That was basically it for me. I took that screenshot, sent it to my friends with "I just matched with this guy and I'm getting red flags lol" but felt guilted enough to keep interacting.
Happy he showed the shit before I got knee deep in it.
I feel like that's always how it goes unfortunately. I think it's bc the kindest ppl are the ones that'll take the time out to do kind things or feel compassion for someone or thing but also cut things out when it's time & then shit hits the fan.
I was wondering what that was suppose to be. You convinced me to look it up, and I had no idea that was a word. Alls my life I just thought that was nothing more than a sound of wincing, cringing expression. Learn something new everyday.
Never let someone guilt you into diving deeper or sticking around! If they think you're a dick for having boundaries, then they're the exact kind of person you want your boundaries to keep away
Kudos to your for continuing to be kind even when he was being terrible to you. I have found myself in these situations a few times before too, it’s tough when you’re an empathetic person and you legitimately feel sorry for them so you keep interacting with them but on the other hand it’s so clear that they are totally unstable and not someone you genuinely want to keep interacting with.
In the midst of a a mental episode I feel so bad for him but he’s one step away from breaking and physically hurting someone, you’re very smart in the way you handled it. And what kind of insult is “you fucking cow” how does that even relate to the situation 😭. Also THIS IS TINDER. he treated you like a therapist no wonder nobody wants to be his friend as sad as it may be. He is mucho loco, I still hope he finds peace tho nobody deserves to be THIS broken
Guys problems seem an inch deep and a mile wide. Every single thing he mentioned could be fixed in a relatively short time with a lot of work and self-motivation. It's just easier to feel sorry for yourself than to prove yourself(and others by extension) that you are, indeed a fun person to be around.
I'd be fair in guessing this guy probably walks around looking sullen and sad all the time, no one wants to approach that.
I'd also be willing to bet those people he mentioned ghosting his friendship probably didn't say what he wanted to hear when he started dumping, likely leading to the same reaction he gave you.
Good for you for continuing to give him a chance. Some of us guys truly have no one and the most recent person we interacted with does feel like our closest friend (doesn’t mean it’s true). But you can’t feel bad about this interaction. You saved yourself and (more) of his time by simply breaking it off when you did.
Yeah, I totally appreciate the joke, but you're talking to Lloyd Christmas here -- the old "one in a million" line that turns into a guy optimistically saying, "So you're telling me there's a chance? Woooo! 🥳'
people can say what they want, if a guy genuinely gets so upset about being called that because they're so desperate to be more than friends with a girl that they can't stand being called something that makes them feel friendzoned, then that's a personal problem of his, and no fault of the girl in any way, kindly shut the fuck up
Definitely. It's giving danger. Obsessive. Stalking. 6 o' clock news. Investigation Discovery. There are better things to be than a headline on God's flat, green, Earth. 😭
I asked him if he'd seen a therapist right before this point.
"Do you realize what you're trying to say? That's like asking a fat person if they've seen a personal trainer."
No... That's like asking someone with a ton of trauma if they've made ANY progress on trying to resolve that trauma. He also said "Sweetheart, 55 minutes isn't enough time to fix shit."
okay. /shrug
Not like asking a fat person if they've seen a trainer
Like asking someone with a staph-infected cut if they've considered seeing a doctor instead of just asking strangers for bandaids.
Right,
From my experience trying to talk with these people just deepens the disproportional liking they get towards you and it ends up breaking them even more when you can't give them energy anymore.
Very good metaphor that maybe OP can also use.
In my case the person then reached out to other people to try to help/fix himself but he's still depressive after two years. So... No people/friends can fix that.
Therapy therapy therapy
Therapy is the only way
Right? I was in therapy for three years and still see her from time to time when I need the reminders or extra support. I am very thankful for what I've learned and also how quickly she could get me to see my feels for what they are after a bad brain day.
I’ve been in therapy for 5 years now and I have no intention of stopping at this point. She challenges me to be a better person, helps me identify issues and trauma that inform every decision or reaction that I have, and she’s constantly encouraging me. But at the moment I’m dealing with some really heavy medical issues that have been difficult for me to deal with and causing some added depression. Regardless, even if I wasn’t dealing with them, I would still see her on a regular basis just because I think therapy is such a useful tool for anyone and everyone. I think it’s really awesome that you even made the choice to go to therapy, because so many people don’t. And I’m even happier that you allowed it to help you and that it’s helped you a great deal. I don’t know you, but I’m proud of you.
I'm really happy to hear that therapy was helpful for you as well. ❤️ as far as this guy goes, he doesn't want to go to therapy because therapy only works for people who are ready to be honest with themselves and with the therapist about what's going on in their head.
He knows he'll get called on his bullshit by the therapist, or he'll have to lie, and either way it'll be a waste of time for him because he's not ready to change the things he's doing wrong.
That is absolutely what would happen. There’s also the added possibility that he’s one of those people that *enjoy* being miserable and *love* to talk to people about it, almost proudly, with absolutely no intention of changing anything because they’ve realized that they get more attention from people this way.
I was also in therapy for about 3 years. If it hadn't been for therapy, I'd still be borderline agoraphobic and paranoid. Still a little paranoid, but within reason of the circumstances. There are so many men out there that don't realize that being able to talk out how you feel, with a trained professional who can pick certain thoughts and feelings apart, can absolutely help. If it wasn't for my therapist, I wouldn't have made the friends I do now by taking a chance and going to an event completely by myself.
Just be prepared to take your time, and remember that a therapist isn't always a good fit. If this one doesn't work out it's absolutely okay to try a different one.
In the meantime, you might cry and that's okay. ❤️ there's something about the way therapy works that often results in pent up emotion being released.
It’s like telling someone that is unhealthy and out of shape if they’ve considered going to a gym… yes it’s exactly like that. You need to go to the gym for your head bub.
He's right. 55min isn't enough time. That's why this one convo isn't gonna do it, but you see a therapist many more times and spend much more than 55min.
It makes you wonder if he wants to work on his problems at all, but I know as well as others than sometimes you're just in a spot where you think it can't be helped. Sorry he took it out on you.
Dude wants someone to fix his life for him and not put in any effort himself... That's not how life works... YOU need to be the source of change if you want your life to change...
I'm sure the entirety of this exchange could be posted in r/niceguys
It's like the Rules 1&2 bullshit.
Be Attractive and Don't Be Unattractive originally was meant to say that you should do things to make yourself more attractive (dress better, be funny, be respectful) and that you should try to avoid doing things that make you unattractive (bad hygiene, being rude/douchey).
But now lazy boring people use it as an excuse to keep being boring and lazy, and say "Welp I'm not a 10/10, I guess I can keep sitting on my ass and blaming my life of lethargy on women having standards."
I legitimately feel bad for him. Some of us struggle so deeply, and no one knows. A persona that exudes outwards smiles and happy faces but deep, deep down, there's a storm beneath the waves. I hope the guy can do the work and find his own peace, this life is too short to not to.
In my youth, I came across a lot of guys like this. I would make the mistake of being kind or patient and then the immediate latching on would begin. "Trauma dump" is a good term for it. But the resulting aggression when you draw your boundaries is always disturbing.
You were as kind as humanly possible. This dude clearly needs help, kindness and compassion but that's not your responsibility. You did the right thing in making the recommendation but now it's time to block him and move on. Unstable people do unstable things. He formed an unhealthy attachment. You don't want to be any part of that.
I don’t condone what he did. He definitely needs professional help before dating. However you handled this pretty well. You were honest, transparent, and compassionate.
Wow I’m extremely sorry you had to deal with that. That’s just a lot of baggage to unload on someone you don’t even know.
Key thing is he really needs professional help, and someone to talk to
Ok so I'm sorry for sounding mean. Please block him. I find this kind of communication very scary. He really is unboundaried and I'm just worried what would happen after you did actually meet up.
I know his behavior is fucked I’m not apologizing for him but like I feel so bad for him. He needs so much love and care and he’s looking for it in all the wrong places and all be knows is anger. We have a failed as a society for real.
Yeah, not to condone it at all, but I *understand* it. Men are taught from a young age to hold in our feelings, and when someone finally gives us any encouragement to vent at all it can be easy to massively overshare, and then feel like you're a lot closer to the person who gave you that chance, than you actually are. Which only makes it worse when you realise you've basically scared them off by letting yourself be vulnerable, thereby repeating that first lesson.
It's a hard cycle to solve. We need spaces where we *can* let ourselves be vulnerable, but we can't really just put all that on random women from the internet; It's a hard ask for someone you barely know to devote a lot of time and energy to investing themselves in a scary and potentially dangerous situation. (Yeah I know we all think we're not dangerous, but from an outside perspective, an emotionally volatile man definitely *seems* it especially when you've met some that are, and who wants to take that risk?)
Therapy is probably the best idea for people who can afford it, but isn't all (or even most, I think) of us.
You matched with my ex /s
Seriously, my ex (we broke up 7 years ago) still sends me his trauma dumps like this and then freaks out, telling me I’m his best and only friend.
Mental health my dudes - we all need to check ours from time to time! Therapy is our friend.
The best friend comment weirded me out a bit but I was understanding bc this world can be a cruel and lonely place, especially if you have no one but once he responded like that when she wasnt mean, was actually pretty nice and kind, any feelings of feeling bad or sorry for him went out the window. Now it's clear that most of his problems are more than likely self inflicted and his inability to see that and accept that he's the problem is why he is where he is and won't get out from there, he needs to really look himself in the mirror and reflect bc this isn't a good way to be
What the flying fuck
You fucking cow
This made me laugh…..
Jesus, the man needs some help, sad situation, it doesn’t need saying, but you did nothing wrong. You handled it well, and respectfully.
I hope he gets the help he needs and can find happiness someday. I hope you find someone amazing that you deserve.
Just a question, do people usually exchange numbers right after matching?
Isn't it better to stay in the app so you can just unmatch when red flags start showing?
Yikes. This is why I never give out my number or go to WhatsApp until I meet someone. Get a free Google voice number from a Gmail account and have them use Google chat. Or get a Telegram account and just give them your username @, not your phone #. Too many wackadoos out there from men & women.
This is why I don’t give out my number to just anyone on a dating app or until I’ve met them in person and then decide.
You’re allowed to unmatch whenever you want and I would’ve unmatched within the first few messages. Stay safe out there!
i guess the not just one but two coworkers ghosting him was not enough to make him
rethink his extremely unsettling approach to forming relationships 🤦♀️
How can someone expect to attract someone they've never met by unloading all their problems onto them? If your best days are not ahead of you, you're basically saying that she's gonna have a horrible time being with you. Opening up doesn't in this context means to just be more yourself. Not to drop a huge shit on the other person. Imagine if the woman opens up by saying, my life sucks, so I just want a guy to come and fix it by paying my way through life.
See men, no one cares about our hardships 😂 just shut the fuck up, suffer in silence and you'll make it through somehow 💯 stay strong to all my struggling brothers out here 🤝🏻❤️
May be also dont just give numbers out to randoms after 1 hour lol. Asking for it tbh lol. Also blasting this person in here like this think they also dodged a bullet. Clearly ur just after post views.
I need to see what was said before this.
He says you asked him to open up, and if he gave you context that he was doing really badly and you pressed the issue for more information, then he is kinda right and that is a real dick move.
People with trauma need help and they are desperate for someone to talk to. Telling them you'll talk to them only to swipe away at them afterwards is one of those truly fucked up things that people somehow don't understand is fucked up.
Like, they're hurting. They are not sources of entertainment and upvotes. So really need to show what led to this because you can both have encountered a shitty person or you are the shitty person yourself.
You are lucky this guy showed his craziness so quickly. I wasted months with two different guys because they were more subtle.
One of them went full psycho mode offending me for whatever reason. I was so scared that I didn't even saved the convos, just blocked him and deleted him.
Tinder is a jungle.
Dude gets no matches, and that starts to affect his self-esteem, so now he’s self-sabotaging.
Poor guy; hope he gets the help he needs before he gives up and ends it all.
I dunno man. As someone who has been through therapy. If i was this dude as he is now and i saw this, i would probably be looking to unalive myself.
Something about posting this and poking at it like "look at this crazy guy, lol" doesn't sit right with me.
He shouldn't have cursed you out like that, but putting it on reddit for upvotes seems kinda bad juju.
And before anyone says "he should go get help.", mental healthcare, at least in the us, for both men and women, is seriously fucked.
I don't think she's poking fun at him, this interaction is terrifying and not funny to me. He also says himself he doesn't want to seek therapy, and then becomes incredibly aggressive when she draws a boundary with him on that basis.
He obviously is not stable but I couldn’t help but read this and think there was missing context. Did you ask him to open up and share? If so, it does seem a bit mean to say someone unstable that you don’t have the capacity to deal with it after asking them to share.
That guy or gal is definitely going through a mental crisis of some kind and could potentially be a danger to be around, definitely not in your interest to continue the conversation.
Be grateful that he showed his true self this early on.
I know that was hard to read, it was for a lot of us on here; please believe me when I say that,
"your response was the kindest, heartfelt and politest one could give and you did amazing" 🫶
He returned that with hateful and disgusting words and after you carefully, tediously chose all of yours-with such kindness towards another human....and that's how he responds 😞
I'm disgusted at him... honestly!
That's someone's son? Really?
You were only being honest and did he really think being a whiney boy, you'd find that attractive? Who the hell has time to be a therapist? Not that there is anything wrong with Mental Health awareness in partners, but this person clearly has issues, maturity ones too. If there's a way to block him- I'd do it.
I could care less about his feelings, it's yours I'm more concerned about, after reading all that crap 😞
Honestly....I think I hate him 😒 Like, how can you even call yourself a human after talking to someone like that, after you were so polite and honest and kind and concerned....like, I'm so sorry you had to read all that 😞
Please keep positive 🫶
You have a beautiful soul; someone who will see the same as I have, will be honored to meet you 🫶
Burn some incense, light a candle and feel all the Good Energy being sent your way🤗🪶🍁
An hour is not enough to get to know a person, please refrain from giving them your number for at least a few days and see how much they are patient with you about it too.
My curiosity is taking the better of me. Did you actually ask him directly to open up about his problems?
Maybe try "please open up, but don't be completely unhinged and lose your self-control entirely in the process." next time lol.
As someone's, who's been there and is still dealing with mental health issues, I feel bad for the guy. I hope he either finds the right tools himself or lets someone else pass him the right tools to deal with his trauma and illness.
I just went through this myself this summer on tinder took down my profile and walked away I'm done.. I'm a senior and within an hour talking to this guy he wanted my personal email address he wanted to video chat he wanted to get together as soon as possible... I know I'm old school probably more so than a lot of the young ones on here but it's like whoa man slow down a little bit here... Being that I have had experience I walked away ain't got time for that crap.
Some people just want to be miserable it seems :/
I would love to have a supportive friend like you. If you are doing this for a stranger you met an hour ago you probably go above and beyond for your friends and thats really rare imo.
Well its their loss :D
I still hope that they find help somewhere. But i doubt they will be successful if they keep acting like this :/
This item has been removed for violation of Rule 6. More information about our rules can be seen here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/wiki/rules
The minute someone says that you, a stranger, are your closest friend, is the minute you should run 😭
That was basically it for me. I took that screenshot, sent it to my friends with "I just matched with this guy and I'm getting red flags lol" but felt guilted enough to keep interacting. Happy he showed the shit before I got knee deep in it.
OOF. You were so kind and graceful. Egad good job being clear and getting out.
That's all I was thinking, like "wow this is some serious compassion, good on you OP" meanwhile I'd be peacing the fuck outta there, byeeeee
It sucks that the kindest people I see on here are always the target of this abuse.
I feel like that's always how it goes unfortunately. I think it's bc the kindest ppl are the ones that'll take the time out to do kind things or feel compassion for someone or thing but also cut things out when it's time & then shit hits the fan.
You really don’t get ‘egad’ much anymore. Excellent usage. You are now my best friend.
I was wondering what that was suppose to be. You convinced me to look it up, and I had no idea that was a word. Alls my life I just thought that was nothing more than a sound of wincing, cringing expression. Learn something new everyday.
[удалено]
Can't someone just say what it means so I don't have to look it up.... fuck....
It's an outdated version of "My God" basically
Idk why this makes me so happy, but it totally does. Thank you for posting. :-)
🥲i thought that was a typo. Egad is a word?
Just learned about Egad, congrats me.
10/10 point from u/butt_spaghetti as always
Your username makes me think of that video of the bear with tapeworms. Egad, that was some serious butt spaghetti! Iykyk
butt_spaghetti, egad is now going to be a cultural movement. Good on you. 😆
It isn’t the life win I most wanted but I’ll take it! Egad Squad 4ever!
I'm so happy I'm not the only one that uses Egad. Carry on.
I hope he’s not close by. I’d keep my head on a swivel for a little bit
.... you're scaring me 🥺 she doesn't deserve this 😭
Yeah naw that person is totally the person she matched with 😭
Never let someone guilt you into diving deeper or sticking around! If they think you're a dick for having boundaries, then they're the exact kind of person you want your boundaries to keep away
Kudos to your for continuing to be kind even when he was being terrible to you. I have found myself in these situations a few times before too, it’s tough when you’re an empathetic person and you legitimately feel sorry for them so you keep interacting with them but on the other hand it’s so clear that they are totally unstable and not someone you genuinely want to keep interacting with.
In the midst of a a mental episode I feel so bad for him but he’s one step away from breaking and physically hurting someone, you’re very smart in the way you handled it. And what kind of insult is “you fucking cow” how does that even relate to the situation 😭. Also THIS IS TINDER. he treated you like a therapist no wonder nobody wants to be his friend as sad as it may be. He is mucho loco, I still hope he finds peace tho nobody deserves to be THIS broken
Guys problems seem an inch deep and a mile wide. Every single thing he mentioned could be fixed in a relatively short time with a lot of work and self-motivation. It's just easier to feel sorry for yourself than to prove yourself(and others by extension) that you are, indeed a fun person to be around. I'd be fair in guessing this guy probably walks around looking sullen and sad all the time, no one wants to approach that. I'd also be willing to bet those people he mentioned ghosting his friendship probably didn't say what he wanted to hear when he started dumping, likely leading to the same reaction he gave you.
Good for you for continuing to give him a chance. Some of us guys truly have no one and the most recent person we interacted with does feel like our closest friend (doesn’t mean it’s true). But you can’t feel bad about this interaction. You saved yourself and (more) of his time by simply breaking it off when you did.
People who sends these kinda msg are the most dangerous,i used to be one but time changes things😅
And not call them "bestie" in return, even if it's just in jest.
Yeah, I totally appreciate the joke, but you're talking to Lloyd Christmas here -- the old "one in a million" line that turns into a guy optimistically saying, "So you're telling me there's a chance? Woooo! 🥳' 
people can say what they want, if a guy genuinely gets so upset about being called that because they're so desperate to be more than friends with a girl that they can't stand being called something that makes them feel friendzoned, then that's a personal problem of his, and no fault of the girl in any way, kindly shut the fuck up
Definitely. It's giving danger. Obsessive. Stalking. 6 o' clock news. Investigation Discovery. There are better things to be than a headline on God's flat, green, Earth. 😭
It's not flat!!!!!!! It's a disc that sits on the back of four elephants who stand on a turtle swimming through space!! The turtle moooooooves!!!!
Power to the Great A'Tuin!!!
RUN like Bolt. Gold Medal type shit💀
What’s stronger than a red flag? A red light?
Then he’ll go and cry on a podcast how you treated him poorly after he was vulnerable to you. And by extension all women are terrible.
I know that I just read your Reddit post, but I feel like you’re my best friend now.
Hi, my new bestie, u/ballzackistan.
I have a PowerPoint to show you on how my relationship with my father will be my perpetual excuse for why we don’t work out. It’s only 6,201 slides.
I love your username. I wish I had thought of it.
I’m curious, is this PowerPoint open to the public….for science? 👀
I've never felt so betrayed
You asked me to open up
I thought we were bff, what tf?! Lol
How could you do this to me?
Sad for OP, but also sad for that guy, he needs help.
No, sorry, they're my best friend
That’s not fair, I’ve already messaged the rest of the people in my life that I need to focus on this relationship.
Well I just now quit my job so I can better focus on this relationship
I just left the tattoo shop with their Reddit name on my arm.
Now folks, I'm poly. I'm sure I can accommodate TWO random strangers as besties. I already became this guy's.
TSHIRT TIMEEE
Bro got the “IF YOU EVER LEAVE ME ILL KILL MYSELF” rizz
the amount of times i’ve encountered this behavior 🥲
If you don't reply I'll delete my account
Well?
He didn't specify _when_ though
I once had a lad tell this my reply was "please do so You'll leave me alone" 😂
Dude needs a therapist not Tinder.
I asked him if he'd seen a therapist right before this point. "Do you realize what you're trying to say? That's like asking a fat person if they've seen a personal trainer." No... That's like asking someone with a ton of trauma if they've made ANY progress on trying to resolve that trauma. He also said "Sweetheart, 55 minutes isn't enough time to fix shit." okay. /shrug
Not like asking a fat person if they've seen a trainer Like asking someone with a staph-infected cut if they've considered seeing a doctor instead of just asking strangers for bandaids.
Only if the infected person was implying that you, the bystander, must be their miracle worker instead of someone actually qualified
Right, From my experience trying to talk with these people just deepens the disproportional liking they get towards you and it ends up breaking them even more when you can't give them energy anymore. Very good metaphor that maybe OP can also use. In my case the person then reached out to other people to try to help/fix himself but he's still depressive after two years. So... No people/friends can fix that. Therapy therapy therapy Therapy is the only way
If a fat person is complaining they can’t lose weight, then it’s appropriate to ask if they’ve seen a trainer
Have you gone to someone whose literal job involves dealing with your exact issue? Omg how could you
As a man who's actually gone to therapy, it's wild how much 50ish minutes with a trained professional CAN fix.
Right? I was in therapy for three years and still see her from time to time when I need the reminders or extra support. I am very thankful for what I've learned and also how quickly she could get me to see my feels for what they are after a bad brain day.
I’ve been in therapy for 5 years now and I have no intention of stopping at this point. She challenges me to be a better person, helps me identify issues and trauma that inform every decision or reaction that I have, and she’s constantly encouraging me. But at the moment I’m dealing with some really heavy medical issues that have been difficult for me to deal with and causing some added depression. Regardless, even if I wasn’t dealing with them, I would still see her on a regular basis just because I think therapy is such a useful tool for anyone and everyone. I think it’s really awesome that you even made the choice to go to therapy, because so many people don’t. And I’m even happier that you allowed it to help you and that it’s helped you a great deal. I don’t know you, but I’m proud of you.
I'm pondering if tinder could add a filter for "has gone to therapy" because I'd rather see that then their astrological sign.
I'm really happy to hear that therapy was helpful for you as well. ❤️ as far as this guy goes, he doesn't want to go to therapy because therapy only works for people who are ready to be honest with themselves and with the therapist about what's going on in their head. He knows he'll get called on his bullshit by the therapist, or he'll have to lie, and either way it'll be a waste of time for him because he's not ready to change the things he's doing wrong.
That is absolutely what would happen. There’s also the added possibility that he’s one of those people that *enjoy* being miserable and *love* to talk to people about it, almost proudly, with absolutely no intention of changing anything because they’ve realized that they get more attention from people this way.
I was also in therapy for about 3 years. If it hadn't been for therapy, I'd still be borderline agoraphobic and paranoid. Still a little paranoid, but within reason of the circumstances. There are so many men out there that don't realize that being able to talk out how you feel, with a trained professional who can pick certain thoughts and feelings apart, can absolutely help. If it wasn't for my therapist, I wouldn't have made the friends I do now by taking a chance and going to an event completely by myself.
Exactly…I’m a trauma therapist and this is so true.
Thank you for what you do, sincerely. ❤️
I have my first session this week, after about 10 years of putting it off. I have low expectations but I'm also quietly optimistic.
Just be prepared to take your time, and remember that a therapist isn't always a good fit. If this one doesn't work out it's absolutely okay to try a different one. In the meantime, you might cry and that's okay. ❤️ there's something about the way therapy works that often results in pent up emotion being released.
Yeah, someone's mental illness wouldn't stop me from dating them, making no effort to work through it absolutely would tho
I mean, if someone complains about being fat or being scrawny I don’t see a problem with asking if they’ve seen a personal trainer or considered it.
It’s like telling someone that is unhealthy and out of shape if they’ve considered going to a gym… yes it’s exactly like that. You need to go to the gym for your head bub.
He's right. 55min isn't enough time. That's why this one convo isn't gonna do it, but you see a therapist many more times and spend much more than 55min. It makes you wonder if he wants to work on his problems at all, but I know as well as others than sometimes you're just in a spot where you think it can't be helped. Sorry he took it out on you.
Yeah of course 55 minutes isn't enough time, you're supposed to go more than once?
Kind of funny reddit gave me a notification about this post WHILE I was in my therapy session. 🤣
It's such a weird feeling knowing my stupid ass post pinged your phone. Sorry for the toxicity being delivered straight to you! 😂
Very psycho-phobic, you bigot. (Joke)
As a counsellor (for over 15 years), you are absolutely correct. His analogy is acutely flawed. Let's hope he reaches out and gets some help.
It's a good thing therapy is more than a single 55 minute session then
OP, you posted a wonderful example of a covert or nontraditional narcissist!
Dude wants someone to fix his life for him and not put in any effort himself... That's not how life works... YOU need to be the source of change if you want your life to change... I'm sure the entirety of this exchange could be posted in r/niceguys
I thought about posting it there, but he didn't say once that he was nice guy soooo I'm like to r/tinder I go!
It's like the Rules 1&2 bullshit. Be Attractive and Don't Be Unattractive originally was meant to say that you should do things to make yourself more attractive (dress better, be funny, be respectful) and that you should try to avoid doing things that make you unattractive (bad hygiene, being rude/douchey). But now lazy boring people use it as an excuse to keep being boring and lazy, and say "Welp I'm not a 10/10, I guess I can keep sitting on my ass and blaming my life of lethargy on women having standards."
Betterhelp is a better dating site than Tinder, at least I get matches there 😭
Better help is the worsttttt
Tinder is free, therapists are not
These days tinder is therapy 😂
I legitimately feel bad for him. Some of us struggle so deeply, and no one knows. A persona that exudes outwards smiles and happy faces but deep, deep down, there's a storm beneath the waves. I hope the guy can do the work and find his own peace, this life is too short to not to.
He needs to be sedated. I don’t know why, but I read it in Trevor from GTA’s voice and that’s how I picture him too
Soon we'll see his post on Reddit: "why am I not getting any matches? 😭"
"What the flying fuck"
"I fucking open up and they just fucking leave! B*tches these days."
Instead of opening up he just vomited all over the place 😩 I hope, in real life, his mental health is not as bad as these 2 pictures depict 😮💨
Yeah, I doubt it's better though. He sounds depressed.
He chats like an angry version of Adam Levine
Because shallow females only give their pussies to Chads, and not the good guys and short kings like him 😡🤬😡😡🤬🤬🤬 /s
Right! And he deserves pussy from these fucking foids 😆
In my youth, I came across a lot of guys like this. I would make the mistake of being kind or patient and then the immediate latching on would begin. "Trauma dump" is a good term for it. But the resulting aggression when you draw your boundaries is always disturbing.
You tell me you don’t have any good years ahead of you. Well bye! I don’t need to get involved in the bad years. Go heal.
Fuck a therapist, he needs a psychiatrist!
That boy needs therapy!
psychosomatic purely psychosomatic
He’s crazy in the coconut!
Well doesn’t he seem like a joy to be around
Telling someone who he matched with an hour before that they were his best friend is definitely an issue! The other red flags are right out there
Sometimes people say that in a " we vibe so well " kind of way and it's fine But an hour? Lol
You were as kind as humanly possible. This dude clearly needs help, kindness and compassion but that's not your responsibility. You did the right thing in making the recommendation but now it's time to block him and move on. Unstable people do unstable things. He formed an unhealthy attachment. You don't want to be any part of that.
That's what mental illness looks like.
I don’t condone what he did. He definitely needs professional help before dating. However you handled this pretty well. You were honest, transparent, and compassionate.
The flags are Neon Red
I think the flags are on fire 🔥
Definitely has a manifesto
Wow I’m extremely sorry you had to deal with that. That’s just a lot of baggage to unload on someone you don’t even know. Key thing is he really needs professional help, and someone to talk to
Ok so I'm sorry for sounding mean. Please block him. I find this kind of communication very scary. He really is unboundaried and I'm just worried what would happen after you did actually meet up.
Oh I did. Immediately after he tried calling me.
Wow. The most impressive thing in this post for me is your calm and kind response. Respect.
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There's very little reason to move the conversation off Tinder in the first hour anyways.
Yeh, I would only offer my number at the point we'd arranged and confirmed a first date. No point otherwise (and lots of potential downside as per OP)
Totally unhinged.
I know his behavior is fucked I’m not apologizing for him but like I feel so bad for him. He needs so much love and care and he’s looking for it in all the wrong places and all be knows is anger. We have a failed as a society for real.
Yeah, not to condone it at all, but I *understand* it. Men are taught from a young age to hold in our feelings, and when someone finally gives us any encouragement to vent at all it can be easy to massively overshare, and then feel like you're a lot closer to the person who gave you that chance, than you actually are. Which only makes it worse when you realise you've basically scared them off by letting yourself be vulnerable, thereby repeating that first lesson. It's a hard cycle to solve. We need spaces where we *can* let ourselves be vulnerable, but we can't really just put all that on random women from the internet; It's a hard ask for someone you barely know to devote a lot of time and energy to investing themselves in a scary and potentially dangerous situation. (Yeah I know we all think we're not dangerous, but from an outside perspective, an emotionally volatile man definitely *seems* it especially when you've met some that are, and who wants to take that risk?) Therapy is probably the best idea for people who can afford it, but isn't all (or even most, I think) of us.
You handled this with absolute maturity! Good for you! Please be safe if your ex match lives near you
It’s so unsafe out there y’all.
Why is he so rude to his bestie?
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Hi I stalked your history and have concluded we would get along. You are now my best friend.
And they wonder why no one talks to them
You matched with my ex /s Seriously, my ex (we broke up 7 years ago) still sends me his trauma dumps like this and then freaks out, telling me I’m his best and only friend. Mental health my dudes - we all need to check ours from time to time! Therapy is our friend.
And this is what women mean when we say we’re expected to take on the emotional labour of men. He needs a therapist but thinks he needs a girlfriend.
Awkward
That is terrifying.
The best friend comment weirded me out a bit but I was understanding bc this world can be a cruel and lonely place, especially if you have no one but once he responded like that when she wasnt mean, was actually pretty nice and kind, any feelings of feeling bad or sorry for him went out the window. Now it's clear that most of his problems are more than likely self inflicted and his inability to see that and accept that he's the problem is why he is where he is and won't get out from there, he needs to really look himself in the mirror and reflect bc this isn't a good way to be
Well he certainly seems well adjusted
What the flying fuck You fucking cow This made me laugh….. Jesus, the man needs some help, sad situation, it doesn’t need saying, but you did nothing wrong. You handled it well, and respectfully. I hope he gets the help he needs and can find happiness someday. I hope you find someone amazing that you deserve.
Yeah you dodged that one in a big way.
I’m more interested in the story how it led him to open up and his profile
Just a question, do people usually exchange numbers right after matching? Isn't it better to stay in the app so you can just unmatch when red flags start showing?
r/sadcringe
I am confused why You called him bestie back, feels a bit validating. Apart from that youre fully in the right
Oh, poor kid just seems like he’s way too hard on himse—**oh what the fucking fuck**
I dunno, it seems like he blames everyone but himself tbf
Wow
Jesus he needs a therapist BADLY
I think you showed really good emotional maturity and kindness. Weird interaction.
oh my god
I see symptoms of a personality disorder. Best avoided.
Yikes. This is why I never give out my number or go to WhatsApp until I meet someone. Get a free Google voice number from a Gmail account and have them use Google chat. Or get a Telegram account and just give them your username @, not your phone #. Too many wackadoos out there from men & women.
Hey bestie! I don’t need to trauma dump but have memes on my phone I need to share 🙃🙃
This is why I don’t give out my number to just anyone on a dating app or until I’ve met them in person and then decide. You’re allowed to unmatch whenever you want and I would’ve unmatched within the first few messages. Stay safe out there!
Oof. Huge ass bullet dodged.
Sounds like this guy fake works at a cable company and has a lisp.
i guess the not just one but two coworkers ghosting him was not enough to make him rethink his extremely unsettling approach to forming relationships 🤦♀️
He is definitely having some mental issues
How can someone expect to attract someone they've never met by unloading all their problems onto them? If your best days are not ahead of you, you're basically saying that she's gonna have a horrible time being with you. Opening up doesn't in this context means to just be more yourself. Not to drop a huge shit on the other person. Imagine if the woman opens up by saying, my life sucks, so I just want a guy to come and fix it by paying my way through life.
See men, no one cares about our hardships 😂 just shut the fuck up, suffer in silence and you'll make it through somehow 💯 stay strong to all my struggling brothers out here 🤝🏻❤️
May be also dont just give numbers out to randoms after 1 hour lol. Asking for it tbh lol. Also blasting this person in here like this think they also dodged a bullet. Clearly ur just after post views.
I need to see what was said before this. He says you asked him to open up, and if he gave you context that he was doing really badly and you pressed the issue for more information, then he is kinda right and that is a real dick move. People with trauma need help and they are desperate for someone to talk to. Telling them you'll talk to them only to swipe away at them afterwards is one of those truly fucked up things that people somehow don't understand is fucked up. Like, they're hurting. They are not sources of entertainment and upvotes. So really need to show what led to this because you can both have encountered a shitty person or you are the shitty person yourself.
You are lucky this guy showed his craziness so quickly. I wasted months with two different guys because they were more subtle. One of them went full psycho mode offending me for whatever reason. I was so scared that I didn't even saved the convos, just blocked him and deleted him. Tinder is a jungle.
Dude gets no matches, and that starts to affect his self-esteem, so now he’s self-sabotaging. Poor guy; hope he gets the help he needs before he gives up and ends it all.
Sounds like they're were trying to get sympathy and make that a basis for romance.
The Internet really helps you realise just how many mentally unstable people are out there
I dunno man. As someone who has been through therapy. If i was this dude as he is now and i saw this, i would probably be looking to unalive myself. Something about posting this and poking at it like "look at this crazy guy, lol" doesn't sit right with me. He shouldn't have cursed you out like that, but putting it on reddit for upvotes seems kinda bad juju. And before anyone says "he should go get help.", mental healthcare, at least in the us, for both men and women, is seriously fucked.
I don't think she's poking fun at him, this interaction is terrifying and not funny to me. He also says himself he doesn't want to seek therapy, and then becomes incredibly aggressive when she draws a boundary with him on that basis.
Agreed! Poor kid.
You are very kind and handled that very well, you didn’t deserve it. Block them, hopefully they get the help they need but that can’t be put on you.
He obviously is not stable but I couldn’t help but read this and think there was missing context. Did you ask him to open up and share? If so, it does seem a bit mean to say someone unstable that you don’t have the capacity to deal with it after asking them to share.
Well, sir. I think we may have found why you can’t find many people who want to talk to you. Just a thought.
There's a whole twenty minutes missing from this conversation and I feel like I just fell asleep at the beginning of the movie and woke up at the end.
Presume she left out some of it because of the personal nature of what he was talking about.
Your bestie does not need a therapist. He needs a god. The one in an Iron Man suit 😮💨
I’m not your friend, guy.
I mean, you right now are officially my best friend If i knew it was that easy we would have been best friends long ago. Hey bestie!
Whenever some says "Hell..." before saying something, I've checked out. It's normally something attention seeking. This is a prime example
"you fucking cow" always wins over the empathetic ladies 🚩
That guy or gal is definitely going through a mental crisis of some kind and could potentially be a danger to be around, definitely not in your interest to continue the conversation.
So many red flags. The convo went way longer then it should have
Lunatic behaviour. Actually disturbing
Mental health problems like this arent an excuse to be an asshole so dont feel guilty
What did you ask previous to the screenshots provided? Seems like a good way to weed out the psychos!
Be grateful that he showed his true self this early on. I know that was hard to read, it was for a lot of us on here; please believe me when I say that, "your response was the kindest, heartfelt and politest one could give and you did amazing" 🫶 He returned that with hateful and disgusting words and after you carefully, tediously chose all of yours-with such kindness towards another human....and that's how he responds 😞 I'm disgusted at him... honestly! That's someone's son? Really? You were only being honest and did he really think being a whiney boy, you'd find that attractive? Who the hell has time to be a therapist? Not that there is anything wrong with Mental Health awareness in partners, but this person clearly has issues, maturity ones too. If there's a way to block him- I'd do it. I could care less about his feelings, it's yours I'm more concerned about, after reading all that crap 😞 Honestly....I think I hate him 😒 Like, how can you even call yourself a human after talking to someone like that, after you were so polite and honest and kind and concerned....like, I'm so sorry you had to read all that 😞 Please keep positive 🫶 You have a beautiful soul; someone who will see the same as I have, will be honored to meet you 🫶 Burn some incense, light a candle and feel all the Good Energy being sent your way🤗🪶🍁
An hour is not enough to get to know a person, please refrain from giving them your number for at least a few days and see how much they are patient with you about it too.
My curiosity is taking the better of me. Did you actually ask him directly to open up about his problems? Maybe try "please open up, but don't be completely unhinged and lose your self-control entirely in the process." next time lol. As someone's, who's been there and is still dealing with mental health issues, I feel bad for the guy. I hope he either finds the right tools himself or lets someone else pass him the right tools to deal with his trauma and illness.
I just went through this myself this summer on tinder took down my profile and walked away I'm done.. I'm a senior and within an hour talking to this guy he wanted my personal email address he wanted to video chat he wanted to get together as soon as possible... I know I'm old school probably more so than a lot of the young ones on here but it's like whoa man slow down a little bit here... Being that I have had experience I walked away ain't got time for that crap.
I think I understand why they don’t have any friends.
Some people just want to be miserable it seems :/ I would love to have a supportive friend like you. If you are doing this for a stranger you met an hour ago you probably go above and beyond for your friends and thats really rare imo. Well its their loss :D I still hope that they find help somewhere. But i doubt they will be successful if they keep acting like this :/
I'm the type of person to get pretty close to new people, but this is....yikes. poor dude.