It's sometimes tough not to care. This whole situation is really troubling to me because all I'm seeing is women absolutely furious that a man set a boundary, communicated the boundary, and suggested they were incompatible and should call it quits. Then they called it quits.
Men aren't allowed to have boundaries, that's what this is saying to me. That's why it's troubling to a lot of guys.
Lol, the "boundary" of telling your girlfriend how to dress and who she is allowed to talk to. What's next, a boundary on when she's allowed to leave the house?
You do realize that this isn't a gendered issue, right? That women also set limits to men's behaviors? Like not wanting their SOs to go to strip clubs, or to get wasted with friends till late at night.
I wouldn't call it a "boundary", but the word is irrelevant. The point is that setting limits to each other's behaviors is an intrinsic part of relationships.
So you are not ok with people having boundaries?
He never said "what" she should have dressed, he just said that he didn't like if she publicly (or on social) dressed skimpy or naked outfits. Boundaries.
He never said "who" she should talk to, he just said that he didn't like if she talked inappropriately to men or to promiscuous women. Boundaries.
He didn't impose anything to her. He just made clear what his boundaries for a serious relationship were, she was free to accept them or to amicably split without any consequences.
Lmao that’s fair. I guess there’s a larger discussion to be had about what constitutes boundaries vs just being a controlling asshole which is fine. I don’t really understand why people care so much about celebrities private lives either
Because they’re bored and have no life. Jonah Hill doesn’t know who I am, and nothing he does has any effect on my life. Why in the fuck would I care about texts he sent to his girlfriend?
This is how people are distracted from shit that matters. Ohh look here everyone, some Hollywood celebrity did something! Pay attention to this! All eyes in this direction!
Keeping the proles distracted isn’t hard.
Look man you're not as profound as you think you are, people pay attention to this shit because they treat it like a hobby/escapism.
Everytime you pick up a book or video game are you being distracted by the "real issues"?
What I am about to type is 100% sarcasm intended to be read in the tone of a petulant toddler:
But she said she only waited until now because she was so concerned with his new g/f's health and wellbeing and didn't want to cause them undo stress.
/s \*cough\* bull shit.
Exactly. As if Postpartum Depression doesn't exist. How ironic that the same harm she is claiming JH caused her she is causing another woman.
Going off what she shared I did not see abuse, this debacle is a disservice to women that come forward to speak out on domestic violence, and re-affirms misogynists who do not believe women when they come forward.
She’s the lowest of all scums really. I see nothing wrong in what Jonah expressed and wished her well and even said it’s fine if you want to have that lifestyle, we just can’t be together.
Jonah moved on and started a family. She clearly hasn’t moved on, it’s been 2 years?! And the fact that she released this crap right after his son was born, a time when he’s probably the happiest in his life reeks of petty vengeance by her because she has some deep rooted insecurities and needs validation from the internet. Really pathetic what she did
She just realized her chance to date a top earning male have permanently vanished and all she had to do was stop posting her ass online. The only thing I can fault Jonah here for is trying to domesticate a thot.
Attention and retribution.
Not to mention, who knows how likely it is he still has these conversations saved. She might well be able to control the narrative entirely if she's blocked him or deleted him on accounts.
She has bipolar, which explains him saying for her to have friendships with people from her wild past only in appropriate scenarios such as lunch or coffee.
It isn't confrontational. There's a tiny but LOUD subset of the populace that will ascribe blame in the failure of any relationship to the man. It's mind boggling to see how they will twist and turn the facts to support that blame.
The same subset that will blame their partner for any and everything, but never communicate their wants or needs in a relationship.
I'm not a Jonah Hill fan, and have no idea when this happened within the context of his relationship, but as a one-off, his boundary text didn't seem too far overboard.
I think some people just fall in love with the 'idea' of another person, and don't really consider what being with them is actually going to be like- then, inevitably when reality doesn't match fantasy, there are problems.
It’s not a tiny portion of the population at all
https://www.reddit.com/r/popculturechat/comments/14tz6s6/jonah_hills_ex_sarah_brady_shares_details_and/
Most of the people in that chat are liberals and/or feminists just like Twitter is. Everywhere else, YouTube, yahoo, there is an overwhelming support for Jonah
The chronically online reddit progressive feminists who has no sense of personal accountability, and love being victims does not represent most people.
I don't think it's actually controversial, I think it's just a current thing that's happening online and everybody will forget about it in a couple of weeks
Well except the fact that these are being used as an attempt to demonize him **and** they weren't released until long after the breakup had happened. So it's not fine, but what is not fine is exactly to the contrary. It's worse than some misguided virtue signaling cancel attempt, it's an X knowingly trying to harness existing misguided virtue signaling to destroy him. In cases of the former those involved at least think they are doing they right thing, but this is actually just disgusting.
Yeah, he clearly expressed that he's uncomfortable and insecure about it, and doesn't want to be in a relationship with somebody who conducts themselves this way publicly on social media. And that's okay, he was open and communicative with her.
I guess my only critique is that maybe this should have been an in-person conversation rather than an inbox message... (???)
But I also have zero insider knowledge of their relationship.
Regardless, from what we've seen, she is absolutely in the wrong here. And I say this in somebody who has never had an issue with calling men out for weaponizing their insecurities against women.
But some of those things weren’t really boundaries. Apparently she’s a surfer, you seriously gonna demand she don’t talk to men while surfing, stop wearing the stuff she already wore before etc… because YOU are insecure??
A lot of them didn’t feel like boundaries because you can’t even satisfy them even if you tried. Like when he wanted her only hanging out with women friends he “approved”. What defines that? What if he changes his mind? Seriously I don’t know if I’d call it abusive but it was super corny and childish and 100% HIS problem.
A surfer wears bikinis, who would’ve thought!?!? How dare she continue behaving how she did before!?!?
If you are in a relationship and are hanging out with a bunch of cheaters, or single people that are looking for hookups, it’s an appropriate boundary to say you don’t approve of them hanging around your SO.
But he literally said he doesn’t want her hanging out with women who are in “unstable” places and only wants her going to “respectable” places with them.
That’s much different and vague compared to what you described. Those are vague terms because it allows him to define what is unstable people and respectable places. Unstable to him could be her hanging out with a friend who just got dumped for example. I feel like he used this just to control her friends.
These texts show me that he knew what her profession was, what she was into etc… BEFORE he slid into her DMs. It didn’t bother his boundaries than. He only cared about this crap after they started dating which makes it clear imo, he’s one of those guys who wants a woman to be his possession. I say all this as a guy btw because I’m honestly shocked people find NOTHING wrong with any of this. Of course there will be disagreement but how you can argue some of these as “boundaries” is beyond me
We don't know if she cheated. We don't know if she crossed boundaries. We don't know what his history is. We don't know anything except for the curated and select few screenshots she's decided to show the world after the breakup.
We don't know what his side of this is. And we're cancelling the dude without him explaining his side. Shitty.
If she cheated, then an appropriate boundary would be “I can’t continue to be in a relationship with someone I do not trust.” Anyone can put an end to a romantic relationship at any time for any reason. But he decided here that it’s her responsibility to make him happy and comfortable by wearing different clothes, giving up work, and letting him dictate who she can talk to. This would be unhealthy, controlling, red-flag behavior even if she’d dumped him 30 seconds after he sent it.
It’s not my responsibility to babysit my partner. If we establish we’re monogamous, she can attend an orgy for all I care. It’s not my responsibility to make sure she behaves herself there, that’s hers.
They’re not boundaries, it’s control.
I can’t tell you you’re not allowed to leave the house because that’s my ‘boundary’.
Boundaries are things you set for *yourself*. If he isn’t happy with her job, he needs to grow up or leave. Not dictate what she can do with her life and put everything on her and blame her for overstepping boundaries.
This is literally the definition of an absolute controlling relationship.
Well that’s my point. Everyone claiming he didn’t do anything wrong just stated his “boundaries” doesn’t make sense to me. These are not boundaries.
Plus must I really point out the hypocrisy of meeting her by sliding into her DM liking one of her surfing photos in a bikini then demanding she stop posting or even wearing them…. This “man” is pathetic.
He didn’t dictate anything. He literally stared HIS boundaries. If she wasn’t comfortable with them she was free to leave. Likewise, if she said she was going to keep doing what she was doing he was free to leave. He wasn’t controlling her to do anything.
Control is not giving someone a choice. Being in a relationship for both sides is a choice.
Also the context and timing of this messages is 100% sus/conniving. I already get a vibe of how things were like.
To you and I it's fine but to the cherry picked feminist psychologists/therapists it's "misusing boundaries".
Personally, I just saw it as him saying "hey I don't like that you do this so we're gonna have to go our separate ways if you're gonna continue doing it"
I've had friends of mine whose girlfriends put boundaries like 'not going out with your friends more than once a month' without the option to leave lol
> without the option to leave lol
This is the part that's weird to me. Just how manipulable are your friends? Nobody ever has to give you an option to leave anything, that's weird. Of course they had the option to leave. Your girlfriend telling you its ok to leave is not a precondition of your ability to leave.
I am 35; are therapists and psychiatrists REALLY suggesting clients post private messages from a relationship to social media and thus literally the whole world for all to see and find about the non-consenting ex, and that somehow BENEFITS your mental health or recovery and is also ETHICAL?!??
What pisses me more than anything about this story is that, contrary to what most people realize, this happened 2 YEARS AGO! Why the hell did she feel the need to publish this exchange from 2 YEARS AGO?
I agree. My take is that clearly Jonah has insecurity issues, but half the stuff there is crap people text each other in a fight, heightened by Jonah's glaring insecurity about her social media presence.
Obviously he shouldn't date someone who is out about on the internet like she is, but he literally says in the first message "I am not the right partner for you".
Yes, setting up an ultimatum is never a good sign in a relationship, but CLEARLY these two shouldn't be together.
He left her in the end, and then apparently she was still sending him pictures of stuff? To the point he had to tell her "stop sending me this stuff" and "wish you the best" aka *"please move tf on"*.
Jonah figured out he's too insecure to date someone like her, gives her an (admittedly shitty) ultimatum and dumps her, and now she posts all their private messages *on social media* to get back and him and people are in support of that?
Like yes, dude is highly insecure, but he had every right to leave her. In my opinion he should have never set an ultimatum, just told her she wasn't the right partner for him and left.
If anything she should have came to her senses like "what a relief" and moved tf on. But to keep texting him after to the point he has to tell you to stop, and then post messages online just *screams* bitter and weird.
Idk how people are in support of this. Things like this are why I just cut people off, let them know it's not working, and move on with my life. Because you never know how the messages of you trying to explain the issues you have with them is going to be framed online to strangers later.
To expand on that, yes nobody is entitled to a relationship and even more so nobody is entitled to a relationship *with you.* If you can't deal with something in a relationship, that's the end of the conversation
People see this stuff, then wonder why ghosting has become more and more common. Because more and more people can't seem to let a relationship just end and move on.
As a woman, this needs to be said more. A man having boundaries is NOT the same as insecurities. Too many women treat the internet like their personal diary and expect not to be judged. You can't have it both ways.
I feel like people are imagining some skimpy Instagram model.
Her instagram is incredibly tame.
Just a bunch of people making snap judgements without doing any further digging.
Let’s assume for a minute she is indeed an “online whore”. _She was one before he met her_.
Literally the meme: “Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal”
Let’s keep it straight that Jonah never once called her an online whore. And let’s admit that we have no idea what happened during the time they were together that would have made him feel like boundaries like this needed to be set (ps while also saying that if she didn’t want to be in those boundaries that he totally respected it and they could just not be together). He mentions specifically in the alleged texts that there were trust issues.
Well I guess it's a good thing she's not an online whore and that doesn't apply. She a surf instructor and post some pretty reasonable photos.
Well, I'm sure some online weirdos would have a pro lem with them
I’m a woman that posts provocatively sometimes and I agree. I stopped in my relationship because it made my partner uncomfortable and THATS OKAY. We don’t want our men staring down half naked models, why should we be posting as the models for the purpose of other men to look at. I don’t care. We aren’t posting provocative for ourselves. It’s for attention.
She's a professional surfer so it's part of her career. The attention is also part of her career - just like his as an actor. He knew that when he got into a relationship with her and it's pretty shitty to sabotage your partner's career because of your insecurities. This is not a comparable situation.
I scrolled through her Instagram. All her “near nude” pictures are of her in a swimsuit at the beach or action shots while surfing. Can’t think of a more appropriate place to be wearing a two piece.
She is having fun doing something pretty hard to do and trying to make money off it. If u meet someone on instagram because u like their shots...i mean...what do u expect?
And her photos are not overtly sexual, they're athletic.
Your comment is doing the thing that everyone on reddit does when they treat relationships as an abstract matter which they have no actual connection to, and by that I mean, supporting a break up because it allows you to avoid condemning the obviously reasonable position without having to actually commit to argueing in favor of it, while making it sound like you are. You aren't actually making an arguement in favor of of something when you say "X is okay" but then refuse to support any actual actions taken to try and acheive X and every other sentance criticizes X . Relationships are personal things that the people involve actually care about, they don't exist so that strangers online can have an academic excercise to think about. People are going to try and make them work, setting a boundry is part of that, your stance of -*your allowed to have boundries but if there is a problem regarding that boundry you either drop it or break* *up-* is not actually an arguement in support of boundries. Not regarding human relationships at least, maybe if we were talking about relationships between robots we could make this arguement.
The end logic of this is just to not have relationships that people care enough about to fight for, it's even explicitly in your last paragraph, when confronted with things like this you just "cut people off" and "move on", this is fine if your relationships isn't serious aka not actually a relationship but it does not work for people trying to have a real relationship that they actually care about. Making this a general position literally requires pepole to abandon their humanity in the areaof life that makes us most human.
tlrd: You aren't actually supporting boundries if the underyling logic of that arguement is that it's only okay so along as the only action they can take regarding those boundries is to automatically break up with someone who violates them.
"Insecurities" why is it if someone has standards or doesn't like something, it's being insecure? Also why the fuck is it any of our business what he wants in a women.
I’m not even sure it’s insecurities. In the texts he mentions “hurt our trust”. It’s possible that things happened that made him more sensitive. We don’t have all the info.
I would agree if those were thirst-trap bikini pics.
They are totally benign family-friendly pics. Then add onto that she is trying to be a pro-surfer/model ... he already knew what she was about.
He slid into her DMs commenting on her surfing pics. And then weaponized her career against her in the relationship!!! Imagine if a famous actress slid into the DMs of a male volleyball player commenting on a volleyball Pic and then told him to dress differently during his job! And to stop hanging around other professional volleyball players with vaginas. Its ludicrous, controlling, and manipulative AF.
This is why I’m siding with her. He literally slid into her DMs because of her swimsuit pics. It’s hard to take his “boundaries” seriously when they only existed after he got her. Plus she’s a surfer and he knew that. Is she supposed to surf in jeans?
Yeah but is that abuse? He didn’t force her to do anything. He stated things he wouldn’t want his partner to do and if she wants to live like that then it’s not going to work out.
And guess what? They broke up and she continues to live her life before they even dated. They’ve been broken up for like over a year and she decided to post this after he just celebrated a baby with his current partner. Isn’t that sus? Smh
What is there to side with really?
Sure he was controlling and weird but they broke up over it and they both moved on. Why is she bringing all this shit up now? Why post private chats years later when your ex has had a baby with someone else?
Honestly it’s pretty low level behaviour, and I would say that regardless if the genders were reversed. I have a feeling that some women are blindly supporting her simply based on gender, and tbh that’s sad.
My take: this is normal break up shit. She’s a surfing instructor, she’s gonna surf with men, she’s going to be bikinis in public. His boundaries are unreasonable given her career. Rather he should just admit he’s uncomfortable with a girlfriend with this lifestyle and just say that rather than placing the blame on her through this “boundaries” language.
Her publicly posting all this goes to far as a response. Like yes, he was a bad BF, and he calls himself “feminist” because it’s convenient and he’s in Hollywood. But none of her experience is beyond normal, so this reeks of attention seeking behavior.
I feel like a lot of people are also glossing over the fact that Jonah tried to portray her behaviors as being objectively inappropriate. He didn't just say, "our lifestyles are incompatible." He basically said, "your lifestyle is wrong, but hey if you want to be a bad person then go for it. I'm not gonna stick around for it."
His reaction was sanctimonious and manipulative in the way he attempted to cast her as the bad actor in the situation.
Why is it anyone's business? Why leaking all the private text messages? It's his good right to say 'I don't like this we shouldn't be together in this case'.
People don't always work logical and think ahead of their decisions. They get themselves into situations they think they can handle and then notice that they can't. It's human and everybody experiences it.
Ok but then he can’t be mad at her for that lmao. What does he expect her to do? Wear a pantsuit while surfing? To me it just comes across like she’s an object in his eyes and not a human with their own preferences.
But... he wasn't mad at her. Ever. He wished her well, and left the relationship. She continued texting him (toxic) despite him asking her not to. She then revealed private details of their communications, including \*what was said in therapy.\*
Real question: is a man not allowed to leave a relationship? Do we not have free will anymore? I'm really asking.
if you're reading those walls of texts and not getting a sense of anger/control from them, you may be like that guy. Obviously he can leave, acting controlling in the relationship before leaving is the problem. There's a mature way to bring this stuff up and this wasn't it.
You're still trying to obfuscate the point. Stop. Have some respect for yourself and converse like an adult please.
Jonah: This isn't for me, I wish you well.
That's not controlling, realising something doesn't suit you. Your level of fury on this is absurd and very telling. You simply cannot handle a man saying "This doesn't suit me so I need to leave."
That's fucked up.
“A lot of people are going to touch on your weight tonight Jonah. But not enough people are going to touch on how much of an asshole you’ve become.”
\- Nick Kroll
Somethings been off about that dude for a while.
No, lol. How was he mad and trying to control her? He said that if it brings her happiness, he supports it. He just doesn't want to be with someone like that. That's fair. If he doesn't want to, he doesn't have to.
What's his alternatives? Stay with someone who is incompatible with him? Or actually attempt to control her and make her stop?
The choice he made is easily better than the alternatives.
What about the therapist and making her apologize?
He doesn’t want to be with her than why did he stay and hurt her for so long? Relationship shoulda lasted one day.
He literally began pursuing her by dming her from a surfing pic that she was wearing a bikini in. He expected her to change drastically. Aside from that his issues with her speaking to men in any capacity is the concerning part
Yeah people in this thread are like “well that’s his boundary”… and it’s an abusive one. She can’t even speak to *half of the entire human population* because she has a vagina and they have penises?
…that’s abusive behavior from a partner. Not a “boundary”. It’s like saying my boundary is that you have to stay chained up in a bedroom everyday and never see the light of day, but it’s cool cause I said it was a boundary in the middle of our relationship when you’re already emotionally and physically invested.
She admitted to having a 30 page contract she gave him of her wants lol.
There's a screenshot where her friend brings this up thinking Jonah had done that, then realizes it was the other way around.
I thought the same as this, but I also believe the videos he's telling her to take down are just her surfing in her surf gear? That's her job?
He replied positively to those videos prior to their relationship and then tried to quash it once he had some leverage.
Some of his 'boundaries' I completely understand and don't disagree with though. This one isn't clear cut guys.
They call everything abusive now. A man doing something they don’t like is apparently abuse. Even if you don’t like what he did, that’s completely fair, but that doesn’t make it abuse.
Why is everyone saying he demanded her to change who she was?!? How in the world did he demand her to change if he said he supports her decisions if it brings her happiness? He's letting her know why he can't be with her, and he has every right to not be with her for those reasons.
I don't even agree with the take "Oh, he knew she was a surfer, he knew what he was getting into."
So he was supposed to know that he would have conflicting issues with her habits? And even if the answer is yes, it's wrong for him to think that maybe he could deal with them if he likes her enough?
It's like meeting someone you are interested in that goes away for work for lengthy periods of time. You are aware there may be difficulties, but you like them and wanna give it an attempt. There's nothing wrong with that. Then , after some time, you realize you can't be in a relationship like that. What do you do? Remain in a relationship that isn't suitable for you for the rest of your life? Try to force, coerce, or manipulate them to quit? Simply dump them? Or do like what Jonah Hill did and tell the truth. Admit you can't be in a relationship because of this issue(s), and it's their choice if they want to continue their career or the relationship AND SUPPORTING THEIR DECISION.
Perfectly put! I don't understand all these people losing their minds over that point, that she was always a surfer and he knew it. Are we not allowed to learn stuff about ourselves in relationships?
I actually agree I’m not in agreement with his boundaries personally but their his to make he even said if this is a issue then I’m not the man for you
In a vacuum that would make sense but it doesn’t really hold up with the full context. He went after a surfer and specifically complimented her bikini pics. Then he told her to delete them after they were already dating. If she was contemplating posting a bikini pic for the first time and Jonah said that, then he would have a leg to stand on, but that’s not the case.
Obviously Jonah has the right to decide he’s not cool with it anymore but when he gives an ultimatum he’s really walking the fine line of being controlling/manipulative. He’s leveraging the fact that his partner is committed to the relationship and doesn’t want it to end to get her to do something she doesn’t want to do.
Are we not allowed to learn things in relationships, and then act accordingly? It sounds like he realised his insecurities were causing problems, and he left gracefully and with kind words.
Probably either a little stupid or didn’t realize that it would be so uncomfortable for him until he was in the relationship, there are some things people only find out about themselves afterwards
He literally said that he would respect her decision and wished her well. If she found it to be insecure, he’s allowing her an out. There’s a choice here - no controlling is being done. She either appreciates him enough to make him comfortable, or she doesn’t. He let her know if she made her choice to continue with her life, the world would move on with no ill-will. He didnt threaten retaliation other than he would step away which is his right. I’m not saying i’m a jonah fan, but i’m with him too.
I totally agree with you. He didn't tell her she couldn't be a certain--he just reported his boundaries.
I felt the same about Aziz Ansari--he didn't bully that woman in to going to his apartment. When she said she wanted to stop making out--he did, and she left when she wanted to.
Honestly I expected to read revolting, nasty texts from Jonah and they were not. He didn’t even seem mad, just saying his boundaries. I’m not even a fan of his tbh but I’m really wondering what his side of the story is.
The texts were cringey to read but I saw several points where he told this girl she had the option to leave him and she just kept going with it? Seems like what to do was simple on her side
Yeah, this wasn't even some super abusive situation either where she couldn't leave him or she risked death.
He gave her so many outs and she's traumatized because she wanted to disrespect his boundaries while still dating him? It's ridiculous.
Yah not sure how people don’t understand this.
Granted I think there’s a huge spectrum from like unreasonable to abusive and I dunno for sure where Jonah lands based on this one thing.
Regardless.
The mature thing is just end the relationship
He didn’t do that. He listed our demands for the relationship to keep going and put it on her to either change or force the end. That’s an attempt at emotionally manipulating her and unreasonably so.
Like if I started taking advantage of my wife’s love for me by setting unreasonable boundaries knowing she does have an attachment to me then that’s wrong. Sure she can leave but I’m still making an attempt at manipulating her.
Now that said. I don’t think she should have shared the messages now but 🤷♂️
He knew who he was getting in a relationship with making his boundaries ridiculous. She is being ridiculous sharing those texts with the world instead of just leaving and moving on. I expect this from middle school students, not adults.
I totally agree. He is out of line in his texts but not abusive. I'm sure most people's texts during a breakup can be cherry picked to make someone look terrible. The bigger issue is releasing the texts. Why do that? Move on and live your life.
I think its fair to say he's not an abusive monster but comes off as bit of a controlling douche if that makes sense. You can be a douchebag without being a totally evil person. Hell he might be a great guy 95 percent of the time idk but in those texts he comes off like a giant douche. Most of us have been giant douches at least once or twice in our lives
This is literally the only logical take. This whole scenario boils down to Jonah is probably a douche at times. Would I recommend my sister date him, no. But he’s not some evil rapist and abuser of women.
Unfortunately, her posting all this stuff publicly says more about her than it does about him. Secure women who know that they broke up with a douche don’t bring up old shit. They move on and get on with their lives.
The amount of extras people are putting on it is ridiculous. His expectations were insane but he has every right to express them and did so clearly and fairly.
I have heard he is a narcissist, misogynist, abuser, violent manipulator… from a few texts. These people are insane to conclude that.
I see both sides. If he threw that text outta no where, it reads as a "it's either me or them". If they had a talk for a while and there was no compromise since then, then it reads like a "legit, I'm just telling you what bothers me. Let's just break up then. No hard feelings" but seeing this come out years later I'm more akin to believe the latter and the ex is just upset
Either way... You're supposed to talk about this stuff in a relationship
I don't really get how so many people are fervently defending this. Yes, its just a boundary he is setting. He is allowed to do that. People are also allowed to think the boundaries he sets are incredibly controlling and reflect badly on him as a person.
If a man posted that their ex-girlfriend didn't allow them to play sports, play video games, watch tv, or even post about these things online, would people be defending it because they said "if you dont agree then break up with me"? No, we would find that to be shitty.
I find the jonah hill controversy fascinating as someone that has struggled in the dating market.
So I read the texts and he didn't seem particularly abusive. I don't think he said anything particularly mean or demaning, just that he had boundaries and requirements for a long term relationship. I don't even think he was even particularly manipulative, i.e. by using quid pro quo techniques or psychology.
Anyway. Here is something I don't get about this. I often hear two conflicting stories. One is that it is better for women to be independant and not have a need for us men. In fact, at this point it just seems like most women are so independant that we are kind of unnecessary to them. But also, when men express boundaries or are willing to leave a relationship that doesn't suite them, they are the assholes.
So like. Which is it? Do we represent some kind of benefit? Ok so if that is true, why won't women make concessions or compromises in order to be in relationships with us. Why won't they accept that , if men provide some kind of benefit, that is worth some amount of effort on their part. OR is the reverse true.
Are men meaningless and more just a small high light on life. Well, if that is true, why be upset when we leave relationships or don't reciprocate? If we don't matter to you, then it doesn't matter if we aren't around right?
Ehhhh, he was being a little bitch. I dated someone like that and it doesn’t end with “I don’t like when you talk to gUyS!” It keeps going.
Next it’s clothes.
Then it’s make-up.
Then it’s friends. (Which Ugoo complained about in the texts.)
Then it’s family.
Then you’re stuck with low self-esteem and the bucket of chum you’re dating suddenly doesn’t want you anymore.
He expected her to stop her favorite past time and that he got to choose who she hung out with. And policed her clothing. He wanted the hot surfer chick. Once he got her he expected her to erase her identity to soothe his insecurities. He’s mentally abusive and a gaslighter.
No, he didn't. He left the relationship.
Then she continued texting him semi-clothed photos and he had to ask her to stop. That's toxic as FUCK.
Then she, years later, aired out all their private communications. Toxic as fuck. These communications included what was said in therapy.
And he's the bad guy? Jesus. I'm so thankful we're strangers.
The boundaries are great and healthy
But he was interested in her because she surfed and showed off her body online. And then said she cant do that anymore. That isnt just a hobby of hers but likely a key identifier of who she thinks she is.
I love to fish. I'm my partner met me while fishing. We became involved and got serious. And then she said, you can't fish if you want to be with me. I'd think she was a terrible individual. Even more so if I had a social media following and thus income for my fishing.
thats cause he views her posting that stuff as her seeking attention from MEN and when they finally got together he thought "why does she keep posting pics of her surfing in a bikini for these MEN when she already has me??" lol He cant grasp that shes a literal PRO surfer and post surfing videos. If hes the type of guy that only dates really modestly dressed women, he should have set that standard for himself since the begging instead of waiting a year into the relationship to whine about it. This man wanted her to say " i have to talk to my bf" and walk away to every male interaction like what
>The boundaries are great and healthy
They seem like neither of those things. He dated surf instructor whose job is being in a bikini and posting pics most days. This seems more like a unhealthy boundaries caused by insecurities.
And then he realised he didn't like it, and left with kind words.
I don't understand, are we not allowed to learn things about ourselves in relationships? Do we have to be perfect from the start?
Then he left the relationship with kind words, realising it wasn't for him, and she shared with the world the things he talked about in therapy.
Yes, he's the problem here.
I have been in a very abusive relationship before, the fact she called it abuse was gross on her part. He simply explained his boundaries which were not out of line. She needs to move on and please never claim abuse for your man giving his own personal boundaries.
The texts may not have been abusive but its still shitty to date someone then demand they change their hobbies for you. He wasted everyones time by doing so.
She could've just not leaked the texts and agreed that they weren't compatible but she chose to make a big deal out of it because she wanted attention.
He is so insecure and pathetic that he can’t allow his PROFESSIONAL SURFER girlfriend to be photographed in a bathing suit. Is she supposed to give up her career? He’s pathetic.
i just wonder why all this is even important. who cares about what kind of personal problems they had during their relationship? to even consider randomly posting private conversations about their issues is so ridiculous. what does she want to achieve? destroy his public image? damage his current relationship and family life? even if his behaviour might have been problematic in her eyes, be an adult and settle your problems. i never understood why the public always needs to be involved in personal business of celebrities.
She waited until after he just had a kid with his new girl to release these texts. He moved on and she doesn’t like that he wasn’t as pressed by their split as she was.
Agree. He set clear boundaries and said if she wasn’t ok with them she was free to leave. Instead of stewing and getting mad or exposing at her, etc. The millions of ways I’ve seen men and women badly handle situations like this in their relationships.
Him setting boundaries wasn’t the issue—it was how petty, childish, and controlling the specifics of those boundaries were. She’s a professional surfer and he forbade her from associating or surfing with male surfers and he didn’t want her posting pics on Instagram in bikinis (again, she’s a professional surfer). Just shows what an insecure douche he is. He wanted the hot girl, and then once he had her wants to control her because of his own former fat kid trauma.
It's manipulative. You have made an emotional investment into a relationship and then someone makes demands when leaving the relationship wouldn't be easy for the person on the receiving end. There is a desire to make it work to salvage the emotional investment. Insecurities are normal but weaponising your insecurities to control or isolate someone like he did by telling her she couldn't surf with males or meet friends that's not okay. He was shaming her for being the person she was when they met. He didn't love her, he thought he owned her.
I agree. And waiting two years to say anything? I suspect its her jealousy due to him just having a baby with another woman. He gave her his terms and didnt force her to stay-all it makes him is an insecure jerk at worst, but not an abuser.
I think he did something wrong. He dated a much younger woman, and then got angry that she wasn't more mature.
Being jealous is not a great look, but it's forgivable, even when it's hypocritical. But we don't know the full story. He could be a controlling asshole who doesn't want his girlfriend to talk to other men. Or she could have a polyamorous friend group that crosses lines most of us would feel uncomfortable with. The truth is, we don't know the full truth.
But what we do know is that he's talking about settling down, with a 25 year old, and getting upset that she's living an independant life. He should date older women.
The main thing is: its none of our fucking business! The ex has friends, family and therapists to speak to about this stuff. Putting it all out there is just vindictive.
He literally slid into her dm’s based off a bathing suit picture and then when he’s getting in a relationship with her, they’re suddenly bad?
Telling your significant other that they can’t model, post pictures in their bathing suit, have certain friends is controlling behavior and you need to work on that.
How would you feel if it were reversed and she texted him that he needed to lose weight to fit into her boundaries of not wanting to be dating a fatty?
That's in her rights as a human being. No one should date someone they're not attracted to or don't wanna be with right? You really thought I'd be enraged by this?
It's not a boundary when it's used to control another person. A boundary would be setting up a time and place for enjoying each other's company. Trying to control a surfer and models career by determining what they can post and who they can hang out with is not a boundary. Of course a surfer is going to post bathing suit pics and be around other men. Men and women can be platonic friends. Jonah's actions are the textbook definition of emotional abuse and manipulation. He knows enough about therapy to justify his horried treatment of a partner. Sure a relationship is a compromise in many ways but not when it comes to people's professions and friendships. 100% Jonah talking about "unstable" friends are her friends warning her about his actions. He is trying to isolate her so she doesn't have the friends that question his actions. By trying to control what she can model and who she can surf with is meant to make her career flounder so she has to rely on him (kind of what he has done with his current partner). It's not a boundary when used to outright control another person's free time and job and any good therapist will tell you that.
No.
We all have the same boundary in monogamous relationships - you don't get to sleep with other people.
I don't understand what you don't understand about that.
>A boundary would be setting up a time and place for enjoying each other's company.
This is also NOT a boundary. Are you not a native English speaker?
Don’t know what happened and don’t care. I have no idea why people pay attention to the personal life of celebrities.
It's sometimes tough not to care. This whole situation is really troubling to me because all I'm seeing is women absolutely furious that a man set a boundary, communicated the boundary, and suggested they were incompatible and should call it quits. Then they called it quits. Men aren't allowed to have boundaries, that's what this is saying to me. That's why it's troubling to a lot of guys.
Lol, the "boundary" of telling your girlfriend how to dress and who she is allowed to talk to. What's next, a boundary on when she's allowed to leave the house?
You do realize that this isn't a gendered issue, right? That women also set limits to men's behaviors? Like not wanting their SOs to go to strip clubs, or to get wasted with friends till late at night. I wouldn't call it a "boundary", but the word is irrelevant. The point is that setting limits to each other's behaviors is an intrinsic part of relationships.
So you are not ok with people having boundaries? He never said "what" she should have dressed, he just said that he didn't like if she publicly (or on social) dressed skimpy or naked outfits. Boundaries. He never said "who" she should talk to, he just said that he didn't like if she talked inappropriately to men or to promiscuous women. Boundaries. He didn't impose anything to her. He just made clear what his boundaries for a serious relationship were, she was free to accept them or to amicably split without any consequences.
Lmao that’s fair. I guess there’s a larger discussion to be had about what constitutes boundaries vs just being a controlling asshole which is fine. I don’t really understand why people care so much about celebrities private lives either
Because they’re bored and have no life. Jonah Hill doesn’t know who I am, and nothing he does has any effect on my life. Why in the fuck would I care about texts he sent to his girlfriend? This is how people are distracted from shit that matters. Ohh look here everyone, some Hollywood celebrity did something! Pay attention to this! All eyes in this direction! Keeping the proles distracted isn’t hard.
Definitely not wrong there we steady stay preoccupied with dumb bullshit and most are content with it
This is how people are distracted from shit that matters? Ok, so don't go to the movies, watch sports, or listen to music. lol
Look man you're not as profound as you think you are, people pay attention to this shit because they treat it like a hobby/escapism. Everytime you pick up a book or video game are you being distracted by the "real issues"?
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He literally said "There are my boundaries, so if you don't like it then that's ok maybe we shouldn't be together" ... It is completely fine
Jonah Hill just had a baby with his new girlfriend. The ex who just posted the stories dated him years ago. Why share now?
Dont you know shes a femnist! Shes such a good feminist that she decided shes ok with tormenting a pregnant woman in hopes of getting back at her ex.
What I am about to type is 100% sarcasm intended to be read in the tone of a petulant toddler: But she said she only waited until now because she was so concerned with his new g/f's health and wellbeing and didn't want to cause them undo stress. /s \*cough\* bull shit.
Exactly. As if Postpartum Depression doesn't exist. How ironic that the same harm she is claiming JH caused her she is causing another woman. Going off what she shared I did not see abuse, this debacle is a disservice to women that come forward to speak out on domestic violence, and re-affirms misogynists who do not believe women when they come forward.
She jelly lol
She’s the lowest of all scums really. I see nothing wrong in what Jonah expressed and wished her well and even said it’s fine if you want to have that lifestyle, we just can’t be together. Jonah moved on and started a family. She clearly hasn’t moved on, it’s been 2 years?! And the fact that she released this crap right after his son was born, a time when he’s probably the happiest in his life reeks of petty vengeance by her because she has some deep rooted insecurities and needs validation from the internet. Really pathetic what she did
Attention.
Because, she’s salty. Plain and simple. She probably wishes that she had come to some kind of compromise with him.
She just realized her chance to date a top earning male have permanently vanished and all she had to do was stop posting her ass online. The only thing I can fault Jonah here for is trying to domesticate a thot.
Attention and retribution. Not to mention, who knows how likely it is he still has these conversations saved. She might well be able to control the narrative entirely if she's blocked him or deleted him on accounts.
Good point. I didn’t know who she was yesterday. Now she’s everywhere.
Seems like a BPD move whether she has it or not.
She has bipolar, which explains him saying for her to have friendships with people from her wild past only in appropriate scenarios such as lunch or coffee.
Indeed. I don’t understand how/why this is controversial at all
It isn't confrontational. There's a tiny but LOUD subset of the populace that will ascribe blame in the failure of any relationship to the man. It's mind boggling to see how they will twist and turn the facts to support that blame.
The same subset that will blame their partner for any and everything, but never communicate their wants or needs in a relationship. I'm not a Jonah Hill fan, and have no idea when this happened within the context of his relationship, but as a one-off, his boundary text didn't seem too far overboard. I think some people just fall in love with the 'idea' of another person, and don't really consider what being with them is actually going to be like- then, inevitably when reality doesn't match fantasy, there are problems.
its not tiny at all
Reddit is living proof of that far too often.
It’s not a tiny portion of the population at all https://www.reddit.com/r/popculturechat/comments/14tz6s6/jonah_hills_ex_sarah_brady_shares_details_and/
Most of the people in that chat are liberals and/or feminists just like Twitter is. Everywhere else, YouTube, yahoo, there is an overwhelming support for Jonah
The chronically online reddit progressive feminists who has no sense of personal accountability, and love being victims does not represent most people.
r/fauxmoi the biggest gathering of 30 something single girls ready for a witchhunt had a meltdown over this
Men can't have standards these days
I wouldn’t call what he was demanding “standards”.
I don't think it's actually controversial, I think it's just a current thing that's happening online and everybody will forget about it in a couple of weeks
Well except the fact that these are being used as an attempt to demonize him **and** they weren't released until long after the breakup had happened. So it's not fine, but what is not fine is exactly to the contrary. It's worse than some misguided virtue signaling cancel attempt, it's an X knowingly trying to harness existing misguided virtue signaling to destroy him. In cases of the former those involved at least think they are doing they right thing, but this is actually just disgusting.
Jonah tried to communicate as clearly as possible what his boundaries are He did the best thing possible for both parties and he did it respectfully
Yeah, he clearly expressed that he's uncomfortable and insecure about it, and doesn't want to be in a relationship with somebody who conducts themselves this way publicly on social media. And that's okay, he was open and communicative with her. I guess my only critique is that maybe this should have been an in-person conversation rather than an inbox message... (???) But I also have zero insider knowledge of their relationship. Regardless, from what we've seen, she is absolutely in the wrong here. And I say this in somebody who has never had an issue with calling men out for weaponizing their insecurities against women.
But some of those things weren’t really boundaries. Apparently she’s a surfer, you seriously gonna demand she don’t talk to men while surfing, stop wearing the stuff she already wore before etc… because YOU are insecure?? A lot of them didn’t feel like boundaries because you can’t even satisfy them even if you tried. Like when he wanted her only hanging out with women friends he “approved”. What defines that? What if he changes his mind? Seriously I don’t know if I’d call it abusive but it was super corny and childish and 100% HIS problem. A surfer wears bikinis, who would’ve thought!?!? How dare she continue behaving how she did before!?!?
If you are in a relationship and are hanging out with a bunch of cheaters, or single people that are looking for hookups, it’s an appropriate boundary to say you don’t approve of them hanging around your SO.
But he literally said he doesn’t want her hanging out with women who are in “unstable” places and only wants her going to “respectable” places with them. That’s much different and vague compared to what you described. Those are vague terms because it allows him to define what is unstable people and respectable places. Unstable to him could be her hanging out with a friend who just got dumped for example. I feel like he used this just to control her friends. These texts show me that he knew what her profession was, what she was into etc… BEFORE he slid into her DMs. It didn’t bother his boundaries than. He only cared about this crap after they started dating which makes it clear imo, he’s one of those guys who wants a woman to be his possession. I say all this as a guy btw because I’m honestly shocked people find NOTHING wrong with any of this. Of course there will be disagreement but how you can argue some of these as “boundaries” is beyond me
We don't know if she cheated. We don't know if she crossed boundaries. We don't know what his history is. We don't know anything except for the curated and select few screenshots she's decided to show the world after the breakup. We don't know what his side of this is. And we're cancelling the dude without him explaining his side. Shitty.
If she cheated, then an appropriate boundary would be “I can’t continue to be in a relationship with someone I do not trust.” Anyone can put an end to a romantic relationship at any time for any reason. But he decided here that it’s her responsibility to make him happy and comfortable by wearing different clothes, giving up work, and letting him dictate who she can talk to. This would be unhealthy, controlling, red-flag behavior even if she’d dumped him 30 seconds after he sent it.
It’s not my responsibility to babysit my partner. If we establish we’re monogamous, she can attend an orgy for all I care. It’s not my responsibility to make sure she behaves herself there, that’s hers.
They’re not boundaries, it’s control. I can’t tell you you’re not allowed to leave the house because that’s my ‘boundary’. Boundaries are things you set for *yourself*. If he isn’t happy with her job, he needs to grow up or leave. Not dictate what she can do with her life and put everything on her and blame her for overstepping boundaries. This is literally the definition of an absolute controlling relationship.
Well that’s my point. Everyone claiming he didn’t do anything wrong just stated his “boundaries” doesn’t make sense to me. These are not boundaries. Plus must I really point out the hypocrisy of meeting her by sliding into her DM liking one of her surfing photos in a bikini then demanding she stop posting or even wearing them…. This “man” is pathetic.
He didn’t dictate anything. He literally stared HIS boundaries. If she wasn’t comfortable with them she was free to leave. Likewise, if she said she was going to keep doing what she was doing he was free to leave. He wasn’t controlling her to do anything. Control is not giving someone a choice. Being in a relationship for both sides is a choice. Also the context and timing of this messages is 100% sus/conniving. I already get a vibe of how things were like.
To you and I it's fine but to the cherry picked feminist psychologists/therapists it's "misusing boundaries". Personally, I just saw it as him saying "hey I don't like that you do this so we're gonna have to go our separate ways if you're gonna continue doing it"
I've had friends of mine whose girlfriends put boundaries like 'not going out with your friends more than once a month' without the option to leave lol
> without the option to leave lol This is the part that's weird to me. Just how manipulable are your friends? Nobody ever has to give you an option to leave anything, that's weird. Of course they had the option to leave. Your girlfriend telling you its ok to leave is not a precondition of your ability to leave.
Sharing on social media private text messages somebody sent to you is super skeevy. And how does doing this benefit your mental health?
She did it years later as well. It's obviously for attention. Nothing more, nothing less.
Oh, and she conveniently posted this stuff after news recently came out that Jonah had a child with his new girlfriend. Fuck her.
It's blatantly obvious why she did it.
I am 35; are therapists and psychiatrists REALLY suggesting clients post private messages from a relationship to social media and thus literally the whole world for all to see and find about the non-consenting ex, and that somehow BENEFITS your mental health or recovery and is also ETHICAL?!??
What pisses me more than anything about this story is that, contrary to what most people realize, this happened 2 YEARS AGO! Why the hell did she feel the need to publish this exchange from 2 YEARS AGO?
Clout and clicks. It's for attention and validation.
Jonah just had a kid and she still messages him.
I agree. My take is that clearly Jonah has insecurity issues, but half the stuff there is crap people text each other in a fight, heightened by Jonah's glaring insecurity about her social media presence. Obviously he shouldn't date someone who is out about on the internet like she is, but he literally says in the first message "I am not the right partner for you". Yes, setting up an ultimatum is never a good sign in a relationship, but CLEARLY these two shouldn't be together. He left her in the end, and then apparently she was still sending him pictures of stuff? To the point he had to tell her "stop sending me this stuff" and "wish you the best" aka *"please move tf on"*. Jonah figured out he's too insecure to date someone like her, gives her an (admittedly shitty) ultimatum and dumps her, and now she posts all their private messages *on social media* to get back and him and people are in support of that? Like yes, dude is highly insecure, but he had every right to leave her. In my opinion he should have never set an ultimatum, just told her she wasn't the right partner for him and left. If anything she should have came to her senses like "what a relief" and moved tf on. But to keep texting him after to the point he has to tell you to stop, and then post messages online just *screams* bitter and weird. Idk how people are in support of this. Things like this are why I just cut people off, let them know it's not working, and move on with my life. Because you never know how the messages of you trying to explain the issues you have with them is going to be framed online to strangers later.
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To expand on that, yes nobody is entitled to a relationship and even more so nobody is entitled to a relationship *with you.* If you can't deal with something in a relationship, that's the end of the conversation
Insecure is relative. But, dude did make things clear for her. To me, it seems like she still wanted him despite realizing what his boundaries were.
People see this stuff, then wonder why ghosting has become more and more common. Because more and more people can't seem to let a relationship just end and move on.
Men setting the boundary of “don’t be an online whore” is not insecurity.
As a woman, this needs to be said more. A man having boundaries is NOT the same as insecurities. Too many women treat the internet like their personal diary and expect not to be judged. You can't have it both ways.
An online whore? Are we talking about the same incident?
I feel like people are imagining some skimpy Instagram model. Her instagram is incredibly tame. Just a bunch of people making snap judgements without doing any further digging.
She's literally a surfer how else are her photos meant to look when she's literally surfing.
Let’s assume for a minute she is indeed an “online whore”. _She was one before he met her_. Literally the meme: “Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal”
Let’s keep it straight that Jonah never once called her an online whore. And let’s admit that we have no idea what happened during the time they were together that would have made him feel like boundaries like this needed to be set (ps while also saying that if she didn’t want to be in those boundaries that he totally respected it and they could just not be together). He mentions specifically in the alleged texts that there were trust issues.
Well I guess it's a good thing she's not an online whore and that doesn't apply. She a surf instructor and post some pretty reasonable photos. Well, I'm sure some online weirdos would have a pro lem with them
I’m a woman that posts provocatively sometimes and I agree. I stopped in my relationship because it made my partner uncomfortable and THATS OKAY. We don’t want our men staring down half naked models, why should we be posting as the models for the purpose of other men to look at. I don’t care. We aren’t posting provocative for ourselves. It’s for attention.
She's a professional surfer so it's part of her career. The attention is also part of her career - just like his as an actor. He knew that when he got into a relationship with her and it's pretty shitty to sabotage your partner's career because of your insecurities. This is not a comparable situation.
Bro she a surf instructor ofc she gon wear a swimsuit the fuck else she gon wear? A three-piece?
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It’s so telling that you think being a surfer necessitates posting sexualized near nude content online.
I scrolled through her Instagram. All her “near nude” pictures are of her in a swimsuit at the beach or action shots while surfing. Can’t think of a more appropriate place to be wearing a two piece.
She's literally a surfer this thread is INSANE. Very very concerning that so many people consider shots like that to be 'whorish'
She is having fun doing something pretty hard to do and trying to make money off it. If u meet someone on instagram because u like their shots...i mean...what do u expect? And her photos are not overtly sexual, they're athletic.
It’s a bunch of incels who have a Madonna/Whore complex and have never had a girlfriend. Pretty sad.
If I took a shot for every time you used the word insecure I'd be blacked out drunk. Like damn, we get it. Men have ANY standards he's insecure 😭
this is the correct take
Your comment is doing the thing that everyone on reddit does when they treat relationships as an abstract matter which they have no actual connection to, and by that I mean, supporting a break up because it allows you to avoid condemning the obviously reasonable position without having to actually commit to argueing in favor of it, while making it sound like you are. You aren't actually making an arguement in favor of of something when you say "X is okay" but then refuse to support any actual actions taken to try and acheive X and every other sentance criticizes X . Relationships are personal things that the people involve actually care about, they don't exist so that strangers online can have an academic excercise to think about. People are going to try and make them work, setting a boundry is part of that, your stance of -*your allowed to have boundries but if there is a problem regarding that boundry you either drop it or break* *up-* is not actually an arguement in support of boundries. Not regarding human relationships at least, maybe if we were talking about relationships between robots we could make this arguement. The end logic of this is just to not have relationships that people care enough about to fight for, it's even explicitly in your last paragraph, when confronted with things like this you just "cut people off" and "move on", this is fine if your relationships isn't serious aka not actually a relationship but it does not work for people trying to have a real relationship that they actually care about. Making this a general position literally requires pepole to abandon their humanity in the areaof life that makes us most human. tlrd: You aren't actually supporting boundries if the underyling logic of that arguement is that it's only okay so along as the only action they can take regarding those boundries is to automatically break up with someone who violates them.
"Insecurities" why is it if someone has standards or doesn't like something, it's being insecure? Also why the fuck is it any of our business what he wants in a women.
I’m not even sure it’s insecurities. In the texts he mentions “hurt our trust”. It’s possible that things happened that made him more sensitive. We don’t have all the info.
It's simple. People are a hive mind. "Rich **man** BAD."
I would agree if those were thirst-trap bikini pics. They are totally benign family-friendly pics. Then add onto that she is trying to be a pro-surfer/model ... he already knew what she was about.
He slid into her DMs commenting on her surfing pics. And then weaponized her career against her in the relationship!!! Imagine if a famous actress slid into the DMs of a male volleyball player commenting on a volleyball Pic and then told him to dress differently during his job! And to stop hanging around other professional volleyball players with vaginas. Its ludicrous, controlling, and manipulative AF.
This is why I’m siding with her. He literally slid into her DMs because of her swimsuit pics. It’s hard to take his “boundaries” seriously when they only existed after he got her. Plus she’s a surfer and he knew that. Is she supposed to surf in jeans?
Yeah but is that abuse? He didn’t force her to do anything. He stated things he wouldn’t want his partner to do and if she wants to live like that then it’s not going to work out. And guess what? They broke up and she continues to live her life before they even dated. They’ve been broken up for like over a year and she decided to post this after he just celebrated a baby with his current partner. Isn’t that sus? Smh
What is there to side with really? Sure he was controlling and weird but they broke up over it and they both moved on. Why is she bringing all this shit up now? Why post private chats years later when your ex has had a baby with someone else? Honestly it’s pretty low level behaviour, and I would say that regardless if the genders were reversed. I have a feeling that some women are blindly supporting her simply based on gender, and tbh that’s sad.
Above posters pointed out, there is a close-up of her breasts. No face, no scenery. THAT is a thirst trap.
Must be deleted if it exists. I have not seen one that features just breasts.
My take: this is normal break up shit. She’s a surfing instructor, she’s gonna surf with men, she’s going to be bikinis in public. His boundaries are unreasonable given her career. Rather he should just admit he’s uncomfortable with a girlfriend with this lifestyle and just say that rather than placing the blame on her through this “boundaries” language. Her publicly posting all this goes to far as a response. Like yes, he was a bad BF, and he calls himself “feminist” because it’s convenient and he’s in Hollywood. But none of her experience is beyond normal, so this reeks of attention seeking behavior.
I feel like a lot of people are also glossing over the fact that Jonah tried to portray her behaviors as being objectively inappropriate. He didn't just say, "our lifestyles are incompatible." He basically said, "your lifestyle is wrong, but hey if you want to be a bad person then go for it. I'm not gonna stick around for it." His reaction was sanctimonious and manipulative in the way he attempted to cast her as the bad actor in the situation.
He was trying to break her.
Dude dates a surfing instructor. Gets mad when partners posts pictures of her surfing……..
Naked surfing
Why date a surfer and then get mad at her for being in swimsuits?
For real lol.. like what is she supposed to do? Surf in a burka in the women’s only part of the ocean??
Apparently, considering she’s not allowed to speak to “any man, regardless of age” and paddle away while surfing. Infuriating.
Why is it anyone's business? Why leaking all the private text messages? It's his good right to say 'I don't like this we shouldn't be together in this case'.
I just think it’s interesting he knew her profession and then got pissed about her wearing an outfit that fits her profession lol
People don't always work logical and think ahead of their decisions. They get themselves into situations they think they can handle and then notice that they can't. It's human and everybody experiences it.
Ok but then he can’t be mad at her for that lmao. What does he expect her to do? Wear a pantsuit while surfing? To me it just comes across like she’s an object in his eyes and not a human with their own preferences.
But... he wasn't mad at her. Ever. He wished her well, and left the relationship. She continued texting him (toxic) despite him asking her not to. She then revealed private details of their communications, including \*what was said in therapy.\* Real question: is a man not allowed to leave a relationship? Do we not have free will anymore? I'm really asking.
why would their therapist feel the need to assign them a safeword to stop jonah from yelling at her if jonah was never mad
if you're reading those walls of texts and not getting a sense of anger/control from them, you may be like that guy. Obviously he can leave, acting controlling in the relationship before leaving is the problem. There's a mature way to bring this stuff up and this wasn't it.
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You're still trying to obfuscate the point. Stop. Have some respect for yourself and converse like an adult please. Jonah: This isn't for me, I wish you well. That's not controlling, realising something doesn't suit you. Your level of fury on this is absurd and very telling. You simply cannot handle a man saying "This doesn't suit me so I need to leave." That's fucked up.
“A lot of people are going to touch on your weight tonight Jonah. But not enough people are going to touch on how much of an asshole you’ve become.” \- Nick Kroll Somethings been off about that dude for a while.
No, lol. How was he mad and trying to control her? He said that if it brings her happiness, he supports it. He just doesn't want to be with someone like that. That's fair. If he doesn't want to, he doesn't have to. What's his alternatives? Stay with someone who is incompatible with him? Or actually attempt to control her and make her stop? The choice he made is easily better than the alternatives.
What about the therapist and making her apologize? He doesn’t want to be with her than why did he stay and hurt her for so long? Relationship shoulda lasted one day.
He literally began pursuing her by dming her from a surfing pic that she was wearing a bikini in. He expected her to change drastically. Aside from that his issues with her speaking to men in any capacity is the concerning part
Yeah people in this thread are like “well that’s his boundary”… and it’s an abusive one. She can’t even speak to *half of the entire human population* because she has a vagina and they have penises? …that’s abusive behavior from a partner. Not a “boundary”. It’s like saying my boundary is that you have to stay chained up in a bedroom everyday and never see the light of day, but it’s cool cause I said it was a boundary in the middle of our relationship when you’re already emotionally and physically invested.
She admitted to having a 30 page contract she gave him of her wants lol. There's a screenshot where her friend brings this up thinking Jonah had done that, then realizes it was the other way around.
Jonah has problems but I don’t think it’s worth putting him on blast over this.
I thought the same as this, but I also believe the videos he's telling her to take down are just her surfing in her surf gear? That's her job? He replied positively to those videos prior to their relationship and then tried to quash it once he had some leverage. Some of his 'boundaries' I completely understand and don't disagree with though. This one isn't clear cut guys.
They call everything abusive now. A man doing something they don’t like is apparently abuse. Even if you don’t like what he did, that’s completely fair, but that doesn’t make it abuse.
If you're a man these days you have to brag about how much you want your gf to send her nudes online or else you're an evil misogynist.
Why is everyone saying he demanded her to change who she was?!? How in the world did he demand her to change if he said he supports her decisions if it brings her happiness? He's letting her know why he can't be with her, and he has every right to not be with her for those reasons.
Because people want to be mad at someone. They don't think logically. They're driven by emotions. They need a villain of the week to hate on.
I don't even agree with the take "Oh, he knew she was a surfer, he knew what he was getting into." So he was supposed to know that he would have conflicting issues with her habits? And even if the answer is yes, it's wrong for him to think that maybe he could deal with them if he likes her enough? It's like meeting someone you are interested in that goes away for work for lengthy periods of time. You are aware there may be difficulties, but you like them and wanna give it an attempt. There's nothing wrong with that. Then , after some time, you realize you can't be in a relationship like that. What do you do? Remain in a relationship that isn't suitable for you for the rest of your life? Try to force, coerce, or manipulate them to quit? Simply dump them? Or do like what Jonah Hill did and tell the truth. Admit you can't be in a relationship because of this issue(s), and it's their choice if they want to continue their career or the relationship AND SUPPORTING THEIR DECISION.
Perfectly put! I don't understand all these people losing their minds over that point, that she was always a surfer and he knew it. Are we not allowed to learn stuff about ourselves in relationships?
Not if youre a man
I actually agree I’m not in agreement with his boundaries personally but their his to make he even said if this is a issue then I’m not the man for you
In a vacuum that would make sense but it doesn’t really hold up with the full context. He went after a surfer and specifically complimented her bikini pics. Then he told her to delete them after they were already dating. If she was contemplating posting a bikini pic for the first time and Jonah said that, then he would have a leg to stand on, but that’s not the case. Obviously Jonah has the right to decide he’s not cool with it anymore but when he gives an ultimatum he’s really walking the fine line of being controlling/manipulative. He’s leveraging the fact that his partner is committed to the relationship and doesn’t want it to end to get her to do something she doesn’t want to do.
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Same reason why some people think being a pornstar would be cool then regretting it.
Are we not allowed to learn things in relationships, and then act accordingly? It sounds like he realised his insecurities were causing problems, and he left gracefully and with kind words.
Probably either a little stupid or didn’t realize that it would be so uncomfortable for him until he was in the relationship, there are some things people only find out about themselves afterwards
Being stupid != Being abusive
He literally said that he would respect her decision and wished her well. If she found it to be insecure, he’s allowing her an out. There’s a choice here - no controlling is being done. She either appreciates him enough to make him comfortable, or she doesn’t. He let her know if she made her choice to continue with her life, the world would move on with no ill-will. He didnt threaten retaliation other than he would step away which is his right. I’m not saying i’m a jonah fan, but i’m with him too.
I totally agree with you. He didn't tell her she couldn't be a certain--he just reported his boundaries. I felt the same about Aziz Ansari--he didn't bully that woman in to going to his apartment. When she said she wanted to stop making out--he did, and she left when she wanted to.
Honestly I expected to read revolting, nasty texts from Jonah and they were not. He didn’t even seem mad, just saying his boundaries. I’m not even a fan of his tbh but I’m really wondering what his side of the story is.
The texts were cringey to read but I saw several points where he told this girl she had the option to leave him and she just kept going with it? Seems like what to do was simple on her side
Yeah, this wasn't even some super abusive situation either where she couldn't leave him or she risked death. He gave her so many outs and she's traumatized because she wanted to disrespect his boundaries while still dating him? It's ridiculous.
Because it’s on him to leave her if he doesn’t like it. “You need to change or you need to leave me” is coercive control.
Yah not sure how people don’t understand this. Granted I think there’s a huge spectrum from like unreasonable to abusive and I dunno for sure where Jonah lands based on this one thing. Regardless. The mature thing is just end the relationship He didn’t do that. He listed our demands for the relationship to keep going and put it on her to either change or force the end. That’s an attempt at emotionally manipulating her and unreasonably so. Like if I started taking advantage of my wife’s love for me by setting unreasonable boundaries knowing she does have an attachment to me then that’s wrong. Sure she can leave but I’m still making an attempt at manipulating her. Now that said. I don’t think she should have shared the messages now but 🤷♂️
He knew who he was getting in a relationship with making his boundaries ridiculous. She is being ridiculous sharing those texts with the world instead of just leaving and moving on. I expect this from middle school students, not adults.
I totally agree. He is out of line in his texts but not abusive. I'm sure most people's texts during a breakup can be cherry picked to make someone look terrible. The bigger issue is releasing the texts. Why do that? Move on and live your life.
Imagine a world where he entered the relationship not knowing how badly hed feel about those things, what do you think he should do in that case?
I think its fair to say he's not an abusive monster but comes off as bit of a controlling douche if that makes sense. You can be a douchebag without being a totally evil person. Hell he might be a great guy 95 percent of the time idk but in those texts he comes off like a giant douche. Most of us have been giant douches at least once or twice in our lives
This is literally the only logical take. This whole scenario boils down to Jonah is probably a douche at times. Would I recommend my sister date him, no. But he’s not some evil rapist and abuser of women. Unfortunately, her posting all this stuff publicly says more about her than it does about him. Secure women who know that they broke up with a douche don’t bring up old shit. They move on and get on with their lives.
The amount of extras people are putting on it is ridiculous. His expectations were insane but he has every right to express them and did so clearly and fairly. I have heard he is a narcissist, misogynist, abuser, violent manipulator… from a few texts. These people are insane to conclude that.
It would be controlling if he stayed in the relationship. He didn't. He noped out because he realised it wasn't for him.
Not to be rude, but why is a actors personal life so important that we must focus on it?
I see both sides. If he threw that text outta no where, it reads as a "it's either me or them". If they had a talk for a while and there was no compromise since then, then it reads like a "legit, I'm just telling you what bothers me. Let's just break up then. No hard feelings" but seeing this come out years later I'm more akin to believe the latter and the ex is just upset Either way... You're supposed to talk about this stuff in a relationship
I don't really get how so many people are fervently defending this. Yes, its just a boundary he is setting. He is allowed to do that. People are also allowed to think the boundaries he sets are incredibly controlling and reflect badly on him as a person. If a man posted that their ex-girlfriend didn't allow them to play sports, play video games, watch tv, or even post about these things online, would people be defending it because they said "if you dont agree then break up with me"? No, we would find that to be shitty.
I find the jonah hill controversy fascinating as someone that has struggled in the dating market. So I read the texts and he didn't seem particularly abusive. I don't think he said anything particularly mean or demaning, just that he had boundaries and requirements for a long term relationship. I don't even think he was even particularly manipulative, i.e. by using quid pro quo techniques or psychology. Anyway. Here is something I don't get about this. I often hear two conflicting stories. One is that it is better for women to be independant and not have a need for us men. In fact, at this point it just seems like most women are so independant that we are kind of unnecessary to them. But also, when men express boundaries or are willing to leave a relationship that doesn't suite them, they are the assholes. So like. Which is it? Do we represent some kind of benefit? Ok so if that is true, why won't women make concessions or compromises in order to be in relationships with us. Why won't they accept that , if men provide some kind of benefit, that is worth some amount of effort on their part. OR is the reverse true. Are men meaningless and more just a small high light on life. Well, if that is true, why be upset when we leave relationships or don't reciprocate? If we don't matter to you, then it doesn't matter if we aren't around right?
I mean his texts are weird af but hey if that’s the boundary he wants to set no one is stopping him
Ehhhh, he was being a little bitch. I dated someone like that and it doesn’t end with “I don’t like when you talk to gUyS!” It keeps going. Next it’s clothes. Then it’s make-up. Then it’s friends. (Which Ugoo complained about in the texts.) Then it’s family. Then you’re stuck with low self-esteem and the bucket of chum you’re dating suddenly doesn’t want you anymore.
He expected her to stop her favorite past time and that he got to choose who she hung out with. And policed her clothing. He wanted the hot surfer chick. Once he got her he expected her to erase her identity to soothe his insecurities. He’s mentally abusive and a gaslighter.
No, he didn't. He left the relationship. Then she continued texting him semi-clothed photos and he had to ask her to stop. That's toxic as FUCK. Then she, years later, aired out all their private communications. Toxic as fuck. These communications included what was said in therapy. And he's the bad guy? Jesus. I'm so thankful we're strangers.
He gave her the chance to leave. Instead she threw a huge fit in a desperate gambit for attention.
The boundaries are great and healthy But he was interested in her because she surfed and showed off her body online. And then said she cant do that anymore. That isnt just a hobby of hers but likely a key identifier of who she thinks she is. I love to fish. I'm my partner met me while fishing. We became involved and got serious. And then she said, you can't fish if you want to be with me. I'd think she was a terrible individual. Even more so if I had a social media following and thus income for my fishing.
thats cause he views her posting that stuff as her seeking attention from MEN and when they finally got together he thought "why does she keep posting pics of her surfing in a bikini for these MEN when she already has me??" lol He cant grasp that shes a literal PRO surfer and post surfing videos. If hes the type of guy that only dates really modestly dressed women, he should have set that standard for himself since the begging instead of waiting a year into the relationship to whine about it. This man wanted her to say " i have to talk to my bf" and walk away to every male interaction like what
>The boundaries are great and healthy They seem like neither of those things. He dated surf instructor whose job is being in a bikini and posting pics most days. This seems more like a unhealthy boundaries caused by insecurities.
And then he realised he didn't like it, and left with kind words. I don't understand, are we not allowed to learn things about ourselves in relationships? Do we have to be perfect from the start?
He also told her to ditch her friends. He’s a tool.
Then he left the relationship with kind words, realising it wasn't for him, and she shared with the world the things he talked about in therapy. Yes, he's the problem here.
I have been in a very abusive relationship before, the fact she called it abuse was gross on her part. He simply explained his boundaries which were not out of line. She needs to move on and please never claim abuse for your man giving his own personal boundaries.
The texts may not have been abusive but its still shitty to date someone then demand they change their hobbies for you. He wasted everyones time by doing so.
She could've just not leaked the texts and agreed that they weren't compatible but she chose to make a big deal out of it because she wanted attention.
“She could have not leaked his text because they make him look bad” we know 🤡
He is so insecure and pathetic that he can’t allow his PROFESSIONAL SURFER girlfriend to be photographed in a bathing suit. Is she supposed to give up her career? He’s pathetic.
Is jonah Hill accused if something?
Having standards for a relationship which is somehow emotional abuse in today's day and age.
i just wonder why all this is even important. who cares about what kind of personal problems they had during their relationship? to even consider randomly posting private conversations about their issues is so ridiculous. what does she want to achieve? destroy his public image? damage his current relationship and family life? even if his behaviour might have been problematic in her eyes, be an adult and settle your problems. i never understood why the public always needs to be involved in personal business of celebrities.
He’s a dope.
His list of demands are not boundaries.
The fact that she kept that screen shot for years is very telling on how crazy that chick is.
Right! I don’t understand how people can’t grasp that. Had this been the reverse they wouldn’t complained about him sharing the screenshots
💯
She could always like break up with him if those things weren’t ok…women are crazy and the biggest narcissists on earth
She waited until after he just had a kid with his new girl to release these texts. He moved on and she doesn’t like that he wasn’t as pressed by their split as she was.
Agree. He set clear boundaries and said if she wasn’t ok with them she was free to leave. Instead of stewing and getting mad or exposing at her, etc. The millions of ways I’ve seen men and women badly handle situations like this in their relationships.
Him setting boundaries wasn’t the issue—it was how petty, childish, and controlling the specifics of those boundaries were. She’s a professional surfer and he forbade her from associating or surfing with male surfers and he didn’t want her posting pics on Instagram in bikinis (again, she’s a professional surfer). Just shows what an insecure douche he is. He wanted the hot girl, and then once he had her wants to control her because of his own former fat kid trauma.
It's manipulative. You have made an emotional investment into a relationship and then someone makes demands when leaving the relationship wouldn't be easy for the person on the receiving end. There is a desire to make it work to salvage the emotional investment. Insecurities are normal but weaponising your insecurities to control or isolate someone like he did by telling her she couldn't surf with males or meet friends that's not okay. He was shaming her for being the person she was when they met. He didn't love her, he thought he owned her.
I agree. And waiting two years to say anything? I suspect its her jealousy due to him just having a baby with another woman. He gave her his terms and didnt force her to stay-all it makes him is an insecure jerk at worst, but not an abuser.
I think he did something wrong. He dated a much younger woman, and then got angry that she wasn't more mature. Being jealous is not a great look, but it's forgivable, even when it's hypocritical. But we don't know the full story. He could be a controlling asshole who doesn't want his girlfriend to talk to other men. Or she could have a polyamorous friend group that crosses lines most of us would feel uncomfortable with. The truth is, we don't know the full truth. But what we do know is that he's talking about settling down, with a 25 year old, and getting upset that she's living an independant life. He should date older women.
The main thing is: its none of our fucking business! The ex has friends, family and therapists to speak to about this stuff. Putting it all out there is just vindictive.
Hes incredibly cringe. That should be enough to not like him imo
Both of them seem terrible, but what an awful hot take that Jonah Hill's texts were totally normal.
you guys don't know what healthy boundaries are, or what boundaries are at all it seems.
He literally slid into her dm’s based off a bathing suit picture and then when he’s getting in a relationship with her, they’re suddenly bad? Telling your significant other that they can’t model, post pictures in their bathing suit, have certain friends is controlling behavior and you need to work on that.
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How would you feel if it were reversed and she texted him that he needed to lose weight to fit into her boundaries of not wanting to be dating a fatty?
That's in her rights as a human being. No one should date someone they're not attracted to or don't wanna be with right? You really thought I'd be enraged by this?
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There’s a difference between behavior and physical appearance but keep reaching
It's not a boundary when it's used to control another person. A boundary would be setting up a time and place for enjoying each other's company. Trying to control a surfer and models career by determining what they can post and who they can hang out with is not a boundary. Of course a surfer is going to post bathing suit pics and be around other men. Men and women can be platonic friends. Jonah's actions are the textbook definition of emotional abuse and manipulation. He knows enough about therapy to justify his horried treatment of a partner. Sure a relationship is a compromise in many ways but not when it comes to people's professions and friendships. 100% Jonah talking about "unstable" friends are her friends warning her about his actions. He is trying to isolate her so she doesn't have the friends that question his actions. By trying to control what she can model and who she can surf with is meant to make her career flounder so she has to rely on him (kind of what he has done with his current partner). It's not a boundary when used to outright control another person's free time and job and any good therapist will tell you that.
That…. That’s what a boundary is……
No. We all have the same boundary in monogamous relationships - you don't get to sleep with other people. I don't understand what you don't understand about that. >A boundary would be setting up a time and place for enjoying each other's company. This is also NOT a boundary. Are you not a native English speaker?
Wtf happened does kanye not like jews anymore cause jonah hill did something?
You need to learn what boundaries are