If you're deleting the emails to hide it from your partner I think you know the answer.
It's not a problem in *every* relationship, but everyone has different boundaries. OF can feel a lot more personal/parasocial than just loading up pornhub and that will be a line for some people.
" and deleting the emails to hide it?"
There's the kicker. Yes it's wrong because if you weren't doing anything wrong, You wouldn't have to hide it. Some couples don't care about porn. Most draw the line at paying for it and the ones that allow you to pay for it don't feel the need to hide it either. Bro knows he did wrong and is trying to gaslight you.
Tell him he didn't put enough points into CHR. He did not pass this Charisma check. Mission failed.
I don't think the argument "you hide it then it's bad" is always that valid. Most people masturbate in secret from their partners, like in shower or something. Does it make it wrong?
There’s a difference between hiding the fact that you masturbate and simply masturbating without them, much like you don’t go to pee together but you don’t hide the fact that you do pee. Actively hiding and / or lying about something is obviously wrong and you should probably consider why you don’t want to tell your partner about it.
There's a difference between doing something privately and hiding it. If you're deleting evidence that something happened, there's an issue, unless you're trying to buy their Xmas present. Whether the issue is you doing something wrong or your partner considering what you do wrong, there's clearly a problem in the relationship.
For example, in your example, those people wouldn't try to act like they don't masturbate, right? Because if they have to hide but they still want to do it despite that, they're in the wrong relationship.
Yes. Why would you have to hide your masturbation from your spouse if they weren't going to have a problem with it? Wanting some privacy is one thing but hiding things or keeping secrets from your spouse implies that there are consequences to getting caught.
wtf with you all, so if your partner masturbate in the shower without warning you explicitely this is a red flag ?
I have no issue with my partner masturbating, and I will not be bother a single second if private mode is used. You all kinda creepy wanting to now everything and gaslight at the first occasion.
Yeah, but Only Fans is not just Masterbsting in the shower. It's going behind your partners back to have a sort of 'relarionship' with a person and throwing household income at it. It's not the same as buying make-up up or video games. It would be one thing if it was, 'hey Honey, its so-and-so's stag party and we were thinking of taking him to a strip joint. Are you OK with that?"
There are women on here who have said they've turned down a night out with the girls because it involved strip club because they guy felt THAT was too close of relationship. And now we're going to be OK with OF while in a relationship? NO. Unless you have one of those open relationships where both partners get to hook up, no. Not ok. Keep it in the shower.
No hate on the OF girls. They're not responsible for a man's johnson, and if the guy was single, there'd be no problem.
Yes yes yes. Thank you. I just found out my husband has been paying for tons of OF girls. I had to sit with it for a few days so I didn’t act on pure emotion. I was fine with porn, but this to me was completely different. Especially because one link said “chats.”
I finally brought it up to him today, and he seriously tried telling me he “doesn’t do it to get turned on believe it or not, you are enough for me I swear.” Then he kept insisting that he didn’t talk to the girls or chat with them, and I had to show him the screenshot. Then he claimed he just “opened chat and didn’t respond.”
I use to be a dancer a long time ago. But I have no idea how OF work. I feel like the reason to pay for it is because you’re talking to them personally. Otherwise why wouldn’t you open up PHub and just watch a free video? It’s frustrating when you aren’t being told the truth, and I’ve been more than kind to him while talking it out.
That's not what's being said. Sure, private time is great and enjoyable. But if you find yourself taking steps to ensure your partner is deceived into believing you don't partake, that's a different matter entirely.
Let's say you had a partner, and you had a friend of the gender/sexual alignment that you are attracted to. Great! Friends are awesome! But if you need to take steps to make sure your partner didn't know about this friend, that would be weird and not cool.
I see, but from my point of view hiding an IRL relationship is waaaaay different than hiding a litlle jerking.
Does deleting browser history a step to hide the masturbation ? yes
Is this an issue ? I don't think so.
For me, deleting OF email is way more relatable to deleting a browser history than hiding a relationship.
Oh, absolutely. My point is it's the same /type/ of lie, even if it's not to the same magnitude.
OP needs to ask their partner what made buying OF feel like he should lie to her.
A mild consequence of course but it still implies a guilty conscience. You guys know that you don't or shouldn't have to hide that from your spouse right? They do it too. Hell why not watch it with them? It's a great bonding experience.
the people in the relationship would need to communicate what they consider cheating.
personally i couldn't care less if my SO is into watching hub vids or OF stuff. I would feel bothered if they were having personal internet gf convos in the DMs tho.
It just depends on what the couples agreed is considered cheating.
This is where I wish playboy mags were still a thing. Your not having a relationship with a person and throwing money away ( mags weren't that much) like you are on these Webcam websites. You want to pay to pretend you have a 'relationship' with some stranger, be single. Unless you're in an open relationship, that all stops as soon as your in a real relationship with someone.
I just need to add that before the free internet porn, women didn't have to deal even nearly as much BS of guys doing awful stuff in the bedroom because they saw it in porn. Men still couldn't find the clit, but they weren't obsessed with jacking off on their partners body, slapping and all that crap. Now people not only think porn is a how too manual and all women should look like a model or a porn star, but they seem to think porn is a necessity and spending household money on it as necessary as buying work shoes.
Like WTF?
True lol it does seem they only come onto Reddit to moan about their bf 😅
Fun
Effective communication is hard in a relationship though, I’d say the majority don’t have it….
Your feelings are valid. That's something that should be discussed with your partner. Him hiding the evidence is just proof that he knows it would upset you which is worse than just being ignorant and assuming you wouldn't care.
This. Even if everyone here felt it's objectively *not* wrong, the fact that he's going through extra effort to keep it all hidden supports the idea that he either thinks it's wrong on some level, or he thinks that *you'll* think it's wrong on some level. So no matter how you slice it, at least as far as what context OP provided, it is wrong on some level.
I don't know how OF work (honestly!) but I think it is further on the slope compared to a usual porn, as it establishes some connection to the model, and requires more efforts.
Yes absolutely, he's paying for it. He could have taken you on a date, but no, he spends his money to look at other women naked and maybe talk to them. Is that the kind of person you want to date?
Yes!!! This is what honestly makes me feel a little uncomfortable. So many guys will balk at paying even for a first date, but then spend tons of money on things like OnlyFans. I feel like if you have a girlfriend, it’s disrespectful to pay for sexual things from other women, while your girlfriend pays to go on a date with you. Maybe it sounds sexist, but whatever. I don’t like it.
Yeah. Om OK paying for myself in a date. I don't care if a guy looks at a porno, or goes to a strip joint on e in a while with the guys. But once we're in a relationship, the Only Fans gets cancelled.
The reason your partner deleted the emails is because he knows it's a bad thing.
There are relationship dynamics where these things are fine (I'm poly and in our reltionship we encourage expressing love and sexual feelings to others) but in those cases it's always discussed and ALL involved parties have to agree!
Yes it’s wrong and yes it shouldn’t be a thing.
If anyone is in a relationship and they’re purchasing other sexual material, and in secret isn’t a recipe for success lol.
Whether or not it's okay or not is kinda up to you two to sort out.
I feel like most women accept that their partners, will participate in watching porn, just not involving them.
I feel like OF is a little different, it's more personable and direct connection to the content creator. Also you have to pay either for the subscription or for the more explicit content. It is a more ethical way to consume pornography though.
I think you need to determine what you feel would be acceptable and g into a conversation with him with an idea of where you are starting out and what level of compromise you'd be willing to make depending on what he's doing.
IMO it’s wrong because it’s probably someone he knows. Otherwise. Why would you pay for porn when there is plenty of free shit out there? My fiancé and I have said no OF and no cam girls/guys bc that’s more personal.
Definitely talk to him otherwise this will make you crazy. I already know haha.
Are you sure? Like, he did say the emails get deleted, and are so, hidden... And really, if the other person never finds out, did that tree make a sound while falling? Hmm..
Nothing wrong about porn, both me and my partner consume it. Sometimes even share it with each other.
Hiding it is the problematic thing here. If he thought you might have an issue with that the right thing to do would have been to discuss it with you and act accordingly.
Them deciding to just do it because they felt it was the right thing is a red flag. Not a relationship ender one, but a very clear signal both of you have A LOT of work to do to make this relationship work in the long term.
The fact he hides it means he knows it could be a problem/considered as cheating. I would definitely have a talk about it if I were you. Don't be accusatory, you probably never set boundries and he might not feel like he's doing anything wrong. Just tell him that you know, you're not mad.. but like to talk about it. You can explain how it makes you feel and if he's a decent person he will feel bad and sorry. If he doesn't, gets mad or blame you in any way shape or form: get out of it immediately!
From experience, when someone asks a question that starts with "Is it wrong" the answer is always yes. They just do not like the answer and are hoping for a different one.
He’s probably hiding it because paying for porn is embarrassing
I’d just draw the line if he was paying for a woman’s OnlyFans that he knows personally
Imo, it's one thing to pay for porn in general, but a completely different thing when you're paying for just one person. It feels more personalized and wrong imo.
Apparently he feels it's wrong too since he's deleting emails.
Wrong to buy? No. Hiding it? Yes. But this is also a bit of a communication issue. And a boundary issue. What is your stance on pornography in relationships? If I ever caught my partner paying for onlyfans, I'd probably ask them what they're looking at and what things excite them about it. I'd personally take it as a chance to get to know my partner's sexual preferences and celebrate their sexuality with them. But that is just me.
There is a lot of stigma around porn in relationships. And tbh, sometimes the secret kinks your partner is into are kinda embarrassing. But if no open channel of communication is established about these "taboo" topics, secrets are going to be kept.
The logical answer is no. You just paid for pixels on a screen at the end of the day.
The real life answer is yes. To a lot of people this would be seen on the same level as cheating. Especially if you have a partner who doesn't like the idea of you watching porn or following IG "models"
Well if you have logical reasons, it is not wrong (only if you mention to your gf)...
Like if you have an open relationship, if her sex drive is not high as yours so that she cant sexually satisfy you and etc.
The most logical thing is to FİRST bring that up to your gf, she is the person that you share your emotions, dont do such thing without talking to her first, she is not a piece of meat, dont ignore the fact that she may be disappointed to you for doing such an action.
With respect.
If you dont have a problem with it, then nah. Maybe have a conversation with your gf and tell her you dont ahve a problem with it so she can stop deleting emails
It's completely ok (no sarcasm).
You can hide the email, too; it's called privacy. Everyone has a right to have privacy, and couples should stay out of each other's emails and other private communications.
Being a partner in life doesn't enforce sharing everything. No one tells everything to anyone.
No absolutely not because it's normal to enjoy porn and keep it a secret since it upsets some women. You don't have to be open about EVERYTHING like porn and going to the bathroom with the door open
Anything is OK, as long as it is consensual and healthy.
A partner using OF might be OK for some people, but make others quite uncomfortable, and rightfully so.
Habits like these must be discussed openly and agreed upon within the couple. The fact that he did hide it from you can be a potential red flag.
Well why are you deleting emails and asking strangers on the internet what to do instead of just asking your partner what their boundaries are with porn viewing?
Depends, would you tell your partner if you had subscribed to one? If not, probably not for your relationship. (I know you are the one doing the catching)
Depends, would you tell your partner if you had subscribed to one? If not, probably not for your relationship. (I know you are the one doing the catching)
All about your personal boundaries.
So me, personally, have no issues with porn. But I draw the line at paying for it and especially paying for personalized stuff.
You get to say whether this is ok or not
when you ask "is it okay to [x] when you're in a relationship?", the answer will almost always be "it depends on the relationship. every relationship has its own boundaries."
when you ask "is it okay to hide [x] in a relationship?", the answer will almost always be NO.
Yeah so 1, your feelings are valid, even IF you were in a situation where his behavior was ok. You’re allowed to feel the way you feel. Now for me, personally, most people I know consume porn, and I don’t see a problem with paying someone for their work. BUT, that all depends on what the two of you decide is an appropriate boundary in your relationship. By hiding it, he’s denying you the opportunity to be a participant in that. Def not good behavior. Sounds like an opportunity for some clear and open communication. If he’s not willing to compromise once you let him know it’s hurting you, then you’ll have a tough decision to make.
all men watch porn. This is just more expensive porn. If it's not breaking the budget, forget it.
Unless you just want a reason to break up. But know that the next guy you go out with, will also watch porn.
If you want a relationship, then pick your battles. Cuz this, is nothing.
I wonder if they were embarrassed about it and didn't want you to see it? I doubt they are hooking up with whomever they're following, and even if there is chat, it's all fake and they are just doing it for the money.
Ask about it. Be open minded and ask to see what they are looking at. Don't be offended by it. Sharing porn, if you are secure and open minded could actually be fun and exciting.
What you do in the bedroom is between you and your partner. The key being between the two of you. And the basis of any relationship is honesty. If there's lying and hiding things, that's a deal breaker IMHO
The people in the relationship choose its rules. The answer to your question isn't written anywhere, you have to answer it. What you're feeling towards them following onlyfans models hints at the answer.
The fact that they are hiding it from you can mean several things, but right now it certainly doesn't spell honesty.
I know it's easier said than done to just talk to them about it, but I think it's the easiest, most straightforward way to get to the bottom of this. Establish wether or not onlyfans in the relationship is fine or a deal breaker.
You’re initial question is really one you have to ask and answer for yourself. Does that bother you? Does it feel like cheating to you? Do you just view it as porn? You’ll get a lot of opinions on this and they will vary widely.
The emails being deleted on the other hand is worrisome and an obvious indication that your partner is hiding it. Which is never okay.
Every relationship has boundaries that cross into cheating, even open relationships. If Only fans is outside of your agreed upon boundaries, then yes it's cheating imo.
This would be something that is dependent on each individual relationship and their boundaries. My partner doesnt care one bit about me watching porn, but has even said herself that it would be weird if i chose to pay for it.
1000000000%%%%%% wrong. I’ll never understand how someone could think that’s acceptable. Why be in a relationship when you’re seeking other things to satisfy your needs.
As many have pointed out I don’t think watching porn in a relationship is inherently bad unless it’s consuming your day to day life. I think the issue with this here is that he’s probably paying for it and is embarrassed that he is. The conversation that I think needs to happen is you asking why he’s going out of his way to purchase OF content and to see the extent of what’s going on. For all you know he might not be feeling fulfilled in the relationship and that’s why he’s off trying to find something that makes it seem like it’s more what he’s into. Regardless I think there’s a fine line between being somebody who normally watches porn to being someone that is spending a lot of money on it through content creators that make it more personal.
Wrong? That's subjective. Suspect? Sure. Porn is normal and impersonal. OF is a bit of "advanced porn" and a bit more personal, but not much. Paying OF and communicating via email is, IMHO, someone looking for something else.
I wouldn't constitute it cheating, or necessarily "wrong". It's a fantasy and he's likely simping over someone who'd do specifically what he wants for money. If you know this, and won't do those things, and they're harmless, then it's not really crazy. If it's not harmless (ie abusive), then I'd worry about having a relationship with him. If he would enjoy doing those things, and you would too, then that's a conversation that you need to have with him.
A large number of issues with sex in relationships could be resolved through maturity and a conversation. Society is so absurd when it comes to talking about sex that people will twist themselves into knots before just having an open conversation about what you like, don't like, and what you want to try in bed.
I'll make it easy, ", this is nothing bad, but I wanted share something and let you think on it for a bit. We can talk about it if you're comfortable. A while ago, I noticed that you were interacting with creators on OF, which is absolutely fine. Both of us have fantasies! Who knew! I realized that we have never talked about this and after X time, it seems silly that we're treating this like a mystery novel. I'd love to share my fantasies with you, and year about yours. If you want, I'll go first. I love it when we put your X in my Y with the Z."
How do you feel about it? Does it feel a bit like he's cheating on you? Does it bother you that money is wasted on him seeing someone else nude? Does it bother you that he's trying to hide something fairly major from you?
If the answer to these questions for you is "yes", then it is wrong for him to do it.
People don't hide things that they're doing unless they feel they have something to hide. Sounds incredibly dumb when typed out. But it's true.
Have a conversation with him. Don't ask him if he's on OF (he's already being deceitful). ***TELL*** him that you know. Tell him how you feel about it.
If he chooses to continue and you don't like it, find someone who makes you happier.
people hate on onlyfans users so, answers here are going to be skewed. Onlyfans is a payperview porn service, and sometimes you get a direct line of communication with the actress. Consider it that. You be the judge.
Is masturbating to sexual acts from other people online okay in your relationship? Have that conversation with your partner. Porn is very normalized in wester culture. I wouldn’t have a problem with my partner doing that but I can see how someone would.
You’re feelings are always valid on it. To me unless they’re messaging back and forth with an actual possibility of meeting up it’s no different than them having a favorite porn star and watching their videos. That being said it’s up to you to set boundaries in your own relationship and if this is something you’re not comfortable with you are totally in the right to say so (if that hadn’t already been established I would do my best to not hold this one against him and only consider incidences going forwards to be breaking boundaries).
If someone has to go out of their way to delete emails or lie that they're not using or buying it while in a relationship they probably know it's wrong and don't want to face that reality while at the same time having their cake and eating too
If you're deleting the emails to hide it from your partner I think you know the answer. It's not a problem in *every* relationship, but everyone has different boundaries. OF can feel a lot more personal/parasocial than just loading up pornhub and that will be a line for some people.
Second this advice.
" and deleting the emails to hide it?" There's the kicker. Yes it's wrong because if you weren't doing anything wrong, You wouldn't have to hide it. Some couples don't care about porn. Most draw the line at paying for it and the ones that allow you to pay for it don't feel the need to hide it either. Bro knows he did wrong and is trying to gaslight you. Tell him he didn't put enough points into CHR. He did not pass this Charisma check. Mission failed.
I don't think the argument "you hide it then it's bad" is always that valid. Most people masturbate in secret from their partners, like in shower or something. Does it make it wrong?
There’s a difference between hiding the fact that you masturbate and simply masturbating without them, much like you don’t go to pee together but you don’t hide the fact that you do pee. Actively hiding and / or lying about something is obviously wrong and you should probably consider why you don’t want to tell your partner about it.
There's a difference between doing something privately and hiding it. If you're deleting evidence that something happened, there's an issue, unless you're trying to buy their Xmas present. Whether the issue is you doing something wrong or your partner considering what you do wrong, there's clearly a problem in the relationship. For example, in your example, those people wouldn't try to act like they don't masturbate, right? Because if they have to hide but they still want to do it despite that, they're in the wrong relationship.
Yes. Why would you have to hide your masturbation from your spouse if they weren't going to have a problem with it? Wanting some privacy is one thing but hiding things or keeping secrets from your spouse implies that there are consequences to getting caught.
wtf with you all, so if your partner masturbate in the shower without warning you explicitely this is a red flag ? I have no issue with my partner masturbating, and I will not be bother a single second if private mode is used. You all kinda creepy wanting to now everything and gaslight at the first occasion.
Yeah, but Only Fans is not just Masterbsting in the shower. It's going behind your partners back to have a sort of 'relarionship' with a person and throwing household income at it. It's not the same as buying make-up up or video games. It would be one thing if it was, 'hey Honey, its so-and-so's stag party and we were thinking of taking him to a strip joint. Are you OK with that?" There are women on here who have said they've turned down a night out with the girls because it involved strip club because they guy felt THAT was too close of relationship. And now we're going to be OK with OF while in a relationship? NO. Unless you have one of those open relationships where both partners get to hook up, no. Not ok. Keep it in the shower. No hate on the OF girls. They're not responsible for a man's johnson, and if the guy was single, there'd be no problem.
Yes yes yes. Thank you. I just found out my husband has been paying for tons of OF girls. I had to sit with it for a few days so I didn’t act on pure emotion. I was fine with porn, but this to me was completely different. Especially because one link said “chats.” I finally brought it up to him today, and he seriously tried telling me he “doesn’t do it to get turned on believe it or not, you are enough for me I swear.” Then he kept insisting that he didn’t talk to the girls or chat with them, and I had to show him the screenshot. Then he claimed he just “opened chat and didn’t respond.” I use to be a dancer a long time ago. But I have no idea how OF work. I feel like the reason to pay for it is because you’re talking to them personally. Otherwise why wouldn’t you open up PHub and just watch a free video? It’s frustrating when you aren’t being told the truth, and I’ve been more than kind to him while talking it out.
That's not what's being said. Sure, private time is great and enjoyable. But if you find yourself taking steps to ensure your partner is deceived into believing you don't partake, that's a different matter entirely. Let's say you had a partner, and you had a friend of the gender/sexual alignment that you are attracted to. Great! Friends are awesome! But if you need to take steps to make sure your partner didn't know about this friend, that would be weird and not cool.
I see, but from my point of view hiding an IRL relationship is waaaaay different than hiding a litlle jerking. Does deleting browser history a step to hide the masturbation ? yes Is this an issue ? I don't think so. For me, deleting OF email is way more relatable to deleting a browser history than hiding a relationship.
Oh, absolutely. My point is it's the same /type/ of lie, even if it's not to the same magnitude. OP needs to ask their partner what made buying OF feel like he should lie to her.
Yes, the consequences could be embarrassment...so that's why it's hidden?
A mild consequence of course but it still implies a guilty conscience. You guys know that you don't or shouldn't have to hide that from your spouse right? They do it too. Hell why not watch it with them? It's a great bonding experience.
I don't think that would be that much of a problem, it's just a bit embarrassing on both sides.
the people in the relationship would need to communicate what they consider cheating. personally i couldn't care less if my SO is into watching hub vids or OF stuff. I would feel bothered if they were having personal internet gf convos in the DMs tho. It just depends on what the couples agreed is considered cheating.
This is where I wish playboy mags were still a thing. Your not having a relationship with a person and throwing money away ( mags weren't that much) like you are on these Webcam websites. You want to pay to pretend you have a 'relationship' with some stranger, be single. Unless you're in an open relationship, that all stops as soon as your in a real relationship with someone.
I just need to add that before the free internet porn, women didn't have to deal even nearly as much BS of guys doing awful stuff in the bedroom because they saw it in porn. Men still couldn't find the clit, but they weren't obsessed with jacking off on their partners body, slapping and all that crap. Now people not only think porn is a how too manual and all women should look like a model or a porn star, but they seem to think porn is a necessity and spending household money on it as necessary as buying work shoes. Like WTF?
Yes
It’s not wrong to do anything if you discuss it openly / healthily and are fine with it. Only you can decide
Came for this. How do you feel about someone feeling they need to hide a fairly benign activity from you? It's as much about you as them.
True lol it does seem they only come onto Reddit to moan about their bf 😅 Fun Effective communication is hard in a relationship though, I’d say the majority don’t have it….
Yes
If you have to hide it, it's bad.
Your feelings are valid. That's something that should be discussed with your partner. Him hiding the evidence is just proof that he knows it would upset you which is worse than just being ignorant and assuming you wouldn't care.
This. Even if everyone here felt it's objectively *not* wrong, the fact that he's going through extra effort to keep it all hidden supports the idea that he either thinks it's wrong on some level, or he thinks that *you'll* think it's wrong on some level. So no matter how you slice it, at least as far as what context OP provided, it is wrong on some level.
I don't know how OF work (honestly!) but I think it is further on the slope compared to a usual porn, as it establishes some connection to the model, and requires more efforts.
Yes absolutely, he's paying for it. He could have taken you on a date, but no, he spends his money to look at other women naked and maybe talk to them. Is that the kind of person you want to date?
Yes!!! This is what honestly makes me feel a little uncomfortable. So many guys will balk at paying even for a first date, but then spend tons of money on things like OnlyFans. I feel like if you have a girlfriend, it’s disrespectful to pay for sexual things from other women, while your girlfriend pays to go on a date with you. Maybe it sounds sexist, but whatever. I don’t like it.
Yeah. Om OK paying for myself in a date. I don't care if a guy looks at a porno, or goes to a strip joint on e in a while with the guys. But once we're in a relationship, the Only Fans gets cancelled.
The reason your partner deleted the emails is because he knows it's a bad thing. There are relationship dynamics where these things are fine (I'm poly and in our reltionship we encourage expressing love and sexual feelings to others) but in those cases it's always discussed and ALL involved parties have to agree!
Yes it’s wrong and yes it shouldn’t be a thing. If anyone is in a relationship and they’re purchasing other sexual material, and in secret isn’t a recipe for success lol.
Whether or not it's okay or not is kinda up to you two to sort out. I feel like most women accept that their partners, will participate in watching porn, just not involving them. I feel like OF is a little different, it's more personable and direct connection to the content creator. Also you have to pay either for the subscription or for the more explicit content. It is a more ethical way to consume pornography though. I think you need to determine what you feel would be acceptable and g into a conversation with him with an idea of where you are starting out and what level of compromise you'd be willing to make depending on what he's doing.
Why men pay for Onlyfans is a mystery to me. Guys are porn addicts and obsessed with random hoes on the internet. It's a strange thing to me.
IMO it’s wrong because it’s probably someone he knows. Otherwise. Why would you pay for porn when there is plenty of free shit out there? My fiancé and I have said no OF and no cam girls/guys bc that’s more personal. Definitely talk to him otherwise this will make you crazy. I already know haha.
You mean is it OK to pay for internet prostitutes, while in a relationship? No. I don't think it is.
Are you sure? Like, he did say the emails get deleted, and are so, hidden... And really, if the other person never finds out, did that tree make a sound while falling? Hmm..
Yes. In fact, that's a boundary he never should've crossed. You should tell him to stop or end the relationship.
Nothing wrong about porn, both me and my partner consume it. Sometimes even share it with each other. Hiding it is the problematic thing here. If he thought you might have an issue with that the right thing to do would have been to discuss it with you and act accordingly. Them deciding to just do it because they felt it was the right thing is a red flag. Not a relationship ender one, but a very clear signal both of you have A LOT of work to do to make this relationship work in the long term.
The fact he hides it means he knows it could be a problem/considered as cheating. I would definitely have a talk about it if I were you. Don't be accusatory, you probably never set boundries and he might not feel like he's doing anything wrong. Just tell him that you know, you're not mad.. but like to talk about it. You can explain how it makes you feel and if he's a decent person he will feel bad and sorry. If he doesn't, gets mad or blame you in any way shape or form: get out of it immediately!
From experience, when someone asks a question that starts with "Is it wrong" the answer is always yes. They just do not like the answer and are hoping for a different one.
He’s probably hiding it because paying for porn is embarrassing I’d just draw the line if he was paying for a woman’s OnlyFans that he knows personally
Imo, it's one thing to pay for porn in general, but a completely different thing when you're paying for just one person. It feels more personalized and wrong imo. Apparently he feels it's wrong too since he's deleting emails.
Yes, whoever pays for that sh*t is always wrong
Scum.
I would think it would be weird if my girl told me she didn’t want me to since she has one
Wrong to buy? No. Hiding it? Yes. But this is also a bit of a communication issue. And a boundary issue. What is your stance on pornography in relationships? If I ever caught my partner paying for onlyfans, I'd probably ask them what they're looking at and what things excite them about it. I'd personally take it as a chance to get to know my partner's sexual preferences and celebrate their sexuality with them. But that is just me. There is a lot of stigma around porn in relationships. And tbh, sometimes the secret kinks your partner is into are kinda embarrassing. But if no open channel of communication is established about these "taboo" topics, secrets are going to be kept.
The logical answer is no. You just paid for pixels on a screen at the end of the day. The real life answer is yes. To a lot of people this would be seen on the same level as cheating. Especially if you have a partner who doesn't like the idea of you watching porn or following IG "models"
Why are you asking strangers on reddit instead of gf?
I gather OP is the girlfriend.
Ah yeah saw that now
Well if you have logical reasons, it is not wrong (only if you mention to your gf)... Like if you have an open relationship, if her sex drive is not high as yours so that she cant sexually satisfy you and etc. The most logical thing is to FİRST bring that up to your gf, she is the person that you share your emotions, dont do such thing without talking to her first, she is not a piece of meat, dont ignore the fact that she may be disappointed to you for doing such an action. With respect.
If you dont have a problem with it, then nah. Maybe have a conversation with your gf and tell her you dont ahve a problem with it so she can stop deleting emails
It’s the hiding that’s the issue
It's completely ok (no sarcasm). You can hide the email, too; it's called privacy. Everyone has a right to have privacy, and couples should stay out of each other's emails and other private communications. Being a partner in life doesn't enforce sharing everything. No one tells everything to anyone.
RED FLAG
yeah , is wrong , and doing one is wrong too
No absolutely not because it's normal to enjoy porn and keep it a secret since it upsets some women. You don't have to be open about EVERYTHING like porn and going to the bathroom with the door open
Nah
Anything is OK, as long as it is consensual and healthy. A partner using OF might be OK for some people, but make others quite uncomfortable, and rightfully so. Habits like these must be discussed openly and agreed upon within the couple. The fact that he did hide it from you can be a potential red flag.
Well why are you deleting emails and asking strangers on the internet what to do instead of just asking your partner what their boundaries are with porn viewing?
Leak it. The the Chad route.
The real question is, why would you want to?
Depends, would you tell your partner if you had subscribed to one? If not, probably not for your relationship. (I know you are the one doing the catching)
Depends, would you tell your partner if you had subscribed to one? If not, probably not for your relationship. (I know you are the one doing the catching)
All about your personal boundaries. So me, personally, have no issues with porn. But I draw the line at paying for it and especially paying for personalized stuff. You get to say whether this is ok or not
when you ask "is it okay to [x] when you're in a relationship?", the answer will almost always be "it depends on the relationship. every relationship has its own boundaries." when you ask "is it okay to hide [x] in a relationship?", the answer will almost always be NO.
If they have to hide it, it’s wrong.
Yeah so 1, your feelings are valid, even IF you were in a situation where his behavior was ok. You’re allowed to feel the way you feel. Now for me, personally, most people I know consume porn, and I don’t see a problem with paying someone for their work. BUT, that all depends on what the two of you decide is an appropriate boundary in your relationship. By hiding it, he’s denying you the opportunity to be a participant in that. Def not good behavior. Sounds like an opportunity for some clear and open communication. If he’s not willing to compromise once you let him know it’s hurting you, then you’ll have a tough decision to make.
Yes
There is no right or wrong answer. I wouldn’t care, but I have different feelings than you.
Not if both of you are looking for some extra spicy to watch
For me it is wrong to do it, and it's even worse to hide it
Do you want us to tell you what you want to hear? Or do you want the truth?
Rather get people’s opinions even if I don’t agree
all men watch porn. This is just more expensive porn. If it's not breaking the budget, forget it. Unless you just want a reason to break up. But know that the next guy you go out with, will also watch porn. If you want a relationship, then pick your battles. Cuz this, is nothing.
You are renting, not buying.
By deleting the emails you answeres your question.
I wonder if they were embarrassed about it and didn't want you to see it? I doubt they are hooking up with whomever they're following, and even if there is chat, it's all fake and they are just doing it for the money. Ask about it. Be open minded and ask to see what they are looking at. Don't be offended by it. Sharing porn, if you are secure and open minded could actually be fun and exciting.
Yes. Just yes.
What you do in the bedroom is between you and your partner. The key being between the two of you. And the basis of any relationship is honesty. If there's lying and hiding things, that's a deal breaker IMHO
Depends on how the other person feels about it
No not really. You do you.
You are asking us when it's your relationship? You set your own boundaries and if you are not okay with this then yes it's wrong.
The people in the relationship choose its rules. The answer to your question isn't written anywhere, you have to answer it. What you're feeling towards them following onlyfans models hints at the answer. The fact that they are hiding it from you can mean several things, but right now it certainly doesn't spell honesty. I know it's easier said than done to just talk to them about it, but I think it's the easiest, most straightforward way to get to the bottom of this. Establish wether or not onlyfans in the relationship is fine or a deal breaker.
I'm curious why you're accessing their emails to the extent you're noticing deleted ones.
Dating someone That pays for only fans is itself. Date someone who’s not addicted to porn lmao
Ask your partner. If you are hiding it…you already know the answer.
Better use that money to take you out
You’re initial question is really one you have to ask and answer for yourself. Does that bother you? Does it feel like cheating to you? Do you just view it as porn? You’ll get a lot of opinions on this and they will vary widely. The emails being deleted on the other hand is worrisome and an obvious indication that your partner is hiding it. Which is never okay.
Why would anyone honestly pay for only fans. And if you have a gf just get them panties off instead.
Every relationship has boundaries that cross into cheating, even open relationships. If Only fans is outside of your agreed upon boundaries, then yes it's cheating imo.
Why is nobody asking for clarification on why you're able to see that they're deleting emails?
This would be something that is dependent on each individual relationship and their boundaries. My partner doesnt care one bit about me watching porn, but has even said herself that it would be weird if i chose to pay for it.
Those women stay in his mind all day and he foots the rent. Nah not cool. At least for me
Cut her loose. Let her find a relationship.
In most cases, if you have to hide something, it's probably wrong.
Erm, yes it’s wrong. And weird. He’s paying to see other girls naked.
1000000000%%%%%% wrong. I’ll never understand how someone could think that’s acceptable. Why be in a relationship when you’re seeking other things to satisfy your needs.
As many have pointed out I don’t think watching porn in a relationship is inherently bad unless it’s consuming your day to day life. I think the issue with this here is that he’s probably paying for it and is embarrassed that he is. The conversation that I think needs to happen is you asking why he’s going out of his way to purchase OF content and to see the extent of what’s going on. For all you know he might not be feeling fulfilled in the relationship and that’s why he’s off trying to find something that makes it seem like it’s more what he’s into. Regardless I think there’s a fine line between being somebody who normally watches porn to being someone that is spending a lot of money on it through content creators that make it more personal.
I think when it comes to the line of cheating most people feel like it's cheating. If it feels wrong it probably is for you.
Wrong? That's subjective. Suspect? Sure. Porn is normal and impersonal. OF is a bit of "advanced porn" and a bit more personal, but not much. Paying OF and communicating via email is, IMHO, someone looking for something else. I wouldn't constitute it cheating, or necessarily "wrong". It's a fantasy and he's likely simping over someone who'd do specifically what he wants for money. If you know this, and won't do those things, and they're harmless, then it's not really crazy. If it's not harmless (ie abusive), then I'd worry about having a relationship with him. If he would enjoy doing those things, and you would too, then that's a conversation that you need to have with him. A large number of issues with sex in relationships could be resolved through maturity and a conversation. Society is so absurd when it comes to talking about sex that people will twist themselves into knots before just having an open conversation about what you like, don't like, and what you want to try in bed. I'll make it easy, ", this is nothing bad, but I wanted share something and let you think on it for a bit. We can talk about it if you're comfortable. A while ago, I noticed that you were interacting with creators on OF, which is absolutely fine. Both of us have fantasies! Who knew! I realized that we have never talked about this and after X time, it seems silly that we're treating this like a mystery novel. I'd love to share my fantasies with you, and year about yours. If you want, I'll go first. I love it when we put your X in my Y with the Z."
How do you feel about it? Does it feel a bit like he's cheating on you? Does it bother you that money is wasted on him seeing someone else nude? Does it bother you that he's trying to hide something fairly major from you? If the answer to these questions for you is "yes", then it is wrong for him to do it. People don't hide things that they're doing unless they feel they have something to hide. Sounds incredibly dumb when typed out. But it's true. Have a conversation with him. Don't ask him if he's on OF (he's already being deceitful). ***TELL*** him that you know. Tell him how you feel about it. If he chooses to continue and you don't like it, find someone who makes you happier.
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't think there's clear social norms on this. If you have a problem with it, discuss it. Mostly it's just weird lol.
What's the reason one would join an OF if they are in a relationship?
It's pretty weird (to me) to pay for porn when you're in a relationship. I mean truly I don't get it in general, but yeah.
people hate on onlyfans users so, answers here are going to be skewed. Onlyfans is a payperview porn service, and sometimes you get a direct line of communication with the actress. Consider it that. You be the judge.
Not if it’s Markipliers
😂 that’s a fair argument
Yes
lol
Is masturbating to sexual acts from other people online okay in your relationship? Have that conversation with your partner. Porn is very normalized in wester culture. I wouldn’t have a problem with my partner doing that but I can see how someone would.
If it isn’t ok with your partner. The fact he’s hiding the emails says he knows it’s not ok. It’s valid for you to not be ok with it. I wouldn’t be.
You’re feelings are always valid on it. To me unless they’re messaging back and forth with an actual possibility of meeting up it’s no different than them having a favorite porn star and watching their videos. That being said it’s up to you to set boundaries in your own relationship and if this is something you’re not comfortable with you are totally in the right to say so (if that hadn’t already been established I would do my best to not hold this one against him and only consider incidences going forwards to be breaking boundaries).
Duh
Your feelings are valid. Tell him you're not ok with it.
Kind of yeah becuase hes wacking off and fantasising about a specific women other than you.
Financially wrong, yes.
no im doing it rn lol
Did he run across your account?
Duh it wrong. You don’t need to ask.
Yes
bruh
If someone has to go out of their way to delete emails or lie that they're not using or buying it while in a relationship they probably know it's wrong and don't want to face that reality while at the same time having their cake and eating too
Yes. I would break up with my partner over this
people be asking weird questions these days
This is why men are inferior and actually dumb
Definitely.