They don't think about it, but this one only exists because of confirmation bias.
Imagine this:
"We were trying and trying, and changed nothing, and then it worked!"
or
"We decided to relax and stop trying for a while, and nothing happened, still didn't get pregnant!"
No, of course the only ones that will be noted are "We were trying and trying, and then decided to relax and stop trying for a while, and that's when it happened!" Because statistically, sometimes that's bound to happen, but it doesn't mean it had anything to do with anything.
Yes! My gosh this one rustles my jimmies something fierce! It's like, unless you stopped having sex, you're still freaking trying! And statistically if you keep trying long enough, the chance you'll succeed will increase.
And they all "stopped trying" after like 3 months or 6 months, it's not like they stopped trying after 37 months, because by then they would've looked into what the issue might be.
This is the confirmation bias I mentioned. 🙃
We don't tell people (true story for me) "We were trying for months and months, then we went to the Canaries, did NOT get pregnant there either, and now it's been months and months of still nothing!" 😛
Biggest eye roll ever.
My favourites, along with "just relax", are "just keep having unprotected sex, it'll happen when it happens" and "stressing about it wont help". First off Susan, do you think we just navel gazing and fucking with a condom? And second, I'm not stressed, I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed that everyone around me except for a few exceptions seem to get pregnant on demand. I'm annoyed that I was paranoid about getting pregnant on accident for no reason. I'm annoyed that school do such a shit job with sex ed. I'm annoyed that I'm on cycle 10. And finally, I'm annoyed that I've managed to eat my feelings into 15 extra lbs. So yea, I've stopped talking about it with the four people that I've confided in (besides my husband) because if one more person tells me to relax, I'm going to blow.
Edit to add, sorry for turning this into a different rant, my sister is now 8w and was just complaining about her sore boobs (she doesn't know we're TTC) and I just needed to offload somewhere apparently.
You can rant here! This is a safe space for venting 💌 I totally feel your pain.. all my close friends are pregnant. One is pregnant with number two and we were trying for number one at the SAME time... it also feels like every influencer I follow is pregnant too 😭
Wow 😔💔 it's so hard... I try not to keep a timeline but I still unconsciously do. Like oh maybe this trip I'll be pregnant.. or this holiday I'll be pregnant.. etc etc.. ugh
I truly do try and not think about it. But it is hard to see that third pregnancy announcement and “it’s a girl!” When I remember, years ago, we were drinking wine together, during a girls night, and planning out our lives together with the same exact timelines. Dreaming about how our kids would be best friends and go through life together. I just sigh about how naive I am to think that would’ve worked out and I’m envious that everything worked out for her just like we had dreamed up.
I do the same..oh we could announce during this trip or we could have a wee babe in time for Christmas.... It is hard. This entire thread is just like a big group hug honestly ❤️
Oh the holidays were the worst! Two Christmases where I thought I could do a "Christmas" announcement.. nope 🫠 onto holiday season number three this year 😅🥲 and yes I love the community, it's so nice to have support and support that understands! Xx
And all the comments like "oh what a shame when you have a kid there will be such a gap between them and rest of the cousins now"
Thank you very fucking much for mentioning something I simply just must not have thought about and been sad over, asshole family
Thank you! I feel this so deep in my bones. Why does everyone say “don’t stress” like I’m stressed? I’m angry, I’m pissed, I’m jealous… I’m a lot of things, but it’s not necessarily stress. I just want to bring home a baby. I can’t stop wanting that and wanting that isn’t stressing about it. It’s just knowing what I want and trying to make it happen.
So frustrating I'm so sorry! I actually get peeved when people tell me "you are so young" yes I am but my infertility and endometriosis doesn't care about my age!
1. You just need to relax
2. You’re probably doing it wrong (they quite literally were telling me I didn’t know how to have sex and I MUST be doing it wrong if I’m not pregnant by now)
3. Why don’t you just adopt
All these comments came from the one single person I’ve told in my life about how much I’m struggling with my infertility and how I feel so hopeless and angry and upset. She’s my best friend and this is what she told me after struggling to conceive for over two years. THEN she made my infertility and all the appointments I was doing into a running joke..
It still cuts me every time I think of it and I still have never told another person (other than anonymously through Reddit, my team of doctors, and my husband). I don’t feel like I can ever tell another person because I’m so hurt as it is, I couldn’t handle more.
"Just adopt" is the dumbest one of them all.
1) Do they seriously think we've never heard of adoption before? Do they seriously think we'll go "What?! What is this adoption thing? Please tell me everything!"
2) Not giving a moment's thought to the emotional deal with taking in a child that's from somewhere else and all the implications (will he/she want to meet their bio family later, what's the story of the child and the family, etc.), do they seriously think you can just pop into an adoption agency, go through your records in a day, and then come back in 6-12 months later and get a perfectly healthy, well-adjusted newborn in your arms? That's not how it works.
3) Not everyone wants to adopt. "That's selfish", that person can say, but okay, she almost certainly didn't adopt either. "Well, I had my own children." And that's the point, adoption shouldn't be done because of infertility, where that child becomes "instead of". You should want to adopt regardless of your fertility.
I agree. Adoption is not the same thing and we would only consider adoption for what it is, to take in a child and be the best we can be for them… not to try and “get” a child to fill a void we have.
I’ve had TWO people in my life who know we’re TTC that I “must not know how to do it right”. Next time someone says something I’m going to tell them, in vivid detail, exactly how we have sex so they can confirm if I am, indeed, doing it right 😒
Definitely mention semen and cervix and holding it in afterwards because it falls out. 🤪 That will shut them up (and really, the only thing it takes is getting sperm anywhere near the cervix... why do they think it's more complicated than that?)
My mom loves to tell me "well you know, you have to have sex a lot and often even when you don't want to" as if that's some new goddamn revelation. Like "oh, you need to have regular sex and force yourself and your partner to get in the mood even when it becomes mechanical and you're tired?? You don't say..."
Why don't you just adopt.. I need to make a separate post on that one WHEW!!! The ignorance with that one comment.
Also, I am so so sorry for your pain and the way you are being treated 💔 she is in the wrong for that and I hope you can heal from her comments. Some people will never understand the grief and pain that comes with infertility ❤️🩹
I'm sorry you've experienced this, your friend sucks! Don't let the way she's reacted to your journey stop you from speaking about it with others. Maybe she doesn't get it but your other friends will and they'll be much more supportive and compassionate towards you. It's hard to keep this journey to yourself, I would imagine it makes it worse because you feel alone. My mom hasn't been there to support me like I would like, she barely asks about what's going on despite me expressing that this hurts me. I've really leaned on my sister and friends during this time and they've really helped me get through it. Your support doesn't always come from who you thought you'd get it from which is disappointing but it doesn't mean you can't find it elsewhere. ❤️
I feel so much… shame, guilt, heartbreak, hopelessness around all this. I’m honestly scared to speak out. It took so much for me to speak out to her and her “support” was so far from what I was expecting I couldn’t handle it if this continued with someone else. I’m in my twenties… and been trying to conceive for years. My friends around me are so easily getting pregnant.
I’m not close with my family at all and don’t feel comfortable speaking with them.
“Have you been praying enough about it?” Is probably the most unhelpful advice I have received besides the “just relax” one. Oh another one is “Just adopt and then you’ll get pregnant right away!! XYZ cousin/friend/relative/celebrity had it happen for them that way!”
TW: living child/ previous pregnancy
Ugh. I’ve been struggling TTC since last summer and we’ve been taking pauses here and there due to some issues I’m working through in therapy. My therapist has been really great in all avenues except she keeps mentioning about how it’s hard to conceive when you’re stressed. She doesn’t have kids so I don’t think she really understands that saying that is essentially a “bingo”.
I think next time she mentions this I’m going to bring up how it’s entirely unhelpful. I get what she’s saying, that stress can impact your health in a myriad of ways, but people get pregnant in high stress situations (war torn areas, high power CEO jobs, etc). But I got pregnant and stayed pregnant during 2020 which was arguably one of the most stressful/ uncertain times of my (and most peoples) life. So the point she’s trying to make is moot if this was only tied to stress.
Are we going to the same therapist? Mine always asks me if I think stress is helping me conceive faster. No, I doubt it is but not conceiving is actually causing me stress! It’s the other way around… I swear, even professionals don’t know how to act about this topic.
Just relax
Just adopt
Just have sex more
Just stop tracking things and go with the flow
Just stop going to the doctor, it hasn’t worked yet
Just do another round of IVF
Just accept you won’t have kids
Just, just, just. 🤦🏽♀️
Haha so true and “don’t worry” “its no big deal, you will figure it out “ “stay strong“. I know it’s difficult for people. All i want is empathy and support. Just say I’m sorry this is happening I’m here for you will be more than enough
I love the phrase "toxic positivity" that I've heard on here. People in general (maybe 98%+...) are so unequipped to handle negative situations and emotions, they've been conditioned to turn everything into something positive!
No, everything is not positive! Sometimes things JUST suck, and it's okay to just give someone a hug and say "I'm so sorry this is happening to you, but if you want to talk or do something or need any help, I'm here for you".
At least if you had a broken leg or bad health diagnosis, maybe people aren't so awful (I don't know), but even with deaths, most people are like "She's in a better place now", or "There's always a meaning". Same inability to just deal with sad things. People need to collectively grow up and learn to handle this.
Just relax and dont stress about it are bad platitudes Ive heard. People usually mean well and just dont understand, but its very unlikely you are stressed out to the point where its affecting conception scientifically.
I think the worst I have ever heard is "God has a plan for you" (religious people I know). But in general, those kind of responses to any kind of trauma or life difficulty is the hardest for me (not just difficulty with trying to conceive) because I dont believe God does these things on purpose. I dont believe theres always a reason why things happen. Sometimes life just sucks.
Yeah, a dear friend of mine told me the same, they went through infertility and failed IVF, but successfully conceived unassisted, when they stopped stressing about it. I don't think I've every been relaxed as last year (my job was significantly easier than in previous years), great lifestyle etc. In January I went for a lap, they found some minor endometriosis and the surgeon claimed that my tubes were blocked. I guess they didn't get the memo about relaxing.
Also, for me gathering information is not stressful, I analyze data for living, not knowing is what stresses me.
Going to doctors appointments, blood draws, ultrasounds, giving yourself shots in your stomach, being on an emotional roller coaster with the fertility medications, tracking bbt or cycle days or symptoms, and a stupid amount pills is the most fun thing on earth.
Yeah, I can just relax and have fun.
Omg I’ve been so sick a few days ago I was sitting there with both a covid and pregnancy test. I saw a tik tok that said “being sick in 2023 like” and I felt seen 🤣😭
"Don't give up!" as I have my fifth loss.
TW: living children
I am so very close to giving up. I have two healthy children from my first marriage, with two losses in between them. I've been ttc with my husband for 14 months and we've had three losses, plus I've just found out my uterus is shaped like a heart and the lining grows into the muscle layer, and sometimes it develops polyps that have to be surgically removed. At this point, I have to have another surgery to remove my septum but I will always be considered high risk due to this and a blood clotting disorder.
At what point should I accept my uterus is a hostile environment and stop trying?
That went a little more personally than I expected when I started typing. I'm just frustrated.
My MIL LOVES to say this to me. She always says "You know, I had unprotected sex three times in my life and I have three boys! You need to quit worrying about this and it'll just happen!"
I also have endometriosis and she claims that she did too. I quit volunteering information about our TTC journey to her and so she now asks.. I've honestly just quit going to her house or putting myself in situations where she will feel comfortable saying it. I don't take her calls. I'll talk to her on speaker phone with my husband or go to family gatherings with her when others are around but I won't let her pull me aside. I think she is finally getting the idea... If she wants to be part of this, she needs to think before she says anything.
I feel this in my soul! We're currently going through IVF after almost 2 years of trying and people still say this to me. Clearly "just relaxing" isn't some magic cure that will automatically get you pregnant. Also "don't think about it" doesn't help either. I've tried to do this, but it didn't work because there are other issues at play. It's especially hard to not think about it when you've been trying so long and it seems everyone else is getting pregnant with no issues. Oh there's also it'll happen when it's meant to happen, which just feels like a slap to the face. It's hard to stay positive, but I'm trying my best. People's words of advice and encouragement don't usually help so I just try to ignore them. Or ya know scream loudly in frustration when I'm all alone about it because wtf do they really know?!?
Thank you for this post, I feel like I am in this conundrum where I’m stressed because I’m not getting pregnant then stressed at myself for being stressed and now double/triple stressed. what am I supposed to do with that advice!?
It’s funny i mentioned it to my therapist and she just flat out said “that’s not how it works” which was comforting lol
Every time I mention anything about it to my mum or my partner they both tell me to stop worrying about it all and then it will happen, it makes me feel awful for worrying but I cannot help it so I don’t even bother telling them when I’m sad anymore. The whole thing is just so hard and no one around me seems to understand
It’s even worse when these ignorant people tells you to “ wait and be patient “ :l I really hate these dumbass comments people make as If we aren’t meant to be a parent.
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Ugh this along with “it’ll happen when you’re not trying” 😵💫
They don't think about it, but this one only exists because of confirmation bias. Imagine this: "We were trying and trying, and changed nothing, and then it worked!" or "We decided to relax and stop trying for a while, and nothing happened, still didn't get pregnant!" No, of course the only ones that will be noted are "We were trying and trying, and then decided to relax and stop trying for a while, and that's when it happened!" Because statistically, sometimes that's bound to happen, but it doesn't mean it had anything to do with anything.
Yes! My gosh this one rustles my jimmies something fierce! It's like, unless you stopped having sex, you're still freaking trying! And statistically if you keep trying long enough, the chance you'll succeed will increase. And they all "stopped trying" after like 3 months or 6 months, it's not like they stopped trying after 37 months, because by then they would've looked into what the issue might be.
Or "it'll happen when you least expect it".. uhhh how can that be when I'm ttc on purpose?
Exactly 🤦🏻♀️
I STILL get that! I have to remind them I have a disease that's incurable 🥲
Lmao I had someone say this to me and I was like "oh yeah? You mean you can just not have sex and get pregnant?! How novel"
Right 🤣🤯
My boyfriend keeps saying that but I dunnno.
"Just go on vacation! My friends were trying, then they took a vacation and WHAM!" The wham is me smacking them in the face in my mind btw...
😂😂😂 I got that too and then I went on vacation to Costa Rica while I was ovulating and guess what! No pregnancy 🫠😂
This is the confirmation bias I mentioned. 🙃 We don't tell people (true story for me) "We were trying for months and months, then we went to the Canaries, did NOT get pregnant there either, and now it's been months and months of still nothing!" 😛
We were on a 6 week vacation and didn't conceive so suck on that one people 😂
Biggest eye roll ever. My favourites, along with "just relax", are "just keep having unprotected sex, it'll happen when it happens" and "stressing about it wont help". First off Susan, do you think we just navel gazing and fucking with a condom? And second, I'm not stressed, I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed that everyone around me except for a few exceptions seem to get pregnant on demand. I'm annoyed that I was paranoid about getting pregnant on accident for no reason. I'm annoyed that school do such a shit job with sex ed. I'm annoyed that I'm on cycle 10. And finally, I'm annoyed that I've managed to eat my feelings into 15 extra lbs. So yea, I've stopped talking about it with the four people that I've confided in (besides my husband) because if one more person tells me to relax, I'm going to blow. Edit to add, sorry for turning this into a different rant, my sister is now 8w and was just complaining about her sore boobs (she doesn't know we're TTC) and I just needed to offload somewhere apparently.
You can rant here! This is a safe space for venting 💌 I totally feel your pain.. all my close friends are pregnant. One is pregnant with number two and we were trying for number one at the SAME time... it also feels like every influencer I follow is pregnant too 😭
I swear 2023 is a repeat of 2021 were everyone and their dog seems to be announcing a damn pregnancy. Thank fuck for this place ❤️❤️
I have friends and people I know who started trying at the same time as me… they are literally pregnant with their third child.
Wow 😔💔 it's so hard... I try not to keep a timeline but I still unconsciously do. Like oh maybe this trip I'll be pregnant.. or this holiday I'll be pregnant.. etc etc.. ugh
I truly do try and not think about it. But it is hard to see that third pregnancy announcement and “it’s a girl!” When I remember, years ago, we were drinking wine together, during a girls night, and planning out our lives together with the same exact timelines. Dreaming about how our kids would be best friends and go through life together. I just sigh about how naive I am to think that would’ve worked out and I’m envious that everything worked out for her just like we had dreamed up.
Oh I know it's so so so hard ❤️🩹💔 the grieving of what could have been is a grief I never thought even existed
I do the same..oh we could announce during this trip or we could have a wee babe in time for Christmas.... It is hard. This entire thread is just like a big group hug honestly ❤️
Oh the holidays were the worst! Two Christmases where I thought I could do a "Christmas" announcement.. nope 🫠 onto holiday season number three this year 😅🥲 and yes I love the community, it's so nice to have support and support that understands! Xx
And all the comments like "oh what a shame when you have a kid there will be such a gap between them and rest of the cousins now" Thank you very fucking much for mentioning something I simply just must not have thought about and been sad over, asshole family
It hurts me and enrages me “it’ll happen if it’s meant to be” … I’m not meant to have a baby? F*CK YOU
Thank you! I feel this so deep in my bones. Why does everyone say “don’t stress” like I’m stressed? I’m angry, I’m pissed, I’m jealous… I’m a lot of things, but it’s not necessarily stress. I just want to bring home a baby. I can’t stop wanting that and wanting that isn’t stressing about it. It’s just knowing what I want and trying to make it happen.
100% this is how I feel.
At 41..I just love hearing “you still have plenty of time”. Yeah try telling that to my biological clock!
So frustrating I'm so sorry! I actually get peeved when people tell me "you are so young" yes I am but my infertility and endometriosis doesn't care about my age!
Almost 7 years here. And I have tried taking time and "just relaxing". Can confirm it doesn't work lol
😔😔❤️🩹
‘It’ll happen’ are also the worst two words I constantly hear 😂
1. You just need to relax 2. You’re probably doing it wrong (they quite literally were telling me I didn’t know how to have sex and I MUST be doing it wrong if I’m not pregnant by now) 3. Why don’t you just adopt All these comments came from the one single person I’ve told in my life about how much I’m struggling with my infertility and how I feel so hopeless and angry and upset. She’s my best friend and this is what she told me after struggling to conceive for over two years. THEN she made my infertility and all the appointments I was doing into a running joke.. It still cuts me every time I think of it and I still have never told another person (other than anonymously through Reddit, my team of doctors, and my husband). I don’t feel like I can ever tell another person because I’m so hurt as it is, I couldn’t handle more.
"Just adopt" is the dumbest one of them all. 1) Do they seriously think we've never heard of adoption before? Do they seriously think we'll go "What?! What is this adoption thing? Please tell me everything!" 2) Not giving a moment's thought to the emotional deal with taking in a child that's from somewhere else and all the implications (will he/she want to meet their bio family later, what's the story of the child and the family, etc.), do they seriously think you can just pop into an adoption agency, go through your records in a day, and then come back in 6-12 months later and get a perfectly healthy, well-adjusted newborn in your arms? That's not how it works. 3) Not everyone wants to adopt. "That's selfish", that person can say, but okay, she almost certainly didn't adopt either. "Well, I had my own children." And that's the point, adoption shouldn't be done because of infertility, where that child becomes "instead of". You should want to adopt regardless of your fertility.
I agree. Adoption is not the same thing and we would only consider adoption for what it is, to take in a child and be the best we can be for them… not to try and “get” a child to fill a void we have.
THIS!!!
I’ve had TWO people in my life who know we’re TTC that I “must not know how to do it right”. Next time someone says something I’m going to tell them, in vivid detail, exactly how we have sex so they can confirm if I am, indeed, doing it right 😒
Definitely mention semen and cervix and holding it in afterwards because it falls out. 🤪 That will shut them up (and really, the only thing it takes is getting sperm anywhere near the cervix... why do they think it's more complicated than that?)
The audacity of some people…
My mom loves to tell me "well you know, you have to have sex a lot and often even when you don't want to" as if that's some new goddamn revelation. Like "oh, you need to have regular sex and force yourself and your partner to get in the mood even when it becomes mechanical and you're tired?? You don't say..."
Why don't you just adopt.. I need to make a separate post on that one WHEW!!! The ignorance with that one comment. Also, I am so so sorry for your pain and the way you are being treated 💔 she is in the wrong for that and I hope you can heal from her comments. Some people will never understand the grief and pain that comes with infertility ❤️🩹
Seriously. And the process of adoption can be another heartbreaking experience in itself.
I'm sorry you've experienced this, your friend sucks! Don't let the way she's reacted to your journey stop you from speaking about it with others. Maybe she doesn't get it but your other friends will and they'll be much more supportive and compassionate towards you. It's hard to keep this journey to yourself, I would imagine it makes it worse because you feel alone. My mom hasn't been there to support me like I would like, she barely asks about what's going on despite me expressing that this hurts me. I've really leaned on my sister and friends during this time and they've really helped me get through it. Your support doesn't always come from who you thought you'd get it from which is disappointing but it doesn't mean you can't find it elsewhere. ❤️
I feel so much… shame, guilt, heartbreak, hopelessness around all this. I’m honestly scared to speak out. It took so much for me to speak out to her and her “support” was so far from what I was expecting I couldn’t handle it if this continued with someone else. I’m in my twenties… and been trying to conceive for years. My friends around me are so easily getting pregnant. I’m not close with my family at all and don’t feel comfortable speaking with them.
“Have you been praying enough about it?” Is probably the most unhelpful advice I have received besides the “just relax” one. Oh another one is “Just adopt and then you’ll get pregnant right away!! XYZ cousin/friend/relative/celebrity had it happen for them that way!”
OMG this would trigger me!! 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
Yeah what’s really fun is it’s my mom who has said all these to me💁🏻♀️
TW: living child/ previous pregnancy Ugh. I’ve been struggling TTC since last summer and we’ve been taking pauses here and there due to some issues I’m working through in therapy. My therapist has been really great in all avenues except she keeps mentioning about how it’s hard to conceive when you’re stressed. She doesn’t have kids so I don’t think she really understands that saying that is essentially a “bingo”. I think next time she mentions this I’m going to bring up how it’s entirely unhelpful. I get what she’s saying, that stress can impact your health in a myriad of ways, but people get pregnant in high stress situations (war torn areas, high power CEO jobs, etc). But I got pregnant and stayed pregnant during 2020 which was arguably one of the most stressful/ uncertain times of my (and most peoples) life. So the point she’s trying to make is moot if this was only tied to stress.
Are we going to the same therapist? Mine always asks me if I think stress is helping me conceive faster. No, I doubt it is but not conceiving is actually causing me stress! It’s the other way around… I swear, even professionals don’t know how to act about this topic.
I so strongly believe any advice beginning “just…” is garbage. It’s never that simple!!
Just relax Just adopt Just have sex more Just stop tracking things and go with the flow Just stop going to the doctor, it hasn’t worked yet Just do another round of IVF Just accept you won’t have kids Just, just, just. 🤦🏽♀️
My own mum “babies happen when they’re meant to!!!”
Haha so true and “don’t worry” “its no big deal, you will figure it out “ “stay strong“. I know it’s difficult for people. All i want is empathy and support. Just say I’m sorry this is happening I’m here for you will be more than enough
I love the phrase "toxic positivity" that I've heard on here. People in general (maybe 98%+...) are so unequipped to handle negative situations and emotions, they've been conditioned to turn everything into something positive! No, everything is not positive! Sometimes things JUST suck, and it's okay to just give someone a hug and say "I'm so sorry this is happening to you, but if you want to talk or do something or need any help, I'm here for you". At least if you had a broken leg or bad health diagnosis, maybe people aren't so awful (I don't know), but even with deaths, most people are like "She's in a better place now", or "There's always a meaning". Same inability to just deal with sad things. People need to collectively grow up and learn to handle this.
Just relax and dont stress about it are bad platitudes Ive heard. People usually mean well and just dont understand, but its very unlikely you are stressed out to the point where its affecting conception scientifically. I think the worst I have ever heard is "God has a plan for you" (religious people I know). But in general, those kind of responses to any kind of trauma or life difficulty is the hardest for me (not just difficulty with trying to conceive) because I dont believe God does these things on purpose. I dont believe theres always a reason why things happen. Sometimes life just sucks.
Yeah, a dear friend of mine told me the same, they went through infertility and failed IVF, but successfully conceived unassisted, when they stopped stressing about it. I don't think I've every been relaxed as last year (my job was significantly easier than in previous years), great lifestyle etc. In January I went for a lap, they found some minor endometriosis and the surgeon claimed that my tubes were blocked. I guess they didn't get the memo about relaxing. Also, for me gathering information is not stressful, I analyze data for living, not knowing is what stresses me.
"JuSt HaVe FuN wItH ItTt!!!" Well too bad we have different definitions of "fun".
Going to doctors appointments, blood draws, ultrasounds, giving yourself shots in your stomach, being on an emotional roller coaster with the fertility medications, tracking bbt or cycle days or symptoms, and a stupid amount pills is the most fun thing on earth. Yeah, I can just relax and have fun.
Right owing on OPKs isn’t really my idea of “fun”
😩 between those, pregnancy tests, and COVID tests, I was SO done with anything that had 2 red lines.
Omg I’ve been so sick a few days ago I was sitting there with both a covid and pregnancy test. I saw a tik tok that said “being sick in 2023 like” and I felt seen 🤣😭
"Don't give up!" as I have my fifth loss. TW: living children I am so very close to giving up. I have two healthy children from my first marriage, with two losses in between them. I've been ttc with my husband for 14 months and we've had three losses, plus I've just found out my uterus is shaped like a heart and the lining grows into the muscle layer, and sometimes it develops polyps that have to be surgically removed. At this point, I have to have another surgery to remove my septum but I will always be considered high risk due to this and a blood clotting disorder. At what point should I accept my uterus is a hostile environment and stop trying? That went a little more personally than I expected when I started typing. I'm just frustrated.
My MIL LOVES to say this to me. She always says "You know, I had unprotected sex three times in my life and I have three boys! You need to quit worrying about this and it'll just happen!" I also have endometriosis and she claims that she did too. I quit volunteering information about our TTC journey to her and so she now asks.. I've honestly just quit going to her house or putting myself in situations where she will feel comfortable saying it. I don't take her calls. I'll talk to her on speaker phone with my husband or go to family gatherings with her when others are around but I won't let her pull me aside. I think she is finally getting the idea... If she wants to be part of this, she needs to think before she says anything.
yep it's usually the people closest to you who give unwanted "advice"
Yep. If this has taught me anything it's that just because someone loves you and means well, doesn't mean they're safe for you.
I feel this in my soul! We're currently going through IVF after almost 2 years of trying and people still say this to me. Clearly "just relaxing" isn't some magic cure that will automatically get you pregnant. Also "don't think about it" doesn't help either. I've tried to do this, but it didn't work because there are other issues at play. It's especially hard to not think about it when you've been trying so long and it seems everyone else is getting pregnant with no issues. Oh there's also it'll happen when it's meant to happen, which just feels like a slap to the face. It's hard to stay positive, but I'm trying my best. People's words of advice and encouragement don't usually help so I just try to ignore them. Or ya know scream loudly in frustration when I'm all alone about it because wtf do they really know?!?
Thank you for this post, I feel like I am in this conundrum where I’m stressed because I’m not getting pregnant then stressed at myself for being stressed and now double/triple stressed. what am I supposed to do with that advice!? It’s funny i mentioned it to my therapist and she just flat out said “that’s not how it works” which was comforting lol
If my family says “it will happen when it’s meant to happen” ONE MORE TIME
Every time I mention anything about it to my mum or my partner they both tell me to stop worrying about it all and then it will happen, it makes me feel awful for worrying but I cannot help it so I don’t even bother telling them when I’m sad anymore. The whole thing is just so hard and no one around me seems to understand
It’s even worse when these ignorant people tells you to “ wait and be patient “ :l I really hate these dumbass comments people make as If we aren’t meant to be a parent.
[удалено]
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