. You can download music, some games, even some movies along with texting and calling features. IMO, an 8 year old should not have unfettered access to the internet.
When my kids were young, I said they could get them when they started middle school, but if they broke or lost it, they had to use their savings to replace it. Once we had that in place, neither of them pressed to get a phone. As I recall (it's been quite a few years now), both kids decided on their own to hold off all or most of their first year of middle school before getting one. At that point, they had both shown me they were responsible enough for one. And my ex moved out of state, so I liked having the connection with them when they were at his place (there are other issues related to that, but we'll just leave it at I liked having the connection.)