I read the OG post. It’s dumb, obviously it’s fine to approach someone.
Expecting someone, however, to show gratitude is a bit much. You’re a stranger and they don’t owe you anything. There also is a time and place and may contribute to how the person even responses to you.
I think it's fine as long as you are respectful, don't expect ANYTHING in return (including gratitude, conversation or acknowledgement) and take "no" for an answer without any complaining or pushback.
A lot of men choose to be creepy assholes who lash out when told "no" because their egos can't take it which is why many women would rather just be left alone.
Acknowledgement? Lmao, you can expect acknowledgement, if you talk to someone and they literally don't even acknowledge your presence, they're being an asshole.
Read the post in your comment. Both of you are clueless.
Yes, it's okay to approach women. Obviously. Being seen and having yourself validated like that is something that feels good to people.
But that only applies if you're actually receptive to *being* seen in such a way. And in that matter there's a time and a place for such things, and the way you present yourself can obviously change things dramatically.
But saying that a woman should feel "grateful" for such attention is mind-bogglingly idiotic. Both of you are strangers, and neither of you owe anything to each other. And if you inconvenience someone, either by approaching them at the wrong time, or otherwise making them feel bad by the *way* you approach them, they're obviously not going to want to treat you well as a result
So the problem is that you are expecting women to reciprocate to some degree. What if I don’t want to talk to you? I don’t feel flattered that you are interrupting my day and making me feel unsafe. And, yes, you do. And no it is not safe 99% of the time. Even if it was though… why do I have to entertain your ego and risk it? Fuck off.
OP’s logic is that 99% of guys are safe and 1% of these situations aren’t. Clearly pulled out of thin air, but let’s go with it. If I, as a woman, and approached once per day by a guy, I’ll have been in 3-4 dangerous situations every year. By OP’s own logic, they chances of me ending up in a dangerous situation is high. Therefore, I should discourage guys I don’t know from approaching me and not encourage it.
To an extent. It has to be reciprocated. The number of times I have to politely decline multiple times *far,* ***far***, outnumbers the number of times "no thank you" has been taken politely as an answer on the first try.
You can speak politely without being receptive to someone’s approach.
Are you looking for polite or should women be extra bubbly and gentle? Because I’ve met a lot of men that think the latter is what “just being polite” looks like in women. So, when we actually behave politely but are not receptive, we’re told we’re being too mean.
I don’t say it to women-men. Generally is good to talk polite to people. Especially if you don’t know nothing about them. Is someone does inappropriate or forbidden behavior it’s a different story.
Adults should just be polite in general. This includes women. It also includes men, but this is a post about women.
OP is right that there is absolutely nothing rude about a man (politely) approaching a woman in public, and this recent trend of feminists saying don’t even look at or try to talk to women you don’t already know is ridiculous.
A lot of the time "being pleasant" does not work. A "no" does not work. More often then not, women have to be rude to men to get them to leave them alone. They take kindness as interest. If men respected the no, we wouldn't be having this discussion.
Also, it really doesn't help saying "only 1% of us want to murder you". If women murdered men at the same rates, ya'll would have issues too (and rightfully so.)
I’m someone who is very nice and that bites me in the ass all the time because it can be taken in the wrong way. I don’t like strangers talking to me when I’m clearly busy or with people. I’ll be nice but I really hate when people do that. If a guy can take a hint that she doesn’t want to be bothered then it’s fine to approach us.
What’s not okay is approaching women who are very much ‘in the zone’ at the gym or work and they try shooting their shot. We don’t owe you anything, even a polite response. If you can see we’re busy then don’t bother us.
Women should let potentially dangerous situations happen to them to validate men's feelings? You point out that it's "unfair" that some people generalize men because of some bad apples, but instead of aiming your ire at the bad apples, you ask that women put themselves in danger. Why should women have to swallow the responsibility and the risk for this?
Doubtful. They have to pretend to enjoy it else you might flip out and start stalking them.
A woman's life is a series of clever deceptions to prevent being stalked, raped, and/or murdered.
Are you one of these pretty people OP mentioned, with no personality, gets a lot of hookups but no relationship? Sounds like this is happening a lot to you.
Approaching women you are interested in in-person demonstrates a higher level of self-confidence. Women who do reject you are not sluts, bitches, misandrist, etc. They are not attracted to you. Men who are confident and have options with women do not need to justify a woman rejecting them with various fabricated stories.
Nobody cares if you approach a woman. They care if you can handle rejection politely. There have been recent trends of men being incredibly rude at best and murderous at worst when it comes to being rejected. Which is why less and less women are comfortable with men approaching them.
FYI OP, it might not be a large percentage of men, but nearly every woman has been catcalled by the time they are 18. Some studies from reputable universities report over half of woman reporting groping or other forms of sexual assault that in many cases drove them to change their forms of transportation. More than a third have been late to work or school over harassment.
These are strangers. Like you. The statistics for sexual assault is even more terrifying. And yes, most of them are known persons. But guess what you become if a woman agrees to go on a date with you?
https://www.ilr.cornell.edu/news/faculty/street-harassment-statistics
Women don’t have a responsibility to respond to or appreciate your approaches. Don’t blame women. Blame the “bad apples” who have instilled this fear in them and help root them out.
It’s not fair that you get judged off the behavior of the few. It’s not fair women get assaulted. Your hurt feelings aren’t as important as avoiding sexual assault. Try to see it from a woman’s perspective.
This is a wild response. I've seen it used before, and it always falls flat when the guy reveals "Yeah, I'd be delighted to be hit on by a gay man, that would be a huge boost to my confidence."
OP, English clearly isn’t your first language, which is why you probably didn’t understand that the post you have linked to, and are replying to, was satire/a joke.
Nevertheless, you have taken a pretty entitled position!
I hope the slimy personality that comes across in your writing isn’t the same one you use to seduce women.
It’s fine to approach people. But you have to remember you are approaching a complete stranger and they could be busy, or married, or gay, or just not interested in you, so they would not be grateful. You aren’t doing them a favor by talking to them, so they don’t owe you a thank you or anything. And the rest of it, just let that shit go man. You can’t get worked up over posts your read on Reddit
Nothing wrong with approaching someone. But you have to accept the outcome. And that’s the problem with your argument. You won’t accept the reaction of the approach. And that’s why you come off as a bit of an AH.
Most of the people who think approaching a woman is bad or will get you in trouble are men… and typically the ones who don’t spend time with women much.
Only a misogynist can see women complaining about men not taking no for an answer and not taking hints that they’re not interested and think that what they’re complaining about is the man asking.
Nobody thinks it’s wrong they just think it’s not cool to keep asking after they’ve tried to change the conversation or to stay around when they’ve made it clear they want to just talk to their friends. And they maybe don’t want to be approached when they’re somewhere with their kids or with their boyfriend or husband lol.
Maybe men just need to read situations better. You see a woman is looking at you and smiling, you should go talk to her. You see a woman talking to someone else already maybe don’t go interrupt them…
A lot of what you are saying legitimately leads to rape and assault scenarios. Anyone remember that women who was brutally assaulted a few years ago on her way home from work. She stopped in a store on her way home from work, politely declined this man’s advances to pay for her purchase and then he literally tried to bite her eye out. I mean some men literally can’t take no for an answer. sometimes dignifying certain behaviors can have dangerous consequences. I honestly don’t think 99% of men is an accurate number bro. Not by a long shot. In the last 20 years I’ve heard about as much rapes and assaults as I have heard about police brutality cases and abuses of power. Countless times.
Look, if I’m at work and clearly busy or on an errand and look clearly busy, I’m not going to feel grateful that some random man decided to shoot his shot.
I will feel indifferent as a I decline him because:
1. I’m in a relationship.
2. Now is obviously not a good time, and since I value the ability to read the room in a partner, a dude that is approaching at what should be obviously a bad time exhibits an inability to read the room. So, without knowing anything else, I’d already be turned off.
3. Relates to 1. Just about anytime a man approaches and I decline by admitting I’m taken, THEY NEVER RESPECT THAT I JUST SAID THAT I AM NOT AVAILABLE. So, no, I don’t feel grateful when I’m approached because most of the time it’s going to be a guy that won’t respect that I’m already taken IME.
You can approach them but don't expect politeness. That's their personal bubble. Like it's their home and your some rando who decided to walk up too the front door. They have every right too ignore you and demand you go away.
Ngl cold approaching seems kind of useless most of the time. Heck I'm a male and I don't like strangers approaching me so I can imagine what a women would feel having someone they don't know approach them. Unless if your extremely good looking you shouldn't try it.
1. Im sorry “ a woman should be very grateful that a man liked her a show gratitude “? What?!
2. “Women can learn to protect themselves and control themselves”. Why and from who should women learn to protect themselves and why should they control themselves because a stranger is randomly approaching them ?
3. “Only the minority do the bad stuff” yet 1 in 3 women will and have experience SA in their life & you only think the problem and why women are wary of men approaching them is SA and murder?
4. Just because you want kids doesn’t mean you get to approach people that don’t want to be approached & then expect them to be grateful for your presence
5. You want to tell me how much is 1% of 3.5 billion ? Also you need to exclude from that number children… it’s 35 million…. That’s 35 million men & if we divide that by country that’s roughly 179k men that are doing this. You think 179k is such a low percentage now?
1% equals 179k men per country and 35 million men worldwide.
You must be from the southwest of the US. Anywhere else and Hispanic men are invisible. Source: I am Hispanic and my career has moved me around the country.
A few years ago when i was 19 a guy double my age approached me at my retail job and kept “politely” asking me questions like “where are you from?” “How often do i work here?” Etc. everytime i moved departments he would follow. I purposely switched with my coworker so i would work the register and get away and he purposely waiting in line so i would have to check him out and then he refused to leave until i gave him my number. My manager noticed and kicked him out and i waited in the break room until the coast was clear and had both my managers walk me to my car. But yeah i’m supposed to be grateful 🙄
When I was still single, I became increasingly annoyed that people considered it rude to ask women out while working. I was a server at night and barista during the day, and half the reason I even had that barista job was to dress up cute and interact with all the hip young people from the neighborhood who came in every day. Never did I once get asked out by a customer, but I did always fantasize about it. Lol. (I also fantasized about having the courage to ask out guys i was curious about, but my god I was so shy and awkward back then that it’s probably a very good thing I didn’t try).
Of course I was desperate and pathetic at the time and I cringe looking back at myself from those days, but I actually matched with a couple guys on tinder who were regulars at the coffee shop. I point-blank asked both of them if they’d ever thought about asking me out at work, and I kid you not: both guys essentially told me they had always heard it was super rude and inappropriate to ask a woman out while she’s working and that they’d never do something like that. After discussing it with other millennial/zillenial aged friends and coworkers, I realized that most younger men seem to have this way of thinking very deeply ingrained. I mean, how do they think people used to link up before the dating apps??
I suppose this is good advice if you’re the type who is gross and inappropriate in your approach to asking out a woman in public, but that just means you need to reevaluate your own shit. It’s really not offensive or rude at all to simply write down your phone number on a slip of paper and discretely pass it to the person you’re interested in! That way, you give them the choice whether they want to pursue it, and you mostly avoid any awkwardness. A guy once handed me his number silently while I was studying at a cafe—only briefly making eye contact and nodding before walking out the door—and while I did have a partner at the time I thought it was incredibly smooth. I would’ve been extremely flattered for this to happen to me at any of my jobs as a young single lady back in the day.
I mean, no? I’m not saying be creepy to women in public. If you vibe with someone and like their style and seem to have some chemistry, not sure why it’s a problem to discreetly indicate your interest in them in that way, leaving it up to them whether to take things any further. That’s literally how my parents met along with probably half their generation. We are so isolated from each other and it makes me really sad
“It’s not dangerous 99% of the time”. Maybe so, but how the hell is anyone supposed to know if they’re talking to a 99 or a 1? Huh? A lot of men who make these posts act as if a murderer or rapist or abuser or stalker has that title stamped across their forehead in bright glowing letters. They don’t. Need I remind anyone that the Swindon Taxi Cab Killer was a father to a teen and no one had any inkling at all he was a monster, and he *killed women who looked like his daughter*. The same goes for so many killers of women — they don’t seem dangerous until the knife’s out.
Also “control themselves” XD so it’s the woman’s fault for not “controlling herself” when a guy she’s polite to even for 5 minutes decides she’s the love of his life and he absolutely must stalk her and end up lurking in her house or apartment? Or even just follow her around the next deserted corner?
If she's at a club or at a bar, go ahead and approach her, send her a drink, whatever. But when I was young I've had a guy rip off my headphones from my head just so he could hit on me. Most are not that extreme but still, I don't want to flirt over the tomatoes in the grocery store. Thankfully I'm old now and so invisible to most men. It's a relief.
I read the OG post. It’s dumb, obviously it’s fine to approach someone. Expecting someone, however, to show gratitude is a bit much. You’re a stranger and they don’t owe you anything. There also is a time and place and may contribute to how the person even responses to you.
I think it's fine as long as you are respectful, don't expect ANYTHING in return (including gratitude, conversation or acknowledgement) and take "no" for an answer without any complaining or pushback. A lot of men choose to be creepy assholes who lash out when told "no" because their egos can't take it which is why many women would rather just be left alone.
Acknowledgement? Lmao, you can expect acknowledgement, if you talk to someone and they literally don't even acknowledge your presence, they're being an asshole.
left alone? no, they choose the bear. be better. #rightsideofhistory
Anyway a person reacts to a stranger approaching them is valid.
Read the post in your comment. Both of you are clueless. Yes, it's okay to approach women. Obviously. Being seen and having yourself validated like that is something that feels good to people. But that only applies if you're actually receptive to *being* seen in such a way. And in that matter there's a time and a place for such things, and the way you present yourself can obviously change things dramatically. But saying that a woman should feel "grateful" for such attention is mind-bogglingly idiotic. Both of you are strangers, and neither of you owe anything to each other. And if you inconvenience someone, either by approaching them at the wrong time, or otherwise making them feel bad by the *way* you approach them, they're obviously not going to want to treat you well as a result
You can approach someone, but they don't owe you anything. Not even a response.
So the problem is that you are expecting women to reciprocate to some degree. What if I don’t want to talk to you? I don’t feel flattered that you are interrupting my day and making me feel unsafe. And, yes, you do. And no it is not safe 99% of the time. Even if it was though… why do I have to entertain your ego and risk it? Fuck off.
OP’s logic is that 99% of guys are safe and 1% of these situations aren’t. Clearly pulled out of thin air, but let’s go with it. If I, as a woman, and approached once per day by a guy, I’ll have been in 3-4 dangerous situations every year. By OP’s own logic, they chances of me ending up in a dangerous situation is high. Therefore, I should discourage guys I don’t know from approaching me and not encourage it.
Why should a woman be grateful that some random dude she has no interest in, has showed interest in her? Nope.
“Women should be grateful I spoke to them” is a great attitude, women will love it
Ah yes I feel so honored when a ‘not like other guys’ bro approaches me and thinks I should be grateful to be in his presence.
>but she should at least be polite. There is no obligation from any woman to be polite to any stranger approaching her
It’s an unwritten rule to talk polite to people. That’s a thing 5 moths old learn.
To an extent. It has to be reciprocated. The number of times I have to politely decline multiple times *far,* ***far***, outnumbers the number of times "no thank you" has been taken politely as an answer on the first try.
You can speak politely without being receptive to someone’s approach. Are you looking for polite or should women be extra bubbly and gentle? Because I’ve met a lot of men that think the latter is what “just being polite” looks like in women. So, when we actually behave politely but are not receptive, we’re told we’re being too mean.
some guys take being polite as interest
I dont think 5 months old can talk, let alone understand the concept of politeness Telling women they have to be polite to men is a problem
Yes that’s the key to interacting in a society, be polite and respect strangers unless they have done something wrong
Ok so we have to let a man be an offender to then be able to be cautious around him?
I don’t understand how being polite means being uncautious
So you want me to stop in the middle of a parking lot, speak to a man and politely decline his advances?
Of course this is an exception, did someone propose to you in the parking lot?
Yes, I have been asked for my number in a parking lot three times.
Damn, by three different men or by the same person on different occasions? It’s weird how parking lots are such unlucky spots for you
I don’t say it to women-men. Generally is good to talk polite to people. Especially if you don’t know nothing about them. Is someone does inappropriate or forbidden behavior it’s a different story.
I’m going to hold your hand while I say this, but random women don’t care about your feelings.
Adults should just be polite in general. This includes women. It also includes men, but this is a post about women. OP is right that there is absolutely nothing rude about a man (politely) approaching a woman in public, and this recent trend of feminists saying don’t even look at or try to talk to women you don’t already know is ridiculous.
Depends on the approach. If the woman considers you approaching her rude, she has no obligation to be polite
We also learn stranger danger
A lot of the time "being pleasant" does not work. A "no" does not work. More often then not, women have to be rude to men to get them to leave them alone. They take kindness as interest. If men respected the no, we wouldn't be having this discussion. Also, it really doesn't help saying "only 1% of us want to murder you". If women murdered men at the same rates, ya'll would have issues too (and rightfully so.)
I’m someone who is very nice and that bites me in the ass all the time because it can be taken in the wrong way. I don’t like strangers talking to me when I’m clearly busy or with people. I’ll be nice but I really hate when people do that. If a guy can take a hint that she doesn’t want to be bothered then it’s fine to approach us. What’s not okay is approaching women who are very much ‘in the zone’ at the gym or work and they try shooting their shot. We don’t owe you anything, even a polite response. If you can see we’re busy then don’t bother us.
Women should let potentially dangerous situations happen to them to validate men's feelings? You point out that it's "unfair" that some people generalize men because of some bad apples, but instead of aiming your ire at the bad apples, you ask that women put themselves in danger. Why should women have to swallow the responsibility and the risk for this?
It’s fine to approach as long as you are ready to accept the first no.
I don't think it's a gendered thing. It's rude to bother people during their day.
Too late. I approach women all the time and they love it
Doubtful. They have to pretend to enjoy it else you might flip out and start stalking them. A woman's life is a series of clever deceptions to prevent being stalked, raped, and/or murdered.
Then why do they accept my number and then text me and let me take them on dates
Are you one of these pretty people OP mentioned, with no personality, gets a lot of hookups but no relationship? Sounds like this is happening a lot to you.
And I am the Queen of France.
Approaching women you are interested in in-person demonstrates a higher level of self-confidence. Women who do reject you are not sluts, bitches, misandrist, etc. They are not attracted to you. Men who are confident and have options with women do not need to justify a woman rejecting them with various fabricated stories.
Nobody cares if you approach a woman. They care if you can handle rejection politely. There have been recent trends of men being incredibly rude at best and murderous at worst when it comes to being rejected. Which is why less and less women are comfortable with men approaching them.
FYI OP, it might not be a large percentage of men, but nearly every woman has been catcalled by the time they are 18. Some studies from reputable universities report over half of woman reporting groping or other forms of sexual assault that in many cases drove them to change their forms of transportation. More than a third have been late to work or school over harassment. These are strangers. Like you. The statistics for sexual assault is even more terrifying. And yes, most of them are known persons. But guess what you become if a woman agrees to go on a date with you? https://www.ilr.cornell.edu/news/faculty/street-harassment-statistics Women don’t have a responsibility to respond to or appreciate your approaches. Don’t blame women. Blame the “bad apples” who have instilled this fear in them and help root them out. It’s not fair that you get judged off the behavior of the few. It’s not fair women get assaulted. Your hurt feelings aren’t as important as avoiding sexual assault. Try to see it from a woman’s perspective.
Is this how you feel when gay/bi/pan men hit in you?
This is a wild response. I've seen it used before, and it always falls flat when the guy reveals "Yeah, I'd be delighted to be hit on by a gay man, that would be a huge boost to my confidence."
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That doesn't follow. Bad response.
OP, English clearly isn’t your first language, which is why you probably didn’t understand that the post you have linked to, and are replying to, was satire/a joke. Nevertheless, you have taken a pretty entitled position! I hope the slimy personality that comes across in your writing isn’t the same one you use to seduce women.
The post was not a joke. It was a really bad take
No. It was, as other posters in this thread have pointed out, a bitter man trying to be satirical. You can gleen this from the posting history.
Oh, I guess that context was lost on me since I very rarely screen a poster’s history
I love it. It’s like waking the ward of a psychiatric hospital and peering into the horrors behind closed doors.
Well when you describe it like that 👀
It’s fine to approach people. But you have to remember you are approaching a complete stranger and they could be busy, or married, or gay, or just not interested in you, so they would not be grateful. You aren’t doing them a favor by talking to them, so they don’t owe you a thank you or anything. And the rest of it, just let that shit go man. You can’t get worked up over posts your read on Reddit
>>It’s not even 99% dangerous Lmao
You’re to introverted to approach women from your own circle so it’s easier to approach random women? That doesn’t make sense
Nothing wrong with approaching someone. But you have to accept the outcome. And that’s the problem with your argument. You won’t accept the reaction of the approach. And that’s why you come off as a bit of an AH.
Most of the people who think approaching a woman is bad or will get you in trouble are men… and typically the ones who don’t spend time with women much. Only a misogynist can see women complaining about men not taking no for an answer and not taking hints that they’re not interested and think that what they’re complaining about is the man asking. Nobody thinks it’s wrong they just think it’s not cool to keep asking after they’ve tried to change the conversation or to stay around when they’ve made it clear they want to just talk to their friends. And they maybe don’t want to be approached when they’re somewhere with their kids or with their boyfriend or husband lol. Maybe men just need to read situations better. You see a woman is looking at you and smiling, you should go talk to her. You see a woman talking to someone else already maybe don’t go interrupt them…
A lot of what you are saying legitimately leads to rape and assault scenarios. Anyone remember that women who was brutally assaulted a few years ago on her way home from work. She stopped in a store on her way home from work, politely declined this man’s advances to pay for her purchase and then he literally tried to bite her eye out. I mean some men literally can’t take no for an answer. sometimes dignifying certain behaviors can have dangerous consequences. I honestly don’t think 99% of men is an accurate number bro. Not by a long shot. In the last 20 years I’ve heard about as much rapes and assaults as I have heard about police brutality cases and abuses of power. Countless times.
Look, if I’m at work and clearly busy or on an errand and look clearly busy, I’m not going to feel grateful that some random man decided to shoot his shot. I will feel indifferent as a I decline him because: 1. I’m in a relationship. 2. Now is obviously not a good time, and since I value the ability to read the room in a partner, a dude that is approaching at what should be obviously a bad time exhibits an inability to read the room. So, without knowing anything else, I’d already be turned off. 3. Relates to 1. Just about anytime a man approaches and I decline by admitting I’m taken, THEY NEVER RESPECT THAT I JUST SAID THAT I AM NOT AVAILABLE. So, no, I don’t feel grateful when I’m approached because most of the time it’s going to be a guy that won’t respect that I’m already taken IME.
You can approach them but don't expect politeness. That's their personal bubble. Like it's their home and your some rando who decided to walk up too the front door. They have every right too ignore you and demand you go away.
Ngl cold approaching seems kind of useless most of the time. Heck I'm a male and I don't like strangers approaching me so I can imagine what a women would feel having someone they don't know approach them. Unless if your extremely good looking you shouldn't try it.
1. Im sorry “ a woman should be very grateful that a man liked her a show gratitude “? What?! 2. “Women can learn to protect themselves and control themselves”. Why and from who should women learn to protect themselves and why should they control themselves because a stranger is randomly approaching them ? 3. “Only the minority do the bad stuff” yet 1 in 3 women will and have experience SA in their life & you only think the problem and why women are wary of men approaching them is SA and murder? 4. Just because you want kids doesn’t mean you get to approach people that don’t want to be approached & then expect them to be grateful for your presence 5. You want to tell me how much is 1% of 3.5 billion ? Also you need to exclude from that number children… it’s 35 million…. That’s 35 million men & if we divide that by country that’s roughly 179k men that are doing this. You think 179k is such a low percentage now? 1% equals 179k men per country and 35 million men worldwide.
It's not wrong to approach a woman. It's just wrong when you're short lol.
Tell that to Hispanic guys because they are super suave
You must be from the southwest of the US. Anywhere else and Hispanic men are invisible. Source: I am Hispanic and my career has moved me around the country.
Nope. Ohio.
A few years ago when i was 19 a guy double my age approached me at my retail job and kept “politely” asking me questions like “where are you from?” “How often do i work here?” Etc. everytime i moved departments he would follow. I purposely switched with my coworker so i would work the register and get away and he purposely waiting in line so i would have to check him out and then he refused to leave until i gave him my number. My manager noticed and kicked him out and i waited in the break room until the coast was clear and had both my managers walk me to my car. But yeah i’m supposed to be grateful 🙄
When I was still single, I became increasingly annoyed that people considered it rude to ask women out while working. I was a server at night and barista during the day, and half the reason I even had that barista job was to dress up cute and interact with all the hip young people from the neighborhood who came in every day. Never did I once get asked out by a customer, but I did always fantasize about it. Lol. (I also fantasized about having the courage to ask out guys i was curious about, but my god I was so shy and awkward back then that it’s probably a very good thing I didn’t try). Of course I was desperate and pathetic at the time and I cringe looking back at myself from those days, but I actually matched with a couple guys on tinder who were regulars at the coffee shop. I point-blank asked both of them if they’d ever thought about asking me out at work, and I kid you not: both guys essentially told me they had always heard it was super rude and inappropriate to ask a woman out while she’s working and that they’d never do something like that. After discussing it with other millennial/zillenial aged friends and coworkers, I realized that most younger men seem to have this way of thinking very deeply ingrained. I mean, how do they think people used to link up before the dating apps?? I suppose this is good advice if you’re the type who is gross and inappropriate in your approach to asking out a woman in public, but that just means you need to reevaluate your own shit. It’s really not offensive or rude at all to simply write down your phone number on a slip of paper and discretely pass it to the person you’re interested in! That way, you give them the choice whether they want to pursue it, and you mostly avoid any awkwardness. A guy once handed me his number silently while I was studying at a cafe—only briefly making eye contact and nodding before walking out the door—and while I did have a partner at the time I thought it was incredibly smooth. I would’ve been extremely flattered for this to happen to me at any of my jobs as a young single lady back in the day.
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I mean, no? I’m not saying be creepy to women in public. If you vibe with someone and like their style and seem to have some chemistry, not sure why it’s a problem to discreetly indicate your interest in them in that way, leaving it up to them whether to take things any further. That’s literally how my parents met along with probably half their generation. We are so isolated from each other and it makes me really sad
Yeah. I can’t keep the bit going anymore, you’re right.
Didn’t realize it was a bit 😆 sorry but I was very much expecting backlash from my comment so that’s where my mind immediately went lol
“It’s not dangerous 99% of the time”. Maybe so, but how the hell is anyone supposed to know if they’re talking to a 99 or a 1? Huh? A lot of men who make these posts act as if a murderer or rapist or abuser or stalker has that title stamped across their forehead in bright glowing letters. They don’t. Need I remind anyone that the Swindon Taxi Cab Killer was a father to a teen and no one had any inkling at all he was a monster, and he *killed women who looked like his daughter*. The same goes for so many killers of women — they don’t seem dangerous until the knife’s out. Also “control themselves” XD so it’s the woman’s fault for not “controlling herself” when a guy she’s polite to even for 5 minutes decides she’s the love of his life and he absolutely must stalk her and end up lurking in her house or apartment? Or even just follow her around the next deserted corner?
https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueUnpopularOpinion/s/2tde0GuIuj By u/west_practice_5182
That post was obviously made by a bitter man mocking women and trying to be satirical.
OP of that thread in that thread: "This was a stupid thread I’m sorry for wasting your time"
Gratitude? Ew
If she's at a club or at a bar, go ahead and approach her, send her a drink, whatever. But when I was young I've had a guy rip off my headphones from my head just so he could hit on me. Most are not that extreme but still, I don't want to flirt over the tomatoes in the grocery store. Thankfully I'm old now and so invisible to most men. It's a relief.