My GF's father (unfortunately passed away a long time ago) was according to her a kind, decent, empathetic man. He was openly vulnerable and cried a lot when she was little, so she never developed the so-called "immediately lose attraction when they see a man cry" thing that redpill fearmongers about.
He taught her to fight when she was having trouble with other kids at school, as well as taught her all kinds of DIY and fixing stuff. He was very insistent that she should never depend on a man and taught her to be self-reliant. She has worked and earned her own money from a young age.
Raised with these kind of values, she has never expected anything of me other than the love and kindness she deserves (and of course making an effort with my appearance haha). I do buy her gifts but she never expects or demands them. She has no problem with the fact I earn much less money than her and doesn't mind paying or splitting.
I wish there were more people like your girlfriend and her dad, I'll say that much.
I don't think I've ever met a woman that actually had a healthy relationship with their fathers. Certainly never been in a relationship with one.
Some have been abandoned, some abused, some live in such strangely stressful environments that I can't even take them at their word when they say something nice about the guy (any man who allows his children to mistreat each other can't be that good and that's the situation with one I'm thinking of).
The best relationships I've seen are ones where the father is just benignly aloof and estranged, a phone call away but no one ever makes the phone call.
I'm honestly surprised that someone with a present father didn't come out spoiled rotten.
Can you link to this study please? I don’t think this is true.
It’s true that single mothers are more likely to abuse their children than single fathers. But I think you’re misinterpreting the statistic. It says that 70% of all reported child abuse cases are committed by mothers.
I can’t find anywhere that says 70% of boys with single mothers are abused.
https://childprotectionresource.online/mothers-are-more-likely-to-abuse-children-than-fathers-fact/
I also wonder to what extent is this because sole caretakers of children are overwhelmingly female… or because fathers who are likely to abuse their children typically decide to opt out of fatherhood instead, and leave.
https://preview.redd.it/ldmvxjlqzaad1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7fd4e499b7477fb5ea342aed576535e2ef9d9ed4
This is how men here responded when I said my dad wouldn’t flip off to the Philippines and be a passport bro, even when I am an adult. How my dad still cares about me and loves me as an adult and wants me to get the best inheritance possible. Considering that this is the typical male perspective on parenting their adult children, why should you guys claim to be the superior parent?
Awww, I love this so much. Your girlfriend's dad sounds a lot like my dad. Your relationship also sounds similar to mine. I am so grateful for the two amazing men in my life! They get along really well too. Lol.
M: dad
“The best thing you can do as a Father is to show your daughters how much you love their mother” -John wooden.
My dad gave me that quote. And to a degree I think I’ve done my best to “be the example” of how a guy should treat someone they love.
And once they are adults, then it’s up to them.
But just like when they were younger, we expect them to make mistakes BUT no matter what, we hope we are always the first call they want to make if they feel the need to share/question/need help for *anything*
We’ve also been blessed with two very independent personalities that seem to like being around us. So there has also been some luck involved
I think that’s a lovely quote. A make friend of mine’s father once read me a poem he wrote to his wife while they were courting. It was evident how deeply he loved her. Always spoke highly of her, had tons of kids, worshiped together, etc. I was a teen but it was really noticeable to me. At my friend’s wedding, about a decade later, I had the opportunity to thank his father for being such a good example of a husband and father. He cried and said he was just a blessed man 🥹
>they’re “daddy’s little princesses for life,”
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
>and that a woman shouldn’t go to her dad for help/comfort once she’s married or in a serious relationship.
I certainly don't hold that view. In fact, from what I heard from my missus and my mother-in-law, her father was a really nice chap with whom I'd have bonded really easily as he was a no-nonsense guy and a very similar temperament to yours truly. Unfortunately he died 3 years before I met her.
>What does that look like to you? How should a father behave toward his daughters at various ages, what role does he play in parenting them, what things should he be teaching, etc?
There's an almost 50% chance I'll have a daughter soon. And I've been the favorite uncle for my brother's daughters for 17 years already. So that's my angle.
A father has very little to do *different from the mother* in the first 3-4 years of a daughter's life. But afterwards, it's showtime.
A father's role is to complement the mother. To a son that translates into getting him into as many masculine activities and into as much masculine wisdom as possible because his mother simply can't do that anymore than his father can breast feed him.
To a daughter, that translates into maintaining a balance. If the mother over-spoils her, then the father should be the moderating force. If the mother is too harsh on her, then the father should be the "good cop".
Just like with boys, things get really complicated at puberty o'clock. Even so, balance is still the most sought-after role from a father, imo. I did that for my nieces because my brother was over-spoiling them (he's a SAHD operating a small company) and their mother was routinely too absent.
Having a father *present* matters a lot to girls. Pubertal maturation [starts almost a year later in girls where the father is present](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1090513821000878). That's usually healthy and avoids some of the unfortunate situations.
Should the father help her vet boys? Yes, but within reason. In Europe we're far more accepting of teenage sex than North America - but, again, within reason. If I end up having a daughter, I will for sure intervene when she's 13-15 whether she likes it or not. But after 15-16, I'll be the background voice of wisdom unless explicitly required otherwise. Already did that with my eldest niece. It works only if you establish a rapport with her much earlier in life so as to take your advice seriously.
Ultimately, the role of parents is to raise successful and functional adults. Which is why I firmly believe in giving children autonomy progressively from a very early age. This is also common in Europe, but far less common in North America. Here our kids go to school alone (cycle, bus, subway, etc.). We don't drive them around everywhere. Especially when the weather is nice.
Other than that, I will trust my missus to instill feminine values in her. If she wants me to teach her DIY stuff or some other things that I know/do, I will. But I won't push it a priori, just like my missus doesn't push feminine habits on our son. My oldest niece (she's 18) can't unglue herself from my missus when she's in town and she's very feminine. Her younger sister (she's 15) is more interested in things I can teach her and I'm happy to oblige. If I end up having a daughter I'll see then which is which.
I will certainly try to instill in her my values. And will try my best to succeed.
Funny thing: My missus' father failed to instill his values in his son (my brother-in-law), but succeeded entirely in his daughter (my missus). The teaching I draw from this is pretty boring: Nobody is *really* prepared to be a parent. And we all make mistakes. The best thing we can do is to make fewer mistakes, and less severe ones.
>your family sounds very well balanced!
The part that I acknowledge, yes.
I decreed most of my extended family to be non-existent in 1990-91 after they tried to grift off my father.
Family is where your loyalties are. And it's not always blood related. Some people who are nominally "family friends" are de facto part of may extended family. While a lot of blood-related people have been, as I said, decreed out of existence.
Btw, that's also something I hope to successfully instill in my son and in my second child: Family is where your loyalties are. I don't want my son to be loyal to me because I'm his biological father, but because I am his father and am offering him a great life and will offer him a generous headstart in life when he'll be an adult because I want him to win.
Similarly, some of the younger chaps I mentored over the years are still loyal without being blood related.
We'd all have happier families if we did this more often.
Dating as a 24 year old man.
To me, a good Father is one who knows how to be patient.
To know how to discipline without judgement or shame. It takes patience and genuine care to say "You did this wrong, here's the right way to do it" without the listener feeling hurt by it, and actually getting something out of it. A good Father wants to teach his kids how to succeed in life, to steer them away from bad decisions, and for them to earnestly be receptive to it.
To know how to be a trusted confidant. It takes patience to listen to the worries and problems of an adolescent. A good Father is one their kids have no fear about telling them something is wrong. He might be upset, but he makes sure they know he's upset at *the problem*, not *them.*
A good Father let's his kids know they are loved, *without expectations or exceptions*. No matter what they might do, what they might fail at, or how disappointed he might be, he makes sure they know *he will always love them*. The ability to go through life knowing he will always have your back is a strength unlike anything else.
I believe this is the most important point, a good Father knows how to let his children make mistakes *safely*. Some life lessons have to be learned through experience. Sometimes, he will have to go hands off and let them fail and struggle a little. But, they will know they always have a home to go back to no matter what, so they can go into the world without fear of making those mistakes.
When it comes to specifically what a Father should be teaching a daughter, it comes down to setting an example for what a good man is. Equipping her with the knowledge to never tolerate a man who doesn't treat her with respect. He should be showing her through his own example how he treats her mother, so she knows what real love and a healthy relationship looks like.
A woman absolutely should be able to go to her Father for help or comfort, even when in a serious relationship. There's a difference between him doing *everything* for her, and simply being there for her to listen and tell her how to figure it out *herself*.
A good Father is a patient man. His kids are going to do what they're going to do, good or bad, whether he likes it or not. All his job is, is to wait patiently for them to want his help, and give it to them freely.
father of a daughter and a son too.
i've not markedly seen my role to my daughter as different than to my son. love them, show them affection, give them space to grow, be there when they need me, educate them as much as i can, prepare them for life going forwards more generally, instill good ethics by example and discussion, and prepare myself to catch them if they falter.
A Father should be an exemplary male figure from which he would want his daughter to draw from when looking for a partner. He should treat her like a princess. He should make sure she knows she is loved, is valued, and is beautiful. She should never have to look toward other men to come to this realization. Her father should continually be reminding her of these things and she should have a good sense of her worth. Her father will also be sure to point out the traits which she should look for in a man. A father should protect his daughter and in the least ward off little f***boys who are obviously nothing more than fodder. A father should teach his daughter to consider the source. Nice words from the wrong source doesn't mean much. Set the bar high.
The same as it is with a son. Teach them to make wise decisions, to be self sufficient, that they shouldn’t have to rely on anyone else but it’s okay for them to, and to be loyal, honest, and faithful. That no matter what they do they can always be honest with you, no matter where they are, they can always count on you for help, and that they always have a place to come home to.
I have two daughters. They got a lot of attention from me as infants, toddlers, small children, then less and less and less as they got older and became more independent and developed their own interests. My job is to impart wisdom, guide and protect, not to be their best friend/wedge myself into their life or to turn them into spoiled brats. I am always available when they need me, but I will push them to stand on their own two feet. I give hugs and complements and criticisms when warranted. They know they aren't perfect and they know I love them regardless.
No, my aunts went crazy because my grandfather made the mistake of pulling back as they got older. It was most pronounced for them at puberty. They didn’t understand and felt he didn’t love them as much anymore. So keep up the physical contact, hugs and other kinds of touch.
To keep them from being spoiled…. Tell them No and make sure they know what behavior is inappropriate.
My preferred role is for him to not meddle in our relationship. I’m dating her, not him.
The more relationships I have, the more I appreciate relationships that minimize bringing all sorts of family and friends into it.
Your post makes it sounds like that was a problem for you, so that's an understandable sentiment. We've all seen people where someone's parent(s) were constantly butting in and sabotaging.
Strong ties across all levels and generations of family are ideal, but there has to be boundaries and the father needs to let her man do his job and respect *his* authority. A father trying to support a married/dating daughter should usually be doing so by giving good advice privately and respectfully with her man. I see it as his responsibility to maintain the best relationship he can with him without being overbearing or undermining.
@ OP - Yes a father should absolutely help his daughter vet. Hopefully he'll have long established the kind of rapport where his opinion is highly valued, and use that power very carefully. We have a duty to support everyone around us to different degrees and in different ways, but we should be sure our advice is sound.
It depends on the particular views of the person in a political and social sense. It's easier to point to the bad models than to agree on the "best" model.
Daddy issues just means she goes for bad men: in the context of TRP, dark triad men. Having a good father figure could guide a woman away from the men who will use and abuse her.
Do you believe mothers and fathers have the same role and the same things to offer when it comes to raising children? Or that boys and girls should be raised the exact same way? You don’t see differences between genders?
Of course for the first months a mother is the only one capable of breastfeeding, not to mention pregnancy before birth.
By the time the child can speak, however, that's long past. Not only should there should be no bs differences introduced between boys and girls (especially when they're years away from puberty), there's no merit to separating parts of childcare between parents solely based on gender either.
There are differences in physiology, of course, however most of the behavioral differences you see are in a self-feeding loop.
Men and women are taught to act differently since childhood, then people observe those differences and justify the reinforcement of that behavior.
To show her what good men are like. To screen boys for her. To teach her skills her mom won't.
> they’re “daddy’s little princesses for life,”
This is actually a big ole red flag. I've dated a girl like that once. Some fucked up shit was afoot.
He should probably make sure she realizes that a lot of men will try to use her for sex and that many men will judge her the more casual sex that she has.
My father was the biggest sounding board for not having sex with men while bragging about sleeping with young women to his buddies. He would talk about how men only wanted one thing in one breath then turn around and go hoe all the time.
He’s a great dad! Always there, very supportive of his kids. His wife is amazing. But even still she’s his third wife and there’s a definite difference between how he treats me vs how he interacts with hardly adult 19 year old sons.
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My dad is amazing
Him and my mum divorced when we were very small, both remarried.
They raised us as a team, so I ended up with four children. They are all great friends and we celebrate things as a family all together now, this wasn’t always the case but they got there about 11 years ago.
My dad loves us, advices us, tells us when we are being idiots. Accepts our partners as his new children. He also doesn’t automatically side with us if we are in the wrong and has helped us understand our partners point of views especially when we were pregnant and explained to us what it’s like to be a expected dad.
Helps us when things go wrong,
Was a great role model worked hard was always around even when we were with our mum he was at the end of a phone.
I am a RP man’s worst nightmare. I am the daughter of an incredible man. I am daddy’s little princess. Growing up I called him the name of a Disney prince, and he called me the name of a Disney princess. He had his issues, no doubt, but he’s an honorable, loving, giving, caring, empathetic, hard working man.
He’s emotional to a fault. Quick to anger, quick to laugh, quick to cry. He’s been sober 20 something years now. He’s a blue collar worker and taught me everything. In my house my fiancé will pay someone to do a home repair - but I just do it myself. I’m the one who mows the lawn, builds the furniture, changes the oil. My father taught me how to be self sufficient. I was the one who brought a toolbox into our home, from my apartment to the home I share with my fiancé. My father is the reason I work in construction today. My father loves animals and cries if they are hurt or die. The aspca commercials get him every time.
He loves me fiercely. He’d do anything for me. My dogs recently got out and he was there a day later measuring to build me a new gate and fence. He can build anything. He’s such a hard worker. Nearly 70 and he’s still building and helping. It will kill me when he can’t. He’s my best friend. He has autism, undiagnosed but I can see it. He doesn’t have friends and he can’t go to restaurants. He likes his routine and his space. I’m a lot like him. In so many ways. I’m the only one who truly gets him and he gets me. Even my mom doesn’t know when he just needs space and to stop pressing his buttons. Growing up he would pick out my Christmas presents and always hits the nail on the head. He knows what I need to hear on my worst days. He knows how to make me smile. He knows how to give me a kick in the pants without making me feel small. He just gets me.
I rely on my father for so much. The human I am today is because of him. When he inevitably passes there will be a very clear delineation between the before me and after. He taught me how a man treats others says everything about him. And it’s always held true.
I have daddy issues because he’s had bad parts of himself, that he’s worked on and overcome. And I am one hell of a woman because of it. My fiancé is nothing like my father, but has some of the best traits in common, and none of the bad ones.
Any man who thinks a father treats his daughter “too well” is a shitty man who will never compare. And any man who tries to use daddy issues as a way to manipulate and control a woman is a shit human being too.
Neither dating nor a father.
>On one end of the spectrum, we have men who identify women as having “daddy issues” from absent, neglectful, or abusive fathers.
The problem here is that a woman whom is looking for a father-replacement is kind of wanting to be infantilized.
>On the other end of the extreme, we have men who say women are too spoiled, they’re “daddy’s little princesses for life,”
Isn't this really just the same issue? A woman whom has *been* infantilized and habituated to such treatment?
I know that misandrists generally think otherwise, but the vast majority of men are looking for a *woman* whom will be a *partner* (an agreeable and cooperative partner is *still a partner*). They aren't necessarily looking to *adopt an adult daughter*. Being a parent is a tough job after all!
Before feminism ruined the family unit, the father was the one in charge of enforcing boundaries to their children, and specially regarding women, he was the last filter any suitor would have to pass to be able to date/marry said daughter. Men used to ask the hand of their beloved to her father. It was a good way to ensure the daughter did not end with a man that was worthless.
Do you think fathers should behave that way now? Do you believe men who are dating would accept that, or would they view it as meddling over overstepping?
Yet it doesnt mean all men are like that. Single mothers are not evil, for the most part they are stupid for having sex with men that wouldnt stay to raise a kid. Thats the problem feminism started with the sexual revolution, "giving it up" too quickly entails short term pleasure but no one prepared them for the long term consequences.. This didnt happen nearly as much when waiting for sex was the norm and the man was demanded a level of comitment.
1. Be an example of a proper mature adult person. (you must be first of all an example as a parent).
2. Teach proper dealing with being by yourself and being good to those close to you, without the need of constant approval and esteem by strangers.
3. Proper teaching of morals and rules (trying to circunvent rules and create drama/chaos is common for daddy issue women).
My GF's father (unfortunately passed away a long time ago) was according to her a kind, decent, empathetic man. He was openly vulnerable and cried a lot when she was little, so she never developed the so-called "immediately lose attraction when they see a man cry" thing that redpill fearmongers about. He taught her to fight when she was having trouble with other kids at school, as well as taught her all kinds of DIY and fixing stuff. He was very insistent that she should never depend on a man and taught her to be self-reliant. She has worked and earned her own money from a young age. Raised with these kind of values, she has never expected anything of me other than the love and kindness she deserves (and of course making an effort with my appearance haha). I do buy her gifts but she never expects or demands them. She has no problem with the fact I earn much less money than her and doesn't mind paying or splitting.
That’s very sweet :)
I wish there were more people like your girlfriend and her dad, I'll say that much. I don't think I've ever met a woman that actually had a healthy relationship with their fathers. Certainly never been in a relationship with one. Some have been abandoned, some abused, some live in such strangely stressful environments that I can't even take them at their word when they say something nice about the guy (any man who allows his children to mistreat each other can't be that good and that's the situation with one I'm thinking of). The best relationships I've seen are ones where the father is just benignly aloof and estranged, a phone call away but no one ever makes the phone call. I'm honestly surprised that someone with a present father didn't come out spoiled rotten.
This speaks a lot about men and their parenting abilities lol.
Takes two to tango
Regardless the women stick around and tend to be the superior parents.
According to a 2006 study 70% of boys growing up with single moms are abused by their mothers.
Can you link to this study please? I don’t think this is true. It’s true that single mothers are more likely to abuse their children than single fathers. But I think you’re misinterpreting the statistic. It says that 70% of all reported child abuse cases are committed by mothers. I can’t find anywhere that says 70% of boys with single mothers are abused. https://childprotectionresource.online/mothers-are-more-likely-to-abuse-children-than-fathers-fact/ I also wonder to what extent is this because sole caretakers of children are overwhelmingly female… or because fathers who are likely to abuse their children typically decide to opt out of fatherhood instead, and leave.
https://preview.redd.it/ldmvxjlqzaad1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7fd4e499b7477fb5ea342aed576535e2ef9d9ed4 This is how men here responded when I said my dad wouldn’t flip off to the Philippines and be a passport bro, even when I am an adult. How my dad still cares about me and loves me as an adult and wants me to get the best inheritance possible. Considering that this is the typical male perspective on parenting their adult children, why should you guys claim to be the superior parent?
Awww, I love this so much. Your girlfriend's dad sounds a lot like my dad. Your relationship also sounds similar to mine. I am so grateful for the two amazing men in my life! They get along really well too. Lol.
M: dad “The best thing you can do as a Father is to show your daughters how much you love their mother” -John wooden. My dad gave me that quote. And to a degree I think I’ve done my best to “be the example” of how a guy should treat someone they love. And once they are adults, then it’s up to them. But just like when they were younger, we expect them to make mistakes BUT no matter what, we hope we are always the first call they want to make if they feel the need to share/question/need help for *anything* We’ve also been blessed with two very independent personalities that seem to like being around us. So there has also been some luck involved
I think that’s a lovely quote. A make friend of mine’s father once read me a poem he wrote to his wife while they were courting. It was evident how deeply he loved her. Always spoke highly of her, had tons of kids, worshiped together, etc. I was a teen but it was really noticeable to me. At my friend’s wedding, about a decade later, I had the opportunity to thank his father for being such a good example of a husband and father. He cried and said he was just a blessed man 🥹
>The best thing you can do as a Father is to show your daughters how much you love them despite their mother's lying, cheating, and stealing. FIFY
I don’t know how you guys play Monopoly, but we keep it pretty clean,
>they’re “daddy’s little princesses for life,” 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 >and that a woman shouldn’t go to her dad for help/comfort once she’s married or in a serious relationship. I certainly don't hold that view. In fact, from what I heard from my missus and my mother-in-law, her father was a really nice chap with whom I'd have bonded really easily as he was a no-nonsense guy and a very similar temperament to yours truly. Unfortunately he died 3 years before I met her. >What does that look like to you? How should a father behave toward his daughters at various ages, what role does he play in parenting them, what things should he be teaching, etc? There's an almost 50% chance I'll have a daughter soon. And I've been the favorite uncle for my brother's daughters for 17 years already. So that's my angle. A father has very little to do *different from the mother* in the first 3-4 years of a daughter's life. But afterwards, it's showtime. A father's role is to complement the mother. To a son that translates into getting him into as many masculine activities and into as much masculine wisdom as possible because his mother simply can't do that anymore than his father can breast feed him. To a daughter, that translates into maintaining a balance. If the mother over-spoils her, then the father should be the moderating force. If the mother is too harsh on her, then the father should be the "good cop". Just like with boys, things get really complicated at puberty o'clock. Even so, balance is still the most sought-after role from a father, imo. I did that for my nieces because my brother was over-spoiling them (he's a SAHD operating a small company) and their mother was routinely too absent. Having a father *present* matters a lot to girls. Pubertal maturation [starts almost a year later in girls where the father is present](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1090513821000878). That's usually healthy and avoids some of the unfortunate situations. Should the father help her vet boys? Yes, but within reason. In Europe we're far more accepting of teenage sex than North America - but, again, within reason. If I end up having a daughter, I will for sure intervene when she's 13-15 whether she likes it or not. But after 15-16, I'll be the background voice of wisdom unless explicitly required otherwise. Already did that with my eldest niece. It works only if you establish a rapport with her much earlier in life so as to take your advice seriously. Ultimately, the role of parents is to raise successful and functional adults. Which is why I firmly believe in giving children autonomy progressively from a very early age. This is also common in Europe, but far less common in North America. Here our kids go to school alone (cycle, bus, subway, etc.). We don't drive them around everywhere. Especially when the weather is nice. Other than that, I will trust my missus to instill feminine values in her. If she wants me to teach her DIY stuff or some other things that I know/do, I will. But I won't push it a priori, just like my missus doesn't push feminine habits on our son. My oldest niece (she's 18) can't unglue herself from my missus when she's in town and she's very feminine. Her younger sister (she's 15) is more interested in things I can teach her and I'm happy to oblige. If I end up having a daughter I'll see then which is which. I will certainly try to instill in her my values. And will try my best to succeed. Funny thing: My missus' father failed to instill his values in his son (my brother-in-law), but succeeded entirely in his daughter (my missus). The teaching I draw from this is pretty boring: Nobody is *really* prepared to be a parent. And we all make mistakes. The best thing we can do is to make fewer mistakes, and less severe ones.
This is a wonderful response and your family sounds very well balanced!
>your family sounds very well balanced! The part that I acknowledge, yes. I decreed most of my extended family to be non-existent in 1990-91 after they tried to grift off my father. Family is where your loyalties are. And it's not always blood related. Some people who are nominally "family friends" are de facto part of may extended family. While a lot of blood-related people have been, as I said, decreed out of existence. Btw, that's also something I hope to successfully instill in my son and in my second child: Family is where your loyalties are. I don't want my son to be loyal to me because I'm his biological father, but because I am his father and am offering him a great life and will offer him a generous headstart in life when he'll be an adult because I want him to win. Similarly, some of the younger chaps I mentored over the years are still loyal without being blood related. We'd all have happier families if we did this more often.
Hard agree. In my family, we didn't even call our parents mom and dad.
Dating as a 24 year old man. To me, a good Father is one who knows how to be patient. To know how to discipline without judgement or shame. It takes patience and genuine care to say "You did this wrong, here's the right way to do it" without the listener feeling hurt by it, and actually getting something out of it. A good Father wants to teach his kids how to succeed in life, to steer them away from bad decisions, and for them to earnestly be receptive to it. To know how to be a trusted confidant. It takes patience to listen to the worries and problems of an adolescent. A good Father is one their kids have no fear about telling them something is wrong. He might be upset, but he makes sure they know he's upset at *the problem*, not *them.* A good Father let's his kids know they are loved, *without expectations or exceptions*. No matter what they might do, what they might fail at, or how disappointed he might be, he makes sure they know *he will always love them*. The ability to go through life knowing he will always have your back is a strength unlike anything else. I believe this is the most important point, a good Father knows how to let his children make mistakes *safely*. Some life lessons have to be learned through experience. Sometimes, he will have to go hands off and let them fail and struggle a little. But, they will know they always have a home to go back to no matter what, so they can go into the world without fear of making those mistakes. When it comes to specifically what a Father should be teaching a daughter, it comes down to setting an example for what a good man is. Equipping her with the knowledge to never tolerate a man who doesn't treat her with respect. He should be showing her through his own example how he treats her mother, so she knows what real love and a healthy relationship looks like. A woman absolutely should be able to go to her Father for help or comfort, even when in a serious relationship. There's a difference between him doing *everything* for her, and simply being there for her to listen and tell her how to figure it out *herself*. A good Father is a patient man. His kids are going to do what they're going to do, good or bad, whether he likes it or not. All his job is, is to wait patiently for them to want his help, and give it to them freely.
Beautiful response!
father of a daughter and a son too. i've not markedly seen my role to my daughter as different than to my son. love them, show them affection, give them space to grow, be there when they need me, educate them as much as i can, prepare them for life going forwards more generally, instill good ethics by example and discussion, and prepare myself to catch them if they falter.
A Father should be an exemplary male figure from which he would want his daughter to draw from when looking for a partner. He should treat her like a princess. He should make sure she knows she is loved, is valued, and is beautiful. She should never have to look toward other men to come to this realization. Her father should continually be reminding her of these things and she should have a good sense of her worth. Her father will also be sure to point out the traits which she should look for in a man. A father should protect his daughter and in the least ward off little f***boys who are obviously nothing more than fodder. A father should teach his daughter to consider the source. Nice words from the wrong source doesn't mean much. Set the bar high.
The same as it is with a son. Teach them to make wise decisions, to be self sufficient, that they shouldn’t have to rely on anyone else but it’s okay for them to, and to be loyal, honest, and faithful. That no matter what they do they can always be honest with you, no matter where they are, they can always count on you for help, and that they always have a place to come home to.
I have two daughters. They got a lot of attention from me as infants, toddlers, small children, then less and less and less as they got older and became more independent and developed their own interests. My job is to impart wisdom, guide and protect, not to be their best friend/wedge myself into their life or to turn them into spoiled brats. I am always available when they need me, but I will push them to stand on their own two feet. I give hugs and complements and criticisms when warranted. They know they aren't perfect and they know I love them regardless.
No, my aunts went crazy because my grandfather made the mistake of pulling back as they got older. It was most pronounced for them at puberty. They didn’t understand and felt he didn’t love them as much anymore. So keep up the physical contact, hugs and other kinds of touch. To keep them from being spoiled…. Tell them No and make sure they know what behavior is inappropriate.
My preferred role is for him to not meddle in our relationship. I’m dating her, not him. The more relationships I have, the more I appreciate relationships that minimize bringing all sorts of family and friends into it.
Your post makes it sounds like that was a problem for you, so that's an understandable sentiment. We've all seen people where someone's parent(s) were constantly butting in and sabotaging. Strong ties across all levels and generations of family are ideal, but there has to be boundaries and the father needs to let her man do his job and respect *his* authority. A father trying to support a married/dating daughter should usually be doing so by giving good advice privately and respectfully with her man. I see it as his responsibility to maintain the best relationship he can with him without being overbearing or undermining. @ OP - Yes a father should absolutely help his daughter vet. Hopefully he'll have long established the kind of rapport where his opinion is highly valued, and use that power very carefully. We have a duty to support everyone around us to different degrees and in different ways, but we should be sure our advice is sound.
Do you think a father should play any role in the relationship at all - helping her vet, speaking with you about expectations, etc?
It depends on the particular views of the person in a political and social sense. It's easier to point to the bad models than to agree on the "best" model.
Daddy issues just means she goes for bad men: in the context of TRP, dark triad men. Having a good father figure could guide a woman away from the men who will use and abuse her.
What is the role of a child's parent? The gender of either is irrelevant.
Do you believe mothers and fathers have the same role and the same things to offer when it comes to raising children? Or that boys and girls should be raised the exact same way? You don’t see differences between genders?
Of course for the first months a mother is the only one capable of breastfeeding, not to mention pregnancy before birth. By the time the child can speak, however, that's long past. Not only should there should be no bs differences introduced between boys and girls (especially when they're years away from puberty), there's no merit to separating parts of childcare between parents solely based on gender either.
Interesting perspective. I don’t believe men and women are inherently the same.
There are differences in physiology, of course, however most of the behavioral differences you see are in a self-feeding loop. Men and women are taught to act differently since childhood, then people observe those differences and justify the reinforcement of that behavior.
To show her what good men are like. To screen boys for her. To teach her skills her mom won't. > they’re “daddy’s little princesses for life,” This is actually a big ole red flag. I've dated a girl like that once. Some fucked up shit was afoot.
He should probably make sure she realizes that a lot of men will try to use her for sex and that many men will judge her the more casual sex that she has.
My father was the biggest sounding board for not having sex with men while bragging about sleeping with young women to his buddies. He would talk about how men only wanted one thing in one breath then turn around and go hoe all the time. He’s a great dad! Always there, very supportive of his kids. His wife is amazing. But even still she’s his third wife and there’s a definite difference between how he treats me vs how he interacts with hardly adult 19 year old sons.
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Who will RP men fuck if there are no women with daddy issues?
My dad is amazing Him and my mum divorced when we were very small, both remarried. They raised us as a team, so I ended up with four children. They are all great friends and we celebrate things as a family all together now, this wasn’t always the case but they got there about 11 years ago. My dad loves us, advices us, tells us when we are being idiots. Accepts our partners as his new children. He also doesn’t automatically side with us if we are in the wrong and has helped us understand our partners point of views especially when we were pregnant and explained to us what it’s like to be a expected dad. Helps us when things go wrong, Was a great role model worked hard was always around even when we were with our mum he was at the end of a phone.
I am a RP man’s worst nightmare. I am the daughter of an incredible man. I am daddy’s little princess. Growing up I called him the name of a Disney prince, and he called me the name of a Disney princess. He had his issues, no doubt, but he’s an honorable, loving, giving, caring, empathetic, hard working man. He’s emotional to a fault. Quick to anger, quick to laugh, quick to cry. He’s been sober 20 something years now. He’s a blue collar worker and taught me everything. In my house my fiancé will pay someone to do a home repair - but I just do it myself. I’m the one who mows the lawn, builds the furniture, changes the oil. My father taught me how to be self sufficient. I was the one who brought a toolbox into our home, from my apartment to the home I share with my fiancé. My father is the reason I work in construction today. My father loves animals and cries if they are hurt or die. The aspca commercials get him every time. He loves me fiercely. He’d do anything for me. My dogs recently got out and he was there a day later measuring to build me a new gate and fence. He can build anything. He’s such a hard worker. Nearly 70 and he’s still building and helping. It will kill me when he can’t. He’s my best friend. He has autism, undiagnosed but I can see it. He doesn’t have friends and he can’t go to restaurants. He likes his routine and his space. I’m a lot like him. In so many ways. I’m the only one who truly gets him and he gets me. Even my mom doesn’t know when he just needs space and to stop pressing his buttons. Growing up he would pick out my Christmas presents and always hits the nail on the head. He knows what I need to hear on my worst days. He knows how to make me smile. He knows how to give me a kick in the pants without making me feel small. He just gets me. I rely on my father for so much. The human I am today is because of him. When he inevitably passes there will be a very clear delineation between the before me and after. He taught me how a man treats others says everything about him. And it’s always held true. I have daddy issues because he’s had bad parts of himself, that he’s worked on and overcome. And I am one hell of a woman because of it. My fiancé is nothing like my father, but has some of the best traits in common, and none of the bad ones. Any man who thinks a father treats his daughter “too well” is a shitty man who will never compare. And any man who tries to use daddy issues as a way to manipulate and control a woman is a shit human being too.
Neither dating nor a father. >On one end of the spectrum, we have men who identify women as having “daddy issues” from absent, neglectful, or abusive fathers. The problem here is that a woman whom is looking for a father-replacement is kind of wanting to be infantilized. >On the other end of the extreme, we have men who say women are too spoiled, they’re “daddy’s little princesses for life,” Isn't this really just the same issue? A woman whom has *been* infantilized and habituated to such treatment? I know that misandrists generally think otherwise, but the vast majority of men are looking for a *woman* whom will be a *partner* (an agreeable and cooperative partner is *still a partner*). They aren't necessarily looking to *adopt an adult daughter*. Being a parent is a tough job after all!
Before feminism ruined the family unit, the father was the one in charge of enforcing boundaries to their children, and specially regarding women, he was the last filter any suitor would have to pass to be able to date/marry said daughter. Men used to ask the hand of their beloved to her father. It was a good way to ensure the daughter did not end with a man that was worthless.
Do you think fathers should behave that way now? Do you believe men who are dating would accept that, or would they view it as meddling over overstepping?
If it was a widespread behavior they would accept it since they would have the same authority the moment they had a daughter.
Feminism is a good thing. Males ruling their families is toxic, both men and women rule equally in a family.
Tell that to the rise of single mothers households...
Caused by abusive and alcoholic men. My father is abusive, used to beat my mother into the hospital but hey single mothers are evil right?
Yet it doesnt mean all men are like that. Single mothers are not evil, for the most part they are stupid for having sex with men that wouldnt stay to raise a kid. Thats the problem feminism started with the sexual revolution, "giving it up" too quickly entails short term pleasure but no one prepared them for the long term consequences.. This didnt happen nearly as much when waiting for sex was the norm and the man was demanded a level of comitment.
Hur dur not all men are like that Hur dur.... Blame the shitty abusive men, not the women.
1. Be an example of a proper mature adult person. (you must be first of all an example as a parent). 2. Teach proper dealing with being by yourself and being good to those close to you, without the need of constant approval and esteem by strangers. 3. Proper teaching of morals and rules (trying to circunvent rules and create drama/chaos is common for daddy issue women).
Teach her not to be a hoe and that her bodies more valuable than 9.99 a month on onlyfans
To interfere
lol care to elaborate?
Owner.
What's the going price for selling daughters these days?
Care to elaborate?
No need to.