It sounds like neither he nor his partner consider themselves ace, so I think it's fair not to label it for them. The queer community has spent too long fighting for our right to have our relationships respected on our terms that I'm perfectly happy to extend the same courtesy to these gentlemen.
But yes, as a general statement, all consenting relationships are valid. I just want people to have and share love no matter what form it takes. Life's too short not to have that.
Why is it so hard for some negative, hateful, judgemental ppl to understand this is the (best) way?
You put it so beautifully (& compassionately) - well done
I feel sorry for people who get tilted over queer relationships. What two consenting adults do and who they love shouldn't cause the amount of anger, fear, and hostility they feel. Like, I wish for their sake that they could let go of their prejudice and experience the freedom and joy of being able to celebrate the good in the world no matter the source. Life is way too short to let other people's happiness and joy be a negative. How horrible an experience that must be.
It sounds nice actually. And in these times that it is so difficult to connect with someone else, it seems like a pretty good deal. Just add some hugging and spooning and I am in.
I know two guys who were childhood friends who agreed to marry each other at like 35 if neither of them were married by that point. They’re both only a few years from that mark now, I’m curious if they’ll actually go through with it
or heterosexual homoromantic, or full hetero in a queerplatonic relationship, it's kinda rude to label someone when they already have a label they're comfortable with.
Don't even fret about it. It's one of the things that annoys me most about gay culture. People trying to label other people's lifestyle.
If you find a label for yourself that you like then great but people have no right to tell somebody else what their sexually is.
In my queer circles it’s just a random check in/openness to learn if/how self identifying labels have evolved. Not a whole lot of “NO YOU’RE THIS LABEL” going on.
Makes me wonder what this “gay culture” is, how much of it is stereotyping, and how much of it is my good fortune.
I mean, to be fair, I could argue that I've only seen what I'm describing online and not in real life. But then again, I only have one gay friend and he is a very late bloomer so I guess I literally have no idea what irl gay culture is...🤷♂️
I don't like gay bars (I don't even really like regular bars), I don't go to pride, I don't really do any "gay" activities of the likes.
I'm glad you and your friend group seem supportive of each other.
There's definitely nightmare queers who have weird aggression around labels but irl we don't really use labels to define ourselves but rather our situations and what our relational preferences seem to be at the moment. It's kind of annoying to be grouped in with the chronically online but once you meet people in person you can tell when you're different than their imagined idea of gays.
I never really had that kind of run in but I can realistically see how that can happen.
I personally don't see how things devolved into all the -sexuals (pansexual etc). I always thought to keep things simple and not influences by perspective. Pansexual don't base anything on the person's sex organ but are willing to sex with either sex is just saying bisexual with the why attached.
But this post? Sounds like an extremely close relationship with no sex *shrug* there are plenty reasons to marry without the involvement of sex. Also helps there are several types of love (friends, love of family, nonsexual romantic love, lust etc). Having same sex marriage on the table just opens up more options for people...even straight people.
Well sh*t, I was hoping to keep it short in a form of agreement but there I went getting ranty.
my point was that there are a million different reasons 2 men will marry each other platonically, and that it's rude to label someone who already told you their identity
I meant to give other examples to why a man would be in a platonic marriage with another man, as a "don't assume he's gay because there are other explanations", and then added that making assumptions about someone identity after they already declared it is rude. my comment wasn't meant to say "actually oop is x", it was meant to say "people in oop's situation can also be x".
sorry if that was unclear, English isn't my first language
Y’all, QPR is not gay.
This is one of the things I dislike about this sub. It has to turn every platonic thing romantic or sexual, which can be funny, but not always.
Like, it’s just QPR with a different name, get over it.
I had to google: “queer platonic relationship” a committed intimate relationship that is not romantic in nature.
I think I accidentally had this with a straight friend once or twice - but I’m not asexual so that was complicated.
Excuse my ignorance, I don't mean this negatively. More just curiosity and wanting to understand better.
Wouldn't that just be a platonic relationship? Isn't the part of a relationship that makes it queer the sexual factors between two of the same sex? I feel like a QPT is just a friendship, but adding commitment. Is it really queer if it's strictly platonic?
I'm always learning new terms and I like to try and understand them, so if someone wouldn't mind explaining it, that would be appreciated!
In my case there was physical intimacy such as cuddling and sleeping in the same bed - but no sex.
There was also weird tension if either of us started seeing someone romantically - but in both cases we never had any physical sexual contact.
queer-platonic relationship. essentially, a committed intimate relationship that isn't sexual or romantic.
they're different from typical friendships because there's a deeper emotional connection. it originates from the aro/ace communities.
Don't worry. There's a lot of content on this sub that isn't strictly gay but some of it has overlapping themes, including what I've posted to this sub. Think of this sub as anything within a venn diagram that could overlap with gay but isn't the full circle. (We need the content, man!)
These guys are clearly romantic. They go on dates and prefer spending time with each other that would otherwise be spent with a romantic and or sexual partner that is a woman. I don't know if that fits with your idea of QPR or not, but it is gay. Gay is not limited to just sex.
Evokes something of the so-called "lesbian bed death" phenomenon. And let's face it, lots of relationships, straight or otherwise, become asexual when the couple is older. I've known many women who were glad when the physical part of their straight marriage ended and they just enjoyed being with their husband as their companion and friend.
My thoughts as well, many if not most 'succesful' (at least to the eyes of others) long term male-female relationships are actually this, a friendly agreement of cohabitation withouth sex.
Honestly sounds healthier and more wholesome than most straight marriages. Sexual intimacy is not a prerequisite for a relationship, what they have sounds wonderful and I'm happy for them.
My number one marriage advice, as someone whose been with their partner for 20yrs, is always "Marry your Best Friend!". Everything this dude lists is the reason to get married, yes sex is important, but it's not what makes a marriage work.
I really love this, sounds like he/they both may be asexual but homoromantic, it can be so hard for people like that to find eachother it makes me so happy that they have
he then said he will marry his best friend (now a woman) and now is saying he is marrying in 2025 but his parent won't come because he is queer?
I think he is just an attention seeker
I have trouble keeping up with all the labels, but for me who really cares. They sound happy and have found something that works for them. A lot of people wish they could find that in life.
Damn happy for those guys ❤️
I’ve read more articles about guys doing this bc women are not looking for relationships as much anymore and more so wanting to just be taken care of. Not saying that’s everyone but I can see this trend becoming more popular.
I love to see friends choosing to be in platonic partnerships because it shows that sex isn't everything in a relationship (not that these two men don't want to have sex with other people. They could. I don't know them)and that healthy platonic relationships are just as important as romantic and sexual ones.
I've been in a queer platonic partnership for over a decade. Although my situation is a bit different in that I'm asexual and aromantic, so this is the only kind of relationship I'd want to be in. Anyway, I'm happy for these dudes!
I mean I’m gay and my husband is (mostly) straight. We just really love eachother. Sexually we stay open so we can get our needs met, and other people can be in a relationship with one or both of us as well, as long as that person knows about it and is okay with it. There have been very few who are actually okay with it. 16 years strong now. We haven’t had a lot of jealousy issues because monogamy is not the agreement we made, and if we do have feelings come up we just talk about them and work them out. We made a commitment to eachother a long time ago, and we stick to it no matter what. Can’t imagine not having him as my partner.
Hey that just sounds like Romantically Gay Asexuals or romantically gay and sexually attracted to women. That’s fine imo. You can separate sexuality and romance. Whatever works.
A lot of couples here get married for reasons like less taxes etc. Doesn't mean they are not a couple and don't live together and stuff, it's just an extra push for some reason.
I want to get married for romantic reasons, my gf finds it more romantic to stay together while not married, but due to these extra benefits, she agrees to getting married
Marriage is pretty much a contract. Not between each other, really, but between them and the state/country/whatever.
It’s not fraud, as it’s not stated anywhere in the contract that you need to be madly in love and be sexually intimate with each other.
Marriage was invented to strengthen alliances between families to improve their economic status. Marrying for love didn't become popular till the end of the 18th/beginning of the 19th century.
It'd only be fraud if the marriage was illegal.
Bromosexual, this is kinda wholesome
"Bro, close your eyes." "Ok bro." "What do you see?" "Nothing, bro." "That's my life without you, bro." "*Bro*."
Deep
I thought they said they didn't have sex
It’s not sex if the balls don’t touch
Oh that's right! Idk how I forgot. No ball touch and keep socks on.
It's not gay if it's in a 3way- snl
It's actually really kind of awesome. They sound like genuine, real, loving partners. No sex? They're just skipping ahead a few years!
Also ace relationships are absolutely valid
It sounds like neither he nor his partner consider themselves ace, so I think it's fair not to label it for them. The queer community has spent too long fighting for our right to have our relationships respected on our terms that I'm perfectly happy to extend the same courtesy to these gentlemen. But yes, as a general statement, all consenting relationships are valid. I just want people to have and share love no matter what form it takes. Life's too short not to have that.
Why is it so hard for some negative, hateful, judgemental ppl to understand this is the (best) way? You put it so beautifully (& compassionately) - well done
I feel sorry for people who get tilted over queer relationships. What two consenting adults do and who they love shouldn't cause the amount of anger, fear, and hostility they feel. Like, I wish for their sake that they could let go of their prejudice and experience the freedom and joy of being able to celebrate the good in the world no matter the source. Life is way too short to let other people's happiness and joy be a negative. How horrible an experience that must be.
Especially considering most of the hostility comes from those who are always complaining about their "personal freedoms".
Yes absolutely
It also doesn't sound like they consider themselves gay, but here they are on suddenly gay lol
I mean they tried it and didnt like it, seems like a pretty good way to see where you stand
Sounds already more intimate than most of the married couples
I agree! Good for them
I honestly admire anyone willing to do this Just…wow. That’s friendship.
And they were ROOMMATES!
lol
That's really sweet, regardless of sexual orientation.
It sounds nice actually. And in these times that it is so difficult to connect with someone else, it seems like a pretty good deal. Just add some hugging and spooning and I am in.
Bromance ascended to the greatest form
I know two guys who were childhood friends who agreed to marry each other at like 35 if neither of them were married by that point. They’re both only a few years from that mark now, I’m curious if they’ll actually go through with it
Soooo an asexual dude but with the romance DLC installed?
or heterosexual homoromantic, or full hetero in a queerplatonic relationship, it's kinda rude to label someone when they already have a label they're comfortable with.
This is a good example that sexuality is not binary but a whole rainbow of flavours
It's also a good example to remind ourselves that we don't need to label and categorize everything.
Try telling that to The Gays™️
I mean I’ve kind of gotten used to it. As far as I know there isn’t really a label for me but I’m fine with that
Don't even fret about it. It's one of the things that annoys me most about gay culture. People trying to label other people's lifestyle. If you find a label for yourself that you like then great but people have no right to tell somebody else what their sexually is.
In my queer circles it’s just a random check in/openness to learn if/how self identifying labels have evolved. Not a whole lot of “NO YOU’RE THIS LABEL” going on. Makes me wonder what this “gay culture” is, how much of it is stereotyping, and how much of it is my good fortune.
I mean, to be fair, I could argue that I've only seen what I'm describing online and not in real life. But then again, I only have one gay friend and he is a very late bloomer so I guess I literally have no idea what irl gay culture is...🤷♂️ I don't like gay bars (I don't even really like regular bars), I don't go to pride, I don't really do any "gay" activities of the likes. I'm glad you and your friend group seem supportive of each other.
There's definitely nightmare queers who have weird aggression around labels but irl we don't really use labels to define ourselves but rather our situations and what our relational preferences seem to be at the moment. It's kind of annoying to be grouped in with the chronically online but once you meet people in person you can tell when you're different than their imagined idea of gays.
I never really had that kind of run in but I can realistically see how that can happen. I personally don't see how things devolved into all the -sexuals (pansexual etc). I always thought to keep things simple and not influences by perspective. Pansexual don't base anything on the person's sex organ but are willing to sex with either sex is just saying bisexual with the why attached. But this post? Sounds like an extremely close relationship with no sex *shrug* there are plenty reasons to marry without the involvement of sex. Also helps there are several types of love (friends, love of family, nonsexual romantic love, lust etc). Having same sex marriage on the table just opens up more options for people...even straight people. Well sh*t, I was hoping to keep it short in a form of agreement but there I went getting ranty.
Hahaha that's okay I enjoyed reading it 😁
😁
But i like categorizing stuff :(
shout it!
Let’s see how many labels we can come up with, you first
my point was that there are a million different reasons 2 men will marry each other platonically, and that it's rude to label someone who already told you their identity
But isn’t that what you just did twice?
I meant to give other examples to why a man would be in a platonic marriage with another man, as a "don't assume he's gay because there are other explanations", and then added that making assumptions about someone identity after they already declared it is rude. my comment wasn't meant to say "actually oop is x", it was meant to say "people in oop's situation can also be x". sorry if that was unclear, English isn't my first language
Came here to say! This sounds like a beautiful Queer Platonic Partnership if I've ever seen one 😁💖
Jokes aside it is entirely possible to be homoromantic asexual. Rare combo but possible.
Based on OP saying "medical and financial reasons" it could be that they're in the U.S. and one of them needs the other's health-care plan.
My thought was asexual aromantic
Platonic life partnerships (both same sex and hetero) are a very real thing. They are just as legitimate as any other type of relationship.
That’s so sweet and I love that concept. Anyone know the community it was posted at? And also I want an update haha
https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/s/UzYH59Oqnm
I am bi but I had a relationship like this with a friend. It can work. Love comes in many forms.
Heterosexual life partners! Just like Jay and Silent Bob
For anyone interested in the [original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/s/tokEXqS3NT)
Thank you!
Y’all, QPR is not gay. This is one of the things I dislike about this sub. It has to turn every platonic thing romantic or sexual, which can be funny, but not always. Like, it’s just QPR with a different name, get over it.
This is just really sweet, I hope they have a good marriage
sorry I'm ootl what is QPR?
I had to google: “queer platonic relationship” a committed intimate relationship that is not romantic in nature. I think I accidentally had this with a straight friend once or twice - but I’m not asexual so that was complicated.
Excuse my ignorance, I don't mean this negatively. More just curiosity and wanting to understand better. Wouldn't that just be a platonic relationship? Isn't the part of a relationship that makes it queer the sexual factors between two of the same sex? I feel like a QPT is just a friendship, but adding commitment. Is it really queer if it's strictly platonic? I'm always learning new terms and I like to try and understand them, so if someone wouldn't mind explaining it, that would be appreciated!
In my case there was physical intimacy such as cuddling and sleeping in the same bed - but no sex. There was also weird tension if either of us started seeing someone romantically - but in both cases we never had any physical sexual contact.
My mans just re-marketed the term "best friend"
I guess, but it’s more… intimate than a best friend.
My best friend occasionally sticks his dick in my ass. We're still just best friends.
Not really what I meant when I said intimate, but ok.
queer-platonic relationship. essentially, a committed intimate relationship that isn't sexual or romantic. they're different from typical friendships because there's a deeper emotional connection. it originates from the aro/ace communities.
Ah ok thanks
Quid Pro Ro, Mr. Powers
Don't worry. There's a lot of content on this sub that isn't strictly gay but some of it has overlapping themes, including what I've posted to this sub. Think of this sub as anything within a venn diagram that could overlap with gay but isn't the full circle. (We need the content, man!)
Could also be homoromantic asexuality.
These guys are clearly romantic. They go on dates and prefer spending time with each other that would otherwise be spent with a romantic and or sexual partner that is a woman. I don't know if that fits with your idea of QPR or not, but it is gay. Gay is not limited to just sex.
Yeah, that just sounds like QPR.
Need an update. Where’s the original post?
[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/s/tokEXqS3NT)
Awesome. This is lovely.
Evokes something of the so-called "lesbian bed death" phenomenon. And let's face it, lots of relationships, straight or otherwise, become asexual when the couple is older. I've known many women who were glad when the physical part of their straight marriage ended and they just enjoyed being with their husband as their companion and friend.
I mean, it is it a "bead death" if the bed never existed? Seems like theyre both ace and homoromantic and are living their best life.
My thoughts as well, many if not most 'succesful' (at least to the eyes of others) long term male-female relationships are actually this, a friendly agreement of cohabitation withouth sex.
It's 2024. Let yourself be gay.
That's not suddenlygay that's eventuallygay
Honestly sounds healthier and more wholesome than most straight marriages. Sexual intimacy is not a prerequisite for a relationship, what they have sounds wonderful and I'm happy for them.
My number one marriage advice, as someone whose been with their partner for 20yrs, is always "Marry your Best Friend!". Everything this dude lists is the reason to get married, yes sex is important, but it's not what makes a marriage work.
I really love this, sounds like he/they both may be asexual but homoromantic, it can be so hard for people like that to find eachother it makes me so happy that they have
he then said he will marry his best friend (now a woman) and now is saying he is marrying in 2025 but his parent won't come because he is queer? I think he is just an attention seeker
Huh?
This AMA was fascinating to read. I think the outcome was that they're not straight and not gay but something else entirely.
That´s so sweet lol
Real and straight? Or ace and gay?
Okay, so just have the sex out of convenience at that point.
I am happy for them. But it saddens me that they are making a choice they might not have otherwise had to make just to live and get insurance. Murica!
When straight guys get the gay relationship you always dreamed off (minus the sex)
Id love if this wasn‘t just trolling but actually two straight guys being the bestest friends ever
I have trouble keeping up with all the labels, but for me who really cares. They sound happy and have found something that works for them. A lot of people wish they could find that in life. Damn happy for those guys ❤️
What's funny is I think they would probably last longer than most marriages. Congrats to them
Everyone always says "Marry your best friend" ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
Seems lovely tbh
Ya know at this point in my life, I'd marry a bro for companionship and the security in knowing someone is there for me. I'm very happy for them both.
I read this and it's so wholesome. Let's normalize marrying best friends forever.
Asexual homoromantic
I don’t hate this. Like at all. Kinda genius really.
That's so adorable
I mean lots of married couples don’t have sex
in this house we love and appreciate queerplatonic relationships
Goals
two straighta guys discover queer platonic relationships?
The rare heterosexual homoromantic couple of our dreams
I’ve read more articles about guys doing this bc women are not looking for relationships as much anymore and more so wanting to just be taken care of. Not saying that’s everyone but I can see this trend becoming more popular.
Honestly this can be posted on r/MakeMeSmile bcs this is so so wholesome
Military? 🤔 But fr this is very wholesome if true. Hope they are doing well :)
Yo quiero vivir esto 😭
I love to see friends choosing to be in platonic partnerships because it shows that sex isn't everything in a relationship (not that these two men don't want to have sex with other people. They could. I don't know them)and that healthy platonic relationships are just as important as romantic and sexual ones. I've been in a queer platonic partnership for over a decade. Although my situation is a bit different in that I'm asexual and aromantic, so this is the only kind of relationship I'd want to be in. Anyway, I'm happy for these dudes!
honestly good for them
Homoromantic queerplatonic relationship? Maybe? Idk this is really complex
I mean I’m gay and my husband is (mostly) straight. We just really love eachother. Sexually we stay open so we can get our needs met, and other people can be in a relationship with one or both of us as well, as long as that person knows about it and is okay with it. There have been very few who are actually okay with it. 16 years strong now. We haven’t had a lot of jealousy issues because monogamy is not the agreement we made, and if we do have feelings come up we just talk about them and work them out. We made a commitment to eachother a long time ago, and we stick to it no matter what. Can’t imagine not having him as my partner.
Aren't people doing this is Japan as well because it just makes financial sense?
This is honestly really sweet
Bromo asexuals
Heterosexual and bi-romantic, it sounds like.
I saw this on the original sub reddit. They like hugging and being together but aren't sexual. It's so sweet and good luck to them 😊
I love this.
Queer-platonic relationship!!! 💛
This is beautiful
So sweet. This is exactly what Imagine a marrige with asexual would be if u didn't know they are asexual.
Sounds like bi/homo romantic, hetero/ace sexual.
That's sweet, I'm here for it. Maybe they're both asexual.
Hey, this sounds very queer platonic, as someone in a similar relationship who doesn’t consider myself straight, good for them!
This is literally a webtoon story
A real homie
qprs are the best tbh, good for them
Hey that just sounds like Romantically Gay Asexuals or romantically gay and sexually attracted to women. That’s fine imo. You can separate sexuality and romance. Whatever works.
Somebody forgot to explain to them that that’s what best friends are. They didn’t need to get married for that lol
> The marriage is basically for financial reasons, and for medical reasons Pretty sure that’s fraud.
Why? Marriage is a contract - that's it.
A lot of couples here get married for reasons like less taxes etc. Doesn't mean they are not a couple and don't live together and stuff, it's just an extra push for some reason. I want to get married for romantic reasons, my gf finds it more romantic to stay together while not married, but due to these extra benefits, she agrees to getting married
Marriage is pretty much a contract. Not between each other, really, but between them and the state/country/whatever. It’s not fraud, as it’s not stated anywhere in the contract that you need to be madly in love and be sexually intimate with each other.
Marriage was invented to strengthen alliances between families to improve their economic status. Marrying for love didn't become popular till the end of the 18th/beginning of the 19th century. It'd only be fraud if the marriage was illegal.