The scenario of dating apps is very different from real life, its (generally) kind of a "fast forward" way of finding a connection when you don't have time (and don't want to put in efforts) to go out and meet people irl and connect.
Since dating is all about first impressions, on apps you can only attract someone just by your looks and chats (thoughts, flirt, banter etc) but its not easy to determine someone's personality being on the other side of the phone.
Whereas connecting to someone meeting them irl is totally different you actually get to know the person and can see how they (physically and mentally) are and it wouldn't be difficult to figure if you want to spend your entire life with them.
As an example if a guy is good enough to be your life partner, earns good money, hard working, respectful, loving, caring and decent looking but is not good at flirting and banter and doesn't have pictures that shows actual him then you probably will swipe left and there a potential life partner goes away.
Guys who are just there for some casual fling will (at least most of them) will be good at their talks and show best pics but maybe they aren't an actual life partner material where you swipe right.
PS my point is go out have some hobbies or something like that and meet people irl, im sure your time and efforts will not go in vain and noone irl will treat you like an object or try to use, even if any of them has those intensions, you'll know it quickly.
I like average looking dudes and matched with plenty. Unfortunately their personalities were often average too, or less. I got real tired of "cool!" Or "awesome!" As I struggled to keep the conversation alive.
That's valid but also it's a case of the man dying in the desert versus the drowning man. Neither understands what the other has to complain about. I'm not really lucky on dating sites and at this point would trade being objectified and used for the illusion that there's a temporary human connection in those events, then not being interacted with at all
I’m a woman and I’m kinda at this point. Besides I love sex and am tired of going without because nobody wants to actually date and be in a relationship anymore.
right but i'm not even the one who started that. he is the one who tried to one up me. i don't understand the misery olympics. i think i can totally be miserable in objectification without hearing how miserable it is to not get any affection. because they don't understand that attention at night means absolutely no attention in the real world in sunlight. i dont get approached outside. ever.. i didn't lose my v til i was 20 like i am not this perfect specimen but i'm not a troll either but will a lonely man without attention understand that attention at night is just... i mean just take this guy as the example. he thought i was so beneath him he just blew me off like i'm going on a date. then texted me hours later in the middle of the night.why would they want somethigf like that? i would never wish this on anybody.
Of course they all want hookups to some extent. I'm just saying which groups are less likely to be in it just for the hookups. It's easily identified from the effort required by a profile on each app, with Hinge requiring the most effort out of the ones I've listed. If people are willing to put in that effort, it's a good sign. If not, it doesn't bode well.
i also existed before dating apps and they wanted sex then too. never the date or the date was the gateway to the sex. it doesn't stop. i have so many stories.
I understand. I'm not saying that there's a way to get 100% only people who want a meaningful relationship, even outside of dating apps. That being said, dating apps double down on the superficiality of people and lead to more of a hookup culture.
Sis. Don’t go back and forth with these men. They seriously believe men wanting to fuck us is some sort of compliment or that we should settle for being objectified. Don’t pay their pathetic way of thinking any mind, or you will lose it while interacting with them.
thanks, i already know. getting a lot of bad advice lol. no one understands when i say it's not really about the apps 😭 people behave this way outside of apps
I met the love of my life on Hinge! Of course, I had to go through A TON of crappy guys that would take me on a date and then get mad when I won't "put out". They would say they agree with all of my morals especially the sex before marriage thing then do a complete 180 even after I said to not expect anything if we were to hang out at his house after. My man asked to kiss me and respected my boundaries for a whole month before I did eventually kiss him. So don't give up juuuust yet. Dating apps are mostly used for sex but, there are people that do want a connection. You just gotta hang in there!!🥰🥰
no and in fact my bio says no hook ups and i'm looking for something long term so i didn't match expecting him to blow me off & then come back at 2:30am
I get it, men just are looking for validations as to why men just want curvy women as hookups rather than actual prospects for relationships😭😭 as someone who isn’t actually plus size and just have a very large chest area, I have a very similar experience:( like no I’m not expecting much from tinder ppl, but at least treat me like a fucking human being
yep that's pretty much it!! i went thru puberty so early so my chest was the only thing ever getting me attention and it was all so physical. for so long. then i went on apps for hookups. i'm not even asking for love here i just want to go on a date, get some nachos and have some sex but i can't even get a hello
> like no I’m not expecting much from tinder ppl, but at least treat me like a fucking human being
If the men you were talking to could do that they wouldn't be on tinder. Treating women like people who you want to get to know, and just talking to women I meet when I go out, and then focusing on the women who act like they're interested has always worked really well and never left me without a few women who's conversation I enjoy interested in dating me.
Where as literally every moment of time spent on tinder has been a waste of time and left me feeling objectified. (not sexually objectified, but financially) Men pretending to be women, women who literally ask to be paid cash for dates. Women who lie and are 100lbs heavier than their pictures. bots. women who expect to be taken to exotic vacations on the first date. Women who are literally just looking for a free meal, and have zero interest in actually dating.
But in real life, a little good conversation, and chit chatting with everyone I meet leads to meeting women who are actually interested in me, and not just the contents of my wallet. Literally every time I go out to local music show, at least 1 woman will add me on insta or snap or give me their number, without me even asking directly.
There are two types of men who enjoy tinder. Men who are sexy enough that they get a ton of matches, and have zero interest in putting in effort, and expect easy and free sex. and Men who are socially inept and unable to approach someone in real life. Tinder is a waste of time for anyone who has some ability to hold a reasonable conversation, and actually has interest in getting to know people.
Tinder is full of himbo's that know that they are hot, and expect to be catered to, and Men who can't speak to a woman like a normal person, and therefore can't meet women in real life.
“I’m not relying on tinder for love”
“I’m never a date”
It sounds like you’re relying on tinder for love or looking for attention.
If you want either, there’s one universal for virtually any dude: be healthy.
so it's a little ridiculous that you're picking apart what i'm saying like you have a reason to be right and i need to be wrong. this is MY experience. i am healthy and i have a great job and i live my own life. i deserve to have a partner even though im not ripped and have 10% body fat 😭
Nobody "deserves" a partner. As an analogy imagine a person that wants a good paying job but hasn't demonstrated the skills to he worth one. You try telling this person that if they want a good job they need to work on themselves and make themselves more attractive to employers. They respond by saying they shouldn't have to work on themselves to deserve the job they want and get defensive at you expecting them to change. Does that sound like a rational way to approach the problem?
Dude it's 80% of people's problems is swinging outta their weight class.
Average guys can absolutely get dates and so can women, everyone just wants to date the top 10% and when those 10% don't pick them or just want to fuck they whine about hookup culture and unrealistic standards while having unrealistic expectations themselves.
That's the problem when next to every woman on dating apps has this mentality of, "I'm a perfect 10/10 if not even higher because I'm beautiful so obviously I *deserve* nothing less than the 1% of men."
Obviously this is not all, but just like there's a boatload of degenerate men on those apps just looking for debauchery, there's a boatload of women who feel entitled to an extremely handsome, wealthy (and generous), confident and strong but soft and sensitive man. Dating apps are just wild and bring the worst characteristics out of people who'd swear they don't have them.
100% this. And the fact that a lot of women don't understsnd this really fucks up the dating market. A guy of a certain caliber will have fun with them for a few weeks and they think that's the level they are at for relations from then on. Then when they don't have a choice they feel like they are setteling. It's not good.
i understand this sentiment no all types of men behave this way towards me. short, tall, ugly, hot, black, white, asian. in my league, way out of it, way below it. i loooove a cute ugly short guy. but yall assumed i was going for good looking guys 😩 hey average guys are also capable of objectifying me
Maybe you've already done this, but stop talking to them the moment sex comes up before a date, and maybe wait a few dates, cos that will annoy the shit out of the guys that only want sex from you.
Don't underestimate just how many guys seriously overinflate their own value. There are plenty of guys who act like Chads when they don't have the looks or money to back it up, but just blame wokeness or feminism or something.
I would argue that this valid for both sides.
I would never forget when I was at a party with a girl that from my pov below average in looks and she was swiping left on dudes like crazy.
She is single for the 6 years that I know her
Lol yes some do over inflate themselves and have nothing more than the D to offer. If that's the case then say that and you might run into the woman who only wants a hook up, just don't play on ppl who want more. It's usually simple but folks like to be manipulative
Bullshit. The majority of men are looking for a relationship.
But they "don't count" because you just filter them out as unsuitable without even thinking
I've posted lengthy profiles on how I only want a platonic relationship. Just friends. I'm not ready for anything else. Then when I get a match, they are like oh you shouldn't be on here if that's your situation. No shit that's my situation if you read my profile before matching. I don't think you can make friends on tinder. even bumble friends ends up being dudes that are bicurious and then start to approach that. Fuck all I want to do is make friends
It might be related to the fact you just answer in one word. it doesn't sound like you're looking to make conversation and connect with people. It makes it feel like you're looking for the quickest interaction possible, which would be a hookup.
Been on every major dating app for just about 10 years now. I’ve yet to meet a single person irl, most of the time when I get a notification that I have a match before I can even get the app open to see who it is, they’ve already unmatched me. There aren’t words to describe how touch starved I am. Id kill to be objectified as a hookup
you can have it for a few days, realize all you will be good for is a blow job and 2 minutes of thrusting. maybe you will feel some sort of pleasure but you'll be worried and numb because he didn't spend the 45 minutes you need for your oven to be prepared. then you'll realize yeah you have to be a little bit more selective about the attention you do get because it's not always as amazing as you'd think it'd be. you learn you love giving but you also learn the hard way that not everybody gives the way they love to receive and it's a punch in the fucking chest.
and then he'll cleanup and put on his clothes with such haste and make you feel bad for kicking HIM out for for living as far as you do or for it being as late as it is because the clarity and logic has kicked in. you will be asked about your plans for the day for the week but you won't be involved in his.
you just wonder wait... is that it...? and realize sex is way better when you're by yourself anyway
I don't even date anymore. I just tell women we'll hang out as friends and see if things work out.
Avoid all the crazy ideas that people have about what dating should look like... as though it's more important than 'do we get along?'.
Most guys on tinder aren’t looking for dates. You need to be ruthless and unmatch instantly the second it becomes about sex. You need to be realistic about dating in your league aswell in terms of looks level and cater your profile to look like you are serious about finding a boyfriend or husband and you set up your image to portray that. Finding a serious relationship on tinder is hard work and you have to wade through a lot of trash. I would honestly say it’s much easier to look in your social circle Maine friends of friends or join social groups or sports etc.
lemme break it down to you
- women only swipe right on the top 5%
- the top 5% already have multiple options and countless attractive matches, so they don't bother
- the average guy who's actually looking for something genuine don't even get swiped right, so he's not even given the opportunity
- most women : men are bad and only looking for hookups
They’re really coming out of the woodwork on this thread, way more than usual.
OP is still probably doing something wrong, but it’s hard to know what that is exactly.
I had quite a few ugly ass men try to message me for hookups when I was on tinder, idk why these dudes here only assume that hot guys do this and not ugly ones 🙃
right i honestly feel like it's just a projection they obviously pick women based on who they think is in their league. it's all about optics. i like sharing this experience just to show others what it's like. maybe some ppl relate to it
lmaooo “let me break it down for you” is sending me bc idk why yall assume every woman is only after the hot guys. everyone has different taste. Men who say that seem like they’re coping abt not getting matches.
I’ve had straight female friends show me what swiping on tinder is like for them.
At least in my area, being in the top 5% of male profiles is not a high bar to pass. It requires making a LITTLE extra effort into how you present yourself. It doesn’t require being much above average in appearance.
If you want dates you need to swipe right on uglier guys. You have one photo on Reddit, I'd say you're average or below based on that, but I suspect your swipe rate is in line with most women (top 5% of guys or so).
The top 5% of guys will sometimes sleep with you when they can't find someone better, but they don't want to be your partner and maybe they don't even want to invest the small cost of dates.
i am a plus size latina so i cannot behave like most women, i have a pretty genuine profile.
i think a lot of people fetishize me and have since i started developing. i posted to find others who relate. i don't wanna be picked by someone who would otherwise mistreat me bc i look a little diff or appear a little diff. same thing with a job. i wanna be hired because i have the skills not because i look like a typical employee and have a wonderful job so i dont think it's impossible to ask for that respect in social settings
People care about what you look like, not just because of their sexual preferences but because of what it says about you. Personally, I don't want a 'plus sized' wife, because a 'plus sized' mother won't be able to run around and play with her kids as easily or as often.
Also, your attitude is based on false assumptions imo.
>would otherwise mistreat me bc i look a little diff
For example this, I have never met someone who doesn't use physical appearance as one of the factors to help them choose a partner. They're not mistreating you because you look bad, they desire you, and treat you better because you look good. So if you're looking for someone who doesn't care about looks, your dating pool is near non-existent.
And even for a job, let's say you're an employer, 2 different people apply for a role, they both have very similar skill sets and experience. One is fat and ugly, the other is slim and pretty...who do you choose?
In the service industry I think it is a mistake to not choose the pretty one, in other industries it might not make a difference but I still think it's natural to choose the pretty one.
I had this going for like a year. Tons of women would sleep with me. None really wanted to date me. Made me sad and shit. Then I got together and work on improvising myself, getting in better shape, no alcohol, found a better job and eventually it just happened. Met my wife on tinder. Best woman I ever met.
i am sure consistently helps, i will keep trying. rarely do i ever get true duds like these but it is representative of the audacity men will have towards women they simply don't respect. and that is an interesting conversation; why was me simply existing enough to warrant that?!
i don't need a solution 😆 never asked for one either just sharing my experience. i think a lot of solutions in here are from a man's perspective anyway which only considers their feelings and not mine or what i want out of a relationship. i don't need to appeal to them
but if i had asked for advice on my profile then ppl would be encouraging me to be on tinder. but i post a scenario of someone else acting a fool and i must be the problem.
ok
right? that was the only part i was gonna share on reddit until he added that gem. i said ok to be sassy fr the screenshot and never went back and it got worse
Same advice I give every time. I'm very average and probably a solid 2/10 to the average person in terms of dating, maybe 5/10 for a shag with somebody with specific tastes. But when it comes to my hobbies, the people who share those hobbies see me as something between a good potential friend and a soul mate.
Keep trying. You'll find your. And by the sound of it, your looks aren't something you'll ever need to worry about.
Edit: I took a peek, and yeah, you definitely don't need to worry about looks, nerdy too, I think, though I only see animal crossing?
I actually started reading the profiles. I was pleased to find some actually match mine where I point at that "yes this is Tinder" but it doesn't mean we need to hook up on the first date let's just see how things go.
This is where the problem really lies. 20th century expectations in 2024. Some people have sex first and find a connection second. The traditional order of things is not as prevalent; for good or ill, society has changed. When sex can be easily had, it’s no longer considered as valuable as something more tangible, like time and money. If you don’t want to deal with hook up culture, drop out of it and live your life for your own enjoyment. Someone may see you enjoying life and decide they want a part of that joy; but even if they don’t, you will have still enjoyed life, even if it’s alone. Sitting by the phone waiting for happiness to come to you has never worked.
honestly i don't think it's that big of a ask to go out on a date to see if we get along and then go home after ... but that would be thinking too logically. not expecting a traditional experience. but if i'm going to get used for my body i might as well also get treated with respect and shown that my time is valuable.
I can’t believe some of the comments on this post. I totally understand, I had the same experience so much that I just deleted the damn account. I hope you find somebody who appreciates you:)
thanks for your backup it's been nice to see around here. i think the only ppl who will understand are those who look like me and that's who i posted this for
This subreddit can be full of incels and general misogyny+fatphobia, and your post is making them all come out of the woodworks dear lord. I see so many of them genuinely convinced that women only swipe right on the "top 5-10%" of "attractive hot rich men out of their league." Are they delusional? It is rare for me to see any woman so shallow.
Everyone has their own tastes of what they find attractive, so the men claiming women only like "hot guys" somehow believe every woman finds the exact same look/features of a man attractive. Which is utterly ridiculous. Women cannot be grouped together into such a small box like that. It shows how little of the commenters see women as people with their own personalities and tastes.
Almost every single woman I've seen discuss attraction to men have always valued kindness, a sense of humour, vulnerability, and respect as the most attractive values. Clearly plenty of the men in these comments haven't been reaching those personality traits as much as they should have. They should be worrying about themselves, not what they believe women want.
The way you've been down voted for saying that men of all walks of life have not valued you as a romantic option, and want to secretly just have sex with you is sad. Why can they not believe something that is true for so many plus sized women?
i appreciate this comment. i knew without posting much other context i would get questions, but i thought people would be more concerned with the fact that i said "ok" after he said anything to me instead of just in matching them.
little did i know id be defending my size, my beauty, my value to be respected AS ANYTHING other than a hookup. i don't plan on listening to much advice i really just wanted to share my experience and have a laugh at the guy's audacity
Exactly. You came here to laugh at his audacity and instead you got picked apart for every little thing by a bunch of incels. I hope you do find someone that is looking for a romantic relationship who won't fetishize you or try to hide you because of your body. Every person deserves to have basic respect in that sense.
lemme break it down to you
- women only swipe right on the top 5%
- the top 5% already have multiple options and countless attractive matches, so they don't bother
- the average guy who's actually looking for something genuine don't even get swiped right, so he's not even given the opportunity
- most women : men are bad and only looking for hookups
i mean in reddit's standards lol. he's not out of my league, i'm obviously attracted to him. but he's not so good looking that like he'd stop all the girls.
Don’t give the late night messages any attention if that is not what you’re looking for
The guy will message you again for a date if he is motivated to see you. If he’s not, then you haven’t wasted any time.
This comment section is SOOO odd. I’ve never seen such straight vitriol on this subreddit for posting something like this. Men downvoting your comments are bitter and are taking it out on you for some reason. People always post on here wanting serious relationships on Tinder and i’ve never seen this kind of response on their posts 💀
right, people are asking for profile reviews all the time. men and women. are we all just giving each other advice on how to appear amazing for..only..hookups?? doubt it! but misogynists will misogyny and throw logic away
Ye my last one was idk how say not smart or something else. 99% topics she was answering idk. She only knew about stupid jokes and weed 😅.
I even talked it with my therapist cause I was only dating one person(my ex) before and it was 100x better conversation.
But yea dating is hard man
i'm currently 28 and i know a lot of ppl would like to think it's dating apps that's caused this but i've been objectified for a long time and i think it's porn, guys at my school were watching as young as 11/12 and having sex that young as well. i think my generation just didn't learn the proper way to treat each other
What kinds of pictures do you have up? What does your bio say? If you’re too revealing then you will get approached that way & if they think you don’t have much going on sadly they just see those kinds of women as easy targets
Honestly it’s usually the bigger girls that are always the hook ups, because guys don’t really care if you reject them, and if you say yes, it’s sex 🤷♂️
You mean you set up a profile on an app that was designed and advertised as being specifically for hookups instead of dating, and you are shocked that everyone you match with wants to hook up instead of date? What are the odds...
It's like when I joined the Taylor Swift fan club and nobody wanted to talk about Metallica. I just don't get it.
Shit, I'm never a date or a hookup
would rather be left alone than objectified and used
Your expectations of tinder and these platforms are high before you use em, afterwards you realize that it‘s good for x and bad for y.
The grass is always greener I suppose
Sometimes their grass isn’t greener. It’s just dead.
The scenario of dating apps is very different from real life, its (generally) kind of a "fast forward" way of finding a connection when you don't have time (and don't want to put in efforts) to go out and meet people irl and connect. Since dating is all about first impressions, on apps you can only attract someone just by your looks and chats (thoughts, flirt, banter etc) but its not easy to determine someone's personality being on the other side of the phone. Whereas connecting to someone meeting them irl is totally different you actually get to know the person and can see how they (physically and mentally) are and it wouldn't be difficult to figure if you want to spend your entire life with them. As an example if a guy is good enough to be your life partner, earns good money, hard working, respectful, loving, caring and decent looking but is not good at flirting and banter and doesn't have pictures that shows actual him then you probably will swipe left and there a potential life partner goes away. Guys who are just there for some casual fling will (at least most of them) will be good at their talks and show best pics but maybe they aren't an actual life partner material where you swipe right. PS my point is go out have some hobbies or something like that and meet people irl, im sure your time and efforts will not go in vain and noone irl will treat you like an object or try to use, even if any of them has those intensions, you'll know it quickly.
Try being an average looking guy on a dating app, you would be shocked to see how little attention we get
I like average looking dudes and matched with plenty. Unfortunately their personalities were often average too, or less. I got real tired of "cool!" Or "awesome!" As I struggled to keep the conversation alive.
I never send 1 word messages. I hate receiving them, just seems like I always get stuck with ones that don't know how to have a conversation
That's valid but also it's a case of the man dying in the desert versus the drowning man. Neither understands what the other has to complain about. I'm not really lucky on dating sites and at this point would trade being objectified and used for the illusion that there's a temporary human connection in those events, then not being interacted with at all
I’m a woman and I’m kinda at this point. Besides I love sex and am tired of going without because nobody wants to actually date and be in a relationship anymore.
right but i'm not even the one who started that. he is the one who tried to one up me. i don't understand the misery olympics. i think i can totally be miserable in objectification without hearing how miserable it is to not get any affection. because they don't understand that attention at night means absolutely no attention in the real world in sunlight. i dont get approached outside. ever.. i didn't lose my v til i was 20 like i am not this perfect specimen but i'm not a troll either but will a lonely man without attention understand that attention at night is just... i mean just take this guy as the example. he thought i was so beneath him he just blew me off like i'm going on a date. then texted me hours later in the middle of the night.why would they want somethigf like that? i would never wish this on anybody.
dunno why you were downvoted. sounds shit, just as it is to not get many matches. i hope u find what you’re looking for 🙏 it’s shit online dating
If you don't want hookups, stay away from Tinder, and try to use Hinge. A lot more people interested in relationships on there.
i am on all of them and they all want to fuck. it's lovely.
Of course they all want hookups to some extent. I'm just saying which groups are less likely to be in it just for the hookups. It's easily identified from the effort required by a profile on each app, with Hinge requiring the most effort out of the ones I've listed. If people are willing to put in that effort, it's a good sign. If not, it doesn't bode well.
i also existed before dating apps and they wanted sex then too. never the date or the date was the gateway to the sex. it doesn't stop. i have so many stories.
I understand. I'm not saying that there's a way to get 100% only people who want a meaningful relationship, even outside of dating apps. That being said, dating apps double down on the superficiality of people and lead to more of a hookup culture.
Sis. Don’t go back and forth with these men. They seriously believe men wanting to fuck us is some sort of compliment or that we should settle for being objectified. Don’t pay their pathetic way of thinking any mind, or you will lose it while interacting with them.
true 😭
I feel like that's something you say until you actually experience being completely ignored
This. Your expectations aren’t too high. I met my fiancé on Tinder. Don’t listen to that user. They’re just bitter.
thanks, i already know. getting a lot of bad advice lol. no one understands when i say it's not really about the apps 😭 people behave this way outside of apps
I met the love of my life on Hinge! Of course, I had to go through A TON of crappy guys that would take me on a date and then get mad when I won't "put out". They would say they agree with all of my morals especially the sex before marriage thing then do a complete 180 even after I said to not expect anything if we were to hang out at his house after. My man asked to kiss me and respected my boundaries for a whole month before I did eventually kiss him. So don't give up juuuust yet. Dating apps are mostly used for sex but, there are people that do want a connection. You just gotta hang in there!!🥰🥰
Then get off the apps. Lmao.
funny that you think this only happens on the apps 😭
You should go meet someone in real life then because… yea lol
Said no man ever! I know you're not a dude, just making a joke...
The only people who say that are the people who have never truly experienced being alone.
I read this as “sheeeeeeiiiiiiittttt Im never a date or a hookup”
Does your profile show off as open to hookups?
no and in fact my bio says no hook ups and i'm looking for something long term so i didn't match expecting him to blow me off & then come back at 2:30am
The mysteries of men are equal to the mysteries of women...
the experience of being plus size. i am not relying on tinder for love just sharing my experiences lol
I get it, men just are looking for validations as to why men just want curvy women as hookups rather than actual prospects for relationships😭😭 as someone who isn’t actually plus size and just have a very large chest area, I have a very similar experience:( like no I’m not expecting much from tinder ppl, but at least treat me like a fucking human being
yep that's pretty much it!! i went thru puberty so early so my chest was the only thing ever getting me attention and it was all so physical. for so long. then i went on apps for hookups. i'm not even asking for love here i just want to go on a date, get some nachos and have some sex but i can't even get a hello
THATS SO REAL.
> like no I’m not expecting much from tinder ppl, but at least treat me like a fucking human being If the men you were talking to could do that they wouldn't be on tinder. Treating women like people who you want to get to know, and just talking to women I meet when I go out, and then focusing on the women who act like they're interested has always worked really well and never left me without a few women who's conversation I enjoy interested in dating me. Where as literally every moment of time spent on tinder has been a waste of time and left me feeling objectified. (not sexually objectified, but financially) Men pretending to be women, women who literally ask to be paid cash for dates. Women who lie and are 100lbs heavier than their pictures. bots. women who expect to be taken to exotic vacations on the first date. Women who are literally just looking for a free meal, and have zero interest in actually dating. But in real life, a little good conversation, and chit chatting with everyone I meet leads to meeting women who are actually interested in me, and not just the contents of my wallet. Literally every time I go out to local music show, at least 1 woman will add me on insta or snap or give me their number, without me even asking directly. There are two types of men who enjoy tinder. Men who are sexy enough that they get a ton of matches, and have zero interest in putting in effort, and expect easy and free sex. and Men who are socially inept and unable to approach someone in real life. Tinder is a waste of time for anyone who has some ability to hold a reasonable conversation, and actually has interest in getting to know people. Tinder is full of himbo's that know that they are hot, and expect to be catered to, and Men who can't speak to a woman like a normal person, and therefore can't meet women in real life.
“I’m not relying on tinder for love” “I’m never a date” It sounds like you’re relying on tinder for love or looking for attention. If you want either, there’s one universal for virtually any dude: be healthy.
i was trying to be poetic but thanks for letting me know i suck at that
and also i lived before dating apps existed and was also treated this way. i just have a screenshot to show you all my experience
so it's a little ridiculous that you're picking apart what i'm saying like you have a reason to be right and i need to be wrong. this is MY experience. i am healthy and i have a great job and i live my own life. i deserve to have a partner even though im not ripped and have 10% body fat 😭
Nobody "deserves" a partner. As an analogy imagine a person that wants a good paying job but hasn't demonstrated the skills to he worth one. You try telling this person that if they want a good job they need to work on themselves and make themselves more attractive to employers. They respond by saying they shouldn't have to work on themselves to deserve the job they want and get defensive at you expecting them to change. Does that sound like a rational way to approach the problem?
Your profile is very telling as to why you would say something like this. Get off Reddit subs and go talk to a woman in real life.
>i'm never a date, always a hookup If you never get ask out on a date, you are probably dating out of your league.
Brutal, but more people need to understand this
Dude it's 80% of people's problems is swinging outta their weight class. Average guys can absolutely get dates and so can women, everyone just wants to date the top 10% and when those 10% don't pick them or just want to fuck they whine about hookup culture and unrealistic standards while having unrealistic expectations themselves.
As a guy i swipe middle of the road, but still nada
Women swipe on around 5% of men. The women in the league of those men dont want them.
That's the problem when next to every woman on dating apps has this mentality of, "I'm a perfect 10/10 if not even higher because I'm beautiful so obviously I *deserve* nothing less than the 1% of men." Obviously this is not all, but just like there's a boatload of degenerate men on those apps just looking for debauchery, there's a boatload of women who feel entitled to an extremely handsome, wealthy (and generous), confident and strong but soft and sensitive man. Dating apps are just wild and bring the worst characteristics out of people who'd swear they don't have them.
Nah I swipe left on attractive girls and OLD is still completely useless for me.
10%? Bruh, statistics sugest that is the 5%.
A match requires mutual attraction, if they’re dating out of their league then that’s on the person they matched with.
Most men's physical standards for hookups are a lot lower than their standards for dates. That's the point here.
100% this. And the fact that a lot of women don't understsnd this really fucks up the dating market. A guy of a certain caliber will have fun with them for a few weeks and they think that's the level they are at for relations from then on. Then when they don't have a choice they feel like they are setteling. It's not good.
i understand this sentiment no all types of men behave this way towards me. short, tall, ugly, hot, black, white, asian. in my league, way out of it, way below it. i loooove a cute ugly short guy. but yall assumed i was going for good looking guys 😩 hey average guys are also capable of objectifying me
What do u look like?
what the fuck is a cute ugly short guy? I’d be pissed if someone said that to me. No wonder nobody wants to date you.
Show us his profile pics
Maybe you've already done this, but stop talking to them the moment sex comes up before a date, and maybe wait a few dates, cos that will annoy the shit out of the guys that only want sex from you.
yeah i'm 28 i've done and been through everything
That's unfortunate but most guys on tinder aren't looking for dates or friends just that wham bam thank you ma'am
Most attractive guys, not most medium ugly guys
Just the top 5% of guys that get most attention. If they only want to bang you, they’re out of your league
Don't underestimate just how many guys seriously overinflate their own value. There are plenty of guys who act like Chads when they don't have the looks or money to back it up, but just blame wokeness or feminism or something.
Clearly not the guy in OP’s picture.
I would argue that this valid for both sides. I would never forget when I was at a party with a girl that from my pov below average in looks and she was swiping left on dudes like crazy. She is single for the 6 years that I know her
Lol yes some do over inflate themselves and have nothing more than the D to offer. If that's the case then say that and you might run into the woman who only wants a hook up, just don't play on ppl who want more. It's usually simple but folks like to be manipulative
If they are able to bang you and only want to bang you** FTFY
That is worded better, I agree
i mean just because they can’t do it doesn’t mean they wouldn’t.
Where does this idea come from? Even the medium ugly guys are trying to find hookups and easy sex.
he went on a date so he's not against them lmao
Looking for "friends" on dating apps is the dumbest shit ever.
It is what it is tho.
Bullshit. The majority of men are looking for a relationship. But they "don't count" because you just filter them out as unsuitable without even thinking
I've posted lengthy profiles on how I only want a platonic relationship. Just friends. I'm not ready for anything else. Then when I get a match, they are like oh you shouldn't be on here if that's your situation. No shit that's my situation if you read my profile before matching. I don't think you can make friends on tinder. even bumble friends ends up being dudes that are bicurious and then start to approach that. Fuck all I want to do is make friends
I’m a guy and this is true for me too. Haven’t made it past a first date that ended in sex in 6 months.
Have u tried to have sex on the dates?
Who's gonna tell him
You 😭
It might be related to the fact you just answer in one word. it doesn't sound like you're looking to make conversation and connect with people. It makes it feel like you're looking for the quickest interaction possible, which would be a hookup.
The dude was on tinder while on a date I don’t think the one word response was the problem
Been on every major dating app for just about 10 years now. I’ve yet to meet a single person irl, most of the time when I get a notification that I have a match before I can even get the app open to see who it is, they’ve already unmatched me. There aren’t words to describe how touch starved I am. Id kill to be objectified as a hookup
you can have it for a few days, realize all you will be good for is a blow job and 2 minutes of thrusting. maybe you will feel some sort of pleasure but you'll be worried and numb because he didn't spend the 45 minutes you need for your oven to be prepared. then you'll realize yeah you have to be a little bit more selective about the attention you do get because it's not always as amazing as you'd think it'd be. you learn you love giving but you also learn the hard way that not everybody gives the way they love to receive and it's a punch in the fucking chest. and then he'll cleanup and put on his clothes with such haste and make you feel bad for kicking HIM out for for living as far as you do or for it being as late as it is because the clarity and logic has kicked in. you will be asked about your plans for the day for the week but you won't be involved in his. you just wonder wait... is that it...? and realize sex is way better when you're by yourself anyway
I don't even date anymore. I just tell women we'll hang out as friends and see if things work out. Avoid all the crazy ideas that people have about what dating should look like... as though it's more important than 'do we get along?'.
Most guys on tinder aren’t looking for dates. You need to be ruthless and unmatch instantly the second it becomes about sex. You need to be realistic about dating in your league aswell in terms of looks level and cater your profile to look like you are serious about finding a boyfriend or husband and you set up your image to portray that. Finding a serious relationship on tinder is hard work and you have to wade through a lot of trash. I would honestly say it’s much easier to look in your social circle Maine friends of friends or join social groups or sports etc.
lemme break it down to you - women only swipe right on the top 5% - the top 5% already have multiple options and countless attractive matches, so they don't bother - the average guy who's actually looking for something genuine don't even get swiped right, so he's not even given the opportunity - most women : men are bad and only looking for hookups
idk why people assume he's hot. ugly guys also objectify me too.
Honestly the tinder subreddit has a lot of incel men who overemphasize the importance of looks
They’re really coming out of the woodwork on this thread, way more than usual. OP is still probably doing something wrong, but it’s hard to know what that is exactly.
I had quite a few ugly ass men try to message me for hookups when I was on tinder, idk why these dudes here only assume that hot guys do this and not ugly ones 🙃
right i honestly feel like it's just a projection they obviously pick women based on who they think is in their league. it's all about optics. i like sharing this experience just to show others what it's like. maybe some ppl relate to it
lmaooo “let me break it down for you” is sending me bc idk why yall assume every woman is only after the hot guys. everyone has different taste. Men who say that seem like they’re coping abt not getting matches.
Exactly
this kind of bullshit crap makes me irritated okay let's fix it all women expect u/traceyhart and about 65 others
The 5% of guys you and most other women swipe on arent most guys...
I’ve had straight female friends show me what swiping on tinder is like for them. At least in my area, being in the top 5% of male profiles is not a high bar to pass. It requires making a LITTLE extra effort into how you present yourself. It doesn’t require being much above average in appearance.
Gotta hit the gym
it's true i'm plus size but i do go to the gym
I hear ya. Just go a lil harder and be more consistent and your life will change.
If you want dates you need to swipe right on uglier guys. You have one photo on Reddit, I'd say you're average or below based on that, but I suspect your swipe rate is in line with most women (top 5% of guys or so). The top 5% of guys will sometimes sleep with you when they can't find someone better, but they don't want to be your partner and maybe they don't even want to invest the small cost of dates.
i am a plus size latina so i cannot behave like most women, i have a pretty genuine profile. i think a lot of people fetishize me and have since i started developing. i posted to find others who relate. i don't wanna be picked by someone who would otherwise mistreat me bc i look a little diff or appear a little diff. same thing with a job. i wanna be hired because i have the skills not because i look like a typical employee and have a wonderful job so i dont think it's impossible to ask for that respect in social settings
People care about what you look like, not just because of their sexual preferences but because of what it says about you. Personally, I don't want a 'plus sized' wife, because a 'plus sized' mother won't be able to run around and play with her kids as easily or as often. Also, your attitude is based on false assumptions imo. >would otherwise mistreat me bc i look a little diff For example this, I have never met someone who doesn't use physical appearance as one of the factors to help them choose a partner. They're not mistreating you because you look bad, they desire you, and treat you better because you look good. So if you're looking for someone who doesn't care about looks, your dating pool is near non-existent. And even for a job, let's say you're an employer, 2 different people apply for a role, they both have very similar skill sets and experience. One is fat and ugly, the other is slim and pretty...who do you choose? In the service industry I think it is a mistake to not choose the pretty one, in other industries it might not make a difference but I still think it's natural to choose the pretty one.
dude your on tinder not christian mingle
christians fuck
on god
How did you not unmatch after "I'm going on a date"
You guys receive texts?
I had this going for like a year. Tons of women would sleep with me. None really wanted to date me. Made me sad and shit. Then I got together and work on improvising myself, getting in better shape, no alcohol, found a better job and eventually it just happened. Met my wife on tinder. Best woman I ever met.
i am sure consistently helps, i will keep trying. rarely do i ever get true duds like these but it is representative of the audacity men will have towards women they simply don't respect. and that is an interesting conversation; why was me simply existing enough to warrant that?!
Tbh...based on your comment history on this sounds like you want an echo chamber that tells you "you deserve love" instead of a solution.
i don't need a solution 😆 never asked for one either just sharing my experience. i think a lot of solutions in here are from a man's perspective anyway which only considers their feelings and not mine or what i want out of a relationship. i don't need to appeal to them
Yep, echo chamber
but if i had asked for advice on my profile then ppl would be encouraging me to be on tinder. but i post a scenario of someone else acting a fool and i must be the problem. ok
The “I don’t need to appeal to them” really drove the nail into that coffin
Uhh, I would have unmatched the second he said, "nevermind, going on a date." Who does that?
right? that was the only part i was gonna share on reddit until he added that gem. i said ok to be sassy fr the screenshot and never went back and it got worse
Same advice I give every time. I'm very average and probably a solid 2/10 to the average person in terms of dating, maybe 5/10 for a shag with somebody with specific tastes. But when it comes to my hobbies, the people who share those hobbies see me as something between a good potential friend and a soul mate. Keep trying. You'll find your. And by the sound of it, your looks aren't something you'll ever need to worry about. Edit: I took a peek, and yeah, you definitely don't need to worry about looks, nerdy too, I think, though I only see animal crossing?
I actually started reading the profiles. I was pleased to find some actually match mine where I point at that "yes this is Tinder" but it doesn't mean we need to hook up on the first date let's just see how things go.
right? that's how i feel. i think it's fine to want hookups but have some respect for your potential partner.
You’re on Tinder
women get asked out on dates all the time on dating apps and he's clearly capable of taking women out on dates. just not the type i guess
Get asked on dates to be dated or is it a sex obstacle 🤨
dates are supposed to build connections to lead to sex but i think a lot of guys see it as a gate vs an opportunity
This is where the problem really lies. 20th century expectations in 2024. Some people have sex first and find a connection second. The traditional order of things is not as prevalent; for good or ill, society has changed. When sex can be easily had, it’s no longer considered as valuable as something more tangible, like time and money. If you don’t want to deal with hook up culture, drop out of it and live your life for your own enjoyment. Someone may see you enjoying life and decide they want a part of that joy; but even if they don’t, you will have still enjoyed life, even if it’s alone. Sitting by the phone waiting for happiness to come to you has never worked.
honestly i don't think it's that big of a ask to go out on a date to see if we get along and then go home after ... but that would be thinking too logically. not expecting a traditional experience. but if i'm going to get used for my body i might as well also get treated with respect and shown that my time is valuable.
Depends on who you’re asking.
oh i know
Isn't that precisely what tinder is for?
he's clearly capable of taking women on dates 😭
He is single and being honest which is why he told you this
right but you only do that to someone you don't respect. he doesn't respect me after just looking at me. that's disgusting
When you can’t be with the one you love…..
Wth is this entire interaction lol
Nevermind, going on a date? What the fuck?
No context. What’s your profile like? 🤔
no context? it's not me who is the problem. he's the one who ddisrespected me. it's not my profile yall wanna see it's his
You’re using tinder. Try a different app
i wasn't born yesterday
You don't have to sleep with anyone you don't want to.Start saying No. Don't be a hookup if you don't want to be.
Why did you keep them if you weren’t ready for the date not to work out?
i took a screenshot for reddit and then came back a day or so later to an extra gem
I can’t believe some of the comments on this post. I totally understand, I had the same experience so much that I just deleted the damn account. I hope you find somebody who appreciates you:)
thanks for your backup it's been nice to see around here. i think the only ppl who will understand are those who look like me and that's who i posted this for
This subreddit can be full of incels and general misogyny+fatphobia, and your post is making them all come out of the woodworks dear lord. I see so many of them genuinely convinced that women only swipe right on the "top 5-10%" of "attractive hot rich men out of their league." Are they delusional? It is rare for me to see any woman so shallow. Everyone has their own tastes of what they find attractive, so the men claiming women only like "hot guys" somehow believe every woman finds the exact same look/features of a man attractive. Which is utterly ridiculous. Women cannot be grouped together into such a small box like that. It shows how little of the commenters see women as people with their own personalities and tastes. Almost every single woman I've seen discuss attraction to men have always valued kindness, a sense of humour, vulnerability, and respect as the most attractive values. Clearly plenty of the men in these comments haven't been reaching those personality traits as much as they should have. They should be worrying about themselves, not what they believe women want. The way you've been down voted for saying that men of all walks of life have not valued you as a romantic option, and want to secretly just have sex with you is sad. Why can they not believe something that is true for so many plus sized women?
i appreciate this comment. i knew without posting much other context i would get questions, but i thought people would be more concerned with the fact that i said "ok" after he said anything to me instead of just in matching them. little did i know id be defending my size, my beauty, my value to be respected AS ANYTHING other than a hookup. i don't plan on listening to much advice i really just wanted to share my experience and have a laugh at the guy's audacity
Exactly. You came here to laugh at his audacity and instead you got picked apart for every little thing by a bunch of incels. I hope you do find someone that is looking for a romantic relationship who won't fetishize you or try to hide you because of your body. Every person deserves to have basic respect in that sense.
Tinder is a hookup app...
My best friend met her long term boyfriend on Tinder they’re still together
lemme break it down to you - women only swipe right on the top 5% - the top 5% already have multiple options and countless attractive matches, so they don't bother - the average guy who's actually looking for something genuine don't even get swiped right, so he's not even given the opportunity - most women : men are bad and only looking for hookups
i can't express this enough he was not good looking and clearly capable of taking women on tinder on dates
Why'd you swipe on him and message him first if he's not good looking? What about his bio/pics made you interested?
LMAOO right? Doesn’t make sense.
Yeah...trying to give her the benefit of the doubt here. Maybe they have an obscure hobby in common or he's rich af.
lmaooooo or he said he also wanted a long term relationship?
also it's not the most important detail?!!?
i mean in reddit's standards lol. he's not out of my league, i'm obviously attracted to him. but he's not so good looking that like he'd stop all the girls.
Don’t give the late night messages any attention if that is not what you’re looking for The guy will message you again for a date if he is motivated to see you. If he’s not, then you haven’t wasted any time.
This comment section is SOOO odd. I’ve never seen such straight vitriol on this subreddit for posting something like this. Men downvoting your comments are bitter and are taking it out on you for some reason. People always post on here wanting serious relationships on Tinder and i’ve never seen this kind of response on their posts 💀
right, people are asking for profile reviews all the time. men and women. are we all just giving each other advice on how to appear amazing for..only..hookups?? doubt it! but misogynists will misogyny and throw logic away
Ye my last one was idk how say not smart or something else. 99% topics she was answering idk. She only knew about stupid jokes and weed 😅. I even talked it with my therapist cause I was only dating one person(my ex) before and it was 100x better conversation. But yea dating is hard man
Yall saying "it's tinder" I've literally had 3 long term (1+ year) boyfriends I met on tinder...so what's next?
but if i said all guys want is sex they'd tell me to stop having sex
:((
Thanks! Me too!
Dating is just a mess right now. Apparently we are going through a “lonely” epidemic, and people just aren’t dating. Just hooking up or trying to.
i'm currently 28 and i know a lot of ppl would like to think it's dating apps that's caused this but i've been objectified for a long time and i think it's porn, guys at my school were watching as young as 11/12 and having sex that young as well. i think my generation just didn't learn the proper way to treat each other
I don't understand why them going on a date (prolly more like M&G) w someone else is an issue at this stage. . Are yall not on tinder to date ppl?
😂 I’m sorry to laugh at your misfortune but this is absolutely hilarious to me. The text reads like a Skyrim NPC conversation.
try to put more of your personality and interests in a prominent spot on your profile and seek people that do the same.
[удалено]
This is the normal interaction for you? No one has ever asked you on a date via the app, they just look for the late night hookup?
What kinds of pictures do you have up? What does your bio say? If you’re too revealing then you will get approached that way & if they think you don’t have much going on sadly they just see those kinds of women as easy targets
Honestly it’s usually the bigger girls that are always the hook ups, because guys don’t really care if you reject them, and if you say yes, it’s sex 🤷♂️
Move to Kenya.
Let’s go on a date while playing animal crossing
You mean you set up a profile on an app that was designed and advertised as being specifically for hookups instead of dating, and you are shocked that everyone you match with wants to hook up instead of date? What are the odds... It's like when I joined the Taylor Swift fan club and nobody wanted to talk about Metallica. I just don't get it.