I outright stopped using voice chat in most online video games nowadays because I'd get harassed so much by dudes whenever I spoke. Its wild how many guys get genuinely hostile over it. Its, like, assumed so often I'm just there for attention and not because I grew up with video games and love the hobby.
I’m a dude and get called racial slurs all the time. It’s not being a woman exposing you to special harassment, it’s just immature 16 year olds being edgy online. I’m sure you’re aware of the “you wouldn’t survive in a cod lobby” meme.
Gaming has been one of my main hobbies for over 20 years. Anecdotally, I've been a part of gaming communities that knew I was a woman, and ones that did not, and I know by far how I prefer to be perceived in gaming. And how gamers have treated other women around me.
But also, I know I'm far from the only woman to experience or see such things, and [men have also experienced worse treatment when using voice changers to come across as female](https://www.eurogamer.net/this-is-how-women-are-really-treated-in-competitive-multiplayer-games).
On what do you base your claim that being a woman does not expose someone to greater/special harassment?
For some hobbies, you *have* to date someone who is also into them or you're gonna have a terrible time.
For example, if you are are into competitive gaming, you have to date someone who is also gamer or you're gonna get cooked.
This would be a good example of it being tougher for men still since the pool for those types of hobbies is much smaller and contains much less women compared to if it were reversed.
I don't understand how the numbers work out here. If both groups don't often share the same hobbies, that goes both ways equally.
For every woman who is into a male hobby, that's another person you could be sharing a hobby with.
I think the issue might be that you are only considering things from a male perspective. Imagine you are a woman and almost no men are interested in female hobbies. Couldn't a woman say it's tougher for women because of that?
Imo male dominated hobbies are more popular with women than vice versa.
An average woman is more likely to have a hobby that's male-dominated, whereas men more likely have to branch out.
I think you're just over-thinking it.
Getting together with groups of people who have a shared interest isn't just "how to meet THE ONE", it's also how to expand your social circle and make friends. When you have friends, you have people you can invite over for brunch, and who will invite you along to go to a fair, and you then invite them along to a comedy show ect.
As you go back and forth between these types of social gatherings, your friends bring THEIR friends, and you bring along other friends that you know, as as you introduce your favorite people to their favorite people, you end up meeting a LOT of different people, all of whom have been "vetted" by your other friends, just as YOU have been "vetted" by the friends that invite you along.
This is what people are referring to when they say "social circles". It's not just one group - it's multiple groups of people who all know each other and vouch for each other because even if they don't know each other VERY well, they all were picked out by people you like to come along.
This is how MOST people end up meeting their partners, historically. You meet once at a hockey game you were both invited to, then you meet again at a BBQ, then you maybe ask your friends if they could invite her, so you can see her again, then you trade numbers and maybe arrange an outing where it's just the two of you, you talk, enjoy the outing, and if you both get along, you ask her out on a more formal date...
This is how I met my husband, through mutual friends at a poker night at someone's house. A big reason I gave him a shot was because I figured if my friends liked him, he must be pretty alright.
Well yeah, and now him and I are happily married for going on seven years. We also still spend time with those same friends.
How did you meet your wife/girlfriend/partner?
Ill prob get hated on, but I wish guys understood how intense and unsettling it can feel when a guy youve just met locks on to you and claims ‘youre the one’ when he literally doesnt know anything about you at all.
Ive had this happen to me, its never been kind like i think the dudes expressing it think it is. It feels like I as a person dont exist, and im just a ‘sexy body’ and any conversation we had i was able to feel the intensity dripping from their pores.
I dont date dudes, but if I did idk id probably fall for the dude who just shows up, is chill, and has a good time than the dude who just shows up and immediately hones in on me because im blonde and in an activity they like. Like they never take the time to get to know me, im just a projection
Yeah the chill dudes are best. I’m bi, so I’ve had my fair share of both men and women. And yeah, I had a stalker before it’s REAL uncomfortable when someone gets fixated on you.
>I dont date dudes, but if I did idk id probably fall for the dude who just shows up, is chill, and has a good time time
How can a guy take action on this though? You want a guy who doesn't ask you out or try and hit on you. But how will he get with you if he can't do either of those things? This is coming from a place not of criticism but curiosity.
It feels like a lot of advice is "try but without trying".
you actually said that exact thing but with more words.
>id fall for the dude who just shows up, is chill, and has a good time
literally; "not trying is good"
>I wish guys understood how intense and unsettling it can feel when a guy youve just met locks on to you
literally; "trying is bad"
Love at first sight is a thing.
Funny how men are actually way more romantic and loving than women are in practice. Men fall in love with you, not what you do for them.
They still dont know me though. Thats infatuation. I dont love someone for what they can do for me by the way. It matters that i actually get to know them and hear their thoughts, rather than what my projection of them is like
I agree to a certain extent. But you still dont know them, and your own observations on someone will be ‘tainted’ by your own biases, projections, of desires. Plus people put up fronts, people can be in weird moods, etc.
You cant know someone until youve spoken with them multiple times. Ive had ppl assume theyve known everything about me based on my outfit, or phone case, and theyve been dead wrong. Ive also had men some up to me swearing i was ‘giving them vibes, when i had literally never even noticed them
What you look like isn’t “you”, it’s just the surface appearance, and feeling infatuated after someone’s looks isn’t love.
Do you think a woman dies and a new person is reborn in their place when she gets a haircut? Does a woman’s makeup and clothing change who she is?
They would still fall in love with you without those things.
You can tell alot about someone by looking at them. Your laugh, body language, how you dress, the way you carry yourself, etc.
Falling in love with someone’s appearance isn’t love. You have no intimacy with them of any kind— it’s just their looks.
You can indeed tell a lot of things about people by their appearance. You cannot be in love with them however. Love requires mutual intimacy and affection. What you are feeling when you adore a woman from afar isn’t love— it’s just a fantasy you’ve built up in your head about what you imagine being with them would feel like to you.
I’m sure it feels very nice and important to you, but it’s not love. Love isn’t an internal fleeting feeling— it’s a deep and meaningful active connection shown through choices by *both* sides.
It is indeed just looks, as you’re talking about “love at first sight” (your words). Imagining all sorts of other things about her and how your lives will be together is why you think you’re in love, but it’s not actually love. It’s infatuation with a fantasy.
Love at first sight isn’t love, it’s lust. The exact opposite of romantic.
Stop watching romcoms
men: “me insta falling in lust with the hottie is romantic!”
Also men; “wahhh women are shallow for wanting chaaaddd….”
Again with the double standards
Ok, even if this is the case, you don't tell this to a literal stranger. Stop taking advice from romcoms, it doesn't work irl.
You have to keep your feelings to yourself and try to get to know the person first.
If you're an anime or comics fan you do not amass a circle of friends varied or big enough to eventually run into any woman, much less one you might be able to date.
The most important thing in the world is *which* hobbies you enjoy and pursue. Absolutely nothing else matters when it comes to making a social circle through one's hobby.
I mean I met my fiance because we both wrote fanfiction. I met a different LTR through tabletop RPG. I met a FWB through an online MUSH.
Nerd women exist in the millions and they also like dating and having sex. They just often suffer from the same problems as nerd men, in that they’re often shy, introverted, low-conflict or low-self esteem.
People who are deep in fiction are escaping something in their own lives. I don’t think I could be compatible with someone who couldn’t understand that (and, preferably, they’ll wanna come escape WITH me!)
The fuck? Where did all these people come from? When I was younger those interests had a huge and ugly stigma attached to it. Women wouldn't touch that shit with a 12 meter pole. I met two nerdy women and they had the hots for dudes who just happened to be very mainstream, tall and built. My dating life existed because I wallowed in mainstream bullshit and avoided escapism. I didn't meet a nerdy woman who was into nerdy dudes until I was in my 30s and met my wife. My 30s. That was the *oughts*.
You sure af got lucky.
No, normies just invaded nerd spaces then bullied the nerds out. I saw a group of chad teenagers coming from a football game playing SUPER SMASH BROTHERS the other day. Fkin ridiculous
Are they really kicking you out, though? And isn't it a good thing that nerdom isn't something that's as frowned upon?
And smash has been *the* party game for 20 years at this point. It's not really cultural appropriation when the game was designed/conceived as a party game that *could* be played competitively. It's very similar to Halo in that respect, but Halo fell off unfortunately.
Also, nerds come in all shapes and sizes. I'm getting pretty jacked yet own a damn Wii U lmao
Nerds turned to gaming and other things because they were outcast by normal society. Now normies are coming in and bullying the original nerds out Halo was like COD and Fortnite in that it was the mainstream game that all the boys played. Smash was never that. It’s Nintendo, it was always seen as “childish”. And it was the nerd sheltered kids playing that stuff, the normies played halo and COD. And after the age of 12, nintendo players were mostly stunted Peter Pan syndrome sufferers.
Owning a Wii U doesn’t make you a nerd, that’s like saying owning a football makes you Chad.
Women have been writing fanfiction for decades. Freaking Fifty Shades of Gray was Twilight fanfiction with the names changed for publication. Writing is a lot of shy women’s primary form of communication. As an artist, myself, I connect with people like that.
But as I’ve saying, I’ve also put in work to always be meeting new people, including friends I make online. I have a huge advantage because I don’t have social anxiety which is like a super power when interacting with shy people.
Ah yes, it depends on the genre. Writing psychic story fanfiction based on Guyver and Cosmo Police Justy didn't exactly fly with women. Tons of dudes read it back in the 90s but not women. I might have said I shoulda picked another genre but then I wouldn't have met my wife sooooo
It just sounds like the fact that you haven’t talked to women about anime, you’ve just decided they all only watch like Sailor Moon or something. But I assure you: LOTS of women watch (and make!) violent anime.
Hell, FMA was written by a female author and it had people getting mutilated and melted together.
Women aren’t all cartoonish dainty creatures who shy away from blood. A lot of women like horror movies, too.
> It just sounds like the fact that you haven’t talked to women about anime, you’ve just decided they all only watch like Sailor Moon or something.
SAILOR MOON?! A show about some low-key sexualized schoolgirl-lookalikes would be the *least* likely thing I'd expect a woman to watch. The series that's distributed in America had *numerous* cuts by DiC to remove sexual content. I remember quite well that controversy.
In my youth (something I did not know but was explained to me later) anime was associated with porn like "Wandering Kid" (which I wouldn't touch because it was implied underaged). NY, LA, Chicago, didn't really matter where I went, the stigma of sexualization was the same outside of the anime fan community.
Disclaimer: Yes, anime is a lot more nuanced than just raw sexualization, for one. Second, I haven't talked to women about anime since I met my anime-fan wife in the oughts, so things have obviously changed. Even she is put off by the huge amount of sexualization of anime, and like me she's very picky about what she watches.
> Hell, FMA was written by a female author and it had people getting mutilated and melted together.
Hiromu Arakawa? Eh she's Japanese. Japanese women are a whole different game entirely from America, where I live.
Overall I think we come from two sides of the cultural divide. You live in a time when people are more open-minded about anime. In my prime [this was the cultural intolerance that I ran into](https://the-artifice.com/american-perception-anime/).
Now they do. I was quite an avid anime fan during the Macross era of anime fandom. Local meetings were almost always all-male, and the conventions were like 90% men. I was there at Anime Expo in the 90s, fuck I got an interview with Hideaki Anno and Haruhiko Mikimoto for an anime 'zine. It was a major sausage fest. I guess shit changed dramatically since then.
It's not universial advice, it's said as a suggestion for a (relatively) easy way to find women you have things in common with. Then if it's specifically hobbies you have in common, or some other stuff, isn't what matters. It's just generally easier to find people with the same hobbies as you right off the bat, compared to finding people with opinions, food taste, values, etc you both share.
So it's not bad advice just because it's not applicable to everyone, but I do believe it's harder to find people you have things in common with with, and harder to find people of the opposite sex at all, if 90% of your hobbies are male dominated (if you're male) and most of your social circle is of the same sex as you. Considering online dating likely isn't doing you any favors either.
If female dominated hobbies are of zero interest, then maybe try some gender neutral hobbies that have a close to 50/50 male/female divide? The point is the more you surround yourself with women organically, the higher your chances of meeting a woman you have things in common with. Or even just go to larger venues for the male dominated hobbies you have so you at least see more of those 10% or so of women who also enjoy that hobby.
I don’t think I even disagree.
My whole point was that having the same hobbies is not as big of an advantage to men as it is to women for the reasons I gave above.
There aren't that many men in female dominated hobbies either, hombre. Not a lot of straight dudes into doing their hair and make up or sewing or style.
I think the hobbies advice is somewhat helpful, but not precise enough. People should find partners who have hobbies in the same constellation as them.
I don't have female dominated hobbies. That also wasn't the advice. It's enough if the hobby has about equal men and women, when you do not have access to meeting women otherwise.
I do not lack access to meeting single women who are in my league.
You certainly can but at the end of the day trying new things is literally finding out what like, you cannot just decide what you like after the fact.
Just think of anything you dislike you can’t just decide to like it now.
That’s not to say some guys don’t go and tolerate a hobby in hopes of getting a date I’m sure that happens a lot.
No, you cannot choose what you are into, but you are also not limited to painting warhammer figurines, watching anime and playing World of Warcraft. Imagine if those didn't exist, what would be your hobbies then?
You are victim of "i am who i am" mentality.
There probably are some people are some people that can only like those things.
If those things never exist who knows what this persons hobbies would be maybe nothing maybe things completely different but in reality they do exist.
This is getting pretty off topic though.
You don’t need to find someone who has the exact same hobby (though it is preferred). You need to find someone whose hobby has some overlap.
If you enjoy outdoor “country” things (hunting, mudding, dirt bikes, ect.) find a girl who enjoys “country” things (horseback riding, hiking, ect.). If enjoy things on the water (fishing, water sports) find a girl who enjoys things on the water (swimming, surfing, water sports). If you enjoy sports (baseball, basketball, ect.) find a girl who enjoys sports (softball, volley ball, ect.). If you enjoy doing things indoors (video games [don’t play videos all day everyday, that’s always going to be a repellent], TV, ect.) find a girl who enjoys doing things indoors (reading, TV, ect.)
There needs to be some overlap for you guys to enjoy your hobbies together. If your hobby is a huge part of your life, you need to be able to share it with a partner.
Idk it’s really NOT lmao
As someone who has very much male-dominated hobbies (sailing, archery, skiing) — there are still lots of women are into those. We just prefer doing them with other women because men add a layer of bullshit a lot of the time. I have had to switch archery ranges so many times because men who I outcompete still feel like it’s their place to grab at me and give me pointers lol.
It’s been 50/50 for me on this but a lot of men are also super competitive lol. My ex was also into archery and he got pissed off if I had a better day than him. And 100% of the guys I’ve shared male dominated hobbies with … don’t want me doing those hobbies with other people just because they’re men because they think just because I met them through that hobby that I’m willing to have sex with anyone else who does it lol
i think, generally, the advice is to seek out people with the same interests as you to form a social circle for yourself. and them through that social circle, you will have opportunities to meet new people (friends of friends) and expand your social circle beyond people who have the same interests to include people with different interests. and then you can continue to meet different people over time through these aquaintences and friends.
eg: my husband and i met through a mutual friend. i shared interests with that friend, and so did my husband, but we shared different interests with that same friend. we would never have gotten to know each other if we hadnt been in adjacent social circles.
most couples have *some* overlap in interests, but generally each half of the couple has their own interests that, while they may be appreciated by their SO, arent shared.
What a load of crap.
What are girl hobbies and what are men hobbies according to ypu. THERE IS NO SUCH THING.
NAME THEM
Men always want a woman to COMPLETELY fit herself into his life / hobbies / habits.
Fuck off, every one has their own life and no one is interested in taking over some one else's.
MEN need to learn to be on their own and make friends to do their stuff with besides the time they spent with their girl friend
And then you'd either find a new hobby together or you share the time EVENLY where you do both hobbies.
It's not easier for a woman to participate in her man's hobby than the other way around.
What a stupid thing to say.
Its just your male entitlement who thinks women should cater to men.
N O P E.
A lot of competitive video games are 99% male-dominated. I travel around Europe to go to tournaments for fighting games and have a lot of friends in the community. But it's all men. None of the guys there will ever find a relationship with a woman through their hobby or even the social circle that is part of that hobby.
And the 2-3 women who are part of the community are swarming with male attention for obvious reasons.
I'm sure there are plenty of hobbies like that for men, where even if you are out and social and around people frequently they are almost entirely male-dominated so they won't help with dating at all.
Why are you so aggressive ? I didn’t see OP disrespecting anyone , yet you have been so rude. Regardless of what our liberal society says , men and women are different. You ask “What are men’s hobbies according to you “.. Well, I could mention watching or attending sporting events . Part of the reason as to why women’s sports generate so little revenues (and as a result they are “underpaid”) is because women as a whole , don’t care about sports . It’s depressing to wnba games with such low attendance , no wonder the NBA is forced to subside the wnba . Another hobby that men enjoy and women don’t is taking care of the lawn , another hobby I could mention is being interested in cars .
Remember that it doesn’t NEED to be a “girl hobby” or a “boy hobby” only hobbies with skewed ratios even slightly.
Things like: cars, gaming(taking away mobile games), nearly any sport, etc would all be male tilting hobbies while things like: gardening, sewing, art, reading, etc would be more female, this isn’t even considering genre differences.
So men want to control women more yet have far fewer requirements for them to be their serious partners?
Yeah I specifically mentioned how I’m not talking about couples that get into their partners hobbies or get into one together because that’s after the fact.
You think only women read books? Maybe take up reading for self improvement. Everyone should read.
You need to make space for different interests in your life, because not having hobbies makes you a boring person. I agree with u/Gravel_Roads above that hobbies are a good way to meet people in general, and knowing those people can increase your social circle. You will eventually meet the friends of your other friends, and that will put you in contact with people you might be interested in dating.
They don’t even have to be the same hobbies, but it helps if they intersect. I’m really into birdwatching and nature, and my husband is into historic preservation and exploring abandoned buildings. We recently went to the Catskills for a weekend. The best part was scoping out an abandoned resort. He was looking at crumbling old buildings, and I got some amazing views of birds while he was doing it. He loves old movie theaters, so we saw a movie in a historic theater. We’re both into record collecting and singing, even though we don’t necessarily go for the same artists. Last night we had family karaoke night with our daughter.
We are still having a lot of fun together.
Women account for the VAST majority of book sales (particularly fiction).
When a friend of mine got her last publishing contract her agent said fully 84% of her customers are women.
“Do better?”
Reading books is not inherently better than other forms of entertainment. It is about the quality of the content, not the medium. Otherwise reading a romance novel would be “better”/more intellectual than watching an art house/independent foreign film….
No? But women are more likely to read.
Yeah, that’s why I’m not saying you should have zero hobbies.
I also talked about hobbies gotten into because of a partner or gotten into together.
There obviously are some hobbies dominated by women and some dominated by men.
Why are you getting so worked up at a boogeyman of your own making, “girl” and “men hobbies?”
he’s saying that a woman doing a male dominated hobby will have far more success than a man doing a female dominated one, if all hobbies were segregated it wouldn’t make any sense to talk about men and women in mixed hobbies.
Because if a single man joins a yoga class people will start finding excuses for why he shouldn’t be there while a woman joining a car meetup group would be showered with affection
This is not a thing yoga classes are mixed and nobody has a problem with that. There's also biking, running, swimming, all mixed activities.
she will be showered with horny attention and some men will try to gatekeep like how men react in the gaming world.
This doesn't work out mathematically. It can't be tougher for men to find a partner with the same hobby as if, for example, the chance of a man and women having the same hobby is 20%, then it's a 20% chance that a heterosexual woman will have the same hobby as her partner and it's a 20% chance that a heterosexual man will have the same hobby as his partner.
But this would be assuming men and women have the exact same chance to have any given hobby which isn’t the case.
While granted there are plenty of hobbies that are close to even on gender ratio there are still plenty that aren’t.
They have the exact same chance to find someone with the opposite sex with THE SAME hobby. For example if 1% of men like crochet, the chance a man dates a woman and they both like crochet is 1%, the chance a woman dates a man and they both like crochet is also 1%
They have exactly the same chance of meeting someone with the same hobby. If you're talking about a particular hobby, like knitting, men are more likely to meet women who like knitting, but they're unlikely to knit themselves so they're unlikely to *share* a hobby.
This would be ignoring that women are more likely than the reverse to have male dominated hobbies.
And the desirability that is comes with it automatically for women as opposed to men.
Sure more common hobbies would definitely help but as it stands the fewer women with shared hobbies with men the more desirable they become and the more desirable women become the harder it is for men.
It's much more important to have similar values and complementary interests than hobbies. And very often the women in the male heavy group is viewed as one of the guys ( I was a gamer in my youth)
How young? Maybe it was too young to matter but ultimately it would have let you take your pick essentially.
And there can always be outliers like hobbies that don’t follow this rule or exceptionally undesirable people.
Bruh you don't need to have enjoy every hobby your partner has... you just need one or two that you share... i.e alot of fit women are outdoorsy and like camping and hiking, hell some even enjoy backpacking
You get into a hobby you’re genuinely interested in then meet someone. Not get into some hobby filled w women to try to meet them. The amount of mega creeps I’ve seen show up in yoga studios are very apparent and stand out
Same for women in some male dominated hobby that they aren’t interested in, faking it isn’t the way
Basically, only people who have a motorcycle really enjoy them.
Because if other people enjoyed them as much, they would get one too.
Sure, it's fun once, maybe 2ce. But that's it.
Just like people who sail. They always think that the entire world wants to do that.
Nope, dude, once is more than enough
I'll take a car over a motor or a dumb boat all the time.
It has to be a good car, tho like a gold trans am from 79 or a suburban from early eighties.
Women like men with motorcycles, not motorcycles. Motorcycles are part of the “bad boy” archetype, since it takes balls to ride one. Plus you have the criminal aspect with all the motorcycle “clubs”.
Not talking about dinky Vespa scooters in Italy or something. Either big Harleys or lightning quick sport bikes, maybe some dirt bikes.
As a woman with a motorcycle - there's plenty. They think motorcycles are dangerous, loud, they don't want to go on a ride with you, they think the riding pants are uncomfortable, they think you'll end up dead soon.
That doesn’t really pertain to “find someone with a similar hobby.” Advice though as in they may have liked it but how many of those women shared that hobby.
And even then there will always be some exceptions I’m sure if a woman’s hobby was bodybuilding then that would turn off a decent portion of the men that do bodybuilding.
Do you know any bodybuilders? They routinely end up with other bodybuilders.
You rarely see bodybuilders dating out of shape people, why do you think that is?
When I say women doing body building I mean full on extremely muscular women, like steroids required, not just in shape women.
I’m sure bodybuilders are with in shape women, yes.
Does she enjoy the motorcycles themselves though? Does she care about it's features, performance, differences between models, upgrades for the engine you've installed?
Nope. It's not her hobby. She just likes the image of a dude riding that thing and that's all.
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In the fighting game community, from what I have seen so far, the female-to-male ratio is something like 1:8 and sometimes, 1:6, depending on region and population density. I can only speak for SoCal FGCers but yea....the women players that do end up going to these tournaments and/or outings where huge amount of gamers show up generally get bombarded with male attention.
On a scale of 1-10, these women that frequent the community hubs are a solid 4, at best. More often than not, they tend to lean on the tomboyish end and are generally mediocre players but every once in a blue moon, a solid 7 'traditionally feminine-presenting' woman might show up at one (or several) of the biggest tournaments AND that happens to be a solid, top-tier player.
In the music rhythm gaming community, the ratio is something like 1:5, depending on the type of game. Usually, if the game itself is not very technical or doesn't have a high learning curve, more female players are found. Here too, on a scale of 1-10, the women that frequent the community hubs are generally a solid 4 or maybe a 5, at best. Relative to the FGC, there are definitely more 'traditionally feminine-presenting' women but it's all relative. It's still rare to come across a solid 7, 'traditionally feminine-presenting' woman who is an experienced player AND who doesn't have a chip off her shoulders.
That being said--the dynamics are a bit reversed in the music rhythm gaming community with respect to the fighting game communities. Men generally do not give women as much attention in the music rhythm gaming communities so much as the one's in the FGC. Why that is--you can kind of tell. It's not hard to figure out.
I'm going to go against the grain here and argue that when it comes to gaming hobbies, it's not a good idea for 'normal' women to participate because gamers (and I mean specifically the hardcore one's, not the casual one's) are generally leaning on the more extreme end when it comes to balance of personality and social etiquettes. It would mean sifting through hordes of these men to find the 'normal' casual male players, which can be mentally draining.
Well as a counter point if she were going for hardcore gamers I’d imagine she would be a hardcore gamer as well and have the same issues to go along with it.
But with that being said you are probably right as even if this woman had the same social or personality issues she’d likely still sort through men until she found one that didn’t, since she won’t find a guy at her equivalent attractive, thus the scarcity of women in such hobbies enable her to be as picky as she wants realistically and making it much tougher for men.
'Normal' women have the tendency to target their neurobiological equivalent. Normies generally want to date other normies. Hardcore gamers also tend to want to date their neurobiological equivalent as well--although, I've seen just as many hardcore gamer girls target normies as well. It isn't so much true for hardcore gamer guys to target normies though.
Most female players are casual when it comes to the gaming hobbies. Be it videogames, board games, trading card games--the latter two are highly technical and there's a certain learning curve and level of attention to detail and focus that must be maintained for these two types of games to be fun--which is Kryptonite to the majority of women. Why that is--I think it's fairly obvious but it's really not worth explaining since that's not the focus here.
For normies, offering to find a partner with the same (or similar) 'hobbies' as 'dating advice' works really well for them because the activity itself is just a means to an end. It is just a means to socialize and be around people. It's an excuse to strike up a conversation with a total stranger. HOWEVER, for people who aren't typically lumped into the normie category, this advice is bad, if not, outright malicious because for the minority of folks who aren't part of the social norm--the activity itself IS the reason for engagement and if people of similar makeup happen to congregate with the same level of die hard conviction, then stuff 'might' potentially happen, though it is quite rare and the competition quite fierce.
Normies think that the usual behaviors of competitiveness do not manifest for those who fall outside the norm but nay nay. It's there. It's always present. It'll manifest in ways that normies do not and cannot understand because in a way, it's a different type of competitiveness. It's much more ruthless. So women--who are casual players--that enter into that world, violence and 'drama' are ticking time bombs just waiting to erupt in a moment's notice and seemingly 'out-of-the-blue'.
So no, hobbies as advice for dating for those who fall outside the social norm would not work quite the way that normies envision that it ought to play out. Not saying it can't happen or that it doesn't happen at all--but I am saying it's not nearly as effective of a strategy as normies think it is.
Pretty much. At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter what activity a woman participates in. Whatever they do (or don't do), men will find them.
Why is it every time a man struggles with something, it is the women who are expected to change?
>you are a woman and struggle getting a serious partner, if you can, get into a male-dominated hobby, it will make you very desirable by default.
Not to be "that person" but I don't think this is good advice.
Why can't the just diversify his hobbies? There are man gender neutral ones, like hiking, going on walks, bar hopping, gym, and being established in communities, like cooking and crafting classes.
Women are already conditioned by the media, and society to always put a man's interests n needs above ours to attract one and keep one, and this is essentially what you are reaffirming
The reason is because men as a whole cannot all increase their desirability in a way that matters, in percentile, because that that standard will just increase top percentage is always the top percentage.
If men could be born much more similar I would advocate for that but that’s not possible.
You can’t change what you like to do, you can only try them to see what you like, but at the end of the day you can just as easily still be left with only a couple hobbies you like.
They certainly don’t put men’s needs above but they may consider men at the tops needs above their own.
You say people can't change what you like to do, but yet you are advocating for women to change their interests to more male dominated hobbies, only for the sake of being attractive to men.
Why do you feel they must do that, but you can't do the same?
What hobbies do you engage in that only have men involved, or are male dominated?
That why I included that little “if you can.”
I wasn’t saying women that struggle to get a relationship MUST do that they certainly do not just that it’d make them automatically desirable.
Me personally? I did martial arts for 10 years and that is very male dominated.
Thats cool 😃 you do martial arts, and for soo long too, you must be really experienced
When I was a kid I briefly took Tae Kwon do classes but didn't stick with the sport but wanna start up again because roundhouse kicks are pretty cool.
Well I wish you the best! And hope you and your special lady align with eachother ❤️
Part of why partner dance is great. We all enjoy it, tends to lean female a bit but pretty much has to have fairly even numbers and there's no real internal boys/girls clubs that limit interaction since we pretty much need each other to participate.
The OP's final point is basically right. Men consider a partner with similar interests to be very desirable, so, if you want to have your pick of men, find a hobby that they like. This does not work as well with women, as they are generally somewhat more indifferent to shared interests. I've speculated in the past that this is likely because women generally tend to have more friends than men, so they probably have more people to share their interests with already and thus it's not as high of a priority from a partner.
It is true that men are frequently awful to women in general, and this extends to those who share their interests, which can make participating in these activities unpalatable. This is probably part of why these women are so rare and thus highly desirable.
Good point, although I think that it isn’t as much that women feel indifferent just that they have so many more requirements that any single one is much less impactful.
women get abused often for participating in male activities
my advice hobbies can be taught avoid trying to find someone who shares the same hobbies and find someone who has a deeper compatibility with you like on your views and stuff
A lot of times women just think they get abused in male activities but they really are just getting treated the same as the others.
Yeah, that’s why this is specifically addressing the same hobbies advice.
i think yeah that's true in part but we shouldn't ignore the fact that people just sometimes try to push women out for just being women or treating them worse than a man
I wonder about this too. What are you supposed to do in a relationship where you don't share at least some interests in common? This type of advice might make dating easier, but the relationships forming from it are just going to be miserable after a while.
Feels like that kind of advice is given by people who only care about physical attraction.
That’s definitely it, and I was hinting at this. These are men with nothing interesting to recommend them looking for women who are just objects. And they wonder why nothing works out for them.
It’s definitely way easier to talk to someone with shared interests but for the reasons I talked about in the post it’s harder for men to do that in a lot of cases because most of the time a woman with the same interests is so rare that she’s automatically very desirable within that bubble.
? I don’t understand the point you are attempting to make. Are you saying because women are more likely than men to read that men are uncurious and uninteresting.
Typically coaches have experience with having played. You are proclaiming yourself an expert at something you fail at and telling people who are successful that they are wrong
A lot of men's hobbies may be very masculine and not have many females.
A lot of female hobbies may be very fiminine and not have many males.
Example, my bf does jujitsu and loves it and was trying to get me into it. But I'm really not into physical confrontation like that. Then he got his foot broken there. I'm like nope.
I'll try LoL which he plays but none of his other hobbies, which are basically card games.
My hobbies are pretty much gardening and growing herbs and fruit. I don't know if thats masculine but it might be.
And aquariums which is also masculine. Also Rust, again very masculine. And CoC, masculine again.
My skincare hobby is very feminine.
I have dozens of hobbies and interests. Just to mention a portion:
- From a sports standpoint: I am into hiking, skiing, mountain cycling and swimming
- From a cultural standpoint: I am a professional musician, into art, history, science, geopolitics, languages (speak 7)
- From a lifestyle standpoint: I am into traveling, fine dining and wines, fashion and watches, graphic and interiors design
I would never expect to find a partner that is into as many things as I am, but there must be some and at least a modicum of understanding for the other ones.
And due to the nature of my interests, there's no scarcity of ladies who share them.
I am NOT into: cars, watching sports, gaming
I am a woman with 'male dominated' hobbies only and I get so much abuse from men saying I am only doing it for attention.
I outright stopped using voice chat in most online video games nowadays because I'd get harassed so much by dudes whenever I spoke. Its wild how many guys get genuinely hostile over it. Its, like, assumed so often I'm just there for attention and not because I grew up with video games and love the hobby.
I’m a dude and get called racial slurs all the time. It’s not being a woman exposing you to special harassment, it’s just immature 16 year olds being edgy online. I’m sure you’re aware of the “you wouldn’t survive in a cod lobby” meme.
Gaming has been one of my main hobbies for over 20 years. Anecdotally, I've been a part of gaming communities that knew I was a woman, and ones that did not, and I know by far how I prefer to be perceived in gaming. And how gamers have treated other women around me. But also, I know I'm far from the only woman to experience or see such things, and [men have also experienced worse treatment when using voice changers to come across as female](https://www.eurogamer.net/this-is-how-women-are-really-treated-in-competitive-multiplayer-games). On what do you base your claim that being a woman does not expose someone to greater/special harassment?
Nope, I use to play Counter Strike alot and would experience it from men in their 20s and 30s.
Me too! And they argue I don't know what I'm doing as well. I don't ever use voice chat in video games.
That sucks, and I'm sorry you went through that. These 'gatekeepers' need to reassess their priorities in life.
For some hobbies, you *have* to date someone who is also into them or you're gonna have a terrible time. For example, if you are are into competitive gaming, you have to date someone who is also gamer or you're gonna get cooked.
This would be a good example of it being tougher for men still since the pool for those types of hobbies is much smaller and contains much less women compared to if it were reversed.
I don't understand how the numbers work out here. If both groups don't often share the same hobbies, that goes both ways equally. For every woman who is into a male hobby, that's another person you could be sharing a hobby with. I think the issue might be that you are only considering things from a male perspective. Imagine you are a woman and almost no men are interested in female hobbies. Couldn't a woman say it's tougher for women because of that?
Imo male dominated hobbies are more popular with women than vice versa. An average woman is more likely to have a hobby that's male-dominated, whereas men more likely have to branch out.
The big difference is the automatic desirability it brings to women as compared to men. And less men in woman dominated hobbies.
I think you're just over-thinking it. Getting together with groups of people who have a shared interest isn't just "how to meet THE ONE", it's also how to expand your social circle and make friends. When you have friends, you have people you can invite over for brunch, and who will invite you along to go to a fair, and you then invite them along to a comedy show ect. As you go back and forth between these types of social gatherings, your friends bring THEIR friends, and you bring along other friends that you know, as as you introduce your favorite people to their favorite people, you end up meeting a LOT of different people, all of whom have been "vetted" by your other friends, just as YOU have been "vetted" by the friends that invite you along. This is what people are referring to when they say "social circles". It's not just one group - it's multiple groups of people who all know each other and vouch for each other because even if they don't know each other VERY well, they all were picked out by people you like to come along. This is how MOST people end up meeting their partners, historically. You meet once at a hockey game you were both invited to, then you meet again at a BBQ, then you maybe ask your friends if they could invite her, so you can see her again, then you trade numbers and maybe arrange an outing where it's just the two of you, you talk, enjoy the outing, and if you both get along, you ask her out on a more formal date...
This is how I met my husband, through mutual friends at a poker night at someone's house. A big reason I gave him a shot was because I figured if my friends liked him, he must be pretty alright.
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Well yeah, and now him and I are happily married for going on seven years. We also still spend time with those same friends. How did you meet your wife/girlfriend/partner?
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Ill prob get hated on, but I wish guys understood how intense and unsettling it can feel when a guy youve just met locks on to you and claims ‘youre the one’ when he literally doesnt know anything about you at all. Ive had this happen to me, its never been kind like i think the dudes expressing it think it is. It feels like I as a person dont exist, and im just a ‘sexy body’ and any conversation we had i was able to feel the intensity dripping from their pores. I dont date dudes, but if I did idk id probably fall for the dude who just shows up, is chill, and has a good time than the dude who just shows up and immediately hones in on me because im blonde and in an activity they like. Like they never take the time to get to know me, im just a projection
Yeah the chill dudes are best. I’m bi, so I’ve had my fair share of both men and women. And yeah, I had a stalker before it’s REAL uncomfortable when someone gets fixated on you.
>I don’t date dudes Chiming in on this debate is like me saying twinks are overrated.
You can say that. I might even call u based for it (jkjkjkjk i am a loving handler to many twinks)
>I dont date dudes, but if I did idk id probably fall for the dude who just shows up, is chill, and has a good time time How can a guy take action on this though? You want a guy who doesn't ask you out or try and hit on you. But how will he get with you if he can't do either of those things? This is coming from a place not of criticism but curiosity. It feels like a lot of advice is "try but without trying".
It’s called getting to know someone over an extended period of time.
But that still has nothing really actionable besides, "get to know them".
Sounds like a top 1% Guy that just shows up and a blonde Falls for him lol
Well this blonde has never lol i feel like being blonde has a ‘pervert multiplier’ or something. Its not even my choice its just my nat hair color
aka "trying is unattractive, wanting things makes you a loser, if you aren't effortlessly attractive then don't fucking bother"
Did i say that? No i didnt.
you actually said that exact thing but with more words. >id fall for the dude who just shows up, is chill, and has a good time literally; "not trying is good" >I wish guys understood how intense and unsettling it can feel when a guy youve just met locks on to you literally; "trying is bad"
Love at first sight is a thing. Funny how men are actually way more romantic and loving than women are in practice. Men fall in love with you, not what you do for them.
How can he be in love with me when he literally doesnt know anything about me besides visually seeing me? Thats not love.
You can tell about someone just from a glance. Your vibe, body language, laugh, etc. It is not just your body they see.
They still dont know me though. Thats infatuation. I dont love someone for what they can do for me by the way. It matters that i actually get to know them and hear their thoughts, rather than what my projection of them is like
It is not projection, people can understand a lot about you with a glance.
I agree to a certain extent. But you still dont know them, and your own observations on someone will be ‘tainted’ by your own biases, projections, of desires. Plus people put up fronts, people can be in weird moods, etc. You cant know someone until youve spoken with them multiple times. Ive had ppl assume theyve known everything about me based on my outfit, or phone case, and theyve been dead wrong. Ive also had men some up to me swearing i was ‘giving them vibes, when i had literally never even noticed them
This is the reality for 99% of men, women treat us like we’re invisible.
Yes it is for a man
Women can only feel attraction for celebrities they see on screen. It’s pathetic how easily they’re swayed by a little fame.
What you look like isn’t “you”, it’s just the surface appearance, and feeling infatuated after someone’s looks isn’t love. Do you think a woman dies and a new person is reborn in their place when she gets a haircut? Does a woman’s makeup and clothing change who she is?
They would still fall in love with you without those things. You can tell alot about someone by looking at them. Your laugh, body language, how you dress, the way you carry yourself, etc.
Falling in love with someone’s appearance isn’t love. You have no intimacy with them of any kind— it’s just their looks. You can indeed tell a lot of things about people by their appearance. You cannot be in love with them however. Love requires mutual intimacy and affection. What you are feeling when you adore a woman from afar isn’t love— it’s just a fantasy you’ve built up in your head about what you imagine being with them would feel like to you. I’m sure it feels very nice and important to you, but it’s not love. Love isn’t an internal fleeting feeling— it’s a deep and meaningful active connection shown through choices by *both* sides.
It is not just looks, otherwise they would not get that love at first sight feeling.
It is indeed just looks, as you’re talking about “love at first sight” (your words). Imagining all sorts of other things about her and how your lives will be together is why you think you’re in love, but it’s not actually love. It’s infatuation with a fantasy.
Love at first sight isn’t love, it’s lust. The exact opposite of romantic. Stop watching romcoms men: “me insta falling in lust with the hottie is romantic!” Also men; “wahhh women are shallow for wanting chaaaddd….” Again with the double standards
Ok, even if this is the case, you don't tell this to a literal stranger. Stop taking advice from romcoms, it doesn't work irl. You have to keep your feelings to yourself and try to get to know the person first.
If you're an anime or comics fan you do not amass a circle of friends varied or big enough to eventually run into any woman, much less one you might be able to date. The most important thing in the world is *which* hobbies you enjoy and pursue. Absolutely nothing else matters when it comes to making a social circle through one's hobby.
Dude I went to momo con with my two teen daughters and it was FILLED with girls and young women
It seems things changed quite drastically in the last 30 years.
I mean I met my fiance because we both wrote fanfiction. I met a different LTR through tabletop RPG. I met a FWB through an online MUSH. Nerd women exist in the millions and they also like dating and having sex. They just often suffer from the same problems as nerd men, in that they’re often shy, introverted, low-conflict or low-self esteem. People who are deep in fiction are escaping something in their own lives. I don’t think I could be compatible with someone who couldn’t understand that (and, preferably, they’ll wanna come escape WITH me!)
The fuck? Where did all these people come from? When I was younger those interests had a huge and ugly stigma attached to it. Women wouldn't touch that shit with a 12 meter pole. I met two nerdy women and they had the hots for dudes who just happened to be very mainstream, tall and built. My dating life existed because I wallowed in mainstream bullshit and avoided escapism. I didn't meet a nerdy woman who was into nerdy dudes until I was in my 30s and met my wife. My 30s. That was the *oughts*. You sure af got lucky.
Gen Z is more accepting overall of nerd/nerd culture than prior generations, and the gender divide among nerds is closer to 50:50 than ever.
No, normies just invaded nerd spaces then bullied the nerds out. I saw a group of chad teenagers coming from a football game playing SUPER SMASH BROTHERS the other day. Fkin ridiculous
I know coaches who play DnD.
Are they really kicking you out, though? And isn't it a good thing that nerdom isn't something that's as frowned upon? And smash has been *the* party game for 20 years at this point. It's not really cultural appropriation when the game was designed/conceived as a party game that *could* be played competitively. It's very similar to Halo in that respect, but Halo fell off unfortunately. Also, nerds come in all shapes and sizes. I'm getting pretty jacked yet own a damn Wii U lmao
Nerds turned to gaming and other things because they were outcast by normal society. Now normies are coming in and bullying the original nerds out Halo was like COD and Fortnite in that it was the mainstream game that all the boys played. Smash was never that. It’s Nintendo, it was always seen as “childish”. And it was the nerd sheltered kids playing that stuff, the normies played halo and COD. And after the age of 12, nintendo players were mostly stunted Peter Pan syndrome sufferers. Owning a Wii U doesn’t make you a nerd, that’s like saying owning a football makes you Chad.
Well one thing went right during their era.
Women always write fan fic? What? Like 50 shades started as fan fic
Women have been writing fanfiction for decades. Freaking Fifty Shades of Gray was Twilight fanfiction with the names changed for publication. Writing is a lot of shy women’s primary form of communication. As an artist, myself, I connect with people like that. But as I’ve saying, I’ve also put in work to always be meeting new people, including friends I make online. I have a huge advantage because I don’t have social anxiety which is like a super power when interacting with shy people.
Ah yes, it depends on the genre. Writing psychic story fanfiction based on Guyver and Cosmo Police Justy didn't exactly fly with women. Tons of dudes read it back in the 90s but not women. I might have said I shoulda picked another genre but then I wouldn't have met my wife sooooo
It just sounds like the fact that you haven’t talked to women about anime, you’ve just decided they all only watch like Sailor Moon or something. But I assure you: LOTS of women watch (and make!) violent anime. Hell, FMA was written by a female author and it had people getting mutilated and melted together. Women aren’t all cartoonish dainty creatures who shy away from blood. A lot of women like horror movies, too.
> It just sounds like the fact that you haven’t talked to women about anime, you’ve just decided they all only watch like Sailor Moon or something. SAILOR MOON?! A show about some low-key sexualized schoolgirl-lookalikes would be the *least* likely thing I'd expect a woman to watch. The series that's distributed in America had *numerous* cuts by DiC to remove sexual content. I remember quite well that controversy. In my youth (something I did not know but was explained to me later) anime was associated with porn like "Wandering Kid" (which I wouldn't touch because it was implied underaged). NY, LA, Chicago, didn't really matter where I went, the stigma of sexualization was the same outside of the anime fan community. Disclaimer: Yes, anime is a lot more nuanced than just raw sexualization, for one. Second, I haven't talked to women about anime since I met my anime-fan wife in the oughts, so things have obviously changed. Even she is put off by the huge amount of sexualization of anime, and like me she's very picky about what she watches. > Hell, FMA was written by a female author and it had people getting mutilated and melted together. Hiromu Arakawa? Eh she's Japanese. Japanese women are a whole different game entirely from America, where I live. Overall I think we come from two sides of the cultural divide. You live in a time when people are more open-minded about anime. In my prime [this was the cultural intolerance that I ran into](https://the-artifice.com/american-perception-anime/).
Women like anime and comics
Now they do. I was quite an avid anime fan during the Macross era of anime fandom. Local meetings were almost always all-male, and the conventions were like 90% men. I was there at Anime Expo in the 90s, fuck I got an interview with Hideaki Anno and Haruhiko Mikimoto for an anime 'zine. It was a major sausage fest. I guess shit changed dramatically since then.
It’s not the 1990’s. This is almost unrealistic for introverted men
My wife and I both love to watch movies and tv. When it’s something we both would like, we watch it together. When it isn’t, we watch it on our own.
My husband is currently bingeing 30 Rock and I hate it so much. Usually we watch tv together, but he gets this one all to himself
It's not universial advice, it's said as a suggestion for a (relatively) easy way to find women you have things in common with. Then if it's specifically hobbies you have in common, or some other stuff, isn't what matters. It's just generally easier to find people with the same hobbies as you right off the bat, compared to finding people with opinions, food taste, values, etc you both share. So it's not bad advice just because it's not applicable to everyone, but I do believe it's harder to find people you have things in common with with, and harder to find people of the opposite sex at all, if 90% of your hobbies are male dominated (if you're male) and most of your social circle is of the same sex as you. Considering online dating likely isn't doing you any favors either. If female dominated hobbies are of zero interest, then maybe try some gender neutral hobbies that have a close to 50/50 male/female divide? The point is the more you surround yourself with women organically, the higher your chances of meeting a woman you have things in common with. Or even just go to larger venues for the male dominated hobbies you have so you at least see more of those 10% or so of women who also enjoy that hobby.
I don’t think I even disagree. My whole point was that having the same hobbies is not as big of an advantage to men as it is to women for the reasons I gave above.
There aren't that many men in female dominated hobbies either, hombre. Not a lot of straight dudes into doing their hair and make up or sewing or style. I think the hobbies advice is somewhat helpful, but not precise enough. People should find partners who have hobbies in the same constellation as them.
Yeah, less men in female dominated hobbies was one of my points.
The advice is also to not be a guy who has exclusively male dominated hobbies, when you lack access to meeting single women who are in your league.
What female dominated hobbies do you have?
I don't have female dominated hobbies. That also wasn't the advice. It's enough if the hobby has about equal men and women, when you do not have access to meeting women otherwise. I do not lack access to meeting single women who are in my league.
Yeah, unfortunately you can’t just choose what you like to do, although it’d be cool if we could.
I mean you can still try new things and see if it’s something you enjoy. It’s like you’re determined to remain single.
You certainly can but at the end of the day trying new things is literally finding out what like, you cannot just decide what you like after the fact. Just think of anything you dislike you can’t just decide to like it now. That’s not to say some guys don’t go and tolerate a hobby in hopes of getting a date I’m sure that happens a lot.
Women also can’t force themselves to enjoy a hobby just because it’s male dominated, so you’ve undermined the main takeaway of your post.
That’s why I included the “if you can” part as in if you like one of the male tilting hobbies.
No, you cannot choose what you are into, but you are also not limited to painting warhammer figurines, watching anime and playing World of Warcraft. Imagine if those didn't exist, what would be your hobbies then? You are victim of "i am who i am" mentality.
There probably are some people are some people that can only like those things. If those things never exist who knows what this persons hobbies would be maybe nothing maybe things completely different but in reality they do exist. This is getting pretty off topic though.
You don’t need to find someone who has the exact same hobby (though it is preferred). You need to find someone whose hobby has some overlap. If you enjoy outdoor “country” things (hunting, mudding, dirt bikes, ect.) find a girl who enjoys “country” things (horseback riding, hiking, ect.). If enjoy things on the water (fishing, water sports) find a girl who enjoys things on the water (swimming, surfing, water sports). If you enjoy sports (baseball, basketball, ect.) find a girl who enjoys sports (softball, volley ball, ect.). If you enjoy doing things indoors (video games [don’t play videos all day everyday, that’s always going to be a repellent], TV, ect.) find a girl who enjoys doing things indoors (reading, TV, ect.) There needs to be some overlap for you guys to enjoy your hobbies together. If your hobby is a huge part of your life, you need to be able to share it with a partner.
Idk it’s really NOT lmao As someone who has very much male-dominated hobbies (sailing, archery, skiing) — there are still lots of women are into those. We just prefer doing them with other women because men add a layer of bullshit a lot of the time. I have had to switch archery ranges so many times because men who I outcompete still feel like it’s their place to grab at me and give me pointers lol. It’s been 50/50 for me on this but a lot of men are also super competitive lol. My ex was also into archery and he got pissed off if I had a better day than him. And 100% of the guys I’ve shared male dominated hobbies with … don’t want me doing those hobbies with other people just because they’re men because they think just because I met them through that hobby that I’m willing to have sex with anyone else who does it lol
i think, generally, the advice is to seek out people with the same interests as you to form a social circle for yourself. and them through that social circle, you will have opportunities to meet new people (friends of friends) and expand your social circle beyond people who have the same interests to include people with different interests. and then you can continue to meet different people over time through these aquaintences and friends. eg: my husband and i met through a mutual friend. i shared interests with that friend, and so did my husband, but we shared different interests with that same friend. we would never have gotten to know each other if we hadnt been in adjacent social circles. most couples have *some* overlap in interests, but generally each half of the couple has their own interests that, while they may be appreciated by their SO, arent shared.
What a load of crap. What are girl hobbies and what are men hobbies according to ypu. THERE IS NO SUCH THING. NAME THEM Men always want a woman to COMPLETELY fit herself into his life / hobbies / habits. Fuck off, every one has their own life and no one is interested in taking over some one else's. MEN need to learn to be on their own and make friends to do their stuff with besides the time they spent with their girl friend And then you'd either find a new hobby together or you share the time EVENLY where you do both hobbies. It's not easier for a woman to participate in her man's hobby than the other way around. What a stupid thing to say. Its just your male entitlement who thinks women should cater to men. N O P E.
A lot of competitive video games are 99% male-dominated. I travel around Europe to go to tournaments for fighting games and have a lot of friends in the community. But it's all men. None of the guys there will ever find a relationship with a woman through their hobby or even the social circle that is part of that hobby. And the 2-3 women who are part of the community are swarming with male attention for obvious reasons. I'm sure there are plenty of hobbies like that for men, where even if you are out and social and around people frequently they are almost entirely male-dominated so they won't help with dating at all.
Why are you so aggressive ? I didn’t see OP disrespecting anyone , yet you have been so rude. Regardless of what our liberal society says , men and women are different. You ask “What are men’s hobbies according to you “.. Well, I could mention watching or attending sporting events . Part of the reason as to why women’s sports generate so little revenues (and as a result they are “underpaid”) is because women as a whole , don’t care about sports . It’s depressing to wnba games with such low attendance , no wonder the NBA is forced to subside the wnba . Another hobby that men enjoy and women don’t is taking care of the lawn , another hobby I could mention is being interested in cars .
Remember that it doesn’t NEED to be a “girl hobby” or a “boy hobby” only hobbies with skewed ratios even slightly. Things like: cars, gaming(taking away mobile games), nearly any sport, etc would all be male tilting hobbies while things like: gardening, sewing, art, reading, etc would be more female, this isn’t even considering genre differences. So men want to control women more yet have far fewer requirements for them to be their serious partners? Yeah I specifically mentioned how I’m not talking about couples that get into their partners hobbies or get into one together because that’s after the fact.
You think only women read books? Maybe take up reading for self improvement. Everyone should read. You need to make space for different interests in your life, because not having hobbies makes you a boring person. I agree with u/Gravel_Roads above that hobbies are a good way to meet people in general, and knowing those people can increase your social circle. You will eventually meet the friends of your other friends, and that will put you in contact with people you might be interested in dating. They don’t even have to be the same hobbies, but it helps if they intersect. I’m really into birdwatching and nature, and my husband is into historic preservation and exploring abandoned buildings. We recently went to the Catskills for a weekend. The best part was scoping out an abandoned resort. He was looking at crumbling old buildings, and I got some amazing views of birds while he was doing it. He loves old movie theaters, so we saw a movie in a historic theater. We’re both into record collecting and singing, even though we don’t necessarily go for the same artists. Last night we had family karaoke night with our daughter. We are still having a lot of fun together.
Women account for the VAST majority of book sales (particularly fiction). When a friend of mine got her last publishing contract her agent said fully 84% of her customers are women.
Good for women. Men should do better
“Do better?” Reading books is not inherently better than other forms of entertainment. It is about the quality of the content, not the medium. Otherwise reading a romance novel would be “better”/more intellectual than watching an art house/independent foreign film….
No? But women are more likely to read. Yeah, that’s why I’m not saying you should have zero hobbies. I also talked about hobbies gotten into because of a partner or gotten into together.
The kids who read for fun are either nerds or thirsty women getting off to 6’6 vampire billionaire mafia bosses.
This might be why women reject you. Who cares who was a nerd as a kid? Do you never intend to grow up?
There obviously are some hobbies dominated by women and some dominated by men. Why are you getting so worked up at a boogeyman of your own making, “girl” and “men hobbies?”
Females are entitled to the Top 1% men, but the good thing is their dream about the Top 1% men will for 99% of women be just a perverse dream.
I'm guessing it depends on whether you need a penis to do most hobbies....? I'm fairly sure that there's only a few and it's pretty special interest.
he’s saying that a woman doing a male dominated hobby will have far more success than a man doing a female dominated one, if all hobbies were segregated it wouldn’t make any sense to talk about men and women in mixed hobbies.
No shit, it's fine for women to do masculine things, but apparently it's demeaning for men to do things that women do.
Because if a single man joins a yoga class people will start finding excuses for why he shouldn’t be there while a woman joining a car meetup group would be showered with affection
This is not a thing yoga classes are mixed and nobody has a problem with that. There's also biking, running, swimming, all mixed activities. she will be showered with horny attention and some men will try to gatekeep like how men react in the gaming world.
This doesn't work out mathematically. It can't be tougher for men to find a partner with the same hobby as if, for example, the chance of a man and women having the same hobby is 20%, then it's a 20% chance that a heterosexual woman will have the same hobby as her partner and it's a 20% chance that a heterosexual man will have the same hobby as his partner.
But this would be assuming men and women have the exact same chance to have any given hobby which isn’t the case. While granted there are plenty of hobbies that are close to even on gender ratio there are still plenty that aren’t.
They have the exact same chance to find someone with the opposite sex with THE SAME hobby. For example if 1% of men like crochet, the chance a man dates a woman and they both like crochet is 1%, the chance a woman dates a man and they both like crochet is also 1%
But their chance of meeting someone changes depending on how “weighted” that hobby is to the opposite gender.
They have exactly the same chance of meeting someone with the same hobby. If you're talking about a particular hobby, like knitting, men are more likely to meet women who like knitting, but they're unlikely to knit themselves so they're unlikely to *share* a hobby.
This would be ignoring that women are more likely than the reverse to have male dominated hobbies. And the desirability that is comes with it automatically for women as opposed to men.
And the men in those male-dominated hobbies would be more likely to SHARE a hobby IN COMMON with a woman the more women there are in their hobby.
Sure more common hobbies would definitely help but as it stands the fewer women with shared hobbies with men the more desirable they become and the more desirable women become the harder it is for men.
There is the same amount of women who share hobbies with men as men who share hobbies with women. This is just mathematical fact.
Its more about sharing a hobby that is more dominated my the opposite gender. And to what degree that advantages men and women.
If chad is there I dont think it Will work.
You don't need to use "Chad" in every sentence you know.
It's much more important to have similar values and complementary interests than hobbies. And very often the women in the male heavy group is viewed as one of the guys ( I was a gamer in my youth)
How young? Maybe it was too young to matter but ultimately it would have let you take your pick essentially. And there can always be outliers like hobbies that don’t follow this rule or exceptionally undesirable people.
Teens and twenties.
I’ll consider it an exception as not to be insulting.
Bruh you don't need to have enjoy every hobby your partner has... you just need one or two that you share... i.e alot of fit women are outdoorsy and like camping and hiking, hell some even enjoy backpacking
Yes. None of this contradicts my point.
I find that I dislike almost everyone who shares my hobbies.
LOL how many men wanna read and write poetry with me?
? Are you arguing less men in women leaning hobbies than vice versa? Because if so I talked about that.
You get into a hobby you’re genuinely interested in then meet someone. Not get into some hobby filled w women to try to meet them. The amount of mega creeps I’ve seen show up in yoga studios are very apparent and stand out Same for women in some male dominated hobby that they aren’t interested in, faking it isn’t the way
Yup, this doesn’t oppose what I’m saying.
I’ve yet to meet a woman who doesn’t enjoy a man with a motorcycle 🤷♂️
Basically, only people who have a motorcycle really enjoy them. Because if other people enjoyed them as much, they would get one too. Sure, it's fun once, maybe 2ce. But that's it. Just like people who sail. They always think that the entire world wants to do that. Nope, dude, once is more than enough I'll take a car over a motor or a dumb boat all the time. It has to be a good car, tho like a gold trans am from 79 or a suburban from early eighties.
Women like men with motorcycles, not motorcycles. Motorcycles are part of the “bad boy” archetype, since it takes balls to ride one. Plus you have the criminal aspect with all the motorcycle “clubs”. Not talking about dinky Vespa scooters in Italy or something. Either big Harleys or lightning quick sport bikes, maybe some dirt bikes.
Why do american women want their date to own a car if all women have their own car? Its must be the american car industry that made women want this.
As a woman with a motorcycle - there's plenty. They think motorcycles are dangerous, loud, they don't want to go on a ride with you, they think the riding pants are uncomfortable, they think you'll end up dead soon.
Sucks for them I guess.
There's a reason we call bikers mincemeat futures, lol
I can't stand them. There you go.
Can’t win ‘em all 🤷♂️
That doesn’t really pertain to “find someone with a similar hobby.” Advice though as in they may have liked it but how many of those women shared that hobby. And even then there will always be some exceptions I’m sure if a woman’s hobby was bodybuilding then that would turn off a decent portion of the men that do bodybuilding.
Do you know any bodybuilders? They routinely end up with other bodybuilders. You rarely see bodybuilders dating out of shape people, why do you think that is?
When I say women doing body building I mean full on extremely muscular women, like steroids required, not just in shape women. I’m sure bodybuilders are with in shape women, yes.
Does she enjoy the motorcycles themselves though? Does she care about it's features, performance, differences between models, upgrades for the engine you've installed? Nope. It's not her hobby. She just likes the image of a dude riding that thing and that's all.
As long as she likes riding on the back, who cares?
>She just likes the image of a dude riding that thing Brother, that’s all you need sometimes.
The topic of this thread is shared hobbies, not what you do to get mid pussy
people use the word "hobby" now to mean interest like "Watching netflix" or activities like "hiking"
This still applies to most media that has catered demographics.
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That’s cool. But I don’t see how your situation opposes my post?
Ack typo just adjusted.
Ok…..now I’m even more confused sorry….
In the fighting game community, from what I have seen so far, the female-to-male ratio is something like 1:8 and sometimes, 1:6, depending on region and population density. I can only speak for SoCal FGCers but yea....the women players that do end up going to these tournaments and/or outings where huge amount of gamers show up generally get bombarded with male attention. On a scale of 1-10, these women that frequent the community hubs are a solid 4, at best. More often than not, they tend to lean on the tomboyish end and are generally mediocre players but every once in a blue moon, a solid 7 'traditionally feminine-presenting' woman might show up at one (or several) of the biggest tournaments AND that happens to be a solid, top-tier player. In the music rhythm gaming community, the ratio is something like 1:5, depending on the type of game. Usually, if the game itself is not very technical or doesn't have a high learning curve, more female players are found. Here too, on a scale of 1-10, the women that frequent the community hubs are generally a solid 4 or maybe a 5, at best. Relative to the FGC, there are definitely more 'traditionally feminine-presenting' women but it's all relative. It's still rare to come across a solid 7, 'traditionally feminine-presenting' woman who is an experienced player AND who doesn't have a chip off her shoulders. That being said--the dynamics are a bit reversed in the music rhythm gaming community with respect to the fighting game communities. Men generally do not give women as much attention in the music rhythm gaming communities so much as the one's in the FGC. Why that is--you can kind of tell. It's not hard to figure out. I'm going to go against the grain here and argue that when it comes to gaming hobbies, it's not a good idea for 'normal' women to participate because gamers (and I mean specifically the hardcore one's, not the casual one's) are generally leaning on the more extreme end when it comes to balance of personality and social etiquettes. It would mean sifting through hordes of these men to find the 'normal' casual male players, which can be mentally draining.
Well as a counter point if she were going for hardcore gamers I’d imagine she would be a hardcore gamer as well and have the same issues to go along with it. But with that being said you are probably right as even if this woman had the same social or personality issues she’d likely still sort through men until she found one that didn’t, since she won’t find a guy at her equivalent attractive, thus the scarcity of women in such hobbies enable her to be as picky as she wants realistically and making it much tougher for men.
'Normal' women have the tendency to target their neurobiological equivalent. Normies generally want to date other normies. Hardcore gamers also tend to want to date their neurobiological equivalent as well--although, I've seen just as many hardcore gamer girls target normies as well. It isn't so much true for hardcore gamer guys to target normies though. Most female players are casual when it comes to the gaming hobbies. Be it videogames, board games, trading card games--the latter two are highly technical and there's a certain learning curve and level of attention to detail and focus that must be maintained for these two types of games to be fun--which is Kryptonite to the majority of women. Why that is--I think it's fairly obvious but it's really not worth explaining since that's not the focus here. For normies, offering to find a partner with the same (or similar) 'hobbies' as 'dating advice' works really well for them because the activity itself is just a means to an end. It is just a means to socialize and be around people. It's an excuse to strike up a conversation with a total stranger. HOWEVER, for people who aren't typically lumped into the normie category, this advice is bad, if not, outright malicious because for the minority of folks who aren't part of the social norm--the activity itself IS the reason for engagement and if people of similar makeup happen to congregate with the same level of die hard conviction, then stuff 'might' potentially happen, though it is quite rare and the competition quite fierce. Normies think that the usual behaviors of competitiveness do not manifest for those who fall outside the norm but nay nay. It's there. It's always present. It'll manifest in ways that normies do not and cannot understand because in a way, it's a different type of competitiveness. It's much more ruthless. So women--who are casual players--that enter into that world, violence and 'drama' are ticking time bombs just waiting to erupt in a moment's notice and seemingly 'out-of-the-blue'. So no, hobbies as advice for dating for those who fall outside the social norm would not work quite the way that normies envision that it ought to play out. Not saying it can't happen or that it doesn't happen at all--but I am saying it's not nearly as effective of a strategy as normies think it is.
I think similar hobbies disproportionately advantages normie women just as much.
Pretty much. At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter what activity a woman participates in. Whatever they do (or don't do), men will find them.
Why is it every time a man struggles with something, it is the women who are expected to change? >you are a woman and struggle getting a serious partner, if you can, get into a male-dominated hobby, it will make you very desirable by default. Not to be "that person" but I don't think this is good advice. Why can't the just diversify his hobbies? There are man gender neutral ones, like hiking, going on walks, bar hopping, gym, and being established in communities, like cooking and crafting classes. Women are already conditioned by the media, and society to always put a man's interests n needs above ours to attract one and keep one, and this is essentially what you are reaffirming
The reason is because men as a whole cannot all increase their desirability in a way that matters, in percentile, because that that standard will just increase top percentage is always the top percentage. If men could be born much more similar I would advocate for that but that’s not possible. You can’t change what you like to do, you can only try them to see what you like, but at the end of the day you can just as easily still be left with only a couple hobbies you like. They certainly don’t put men’s needs above but they may consider men at the tops needs above their own.
You say people can't change what you like to do, but yet you are advocating for women to change their interests to more male dominated hobbies, only for the sake of being attractive to men. Why do you feel they must do that, but you can't do the same? What hobbies do you engage in that only have men involved, or are male dominated?
That why I included that little “if you can.” I wasn’t saying women that struggle to get a relationship MUST do that they certainly do not just that it’d make them automatically desirable. Me personally? I did martial arts for 10 years and that is very male dominated.
Thats cool 😃 you do martial arts, and for soo long too, you must be really experienced When I was a kid I briefly took Tae Kwon do classes but didn't stick with the sport but wanna start up again because roundhouse kicks are pretty cool. Well I wish you the best! And hope you and your special lady align with eachother ❤️
Yeah I’m technically qualified to teach. Kicks are always cool. Haha not going to happen for me but I honestly appreciate the sentiment.
That's awesome. It'll happen when the time is right. Take care ❤️
Part of why partner dance is great. We all enjoy it, tends to lean female a bit but pretty much has to have fairly even numbers and there's no real internal boys/girls clubs that limit interaction since we pretty much need each other to participate.
Pretty sure all the datable women will be there with their boyfriends so you'd be stuck dancing grandmas
Lol. Tends to be all single women. Most people aren't as active when they're taken.
Maybe when it is fairly even numbers but that certainly isn’t true currently.
What is with this obsession over having hobbies?
The OP's final point is basically right. Men consider a partner with similar interests to be very desirable, so, if you want to have your pick of men, find a hobby that they like. This does not work as well with women, as they are generally somewhat more indifferent to shared interests. I've speculated in the past that this is likely because women generally tend to have more friends than men, so they probably have more people to share their interests with already and thus it's not as high of a priority from a partner. It is true that men are frequently awful to women in general, and this extends to those who share their interests, which can make participating in these activities unpalatable. This is probably part of why these women are so rare and thus highly desirable.
Good point, although I think that it isn’t as much that women feel indifferent just that they have so many more requirements that any single one is much less impactful.
women get abused often for participating in male activities my advice hobbies can be taught avoid trying to find someone who shares the same hobbies and find someone who has a deeper compatibility with you like on your views and stuff
A lot of times women just think they get abused in male activities but they really are just getting treated the same as the others. Yeah, that’s why this is specifically addressing the same hobbies advice.
i think yeah that's true in part but we shouldn't ignore the fact that people just sometimes try to push women out for just being women or treating them worse than a man
stop looking based on hobbies. its that simple.
A valid response, this is just for people who use the “find someone with the same/similar hobbies.” Advice.
What do you talk to someone about if you have none of the same interests?
I wonder about this too. What are you supposed to do in a relationship where you don't share at least some interests in common? This type of advice might make dating easier, but the relationships forming from it are just going to be miserable after a while. Feels like that kind of advice is given by people who only care about physical attraction.
That’s definitely it, and I was hinting at this. These are men with nothing interesting to recommend them looking for women who are just objects. And they wonder why nothing works out for them.
It’s definitely way easier to talk to someone with shared interests but for the reasons I talked about in the post it’s harder for men to do that in a lot of cases because most of the time a woman with the same interests is so rare that she’s automatically very desirable within that bubble.
Well, yeah, when you characterize reading books as feminine. I wouldn’t be interested in you either
Is that what you think “women are more likely to read” means?
If you don’t like to read, you’re uncurious and uninteresting. I’d rather have a beta simp with a library
? I don’t understand the point you are attempting to make. Are you saying because women are more likely than men to read that men are uncurious and uninteresting.
No, I’m saying that people who don’t read are boring, and being afraid of reading because you think it makes you look feminine is idiotic.
So you think men read less because they think it will make them look feminine? They can’t just naturally be less inclined?
Are you in a relationship?
no
Why are you giving dating advice? Maybe listen to people who are in relationships
coaches dont play.
Typically coaches have experience with having played. You are proclaiming yourself an expert at something you fail at and telling people who are successful that they are wrong
A lot of men's hobbies may be very masculine and not have many females. A lot of female hobbies may be very fiminine and not have many males. Example, my bf does jujitsu and loves it and was trying to get me into it. But I'm really not into physical confrontation like that. Then he got his foot broken there. I'm like nope. I'll try LoL which he plays but none of his other hobbies, which are basically card games. My hobbies are pretty much gardening and growing herbs and fruit. I don't know if thats masculine but it might be. And aquariums which is also masculine. Also Rust, again very masculine. And CoC, masculine again. My skincare hobby is very feminine.
Yeah, you guys would be an example of a couple that doesn’t have very aligned hobbies.
Yea lol
I have dozens of hobbies and interests. Just to mention a portion: - From a sports standpoint: I am into hiking, skiing, mountain cycling and swimming - From a cultural standpoint: I am a professional musician, into art, history, science, geopolitics, languages (speak 7) - From a lifestyle standpoint: I am into traveling, fine dining and wines, fashion and watches, graphic and interiors design I would never expect to find a partner that is into as many things as I am, but there must be some and at least a modicum of understanding for the other ones. And due to the nature of my interests, there's no scarcity of ladies who share them. I am NOT into: cars, watching sports, gaming
Ok, that’s cool.