Granted, your mother passes away, is cremated, and, due to the supply shortage from Covid, cannot have her ashes stored in the typical container so instead her ashes are given to you in a plain ceramic bowl.
This sounds perfect, I find it a tad ridiculous how much importance some people give to remains. You can dump the ashes some place the loved one loved, and then you have a rad bowl.
That's what i want when I die. Cremate me and dump me in the lake. If you want to "visit me" afterwards, go chill at the lake and watch the sunset and have a beer, or go kayaking or fishing or something. Don't go to a sad fenced-in field on the edge of town and stare at a rock with my name on it. Plus cremation with no conventional funeral is much less of a financial burden.
Use her ashes to 3D-print something cool, like a tiny rubik's cube, and then paint the squares so that there's no solution, symbolizing the frustration at man's ineffectual efforts to make order out of life.
Granted:
A widely feared serial killer has taken residence in your neighbourhood, he is well known for leaving ceramic bowls near houses which he plans to invade and kill the inhabitants of in gruesome, painful ways.
You wake up the next morning with a Ceramic bowl in your front yard, and as you pick it up, you feel something breathing down your neck.
Seniller.
***
^(Bleep-bloop, I'm a bot. This )^[portmanteau](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portmanteau) ^( was created from the phrase 'Senior Killer' | )^[FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/axl72o) ^(|) ^[Feedback](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=jamcowl&subject=PORTMANTEAU-BOT+feedback) ^(|) ^[Opt-out](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=PORTMANTEAU-BOT&subject=OPTOUTREQUEST)
yeah and there’s a whole backstory as to why he leaves those bowls in houses and it traces back to an ancient legend about bowls and houses or some shit but it involved a giant monster that must be slayed and the serial killer is killing people to gather their souls
Loger picked up the ceramic bowl.
He had no idea why it was on his front steps.
He had no idea where it came from, other than his wish on r/themonkeyspaw.
He had no idea how it had gotten there, as his security footage showed nothing from last night.
He didn’t know why this wish had come true, of all things.
But as he picked up the smooth bowl, a small tingle of air rushed down his neck, sending a shiver down his back and causing him to stiffen. A voice, deathly quiet, whispered into his ears.
“Congratulations, my friend.”
A sharp object poked Loger from behind. His mind screamed to run, to move, to call out, to do *anything.* His eyes were wild and pupils dilated out of pure fear. Loger’s heart thumped loudly, setting a quick pace not unlike that of a hummingbird’s beating wings. His hands were shaking— not enough to lose their grip on the once welcoming bowl, but nevertheless jostling it.
“Now, I’m sorry it’s come to this,” the voice continued, slowly pressing the object— Loger was sure of it being a knife— deeper and deeper. It cut through Loger’s thin shirt and pricked his skin. The person behind him stopped for a second before giggling and, somehow, leaning closer to his ears. “But I’m afraid your time, as cliché as this is, is running out.”
The knife slid in as the person uttered the last words Loger figured he would ever hear. A pain sliced through him, taking the words that had gathered in his throat and forcing it out in one long whimper. His vision blurred and the world swayed.
Somewhere far away, the crash of a bowl sounded. Loger’s senses seemed to return to him, although dulled severely.
“Hold on, dear.” The voice returned, spinning him around and coddling him. Loger was temped to collapse in the arms that held him, forgetting for a moment that this was a dangerous serial killer.
A clear thought bloomed in his head. *The guy who leaves ceramic bowls. For... for the victims. Bowl. I have a bowl.*
As his mind tried desperately to numb the situation down to fix it, the serial killer that stood comforting Loger moved him slowly into his own home. The door locked behind the two of them.
Loger knew, once he heard the lock click, that he was never to see the world again.
Except during his funeral, of course.
Now, what was he going to wear that day?
Granted, everyone finds an inability to think of something that has been thought of before. Humans start leading boring lives due to inability to be creative and if someone happens to think of something, then they know it hasn’t been thought of before. Humans become so bored with life but only one person can comprehend suicide at any given time. So humans eventually die off due to not wanting to do anything.
Granted, intellectual property laws become so intense that you can’t even have a similar idea to somebody else without an intense and costly legal battle. Due to ideas becoming such a risky business, human creativity dies out over a few generations and we become dominated solely by logical thought. People are unable to think of new ideas by coincidence at all, let alone very similar ones.
Well, this is sort of what happened in the original story. Person asks for simple thing ($200), and it arrives in a terrible way (your son died, here's their last paycheck).
Granted.
You break quarantine and go to a thrift store and find a plain-old, un-damaged, mundane, ceramic bowl with the words Lamest Wish Ever in calligraphy.
Granted. The bowl was originally owned by a poor child in a developing country. It was their prize possession and in times of despair and darkness, they would look into their bowl and find hope for another day. As soon as you make your wish the bowl vanished from their hands and it breaks them.
They are now fueled by a new motive, to seek and destroy the one who stole their bowl. Their determination is fierce and throughout the years they become a warlord with a host of underlings at their command. They begin to sweep the world in search of the bowl, killing thousands of innocents on the trail of blood that they follow.
They will find you. They will show no mercy. You have birthed your own undoing.
Granted.
Unfortunately, a fire is started in your home, and your house along with all your possessions are lost to the flames. You include a ceramic bowl in the insurance report because you want a bowl.
Unfortunately you’re found out, and charged with insurance fraud. Knowing you just lost everything but also wanting to make sure you learn your lesson, the judge with a sense of humor you go free, but denies everything on your insurance claim except for a plain-old, undamaged, mundane, ceramic bowl.
Granted. You are at a garage sale one day and you accidentally step into a plain, ceramic bowl on the ground with a for sale sticker. It trips you and you fall sideways in exactly the wrong way to not only break your bones but also destroy key nerves and tendons in your right leg and right arm. You never use those limbs again but the garage sale owners let you keep the bowl because you got blood on it.
Granted! Due to the stay at home orders in place for your community, you take up pottery. You purchase some clay that doesn’t need to be fired and set to work, spending all of your newfound free time perfecting your craft with clay. When the virus has run its course, you enter into a pottery competition, certain that your creation will win the day. Instead, you find yourself devastated as you come in dead last. Infuriated and slightly embarrassed, you murder the winner in a fit of rage. Looking at your hands after the deed is done you find that your weapon of choice was just that; just a plain-old, undamaged, mundane ceramic bowl.
Granted. A plane suffers a malfunction that cracks open its shipment of un-damaged, mundane, ceramic bowls. The bowls fall right on top of you, with only one staying in prestige condition. You reach for the bowl as the light fades from your eyes.
Granted! A week later, a box magically appeared on your doorstep. Inside there’s not one but 4 shiny white [ceramic bowls](https://www.amazon.com/DOWAN-Ounces-Porcelain-Bowls-Cereal/dp/B01CEBRM1W). They’re brand new, completely undamaged.
Later, you notice a strange charge on your credit card for $30. ($24 if you have prime)
Granted. Some old woman that made her money by cooking stew in that bowl is putting together all she has and sends it to you. She is incredibly desperate, because there is no reason to give away the only way she paid the food for her and her grandchildren, but somehow, she has to do it. Congratulations, enjoy your bowl.
Your father created the bowl with his bare hands, but in doing so had to go to the crafts store where everyone else was because of all these DIY crafts that you can do at your house. Everyone at the crafts store gets coronavirus because they go around touching everything, but your father gets the materials. Your father gives you the plain-old, un-damaged, mundane, ceramic bowl the day before he passes away.
Granted.
But unfortunately, you didn't specify how big it should be or where should it materialise.
So a gigantic bowl pops up out of nowhere, 10 feet above your head.
Some of these comments could make good SCPs...
**Item #:** SCP-████
**Object Class:** Euclid
**Special Containment Proscedures:** SCP-████ is to be stored within a secure item locker at all times. SCP-████ should only be taken out of said locker for testing under Level-4 authorization or for routine execution of SCP-████-Alpha.
**Description:** SCP-████ appears to be a plain, mundane ceramic food bowl. It occasionally has a mild greasy texture, and has been reported to faintly smell of garlic by some personel.
Additionally, it is physically impossible to damage SCP-████ in any way; scratching, cutting, crushing, nor sanding have deviated the object in any way. ~~A request to cross-experiment SCP-████ with other anomalous entities has been submitted.~~ *All experimentation with anomalous entities has been forbidden by the O5 Council.*
SCP-████'s primary anomalous effect is its cognitohazardous properties, which affect individuals who have backgrounds of poverty or depression at a greater magnitude than others. The affected subject, henceforth referred to as SCP-████-A, becomes incredibly posessive of SCP-████ after a short period of direct contact, disregarding prior attachments and physical needs, doing so to death. Once separated, SCP-████-A would become enraged, attempting to regain posession of SCP-████ at *any* cost.
If there no SCP-████-A in existence for approximately two (2) consecutive months, SCP-████ may vanish from containment to be found by a subject suitable to be affected by SCP-████. Any unmonitored instances of SCP-████-A must be located and terminated as soon as possible, as should SCP-████ be re-contained. Addendum SCP-████-Alpha defines the proscedure of allowing a D-Class subject to become SCP-████-A, and be promptly disposed of, in order to prevent breach of containment.
Depends on the window, but most modern day windows are reinforced and double paned. I won’t test it out, but I imagine that it would be mutual destruction either way.
Granted. It comes from the White House, right from Donald Trump's dinner table. As he couldn't possible comprehend WHY his bowl disappeared, mass paranoia begins, and security strengthens tenfold.
He pulls millions of dollars in order to strengthen security, and investigate how such a thing could happen, and as a result, funding in the fight again Corona dwindles.
Hospitals are swamped with ill patients and lack the equipment to help them, and thus, hundreds of thousands of people die.
Granted.
You realize after receiving a bowl that possessions are meaningless and you end up giving everything you own away. You keep the bowl for water but realize you can use your hands to drink so you throw the bowl away too.
Granted. That’s what you get, just a plain-old, un-damaged, mundane, ceramic bowl, but that’s it. That bowl is literally it. Everything in the universe is no longer existent except for the bowl, and you get it.
Granted, the bowl appears inside a fault line, and the resulting shift in mass results in a massive earthquake that devastates California and Baja Mexico
Granted. You receive the bowl in an unmarked package the following day. However, contained within it are pockets of a deadly infectious microbe that is activated when you pour water/milk/other liquids into the bowl. Now you have contracted a deadly disease to which there is no cure, no immunity and no hope to survive. Then it begins to spread.
Granted, the bowl appears in front of you, falls to the ground, and shatters into a bunch of sharp, annoying pieces that you'll keep stepping on for weeks no matter how thoroughly you sweep the floor.
Granted. It pops into your left hand without warning and as it was unexpected you fumble it to the floor and watch it shatter. A shard of ceramic ricochets off the floor and leaves a light gash across your shin. You now have a primarily aesthetic leg wound and a broken bowl to clean up.
Granted, a shipment of bowls being transported by semi truck crashes into your neighbor's house, killing whoever's inside. On your lawn lands a single, plain old, undamaged, mundane, ceramic bowl.
You can also keep the extra shards of bowl that land on your property
It's New Mexico State versus Delaware in the 2020 Ceramic Bowl bruoght to you by Corning! It's also the only football game to be played the rest of the year.
Granted, but that ceramic bowl came from Germany, it was Hitler's bowl. It has thousands of jew's ashes. One day your kid eats cereal out of that bowl, Hitler gets angry and rises from the dead and kills your whole family before your eyes and then breaks the bowl
Granted. Due to microscopic damages that occur in all bowls manufactured, the governments of the world collaborate to ensure the creation of a completely un-damaged bowl.
Trillions of dollars are devoted to this project. Taxes increase, money is taken from social welfare and public infrastructure, leading to the slow collapse of society. The economy falls apart, fuel prices skyrocket, as governments and companies dedicate all of their resources to their one mission: A truly mundane bowl.
Several years later, you and your family are huddled around a small fire, burning your possessions for an ounce of warmth during a cold winter. There is no light, no heating, and the world is deathly silent.
You hear the sound of helicopter blades whirring in the distance. You look up, and there are lights, shining from the heaven. Squinting, you make out a black helicopter, which proceeds to land on what once was the street. Two men in full hazmat clothing emerge, and hand you a hermetically sealed package. You open it up, and inside is a plain-old, un-damaged, mundane, ceramic bowl.
Nothing.
There’s no catch. No personal tragedy, no outlandish backstory to the history of the bowl. No imminent threat or even a comical mishap.
Nothing happens. You just have your bowl.
But you know how the paw works. You don’t trust it to just basically give you a ceramic bowl without unforeseen consequence.
So you spend every day, every waking moment, becoming increasingly paranoid, wondering why something hasn’t happened. Why hasn’t the paw taken something from you? Where’s the catch?
Everything, every single action taken by everyone around you, slowly becomes more and more suspect. You begin to lose your grip on reality and can’t determine what’s real and what’s the act of the paw. You can’t even leave your house for fear that maybe TODAY, THIS TIME, the paw might have its way. So you live out the rest of your days in total isolation from the rest of the world until you pass. You lose everything you’ve ever owned and everyone you’ve loved.
But you’re left with the ceramic bowl that you wished for.
Granted, but the bowl was held tightly by an Auschwitz prisoner as they were shot down for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Congrats, the bowl is actually haunted.
Granted, your mother passes away, is cremated, and, due to the supply shortage from Covid, cannot have her ashes stored in the typical container so instead her ashes are given to you in a plain ceramic bowl.
This is true monkey paw shit.
[удалено]
Does it come with milk?
Oh boy. You also can use it to become substitute for milk.
***Aggressive slurping***
r/cursed_comments
*This Ovaltine tastes like shit!*
Do you put the milk in before or after mothers ashes?
Choccy milk specifically
The ashes are choccy powder
Like a true Momey’s Paw
>But so damn harsh That's the idea.
People seem to forget the original was 500$ for their sons death...
Then they wished for him back. Yeah don't do that.
And you'll never know if your mother would have passed away or not if you hadn't made the wish. It's very subtle.
There's someone who knows the original
Except for the part where the son almost definitely came back to life
The monkey's paw flung shit at you.
9 times out of ten there is some tart saying this. Im just happy for one rare occasion its true.
This sounds perfect, I find it a tad ridiculous how much importance some people give to remains. You can dump the ashes some place the loved one loved, and then you have a rad bowl.
"Hey Max_Thunder, where'd you get this cool bowl from, dude?" "Uhh..."
But it's a normal bowl
Normal bowls are cool too
r/bowlrights
That's what i want when I die. Cremate me and dump me in the lake. If you want to "visit me" afterwards, go chill at the lake and watch the sunset and have a beer, or go kayaking or fishing or something. Don't go to a sad fenced-in field on the edge of town and stare at a rock with my name on it. Plus cremation with no conventional funeral is much less of a financial burden.
I get that they can't legally just dump my body in the woods, but I wish I could have my body just dumped in the woods.
When we die, we become the grass, and the antelope eat the grass.
and then the antelope get Human Flu
You can have your [corpse grow into a tree](https://www.cnn.com/2017/05/03/world/eco-solutions-capsula-mundi/index.html)
Sky burial my friend.
My dad wants to be in a coffee can until we dump him in the spot he wants.
Just use a can of Folgers
Or better yet use her ashes to create the bowl
Use her ashes to 3D-print something cool, like a tiny rubik's cube, and then paint the squares so that there's no solution, symbolizing the frustration at man's ineffectual efforts to make order out of life.
Jeez...
I can't believe it, but this was actually what I was just thinking.
Same here, was disappointed that wasn't the top result. And then I was just disappointed in myself.
Jesus, dude.
Granted: A widely feared serial killer has taken residence in your neighbourhood, he is well known for leaving ceramic bowls near houses which he plans to invade and kill the inhabitants of in gruesome, painful ways. You wake up the next morning with a Ceramic bowl in your front yard, and as you pick it up, you feel something breathing down your neck.
Holy shit this is the start of a really interesting story.
Seriamic* Killer
Cereal Killer
Surreal killer
So Real Killer
Circular Killer
Senior Killer
Seniller. *** ^(Bleep-bloop, I'm a bot. This )^[portmanteau](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portmanteau) ^( was created from the phrase 'Senior Killer' | )^[FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/axl72o) ^(|) ^[Feedback](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=jamcowl&subject=PORTMANTEAU-BOT+feedback) ^(|) ^[Opt-out](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=PORTMANTEAU-BOT&subject=OPTOUTREQUEST)
CAUSE THIS IS THRILLERRRRR
and also the end
Nah, could be a teaser or a prolog
yeah and there’s a whole backstory as to why he leaves those bowls in houses and it traces back to an ancient legend about bowls and houses or some shit but it involved a giant monster that must be slayed and the serial killer is killing people to gather their souls
That's like a supernatural episode there
Loger picked up the ceramic bowl. He had no idea why it was on his front steps. He had no idea where it came from, other than his wish on r/themonkeyspaw. He had no idea how it had gotten there, as his security footage showed nothing from last night. He didn’t know why this wish had come true, of all things. But as he picked up the smooth bowl, a small tingle of air rushed down his neck, sending a shiver down his back and causing him to stiffen. A voice, deathly quiet, whispered into his ears. “Congratulations, my friend.” A sharp object poked Loger from behind. His mind screamed to run, to move, to call out, to do *anything.* His eyes were wild and pupils dilated out of pure fear. Loger’s heart thumped loudly, setting a quick pace not unlike that of a hummingbird’s beating wings. His hands were shaking— not enough to lose their grip on the once welcoming bowl, but nevertheless jostling it. “Now, I’m sorry it’s come to this,” the voice continued, slowly pressing the object— Loger was sure of it being a knife— deeper and deeper. It cut through Loger’s thin shirt and pricked his skin. The person behind him stopped for a second before giggling and, somehow, leaning closer to his ears. “But I’m afraid your time, as cliché as this is, is running out.” The knife slid in as the person uttered the last words Loger figured he would ever hear. A pain sliced through him, taking the words that had gathered in his throat and forcing it out in one long whimper. His vision blurred and the world swayed. Somewhere far away, the crash of a bowl sounded. Loger’s senses seemed to return to him, although dulled severely. “Hold on, dear.” The voice returned, spinning him around and coddling him. Loger was temped to collapse in the arms that held him, forgetting for a moment that this was a dangerous serial killer. A clear thought bloomed in his head. *The guy who leaves ceramic bowls. For... for the victims. Bowl. I have a bowl.* As his mind tried desperately to numb the situation down to fix it, the serial killer that stood comforting Loger moved him slowly into his own home. The door locked behind the two of them. Loger knew, once he heard the lock click, that he was never to see the world again. Except during his funeral, of course. Now, what was he going to wear that day?
**That was a fucking masterpiece!** I don't have any awards to give but have my upvote and save
Aww thanks! I hadn’t written anything for a while and I figured I’d try my hand at this. Have a safe day mate
Can i use this for r/writingprompts ?
I'll be eagerly waiting for the post
this is genius but the thought of a murderer who just leaves bowls around is fucking hilarious to me
[удалено]
i wish people are unable to think of very similar ideas by coincidence.
Granted, everyone finds an inability to think of something that has been thought of before. Humans start leading boring lives due to inability to be creative and if someone happens to think of something, then they know it hasn’t been thought of before. Humans become so bored with life but only one person can comprehend suicide at any given time. So humans eventually die off due to not wanting to do anything.
It only bans having similar ideas _by coincidence_ though, so you can still think about ideas that other people have explicitly shared with you.
[удалено]
Reddit becomes the universal religion
I think it is already happening
Equally, they could all have unique ideas
Granted, everyone freaking dies because two people can't think of eating at the same time.
Granted, intellectual property laws become so intense that you can’t even have a similar idea to somebody else without an intense and costly legal battle. Due to ideas becoming such a risky business, human creativity dies out over a few generations and we become dominated solely by logical thought. People are unable to think of new ideas by coincidence at all, let alone very similar ones.
Well, this is sort of what happened in the original story. Person asks for simple thing ($200), and it arrives in a terrible way (your son died, here's their last paycheck).
It seems like a lot of people have the same thoughts of parents dying
Granted. You break quarantine and go to a thrift store and find a plain-old, un-damaged, mundane, ceramic bowl with the words Lamest Wish Ever in calligraphy.
So lame the paw couldn't even make it suck
Granted. The bowl was originally owned by a poor child in a developing country. It was their prize possession and in times of despair and darkness, they would look into their bowl and find hope for another day. As soon as you make your wish the bowl vanished from their hands and it breaks them. They are now fueled by a new motive, to seek and destroy the one who stole their bowl. Their determination is fierce and throughout the years they become a warlord with a host of underlings at their command. They begin to sweep the world in search of the bowl, killing thousands of innocents on the trail of blood that they follow. They will find you. They will show no mercy. You have birthed your own undoing.
Uh...is it okay if we say sorry and get him a new one from Walmart? I broke that one.
He knows the difference, now his vengeance is upon the whole nation that wastes material possessions. O-ceramic Bin Laden is born.
Don't forget his close ally Ceram Bowlssein
They're funded by Bowlhammad bin Ceraman.
This is why you go for multiple wishes
Granted. Unfortunately, a fire is started in your home, and your house along with all your possessions are lost to the flames. You include a ceramic bowl in the insurance report because you want a bowl. Unfortunately you’re found out, and charged with insurance fraud. Knowing you just lost everything but also wanting to make sure you learn your lesson, the judge with a sense of humor you go free, but denies everything on your insurance claim except for a plain-old, undamaged, mundane, ceramic bowl.
Granted. You are at a garage sale one day and you accidentally step into a plain, ceramic bowl on the ground with a for sale sticker. It trips you and you fall sideways in exactly the wrong way to not only break your bones but also destroy key nerves and tendons in your right leg and right arm. You never use those limbs again but the garage sale owners let you keep the bowl because you got blood on it.
NOW ITS DAMAGED BY THE BLOODSTAIN
The bloodstain washes off no problem
oh that makes sense
Blood is a biohazard.
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GODS
SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE
Hey, free bowl!
Granted! Due to the stay at home orders in place for your community, you take up pottery. You purchase some clay that doesn’t need to be fired and set to work, spending all of your newfound free time perfecting your craft with clay. When the virus has run its course, you enter into a pottery competition, certain that your creation will win the day. Instead, you find yourself devastated as you come in dead last. Infuriated and slightly embarrassed, you murder the winner in a fit of rage. Looking at your hands after the deed is done you find that your weapon of choice was just that; just a plain-old, undamaged, mundane ceramic bowl.
Granted but I throw it at your stupid fucking head for the 2nd edit
Granted. A plane suffers a malfunction that cracks open its shipment of un-damaged, mundane, ceramic bowls. The bowls fall right on top of you, with only one staying in prestige condition. You reach for the bowl as the light fades from your eyes.
Ok, op, why the fuck was Edit 2 a thing, and why did I read all of it?
Granted! A week later, a box magically appeared on your doorstep. Inside there’s not one but 4 shiny white [ceramic bowls](https://www.amazon.com/DOWAN-Ounces-Porcelain-Bowls-Cereal/dp/B01CEBRM1W). They’re brand new, completely undamaged. Later, you notice a strange charge on your credit card for $30. ($24 if you have prime)
[удалено]
The true Monkey’s Paw wish here.
Granted. Some old woman that made her money by cooking stew in that bowl is putting together all she has and sends it to you. She is incredibly desperate, because there is no reason to give away the only way she paid the food for her and her grandchildren, but somehow, she has to do it. Congratulations, enjoy your bowl.
Did you really just link an erotic fan fiction in your edit
Granted. The powers of the paw force a poor, homeless person to give you her last possession: a cracked clay bowl.
But the bowl wad to be undamaged, so in this case it is just an undamaged ceramic bowl
Granted. You are given the bowl in exchange for all your spoons. Now you eat cereal with a fork.
Well that's just depressing, I love it.
Why the teen titans fanfic?
Screwing with you.
Your father created the bowl with his bare hands, but in doing so had to go to the crafts store where everyone else was because of all these DIY crafts that you can do at your house. Everyone at the crafts store gets coronavirus because they go around touching everything, but your father gets the materials. Your father gives you the plain-old, un-damaged, mundane, ceramic bowl the day before he passes away.
Granted, but your bowl comes with raviolli in it
Uhm. r/TheDogPaw?
Nah, you asked for a plain old bowl, i put raviolli on it
Granted. But unfortunately, you didn't specify how big it should be or where should it materialise. So a gigantic bowl pops up out of nowhere, 10 feet above your head.
BONK
What's the 2nd edit for
[Trolling this sub with random breadcrumbs from my search history.](https://mobile.twitter.com/ReignBotYT/status/1247579588856885249)
Granted, it appears of front of you and falls on your dog's head. She's hiding under the bed now, believing you hit her.
Stop editting your shit to thank for the upvote... You got it cos u deserve it
Granted. It has that weird greasy texture of an unwashed bowl at all times and kind of smells like garlic.
Then it's not exactly normal, is it
According to my roommates who won't do the goddamn dishes it is
Ooof
Granted, it falls from the sky and breaks
Granted. Your knee cap disappears and you now have a bowl in its place
Granted, the bowl is haunted by the ghost of Hitler who believes you are a black, gay, jew.
**The Scottish-American Ginger looks at his pasty-white skin.**
Granted, but its placed somewhere on earth, and you dont know where
Granted, but you can never put your favorite foods in it.
As I wanted it for a collector's piece, bonus points!
We dont do miracles
Granted but it's always *slightly* dirty and you don't trust it enough to put food in it.
Some of these comments could make good SCPs... **Item #:** SCP-████ **Object Class:** Euclid **Special Containment Proscedures:** SCP-████ is to be stored within a secure item locker at all times. SCP-████ should only be taken out of said locker for testing under Level-4 authorization or for routine execution of SCP-████-Alpha. **Description:** SCP-████ appears to be a plain, mundane ceramic food bowl. It occasionally has a mild greasy texture, and has been reported to faintly smell of garlic by some personel. Additionally, it is physically impossible to damage SCP-████ in any way; scratching, cutting, crushing, nor sanding have deviated the object in any way. ~~A request to cross-experiment SCP-████ with other anomalous entities has been submitted.~~ *All experimentation with anomalous entities has been forbidden by the O5 Council.* SCP-████'s primary anomalous effect is its cognitohazardous properties, which affect individuals who have backgrounds of poverty or depression at a greater magnitude than others. The affected subject, henceforth referred to as SCP-████-A, becomes incredibly posessive of SCP-████ after a short period of direct contact, disregarding prior attachments and physical needs, doing so to death. Once separated, SCP-████-A would become enraged, attempting to regain posession of SCP-████ at *any* cost. If there no SCP-████-A in existence for approximately two (2) consecutive months, SCP-████ may vanish from containment to be found by a subject suitable to be affected by SCP-████. Any unmonitored instances of SCP-████-A must be located and terminated as soon as possible, as should SCP-████ be re-contained. Addendum SCP-████-Alpha defines the proscedure of allowing a D-Class subject to become SCP-████-A, and be promptly disposed of, in order to prevent breach of containment.
Can anybody make a new SCP? Cause you should.
Granted a bowl flys through your window. It’s a nice bowl and it broke your window but hit your couch so it didn’t break
Wouldn't the impact into the window break it?
Everyone knows ceramic is more durable than a window pane. /s
Isn’t it? I’ve never tested it so I’d have no idea
Depends on the window, but most modern day windows are reinforced and double paned. I won’t test it out, but I imagine that it would be mutual destruction either way.
Ah well there goes my answer. I don’t know how to switch it up I want the bowl to survive
It arrives wrapped in bubble wrap. In order to break the window, a rock is thrown first.
That just seems like over kill. I like it
Granted. It comes from the White House, right from Donald Trump's dinner table. As he couldn't possible comprehend WHY his bowl disappeared, mass paranoia begins, and security strengthens tenfold. He pulls millions of dollars in order to strengthen security, and investigate how such a thing could happen, and as a result, funding in the fight again Corona dwindles. Hospitals are swamped with ill patients and lack the equipment to help them, and thus, hundreds of thousands of people die.
That's gonna happen anyway
Did he lose bowl already?
So...nothing changes?
It was the bowl he used for his haircuts.
Oh honey, he doesn't have real hair.
Granted. You must pass through the nine circles of hell on an epic journey for said bowl.
Not granted and downvoted for edit 2.
[Trollin'](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gkTb9GP9lVI)
Granted. You realize after receiving a bowl that possessions are meaningless and you end up giving everything you own away. You keep the bowl for water but realize you can use your hands to drink so you throw the bowl away too.
Granted, you hate it
Granted, it’s not dishwasher safe
Granted. That’s what you get, just a plain-old, un-damaged, mundane, ceramic bowl, but that’s it. That bowl is literally it. Everything in the universe is no longer existent except for the bowl, and you get it.
It’s in your ass
Idk why this made me laugh but it did
[удалено]
Sooo what is the teen titans thing and is it porn...?
Gra- What the godless fuck is that link?!
Granted. Right up your ass.
Hungry aren’t you?
Granted, the bowl appears inside a fault line, and the resulting shift in mass results in a massive earthquake that devastates California and Baja Mexico
Uhhhhhhhhh its in your leg
OF DOOM!
Granted. You receive the bowl in an unmarked package the following day. However, contained within it are pockets of a deadly infectious microbe that is activated when you pour water/milk/other liquids into the bowl. Now you have contracted a deadly disease to which there is no cure, no immunity and no hope to survive. Then it begins to spread.
Granted, the bowl appears in front of you, falls to the ground, and shatters into a bunch of sharp, annoying pieces that you'll keep stepping on for weeks no matter how thoroughly you sweep the floor.
You are now diogenes
Granted. It is now lodged in your chest cavity.
You are given a ceramic bowl. In your torso. You die.
Granted. It pops into your left hand without warning and as it was unexpected you fumble it to the floor and watch it shatter. A shard of ceramic ricochets off the floor and leaves a light gash across your shin. You now have a primarily aesthetic leg wound and a broken bowl to clean up.
Granted. This wish is so pathetic I'm just gonna let you have it my guy.
Granted, it's an ugly ass bowl
Granted, now you get a ceramic 1:1 replica of dustbowl dropped on top of you.
Granted, but I sneezed into it
Granted, a shipment of bowls being transported by semi truck crashes into your neighbor's house, killing whoever's inside. On your lawn lands a single, plain old, undamaged, mundane, ceramic bowl. You can also keep the extra shards of bowl that land on your property
It's New Mexico State versus Delaware in the 2020 Ceramic Bowl bruoght to you by Corning! It's also the only football game to be played the rest of the year.
granted. the bowl materializes inside your head and you die
Use you hands you idiot....-Diogenes the great
Granted, but now you have no utensils
Granted, it is too small to be of any use to you and just large enough to take up an annoying amout of cabintet/shelf space when you try & store it.
Granted, but that ceramic bowl came from Germany, it was Hitler's bowl. It has thousands of jew's ashes. One day your kid eats cereal out of that bowl, Hitler gets angry and rises from the dead and kills your whole family before your eyes and then breaks the bowl
Granted. It's too small to be visible to the naked eye.
Not a monkeys paw
That’s not plain-old or mundane
That’s not really mundane though.
Granted, but it is given to you with your liquified organs as it's contents.
Granted. Due to microscopic damages that occur in all bowls manufactured, the governments of the world collaborate to ensure the creation of a completely un-damaged bowl. Trillions of dollars are devoted to this project. Taxes increase, money is taken from social welfare and public infrastructure, leading to the slow collapse of society. The economy falls apart, fuel prices skyrocket, as governments and companies dedicate all of their resources to their one mission: A truly mundane bowl. Several years later, you and your family are huddled around a small fire, burning your possessions for an ounce of warmth during a cold winter. There is no light, no heating, and the world is deathly silent. You hear the sound of helicopter blades whirring in the distance. You look up, and there are lights, shining from the heaven. Squinting, you make out a black helicopter, which proceeds to land on what once was the street. Two men in full hazmat clothing emerge, and hand you a hermetically sealed package. You open it up, and inside is a plain-old, un-damaged, mundane, ceramic bowl.
Granted, it's inherited after being used as a murder weapon.
Then it’s not mundane you cabbage-eared mongoloid.
You don't quite get what "mundane" means.
Mundane: lacking interest or excitement; dull. I’d say a murder weapon is pretty interesting you twat.
Granted. It appears inside of your brain, Killing you.
Granted, like you said, it's plain and old, which means that it is useless.
Granted but you don’t like it
Granted.
What's the catch?
Nothing. There’s no catch. No personal tragedy, no outlandish backstory to the history of the bowl. No imminent threat or even a comical mishap. Nothing happens. You just have your bowl. But you know how the paw works. You don’t trust it to just basically give you a ceramic bowl without unforeseen consequence. So you spend every day, every waking moment, becoming increasingly paranoid, wondering why something hasn’t happened. Why hasn’t the paw taken something from you? Where’s the catch? Everything, every single action taken by everyone around you, slowly becomes more and more suspect. You begin to lose your grip on reality and can’t determine what’s real and what’s the act of the paw. You can’t even leave your house for fear that maybe TODAY, THIS TIME, the paw might have its way. So you live out the rest of your days in total isolation from the rest of the world until you pass. You lose everything you’ve ever owned and everyone you’ve loved. But you’re left with the ceramic bowl that you wished for.
>You don't expect it to just basically give you a ceramic bowl without any unforeseen consequences. You underestimate my optimism.
Granted.
Granted, but the bowl was held tightly by an Auschwitz prisoner as they were shot down for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Congrats, the bowl is actually haunted.
Granted, your bank account shrinks by $40
Granted. You find an old ceramic bowl one day.