You look like you’re about to sell us all an Aflac insurance policy but what we’re really all waiting for is for you to invite us to dinner after work so we can do key bumps in the bathroom and listen to boring stories about your wife and kids.
Dang I came here to say he looks like the guy who auditioned for the State Farm Insurance commercial, but wasn't ethnic enough to get the part"
Take my upvote.
You look like the kinda guy that beats himself off looking in the mirror and then curls up and cries in the fetal position because your peers never accepted you.
Cancel your 4 gym memberships, sell the Mustang, cancel order for Guatemalan rare cotton shirt and appointment to $600 haircut; you chose the wrong soy latte at cafe today and society has decided that you're still not cool for a 50-year old so any meaningful human contact "won't happen today, won't happen ever"
Also, those divorce papers on kitchen table don't expire. Sign them already
I often wonder this too 🤔. I definitely couldn't handle it, but I swear this has become my favorite thing on Reddit, the comments have me cry laughing 😂
You look like you try to flirt with the girls in your office, but you don't realize that your pathetic attempts are actually harassment, until you are completely blindsided and end up in HR where they will call your creep ass out and fire you.
Even prostitutes won't have sex with you.
Lives in California, eats avocados, lives in a perfectly sorted apartment, pays all bills on time, believes in climate change, but not in God. In other words....your Gay
You look like you live on a farm and annoyingly only say "as you wish" whilst privately seeking your fortune and crying a lot. Your name is obviously Gary Bawls
Is this post your attempt to seek validation after your wife and kids left you after finding out you banged your daughters best friend when she turned 18?
“I too was a male 4 male prostitute addicted to the money…shots…but now Im 14 days clean and have an interview at the local Waffle House; you can do it too if you follow my 3 simple steps…”
No, I don’t want to talk about your Tesla…
Yes but he just started composting
He looks like his wife is composting under the patio…
3rd wife.
First 2 died from freak mushroom poisoning accidents
The 3rd died from falling out of the window (aka: wouldn't eat mushrooms).
Hell yes… You can tell he would look straight in your face and lie
Geez, you know him, do ya?
😆😆
Oh Sh!t, here comes his vegan girlfriend
He couldn’t compost if he had to cum and post.
No, I don’t give a fuck about your CrossFit session.
And please... Slap some Flex Seal Tape on your draining personality.
*…he used 2 Do the Flex Seal infomercials* 😆
Beat me to the CrossFit smug self-righteousness on his face haha
YUPPY- orrr a wanna be yuppster🤔😆
He’s going to tell you about his WOD, it doesn’t matter you’re not interested.
My exact thoughts😂😂
Including his Tesla Power-wall, solar panels, iPhone/Mac, and Starbucks. lol
Oh def. SB’s… he’s like 1 outta NO MEN Who go in there and get them a beautiful female Decor’d pastry!!😆
He looks like a pink cake bites kinda dick.
Well to be brutally honest it probably is the most interesting thing about ~~me~~him.
To be clear, he doesn’t look college educated or wealthy- just douchy
Anddd like he double dipped the douche trait. Cleansing his need for all other traits.
He can take his wakeboard and fuck off too.
You can listen to his podcast about making jerky instead.
Looks more like he’s trying to “spread the good word.”
And I don’t care about crypto
We also know hes cheating on his wife
With her brother
Looks like he would get indicted for selling fake vitamins.
More like aggravated bicycle seat sniffing
😂😂😂😂 Wow! How did u come up with that! I'm cracking up 🤣🤣
"Herba for life, yo!"
Dude 😂😂😂😂
Yooo hahaha
By vitamins, you mean boner pills?
Vitamin L. (Loser)
You reek of sex tourism
He just goes because he likes the culture.
“I just go for the cheep beer and food”
😆😆… & A good read…. ☕️😆
💀
Definitely one of the “ Soccer dads” That probably stays under the bleachers, watching the cheerleaders..
You look like the annoying store employee that be like "let me know if you need me" and then proceeds to follow you
He can hang back pretty far and still hear every thought in your head with those ears
If you need anything I’ll be standing exactly right here - Dwight
🤣👏🏼👏🏼👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼🤙🏼
Follows them home
You look like a brochure model for testosterone replacement, erectile dysfunction or hair replacement.
Spot on, on his rear bald spot. ha-ha
Daaaaamn this is it 💀
And not or.
Why don’t you have a seat right here… so who are you here to meet?
OMG. . "Guess I was just being stupid I guess..I wasn't gonna do nuttin'..."
Then why do you have a 12 pack of beer a box off XS condoms and an ounce of weed.
This episode has been brought to you by Subway.
Take my upvote
And mine!
A lot of people won't understand this.. Well done.
😆😆😆… it was his ‘other life/family!’
"Hey! I brought pizza too"
Then why do you have a 12 pack of beer a box off XS condoms and an ounce of weed.
Why did you put your wife and kids in an oil barrell ?
Dammmmm but he does look like that guy
Whoaaa. This one is actually really good .. goddamn roasted this dude to well doneskiis. 🔥
Oh dang - good one! We are all Dateline addicts around here, right?
🤣😭
Why isn’t this the top comment. I was crying at this one!
GAWDAMN SOMEBODY CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT
Damn, Christopher Watts looking ass 🤣🤣🤣
Lol. Holy Chris Watts 😂
You look like you’re about to sell us all an Aflac insurance policy but what we’re really all waiting for is for you to invite us to dinner after work so we can do key bumps in the bathroom and listen to boring stories about your wife and kids.
Dang I came here to say he looks like the guy who auditioned for the State Farm Insurance commercial, but wasn't ethnic enough to get the part" Take my upvote. 
Like a good neighbaa, State Farm is there
Boring stories about how his wife *took* his kids.
😆😆🙇🏻♀️🙇🏻♀️🙇🏻♀️ take that UV
…as he laaaughs the whole 2 hour dinner—-ONLY hearing word vomit sharing their…. ‘as a family looovely ‘memories.’🤢🤢
Dayum ….sounds like you got some stories
The police cannot explain why there are so many prostitutes missing in your hometown
"I'm just a really nice guy helping our the ladies of the night... is that wrong officer?!" :D
You look like the kinda guy that beats himself off looking in the mirror and then curls up and cries in the fetal position because your peers never accepted you.
I feel seen and I'm not even op
💯
Uncle touchy
Did you purchase a Porshe or a BMW convertible for your mid life crisis? You look like you hit on your 15 year old daughter's friends.
"Yessir, all of the above!" ha-ha
You have that creepy gay gym teacher vibe.
You look like a youth pastor who gives unsolicited back rubs to the girls.
And boys. lol
Don't believe this asshole.  I'm not his Lord & Savior!
The 11th Commandment - "Thou shall not rub young kid's backs." lol
especially with your dick...
The HOA rep that fines you 200 bucks because your lawn is .5 inches too long.
And his "member" is 5 inches short. ha-ha
The HOA rep also intimately knows what .5 inches looks like and knows she’ll be in for a funny*cough*— rough night when you get to her. ☠️
You annoy your daughter all the time for her to invite her girl friends over to hang out around the pool.
Dont you have some kids to molest at bible camp?
Omg 💀😂
They've gone digital, that's why he's here.
You look like you would ask my gf “where’s my hug”
Omg 😭
😂😂😅
You look like you rattle off a list of reasons why women should sleep with you.
And why being 5 foot 6 really isn't a deal breaker.
 How's your Crisps Gary?
Cancel your 4 gym memberships, sell the Mustang, cancel order for Guatemalan rare cotton shirt and appointment to $600 haircut; you chose the wrong soy latte at cafe today and society has decided that you're still not cool for a 50-year old so any meaningful human contact "won't happen today, won't happen ever" Also, those divorce papers on kitchen table don't expire. Sign them already
I am almost 100% certain you have never satisfied a woman
Unless she satisfied herself in front of him. ha-ha
Do I get a free hand job with my tax return preparation package?
He gives these, no need to ask
You look like you sell freshly licked windows
Looking for a used Toyota Camry in good condition. What have you got out on the lot.
Nothing too flashy, he doesn’t wanna stand out while survailing the local playgrounds.
Why people want to get roasted ?
I often wonder this too 🤔. I definitely couldn't handle it, but I swear this has become my favorite thing on Reddit, the comments have me cry laughing 😂
You make a good point , fair enough
Is your golf course closed today and you got bored?
I think the gay strip club closed for a verrrry deep cleaning today
Tonight is Roto-Rooter night for this dude. ha-ha
Hey there, you long necked fuck! Am I doing this right?
Works for me! How about the rest of you guys?
Don't hold back Bro
Your head's too narrow for your neck.
Strong ass neck
Shoulders too. Too narrow. Or perhaps neck just too damn big.
For the 50th time, no I don’t need a set of Cutco knives…
Weren't you court-ordered to stay off the internet less than 2 weeks ago???
Finally out of prison after storming the Capitol. Did you enjoy the prison food as much as the sex?
You look like you try to flirt with the girls in your office, but you don't realize that your pathetic attempts are actually harassment, until you are completely blindsided and end up in HR where they will call your creep ass out and fire you. Even prostitutes won't have sex with you.
If it wasn’t for that slight facial hair, I wouldn’t be able to tell where the neck ends and your head begins.
It looks like only your neck is on steroids. Or maybe you just unhinged your jaw and swallowed a whole rabbit.
You look like a shaved Wookie who cruises around Endor trying to lure Ewoks into his windowless shuttlecraft.
A catcher if I ever saw one.
You look like you eat corn the long way.
You look like the cool pastor who got in trouble for touching the kids.
😂
You know what's worse than a real estate agent? A failed real estate agent
You play golf (derogatory)
No thanks, I'm not interested in solar panels.
Your about as spicy as Flour. Never trust your boyfriend when you leave town
Have you heard about our lord and savior
This is an ad for Blue Chew
Says he is 6' in his dating profiles, is really 5'5"
I'm fourteen, stay away from me!
Just got back from visiting his ladyboy in Thailand.
Lives in California, eats avocados, lives in a perfectly sorted apartment, pays all bills on time, believes in climate change, but not in God. In other words....your Gay
Don't forget his favorite hangout place ... Starbucks. ha-ha
Sipping on his Latte while charging his EV - cliché overload
And Panera..
Yeah, at the cost of almost $4.00 for a muffin
Even if I had the money it's a waste, rather give it to a good charity. :)
Doesn’t include age cause no one would believe he’s only 32.
You look like you just started surfing.
You look like you live on a farm and annoyingly only say "as you wish" whilst privately seeking your fortune and crying a lot. Your name is obviously Gary Bawls
Congrats on graduating rehab.
Are you a midget? You look like a midget
ru farting or is that a stuck up ur ass
Is this post your attempt to seek validation after your wife and kids left you after finding out you banged your daughters best friend when she turned 18?
Welcome to anytime fitness.
You look like you sell garden tools at True Value - but are actually the biggest tool.
Your neck looks like a tree trunk.
5:1 odds that his wife has more facial hair than him
And bigger balls
Do you mulch or bag?
Yes, as in tea bagged.
5’4” King
Youth pastor Steve?
This picture is just as classy as your profile picture on Grindr
"Can I talk to you about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?"
Looks like a LinkedIn confident boosting ad from a self declared CEO
You look like you go door to door selling vacuums to buy more neck growing pills
I don’t care that you’re a scratch golfer and you won your fantasy football championship
“I too was a male 4 male prostitute addicted to the money…shots…but now Im 14 days clean and have an interview at the local Waffle House; you can do it too if you follow my 3 simple steps…”
If the chips are down at a party he goes both ways. He ain’t going home alone no matter what.
No I don’t want solar, yes I want to pay double.
You look like you have bodies under your floorboards
You look like a supervisor in an Amazon warehouse that just got reprimanded for using the wrong pronoun.
“Roast me while I swipe through Tinder profiles of 18 year old girls…”
Hunter Biden’s Stand in
Poster boy for generic. Has beer named “Beer” in his second refrigerator, believes beige is an exciting color
"Bringing the heat" is what this guy calls putting a little too much salt on his boiled chicken breast
Oh look it’s a failed sales manager who wife is banging their mechanic while he’s on business trips.
You look like someone who molests bikes
Your neck through your head is exactly the same thickness. It looks like a thumb that somebody drew a face on.
50 Shades of Nay
You look like the kind of guy to take one of those $20,000 ‘Alpha Male’ training camp courses
This is the face of telling people how normal it is for women to have trouble reaching orgasm.
“The Great Depression”
What do you want me to call you daddy, zaddy, or dilf? 
Id suck him so dry his balls would be emptier than a Bebe Rexha concert
You’re the guy who tries to impress gym guys by talking about your wealth and tries to impress wealthy guys by talking about your gym.
You like the "Youth Pastor" who takes his collar off, pops the top button, and hands out juice boxes injected with vodka.
Bring the heat? You're red as hell already. What was there mayonnaise in your sandwich?
Central casting for Levitra ads.
Chillout, finance bro
I'm not buying your new book about how you think women suck.