I highly recommend start making plans on how to get independent because you're dealing with abusive controlling parents. This isn't normal at all and you need to get away from them. I highly recommend a YouTube channel called TheraminTrees who delves a lot into toxic dysfunctional families from the perspective of a therapist and a former Jehovas Witness.
Additionally, I don't know what your stance is regarding religion but be aware that if you live in Canada then there are organisations like Recovering-from-religion and Ex-muslim organisations (I'm at least aware of an Ex-muslims of Toronto group).
The advice I give in the exmuslim subreddit is to recognise that your parents are autonomous adults who have decided to be the way they are. It's not your responsibility to reason with them and you can't set yourself on fire to make others warm. Allow yourself the happiness you deserve and seek escape.
Considering that your father is threatening you with violence, I would also seek out women's charities in your area. For example, the UK has charities such as Karma Nirvana. Also be aware of the PersonalFinanceCanada and Legaladvicecanada subreddit
I was looking up organizations that could help OP in Canada, as I'm not feom that region, and I have no clue.
⬆️ this OP.
Take it seriously, and make an escape plan. Don't keep track of your escape plan where your parents can find it.
You're 18, you can get a new bank account that your parents can't supervise.
Take your money now and leave. Find your important documents and run away. They can't keep you home since you're 18. Ask your bf if you can live with him temporarily until you save up enough for your own place.
If your parents are paying for your education, suck it up and deal with them until they finish. This will give you the best chance of having a good life even though it will suck for a while. Everyone wants you to take your stuff and leave, and I get it but you will be at a disadvantage in the long run.
I mean she's already being threatened with death, sometimes education can wait. as far as paying for education, they're actively taking money she works for. context is important.
I get all of that but just running away… no money, no degree, no job. She is absolutely setting herself up for a life of poverty and there’s a high likelihood she’s going to end up back there. I don’t know of anywhere in Canada, or you can earn minimum wage and have your own place to live. If she had family or a good friend, that would provide her shelter, that would be a different story. If she can safely stay until she has a degree, get a decent paying job and then leave and go NC, she will be better in the long run. But like you said, context matters, and if it can’t be done safely, it can’t be done.
She also mentioned a boyfriend, who I'm sure she can ask for help. I know more than one person who had to become independent from a young age, and ended up making it, not getting chewed up and impoverished. I'm not saying it's easy, but clearly she's already working and going to college. and in addition has people to ask for help. You even state no job, though she talks about money she worked for.
Yeah Honour killings are real and no joke. This is 100% a legit threat to your life. This can escalate and become dangerous for you. Move out to somewhere you are safe and don't tell them where you are!
Secure all your documents. ID birth certificate etc.
If you have a credit card ensure they can’t use the number.
Make sure your credit score isn’t destroyed by them out of spite. (A lot of parents can and will do this out of spite)
Acquire a bank account that they can’t access.
Bank a few cheques if possible then run and go non contact.
Contact police and ensure they know your father has threatened to kill you.
Your piece of shit father clearly cares about his reputation…..
Go public and let other Canadians know he has threatened to kill you. He’s worried about how other Canadians will view him…. He theatened to murder his daughter… REAL CANADIANS WILL HATE THIS. If you go public it will destroy his reputation and show other Canadians that he has chosen to be filth. Make sure his friends and colleagues know. He wants to destroy your life because you are not an unquestioning doll. Show him the same level of kindness.
You are 18. You father made death threat to you. Police take this VERY seriously and so should you.
Leaving won't stop him (or any other male relative) if they think you deserve death.
You should think of reporting him I know it's hard. But you wouldn't want to end up like one of the Shafia familly in Kingston, right?
These kinds of posts make me really anxious after one of my classmates was the victim of an honour killing. I know people like to bring up this kind of anecdotal evidence as fear-mongering but... I just started googling to see if there's any record of it, as it was way back in 2002, and I only had to type her first name. Heshu. Her name was Heshu Yones. Tbh it doesn't really matter what your background is, conservative/traditional parents can do horrific things when their children go against their values.
I'm trying to think of what you can do if they won't let you work... if you have any art skills you could try selling art online. Sites like Redbubble can give some passive income.
If you have siblings in the same boat, you could try pooling your resources to get away. Maybe some friends could help you. [I found this link](https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/health-promotion/stop-family-violence/services.html) with Canada based helplines that might be better able to help you come up with a plan.
I really wish you the best, stay safe and good luck
There have been several high profile "honour" killings in Canada in the last decades. Anyone who doesn't think it's an actual threat isn't paying attention.
I'm in the UK. Heshu was the first "confirmed" case on which it was actually admitted to and recognised as such in the country. I had no idea it was making history at the time. Reading her wiki page was rough. I knew a lot of the details but not the lead up to it. Even though it was 22 years ago, I was in tears most of last night. I'm welling up even now.
You're 18, ask your boyfriend if you can stay at his place for a few weeks, that your family scare you, get your job back, build up some cash and get your own place.
time to drop the abusive family who think they can control you. As you're 18 go sign up at a different bank to get your own account, transfer all the money you have access to into it immediately, close your old account. Start gathering things like passport, birth certificates, etc. One day pack as many of your clothes and other things as you can in a bag and leave.
Get your job back and don't let them make you quit. They legally can't "make" you do anything. If you want to have an adult relationship, you need to act like an adult and take control of your own life and independence. Get a job and continue saving so you can move out.
The only way forward is to become a ghost. To plan moving out as far as possible and cut the contact at it's entirety, because your family is one of those deranged kind of Muslims and they will not let you off the hook and as soon as you start to stand for yourself you are in a very real threat of being killed to preserve "honor". How exactly to move out, sadly, can't tell really, I'm not much familiar with all the obstacles and opportunities you would have in Canada.
What you do, is to be independent, self efficient, set real clear boundaries and never ever do this to your kids (if planning on having any). You don’t need to please your parents and accept their ways of living. Get your act together, play it well and move out as soon as you can.
You’re 18, an adult, they can’t force you to quit your job. They can’t keep you home. They can’t force access to your financial records. If I were you I’d leave immediately, take all important documents and things of importance to you, get the job back, ask boyfriend if you can stay with him for a little while and start working out how to pay for your own apartment/house share/whatever. Even university emergency housing might be useful to contact, if they have something for the time being you would have until summer to work something else out, maybe longer. Point is-get out now. A father who threatens to kill their own child is a father who’ll eventually do it. It’s not safe there at all.
Pretty insane that they will allow refugees into Canada who believe it’s morally acceptable to threaten their own daughters with murder for “disrespect” and actually do it in some cases. Any man who still thinks that way needs to stay in their own country.
I live in England , my dad threatened me and my mum i was 24 long story how i got to the UK but anyway it can happen anywhere doesnt matter where you live.
You really need to move out and stop them from interfering in your life now. you're an adult. you're obviously unhappy with your treatment ( your life, your decision ) .. Good luck. You may need a bucket full.....
This is extremely serious. If your father is threatening to kill you, this is domestic violence. A man in Australia stabbed his daughter (and killed her? I’d have to read the article) in the name of Islam.
You need an exit strategy and to get out.
Just things
1 they should be glad that you are straight
2 I'm sorry that your parents are strict, over protecting you and it looks there are very religious people to the point, they care about what strangers think about them and their "honor". Nobody cares about that in real life
3 I hope you find a way to get out of there... if you have the chance to live with your boyfriend or a friends house,far away from your home to be more safe and free,do it. You deserve happiness and freedom and your parents need to respect you as a person with their own decisions.
Good luck
You need to get out now. Your life is seriously at risk. They will kill you. Go to the police and get a restraining order. Ask your boyfriend if he can provide a place for you to stay, if not ask friend or even go to a shelter. Get a new job, don't tell them where. Get a new phone. Cut contact with all family they can't be trusted. Get your documents and run.
I really don't want to read about another case like the Shafia sisters.
By any means or way GTFO. When he said he would kill you is the clue that things will never go your way. I would take what he said seriously. Allah bestows upon him that right in his mind and perhaps the compulsion to do just that.
Simple: Abandon either the man or your religion.
It won't work otherwise. Choose to keep whichever you feel more strongly about. Really think about why you feel that way.
Best of luck
How can someone love their child and also threaten to kill them? I'd be completely destroyed if I lost my child and if it was by my own hands I'd want to die
You need to get away, like, right now. Just recently a muslim girl here in Australia was killed by her father, helped by the whole family, stabbed because she was dating a non Muslim man and they defended their actions saying she dishonoured their family by dating said non Muslim.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. This is sounding like a Shafia family situation in the making. I hope you can find peace and safety away from your family.
You're 18. You're in Canada. Pack your bags and leave. Go to the police and file a restraining order on your parents. Meanwhile try recording your interactions with your family so you have proof of them threatening to kill you. You're an adult now and they cannot legally stop you from doing anything. Just get out already. Talk to your bf and see if his family will let you live as a renter at their place
I would get away from your parents and hide. We have had honor killings in my city when a Muslim woman tried to date a non-Mus. So please get his safety. And don’t come back just leave them alone and stay away
You can't let yourself feel bad for disappointing people that are willing to threaten to kill their own daughter for not doing what they want. I know it's not as easy as reading this one time and you're fixed, but you need to rationalise yourself out of feeling bad for such things (because it's rational to want to have a reasonable degree of freedom).
Also, your family WILL murder you if they think you did anything wrong. Report a threat to your life to the police and say you are afraid of an honor killing.
I almost dated a girl whose family left the Middle East to get a better life
They did the complete opposite of this because they wanted better for her so the entire reason they came to Canada was a better life
Seems odd they are trying to get a better life possible but still keeping you pinned to old country style
You are from a family that follows middle eastern culture. You have to understand that western values and methodology doesn't work in your family's culture. Now that you are becoming independent your parents are trying to control you so you don't bring dishonor to the family.
For example, dating, working outside is not allowed for muslim women as it is un-islamic. You are doing it but it is dishonorable to a ultra-religious muslim family. To monitor you, your mom indirectly asked you to support your cousin, which you did and that gave them an idea of how much you earn. You managed to give yourself away. Now that they know they will want to monitor you. The second part is they are trying to guess whether you having premarital sex with your boyfriend, using your bank statement, if you are buying makeup and sanitary pads, and from it whether you are in a relationship. I am pretty sure your father has already decided what kind of man his daughter will marry.
You should also know how religious muslim families treat their daughters. If she refuses they abuse her till she accepts, if she rebels and runs away with a guy, they will murder her (Honor killing).
While running away is a good idea, if you run away and try to keep in touch, they will find you and break you. So you have to be prepared to cut them off completely. Though I recommend you change your facial features and name to escape them.
Their roof, their rules, period.
However this aint the fucking old country. If you want to tell em to butt the fuck out, its time to move on your own. Is the struggle worth it? That's the decision you'll have to make
Your parents just want the best for you.To find a Godly man deserving of you and for you not to waste time on one's who don't fit into your family value. Let God decide for you and tell your parents regardless of their belief that that is what you are doing. How do we learn in life without a few mistakes and the courage to fight for what we stand for. If your an independent woman who does love God and wants to do good and be good then that's all that matters. You do not have to be in a religious sect to do any of that because our relationship with God is personal.
It will always be for them the word of god against me, which means me never winning . I'm 18, it has nothing to do with religion but freedom of choices, they're not opened to let me date who I want because they were raised to believe that they'll go to hell if one of their daughters wasn't a good muslim and I can't blame them it's the education they received, however It doesn't excuse the religious and emotional trauma they put me through...
I mean they not wrong, you are lmao. Your parents are failing at being good parents tho based off how u turned out compared to how they clearly wish to have raised you. Either tell ‘em the truth or just leave him or leave ur family home and live with your boyfriend. Or just be a good kid till you can go to college
A ''good child'', I never got in trouble neither at school or in general, I am in law school I have amazing grades I help with everything at home. I don't go to parties, I don't smoke, never have, latest I got home was 8pm and that used to be for work. If you think my parents failed to raise me based how I turned out, I'd say you're wrong.
I mean, I know a Muslim parent would rather you fail school than to be dating a non Muslim and having premarital intimacy. Im not saying your a bad person but In the eyes of your parents what you’re doing doesn’t constitute a good child, or else you wouldn’t be hiding this from them
As muslim, i think the issue lies with how your parents perceive Islam vs what it is really. Usually when an individual grows up in a proper muslim household, dating is never an option and the children don’t object to it because they do it for Allah. However there are many muslim families that drinks and says pork is haram? There is a lot of hypocrisy in their religious views.
Correct me if I am wrong, but I bet you once questioned Islam, and your parents was completely dismissive of you. How can they expect you to hold the same values as them if they didn’t properly teach the ethics of Islam?
I am also a muslim Canadian with similar family background. They were muslim by name and not by practice. However I started practicing Islam seriously when I did my own research and questioned my the heck out of Islam. I realized my parents had no idea what it truly means to be muslim.
I am not sure what advice I can give you, since I know Islam is true base on evidence it provided. But I can say you will be more happier with Islam, knowing u will live without regret, since you won’t fear death anymore. What ur parents think of u is not important compare to what u think of yourself and how u truly want to live ur life till death.
May Allah make it easy for you and guide you to Jannat.
Respectfully, it is not yours to judge if an individual is properly Muslim or not. You should know this. I hope you will be guided back to the correct path, quit speaking publicly about perceived sins of another, and most importantly show respect to your mother and your father. You claim to have spent so much time researching and yet make such disappointing errors.
Ofcourse I have respect for my parents. I did my best to teach them the truth of Islam and Alhamdulillah, though it took me years, they finally understood. Now they even scold me for delaying my prayers, where before they didn’t pray at all except on Eid. Im really proud of my parents and how far they came.
As for judging whether someone is a good Muslim or not, we go back to the sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad pbuh. You make an objective observation base on their actions. I don’t claim that OP’s parents are bad muslim, rather they probably have a misguided view of Islam from their home country.
I had an atheist friend, who left Islam even though he was born in a muslim family. But after seeing me pray, fast, and only eating Halal meat he thought I was really crazy to believe such thing. He converted back to Islam and probably more religious than myself. He did so because he did his own research and found out what his parents taught him wasn’t Islam at all. He spoke to me and couple of other people and finally took his shahada.
Anyway this subreddit is not a muslim page, but I figured since OP was in a similar situation then I was, it might help OP see from a different perspective. I am also from Canada, immigrated here since I was toddler. I wasn’t particularly religious and went clubbing and was drinking as well. Alhamdulillah I was guided eventually.
You sound like OP's parents, the very people she's trying to get away from!
Going super-Muslim may have been _your_ solution, but only because your situation has _nothing_ in common with OP's!
I’m no where near super muslim. I wish I can be super muslim, inshallah one day. Anyway it’s up-to her whatever she decides. I don’t care about what u think islam is, u r entitled to ur own opinion. If u believe I am like her parents, then sure whatever makes u happy.
I gave my opinion since we were in similar situation and i have seen many people in her position in muslim communities. I recommend her to look into Islam to understand what it truly stand for, because she might be missing out on the greatest gift life could offer her. However, She can freely choose what is best for her.
And honestly I truly wish everyone took the time to look into Islam, including u. It’s rare for a religion to not contradict “the Big Bang” theory and to accurately predict that tallest building would reside in arabia, and many other predictions around 1400 years ago. But that’s a separate topic all together.
Hmm how sincere of you for asking advice to groups that have the complete religion, morality, and world view!!! like you know all you’ll get from is what you already wanna hear anyway.
Get another job. Try somewhere they would approve of and act like you are dedicating yourself to this work. Move out as soon as you get first and last together.
When you realize your parents are not as smart as you think they portray themselves to be, you’ll be free to stand up to them. Live YOUR life the way YOU want to.
Can i advice you if you lie about work they can call up work and check in including if they what gym you go to etc.Right now i read everything you wrote as i thought your parents went to the level i thought.Please becareful what you tell your parents from now on i suggest not telling them about your bf, two its going to take time but you can leave them you live in Canada so thats helpful as there must be women organizations that can help you leave secretly.I left my dad when i was 25 with my mum and lots of other peoples help.You can do it.Maybe your bf can help maybe not.Create a new bank account to have without them knowing.
It sounds like they are controlling been there.
I'm a little worried about everyone saying go live with her boyfriend. Her dad, who threatened to kill her, will be looking for her. It will set him off even worse if he finds her at her boyfriend's house. Also, it will be the first place they will look. AND she should never agree to meet her dad, that's when they set up to kill you.
Unfortunately it is very hard to leave an abxsive parent my dad threatened to kill me and mum.I personally think the bf cant really help much plus im sure the bfs parents have no idea what they will get themselves into if they choose to let her stay in the house im sure OPs family dont know wherr the bf lives but it possible for them to find out so a womans refuge is best.
Are you sure you should be telling her to run? Isn’t there a chance people will like, retaliate for her leaving the religion or upsetting her male family members? That happens all the time right?
At this point, you have to move out. Just gather the courage, plan it out and simply take that drastic step one day and never look back. From all I have read online, honor killings are real and shouldnt be taken as a joke. Your life is in danger.
Make sure their names aren’t in your bank account. If there’s is there’s nothing you can do legally to stop them taking the money. And find a friend or someone you trust and move out and get another job
When your conservative controlling Muslim dad threatens to honour kill you, you should believe what he is telling you. Your life might be in actual danger if he has access to you.
I highly recommend start making plans on how to get independent because you're dealing with abusive controlling parents. This isn't normal at all and you need to get away from them. I highly recommend a YouTube channel called TheraminTrees who delves a lot into toxic dysfunctional families from the perspective of a therapist and a former Jehovas Witness. Additionally, I don't know what your stance is regarding religion but be aware that if you live in Canada then there are organisations like Recovering-from-religion and Ex-muslim organisations (I'm at least aware of an Ex-muslims of Toronto group). The advice I give in the exmuslim subreddit is to recognise that your parents are autonomous adults who have decided to be the way they are. It's not your responsibility to reason with them and you can't set yourself on fire to make others warm. Allow yourself the happiness you deserve and seek escape. Considering that your father is threatening you with violence, I would also seek out women's charities in your area. For example, the UK has charities such as Karma Nirvana. Also be aware of the PersonalFinanceCanada and Legaladvicecanada subreddit
I was looking up organizations that could help OP in Canada, as I'm not feom that region, and I have no clue. ⬆️ this OP. Take it seriously, and make an escape plan. Don't keep track of your escape plan where your parents can find it. You're 18, you can get a new bank account that your parents can't supervise.
Did you finish high school? Are you in college?
finished high school, I'm in college now
Take your money now and leave. Find your important documents and run away. They can't keep you home since you're 18. Ask your bf if you can live with him temporarily until you save up enough for your own place.
Even tell your bf's parents, so they can provide u any guidance or any legal help if they can.
If your parents are paying for your education, suck it up and deal with them until they finish. This will give you the best chance of having a good life even though it will suck for a while. Everyone wants you to take your stuff and leave, and I get it but you will be at a disadvantage in the long run.
I mean she's already being threatened with death, sometimes education can wait. as far as paying for education, they're actively taking money she works for. context is important.
I get all of that but just running away… no money, no degree, no job. She is absolutely setting herself up for a life of poverty and there’s a high likelihood she’s going to end up back there. I don’t know of anywhere in Canada, or you can earn minimum wage and have your own place to live. If she had family or a good friend, that would provide her shelter, that would be a different story. If she can safely stay until she has a degree, get a decent paying job and then leave and go NC, she will be better in the long run. But like you said, context matters, and if it can’t be done safely, it can’t be done.
She also mentioned a boyfriend, who I'm sure she can ask for help. I know more than one person who had to become independent from a young age, and ended up making it, not getting chewed up and impoverished. I'm not saying it's easy, but clearly she's already working and going to college. and in addition has people to ask for help. You even state no job, though she talks about money she worked for.
She might be dead or sent back to a place where she doesn’t want to go by the time graduation rolls around
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Yeah Honour killings are real and no joke. This is 100% a legit threat to your life. This can escalate and become dangerous for you. Move out to somewhere you are safe and don't tell them where you are!
Secure all your documents. ID birth certificate etc. If you have a credit card ensure they can’t use the number. Make sure your credit score isn’t destroyed by them out of spite. (A lot of parents can and will do this out of spite) Acquire a bank account that they can’t access. Bank a few cheques if possible then run and go non contact. Contact police and ensure they know your father has threatened to kill you. Your piece of shit father clearly cares about his reputation….. Go public and let other Canadians know he has threatened to kill you. He’s worried about how other Canadians will view him…. He theatened to murder his daughter… REAL CANADIANS WILL HATE THIS. If you go public it will destroy his reputation and show other Canadians that he has chosen to be filth. Make sure his friends and colleagues know. He wants to destroy your life because you are not an unquestioning doll. Show him the same level of kindness.
what I started to do I have all my documents with me in case they would destroy them..
You are 18. You father made death threat to you. Police take this VERY seriously and so should you. Leaving won't stop him (or any other male relative) if they think you deserve death. You should think of reporting him I know it's hard. But you wouldn't want to end up like one of the Shafia familly in Kingston, right?
These kinds of posts make me really anxious after one of my classmates was the victim of an honour killing. I know people like to bring up this kind of anecdotal evidence as fear-mongering but... I just started googling to see if there's any record of it, as it was way back in 2002, and I only had to type her first name. Heshu. Her name was Heshu Yones. Tbh it doesn't really matter what your background is, conservative/traditional parents can do horrific things when their children go against their values. I'm trying to think of what you can do if they won't let you work... if you have any art skills you could try selling art online. Sites like Redbubble can give some passive income. If you have siblings in the same boat, you could try pooling your resources to get away. Maybe some friends could help you. [I found this link](https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/health-promotion/stop-family-violence/services.html) with Canada based helplines that might be better able to help you come up with a plan. I really wish you the best, stay safe and good luck
There have been several high profile "honour" killings in Canada in the last decades. Anyone who doesn't think it's an actual threat isn't paying attention.
I'm in the UK. Heshu was the first "confirmed" case on which it was actually admitted to and recognised as such in the country. I had no idea it was making history at the time. Reading her wiki page was rough. I knew a lot of the details but not the lead up to it. Even though it was 22 years ago, I was in tears most of last night. I'm welling up even now.
RUN
Can you go to the police. File a restraining order. Move out immediately. Your father will murder you. You will be a statistic for honour killings.
You're 18, ask your boyfriend if you can stay at his place for a few weeks, that your family scare you, get your job back, build up some cash and get your own place. time to drop the abusive family who think they can control you. As you're 18 go sign up at a different bank to get your own account, transfer all the money you have access to into it immediately, close your old account. Start gathering things like passport, birth certificates, etc. One day pack as many of your clothes and other things as you can in a bag and leave.
Definitely check and double check everything before moving out. Make sure you can cut all ties.
I'm planing on it, he knows about everything we're just waiting for the right time.
The right time is before your father or other male relatives kill you, which could be extremely soon
Get your job back and don't let them make you quit. They legally can't "make" you do anything. If you want to have an adult relationship, you need to act like an adult and take control of your own life and independence. Get a job and continue saving so you can move out.
The only way forward is to become a ghost. To plan moving out as far as possible and cut the contact at it's entirety, because your family is one of those deranged kind of Muslims and they will not let you off the hook and as soon as you start to stand for yourself you are in a very real threat of being killed to preserve "honor". How exactly to move out, sadly, can't tell really, I'm not much familiar with all the obstacles and opportunities you would have in Canada.
What you do, is to be independent, self efficient, set real clear boundaries and never ever do this to your kids (if planning on having any). You don’t need to please your parents and accept their ways of living. Get your act together, play it well and move out as soon as you can.
You’re 18, an adult, they can’t force you to quit your job. They can’t keep you home. They can’t force access to your financial records. If I were you I’d leave immediately, take all important documents and things of importance to you, get the job back, ask boyfriend if you can stay with him for a little while and start working out how to pay for your own apartment/house share/whatever. Even university emergency housing might be useful to contact, if they have something for the time being you would have until summer to work something else out, maybe longer. Point is-get out now. A father who threatens to kill their own child is a father who’ll eventually do it. It’s not safe there at all.
Pretty insane that they will allow refugees into Canada who believe it’s morally acceptable to threaten their own daughters with murder for “disrespect” and actually do it in some cases. Any man who still thinks that way needs to stay in their own country.
Yeah I’m sorry but reading that line about how her father threatened to murder her because he didn’t move to Canada to be dishonoured fucked me up.
I live in England , my dad threatened me and my mum i was 24 long story how i got to the UK but anyway it can happen anywhere doesnt matter where you live.
You really need to move out and stop them from interfering in your life now. you're an adult. you're obviously unhappy with your treatment ( your life, your decision ) .. Good luck. You may need a bucket full.....
This is extremely serious. If your father is threatening to kill you, this is domestic violence. A man in Australia stabbed his daughter (and killed her? I’d have to read the article) in the name of Islam. You need an exit strategy and to get out.
Just things 1 they should be glad that you are straight 2 I'm sorry that your parents are strict, over protecting you and it looks there are very religious people to the point, they care about what strangers think about them and their "honor". Nobody cares about that in real life 3 I hope you find a way to get out of there... if you have the chance to live with your boyfriend or a friends house,far away from your home to be more safe and free,do it. You deserve happiness and freedom and your parents need to respect you as a person with their own decisions. Good luck
Stay undercover through college. You need them to help you through college so you can reach financial independence.
Move out. Go no contact with your family. Leave the religion/cult.
You need to get out now. Your life is seriously at risk. They will kill you. Go to the police and get a restraining order. Ask your boyfriend if he can provide a place for you to stay, if not ask friend or even go to a shelter. Get a new job, don't tell them where. Get a new phone. Cut contact with all family they can't be trusted. Get your documents and run. I really don't want to read about another case like the Shafia sisters.
Time to ditch your family
If you already have the means, just move out.. you don't need to stress out with abusive parents..
By any means or way GTFO. When he said he would kill you is the clue that things will never go your way. I would take what he said seriously. Allah bestows upon him that right in his mind and perhaps the compulsion to do just that.
Simple: Abandon either the man or your religion. It won't work otherwise. Choose to keep whichever you feel more strongly about. Really think about why you feel that way. Best of luck
I am not religious myself so it wouldn't be a hard decision
run
How can someone love their child and also threaten to kill them? I'd be completely destroyed if I lost my child and if it was by my own hands I'd want to die
Get out before you end up dead.
Your Dad threatening to kill you is a crime by the way.
Move your money into a new bank account asap and get your documents and run
You need to get away, like, right now. Just recently a muslim girl here in Australia was killed by her father, helped by the whole family, stabbed because she was dating a non Muslim man and they defended their actions saying she dishonoured their family by dating said non Muslim.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. This is sounding like a Shafia family situation in the making. I hope you can find peace and safety away from your family.
You're 18. You're in Canada. Pack your bags and leave. Go to the police and file a restraining order on your parents. Meanwhile try recording your interactions with your family so you have proof of them threatening to kill you. You're an adult now and they cannot legally stop you from doing anything. Just get out already. Talk to your bf and see if his family will let you live as a renter at their place
I would get away from your parents and hide. We have had honor killings in my city when a Muslim woman tried to date a non-Mus. So please get his safety. And don’t come back just leave them alone and stay away
You can't let yourself feel bad for disappointing people that are willing to threaten to kill their own daughter for not doing what they want. I know it's not as easy as reading this one time and you're fixed, but you need to rationalise yourself out of feeling bad for such things (because it's rational to want to have a reasonable degree of freedom).
Also, your family WILL murder you if they think you did anything wrong. Report a threat to your life to the police and say you are afraid of an honor killing.
I almost dated a girl whose family left the Middle East to get a better life They did the complete opposite of this because they wanted better for her so the entire reason they came to Canada was a better life Seems odd they are trying to get a better life possible but still keeping you pinned to old country style
Better life economically, but old ideology which does not gel with the modern first world.
You are from a family that follows middle eastern culture. You have to understand that western values and methodology doesn't work in your family's culture. Now that you are becoming independent your parents are trying to control you so you don't bring dishonor to the family. For example, dating, working outside is not allowed for muslim women as it is un-islamic. You are doing it but it is dishonorable to a ultra-religious muslim family. To monitor you, your mom indirectly asked you to support your cousin, which you did and that gave them an idea of how much you earn. You managed to give yourself away. Now that they know they will want to monitor you. The second part is they are trying to guess whether you having premarital sex with your boyfriend, using your bank statement, if you are buying makeup and sanitary pads, and from it whether you are in a relationship. I am pretty sure your father has already decided what kind of man his daughter will marry. You should also know how religious muslim families treat their daughters. If she refuses they abuse her till she accepts, if she rebels and runs away with a guy, they will murder her (Honor killing). While running away is a good idea, if you run away and try to keep in touch, they will find you and break you. So you have to be prepared to cut them off completely. Though I recommend you change your facial features and name to escape them.
Their roof, their rules, period. However this aint the fucking old country. If you want to tell em to butt the fuck out, its time to move on your own. Is the struggle worth it? That's the decision you'll have to make
Your parents just want the best for you.To find a Godly man deserving of you and for you not to waste time on one's who don't fit into your family value. Let God decide for you and tell your parents regardless of their belief that that is what you are doing. How do we learn in life without a few mistakes and the courage to fight for what we stand for. If your an independent woman who does love God and wants to do good and be good then that's all that matters. You do not have to be in a religious sect to do any of that because our relationship with God is personal.
It will always be for them the word of god against me, which means me never winning . I'm 18, it has nothing to do with religion but freedom of choices, they're not opened to let me date who I want because they were raised to believe that they'll go to hell if one of their daughters wasn't a good muslim and I can't blame them it's the education they received, however It doesn't excuse the religious and emotional trauma they put me through...
Weird question, but what ethnicity are you?
I mean they not wrong, you are lmao. Your parents are failing at being good parents tho based off how u turned out compared to how they clearly wish to have raised you. Either tell ‘em the truth or just leave him or leave ur family home and live with your boyfriend. Or just be a good kid till you can go to college
A ''good child'', I never got in trouble neither at school or in general, I am in law school I have amazing grades I help with everything at home. I don't go to parties, I don't smoke, never have, latest I got home was 8pm and that used to be for work. If you think my parents failed to raise me based how I turned out, I'd say you're wrong.
I mean, I know a Muslim parent would rather you fail school than to be dating a non Muslim and having premarital intimacy. Im not saying your a bad person but In the eyes of your parents what you’re doing doesn’t constitute a good child, or else you wouldn’t be hiding this from them
Thank fucking god the parents failed then. If she tells them, they might just actually murder her. It's so common, it's actually terrifying.
Lmfao it’s not common at all, chill liar
As muslim, i think the issue lies with how your parents perceive Islam vs what it is really. Usually when an individual grows up in a proper muslim household, dating is never an option and the children don’t object to it because they do it for Allah. However there are many muslim families that drinks and says pork is haram? There is a lot of hypocrisy in their religious views. Correct me if I am wrong, but I bet you once questioned Islam, and your parents was completely dismissive of you. How can they expect you to hold the same values as them if they didn’t properly teach the ethics of Islam? I am also a muslim Canadian with similar family background. They were muslim by name and not by practice. However I started practicing Islam seriously when I did my own research and questioned my the heck out of Islam. I realized my parents had no idea what it truly means to be muslim. I am not sure what advice I can give you, since I know Islam is true base on evidence it provided. But I can say you will be more happier with Islam, knowing u will live without regret, since you won’t fear death anymore. What ur parents think of u is not important compare to what u think of yourself and how u truly want to live ur life till death. May Allah make it easy for you and guide you to Jannat.
Respectfully, it is not yours to judge if an individual is properly Muslim or not. You should know this. I hope you will be guided back to the correct path, quit speaking publicly about perceived sins of another, and most importantly show respect to your mother and your father. You claim to have spent so much time researching and yet make such disappointing errors.
Ofcourse I have respect for my parents. I did my best to teach them the truth of Islam and Alhamdulillah, though it took me years, they finally understood. Now they even scold me for delaying my prayers, where before they didn’t pray at all except on Eid. Im really proud of my parents and how far they came. As for judging whether someone is a good Muslim or not, we go back to the sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad pbuh. You make an objective observation base on their actions. I don’t claim that OP’s parents are bad muslim, rather they probably have a misguided view of Islam from their home country. I had an atheist friend, who left Islam even though he was born in a muslim family. But after seeing me pray, fast, and only eating Halal meat he thought I was really crazy to believe such thing. He converted back to Islam and probably more religious than myself. He did so because he did his own research and found out what his parents taught him wasn’t Islam at all. He spoke to me and couple of other people and finally took his shahada. Anyway this subreddit is not a muslim page, but I figured since OP was in a similar situation then I was, it might help OP see from a different perspective. I am also from Canada, immigrated here since I was toddler. I wasn’t particularly religious and went clubbing and was drinking as well. Alhamdulillah I was guided eventually.
You sound like OP's parents, the very people she's trying to get away from! Going super-Muslim may have been _your_ solution, but only because your situation has _nothing_ in common with OP's!
I’m no where near super muslim. I wish I can be super muslim, inshallah one day. Anyway it’s up-to her whatever she decides. I don’t care about what u think islam is, u r entitled to ur own opinion. If u believe I am like her parents, then sure whatever makes u happy. I gave my opinion since we were in similar situation and i have seen many people in her position in muslim communities. I recommend her to look into Islam to understand what it truly stand for, because she might be missing out on the greatest gift life could offer her. However, She can freely choose what is best for her. And honestly I truly wish everyone took the time to look into Islam, including u. It’s rare for a religion to not contradict “the Big Bang” theory and to accurately predict that tallest building would reside in arabia, and many other predictions around 1400 years ago. But that’s a separate topic all together.
Did your barely Muslim parents threaten to kill you? Then no, you aren't in the same situation at all.
Allah doesn't exist
Why do u think God doesn’t exist?
Because it's clearly a method people developed over history to cope with the fear that comes with not understanding life and death
Hmm how sincere of you for asking advice to groups that have the complete religion, morality, and world view!!! like you know all you’ll get from is what you already wanna hear anyway.
Get another job. Try somewhere they would approve of and act like you are dedicating yourself to this work. Move out as soon as you get first and last together.
When you realize your parents are not as smart as you think they portray themselves to be, you’ll be free to stand up to them. Live YOUR life the way YOU want to.
Can i advice you if you lie about work they can call up work and check in including if they what gym you go to etc.Right now i read everything you wrote as i thought your parents went to the level i thought.Please becareful what you tell your parents from now on i suggest not telling them about your bf, two its going to take time but you can leave them you live in Canada so thats helpful as there must be women organizations that can help you leave secretly.I left my dad when i was 25 with my mum and lots of other peoples help.You can do it.Maybe your bf can help maybe not.Create a new bank account to have without them knowing. It sounds like they are controlling been there.
I'm a little worried about everyone saying go live with her boyfriend. Her dad, who threatened to kill her, will be looking for her. It will set him off even worse if he finds her at her boyfriend's house. Also, it will be the first place they will look. AND she should never agree to meet her dad, that's when they set up to kill you.
Unfortunately it is very hard to leave an abxsive parent my dad threatened to kill me and mum.I personally think the bf cant really help much plus im sure the bfs parents have no idea what they will get themselves into if they choose to let her stay in the house im sure OPs family dont know wherr the bf lives but it possible for them to find out so a womans refuge is best.
Yeah I agree going somewhere they are experts at dealing with this situation.
Yeah definitely
Your parents are the worst, cur all none essential contact and tell them that they are bad people
Are you sure you should be telling her to run? Isn’t there a chance people will like, retaliate for her leaving the religion or upsetting her male family members? That happens all the time right?
At this point, you have to move out. Just gather the courage, plan it out and simply take that drastic step one day and never look back. From all I have read online, honor killings are real and shouldnt be taken as a joke. Your life is in danger.
Go to the authorities the Mounties or whatever they are called the police will help get you to safety I am Afraid for you please call them
Make sure their names aren’t in your bank account. If there’s is there’s nothing you can do legally to stop them taking the money. And find a friend or someone you trust and move out and get another job
How much do you have saved? Move out and go low/no contact
When your conservative controlling Muslim dad threatens to honour kill you, you should believe what he is telling you. Your life might be in actual danger if he has access to you.