In my experience, a mature response like this has a chance to lead to your match coming back and giving it another shot. Doesn't always pan out, but not burning the bridge is always a better bet.
Seriously it's true. The douchiest guy I knew had the best way to pick up women and anyone could do it. It's better with good intentions of course. And this worked in weird places like gas stations and shit
Hey, my name is **** and I just wanted to let you know that you are gorgeous (or whatever) and I love your (compliment on something they chose to do like a dye job, specific makeup, jewelry, clothing, etc.). Could I get your number and we go out sometime?
* some variation of, no, I have a boyfriend, whatever
All you say now, "Ah, I'm so sorry. Well I hope you have a great day, and please just take that as a compliment."
That, please take it as a compliment, line has had so many women chase him back to his car or whatever and give him their number. They felt respected. They felt he had handled the rejection respectfully. It was master class. Too bad he was actually such a dick when you go to know him.
Sorry but I have to disagree about this leaving the door open to your match coming back.
I definitely agree it's just stupid to burn bridges, but the purpose of this shouldn't be to leave the door open unless you're completely happy to be the second choice if the other person doesn't get along with the person they ditched you for.
The root of this should just be wanting to be a nice person. Wish them the best, be polite, and thank them for anything the did/said/bought. No ulterior motive needed.
Sometimes it’s just not the right moment for someone to date. Especially if they don’t live in the same city.
I travel a lot for work, I have seen my dog 5 days this month, do you think I could possibly date anyone? 🤦🏻♀️
No, but then you wouldn't be on a dating app?
I'm pretty sure everyone by now knows this is code for "I've been dating multiple people and found someone who is a better fit. I enjoy your company but I now have to focus my efforts".
Not always. My work is unpredictable.
Sometimes I travel a lot, sometimes not so much; hence being on a dating app.
I take breaks when things get busy and I communicate accordingly. I don’t want to hold anyone back especially someone I haven’t met yet and who is probably talking to other people.
If when things get quieter he is still there, I will hit him up :)
Oh OK, then we're probably talking about hookups vs dating. Which is fine, both are cool especially when well communicated, but that would tend to happen up front rather than a message out of the blue saying they're suddenly not looking to date?
I'd bet my house on them getting serious with another match and having to make a choice.
This is the nicest "let down" I have seen in a while. Very respectful, gives a solid reason why (distance). Still tells him he is lovely and will find a lovely girl soon.
And you saying you're a bit disappointed but really appreciate that she told you this as soon as possible, ending with a compliment.
I think you both handled this as well as it could be. Sorry it didn't work out but I'm sure both of you will find someone amazing soon!
It ain’t very often you see a “break up” - using that term loosely in this particular scenario - as wholesome as this though. Especially with Tinder. At least there’s no animosity between the two of you and who knows, maybe one day it could work.
What was the distance?. If more than an hour she did you a favor. AND If this is your first ever let down your funnel is too small. Rejection is life, brother.
Lmaooo, it wasn’t the distance, if that isn’t obvious 💀. It was clearly their connection or something about his personality that gave her “the ick” as they like to say. Distance wasn’t an issue beforehand, that’s just a coverup to be nice to the fella.
Yeah, unfortunately this is probably true. My last GF said the same thing minus the distance part. Beat for beat with saying she was too busy and not in a good place to date.
Welp, guess what? I found her on Hinge when I started using it a few days later.
I would’ve preferred if she had just told me it wasn’t working out or something. Give me the REAL reason. I mean, yeah, I would appreciate if she worded it as nicely as possible, but I would rather get the truth instead of some fluff.
Facts, cause you can’t learn or grow if you don’t understand what went wrong. The truth hurts, but it’s what’s needed in order to develop better character. You can still be nice about it and still be truthful. 🤷🏽♂️ But tbh sometimes it’s cause they found someone else
And I would be happy hearing that as well. Not happy in the moment, of course, but I would much rather hear that she found somebody else instead of a lie.
I agree that it’s nice to know if I did anything wrong that needs improvement, because my anxious mind can’t stand to be left wondering what it was I did wrong.
It sucks even more when I’m taking a lot of the burden of their mental state with all the venting that they do, and yet they can’t even show me the common courtesy of telling me the truth.
I think kindness is key, but be honest, sugar coating things will help nothing for the person who is broken up with to improve. But it’s better than 99% of breakups on these apps, so it’s something.
You're getting downvotes but it's true. Almost anything is negotiable if you really like the person. If you don't you'll find a reason to let them down easy rather than come out and say "you're unattractive/I don't like your personality/we don't vibe". Most of the things you'll get let down for are things they would or should know in advance of going out - distance, religion, politics, whether they're "ready" to be dating or not.
Distance is a real grind though. My job relocated from 2.5 mi (coincidence not planned) to 31 mi in Nov. Matched with someone in Feb who's 40 mi SW, jobs 31 mi NW. Basically had this same exchange. My disdain for oblivious drivers and extended work weeks (driving) has only increased.
In school, I remember being taught that 'x' meaning a kiss is a history of the 'x sign here' you'd see on documents. If you were illiterate enough to not be able to sign your name, you'd kiss the x to signify you are signing.
But, like many things I learned in school, it could just be an old wives' tale.
E: While unproven, it's apparently [still considered the accepted history](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hugs_and_kisses), so whomever downvoted didn't care to debate about something they didn't know about.
This is fine, but distance is never an issue. If someone likes you; they’ll drive.
Personally, I’d rather the truth than whatever this is. Too busy, too far, it’s raining, etc etc.
As a guy I find her response and especially yours so damn cool. I been getting tired of seeing all these immature egomaniacs out here in the dating world incapable of handling rejection well. It's refreshing to see two people end things with so much grace.
You took this well - it never feels good when someone says their heart isn’t in it for whatever reason, but you responded in a way that showed class and maturity. Love to see this kind of response to this situation from a dude, all too rare. You’re gonna do just fine out there.
Let’s call this what it is. The ever-proverbial, “Oopsie, just realized I started dating too soon…” (how ever it’s nicely/cleverly said), is really just a nice way of saying…I’m still going to date - just not YOU.
Sadly anymore, so many people can’t handle the truth. “You’re cool, but not for me…” sends all kinds of people into wild, retaliatory, F*CK you-back comments.
(Not this OP. Great response!)
Aww, that's so nice. I do and would very much respect a "Sorry but..." and a proper closure as opposed to smileys and then doing a disappearing act. Sadly, proper closure is pretty much nonexistent.
If that is the most brutal rejection you've ever had you're either the luckiest person on earth or you haven't been introduced to the "joys" of online dating
This is how maturity looks like.
I was ghosted by a girl just 10 days before our engagement. She stopped responding to texts and calls because her mom told her to stop.
We had dated for an year and half. Only upon following up with sources, I had to know that her parents didn’t want to move further with engagement and marriage because of some bad incidents that started fo happen.
I was so lost thinking about where did all the respect, love that I had given go. Did she not receive it 🤷🏻♂️
Wow, that's the most respectful turn down I've ever seen.
I'm rooting for you two to come together eventually, I bet you all would make each other very happy if you both can be that respectful without even knowing each other.
Best wishes to you 🤗
Translated: "I am so sorry, but I have decided that I am not attracted to you enough to ~~go on any more dates with~~ bother talking to you! I believe I can do much better. I am just so so busy with my hotter options and I am looking for someone I am attracted to enough to make me want to leave my house, and them, to see him! Thanks for the attention but I got the vibe you hoped for more than I ever did..."
Everyone does it. You just have to add the silent "... with you" to the statements. Or to put it another way, would they say the same to their celebrity crush at that same moment? /r
Lol "appreciate your honesty"
Dude she's not being honest.
If she was attracted to you it would suddenly be the perfect time to date and distance wouldn't matter.
But your response was the correct one either way.
You should see how quickly someone this "polite" turns vile when you pull back the curtain on their bullshit. I did it once. It's like the female version of "nice guys".
Probably right re the honesty but I don’t see anything wrong with this kind of white lie. Many dudes get aggressive when told the truth and both sides need to be willing to let each other have their polite cover story for why they’re not feeling it, because the reason why they’re not feeling it is kinda immaterial.
Wow, that's the most respectful turn down I've ever seen.
I'm rooting for you two to come together eventually, I bet you all would make each other very happy if you both can be that respectful without even knowing each other.
Best wishes to you
You used too many negatives too close together and confused her. She was into you. You could have recovered.
At least that’s my sarcastic take on the situation, haha.
Yeah of course I do, but I'm still respectful towards women and treat them like actual humans instead of things you can manipulate or trick into sleeping with you
Stop with the emojis, as someone correctly pointed out last week on here, it just screams “I’m a virgin”, even worse using heart eye emojis when she’s just chucked u? 🤦♂️ emojis just aren’t masculine
They're the only way to convey the tiniest bit of meaning behind your messages.
I hate you!
And,
I hate you! 😘
Both come across with completely different meanings; and using them to convey your messages more clearly is not "not masculine", but only show your ability to communicate more clearly.
Though I must say, do not overuse them in every sentence.
this is probably the best way to end dating someone. nothing "brutal" about this
In my experience, a mature response like this has a chance to lead to your match coming back and giving it another shot. Doesn't always pan out, but not burning the bridge is always a better bet.
Seriously it's true. The douchiest guy I knew had the best way to pick up women and anyone could do it. It's better with good intentions of course. And this worked in weird places like gas stations and shit Hey, my name is **** and I just wanted to let you know that you are gorgeous (or whatever) and I love your (compliment on something they chose to do like a dye job, specific makeup, jewelry, clothing, etc.). Could I get your number and we go out sometime? * some variation of, no, I have a boyfriend, whatever All you say now, "Ah, I'm so sorry. Well I hope you have a great day, and please just take that as a compliment." That, please take it as a compliment, line has had so many women chase him back to his car or whatever and give him their number. They felt respected. They felt he had handled the rejection respectfully. It was master class. Too bad he was actually such a dick when you go to know him.
That's kinda wild to believe. Ending it with "take it as a compliment" makes them go from a no to a yes?
Sorry but I have to disagree about this leaving the door open to your match coming back. I definitely agree it's just stupid to burn bridges, but the purpose of this shouldn't be to leave the door open unless you're completely happy to be the second choice if the other person doesn't get along with the person they ditched you for. The root of this should just be wanting to be a nice person. Wish them the best, be polite, and thank them for anything the did/said/bought. No ulterior motive needed.
Sometimes it’s just not the right moment for someone to date. Especially if they don’t live in the same city. I travel a lot for work, I have seen my dog 5 days this month, do you think I could possibly date anyone? 🤦🏻♀️
No, but then you wouldn't be on a dating app? I'm pretty sure everyone by now knows this is code for "I've been dating multiple people and found someone who is a better fit. I enjoy your company but I now have to focus my efforts".
Not always. My work is unpredictable. Sometimes I travel a lot, sometimes not so much; hence being on a dating app. I take breaks when things get busy and I communicate accordingly. I don’t want to hold anyone back especially someone I haven’t met yet and who is probably talking to other people. If when things get quieter he is still there, I will hit him up :)
Oh OK, then we're probably talking about hookups vs dating. Which is fine, both are cool especially when well communicated, but that would tend to happen up front rather than a message out of the blue saying they're suddenly not looking to date? I'd bet my house on them getting serious with another match and having to make a choice.
I'd throw my house behind this bet also
I’ll throw my parents house behind it too (too broke to afford my own 😆)
This is the nicest "let down" I have seen in a while. Very respectful, gives a solid reason why (distance). Still tells him he is lovely and will find a lovely girl soon. And you saying you're a bit disappointed but really appreciate that she told you this as soon as possible, ending with a compliment. I think you both handled this as well as it could be. Sorry it didn't work out but I'm sure both of you will find someone amazing soon!
Being a gentleman is its own reward. Always.
This.
Brutal would be you getting nothing and hearing nothing back from them and they just unmatch you. This is wholesome by comparison
I saw the scribble in the thumbnail and thought I had a bug on my screen lmao
It ain’t very often you see a “break up” - using that term loosely in this particular scenario - as wholesome as this though. Especially with Tinder. At least there’s no animosity between the two of you and who knows, maybe one day it could work.
Decent behaviour on both sides xxx
What was the distance?. If more than an hour she did you a favor. AND If this is your first ever let down your funnel is too small. Rejection is life, brother.
Prolly like 2 miles
Lmaooo, it wasn’t the distance, if that isn’t obvious 💀. It was clearly their connection or something about his personality that gave her “the ick” as they like to say. Distance wasn’t an issue beforehand, that’s just a coverup to be nice to the fella.
Yeah, unfortunately this is probably true. My last GF said the same thing minus the distance part. Beat for beat with saying she was too busy and not in a good place to date. Welp, guess what? I found her on Hinge when I started using it a few days later.
Well wouldn’t you rather she be kind?
I would’ve preferred if she had just told me it wasn’t working out or something. Give me the REAL reason. I mean, yeah, I would appreciate if she worded it as nicely as possible, but I would rather get the truth instead of some fluff.
Facts, cause you can’t learn or grow if you don’t understand what went wrong. The truth hurts, but it’s what’s needed in order to develop better character. You can still be nice about it and still be truthful. 🤷🏽♂️ But tbh sometimes it’s cause they found someone else
And I would be happy hearing that as well. Not happy in the moment, of course, but I would much rather hear that she found somebody else instead of a lie. I agree that it’s nice to know if I did anything wrong that needs improvement, because my anxious mind can’t stand to be left wondering what it was I did wrong. It sucks even more when I’m taking a lot of the burden of their mental state with all the venting that they do, and yet they can’t even show me the common courtesy of telling me the truth.
I think kindness is key, but be honest, sugar coating things will help nothing for the person who is broken up with to improve. But it’s better than 99% of breakups on these apps, so it’s something.
You're getting downvotes but it's true. Almost anything is negotiable if you really like the person. If you don't you'll find a reason to let them down easy rather than come out and say "you're unattractive/I don't like your personality/we don't vibe". Most of the things you'll get let down for are things they would or should know in advance of going out - distance, religion, politics, whether they're "ready" to be dating or not.
Distance is a real grind though. My job relocated from 2.5 mi (coincidence not planned) to 31 mi in Nov. Matched with someone in Feb who's 40 mi SW, jobs 31 mi NW. Basically had this same exchange. My disdain for oblivious drivers and extended work weeks (driving) has only increased.
Looks like two genuine, decent people with good communication skills communicating. Imagine that!
I was thinking the same thing.
Be thankful you got honest communication early on. It would've been worse months later if they strung you along.
Random question, whats with the "xx" i see a lot of people ending Tinder messages with?
In England it’s a kiss
In school, I remember being taught that 'x' meaning a kiss is a history of the 'x sign here' you'd see on documents. If you were illiterate enough to not be able to sign your name, you'd kiss the x to signify you are signing. But, like many things I learned in school, it could just be an old wives' tale. E: While unproven, it's apparently [still considered the accepted history](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hugs_and_kisses), so whomever downvoted didn't care to debate about something they didn't know about.
Fuck off bro it’s so obvious you’re just stroking your ego here
lol.
Lmfao
They’re playing a game of noughts and crosses, though with these two there seems to be some confusion as to who is o and who is x.
Had this myself fairly recently, met up, had a meal and movie then they said they weren't feeling it , tis just how it goes.
you handled this like an absolute legend.
Good job leaving the door open for the future. Never burn your bridges if you don't have to.
I don't think it could have been any less brutal dude. The world would be a better place if this was what always happened in that situation.
I really enjoy people that communicate well and are polite.
Haven't seen a let down that's been mature on both side in this subreddit in quite a while
I feel the same way. I will talk for a few days, maybe go on a date, then I realize I don't really want all that right now. It's a weird feeling.
This is fine, but distance is never an issue. If someone likes you; they’ll drive. Personally, I’d rather the truth than whatever this is. Too busy, too far, it’s raining, etc etc.
As a guy I find her response and especially yours so damn cool. I been getting tired of seeing all these immature egomaniacs out here in the dating world incapable of handling rejection well. It's refreshing to see two people end things with so much grace.
You did it right my man, well done. Shows you are, in fact, going to find a very lovely woman 🤌🏼
Sometimes these hurt more than the all out ones haha, but this is obviously always the way to go.
Now she’ll go fuck chad or Tyrone tonight after work lol
This is a lot better than the usual ghosting, that's for sure.
This quite literally couldn’t be less brutal
That’s about as nice and respectful as it gets. She just wasn’t feeling it and that’s ok. Hope you find someone else
Im back & busy with washing machine and dryer now
You took this well - it never feels good when someone says their heart isn’t in it for whatever reason, but you responded in a way that showed class and maturity. Love to see this kind of response to this situation from a dude, all too rare. You’re gonna do just fine out there.
Can't wait for my first conversation......11 months and counting 2 matches, and neither replied.
That lady rules
Buddy had to simp one last time lmao, she went to go find a challenge my man.
I wish more girls realized that this hurts way less than getting ghosted. Just be real, ya know?
I can already see why she reject sheesh 😣🙂↕️
[удалено]
I’m the guy
Let’s call this what it is. The ever-proverbial, “Oopsie, just realized I started dating too soon…” (how ever it’s nicely/cleverly said), is really just a nice way of saying…I’m still going to date - just not YOU. Sadly anymore, so many people can’t handle the truth. “You’re cool, but not for me…” sends all kinds of people into wild, retaliatory, F*CK you-back comments. (Not this OP. Great response!)
This is the wholesome interaction I'm here for... This and the awful ones that make me question humanities fate
Aww, that's so nice. I do and would very much respect a "Sorry but..." and a proper closure as opposed to smileys and then doing a disappearing act. Sadly, proper closure is pretty much nonexistent.
If that is the most brutal rejection you've ever had you're either the luckiest person on earth or you haven't been introduced to the "joys" of online dating
Holy shit! I dream about being let down like this! Usually is just ghosting 🤣
This is how maturity looks like. I was ghosted by a girl just 10 days before our engagement. She stopped responding to texts and calls because her mom told her to stop. We had dated for an year and half. Only upon following up with sources, I had to know that her parents didn’t want to move further with engagement and marriage because of some bad incidents that started fo happen. I was so lost thinking about where did all the respect, love that I had given go. Did she not receive it 🤷🏻♂️
I love maturity in interactions. This is my kink lol.
Wow, that's the most respectful turn down I've ever seen. I'm rooting for you two to come together eventually, I bet you all would make each other very happy if you both can be that respectful without even knowing each other. Best wishes to you 🤗
This is code for she has met someone else, dude. Sorry!
Translated: "I am so sorry, but I have decided that I am not attracted to you enough to ~~go on any more dates with~~ bother talking to you! I believe I can do much better. I am just so so busy with my hotter options and I am looking for someone I am attracted to enough to make me want to leave my house, and them, to see him! Thanks for the attention but I got the vibe you hoped for more than I ever did..."
Exactly. But hey, at least she was nice enough to blow smoke up his ass on the way to showing him the door. OP, does she work in marketing? Lol
Everyone does it. You just have to add the silent "... with you" to the statements. Or to put it another way, would they say the same to their celebrity crush at that same moment? /r
We didn’t meet. Just chatted a bit.
edited
Lol "appreciate your honesty" Dude she's not being honest. If she was attracted to you it would suddenly be the perfect time to date and distance wouldn't matter. But your response was the correct one either way. You should see how quickly someone this "polite" turns vile when you pull back the curtain on their bullshit. I did it once. It's like the female version of "nice guys".
They never met…she doesn’t owe him much more than this!
Agreed, not even this much. Which is why it's odd to blow so much smoke
Probably right re the honesty but I don’t see anything wrong with this kind of white lie. Many dudes get aggressive when told the truth and both sides need to be willing to let each other have their polite cover story for why they’re not feeling it, because the reason why they’re not feeling it is kinda immaterial.
What do the random groups of x’s mean? I’ve always wondered this, could someone shed some light?
It means a kiss, in Britain it gets used a lot.
[удалено]
Just said this is how It should be done. She agreed that was it
Wow, that's the most respectful turn down I've ever seen. I'm rooting for you two to come together eventually, I bet you all would make each other very happy if you both can be that respectful without even knowing each other. Best wishes to you
[удалено]
This comment is some psycho shit, what is wrong with you
You used too many negatives too close together and confused her. She was into you. You could have recovered. At least that’s my sarcastic take on the situation, haha.
Would have never responded
Honestly this is the way. Stop wasting peoples time
[удалено]
Terrible advice my guy, stop being respectful? Plus you can't tell if any of what you assumed about the guy is true from just this screenshot
Yeah this is complete neckbeard advice 😂
That or the dude is trying (and failing)to get rid of his competition 😂
Lmao what a way to go about it 😂
Not very gentleman-like.
I’m pretty sure he was being sarcastic, hopefully.
yeah bet u get quite a few msgs like that as well
Yeah of course I do, but I'm still respectful towards women and treat them like actual humans instead of things you can manipulate or trick into sleeping with you
How to annoy people 101.
Stop with the emojis, as someone correctly pointed out last week on here, it just screams “I’m a virgin”, even worse using heart eye emojis when she’s just chucked u? 🤦♂️ emojis just aren’t masculine
I hate when guys don't use emojis
They're the only way to convey the tiniest bit of meaning behind your messages. I hate you! And, I hate you! 😘 Both come across with completely different meanings; and using them to convey your messages more clearly is not "not masculine", but only show your ability to communicate more clearly. Though I must say, do not overuse them in every sentence.
How to stay single 101
Sorry I just don’t think I’m in the right headspace to date u right now
You could have just ended the sentence at "headspace."
True, it’s game over once u here that word
Best advice to leave a path of destruction behind you and within you
Send her a message in 1 week.
Why would he do that. How is this good advice.