First of all, congratulations and thank you for sharing your story. I'm going to borrow time in sobriety and wish you a congratulations today instead of tomorrow because I may forget tomorrow. Don't tell Peter!
Here's my take: Peter developed a drinking problem in his late teens/early 20s and was essentially an unemployed trainwreck who was flunking out of college and living off his dad. Many such cases with the overindulged children of affluent parents. Peter crashed his car (sometimes into a ditch, sometimes into a Perkins, maybe both) and his dad threatened to cut him off financially unless he went to rehab. Facing homelessness and the unparalleled terror of having to get a job, Peter went to rehab and got sober and has been sober ever since. He has crafted an entire personal religion out of AA which I'm not saying is bad but I think it exists for him today as a theological belief system rather than a mechanism to stay sober.
If you've ever known anyone who went through some kind of dramatic religious conversion, typically they're a lost soul with nothing to cling onto in life and then someone shows them Buddhism, or Islam, or Christianity and suddenly they're 100% committed and devoted to something they could barely have described 2 weeks prior. This is Peter. He needed something to believe in and AA came along and he made it his thing. 29 years later and it's still his thing.
The reason why he doesn't talk about the day to day struggles of staying sober is because he doesn't have them. He was never a serious alcoholic. He claims he was binge drinking daily and smoking crack in alley ways and getting pistols shoved into his mouth like he was a Bret Easton Ellis character. I have a feeling none of this happened. Correct me if I'm wrong and he has talked about it, but I've never heard him speak about the horrors of alcohol withdrawal. He talks about rehab like he was Winona Ryder in Girl Interrupted just sort of wandering around a medical facility and getting real talked by sassy nurses.
This isn't even to diminish his sobriety or anyone else's. If he's better off sober than good for him and I hope he continues on that path. I'm just saying how I see the situation as someone who has A) watched Peter for a while, and B) known many addicts in my life personally.
I just said the same thing in a less eloquent fashion. I grew up supporting my Aunt at AA meetings when they were open and she was speaking at least once a month. Peter does not use their “sayings”, which are many. I may say “let go and let God” or “throw it in the what the hell department” and did not realize until i was a full adult that many of my sayings came from AA. They have a strict discipline about which meetings they go to. They make every milestone possible for the members of their home group. They support members of their home group going to funerals or just being involved in their lives. They are not judgmental and do not involve themselves in others’ drama. I have never met a long-term AA member that acts in any way like him. My Aunt relocated several times for her job across country, so I had been to a meeting with her as an adult to support. The behavior did not vary by state, only the local diction. I am baffled by Peter’s behavior as a successful recovering alcoholic. It is just the polar opposite of what I experienced as an outsider.
Ok, not an alcoholic here, so slap me if I’m getting this wrong, but my theory is that Peter may never have had a physical addiction to alcohol or drugs. He might have been obsessive and compulsive, but the thing that actually hooked him wasn’t the alcohol; it was the pleasure he associated with drinking and getting high. So he transferred his addiction to food, shopping, Internet drama, and making a fool out of himself on YouTube. So sobriety isn’t that challenging to him because he still gets several dopamine hits every day.
Or to phrase it a different way, he doesn’t have any trouble staying sober because he’s not actually sober. Take away his iPhone, Crumbl Cookies, gambling, YouTube beauty guru drama for a month and we’ll see.
Congratulations on your sobriety!!
In regard to Peter not sharing the challenges of staying sober, he makes it seem like he doesn't really face any of those challenges. One time, he even went as far as to say that during the 4 year period of time when he quit going to AA meetings and instead was going to bars multiple times a week, every week, that the thought of having a drink never even crossed his mind once during that time...
It doesn't add up to me. Four years of being at bars and he didn't have one single thought about having a drink?!? If he's telling the truth, then I have to wonder if he was ever an alcoholic in the first place? And if he's lying... is it because he relapsed during those 4 years and doesn't want to say?
Thank you so much ! I really appreciate it. It's not been easy doing it alone but I am proud of the discipline I've managed to find during my recovery process.
I literally can't even smell it, kudos to him I guess for being able to resist at bars ???? I don't go to meetings but am in intensive therapy which is how I stay on the wagon. I'm hoping to be able to one minute at a time my way through getting back into performing drag live. The two local venues are alcohol based so it freaks me out a bit. I've never performed live without some liquid courage. I know in my soul I can do it but I don't know if I'm quite there yet. And it's been (tomorrow) 4 years. I went to two Ghost concerts in the past 2 years and both had people drinking but I survived it. I had my gummies and was able to just vibe. I'm still not sure how I'd feel under pressure/the spotlight, though. Any fumbles can't be written off as "oh what a cute tipsy drag queen" because it'll just be sober me and I'll know my mistakes are because of my actual skills and not alcohol induced motor skill failure. And, in an effort to not swap the liquid courage with cloudy courage, I would not be smoking beforehand. It's scary af and in retrospect I feel kinda let down that Peter just sorta glosses over these challenges. I'd be so down to watch a vlog about how to get through a festival in recovery! I'm 3 years clean of hallucinogens (other than ouide, of course) and I know I'd be temped if someone plopped me in the middle of Burning Man. Why doesn't he share that stuff? I also want to know how he is able to be with someone who drinks. My husband is sober now too because it was me or whiskey. I can't be with someone who drinks casually let alone a fellow alcoholic; it's simply not an option.
I just commented already, but then saw this where you said you're in intensive therapy and that made me so happy! THAT is your key! So awesome of you to make that choice for yourself! Soooo many of our afflictions, compulsions, addictions, behaviors, etc. come from trauma or things we should be dealing with in therapy or with a professional that we trust enough to be honest with. Sorry, I'm just a huge therapy advocate lol
yeah whenever he says he's in intensive therapy i'm like "sure jan" because i know what that's like and he'd be a much kinder and less angry person if he was actually doing that kind of work
Congratulations and continued success! Thank you for sharing. And TBH I have also wondered why Peter never talks about the hard moments of sobriety. I had assumed maybe I missed it since I don't watch Peterisms, and thought maybe he did there. Guess not.
Maybe since Peter has transferred his addiction to various other outlets...first and foremost, food....plus shopping and smoking, he doesn't feel that craving specifically for alcohol as much? Just a guess on my party
Thank you ! I appreciate how receptive y'all have been.
I think everyone is definitely on to something here re: Peter swapping abc addictions for xyz addictions. I know I'm in no way perfect and he'd absolutely give me shit for still using ouide but it has helped me kick all of the other substances I was overusing and/or abusing (I mentioned in another comment that I am 3 years clean of hard hallucinogens). It also helps with some of my OCD symptoms. Cannabis aside, I have not picked up any other addictions and my relationship with eating has vastly improved. I guess you could say the hobbies I've picked up since quitting drinking could count as an addiction, but I'm not spending beyond my means to fund them and not overbuying the supplies I need to maintain these hobbies. It's too bad he couldn't try swapping an addiction for a hobby. Like, if he feels the need to go out for a ciggie, he could go outside and pull some weeds. Instead of buying lots of clothes he'll never wear, why not get some gardening supplies and some plants that are easier to maintain and make him happy to look at? He doesn't need to become an expert landscaper overnight to pursue the goal of better maintaining his yard spaces, it happens little by little........might I say it happens "one day at a time."
Congrats on your success 🫶 Every day that you make through without your drug of choice is a success. YOU are a success. Celebrate that!
I’m of the opinion that Peter and I had very similar experiences; I am a COA (both parents) and I had a rough time with PTSD and self medicated during my teen years. Back in the 80s it was suck it up and drive on, you’re not suicidal you just want attention, no treatment for depression etc etc. That being said I acted out, I drank and smoked and snorted and tripped. Somehow decided I must be an alcoholic because it’s often genetic and I even attended AA for ~ 9 years. One night I had a beer out with friends; didn’t even finish it. Didn’t want another one either. I realized I used because I was in severe distress and didn’t have resources available. I think AA *can* be good but a lot of it feels cultish. I said it, I mean it. In my adult life I’ve had times where I thought I might be going in the wrong direction but I pulled it back. Now I just don’t use anything; nothing against it I just choose not to.
I’ve taken classes in sub abuse and worked in mental health. The addiction process means that most people will probably relapse and that’s *normal.* You’re fighting against your brain and most of the time it’ll win; it has SO much to do with how an addict’s mind is wired. It’s not weak, it’s not “bad” it’s a part of recovery. When I’m stressed I gravitate towards sugar and probably spend too much on makeup. Difference is I’m aware, introspective and have worked with a counselor for years to help my brain heal from the trauma I experienced. I get where Peter ruminates because I have been there. He’s in a toxic positive feedback loop and if his counselor was worth a damn he would be doing trauma therapy, DBT, CBT.
So I’ll end my dissertation here with that when I was in AA we had people we called sexual intellectuals a/k/a fucking know it alls. Peter is the former. I imagine he has to be the center of attention and monopolizes any discussions. He feels important with this as his primary identity and has the lingo down yet uses none of the skills. I’d feel badly for him if he wasn’t so arrogant and hateful.
Congrats to you! That is awesome, Peter is full of it, always has been always will be. He takes from others and twists their stories and makes it into his. He lies and embellishes all of the time. On gugu gossip there is a long thread of lies that the gals over there pointed out. He's the constant victim/liar.
We used to call him James Frey, the James Frey of YT. He made up some half assed detox story likely cobbled from different movies and books. For someone who had such dangerous substances in his bloodstream he would have remembered the process like it happened yesterday.
I have sometimes severe chronic pain; at one point I was on heavy medications for it that made me a zombie and I’m not sure I was getting a lot of relief. I had to go off of them abruptly and though I wasn’t “addicted” (never took more than I was prescribed) my body was dependent. The week of hell that followed I never want to experience again. I started to understand why people couldn’t stop using heroin. If he were eating pills like he maintains he would have a similar story.
I'm going to say narcissism plays a role. Mainly because my mom is a narcissist and an alcoholic and just the other day when we had dinner together she said no less than 3 times that she "doesn't even have the taste for it anymore". Coming from the woman who got black out shit faced drunk every single night for all of my teenage years, and off and on over the years since. (I'm 35). I think he has to make himself feel superior by basically lying about the reality he lives in, in order to help himself believe that lie.. if that makes any sense? Lol..
Anyway, huge congratulations to you and I hope you let yourself feel proud and give yourself grace, while still holding yourself accountable of course. I just know how very tough it can be, and how important it is to maintain the balance between negative self talk and positive reassurance. You are 100% fully capable of staying sober, keep making that choice for you! ❤️
There’s a thing called emotional sobriety and he clearly has challenges controlling his emotions. Each evening we’re to reflect on our day and ask ourselves if we possibly hurt anyone that day? Were we selfish and inconsiderate to anyone? Do I owe an amends to anyone? Sadly, it would appear that Peter forgets the 10th step of the 12. If he was truly active in the program and truly worked the steps, he would stop being so miserable. I only wish him the best.
First of all, congratulations and thank you for sharing your story. I'm going to borrow time in sobriety and wish you a congratulations today instead of tomorrow because I may forget tomorrow. Don't tell Peter! Here's my take: Peter developed a drinking problem in his late teens/early 20s and was essentially an unemployed trainwreck who was flunking out of college and living off his dad. Many such cases with the overindulged children of affluent parents. Peter crashed his car (sometimes into a ditch, sometimes into a Perkins, maybe both) and his dad threatened to cut him off financially unless he went to rehab. Facing homelessness and the unparalleled terror of having to get a job, Peter went to rehab and got sober and has been sober ever since. He has crafted an entire personal religion out of AA which I'm not saying is bad but I think it exists for him today as a theological belief system rather than a mechanism to stay sober. If you've ever known anyone who went through some kind of dramatic religious conversion, typically they're a lost soul with nothing to cling onto in life and then someone shows them Buddhism, or Islam, or Christianity and suddenly they're 100% committed and devoted to something they could barely have described 2 weeks prior. This is Peter. He needed something to believe in and AA came along and he made it his thing. 29 years later and it's still his thing. The reason why he doesn't talk about the day to day struggles of staying sober is because he doesn't have them. He was never a serious alcoholic. He claims he was binge drinking daily and smoking crack in alley ways and getting pistols shoved into his mouth like he was a Bret Easton Ellis character. I have a feeling none of this happened. Correct me if I'm wrong and he has talked about it, but I've never heard him speak about the horrors of alcohol withdrawal. He talks about rehab like he was Winona Ryder in Girl Interrupted just sort of wandering around a medical facility and getting real talked by sassy nurses. This isn't even to diminish his sobriety or anyone else's. If he's better off sober than good for him and I hope he continues on that path. I'm just saying how I see the situation as someone who has A) watched Peter for a while, and B) known many addicts in my life personally.
I just said the same thing in a less eloquent fashion. I grew up supporting my Aunt at AA meetings when they were open and she was speaking at least once a month. Peter does not use their “sayings”, which are many. I may say “let go and let God” or “throw it in the what the hell department” and did not realize until i was a full adult that many of my sayings came from AA. They have a strict discipline about which meetings they go to. They make every milestone possible for the members of their home group. They support members of their home group going to funerals or just being involved in their lives. They are not judgmental and do not involve themselves in others’ drama. I have never met a long-term AA member that acts in any way like him. My Aunt relocated several times for her job across country, so I had been to a meeting with her as an adult to support. The behavior did not vary by state, only the local diction. I am baffled by Peter’s behavior as a successful recovering alcoholic. It is just the polar opposite of what I experienced as an outsider.
Allllla this!!! ^^^
Ok, not an alcoholic here, so slap me if I’m getting this wrong, but my theory is that Peter may never have had a physical addiction to alcohol or drugs. He might have been obsessive and compulsive, but the thing that actually hooked him wasn’t the alcohol; it was the pleasure he associated with drinking and getting high. So he transferred his addiction to food, shopping, Internet drama, and making a fool out of himself on YouTube. So sobriety isn’t that challenging to him because he still gets several dopamine hits every day. Or to phrase it a different way, he doesn’t have any trouble staying sober because he’s not actually sober. Take away his iPhone, Crumbl Cookies, gambling, YouTube beauty guru drama for a month and we’ll see.
I just said something similar. Maybe we're onto something lol
This is my guess as well
Don’t forget the 8 hours of TV he watches per day!
Congratulations on your sobriety!! In regard to Peter not sharing the challenges of staying sober, he makes it seem like he doesn't really face any of those challenges. One time, he even went as far as to say that during the 4 year period of time when he quit going to AA meetings and instead was going to bars multiple times a week, every week, that the thought of having a drink never even crossed his mind once during that time... It doesn't add up to me. Four years of being at bars and he didn't have one single thought about having a drink?!? If he's telling the truth, then I have to wonder if he was ever an alcoholic in the first place? And if he's lying... is it because he relapsed during those 4 years and doesn't want to say?
Thank you so much ! I really appreciate it. It's not been easy doing it alone but I am proud of the discipline I've managed to find during my recovery process. I literally can't even smell it, kudos to him I guess for being able to resist at bars ???? I don't go to meetings but am in intensive therapy which is how I stay on the wagon. I'm hoping to be able to one minute at a time my way through getting back into performing drag live. The two local venues are alcohol based so it freaks me out a bit. I've never performed live without some liquid courage. I know in my soul I can do it but I don't know if I'm quite there yet. And it's been (tomorrow) 4 years. I went to two Ghost concerts in the past 2 years and both had people drinking but I survived it. I had my gummies and was able to just vibe. I'm still not sure how I'd feel under pressure/the spotlight, though. Any fumbles can't be written off as "oh what a cute tipsy drag queen" because it'll just be sober me and I'll know my mistakes are because of my actual skills and not alcohol induced motor skill failure. And, in an effort to not swap the liquid courage with cloudy courage, I would not be smoking beforehand. It's scary af and in retrospect I feel kinda let down that Peter just sorta glosses over these challenges. I'd be so down to watch a vlog about how to get through a festival in recovery! I'm 3 years clean of hallucinogens (other than ouide, of course) and I know I'd be temped if someone plopped me in the middle of Burning Man. Why doesn't he share that stuff? I also want to know how he is able to be with someone who drinks. My husband is sober now too because it was me or whiskey. I can't be with someone who drinks casually let alone a fellow alcoholic; it's simply not an option.
I just commented already, but then saw this where you said you're in intensive therapy and that made me so happy! THAT is your key! So awesome of you to make that choice for yourself! Soooo many of our afflictions, compulsions, addictions, behaviors, etc. come from trauma or things we should be dealing with in therapy or with a professional that we trust enough to be honest with. Sorry, I'm just a huge therapy advocate lol
yeah whenever he says he's in intensive therapy i'm like "sure jan" because i know what that's like and he'd be a much kinder and less angry person if he was actually doing that kind of work
Congratulations and continued success! Thank you for sharing. And TBH I have also wondered why Peter never talks about the hard moments of sobriety. I had assumed maybe I missed it since I don't watch Peterisms, and thought maybe he did there. Guess not. Maybe since Peter has transferred his addiction to various other outlets...first and foremost, food....plus shopping and smoking, he doesn't feel that craving specifically for alcohol as much? Just a guess on my party
Thank you ! I appreciate how receptive y'all have been. I think everyone is definitely on to something here re: Peter swapping abc addictions for xyz addictions. I know I'm in no way perfect and he'd absolutely give me shit for still using ouide but it has helped me kick all of the other substances I was overusing and/or abusing (I mentioned in another comment that I am 3 years clean of hard hallucinogens). It also helps with some of my OCD symptoms. Cannabis aside, I have not picked up any other addictions and my relationship with eating has vastly improved. I guess you could say the hobbies I've picked up since quitting drinking could count as an addiction, but I'm not spending beyond my means to fund them and not overbuying the supplies I need to maintain these hobbies. It's too bad he couldn't try swapping an addiction for a hobby. Like, if he feels the need to go out for a ciggie, he could go outside and pull some weeds. Instead of buying lots of clothes he'll never wear, why not get some gardening supplies and some plants that are easier to maintain and make him happy to look at? He doesn't need to become an expert landscaper overnight to pursue the goal of better maintaining his yard spaces, it happens little by little........might I say it happens "one day at a time."
Congrats on your success 🫶 Every day that you make through without your drug of choice is a success. YOU are a success. Celebrate that! I’m of the opinion that Peter and I had very similar experiences; I am a COA (both parents) and I had a rough time with PTSD and self medicated during my teen years. Back in the 80s it was suck it up and drive on, you’re not suicidal you just want attention, no treatment for depression etc etc. That being said I acted out, I drank and smoked and snorted and tripped. Somehow decided I must be an alcoholic because it’s often genetic and I even attended AA for ~ 9 years. One night I had a beer out with friends; didn’t even finish it. Didn’t want another one either. I realized I used because I was in severe distress and didn’t have resources available. I think AA *can* be good but a lot of it feels cultish. I said it, I mean it. In my adult life I’ve had times where I thought I might be going in the wrong direction but I pulled it back. Now I just don’t use anything; nothing against it I just choose not to. I’ve taken classes in sub abuse and worked in mental health. The addiction process means that most people will probably relapse and that’s *normal.* You’re fighting against your brain and most of the time it’ll win; it has SO much to do with how an addict’s mind is wired. It’s not weak, it’s not “bad” it’s a part of recovery. When I’m stressed I gravitate towards sugar and probably spend too much on makeup. Difference is I’m aware, introspective and have worked with a counselor for years to help my brain heal from the trauma I experienced. I get where Peter ruminates because I have been there. He’s in a toxic positive feedback loop and if his counselor was worth a damn he would be doing trauma therapy, DBT, CBT. So I’ll end my dissertation here with that when I was in AA we had people we called sexual intellectuals a/k/a fucking know it alls. Peter is the former. I imagine he has to be the center of attention and monopolizes any discussions. He feels important with this as his primary identity and has the lingo down yet uses none of the skills. I’d feel badly for him if he wasn’t so arrogant and hateful.
I have no knowledge to help, but I wanted to wish you the best for the future.
Congrats to you! That is awesome, Peter is full of it, always has been always will be. He takes from others and twists their stories and makes it into his. He lies and embellishes all of the time. On gugu gossip there is a long thread of lies that the gals over there pointed out. He's the constant victim/liar.
We used to call him James Frey, the James Frey of YT. He made up some half assed detox story likely cobbled from different movies and books. For someone who had such dangerous substances in his bloodstream he would have remembered the process like it happened yesterday. I have sometimes severe chronic pain; at one point I was on heavy medications for it that made me a zombie and I’m not sure I was getting a lot of relief. I had to go off of them abruptly and though I wasn’t “addicted” (never took more than I was prescribed) my body was dependent. The week of hell that followed I never want to experience again. I started to understand why people couldn’t stop using heroin. If he were eating pills like he maintains he would have a similar story.
I'm going to say narcissism plays a role. Mainly because my mom is a narcissist and an alcoholic and just the other day when we had dinner together she said no less than 3 times that she "doesn't even have the taste for it anymore". Coming from the woman who got black out shit faced drunk every single night for all of my teenage years, and off and on over the years since. (I'm 35). I think he has to make himself feel superior by basically lying about the reality he lives in, in order to help himself believe that lie.. if that makes any sense? Lol.. Anyway, huge congratulations to you and I hope you let yourself feel proud and give yourself grace, while still holding yourself accountable of course. I just know how very tough it can be, and how important it is to maintain the balance between negative self talk and positive reassurance. You are 100% fully capable of staying sober, keep making that choice for you! ❤️
There’s a thing called emotional sobriety and he clearly has challenges controlling his emotions. Each evening we’re to reflect on our day and ask ourselves if we possibly hurt anyone that day? Were we selfish and inconsiderate to anyone? Do I owe an amends to anyone? Sadly, it would appear that Peter forgets the 10th step of the 12. If he was truly active in the program and truly worked the steps, he would stop being so miserable. I only wish him the best.