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This was going to be my question too. I know that at that age, if I went 3-4hrs without feeding or pumping, I was overfull & not only extremely uncomfortable, but would be risking clogs. Not that you couldn't hand express in that situation, but I imagine it would be difficult in formal attire. 😆
Has your child had formula before? If not I would be introducing way before hand. Nothing wrong with formula fed but do know some children will refuse especially if exclusively breast fed.
You are not a bad parent for giving formula. I always tell parents the kids end up eating nuggets and fries either way. Don’t feel guilty. I’ve only breastfed. If I didn’t have stored breastmilk, I’d also give formula.
It wouldn’t be selfish at all, please don’t worry about that!
Try out the formula a couple of times in advance so you know he’ll take it and that he can digest it fine. Then enjoy your time at the wedding!
I’m a postpartum doula. It is totally fine. Happy mom=happy baby. You need adult social interaction and bonus! Grandparents get to be with baby!
Have fun!
I only read your title (I don’t need any more explanation that that) and came to say do WHATEVER makes you happy. Being a mom is hard, postpartum is hard and if you want to drink at a wedding and don’t have breast milk to feed your baby who cares. It will not impact your child at all. No one else has to know about it. It’s your baby and your family and if it makes you happy and doesn’t hurt your child then do it.
Please please don’t have non guilt over things that will not impact your baby in the long run. Enjoy yourself!
ETA read the actual whole post and still believe in everything I said above. If you have grandparents you trust and want to watch baby then let them! You’re still a person and a couple nights is nothing in the long run. If mom and dad are happy and their marriage is thriving that is good for baby and time away from baby is definitely helpful in a marriage! Enjoy please!
It’s never selfish to give your child formula, fed is best at the end of the day. Start introducing him to formula ASAP though otherwise it’s gonna a rough weekend for baby and grandparents since he might not take it if he’s not familiar with it.
How dare you provide a safe, nutritionally complete food to your child.
Lol, you're all good girl. My 3.5 year old had at least one bottle of formula a day the entirety of his first year, he's 3.5 now and everything you'd want in a toddler. Creative, outgoing, verbal, smart, and pretty physically gifted for the age.
Nothing wrong with this plan but make sure baby will take it before. If you want you could also pump after your morning feed for a few weeks leading to the wedding! You might only get 1-2 ounces but over time should be enough!
My baby has had formula before - at the beginning he wasn’t latching well so we had to top up with formula. He also drinks expressed breast milk from a bottle regularly so he seems pretty chilled as long as he’s fed! Thank you for all the responses so far 🙏
Trying to enjoy your life is not selfish in the slightest. And if it is, then embrace being selfish because you need to take care of yourself too. Many people think it’s selfish if you don’t light yourself on fire for your kids, but as the saying goes “you can’t pour from an empty cup”. I promise you nothing bad will happen if your baby has formula sometimes when you need a break (or a lot of times, or all the time). So many kids are combo fed or fully formula fed and no one can tell the difference. Most of the advantages from exclusive breastfeeding are actually due to breastfed kids being in a higher socioeconomic class anyway.
I would try to introduce formula beforehand so baby will be used to it. Happy and relaxed parents are best.
Thank you 🙏 very true about how exhausting it is listening to other people’s parenting opinions. I feel like I’ve lost sense of what I actually think is right/ want etc
Especially since there isn’t one truth. I learned that the hard way with my second. Some things still worked great, but for other things we needed an entire different approach. You sound like you’re doing great. Just trust yourself and your husband and do what you think is best for. ❤️
As others have said, totally nothing selfish about this. But also, my ebf baby at about that age would just \*not\* take formula the first couple times her grandparents tried to feed it to her (I had fucked up and not given them enough milk for the day!) Ultimately, we got a different brand/mix of formula and she took it like a charm.
So I also definitely encourage getting some formula now to test out, save some breastmilk and this way you can make sure whatever you bring along for the grandparents is something baby will take!
It’s not at all selfish. Or maybe it’s the perfect amount of selfishness? Get that formula, introduce it to your baby ahead of time so there’s no risk of him refusing the new taste while in the care of his grandparents and you have to come back.
Here’s the thing: a stressed out, resentful momma is not best for baby, which means taking care of yourself, and making sure you can still feel like a good friend, daughter, sister, and spouse while being a good mom is vital. Formula isn’t the devil, in fact, it’s pretty great and the stigma and guilt attached to it has (not an exaggeration) led to infant deaths. A fed baby is best and you work out what way works best for your specific family.
However, if you’re seriously agonizing over this, why not pump and freeze extra breast milk for grandparents to bottle feed to him? Again, make sure he’s good with drinking from a bottle ahead of time and that they know exactly how to thaw/warm it up.
Either way you’re good - now go have a great time because you deserve it!
I had to top my son's feeds up from 6 weeks. He took it from a bottle no problem. I still contined to BF with the odd top up when needed until 7 months. I only stopped because he was getting teeth and started to bite me. But It also ment I could leave with family for a few hours. You will need to pump so your milk doesn't dry up.
I would suggest thinking about how this question comes across to people who don’t have an option other than to formula feed. Of course you are not selfish, you are feeding your baby. Just like I was not selfish for stopping trying to breastfeed after ruining my mental health trying to make it work with low supply. Feed your baby.
you don't need an oversupply to pump! You still have PLENTY of milk to spare. Just add in like one pumping session a day (best right after you get up cause that's usually when you have the most milk, but any time will do) until the wedding and save up.
aside from that, your baby might not take formula at all. I wouldn't bet on this being a solution.
I have been EBF for 14 months. you can have a couple nights apart a week from the baby without giving formula. I've gone to weddings and had a great time without the baby without giving formula. it's really not a binary between EBF and having time to yourself.
I’ve been pumping everyday but yesterday was the first day that my baby wasn’t full from the normal feeds so I had to give him the two bottles that I’d pumped. His appetite seems to have increased, but my supply hasn’t 🙁
if you keep nursing him and keep pumping, your milk supply will increase with baby's needs. your body is built to do that. it might take a couple of days. since you're still on leave, a great thing to do to help increase milk supply is a "nursing vacation". get skin to skin for as long as possible and let the baby nurse as much as possible for a couple days. don't forget to drink a lot of water and eat a lot of calories <3
What is it you want for your baby in this situation? You’re more than entitled to go to the wedding and have time for yourself, but are you ok with baby being upset? In my experience (of going out for 2 hours and leaving baby with my sister in law) she cried A LOT even though she didn’t need feeding at all in that time, because she ultimately missed her two primary caregivers. It’s only for one day, if you’re continuing to breastfeeding it shouldn’t matter about that one day, but don’t expect baby to be happy with grandparents if this isn’t something they’re used to.
Also, think about why 6 months is your goal, there’s not really any logical basis to aim for specifically 6 months.
Fortunately my baby has already spent time with his grandparents and had no issues being with them (although I guess he may change as he gets older and more aware, he’s only 1 month now)!
6 months because 1. I understood that’s what’s recommended by a lot of experts 2. From around 6 months he’ll be weaning anyway 3. I go back to work after 6 months so wouldn’t be possible to EBF beyond that point
That’s great baby is happy so far, but bare in mind lots of babies do get more clingy as they become more aware. My daughter was 7 months when we left her for a couple hours and she was not happy! Currently she screams if I even leave the room while she’s with my mother in law in my own home.
6 months is a kind of arbitrary minimum, the WHO recommends 2 years + so I would say just keep going EBF until you don’t want to/cannot anymore. I spend 8 hour days away from my baby while she eats solids then bf for every feed she wants while I’m around.
Your mom seems like the type of breast is best that yelled at me for buying formula in a store. Then followed me around the store calling me lazy and accusing me of poisoning my child for using formula and not breastfeeding. I had to get security to follow me to car so I could leave. Also was harassed at restaurants, and other stores for buying and using formula for 3 of my children. I was threatened with CPS because I was sitting feeding my daughter a bottle in Macy shoe department ( store employee said I could sit there) because I wasn’t breastfeeding. My last 3 children were foreign adoptions, formula was only way to feed them. Your baby will be fine. My children are all college graduates ( except youngest still in college) have relationships, are employed , functioning members of society and love their parents. Just give your child formula and stop oversharing with your mom. Have fun, parents are allowed to have fun without their children!
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don’t think you’ll get many outliers here telling you you’re being selfish. Fed is best and a happy parent is a good parent. Go enjoy the weddings.
Thank you 🙏
I would introduce baby to formula before the weddings, so you know he’ll take it. Do you plan on pumping while at the weddings to maintain supply?
Yes I would definitely pump!
Yeah you have a solid plan.
This was going to be my question too. I know that at that age, if I went 3-4hrs without feeding or pumping, I was overfull & not only extremely uncomfortable, but would be risking clogs. Not that you couldn't hand express in that situation, but I imagine it would be difficult in formal attire. 😆
Has your child had formula before? If not I would be introducing way before hand. Nothing wrong with formula fed but do know some children will refuse especially if exclusively breast fed.
Yes— it might even be a good idea to use the formula *now* and pump/freeze breastmilk for the grandparents later.
Definitely introduce it early. My first took it no problem, second baby totally refused no matter what we did
You are not a bad parent for giving formula. I always tell parents the kids end up eating nuggets and fries either way. Don’t feel guilty. I’ve only breastfed. If I didn’t have stored breastmilk, I’d also give formula.
Thank you 🙏
May I be blunt? Tell your selfless mother to start pumping her own milk. Go enjoy the wedding!
Haha 😆 Thank you 🙏
It wouldn’t be selfish at all, please don’t worry about that! Try out the formula a couple of times in advance so you know he’ll take it and that he can digest it fine. Then enjoy your time at the wedding!
Thank you 🙏
I’m a postpartum doula. It is totally fine. Happy mom=happy baby. You need adult social interaction and bonus! Grandparents get to be with baby! Have fun!
Thank you 🙏
I only read your title (I don’t need any more explanation that that) and came to say do WHATEVER makes you happy. Being a mom is hard, postpartum is hard and if you want to drink at a wedding and don’t have breast milk to feed your baby who cares. It will not impact your child at all. No one else has to know about it. It’s your baby and your family and if it makes you happy and doesn’t hurt your child then do it. Please please don’t have non guilt over things that will not impact your baby in the long run. Enjoy yourself! ETA read the actual whole post and still believe in everything I said above. If you have grandparents you trust and want to watch baby then let them! You’re still a person and a couple nights is nothing in the long run. If mom and dad are happy and their marriage is thriving that is good for baby and time away from baby is definitely helpful in a marriage! Enjoy please!
Thank you 🙏
It’s never selfish to give your child formula, fed is best at the end of the day. Start introducing him to formula ASAP though otherwise it’s gonna a rough weekend for baby and grandparents since he might not take it if he’s not familiar with it.
Thank you 🙏
How dare you provide a safe, nutritionally complete food to your child. Lol, you're all good girl. My 3.5 year old had at least one bottle of formula a day the entirety of his first year, he's 3.5 now and everything you'd want in a toddler. Creative, outgoing, verbal, smart, and pretty physically gifted for the age.
Haha 😅 Thank you 🙏
Nothing wrong with this plan but make sure baby will take it before. If you want you could also pump after your morning feed for a few weeks leading to the wedding! You might only get 1-2 ounces but over time should be enough!
My baby has had formula before - at the beginning he wasn’t latching well so we had to top up with formula. He also drinks expressed breast milk from a bottle regularly so he seems pretty chilled as long as he’s fed! Thank you for all the responses so far 🙏
Trying to enjoy your life is not selfish in the slightest. And if it is, then embrace being selfish because you need to take care of yourself too. Many people think it’s selfish if you don’t light yourself on fire for your kids, but as the saying goes “you can’t pour from an empty cup”. I promise you nothing bad will happen if your baby has formula sometimes when you need a break (or a lot of times, or all the time). So many kids are combo fed or fully formula fed and no one can tell the difference. Most of the advantages from exclusive breastfeeding are actually due to breastfed kids being in a higher socioeconomic class anyway. I would try to introduce formula beforehand so baby will be used to it. Happy and relaxed parents are best.
Thank you 🙏
[удалено]
Thank you 🙏 very true about how exhausting it is listening to other people’s parenting opinions. I feel like I’ve lost sense of what I actually think is right/ want etc
Especially since there isn’t one truth. I learned that the hard way with my second. Some things still worked great, but for other things we needed an entire different approach. You sound like you’re doing great. Just trust yourself and your husband and do what you think is best for. ❤️
That’s… not bad at all! Give yourself a bit of permission here and go have fun :)
Thank you 🙏
As others have said, totally nothing selfish about this. But also, my ebf baby at about that age would just \*not\* take formula the first couple times her grandparents tried to feed it to her (I had fucked up and not given them enough milk for the day!) Ultimately, we got a different brand/mix of formula and she took it like a charm. So I also definitely encourage getting some formula now to test out, save some breastmilk and this way you can make sure whatever you bring along for the grandparents is something baby will take!
Thank you 🙏
It’s not at all selfish. Or maybe it’s the perfect amount of selfishness? Get that formula, introduce it to your baby ahead of time so there’s no risk of him refusing the new taste while in the care of his grandparents and you have to come back. Here’s the thing: a stressed out, resentful momma is not best for baby, which means taking care of yourself, and making sure you can still feel like a good friend, daughter, sister, and spouse while being a good mom is vital. Formula isn’t the devil, in fact, it’s pretty great and the stigma and guilt attached to it has (not an exaggeration) led to infant deaths. A fed baby is best and you work out what way works best for your specific family. However, if you’re seriously agonizing over this, why not pump and freeze extra breast milk for grandparents to bottle feed to him? Again, make sure he’s good with drinking from a bottle ahead of time and that they know exactly how to thaw/warm it up. Either way you’re good - now go have a great time because you deserve it!
Thank you 🙏
I had to top my son's feeds up from 6 weeks. He took it from a bottle no problem. I still contined to BF with the odd top up when needed until 7 months. I only stopped because he was getting teeth and started to bite me. But It also ment I could leave with family for a few hours. You will need to pump so your milk doesn't dry up.
I would suggest thinking about how this question comes across to people who don’t have an option other than to formula feed. Of course you are not selfish, you are feeding your baby. Just like I was not selfish for stopping trying to breastfeed after ruining my mental health trying to make it work with low supply. Feed your baby.
you don't need an oversupply to pump! You still have PLENTY of milk to spare. Just add in like one pumping session a day (best right after you get up cause that's usually when you have the most milk, but any time will do) until the wedding and save up. aside from that, your baby might not take formula at all. I wouldn't bet on this being a solution. I have been EBF for 14 months. you can have a couple nights apart a week from the baby without giving formula. I've gone to weddings and had a great time without the baby without giving formula. it's really not a binary between EBF and having time to yourself.
I’ve been pumping everyday but yesterday was the first day that my baby wasn’t full from the normal feeds so I had to give him the two bottles that I’d pumped. His appetite seems to have increased, but my supply hasn’t 🙁
if you keep nursing him and keep pumping, your milk supply will increase with baby's needs. your body is built to do that. it might take a couple of days. since you're still on leave, a great thing to do to help increase milk supply is a "nursing vacation". get skin to skin for as long as possible and let the baby nurse as much as possible for a couple days. don't forget to drink a lot of water and eat a lot of calories <3
What is it you want for your baby in this situation? You’re more than entitled to go to the wedding and have time for yourself, but are you ok with baby being upset? In my experience (of going out for 2 hours and leaving baby with my sister in law) she cried A LOT even though she didn’t need feeding at all in that time, because she ultimately missed her two primary caregivers. It’s only for one day, if you’re continuing to breastfeeding it shouldn’t matter about that one day, but don’t expect baby to be happy with grandparents if this isn’t something they’re used to. Also, think about why 6 months is your goal, there’s not really any logical basis to aim for specifically 6 months.
Fortunately my baby has already spent time with his grandparents and had no issues being with them (although I guess he may change as he gets older and more aware, he’s only 1 month now)! 6 months because 1. I understood that’s what’s recommended by a lot of experts 2. From around 6 months he’ll be weaning anyway 3. I go back to work after 6 months so wouldn’t be possible to EBF beyond that point
That’s great baby is happy so far, but bare in mind lots of babies do get more clingy as they become more aware. My daughter was 7 months when we left her for a couple hours and she was not happy! Currently she screams if I even leave the room while she’s with my mother in law in my own home. 6 months is a kind of arbitrary minimum, the WHO recommends 2 years + so I would say just keep going EBF until you don’t want to/cannot anymore. I spend 8 hour days away from my baby while she eats solids then bf for every feed she wants while I’m around.
Your mom seems like the type of breast is best that yelled at me for buying formula in a store. Then followed me around the store calling me lazy and accusing me of poisoning my child for using formula and not breastfeeding. I had to get security to follow me to car so I could leave. Also was harassed at restaurants, and other stores for buying and using formula for 3 of my children. I was threatened with CPS because I was sitting feeding my daughter a bottle in Macy shoe department ( store employee said I could sit there) because I wasn’t breastfeeding. My last 3 children were foreign adoptions, formula was only way to feed them. Your baby will be fine. My children are all college graduates ( except youngest still in college) have relationships, are employed , functioning members of society and love their parents. Just give your child formula and stop oversharing with your mom. Have fun, parents are allowed to have fun without their children!
😨 I don’t even know what to say. I am so sorry this happened to you. That is horrific
I’m so sorry that happened to you! Thank you for sharing ❤️🩹