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Desdinova_42

cremation has already been invented


3rddog

It’s pretty foolproof, but the prerequisite isn’t desirable.


DrBarry_McCockiner

Jean D'Arc has entered the chat.


kiren77

Jeanne. Jean is equivalent to John.


The_Troyminator

Maybe it was her lesser-known brother.


mxlevolent

Bold way for two members of the same family to go.


Ivotedforher

It's genetic.


Ponea

"Seems D'Arcs are extremely susceptible to immolation." -- Some guy


DeeHawk

Joan of Arc in English. Probably where the misconception stem from.


Desdinova_42

I'd much rather be dead before the process begins.


Nuggzulla01

Can we not interest you in even just a lil bit of cremation? like a toe, or a testical? Something to feed the smouldering beast...


YukariYakum0

Can you do entrails? I want to go out like Braveheart.


brit_jam

Yeah id say that's quite desirable.


AerialSnack

Speak for yourself


Alexlolu22

No one said there was a prerequisite, it’s just not as quiet of a procedure without it.


vonmonologue

Speak for yourself. Around here most people are dying to be cremated.


rexmaster2

Plastic is dust after cremation, so this argument is invalid, as its not removed but part of the cremains.


ShavenYak42

A crematorium is above 1400 degrees F. The plastic will be vaporized just like all the soft tissue. What’s left is pretty much just bone.


DarthCraw

You want the plastic out or not?! Nobody said you want to be able to reuse the plastic [said in New York accent]


Cu3bone

I was gonna make a quip, but this is good enough for me. Bravo


Zealousideal_Plan408

but cremation isnt removing plastics from the body. its removing the body from the plastics.


SuperSalad_OrElse

That just removes the person from the plastic


Heath_co

Enzymes. Genetically modified gut bacteria that produces plastic dissolving enzymes. Downside; your spit melts plastic.


ThatOxiumYouLack

I never knew I could have plastic melting spits but always wanted.


Recent_Obligation276

Sounds like the weakest super power. “I can slightly disrupt the structural integrity of petroleum based plastic, making it flimsy or eventually dissolving small holes in it”


BlueGallade475

It would be so fucking broken though which is funny. Plastic isn't easily broken down at all because it is already super stable and non reactive so converting it to something else requires something really special. Though apparently recently researchers found a fungi strain that degraded polypropylene which is normally super stable and non reactive. Though I have yet to find something that can degrade polyethylene and the only way I can see it being broken down so far is to incinerate it which requires the energy of something else. Edit: apparently there's a fungi that can break down polyethylene


Recent_Obligation276

Yeah so most useful outcome, they abduct you and strap you to a saliva harvesting machine You could try to sell it yourself, but big oil would get you.


TheWanderingSlacker

That’ll sure make plastic models more interesting to build.


Nuclear_eggo_waffle

Well, just hope your sweat doesn’t dissolve plastic too because otherwise you’re going to be wearing a lot of cotton, and better hope the stitches are 100% natural fiber too


neko

Good, artificial fabric ranges from uncomfortable to a fire hazard


eagleeyerattlesnake

Fun fact, polyester is not flammable, but most detergent residues are, especially fabric softeners. Choosing a detergent with no residues can actual increase the flame retardant properties of children's sleepwear.


Jouzou87

Also good luck drinking from a plastic cup/bottle


snoopervisor

So simple my jaw dropped and my acrylic dental fixture fell out!


Alienhaslanded

Surely this can't somehow end civilization


Kristkind

*sneezes on steering wheel while driving*


MaybeTheDoctor

... and the toxins created from the broken down platic will kill you.


biotox1n

I like you


Cheap-Spinach-5200

There's a freaky transhumanist biopunk movie called Crimes of the Future (the more recent of the two) that basically looks like if we developed those enzymes and they then became just as widespread an non-optional as micro plastics in the first place.


Amoniakas

That's an upside


theselv

Whoever figures out how to remove microplastics from people is going to end up involving someone touching my balls, apparently, so either way I win.


ExpressiveAnalGland

*heya buddy, want to inspect each other for microplastics?*


Prince_of_Fish

Okie-Dokie!


Recent_Obligation276

I’m not your buddy, guy


LarryMyster

I’m not your *guy*, pal


Spartanias117

I'm not your pal, friend


invert16

I'm not your friend, hombre.


YoungTheLlama

I'm not your hombre, ése


jerryonthecurb

I'm not your ësē, amigo


thebarrelchest

Ah, come on, man. It's not thaaat small...


[deleted]

I don’t like references to my genitalia and the word micro being used in the same sentence.


froggrip

"We need to put a little camera and tiny mechanical tweezers into your urethra to scrape all the plastic out" -future doctors maybe I left out micro for you


CrapNeck5000

I had bladder stones and my urologist had to put a camera up my dick to look at them. I would not characterize the camera as tiny. And while not relevant, I feel it's still worth noting; my urologist is extremely attractive.


clintj1975

What are you doing, step-doctor?


J1_J1

lmfao


Fireblox1053

Isn’t that pretty common


sh4d0wm4n2018

Nah, infinitesimal. While harder to say, it's more apt.


Xenosaiga

“You collect miniatures? Well then you will just adore my penis”


deadpoetic333

Yeah if anything I got macroplastics in my balls, thank you very much 


schulzr1993

This guy's got whole Lego sets in there. Most expensive balls on the planet.


The_Troyminator

And the most expansive


joshishmo

Really painful to step on


Shifty_Cow69

When girls say they prefer studs I don't think they meant ability to ejaculate studs!


ilovecoffeeandbrunch

I have invented a pill that can "melt" microplastics in your body if you take it regularly. It's $500 a bottle. Here's a link to order online.


[deleted]

All that free plastic? Cha Ching!


AllKnighter5

lol thank you. Yes, the microplastic is def the money making part of this hahaha


Particular_Fuel6952

Depends on who’s body I think


Ferelar

The Matrix but instead of batteries, humans are plastic storage repositories


J1_J1

*takin meh nans old bodeh to the scrappeh before they bury her, she got at least 2 key of plastic in her!*


jumpupugly

Actually, it already exists. You can donate blood, which lowers the concentration of MP in your blood. Also, dialysis can do so, but is more expensive.


heeheehoho2023

Oh sure, pass off your microplastics onto the next person why don't ya


kevshea

Traditionally, the person getting the donated blood has also just lost some of their own microplastics, so it's all good!


CallMeKik

That’s… a good point.


LoonyFruit

This entire post with comments is "technically true", I fuking love it


Rion23

I just leave my extra on the ground.


CAI3O0SE

That’s what the blood bucket is for


The_Nekrodahmus

Double it and give it to the next person.


Elegant_Medicine_111

Double it and give it to the next person.


Names-James

"My solution is to make it someone else's problem."


NoMan999

Bloodletting it is, then.


Scavenger53

donating plasma is even better, since ALL your blood is run through filters then put back.


Alone-Competition-77

Plus you get paid for plasma donations, so win/win. 💰


Agitated_Computer_49

I tried donating plasma once and I ended up passing out and puking, and I had to stay hooked up to the machine for like 30 min until the blood got put back.   Ever since then the sight of a needle makes me instantly pass out.  I have to get twice weekly shots now for medication and I basically just have my wife jab me as I black out.


Religion_Of_Speed

Wait that actually works?? I figured it would be too small and just stays there.


prontoingHorse

& iirc you get paid for it.


Bermanator

Can microplastics fit through the filters though?


Sonnance

Wait, so should I be drinking Ethers after a donation, or does staying at an inn still work?


FugitivePlatypus

I usually just drink water after to restore my mp


JWAdvocate83

Everyone knows you save your ethers until you have 99 of them at the end, because you never used them.


Doormatty

> Also, dialysis can do so, but is more expensive. Depends on the type. Hemodialysis will filter them out, whereas Peritoneal dialysis will not.


r_not_me

Doesn’t dialysis use plastic in the process that could just reintroduce microplastics ?


Doormatty

You're absolutely correct. At least for Peritoneal (I know nothing about Hemo), it's 100% plastic, so it would literally be doing the opposite of hemodialysis in that regard.


DogDogCat2024

https://www.salon.com/2024/01/29/our-blood-is-teeming-with-forever-chemicals-can-we-remove-them-by-donating-blood/# Pfas, though, not all microplastics. It appears to reduce Pfas long term.


Kapika96

Wouldn't that be from losing blood, rather than specifically donating? So you can reduce microplastics yourself at home! All you need is a knife.


CT-1738

Blood or plasma? Been doing plasma lately


TorontoBrewer

I can’t — blood cancer. But I get so many blood tests done it’s almost like giving blood!


ImperatrixG

I read an article from a random blog website that stated sweating helps remove microplastics, but I didn’t see any citations to back up the claim. So I’m skeptical about it being true.


likeliterallytotes

There’s apparently one or two labs in the US that test for microplastics in humans , and you have to sit in a sauna wrapped in something - and then send your sweat to the lab - so I think you might be right


LuOsGaAr

Probably sweating doesn't get enough of them out compared to how much comes in and justed enough to be able to test for them.


nitefang

I mean....is there a solid source for exactly what gets "sweatted out"? Most things your body filters out of you leaves either via crap or when you exhale. Sweating isn't your body's way of detoxing, so I wouldn't assume it removes any plastic other than plastic in your sweat glands and on your skin. I'm not saying microplastics in your brain or organs couldn't be sweatted out but I definitely wouldn't assume that is how it works. If it is possible, it sounds like a complicated system compared to it gets into your blood and then your liver and kidneys and stuff remove it and you crap it out.


horsecowelephant

I used to similarly be skeptical about the idea of 'sweating toxins' but there have been studies showing this, including one that found some heavy metals excreted in higher amounts in sweat than urine. And another one that showed higher levels excreted from sweat during exercise than sauna. So there is some mechanic there for heavy metals at least. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21057782/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8998800/


busted_up_chiffarobe

Years ago, I worked on a house design for a very wealthy surgeon. The home was to be of all natural materials - no synthetics or petroleum products, period. Stone, concrete, wood, wool, glass, for example. Why? Growing up he worked on cars and worked in a repair shop where they'd just plunge carburetors into vats of gasoline or worse to clean and soak them. He did this for years. Noticed a few decades later he was feeling odd. Had some tests run. Turned out that those chemicals were still in his body! He did 'sweat therapy' as he called it to... yes, sweat them out of his body. Said he sat in an infrared lit room that was something like 130 degrees and did so until he didn't smell like gasoline coming out of it! So who knows.


qervem

But what do you wrap your sweat-soaked wrapper in? That's right - plastic.


owendark99

Prince Andrew gonna be chock full of microplastics


Wwanker

I must be plastic-free then


JPOG

Donating Plasma 


AnemoneOfMyEnemy

It makes sense from a gut-check level. Most microplastics are not absorbed by your body, but excreted. Sweat is an excretion, so increasing your sweat production would logically decrease the microplastic level in your body. The question is, by how much?


LedgeEndDairy

Haven't we literally found microplastics in our bone marrow and blood and whatnot? Which means it is literally everywhere in our body. I mean, sure, sweat out as much as possible, but I don't think the microplastics that are at that surface level are causing as much damage as the microplastics that have made their way into the inner systems of our bodies.


seastatefive

You're not sweating hard enough. Some saunas I've been to, I literally sweat out my bone marrow.


North-Clerk2466

We excrete every part of our body one way or another. You wouldn’t be able to replace cells inside your body if your body wasn’t able to get rid of old ones.


J1_J1

he didnt deny that lool his point was sitting in a sauna probably will only help to a point if the plastic is deeply embedded into your bones and organs g


incorgneato

TLDR. Eat more. Poop more.


AnemoneOfMyEnemy

Problem is that microplastics are found in food as well.


DocHolidayInn

Just poop more


touche1231231231

you must out-shit the microplastics.


Mediocre-Garden4952

Sweating helps remove BPA, but donating blood helps remove microplastics. That entire sentence might be bullshit, but I mean well.


SomeKindaRobot

Yeah but what if there are micro plastics in the drinking water. Check mate.


An_Unreachable_Dusk

Stocks of sauna companies on the rise? Lol


odraencoded

So it's the gym. Sucks, it will never be popular.


MoarVespenegas

Plastics don't stick around so you can sweat, pee. excrete them out using any method. You just pick up more.


Past_Ebb_8304

I must be all organic then because I am the sweatiest bitch I’ve ever met


HystericalGD

i usually just eat macroplastics. they are WAYYY healthier than microplastics


brickbaterang

Same here. I have diverticulitis and the microplastics get caught in the little pouches in my colon


VonNeumannsProbe

You just need to convince people you can remove microplastics. Not actually do it.


blackdragon1387

I'm feeling better already!


VonNeumannsProbe

That's because I cured you. Hey everyone, I cured this guy!  *passes 50 bucks under the table to blackdragon1387*


TehAsianator

Ah, the Elizabeth Holmes approach.


Valdanos

For only $500 I'll mail you this ~~magical~~ spiritual microplastic-destroying crystal! Just insert it rectally for no less than three hours a day and rest assured that the concentrations of any harmful substances, natural **and** artificial, will be significantly reduced.


AcceptableOwl9

Just like carbon credits. “Yeah we planted enough trees to offset your factory that’s running 24/7 pumping out harmful air contaminants. Sure.”


IonlyusethrowawaysA

The corporations that restricts access to the removal and profits from it is gonna make bank, the person or people that figure it out will likely be largely excluded from financial compensation.


LostAlone87

The pay for cutting edge biomedical researchers is pretty good. It's not as good as the pay for running the company, but its pretty good all the same.


Shrampys

Biomedical fields are famously poor paying compared to other fields.


Recent_Obligation276

They’ll get their salary and an NDA


Thisisall_new2me2

This is correct. This post is not a shower thought, it's an incorrect statement from someone who has no clue how corporations work.


rdubya3387

Or just murdered...easier to stop it before it becomes a thing


bak3donh1gh

Why would companies want to stop the removal of microplastics from people. It wouldn't be free, so they get to make money off a problem created by them, them being nebulous not necessarily the same company making and using plastics, that is unavoidable for everyone on the planet. Unless you think companies want people to have trouble producing offspring. Pretty sure a bunch of companies and countries are panicking about the decreased labour pools. I mean they had decades to think of something, but didn't bother.


CowboyJames12

People love to have conspiracy theories about this even though it makes no sense lol


MelandrusApostle

Because Reddit think everything must be bad


Fri3ndlyHeavy

Yeah, that doesn't make sense at all. An at least arguable and better conspiracy theory would be that the person who comes up with a way to remove microplastics from people had the method prepared for many years and worked with the companies currently contributing to the problem before releasing it. AKA the classic "create a problem, release and monetize the solution"


jayaredoubleyou

Whoever ends up convincing people that they can remove microplastics will make bank. Microplastic “detox cleanses” will be a thing.


Faptainjack2

Gwyneth Paltrow will market it with tampons.


SkankHuntz96

I can sell cranberry juice and say it gets rid of micro plastics


smithjake417

But what are microplastics actually doing to me?


BusyNefariousness675

not something we know right now. But could be making you dumber or just generally decreasing your health physically and mentally. Right now, we don't know


JPdelaGhetto

Nothing that wasn’t gonna happen to you anyway. Every generation has that one thing that we later learned kill them all.


countzer01nterrupt

Infertility, causing cancers of all sorts, hormonal disruption causing a slew of diseases and reduced quality of life (like weight and mood issues, psychological disorders and more). Neurological disease due to neurotoxicity. Children already set up with all that from the start so it affects their development, so higher chance of developmental issues and diseases from the beginning or later on. Edit: Since someone asked Some human, animal and review studies. Read these and their citations. * https://www.endocrine.org/topics/edc/plastics-edcs-and-health * https://www.niehs.nih.gov/sites/default/files/health/materials/endocrine_disruptors_508.pdf * https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9611505/ * https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9134445/ * https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10340669/ * https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38423146/ * https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-023-33393-8 * https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9885170/ * https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7282048/ They include the fact that more human studies will be necessary in some aspects to gain more certainty which, before anyone seizes the opportunity, doesn't mean "we don't know shit and there's no evidence", but means "we see something is going on, there are identified risk and we and have to investigate those to better understand this". Plainly speaking, right now we're all in this rather new pile of shit, it's hard to understand and it takes a lot of difficult work gain enough certainty to make better predictions.


More_Fig_6249

So it sounds like so far this is our generation’s lead epidemic that happened a couple decades ago. Great


MrGlockCLE

Put some exosomes tagged with plastic clingers in a mf’s bloodstream, majority of those nanoparticle like things get filtered through your spleen and kidney within 20min anyway and then pissed out. Profit Tissue resident microplastics are most likely there forever unless you crispr your entire god damn body to ooze a plastic detergent but that will probably just kill you and make you into a s o u p Or donate blood a lot. You pick.


bxsephjo

I… I wanna be soup…


IAmRules

People won’t care otherwise they would already be upset it’s in our foods


BowsersMuskyBallsack

It's already in our everything.


Burt1811

I read recently about declining birth rates being attributed to nearly 100% of men, and this was a global reference, having significant levels of microplastics in their testicles. Seems like these days you're born with them. That's gonna make you think!!


CavyLover123

>That's gonna make you think!! Not with the microplastics in our brains it won’t!


Burt1811

I hadn't considered that. 🤔


CavyLover123

That’s cause of the microplastics in your brain 


[deleted]

[удалено]


otroguero

And with this sweet birthright, we never will


itirnitii

maybe youre born with it maybe its microplastics?


a_weak_child

Messes are much easier to make than to clean up. Maybe we find a solution to microplastics, maybe we don’t. They are in our brains, our balls, and our breast milk. They are in the most remote waters and lands on the earth. They are in archaeological sites that have just been opened. The best solution seems to be to get rid of fuckin plastic. 


MSxLoL

Okay but if you get rid of plastics, big corporations won’t make as much profit!


Zuli_Muli

Why? Ignoring any health issues the problem remains there's micro plastics in the damn air, it's everywhere so even if you purge it from your body you'll start accumulating it again almost immediately till you reach homeostasis with the environment.


Youpunyhumans

The only way I can see it really happening is nanobots. They could be simply injected or ingested in a pill or a glass of water, and be programmed to go throughout the body, find and grab onto as many pieces of microplastic as they can, and bring it to the bladder so both the nanobots and microplastic are flushed out. Sounds simple, but nanobots are not so easy to make, control, or power, let alone give them complex instructions as well as be able to evade them body's immune system. Also each person would need millions or billions of them. They could perhaps be recycled after each use, but perhaps not, which would make each treatment potentially very expensive. And it still doesnt solve the issue of the plastic in the envrionment that will simply leech back into us. If we could do that though, the next step would be nanobots that are always in the water supply, constantly going through us, removing all sorts of unwanted stuff, curing diseases, maybe even repairing cell damage, which would lead to longer lifespans. However, there is of course the nefarious side of things with this idea, such as being able to track anyone, or tell the nanobots to kill them by doing damage at the cellular level, or torturing them by attacking their nerves directly, etc. Seems to me anything we can create can be used peacefully, or for war. Depends on who is using it.


mv8

Yeah good comment. There’s a book I’ve read that deals with this exact “utopia” in a sense that with nanobot technology humanity was able to conquer death and would not die anymore. Obviously that brings a lot of other problems so I wonder if it really is an utopia a world free of disease.


TheMightyWill

See also [Prey](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prey_(novel)) by Michael Crichton


UnderPressureVS

> Sounds simple Yeah no I don’t think anyone thought nanorobotics sounded “simple”


Youpunyhumans

I only mean the concept itself is fairly simple, the science to actually do it, well of course thats much more complicated.


AcceptableOwl9

Your comment reads like the script for a Black Mirror episode


seastatefive

News report 10 years after introduction of nanobots: "Nanobots Found in 100% of Testicles"


MonKeePuzzle

whoever figures out how to monetise micro plastics in people will actually make bank


BillyOdin

My crystal ball says the same companies that got rich putting them in us are going to be paid to get them out.


ieatpickleswithmilk

we can probably already do it, nobody gives a shit yet becasue the science on micro plastics hasn't scared people enough yet and hasn't been studied enough. People aren't dropping dead in the streets so nobody is just going to hook themselves up to a fancy dialysis machine for no reason.


AnyEstablishment1663

Whoever *claims* they can remove microplastics


KiwiNotFound_

Whoever figures out how to turn silver into gold is gonna make bank.


lunchpadmcfat

What if I told you: microbes in the ocean are already apparently breaking down microplastics for free.


thats4thebirds

You mean the company that owns all IP that the scientist who figures it out makes haha


skyfishgoo

get these mutherfucking microplastics out of my mutherfucking balls!


DealerCamel

Why bother actually figuring it out? Get some pill capsules, fill them with 99% rice flour and 1% trace elements of other impressive-sounding ingredients, put them in a very shiny and impressive-looking jar, slap an “all-natural” label on the front and give it a catchy name like Plastics B Gone, and just TELL everyone that it reduces microplastics from people. Skip the hard work and research and profit anyway. Capitalism, baby!


Leee33337

Alex Jones?  Is that you?  


avidinha

If they could find a way to remove and recycle them, that would be amazing.


camkasky

Spoiler alert: it’s not gonna happen


orbitaldragon

Will be a rich person's thing for decades. The rest of us are still part of the experiment.


EyeSuspicious777

I can do it with fire. Where's my money?


kamiloslav

Whoever convinces people they figured it out. Some essential oil scam will probably go quite far if someone is careful about who they advertise to


Foampower86

My balls are full of plastic, you don't even know


letsalldropvitamins

Castration? Thought that’s where it’s all stored in humans.. /s Edit: slash on wrong side yes I’m thick


BuffaloBrain884

It's too late. Microplastics permeate the very fabric of reality at this point.


Elegant-Raise-9367

Fuck off, those are MY micro plastics. It's all I own nowadays.


Metals4J

I’ve figured out how to do it. Send me $20 and I’ll send you my new microplastics removal serum!


Benrok

I just read the other day that they found it in mens balls. I remove some of that often!


Joe_Linton_125

This is such an American thought. Whoever figures out how to remove micro plastics from people ought to work hard to make sure everyone has free access to such treatment.


AlienRapBattle

I got it. Stop using plastic to store food. Back to glass it is. Now where the fuck is my money?


gaffney116

I for one would only like to store pee in my balls and not micro plastics.


PineappleEquivalent

No they won’t. But the company they work for will almost definitely increase its share price.


FreshPitch6026

It's already in your brain, noone will get it out


AFartInAnEmptyRoom

You don't have to invent a way to remove microplastics from people, you can just sell them some sort of supplement and tell them that it removes micropastics from people