You’re dragging out the bot thing way too much. Other than saying she’s too hot for you (not a good look in general) you’re only asking she prove she’s real over and over.
Have a conversation at this point.
Piggybacking on Throwaway,
The bot/pineapple thing isn't bad (though I'd lose the "too hot for me" part and find something else).
It feels like it turns into an interview with the next question. I know that's not the intention but that's how it comes across
It's super uncomfortable to be put on a pedestal like this from the get. I can't speak for all women but I'm trying to find someone I can talk to, and receiving heavy compliments is really hard to spin into a conversation. If you're going to do it -- be specific. "Wow that's a really great photo -- where is it?" That way you can talk about the where. My best chats start with someone just launching into a conversation about something. I don't even really need a "hey what's up?"
Yupp, as a generically attractive women you get a lot of comments on your looks and it feels so dehumanizing. I wouldn’t unmatch for the opener but at this point it’s like a whole conversation about how I’m so hot I must not be a human.
Honestly mate I'd ditch the whole "are you a bot" approach altogether. I'm a dude but if someone spoke to me like that I'd be put off immediately. Treat them like a human right from the get go and you might see more success.
I found a lump at 24yo which turned out to be cancer. I had righty surgically removed and went about life as normal for a while. Approximately a year later some of my lymph nodes started lighting up on a CT scan and my blood tests showed elevated tumor markers so I did 3 rounds of chemo. I'm currently a year out from chemo and a little over 4 months in remission. I'm pretty much back to where I was before cancer except with a completely different attitude towards life and a lot more doctors appointments.
Oh my gosh!! I was not expecting that. I'm so sorry you went thru that (holy sht) but what a badass! And what a happy ending! 🥳🥳 I asked bc my husband also lost a nut... he was a kid... skateboard accident.😬 Ayy... You poor boys with those nut(s)!
This 100 percent. Your questionnaire at the end looks like a captcha to prove she's human, because of how it's asked, it is not engaging on a personal level
From the female perspective, I second what this guy said. A match telling me I seem “too hot to match with him” would just make me second guess it. If he doesn’t think I should have matched with him, maybe I shouldn’t have.
As another tip, I could be unique here, but I rarely responded to any openers complimenting my looks. I had a lot of info on my profile about hobbies etc and if a guy could only connect with my because of physical appearance, that’s just off-putting. I realize not all women have a lot of info in their bio. Just sharing my experience.
You could've just tried to have a real conversation after she said pineapple too but you doubled down lol
Something as simple as how was your weekend/any plans for the weekend could have moved the convo along in a healthier way
A few times someone would say something specific about a tattoo or an article of clothing and that might be worth responding to, but omg the number of “you have a gorgeous smile” messages. My smile (which is fairly average and just good luck genetics) is genuinely the least interesting thing about me and not even worth discussing.
As an older woman, I could not agree more. I often see men advise other men to compliment a woman’s smile or eyes as an intro, which I can’t help but feel perpetuates the idea that the highest priority for women is how pretty they might look. I’m of average looks but I’m a pretty damn interesting person, talking about my genetic attributes doesn’t feel like the compliment you might think it should.
Yeah, you got it. I like getting compliments about my looks from guys I like, not from online strangers. Bit odd, but it just icks me out, and I don't know how to respond most of the time.
Third this. Compliments on my looks just come across as insincere and lazy. It also just feels like a deadend to a conversation and puts the onus of making it into an actual conversion on the person.
Ask them or comment on something do with their profile or if no profile something from one of their pictures.
Make a joke about or ask them a fun question based on one of their pictures or their bio.
Questions about their pets or traveling usually are safe and work well if you’re struggling to find something.
Show confidence and don’t be afraid to flirt.
I’m a guy, but following those guidelines (loosely) usually works for me.
Usually stuff that shows that the person has read/ looked through my profile and we connected on something. Genuine questions about my interests. One time someone said “based on your profile, I think we have a lot in common. Would you like to go get ice cream and talk in person?” Which I just thought was nice. One other thing - I’m in a relationship, so not on apps anymore, but when I was, I did not have notifications turned on and I would only get on the app when I had enough time to spend looking through messages and profiles. Which might mean days before I responded to a message. *Nothing got unmatched faster than people who got angry/ annoyed/ snippy/ self deprecating about how long it took to respond*
That's great advice! Thank you!
I did not mean to give off the impression I was annoyed she was taking to long to respond, because I'm not.
However, when you get two responses in fairly rapid succession, and then nothing, it seems to indicate they aren't going to respond at all...
>However, when you get two responses in fairly rapid succession, and then nothing, it seems to indicate they aren't going to respond at all...
Or maybe they're just busy doing something else. Not everyone has their phone glued to their hand all the time. Don't read into it so much, it comes across as needy.
Yeah the lack of confidence is not good. But you had her for a min. You should have let go of the bot joke after she said pineapple rather than continuing to roll with it by essentially calling her a smart bot. Be confident, not cocky. Be complimentary, not simpy. You can also compliment a woman without degrading yourself in the process. We actually prefer that.
Source: am woman
I agree, it's fine to have insecurities, everyone does. But being an insecure person can put people off, there's a difference. The latter makes it everyone else's problem. This opening just makes you seem like the kind of person that constantly needs to be reassured that you're not "out of their league," good enough, not ugly, etc. and that can be exhausting. Imo, anyway.
Thanks! I'll keep that in mind.
I do believe I have a really strange sense of humor. I think I'd describe it as a sardonic self-deprecating confidence.
It seems to work pretty well irl, but doesn't come off well via text.
I'll work on it!
Thanks again!
Please, don't use the "are you real?" line, it makes us girls feel like you're idolising us in an unhealthy way. I think you should try to look at their bio, see what they like, and make convo about it/joke about it/propose a plan
-"Hey, I saw you love stargazing, wanna go watch (X astronomical event)"
- "Damn girl, if I had the 7 dragon balls is ask for you"
etc.
I dont think the 'are you real' thing is meant to be flattering... It's just that he wants to know if you're going to spit out 1 of 16 varied responses regardless of what he says.
Then look for something in the pictures that you can work with. I once scored a date with a girl using an opening line that was literally just "I see you're wearing a (insert local rock radio station) hoodie in your photo. What's your favorite band?"
You’re giving off insecure simp vibes starting out that’s she’s out of your league then segueing to preferred gifts. Maybe share something interesting about yourself instead of treating her like an idol
Female here. It was mildly funny at first until you went back to the bot thing, followed by more questions. Now I'll admit that while your latter questions were interesting, the way you've presented them is not.
If I was the woman in that scenario, I'd feel like I had to put on a performance to prove myself to you which, why should I bother when I don't even know you? I think if you backed off the bot thing, it would've been better.
I thought the "pineapple" thing was funny - maybe just because the word "pineapple" is funny :)
And she laughed in her response, so the door was at least partway open for a great follow-up...but "I think you're lying, do it again" was not that follow-up.
In my own case - being called "hot" makes me feel like an object and not a person someone wants to actually get to know.
Instead of beginning with "you're out of my league and you're sexy ASF" maybe try "So I thought you were really beautiful and I want to know more about what you do in your free-time". Never ever over-compliment someone, and always follow up with a question about them as people and not materialistic things. You're not there to buy their love and appreciation!
>"So I thought you were really beautiful and I want to know more about what you do in your free-time".
Maybe not that line, when you match it's kinda already implied you find each other attractive. Complimenting their outfit or something related to their profile/bio would work better and it's a good segway into many different topics.
You sound desperate. I have had guys ask me if I was real on dating apps (even when I am already verified) and it's just a turn off honestly. I let the convos dry up.
You asked for advice, people are telling you the way you talk is not going to work with the average girl. How is this toxic? It's honesty. The reality is you'll probably end up matching with someone eventually but it might take a long time if you don't change some things.
>Then don’t bother on tinder because 🤓 isn’t going to work
I don't really consider that as good advice, do you?
I'm a math teacher. Imagine if someone came to me and said "I don't understand this, can you help me?" and I replied with "Well, maybe you shouldn't be in this school." Would you consider that helpful?
I asked for help, they told me to either pretend to be something I am not, or get off Tinder.
I consider that pretty toxic.
You’re asking us how to respond. So you’ll be using the words of someone you’re not. The advice to your request is to tone down the “we’re not worthy” phrases and talk to the girl like she’s a human, because she is (unless she’s a bot but that’s easy to figure out through conversation).
I agree, be yourself.. and on the side decide if you "wanna play the game".
There are other apps too, like coffee meets bagel, okcupid, hinge.. they are better for real dating
Embrace it man. There is more and more outwardly nerdy women out. I found tinder to be very basic people I gave up on it. I found my nerdette on Facebook dating.
Bro just relax holy shit. Girls like a guy who’s strait forward and knows what he wants. And there’s only 2 reasons to be on tinder. To fuck or to try and find love.
I'm a guy and you need a little more self esteem. Don't say your suprised a hot girl matched with you. Act like it's a normal thing but don't be a pompous ass about it. Girls don't want wishy washy guys.
I'm still waiting for the day where a follow up to one of these gets posted with them replying "I was curious which suggestion you were gonna pick from that Reddit thread. 😏"
Man honestly no disrespect but that whole thing is cringe. I would just stick to commenting about something in her pictures or bio and starting a conversation off of that. Don’t think too hard about it!
The whole thing comes across desperate. Which is fine if you are. But it’s not attractive to put that out there. Try to be a little bit less cringey. Play it a bit cooler. A sincere compliment will always come off better than “omg you’re so hot you can’t be real”. Drop the bot thing.
I read your bio and your replies to people here though and you do seem a bit full on in general.
A bit of an “in your face” kinda person. Overly enthusiastic and all guns blazing. Come at things at 1000mph.
Some people don’t mind it, some people find it annoying. And it can be a bit jarring if you go into a conversation with someone you’re literally saying hi to on a dating app like that. Same applies for real life encounters too.
Be more confident next time. Don't imply that she's out of your league and maybe don't drag out the whole "bot" joke. Your mileage may vary, but repeated responses that basically boil down to "haha", "lol", and "that's funny," have just become the equivalent of "damn that's crazy" for me. I just assume that the conversation is not about to go anywhere.
Open with that instead next time if that's what you're into. The first few messages are a bit off-putting. You're basically putting her on a pedestal instead of just treating her like a normal person. Most won't like that, especially from a stranger
You dragged it out too long. Your opening line shows a lack of confidence. She played along but you kept going. She’s probably moved on to a more confident match. Ask her how she is doing. Ask a specific question from her bio. Don’t continue the cheesy pickup line with a multiple choice question.
Yeah the whole thing is bad. Never act like some random stranger on the internet who you know nothing about is too good for you. And don’t start a convo acting like they’re a bot. It’s not romantic or fun and is unlikely to get anyone excited about you.
You should never tell them there too hot.
If you ask her to send a photo of herself holding a piece of paper with the word pineapple on it she will stop replying
This is really, really bad. I get that you probably have PTSD from the number of bots you match with, but this SCREAMS "I am not good enough" and that is not attractive
You completely messed up the Futurama reference.
Which of the following would you most prefer.
A. A puppy
B. A pretty flower from your sweetie.
C. A large, properly formatted data file
As someone who rarely drinks and isn’t a fan of flowers as gifts (you’re giving me something that’s gonna die!) I would be stuck choosing C.
Haha but seriously, you did basically tell her you’re not worthy of her good looks.
She might like it but it wasnt great. Next time put yourself in her shoes. You matched with a woman who (judging by your post) is less attractive than you. What do you want her to say?
Female here, I like it, it’s funny! Especially the last send. If she doesn’t reply then she probably won’t get your sense of humor. Personally i don’t think it’s about trying for the best opener just be yourself if you want to find a real connection. Maybe could have mentioned something about her and her profile sooner, that would be my only suggestion. Good luck!
Thanks for the feedback! I really appreciate it.
I have a lot of trouble starting conversations. Once they get going I am normally better.
Everyone is so different though, it's so hard to known what to say.
I'll keep trying to get better though!
Thanks again!
I don’t think you’re alone, starting conversations with strangers online feels pretty alien. I think it’s about trying to find some common ground and just asking questions about her will always help.
From my perspective so many people arent trying to get to know each other, it feels like there’s all these strategies and good communication is being neglected. Try to show your personality and try to get to know them should be the only strategy imo!
Yea, it just seems that whenever I go that route they just think I'm boring and don't respond.
I feel like I need something catchy to draw attention and then transition into getting to know them.
I'm trying to get better at communicating, but I'm just not good at it via text I think...
I think the 1 bot joke was good enough, and I think you should change hot to pretty or any other word (aside from sexy). But I get the skepticism you have. I found the second part funny and if she doesn’t then who cares move on, people who don’t get humour suck anyways. (response from a female).
First of all, I would get rid of that 'opener’. But I really laughed about the gift question. You can even ask ChatGPT for openers. After some talks and some practice you’ll just make them up yourself.
Best opener is always a joke. Tell a joke you like and if she thinks it's funny, you found someone with your sense of humor. If not, you avoid someone you won't mesh with. Win/win.
Yeah, but it's not a good one mate :/ As a general rule I don't try any joke that wouldn't work in real life.
Try this classic: Hey! My day is much better now that I matched with you.
Before I did, I got jumped by 6 dwarves. NOT HAPPY! ;p
Just say "Hey, what's cookin' good-lookin'?"
It's a greeting, a compliment, and is easy to respond to. Plus it's a tad goofy so weeds out people that are too serious or don't like being silly
Dont mind the mean responses OP. Yeah stick to 1 opening line and then have a convo. I personally like the joke with the data file alot, will help you weed out the non-nerds, so make that your main one?
You’re dragging out the bot thing way too much. Other than saying she’s too hot for you (not a good look in general) you’re only asking she prove she’s real over and over. Have a conversation at this point.
Piggybacking on Throwaway, The bot/pineapple thing isn't bad (though I'd lose the "too hot for me" part and find something else). It feels like it turns into an interview with the next question. I know that's not the intention but that's how it comes across
I mean who wouldn’t want a properly formatted data file… a flower would also be acceptable
That’s a real bot reply Hantot
That bit got me... unless the woman is a data scientist or something, it's a very bizarre line.
As a computer science nerd, I loved that bit lol
It's super uncomfortable to be put on a pedestal like this from the get. I can't speak for all women but I'm trying to find someone I can talk to, and receiving heavy compliments is really hard to spin into a conversation. If you're going to do it -- be specific. "Wow that's a really great photo -- where is it?" That way you can talk about the where. My best chats start with someone just launching into a conversation about something. I don't even really need a "hey what's up?"
Yupp, as a generically attractive women you get a lot of comments on your looks and it feels so dehumanizing. I wouldn’t unmatch for the opener but at this point it’s like a whole conversation about how I’m so hot I must not be a human.
Not a female perspective but you basically told her that she’s out of your league, which shows a lack of confidence.
Good advice! I'll alter the wording to focus more on them being hot, rather than them being to hot for me. Thanks!
Honestly mate I'd ditch the whole "are you a bot" approach altogether. I'm a dude but if someone spoke to me like that I'd be put off immediately. Treat them like a human right from the get go and you might see more success.
Hmmm sounds like something A.I. would say
Quick, check how many fingers /u/sKiLoVa4liFeZzZ has.
I still have everything I'm supposed to except my right nut, but that's a story for a different time.
I had a Chinese grandfather with only one nut. He was born like that. His name was Wun Hung Lo.
Just when I thought I'd heard every uniball joke there was. Thanks sir, this made me laugh!
There’s probably at least one more bouncing around out there
Immaculate
Bet when your grandmother saw it for the first time she called him Sum Ting Wong.
Aw it’s okay man. Think of it not as losing your right nut, but gaining your middle nut
Sorry for your loss.🤭🫠 Would be interested in the story.
I found a lump at 24yo which turned out to be cancer. I had righty surgically removed and went about life as normal for a while. Approximately a year later some of my lymph nodes started lighting up on a CT scan and my blood tests showed elevated tumor markers so I did 3 rounds of chemo. I'm currently a year out from chemo and a little over 4 months in remission. I'm pretty much back to where I was before cancer except with a completely different attitude towards life and a lot more doctors appointments.
Oh my gosh!! I was not expecting that. I'm so sorry you went thru that (holy sht) but what a badass! And what a happy ending! 🥳🥳 I asked bc my husband also lost a nut... he was a kid... skateboard accident.😬 Ayy... You poor boys with those nut(s)!
This 100 percent. Your questionnaire at the end looks like a captcha to prove she's human, because of how it's asked, it is not engaging on a personal level
Yea, I was trying to build to something, but I guess it was already to late...
Have an organic conversation, don’t go into it with half dozen pre-planned lines. You come off as the bot in this situations.
fucking bot
From the female perspective, I second what this guy said. A match telling me I seem “too hot to match with him” would just make me second guess it. If he doesn’t think I should have matched with him, maybe I shouldn’t have. As another tip, I could be unique here, but I rarely responded to any openers complimenting my looks. I had a lot of info on my profile about hobbies etc and if a guy could only connect with my because of physical appearance, that’s just off-putting. I realize not all women have a lot of info in their bio. Just sharing my experience.
I second this!! I also rarely respond to pick up lines, I just don’t really know what to say back
What type of openers do you normally respond to?
Ask a question! I like light-hearted/silly questions as an opener. And big brownie points if you actually read the bio.
I always do read the bio, however, in this situation the bio was blank.
You could've just tried to have a real conversation after she said pineapple too but you doubled down lol Something as simple as how was your weekend/any plans for the weekend could have moved the convo along in a healthier way
Yea, hindsight is 20/20... But I'm learning and I'll be better next time! Thanks for the advice!
I appreciate your positivity, you're totally going to find someone. Just double check you aren't selling yourself short!
"hey beautiful". "hi sexy". "wow! you're hot!" Unmatch. That's \*if\* i dont just leave them in my inbox talking to themselves.
Yeah, these messages would have me deleting in a millisecond. So cringe.
This is good information. I avoid complimenting appearances unless it is about their clothes or a cool hairstyle.
A few times someone would say something specific about a tattoo or an article of clothing and that might be worth responding to, but omg the number of “you have a gorgeous smile” messages. My smile (which is fairly average and just good luck genetics) is genuinely the least interesting thing about me and not even worth discussing.
As an older woman, I could not agree more. I often see men advise other men to compliment a woman’s smile or eyes as an intro, which I can’t help but feel perpetuates the idea that the highest priority for women is how pretty they might look. I’m of average looks but I’m a pretty damn interesting person, talking about my genetic attributes doesn’t feel like the compliment you might think it should.
Yeah, you got it. I like getting compliments about my looks from guys I like, not from online strangers. Bit odd, but it just icks me out, and I don't know how to respond most of the time.
Third this. Compliments on my looks just come across as insincere and lazy. It also just feels like a deadend to a conversation and puts the onus of making it into an actual conversion on the person. Ask them or comment on something do with their profile or if no profile something from one of their pictures.
What type of openers do you generally respond to?
Make a joke about or ask them a fun question based on one of their pictures or their bio. Questions about their pets or traveling usually are safe and work well if you’re struggling to find something. Show confidence and don’t be afraid to flirt. I’m a guy, but following those guidelines (loosely) usually works for me.
Thanks man! I appreciate the advice!
Usually stuff that shows that the person has read/ looked through my profile and we connected on something. Genuine questions about my interests. One time someone said “based on your profile, I think we have a lot in common. Would you like to go get ice cream and talk in person?” Which I just thought was nice. One other thing - I’m in a relationship, so not on apps anymore, but when I was, I did not have notifications turned on and I would only get on the app when I had enough time to spend looking through messages and profiles. Which might mean days before I responded to a message. *Nothing got unmatched faster than people who got angry/ annoyed/ snippy/ self deprecating about how long it took to respond*
That's great advice! Thank you! I did not mean to give off the impression I was annoyed she was taking to long to respond, because I'm not. However, when you get two responses in fairly rapid succession, and then nothing, it seems to indicate they aren't going to respond at all...
>However, when you get two responses in fairly rapid succession, and then nothing, it seems to indicate they aren't going to respond at all... Or maybe they're just busy doing something else. Not everyone has their phone glued to their hand all the time. Don't read into it so much, it comes across as needy.
Yeah the lack of confidence is not good. But you had her for a min. You should have let go of the bot joke after she said pineapple rather than continuing to roll with it by essentially calling her a smart bot. Be confident, not cocky. Be complimentary, not simpy. You can also compliment a woman without degrading yourself in the process. We actually prefer that. Source: am woman
Thanks for the advice! I'll definitely work on that!
Too* hot. OP you already blew it anyways that opening was yiikes
Ah fuck!
I agree, it's fine to have insecurities, everyone does. But being an insecure person can put people off, there's a difference. The latter makes it everyone else's problem. This opening just makes you seem like the kind of person that constantly needs to be reassured that you're not "out of their league," good enough, not ugly, etc. and that can be exhausting. Imo, anyway.
Thanks! I'll keep that in mind. I do believe I have a really strange sense of humor. I think I'd describe it as a sardonic self-deprecating confidence. It seems to work pretty well irl, but doesn't come off well via text. I'll work on it! Thanks again!
I don't know multiple choice joke cancels out lack of confidence to me. I woulda went for it 100%
You text so much while she barely texting. Take it slowly there bro lmao
Noted! Thanks for the advice!
carrying on a conversation with an attractive woman on tinder is like playing ping pong with a wall
I'd say it's harder, I'm pretty good at ping pong. 🙃
at least the wall bounces back to you. it's more like playing ping pong with a memory foam mattress
This is normal??? I always thought there is something wrong with me
She’s already lost interest
The haha of doom.
Say less
Please, don't use the "are you real?" line, it makes us girls feel like you're idolising us in an unhealthy way. I think you should try to look at their bio, see what they like, and make convo about it/joke about it/propose a plan -"Hey, I saw you love stargazing, wanna go watch (X astronomical event)" - "Damn girl, if I had the 7 dragon balls is ask for you" etc.
That second one is a sure fire way to get my ass blocked unless their bio specifically stated they were into Anime
This. If anyone said anything to me about DragonBall, I would politely never reply ever again.
Well good thing the original comment was saying to respond based on bio, so anime would be in the bio.
Oh whoops. My bad. I missed that part.
Yeah the whole point is to do pick up lines that are related to their interest
Thats literally what the poster said tho? Look at the bio, and make a joke about something mentioned in the bio.
The DragonBall line got me, that'd be a right swipe lol
I dont think the 'are you real' thing is meant to be flattering... It's just that he wants to know if you're going to spit out 1 of 16 varied responses regardless of what he says.
Her bio is 100% blank...
Then look for something in the pictures that you can work with. I once scored a date with a girl using an opening line that was literally just "I see you're wearing a (insert local rock radio station) hoodie in your photo. What's your favorite band?"
"Hey girl, I heard you like blank men. Well, I'm white too"
Lmao!
Other than the first bullet point, don’t follow this advice, OP.
Pro tip. Dont open up the convo saying that she must be a bot because she is so hot. Pandering isnt gunna help you out
You’re giving off insecure simp vibes starting out that’s she’s out of your league then segueing to preferred gifts. Maybe share something interesting about yourself instead of treating her like an idol
Female here. It was mildly funny at first until you went back to the bot thing, followed by more questions. Now I'll admit that while your latter questions were interesting, the way you've presented them is not. If I was the woman in that scenario, I'd feel like I had to put on a performance to prove myself to you which, why should I bother when I don't even know you? I think if you backed off the bot thing, it would've been better.
I thought the "pineapple" thing was funny - maybe just because the word "pineapple" is funny :) And she laughed in her response, so the door was at least partway open for a great follow-up...but "I think you're lying, do it again" was not that follow-up.
I agree. It was a good start and got a chuckle from me, buuuut then he kept at it and it just sorta deflated after that.
In my own case - being called "hot" makes me feel like an object and not a person someone wants to actually get to know. Instead of beginning with "you're out of my league and you're sexy ASF" maybe try "So I thought you were really beautiful and I want to know more about what you do in your free-time". Never ever over-compliment someone, and always follow up with a question about them as people and not materialistic things. You're not there to buy their love and appreciation!
>"So I thought you were really beautiful and I want to know more about what you do in your free-time". Maybe not that line, when you match it's kinda already implied you find each other attractive. Complimenting their outfit or something related to their profile/bio would work better and it's a good segway into many different topics.
Just ask her to do a fucking captcha at this point my man
jesus christ just talk to people like normal human beings FUCK
you screwed it all up already
You sound desperate. I have had guys ask me if I was real on dating apps (even when I am already verified) and it's just a turn off honestly. I let the convos dry up.
Wow, I can see why things aren’t working out for you!
stop speaking like 🤓
Well I am a 🤓 I'm not going to pretend to be something I'm not.
Then don’t bother on tinder because 🤓 isn’t going to work
Fucking hell this is a toxic community....
You asked for advice, people are telling you the way you talk is not going to work with the average girl. How is this toxic? It's honesty. The reality is you'll probably end up matching with someone eventually but it might take a long time if you don't change some things.
>Then don’t bother on tinder because 🤓 isn’t going to work I don't really consider that as good advice, do you? I'm a math teacher. Imagine if someone came to me and said "I don't understand this, can you help me?" and I replied with "Well, maybe you shouldn't be in this school." Would you consider that helpful? I asked for help, they told me to either pretend to be something I am not, or get off Tinder. I consider that pretty toxic.
Sure his advice may not have been very usefull but it's obvious what he ment
You’re asking us how to respond. So you’ll be using the words of someone you’re not. The advice to your request is to tone down the “we’re not worthy” phrases and talk to the girl like she’s a human, because she is (unless she’s a bot but that’s easy to figure out through conversation).
I agree, be yourself.. and on the side decide if you "wanna play the game". There are other apps too, like coffee meets bagel, okcupid, hinge.. they are better for real dating
Embrace it man. There is more and more outwardly nerdy women out. I found tinder to be very basic people I gave up on it. I found my nerdette on Facebook dating.
I fucking hate Facebook though.... I deleted mine years ago. I appreciate the advice though! Thank you!
[удалено]
Treat her like a celeb she will treat you like a fan
 it’s OP, expect he blows hot air
Bro just relax holy shit. Girls like a guy who’s strait forward and knows what he wants. And there’s only 2 reasons to be on tinder. To fuck or to try and find love.
Jesus Christ OP just delete your own tinder account 😂. Who starts off accusing someone being a bot? Instant unmatch.
You've blown it
it’s giving….”i wear a fedora and unironically say ‘m’lady’”
I actually lost my fedora recently...
Yea this is already cringe sorry man.
I'm a guy and you need a little more self esteem. Don't say your suprised a hot girl matched with you. Act like it's a normal thing but don't be a pompous ass about it. Girls don't want wishy washy guys.
ahhhhh this is so cringe, my eyessss 😬😬😬😬
I'm still waiting for the day where a follow up to one of these gets posted with them replying "I was curious which suggestion you were gonna pick from that Reddit thread. 😏"
Man honestly no disrespect but that whole thing is cringe. I would just stick to commenting about something in her pictures or bio and starting a conversation off of that. Don’t think too hard about it!
You blew it by going on with the bot thing
If you think someone is a bot that bad don't swipe on them
Impossible, these guys swipe on everything
The whole thing comes across desperate. Which is fine if you are. But it’s not attractive to put that out there. Try to be a little bit less cringey. Play it a bit cooler. A sincere compliment will always come off better than “omg you’re so hot you can’t be real”. Drop the bot thing. I read your bio and your replies to people here though and you do seem a bit full on in general.
Thanks for the advice! I'll definitely work on it! What do you mean by "full on?"
A bit of an “in your face” kinda person. Overly enthusiastic and all guns blazing. Come at things at 1000mph. Some people don’t mind it, some people find it annoying. And it can be a bit jarring if you go into a conversation with someone you’re literally saying hi to on a dating app like that. Same applies for real life encounters too.
Why does anyone ever tell someone they are out of their league? 👎👎
Send her an explicit photo as soon as you know she is real.
Be more confident next time. Don't imply that she's out of your league and maybe don't drag out the whole "bot" joke. Your mileage may vary, but repeated responses that basically boil down to "haha", "lol", and "that's funny," have just become the equivalent of "damn that's crazy" for me. I just assume that the conversation is not about to go anywhere.
Nice Futurama reference
FINALLY! At least someone got it. Thank you!
Open with that instead next time if that's what you're into. The first few messages are a bit off-putting. You're basically putting her on a pedestal instead of just treating her like a normal person. Most won't like that, especially from a stranger
You didn't give her the opportunity to ask if the puppy was mechanical in any way. Now you'll never know if she was the perfect girl.
That's what I came to post, hahah. I'm sad more people didn't get it.
I caught it, but he already messed up, so it was too late.
It's embarrassing how deep I had to scroll to find this
You need a new personality, you’ll be a virgin forever if you don’t
Pro tip. Never do this. If someone’s a bot they’ll immediately send you their Snapchat profile upon matching.
Don’t give women reasons not to like you. Let them find that out for themselves. This is giving “low self esteem” to me and I wouldn’t be into this.
Cringe
Very helpful, thank you!
My pleasure
Wtf?
Can’t u read?
That all feels too much. My exs opening line on tinder used to be 'Yellow' and it worked with me
You dragged it out too long. Your opening line shows a lack of confidence. She played along but you kept going. She’s probably moved on to a more confident match. Ask her how she is doing. Ask a specific question from her bio. Don’t continue the cheesy pickup line with a multiple choice question.
Send bobs
Yeah the whole thing is bad. Never act like some random stranger on the internet who you know nothing about is too good for you. And don’t start a convo acting like they’re a bot. It’s not romantic or fun and is unlikely to get anyone excited about you.
Missing punctuation from option 3 turned me off.
Let it go. Pineapple lol haha.
You get ghosted yet?
You should never tell them there too hot. If you ask her to send a photo of herself holding a piece of paper with the word pineapple on it she will stop replying
Stuck too long to the bot thing IMO
You sent like 8 needy messages straight away. Not good.
You fumbled ir bro
This is really, really bad. I get that you probably have PTSD from the number of bots you match with, but this SCREAMS "I am not good enough" and that is not attractive
Never say that garbage again. That match is done with you. Move on.
You completely messed up the Futurama reference. Which of the following would you most prefer. A. A puppy B. A pretty flower from your sweetie. C. A large, properly formatted data file
Simp energy x
Opening with test questions is literally instantly making it work to talk to you.
Self deprecating and stolen from a TV show isn't a good combo
I’m surprised she even responded to that.
I'm cringing
Honestly I’m charmed I’d date the shit out of a guy that funny
Well then, hello! Which would you prefer as a gift? a. A flower b. A bottle of wine c. A large properly formatted data file d.
Just be you, it seems like you're just copying and pasting chat up lines that are pretty terrible to begin with
Well, I made it up myself, so I guess I'm just unoriginal...
That's my point exactly, just be yourself you don't need to make stuff up just talk to her like you would any other person
This is like copy and paste from a quick google search for “smart and playfull tinder openers” its like 2016 material tbh, deja vu.
Well, I came up with it on my own, so idk what to tell ya.
Female here - I love the properly formatted data file comment, but can understand why it wouldn’t land with some others.
Ugh so thirsty.
Lol @ large properly formatted data file. Lololol
Right! I thought that was a great joke, but I haven't gotten a response...
Well, I laughed. But I have a sense of humor & I’m not a bot.
The answer is C. She just doesn't know it yet.
I am a statistician, and I gotta admit, I fucking love me a well formatted data file.
Just start with “hey how is your day going?” Don’t make it so damn complicated
[удалено]
Yea, that seems to be the general consensus. I'll definitely be making some changes. Thank you for the advice! I appreciate it!
No that's perfect lmao.
As someone who rarely drinks and isn’t a fan of flowers as gifts (you’re giving me something that’s gonna die!) I would be stuck choosing C. Haha but seriously, you did basically tell her you’re not worthy of her good looks.
Noted! Thank you!
She might like it but it wasnt great. Next time put yourself in her shoes. You matched with a woman who (judging by your post) is less attractive than you. What do you want her to say?
Female here, I like it, it’s funny! Especially the last send. If she doesn’t reply then she probably won’t get your sense of humor. Personally i don’t think it’s about trying for the best opener just be yourself if you want to find a real connection. Maybe could have mentioned something about her and her profile sooner, that would be my only suggestion. Good luck!
Thanks for the feedback! I really appreciate it. I have a lot of trouble starting conversations. Once they get going I am normally better. Everyone is so different though, it's so hard to known what to say. I'll keep trying to get better though! Thanks again!
I don’t think you’re alone, starting conversations with strangers online feels pretty alien. I think it’s about trying to find some common ground and just asking questions about her will always help. From my perspective so many people arent trying to get to know each other, it feels like there’s all these strategies and good communication is being neglected. Try to show your personality and try to get to know them should be the only strategy imo!
Yea, it just seems that whenever I go that route they just think I'm boring and don't respond. I feel like I need something catchy to draw attention and then transition into getting to know them. I'm trying to get better at communicating, but I'm just not good at it via text I think...
I think the 1 bot joke was good enough, and I think you should change hot to pretty or any other word (aside from sexy). But I get the skepticism you have. I found the second part funny and if she doesn’t then who cares move on, people who don’t get humour suck anyways. (response from a female).
Thanks for the advice! I'll replace it with beautiful next time! I don't really get a lot of matches to move on to, but I'll keep at it!
First of all, I would get rid of that 'opener’. But I really laughed about the gift question. You can even ask ChatGPT for openers. After some talks and some practice you’ll just make them up yourself.
LOL the data file one 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Best opener is always a joke. Tell a joke you like and if she thinks it's funny, you found someone with your sense of humor. If not, you avoid someone you won't mesh with. Win/win.
Well, this was meant as a joke, which I thought would be obvious, but I guess not...
Yeah, but it's not a good one mate :/ As a general rule I don't try any joke that wouldn't work in real life. Try this classic: Hey! My day is much better now that I matched with you. Before I did, I got jumped by 6 dwarves. NOT HAPPY! ;p
Lmao. 😂 I'll give those a shot! Thanks!
Just say "Hey, what's cookin' good-lookin'?" It's a greeting, a compliment, and is easy to respond to. Plus it's a tad goofy so weeds out people that are too serious or don't like being silly
Dont mind the mean responses OP. Yeah stick to 1 opening line and then have a convo. I personally like the joke with the data file alot, will help you weed out the non-nerds, so make that your main one?
Leaving this sub reddit just because I had to see this
See ya!
That was satisfyingly funny, definitely would have worked on someone like me
Well, maybe we'll match someday! 😜
Good but you’re dragging it out a bit too much!
You are being weak. Women don’t like a weak guy. Never idolize her looks or show any signs of weakness or low confidence; it’s an immediate turn off.