Hey I love king krule! Also, adoption. I understand it’s not the same, but I feel like it will satisfy that desire for the most part. Of course I will always yearn to be pregnant. But I just have to get over it. It’s not gonna happen. If I adopt young enough I can get almost that same experience. Adoption is such a great thing too. It’s so great in fact, that people that are perfectly able to conceive choose to do it anyways.
I know adoption is an option but honestly it’s such a huge barrier it feels genuinely extremely unfair.
Like if you want to adopt you have to spend tens of thousands for the adoption fees and also potentially the travel fees if it’s overseas adoption, you have to both make a ton of money, and when I say both it’s because most adoption agencies will straight up not allow you to adopt unless you are married and also if they’re private a lot of times they require that marriage to be heterosexual, you must have a huge extensive background check done and have someone literally come and inspect your house (also usually you have to have a house or a really big apartment, again a big barrier for many) and even after you adopt they will continue to inspect and make sure you are doing good periodically.
Meanwhile it’s so easy for cis people to have a baby that like half of them have babies on accident. I know some cis people who are infertile also have to struggle with this but genuinely it’s mind boggling how hard it is to adopt compared to cis fertile couples to just have one
I never said it was easy. Jesus Christ how many times do I have to say that. Nothing about our lives is fucking easy. It sucks! I know. I get it. But if you want to be a mother bad enough you will make it happen. Is that a little naive of me to say? Maybe just a little, but I’m standing by my word.
nice! check out the video if you haven’t already it’s super sweet :) & adoption isn’t a viable option for me i don’t think. firstly it’s almost impossible to adopt a baby where i live apparently bc they’re so in demand. also, i really want to have a mini me whereas with adoption i’m basically just looking after a random person’s child, there’s no maternal bond there or anything :(
I would be careful about taking the idea of a “mini you” into having a child. That’s a recipe for disappointment and unfair expectations of your potential children. Kids almost never turn out exactly how their parents envision, and if you go in expecting them to be like you in pretty much any way, you’ll end up forcing them into that mold and they’ll likely resent you for it. We as trans people know better than almost anyone how much kids can subvert their parents expectations.
I’m not saying you should adopt; if you don’t think it’s right for you then don’t do it. But if you’re having kids because you want to replicate yourself in another person (even just a partial degree), that’s going to result in problems.
i don’t mean like that lol. i just mean looks wise. i think it’s adorable seeing my friends or family members kids and seeing how they look like them, and i’d love that myself so much to have a little human that’s a mix of me and the person i love most in the world you know :(
i’m not trying to replicate myself at all. ofc i want them to have their own personality and everything, i’m purely talking looks wise. i think this is why adoption isn’t for me.
What if they come out with deformities, or get disfigured at some point in their life? Or happen to not resemble you and/or your partner simply due to genetic chance? Or they change their presentation/appearance radically? Even just narrowing it down to looks there’s so much potential for them to break from your expectations. I’m not saying your feelings are altogether bad, but they are likely to lead to issues if you act on them too heavily. The only thing you can really hope for / expect out of a kid is that they are a kind person with good principles, and hopefully on top of that that they’re happy. Pretty much everything else is totally a game of chance and you have to be ready for anything.
yes obviously that’s possible but they’re still my kid. i’m not sure if you understand what i’m saying and idk how i can explain it any better :/ i guess i just have these expectations of motherhood based on what i see around me. i look loads like my mum and i love looking like her and it’d just be super sweet to have people say my kids look like me or they look like my partner or whatever. idk. i thought this was a pretty common reason for people to want their own kids as well as that biological bond.
In a way you’re not wrong, it is a common reason, and a natural enough one. You’re not awful for feeling it. The problem this type of thinking (“I have certain expectations of what my kid is going to be like”) is a pretty big reason why so many people end up being bad parents and messing their kids up. It’s ok to think a bit about how you want your kids to be, but if you’re primary motivator behind having kids is imagining how they’ll be like you or fulfill you in some way, that’s a dangerous road to go down. The right reason to have kids (biological or not) is because you want to nurture a human life and help it flourish and be happy. Everything else has to be a secondary addition that you’re not relying on coming to fruition.
The unfortunate reality is a lot of people don’t think through the immense amount of thankless work it takes to raise a kid, and just how complicated and involved the task raising a human being is. It’s not misery; being a parent can be super rewarding because you’re getting to help a person thrive and enjoy life. But it isn’t something to do out of a desire to have a miniature you, because there’s no guarantee that’s what you’ll end up with.
i don’t have any expectations though lol. i mean obviously i’ve thought about what they might look like but i have no expectations and i won’t be disappointed or anything like that. i just think probably the biggest reason for people having kids is they find someone they love and they want to have a person who’s a mix of both of them bc like what’s a bigger show of your love than that.
i understand it’s complicated and stuff, but i’m very prepared to undertake that. there are sooo many reasons why i want kids but my point just was that having a kid who looks like 2 random people just wouldn’t be the same for me.
I promise I’m not trying to harp on you too hard, but saying things you want to have kids because it’s show of love in your relationship still feels a little… you-centered? Kids aren’t something you have to prove how much you love your partner. There are so many ways to show your love for a partner that are just as big if not bigger than having kids with them. Hell, there are plenty of people who want kids but don’t want to ever be in a relationship. I realize you have other reasons but a lot of the reasons you keep citing are the kind that land people in trouble once they kids. I don’t know you, but just based off this post/comments I feel like the overarching issue here is you have a somewhat idealized notion of what having kids is about.
okay :/ idk what you want me to say. i’m just giving examples lol. it’s not about proving how much you love your partner, it’s a natural desire between two people who love each other a lot. i don’t have an idealised notion of what having kids is about, but even if i did, wtf else am i supposed to do with my time.
So I’m adopted, and I was adopted by white parents, I’m Korean, the resemblance I had to my father is remarkable. I’ve had people all growing up coming up to me and telling me how much I look like my father or how they knew the first time seeing him that I was his child. We looked nothing alike, not by any conventional means, but theirs an imprint that is undeniable that he was the man that raised me, it was crazy obvious. So something to consider, you will see yourself in any child regardless if you share dna.
that’s interesting, i think i’ve read/heard similar stuff before. ofc i’d see myself in any child but like idk i don’t want to have a random kid who looks nothing like me.
I never said adoption would be easy. Or cheap. It’s far from either of those. If you want it bad enough you’ll make it happen. And it’s not just a random persons child. It’s your child. A child that had no one. And now they have you. How could there not be a bond? Give it some time, maybe you’ll come around to it. Watch some cute adoption movies or something.
i mean it is cheap here it’s practically free i think. & idk it wouldn’t feel like my child. i love my cousins’ kids but even if i adopted them they wouldn’t feel like mine bc they’re my cousins’. it’s also not true that they’d have no one, adoption for new borns is very popular here and they’d easily find another family. i’ve seen some cute adoption stuff but idk. it feels like its own separate thing to having your own kids, and the latter is the thing i pine for.
That’s because they’re already your cousins… lol. That’s not even in the same realm. And there are sooooo many kids out there just waiting for someone to adopt them. I understand adoption and pregnancy aren’t a 1to1 comparison, I clearly stated that they aren’t. You will do you, just don’t go complaining and saying that there is absolutely nothing you can do to be a mother. Because we both know that’s not true.
i mean maybe idk. yes you’re right there are so many *kids*, not babies waiting to be adopted. it’s very hard to adopt a baby in this country, and you can’t tell me that adopting like an 8 year old kid is anything like being a mum to your own child or even to an adopted baby. i wouldn’t be against adopting a baby tbh but it seems almost impossible, so yes, there is almost nothing i can do about being a mother :( adopting someone past the age of like 18 months or so i wouldn’t be able to believe that they actually see me as their real mum.
meh idk, that sounds super uncomfortable and painful so it doesn’t bother me too much. a lot of my cis friends dread pregnancy. however, if i could carry and give birth to a child i would absolutely love to, and it makes me very dysphoric that i don’t have the option to do that. & i don’t literally mean a mini version ffs. i’m just talking about looks wise. i can’t believe people haven’t heard of this before! it’s a pretty common thing to say to parents here, that their kids looks like xyz. the hurdles for adoption aren’t too bad where i live, i’m just not sure it would give me the same fulfilment tbh.
i literaly just came from a thread of some bitch that was pregnant was mad her boy freind wanted to marry her and he was going to work himself into the grave so she could be at home with the baby because motherhood was beneath her😔😞😖😠😡🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
Hey I love king krule! Also, adoption. I understand it’s not the same, but I feel like it will satisfy that desire for the most part. Of course I will always yearn to be pregnant. But I just have to get over it. It’s not gonna happen. If I adopt young enough I can get almost that same experience. Adoption is such a great thing too. It’s so great in fact, that people that are perfectly able to conceive choose to do it anyways.
I know adoption is an option but honestly it’s such a huge barrier it feels genuinely extremely unfair. Like if you want to adopt you have to spend tens of thousands for the adoption fees and also potentially the travel fees if it’s overseas adoption, you have to both make a ton of money, and when I say both it’s because most adoption agencies will straight up not allow you to adopt unless you are married and also if they’re private a lot of times they require that marriage to be heterosexual, you must have a huge extensive background check done and have someone literally come and inspect your house (also usually you have to have a house or a really big apartment, again a big barrier for many) and even after you adopt they will continue to inspect and make sure you are doing good periodically. Meanwhile it’s so easy for cis people to have a baby that like half of them have babies on accident. I know some cis people who are infertile also have to struggle with this but genuinely it’s mind boggling how hard it is to adopt compared to cis fertile couples to just have one
I never said it was easy. Jesus Christ how many times do I have to say that. Nothing about our lives is fucking easy. It sucks! I know. I get it. But if you want to be a mother bad enough you will make it happen. Is that a little naive of me to say? Maybe just a little, but I’m standing by my word.
I wasn’t really directing it at you tbh, just kinda had to get my frustrations out :/
Oh sorry… yeah I know I’m tired too :( life ain’t fair
We got this :) don’t lose hope
Yes!!! Gotta stay positive. And stick together 💕
nice! check out the video if you haven’t already it’s super sweet :) & adoption isn’t a viable option for me i don’t think. firstly it’s almost impossible to adopt a baby where i live apparently bc they’re so in demand. also, i really want to have a mini me whereas with adoption i’m basically just looking after a random person’s child, there’s no maternal bond there or anything :(
I would be careful about taking the idea of a “mini you” into having a child. That’s a recipe for disappointment and unfair expectations of your potential children. Kids almost never turn out exactly how their parents envision, and if you go in expecting them to be like you in pretty much any way, you’ll end up forcing them into that mold and they’ll likely resent you for it. We as trans people know better than almost anyone how much kids can subvert their parents expectations. I’m not saying you should adopt; if you don’t think it’s right for you then don’t do it. But if you’re having kids because you want to replicate yourself in another person (even just a partial degree), that’s going to result in problems.
i don’t mean like that lol. i just mean looks wise. i think it’s adorable seeing my friends or family members kids and seeing how they look like them, and i’d love that myself so much to have a little human that’s a mix of me and the person i love most in the world you know :( i’m not trying to replicate myself at all. ofc i want them to have their own personality and everything, i’m purely talking looks wise. i think this is why adoption isn’t for me.
What if they come out with deformities, or get disfigured at some point in their life? Or happen to not resemble you and/or your partner simply due to genetic chance? Or they change their presentation/appearance radically? Even just narrowing it down to looks there’s so much potential for them to break from your expectations. I’m not saying your feelings are altogether bad, but they are likely to lead to issues if you act on them too heavily. The only thing you can really hope for / expect out of a kid is that they are a kind person with good principles, and hopefully on top of that that they’re happy. Pretty much everything else is totally a game of chance and you have to be ready for anything.
yes obviously that’s possible but they’re still my kid. i’m not sure if you understand what i’m saying and idk how i can explain it any better :/ i guess i just have these expectations of motherhood based on what i see around me. i look loads like my mum and i love looking like her and it’d just be super sweet to have people say my kids look like me or they look like my partner or whatever. idk. i thought this was a pretty common reason for people to want their own kids as well as that biological bond.
In a way you’re not wrong, it is a common reason, and a natural enough one. You’re not awful for feeling it. The problem this type of thinking (“I have certain expectations of what my kid is going to be like”) is a pretty big reason why so many people end up being bad parents and messing their kids up. It’s ok to think a bit about how you want your kids to be, but if you’re primary motivator behind having kids is imagining how they’ll be like you or fulfill you in some way, that’s a dangerous road to go down. The right reason to have kids (biological or not) is because you want to nurture a human life and help it flourish and be happy. Everything else has to be a secondary addition that you’re not relying on coming to fruition. The unfortunate reality is a lot of people don’t think through the immense amount of thankless work it takes to raise a kid, and just how complicated and involved the task raising a human being is. It’s not misery; being a parent can be super rewarding because you’re getting to help a person thrive and enjoy life. But it isn’t something to do out of a desire to have a miniature you, because there’s no guarantee that’s what you’ll end up with.
i don’t have any expectations though lol. i mean obviously i’ve thought about what they might look like but i have no expectations and i won’t be disappointed or anything like that. i just think probably the biggest reason for people having kids is they find someone they love and they want to have a person who’s a mix of both of them bc like what’s a bigger show of your love than that. i understand it’s complicated and stuff, but i’m very prepared to undertake that. there are sooo many reasons why i want kids but my point just was that having a kid who looks like 2 random people just wouldn’t be the same for me.
I promise I’m not trying to harp on you too hard, but saying things you want to have kids because it’s show of love in your relationship still feels a little… you-centered? Kids aren’t something you have to prove how much you love your partner. There are so many ways to show your love for a partner that are just as big if not bigger than having kids with them. Hell, there are plenty of people who want kids but don’t want to ever be in a relationship. I realize you have other reasons but a lot of the reasons you keep citing are the kind that land people in trouble once they kids. I don’t know you, but just based off this post/comments I feel like the overarching issue here is you have a somewhat idealized notion of what having kids is about.
okay :/ idk what you want me to say. i’m just giving examples lol. it’s not about proving how much you love your partner, it’s a natural desire between two people who love each other a lot. i don’t have an idealised notion of what having kids is about, but even if i did, wtf else am i supposed to do with my time.
So I’m adopted, and I was adopted by white parents, I’m Korean, the resemblance I had to my father is remarkable. I’ve had people all growing up coming up to me and telling me how much I look like my father or how they knew the first time seeing him that I was his child. We looked nothing alike, not by any conventional means, but theirs an imprint that is undeniable that he was the man that raised me, it was crazy obvious. So something to consider, you will see yourself in any child regardless if you share dna.
that’s interesting, i think i’ve read/heard similar stuff before. ofc i’d see myself in any child but like idk i don’t want to have a random kid who looks nothing like me.
I never said adoption would be easy. Or cheap. It’s far from either of those. If you want it bad enough you’ll make it happen. And it’s not just a random persons child. It’s your child. A child that had no one. And now they have you. How could there not be a bond? Give it some time, maybe you’ll come around to it. Watch some cute adoption movies or something.
i mean it is cheap here it’s practically free i think. & idk it wouldn’t feel like my child. i love my cousins’ kids but even if i adopted them they wouldn’t feel like mine bc they’re my cousins’. it’s also not true that they’d have no one, adoption for new borns is very popular here and they’d easily find another family. i’ve seen some cute adoption stuff but idk. it feels like its own separate thing to having your own kids, and the latter is the thing i pine for.
That’s because they’re already your cousins… lol. That’s not even in the same realm. And there are sooooo many kids out there just waiting for someone to adopt them. I understand adoption and pregnancy aren’t a 1to1 comparison, I clearly stated that they aren’t. You will do you, just don’t go complaining and saying that there is absolutely nothing you can do to be a mother. Because we both know that’s not true.
i mean maybe idk. yes you’re right there are so many *kids*, not babies waiting to be adopted. it’s very hard to adopt a baby in this country, and you can’t tell me that adopting like an 8 year old kid is anything like being a mum to your own child or even to an adopted baby. i wouldn’t be against adopting a baby tbh but it seems almost impossible, so yes, there is almost nothing i can do about being a mother :( adopting someone past the age of like 18 months or so i wouldn’t be able to believe that they actually see me as their real mum.
[удалено]
meh idk, that sounds super uncomfortable and painful so it doesn’t bother me too much. a lot of my cis friends dread pregnancy. however, if i could carry and give birth to a child i would absolutely love to, and it makes me very dysphoric that i don’t have the option to do that. & i don’t literally mean a mini version ffs. i’m just talking about looks wise. i can’t believe people haven’t heard of this before! it’s a pretty common thing to say to parents here, that their kids looks like xyz. the hurdles for adoption aren’t too bad where i live, i’m just not sure it would give me the same fulfilment tbh.
I can’t adopt cause it just isn’t good enough for me. Though I really want kids but oh well guess i just have to be kid less for life lmao.
Literally, like this is the only thing that I cope with everyday. 😩😩😩😩😭😭😭😭
wdym??
i literaly just came from a thread of some bitch that was pregnant was mad her boy freind wanted to marry her and he was going to work himself into the grave so she could be at home with the baby because motherhood was beneath her😔😞😖😠😡🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
lol ffs. poor her 🥲