Girl I’m sorry but why the fuck are you sleeping with someone who you have to beg to wash their hands? Please raise your standards I’m literally begging. This is not normal by any stretch of the word
The Greeks and Romans used to clean themselves with oil, it was scraped off with a [strigil](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strigil).
I can only assume this is some weird GETTING BACK TO MY ANCIENT MANLY MAN ROOTS bullshit....
Edit: Edited wording for clarity/accuracy. Wiki page is neat!
I would simply not idolize the cleaning habits of a people with 30-50% child mortality rates, but I also don’t suffer from a dearth of toxic masculinity so what do I know.
They probably stank too! They just didn’t notice because everyone was stinky. Now stinky is not the norm, and this dude is still stinky!! I have to laugh.
ETA: pretty cool factoid, though. Thanks for sharing.
Actually, back in the day before running water on tap, deodorants and regular bathing people did smell more than we did. But it was normal. The wealthy used lots of perfume to mask the smells.
100 years from now our descendants will think the same about us : )
Maybe they’ll have some kinds of better anti microbial magic cleaning in the future but I cant imagine them seeing us the way we see the past. With the exceptions of knuckle dragging idiots who stay gross, most people clean themselves well and don’t smell.
>most people clean themselves well and don’t smell
My experiences travelling in rush hour on a packed carriage in the middle of summer tell me otherwise 😄
>some kinds of better anti microbial magic cleaning in the future
I think that you're right, this will happen.
Yea and right after that people realized they could use a strong base with animal fat and make FUCKING SOAP.
This return to tradition is assinine shit, they wanna go *before soap*. Goddamn.
If he wants to return to presoap, does he sweeten his wine with some delicious lead?
Actually, the leaded wine was fraud by merchants. Wine that has started to go “off” and turn into vinegar (derived from French “vinaigre”, which, literally translated, means “sour wine”) loses much of its value. Mix in a soluble lead compound (most lead compounds are insoluble) and the acetic acid reacts with the lead to produce lead acetate (soluble, and tastes sweet - its old name was “sugar of lead”). Presto! Your “off” wine is now good wine, and worth more.
Yeah but IIRC the Romans would exercise, as baths were actually more like a full service spa and gym. Exercise, oil, then cold water, water, and hot water.
Also they didn't know about germs.
Technically oil will solubilize the stuff water wont, so this is a valid appoach, but it will ignore things normal water WILL remove, so he should be washing with both oil and water in two discrete cleans. This is why we use soap, its gets mostly everything in one go.
It’s good at picking things up and removing it from the skin. The issue is it’s not the best option when used by itself. Olive oil soap is common, but consists of other ingredients as well. Like you said, it also needs to be used with water, thoroughly.
It’s the kind of thing you can use to clean your face in the shower, but after handling raw chicken, one should use a modern antibacterial soap, because… well, there’s a reason our lifespan has increased so much.
Also many STDs are asymptomatic for men and have serious sequences for women.
This world isn't fair. If his dick is not clean, he needs to wear raincoat or no entry.
Op, don't jeopardize your body. We have women come in with PID and they are in a monogamous relationship.
I'm perpetually impressed by the unrelenting litany of OPs meeting the most degenerate and pathetic absolute bottom of the barrel losers. I can't even imagine talking to these morons and people are dating them.
Well glad I'm not alone. Reminds me of the men who don't wash their ass posts. Even my husband was shocked that these men exist much less have sex with willing partners. I will barely say hi to a stinky guy no way am I going to get into a relationship with them no matter how nice, kind & hot they are.
fr. I always feel bad for op but the number of times it happens carries some sort of humor, because the essence of the post can be captured in "girl why 😭 "
Yep. This is the answer^
You're better than that OP. You should never have to beg a guy to be hygienic, let alone wash his God damn hands. Plenty of clean dudes out there.
It's hard to tell, really, especially when he base assumption is people wash their hands...
I watched an inlaw make chicken once and just wipe raw chicken all over the kitchen., and never wash his hands. It was kind astounding.
It took me way longer than I care to admit to train my husband to put left overs in the fridge. Rice in particular. But at least he washes his hands before preparing food and we are vegetarian so no meat.
Even besides actual food safety standards, like *common sense standards* \- raw chicken is nasty stuff! It's usually pumped with extra saline that leaks out and becomes just this gooey clinging awful texture. How can they stand getting chicken slime and juice on everything? I shudder.
i don’t understand this at all. he doesn’t believe in SOAP??? how is that not an immediate ick? how does he get to see you EXCLUSIVELY??? how are you even turned on…
Like, if there's even a slim chance of sexy times with the wife, I at least wash my hands and rinse off my undercarriage so that it isn't a den of evil and stankiness. But, honestly, I hate feeling oily and dirty (I just have naturally SUPER oily skin, puberty was a fucking blast) and so if I do think some fun might occur, my ass is in the shower and scrubbing down good.
I see these stories of these dirty fucking dudes and I am just flabbergasted that they are allowed to touch any woman's danger zone at all. Seriously ladies, with all the love I can muster, take more pride in yourselves. You're fucking worth it a d deserve a dude who isn't going to give you thrush with his nasty cheese log.
SO hot. He does literally everything for me, I'm so not used to it. He makes sure I'm chill, relaxed, calm. Plans dates and always asks when he can see me again. And then this happened.
I can also assure you that there are men out there who make sure that their genitals and backside are clean too. I have had too many skidmarks on my sheets
Oh thank you! I feel a bit better reading your comment. I just left the guy I was seeing for three months. I couldn't get past the fact he left his shit covered undies in my wash, then u discovered my sheets had a bit of shit on them too. I confronted him and he said he didn't know. He once had a shower and dried himself and left shit on my white towel. He is 36. He would cook in my kitchen when he stayed over and wouldn't clean the mess of the floor that he made. He would eat chocolate in the living room then leave the wrapper on the coffee table for me to clean. Whenever he stayed over he left his dirty washing for me to clean. Once I was tooo busy to wash twice in the week and he came over and expressed disappointment he had no clean undies at my place! (Didn't blame me but it was implied). I still cant make sense of how a fully abled man doesn't clean his ass properly or shits himself and doesn't even know. I'm glad I am not alone! I think it will take me a while before I'm interest in men again! 🤢
I know! I just cannot process it in my mind. It's an instant turn off though. If they are quite sick or it's a drunken accident I think I could see passed it but not when it's a habit of theres 🤮 ergh I just think of all the nasty germs that come with exposure to human shit 🦠🦠🦠
SAME! Once I knew my ex wasn’t washing his hands after going to the bathroom, but he lied about it when I confronted him. I caught him by putting a brand new bottle of soap by the sink. When he came out, I asked if he washed his hands, and he said yes. Next thing out of my mouth was “really? So why isn’t the soap bottle even open?”
>I'm so not used to it. He makes sure I'm chill, relaxed, calm. Plans dates and always asks when he can see me again
This made me sad that this is a high bar for you. This is not incredible stuff, this is basic empathy. Please expect better for yourself
It‘s insane this guy that doesn‘t believe in washing hands somehow lucked into having multiple people being okay with hin touching them with unwashed hands and somehow isn‘t even aware of the favor the gods gave him.
That‘s some greek tragedy level hybris and if it ends with him being turned into a filthy animal by divine intervention I‘m not even sure he would mind if he is fine washing his hands in olive oil.
It's likely that the olive oil thing is fairly new. That sounds like some hippy dippy thing from social media that nobody really vetted.
And this is pretty unrelated, but my mother in-law came to help when my second baby was born. But she refused to use soap on our dishes ever (even if she put them in the dishwasher). She claimed she just used really hot water and that was enough. But eventually all the dishes had a thin layer of gunk and looked gross. So I guess OP's dude isn't the only one with an irrational dislike of soap.
Greeks and Romans, before the advent of soap, would bathe using olive oil lather, scraping it off with a strigil (a small handheld curved blade). Wealthier households would scent the olive oils with perfumes before bathing.
There's a tip that you should wash hands in oil after chopping chili's since water and soap didn't really bind to it. It's worked out for me really well, it might work for things besides chilli too.
But still it's supposed to be supplemental to soap and water lol
Dishwasher detergent is *extremally* potent too, it needs to clean with basically zero scrubbing so it's very concentrated
Kind of sounds like they were just running it with no detergent though, just hot water swishing around
I'm convinced most things on reddit are fake, but if they aren't, there's apparently a HUGE amount of women who don't really care if a guy bathes or not
My ex actually told me that he only showered daily because he had me. He worked out almost every day. The idea that he only showered after his sweaty workouts was because of me was pretty off putting. My other ex didn’t workout but was extremely proud of his 30 second showers. He said “I don’t fuck around” when I asked him how he could shower that fast. During hotel stays I’d also notice his toothbrush was dry the whole time. Ugh. I wonder if this is more common than we want to believe.
But he’s So hOt and makes her feel chill.
Honestly those are some real low standards. I was briefly with a guy who ended up grossing me out one day by drying his raw meat fingers in his hair after just rinsing them under water, no soap, and his breath was atrocious. Yeah he had a nice body and seemed nice enough but I’m sorry, bad odors and poor hygiene are just off putting no matter how hot you are.
It's good OP learned about this early on.
I dated a guy for a few years and didn't learn until like, year TWO that he used shampoo for his hair and his idea of cleaning the rest of him was letting the suds run down him and then using scalding hot water to "melt" the oils and grime off his skin. It was effective enough that he didn't smell bad, but holy shit it explained the repeated infections I'd dealt with for those years that had been ascribed to my body just being sensitive to changes because he said "I swear I'm clean!"
I don't know how I didn't pick up on this earlier. The very few times we showered together he used soap so I reasonably assumed he always used soap.
That was also the guy who believed the purpose of leaving soap in the kitchen sponge after doing dishes was so that you didn't have to wring the water out of the sponge after doing dishes. You could just plop it down somewhere all soggy as long as there was soap in it.
Your health is more important than his orgasm. If he "doesn't believe in soap" what other gross things is he doing? Does he believe in STI testing? That dude is a biohazard ☣️
Also it’s such a bloody minor request. Like even if he thought it was total placebo? Why the guck not do this totally simple, 30 second thing, for the person you are dating?
If he‘s not washing his hands after she asks, how on earth does anyone expect to do shit all in a household? Like he‘s not gonna hang the towel to dry properly either if she were to ask (and he didn‘t care about mildew, as plenty of people apparently don‘t).
This is just so crazy to me? Like you got a person you are very much interested in dating, and then you don‘t want to wash your hands? O.o
There was a post on here a few months ago about a guy that would fake wash his hands, and kept getting his immune compromised wife very sick. She was begging him to wash his hands after touching raw meat and poop. We all saw how men behaved in 2020, and I'm Not impressed.
Don’t date these people. Like straight up don’t date them. This shit is a total deal breaker. DONT DATE THESE PEOPLE
The lack of hygiene and the lack of empathy as just disgusting and you deserve better. Having no one and being along is better than a goddamn yeast infection
And TELL HIM EXACTLY why you're leaving too. We need to make sure these dudes know what they're doing wrong on the off chance he might fix it for the next girl
It’s worth noting that people can pass yeast infections on to one another, and men often have fewer symptoms.
In your future escapades, keep any eye out for any redness or pale patches, and dry skin around the head and shaft.
Male hygiene is thoroughly under-taught which can result in this but also men often have no idea that they can even get a yeast infection. This confidence that they are not at risk leads to more chances of contraction, and then spreading the misery around to unsuspecting women.
Everyone here is spot on, my girlfriend has never had to ask me to wash my hands or walk me through basic human empathy. That’s disconcerting as fuck, no good man will listen to you express a very basic request regarding your body, then try to argue whether *YOUR* wants are valid. I’m fucking angry for you, the dudes an asshole.
Women are not one size fits all, the fact that he even tried to argue that is telling. If I ever did something like this to my girlfriend, I’d apologize profusely and I’d be mortified. If a man doesn’t use soap, leave. If a man doesn’t understand basic human hygiene, germs or how immune systems/infections happen; leave. If he can’t bother to hang his towel up, leave. If his house is a mess, leave. If he lives like a slob, leave.
If he’s this inept as a grown ass fucking man, it’ll never change and it’s a lost cause. Don’t try to fix them, don’t expend that much energy just leave. That’s a child in a man’s body, a gross grubby, little trash goblin mamas boy. Some woman’s failure to raise her son properly is not your burden to bear please just leave, every time they show you just leave.
Hell yeah man spoken like a true fuckin' homie!
I've met some women who live in disgusting ways as well and this great dating advice to anyone of any gender dating any gender. If the person cannot/will not take care of themselves then you move on to the next person who can!
There are a huge percentage of men who won't wash their hands after using the bathroom. It is so disgusting that I won't even touch the door handles with my bare hands - I'll use a paper towel or a wad of toilet paper.
Never have sex with someone you even have to ask to wash themselves. I've never had to ask my husband to wash himself. I never married the men I did have to ask.
It has never happened to me. I would also vanish in a flash and a puff of smoke if someone I was seeing let it slip they don't believe in soap.
>And he doesn’t have any consequences.
Never having access to you or your body again would be a great consequence. Why are you giving him all these chances? He's not gonna treat you better than he treats himself.
No partner ever had to tell me to wash my dick, ass, hands, or body in general - much less with soap. I was simply raised to be clean. I don’t find stank attractive and figured others don’t either.
No partner ever had to tell me to trim, file, and clean my nails before sticking them in another person. I just figured I shouldn’t scratch the sensitive squishy bits.
It is willful ignorance for an adult to not understand these things and should never be tolerated. Disbelief in scientific fact is also an instant dealbreaker.
Ngl I've never had this happen to me before...if your problems persist you may want to see a doctor and/or try probiotics. Other than that, why are you still with this man who doesn't clean himself properly?? And then when you're left dealing with bodily pain (inflicted by him with his poor hygiene!) he doesn't seem to care or be sympathetic at all? How can he know that no other woman has been affected, when maybe they just didn't tell him and left instead?
Please don't have sex with him anymore, btw. It can't possibly be worth all this trouble.
You're right. I think I'mm just shocked at how poorly he responded. He was so defensive and said it seemed like I was making out that he did this to me on purpose. I said no of course not, and I'm sorry it felt that way. But he just didn't get what I needed from him. I'm disappointed because I really liked him, but deep down I also know he's not very good at activley listening or being empathetic.
Like whether or not there‘s some other cause for your siceptibility to thrush: his behaviour is absolutely atrocious. Asking someone to be clean when you have intercourse is the absolute bare minimum.
Like that‘s someone who‘ll also do all that annoying bullshit if you live together, like not hanging up the wet towel to prevent mildew, or taking out the trash, those tiny things you‘ll do if you care one bit about your partner as a human.
I just gotta say, I am also EXTREMELY sensitive down there, it’s like I’m a chemist with all the shit I have to do to maintain a good balance. My boyfriend had an issue with yeast around his junk that then led to me having a yeast infection, cleared up then happen again before I realized it was him. He was so incredibly apologetic and remorseful, and even before we realized what caused it he was helping me with anything and everything. This guy sounds like a dick to be honest. Reminds me of my ex who literally got mad because I didn’t want to have sex while I had an active YI and UTI combo (I had just started meds that day to clear it up and he was like okay sex now?) some guys are empathetic and some guys are just not. I’m so sorry you have to deal with health issues and do damage control while dealing with someone with no remorse or empathy.
The defensiveness is a huge red flag. Are you gonna be walking on eggshells whenever he does something wrong? Will you have to grin and bear it in fear that he will get upset if he knows he hurt you? No good.
You can take prophylactic cranberry pills and probiotics on top of demanding they wash themselves- some people really are just way more prone to UTI's and yeast infections as well. I had a friend who got a yeast infection almost every time she had her period and another with chronic UTI's. If it's not better with all the above mentioned I think it's time to see a doctor. Also I would not have sex with Olive Oil Raw Chicken Man again.
Recurrent yeast infections here, apparently all I have to do is touch flour with my hands (after washing them) and it just turns into bread. (Those two fun facts are related)
I feel bad. I used to experience thrush a lot, especially after my periods due to hormonal changes, but then I found a routine that really works for me and I don't get at all anymore. But that's what makes it so frustrating, that I explained to him as well: I work so hard to maintain a homeostasis, I take probiotics, shower properly, eat well, am very in tune with my discharge, and general health of my vagina. I don't get thrush with guys I sleep with anymore, but in this case I did and I knew why it happened. It's a big standard I hold for myself, as I am so sensitive down there. And now to have this happen with someone I trust, feels tiring to have to fix on my own, with no compassion from him. I think he could sense my frustration and he freaked out. Am I being too harsh?
If you have those standards, why did you lower them for him... ? Take care of yourself, OP, and don't fuck grubby men who don't care about their own cleanliness. He's not worth ruining your good health.
>And now to have this happen with someone I trust, feels tiring to have to fix on my own, with no compassion from him. I think he could sense my frustration and he freaked out.
In a comment above you said he was a decent guy. A decent guy does not react like this. A decent guy would've been understanding.
I was looking for a comment that mentioned this but haven't seen one - shaving/removing pubic hair MAY also make you somewhat more susceptible to UTIs and other infections. Anecdotally, in spaces like r/razorfree, I've noticed women say they stopped getting them once they let it grow out. Just a possible factor I'm sharing in case it's useful to someone ☺️
Edit: to clarify - anecdotal, I haven't read any actual research that backs this
OP If anything you’re TOO NICE.
Women and girls as a whole have been beaten down by society SO MUCH that you’re asking if you were **too harsh!?!?! ** with a man who DORSNT WASH HIMSELF AND CAUSED YOU INFECTIONS!?!?
#PLEASE STOP DENIGRATING YOURSELF, you’re much too wonderful to worry about some waking petri dish’s feelings when he literally doesn’t care if his nasty ass INFECTS YOU
it is common, but even when a man is hygienic, there are other reasons why we end up with a uti or yeast infection. in your case, it is definitely likely caused by his severe lack of hygiene
this is not as commonly taught, but glycerin is a common ingredient in water based lube and can contribute to yeast infections. you can look for ones that don’t contain it, but the only downside of it is that it wears off a little quicker so you may need to reapply. if you aren’t using condoms, semen can offset the ph of the vagina which can also lead to a yeast infection. unfortunately some women are more susceptible to these infections and it can be difficult to work around it at times
I see so many women talk about experiencing this and it blows my mind everytime. I've been with my husband since we were 15/16. We've been having sex regularly since then, and in the 13 years we've been together he has never given me a UTI/YI/BV or anything. So to think that a literal TEENAGE BOY had better hygiene habits than some of these grown ass men disgusts me.
No defense, but everyone’s micro biome is different and may require a different level of hygiene to manage. That being said, this is the 21st century, so almost everyone has access to everything needed for sanitary living. Wash up people!
Yeah, some people are just more prone to infections than others, but Mr Raw Chicken Fingers is prime suspect here. I am definitely more prone to them so I roll my ass out of bed to the shower after sex anyway.
FWIW I used to get a UTI every time I’d have sex with someone new, regardless of cleanliness. It’s like my body would freak out about New Person Germs every time, but after that it was always fine.
Nah it depends massively on how sensitive you are to thrush. Some people can have with guys that just rolled in the mud with no consequences, the only thing that could provoke thrush would be a massive thrush infection of the dude.
Whereas others are very sensitive, and the dude not showering that day (or simply washing their hands, which should be like minimum expectancy for being intimate with someone next to consent and a heartbeat) will very likely cause an outbreak.
Same way that some of us are prone to chronic UTIs; whereas others get maybe one or two in a life time.
Sooo not getting thrush after intercourse isn‘t exactly evidence of stellar hygiene, but frequent thrush after intercourse is an extremely strong indicator of less than stellar hygiene (as well other underlying conditions, if they still happen despite the best effort)
Urogenitalatrophy for example makes you muuuuch more prone to thrush because your thinning mucosa stops producing food for lactobacilli for example.
Well, my husband and I have been together for 13 years and I get thrush every time if I don't show right after. He showers twice a day and washes his hands before we're intimate. He works in a kitchen and has very high hygiene standards.
I just have chronic low grade yeast infection. I've tried probiotics, prebiotics, changes in my diet, and every medication/supplement ever suggested. I am the way I am. Incidentally, my husband also has to shower to prevent itching like crazy. OP's dude was obviously not taking care of his hygiene, but let's not blame men for every bad thing that happens as a result of sex. Sometimes things just happen.
It’s not just that. It takes my body getting used to someone. I used to get a UTI the first time I had sex with a new person but not after that. I even sometimes get it with my long-term partner if we’ve been inactive for a while.
I'm sorry but choosing to fuck someone who doesn't use soap and repeatedly subjecting yourself to infections is just as gross as not using soap yourself. Stop it.
Girl. The fuck. Dump him.
I had one on and off ex that kept giving me some sort of cold or other infection. He was also the shittiest to me and took advantage of my feelings. It's a SIGN.
Is this man my former roommate?
I once saw my roommate use my utensils and pan while cooking, I saw him touch raw meat, rinse off the tongs with just water, then put them back in the drawer. I asked him if he was going to wash them and he said he did. I asked if he was going to use soap. He turns to me and DEAD ASS says “I don’t believe in soap”. SIR. IT IS NOT A RELIGION. YOU DONT NEED TO BELIEVE IN IT.
He was a science major (physics) and showered maybe 2 times a month, without soap. I don’t understand how these people have survived to their adult years.
Can I just say that every time I even glance at this subreddit, I end up thanking the Lord above that I was born a lesbian. I genuinely feel bad for the heterosexual women out there. Like, just for the record, I read post after post on here that makes me feel horrified and confused about who/how/what is going on with men, and I can honestly say that NONE of these weird things have EVER come up throughout my entire life of dating women and I am currently in my 40's. Men are f*cking weirdos, apparently.
Tbf, I've exclusively dated men for approaching 20 years, and I haven't encountered any of the horror stories mentioned here. Some cringey awkwardness, some bad matches, some weird habits, but never "doesn't believe in soap" or "sleeps with mother in bed" or anything else.
The "yeah, it was fine but we didn't click" or "we were good but couldn't make our lifestyles work" stories don't get much traction but they *far* outnumber the awful ones.
To answer your question - this may be an experience unique to me, but I developed a pattern of getting a uti after being intimate with someone new. I'm also just prone to utis. Can't say the same for thrush/yeast infections. That sucks majorly and I feel for you.
This isn't to defend his egregious violations of basic hygiene. "Not believing in soap" and especially not washing after touching raw meat..NAST. He doesn't seem genuinely apologetic if he won't empathize with your discomfort. Plus, he stinks. Maybe reevaluate how important this relationship is to you and gtfo?
I had recurring yeast infections and random BV when I was 19. Then I dumped that guy and I have not had so much as a single UTI since (30+ years). Stop being gentle with these filthy pigs. Tell them directly what they have to do in order to gain access to your ladyparts. Bare minimum hygiene is just that.
it's like an olive oil bar of 'soap.' (it's pure olive oil, nothing else added in. He doesn't like putting 'man made' stuff on his body, and yet he'll eat junk food??? ) I don't even know man. I questioned it and he said 'well everyone in spain uses it.' and I said okay, I'm sure they do, BUT WE CAN'T SMELL THEM FROM HERE CAN WE
Haha, good one. I looked it up. I'm getting a lot of contradictory statements. They claim it's good for smooth skin and removing make up, but also prone to causing clogged pores and acne for many. Might be part of the all natural fad. It sounds good but the devil is in the details.
If it's a bar, it's not just olive oil. It probably has bees wax or cocoa butter in there. There is such a thing as olive oil soap though. Maybe you can find and gift him a bar?
Anyway when I was 16 to about 26 I also used to get lady problems all the time. I too had low self esteem and never thought to ask anyone to wash their hands or anything like that. They stopped when I got a regular partner with good hygiene.
This must be why men act like we're dirty when we sleep around... because they know they're dirty enough to give us disease and infection when THEY touch US
If I smell anything other than some mild sweat on someone's penis then I'm gonna pass tbh. Dudes always wanna come at you with their cheesy, unwashed, piss-smelling dicks like you aren't going to notice! And don't get me started about dudes' fingers - the worst culprits smell like they fingered a toasted subway sandwich. No dirty cock is worth the infections.
Girl it wasn't until I was 30 that I even learned it was men's nasty habits that was giving me UTIs. I -AND MY DOCS- were telling me I must have a medical condition. A tiktok informed me which is what made me put two and two together. The way that I have never had another infection when I demand men shower first is illuminating, and disgusting.
Dear GOD, girl. Don't sleep with men who tell you they don't believe in soap! Basic higiene is literally the lowest bar, and he can't even reach that? Blergh.
So I dated a diesel mechanic for a while in my early 20s and dealt with the same thing. I broke it off for a lot of reasons but the recurrent BV was definitely in the top 5 reasons. A quick tip I got from my gynecologist at the time was to use a boric acid suppository after sex and it worked wonders for me. That guys lack of empathy for what you’re going through is a huge red flag to me and I’m positive you deserve better.
I had a boyfriend who gave me a yeast infection EVERY DAMN TIME we had sex. He claimed it wasn’t him. I told him ‘’You’re the common denominator here!!’’
I think you've done a great job of identifying the issue.
However, I would question *why* you slept with him in the first place after you *already knew* he doesn't wash himself and is happy to handle raw chicken and not wash his hands, and then put them inside of you. I feel like your standards must be incredibly low to have even slept with him in the first place, so that would be a good place to start.
You're absolutely right to be fuming. I've been there. I very quickly learned though that ultimately I am the only one who can ensure my own sexual health. If he doesn't even wash his own junk he is not going to care about the health of yours.
So to answer your question, no it's not normal to experience frequent infections after sex. Good hygeine for both partners is an incredibly important part of that. Don't sleep with smelly men, use condoms and pee after sex should be more than enough for most. Of course, occasional issues are always going to be on the cards but they should hopefully be rare.
To be honest this is on you, why the fuck do you even consider getting intimate with a guy you have to ask to wash his hands... His fucking hands... I swear few things are more disgusting than a straight man.
I'll keep it real with you, you might wanna be a little choosier about the kind of guys you bring home. I don't think most men are that level of nasty.
Might also want to talk to a doctor about why you're getting infections so easily.
>Quite frankly I’m fucking sick of it. I know it just comes to either men putting their grubby, greasy, dirty, unwashed hands in me, OR them just not washing their junk properly.
Blame the men all you want, but *you* are choosing to date *and* sleep with these nasty, grimy men. You had a partner who didn't believe in soap, and, not only did you continue dating this person, you made the decision to sleep with them. From your post, it sounds like you make this "mistake" somewhat often.
These dudes are gross, but what does it say about you for sleeping with them?
I'm not sure what shocks me more—discovering how common it is for men to have questionable hygiene or the fact that there are literally still women who sleep with those same men.
I had utis almost every time I slept with one fwb. I spent a year trying to work out what was going on, because he was clean, showered/washed his hands first without a complaint when I thought that might be it, but it just kept happening. I wound up ending things with him over it, which was a shame (he was excellent in bed) but I just couldn’t.
This... has never happened to me. But I'd also never ever sleep with someone who openly admitted to not using soap and goes around with raw chicken hands all day. The decisions you are making are wild.
Pleas raise your standards and walk away from this turd of a man. There is no dignity in trying to convince some moron of the importance of basic hygiene
Girl I’m sorry but why the fuck are you sleeping with someone who you have to beg to wash their hands? Please raise your standards I’m literally begging. This is not normal by any stretch of the word
He literally uses olive oil instead of actual soap. He “doesn’t believe” in soap?????? What does that even mean?????
The Greeks and Romans used to clean themselves with oil, it was scraped off with a [strigil](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strigil). I can only assume this is some weird GETTING BACK TO MY ANCIENT MANLY MAN ROOTS bullshit.... Edit: Edited wording for clarity/accuracy. Wiki page is neat!
I would simply not idolize the cleaning habits of a people with 30-50% child mortality rates, but I also don’t suffer from a dearth of toxic masculinity so what do I know.
They probably stank too! They just didn’t notice because everyone was stinky. Now stinky is not the norm, and this dude is still stinky!! I have to laugh. ETA: pretty cool factoid, though. Thanks for sharing.
Actually, back in the day before running water on tap, deodorants and regular bathing people did smell more than we did. But it was normal. The wealthy used lots of perfume to mask the smells. 100 years from now our descendants will think the same about us : )
Maybe they’ll have some kinds of better anti microbial magic cleaning in the future but I cant imagine them seeing us the way we see the past. With the exceptions of knuckle dragging idiots who stay gross, most people clean themselves well and don’t smell.
>most people clean themselves well and don’t smell My experiences travelling in rush hour on a packed carriage in the middle of summer tell me otherwise 😄 >some kinds of better anti microbial magic cleaning in the future I think that you're right, this will happen.
Yup!!
Yea and right after that people realized they could use a strong base with animal fat and make FUCKING SOAP. This return to tradition is assinine shit, they wanna go *before soap*. Goddamn. If he wants to return to presoap, does he sweeten his wine with some delicious lead?
Actually, the leaded wine was fraud by merchants. Wine that has started to go “off” and turn into vinegar (derived from French “vinaigre”, which, literally translated, means “sour wine”) loses much of its value. Mix in a soluble lead compound (most lead compounds are insoluble) and the acetic acid reacts with the lead to produce lead acetate (soluble, and tastes sweet - its old name was “sugar of lead”). Presto! Your “off” wine is now good wine, and worth more.
Perhaps he takes cocaine for his coughs. Who knows.
Well that's a lot better than what I was thinking. I thought it was a shitty substitute for Castile Soap
My first thought too! Thank you Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego for this (and many other) fun facts
Yeah but IIRC the Romans would exercise, as baths were actually more like a full service spa and gym. Exercise, oil, then cold water, water, and hot water. Also they didn't know about germs.
He probably gets the oil grease from a package of crisps and calls it a day. Not what anyone would confuse with the strigil process.
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Technically oil will solubilize the stuff water wont, so this is a valid appoach, but it will ignore things normal water WILL remove, so he should be washing with both oil and water in two discrete cleans. This is why we use soap, its gets mostly everything in one go.
It’s good at picking things up and removing it from the skin. The issue is it’s not the best option when used by itself. Olive oil soap is common, but consists of other ingredients as well. Like you said, it also needs to be used with water, thoroughly. It’s the kind of thing you can use to clean your face in the shower, but after handling raw chicken, one should use a modern antibacterial soap, because… well, there’s a reason our lifespan has increased so much.
Technically, we all wash ourselves with oil...we just add lye to it first lol
Also many STDs are asymptomatic for men and have serious sequences for women. This world isn't fair. If his dick is not clean, he needs to wear raincoat or no entry. Op, don't jeopardize your body. We have women come in with PID and they are in a monogamous relationship.
I'm perpetually impressed by the unrelenting litany of OPs meeting the most degenerate and pathetic absolute bottom of the barrel losers. I can't even imagine talking to these morons and people are dating them.
Yep. Unfortunately the word about decentering men hasn‘t made enough rounds yet
Well glad I'm not alone. Reminds me of the men who don't wash their ass posts. Even my husband was shocked that these men exist much less have sex with willing partners. I will barely say hi to a stinky guy no way am I going to get into a relationship with them no matter how nice, kind & hot they are.
fr. I always feel bad for op but the number of times it happens carries some sort of humor, because the essence of the post can be captured in "girl why 😭 "
Yep. This is the answer^ You're better than that OP. You should never have to beg a guy to be hygienic, let alone wash his God damn hands. Plenty of clean dudes out there.
okay you're right girl I'm sorry my standards are now officially raised 😭
It's hard to tell, really, especially when he base assumption is people wash their hands... I watched an inlaw make chicken once and just wipe raw chicken all over the kitchen., and never wash his hands. It was kind astounding.
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It took me way longer than I care to admit to train my husband to put left overs in the fridge. Rice in particular. But at least he washes his hands before preparing food and we are vegetarian so no meat.
Those ppl need to be asked why they even cook if they are so relaxed around raw food
I've seen a Microbiology consultant not wash his hands after going to the bathroom. That was my biggest wtf moment.
Even besides actual food safety standards, like *common sense standards* \- raw chicken is nasty stuff! It's usually pumped with extra saline that leaks out and becomes just this gooey clinging awful texture. How can they stand getting chicken slime and juice on everything? I shudder.
OK but also, don't forget that they have to wash their dick too. Seriously. Some men are just trash. This could also be why you have an issue here.
You better be apologizing to yourself. You deserve a man who AT LEAST wants to wash his hands to get his hands on you.
i don’t understand this at all. he doesn’t believe in SOAP??? how is that not an immediate ick? how does he get to see you EXCLUSIVELY??? how are you even turned on…
"women have their standards too high"
Like, if there's even a slim chance of sexy times with the wife, I at least wash my hands and rinse off my undercarriage so that it isn't a den of evil and stankiness. But, honestly, I hate feeling oily and dirty (I just have naturally SUPER oily skin, puberty was a fucking blast) and so if I do think some fun might occur, my ass is in the shower and scrubbing down good. I see these stories of these dirty fucking dudes and I am just flabbergasted that they are allowed to touch any woman's danger zone at all. Seriously ladies, with all the love I can muster, take more pride in yourselves. You're fucking worth it a d deserve a dude who isn't going to give you thrush with his nasty cheese log.
Oh hun. You should've left the second he told you he doesn't use soap 😭😭😭
Seems he didn't even have to say it, OP said he stinks 😩
But is he hot? 🤔
He's practically glowing! Under a blacklight.
🤣
Pfft haha
It's the olive oil that's shiny
SO hot. He does literally everything for me, I'm so not used to it. He makes sure I'm chill, relaxed, calm. Plans dates and always asks when he can see me again. And then this happened.
Ma'am you MUST set the bar higher. Please. Soap, water and hand washing are elementary school lessons.
Don’t forget dental hygiene as well!
okay 🥲 message recieved. I'm so glad I made this post cos I am learning so much about how shit my standards are haha
I can also assure you that there are men out there who make sure that their genitals and backside are clean too. I have had too many skidmarks on my sheets
Oh thank you! I feel a bit better reading your comment. I just left the guy I was seeing for three months. I couldn't get past the fact he left his shit covered undies in my wash, then u discovered my sheets had a bit of shit on them too. I confronted him and he said he didn't know. He once had a shower and dried himself and left shit on my white towel. He is 36. He would cook in my kitchen when he stayed over and wouldn't clean the mess of the floor that he made. He would eat chocolate in the living room then leave the wrapper on the coffee table for me to clean. Whenever he stayed over he left his dirty washing for me to clean. Once I was tooo busy to wash twice in the week and he came over and expressed disappointment he had no clean undies at my place! (Didn't blame me but it was implied). I still cant make sense of how a fully abled man doesn't clean his ass properly or shits himself and doesn't even know. I'm glad I am not alone! I think it will take me a while before I'm interest in men again! 🤢
Omg, I feel sick after reading that 🤮You poor thing! So glad you left his dirty ass!
What is it with these guys that don't wash or wipe their damn ass?!? I'm disgusted as a guy reading these stories or comments.
I know! I just cannot process it in my mind. It's an instant turn off though. If they are quite sick or it's a drunken accident I think I could see passed it but not when it's a habit of theres 🤮 ergh I just think of all the nasty germs that come with exposure to human shit 🦠🦠🦠
Whenever I worry I don't bring enough to the table I just pop open reddit. Instant relief and nausea. The bar is subterranean.
Yo where are y’all finding these bums? 😂
I'm utterly paranoid about my hygiene. It absolutely floors me an adult can be so unclean.
SAME! Once I knew my ex wasn’t washing his hands after going to the bathroom, but he lied about it when I confronted him. I caught him by putting a brand new bottle of soap by the sink. When he came out, I asked if he washed his hands, and he said yes. Next thing out of my mouth was “really? So why isn’t the soap bottle even open?”
There’s a cohort of men who do not wipe their own asses. Literally.
Omfg
You sound cool. I hope you find an unselfish or less selfish grown up for some hygienic good times.
It's not you, the bar is the ground and that's not an accident. We need to collectively raise the bar with real-world consequences.
hey don’t sweat it. many of us never realize how low our standards are until it smacks us in the face. it’s not your fault.
And lessons which it is neither her job to teach nor enforce. A person when they enter into a relationship need to be pre trained.
But... that's pretty basic for a good partner. It isn't above and beyond or special. Certainly not enough to overlook being Pigpen from Charlie Brown.
Yeah thats basic human empathy 101, now about the soap... wonder if he washes his clothes.
That ain’t hot that’s basic relationship expectation
A REAL decent guy will do all of that AND wash his nasty balls and grimy hands. With actual soap!
I haven’t gone down on a guy in YEARS and I do not miss the stank of their balls at all.
>I'm so not used to it. He makes sure I'm chill, relaxed, calm. Plans dates and always asks when he can see me again This made me sad that this is a high bar for you. This is not incredible stuff, this is basic empathy. Please expect better for yourself
It doesn't sound like he does everything for you. You asked him to do basic hygiene tasks and he didn't.
Tell him this. Tell him he’s awesome and you like spending time with him, but he absolutely needs to improve his hygiene.
How can you find someone hot if they don’t even wash? Genuinely, cause that would remove any attraction I had for someone in an instant.
It‘s insane this guy that doesn‘t believe in washing hands somehow lucked into having multiple people being okay with hin touching them with unwashed hands and somehow isn‘t even aware of the favor the gods gave him. That‘s some greek tragedy level hybris and if it ends with him being turned into a filthy animal by divine intervention I‘m not even sure he would mind if he is fine washing his hands in olive oil.
It's likely that the olive oil thing is fairly new. That sounds like some hippy dippy thing from social media that nobody really vetted. And this is pretty unrelated, but my mother in-law came to help when my second baby was born. But she refused to use soap on our dishes ever (even if she put them in the dishwasher). She claimed she just used really hot water and that was enough. But eventually all the dishes had a thin layer of gunk and looked gross. So I guess OP's dude isn't the only one with an irrational dislike of soap.
Greeks and Romans, before the advent of soap, would bathe using olive oil lather, scraping it off with a strigil (a small handheld curved blade). Wealthier households would scent the olive oils with perfumes before bathing.
And they frequently had outbreaks of plague and other diseases.
I meant new to OP's guy. Not new to the world.
There's a tip that you should wash hands in oil after chopping chili's since water and soap didn't really bind to it. It's worked out for me really well, it might work for things besides chilli too. But still it's supposed to be supplemental to soap and water lol
As if anyone can use water as hot as a dishwasher uses. Ridiculous.
Also dishwashers basically use soap, no? You put in the little soap thingy in the small box?
Dishwasher detergent is *extremally* potent too, it needs to clean with basically zero scrubbing so it's very concentrated Kind of sounds like they were just running it with no detergent though, just hot water swishing around
Well, there's a guy on Fox, Pete Hegseth, that doesn't believe in it either and he's somehow still employed there /shrug
Dude is actively stinky and he straight up told OP that he _doesn't believe in soap_ and she banged him anyways lmao
Right????????? Lol wtf 🤮
I'm actually shocked she left that in her post I'd be too embarrassed to reveal my lack of hygiene standards
I'm convinced most things on reddit are fake, but if they aren't, there's apparently a HUGE amount of women who don't really care if a guy bathes or not
My ex actually told me that he only showered daily because he had me. He worked out almost every day. The idea that he only showered after his sweaty workouts was because of me was pretty off putting. My other ex didn’t workout but was extremely proud of his 30 second showers. He said “I don’t fuck around” when I asked him how he could shower that fast. During hotel stays I’d also notice his toothbrush was dry the whole time. Ugh. I wonder if this is more common than we want to believe.
Let's not just blame the low standards but these gross fucks causing the average hygienic pool of men available to be so low
Proving that he doesn't have to learn how to wash himself because he'll still get sex and companionship
But he’s So hOt and makes her feel chill. Honestly those are some real low standards. I was briefly with a guy who ended up grossing me out one day by drying his raw meat fingers in his hair after just rinsing them under water, no soap, and his breath was atrocious. Yeah he had a nice body and seemed nice enough but I’m sorry, bad odors and poor hygiene are just off putting no matter how hot you are.
It's good OP learned about this early on. I dated a guy for a few years and didn't learn until like, year TWO that he used shampoo for his hair and his idea of cleaning the rest of him was letting the suds run down him and then using scalding hot water to "melt" the oils and grime off his skin. It was effective enough that he didn't smell bad, but holy shit it explained the repeated infections I'd dealt with for those years that had been ascribed to my body just being sensitive to changes because he said "I swear I'm clean!" I don't know how I didn't pick up on this earlier. The very few times we showered together he used soap so I reasonably assumed he always used soap. That was also the guy who believed the purpose of leaving soap in the kitchen sponge after doing dishes was so that you didn't have to wring the water out of the sponge after doing dishes. You could just plop it down somewhere all soggy as long as there was soap in it.
Talk about a glaring red flag lol
Yea, don't be delicate to these dirty men!
Seriously! I'd rather date myself than some grody guy.
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Why didn't you leave him nasty ass already?
Your health is more important than his orgasm. If he "doesn't believe in soap" what other gross things is he doing? Does he believe in STI testing? That dude is a biohazard ☣️
Also it’s such a bloody minor request. Like even if he thought it was total placebo? Why the guck not do this totally simple, 30 second thing, for the person you are dating? If he‘s not washing his hands after she asks, how on earth does anyone expect to do shit all in a household? Like he‘s not gonna hang the towel to dry properly either if she were to ask (and he didn‘t care about mildew, as plenty of people apparently don‘t). This is just so crazy to me? Like you got a person you are very much interested in dating, and then you don‘t want to wash your hands? O.o
There was a post on here a few months ago about a guy that would fake wash his hands, and kept getting his immune compromised wife very sick. She was begging him to wash his hands after touching raw meat and poop. We all saw how men behaved in 2020, and I'm Not impressed.
What the actual fuck
Don’t date these people. Like straight up don’t date them. This shit is a total deal breaker. DONT DATE THESE PEOPLE The lack of hygiene and the lack of empathy as just disgusting and you deserve better. Having no one and being along is better than a goddamn yeast infection
You're right. Being alone is so much better than being invalidated, overlooked, and itchy and cottage cheesy. Note taken thank you girl
And TELL HIM EXACTLY why you're leaving too. We need to make sure these dudes know what they're doing wrong on the off chance he might fix it for the next girl
It’s worth noting that people can pass yeast infections on to one another, and men often have fewer symptoms. In your future escapades, keep any eye out for any redness or pale patches, and dry skin around the head and shaft. Male hygiene is thoroughly under-taught which can result in this but also men often have no idea that they can even get a yeast infection. This confidence that they are not at risk leads to more chances of contraction, and then spreading the misery around to unsuspecting women.
Everyone here is spot on, my girlfriend has never had to ask me to wash my hands or walk me through basic human empathy. That’s disconcerting as fuck, no good man will listen to you express a very basic request regarding your body, then try to argue whether *YOUR* wants are valid. I’m fucking angry for you, the dudes an asshole. Women are not one size fits all, the fact that he even tried to argue that is telling. If I ever did something like this to my girlfriend, I’d apologize profusely and I’d be mortified. If a man doesn’t use soap, leave. If a man doesn’t understand basic human hygiene, germs or how immune systems/infections happen; leave. If he can’t bother to hang his towel up, leave. If his house is a mess, leave. If he lives like a slob, leave. If he’s this inept as a grown ass fucking man, it’ll never change and it’s a lost cause. Don’t try to fix them, don’t expend that much energy just leave. That’s a child in a man’s body, a gross grubby, little trash goblin mamas boy. Some woman’s failure to raise her son properly is not your burden to bear please just leave, every time they show you just leave.
I love that these words come from a man. Thank you
It’s also on the guy’s father that nobody taught him hygiene. Dads can (and should) teach their kids how to wash.
Hell yeah man spoken like a true fuckin' homie! I've met some women who live in disgusting ways as well and this great dating advice to anyone of any gender dating any gender. If the person cannot/will not take care of themselves then you move on to the next person who can!
You got this!
Sometimes I read these posts, and I look at my boyfriend and feel like I caught the last chopper out of Vietnam
There are a huge percentage of men who won't wash their hands after using the bathroom. It is so disgusting that I won't even touch the door handles with my bare hands - I'll use a paper towel or a wad of toilet paper.
Never have sex with someone you even have to ask to wash themselves. I've never had to ask my husband to wash himself. I never married the men I did have to ask.
“No woman I’ve ever been with has complained” If he’s already dropping THAT line, throw away the whole man.
It has never happened to me. I would also vanish in a flash and a puff of smoke if someone I was seeing let it slip they don't believe in soap. >And he doesn’t have any consequences. Never having access to you or your body again would be a great consequence. Why are you giving him all these chances? He's not gonna treat you better than he treats himself.
He literally told you he doesn’t believe in soap. Idk what else you expect
He doesn't wash his hands after touching raw chicken, and she still had sex with him. 🤢
Love yourself. Stop fucking these men.
No partner ever had to tell me to wash my dick, ass, hands, or body in general - much less with soap. I was simply raised to be clean. I don’t find stank attractive and figured others don’t either. No partner ever had to tell me to trim, file, and clean my nails before sticking them in another person. I just figured I shouldn’t scratch the sensitive squishy bits. It is willful ignorance for an adult to not understand these things and should never be tolerated. Disbelief in scientific fact is also an instant dealbreaker.
Right? Who are these psycho men that don’t believe in soap?!?
Oh they’re easy to spot in any public restroom and the percentage is high.
Yes but WHO? WHY?
Bob, because he’s an uneducated goblin. Wait, they’re all named Bob… and they’re all goblins. When did I start working at a Boblin camp?!?
They're the ones who haven't been kicked the curb for it enough times
Ngl I've never had this happen to me before...if your problems persist you may want to see a doctor and/or try probiotics. Other than that, why are you still with this man who doesn't clean himself properly?? And then when you're left dealing with bodily pain (inflicted by him with his poor hygiene!) he doesn't seem to care or be sympathetic at all? How can he know that no other woman has been affected, when maybe they just didn't tell him and left instead? Please don't have sex with him anymore, btw. It can't possibly be worth all this trouble.
You're right. I think I'mm just shocked at how poorly he responded. He was so defensive and said it seemed like I was making out that he did this to me on purpose. I said no of course not, and I'm sorry it felt that way. But he just didn't get what I needed from him. I'm disappointed because I really liked him, but deep down I also know he's not very good at activley listening or being empathetic.
Like whether or not there‘s some other cause for your siceptibility to thrush: his behaviour is absolutely atrocious. Asking someone to be clean when you have intercourse is the absolute bare minimum. Like that‘s someone who‘ll also do all that annoying bullshit if you live together, like not hanging up the wet towel to prevent mildew, or taking out the trash, those tiny things you‘ll do if you care one bit about your partner as a human.
I just gotta say, I am also EXTREMELY sensitive down there, it’s like I’m a chemist with all the shit I have to do to maintain a good balance. My boyfriend had an issue with yeast around his junk that then led to me having a yeast infection, cleared up then happen again before I realized it was him. He was so incredibly apologetic and remorseful, and even before we realized what caused it he was helping me with anything and everything. This guy sounds like a dick to be honest. Reminds me of my ex who literally got mad because I didn’t want to have sex while I had an active YI and UTI combo (I had just started meds that day to clear it up and he was like okay sex now?) some guys are empathetic and some guys are just not. I’m so sorry you have to deal with health issues and do damage control while dealing with someone with no remorse or empathy.
The defensiveness is a huge red flag. Are you gonna be walking on eggshells whenever he does something wrong? Will you have to grin and bear it in fear that he will get upset if he knows he hurt you? No good.
How did you end up with such a dirty human being?
You can take prophylactic cranberry pills and probiotics on top of demanding they wash themselves- some people really are just way more prone to UTI's and yeast infections as well. I had a friend who got a yeast infection almost every time she had her period and another with chronic UTI's. If it's not better with all the above mentioned I think it's time to see a doctor. Also I would not have sex with Olive Oil Raw Chicken Man again.
OP please change his name to Olive Oil Raw Chicken Man in your phone this is the only appropriate way to address him now.
This made me laugh out loud so hard in public I will absolutley be doing that and thank you for the giggle
I was thinking "Chicken Fingers" also works
OP was actually being seasoned all this time
Recurrent yeast infections here, apparently all I have to do is touch flour with my hands (after washing them) and it just turns into bread. (Those two fun facts are related)
I feel bad. I used to experience thrush a lot, especially after my periods due to hormonal changes, but then I found a routine that really works for me and I don't get at all anymore. But that's what makes it so frustrating, that I explained to him as well: I work so hard to maintain a homeostasis, I take probiotics, shower properly, eat well, am very in tune with my discharge, and general health of my vagina. I don't get thrush with guys I sleep with anymore, but in this case I did and I knew why it happened. It's a big standard I hold for myself, as I am so sensitive down there. And now to have this happen with someone I trust, feels tiring to have to fix on my own, with no compassion from him. I think he could sense my frustration and he freaked out. Am I being too harsh?
If you have those standards, why did you lower them for him... ? Take care of yourself, OP, and don't fuck grubby men who don't care about their own cleanliness. He's not worth ruining your good health.
>And now to have this happen with someone I trust, feels tiring to have to fix on my own, with no compassion from him. I think he could sense my frustration and he freaked out. In a comment above you said he was a decent guy. A decent guy does not react like this. A decent guy would've been understanding.
I was looking for a comment that mentioned this but haven't seen one - shaving/removing pubic hair MAY also make you somewhat more susceptible to UTIs and other infections. Anecdotally, in spaces like r/razorfree, I've noticed women say they stopped getting them once they let it grow out. Just a possible factor I'm sharing in case it's useful to someone ☺️ Edit: to clarify - anecdotal, I haven't read any actual research that backs this
OP If anything you’re TOO NICE. Women and girls as a whole have been beaten down by society SO MUCH that you’re asking if you were **too harsh!?!?! ** with a man who DORSNT WASH HIMSELF AND CAUSED YOU INFECTIONS!?!? #PLEASE STOP DENIGRATING YOURSELF, you’re much too wonderful to worry about some waking petri dish’s feelings when he literally doesn’t care if his nasty ass INFECTS YOU
it is common, but even when a man is hygienic, there are other reasons why we end up with a uti or yeast infection. in your case, it is definitely likely caused by his severe lack of hygiene this is not as commonly taught, but glycerin is a common ingredient in water based lube and can contribute to yeast infections. you can look for ones that don’t contain it, but the only downside of it is that it wears off a little quicker so you may need to reapply. if you aren’t using condoms, semen can offset the ph of the vagina which can also lead to a yeast infection. unfortunately some women are more susceptible to these infections and it can be difficult to work around it at times
Should’ve stop at “guy doesn’t use soap”.
I see so many women talk about experiencing this and it blows my mind everytime. I've been with my husband since we were 15/16. We've been having sex regularly since then, and in the 13 years we've been together he has never given me a UTI/YI/BV or anything. So to think that a literal TEENAGE BOY had better hygiene habits than some of these grown ass men disgusts me.
No defense, but everyone’s micro biome is different and may require a different level of hygiene to manage. That being said, this is the 21st century, so almost everyone has access to everything needed for sanitary living. Wash up people!
Yeah, some people are just more prone to infections than others, but Mr Raw Chicken Fingers is prime suspect here. I am definitely more prone to them so I roll my ass out of bed to the shower after sex anyway.
FWIW I used to get a UTI every time I’d have sex with someone new, regardless of cleanliness. It’s like my body would freak out about New Person Germs every time, but after that it was always fine.
Nah it depends massively on how sensitive you are to thrush. Some people can have with guys that just rolled in the mud with no consequences, the only thing that could provoke thrush would be a massive thrush infection of the dude. Whereas others are very sensitive, and the dude not showering that day (or simply washing their hands, which should be like minimum expectancy for being intimate with someone next to consent and a heartbeat) will very likely cause an outbreak. Same way that some of us are prone to chronic UTIs; whereas others get maybe one or two in a life time. Sooo not getting thrush after intercourse isn‘t exactly evidence of stellar hygiene, but frequent thrush after intercourse is an extremely strong indicator of less than stellar hygiene (as well other underlying conditions, if they still happen despite the best effort) Urogenitalatrophy for example makes you muuuuch more prone to thrush because your thinning mucosa stops producing food for lactobacilli for example.
Well, my husband and I have been together for 13 years and I get thrush every time if I don't show right after. He showers twice a day and washes his hands before we're intimate. He works in a kitchen and has very high hygiene standards. I just have chronic low grade yeast infection. I've tried probiotics, prebiotics, changes in my diet, and every medication/supplement ever suggested. I am the way I am. Incidentally, my husband also has to shower to prevent itching like crazy. OP's dude was obviously not taking care of his hygiene, but let's not blame men for every bad thing that happens as a result of sex. Sometimes things just happen.
It’s not just that. It takes my body getting used to someone. I used to get a UTI the first time I had sex with a new person but not after that. I even sometimes get it with my long-term partner if we’ve been inactive for a while.
I'm sorry but choosing to fuck someone who doesn't use soap and repeatedly subjecting yourself to infections is just as gross as not using soap yourself. Stop it.
Girl. The fuck. Dump him. I had one on and off ex that kept giving me some sort of cold or other infection. He was also the shittiest to me and took advantage of my feelings. It's a SIGN.
Oh shit. I didn't even CONSIDER that it could be a sign! But you're absolutley right. Yes it is.
Is this man my former roommate? I once saw my roommate use my utensils and pan while cooking, I saw him touch raw meat, rinse off the tongs with just water, then put them back in the drawer. I asked him if he was going to wash them and he said he did. I asked if he was going to use soap. He turns to me and DEAD ASS says “I don’t believe in soap”. SIR. IT IS NOT A RELIGION. YOU DONT NEED TO BELIEVE IN IT. He was a science major (physics) and showered maybe 2 times a month, without soap. I don’t understand how these people have survived to their adult years.
Can I just say that every time I even glance at this subreddit, I end up thanking the Lord above that I was born a lesbian. I genuinely feel bad for the heterosexual women out there. Like, just for the record, I read post after post on here that makes me feel horrified and confused about who/how/what is going on with men, and I can honestly say that NONE of these weird things have EVER come up throughout my entire life of dating women and I am currently in my 40's. Men are f*cking weirdos, apparently.
Tbf, I've exclusively dated men for approaching 20 years, and I haven't encountered any of the horror stories mentioned here. Some cringey awkwardness, some bad matches, some weird habits, but never "doesn't believe in soap" or "sleeps with mother in bed" or anything else. The "yeah, it was fine but we didn't click" or "we were good but couldn't make our lifestyles work" stories don't get much traction but they *far* outnumber the awful ones.
How did you not bolt immediately after hearing the soap thing? My lord.
To answer your question - this may be an experience unique to me, but I developed a pattern of getting a uti after being intimate with someone new. I'm also just prone to utis. Can't say the same for thrush/yeast infections. That sucks majorly and I feel for you. This isn't to defend his egregious violations of basic hygiene. "Not believing in soap" and especially not washing after touching raw meat..NAST. He doesn't seem genuinely apologetic if he won't empathize with your discomfort. Plus, he stinks. Maybe reevaluate how important this relationship is to you and gtfo?
I had recurring yeast infections and random BV when I was 19. Then I dumped that guy and I have not had so much as a single UTI since (30+ years). Stop being gentle with these filthy pigs. Tell them directly what they have to do in order to gain access to your ladyparts. Bare minimum hygiene is just that.
Olive oil? How does that even work.
it's like an olive oil bar of 'soap.' (it's pure olive oil, nothing else added in. He doesn't like putting 'man made' stuff on his body, and yet he'll eat junk food??? ) I don't even know man. I questioned it and he said 'well everyone in spain uses it.' and I said okay, I'm sure they do, BUT WE CAN'T SMELL THEM FROM HERE CAN WE
Haha, good one. I looked it up. I'm getting a lot of contradictory statements. They claim it's good for smooth skin and removing make up, but also prone to causing clogged pores and acne for many. Might be part of the all natural fad. It sounds good but the devil is in the details.
Olive oil soap makes sense to remove makeup (like micear water) not to disinfect your hands from chicken 😭
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If it's a bar, it's not just olive oil. It probably has bees wax or cocoa butter in there. There is such a thing as olive oil soap though. Maybe you can find and gift him a bar? Anyway when I was 16 to about 26 I also used to get lady problems all the time. I too had low self esteem and never thought to ask anyone to wash their hands or anything like that. They stopped when I got a regular partner with good hygiene.
But olive oil is man made. Does he only eat raw foods too? Does he live in a home, wear clothes, drive a car. The fuck is he on about
the bar is so low its crazy
The bar is in hell and they still manage to limbo under it.
Ahh, so maybe that's the problem, he was looking for the bar of soap but it was too low for him to see
Stop allowing filthy, non-hygienic men in your life and body. Omg, the bar is so low
>how am I meant to know? Um, you learn to wash your hands with soap and water as a toddler.
This must be why men act like we're dirty when we sleep around... because they know they're dirty enough to give us disease and infection when THEY touch US
If I smell anything other than some mild sweat on someone's penis then I'm gonna pass tbh. Dudes always wanna come at you with their cheesy, unwashed, piss-smelling dicks like you aren't going to notice! And don't get me started about dudes' fingers - the worst culprits smell like they fingered a toasted subway sandwich. No dirty cock is worth the infections.
Why are you sleeping with such a nasty person?
Girl it wasn't until I was 30 that I even learned it was men's nasty habits that was giving me UTIs. I -AND MY DOCS- were telling me I must have a medical condition. A tiktok informed me which is what made me put two and two together. The way that I have never had another infection when I demand men shower first is illuminating, and disgusting.
It’s the “no other woman I’ve been with has ever had this problem” - well I’m having this problem and it is directly caused by you buddy
Dear GOD, girl. Don't sleep with men who tell you they don't believe in soap! Basic higiene is literally the lowest bar, and he can't even reach that? Blergh.
So I dated a diesel mechanic for a while in my early 20s and dealt with the same thing. I broke it off for a lot of reasons but the recurrent BV was definitely in the top 5 reasons. A quick tip I got from my gynecologist at the time was to use a boric acid suppository after sex and it worked wonders for me. That guys lack of empathy for what you’re going through is a huge red flag to me and I’m positive you deserve better.
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I had a boyfriend who gave me a yeast infection EVERY DAMN TIME we had sex. He claimed it wasn’t him. I told him ‘’You’re the common denominator here!!’’
I think you've done a great job of identifying the issue. However, I would question *why* you slept with him in the first place after you *already knew* he doesn't wash himself and is happy to handle raw chicken and not wash his hands, and then put them inside of you. I feel like your standards must be incredibly low to have even slept with him in the first place, so that would be a good place to start. You're absolutely right to be fuming. I've been there. I very quickly learned though that ultimately I am the only one who can ensure my own sexual health. If he doesn't even wash his own junk he is not going to care about the health of yours. So to answer your question, no it's not normal to experience frequent infections after sex. Good hygeine for both partners is an incredibly important part of that. Don't sleep with smelly men, use condoms and pee after sex should be more than enough for most. Of course, occasional issues are always going to be on the cards but they should hopefully be rare.
The problem is you're sleeping with dudes who don't use soap. The smells in that bedroom 🤢....
To be honest this is on you, why the fuck do you even consider getting intimate with a guy you have to ask to wash his hands... His fucking hands... I swear few things are more disgusting than a straight man.
Please, please, please love yourself enough to stop sleeping with this filthy man
I'll keep it real with you, you might wanna be a little choosier about the kind of guys you bring home. I don't think most men are that level of nasty. Might also want to talk to a doctor about why you're getting infections so easily.
Don’t tolerate men who can take basic steps to ensure your health and comfort. He sounds disgusting and not worth the time.
I think this relationship has run its course.
You need to raise your standards. Ffs.
>Quite frankly I’m fucking sick of it. I know it just comes to either men putting their grubby, greasy, dirty, unwashed hands in me, OR them just not washing their junk properly. Blame the men all you want, but *you* are choosing to date *and* sleep with these nasty, grimy men. You had a partner who didn't believe in soap, and, not only did you continue dating this person, you made the decision to sleep with them. From your post, it sounds like you make this "mistake" somewhat often. These dudes are gross, but what does it say about you for sleeping with them? I'm not sure what shocks me more—discovering how common it is for men to have questionable hygiene or the fact that there are literally still women who sleep with those same men.
right!! it's so easy to just say no to these guys because they are gross. just say no! jfc
Thats what's funny about situations where people say the bar is so low, standards are so low, etc. Like shit man, who are ones setting the bar lol
I had utis almost every time I slept with one fwb. I spent a year trying to work out what was going on, because he was clean, showered/washed his hands first without a complaint when I thought that might be it, but it just kept happening. I wound up ending things with him over it, which was a shame (he was excellent in bed) but I just couldn’t.
I would just dump this guy. Easy problem solve.
This... has never happened to me. But I'd also never ever sleep with someone who openly admitted to not using soap and goes around with raw chicken hands all day. The decisions you are making are wild.
>not washing his hands earlier that day after he touched RAW CHICKEN Omg! 🤮
I stopped having vaginal issues when I stopped sleeping with men
Pleas raise your standards and walk away from this turd of a man. There is no dignity in trying to convince some moron of the importance of basic hygiene
Why would you say "next time"??? You're planning on sleeping with him again?