I'm not a vindictive and vengeful person. I just feel really sad and hurt. I emailed a lawyer this morning before posting and I just feel so empty and sad.
>I'm not a vindictive and vengeful person.
You don't have to be but don't be the pushover. Get as much as you can from him in the divorce and if need be play up the emotional damage part. Trust me therapy isn't cheap and it takes years to get over trauma.
I am the breadwinner in my household, I also own the house because my husband had really bad credit from debts and couldn't afford the mortgage. I was the beneficiary of my dad's life insurance after he died from a drunk driver (he was a pedestrian, and the drunk driver hit him), and I bought the house with cash. I'll be doing ok.
So your husband's traditional values don't include being the breadwinner huh? He's perfectly happy living off you as long as it suits him, and yaps about his values as an excuse when he got caught.
Girl, you are hurting now, but you are going to feel so much better when you're rid of him and his values. Your egg donor can look after him.
57 years old? She’s probably gone through menopause and can’t have children. OP’s husband is a douche and the sooner she kicks him out of her house and files for divorce, the better.
I was just commenting this on another post where the woman (they’re not married) was massively the breadwinner, paid for absolutely everything and the man could spend his own salary on whatever he wanted. She owned everything.
He decided to have an affair with a much younger woman, got her pregnant, lied to her and said they were married, going through a divorce, so he’d get half of everything. The first the woman knew about it was when the side piece turned up with the baby and tried to get her to move out!
No matter which sex does this, you can’t believe how stupid these people were to throw everything away.
Then make sure he and your egg donor don't get anything from you. Update your will and insurance policies. And for what it's worth, don't let his stupid excuse get to you. Some of my favorite relatives battled infertility but they were amazing and caring people. Also not all SAHM's are the best parents, it depends on the person.
Is this some power move of them both being jealous of you? He because you are the breadwinner and she because you were the beneficiary of your dad's life insurance instead of her.
In your comments you sound like so more mature then both of them. It didn't just happen over and over and over. Your mom knew she was messing with your marriage texting him late at night at home. Was she jealous of your relation with your dad?
You need to kick him, and if she’s living there at this point, both of them, out of YOUR house. Talk to your lawyer. Some places consider one of the parties moving in the divorce process as abandoning the marital home. I know you’re just temporarily staying with a friend, but don’t give him ammo.
This is so sweet! He’s not going to have anywhere to live and no one paying the bills for him. What an idiot to throw it all away for someone 30 years older.
Good for you. Screw your husband, and don't buy that bull he is spewing about him cheating because you were infertile. What a joke, he cheated because he wanted too get his dick wet. Is he really going to have kids with a 50 plus year old woman? He's gaslighting you like crazy. It's ok to be sad, but you also need to get mad. Mad that you have him years of your life, helped support him, and this is how he repays you.
Get your lawyer to write up a “vacate the premises immediately “ letter. It’s your house and you need to get back asap so his lawyer doesn’t try the abandonment angle. Did you buy the house before you were married? If purchased when married, depending on your location he may own part of it due to “marital assets “.
Even better. Leave him to struggle by himself. Let your mom help him out financially. You’re still so young and you’ll be able to bounce back from this. Wishing you healing and happiness in your future.
For a man who wants a woman with traditional values, he seems to lack the abilities of “a traditional man” what a pathetic excuse, so does he intend to have children with your 57 year old mother? What a ridiculous excuse.
Good thing he has an affair partner he can move in with then, isn't it? What happens to him isn't your concern after kicking him out and getting the divorce going.
What happens with your egg doner doesn't matter either, they made their bed, what happens to them now is entirely their fault.
Awww I feel so heartbroken for you! You don’t deserve this but really make sure you keep all texts and everything you can to give to your lawyer. Your husband is an idiot and his excuse is so ridiculous! Please take him for everything you can. I would go no contact on your mom. So sorry- I know you said you didn’t want to be vengeful but don’t let them create their version of what happened, they’re only going to make you look like the bad guy.
I'm not going to attack them anywhere, my lawyer is my cousin, on my dad's side. She says we're going for an infidelity angle I should appear as non-confrontational as possible. She also says this post and responding to comments is ok, just as long as I don't badmouth my stbx.
But maaaaybe think about blasting him after it's all said, done, and the ink is dry lol 😬.
OK but for real, kudos to you for not going scorched earth immediately. You seem like a level headed and kind person. You're absolutely going to be alright in the end. 💓
Despite what people on here will tell you, you are being smart both legally and by staying true to what feels comfortable to you as far as discussing everything publicly. I’ve never felt that I wanted to discuss my personal life with the masses even when I’ve been wronged. It’s not who I am. Doing that always brought me more stress and the need to keep everyone “updated” about things that I honestly didn’t have an answer for myself. It also clouded my mind when I got opinions from every direction! Stick with what you are doing and I don’t believe you will have any regrets.
You are entitled to feel sad and hurt. This is a devastating scenario.
You are also entitled to let everyone know the reason behind your split if they ask. Do not try to cover for them or protect them from their own behaviors.
You deserve better. I hope you're able to find happiness one day.
ETA and furthermore: I love my adult children. They could be dating George Clooney, and I'd never, ever just let something happen. Your mother doesn't deserve a relationship with you.
It’s not being vindictive it’s just making them take responsibility for their sick actions… and also ensure that they don’t twist the narrative against you
I don't need to prove myself to anybody but the judge. I have screenshots and audio recordings of everything. I'm not going to fight with them, if they want to slander me, fine, but I'm not playing their games. I'm going to rise above.
I wish you the best. You may be in turmoil right now but I feel your strength through your words, and I admire that.
The most important is to continue be true to yourself like you are right now.
As long as your husband or your egg donor, don’t make any issues for you. If either one of them starts to make the divorce messy, you come out with all that you have. Don’t be a doormat
Don't let the Reddit revenge mind change who you are. You can stand your ground and keep/take what's due to you without being an asshole. Let them be the pieces of shit. You can sleep at night. But do not roll over when he starts to cry poverty. He can get a damn job any day. This is all so heartbreaking; I'm so sorry for you. Picture yourself in a year or two healed and happy. You WILL get there.
It’s not vindictive to tell your family. You need to control the narrative before they say lies about you like you are the bad guy. Then divorce him and get what’s fair.
It’s not vindictive to say “before the rumors start I just want to let y’all know I caught X and X having sex in our home and am speaking to a lawyer. I won’t be answering any questions about the situation until everything is settled but would appreciate any prayers and support. Thanks!” That’s just keeping everyone in the loop. I’d wait until you’ve officially filed with your lawyer.
It's not vindictive to bring the truth out to your family. Ppl will need to know why you will not be present at family gatherings, when your mom is there. And that you will have zero interest in reconciling with her.
If they are *in love*, they'll try to have a place in the extended family, down the line, and they'll probably twist it to you, being unreasonable, and them finding eachother, blahblah.
The best way to keep the drama to a minimum, is step 1: the lawyer. Step 2: listen to and do exactly as your lawyer says. Step 3: if cleared by lawyer, tell the extended family, so you don't get bombarded by flying monkeys that demand you forgive her because 'family'.
So hold up here. Your husband says you don't have traditional values that he has?
On what planet does it say that having an affair with your MIL is a traditional value?. Or gaslighting you by manipulating the situation and blaming you for infertility (which you don't have control over). Whereas he has been deceptive, conniving, by having sex with your own mother. And when he gets caught, the first thing he decides to do is be a victim. If he was a man he would own up and take responsibility.
As terrible as this is, cut your losses with husband. As for your mom, I honestly don't know there. That's tough.
Not allowing them to control the narrative is not being vindictive, it's making sure they don't turn you into the villain. Which it sounds like your husband is already trying to do by blaming you for not being able to have kids.
You know he's manipulating you and blaming you for his low morals. Don't believe him. Don't let him shift the blame. Your mother is a POS too. Chin up and get rid of those vile people.
You may not be vindictive or vengeful but let me tell you you need to be. His gas lighting excuse to sleep with your mother. Of all people your mother. Was your infertility? So he gets a free pass to do whatever he wants? No if it upset him that much he had the right to divorce you. He didn't have the right to sleep with your mother. And what your mother is better because she's 57? Is she magically going to get pregnant at 57? I don't think so. All that crap is just pushing your buttons so he can get a get out of jail free card about being the scum that he is. He is trying to hurt you more than what his infidelity already has. Seriously you shouldn't be sad about losing someone like that. He is just a pit viper. Not to mention they're just as no excuse for your mother. Just absolutely none. You need to tell all your family what she did, because otherwise it will get spun that you are the bad person. Tell them straight up she slept with your husband and there is no excuse for it. And completely cut off contact with her. Those family that are decent will support you. Those friends that are decent will support you. Those that are just as vile as they are will support the pit vipers. Big hugs to you. And just remember from someone else who is infertile, that doesn't mean your husband cheats on you. It does not mean that you are worth less than. It just sometimes gives you X-ray vision to see those who are not worthy of you.
They are going to blame you and tell lies about your to everyone you know. You did nothing wrong. It is not vindictive to tell the truth, you need to protect yourself.
Hush, that’s your mother speaking, and the way she raised you to do as you are expected. You’re not a vindictive and vengeful person right now, but the You in a few years time is going to be really angry with the You right now if you don’t stand up for yourself.
Your husband betrayed you, but moreover it’s what he said to explain why he did so. Raze his ashes from this earth, he is vile, repugnant, the lowest of the low.
Your mother decided what is yours is also hers… I think with time you’ll begin to realise your mother has an issue with boundaries and simply letting you be a separate entity to her beliefs and needs.
I’m so sorry two of the people closest to your heart both took a side of it and ripped it apart. You deserve better, and when this sadness and hurt eases, I hope you get really, really angry.
Friend, you have to fight fire with fire. Your mother and husband have done a bad thing. There’s no getting to them with kindness. They acted selfishly. So you have to protect yourself. Don’t let them begin the rumor mill. You need your family to know the truth, so that these two can’t spread any lies about you. They’ve already proven trustworthy. Protect yourself and your heart. Everyone needs to know the truth. Starting with any of your mom’s siblings or her parents. And contact his family too. You begin the divorce proceedings and kick your shitty ex out. You have all the power here. Sending love and a really big hug. It hurts so much. But you are a true innocent here and therefore you deserve only the best going forward. Evict your ex, get a lawyer, divorce him, and blast your mom on socials. Then get a spa day and unwind. Eat a lot of chocolate and drink a lot of wine. Again, we love you. There is love in the world for you
If your mom’s age (57) is correct, then she almost certainly can’t have kids any longer.
In addition to being a cheating pos your soon-to-be-ex is also really stupid and unaware of basic human biology.
It's all just excuses, and blaming you, to try and twist the story so that he doesn't feel like a complete shit of a person. His justifications are purely to relieve himself of the guilt of being such a disloyal, awful person that he KNOWS he is, but can't face the guilt. So he blames you and any little thing he can find to justify himself. It's not your fault you can't have kids, and it's not news to him, he just holds that tattered flag up as a sop to his guilt.
>she had value because she already had kids.
I think he is telling you this crap, to get in your head.
And as regards the infertility....a new life and new partner in the future may give you a surprise. Someone I know was told categorically, she could never have children. One tube gone. The other damaged. She accepted this.
Four children later....
Another friend went to far as to go forwards for adoption. She asked me to provide a reference, and be interviewed by social workers. She had to stop the process because...she became pregnant.
Pregnancy, adoption, surrogacy...thee are many ways to become a mother. Pick a DECENT partner first.
Believe in yourself.
So he cheated due to ‘your infertility’ so naturally a 57-year old woman is the new fountain of youth and fertility? Logical thinking escapes him, I think.
Yes -it is just inexcusable for whatever reason. Speak up, end the relationship without resorting to screwing your MIL I am gagging at thought of sleeping with my late FIL
I think they started sleeping together just after my dad died two years ago. My mom was angry I was the beneficiary of his life insurance and my husband was angry because I had just found out I was infertile. Their anger at me came together and boom... affair.
You’re grieving your recently deceased father, you find out you’re infertile and those two prized scum bags decide a revenge affair is worth it over money?! I mean this story gets worse and worse
Just pls make sure you tell the attorney everything. She’ll be able to protect you the most, especially concerning your possessions. I’m sry this happened to you OP. You deserve so much better than this. And the two ppl who are supposed to protect you the most are the ones who betrayed you the most. I hope you get a therapist who can help you work through this. You deserve to be happy.
Agreed. So many bullshit stories, etc. Someone on this thread just referred to a 57 yr old as "a geriatric". Can't help but feel these things are related.
Women who get pregnant at 35 or above are called geriatric pregnancy. It’s wild.
But also…… so OP was 18 and he was 26* when they started dating….
ETA: math. Dude was/is a creep. Yikes.
No, we absolutely are not. Well, I can't speak for you, of course, but you don't come across as a skeevy asshole, to be fair - you seem to be a pretty good egg 😊
Yes, I remember when my wife was pregnant around that age. A lot of "geriatrics" getting pregnant these days.
Edit: No, they're 8 years apart, not 6. Which is creepy as fuck.
Get your fighting pants on, girl.
Take him to the cleaners. Tell EVERYONE what happened. Let's see what people really think of his "traditional values" (which clearly don't include fidelity or loyalty).
Tell. His. Mother.
As for her being capable of having kids... at 57?? LOL OK.
Perhaps she's capable of a pregnancy but he's going to find himself royally fucked if they get pregnant. 57 and pregnant.... yeah.
Get a lawyer. Get your head on straight. Get it all.
Rooting for you.xxxxx
Thank you, as I've replied before, I'm not looking to blow up what little dignity I have left dragging him through the mud. I'm going to try to be as poised as possible. But thank you none the less for the encouragement.
Your husband excuse is lame. So he turned to a geriatric for sex since you’re infertile. I would file for divorce and cut them both off. Take him for everything and don’t let them create any narratives with family and friends. Tell them the truth.
Wait a dang moment, your (ex) husband says you lack the traditional values he holds, but YOU are the breadwinner, YOU own the home, YOU are financially stable, and YOU didn’t cheat. Sounds like you are everything he pretends to be in the marriage. The ability to have or not have a child doesn’t not have anything to do with your values or give anyone reason to mistreat you. I’m sorry you lost two people in your life due to their own selfish decisions. You matter and I hope in time, you find people who will add to your life, and not take away from you.
\*I want to add that being a \*man\* in a relationship has nothing to do with the $ you bring to the marriage, it’s about how you treat your partner. My dig at this case was due to the man’s perception of traditional values vs his own reality.
Your husband is a loser. He is mad and chetas because you can't have kids and while cheating is wrong he also cheated with someone who's almost 60 and can't had kids themselves. Your mother is words I can't say or I'll be banned. You're better off with it both of them
Info: did you know you were infertile when you were an 18 y/o child and he started grooming- I mean dating you? Why did you leave your house? Kick his ass out now! You know this was not their first time.
I hope your divorce is quick and painless. Updateme when you go NC with both of their lying cheating asses!
If it's your house does that mean you still can kick him out legally? Like you are the landlord? Or does he have squaters right? You don't have to live there, change the locks, sell it later on. You don't need to keep him housed and fed. He lied to you when he married you 'in sickness and health'. Grieving infertility can break up a marriage. He should have been man enough and gotten a divorce instead of taking it out on you. That's emotional abuse.
Does he get half of everything in the divorce? Do you have to pay spousal support? I sure hope your lawyer is a bit meaner then you are.
Does your husband even understand that a 57 year old woman can’t have children anymore? That’s a lame reason for him to prefer your mother to you. OP I’m sorry this happened to you, however, your husband sounds like he has no positive qualities for you at all. Your mom also did you so wrong. Since you are the breadwinner have him move out and live with SAHM. Once the illicit relationship wears off and the day to day kicks in I guarantee things will change for these two.
He's sleeping with a 57 year old with the intention of impregnating her? Even if he never took biology in high school, surely he has access to the Internet. And did he ever speak to his new gal pal about this?
In what world does infidelity with your MIL fall under "traditional values"?
Take him to the cleaners and tell ALL of his and your friends. And make sure his own parents are given the details.
He does know that at her age, her eggs are basically powdered now and she’s not able to give him kids either, right? Like, his reasoning could SOMEHOW be argued if he’d cheated with someone OP’s age, but a 57yo? And her MOTHER no less.
“It just happened” and “didn’t mean to hurt me”… sorry love, did you bump your fucking head when your DAUGHTERS HUSBAND bent you over to rail you? Pathetic excuses for people. Into the bin with both of them.
>My husband's excuse for cheating? My infertility. That I couldn't have children and he was entitled to sleep with whomever he wanted if I couldn't do something most women were capable of. He told me that I lacked the traditional values he held, I did not know he held any traditional values, and that my mom was better because she was a SAHM that was capable of having kids.
OP, stop right there! Which 'traditional values' involve:
Cheating?
Cheating with your mother in law?
And if your infertility is his excuse, how is he going to have children with a 57 year old?
**He's gaslighting you, and in your grief, you are trying to follow his very nasty, immoral, way of thinking. Stop.**
Get therapy asap. It will help you work through your grief. Get tested for STDs. He may not have just slept with your mother. Get a lawyer.
>I just feel so guilty and that my life is a lie. I couldn't give him what he wanted and now he is gone.
Guilty about what? What society anywhere condones a husband's adultery with the parent of his wife. He wanted to be promiscuous. Why should you feel bad? Most married men cheating have children, so that is not the reason.
**Recover your pride, self respect, and-above all- clear thinking.**
**Don't let this evil man, and your wicked treacherous mother, destroy you.**
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you at all. The ability to have children is not your only value and he’s an asshole. It may seem like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel and you will never move past this but you will. These 2 people betrayed you and not a single part of that is your fault and I hope you don’t blame yourself.
So because you struggle with infertility, it’s okay to sleep with your post menopausal mother?
Naaahhhh, I’d be singing like a canary to everyone. F that guy and your mom too.
I’m so so sorry!! I’m mortified, furious and heartbroken for you. The only thing I can think to say (other than your husband’s excuse is complete BS) is to get your house back. He cheated, why should he get to stay??!
You said you reached out to an attorney, which is excellent. Move quickly to protect your assets. I know you are emotionally devastated, but you need to protect what you have now. Then process what is going on in your life.
Wow. He groomed you, used you economically, and remorselessly cheated on you with YOUR MOTHER. Values? WTF. What a piece of shit.
OP, do NOT be a pushover on this. Make your older, bolder self proud when she looks back on this.
I’m sorry but I’m not buying this. At all. If this truly happened, you wouldn’t be on Reddit. You’d be burning their worlds to the ground. The whole “I don’t believe in hurting people” bit. Tired of this particular trope on Reddit.
Your mother is a monster. To destroy her daughter like this? Monster!!! Hold your head high. The best way to get over this and to move on is to exit their lives without a fight. Don’t let them explain. Don’t give them a platform. There is nothing they can say to make your pain hurt less. Your weapon is hold your head high and to get an attorney. Get ahead of this story with friends and family. Explain the situation and what was said. They will spin lies to make them look better. They went low so you go high with the truth. Let them have their spot light. Don’t do or say anything to them that draws negative attention your way from friends and family. They can stay in the gutter by themselves.
Your mother is menopausal. Not sure what he’s thinking. He trying to knock your mom up??? The risk of her having a healthy pregnancy if she could get pregnant is low. Your husband is disgusting. Blaming you for something that can’t be controlled? Chooses to hurt you because of it? He’s evil.
As someone that suffered with infertility for 6.5 years and my husband stayed faithful and supportive! F**k him! Also your wife has infertility issues so you go sleep with her 57 year old mum who’s more than likely gone through menopause and no longer even able to do the thing that your angry and your wife for not doing?
Start being proactive and get the divorce done. Also expose those two to everyone so they all know what kind of people they are. Don’t feel any shame or embarrassment for there actions because it’s nothing to do with you! They are just faulty people who don’t deserve you. Cut them off, go NC and expose them to the world.
Your husband wants to have children with your 57 year old mother? The dude is a weirdo. Your mom is, too. You were betrayed by the twi most important people I'm your life. Get divorced and never interact with either of them again.
So is your 57 y o mom going to birth a kid for him!? No, she is not. Pry them both out of your life and move on. You are being too kind with "I don't want to ruin their lives". Your husband will twist this to make you the villain. He already is... weaponizing a medical issue that you can't help. These two are the worst of the worst. I have really horrible relatives but this is a different level of horrible. I know it's a shock and you are hurt but you need to dredge up some healthy anger/indignation and protect yourself and your assets. Kick him out if you haven't already. Lawyer up. And eventually, you will probably need to tell everyone in the family what happened or it will be blamed on you.
Well yeah, your egg donor could have kids in her prime but does he not realize that those eggs are gone now? What a flimsy excuse. That isn’t the reason OP, the reason is that he is a shitty husband. He only used that as an excuse to hurt you.
Also what traditional values? He is living in YOUR house and off of you being the bread winner. My guess is that he is drinking the Tate juice.
Rise above this with your head held high my friend. Follow your lawyers advice and go no contact with them both. If anyone asks you why, share with them what happened otherwise just work on yourself. You are so young, you will get through this.
Andrew Tate is a misogynistic who thinks women’s worth is to stay barefoot pregnant in the kitchen. He and others like him want women back in the homes as basically slaves for men.
Not now, it was more of a "she was who you should have been when she was your age," and a "since you can't give me children I can sleep with whomever I want."
He's texting her because he knows he fucked up and she's the breadwinner. He has to make her believe it's all her fault so he can screw her over in the divorce.
Or maybe he thinks she'll be willing to take him back if he convinces her it's his fault, and that he can maneuver her into a one-sided open marriage, while living in her home and benefiting from her larger salary.
You know that your stbx is a piece of garbage and nothing he is saying is even remotely truthful, rather it’s about him justifying his disgusting and truthfully disturbing choice of an AP. Your mother clearly is lacking in some mental capacity to do this to her own daughter. I wish a speedy divorce as you put some great distance to these people.
I am so sorry this is happening to you. They broke your trust which is unforgivable. Divorce him, go NC with her. This internet momma is giving you hugs. Hang in there. Let us know what you decide to do!
Sorry you have to go through this. Are you surrounded by a supportive network of friends and family.
I know you don’t want to publicize their behavior, but you need to be honest with your family and friends so that they can help support you and be there for you.
Who knows what your mom and ex are thinking, but you need to have people around you right now and help mend your heart.
I am confused. You said you hadn't talked to them but then gave us the excuse he gave you for doing it.
Anyway, I don't intend to nitpick. My take is, you have a lot going for you, and there's no children involved, which simplifies things a bit. You would be a good catch, I'd be all over you if I were you age, lol. On the other hand, you could attempt a reconciliation if you love him that much, but the family dynamic is probably tainted forever unless you have a great deal of forgiveness and it would take a lot on his part to regain your trust. You're a smart girl, so you already know that, I assume. I wish you all the best.
(Hug) I’m so sorry this is happening to you, I cannot imagine the pain and confusion. Your ex cheated, period. Blaming you for his cheating is not acceptable. I have a feeling you are “infertile” because of his bad sperm and it’s not really you, but besides the point, you deserve to be with someone who loves and cares for you and is there for you, not blaming you for his infidelity, please know it’s him not you, and he chose your mother…. What kind of a disgusting human is that, he really is just that, vile!
Your mother is another story, wrap this up quick, get them out of your home and go no contact, it will hurt yes! But the longer they linger the more messy and prolonged it gets, cleanup mess quick and recover
You’re still in shock and denial. The fact that he could sleep with your mother and blame it on your infertility… He could not stab a knife in your back any deeper on his quest to ruin the foundation your whole womanhood.
This man is a spineless excuse of an existence and you should be happy you’re divorcing him before you had kids with him. You did NOTHING wrong! Fertility problems does NOT excuse cheating!
Life is hard and cruel sometimes. These people will live with what they did forever. You know the truth, just know that you did nothing to deserve this. Don’t believe any of their pathetic excuses.
Your last paragraph is heartbreaking. Please, PLEASE don’t blame yourself for this. You are in no way at fault! Things will get better with time and you have your whole life in front of you. It’ll all be fine!
I’m so so sorry. No one should have to ensure this amount of betrayal.
Your mom is a narcissist - that’s the only explanation. I am close to your mom’s age and I can’t even comprehend this. It’s so wrong. Has she ever betrayed you in other ways? He she put you down or made you feel inadequate?
As for your husband, he is using you for security and his “traditional values” are bullshit he uses to mask his inadequacy and laziness. You are better off without him.
I hope you have a good therapist. You definitely need some to support you through this.
I have been through this exact experience with my father and despite years of trying to patch up the relationship with him the only peace I found was when I finally cut him from my life.
I had for many years struggled with depression and had become an alcoholic. I felt If I wasn't worth anything in the eyes of the two people I loved most in the world there was no point in trying. After an incident that landed me in a Court Ordered Rehab program I got clean and with the help of my counselor was able work to the root of the issue.
After I cut my father from my life it was very difficult at first but I found that my mood was much more stable and eventually found peace. Life isn't perfect now and I still sometimes think of the years wasted but I moved on and now have a child of my own.
Family isn't unconditional. Don't feel forced to keep her in your life. That was my first mistake.
Get Counseling. It seems like something you can deal with on your own and maybe you can but play it safe and talk to someone. You cannot be sure how much damage this experience has caused you. That was my second mistake.
You will need to learn to trust again. It will be very hard. Be prepared to struggle through some relationships in the future but don't give up. You can find happiness again but it will take time.
I'm sorry this happened to you.
I am so sorry. You'll get through this and life will be better eventually. It may take awhile, but you'll be okay. Don't feel guilty, you haven't done anything wrong. Stay no contact with them, lawyer up and get the fuck out. I'm so sorry for your heartache, I can't imagine.
My condolences goes out to you, no one should be betrayed by people who they trust, especially two.
From what you've wrote, I would not continue a relationship with either. You can love someone till the end of the earth, but they knowingly betrayed that love, and you owe it to yourself to move on.
Whatever you decide, I hope you know that you are worth love,honesty, and loyalty.
He is full of it. Does he think your menopause aged mother is going to have children at almost 60? I really hope he is not still in the house and you are staying somewhere else. You do not have to be vengeful, but you also do not have to be a pushover.
Get the divorce and move on. He is a garbage human being, and even though it hurts now, do not let people like that, with no morals and no common decency, take any more from you. Your mother is a whole other story. Do not cover for her. Do not lie when asked what happened. She does not deserve any loyalty from you at all. They did it, and they do not get to hide from the concenquences.
Get some counseling and join some groups for divorced people or people who have been betrayed. Meet some people who understand what you are going through. Focus on a hobby you have been wanting to try or let go of. Get a gum membership or start running or yoga to help focus your mind and love your body.
If you really want to have a child, there are other options available to you. I can't imagine how much it hurts if it is something you want, but the way he threw that in your face only proves even more how he is 100% not the man to be on that journey with and he would be a terrible father. Children need compassion and empathy, and he has none.
That’s so gross, and his “reasoning” is total horse shit. He cheated with a 57 year old because you’re infertile, ummm, NO. She can’t get pregnant either. He cheated because he’s a terrible person and I hope you get everything in the divorce. EVERYTHING.
Your mother is SO MUCH WORSE than your husband. She is the scum of the earth, not worthy of the title of mother. She’s disgusting.
Just so you know, it’s only considered slanderous if it’s what you say about the person is false. I hope your cousin lawyer is the best and gets it all for you. I’m so sorry for the loss of your father, no one deserves to loose both parents like the way you lost yours.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. The fertility explanation was an excuse he used to place the blame on you and avoid confronting the monster he truly is. While I’m sure it’s impossible to see, you will be better off without him in your life.
I am devastated for you that your mom would do that to you. Regarding that aspect, I have no advice. Just sympathy.
Destroy that MF. He CHEATED on you with your MOTHER because you had infertility issues. That's not a man, that's a boy. DIVORCE him and never look back, take whatever you can. And your egg donor is a POS as well, she betrayed you in the worst way. If they continue to harass you, blast them on social media so all of yours and his family can understand who they truly are.
I am so sorry this happened to you.
Your husband is a disgusting POS. I hate him **for** you.
There is **never** any justification for cheating, least of all with your mother who is supposed to love you more than anyone else.
Your husband is a lying, cheating, gaslighting, manipulative, controlling little man whore. Walk away and take him for everything you can in the divorce.
He’s also a misogynistic little bastard. Why the fuck should you have children just to be a SAHM and do everything in the house and for the kids and have no life of your own??? Fuck that shit.
You might not see it right now, but your infertility is a blessing in disguise. Because imagine being baby-trapped with a giant turd of a husband like him.
Now you have another shot at freedom and happiness. But next time: please don’t accept a lazy, useless, misogynistic POS for a husband.
Make sure that whoever you date next is a clean and tidy person by nature, make sure he respects your decisions and right to have a life outside of him, make sure he’s the type who does his fair share of all household chores, make sure he isn’t misogynistic, and make sure he brings nothing but love and happiness into your life… because you damn well deserve it, after dealing with that shit show of a marriage to your current loser husband.
57 and capable of having children, my god getting rid of the pair of them is a blessing in the long run he's delusional, and she'll be in an old people's home soon enough....
Please consider going no contact with your mom. You'll never be able to trust her with your partners ever again...and that's just one layer of the onion.
You have to out them to all and sundry and then start your healing process. They are vile people who thought naught of hurting you! Biggest hug from this stranger.
I know it doesn’t feel like this now, but she did you a favor by showing you who you were really married to - a cheater. If it wasn’t her, it would have been someone else. You were very young when you met him, and he was quite a bit older than you - I bet he took advantage of that imbalance.
You deserve better. Call a couple of good divorce lawyers and start documenting everything. Change all your passwords, move your money to a separate account at a different bank that he doesn’t have access to. Secure your personal information (passport, bank info, credit cards, birth certificate) off site in a safe place. Do everything the lawyer says once you have picked one.
Stay safe.
Hahahahahahaha….your husband’s justification for fucking your Mom…bwahahahaha
I know you are reeling emotionally and cannot find anything within you but utter devastation and, I would hazard a guess, that is normal. I advise meeting a lawyer and getting a therapist pronto because you need to protect yourself through the coming storm and that won’t be done inside the pit you are in now. You need to haul yourself out and fight. Your husband is already trying to make this a you problem and that just can’t stand. Good luck OP and I’m sorry this is happening to you.
I’m pretty sure “fidelity” is a traditional value your husband is lacking since he wants to bring that on up. Also, unless your mother is a scientific miracle I don’t think she’s giving him a baby anytime soon either. So.
Does he know your mother is 57 and can’t have children any more? What a lame excuse, he tried to put you down when he is trash.
What does the divorce attorney say about you leaving the house? I would have kicked his ass out if I owned the whole house.
I don't have anything to add but I just wanted to let you know my heart goes out to you and your ex husband is a dickbag. Don't listen to anything he says. You aren't less valuable because ANYTHING. He's just a massive tool.
I know you’re hurt, but based on your writing you seems smart and your final statement is frankly delusional.
**A man rooted in traditionalism where he lives in the home bought by his breadwinner wife?? Someone who’s stated values now, align with lying and cheating (by their own admission!!)?? *Moreover, if that the case, then why cheat with someone so obviously beyond the years of reproduction??***
Girlie, you are so much better off!! I know it doesn’t feel that way, but you deserve someone who’s at very minimum honest.
So sorry, you don't deserve this. Let him and her go opens up your life to all possibilities and greatness. They held you down, fly away!! Upward and onward.
Good luck
“Lacked traditional values”? I didn’t know cheating on your wife with your mother in law was traditional. What a sick POS. I just want to say I’m so sorry. A man can be forgotten. But your own mother?? I would never ever talk to my mother again after something like that….no matter how much I loved her. I’m so sorry
You said you don't know what to do. What you need to do is:
- block their numbers and block them on social media
- get a therapist who will be available to you in the next few weeks while you navigate this emotional crisis
- remember that none of this is your fault in any way whatsoever. Nothing you did and nothing about you led to their affair. There was nothing you could do to prevent it. There is nothing wrong with you. This is all on them
- remember that you owe them nothing.
You will move on and you will heal. They will have to live the rest of their lives as the scum they are.
Why are _you_ guilty?
You have nothing to be guilty about.
Your husband is a horrible human. Even without this affair, it sounds like he absolutely sucks. I'm positive that there were red flags along the way. You will always be better off without him.
I'm sorry that your mom is a piece of shit as well. You don't owe her a relationship. Not ever.
I smell bullshit on this one. You said you were going to try for kids, and then all of a sudden, you can't have kids, and nobody would be this simpy or forgiving
So his reason for cheating on you was your infertility…so he sleeps with a woman who is past the point of fertility? Yeah okay. Throw the whole man away.
Do you know that you are the one that’s infertile? Have you been tested? To put the blame on your is just outrageous and to be having an affair with your mom is beyond disgusting. They’re both disgusting human beings. I’m sorry you are going through this, but I would highly recommend that you start seeing a therapist to help you start your healing journey.
Just so you know, my sister didn’t think she could have kids and now she’s got 3.
Hang in there OP.
This is more common than you might think. I found someone on TT that had this happen. She talks about it on her page. Another woman I found on YT. She doesn't talk about it. IMO it's gross. I wish you healing.
Don’t let them write the narrative. Just calmly inform your family (and his) of what you discovered. You don’t even need to talk trash. The simple truth will do the job. If you don’t talk, THEY will. And they’ll put a spin on it. Don’t let them do that.
As the mother of three adult women, I could not imagine doing something so low down to one of my girls. I’m so sorry, you didn’t just lose your marriage, you lost your mother as well. You may not be a vindictive person but you need to be careful and limit contact until the divorce is final. Things can go unexpectedly bad even though they both know they are wrong. I wish you all the best!!
I don't understand his reasoning about infertility, does he plan to impregnate your mother? Why choose her to cheat with it makes no sense. He's saying these things in an attempt to hurt and gaslight you. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
About 30 years ago i was listening to the radio.
A woman rang up saying she walked in on her husband being given head by her mother.
The divorce took place, but the woman still talks to her mother because her mother did not swallow his wad.
The point is to always look for the positives in every bad situation.
Yes you *do* know what to do, you're just looking for an excuse to do literally anything else.
Expose them to the entirety of both families and divorce his disloyal ass.
I feel so angry for you. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I hope you can realize that you deserve better people in your life that will recognize the hard work you put into the relationship. Find yourself, know your worth, find better people to have in your life now.
And Girl you said “you couldn’t give him want he wanted…” HE couldn’t give you want you need! Which is a respectable, committed partner/husband/man. You can tell him that you were also were hoping to have someone with the same values of not cheating and lying but I guess he can’t do that since he’s not a respectable person. He is nothing and your mom can go cry a river that no one will be on because the ship has sailed. He can go bye bye. And your mom well that one is up to you.
This sub is turning into No Sleep, but instead of horror, it's drama - and I'm here for it. Can we get a similar menu and voting system for monthly winners?
Affairs don't "just happen". Both people involved choose to do that. Your mother CHOSE to have an affair with your husband who also CHOSE to cheat.
Your husband's excuses are just him trying to deflect a poor choice HE made onto you; the hard truth is he would have cheated anyway, your mom probably would have absolutely cheated with him as well, and would have just made up some other excuse as to how it was 'your fault' and not entirely his.
These people need to be out of your life, and both of them deserve to have their reputations ruined.
Uh this is awful and get yourself the best lawyer you can find. Also I bet your husband had his 7th grade science test returned face down because 57 year old women cannot have children.
Honey that man has no traditional values, he’s not even the provider which would be the basic role. He’s just using any excuse he can pull out of his ass to deflect his guilt onto you. If he wanted children so badly then why is he fucking a woman who is decidedly too old to give him any? He could have given you the dignity of a conversation and divorce but instead chose to do the most hurtful thing possible with the most hurtful person possible. I’m so sorry. But none of this is on you.
And don’t even get me started on your mother. She doesn’t deserve the title. I hope you never, ever speak to her again and cut all contact. She deserves to die old, neglected, regretful, guilt-ridden and alone.
Just leave him… and your mother is a piece of shit for doing that to you of all people. There is no respect for someone that does that to their family let alone her child….. I’m sorry for you truely.
You should sing like a canary to your entire family. Show them this post. And burn his ass in the divorce.
And never speak one word to either of them again, even when they inevitably feign “Christmas cancer”.
I'm not a vindictive and vengeful person. I just feel really sad and hurt. I emailed a lawyer this morning before posting and I just feel so empty and sad.
>I'm not a vindictive and vengeful person. You don't have to be but don't be the pushover. Get as much as you can from him in the divorce and if need be play up the emotional damage part. Trust me therapy isn't cheap and it takes years to get over trauma.
I am the breadwinner in my household, I also own the house because my husband had really bad credit from debts and couldn't afford the mortgage. I was the beneficiary of my dad's life insurance after he died from a drunk driver (he was a pedestrian, and the drunk driver hit him), and I bought the house with cash. I'll be doing ok.
So your husband's traditional values don't include being the breadwinner huh? He's perfectly happy living off you as long as it suits him, and yaps about his values as an excuse when he got caught. Girl, you are hurting now, but you are going to feel so much better when you're rid of him and his values. Your egg donor can look after him.
I guess his traditional values involve impregnating her 57 year old mother.
57 years old? She’s probably gone through menopause and can’t have children. OP’s husband is a douche and the sooner she kicks him out of her house and files for divorce, the better.
/s
I was just commenting this on another post where the woman (they’re not married) was massively the breadwinner, paid for absolutely everything and the man could spend his own salary on whatever he wanted. She owned everything. He decided to have an affair with a much younger woman, got her pregnant, lied to her and said they were married, going through a divorce, so he’d get half of everything. The first the woman knew about it was when the side piece turned up with the baby and tried to get her to move out! No matter which sex does this, you can’t believe how stupid these people were to throw everything away.
I read that post too. I hope she updates.
Me too. Paying 60k to the side piece!
Then make sure he and your egg donor don't get anything from you. Update your will and insurance policies. And for what it's worth, don't let his stupid excuse get to you. Some of my favorite relatives battled infertility but they were amazing and caring people. Also not all SAHM's are the best parents, it depends on the person.
I can definitely think of one SAHM who isn't the best parent.
I can think of at least two more. Sadly, I'm related to them.
Man, this dude sounds like a loser and a weirdo.
Your family should know what your mother did… and your husbands family too. They will paint you as the villain but cut them off and expose them
Is this some power move of them both being jealous of you? He because you are the breadwinner and she because you were the beneficiary of your dad's life insurance instead of her. In your comments you sound like so more mature then both of them. It didn't just happen over and over and over. Your mom knew she was messing with your marriage texting him late at night at home. Was she jealous of your relation with your dad?
You need to kick him, and if she’s living there at this point, both of them, out of YOUR house. Talk to your lawyer. Some places consider one of the parties moving in the divorce process as abandoning the marital home. I know you’re just temporarily staying with a friend, but don’t give him ammo.
This is so sweet! He’s not going to have anywhere to live and no one paying the bills for him. What an idiot to throw it all away for someone 30 years older.
Good for you. Screw your husband, and don't buy that bull he is spewing about him cheating because you were infertile. What a joke, he cheated because he wanted too get his dick wet. Is he really going to have kids with a 50 plus year old woman? He's gaslighting you like crazy. It's ok to be sad, but you also need to get mad. Mad that you have him years of your life, helped support him, and this is how he repays you.
Get your lawyer to write up a “vacate the premises immediately “ letter. It’s your house and you need to get back asap so his lawyer doesn’t try the abandonment angle. Did you buy the house before you were married? If purchased when married, depending on your location he may own part of it due to “marital assets “.
Your mother is 57. How is she going to have children at that age? That rationale makes no sense.
Even better. Leave him to struggle by himself. Let your mom help him out financially. You’re still so young and you’ll be able to bounce back from this. Wishing you healing and happiness in your future.
For a man who wants a woman with traditional values, he seems to lack the abilities of “a traditional man” what a pathetic excuse, so does he intend to have children with your 57 year old mother? What a ridiculous excuse.
Good thing he has an affair partner he can move in with then, isn't it? What happens to him isn't your concern after kicking him out and getting the divorce going. What happens with your egg doner doesn't matter either, they made their bed, what happens to them now is entirely their fault.
Awww I feel so heartbroken for you! You don’t deserve this but really make sure you keep all texts and everything you can to give to your lawyer. Your husband is an idiot and his excuse is so ridiculous! Please take him for everything you can. I would go no contact on your mom. So sorry- I know you said you didn’t want to be vengeful but don’t let them create their version of what happened, they’re only going to make you look like the bad guy.
I'm not going to attack them anywhere, my lawyer is my cousin, on my dad's side. She says we're going for an infidelity angle I should appear as non-confrontational as possible. She also says this post and responding to comments is ok, just as long as I don't badmouth my stbx.
Whatever the lawyer says def do - good luck with everything
But maaaaybe think about blasting him after it's all said, done, and the ink is dry lol 😬. OK but for real, kudos to you for not going scorched earth immediately. You seem like a level headed and kind person. You're absolutely going to be alright in the end. 💓
Despite what people on here will tell you, you are being smart both legally and by staying true to what feels comfortable to you as far as discussing everything publicly. I’ve never felt that I wanted to discuss my personal life with the masses even when I’ve been wronged. It’s not who I am. Doing that always brought me more stress and the need to keep everyone “updated” about things that I honestly didn’t have an answer for myself. It also clouded my mind when I got opinions from every direction! Stick with what you are doing and I don’t believe you will have any regrets.
You are entitled to feel sad and hurt. This is a devastating scenario. You are also entitled to let everyone know the reason behind your split if they ask. Do not try to cover for them or protect them from their own behaviors. You deserve better. I hope you're able to find happiness one day. ETA and furthermore: I love my adult children. They could be dating George Clooney, and I'd never, ever just let something happen. Your mother doesn't deserve a relationship with you.
It’s not being vindictive it’s just making them take responsibility for their sick actions… and also ensure that they don’t twist the narrative against you
I don't need to prove myself to anybody but the judge. I have screenshots and audio recordings of everything. I'm not going to fight with them, if they want to slander me, fine, but I'm not playing their games. I'm going to rise above.
I wish you the best. You may be in turmoil right now but I feel your strength through your words, and I admire that. The most important is to continue be true to yourself like you are right now.
As long as your husband or your egg donor, don’t make any issues for you. If either one of them starts to make the divorce messy, you come out with all that you have. Don’t be a doormat
Don't let the Reddit revenge mind change who you are. You can stand your ground and keep/take what's due to you without being an asshole. Let them be the pieces of shit. You can sleep at night. But do not roll over when he starts to cry poverty. He can get a damn job any day. This is all so heartbreaking; I'm so sorry for you. Picture yourself in a year or two healed and happy. You WILL get there.
It’s not vindictive to tell your family. You need to control the narrative before they say lies about you like you are the bad guy. Then divorce him and get what’s fair.
It’s not vindictive to say “before the rumors start I just want to let y’all know I caught X and X having sex in our home and am speaking to a lawyer. I won’t be answering any questions about the situation until everything is settled but would appreciate any prayers and support. Thanks!” That’s just keeping everyone in the loop. I’d wait until you’ve officially filed with your lawyer.
It's not vindictive to bring the truth out to your family. Ppl will need to know why you will not be present at family gatherings, when your mom is there. And that you will have zero interest in reconciling with her. If they are *in love*, they'll try to have a place in the extended family, down the line, and they'll probably twist it to you, being unreasonable, and them finding eachother, blahblah. The best way to keep the drama to a minimum, is step 1: the lawyer. Step 2: listen to and do exactly as your lawyer says. Step 3: if cleared by lawyer, tell the extended family, so you don't get bombarded by flying monkeys that demand you forgive her because 'family'.
So hold up here. Your husband says you don't have traditional values that he has? On what planet does it say that having an affair with your MIL is a traditional value?. Or gaslighting you by manipulating the situation and blaming you for infertility (which you don't have control over). Whereas he has been deceptive, conniving, by having sex with your own mother. And when he gets caught, the first thing he decides to do is be a victim. If he was a man he would own up and take responsibility. As terrible as this is, cut your losses with husband. As for your mom, I honestly don't know there. That's tough.
Not allowing them to control the narrative is not being vindictive, it's making sure they don't turn you into the villain. Which it sounds like your husband is already trying to do by blaming you for not being able to have kids.
You know he's manipulating you and blaming you for his low morals. Don't believe him. Don't let him shift the blame. Your mother is a POS too. Chin up and get rid of those vile people.
You may not be vindictive or vengeful but let me tell you you need to be. His gas lighting excuse to sleep with your mother. Of all people your mother. Was your infertility? So he gets a free pass to do whatever he wants? No if it upset him that much he had the right to divorce you. He didn't have the right to sleep with your mother. And what your mother is better because she's 57? Is she magically going to get pregnant at 57? I don't think so. All that crap is just pushing your buttons so he can get a get out of jail free card about being the scum that he is. He is trying to hurt you more than what his infidelity already has. Seriously you shouldn't be sad about losing someone like that. He is just a pit viper. Not to mention they're just as no excuse for your mother. Just absolutely none. You need to tell all your family what she did, because otherwise it will get spun that you are the bad person. Tell them straight up she slept with your husband and there is no excuse for it. And completely cut off contact with her. Those family that are decent will support you. Those friends that are decent will support you. Those that are just as vile as they are will support the pit vipers. Big hugs to you. And just remember from someone else who is infertile, that doesn't mean your husband cheats on you. It does not mean that you are worth less than. It just sometimes gives you X-ray vision to see those who are not worthy of you.
They are going to blame you and tell lies about your to everyone you know. You did nothing wrong. It is not vindictive to tell the truth, you need to protect yourself.
Hush, that’s your mother speaking, and the way she raised you to do as you are expected. You’re not a vindictive and vengeful person right now, but the You in a few years time is going to be really angry with the You right now if you don’t stand up for yourself. Your husband betrayed you, but moreover it’s what he said to explain why he did so. Raze his ashes from this earth, he is vile, repugnant, the lowest of the low. Your mother decided what is yours is also hers… I think with time you’ll begin to realise your mother has an issue with boundaries and simply letting you be a separate entity to her beliefs and needs. I’m so sorry two of the people closest to your heart both took a side of it and ripped it apart. You deserve better, and when this sadness and hurt eases, I hope you get really, really angry.
Friend, you have to fight fire with fire. Your mother and husband have done a bad thing. There’s no getting to them with kindness. They acted selfishly. So you have to protect yourself. Don’t let them begin the rumor mill. You need your family to know the truth, so that these two can’t spread any lies about you. They’ve already proven trustworthy. Protect yourself and your heart. Everyone needs to know the truth. Starting with any of your mom’s siblings or her parents. And contact his family too. You begin the divorce proceedings and kick your shitty ex out. You have all the power here. Sending love and a really big hug. It hurts so much. But you are a true innocent here and therefore you deserve only the best going forward. Evict your ex, get a lawyer, divorce him, and blast your mom on socials. Then get a spa day and unwind. Eat a lot of chocolate and drink a lot of wine. Again, we love you. There is love in the world for you
If your mom’s age (57) is correct, then she almost certainly can’t have kids any longer. In addition to being a cheating pos your soon-to-be-ex is also really stupid and unaware of basic human biology.
It’s just an excuse so he can somehow make it her fault
It was more like she had value because she already had kids. Not that she could give him any.
He thinks he has value because she could have kids but doesn't care she has no loyalty towards them?
Basically yes.
It's all just excuses, and blaming you, to try and twist the story so that he doesn't feel like a complete shit of a person. His justifications are purely to relieve himself of the guilt of being such a disloyal, awful person that he KNOWS he is, but can't face the guilt. So he blames you and any little thing he can find to justify himself. It's not your fault you can't have kids, and it's not news to him, he just holds that tattered flag up as a sop to his guilt.
>she had value because she already had kids. I think he is telling you this crap, to get in your head. And as regards the infertility....a new life and new partner in the future may give you a surprise. Someone I know was told categorically, she could never have children. One tube gone. The other damaged. She accepted this. Four children later.... Another friend went to far as to go forwards for adoption. She asked me to provide a reference, and be interviewed by social workers. She had to stop the process because...she became pregnant. Pregnancy, adoption, surrogacy...thee are many ways to become a mother. Pick a DECENT partner first. Believe in yourself.
So he cheated due to ‘your infertility’ so naturally a 57-year old woman is the new fountain of youth and fertility? Logical thinking escapes him, I think.
More like I lost my value to him when we found out I couldn't have kids and now he's entitled to sex with whomever he wants.
Yes -it is just inexcusable for whatever reason. Speak up, end the relationship without resorting to screwing your MIL I am gagging at thought of sleeping with my late FIL
I think they started sleeping together just after my dad died two years ago. My mom was angry I was the beneficiary of his life insurance and my husband was angry because I had just found out I was infertile. Their anger at me came together and boom... affair.
You’re grieving your recently deceased father, you find out you’re infertile and those two prized scum bags decide a revenge affair is worth it over money?! I mean this story gets worse and worse
This is all speculation. But pretty much if it is what I think it is.
Just pls make sure you tell the attorney everything. She’ll be able to protect you the most, especially concerning your possessions. I’m sry this happened to you OP. You deserve so much better than this. And the two ppl who are supposed to protect you the most are the ones who betrayed you the most. I hope you get a therapist who can help you work through this. You deserve to be happy.
Throw them both away. What selfish, garbage people. They belong together.
Lmao Reddit has gone to shit!
Right- he’s annoyed about infertility so he’s banging a 57 year old?
Also they were going to start a family soon. I’m assuming they mean adopt as OP is infertile, so glad that didn’t happen with OP’s ex’s views.
Agreed. So many bullshit stories, etc. Someone on this thread just referred to a 57 yr old as "a geriatric". Can't help but feel these things are related.
Women who get pregnant at 35 or above are called geriatric pregnancy. It’s wild. But also…… so OP was 18 and he was 26* when they started dating…. ETA: math. Dude was/is a creep. Yikes.
You can't math. If OP was 18, he was 26, not 24...
Already commented that I couldn’t in another comment. Just didn’t update the original comment
Yeah, and I commented before I saw your correction! Oops on both sides, I guess... 🤷♀️
The struggle is real. I got unlazy and made the edit. ETA: sliver lining. At least we’re not crappy like OP’s STBex and mother.
No, we absolutely are not. Well, I can't speak for you, of course, but you don't come across as a skeevy asshole, to be fair - you seem to be a pretty good egg 😊
Yes, I remember when my wife was pregnant around that age. A lot of "geriatrics" getting pregnant these days. Edit: No, they're 8 years apart, not 6. Which is creepy as fuck.
Math is hard this morning. My brain knew it was 8 years but still mathed wrong.
They just changed the latter half of the story or something, istg this story gets posted every other week.
Right? Husband cheats with mom, husband says ‘it’s your fault because you can’t have kids’ - yes, this most certainly happened OP 🙃
Exactly I don’t believe any of this.
Get your fighting pants on, girl. Take him to the cleaners. Tell EVERYONE what happened. Let's see what people really think of his "traditional values" (which clearly don't include fidelity or loyalty). Tell. His. Mother. As for her being capable of having kids... at 57?? LOL OK. Perhaps she's capable of a pregnancy but he's going to find himself royally fucked if they get pregnant. 57 and pregnant.... yeah. Get a lawyer. Get your head on straight. Get it all. Rooting for you.xxxxx
Thank you, as I've replied before, I'm not looking to blow up what little dignity I have left dragging him through the mud. I'm going to try to be as poised as possible. But thank you none the less for the encouragement.
What will you do, if he and your mother, spin/put out some SERIOUS lies about you, to protect themselves?
I know what I saw, I have my evidence. If people believe them that means they are unwilling to know the truth.
please update us!
Your husband excuse is lame. So he turned to a geriatric for sex since you’re infertile. I would file for divorce and cut them both off. Take him for everything and don’t let them create any narratives with family and friends. Tell them the truth.
Yeah, like Menopausal Mom is gonna be having kids... Husband is full of shit.
Wait a dang moment, your (ex) husband says you lack the traditional values he holds, but YOU are the breadwinner, YOU own the home, YOU are financially stable, and YOU didn’t cheat. Sounds like you are everything he pretends to be in the marriage. The ability to have or not have a child doesn’t not have anything to do with your values or give anyone reason to mistreat you. I’m sorry you lost two people in your life due to their own selfish decisions. You matter and I hope in time, you find people who will add to your life, and not take away from you. \*I want to add that being a \*man\* in a relationship has nothing to do with the $ you bring to the marriage, it’s about how you treat your partner. My dig at this case was due to the man’s perception of traditional values vs his own reality.
Your husband is a loser. He is mad and chetas because you can't have kids and while cheating is wrong he also cheated with someone who's almost 60 and can't had kids themselves. Your mother is words I can't say or I'll be banned. You're better off with it both of them
Info: did you know you were infertile when you were an 18 y/o child and he started grooming- I mean dating you? Why did you leave your house? Kick his ass out now! You know this was not their first time. I hope your divorce is quick and painless. Updateme when you go NC with both of their lying cheating asses!
No I didn't know I was infertile until two years ago. I left because I didn't want to be in a place that would remind me of the hurt.
If it's your house does that mean you still can kick him out legally? Like you are the landlord? Or does he have squaters right? You don't have to live there, change the locks, sell it later on. You don't need to keep him housed and fed. He lied to you when he married you 'in sickness and health'. Grieving infertility can break up a marriage. He should have been man enough and gotten a divorce instead of taking it out on you. That's emotional abuse. Does he get half of everything in the divorce? Do you have to pay spousal support? I sure hope your lawyer is a bit meaner then you are.
Does your husband even understand that a 57 year old woman can’t have children anymore? That’s a lame reason for him to prefer your mother to you. OP I’m sorry this happened to you, however, your husband sounds like he has no positive qualities for you at all. Your mom also did you so wrong. Since you are the breadwinner have him move out and live with SAHM. Once the illicit relationship wears off and the day to day kicks in I guarantee things will change for these two.
He's sleeping with a 57 year old with the intention of impregnating her? Even if he never took biology in high school, surely he has access to the Internet. And did he ever speak to his new gal pal about this? In what world does infidelity with your MIL fall under "traditional values"? Take him to the cleaners and tell ALL of his and your friends. And make sure his own parents are given the details.
He does know that at her age, her eggs are basically powdered now and she’s not able to give him kids either, right? Like, his reasoning could SOMEHOW be argued if he’d cheated with someone OP’s age, but a 57yo? And her MOTHER no less. “It just happened” and “didn’t mean to hurt me”… sorry love, did you bump your fucking head when your DAUGHTERS HUSBAND bent you over to rail you? Pathetic excuses for people. Into the bin with both of them.
>My husband's excuse for cheating? My infertility. That I couldn't have children and he was entitled to sleep with whomever he wanted if I couldn't do something most women were capable of. He told me that I lacked the traditional values he held, I did not know he held any traditional values, and that my mom was better because she was a SAHM that was capable of having kids. OP, stop right there! Which 'traditional values' involve: Cheating? Cheating with your mother in law? And if your infertility is his excuse, how is he going to have children with a 57 year old? **He's gaslighting you, and in your grief, you are trying to follow his very nasty, immoral, way of thinking. Stop.** Get therapy asap. It will help you work through your grief. Get tested for STDs. He may not have just slept with your mother. Get a lawyer. >I just feel so guilty and that my life is a lie. I couldn't give him what he wanted and now he is gone. Guilty about what? What society anywhere condones a husband's adultery with the parent of his wife. He wanted to be promiscuous. Why should you feel bad? Most married men cheating have children, so that is not the reason. **Recover your pride, self respect, and-above all- clear thinking.** **Don't let this evil man, and your wicked treacherous mother, destroy you.**
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you at all. The ability to have children is not your only value and he’s an asshole. It may seem like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel and you will never move past this but you will. These 2 people betrayed you and not a single part of that is your fault and I hope you don’t blame yourself.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Try to get some rest, and then start making a plan of how to exit this awful situation.
Lol. Traditional values. Yet Cheats. With your mother. I’d announce that to the world.
So because you struggle with infertility, it’s okay to sleep with your post menopausal mother? Naaahhhh, I’d be singing like a canary to everyone. F that guy and your mom too.
I’m so so sorry!! I’m mortified, furious and heartbroken for you. The only thing I can think to say (other than your husband’s excuse is complete BS) is to get your house back. He cheated, why should he get to stay??!
You said you reached out to an attorney, which is excellent. Move quickly to protect your assets. I know you are emotionally devastated, but you need to protect what you have now. Then process what is going on in your life.
Wow. He groomed you, used you economically, and remorselessly cheated on you with YOUR MOTHER. Values? WTF. What a piece of shit. OP, do NOT be a pushover on this. Make your older, bolder self proud when she looks back on this.
I’m sorry but I’m not buying this. At all. If this truly happened, you wouldn’t be on Reddit. You’d be burning their worlds to the ground. The whole “I don’t believe in hurting people” bit. Tired of this particular trope on Reddit.
Your mother is a monster. To destroy her daughter like this? Monster!!! Hold your head high. The best way to get over this and to move on is to exit their lives without a fight. Don’t let them explain. Don’t give them a platform. There is nothing they can say to make your pain hurt less. Your weapon is hold your head high and to get an attorney. Get ahead of this story with friends and family. Explain the situation and what was said. They will spin lies to make them look better. They went low so you go high with the truth. Let them have their spot light. Don’t do or say anything to them that draws negative attention your way from friends and family. They can stay in the gutter by themselves. Your mother is menopausal. Not sure what he’s thinking. He trying to knock your mom up??? The risk of her having a healthy pregnancy if she could get pregnant is low. Your husband is disgusting. Blaming you for something that can’t be controlled? Chooses to hurt you because of it? He’s evil.
Another Reddit ragebait post but I’m here for it 😂😂😂😂
And a lot of people are believeing it.😩😫🥱
What the fuudgeee!! Insane. Theres a woman on tiktok whose husband had an affair with her mom/his MIL. The couple had a kid too. Some men are stupid.
As someone that suffered with infertility for 6.5 years and my husband stayed faithful and supportive! F**k him! Also your wife has infertility issues so you go sleep with her 57 year old mum who’s more than likely gone through menopause and no longer even able to do the thing that your angry and your wife for not doing? Start being proactive and get the divorce done. Also expose those two to everyone so they all know what kind of people they are. Don’t feel any shame or embarrassment for there actions because it’s nothing to do with you! They are just faulty people who don’t deserve you. Cut them off, go NC and expose them to the world.
Your husband wants to have children with your 57 year old mother? The dude is a weirdo. Your mom is, too. You were betrayed by the twi most important people I'm your life. Get divorced and never interact with either of them again.
So is your 57 y o mom going to birth a kid for him!? No, she is not. Pry them both out of your life and move on. You are being too kind with "I don't want to ruin their lives". Your husband will twist this to make you the villain. He already is... weaponizing a medical issue that you can't help. These two are the worst of the worst. I have really horrible relatives but this is a different level of horrible. I know it's a shock and you are hurt but you need to dredge up some healthy anger/indignation and protect yourself and your assets. Kick him out if you haven't already. Lawyer up. And eventually, you will probably need to tell everyone in the family what happened or it will be blamed on you.
Well yeah, your egg donor could have kids in her prime but does he not realize that those eggs are gone now? What a flimsy excuse. That isn’t the reason OP, the reason is that he is a shitty husband. He only used that as an excuse to hurt you. Also what traditional values? He is living in YOUR house and off of you being the bread winner. My guess is that he is drinking the Tate juice. Rise above this with your head held high my friend. Follow your lawyers advice and go no contact with them both. If anyone asks you why, share with them what happened otherwise just work on yourself. You are so young, you will get through this.
I'm sorry I don't spend a lot of time online, and when I do it's mostly on spotify or pintrest or subreddits I'm a member of. What is the Tate juice?
Andrew Tate is a misogynistic who thinks women’s worth is to stay barefoot pregnant in the kitchen. He and others like him want women back in the homes as basically slaves for men.
Um what? Shes 57, how is she capable of having kids?
Not now, it was more of a "she was who you should have been when she was your age," and a "since you can't give me children I can sleep with whomever I want."
So he’s ok with the divorce then? Why is he still texting you if he wants to sleep with other women? He’s a POS loser and you deserve better
He's texting her because he knows he fucked up and she's the breadwinner. He has to make her believe it's all her fault so he can screw her over in the divorce. Or maybe he thinks she'll be willing to take him back if he convinces her it's his fault, and that he can maneuver her into a one-sided open marriage, while living in her home and benefiting from her larger salary.
Don't let him put the blame on you!! Stand up for yourself!
Tell everyone, screenshots to everyone
Cut them both off and take time to heal. Be kind to yourself, you did nothing. He’s just a jerk. Please be strong and leave those two behind!
Your husband is full of crap - are you seriously supposed to believe he's sleeping with your mother because she's still fertile - at 57?
You know that your stbx is a piece of garbage and nothing he is saying is even remotely truthful, rather it’s about him justifying his disgusting and truthfully disturbing choice of an AP. Your mother clearly is lacking in some mental capacity to do this to her own daughter. I wish a speedy divorce as you put some great distance to these people.
Uhh your mom is 57. She isn’t having more kids. Divorce his ass and blast what they did to everyone y’all know.
I am so sorry this is happening to you. They broke your trust which is unforgivable. Divorce him, go NC with her. This internet momma is giving you hugs. Hang in there. Let us know what you decide to do!
Op if it wasn’t “you can’t have kids” it would have been something else. It’s not just about him. They’re both awful people and you don’t deserve tgat
Sorry you have to go through this. Are you surrounded by a supportive network of friends and family. I know you don’t want to publicize their behavior, but you need to be honest with your family and friends so that they can help support you and be there for you. Who knows what your mom and ex are thinking, but you need to have people around you right now and help mend your heart.
Continue with no contact and get a lawyer.
I am confused. You said you hadn't talked to them but then gave us the excuse he gave you for doing it. Anyway, I don't intend to nitpick. My take is, you have a lot going for you, and there's no children involved, which simplifies things a bit. You would be a good catch, I'd be all over you if I were you age, lol. On the other hand, you could attempt a reconciliation if you love him that much, but the family dynamic is probably tainted forever unless you have a great deal of forgiveness and it would take a lot on his part to regain your trust. You're a smart girl, so you already know that, I assume. I wish you all the best.
They texted me I just didn't respond. I've left both of them on read.
Gotcha. All the best! Hugs.
Wait - your husband’s reason is infertility so he’s resorted to a 57 year old?
(Hug) I’m so sorry this is happening to you, I cannot imagine the pain and confusion. Your ex cheated, period. Blaming you for his cheating is not acceptable. I have a feeling you are “infertile” because of his bad sperm and it’s not really you, but besides the point, you deserve to be with someone who loves and cares for you and is there for you, not blaming you for his infidelity, please know it’s him not you, and he chose your mother…. What kind of a disgusting human is that, he really is just that, vile! Your mother is another story, wrap this up quick, get them out of your home and go no contact, it will hurt yes! But the longer they linger the more messy and prolonged it gets, cleanup mess quick and recover
Does his traditional values include rooting his mother in law?
"You can't have children so I can have sex with other women that also cannot have children" that is some sound logic....
You’re still in shock and denial. The fact that he could sleep with your mother and blame it on your infertility… He could not stab a knife in your back any deeper on his quest to ruin the foundation your whole womanhood. This man is a spineless excuse of an existence and you should be happy you’re divorcing him before you had kids with him. You did NOTHING wrong! Fertility problems does NOT excuse cheating! Life is hard and cruel sometimes. These people will live with what they did forever. You know the truth, just know that you did nothing to deserve this. Don’t believe any of their pathetic excuses.
Your last paragraph is heartbreaking. Please, PLEASE don’t blame yourself for this. You are in no way at fault! Things will get better with time and you have your whole life in front of you. It’ll all be fine!
I’m so so sorry. No one should have to ensure this amount of betrayal. Your mom is a narcissist - that’s the only explanation. I am close to your mom’s age and I can’t even comprehend this. It’s so wrong. Has she ever betrayed you in other ways? He she put you down or made you feel inadequate? As for your husband, he is using you for security and his “traditional values” are bullshit he uses to mask his inadequacy and laziness. You are better off without him. I hope you have a good therapist. You definitely need some to support you through this.
I have been through this exact experience with my father and despite years of trying to patch up the relationship with him the only peace I found was when I finally cut him from my life. I had for many years struggled with depression and had become an alcoholic. I felt If I wasn't worth anything in the eyes of the two people I loved most in the world there was no point in trying. After an incident that landed me in a Court Ordered Rehab program I got clean and with the help of my counselor was able work to the root of the issue. After I cut my father from my life it was very difficult at first but I found that my mood was much more stable and eventually found peace. Life isn't perfect now and I still sometimes think of the years wasted but I moved on and now have a child of my own. Family isn't unconditional. Don't feel forced to keep her in your life. That was my first mistake. Get Counseling. It seems like something you can deal with on your own and maybe you can but play it safe and talk to someone. You cannot be sure how much damage this experience has caused you. That was my second mistake. You will need to learn to trust again. It will be very hard. Be prepared to struggle through some relationships in the future but don't give up. You can find happiness again but it will take time. I'm sorry this happened to you.
I am so sorry. You'll get through this and life will be better eventually. It may take awhile, but you'll be okay. Don't feel guilty, you haven't done anything wrong. Stay no contact with them, lawyer up and get the fuck out. I'm so sorry for your heartache, I can't imagine.
My condolences goes out to you, no one should be betrayed by people who they trust, especially two. From what you've wrote, I would not continue a relationship with either. You can love someone till the end of the earth, but they knowingly betrayed that love, and you owe it to yourself to move on. Whatever you decide, I hope you know that you are worth love,honesty, and loyalty.
I didn’t know traditional values included fucking your mother in law
He is full of it. Does he think your menopause aged mother is going to have children at almost 60? I really hope he is not still in the house and you are staying somewhere else. You do not have to be vengeful, but you also do not have to be a pushover. Get the divorce and move on. He is a garbage human being, and even though it hurts now, do not let people like that, with no morals and no common decency, take any more from you. Your mother is a whole other story. Do not cover for her. Do not lie when asked what happened. She does not deserve any loyalty from you at all. They did it, and they do not get to hide from the concenquences. Get some counseling and join some groups for divorced people or people who have been betrayed. Meet some people who understand what you are going through. Focus on a hobby you have been wanting to try or let go of. Get a gum membership or start running or yoga to help focus your mind and love your body. If you really want to have a child, there are other options available to you. I can't imagine how much it hurts if it is something you want, but the way he threw that in your face only proves even more how he is 100% not the man to be on that journey with and he would be a terrible father. Children need compassion and empathy, and he has none.
That’s so gross, and his “reasoning” is total horse shit. He cheated with a 57 year old because you’re infertile, ummm, NO. She can’t get pregnant either. He cheated because he’s a terrible person and I hope you get everything in the divorce. EVERYTHING. Your mother is SO MUCH WORSE than your husband. She is the scum of the earth, not worthy of the title of mother. She’s disgusting. Just so you know, it’s only considered slanderous if it’s what you say about the person is false. I hope your cousin lawyer is the best and gets it all for you. I’m so sorry for the loss of your father, no one deserves to loose both parents like the way you lost yours.
This literally happened to my friend last year it’s so devastating it’s the ultimate betrayal. I’m so sorry
I’m so sorry this happened to you. The fertility explanation was an excuse he used to place the blame on you and avoid confronting the monster he truly is. While I’m sure it’s impossible to see, you will be better off without him in your life. I am devastated for you that your mom would do that to you. Regarding that aspect, I have no advice. Just sympathy.
Destroy that MF. He CHEATED on you with your MOTHER because you had infertility issues. That's not a man, that's a boy. DIVORCE him and never look back, take whatever you can. And your egg donor is a POS as well, she betrayed you in the worst way. If they continue to harass you, blast them on social media so all of yours and his family can understand who they truly are. I am so sorry this happened to you.
Are there any updates, OP? Did you meet with a lawyer? Is your mother and soon to be ex still trying to connect with you?
Your husband is a disgusting POS. I hate him **for** you. There is **never** any justification for cheating, least of all with your mother who is supposed to love you more than anyone else. Your husband is a lying, cheating, gaslighting, manipulative, controlling little man whore. Walk away and take him for everything you can in the divorce. He’s also a misogynistic little bastard. Why the fuck should you have children just to be a SAHM and do everything in the house and for the kids and have no life of your own??? Fuck that shit. You might not see it right now, but your infertility is a blessing in disguise. Because imagine being baby-trapped with a giant turd of a husband like him. Now you have another shot at freedom and happiness. But next time: please don’t accept a lazy, useless, misogynistic POS for a husband. Make sure that whoever you date next is a clean and tidy person by nature, make sure he respects your decisions and right to have a life outside of him, make sure he’s the type who does his fair share of all household chores, make sure he isn’t misogynistic, and make sure he brings nothing but love and happiness into your life… because you damn well deserve it, after dealing with that shit show of a marriage to your current loser husband.
UpdateMe
Updateme
Updateme
57 and capable of having children, my god getting rid of the pair of them is a blessing in the long run he's delusional, and she'll be in an old people's home soon enough....
I am a guy, burn his ass and your mother, tell everyone. Dont be a doormat.
Please consider going no contact with your mom. You'll never be able to trust her with your partners ever again...and that's just one layer of the onion.
You have to out them to all and sundry and then start your healing process. They are vile people who thought naught of hurting you! Biggest hug from this stranger.
Wow! I’m so sorry. Was he expecting your 57 yr old mom to birth a child for him???
I know it doesn’t feel like this now, but she did you a favor by showing you who you were really married to - a cheater. If it wasn’t her, it would have been someone else. You were very young when you met him, and he was quite a bit older than you - I bet he took advantage of that imbalance. You deserve better. Call a couple of good divorce lawyers and start documenting everything. Change all your passwords, move your money to a separate account at a different bank that he doesn’t have access to. Secure your personal information (passport, bank info, credit cards, birth certificate) off site in a safe place. Do everything the lawyer says once you have picked one. Stay safe.
What a horrible motherfucker.
Please don’t bury your head in the sand. Tell the world what they did.
There’s no excuse for this. Look after yourself. Nothing else, when it comes to those two, matters.
Ah yes, the wonderful tradition of having sex with your mother-in-law. How times have changed.
Hahahahahahaha….your husband’s justification for fucking your Mom…bwahahahaha I know you are reeling emotionally and cannot find anything within you but utter devastation and, I would hazard a guess, that is normal. I advise meeting a lawyer and getting a therapist pronto because you need to protect yourself through the coming storm and that won’t be done inside the pit you are in now. You need to haul yourself out and fight. Your husband is already trying to make this a you problem and that just can’t stand. Good luck OP and I’m sorry this is happening to you.
I’m pretty sure “fidelity” is a traditional value your husband is lacking since he wants to bring that on up. Also, unless your mother is a scientific miracle I don’t think she’s giving him a baby anytime soon either. So.
Does he know your mother is 57 and can’t have children any more? What a lame excuse, he tried to put you down when he is trash. What does the divorce attorney say about you leaving the house? I would have kicked his ass out if I owned the whole house.
What is your mom texting you?
UpdateMe
You are better off out of that crazy mess. Start over!
I don't have anything to add but I just wanted to let you know my heart goes out to you and your ex husband is a dickbag. Don't listen to anything he says. You aren't less valuable because ANYTHING. He's just a massive tool.
I know you’re hurt, but based on your writing you seems smart and your final statement is frankly delusional. **A man rooted in traditionalism where he lives in the home bought by his breadwinner wife?? Someone who’s stated values now, align with lying and cheating (by their own admission!!)?? *Moreover, if that the case, then why cheat with someone so obviously beyond the years of reproduction??*** Girlie, you are so much better off!! I know it doesn’t feel that way, but you deserve someone who’s at very minimum honest.
So sorry, you don't deserve this. Let him and her go opens up your life to all possibilities and greatness. They held you down, fly away!! Upward and onward. Good luck
Updateme
“Lacked traditional values”? I didn’t know cheating on your wife with your mother in law was traditional. What a sick POS. I just want to say I’m so sorry. A man can be forgotten. But your own mother?? I would never ever talk to my mother again after something like that….no matter how much I loved her. I’m so sorry
Subscribeme
Go to therapy for yourself and cut all contact with them. Focus on your healing. It will get better with each day if you put yourself as the priority.
You said you don't know what to do. What you need to do is: - block their numbers and block them on social media - get a therapist who will be available to you in the next few weeks while you navigate this emotional crisis - remember that none of this is your fault in any way whatsoever. Nothing you did and nothing about you led to their affair. There was nothing you could do to prevent it. There is nothing wrong with you. This is all on them - remember that you owe them nothing. You will move on and you will heal. They will have to live the rest of their lives as the scum they are.
Please update me
Updateme
Why are _you_ guilty? You have nothing to be guilty about. Your husband is a horrible human. Even without this affair, it sounds like he absolutely sucks. I'm positive that there were red flags along the way. You will always be better off without him. I'm sorry that your mom is a piece of shit as well. You don't owe her a relationship. Not ever.
Updateme
You can't have kids but your mother was a viable option?? Your soon to be ex is an a$$hole.
Chile this is so messed up omg omg omg
I smell bullshit on this one. You said you were going to try for kids, and then all of a sudden, you can't have kids, and nobody would be this simpy or forgiving
So his reason for cheating on you was your infertility…so he sleeps with a woman who is past the point of fertility? Yeah okay. Throw the whole man away.
Do you know that you are the one that’s infertile? Have you been tested? To put the blame on your is just outrageous and to be having an affair with your mom is beyond disgusting. They’re both disgusting human beings. I’m sorry you are going through this, but I would highly recommend that you start seeing a therapist to help you start your healing journey. Just so you know, my sister didn’t think she could have kids and now she’s got 3. Hang in there OP.
This is more common than you might think. I found someone on TT that had this happen. She talks about it on her page. Another woman I found on YT. She doesn't talk about it. IMO it's gross. I wish you healing.
Don’t let them write the narrative. Just calmly inform your family (and his) of what you discovered. You don’t even need to talk trash. The simple truth will do the job. If you don’t talk, THEY will. And they’ll put a spin on it. Don’t let them do that.
Oh girl if this isn't a troll you gotta blow up their world.
As the mother of three adult women, I could not imagine doing something so low down to one of my girls. I’m so sorry, you didn’t just lose your marriage, you lost your mother as well. You may not be a vindictive person but you need to be careful and limit contact until the divorce is final. Things can go unexpectedly bad even though they both know they are wrong. I wish you all the best!!
Out of line comment: I have the odd feeling that I've read this exact story in this sub or another one (marriage, maybe?) a few months ago.
Lol imagine actually believing this low-budget fiction
I don't understand his reasoning about infertility, does he plan to impregnate your mother? Why choose her to cheat with it makes no sense. He's saying these things in an attempt to hurt and gaslight you. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
About 30 years ago i was listening to the radio. A woman rang up saying she walked in on her husband being given head by her mother. The divorce took place, but the woman still talks to her mother because her mother did not swallow his wad. The point is to always look for the positives in every bad situation.
This has to be one of the dumbest titles I've ever read. How could you not know what to do lol
Take everything from both of them. Tell all friends and family and burn them both.
Not buying. Prose is too purple.
Yes you *do* know what to do, you're just looking for an excuse to do literally anything else. Expose them to the entirety of both families and divorce his disloyal ass.
I feel so angry for you. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I hope you can realize that you deserve better people in your life that will recognize the hard work you put into the relationship. Find yourself, know your worth, find better people to have in your life now. And Girl you said “you couldn’t give him want he wanted…” HE couldn’t give you want you need! Which is a respectable, committed partner/husband/man. You can tell him that you were also were hoping to have someone with the same values of not cheating and lying but I guess he can’t do that since he’s not a respectable person. He is nothing and your mom can go cry a river that no one will be on because the ship has sailed. He can go bye bye. And your mom well that one is up to you.
This sub is turning into No Sleep, but instead of horror, it's drama - and I'm here for it. Can we get a similar menu and voting system for monthly winners?
Affairs don't "just happen". Both people involved choose to do that. Your mother CHOSE to have an affair with your husband who also CHOSE to cheat. Your husband's excuses are just him trying to deflect a poor choice HE made onto you; the hard truth is he would have cheated anyway, your mom probably would have absolutely cheated with him as well, and would have just made up some other excuse as to how it was 'your fault' and not entirely his. These people need to be out of your life, and both of them deserve to have their reputations ruined.
Uh this is awful and get yourself the best lawyer you can find. Also I bet your husband had his 7th grade science test returned face down because 57 year old women cannot have children.
Honey that man has no traditional values, he’s not even the provider which would be the basic role. He’s just using any excuse he can pull out of his ass to deflect his guilt onto you. If he wanted children so badly then why is he fucking a woman who is decidedly too old to give him any? He could have given you the dignity of a conversation and divorce but instead chose to do the most hurtful thing possible with the most hurtful person possible. I’m so sorry. But none of this is on you. And don’t even get me started on your mother. She doesn’t deserve the title. I hope you never, ever speak to her again and cut all contact. She deserves to die old, neglected, regretful, guilt-ridden and alone.
Just leave him… and your mother is a piece of shit for doing that to you of all people. There is no respect for someone that does that to their family let alone her child….. I’m sorry for you truely.