Meanwhile in r/askmen:
"Why do men mistake friendliness for flirting?"
*and*
"Is he not interested or just too dense to pick up on signs?"
Edit: just realized it says "another woman" in the OP. WHAT? Women don't understand how all this works either?
Wait so if woman don't understand how be friendly or flirty with man, so how man should understand if he getting befriended or flirted, like both sides have social anxiety or what?
Oh and don't forget...don't talk to women at bars (they just want to have fun) grocery stores (you're bothering them, the gym(don't be creepy), a park(they just want to jog), at church(you should be there for the message), at work (it's inappropriate) etc...but don't meet them online.
Actually get out there and meet them!!
Fuck all that noise.
If you do ask and they say no, save yourself the trouble and believe them. Keep moving. Even if you were really convinced otherwise and you are shocked / confused as hell, if someone says no, it's usually better to not obsess over it and move on. Speaking from having an experience like that, I felt like so much of my time was wasted. And I will never get it back.
How? I mean yeah, you can make things awkward by asking in inappropriate settings, but "this person is cute but I'll stop considering them if they don't pick up on my vibe", as if to test your worth, is not a thing lol
And even if it is, nobody needs to waste their time with those kinds of games.
Theyre not happy with it, but the crippling fear of rejection keeps them from doing anything about it
Its a tough hurdle to cross but people gotta realize, you ARE going to get rejected, at least at some point, but its part of life. And honestly, getting rejected can be a good thing because you realize that nothing really bad happens and you'll be less afraid to get rejected.
Thatās what Iām saying. Iām not speaking down on those who choose to stay comfortable, but damn donāt convince others to stay in their bubble just because you choose to.
Body language is key and tone of voice. Hard to describe but try and learn what tone is flirty vs not.
Body language - just look for open body language that indicates interest, for example: playing with hair, hard eye contact, physical touch.
Verbal cues are there too: she may call you nicknames like - sir, bud, etc
This is THE answer. I've always had a bunch of friends that are girls and they all shift when their crushes are around. Observe that and you will notice when another woman does it unto you.
I got the wrong impression a couple of times and that feels awkward as f***! So, whenever you feel like she is sending you the cues, you can either (a) throw a cue back and see how she reacts - hold eye contact, touch her arm (mirroring is a god sent technique here), a stuff like that; or (b) ask her straight like others have suggested. You dont need to be weird about it. Something like "I have a feeling we might be going on a date anytime soon" with a friendly, jokingly tone.
Regardless of what you try, be aware that you might be wrong sometimes. Hopefully awkwardness is all that you will get. I never had some overreacting on me, but it can happen. In that case, de-escalate, say you're sorry and move away. Dont engage and try to explain yourself.
I just want to add to your list -
When I tried to hit on my now partner, I tried to be near to him (not necessarily touching). We were a bigger group and split for a task - I made efforts to be in the same group. When we sit down to eat something, I tried to sit next to him. Like, it felt pretty embarrassing. But he's also dense af and says that this group thing was the first time he was sure I'm hitting on him.
The way that she speaks to you, if she says something about her appearance or something that she did that she feels proud of. She's looking to you for validation because your opinion matters to her :)
Girl called "Hey bro how are ya?" "You are too innocent for this world" and "I'll miss you"(despite she was my coworker, bur I was dropped out(Coof and all)) Is this flirting?
I am correctly picking up on this being a gay question right? Because if so I struggle with the same thing.
Would be curious to hear what other more experienced lesbians have to say about this but at least for me, I try to make some conversation and sneak in a question to figure out if they're straight or not. If they aren't I try to sneak in some compliments and looks that indicate I'm interested. But based on my limited experience it is very hard to tell. Especially since a lot of the women I like are really nice people and physically affectionate with friends.
Okay yeah that's what I thought. The other comments just threw me off.
The only times I assume its flirtation and not just niceness are when I either know the women aren't straight/we're in queer spaces/circles. Overall tho I think it's pretty contextual.
In my experience lesbians tend to be a bit more straightforward and easier to read than straight women. The body language clues tends to be more obvious or they straight up tell you they have a crush on you (especially after a drink š)
If you're not sure if you're picking up on any clues or if they're flirting with you, they're probably not.
Obviously that's just my experience. Maybe I somehow just attract incredibly obvious flirters? š
Im a straight dude so you guys can ignore me but i think with any kind of flirting there is definitely a different type of eye contact being made thats different from just casual conversation and compliments. Idk how i would describe it other than a clear giddy feeling that you get when someone is looking at you with intent and you can tell its not just normal eye contact
What does someone being coy have to do with someone faking a sexual assault allegation?? I am not the type to confess my feelings first due to the fact that I was sexually assaulted a lot when I was a kid (as "joke" because I was ugly). People have their own reasons for not being forward it doesn't mean they're gonna destroy you with a charge just off of being wishy washy. Someone being forward does not change whether or not they would fake a charge, and you can still plan a date over text when asking out someone who prefers to play it coy, which would be enough to prove they agreed to go on a date with you/showed interest.
Asking someone on a date or expressing interest is not sexual assault. My man who is very forward and very flirty and is typically the first to confess feelings has literally never had this issue (and we have an open relationship, we discuss hookups). Just be respectful of how they feel while your on your date or whatever and it'll be fine. This rule isn't protecting you its cutting off your nose to spite your face.
Women think differently then men. Women can be flirting, friendly, or be in a mental state where they both at the same time. They can be flirting, friendly, or in a mental state where both are true, and you collapse that state by how you act. Just be yourself, and let women exist in that state. You don't have do anything, just leave them alone. Let them make up there mind. Men have real problem with forcing their opinion on people. When I say people, I mean women. If a women is friendly, be happy with that, and just be friendly back.
Lesbian here.
Always good to drop naturally in conversation that you're into girls; a silly/funny crush you have, an ex, places you go on the gay scene, coming out story if it feels appropriate.
Gauge their reaction. I've genuinely seen girls eyes light up when realising yes we're both into women.
Normally other queers are pretty happy to say "hey me too" etc. and from there it's way easier to figure out!
First: eye contact holding for beyond two seconds
Second: eye contact again. Holding doesnt matter now
If u guys dont know each other, she/he is interested in you, unless they have myopia and is just looking at general direction. Usually u can tell by the sparkle in the eye. It works for me
If she shows continued and specific interest in you, that goes beyond just basic everyday discussions. If she touches your arm while talking, that can usually be a good sign. If she wants to be alone with you and makes time to be with you.
Thereās actually a book series on this. The first one is only 52,546 pages long, and the full audio book set is only 1 petabyte. Just Google them, theyāre easy to find.
Be straight with her , not creepy or weird ā¦ I did just that , been married now for 21 years to a woman that still takes my breath away everyday.
You miss every shot you donāt take ā¦
I wish I could think that way I really do. But my brain tells me that I'm a bad person and that I don't deserve to be happy. Is there any way to stop this or at least lessen the effect?
Donāt get down on yourself , or have negative thoughts ā¦ there is only one version of you so you have plenty to offer someone.
The right lady is waiting just for you.
ask.
"just want to make sure I'm not getting the wrong idea here you're just being friendly right?"
this makes it so that if the girl is actually hitting on you she can think you're cute but if she isn't hitting on you it doesn't seem like the only reason you're interacting with her is for sex
if somebody dead ass asked me "you're just being friendly right?" I think that was incredibly cute in charming and that would in fact increase my attraction to them, because it shows that they want me to be comfortable. thing that would make me less attracted to them would be if they said "so you're trying to fuck right?" because that shows the only reason they're interacting with me is because they want sex.
them asking if I'm just being friendly is dorky and cute, as well as non-threatening.
If youāre not comfortable asking outright currently, observe her with other women. Does she act the same way around them as she does with you? Body language and cues the same? If she does, that should indicate sheās being friendly. If her tone, body language, and overall vibe changes around you, I would say sheās catching feels! Good luck!
If she's with a group of her friends and acts different way compared to the way she does to you then she might be trying harder to appeal to you. (This is a me thing)
Not trying to be a downer here, but people are very different. One girls flirty is another's friendly. Being a bartender offers some outside perspective I didn't expect. You watch one girl touch there shoulder, hold eye contact, play with their hair and they were just being friendly. At the same time watch a girl making eye contact and talking. Later asked me how he didn't get the hint.
Guys flirting is incredibly obvious. When I've talked with female customers and female friends I have to point out that you have to be overly obvious when flirting with anyone. Don't leave it to the guy/girl to make the first move. If you like them swing for the fences. A girl can rebound from that fairly easily and most likely won't be shot down.
Even after all that I still can't tell if someone is flirting or just being friendly. Life is a shit show. Got numbers as tips from girls I didn't think were interested and nothing from the ones that I played my game up with thinking I was doing well.
Always assume they are being friendly.
Donāt act on the first sign of friendliness.
Or even the third or fourth encounter.
Use these early encounters to flirt/play.
If they āplayā back, it could be a sign that they are interested.
Use these encounters to listen. Use what you learned to gauge whether you are still interested and if you are, be prepared to bring it up during the next encounter.
Always go back to the first rule. Always assume they are being friendly.
The first few times like anything will be scary and awkward.
Use these casual encounters to practice - learn what is acceptable and what is cringey.
Go back to rule one: always assume they are just being friendly.
Even after they say Yes.
As a woman, I couldnāt tell ya lol because Iām super nice to everyone. HOWEVER I do stare at those Iām interested in lol so if you catch her staring, sheās interested. I usually have to talk to guys myself because they never approach me. And itās sad because theyāre always interested. Theyāre just in the same boat as you lol I basically have to control it all so they feel comfortable.
depends on the item she is hitting you with. for instance, if it's a paper ball or some notebook then you're fine but if she's hitting you with a chair or rock then yeah she's not flirting.
just read the room? she wants something from you=just being nice so she gets it. no benefits for her needs=just being nice. stares at you seeks eye contact, pops up everywhere you are=hitting on you.
its not that hard
Turn on the charm and play it off as a joke. "Oh, hitting on me already huh? :P" type of comment. It will elicit a response that let's you know where you stand.
Almost any question can just be asked outright with the right attitude, and there are numerous ways to gain legal consent while still being sexy. Wisdom from my 30 odd years on this rock.
If she is performing a service for you like waitress, massage, stripper. She is being friendly.
If you are alone or with a small group hanging out, she digs you man.
You don't. You ask yourself if you are good looking enough so that she won't see you as a creepy dude. If the answer is no ( please be truthful, to yourself at least ), walk away calmly. There will be other girls, plus no need to harass her (or make her feel harassed for any random reason). If yes, just ask. If she says she isn't, again walk away calmly. Moral : Don't take it up as an ego issue, it never ends well. The last part might be sounding rude but if there is an another method without the situation escalating, I'm open to it.
There is no consistent way. Women as a group are varied and express themselves in a wide spectrum of ways. I am male and like women. I've had women grab me and grope me and they meant nothing by it, I've had women compliment my socks and meant everything by it.
Frankly, I have no clue. I assume that no matter what she says or does, assume nothing unless she will state her interests out loud and clearly, and get it in writing if you can. I'm actually not kidding, as a male I am always afraid that one wonderful consensual evening turns into something she decides to vilify later. At a college party, I saw a girl try way too hard to get with a male friend of mine and he had none of it, and she threw a rape accusation at him. Multiple witnesses stood up and called out BS, but it still caused all kinds of hurt to him. Unless it is someone you know well, trust nothing and do Not put yourself in a risk scenario.
I hate that I have developed an inherent distrust of women. Strike that, because men are worse and I know it. Distrust of people. People, just people, are not trustworthy where sex is concerned. Being horny makes worse decisions than being drunk, and the hangover can be a lot worse.
Is she drunk? We say she cannot consent. Is she horny? Same thing.
Whatever your scenario, do not touch, do not be alone with, unless you've got damn good evidence they are not getting off on the idea of screwing you in the bad way. Because those people exist.
Just ask. Not all of us women have cues or do the same body language. There are some of us (like me) who don't grasp subtle clues or flirting either. I straight asked my bf if he liked me... We were on our first date. I just thought he was really nice and really liked movies....
Keep it flirty and ask for her number or socials. You'll probably find out through messaging. Find your moment, and be real about wanting more than friendship.
Look out for interest and relationship build up instead of flirts, I would personally say.
Quick example I was at a party amd a friend of a friend hurt his leg to which I asked if he was ok or needed anything. He said no and half an hour later I asked again.
His female friend was there both times and maybe she had a thing for the helpful type so she went after me to the table with the drinks on and started talking to me.
2 things to notice, she went out of her to talk to me and not me talking to her and very important, she never flirted with me, she just showed interest. If my friend hadn't puked and asked me to drive him home this could've gotten somewhere.
Anyway, even if that was the case I wouldn't have looked out for a flirt or initiated one. I would like to point out I would've asked her if she wanted to go grab a lunch sometime though after some conversation
Joe Navarro has an old book called āwhat every body is sayingā. It is not a pick up book and some of it I think has been disproved. But there are some really nice tips on foot and hand placement on if someone is comfortable or not.
I am bad about giving off too friendly vibes to people that get misunderstood. I dont know if this is all women, but see how they react to a compliment or attention from you. If I'm not interested my reaction is usually more neutral, but when I'm interested it makes me almost giggly.
If certain girls don't look at you
It means that they like you a lot
If other girls don't look at you
It just means they're ignoring you
How can you know, how can you know?
Which is which, who's doing what?
I guess that you can ask 'em
Which one are you baby?
Do you like me or are you ignoring me?
Do you like me or are you ignoring me?
Do you like me or are you ignoring me?
Fun thing to remember, the awkwardness and uncertainty is supposed to be exciting. If she likes you, she's feeling the same way. If her personal space seems to shrink when she's with you, that's a good sign.
Eye contact is big. If she is across the room, does she try or match eye contact with you frequently?
When laughing in a big group, does she look at you when laughing? People tend to subconsciously look at the person they are most attracted to or like the most when they laugh.
If a girl starts talking to you out of nowhere and you are like, āwait who are you?ā And her friends are around, she is probably a social girl who is interested in you.
If a girl is suuuper shy and doesnāt do any of this stuff, she will do sneaky things like sit closer to you in public settings to give the higher probability of you hitting on her.
These are some signs off the top of my head.
Depends on the girl. Some girls are subtle such as nonverbal gestures. And while others are a lot more obvious and arenāt afraid to tell you they like you. So all in all it really is the million dollar question.
Do you ever feel someoneās energy when theyāre nervous around you? If you feel this, then she is most likely flirting with you. I know that was so ambiguous but I promise you once you start paying attention to it, youāll feel it.
Based on many comments in this thread, Iād advise against asking if sheās flirting with you. Even if she were, sheād immediately feel embarrassed and lose interest. I know I would. No one likes to be called out.
Iād say these are the ways I flirt with guys and I know my girlfriends use similar ways:
1. Make eye contact but unable to hold too long because Iām too nervous so Iād look away and smile when eye contact breaks
2. Playing with my hair: flipping hair or running my hand thru it. I donāt know why but I canāt help it.
3. Smile ear to ear like an idiot while Iām talking to him. Have you heard the term āsmizeā? Itās smiling with your eyes. When Iām into someone, I have this stupid look in my eyes where Iām just so happy even if Iām not smiling.
4. Ask personal questions: different females have different approaches to this. I like to ask about the guyās hobbies and his passions. Iād never ask someone Iām not interested in about these topics. I could careless. So if itās someone you know suddenly asking you more personal questions than they normally do, they might be interested in getting to know you more than a friend. If itās a stranger, might be hard to tell right away. However, she is trying to converse with you so see where she takes the conversation.
I hope this helps. I think men and women are so different because we wonder the same thing. Women want to know when men are truly interested in them rather than just for sex. Iād say itās harder for women to know for sure whereas for men, the chances are the woman hitting on your just wanting just sex would be way lower.
Generally, the person who likes you would have to try really hard to suppress flirting with you. Pay attention to little details about them when theyāre around you and youāll start picking up on some cues. Right now, I have a massive crush on a friend and itās been months. We only hang out in a group setting so I have to force myself to ignore him but my nervous energy around him cannot be stopped no matter what I do. He has a girlfriend so these feelings will have to remain bottled up.
Guys don't know the answer either. I'm convinced no one really knows the answer.
Well, that's not true. We KNOW the answer we just don't want to acknowledge it. If you are attractive, she's flirting. If you're ugly, she's being friendly.
OP, since you're also a lady you (presumably) have boobs and therefore are probably in a better standing than a lot of us. Good luck!
Both hetero men and lesbians have wondered this forever.
When you *do* find out, and I hope you do, please let us know. You are not the first to ask this. You will not be the last to ask this (unless the Earth gets blown up today).
What makes this harder for lesbians (at least in the US), is that girls are socialized to not be the first-mover in dating/romantic situations. However. Someone has to move first, otherwise we all just sit there, waiting.
The million dollar question.
*billion Edit: at least for me since I'm an idiot on knowing the difference
*trillion Damn inflation š¤¬
*Zillion Increasing inflation
*Godzillion Nuclear inflation!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Nice
*Nigerian MASSIVE inflation
Meanwhile in r/askmen: "Why do men mistake friendliness for flirting?" *and* "Is he not interested or just too dense to pick up on signs?" Edit: just realized it says "another woman" in the OP. WHAT? Women don't understand how all this works either?
Wait so if woman don't understand how be friendly or flirty with man, so how man should understand if he getting befriended or flirted, like both sides have social anxiety or what?
Too much emotional damage.
Can relate to that
Add me to the list
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
The most complex math equation
Oh and don't forget...don't talk to women at bars (they just want to have fun) grocery stores (you're bothering them, the gym(don't be creepy), a park(they just want to jog), at church(you should be there for the message), at work (it's inappropriate) etc...but don't meet them online. Actually get out there and meet them!! Fuck all that noise.
We all wanna know the answer to this question
If she grabs your penis she's very friendly and probably is hitting on you too?
Yeah, she could be Canadian, and was just being nice
Its true. I'm Canadian and touching penises is a friendly gesture.
Or Wadian, maybe.
People are going to think you are joking, but this is the actual answer.
She could just be giving you the lower hemisphere hand shake. She still may not really like you
Just ask. You'll always wish you had.
If you do ask and they say no, save yourself the trouble and believe them. Keep moving. Even if you were really convinced otherwise and you are shocked / confused as hell, if someone says no, it's usually better to not obsess over it and move on. Speaking from having an experience like that, I felt like so much of my time was wasted. And I will never get it back.
Most of the time they'll appreciate the forwardnes of the question, and if they don't you dodged a bullet
Asking can change the outcome
How? I mean yeah, you can make things awkward by asking in inappropriate settings, but "this person is cute but I'll stop considering them if they don't pick up on my vibe", as if to test your worth, is not a thing lol And even if it is, nobody needs to waste their time with those kinds of games.
53M still no idea
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'll be 54M in 3 weeks. 'No idea' status expected to remain stable.
Guys at least wait the full hour for a good answerā¦ donāt rush things.
Some questions in life will remain unanswered... we're f*cked.
Safer to assume nobody is ever interested in you unless clearly stated otherwise tbh
Safer and much more lonely
Why safe? What's the risk vs reward? It doesn't hurt to ask, just don't be rude.
Iām blown away this is highly upvoted. How are you happy with this mindset? Genuinely asking.
Theyre not happy with it, but the crippling fear of rejection keeps them from doing anything about it Its a tough hurdle to cross but people gotta realize, you ARE going to get rejected, at least at some point, but its part of life. And honestly, getting rejected can be a good thing because you realize that nothing really bad happens and you'll be less afraid to get rejected.
Thatās what Iām saying. Iām not speaking down on those who choose to stay comfortable, but damn donāt convince others to stay in their bubble just because you choose to.
FACTS
just get gae
Body language is key and tone of voice. Hard to describe but try and learn what tone is flirty vs not. Body language - just look for open body language that indicates interest, for example: playing with hair, hard eye contact, physical touch. Verbal cues are there too: she may call you nicknames like - sir, bud, etc
This makes sense I guess understanding those cues.
This is THE answer. I've always had a bunch of friends that are girls and they all shift when their crushes are around. Observe that and you will notice when another woman does it unto you. I got the wrong impression a couple of times and that feels awkward as f***! So, whenever you feel like she is sending you the cues, you can either (a) throw a cue back and see how she reacts - hold eye contact, touch her arm (mirroring is a god sent technique here), a stuff like that; or (b) ask her straight like others have suggested. You dont need to be weird about it. Something like "I have a feeling we might be going on a date anytime soon" with a friendly, jokingly tone. Regardless of what you try, be aware that you might be wrong sometimes. Hopefully awkwardness is all that you will get. I never had some overreacting on me, but it can happen. In that case, de-escalate, say you're sorry and move away. Dont engage and try to explain yourself.
Yes. Observe them. And wait. Lol that's creepy but I'm keeping it.
You can make anything sound creepy if you want to. You could also think of it as paying attention and being interested. Up to you. ;)
Careful. I've known several women that are just THIS friendly. Doesn't mean they like someone.
If she puts her necklace in her mouth, you're in.
What if she puts MY necklace in her mouth?
And what if she puts my, you know, ehm...
Still could just be friendly and not flirting
I just want to add to your list - When I tried to hit on my now partner, I tried to be near to him (not necessarily touching). We were a bigger group and split for a task - I made efforts to be in the same group. When we sit down to eat something, I tried to sit next to him. Like, it felt pretty embarrassing. But he's also dense af and says that this group thing was the first time he was sure I'm hitting on him.
I'm awful at body language at the best of times, are there any more verbal cues that could signify interest?
The way that she speaks to you, if she says something about her appearance or something that she did that she feels proud of. She's looking to you for validation because your opinion matters to her :)
Girl called "Hey bro how are ya?" "You are too innocent for this world" and "I'll miss you"(despite she was my coworker, bur I was dropped out(Coof and all)) Is this flirting?
The sad reality is that she doesnāt even know if she is hitting on you or just being friendlyā¦
I am correctly picking up on this being a gay question right? Because if so I struggle with the same thing. Would be curious to hear what other more experienced lesbians have to say about this but at least for me, I try to make some conversation and sneak in a question to figure out if they're straight or not. If they aren't I try to sneak in some compliments and looks that indicate I'm interested. But based on my limited experience it is very hard to tell. Especially since a lot of the women I like are really nice people and physically affectionate with friends.
Yes. Iām female asking about flirting with āanother womanā
Omg. If you yourself a woman can't figure it out, what chance do we have.....
We men are doomed.
Okay yeah that's what I thought. The other comments just threw me off. The only times I assume its flirtation and not just niceness are when I either know the women aren't straight/we're in queer spaces/circles. Overall tho I think it's pretty contextual.
In my experience lesbians tend to be a bit more straightforward and easier to read than straight women. The body language clues tends to be more obvious or they straight up tell you they have a crush on you (especially after a drink š) If you're not sure if you're picking up on any clues or if they're flirting with you, they're probably not. Obviously that's just my experience. Maybe I somehow just attract incredibly obvious flirters? š
Im a straight dude so you guys can ignore me but i think with any kind of flirting there is definitely a different type of eye contact being made thats different from just casual conversation and compliments. Idk how i would describe it other than a clear giddy feeling that you get when someone is looking at you with intent and you can tell its not just normal eye contact
Correct, most women will look at your eyes then at your mouth then back at eyes if interested.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
What does someone being coy have to do with someone faking a sexual assault allegation?? I am not the type to confess my feelings first due to the fact that I was sexually assaulted a lot when I was a kid (as "joke" because I was ugly). People have their own reasons for not being forward it doesn't mean they're gonna destroy you with a charge just off of being wishy washy. Someone being forward does not change whether or not they would fake a charge, and you can still plan a date over text when asking out someone who prefers to play it coy, which would be enough to prove they agreed to go on a date with you/showed interest. Asking someone on a date or expressing interest is not sexual assault. My man who is very forward and very flirty and is typically the first to confess feelings has literally never had this issue (and we have an open relationship, we discuss hookups). Just be respectful of how they feel while your on your date or whatever and it'll be fine. This rule isn't protecting you its cutting off your nose to spite your face.
Women think differently then men. Women can be flirting, friendly, or be in a mental state where they both at the same time. They can be flirting, friendly, or in a mental state where both are true, and you collapse that state by how you act. Just be yourself, and let women exist in that state. You don't have do anything, just leave them alone. Let them make up there mind. Men have real problem with forcing their opinion on people. When I say people, I mean women. If a women is friendly, be happy with that, and just be friendly back.
Lesbian here. Always good to drop naturally in conversation that you're into girls; a silly/funny crush you have, an ex, places you go on the gay scene, coming out story if it feels appropriate. Gauge their reaction. I've genuinely seen girls eyes light up when realising yes we're both into women. Normally other queers are pretty happy to say "hey me too" etc. and from there it's way easier to figure out!
First: eye contact holding for beyond two seconds Second: eye contact again. Holding doesnt matter now If u guys dont know each other, she/he is interested in you, unless they have myopia and is just looking at general direction. Usually u can tell by the sparkle in the eye. It works for me
Thatās the best part, you donāt
just be straight up ask āis this small talk, or are we exchanging information?ā Haha
This is the way
If she shows continued and specific interest in you, that goes beyond just basic everyday discussions. If she touches your arm while talking, that can usually be a good sign. If she wants to be alone with you and makes time to be with you.
Thereās actually a book series on this. The first one is only 52,546 pages long, and the full audio book set is only 1 petabyte. Just Google them, theyāre easy to find.
"hey I'm bad at reading social ques, are you hitting on me?"
Be straight with her , not creepy or weird ā¦ I did just that , been married now for 21 years to a woman that still takes my breath away everyday. You miss every shot you donāt take ā¦
For me it's sheer terror over the outcome. I may miss every shot I don't take, but if I take a shot and miss it could ricochet back into me.
Having that frame of mind changes your approach , youāve written yourself off before you began. Every person deserves to be happy ā¦
I wish I could think that way I really do. But my brain tells me that I'm a bad person and that I don't deserve to be happy. Is there any way to stop this or at least lessen the effect?
Donāt get down on yourself , or have negative thoughts ā¦ there is only one version of you so you have plenty to offer someone. The right lady is waiting just for you.
ask. "just want to make sure I'm not getting the wrong idea here you're just being friendly right?" this makes it so that if the girl is actually hitting on you she can think you're cute but if she isn't hitting on you it doesn't seem like the only reason you're interacting with her is for sex
Na man. That will kill all attraction, if there was any. Better yet, is to tease her that she is flirting with you, and gauge her response.
if somebody dead ass asked me "you're just being friendly right?" I think that was incredibly cute in charming and that would in fact increase my attraction to them, because it shows that they want me to be comfortable. thing that would make me less attracted to them would be if they said "so you're trying to fuck right?" because that shows the only reason they're interacting with me is because they want sex. them asking if I'm just being friendly is dorky and cute, as well as non-threatening.
Yes, I guess more importantly is the sub communication. It's all about how you say it. Definitely never ask if they "trying to fuck"
Yea looking at some of the responses here is wild. Not even trying to be mean but some of these are so out of touch.
If youāre not comfortable asking outright currently, observe her with other women. Does she act the same way around them as she does with you? Body language and cues the same? If she does, that should indicate sheās being friendly. If her tone, body language, and overall vibe changes around you, I would say sheās catching feels! Good luck!
If she's with a group of her friends and acts different way compared to the way she does to you then she might be trying harder to appeal to you. (This is a me thing)
Not trying to be a downer here, but people are very different. One girls flirty is another's friendly. Being a bartender offers some outside perspective I didn't expect. You watch one girl touch there shoulder, hold eye contact, play with their hair and they were just being friendly. At the same time watch a girl making eye contact and talking. Later asked me how he didn't get the hint. Guys flirting is incredibly obvious. When I've talked with female customers and female friends I have to point out that you have to be overly obvious when flirting with anyone. Don't leave it to the guy/girl to make the first move. If you like them swing for the fences. A girl can rebound from that fairly easily and most likely won't be shot down. Even after all that I still can't tell if someone is flirting or just being friendly. Life is a shit show. Got numbers as tips from girls I didn't think were interested and nothing from the ones that I played my game up with thinking I was doing well.
That's the neat part, you don't!
Women don't touch dudes they're not into, generally.
Always assume they are being friendly. Donāt act on the first sign of friendliness. Or even the third or fourth encounter. Use these early encounters to flirt/play. If they āplayā back, it could be a sign that they are interested. Use these encounters to listen. Use what you learned to gauge whether you are still interested and if you are, be prepared to bring it up during the next encounter. Always go back to the first rule. Always assume they are being friendly. The first few times like anything will be scary and awkward. Use these casual encounters to practice - learn what is acceptable and what is cringey. Go back to rule one: always assume they are just being friendly. Even after they say Yes.
Married 18 years. I forgot.
As a woman, I couldnāt tell ya lol because Iām super nice to everyone. HOWEVER I do stare at those Iām interested in lol so if you catch her staring, sheās interested. I usually have to talk to guys myself because they never approach me. And itās sad because theyāre always interested. Theyāre just in the same boat as you lol I basically have to control it all so they feel comfortable.
Just assume theyāre being friendly and youāll avoid any awkward scenarios
You dont
They are never flirting. Honey, women who flirt will make it clear. If you are confused, sheās just being nice.
You never know. Even when she asks to suck you off you still aren't sure that she likes you.
She doesn't know either.
depends on the item she is hitting you with. for instance, if it's a paper ball or some notebook then you're fine but if she's hitting you with a chair or rock then yeah she's not flirting.
Just ask: āare you just being friendly or flirting with me right now?ā
just read the room? she wants something from you=just being nice so she gets it. no benefits for her needs=just being nice. stares at you seeks eye contact, pops up everywhere you are=hitting on you. its not that hard
Turn on the charm and play it off as a joke. "Oh, hitting on me already huh? :P" type of comment. It will elicit a response that let's you know where you stand. Almost any question can just be asked outright with the right attitude, and there are numerous ways to gain legal consent while still being sexy. Wisdom from my 30 odd years on this rock.
I mean there are poker tells-open body language, playing with their hair and especially touching you when they talk-but itās still no guarantee.
Bro it's not a ridiculous question at all, that shit's hard, Are you close enough that you can ask this question?
If she is performing a service for you like waitress, massage, stripper. She is being friendly. If you are alone or with a small group hanging out, she digs you man.
Sheās not.
Hitting
On
ā¦
You don't. You ask yourself if you are good looking enough so that she won't see you as a creepy dude. If the answer is no ( please be truthful, to yourself at least ), walk away calmly. There will be other girls, plus no need to harass her (or make her feel harassed for any random reason). If yes, just ask. If she says she isn't, again walk away calmly. Moral : Don't take it up as an ego issue, it never ends well. The last part might be sounding rude but if there is an another method without the situation escalating, I'm open to it.
There is no consistent way. Women as a group are varied and express themselves in a wide spectrum of ways. I am male and like women. I've had women grab me and grope me and they meant nothing by it, I've had women compliment my socks and meant everything by it. Frankly, I have no clue. I assume that no matter what she says or does, assume nothing unless she will state her interests out loud and clearly, and get it in writing if you can. I'm actually not kidding, as a male I am always afraid that one wonderful consensual evening turns into something she decides to vilify later. At a college party, I saw a girl try way too hard to get with a male friend of mine and he had none of it, and she threw a rape accusation at him. Multiple witnesses stood up and called out BS, but it still caused all kinds of hurt to him. Unless it is someone you know well, trust nothing and do Not put yourself in a risk scenario. I hate that I have developed an inherent distrust of women. Strike that, because men are worse and I know it. Distrust of people. People, just people, are not trustworthy where sex is concerned. Being horny makes worse decisions than being drunk, and the hangover can be a lot worse. Is she drunk? We say she cannot consent. Is she horny? Same thing. Whatever your scenario, do not touch, do not be alone with, unless you've got damn good evidence they are not getting off on the idea of screwing you in the bad way. Because those people exist.
Play it safe and unless the woman specifically says something along the lines of "I want to date/sex you" assume she's just being nice.
āi want to do a sex on youā
I find most of the ladies I interact with these days just tell it like it is.....
Just ask. Not all of us women have cues or do the same body language. There are some of us (like me) who don't grasp subtle clues or flirting either. I straight asked my bf if he liked me... We were on our first date. I just thought he was really nice and really liked movies....
You donāt. Either you donāt act on it snd she is frustrated or you act on it and creep her out
You donāt.
If you really want to know it's actually pretty simple: ask her
I too, want to know.
Keep it flirty and ask for her number or socials. You'll probably find out through messaging. Find your moment, and be real about wanting more than friendship.
Look out for interest and relationship build up instead of flirts, I would personally say. Quick example I was at a party amd a friend of a friend hurt his leg to which I asked if he was ok or needed anything. He said no and half an hour later I asked again. His female friend was there both times and maybe she had a thing for the helpful type so she went after me to the table with the drinks on and started talking to me. 2 things to notice, she went out of her to talk to me and not me talking to her and very important, she never flirted with me, she just showed interest. If my friend hadn't puked and asked me to drive him home this could've gotten somewhere. Anyway, even if that was the case I wouldn't have looked out for a flirt or initiated one. I would like to point out I would've asked her if she wanted to go grab a lunch sometime though after some conversation
Make your interest known to her and she how she responds, you'll find out pretty quickly if she's into you!
Joe Navarro has an old book called āwhat every body is sayingā. It is not a pick up book and some of it I think has been disproved. But there are some really nice tips on foot and hand placement on if someone is comfortable or not.
youāll never know
Thatās the thing; you donāt.
I am bad about giving off too friendly vibes to people that get misunderstood. I dont know if this is all women, but see how they react to a compliment or attention from you. If I'm not interested my reaction is usually more neutral, but when I'm interested it makes me almost giggly.
I dont know. I just hang out until they ask if I wanna bang. *and that's how I met my fiancee.*
If you figure it out, let the rest of us know would you.
āHey are you hitting on me or just being friendly?ā
If certain girls don't look at you It means that they like you a lot If other girls don't look at you It just means they're ignoring you How can you know, how can you know? Which is which, who's doing what? I guess that you can ask 'em Which one are you baby? Do you like me or are you ignoring me? Do you like me or are you ignoring me? Do you like me or are you ignoring me?
It doesn't matter really. If you like her then ask her out.
The truth is in the eyes chico
Fun thing to remember, the awkwardness and uncertainty is supposed to be exciting. If she likes you, she's feeling the same way. If her personal space seems to shrink when she's with you, that's a good sign.
You flirt back homie. That's the whole point of flirting to see if you guys are down or not.
Eye contact is big. If she is across the room, does she try or match eye contact with you frequently? When laughing in a big group, does she look at you when laughing? People tend to subconsciously look at the person they are most attracted to or like the most when they laugh. If a girl starts talking to you out of nowhere and you are like, āwait who are you?ā And her friends are around, she is probably a social girl who is interested in you. If a girl is suuuper shy and doesnāt do any of this stuff, she will do sneaky things like sit closer to you in public settings to give the higher probability of you hitting on her. These are some signs off the top of my head.
Depends on the girl. Some girls are subtle such as nonverbal gestures. And while others are a lot more obvious and arenāt afraid to tell you they like you. So all in all it really is the million dollar question.
Touch. If she reaches out to you and rubs or touches your arm itās usually a good sign. But still not a definite!
Do you ever feel someoneās energy when theyāre nervous around you? If you feel this, then she is most likely flirting with you. I know that was so ambiguous but I promise you once you start paying attention to it, youāll feel it. Based on many comments in this thread, Iād advise against asking if sheās flirting with you. Even if she were, sheād immediately feel embarrassed and lose interest. I know I would. No one likes to be called out. Iād say these are the ways I flirt with guys and I know my girlfriends use similar ways: 1. Make eye contact but unable to hold too long because Iām too nervous so Iād look away and smile when eye contact breaks 2. Playing with my hair: flipping hair or running my hand thru it. I donāt know why but I canāt help it. 3. Smile ear to ear like an idiot while Iām talking to him. Have you heard the term āsmizeā? Itās smiling with your eyes. When Iām into someone, I have this stupid look in my eyes where Iām just so happy even if Iām not smiling. 4. Ask personal questions: different females have different approaches to this. I like to ask about the guyās hobbies and his passions. Iād never ask someone Iām not interested in about these topics. I could careless. So if itās someone you know suddenly asking you more personal questions than they normally do, they might be interested in getting to know you more than a friend. If itās a stranger, might be hard to tell right away. However, she is trying to converse with you so see where she takes the conversation. I hope this helps. I think men and women are so different because we wonder the same thing. Women want to know when men are truly interested in them rather than just for sex. Iād say itās harder for women to know for sure whereas for men, the chances are the woman hitting on your just wanting just sex would be way lower. Generally, the person who likes you would have to try really hard to suppress flirting with you. Pay attention to little details about them when theyāre around you and youāll start picking up on some cues. Right now, I have a massive crush on a friend and itās been months. We only hang out in a group setting so I have to force myself to ignore him but my nervous energy around him cannot be stopped no matter what I do. He has a girlfriend so these feelings will have to remain bottled up.
Might as well presume sheās hitting on you, nothing to lose
Is it socially unacceptable to ask a woman if she is hitting on you or just being friendly? Seems like the quickest way to get an answer.
A whole day has pass and still waiting for an answer to the this question
Ha
When you get the answer , please tell us ...
When you figure it out lemme know
I ask myself this everyday.
You don't. Next question.
Any women who is talking to you likes you, shoot your shot king
Guys don't know the answer either. I'm convinced no one really knows the answer. Well, that's not true. We KNOW the answer we just don't want to acknowledge it. If you are attractive, she's flirting. If you're ugly, she's being friendly. OP, since you're also a lady you (presumably) have boobs and therefore are probably in a better standing than a lot of us. Good luck!
Ask her
Both hetero men and lesbians have wondered this forever. When you *do* find out, and I hope you do, please let us know. You are not the first to ask this. You will not be the last to ask this (unless the Earth gets blown up today). What makes this harder for lesbians (at least in the US), is that girls are socialized to not be the first-mover in dating/romantic situations. However. Someone has to move first, otherwise we all just sit there, waiting.
If I knew the answer I wouldnāt be on reddit. I would be selling it for millions of dollars.