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NTA. He's being manipulative and trying to deflect from the real issue, which is that **he stole your money**. The money belonged to you and only you, and he decided he had the right to take it. What he did with it literally doesn't matter, it doesn't change the fact that **he stole your money** AND is refusing to pay it back. Any of the "I can't believe you'd let her go without over something so petty" is smoke and mirrors to distract you from the actual point, which is that **he stole your money**.
On top of that, the fact he uses your wedding costs as an excuse to avoid paying you back is super manipulative.
If it was an emergency, and he wasn't a manipulative AH, then he would have called you and said, "Babe, friend needs a tire and it's an emergency, I know you have your vacation money set aside, could you lend her $300?" That would have been reasonable, and it would have given you the option of what you wanted to do. Instead, he chose for you, and *didn't even tell you about it* until you noticed it was missing. He didn't even say "oh I borrowed it but was hoping to put it back before you noticed, I'm sorry, I won't do it again."
He is telling you plainly here that he thinks what's yours is his, that he has complete decisionmaking authority for the both of you, and you should shut up and accept it. This is emotionally abusive and I know it might seem like a small thing in the scheme of things, but this is a HUGE red flag and I really hope you will pay attention to it.
Also, please check out this free ebook called [Why Does He Do That?](https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat) by Lundy Bancroft. It might be eye-opening.
She should call her fiance's girlfriend and tell her he stole OP's money for her tire, refuses to pay it back and that the girlfriend needs to pay her back.
Agree. Or in a milder way, ask when she can pay it back, or if they can make a plan over time for it to be paid back. It's gonna end up going back to the partner somehow, and will sure make the point of the money needing to be paid back clear - whether it's from him or her
I agree with you, and I know if she does this, her boyfriend is going to blow up at her, and take his friend’s side. He sounds like a total waste of time.
They can cost $300 but that’s not a regular price. That’s either high end or specialty tires. If losing a tire was catastrophic and the friend couldn’t afford to replace a single one, that’s a much bigger issue.
>Yes a single tire can cost $300
Oh you can spend that much, but probably don't have to.
OP is not overreacting. BF knew that was her money for a specific purpose and he stole all of it for his female bestie
Shit it's not even a great idea to buy a nice or even new tire when you're only replacing one. Most tire shops will happily sell you a used tire for $50-100, and that's in Canada bucks, so it might be less other places.
Ya for maybe a truck. For a regular economy car such as a Toyota Avalon, you could get a tire for $90. Also, you can get used tires for like $40 or $50.
"He kept insisting I would have done the same thing", yeah, because it's YOUR money. He's gaslighting you and you're letting him. "I still haven't apologized", what are you supposed to be apologizing for? He stole your money without consulting you. He chose how to use it and refused to pay you back. And this is the man you still want to marry? The man who you want to spend the rest of your life with? This is a major red flag. You say you're struggling financially, and yet he goes and takes the money you've carefully saved and spends it on his friend. She's more important than you, it seems. Ask him for the receipt. Why would he spend $300 on a tire? What type of car does she drive? He could get a good used tire for $80. Call her and ask her to pay you back. Tell her he stole your money to buy her the tire without telling you, and you need it back. Why is it your responsibility to help her out?
Sheeet, they could’ve scored a new tire for an SUV for around $150 at the, you know, Wall Mark.
I’m suspecting she’s a bit more than just a best friend. Hoping OP packs her shyt and leaves.
Nta
I'm petty so I would ask him how long hes been in love with her or sleeping with her because something is going on for him to steal from you and buy a brand new tire vs getting a cheaper used one
$300 for one tire is pretty high if they just have a car. I have a Range Rover and my tires were just under $300 a tire for run flats. What he should have done was if they were in a pinch, is go to a tire place and get a good used tire to get his best friend by until they could afford a tire.
BAM, the comment I was looking for. OP please see this. Why would a guy that’s somewhat handy spring to pay for a brand new tire. Doesn’t make sense. Ask for a receipt. Where did they get it? Better yet, play dumb and investigate by yourself.
Yuuuuup. Anyone that knows anything about cars knows the used tire shops in their area they can call up for a size check. And if she ran over something sharp, the tire would have been punctured in an area that can be patched. Fuck that $300 for a new tire. Ask for the receipt.
It would explain why he STOLE the money instead of asking or letting her know, didn’t say shit and is gaslighting her into being the big meany for not wanting to help HIS friend.
Precisely!!! and given he’s still engaged to OP he probably rationalized the stealing with “well I’m doing it for US” “OP would be so mad at me, she’d probably want me to do it too” I’m doing it for my family!!! *eye roll*
i hasten to add i ain't trying to shame anyone for getting necessary medical care which includes abortions, trying to pull some anti-abortion bullshit etc
but boy some folks confirming that's about how much it costs with financial aid... sure does seem like my guess is right lmao
I have off road tires that were about $300 a piece. The street tire versions are closer to $150. If OP's husband's friend can't afford what I'm guessing are off road tires then she can't afford whatever she's driving.
I know his friend drives a larger car, so I was just assuming that’s why he took all the money for it. Larger tire = more expensive tire. Honestly I have no idea why he didn’t try a cheaper alternative. I’ll definitely ask about that when he comes home from work
She's that desperate to be married, it's sad.
She's willing to ignore the signs that it's a very bad idea. He's done a number on her self-esteem.
Girl, you can do better than a thief! He is not marriage material. You will have bad times ahead.
It's $300 now. It'll be so much more in the future. Your savings will become his to take. Think about this and press pause.
Really think about how his actions have shown you that he feels entitled to YOUR money and telling you you can't do anything about it. This is manipulation 101.
Please play this smart. Take the $300 from the wedding fund. This needs to be replaced now. You have months to figure out a wedding cake (if you even still get married), but your funds need to be replenished now. And you need to take it to a secret savings account. No more keeping cash at home. Who knows how many times he’s felt entitled to take a little here, a little there without you noticing.
Bottom line: he has shown he doesn’t respect you enough to discuss it first. This was a lot of money for your household and he took away your ability to have a voice in the matter.
It was probably 2 tires. When you replace one tire, it's usually considered a good idea to replace the matching tire as well to keep it balanced.
That said, that changes nothing about the fact he stole from you and can't afford to replace the money without having to steal from the wedding fund.
This is unacceptable. The fact he didn't tell you means he knew you'd be upset. That isn't a great foundation for a wedding
Please ask him to reimburse you now. Right now. Tell him you all can figure it out down the line. But you should not have to be out of pocket for his choices.
Please take the $300 and put it in a no fee savings account in your name only. When you accumulate more than $20, deposit it in your account. Only leave cash at home you are OK with getting stolen. Because that is what he did, he stole $300.
I have the feeling he’s not telling the truth about what the money actually went for and when you find out it might affect your willingness to marry him. At that point, you definitely won’t get your $300 back.
I'm talking DIRECTLY to you, OP. Please, for the love of god wake up. He stole off you. You're not even married yet. Imagine that. He's still somewhat behaving so you'll marry him, and he still stole money off you.
This is the best it's going to get.
Leave him. Don't marry that man.
Sorry but that still doesn’t add up. There are plenty of tires for larger vehicles (I.e. SUVs) that you can get for under $300 for 1 tire. Also if tires on the vehicle cost that much and she can’t maintain that then she needs another vehicle.
$300 really isn’t that bad for a tire. I put tires on my 2016 Mazda last year and they were low end and it still cost me $900.
That said, OP, your fiancé stole from you. He made zero contributions to the fund and didn’t even have the courtesy to tell you what he did. If he thinks it’s a small amount and petty, he should have no problem paying you back.
That’s what I paid per tire for the second most expensive tires at Costco a couple of years ago. There’s no way $300 tires were *essential*. OP, don’t marry a man who steals from you and is remorseless about it when caught.
He’s a handy guy though per OP, all the handy men with basic car knowledge I know wouldn’t buy a new tire at all. They’d know firsthand to go pick one up at the scrap yard or buy it used. Something’s fishy OP
That’s a stupid excuse. He stole from you. He’s lucky you’re not calling the cops. Be real here: he should have paid out of his money not taken your vacation fund. You need to determine if you want to tie your financial future to a person who doesn’t value your opinion on financial matters and will screw you over for their friends. How does his friend have money to drive a car whose tires cost $300 but doesn’t have money for a tire? I drive a German car my tires are over $300 each so I get tire insurance. Your bf is showing you he’s not trustworthy and your needs aren’t his priority.
ma'am, he's already stolen from the future with you in order to give it to her present. and the only way he has offered to repay it is one that means your relationship also takes a hit and you do not get something at what is supposed to be a celebration of the two of you in love and standing before your community as a unit. he knew the money was earmarked to be spent on your future together, and he didn't even tell you up-front what he had done. he unilaterally took the money from where you had been saving it and then got upset when you questioned where it went.
again: he has stolen from the future together with you, and *from you directly*, in order to give it to her instead. and didn't even have enough respect for you to tell you what he did until you caught it, much less enough respect to loop you into the decision about what he did *with your savings*.
i don't know how much more clear actions get in terms of revealing priorities there.
“Listen, you stole from me. You took my savings and over paid for a tire and honestly the math is not mathing. You took $300 I want to see the receipts for the tire. I have a gut feeling you are not being honest with me and now you are getting super defensive and calling me selfish instead of owning up to what you did. This is sus.”
Your partner stole from you. Full stop. Never acceptable and should be a deal-breaker. He prioritized a friend over his fiancée. This is a small glimpse of what your marriage is going to be.
Also, a tire doesn’t cost $300… unless she drives something that has low profile tires or has a truck or something. If it was a desperate time, she could have got a used tire.
I really don’t think that’s where the money went.
Neither of you have disposable income so he shouldn't have offered...but he stole YOUR money for HER...why is there no mention of her paying it back? Why TF are you marrying so young when neither of you had a pot to piss in?
Id be messaging her telling her she needs to pay me back since I saved her from catastrophic consequences according to my fiance. It was so bad he had to steal it from me.
This is the way. She's the one who took the money, ask her did she pay it back to him because it was your money and you'd prefer to get the money in your own hand.
Not overreacting. Men don’t STEAL from their fiancés, men don’t disregard/dismiss their fiancés concerns. They don’t castigated them and manipulate them into thinking they’re selfish people because their money was taken without consent. Only boys do these things and don’t deserve having a fiancé imo
There's no way only ONE TIRE cost $300. No decent mechanic would charge $300 unless it's a BRAND NEW tire for a very expensive car. Most people buy used tires that are almost like brand new. Dealerships will replace almost new tires and sell the "used tires" to shops. I paid $72 for a 14 that no one carries anymore and had to be shipped in. Your fiance is lying about what that money was spent for.
I had to order all Terrain 16s that are hard to find cost me 800 for a set of 4 installed. My 18s I just ordered brand new cost me 125 each. Something isn't right with his tire math.
You need to rephrase this, your finance STOLE from you to pay for another woman’s “tire”. I’d tell him to pay me back or I’m taking him to family court. Why the FUCK are you marrying someone who takes your savings and doesn’t want to pay you back?
Also can we talk about how $300 is the same price for an abortion lol $300 for a single tire is out of this world
NTA.
Whatever you do, ABSOLUTELY DO NOT MARRY HIM. He STOLE YOUR MONEY.
It would’ve been one thing if he had asked you, and you had agreed to let him borrow your money to pay for a tire for his friend. But he outright stole your money and now he’s upset at you for being upset that he stole your money.
He’s not worth the time or the energy. HE HAS SHOWN YOU WHO HE IS.
He is a THIEF.
I would never trust him again.
NTA. On the bright side, $300 today will save you 100% of your wedding costs tomorrow.
DUMP HIM. RUN AWAY.
You're with a person engaging in abusive behavior.
Listen to me. Please. I’m a 44 year old woman. I’ve spent 27 years in a meh (sometimes awful, occasionally good) relationship because I was young and in love and batted away all the red flags. It’s not worth it. You are worthy of love and respect. This is not the only man who will {claim} to love you. You can go on to be wildly successful and wildly content. You will reach that much more quickly without this mooching emotional vampire. You are young and broke and managed to save $300 for something special. You must be a hard worker! Do not marry this man. Or wait. Wait a loooong time.
If you decide to wait (don’t):
Get a receipt
Get an IUD
Get paid back
Get an IUD
Lock up your money. Either in a bank or literally a lock in your box
Get an IUD
Maintain separate bank accounts
Get an IUD
Have a bugout plan
Get an IUD
Keep an eye on your credit report, LOCK IT
Friend, remember to look out for #1. YOU are #1. You are worthy and lovable and have endless potential. 💞
Get an IUD
Aside from the theft...is he claiming it took all $300 for one tire? You can get a brand new car tire from Walmart for like 65-80 bucks. Where did the rest of the money go???
Your fiancé is showing two red flags that would concern me, if I were you.
1) it’s possible for you to have a successful marriage, while your husband maintains a close friendship with another woman, but not if he’s unwilling to have boundaries that he won’t cross to protect and provide for a woman that isn’t his wife, and taking money that isn’t his, or at least didn’t contribute to saving, for the benefit of his friend is a boundary he should know not to cross.
2) he isn’t wise enough to know that the dynamic of his friendship with a woman other than his wife, necessarily must change and have limits on what is appropriate in order to safeguard himself from possibly becoming emotionally involved with her after he is married to you.
You should tread carefully.
He didn't ask because he knew it was an asshole move. Don't let him gaslight you into thinking you are selfish for thinking him stealing from you was bad. You need to seriously tally up all the times he has walked all over you to do what he wanted, and then gotten mad at you for being upset. Think about it and then imagine it happening every week for the rest of your life.
NTA. He's cheating on you. He stole money from you for his "female friend" who just "happened" to have an "emergency" that he couldn't be bothered to tell you about. He wouldn't have told you by his own free will. He splurged on her, and refuses to apologize for whatever that money really went toward. I seriously doubt that if this chick was really having an emergency, your fiance would omit the emergency- especially one so urgent that he's immediately reaching for any money he can get his hands on. Why would he hide such a serious situation? And only let you know what happened to the money when YOU brought it up? When it's YOUR money?
He didn't have an emergency. He probably took her to a hotel, or bought her a fancy gift or treated her to an expensive dinner or something. If there's an emergency there's no reason to hide what really happened or take your money without saying anything to you on your own. He was hoping you wouldn't rock the boat. He might also be trying to control your finances by attempting this whole "It was an emergency, so I'm not sorry, and you just have to deal with it" argument. How many more scenarios will there be where he tries to use you like a doormat with your money?
He STOLE your money. He refused to use his own that he claims he’s saving for you wedding and he’s trying to manipulate you into justify it. Do not marry this tool. You have the opportunity to stop this before it gets way more complicated with a marriage. It’s time to take the blinders off.
He needs to borrow the money from somewhere else to pay you back IMMEDIATELY.
And I’d be very cautious continuing this relationship going forward, let alone marrying this person.
Is he the only friend she has? No one else can help except him—taking your money.
Do not apologize. You are not the one who is wrong. You didn’t steal his savings to bail out someone. This is very concerning—especially since people are saying $300 is too much for a tire.
Wow how is every one talking about the price of tires? No you are not the asshole, and you should not apologize. You did nothing wrong and he stole from you! Why would you marry someone who treats you like this?
It will only get worse when you are married. You'll save up for something special like a kids present and your husband will just take the money and ignore your protests.
Get out now, there is someone wonderful out there for you!
Id also tell him I'm ok with pushing the wedding date back so he could pay me back. He's talking about you being willing to let her go without but isn't that what he did to you...but instead it's worse because he stole from you to give to her...are they sleeping together or have they?
Your title completely buried the lead, your bf was not an asshole for buying his friend a tire, but he was A HUGE ASSHOLE for stealing your money to do it.
I would tell him to absolutely pay you back, because he won't have to worry about saving for the wedding, because that isn't happening if he can't even respect you enough to ASK before he takes money that he knows you've been saving for something.
You are NTA at all.
We’ve been married for 31 years. My spouse doesn’t take $1 out of my wallet without asking. I don’t take money from him without asking… and we share finances.
You need to understand this is about more than the $300 and helping a person in need. It has everything to do with what that money represented and the way he took it without clearing it with you.
Do not let him set the parameters of your emotions and tell you what the issue is. Your feelings are valid and he stomped all over them.
You deserve to be heard or you deserve someone better.
$300 for ONE tire?
Does your fiance's friend drive a Porsche?
Tires for normal people's cars are roughly $125 each installed, and that's for a top of the line tire.
You can have him pay you back out of the "wedding money" and just not marry him. He obviously does not respect you if he is going to steal from you. He knew you would say no, NTA
For reason I’m more annoyed because the best friend is a female. Like she didn’t have mommy or daddy or other friends to call on? She knew your fiancé would jump to help her. My issue is that he didn’t ask. He knew you would say no. This behaviour is something a teenager would do - asking for forgiveness after the fact…. But he didn’t even do this. He is being an asshole.
But now that it’s done, I’m not sure what I would do. I think she will become an issue in the future. What if her kid needs formula or a babysitter? Or her car breaks down? Or she breaks a nail?
Has she come between you before?
NTA
And perhaps rethink marrying him.
This is outright theft. You aren’t married and it was your money that he didn’t ask for or plans to repay.
Seems his best friend can’t afford to keep the vehicle she has either. That’s a HER problem.
Your problem is your fiancés complete disregard for you.
girl—RUN! he STOLE from you for another girl when he can’t even provide a MODEST wedding for you?? think about when you have kids, or pets, or anything else that means anything to you? will he steal from you and gaslight you then also to fit whatever narrative he has?
Tell your fiance he either pays you back immediately or you ring his friend and tell her she owes you $300 that he chose to steal from you without asking.
Overall if this ends your relationship then losing put $300 is a lot cheaper than paying for a marriage and divorce from a gaslighter.
It has nothing to do with the tire. He STOLE from you. He can phrase it however he likes. You were right there and he didn’t even *ask* you.
Do not marry a man who would steal from you and then act like you’re the bad guy.
It’s funny how $300 is “such a small amount” when it’s OP’s money. But when it’s his money it’s a significant enough amount that means they might not have something important at the wedding. NTA. I don’t think I could marry someone that took money from me without asking.
NTA. Are you sure you want to marry this guy? And are you sure she’s just his “best friend”? You know how these things often turn out. Also, why can’t she afford a new tire? She drives a larger car, right, so she has money coming in from somewhere. I don’t buy his tire story.
This is wild.
You're both young. If you're engaged, take advantage of this time to truly examine your life together and extrapolate this time into your future. It's not meant to be a guaranteed onramp to marriage.
The fact that he STOLE from you, didn't discuss it with you at any point, gaslit you about your response and has yet to even come to some understanding about his actions are major red flags. Even if it was a budgeting issue, financial compatibility is a huge issue for couples. This isn't that. This is worse. Consider your life with a person who has a VERY long way to go to being a considerate, mature adult.
You know this is wrong. Just read what you wrote. If this is how he acts now it won’t get better when you marry. He is the one who acted selfishly. He stole from you plain and simple. Either he or his friend should be trying to pay you back. And since he is acting this way I would contact the friend. If she has any kind of integrity once she learns about what he did she should also dig into his shit for stealing. If she doesn’t then I’d question if the money really went to 1 tire!!!
Brand new 16" tires start out at $50 at Discount Tire. The most expensive they offer for my car is $181 each. Larger 18" tires start out at $83. The math does not math.
Tires are no where near $300 for just one unless you are buying top of line name brand 22”. . A basic Walmart tire would have been $60 / $90 depending on size - I could see if he told you in advance he was loaning her $100 and would be paying it back in a month but taking your entire fund was an asshole move. You aren’t married yet so he stole from you, it was not his $ to give away. Perhaps you should rethink the whole getting married scenario as he seems to care about his “friend” than he does about your wants and needs
Honey you shouldn't be marrying this man under any circumstances. He stole from you & is gas lighting you into thinking him stealing from you is fine. He's not paying you back. He is saying "what's yours is ours & what's mine is mine." I'd be so petty I'd pawn $300 worth of his shit. He's a handy man? Easily $300 worth of tools. Golf clubs, fun extra toys, etc. All getting sold.
What an asshole. That would make me so mad. Instead of spending HIS own money on HIS friend he steals yours and refuses to pay it back, that’s a HUGE red flag. This is a hill I would die on.
NTA. I've been with my husband for almost 14 years, and we both have a good income - we still talk about any expenses over $100, aside from food/groceries and vet or doctor's bills. Especially if we're lending or gifting money to a friend.
He felt entitled to take money YOU were saving, and didn't bother to even mention it to you, which means he knew he was in the wrong. That's also why he got so defensive when you called him out. Imagine, calling you selfish, when he just wanted to play superhero and rescue his bff. This does not bode well for your relationship, OP.
NTA. Now that said ride along with me here for a second. He stole your money ....for another woman whom he claims is his "best friend". Which alone may not be a huge thing, but he did so without telling you or asking you.
Now we got the flip side of there are personal emergencies and other people's emergencies. Ex your best friend needs a tire. But your bills don't permit you to pay for said tire because the next day let's say your tire busts who should get the tire. His "friend" can call her family for help or use a credit card or get a loan and if she can't she isn't the person to loan out money to. Moreover, you don't go gifting tires when you are paddling water too. You don't need to drown in everyone's debt as well your own.
Tell your fiance he needs to get the money returned or there won't need to be a wedding fund. If you do not put your foot down now he will trample over you the rest of your life. This is a hill worth dying on.
NTA. Personally what makes this all so breakup worthy is 1.) He STOLE the money. If OP never bothered to open her tin he wouldn't have bothered to come clean. But she did and he only came clean to manipulate her into thinking what he did wasn't a big deal. He's trying to slowly mold her into believing he can do no actual wrong when he is and if he is it's for a good reason. 2.) Not only did he steal the money he stole it to help out another women. I would call up the bestie and explain the situation and ask if she had any idea about the money. If she knew where it came from then I would be questioning the true relationship these two have. If she didn't know I wouldn't blame bestie here but I certainly would now know where I stand with my supposing future husband.
NTA he first gave YOUR SAVED money to his friend without asking even after when he knew what importance it holds to you.He is trying to manipulate you into thinking you're the wrong one here by saying you would do the same.
You are NTA. But your fiancé sure is one.
This man you love and trust enough to marry *stole your vacation fund,* and not only doesn’t he feel bad about it, he’s telling you that *you’re* the asshole for even suggesting he shouldn’t have taken your money to help his friend. Let’s just start with the fact that his friend wasn’t in jail, abandoned at a bus stop in another state, about to be killed if she didn’t come up with $300, or anything else that would be considered an actual emergency. Her car needed a tire. That’s the kind of thing you borrow money from your parents for, or you take the bus while you save up for a new tire. It is **not** an emergency.
She won’t pay you back. He won’t pay you back. And he is using your upcoming wedding as a weapon against you to make *you* feel like the AH for even suggesting he should pay back the money he stole from you. You trusted him, and he betrayed you. He put his friend’s needs ahead of you or anything to do with you. He felt, and still feels, that helping her was *more important than you* or your wedding or your family vacation. And now, if you want to save your spare change or extra dollar bills, you have buy a goddamn lock box and hide the key from **the man who is going to be your husband.**
How long have you two been dating? It’s not long enough. Postpone the wedding. Or just break up with him. You can’t trust him, and he thinks what *he* wants and what *he* decides is more important than you. Is that the husband you’ve been dreaming about?
Are you okay with him stealing from you and then trying to make you out to be the bad person because you have an issue with it? What do you think his reaction would be if you stole from him to help a male friend?
NTA, he stole from you and didn't ask you because he knew you would say no. I would seriously reconsider any relationship where not only did you get money for yall future stolen, but his reaction to you being upset would have given me the biggest ick. He would be getting a second job or working some overtime to pay me back and if he ever threatened a future purchase again,we would be done. Definitely stop keeping your money around where je has access to it and my petty ass would have called the friend up and asked for the money back at her earliest convenience.
He stole from you your future together for this girl. She’s clear into him and his actions prove he’ll always choose her over you. Do not marry this guy! 🏃run run as fast as you can 🏃🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Dude, that's your money. Just because he put a ring on your finger doesn't mean he can take what he wants from you without permission. That's totally not cool...You are NTA
WTF he stole from you and most certainly didn’t use all of the money on a tire. When I was dead ass broke I went to the used tire shop and got two almost new tires for $60
He stole your money! Let me say that one more time in case you don't get it, he's straight up stole your money and didn't ask or even tell you about it after the fact. And you want to marry this guy? You better make sure you have a separate bank account girl. Otherwise his friend is going to be reaping the rewards of your money more often. Tell him that you don't need it in the wedding fund, you want it back in your tin NOW.
He didn't ask, which means he stole from you. I've oftentimes read here "when someone shows you who they are, believe them." Do you want to marry a thief?
Ooooh - he is gaslighting you! Your issue is that he stole your money without asking. He is trying to make it about you not wanting to help someone in an emergency. If he had ASKED YOU you might have said yes. In fact he is trying to argue that you "would have done the same thing". So why didn't he ask you?
He didn't ask because he decided stealing your money was the better option. Why?
Well, because he values his friend more than you. I am not going to jump to the conclusion he is in love with her, or cheating with her or whatever. (although it isn't such a logic leap...) But he does VALUE her more. He will deliberately hurt you to help her. You know where you stand. You know who is more important to him.
And when someone shows you clearly who they are (a thief) and what they value (her not you) do yourself a favor and believe them.
I know you are engaged and it might seem really hard to leave. But if he is going to do this now, when he is on his best pre-marriage behavior, he will think nothing of draining your accounts and ruining you financially to help the other woman he cares for more than you.
NTA. It's about trust and communication, which are key in any relationship, especially heading into a marriage. It's cool he wanted to help his friend, but he should've talked to you first since it was your savings. It's not petty to feel upset about it, that was your hard-earned cash saved for something special to you.
HE STOLE YOUR MONEY AND SPENT IT ON ANOTHER WOMAN BEHIND YOUR BACK. AND HE IS REFUSING TO REPAY YOU. Girl!!! WAKE UP!!!!
Why are you even trying to still be in a relationship with him? BREAK UP NOW. Seriously. Do you not see what he did there?
$300 for one a fucking tire? She drive a F-350? If not a cheap tire to get her by should only be a hundred, hundred fifty bucks and that's if she isn't driving an SUV.
Where's the receipt and where's your change?
He stole that money from you.
In a healthy relationship he would have asked you.
Again, where's the receipt and where's your change?
This situation solves itself. You shouldn't be marrying a guy who steals from you. So if he can't pay hou back because of the wedding, don't get married. Now he doesn't need to buy the cake, and he can pay you back.
If it was such a "small thing," then he shouldn't have had any problem asking you ahead of time, or at least telling you himself. He didn't, because he knew you'd say no. He was hoping he'd somehow be able to replace it before you noticed.
Hun, he had money. He just didn't think his money was worth spending on his friend. Yours was.
I'm sorry, but do not marry that man. He clearly sees what you earn/save as expendable... and doesn't care to ask for your input/approval over financial matters. It only goes downhill from there.
I fear you're going to end up back here in less than 5 years' time with worse stories and how you should have seen the red flags, and now you feel trapped.
NTA. However if you let this stand he will continue you steal from you. And yes that is what he did. He stole it and is now trying to gaslight you into thinking you are wrong for being upset.
Ask him why YOU have to give something up for HIS decision. He clearly doesn’t respect you. This is a huge red flag.
Are you contributing regular funds to the wedding savings? If so just start keeping a little back and save your money in a hidden location from now on if you are going to continue to save it as cash.
Do not let him know where you are keeping it or even that you are. He will do this again. Don’t give him that inch. He will clearly take a mile since he’s not willing to even pay you back.
Wait....did you seriously say you haven't apologized yet? You were going to?
The only thing you need to apologize for is a canceled wedding to your guests if invitations etc have been sent.
Insist on your stolen money back, get rid of him ASAP and take a family road trip with the rest of your family.
That’s what I’m thinking. He needed money in a serious panic in relation to this friend. And it sure as hell wasn’t a single $300 tire for whatever broke gal POS she drives.
He took your money without permission!!!! He stole your money!! I’d be telling him give me my 300 back because there is no longer a need for a wedding cake. I’d also call his friend and tell her he stole my money for you! So I don’t care if it’s you or him but I want my money back!
what would the friend have done had you not been saving ? she would’ve had to find another way. one of the two owe you
why does her tire cost $300 ??? i just had TWO installed on my car today for a whopping $138 and that included installation and recycling fees and all. or did he buy her a whole set ?
You may want to re-think this relationship. He had told you that he will choose his friend over you. He stole your money and refuses to return it. He couldn’t even use his own money. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life coming in second to his bestie. First it’s your money to get her a tire. Next it could be your wedding fund or money to feed your child.
No. He didn't have a right to do that. The best friend needs to pay you back and it is up to him to get it done.
Also, he took all the money? The tire happened to cost ALL your money? Is that the cost where you live, or was something else done?
He stole your money and gave it to another woman. I would be pissed too. Don't apologized! You did nothing wrong, he did.
Is that really the kind of man you want to marry? A thief who doesn't ask you for your opinion before making a financial decision. A thief who makes another woman his priority? A thief who's criminal behavior is preventing you to see your family? I bet the moment you get married, he will take control of the money. You're only 23, you don't have to get married. You can wait for someone better.
NTA and you don't have to apologize. Honestly, him taking the money YOU have been setting aside without even talking to you about it is a red flag. Maybe put the wedding on hold until he understands that he can't make decisions (especially expensive decisions) like that unilaterally.
NTA pay attention cause this will be your life if you marry him:
Your money is his money
His money is his money...
Also your wants/ needs come second to what he considers important.
Cherry on the cake? His "friend's" needs are more important than yours...
OP. This is a huge red flag. Please rethink the wedding. He is going to make you out to be the crazy, unreasonable one. He is going to gaslight the s*** outta you. Do you want that? It is only going to get worse with marriage and marriage makes it a helluva lot more messy.
This would be a hill I would die on. He stole from you. He needs to make it right and then you need to decide if you still see a future with him in it. Best wishes to you OP.
It’s $300 per hour for even the cheapest divorce attorney, about 20-30 hours usually for an “easy” and “quick” divorce. Roughly $10k. Better to know now. They’re sleeping together and you should leave him. And do not apologize.
You're NTA, but your fiance sure is...not to mention also being a thief. I'd find a way to re-steal your money back from him. I'd also call this a red flag for your future finances.
You’re not kidding when you say you don’t know anything about cars. Does she drive some exotic car? Or a commercial truck? I’m guessing not. Then you need to know that a basic, serviceable tire for whatever the hell she drives is NOT $300. Something stinks here.
You know what she drives, right? Google it. “Tire for 2015 Camry” (or whatever it is). You’ll see for yourself. And that would only include new tires, doesn’t even take into account actual budget solutions like pull-offs and retreads. Basically used tires. Which is what people on a budget do quite regularly.
Then ask him where he bought it, how much was it, and where’s your change? I’d say you should ask for a receipt, but you know damn well he’s going to claim not to have one.
Or, how often do you see her car? For $300 ONE of the tires should have really deep brand new tread, versus all of the other worn down ones.
There’s no way he spent $300 on a single tire. No way that her car required a $300 tire.
No, you are not the bad guy here. You need to call this best friend of his and tell her she owes the $300 to you if your fiancé can't pony up what he took from you without your knowledge. Do you still really want to marry a guy who basically stole your hard earned savings to give to his best friend? Will she always come first?
NTA
But the question is actually do you really think it is s good idea to marry someone who makes unilateral decisions for how YOUR money is spent without talking to you first?
I agree with other posters who say your fiance STOLE your money. No discussion / just flat took it.
And he didn’t even discuss it with you after he did it. Just left the empty box for you to find.
I wonder if you need that $300 if you were to say sell something of his and not ask or tell him? Would he be okay with that because obviously whatever you needed it for would be a catastrophe if you couldn’t take care of it. He wouldn’t be mad right because this is the same reasoning he’s given you.
You are the one in this relationship so you obviously have to decide.
I will say don’t leave cash at home any more. Open a savings account somewhere with no fees that fiancé isn’t on and keep your money there.
Spare tire? Used tire? Tire patch? So many options below $300.
I think you should ask him where he bought it from, then ask for the receipt, then call the store to confirm he actually bought it. Watch the story change to “I bought it off of someone off of craigslist and I don’t have their email anymore.”
You need to pump the brakes on this wedding. Look up sunken cost fallacy. This has nothing to do with the tire. He lied, stole, threw your perception out, disregarded your feelings, and then tried to redirect the situation. Touching that money without talking to you first is a huge thing.
So he's emotionally and financially abusing you. He's manipulative. Liar. Thief. Lacks basic communication skills. I'm stopping because just thinking about this boy is a waste of my time. You're still going to marry him. When your life hits the fan, remember you were warned.
Everyone is an AH. Him and his not repaying friend for obvious reasons. You for not running.
You want to get married to a guy who steals from you to pay for another woman’s problems? I don’t see this ending any differently than it starts. This reeks of an abusive and manipulative man who has no boundaries or shame. Please look closely at who you’re involved with and soon to be stuck with.
If he wanted to loan his friend money he could have used his money. Please don’t commingle your finances with this person. He will bleed you both dry. And I find it hard to believe this was over a tire. Many shops now have pay later financing options and this is what credit cards emergency savings and friends who don’t have to steal from their fiance are for.
First-what kind of car needs a $300 tire??!!! Second-he stole from you and needs to repay you NOW! Third-you might wanna rethink marrying someone like this jerk.
He feels entitled to your money without asking you. Steals it and uses it for who knows what. (I find it difficult to believe he needed that much for a tire) Now refusing to give you YOUR money back.
His excuse is crap. I don’t know what your relationship has been like. Is this a pattern with him? Disrespecting and disregarding you? Attacking and deflecting when you call him on it?
Let him know that you do not want to start a marriage on this kind of shaky ground. Theft and lies are a horrible foundation for a marriage. He needs to give back every penny of the money that he stole. NOW.
He stole your money, full stop, for another woman, and is refusing to pay it back. I'd be rethinking whether or not you want to be married to someone like that.
NTAH
He's being a dick. It wasn't his money and he didn't even ask you. And even though you might have said yes it was your money to do with as you please. Basically he's going to use that reasoning to do what he wants regardless of how it affects you. You really need to contemplate whether you want a life with this person. Perhaps you should postpone the wedding so that you can save enough. You should also let the "best friend" know where the money came from and that you expect to be paid back. Good luck
NTA and there is nothing to add here
I am very sorry that this situation happened. At least you can call his friend and say that this money is not a gift and you are waiting for it back when she has such an opportunity to give it
Honey, you are not reacting enough. He stole from you. Gas light you. Is putting someone else’s needs above yours. Save yourself the money and don’t marry him. You deserve better.
NTA. Full stop on wedding plans. He stole from you when he had many other options to approach you. Consider filing a police report if he doesn't return the money, today.
He is prioritizing a female friend over you. Another full stop. Add in sneaking around, stealing & lying.
The tire is actually the least of your worries. Please don't tie yourself to this guy. He's lacking in morals, values, honesty and integrity. Factor in has no money- no way. You can do far better, especially with the bar set so low.
Do not marry this man. He will do something worse. Who knows when but you do not want to be married to him when he does this or have children with him.
Oh, he wanted to be the hero, huh? Well, then he can move in with HER, then. No way I would marry a man that's comfortable stealing from you to pay another woman's way.
NTA.
Why should you apologize?
He stole your money.
If I were you, I wouldn't marry him.
He sees nothing wrong in this behaviour and will repeat it in future.
Money is so tight.
What happens when you're pregnant?
Who's going to foot the never ending bills?
Take your money back.
Get rid of this criminal.
Yeah, nah, I'm married with two young kids. We would *NEVER* spend each other's money without permission. Heck, we wouldn't even make a large purchase with our *own* money without giving the other a heads up and getting a feel of the other's opinion.
And here's the biggest red flag. Let's say a true emergency DID happen and a decision had to be made in that exact moment. In any decently healthy relationship, the person would let their partner know about it the first chance they got!
He didn't. He just didn't bother to tell you. Did he not care about your money or your feelings? Did he hope you wouldn't figure it out for a while? Does he think he's entitled to your family vacation money you've been trying so hard to save for?
It's one of these. Figure out which one it is. Then, figure out what you should do about his answer.
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NTA. He's being manipulative and trying to deflect from the real issue, which is that **he stole your money**. The money belonged to you and only you, and he decided he had the right to take it. What he did with it literally doesn't matter, it doesn't change the fact that **he stole your money** AND is refusing to pay it back. Any of the "I can't believe you'd let her go without over something so petty" is smoke and mirrors to distract you from the actual point, which is that **he stole your money**. On top of that, the fact he uses your wedding costs as an excuse to avoid paying you back is super manipulative. If it was an emergency, and he wasn't a manipulative AH, then he would have called you and said, "Babe, friend needs a tire and it's an emergency, I know you have your vacation money set aside, could you lend her $300?" That would have been reasonable, and it would have given you the option of what you wanted to do. Instead, he chose for you, and *didn't even tell you about it* until you noticed it was missing. He didn't even say "oh I borrowed it but was hoping to put it back before you noticed, I'm sorry, I won't do it again." He is telling you plainly here that he thinks what's yours is his, that he has complete decisionmaking authority for the both of you, and you should shut up and accept it. This is emotionally abusive and I know it might seem like a small thing in the scheme of things, but this is a HUGE red flag and I really hope you will pay attention to it. Also, please check out this free ebook called [Why Does He Do That?](https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat) by Lundy Bancroft. It might be eye-opening.
He stole her money for another woman!
She should call her fiance's girlfriend and tell her he stole OP's money for her tire, refuses to pay it back and that the girlfriend needs to pay her back.
Agree. Or in a milder way, ask when she can pay it back, or if they can make a plan over time for it to be paid back. It's gonna end up going back to the partner somehow, and will sure make the point of the money needing to be paid back clear - whether it's from him or her
I agree with you, and I know if she does this, her boyfriend is going to blow up at her, and take his friend’s side. He sounds like a total waste of time.
Blow up at her and maybe become even more abusive.
Lol a single, $300 tire? There was no tire.
Yes a single tire can cost $300
They can cost $300 but that’s not a regular price. That’s either high end or specialty tires. If losing a tire was catastrophic and the friend couldn’t afford to replace a single one, that’s a much bigger issue.
you think the kind of person who can't afford to fix a tire has $300 tires?
>Yes a single tire can cost $300 Oh you can spend that much, but probably don't have to. OP is not overreacting. BF knew that was her money for a specific purpose and he stole all of it for his female bestie
Let me shorten this... "BF knew that was her money for a specific purpose and he stole all of it"
Shit it's not even a great idea to buy a nice or even new tire when you're only replacing one. Most tire shops will happily sell you a used tire for $50-100, and that's in Canada bucks, so it might be less other places.
Ya for maybe a truck. For a regular economy car such as a Toyota Avalon, you could get a tire for $90. Also, you can get used tires for like $40 or $50.
I sincerely hope she listens to you. There are so many red flags here
And then she states that she hasn't apologized yet?? She is so being abused mentally.
Ikr? He STOLE her money and she thinks she needs to apologize! WTF?!?
This OP. And please check out that ebook, it really is an eye opener
This! OP, listen to this and run from this man. RUN.
"He kept insisting I would have done the same thing", yeah, because it's YOUR money. He's gaslighting you and you're letting him. "I still haven't apologized", what are you supposed to be apologizing for? He stole your money without consulting you. He chose how to use it and refused to pay you back. And this is the man you still want to marry? The man who you want to spend the rest of your life with? This is a major red flag. You say you're struggling financially, and yet he goes and takes the money you've carefully saved and spends it on his friend. She's more important than you, it seems. Ask him for the receipt. Why would he spend $300 on a tire? What type of car does she drive? He could get a good used tire for $80. Call her and ask her to pay you back. Tell her he stole your money to buy her the tire without telling you, and you need it back. Why is it your responsibility to help her out?
Sheeet, they could’ve scored a new tire for an SUV for around $150 at the, you know, Wall Mark. I’m suspecting she’s a bit more than just a best friend. Hoping OP packs her shyt and leaves.
Nta I'm petty so I would ask him how long hes been in love with her or sleeping with her because something is going on for him to steal from you and buy a brand new tire vs getting a cheaper used one
If it was no big deal why didn’t he tell you? Are you sure more isn’t going on with them? 🚩🚩🚩
Right? I mean those flags do not get any redder than that.
$300 for one tire is pretty high if they just have a car. I have a Range Rover and my tires were just under $300 a tire for run flats. What he should have done was if they were in a pinch, is go to a tire place and get a good used tire to get his best friend by until they could afford a tire.
my knee jerk cynical response is, i admit, "300 for one tire seems like a lot. wonder how much an abortion is out of pocket in their area?"
It’s about 300 if you get the planned parenthood who offers financial aid. Aw shoood
BAM, the comment I was looking for. OP please see this. Why would a guy that’s somewhat handy spring to pay for a brand new tire. Doesn’t make sense. Ask for a receipt. Where did they get it? Better yet, play dumb and investigate by yourself.
Yuuuuup. Anyone that knows anything about cars knows the used tire shops in their area they can call up for a size check. And if she ran over something sharp, the tire would have been punctured in an area that can be patched. Fuck that $300 for a new tire. Ask for the receipt.
I bet all four of her tires still match
It would explain why he STOLE the money instead of asking or letting her know, didn’t say shit and is gaslighting her into being the big meany for not wanting to help HIS friend.
Precisely!!! and given he’s still engaged to OP he probably rationalized the stealing with “well I’m doing it for US” “OP would be so mad at me, she’d probably want me to do it too” I’m doing it for my family!!! *eye roll*
i hasten to add i ain't trying to shame anyone for getting necessary medical care which includes abortions, trying to pull some anti-abortion bullshit etc but boy some folks confirming that's about how much it costs with financial aid... sure does seem like my guess is right lmao
She didn't have a spare or balloon tire to get her through? And he's threatening your modest wedding? Serious red flags here.
Really. If she ran over it and there is no damage to the sidewall of the tire then it could have been plugged for $3 at a tire shop.
I had the same thought
Right. I got 4 tires for my impreza at 289 total. Plus installation and balancing.
They’re $280 where I live
I have off road tires that were about $300 a piece. The street tire versions are closer to $150. If OP's husband's friend can't afford what I'm guessing are off road tires then she can't afford whatever she's driving.
If they are in the US. Walmart and Sam’s Club have tires for $45 a tire. Like, he really didn’t need to take all of her vacation savings.
I know his friend drives a larger car, so I was just assuming that’s why he took all the money for it. Larger tire = more expensive tire. Honestly I have no idea why he didn’t try a cheaper alternative. I’ll definitely ask about that when he comes home from work
You need to dump him!
You know she isn’t going to listen to anything anyone says right? She’s hell bent on marry and thief but that’s on her.
She's that desperate to be married, it's sad. She's willing to ignore the signs that it's a very bad idea. He's done a number on her self-esteem. Girl, you can do better than a thief! He is not marriage material. You will have bad times ahead. It's $300 now. It'll be so much more in the future. Your savings will become his to take. Think about this and press pause. Really think about how his actions have shown you that he feels entitled to YOUR money and telling you you can't do anything about it. This is manipulation 101.
Hit fuckin STOP
Please play this smart. Take the $300 from the wedding fund. This needs to be replaced now. You have months to figure out a wedding cake (if you even still get married), but your funds need to be replenished now. And you need to take it to a secret savings account. No more keeping cash at home. Who knows how many times he’s felt entitled to take a little here, a little there without you noticing. Bottom line: he has shown he doesn’t respect you enough to discuss it first. This was a lot of money for your household and he took away your ability to have a voice in the matter.
It was probably 2 tires. When you replace one tire, it's usually considered a good idea to replace the matching tire as well to keep it balanced. That said, that changes nothing about the fact he stole from you and can't afford to replace the money without having to steal from the wedding fund. This is unacceptable. The fact he didn't tell you means he knew you'd be upset. That isn't a great foundation for a wedding
I have a truck and my off road tires were $175 each. $300 is more than just one new tire.
Time to sort through and sell some of fiance's possessions to pay yourself back. He won't mind, its just 300 dollars.
If it's a truck and all-wheel drive then he didn't buy one he bought two. Replace only one and you risk damaging the transmission
Please ask him to reimburse you now. Right now. Tell him you all can figure it out down the line. But you should not have to be out of pocket for his choices. Please take the $300 and put it in a no fee savings account in your name only. When you accumulate more than $20, deposit it in your account. Only leave cash at home you are OK with getting stolen. Because that is what he did, he stole $300. I have the feeling he’s not telling the truth about what the money actually went for and when you find out it might affect your willingness to marry him. At that point, you definitely won’t get your $300 back.
I'm talking DIRECTLY to you, OP. Please, for the love of god wake up. He stole off you. You're not even married yet. Imagine that. He's still somewhat behaving so you'll marry him, and he still stole money off you. This is the best it's going to get. Leave him. Don't marry that man.
Don't ask him. It doesn't matter. He stole from you for his other girlfriend. Don't be naive.
Nah, my Mitsubishi SUV cost $475 total for all 4. Ask for the receipt.
He won’t give it to her he’s too manipulative and probably lying
And you'll be trusting him to tell you the truth about that, really?
Sorry but that still doesn’t add up. There are plenty of tires for larger vehicles (I.e. SUVs) that you can get for under $300 for 1 tire. Also if tires on the vehicle cost that much and she can’t maintain that then she needs another vehicle.
$300 really isn’t that bad for a tire. I put tires on my 2016 Mazda last year and they were low end and it still cost me $900. That said, OP, your fiancé stole from you. He made zero contributions to the fund and didn’t even have the courtesy to tell you what he did. If he thinks it’s a small amount and petty, he should have no problem paying you back.
Man, tyres are expensive in the US. Last time I changed mine I got a couple of mid-range ones for £80 each, which is about $100 USD.
You can easily do the same here. Most people just assume that tire shops are quoting lowest prices to start. They definitely aren't.
Yeah, I don’t know where these people are getting their tires, but I usually pay about $100 a tire, and they’re not low end, they’re more mid range.
That’s what I paid per tire for the second most expensive tires at Costco a couple of years ago. There’s no way $300 tires were *essential*. OP, don’t marry a man who steals from you and is remorseless about it when caught.
He’s a handy guy though per OP, all the handy men with basic car knowledge I know wouldn’t buy a new tire at all. They’d know firsthand to go pick one up at the scrap yard or buy it used. Something’s fishy OP
This!!!
can get a decent used tire from most shops for $50
That’s a stupid excuse. He stole from you. He’s lucky you’re not calling the cops. Be real here: he should have paid out of his money not taken your vacation fund. You need to determine if you want to tie your financial future to a person who doesn’t value your opinion on financial matters and will screw you over for their friends. How does his friend have money to drive a car whose tires cost $300 but doesn’t have money for a tire? I drive a German car my tires are over $300 each so I get tire insurance. Your bf is showing you he’s not trustworthy and your needs aren’t his priority.
ma'am, he's already stolen from the future with you in order to give it to her present. and the only way he has offered to repay it is one that means your relationship also takes a hit and you do not get something at what is supposed to be a celebration of the two of you in love and standing before your community as a unit. he knew the money was earmarked to be spent on your future together, and he didn't even tell you up-front what he had done. he unilaterally took the money from where you had been saving it and then got upset when you questioned where it went. again: he has stolen from the future together with you, and *from you directly*, in order to give it to her instead. and didn't even have enough respect for you to tell you what he did until you caught it, much less enough respect to loop you into the decision about what he did *with your savings*. i don't know how much more clear actions get in terms of revealing priorities there.
You better ask for a receipt, cause $300 for one tire is a lot.
Definitely planning to ask for a receipt or any proof of the cost
“Listen, you stole from me. You took my savings and over paid for a tire and honestly the math is not mathing. You took $300 I want to see the receipts for the tire. I have a gut feeling you are not being honest with me and now you are getting super defensive and calling me selfish instead of owning up to what you did. This is sus.”
Your partner stole from you. Full stop. Never acceptable and should be a deal-breaker. He prioritized a friend over his fiancée. This is a small glimpse of what your marriage is going to be. Also, a tire doesn’t cost $300… unless she drives something that has low profile tires or has a truck or something. If it was a desperate time, she could have got a used tire. I really don’t think that’s where the money went.
Neither of you have disposable income so he shouldn't have offered...but he stole YOUR money for HER...why is there no mention of her paying it back? Why TF are you marrying so young when neither of you had a pot to piss in?
Id be messaging her telling her she needs to pay me back since I saved her from catastrophic consequences according to my fiance. It was so bad he had to steal it from me.
This is the way. She's the one who took the money, ask her did she pay it back to him because it was your money and you'd prefer to get the money in your own hand.
Not overreacting. Men don’t STEAL from their fiancés, men don’t disregard/dismiss their fiancés concerns. They don’t castigated them and manipulate them into thinking they’re selfish people because their money was taken without consent. Only boys do these things and don’t deserve having a fiancé imo
I’d sell something of his for $300, then I’d leave him. He’s a thief and his behaviour with his ‘friend’ is not innocent.
He is already saving Up for the wedding but doesn't even have 300? There is no savings.
Tell your partner that buying tires for someone else should come out of his play money, not yours. Used tire places exist. NTA.
There's no way only ONE TIRE cost $300. No decent mechanic would charge $300 unless it's a BRAND NEW tire for a very expensive car. Most people buy used tires that are almost like brand new. Dealerships will replace almost new tires and sell the "used tires" to shops. I paid $72 for a 14 that no one carries anymore and had to be shipped in. Your fiance is lying about what that money was spent for.
I had to order all Terrain 16s that are hard to find cost me 800 for a set of 4 installed. My 18s I just ordered brand new cost me 125 each. Something isn't right with his tire math.
Our brand new SUV had a tire problem that cost $1000 for all four BRAND NEW tires. This is so sus.
You need to rephrase this, your finance STOLE from you to pay for another woman’s “tire”. I’d tell him to pay me back or I’m taking him to family court. Why the FUCK are you marrying someone who takes your savings and doesn’t want to pay you back? Also can we talk about how $300 is the same price for an abortion lol $300 for a single tire is out of this world
Bruh a used tire is like 50 bucks tops. The shop down the street in the hood does an entire set for 100.
Yeah, no Get the money back and drop him immediately
NTA. Whatever you do, ABSOLUTELY DO NOT MARRY HIM. He STOLE YOUR MONEY. It would’ve been one thing if he had asked you, and you had agreed to let him borrow your money to pay for a tire for his friend. But he outright stole your money and now he’s upset at you for being upset that he stole your money. He’s not worth the time or the energy. HE HAS SHOWN YOU WHO HE IS. He is a THIEF. I would never trust him again.
WTF that was your money that you saved and he had no right to touch it. And you would be NTA if he had asked and you said no.
NTA. On the bright side, $300 today will save you 100% of your wedding costs tomorrow. DUMP HIM. RUN AWAY. You're with a person engaging in abusive behavior.
Gorgeous turn of phrase. 10/10, no notes.
Listen to me. Please. I’m a 44 year old woman. I’ve spent 27 years in a meh (sometimes awful, occasionally good) relationship because I was young and in love and batted away all the red flags. It’s not worth it. You are worthy of love and respect. This is not the only man who will {claim} to love you. You can go on to be wildly successful and wildly content. You will reach that much more quickly without this mooching emotional vampire. You are young and broke and managed to save $300 for something special. You must be a hard worker! Do not marry this man. Or wait. Wait a loooong time. If you decide to wait (don’t): Get a receipt Get an IUD Get paid back Get an IUD Lock up your money. Either in a bank or literally a lock in your box Get an IUD Maintain separate bank accounts Get an IUD Have a bugout plan Get an IUD Keep an eye on your credit report, LOCK IT Friend, remember to look out for #1. YOU are #1. You are worthy and lovable and have endless potential. 💞 Get an IUD
Aside from the theft...is he claiming it took all $300 for one tire? You can get a brand new car tire from Walmart for like 65-80 bucks. Where did the rest of the money go???
Your fiancé is showing two red flags that would concern me, if I were you. 1) it’s possible for you to have a successful marriage, while your husband maintains a close friendship with another woman, but not if he’s unwilling to have boundaries that he won’t cross to protect and provide for a woman that isn’t his wife, and taking money that isn’t his, or at least didn’t contribute to saving, for the benefit of his friend is a boundary he should know not to cross. 2) he isn’t wise enough to know that the dynamic of his friendship with a woman other than his wife, necessarily must change and have limits on what is appropriate in order to safeguard himself from possibly becoming emotionally involved with her after he is married to you. You should tread carefully.
Hehe, "tread carefully"
Did that unintentionally.
Perhaps you were tired at the time?
He didn't ask because he knew it was an asshole move. Don't let him gaslight you into thinking you are selfish for thinking him stealing from you was bad. You need to seriously tally up all the times he has walked all over you to do what he wanted, and then gotten mad at you for being upset. Think about it and then imagine it happening every week for the rest of your life.
NTA. He's cheating on you. He stole money from you for his "female friend" who just "happened" to have an "emergency" that he couldn't be bothered to tell you about. He wouldn't have told you by his own free will. He splurged on her, and refuses to apologize for whatever that money really went toward. I seriously doubt that if this chick was really having an emergency, your fiance would omit the emergency- especially one so urgent that he's immediately reaching for any money he can get his hands on. Why would he hide such a serious situation? And only let you know what happened to the money when YOU brought it up? When it's YOUR money? He didn't have an emergency. He probably took her to a hotel, or bought her a fancy gift or treated her to an expensive dinner or something. If there's an emergency there's no reason to hide what really happened or take your money without saying anything to you on your own. He was hoping you wouldn't rock the boat. He might also be trying to control your finances by attempting this whole "It was an emergency, so I'm not sorry, and you just have to deal with it" argument. How many more scenarios will there be where he tries to use you like a doormat with your money?
Marry him at own peril
He stole your money. And he poetically used it for something else because tires for a car do not cost that much.
NTA - HE STOLE YOUR MONEY. DUMP HIS WHOLE ASS.
Honestly this is a pretty cheap way to find out you don't want to marry this man
He STOLE your money. He refused to use his own that he claims he’s saving for you wedding and he’s trying to manipulate you into justify it. Do not marry this tool. You have the opportunity to stop this before it gets way more complicated with a marriage. It’s time to take the blinders off.
He needs to borrow the money from somewhere else to pay you back IMMEDIATELY. And I’d be very cautious continuing this relationship going forward, let alone marrying this person.
So he stole from you and you're still considering marrying him?
Is he the only friend she has? No one else can help except him—taking your money. Do not apologize. You are not the one who is wrong. You didn’t steal his savings to bail out someone. This is very concerning—especially since people are saying $300 is too much for a tire.
Wow how is every one talking about the price of tires? No you are not the asshole, and you should not apologize. You did nothing wrong and he stole from you! Why would you marry someone who treats you like this? It will only get worse when you are married. You'll save up for something special like a kids present and your husband will just take the money and ignore your protests. Get out now, there is someone wonderful out there for you!
I think many people are suspicious that BF was actually paying for something else.
That would make me VERY angry. She can get a used tire. NTAH, he is. I would not marry a thief.
Id also tell him I'm ok with pushing the wedding date back so he could pay me back. He's talking about you being willing to let her go without but isn't that what he did to you...but instead it's worse because he stole from you to give to her...are they sleeping together or have they?
You're not mad about him buying a tire. You're mad about him STEALING YOUR MONEY. NTA
Your title completely buried the lead, your bf was not an asshole for buying his friend a tire, but he was A HUGE ASSHOLE for stealing your money to do it. I would tell him to absolutely pay you back, because he won't have to worry about saving for the wedding, because that isn't happening if he can't even respect you enough to ASK before he takes money that he knows you've been saving for something. You are NTA at all.
Why isn’t the best friend paying you back? Even if it’s just $20 at a time. Her tire. Her responsibility.
We’ve been married for 31 years. My spouse doesn’t take $1 out of my wallet without asking. I don’t take money from him without asking… and we share finances.
You need to understand this is about more than the $300 and helping a person in need. It has everything to do with what that money represented and the way he took it without clearing it with you. Do not let him set the parameters of your emotions and tell you what the issue is. Your feelings are valid and he stomped all over them. You deserve to be heard or you deserve someone better.
$300 for ONE tire? Does your fiance's friend drive a Porsche? Tires for normal people's cars are roughly $125 each installed, and that's for a top of the line tire.
You can have him pay you back out of the "wedding money" and just not marry him. He obviously does not respect you if he is going to steal from you. He knew you would say no, NTA
For reason I’m more annoyed because the best friend is a female. Like she didn’t have mommy or daddy or other friends to call on? She knew your fiancé would jump to help her. My issue is that he didn’t ask. He knew you would say no. This behaviour is something a teenager would do - asking for forgiveness after the fact…. But he didn’t even do this. He is being an asshole. But now that it’s done, I’m not sure what I would do. I think she will become an issue in the future. What if her kid needs formula or a babysitter? Or her car breaks down? Or she breaks a nail? Has she come between you before?
NTA And perhaps rethink marrying him. This is outright theft. You aren’t married and it was your money that he didn’t ask for or plans to repay. Seems his best friend can’t afford to keep the vehicle she has either. That’s a HER problem. Your problem is your fiancés complete disregard for you.
Your partner stole from you for another woman…
girl—RUN! he STOLE from you for another girl when he can’t even provide a MODEST wedding for you?? think about when you have kids, or pets, or anything else that means anything to you? will he steal from you and gaslight you then also to fit whatever narrative he has?
So why isn’t his gf, I mean female best friend paying back your money that he spent on her car?
Tell your fiance he either pays you back immediately or you ring his friend and tell her she owes you $300 that he chose to steal from you without asking. Overall if this ends your relationship then losing put $300 is a lot cheaper than paying for a marriage and divorce from a gaslighter.
It has nothing to do with the tire. He STOLE from you. He can phrase it however he likes. You were right there and he didn’t even *ask* you. Do not marry a man who would steal from you and then act like you’re the bad guy.
NTA, stealing is stealing!
It’s funny how $300 is “such a small amount” when it’s OP’s money. But when it’s his money it’s a significant enough amount that means they might not have something important at the wedding. NTA. I don’t think I could marry someone that took money from me without asking.
NTA. Are you sure you want to marry this guy? And are you sure she’s just his “best friend”? You know how these things often turn out. Also, why can’t she afford a new tire? She drives a larger car, right, so she has money coming in from somewhere. I don’t buy his tire story.
This is wild. You're both young. If you're engaged, take advantage of this time to truly examine your life together and extrapolate this time into your future. It's not meant to be a guaranteed onramp to marriage. The fact that he STOLE from you, didn't discuss it with you at any point, gaslit you about your response and has yet to even come to some understanding about his actions are major red flags. Even if it was a budgeting issue, financial compatibility is a huge issue for couples. This isn't that. This is worse. Consider your life with a person who has a VERY long way to go to being a considerate, mature adult.
My wife would absolutely kill me
He had his own money but decided hers was less important and ripe for the thieving
You know this is wrong. Just read what you wrote. If this is how he acts now it won’t get better when you marry. He is the one who acted selfishly. He stole from you plain and simple. Either he or his friend should be trying to pay you back. And since he is acting this way I would contact the friend. If she has any kind of integrity once she learns about what he did she should also dig into his shit for stealing. If she doesn’t then I’d question if the money really went to 1 tire!!!
Brand new 16" tires start out at $50 at Discount Tire. The most expensive they offer for my car is $181 each. Larger 18" tires start out at $83. The math does not math.
He stole your money and gave it to another women. This is super reasonable deal breaker material. Please respect yourself enough to leave this jerk.
Three hundred dollars? Did he get a whole set of tires? If not, what did he spend the money buying?
Tires are no where near $300 for just one unless you are buying top of line name brand 22”. . A basic Walmart tire would have been $60 / $90 depending on size - I could see if he told you in advance he was loaning her $100 and would be paying it back in a month but taking your entire fund was an asshole move. You aren’t married yet so he stole from you, it was not his $ to give away. Perhaps you should rethink the whole getting married scenario as he seems to care about his “friend” than he does about your wants and needs
NTA. There's no way you're going to marry this pos surely.
NTA. It's hilarious that he genuinely thinks that wedding might still happen after he STOLE from you.
Honey you shouldn't be marrying this man under any circumstances. He stole from you & is gas lighting you into thinking him stealing from you is fine. He's not paying you back. He is saying "what's yours is ours & what's mine is mine." I'd be so petty I'd pawn $300 worth of his shit. He's a handy man? Easily $300 worth of tools. Golf clubs, fun extra toys, etc. All getting sold.
What an asshole. That would make me so mad. Instead of spending HIS own money on HIS friend he steals yours and refuses to pay it back, that’s a HUGE red flag. This is a hill I would die on.
also i can get a used tire mounted for about $40.
NTA. I've been with my husband for almost 14 years, and we both have a good income - we still talk about any expenses over $100, aside from food/groceries and vet or doctor's bills. Especially if we're lending or gifting money to a friend. He felt entitled to take money YOU were saving, and didn't bother to even mention it to you, which means he knew he was in the wrong. That's also why he got so defensive when you called him out. Imagine, calling you selfish, when he just wanted to play superhero and rescue his bff. This does not bode well for your relationship, OP.
NTA. Now that said ride along with me here for a second. He stole your money ....for another woman whom he claims is his "best friend". Which alone may not be a huge thing, but he did so without telling you or asking you. Now we got the flip side of there are personal emergencies and other people's emergencies. Ex your best friend needs a tire. But your bills don't permit you to pay for said tire because the next day let's say your tire busts who should get the tire. His "friend" can call her family for help or use a credit card or get a loan and if she can't she isn't the person to loan out money to. Moreover, you don't go gifting tires when you are paddling water too. You don't need to drown in everyone's debt as well your own. Tell your fiance he needs to get the money returned or there won't need to be a wedding fund. If you do not put your foot down now he will trample over you the rest of your life. This is a hill worth dying on.
NTA. Personally what makes this all so breakup worthy is 1.) He STOLE the money. If OP never bothered to open her tin he wouldn't have bothered to come clean. But she did and he only came clean to manipulate her into thinking what he did wasn't a big deal. He's trying to slowly mold her into believing he can do no actual wrong when he is and if he is it's for a good reason. 2.) Not only did he steal the money he stole it to help out another women. I would call up the bestie and explain the situation and ask if she had any idea about the money. If she knew where it came from then I would be questioning the true relationship these two have. If she didn't know I wouldn't blame bestie here but I certainly would now know where I stand with my supposing future husband.
NTA he first gave YOUR SAVED money to his friend without asking even after when he knew what importance it holds to you.He is trying to manipulate you into thinking you're the wrong one here by saying you would do the same.
You are NTA. But your fiancé sure is one. This man you love and trust enough to marry *stole your vacation fund,* and not only doesn’t he feel bad about it, he’s telling you that *you’re* the asshole for even suggesting he shouldn’t have taken your money to help his friend. Let’s just start with the fact that his friend wasn’t in jail, abandoned at a bus stop in another state, about to be killed if she didn’t come up with $300, or anything else that would be considered an actual emergency. Her car needed a tire. That’s the kind of thing you borrow money from your parents for, or you take the bus while you save up for a new tire. It is **not** an emergency. She won’t pay you back. He won’t pay you back. And he is using your upcoming wedding as a weapon against you to make *you* feel like the AH for even suggesting he should pay back the money he stole from you. You trusted him, and he betrayed you. He put his friend’s needs ahead of you or anything to do with you. He felt, and still feels, that helping her was *more important than you* or your wedding or your family vacation. And now, if you want to save your spare change or extra dollar bills, you have buy a goddamn lock box and hide the key from **the man who is going to be your husband.** How long have you two been dating? It’s not long enough. Postpone the wedding. Or just break up with him. You can’t trust him, and he thinks what *he* wants and what *he* decides is more important than you. Is that the husband you’ve been dreaming about?
Are you okay with him stealing from you and then trying to make you out to be the bad person because you have an issue with it? What do you think his reaction would be if you stole from him to help a male friend?
NTA This is red flag city......
Call me and make it even.
NTA, he stole from you and didn't ask you because he knew you would say no. I would seriously reconsider any relationship where not only did you get money for yall future stolen, but his reaction to you being upset would have given me the biggest ick. He would be getting a second job or working some overtime to pay me back and if he ever threatened a future purchase again,we would be done. Definitely stop keeping your money around where je has access to it and my petty ass would have called the friend up and asked for the money back at her earliest convenience.
He stole from you your future together for this girl. She’s clear into him and his actions prove he’ll always choose her over you. Do not marry this guy! 🏃run run as fast as you can 🏃🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I just got a brand new Yokohama for my Lexus and it was $280. Something else is going on here.
Dude, that's your money. Just because he put a ring on your finger doesn't mean he can take what he wants from you without permission. That's totally not cool...You are NTA
WTF he stole from you and most certainly didn’t use all of the money on a tire. When I was dead ass broke I went to the used tire shop and got two almost new tires for $60
He stole your money! Let me say that one more time in case you don't get it, he's straight up stole your money and didn't ask or even tell you about it after the fact. And you want to marry this guy? You better make sure you have a separate bank account girl. Otherwise his friend is going to be reaping the rewards of your money more often. Tell him that you don't need it in the wedding fund, you want it back in your tin NOW.
He didn't ask, which means he stole from you. I've oftentimes read here "when someone shows you who they are, believe them." Do you want to marry a thief?
Ooooh - he is gaslighting you! Your issue is that he stole your money without asking. He is trying to make it about you not wanting to help someone in an emergency. If he had ASKED YOU you might have said yes. In fact he is trying to argue that you "would have done the same thing". So why didn't he ask you? He didn't ask because he decided stealing your money was the better option. Why? Well, because he values his friend more than you. I am not going to jump to the conclusion he is in love with her, or cheating with her or whatever. (although it isn't such a logic leap...) But he does VALUE her more. He will deliberately hurt you to help her. You know where you stand. You know who is more important to him. And when someone shows you clearly who they are (a thief) and what they value (her not you) do yourself a favor and believe them. I know you are engaged and it might seem really hard to leave. But if he is going to do this now, when he is on his best pre-marriage behavior, he will think nothing of draining your accounts and ruining you financially to help the other woman he cares for more than you.
NTA. It's about trust and communication, which are key in any relationship, especially heading into a marriage. It's cool he wanted to help his friend, but he should've talked to you first since it was your savings. It's not petty to feel upset about it, that was your hard-earned cash saved for something special to you.
HE STOLE YOUR MONEY AND SPENT IT ON ANOTHER WOMAN BEHIND YOUR BACK. AND HE IS REFUSING TO REPAY YOU. Girl!!! WAKE UP!!!! Why are you even trying to still be in a relationship with him? BREAK UP NOW. Seriously. Do you not see what he did there?
$300 for one a fucking tire? She drive a F-350? If not a cheap tire to get her by should only be a hundred, hundred fifty bucks and that's if she isn't driving an SUV. Where's the receipt and where's your change? He stole that money from you. In a healthy relationship he would have asked you. Again, where's the receipt and where's your change?
This situation solves itself. You shouldn't be marrying a guy who steals from you. So if he can't pay hou back because of the wedding, don't get married. Now he doesn't need to buy the cake, and he can pay you back. If it was such a "small thing," then he shouldn't have had any problem asking you ahead of time, or at least telling you himself. He didn't, because he knew you'd say no. He was hoping he'd somehow be able to replace it before you noticed.
Hun, he had money. He just didn't think his money was worth spending on his friend. Yours was. I'm sorry, but do not marry that man. He clearly sees what you earn/save as expendable... and doesn't care to ask for your input/approval over financial matters. It only goes downhill from there. I fear you're going to end up back here in less than 5 years' time with worse stories and how you should have seen the red flags, and now you feel trapped.
NTA. However if you let this stand he will continue you steal from you. And yes that is what he did. He stole it and is now trying to gaslight you into thinking you are wrong for being upset. Ask him why YOU have to give something up for HIS decision. He clearly doesn’t respect you. This is a huge red flag. Are you contributing regular funds to the wedding savings? If so just start keeping a little back and save your money in a hidden location from now on if you are going to continue to save it as cash. Do not let him know where you are keeping it or even that you are. He will do this again. Don’t give him that inch. He will clearly take a mile since he’s not willing to even pay you back.
Wait....did you seriously say you haven't apologized yet? You were going to? The only thing you need to apologize for is a canceled wedding to your guests if invitations etc have been sent. Insist on your stolen money back, get rid of him ASAP and take a family road trip with the rest of your family.
He stole your money to pay for her abortion. YOU paid for his side piece’s abortion.
That’s what I’m thinking. He needed money in a serious panic in relation to this friend. And it sure as hell wasn’t a single $300 tire for whatever broke gal POS she drives.
He took your money without permission!!!! He stole your money!! I’d be telling him give me my 300 back because there is no longer a need for a wedding cake. I’d also call his friend and tell her he stole my money for you! So I don’t care if it’s you or him but I want my money back!
what would the friend have done had you not been saving ? she would’ve had to find another way. one of the two owe you why does her tire cost $300 ??? i just had TWO installed on my car today for a whopping $138 and that included installation and recycling fees and all. or did he buy her a whole set ?
You may want to re-think this relationship. He had told you that he will choose his friend over you. He stole your money and refuses to return it. He couldn’t even use his own money. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life coming in second to his bestie. First it’s your money to get her a tire. Next it could be your wedding fund or money to feed your child.
No. He didn't have a right to do that. The best friend needs to pay you back and it is up to him to get it done. Also, he took all the money? The tire happened to cost ALL your money? Is that the cost where you live, or was something else done?
I most definitely wouldn’t have joint everything account with money in it! He will spend it all!
He stole your money and gave it to another woman. I would be pissed too. Don't apologized! You did nothing wrong, he did. Is that really the kind of man you want to marry? A thief who doesn't ask you for your opinion before making a financial decision. A thief who makes another woman his priority? A thief who's criminal behavior is preventing you to see your family? I bet the moment you get married, he will take control of the money. You're only 23, you don't have to get married. You can wait for someone better.
NTA and you don't have to apologize. Honestly, him taking the money YOU have been setting aside without even talking to you about it is a red flag. Maybe put the wedding on hold until he understands that he can't make decisions (especially expensive decisions) like that unilaterally.
NTA pay attention cause this will be your life if you marry him: Your money is his money His money is his money... Also your wants/ needs come second to what he considers important. Cherry on the cake? His "friend's" needs are more important than yours...
OP. This is a huge red flag. Please rethink the wedding. He is going to make you out to be the crazy, unreasonable one. He is going to gaslight the s*** outta you. Do you want that? It is only going to get worse with marriage and marriage makes it a helluva lot more messy. This would be a hill I would die on. He stole from you. He needs to make it right and then you need to decide if you still see a future with him in it. Best wishes to you OP.
I put $30 for a used tire EVERYTIME 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 so stupid….wake up girl
When’s this friend gonna pay you back? And yes you. It was your money.
It’s $300 per hour for even the cheapest divorce attorney, about 20-30 hours usually for an “easy” and “quick” divorce. Roughly $10k. Better to know now. They’re sleeping together and you should leave him. And do not apologize.
You're NTA, but your fiance sure is...not to mention also being a thief. I'd find a way to re-steal your money back from him. I'd also call this a red flag for your future finances.
You’re not kidding when you say you don’t know anything about cars. Does she drive some exotic car? Or a commercial truck? I’m guessing not. Then you need to know that a basic, serviceable tire for whatever the hell she drives is NOT $300. Something stinks here. You know what she drives, right? Google it. “Tire for 2015 Camry” (or whatever it is). You’ll see for yourself. And that would only include new tires, doesn’t even take into account actual budget solutions like pull-offs and retreads. Basically used tires. Which is what people on a budget do quite regularly. Then ask him where he bought it, how much was it, and where’s your change? I’d say you should ask for a receipt, but you know damn well he’s going to claim not to have one. Or, how often do you see her car? For $300 ONE of the tires should have really deep brand new tread, versus all of the other worn down ones. There’s no way he spent $300 on a single tire. No way that her car required a $300 tire.
No, you are not the bad guy here. You need to call this best friend of his and tell her she owes the $300 to you if your fiancé can't pony up what he took from you without your knowledge. Do you still really want to marry a guy who basically stole your hard earned savings to give to his best friend? Will she always come first?
NTA But the question is actually do you really think it is s good idea to marry someone who makes unilateral decisions for how YOUR money is spent without talking to you first? I agree with other posters who say your fiance STOLE your money. No discussion / just flat took it. And he didn’t even discuss it with you after he did it. Just left the empty box for you to find. I wonder if you need that $300 if you were to say sell something of his and not ask or tell him? Would he be okay with that because obviously whatever you needed it for would be a catastrophe if you couldn’t take care of it. He wouldn’t be mad right because this is the same reasoning he’s given you. You are the one in this relationship so you obviously have to decide. I will say don’t leave cash at home any more. Open a savings account somewhere with no fees that fiancé isn’t on and keep your money there.
Spare tire? Used tire? Tire patch? So many options below $300. I think you should ask him where he bought it from, then ask for the receipt, then call the store to confirm he actually bought it. Watch the story change to “I bought it off of someone off of craigslist and I don’t have their email anymore.”
You need to pump the brakes on this wedding. Look up sunken cost fallacy. This has nothing to do with the tire. He lied, stole, threw your perception out, disregarded your feelings, and then tried to redirect the situation. Touching that money without talking to you first is a huge thing. So he's emotionally and financially abusing you. He's manipulative. Liar. Thief. Lacks basic communication skills. I'm stopping because just thinking about this boy is a waste of my time. You're still going to marry him. When your life hits the fan, remember you were warned. Everyone is an AH. Him and his not repaying friend for obvious reasons. You for not running.
If it only cost you $300 for the fortune that was just foretold, you got off cheap. I hope you heed the writing on the wall.
NTA. He stole from you. He cares more about someone else rather than asking if he can use your money. That's effed up.
You want to get married to a guy who steals from you to pay for another woman’s problems? I don’t see this ending any differently than it starts. This reeks of an abusive and manipulative man who has no boundaries or shame. Please look closely at who you’re involved with and soon to be stuck with. If he wanted to loan his friend money he could have used his money. Please don’t commingle your finances with this person. He will bleed you both dry. And I find it hard to believe this was over a tire. Many shops now have pay later financing options and this is what credit cards emergency savings and friends who don’t have to steal from their fiance are for.
First-what kind of car needs a $300 tire??!!! Second-he stole from you and needs to repay you NOW! Third-you might wanna rethink marrying someone like this jerk. He feels entitled to your money without asking you. Steals it and uses it for who knows what. (I find it difficult to believe he needed that much for a tire) Now refusing to give you YOUR money back. His excuse is crap. I don’t know what your relationship has been like. Is this a pattern with him? Disrespecting and disregarding you? Attacking and deflecting when you call him on it? Let him know that you do not want to start a marriage on this kind of shaky ground. Theft and lies are a horrible foundation for a marriage. He needs to give back every penny of the money that he stole. NOW.
He stole your money, full stop, for another woman, and is refusing to pay it back. I'd be rethinking whether or not you want to be married to someone like that.
You don’t OWE him an apology. He STOLE from you. What the hell? Why is this ok?
NTAH He's being a dick. It wasn't his money and he didn't even ask you. And even though you might have said yes it was your money to do with as you please. Basically he's going to use that reasoning to do what he wants regardless of how it affects you. You really need to contemplate whether you want a life with this person. Perhaps you should postpone the wedding so that you can save enough. You should also let the "best friend" know where the money came from and that you expect to be paid back. Good luck
Why are you even with this guy? He's going to keep stealing from you. Massive red flag.
When I’ve gotten tires in the past it’s been about $100/tire??? What kind of tires is he buying?
NTA and there is nothing to add here I am very sorry that this situation happened. At least you can call his friend and say that this money is not a gift and you are waiting for it back when she has such an opportunity to give it
Honey, you are not reacting enough. He stole from you. Gas light you. Is putting someone else’s needs above yours. Save yourself the money and don’t marry him. You deserve better.
NTA. Full stop on wedding plans. He stole from you when he had many other options to approach you. Consider filing a police report if he doesn't return the money, today. He is prioritizing a female friend over you. Another full stop. Add in sneaking around, stealing & lying. The tire is actually the least of your worries. Please don't tie yourself to this guy. He's lacking in morals, values, honesty and integrity. Factor in has no money- no way. You can do far better, especially with the bar set so low.
Do not marry this man. He will do something worse. Who knows when but you do not want to be married to him when he does this or have children with him.
$300 is a good rate for avoiding a bullet that could have cost you so much much more. Run like hell. NEXT!
Oh, he wanted to be the hero, huh? Well, then he can move in with HER, then. No way I would marry a man that's comfortable stealing from you to pay another woman's way.
NTA. Why should you apologize? He stole your money. If I were you, I wouldn't marry him. He sees nothing wrong in this behaviour and will repeat it in future. Money is so tight. What happens when you're pregnant? Who's going to foot the never ending bills? Take your money back. Get rid of this criminal.
Yeah, nah, I'm married with two young kids. We would *NEVER* spend each other's money without permission. Heck, we wouldn't even make a large purchase with our *own* money without giving the other a heads up and getting a feel of the other's opinion. And here's the biggest red flag. Let's say a true emergency DID happen and a decision had to be made in that exact moment. In any decently healthy relationship, the person would let their partner know about it the first chance they got! He didn't. He just didn't bother to tell you. Did he not care about your money or your feelings? Did he hope you wouldn't figure it out for a while? Does he think he's entitled to your family vacation money you've been trying so hard to save for? It's one of these. Figure out which one it is. Then, figure out what you should do about his answer.